In a World Where the Kings Are Employers (2009)
He's in your band. This is too dangerous.
There were victims of both violence and hard times. We're sort of broke.
I thought Scavo's was doing well. When times get tough, people do without things like pizza.
The deal closed. I got the bonus. And good work...
Congratulations on your new job.
Congratulations on getting me out of your office.
It's not hard to spot a mother who works outside the home.
Just look for someone who dresses in a hurry...
Eats her breakfast while rushing to her car...
And applies her makeup as she drives away.
But the surest way to spot a mother who works outside the home?
Just look for a child... M.J., why aren't you dressed?
We're gonna be late for our first day of school.
Who gets sick at the worst possible moment.
Hey, guys. How you doing?
He's sick. I'm late. Thanks for helping.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. I gotta work. So do I, and it's my first day at a new job. I win.
Look, I'd really like to help you out...
And spend some time with my best bud, but, uh, Ms. Nelson's septic tank is expecting me at 9:00.
You're a plumber. Ms. Nelson is not expecting you on time.
In fact, if you show up before dinner, she'll turn cartwheels.
I'm a teacher. It's different.
Wait, I thought you were just a teacher's assistant.
Listen to me.
The whole reason I went back to work is so we could both afford to give M.J. The things we felt he needed.
Now I'm doing my part. It's time you do yours.
I'll reschedule Ms. Nelson.
I gotta go.
You get lots of rest and drink plenty of fluids, okay?
You never left me when I'm sick before.
Oh, I know, honey.
But mommy has a job now.
Come on. We talked about this. You understand, right?
Don't be sad.
I am gonna pick you both up at 6:00.
Yes, it's not hard to spot a mother who works outside the home.
Just look for a woman who leaves her house every morning feeling incredibly guilty.
It begins just after sundown, after a long day at the office, exhausted people start coming home.
Some are met by faithful pets...
Some are welcomed with dry martinis.
Others are greeted with dinner on the table.
Then there are those who return from a long day at work...
Only to discover...
Oh! Good. You got my note. Come on in.
Okay, sure. Uh, where's M.J.?
Here I am, mommy.
Oh, hey, baby. How's my boy?
I missed you so much.
Are you feeling better?
Yeah. Katherine made me soup and read me a story and showed me how to play Blackjack.
What are you gonna remember?
Always double down on a pair of aces.
Ms. Nelson's toilet began erupting, and I wasn't busy, so...
Well, uh, thank you very much for helping us out.
Come on, M.J. It's time to go.
We already thanked her, buddy.
Let's not make her uncomfortable.
Thank you for having us over.
We are so honored to be the first guests in your new home.
Your stunning new home. I can't believe this.
The theme of my first place was early American beanbag.
Well, it's all Andrew.
He's the one with the taste. Please.
Uh, he's running late.
Um, do you know why?
Ah, he's cleaning up a little mess.
Someone didn't know you couldn't serve bacon-wrapped shrimp puffs at a bar mitzvah.
I knew. I just thought if they'd tasted mine, they might change the rules.
So would you like something to nibble on before dinner?
Is that cut crystal?
Andrew again. He's got expensive taste.
Thank god he brings in the big bucks.
Well, he does now, ever since you gave him that raise.
This is a delicious snack.
Did you make this?
Uh, yeah. It's just...
You gave Andrew a raise? A tiny salary bump.
"Tiny" is not the word for your extraordinary generosity.
Oh, look! There's pretzels and cereal.
I can see why they call it "party mix."
It's like a party in a bowl.
When you say "extraordinary"... He's exaggerating.
It just looks like a lot of money to them.
My god! Is this a... '96 latour?
I know. Andrew bought a case of it at a wine auction to celebrate that huge raise.
Once you've had a few glasses of this, you're not going to remember this evening at all.
Boy, dinner without the kids...
It's nice to eat without having macaroni thrown at you.
Well, we, uh, we really wanted to find a way to thank you both. Thank us for what?
Saving our marriage.
Please. It was our pleasure. How did we do that again?
Well, Bradley had been working around the clock, and I was feeling neglected.
But things are different now that he has Carlos.
We have never felt closer.
And, Gaby, I know I've been relying on Carlos a lot.
I-I hope it's not a problem, his being away from home so much.
Oh, I'll be more willing to forgive once his bonus check comes in. And the only person more excited than Gaby about that bonus is her jeweler.
Brad, don't. It's been such a nice night.
He's gonna hear it tomorrow anyway.
Look, I'm sorry, but we're forgoing bonuses this year.
Can I get anyone dessert?
Beat it. What?
It's the economy.
Um, our c.F.O. Feels we need to do some belt tightening.
But do you know how much overtime Carlos has pulled?
How many trips he's taken? He's killed himself.
For god sakes, don't do this to my jeweler.
But, Gaby, no one's getting a bonus, not even Brad.
So this was his bonus? A salad and a stuffed chicken breast?
Look, hopefully next year will be better.
We're ready for dessert now.
Wrap up ten lobsters to go.
We haven't had a customer in about a half an hour, so maybe we should just...
Close up early.
No. I got an idea.
Hey, everybody, hey, take off your aprons and come sit near the window.
What is this? It's called psychology.
Come on! Hey! Guys...
Nobody wants to eat in an empty restaurant, right?
So, guys, this is what we are gonna do.
As soon as you see someone go by, you laugh, act like you're having a great time.
It'll draw them in.
So now we have pretend customers?
Gee, let's think of something to do with all the pretend money we're gonna make.
Trust me. This is gonna work.
Okay, hey, you guys, you're a group of old high school buddies.
You haven't seen each other since the big game.
And you two... You're on a hot date, okay?
Hey, look! There's somebody! Laugh! Have a great time.
Awesome. Just like that.
As much as I love Tommy Scavo's improv theater, we need to face some facts here. It's a slump.
We... we... we... we'll ride it out. We've done it before.
We... it's not a slump.
In this economy, people aren't eating out as much.
Between that and Porter's legal bills and paying Bree back, we are about a week away from going bankrupt.
Honey, please, have a little faith.
I did, for seven years.
Now I'm gonna be a realist, and I need you to be one, too.
Okay, I understand. You're worried. I am, too.
But we can make it. We just have to be creative.
But... if we sell this place now, we can escape with some dignity and maybe even some money.
But if we keep on going like we are, we're gonna lose everything.
I am not going out like this.
I am not gonna be a failure.
Please tell me they just saw a customer.
So with all the calories we just burned, I say we deserve a huge lunch at a fancy restaurant.
You do like to live well, honey.
Well, why not? Life is brief and mostly sucks.
Gotta grab all the good you can while you're on this side of the dirt.
That was very poetic.
But sure, we'll go any place you want.
Mmm! That was easy.
Well, since I'm on a roll, how about this?
Let's go away this weekend...
Pick a five-star hotel with a great spa and just live it up.
I don't know about that.
I've got a lot of stuff I need to do.
Oh, come on.
Big fluffy robes, long massages.
Do you hear that?
Uh... no, I don't hear anything.
Oh, maybe it... it's... shh! Shh!
I hear it up here sometimes.
What the hell is it?
Hey, you know what?
I kind of like that hotel idea.
Yeah. You were right. Life is brief.
Why don't you go call the travel agent and see what's available?
You know, you're kinda sexy when you buckle.
I'm gonna call right now.
Dr. Heller? Listen, I got your latest text, but you know, it's been a few weeks now, and people are freaking out about you being gone so long.
So now there's a staff meeting on the 15th, and if you're not back by then, I'm just gonna have to tell people that I don't know where you are.
So will you please just call me?
Hey, Mike. How's it going?
Well, so far, I've broken off three of these stupid plastic sprinkler heads.
But other than that, I'm great.
Well, good. Look, I was coming over to ask, what would you and Katherine think about going camping? Oh, man, I love camping. When?
Well, my schedule gets busy on the 15th, so it would have to be before then.
I don't know, this weekend? Oh, I'm definitely up for it.
Uh, I'm not sure if Katherine will be.
Well, if she doesn't go, then Edie won't go, and...
Well, I guess if Katherine knows another girl's coming, maybe I can convince her. Good. Tell her the menfolk will do all the hard work...
Build the fires, dig the latrines.
Hey, I wouldn't mention that, uh, latrine part until we're actually at the campsite.
That's a good point.
I'll, uh, dig my gear out tonight. It's gonna be fun.
This is gonna be fun.
My, that's a beautiful pen.
Is it a montblanc?
Uh, yeah. Yeah, I've always wanted one. Ah.
Well, I guess you can afford it now with your new raise.
Oh, you heard about that? I sure did.
Well, the chamber of commerce just called.
They've added 40 people to their guest list.
Damn it. I only planned for a hundred.
W-We're gonna need tables. Relax. They always pull this crap.
So I called the rental company and had 'em put a few extras on the truck. We'll be fine.
Oh, thank god. But you know what?
We can tell the chamber people that because it was so last-minute, we had to bump our fee by 30%. I like the way you think.
Ohh. What would we do without him?
Hmm, yes. He's worth every penny you pay him.
By the way... How many pennies is that?
I'm not discussing Andrew's salary with you.
It's none of your business.
You're right. It's not.
So... how much?
Andrew moved into a new home.
I simply gave him a cost of living increase.
The cost of living in a home with silver pens and rare French wines?
Honey, please don't do this.
Oh, my god. Is he making more than me?
Orson, drop it.
I am not telling you how much Andrew makes.
I'd be happy to give you that information, sir.
Am I speaking to the account holder?
No, I'm her... Business partner.
Very well. Account number?
Yes. Um, 8-5-9-7-3.
Name on the account?
Van De Kamp's old-fashioned foods.
And the password?
For security purposes.
Oh. Yes. Of course. It's, um...
Uh, you know...
Uh, it's... it's completely slipped my mind.
It's the name of her childhood pet.
Nope. That's not it.
I cannot give out any information without the password, which you obviously don't know.
Then ask me a different question.
How about her date of birth? Her social security number?
How about her real hair color?
Trust me, it's not what you think it is.
If you're looking to get fed, it's gonna be a while.
No, dad called a family meeting.
Yeah, mom, he said it's about the restaurant.
Oh, boy. I think I know what this is about.
Listen, kids, things have been tough down at the restaurant, and I think your dad has finally decided to sell it.
Is he gonna be okay?
I don't know. That's why we all have to be really supportive.
Are you with me?
Good. You're all here.
I love you, daddy.
So... I wanted to talk to you all about our pizzeria.
Just know we're 100% behind you.
That means a lot, 'cause this was a really rough day for me.
I had to let all our employees go.
So starting tomorrow...
You kids are my new waitstaff.
Tom, what the hell are you talking about?
I got it all worked out. You and I will handle the days, and the kids will join us after school and on the weekends.
Um, at the risk of sounding spoiled... no.
Come on! It'll be fantastic. We'll love working together.
Why? We don't even like living together.
Look, labor is our number one cost.
If we can eliminate it, we'll start making a profit again.
What, you're not even gonna pay us?
I'm 9! Is that even legal?
I think so.
But just to be safe, you're now 15. Happy birthday!
Mom, please do something.
I thought maybe after our conversation today, you'd realize it's time to pack it in.
I have got to do this. I can't walk away from that place until I have done everything that I can possibly think of.
But having the kids work there? You said that you were behind me 100%.
Really? That doesn't sound like me.
Kids, we are going to support your father by working in his restaurant.
You've got to be kidding me.
Just so you know, 30 years from now, when you and dad are old and feeble... you're putting us in the cheapest nursing home you can find.
Yeah, I got it.
Mrs. Solis, I didn't realize you were here.
I've got your bracelet all polished and ready for a night on the town.
Oh, put it on and have a good time.
Turns out I'm not gonna be able to afford it right now...
Unless you can help me out on the price.
What did you have in mind?
You give it to me, and then call your insurance and say it was stolen?
I didn't think so.
I'm really sorry about the bracelet, Mrs. Solis.
Perhaps I can show you something a bit less expensive.
Maybe some, uh, earrings... oh, will you excuse me a minute?
Carlos, get in here!
I got a real shockeroo for you!
You are not gonna believe this!
Uh, what's going on?
He just stopped by with great news.
I'm getting that bonus after all.
Well, I went to our c.F.O., and I told him it just didn't seem fair that my right-hand man should go unrewarded.
Isn't that great? What kind of guy does that?
Oh, I think I know the kind.
What sort of bonus are we looking at?
How does 20 grand sound?
Like a great jumping off point.
Oh, honey, you heard Maria the other night.
Your hard work is what's brought them so much closer.
Pay no attention to my wife.
20 grand is a fantastic bonus.
You know, now that I hear the number out loud, it does seem a little low, after all you've done.
25 is probably more fair.
Oh, Brad. Come on. Saving a marriage?
You can't put a price on that...
At least not a small one.
Gaby, will you knock it off?
You're being rude.
You're right. I'm sorry.
It's just... I really wanted to buy this bracelet I saw today downtown in this little jewelry shop.
You know the place, honey.
It's right next to the, um...
Are you sure?
Yes! You deserve it. You both do.
I don't know what to say.
You're the only one getting a bonus, so what I think might be best is if we all agreed not to say anything.
Do we all agree?
Now if you'll excuse me, I'll leave you two to business.
All this negotiating just goes right over my head.
Thunder McFadden. What a hoot.
Oh, it's my porn name.
A friend sent me an e-mail.
You take the name of your childhood pet and the street you grew up on, and voilà!
That's the name you'd use if you were a porn star.
So I'm thunder McFadden.
My buddy here is snoop windemere.
Hey, who would you be?
Orson, I'm preparing a buffet for 200.
I don't have time to explore my hypothetical career in the adult film industry.
But you should know that's why people find you so rigid, because you can never just let go and have fun.
Coco saugatuck. Happy now?
Of course it could just as easily be munchy cedarhurst. What?
Or Taffy swallow.
We moved around a lot and had three dogs.
It has to be your favorite pet.
Like if I asked you, "what's your childhood pet?"
This is the one you'd say. Well, I didn't really have a favorite.
I loved them all equally. Oh, please. If coco, Taffy and munchy were in a burning building and you could only save one... Orson, why are you being so morbid?
No. I-I just want to know your porn name.
If I had to pick a favorite, I guess it would be munchy.
She was a bit rambunctious.
Father sent her to a farm so she'd have room to run.
I cried for weeks and weeks.
Munchy, huh? This was fun.
All right, that's a large mushroom pepperoni pizza and two salads. I'll get that started.
Tom, I got need a large... large pep/mush at table nine. I'm way ahead of you.
Thanks. And do you have the calzones for table three?
Oh, crap. Sweetie, I need two dinner salads.
What's the matter? Parker said the only reason you had me make salads is because it's a job for babies.
Well, clearly, that's not true because you're not a baby.
You're 15, remember? Also, I can't find my band-aid.
Okay, you fill water glasses. I'll make the salads.
Hey, mom? Yeah?
This is for table five.
Uh... you didn't give them enough change.
Yeah, I know. I figured this out.
You can short people 1%, and they won't even notice.
If they got a buzz on, 3%. Okay, you make the salads. I'll handle the register.
Dude, back off. That's my table.
Not anymore. You can take the 4-top of old farts.
No way. I... what's going on?
He took my table. So? Take another one. What's the difference?
Well, since I'm the only one here who can wait on that table without knocking over a glass with my pants, how about I take it?
You handle the cash register. You bus tables. Go on.
Well, look at this.
Things are running smoothly.
Don't worry. I'm not gonna say, "I told you so."
Hey. Katherine said you wanted to talk to me.
Yeah. Come on in.
You know, you could have just called.
You don't have to use her as an intermediary.
Really? I thought we were using Katherine for all sorts of things... Sending messages, raising our kid.
I don't see what the big deal is.
I have to work, and she has some free time.
It's better for everybody. Well, it's not better for me, especially when I'm not even told about it.
Fine. Here I am telling you.
I have to work Friday, so Katherine will be picking M.J. Up from school.
What do you mean, "no"?
Let me remind you, I have custody on Fridays.
Hey, thanks. Let me remind you that the reason I agreed to custody is so our son could spend time with his father.
You have a problem with Katherine?
No, she's a peach, but she's not the one that dragged me to court to hammer out some custody agreement.
Now if you'd like, we can go back, and the judge can explain to you the difference between you and your girlfriend. Okay, you listen to me.
Are you guys fighting?
We are just trying to figure out what is best for you.
I'll see you Friday, buddy.
Looks like I'll be picking you up from school.
Andrew makes twice as much as me?
Who told you that?
A little bird or should I say a little dog named munchy?
That's why you wanted to know the names of my pets?
Orson Hodge, you are shameful.
What's shameful is how much you're paying him.
Andrew has been with me since I launched the company.
He runs every aspect of the business.
He deserves what he's making. But I am your husband, for crying out loud.
Yes, Orson, we're all aware of how you got the job.
You know what the real travesty is?
I'm more educated than the lot of you.
I went to grad school. I'm a dentist. No, you were a dentist.
Now you're a caterer, and you're paid fairly based on your expertise and contribution.
Oh, this is not about money, Bree. It's about value.
And you're saying I'm worthless.
No, I'm just saying you're worth... less.
I'm sorry, honey.
I'm just being honest.
Oh, since we're being honest, munchy didn't go to any farm.
That's what parents tell their kids when they just had their pets gassed.
Hi. You got a minute? I have a really big favor to ask you.
I need a little detective work done.
It's about Bradley.
What's going on?
I'm gonna buy a golf club.
A baseball bat would be cheaper.
Maybe I should let you finish.
See, I don't know anything about golf clubs, but I know Carlos does, so I was hoping you guys could snoop around and find out what kind of driver Brad wants.
Oh, it's a gift.
We'd love to help out.
So what's the occasion? No occasion.
I just want to thank him for being a wonderful husband.
Well, don't spend too much.
Why don't you just get him a card?
So our marriage counselor said we should get each other little gifts now and then to keep things spontaneous.
Oh, you're in counseling. That's great.
We were, but we stopped. We don't need it anymore.
Are you sure about that? Yeah. Brad and I are solid.
Well, ice is solid, too, until it cracks and you're drowning in freezing water.
I'd stay in counseling if I were you.
Gaby, I'm home! Can you come in here for a minute?
Brad gives me a huge bonus and you repay him by telling his wife that they need marriage counseling?
I'm sorry. I think they do.
Their marriage is none of your business.
Besides, I think they're a very happy couple. Who? Him and Maria or him and the blonde I saw him kissing yesterday? What? No way!
Yeah. And Brad saw me.
Why do you think your bonus jumped from a stuffed chicken breast to 30 grand in a day?
Oh, my god.
This is illegal.
I'm getting a bonus no one else is getting based on blackmail.
I can't believe you did this.
Well, thank god you came to your senses.
All right, let's get in there and tell her.
No, we can't tell her. We'd have to give the money back.
Don't we have a moral responsibility to tell her?
It's like you said...
Their marriage is none of our business.
He's the one who's cheating.
If we say anything, it'll just make things worse.
We're the good guys here, Carlos.
Really? 'Cause it sure doesn't feel like it.
Susan, you got our message.
Yes, and imagine my surprise, 'cause the last time I talked to Mike, he promised me he was picking up M.J. From school.
Oh, Mrs. Nelson had another plumbing emergency.
Apparently this new oat bran diet she's on...
I don't need the details. I had a long day.
I just want to pick up my kid.
Mommy, we had paninis for dinner. You want one?
No, thank you. Let's go.
But we were gonna make brownies for dessert.
But we can make brownies at home.
The box kind? Katherine says those aren't real brownies.
Except when your mommy makes them with love.
Look, I know you were surprised to find M.J. Here again today, but I really was trying to do you a favor.
Well, I don't need you to do me any favors.
What I need is for everyone to just stick to the plan.
Monday, Wednesday, Friday... Mike watches his son.
He doesn't pawn him off on his girlfriend.
I had a really fun time.
Big group coming in. It is now officially Saturday night.
Oh, great. They're kids.
1 plate of spaghetti and 15 baskets of free bread. Stop being such a downer.
We're finally making a go of this place.
All you want to do is complain.
We're taking a break. N-Not now. We just got a big party.
Good luck with that. We're outta here.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! What's going on here?
Those kids go our school. And you know who that big guy is?
Kevin mcdermott. The guy called me "Jesus" for a year
'cause I wore sandals one day.
If he sees me wearing this, I'll never hear the end of it.
Fine. Don't wear that apron. That's... No, I'm not waiting on a kid who's gonna make fun of me on Monday morning.
It's humiliating enough having to work here. Humiliating?
Guys, easy. No, you're... you're not humiliated when you use the money that we make here to buy your clothes. Tom, it's fine. I'll take the table.
No, no, no, no, no, no. Your mother can't wait on this whole restaurant by herself. Well, then you do it.
Porter, I'm your father and your boss, and I'm telling you right now to go take that table.
Or what, you're gonna fire me? Go for it.
You think this is a joke? This is my life!
Tom! You worry about being embarrassed?
I have put everything I have into this restaurant! All right, that's enough!
Let go of him! Let go of him! Let go of him!
I just sat a 12-top. Who's taking it?
I started getting our accounts in order.
If we're gonna sell this place, we should probably know exactly how much it's worth.
I think this can all wait until morning.
Hey. I just booked us into the brunswick inn for this weekend.
Prepare to be pampered!
This weekend isn't gonna work.
Mike really wants us to do that camping trip that we've been talking about.
Camping? Have you met me?
I figured you were gonna say that.
I just can't blow him off.
This is the only weekend that works for him.
Then you're on your own.
Have fun wiping with leaves. Oh, Edie?
Please don't tell Katherine that you're not coming.
All right? Mike really wants her there, and if she hears that you're not going, she won't either.
Will you take me to the brunswick inn next weekend?
Then I won't say a word to Katherine.
Hey. When did you two get here?
Just a minute ago.
They said they have something personal they want to talk to us about.
Oh, really? What is it?
I know. We are so happy.
But that's not all.
See, even though we've only known each other for a short time, your friendship has meant a lot to us, which is why Maria feels strongly that you should be the baby's godparents.
Do you hear that, Carlos?
You are such good people, so kindhearted and decent, and that is the kind of influence that we want in our baby's life.
How could we say no?
Oh. I see you got your bracelet after all.
Uh, but I'm not enjoying it as much as I thought I would.
Okay, lunch and a movie. You are one lucky boy.
I'm gonna take a quick shower.
Try not to get any crumbs on the couch.
It's peanut butter, no crusts...
I want a panini.
I don't know how to make paninis.
It's just Turkey and cheese.
Do we have any provolone?
No, we do not have any provolone.
Can we borrow some from Katherine?
In this house, we do not eat pretentious cheeses.
We eat honest American peanut butter.
Now watch your movie, and I'll be back in a minute.
Will you make me a panini?
Uh, well, sure, sweetie.
Does your mommy know you're here?
Hey, sweetie. How was your sandwich?
M.j., honey, where are you?
M.j., where are you?!
What is he doing here?
He wanted a panini, said you knew.
M.j., go wait outside on the porch.
I need to talk to Katherine.
You can take the sandwich.
Look, he showed up on my doorstep.
He seemed hungry.
You think I don't feed my kid?
Okay, well, maybe he just wanted to come see me.
Yeah, 'cause you make it like Disneyland over here, with your paninis and your Blackjack.
You're trying to do everything you can to make him think that you're the other mommy. What?
You're trying to get your hooks deeper into Mike by showing him how much his son loves you. Susan, I am being nice to the child of the man I'm dating.
How does that make me evil? No, not evil. Devious.
Well, you know, I hate to tell you, but your big plan is not gonna work, 'cause from now on, M.J. Is either at my house or Mike's.
He is no longer allowed to be here. Yeah, uh, that's gonna be tricky.
Well, that's the way it's gonna be, whether you like it or not.
No, it's gonna be tricky because Mike's moving in here.
First of the month, he's giving up his place and moving in with me.
So M.J. Is going to be spending a lot of time here, whether you like it or not.
Orson, I'm glad you're here.
I was doing a recount of the goblets for the Hopkins wedding reception, and we're short by about 30... Oh.
So I have to run over to the supplier and pick up the rest. Could you hold down the fort for me? Sure. No problem.
Thanks. Hey, you know, Andrew? It never would have occurred to me to do a recount of the goblets.
Bree's lucky to have someone as conscientious as you working here.
Wow. Thank you, Orson.
That... that means a lot to me.
It begins just after sunrise.
After a good night's sleep, people leave their homes to go to work.
They do this so they can provide a better life for their families...
Afford to buy nice things...
And have a reason to get up in the morning.
And when their exhausting work is done, people come back home again...
And some begin counting the days...
Till their next vacation.