Desperate Housewives S4E13 Script

Hello, Little Girl (2008)

Previously on...

Dylan and Katherine raised their profile and attracted the attention of an unwanted admirer.

Mike made a surprising request...

Do you think you can forgive me?

Which brought Orson's guilt to the surface.

I'm sorry, Mike. Oh, you're sleepwalking.

I'm sorry I ran you over, Mike.

Gaby was learning to deal with Carlos being blind...

I'm sorry for what I'm putting you through.

If it for anyone but you, it wouldn't be worth it.

And Lynette worried... It's Rick's place... totally went up in flames.

That jealousy could drive Tom to an act of violence.

The thing you have to know about Lynette Scavo is that she had always trusted her husband Tom, mostly because she could always tell when he was lying.

Sometimes he would ask her to repeat the question...

Did I eat... your ice cream? Is that what you're asking?

Or he would use odd words he had never used before...

Oh, I think it looks...


Or his voice would get higher...

I guess she's pretty.

I mean... I didn't really notice.

Clearly, Tom Scavo was at a distinct disadvantage when lying to his wife.

And on this particular morning, that's exactly what Lynette...

Was counting on.

Whatcha doing?

I am jonesing for a cup of coffee, but the stupid burner is acting up again.

Need a little caffeine fix?


Too much booze last night. I'm really draggin'.

The open bar is no longer your friend, huh?

Guess not.

But they were pouring top-shelf stuff, and I couldn't resist.

Is that where you were during Bree's acceptance speech...

Doing free shots at the bar?

No. Uh, I think that's when I snuck out to the car to listen to the game.

You go alone?

Well, I would've invited Carlos, except...

Obviously, he can't really sneak around anymore, so...


I was thinkin', if anyone asks about that fire at Rick's, it'd be good if you had someone to account for where you were.

Why would it matter? I didn't start the fire.

Right, right.

It's just... If anyone thinks you did, it'd be handy if you could prove them wrong, wouldn't it?

You think I did it.

No. One stupid brick, and now I'm an arsonist?

No, no. Of course not. It's just, if the police came here to ask us about the brick, they're probably gonna ask us about the fire, so you might wanna be ready.

Listen to me, Lynette.

As mad as I have been at Rick, I had absolutely nothing to do with this fire.

We're fine.


Good. Uh-huh.

Lynette Scavo had always trusted her husband.

She had no idea that trust...

Was about to go up in flames.

Everyone breaks the rules now and again, and when they do, they always have an excuse...

Like the neighbor whose own trash was already full...

Or the blonde who forgot to eat her breakfast...

Or the employee who needed an advance on his salary...

It's true...

Everyone has a reason for not following the rules...

Even the people who are meant to enforce them.

License and registration, please.

Well, what did I do? I wasn't speeding.

There's a construction zone back there. You failed to slow down.

Are you sure? I didn't see a sign or anything.

You wanna step out of the car, please?

You're not gonna give me a ticket, are you?

My mom will kill me. Where do you go to school?

Fairview high.

Pretty necklace.

Oh, thanks.

Listen, I'm really sorry about the construction zone.

I would have slowed down if I had seen the sign, I swear.

I'll tell you what.

I'll let you go with a warning.

Just pay more attention next time, okay?

Thank you. That's very nice of you. Thank you.

That's everything, I guess.

Well, if you forgot something, you can just come back for it, or... you could just not leave.

Oh, that's so sweet, but...

Our house is livable again...

The downstairs anyway...

And we have imposed long enough.

Besides, Mike is coming home tonight, and you're gonna need the house to yourselves.

Well, before you go, I just want to say that, um...

Having you here these last few weeks...

Susan, I'm just going across the street.

There's no need to act like a silent movie heroine.

I know. I just... I can't stop now.

I broke the seal.

Well, um, as much as I appreciate this naked display of emotion, you know how this sort of thing makes me uncomfortable.

I can't help it.

My hormones are in overdrive.

Didn't you get that way when you were pregnant? No. Never.

Really? Not even when you heard an acoustic guitar?

No. Never.

Oh, I just can't control myself like that.

Oh, sure, you can.

Whenever I feel my emotions getting the best of me, I simply picture an empty box, and I take whatever I'm feeling and put that in the box, and then I picture myself putting the box away in a big, empty closet and closing the door.

Then if I have time, I go back and open the box and deal with the emotion...

In private, like a lady.


I'm gonna try that.

So you don't think I act like a lady?

Prove me wrong, sweetie.

Prove me wrong.

All right.

Come on, girl.

Okay, Carlos, here's the harness.

There you are!

Oh, you must be Roxy!

Aren't you the cutest thing! Oh!

Okay, not too close. It's silk. Gaby, this is Steve.

He's the head trainer at the dog school. Ah, nice to meet you. Carlos told me how much he enjoyed taking classes with Roxy.

Well, they make a great team. Well, I have got a million questions about this little lifesaver here. Okay, shoot.

Okay, hypothetical situation...

Carlos and I are sitting on the couch.

I'm doing my nails. He's whining for the remote.

How do I get Roxy to fetch it for him?

She's serious.

Oh. Roxy doesn't do that.

Um, her job is to get Carlos from point "a" to point "b" as safely as possible.

I get that, but surely she's trained to do other stuff, you know, like find his keys or turn off the radio or lick up his spills.

Yeah, and after that, she can go solve crimes with shaggy and the gang. Don't give me your blind sarcasm.

I saw a collie on TV who could push a lawn mower.

Do you have one of those? Gaby, Roxy’s fantastic.

Really? Well, for a dog who's supposed to help us, she sounds kind of limited.

Sorry, but it's true.

She's not here to help us. She's here to help me, which you would know if you had bothered to show up to the spouses' orientation. Well, I'm sorry.

I was on my hands and knees that day, scouring the bathroom floor because you refused to pee like a girl.


Any other questions?

No, it's crystal clear.

Carlos gets a new best friend, and I get to check the sofa for ticks.

Yay for Gaby!

Did I exaggerate?

Actually, you were kind.

Oh, it feels good to take a shower in my own house.

What you doing?

In honor of you coming home, we are making your favorite meal...

Steak and mashed potatoes.

Oh, that sounds great. For future reference, my favorite is potatoes au gratin. Mmm.

Since when?

Since always. Since I was 3. Hmm.

You could say "au gratin" when you were 3?

Oh, it's fine. Susan, mashed is great, too.

It's not your favorite?

What are you doing? Excuse me.

I have to put something in a box and stick it in the closet.


Oh. Got it.

Pretty much anything sets her off these days.

Uh, which is why I haven't told her...

Told her what? Something wrong?

Well, when Bree and Orson were staying with us, this weird thing happened.

Oh, yeah. Naked Orson? I heard.

Must have been quite a show.

No, this was the next night.

He was sleepwalking, and he said something kinda strange.

But like I said, he was asleep, so it's probably nothing.

Julie, what'd he say?

He said...

"I'm sorry I ran over Mike."


It's crazy, right? Why would he say something like that?

He didn't even know you when that happened.

Yeah, you're right. It's crazy.

Yeah, that's what I figured.

Okay, well, I'm gonna go check on mom and make sure she's okay.

We don't need any more drama in this house.

Yeah, I agree.

How's the move going? Need an extra pair of hands?

No, thanks. We're almost done.

Okay, well, I won't get in your way then.

Let me just run something by you.

I got a call today from a couple who loved our work on the founder's ball.

Oh, how sweet.

Yes, and they want to hire us to do their anniversary party.

Hire us? But we're not a business.

We could be. Think about it.

We do the exact same thing we did at the ball, only this time, we walk away with a big, fat check.

Katherine, need I remind you we nearly came to blows over floral choices?

I think it's our creative friction that makes us a great team.

I think it's our creative friction that nearly caused me to poison you. All right, look, Bree, I'm gonna be honest with you.

With Adam out of the house, I really need the money.

I sympathize. I do, but I have a new baby, and it's really more work than I care to take on right now.

I understand.

Guess I'll just do it myself then.

Excuse me?

Now did you take pictures of those table settings you designed?

I'd love to get copies. The couple raved about them.

Yeah, sure.

You know, I don't really think it's fair that you should profit from something that I designed.

You're right. It would only be fair if I asked you to do this with me, which I did, and you said no.

So on we go.

I hope you don't mind if I serve your cinnamon apple crumble.

That is a cherished recipe from my grandmother.

Well, now it's a cherished recipe from catering by Katherine.

Oh, I see what's going on here.

This is shameless emotional blackmail.



It worked beautifully.

I'm in.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! No more doggy treats.

She's had enough.

But she's been so good.

Yeah? Well, when she learns how to make granite sparkle, she can have more. I'm giving her a treat.

Carlos, I said no. treat.

That's it. Those things are expensive, and until your disability kicks in, we have to tighten our belts. So I guess that means you won't be getting your hair done anymore.

Carlos, remember what my fingers look like?

Just picture the middle one all by itself.

Besides, you're the one who married me for my looks.

Well, I'm blind now, so as long as you use deodorant, I'm good.

Do you have any idea how selfish you sound right now?

Just because you're blind, the world should suffer?

I'm just saying, you know, $300 visits to Mr. Francois...

Carlos, I'm getting my hair done! End of discussion!

What are you barking at? You got your damn treat.

You know, if we really want to save money, you could cut down on those Cuban cigars.

Or... here's a thought. You could get a job.

Why don't you get a job? Doing what?

Put flags on pencils and sell them at the airport.

What do I care? Just get out of my kitchen.

Whoa. What is this about?

I don't know.

I guess she doesn't like it when you smack me.

Oh, so now I can't hit my own husband in my own house? Look, we can cut corners all you want, but I am not gonna skimp when it comes to my dog. Roxy, come.

Hey, neighbor.

Oh, Mike. Hey.

Welcome back. You're looking well.

Yeah, well, you know me.



What you looking for?

A hammer. We're putting some of the pictures back up.

This it?

Thanks, buddy.

You got a minute?

Uh, actually, uh, Bree's waiting... Waiting for me.

You said something to Julie when you were sleepwalking.

I did?

Yeah, and I need you to clear it up.

Are you the guy that ran me over?


I'm so sorry.

I'm so...

No way.

That mutt is not sleeping in our bed!

She's clean. It's okay.

No. No, it's not. I read the pamphlet Steve left.

These dogs are not allowed on furniture.

I know. I...

I just think it's good for a dog to sleep with its master.

It helps us bond.

Well, if you ever want to bond with my boobs again, you'll get her off!

You're being selfish. We can put her at the foot of the bed. Carlos, no!

She doesn't like it when you yell at me, remember?

You're right, baby. I'm sorry.

Let me try it this way.

You listen to me, you blind son of a bitch.

If you don't get this mangy, 6-nippled, cujo wannabe off my satin sheets, you won't just need a dog to get around.

You'll need a motorized wheelchair that you steer with your tongue.


Carlos, I mean it.

Who's it gonna be... Me or the dog?

Maternity lingerie... Yeah, right.

Why don't they just call it what it really is?

A pup tent to hide your stretch marks.

Oh, actually, if it's okay, I'm really not in the mood right now. I'm sorry.

I understand.


You just don't want to be crushed under the weight of a repulsive cow.

That is not it.

No, I get it.

Really, I knew this day was coming.

I just didn't know it would be a day when I was so horny.

Honey, I still find you incredibly sexy.

It's me. I...

I just got a lot on my mind right now.

Oh. What's going on?

I found out something today.

I didn't want to tell you, but...

Well, you can tell me anything.

That's what we talked about in all those sessions with the doctor.

You're right.

But if I tell you, you have to promise to let me handle this my own way.

Who could that be at this hour?


What on earth?

You are never to come near my family ever again!

Do you understand? What are you talking about?

Do you hear me, Orson?! Damn it. Susan, I...

I told you to let me handle this. Will someone please tell me what's going on?

So you don't know that your husband tried to kill Mike?


Look, I explained this to Mike.

I panicked. I was trying...

Trying to protect your mother? I know. Who cares?

You drove the car, you ran him over, and you left him for dead!

Susan, let's go.

And the worst part...

All this time, you pretended to be our friend.

If there was one thing Gabrielle Solis would not tolerate, it was a rival, whether she walked on two legs...

Or four.

So when Gabrielle crept into her bedroom that morning, she'd made up her mind...

The bitch had to go.


Look what I've got.

Come on. Come on.



Okay, let's go.

Let's go, Roxy.

Let's go, Roxy. Let's go.

Let's go in the car.

Hey there, Dylan.

Don't you remember me?

I'm the cop who didn't give you a ticket yesterday.

Um, yeah, I remember.

Would it be okay if I sat down?

I just want to have a little chat with you.


Don't worry. You're not in trouble.

Actually, I can't stay.

I'm meeting my friend Julie at the mall, so I...

Look, I'm... I'm not trying to scare you. I just...

I just want to talk.

Talk about what?

How's your mom doing?

You know my mom?

Oh, yeah.

Look, a couple of days ago, I saw a picture of you and Kathy in the paper, and I did a background check, and I found out that you're living back at your aunt's place.

When you left yesterday, I was parked down the street.

You followed me?

So when you pulled me over, that was...

I lied to you.

You weren't speeding.

I'm sorry.

I just had to meet you.

Who are you?

I'm Wayne Davis.

I'm your father.

Oh, Roxy, this way. Um, excuse me for a second.

Uh, Mrs. Solis, what are you doing here?

Hi. Uh, I'm bringing Roxy back.

Uh, what?

Shame, isn't it?

I mean, i personally adored the little angel, but she and Carlos just did not get along.


Well, sorry it didn't work out. I gotta run.

Uh, tell Carlos I'll call him about another dog.

Oh, well, actually, we found one.

From where? We're the only guide dog school in the area.

Well, that's it.

It's not a dog.

We got him a seeing... eye... monkey.

He's amazing.

Not only can he call 9-1-1, he can toast a bagel.


Roxy, what the heck happened back there?

Uhh! Roxy!

Roxy! Roxy, stop!

Gaby, where were you? Where's Roxy?

Oh, Carlos, I'm afraid I have some bad news.

What? What happened?

Well, you know how you like it when I read you the box scores?

When I went out to get the paper...

Only thinking of making you happy...

Gaby, where's my dog? She ran away.

When I opened the door, she saw a squirrel, and she took off.

She's gone? Well, you gotta go find her.

Where do you think I've been? There's no sign of her anywhere.

Yeah, I'm sure you looked really, really hard.

How dare you. I have looked from one end of town to the other, and I'm telling you, she's nowhere to be found.

But since you love her so much, I'm gonna keep looking.

Was that Roxy?

I'm not sure. Why don't I go look?

Huh. No. Oh, wow. It's the Scavo dog...

Way down in their yard.

I guess it's true...

Lose one sense, all the others get heightened.

Okay, you get that. I'm gonna go find your dog.

Come on, you stupid mutt.

Gaby, you still here?

Yeah, still no sign of Roxy.

But don't worry. I'm on the case.


That was Steve from the guide dog place.

You want a piece of pie or somethin'?

Yeah, I'm not hungry either.

I don't know what to say to you.

You don't have to say anything.

I'm having a good time just looking at you.

You have my nose.

Bet you didn't know that, right?

My mom says we left because you used to beat her.

Is that true?

Yeah, I hit her a couple times.

So you admit it?

What, did you think I was gonna lie and tell you that I was a great husband? 'Cause I wasn't.

But you gotta know, there's two sides to every story, and I swear to god, your mom gave as good as she got.

I mean, you believe me, right?

I don't know.

You know what?

This was a mistake. I should go.

Go? We just got here.

Look, I didn't track you down to cause any problems.

I only wanted to make sure that your mom raised you properly, and now I see that she did.

I mean, you're...

You're spectacular.

That's what I needed...

To know that you're okay and...

That a little part of you looks just like me.

How can you just walk away?

'Cause I'm not the same jerk I used to be.

Sure, I'd like to have a relationship with you, but if your mom is still scared of me after all these years, uh...


I don't want to upset her again.

I don't have to tell her.


She doesn't have to know that I saw you.

Oh, that's...

I don't know about that.

It's just that I have so many questions, and...

I don't think we'd be hurting anybody if we just sat and talked for a while.

And we'd keep this from your mom?




Darlin', bring me back that dessert menu.

I wanna have a slice of pie with my daughter.

Uh, I think we might be out of candles.

I don't think so. Check under the bar.


How's it goin'?

"How's it goin'"?

It's goin' pretty bad.

I didn't mean to. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry... Sorry for your troubles.

Oh, that's touching, man.


So did you just come here to bust my hump, or is there something I can help you with? Actually, you can help me.

You can help me figure out what the hell these were doing by the back door of my torched restaurant.

How should I know?

So that's how you're gonna play this?

Uh, no candles here.

I'm... I'm gonna go check in the back.


Look, I can see you're upset, pal, but I'm not the guy you're looking for.

You know I respect you...

Hey, Andrew. What do you need?

Uh, I'm looking for candles, and... and that guy Rick's here.

Oh, my god!

Stop it! What are you doing?

Stop. Hey, easy. Easy. Just stop it!

Oh! Uhh!

Are you okay? Yeah.


Andrew, do something!

Do something!

Stop it! Stop!

Oh, for god sakes, what is the matter with you?

What are you, 12 years old? Stop it.


So when are you guys gonna finish grilling my husband?

It won't be much longer, ma'am.

You know, in spite of everything that's happened, it's really good to see you again.

It makes me realize how much I miss you.

If you insist on questioning my husband about a crime he didn't commit, you should at least have all the facts.

Okay. You've got my attention.

Well, for starters, Mr. Coletti opened his restaurant to get back at me because I wouldn't have an affair with him. Honey.

Oh, so you're saying your husband had two motives for setting the fire?

No. I am saying that if anyone had an ax to grind, it's Rick.

Maybe he set the fire himself so he could blame my husband.

I was at the gym. You can call my trainer.

And Tom was at the founder's ball with me.

We have witnesses that say he disappeared for a while.

I told you, I was in the car listening to the basketball game.

That's true. I saw him.

I was mad that he ditched me, so I went to drag his ass back inside.

But when I saw him shouting at the radio, I decided I'll just wait and make his life miserable when we get home. So unless there's a law against choosing LeBron James over your wife, I think we're done here.

All right.

So that's it? Y-You're just gonna let him go?

Look, we don't have enough evidence to hold him, sir.

Because his wife provided him an alibi?

Come on, man.

Rick, look.

You know me.

If Tom had done something like this, do you really think I would protect him?


To make up that story for me. You know, you didn't have didn't I? 'Cause it kinda seemed like they had you against the ropes in there.

Well, that would only be a problem if I were guilty, and clearly, I'm not, right?

God, you don't believe me, do you? Sure, I do.

It must've been some other random maniac with a grudge against Rick who burned down his restaurant. So you're calling me a liar?

That's what you're doing. You're saying I lied. Well, it wouldn't be the first time.

You lied about the brick, and you were pretty smooth, too.

Hell, i bought it. Yeah, just like I bought your story about never sleeping with Rick. Excuse me?

"Oh, look at me, Rick. You know me, Rick." Okay.

God, I felt like telling you guys to get a room.

Okay, you are angry, so I'm gonna let that one pass, and I'm gonna say this for the very last time.

Nothing happened between me and Rick.


I didn't set that fire.

You see?

I can talk slow, too.

Carlos asked me to pick up some doggy treats for Roxy.

He called you? Why didn't he ask me?

Oh, I think you were busy at the time...

Kidnapping his guide dog.

Classy, by the way.

Don't judge me.

You don't know this hound from hell.

I raise my voice a teensy bit, and she barks, or I give Carlos a little smack, and she growls.

Well, I have an idea.

Why don't you not do those things?

Thanks for the biscuits, Edie. No, I'm serious.

There was always a certain... sick charm to the way you used to abuse Carlos.

But now that he's blind, it's just sick.

We're fine. This is who we are. This is our relationship.

Well, your relationship has to change, Gaby, because he's changed.

Not that much. Just his eyes.

Mm, no. I know Carlos. He's proud.

He's gonna pretend that he can still go toe-to-toe with you as if he was the same man that he always was.

But he's not, and he will never admit that.

Are you done with your armchair analysis, 3-divorce Annie?

Sure. But if you're not gonna treat Carlos right, there are plenty of other women out there who will.

I think I proved that.

Why don't you come inside?

I can't come out my front door every day and see that man.

We have to move.



I know this is difficult, but before you start putting up "for sale" signs, let's just take a step back.

Take a step back from what? He tried to murder you.

I know what Orson did was horrible, but...

I've decided to forgive him.

How can you do that? He put you in a coma.

I sat there day after day, wondering if you were gonna live.

As far as I'm concerned, Orson can go to hell.

Well, I've talked to him.

Trust me, he's already been there.

Well, that's not enough.

He should pay for what he did. He should go to prison.

And what, leave Bree without a husband and Benjamin without a dad? You don't want that.


I've done some pretty horrible things in my life, but you forgave me because you knew how much I regretted 'em.

I really believe he's sorry for what he did.

So now i have to forgive him.

I've just got to.


I also understand if you can't.

Hey, you guys know you're not supposed to be out of bed.

How come daddy's sleeping on the couch again?

Come here.

Come on.


Mommy and daddy are sort of... fighting, but we're working through it.

What are you fighting about?

Oh, something he did that made mommy really mad.

Can we talk to you about something?

Yes, of course.

The other day at the pizza place... Mm-hmm?

We heard daddy say that man wanted to take you away from us.

Oh, sweetie, I am so sorry.

I bet that really scared you, didn't it?


So when you went to that party, we got on our bikes and rode down to his restaurant.

You did what?

We just wanted him to go away.

That's why we set the fire.

So please don't be mad at daddy.

Oh, my god.

Mike says I need to forgive Orson...

Susan... and he's right.

I have to find a way to make peace with all of this.

But you need to understand, it's gonna be one of the hardest things I've ever done.

And like most things in my life, I probably won't do it with much elegance or grace.

So if I don't come over to your house for coffee...

If I don't smile when the two of you walk by, just please know that I still love you.

And as for forgiving Orson...

Just be patient.

I'll get there.

I think it's admirable that you wanna forgive Orson...

Because I can't.

Whatcha doin'?

Working on the menu for the event that Bree and I are catering.

I have to stop now to... Pick up the invitations at the printer's before they close.

I can do that for you.

It's okay, sweetie. No, I want to.

Maybe I could pick up some dinner for us on the way back.

You know, Mrs. Hoskins' daughter became nice like this once...

Right before she brought home a boy named slash.

I'm being nice because I've been a pain lately, and...

With Adam gone, we need to be a team.

It's just us now.


It's just...

It's like you turned into this lovely young woman when I wasn't looking.


We have to stop at the printer on the way to dinner.

Whatever you say, sweetheart.

The truth is, everyone breaks the rules now and then...

Well, what you've you been doing?

Never thinking for one second they might get caught.

Some things disappear.

Like, that happened to me like...

But if they do, they simply ask for forgiveness.

And most of the time, they receive it.

But some acts are so wicked, they demand only our condemnation.

How do people avoid such a fate?

Well... the trick is knowing which rules are made to be broken...

And which rules...

Are not.