Desperate Housewives S4E12 Script

In Buddy's Eyes (2008)

Previously on...

Lynette dallied with temptation...

Are you sleeping with my wife?

Carlos struggled with his new life...

I am poor, and I am blind, and there is nothing about that that is your type.

Bree found herself with a new rival...

Bree, that is, like, the best pie you've ever made.

This is not my pie.

Okay, you caught me. It's mine.

And Susan made the best of having houseguests.

Oh, and, listen, Bob and Lee introduced us to this wonderful contractor, so we won't be imposing for long.

Imposing? Who's imposing?

You can stay as long as you want.

In a corridor of the greenwood rehabilitation center is a sign.

It's there to remind patients to be honest about the past.

But Orson Hodge did not notice it.

He was too busy thinking of his past, or at least the part of it he shared with Mike Delfino.

Orson thought of the night they met...

The night his mother...

Had murdered his mistress.

He thought of the next time they met and how Mike began to recognize him.

He thought of his mother's fear Mike would remember too much and her demand that Orson stop this from happening.

He thought of how he agonized, but in the end, had still...

Done the unthinkable.

Orson then started to think about the message he had received from Mike, asking him to visit.

The thought was crossing Orson's mind that Mike had remembered something...

Something dangerous, when suddenly...

Orson. Come on in.

The time for thinking was over.

So I-I see they have a tennis court here.

Must be nice to get out and whack a few balls around, huh?

Why don't you sit down?

It might make this easier.

I've been trying to figure out all day just how I was gonna do this.

Do what, Mike?

Since I've come here, I've had a lot of time to think.

Things are... Becoming clearer.

I'm starting to put some things together.

Oh?

Well, good for you.

No, not really, Orson.

When you hurt people, you gotta be accountable.

There's no way around it.

So I have to ask you...

Do you think you can forgive me?

What?

When I asked you to write a prescription for pain pills, it... all I could think about was getting my next fix.

The fact that you could have lost your license, your business... all that never even entered my head.

And I am... really sorry.

Oh.

Of course.

No need to apologize.

Wow. I-I feel a million times better.

You know, one thing I've learned here...

If you don't get this stuff off your chest, it'll eat you alive.

As he left, Orson thought only of his good fortune and relief, ignoring completely the feelings of guilt and shame that were rising within him.

That was the sad thing about Orson Hodge...

He had no idea just how sick he really was.

From the moment his doctors had told him he was blind, Carlos Solis had worried about only one thing...

That the people in his life would come to see him as a burden.

But as it turned out, his friends didn't mind driving him to the store.

His neighbors didn't mind helping retrieve his mail.

The paper boy didn't mind helping him find his morning paper.

In truth, everyone on Wisteria Lane was more than willing to help Carlos adjust to life as a blind man...

Everyone, that is...

But his wife, who was quickly starting to feel she was the one with the handicap.

"And in a surprise move, the spurs announced a trade that will send perennial all-star to the..."

Oh, jeez, Gaby.

I asked you to please fish out all the little carrot squares.

I did. Well, I think you missed some.

Could you get 'em out, please?

There you go. All gone.

Did you just use your hand? Of course not. I used a spoon.

I'm sorry that I'm such a handful.

I really am trying to do the best that I can.

I know you are, babe. And I know it's hard, and I'm gonna try to be more sensitive to your needs.

Now hurry up and finish. I have to go to the store.

Could I go, too? I'm bored.

Oh, please, Carlos. I have a million errands to run, and I'd do it a lot faster without you.

Plus I'm having lunch with the girls first.

Oh, okay.

Mm. Gaby, another carrot.

Just eat them. Carrots are good for your...

Just eat them.

Sorry I'm late. Blind husband. You know the drill.

Oh, Gaby, I'm so glad you're here.

I was just about to tell everyone to keep an eye out for their invitation to the founder's ball.

I'm sorry. What is the founder's ball?

You all seem so excited.

It's a black-tie fund-raiser that Bree organizes every year.

It's a lot of work, exhausting and completely worth it.

Especially when you get your big moment in the spotlight.

Bree gets to present an award to somebody who's done something extraordinary for the community.

Ooh, I say we nominate the woman who gives Edie her bikini wax.

Ha ha ha ha.

So, Bree, I've planned a few events myself back in Chicago.

Small potatoes compared to this, I'm sure, but if you could use me, I'd love to help.

That would be lovely.

It would?

Yes, of course. Why wouldn't it?

Nobody? Okay, I'm going in.

Because you two would kill each other... literally.

It'll start with hair pulling and end with detectives taking our statements.

Remember the pie thing? "Remember the pie thing"...

Tibetan monks remember the pie thing.

I acknowledge that Katherine and I have had our differences, but we have all been through a lot recently.

And I would hope that it taught us to put our differences aside and be friends, because that's what's most important.

I faced cancer and a tornado, but I'm running from this.

Hi.

Oh, my god. Rick.

Hi.

How are you?

Great, actually.

We're great.

Well, you look great.

Mm.

Oh. Hey, Tom. Look who's here... Rick.

I see that.

Table for one?

Uh, no, thanks.

I just wanted to come by and bring you guys...

It's barolo.

I just got back from Italy.

Oh, well, that's nice. Thank you.

Ah, what's the occasion? Or are you just being a good guy?

I can't get anything past you, huh, Tom?

Well, I... I've got some work to do.

Yeah, well, you know, I wanted to come here and tell you guys in person.

I'm opening my own place. Uh, you must have seen it.

That's you? On the corner?

Yeah, I looked everywhere, I swear.

But, uh, it was the best location.

I'll bet.

Okay, look, people like to eat in Fairview.

There's plenty of business for both of us.

Hey, I remember you!

You back to working here now? Oh, no. Sorry.

Too bad. That Osso Buco of yours was...

Really something.

Well, I got it on the menu at my new place on the corner.

Come check us out.

See? Room for everyone.


Oh! Orson, you scared me.

Why are you sitting down here in the dark?

And aren't you a little cold?

I had to do something.

Then you came down here and you couldn't remember what it was.

That happens to me all the time.

Well, the baby is insisting that I eat the last piece of Bree's triple-chocolate cake.

If you want, we could...

Oh, my god. You're naked!

In my kitchen where I eat.

Okay, I don't hear you leaving.

I had to do something.

Pajamas... that's something you could do.

Okay, you're right.

You're a guest in my house...

A completely naked guest in my house.

I should leave.

Hey. Hey.

You were supposed to be home at 8:00 to help me wrangle the kids for bath time.

It's... it's almost 11:00.

Sorry.

So where were you?

You were stewing, weren't you?

Come on.

You're upset about Rick.

Look.

I'm not gonna deny I was ticked off when I saw him.

But I'm over it.

I'm taking this as a challenge.

We are gonna up our game.

Oh, yeah? Yep. You know what I did tonight?

I worked on our menu.

We are gonna start making our own Osso Buco.

I got a recipe that is gonna kick his ass.

So you're really okay with this?

Yeah, I'm great. Look at how cute you are.

Oh? It's growing back fast, huh?

Yeah, it's back.

Morning, Susan.

Oh. Good morning.

Love what you're wearing.

Oh, I hope this isn't decaf.

Got a big day ahead of me.

All right. We don't need to talk about it.

Just promise me it won't happen again.

What won't happen again?

Orson, you were naked in this kitchen last night.

I was not.

You most certainly were.

Good morning. What's going on?

Well, Susan claims she saw me last night au naturel. It wasn't a claim.

He was sitting right here without a stitch of clothing on, and I couldn't have cake.

Oh, I think I know what's going on.

Somebody had a naughty dream.

Susan, I'm blushing.

No, no, no, no. No, I did not have a sex dream.

Susan, it's perfectly understandable.

Mike's away. You're feeling a little lonely.

Naturally, you'd project those feelings onto the nearest available sex machine.

Oh!

You are such a scamp.

Mwah.

I know when I'm dreaming, and this really happened.

Why else would I be sponging butt prints off my stool?

You know, Susan, sometimes I climb into a warm bath with a romance novel.

Just a thought.

You wanna give me a hand with this?

Ugh.

Lynette!

Gaby, since when do you come to price warehouse?

I'm poor now. Remember?

I have to mingle with the unwashed masses.

What are you doing here?

Oh, I've been unwashed for years.

This place is huge!

Would it kill them to have valet parking?

Gaby, people don't come here for the amenities.

They come because toilet paper's 3 cents a ton.

Oh.

Look at all these handicapped spots.

I mean, what a waste. Take that guy selling oranges, put him in a vest, stick him under an umbrella, and bam! You got valet parking.

I don't know why poor people refuse to better themselves.

Yeah, we're crazy that way.

I don't know why you're complaining about handicapped spaces.

Doesn't Carlos have one of those blue placards?

No, I think you have to have a wheelchair to get one of those.

No, I'm pretty sure the blind qualify, too.

Mom, can I take some of these cookies up to Julie?

Why don't you offer some to our guest first?

Oh, no, thank you. We have so much ground to cover.

Now let's move on to the flowers.

Uh, last year, we went with a cascade of pink and white roses.

There it is.

Exquisite.

Well, easy enough.

Let's just do that again, then.

Next?

Well...

If you have a different idea, I would love to hear that, too.

Well, I was thinking it might be nice to do something more unusual.

What about an arrangement of purple lisianthus with a spray of dark berries?

It's interesting. I can't really picture that, though.

Well, let me help you.

I keep scrapbooks, too.

My mom and Mrs. Hodge are still talking about that ball thing.

She wants me to be a part of the founder's court or whatever they call it.

Like I want to put on a stupid white dress and greet people all night.

I know. It's so pathetic. By the way, I'm doing it.

Seriously? Why?

Because I did it last year, and it's actually kind of hilarious and great.

It is! It doesn't sound great. It sounds beyond lame.

I don't want this to come off the wrong way, but you're a buzz kill. Julie!

Okay, you spend all of your time cooped up in here alone, obsessing over some mysterious thing that maybe happened to your real dad or maybe didn't.

Look, I'm not saying don't obsess.

I'm just saying maybe you could spare some time to have a little fun with your friend, too.

So this founder's thing... It'll be fun?

Uh, these were the centerpieces from the vanover medical center benefit.

The donors were blown away.

Well, they're certainly... Assertive.

My only fear is...

I know. I know.

Fairview is a bit more provincial compared to Chicago, but I think you'll find the people here have a lot more taste than you give them credit for.

Well, perhaps I could try something new.

Let's go with the lisianthus.

Look at you! Pronouncing it right the very first time.

Isn't learning fun?

Mrs. Scavo?

Uh, yes. Is your husband home?

We're investigating an incident involving vandalism.

Vandalism?

Porter! Preston! Get over here!

No, ma'am. This incident occurred two nights ago near your pizzeria.

Someone threw a brick through a window of a new restaurant...

A place called Rick's? What?

We're asking everybody who works in the area if they saw anything suspicious. I didn't go into work that night.

I did, but, um, I didn't see anything.

What time did it happen? The alarm went off at about 10:45.

Oh, I was home way before then, around 8:00.

I came home early to help you wrangle the kids for bath time.

Yeah. No, he was here.

All right, well, if you do happen to hear anything, could you give us a call, please? Absolutely.

Thank you. Hey.

Mm. Oh, oh, hey, honey. Could you hold back a sec?

Nope. Uh, lunch rush.

I'm already late as it is, okay? See ya.

Excuse me, miss.

Oh, hey there.

I guess you didn't see that big blue sign.

This is handicapped parking. I know. Primo spot, isn't it?

What? I have a thingy.

Yeah, I noticed that.

You don't look handicapped to me.

I'm not. My husband is. He's blind.

Well, then that placard's for him.

Only he can park here.

And how is he gonna park a car if he can't see?

Feeling pretty stupid now, aren't ya?

Lady, you got a lot of nerve.

I had to park next to the dumpster way in the back.

Oh, don't play victim with me.

I have to walk in heels all day long.

You get to sit in a chair and roll.

You did not just say that!

You know, the quicker I can run my errands, the faster I can get home to my husband, who needs me, because that's the kind of person I am.

W-What are you doing? Calling the cops. You're getting a ticket.

Like hell I am! Give me that. Get off!

No! You started it. Hang it up! Ow! Get off!

Hang it up! Aah!

Hey, hey! Oh! Is there a problem here?

Jeez. What, is there a telethon going on around here?

Dude, she took one of our spots.

Bitch! I had to find street parking.

Hey, there's a security guard over there. Go get him. No, no, no, no, no. Wait!

Okay, you know what? This is getting ridiculous.

Oh, no, no. You're not going anywhere.

Hey! Let me go!

Hey! Hey! Stop! Let me go!

What are you doing? Don't... ow!

Aah! Aah!

Well, it's official. I'm going to hell.

Hi, daddy. Hey.

Hey, guys, would you go play in the back for a while?

I need to talk to your dad. Thanks.

Well...

Hey. Don't they have soccer today?

Let me answer that question with another question.

Why did you lie to police?

Lynette... and you mademe lie to them, too, which brings up another question.

Did you know that perjury is, like, this whole big thing? I think you're overreacting.

No, overreacting would be if I threw a brick through you.

What were you thinking?

Help me understand.

I just went to go check out how the construction was going, but I came around the corner.

I saw this giant picture window that says "Rick's."

And then I realize I'm gonna have to see that guy's name every damn day of my life.

Then I noticed this pile of bricks.

Okay.

I know this whole thing with Rick...

It really caused us some damage.

I know it hurt us, but we survived it, and it's over now.

Now that's the thing, Lynette.

It's not over. It was neve rover.

I don't care about Rick's stupid restaurant!

I don't even care that he wants to steal you from me!

Of course, he would want to steal you from me.

That makes sense to me.

I care that he made you act like it could be done.

Oh, Tom.

He changed the way I look at you.

But...

Nothing ever happened between us.

You have to believe me. Come on!

I am not trying to get you to apologize.

I'm just explaining the brick.

Oh, my god.

Aha!

You thought I was crazy, but it wasn't a dream.

You're naked!

And that means you're crazy.

I didn't mean to do it.

Oh, really?

You just happened to stumble naked into my front yard?

I didn't mean it, Mike.

"Mike"? Wait.

Are you sleepwalking?

Orson.

Hello?

Ow!

Susan.

Did you just hit me?

Oh, dear god!

Orson, you're staying at my house!

There you go.

I have no explanation. This doesn't happen to me.

I don't sleepwalk.

You know, it's none of my business, but seeing as I have seen you naked twice in the last week, I think I can ask, is something bothering you?

I don't think so.

I mean, being out of our house has been a little weird, but I'm very comfortable here.

Clearly.

You know, when you were out on the lawn, you said something about Mike.

Mike?

What, uh, what did I say?

Well, it was just sort of muttering.

Were you having a dream about him?

No. I-I don't believe so.

Well, maybe it's because you just saw him.

He must be on your mind. Yeah, yeah. You know what, Susan?

I-I think it's time for us to move out.

You can't. Your house isn't finished yet.

No, the downstairs will be ready next week.

We'll be fine. Well, if you insist...

I think it will be for the best.

Okay, but in the meantime, um, I do have a teenage daughter, so if you could...

Boxers?

Yes. Thanks.

Hey!

Come on. You've been cooped up in this house since you got home from the hospital.

Let's go out and have some fun! No, I think I'm gonna stay here.

I don't... I don't wanna be a burden. Carlos, I see handicapped people out and about all the time.

In fact, I met two feisty men in wheelchairs yesterday at the mall. They were living their lives...

So it's time for you to live yours.

Come on. Come on.

I'm just dropping off a few letters.

You might as well just wait here.

Just picking up some vitamins.

I'll be quicker if I do it myself.

I just have to drop off a gift to my manicurist.

Why don't you listen to the radio?

Thank you.

Sorry, babe. That took a little longer than I...

Carlos?

Carlos?

Carlos?!

Carlos!

Carlos!

Oh, there you are.

Thanks, Henry.

Where the hell have you been? I was starving, so I got that kid to take me to go get a burger.

I don't believe this. I was worried sick about you!

I'm sick of waiting here! You promised me a fun day, and all I got is a sunburn on the right side of my face.

I'm sorry. I told you, I had errands to run first.

What's that smell? What smell?

It smells like...

Nail Polish. Did you get your nails done?

Is that what you've been doing?

Excuse me. Miss!

Is that your Aston Martin in the handicapped space?

What? Gaby, are you parked in a handicapped spot?

Move it along, pops. We're gonna be here a while.

Wait, wait, wait. Did you get a handicapped tag?

To answer your earlier question, yes, I got a manicure.

I'm sorry. Are we good?

Oh, my god!

You're exploiting my blindness so that you can score better parking?!

That's a really mean way to put it.

You had me out here, sitting like a dog with the window cracked open.

You used me! Well, why shouldn't I get something out of this?

You know, the blindness didn't just happen to you. You can't be serious.

Oh, you bet I am!

Every morning, the toothpaste has to be to the left of the sink, because if it's not, you can't find it, and I have to put it there.

And... and sometimes... I don't know... I'm driving, or I'm in line at the bank and I think, "is the toothpaste there?"

So then I have to run home and check because I don't want you reaching for the tube and not being able to find it. I just didn't think this was how it was all gonna turn out, Carlos.

I didn't think that every day for the rest of my life, a part of me is always gonna think, "where's the toothpaste?"

Can't you just leave it in the drawer?

That's not the point, you blind idiot!

I'm saying if all I get in exchange for this crappy situation is a nice parking spot for my $8 manicure, then I'm taking it!

You wanna be careful with those burners.

Get on the final floral arrangements, will ya?

Who put pear slices in the Waldorf salad?

Guess that would be me.

Katherine, a Waldorf salad is made with apples.

It's tradition.

Yes, a musty, 19th century tradition in need of some jazzing up.

Look, I just thought you have so much on your mind already, what with the music and the decorations.

The least I could do was take over the food. "Take over"?

What in god's name have you done with my French onion soup?

Oh, it'll be fine. I told the chef nothing is to leave that kitchen unless I've tasted it.

Katherine... trust me.

After all, I've gotten tons of compliments on the lisianthus.

Here, honey. Let me.

Thanks.

You're welcome.

Just so you know...

I'm sorry for what I'm putting you through.

If it were anyone but you, it wouldn't be worth it.

You ready to go to the party?

You tell me.

How do I look?

You look very handsome.

Thank you.

And you look more beautiful than ever.

How do you know that?

Just a hunch.

Hmm.

Bup, bup, bup! Don't eat that.

We had a refrigeration problem, and I don't want you getting sick.

Oh, dear. Well, I should throw this dip out.

Thanks. It'll be about ten minutes before I can make up a new batch.

Do you mind telling your boss?

She's not my boss!

Bree! The room is simply lovely.

You've outdone yourself.

Thank you, Mrs. Downing.

Listen, when I present the founder's award tonight, I was wondering... oh, dear. Has no one spoken to you?

About what? Uh, well...

The committee has decided that it would be best if Katherine Mayfair present the award this year.

No! That's... That's my job. I always do it.

Oh, well, you're already doing so much, and, well, Katherine was quite insistent.

What's that?

Oh, it's dip. The caterer just said that... I thought we agreed.

Nothing leaves the kitchen without me tasting it first.

Dig in.

Is everyone having fun?

You and Katherine did an amazing job.

Boy, we didn't think you guys could work together.

Yeah, we were sure one of you would end up killing the other.

You really should have more faith in people.

Excuse me.

Katherine, darling, are you okay?

Not really.

Oh. I hope there's nothing wrong with the food.

Is anybody else getting sick?

Oh, no.

No, dear. Just you.

Maybe you should go home.

I can't. I have to present the founder's award.

Oh, no one would expect you to do that in your condition.

You know what? Um, I could do it.

No. I can get it together.

Katherine, no one expects you to be a martyr.

Why don't you go home? I can't.

Why not? I'm perfectly capable of presenting.

I've done it for the last eight years.

And let's face it.

I mean, no one wants to accept an award from a woman who looks like she should be in line at the needle exchange.

This is important to me. I'll be fine.

And now for the presentation for the founder's award...

Ms. Katherine Mayfair.

Thank you, Mrs. Downing.

I was honored when you and the other members of the committee asked me to present this award.

"I was honored when you..." Myeah, myeah, myeah, myeah. Bree, what's up?

I thought giving out this award was your thing.

Used to be. Not anymore. Things change.

This year's founder's award...

Ever since I started working with that obnoxious backstabber, she's done nothing but try to take the spotlight off of me and put it onto her.

Goes to my dear friend... Bree Hodge.

The obnoxious backstabber just called your name.

Bree has been a pillar of the Fairview community for many years.

There is no better friend than Bree Hodge.

Congratulations.

I know you tried to poison me.

Well, uh, this has been an evening full of, um...

Surprises. Uh...

I never would've imagined that, um, I would be recognized by this wonderful organization...

Hi, Andrew. Guess what?

Your mom just won the founder's award. Lynette, listen to me.

Oh, my god.

You're not gonna believe what's going on down here. What? What? Is everyone okay?

Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're... we're fine.

It's Rick's place... Totally went up in flames.

There, uh, there are, like, three fire trucks here.

Oh, my god! That's horrible! How did it start?

I... they... they don't know.

Okay, i-I'm gonna... I'll call you back in about five. Bye.

I want to thank you so much for presenting me with this award. I...

I certainly, uh, wasn't expecting it.

Um, we have a small city with a great, big heart, and I am honored to, uh, accept this award from my dear friend...

The photographer's asking if he can get shots of the two of us.

Wait.

I need to talk to you first.

I misunderstood the situation, that's all.

Can we just leave it at that?

No, we can't.

And do you know why?

Because I thought things were going well.

I was having fun with you.

Obviously...

I misunderstood.

So tell me, was there a straw that broke the camel's back?

Or were you planning on killing me all along?

Here's the thing you need to understand about me and my friends.

We each have our niche.

Gabrielle's the glamorous one.

Susan's the adorable one. Lynette's smart.

Edie's... Edie.

And I'm the domestic one, the organizer...

The one who knows that there are three tines on a dessert fork.

I'm the one who gets teased for that. That's who i am.

And that's also who you are.

So?

So...

I don't really know how to be friends with you.

That's a shame...

Because I understand you better than all those other women do.

I know how following the rules and observing the little graces makes you feel like you're in control.

We've both had days where it was either set a beautiful table or curl up in a ball and die.

We're the same, Bree.

And if you think that means we can't be friends, then I'm sorry.

But it might also mean we could be best friends.

Who knew you were so insightful?

Isn't learning fun?

Terrific, everyone. Thank you.

Pictures.

So... did I lie? Was it cool?

You were right. It really was.

"Thank you, Julie." Oh.

It's good to get out of my own head, you know?

For months now, I've been hung up on looking for my dad and blaming my mom...

And it's gotten me nowhere.

I just wanna start having fun again.

Thank you, Julie.

There you are.

We wanted to get some pictures with you. Mm.

Oh.

Orson.

Hi. Um... listen, I-I have a 12:00 curfew, so if my mom asks, can you just...

Mike?

No, it's Julie.

Oh, you're sleepwalking. Yeah, I heard about that.

I'm sorry, Mike.

Again, not Mike.

Why don't I-I get you back to bed, and... and you can...

I'm sorry I ran you over, Mike.

Blindness...

It's an affliction that prevents people from seeing what is right in front of them...

Like the wives who can't detect the jealousy that consumes their husbands...

The women unable to see that a rival might also be a friend...

The men who stay oblivious to the guilt that lies deep within them.

Yes...

The world is filled with those who cannot see.

The most dangerous are the ones who stay blind to the evil within their own hearts.

How do we protect ourselves from these people?

First, we have to open our own eyes and find them...

Before they find us.