Desperate Housewives S2E7 Script

Color and Light (2005)

Previously on...

You're glowing today, you know that?

Gabrielle got pregnant... You walked out onme.

Yeah, but look how far I got. I'm just up the street.

Trouble moved in...

Being with George made you feel a bit guilty.

Well, I'll just have to get over it, won't I?

And Bree moved on... "I know who really killed Melanie foster."

"You arrested the wrong man"?

But not everyone...

Call 9-1-1 and tell 'em you got a killer locked up in the basement. He is not a killer.

Got what they deserved.

It is often said that necessity is the mother of invention.

This is how mothers came to invent play dates...

So they occasionally could have a little time for themselves.

If you need me, I'll be at the salon.

But there are some mothers who don't get to take advantage of this maternal innovation...

Mothers like Lynette Scavo, who was no longer able to rest on weekends because her twins no longer received play date invitations, ever since they had convinced Sasha Eden's boy that a pair of magic wings would allow him to fly.

And they had double-dared Sharon chazin's boy to ride his bike blindfolded.

And they had encouraged Lisa siegmann's boy to try an exciting new game called "toss the brick."

The Scavo twins had become persona non grata, and Lynette's secret dream of being able to take an occasional nap on Saturdays was growing dimmer and dimmer...


Until one day...

Hey, hey, hey, hey! Porter, Preston, knock it off!

All right? Did you hear me? I said stop it. Stand up.

Stand up. Come here.

I'm so sorry. Did my son beat you up?

No. We were beatingthemup.

Is that true? Did they beat you up?

Ah, it didn't hurt that much.

Jimmy, p.J., what are you doing?

What have I told you about ganging up on people?

I am so sorry.

No, it's okay. You know, believe me, my boys can take care of themselves.

If they got hurt at all, I'll pay for the doctor bills.

No, not to worry.

I got the feeling they were sort of enjoying themselves.


What would you say to bringing your boys over to my house and letting them hang out with mine sometime?

And that's how Lynette finally got what she needed...

Time for herself...

And play dates for her kids...

I'm sorry, but my boys decided to have a rock fight with your boys.

It was fun!

Play dates she was determined to keep...

Well, they look fine to me.

At all costs.

Same time next week?


Cameras are simple tools designed to capture images...

Images that tell us more about ourselves than we realize.

They remind us of the long journey we've taken, the loved ones who traveled alongside us...

Those we lost along the way...

And those waiting for us on the road ahead.


How am I supposed to eat with a uterus staring me in the face?

Oh, Gaby, I didn't know you got a sonogram.

Let me see. Oh.

Honey, you need to put that in a frame or something.

I don't think so.

Oh, come on. That's a picture of your baby.

You can't tell me you're not a little bit excited.

Fine. I'm pregnant. Whee!

Now come on. We're supposed to be cheering up Susan.

This is a time of crisis, and I think you need another scoop of mint chocolate chip. Thanks.

Susan, why are you so eerily calm?

Mike Delfino just dumped you.

The Susan Mayer I know would be a blubbering mess right now.

Oh, come on. Trot her on out. She's fun to watch.

Actually, I think I'm starting to feel pretty zen about the whole thing. Well, I think Mike will calm down in a couple of days and come to his senses.

No. I came between the man and his son.

It was a huge betrayal.

I can't even blame him for hating me.

But Zach was starting to obsess with Julie again.

Exactly. You're a mother trying to protect her child.

It's a natural impulse.

Over the past couple of days, I gave myself a long, hard look in the mirror, and I did not like what I saw.

I'm with you. Carry on.

I just think if I start acting like an adult for once, maybe... who knows?

Somewhere down the line, Mike and I at least can be friends.

All right, you're not zen.

You're numb.

I'm fine.

Do you got any pie?

Not unless we make some.

I can wait.


So if you need us, we'll be at home, just having a quiet evening.

Funny. We're expecting quite the opposite.

Well, don't forget, next week it's our turn.

We'll be taking Porter and... Preston.

Preston off your hands all weekend.

Rest assured, we have not forgotten. See ya.


Don't worry.

Whoa, guys.

Whoa, why aren't you upstairs with p.J. And Jimmy?

They're watching this dumb video they brought. It's boring.

Well, you should be polite and watch it, too.

You know, they're your guests.


Hey, guys, we have snacks.

Fix the light, then we're good to go.

Okay, ready?

Okay. All right, hang on now.

Guys, whatisthis?

A movie.

Mommy and daddy made it.


Whoa. What's under there?

Peekaboo. Peekaboo.

Oh, my god! Oh, my god! Where's the "off" button?

It's underneath the panel thing.

Well, it's stuck, it's stuck. Get the remote. Get the remote.

What's wrong?


I found it.

Oh. Ahem.

So can we have the cocoa now?

Well, what do you think?

It is glorious. I have to have it.

I'm not sure you deserve Dolce & Gabbana.

Vern. You never call. You never write.

I know I haven't been in the store lately, but I've been a little busy getting my husband out of jail.

That is such a white trash thing to say.

Luckily, the judge dropped the hate crime charge, so now all Carlos has to do is serve out the slave labor thing.

He'll be out in six months. If he's still in the hoosegow, why do you need a fancy party dress?

Because some of my model friends are coming down from New York on Friday, so I have to look better than ever.

I can't have 'em thinking I moved to the suburbs and now I shop at strip malls.

But when they see this dress, they will crumple to the floor like the botoxed hags they are.

Good. You know, it's a little snug.

Yeah, I see that. I have the same thing in a zero.

Why not go up a size?

Because I wear double zero, you twerp.

Why you getting snippy? Because you just called me fat.

Honey, you're pregnant. Your body's changing.

But I'm only three months pregnant.

Women don't show at three months.

Some women do.

Do you want the larger size or not?

I'm just not gonna eat for two days.

Okay, you totally deserve to wear Dolce & Gabbana.

I want an explanation, Karl.

Do you hear me?

Edie, you just better get the hell off my back, so help me. Oh, what are you gonna do? I'd like to hear this.

The big man with the big threats.

Back off. Just back the hell off.


Okay, so I got the box of things you left on my porch.

Yeah, I figured you'd want your stuff back.

Thanks. That's great, 'cause if you decided to hang on to my joni Mitchell cds, I would have had to come after you with a club.

You're right. It's not funny.

Actually, I did want to just see if you were aware that you gave me back the Valentine's day card I made you.

I was aware, yeah.

Oh. Well, I mean, when two people split up, normally they don't give things back like Valentine's day cards.

If you don't want it, you can throw it away.

Just please don't give it back to me. It's tacky.

I'm sorry.

That's okay. People make... mistakes.

Anything else?

Look, are you sure this is what you want to do?

I mean, I understand that you don't want our relationship to continue.

You have made that clear, but I sort of thought down the long corridors of time, maybe you and I could be friends, and if you keep acting like this...

Susan, it's over on every level, okay?

I've moved on. You should do the same.

Miserable son of a bitch!

If I have secrets, I'm a hell of a lot better at keeping them than you are!

Well, I'll say one thing for us.

Even with all our problems, at least we're not acting like that.

Okay, I'm starting to get the feeling that we're not going to a yard sale.

That was just a clever ruse to get you into my car.

Are you ready for your surprise?



George, this is just an empty house.

Why is this a surprise?

I just bought it.

Oh, my god! Congratulations.

Oh, George, I didn't even know you were looking.

Hurry, ceal. They're here!

I'm coming. Hey, Georgie.

Bree, I'd like you to meet my mother.

George never introduces me to anyone.

So I knew you were special.

And this is ceal, my mother's friend, and the real estate agent who sold me the house.



Well, we're gonna go in the back so George can, you know...


Do you really like it?

I do. I really do.

Good, 'cause I was sort of hoping that you might like to live here.


Will you marry me?


I love you, and I think I know how you feel about me, so why wait?

George, Rex hasn't even been dead for two months.

Yes, but if his death has taught us anything, it's that life is short. It's dumb to play it safe.

If we see a chance for happiness, we should grab it and hold on tight.

See, I thought we were going to a yard sale.

Please. Just say the word, and you'll make me the happiest guy on earth.

Congratulations, you two.

Mazel tov.

Guys, wait. She hasn't said yes yet.


I told you we should wait.

Um... so, uh, Bree...

What do you say?

See, George, um, the thing is...


You will?

You'll marry me?



Oh, my baby!

Who is it?

It's your ex-husband.

Oh. Karl.

What do you want?

Edie and I just broke up.

Oh. Well, come on in.

Sorry to come over on such short notice, but I couldn't face going to a motel.

That's okay. Julie's staying at a friend's tonight.

You can sleep in her room.

Well, the sofa's fine, but thanks.

So am I allowed to ask what happened?

You could ask, but I won't tell.

Why not? 'Cause it's embarrassing.

Karl, did you cheat again?


Did she cheat? No.

You finally saw her without her makeup.


I'm sorry.

Are you okay?

Yeah. It hadn't been working for quite a while.

This was inevitable.

Well, these days, anybody going through a breakup gets my sympathy.

That's right. I heard you made the plumber angry.

No, I made the plumber furious, and it's definitely over.

So there will be no gloating from me.

Well, here's to no gloating.

Mm. Actually, I'm trying to keep a positive outlook on the whole thing.

Um, last night, I started writing, and, well, I think there's a book in there.

A book? Yeah.

Like one of your children's books?

No. This one's for adults, about all my failed relationships.

You're not writing about me, are you?

You're like the first 14 chapters.

Are you gonna be fair?

I'm gonna be honest.

I was afraid of that.

It was just awful.

George had a ring.

His mother and her friend were there with champagne.

If I had said "no," it would have devastated him.

So you agreed to marry him just to be polite?

Well, obviously, there's a downside to having good manners.

So when will you tell him how you really feel?

That's why I wanted to talk to you.

I mean, part of me keeps thinking maybe I should just do it.

Do it? You mean actually marry him?

Well, I know it sounds rash, but, well, there's something comfortable about George.

We share the same tastes and interests.

Oh, and best of all, he loves the opera.

The opera?

Yes, we saw "aida" last week, and we both cried buckets.

It was fun.

George loves art, poetry and music.

It would be nice to be married to someone who looks for beauty in the world like I do.

I don't know. That's why I'm here.

I don't know what to do, Dr. Goldfine.

Bree, you've said many times how comfortable you are with George, but you don't feel for him the way you felt for Rex.


True love is great.

But at this point in my life, I think I'd rather just go to the opera.

Give me your glass. Oh, no, no, wait.

We gotta finish off this.

No way, no way, no way. Four glasses is my limit.

If you help me finish off this bottle, I'll tell you what happened between me and Edie.

Hit me.

Edie was making the bed and found a picture I kept under the mattress...

A picture I didn't want her to see.

What was it?

It was a picture of you.

Why would you...

Because it's something I like to take a look at every now and then.


What the hell was that? That was something I've been wanting to do for quite some time.

Oh, that's just you rebounding from Edie.

So you're on the rebound from the plumber.

No harm, no foul.

Karl, it would be so weird.

We're two old friends who suddenly find themselves single.

There's nothing weird about us helping each other out to be...

A little less lonely.

Thanks so much for taking care of the boys.

I'll be back on Friday to pick your guys up.

Leonard and I are gonna take them all to the water park.

Yeah, um, before that happens...

And we're gonna be able to take penny soon, aren't we?

She's getting so big.


Peekaboo. Peekaboo.

Yeah, okay, enough of that.

Is there something wrong?

Actually, yes.

We've agonized whether to tell you this, Norma, but one of your... Private videos made its way into Jimmy and p.J.'S bag.

Please... tell me the kids didn't see it.

Oh, no, don't worry. I caught it, I caught it...

Right before you took off your bra.

I have to go.

Oh, Norma. It's okay.

We just thought you needed to know what happened.

Seriously, we're cool with it so long as you keep it away from the kids. I told Leonard this was gonna happen!

Jimmy, p.J., close the door! Are we all buckled up?!

Norma, wait!

We're still on for next week!

Norma! The water park!




Mom, are you up?


Oh, my god.

Oh. Julie! I thought you were going straight to school.

I-I needed money for lunch.

There's a $20 in my pants... If you can find 'em.

Oh, uh, Julie, uh...

Oh, Julie, uh... Honey.

Okay, there is a good explanation for what happened.

I doubt that.

You probably don't know that your father and Edie broke up last night.

You slept with him the same night he broke up with her.

Well, I said it was a good explanation, not a great one.

Oh, Julie.

Hey, pumpkin.

Don't even.

Oh, now I feel really awful.

Me too.

We should not have done what we did.

I know, I know.

But I gotta tell you, last night was the best sex ever.

Wasn't it, though? You were fantastic.

Hey, I was just trying to keep up withyou.

Why do you think we got so good all of a sudden?

Because we've been angry at each other for so long, and we finally found a way to channel it.


So what happens next?

Well, I'm gonna take a shower.

No, I-I mean with us.

Us? What do you mean? There's no us.

You can't tell me you can just walk away from this chemistry we got goin'.

I mean, what happened last night was...

Whew. Explosive.

Karl, last night was two old friends helping each other through a rough patch. That's it.

Susie q...

Karl, I want to move on. I don't want to go backwards.

I'm sorry. Mwah! But thank you for the explosion.

I really needed it.

After 48 hours of crash dieting, Gabrielle prepared to savor the fruit of her labor.

But she was dismayed to discover that she herself had ripened considerably.



I need help getting dressed. Get in here!


I have to fit in this, so for god's sakes, put some muscle into it.

I'm trying.

It won't zip.

Well, try harder.

Ohh! Ow. My hands hurt.

I'm sorry, Ms. Solis, but I can't get you into this dress.

It's just too small.

Get me into this dress, and I will pay you $10 more a week.

I think I got it. Hold on. Hold still. Here we go.



Three. There.

Ohh! Thank god.

We brought you some ice cream.

I know how long it's been since you had any.

We'll have that in a minute, sweetheart.

First, I want you to talk to me about what happened...

About Melanie.

I don't want to talk about her.

You know it breaks my heart to keep you down here like this.

But I can't let you out until I am positive that you will never hurt anyone else again.

And the first step is for you to show me that you understand that what you did was wrong.

She was a bad person.

She deserved it.

No one deserves to die like that, Caleb.

Don't you agree?

Very well.

If that's how it's going to be...

This is how it's going to be.

I can't believe we're doing this.

If Leonard and Norma want to cut ties with us, who are we to stop them?

They need to know we don't judge them for what they do in the privacy of their own home.

And, well, it's not unheard of to tape yourself while you're having sex.

Well, obviously, there were so embarrassed, they don't want anything to do with us.

Maybe we need to respect that.

I need these play dates.

Tom, weneed these play dates.

Fine. Fine. But you do all the talking.





Let's go.


Hey, scavos. What are you guys doing here?

Hi. Sorry for just showing up unannounced, but, um, could we talk to you for a minute?

Sure, come on in.

So, um, we've been trying to contact you, but you haven't been returning any of our messages.

And we really hope it isn't because of the porno video.

Home... home movies.

The fact is, we really don't care, and it's certainly no reason to keep our boys apart.

We just don't know how they found it.

But you know boys... They get into everything, but seriously, it's not a big deal.

I mean, just as long as you make sure it never happens again.

It's the new millennium. We're... we're hip.

You know, what we're saying is, we get it.

You're just having fun. It's nothing to be ashamed of.

I'm just so relieved this all worked out.

At one point we actually talked about selling the house and moving.

Oh, no!

Thank you for being so open-minded.

Please, we're all adults. It's...

I gotta tell you, the most embarrassing part of that video is how poorly it was shot.

The production values are ca-ca.

Well, from a lay perspective, it looked very professional.

What you saw was an example of my earlier work.

Since then I've become much more adept at... production.


You know, editing and lighting.

Leonard has always dreamed of directing movies.

Ironic, isn't it?

I finally get my wish, and no one ever gets to see my work.

That is a damn shame.

Norma, what do you think? Should we show them the room?

Let's show 'em the room. Huh?

Check out this baby. 3-chip high-def, 1280x720 lines of resolution, bounced lighting, and dark sheets so you don't get a kick off the pillows.

Took me a while to learn that little trick, huh?

These walls are completely soundproof.

You could scream your lungs out in here, and nobody'd hear you. It's true.

So... anytime you wanna set up a shoot, just let me know.

You guys would love it.

Once you get in front of that camera, you feel like a star.

Good night.


Night. I'm thinking no more play dates.

Not a one.

Hey. We'd better hurry. The movie starts in 20 minutes.

There's been a slight change of plans.

My mother had a couple of friends who really wanted to meet you, and I thought, "what the heck? It could be fun." Do you mind?

Uh, no, I-I guess not.

Hey, everybody, this is Bree.

And this is my uncle sid. Hi.

My aunt Rosalie.


Oh, and this is Stan grazi, who does my mom's taxes.

She's a knockout, George.

Guess I owe you an apology.

Since I was single all these years, Stan kept telling my mom I was gay.

I'm still gonna need some proof.

But I guess I'll be getting that in about nine months, hey, Bree?

What happens in nine months? That's just Stan's little joke about when we're gonna start our own family.

Now just so you know, Stan, it's gonna be a while before we even think about kids.

I want Bree all to myself for a while.

Well, don't wanna wait too long.

After 40, the eggs don't get any fresher.

Am I right, Bree?

If you'll excuse me, I, uh, I have to go.

Bree, Bree, where are you going?

I am taking my champagne and my aging eggs, and I'm going home. What's wrong?

George, I'm starting to think that we made a mistake rushing into this engagement.

What? And I'm not the only one who thinks that.

Other people have said the same thing. What others? Andrew?

No. Dr. Goldfine, my therapist.

Your therapist? He doesn't know me.

Well, he knows me, and certainly better than you do.

How can you say that?

Well, for starters, he knows the last thing I'd ever want to do is have more children.

Really? Well, I didn't know.

But youshouldknow that.

That's the kind of thing that people who are engaged are supposed to know about each other.

Well, it doesn't matter. I don't need children.

It's not just that, George.

Dr. Goldfine has other concerns about us being together, and I'm starting to think he's right.


I'll agree with Dr. Goldfine on one thing.

We should slow things down.


Yes. Just because two people are engaged doesn't mean they have to get married anytime soon.

I'll talk to Dr. Goldfine about it tomorrow.

Take whatever time you need.

How many times am I gonna have to ask you to fix this step?

Matthew, are you going to answer me?

Did you leave the door open?

How'd you do?

Not good.

People are gonna start coming home from work soon.

Okay. We can't panic. Caleb is scared.

He doesn't know the area, so he's got to be close by.

Which yards haven't you checked yet?

Bree, I desperately need your help.

Oh, dear. What's wrong?

How do you get your hydrangeas to look so stunning?

I'm systematically slaughtering my own garden.

Do you really want to know my secret?

Oh, yes.

Horse manure. I have it delivered.

Susan makes fun of me, but the proof is in the pudding.



Looking for something?

Ahem. Uh... yeah. Actually, I'm looking for you.


You're looking for me?

Yeah. I've been thinking about you, and that time we met, I thought you were really cool.

So you came to ask me out?

'Cause I'll say yes.

Thank you.


Well, that was a waste of time.

Pretty much.

Did you hear the big news?

Uh, the big news?

Karl and I are back together. What?

And I know that he stayed at your place last night, which leads me to why I'm here.

There's some stuff that I have to say, and it's not going to be pleasant.

Edie, uh...

Whatever it was that you said to him really helped.

He showed up with flowers and he apologized for everything.


Thank you.

I'm sorry, what?

Well, I'm not gonna say it again.

It hurt my teeth the first time.

No, Edie. This is so unexpected on so many levels.

I don't know what to say. Then say nothing.

Oh, and, uh, here...

Is the photo of you I found in our bed.

I know he told you about it.

Why are you giving it to me?

Look, I appreciate whatever it was that you did last night, but it's still important for you to understand that... I won.

You won?

Yeah. Whatever little hold you had on Karl is officially over.

So you can stop feeling all smug and superior that he kept that... thing.

Believe me, I don't feel superior.

Good, 'cause you shouldn't.

He made his choice, and it's not you.

You're right. He made his choice.

No, Bree, it's still too easy to breathe.

You've gotta make it tighter.

Gaby, if I make it any tighter, you won't be able to sit down.

I don't care.

I can't have these girls thinking I'm pregnant.

Gosh, do you actually think they're gonna make fun of you?

Trust me. They're merciless.

But why? I mean, surely they have friends who have children.

When I decided to marry Carlos, I told these girls I would spend the rest of my days being rich and in love and childless, and they laughed at me, and they said I would just end up being another fat hausfrau living a life that I didn't plan.

I'm not gonna give them the satisfaction of knowing they were right.

Well, maybe they'll just be happy for you.

Bree, my friends are models. They're never happy for anyone.

Do you ever think you might like it?


Motherhood. No.

Oh, come on.

You don't think you're gonna love your own baby?

Well, I'm not saying I'm not gonna grow attached to the little bugger.

I just don't have the motherhood gene.

I wish I did, but I don't.


Well, I'm just smiling because I think a few months from now you are gonna come to me and tell me how madly in love you are with your new little baby, and I'm gonna have to resist the urge to say "I told you so."

Maybe, but I doubt it. There you go.

All done.

Ah. How do I look?

Positively glowing.



Hi! Hello!

Oh, my god!

You're pregnant!

Bree? It's Gaby!

Honey, it's open. Come on in.

Hi. My, uh, friends just left, and I was hoping you could come over and cut me out of this thing.

How was your little reunion?

It was, um... weird.


Well, Allison's mad because she's losing jobs to 14-year-olds, Holly is on a strict diet of cruciferous vegetables, and Yasmin is undergoing a new embryonic facial treatment that probably causes short-term memory loss.

You know, I just stood there the whole night trying to remember why we were ever friends.

And I couldn't.

You know, honey, people change.

Yeah, but that's the thing. They haven't changed.

That's who they've always been.

I've changed, and I honestly don't know how.


Maybe Susan, Lynette and I have had a good influence on you.

I doubt that.

Come on. When I finish up here, I will come over with my sewing kit and cut you out of that.

All right, but hurry up, because I've been having to pee since hors d'oeuvres.

Are you free to go shopping tomorrow?

I figured it's probably time I bought some clothes that actually fit.

Well, I know a store that carries maternity clothes with designer labels.

I like the sound of that.



Thank you.

Yes, cameras are tools designed to capture images.


What is it?

Uh, she needs me to get something for her.

I will be right back.

But in truth, they can capture so much more.

They can uncover hidden longing of men who should no longer care.

They can reveal the extraordinary secrets of the most ordinary marriages.

Most amazing of all, cameras can quietly and clearly reveal to us our dreams...

Dreams we didn't even know we had.