Desperate Housewives S5E9 Script

Me and My Town (2008)

Previously on...

Porter's affair...

Your son loves me, and I love him.

Escalated into violence.

Hey, Warren. Yeah?

I don't care what it takes. You're dead.

But the full extent of Dave's rage was realized...


During the battle of the bands.



And out of the tragedy came a hero.

Hang in there. I'm not done with you yet.

Something awful happened to Gabrielle Solis...

And she was reminded of this every time she looked in a mirror...

Every time she glanced at an old photo...

And every time she walked past a man.

Yes, Gabrielle knew she had lost her looks.

But she tried her best to look on the bright side.

After all, what woman needs to be beautiful...

When her husband is blind?

Hi, sweetie.

How's our patient?

Well, he took a pretty nasty fall in the fire last night.

But, uh, the C.T. scan shows no bleeding or swelling.

That's it? No concussion?

Actually, there is something.

Please tell me it's not my hearing.

I'm already down to four senses.

The scan revealed a tiny bone fragment that may be putting pressure on the optic nerves.

And, what, you're afraid it's gonna impair his vision?

I'm sorry. You were saying?

The bone fragment might be a remnant from your injury five years ago.

Due to its small size, the original scan might have missed it.

Mm, five years. Can't we just leave it? Actually, there is a chance if we remove that bone fragment, you could regain your sight.

Are you serious?

That's fantastic!

I'm not promising a slam dunk here.

I'm just saying it's possible.

Doc, two days ago, I spread moisturizer on a cracker.

I'd kill for "possible." I've spoken with Ted Daniels.

He's the best eye surgeon in the state.

He says he could fit you in for surgery in about a month.

Oh! Oh, my god.

If this works, I'll finally be able to see my little girls and my gorgeous wife. Oh.

This is unbelievable! Thank you.

Doctor, thank you very much. Ah!

Yes, Gabrielle Solis knew she had lost her beauty.

She also knew the time had come to get it back.

There was a fire in the town of Fairview, and those who had been injured came to recover at Fairview memorial hospital.

By morning, their burns had been bandaged...

Their broken bones had been set...

And their wounds had begun healing.

Yes, everyone was well on their way to recovery...

Except for the man who had started the fire.

You see, his suffering was just beginning.


That's all right. Are you Dave Williams?

Yeah. I'm detective Collins. This is detective lyons.

You have a moment?


We wanted to talk to you about the fire at the white horse bar.

We've been interviewing everyone who was there last night.

We were told by an... Orson Hodge that you were onstage with the band when the fire broke out.

Yeah. We had just started when...

Suddenly the curtains went up.

Everything happened really fast after that.

That's okay. We know how hard this has got to be.

So... have they figured out how the fire started?

We know it was arson.

Really? It's looking like the point of origin was the storage room off the back hallway.

And there was a body in there, too.

And you think that's the person who started the fire? No, we don't think so.

But this guy was pretty badly burned, so it'll take us a while to identify him.

Anyway, if you, uh, remember anything you think we should know, give a call at that number there. All right?


Dave Williams...

Aren't you the one who went back in and saved that Delfino guy?


You're an honest to god hero.

You should be real proud of yourself.

If you say so.

I would've come sooner, but I burnt the first batch, and I wasn't sure you'd appreciate the irony.

I'm so hungry, I wouldn't have noticed.

Hey, can I get a kiss from my cookie?


What if someone sees us? What if they do?

You haven't told Susan we're dating yet.

I'm waiting for the right time.

Her friendship's very important to me, and I want to ease her into this.


I get it.

See ya.

Just walk out slowly.

Give me something to live for.


Hi! Hi!

How's Jackson?

Uh, he's fine, just getting some stitches. Oh.


Wait, who are you here to see?

You know...


So many people in the neighborhood were hurt in the fire.

I just thought it would be nice to bring them... gifts.

Oh. Crap! I didn't get anyone gifts.

But I did give blood, so I'll just remind everybody that I did that.

How you feeling? I just gave blood.

Uh, I'm fine, just a little smoke inhalation.

How's Jackson doing?

Oh, fine. He just needs some stitches.

Ooh, those cookies look delicious.

Where'd you get 'em?

Um... a friend.

Have one.

Oh, I shouldn't. They're yours.

You know you want to.

Well, I did just give blood.



Mm, I hate macadamia nuts.

You think they're white chocolate chips until it's too late. Stupid Hawaii.

Who made 'em?

Um... like I said, a friend.

Yeah. But what friend?

Wait. Is this a woman friend?

Um, don't you wanna throw that macadamia nut away?

When I'm done. Don't change the subject.

Are you seeing someone?

Why do you care?

I care because you mean a lot to me, and it makes me feel good knowing that two people have found love and happiness.

So what's her name? Who am I happy for?

Susan, I'm not telling you. Why not?

Because she wants to tell you herself.

So... I know her?

Whoa, I think my meds just kicked in.

I don't know what I'm saying. You're dating a friend of mine?

Don't be angry, I'm not, but now you have to tell me who she is.


Have it your way.

Oh, if he ever needs a transfusion, you are not allowed to give him my blood.

Hello, Dr. Cominis. How's my husband doing?

Well, the x-rays indicate there was no concussion, so I think we're gonna release him today.


The house was too quiet without him. Mm.

You'll have to wait to talk to him.

He's been in a lot of pain, so we gave him something to help him sleep.

Oh, that's all right. I can wait.

Mmm, he looks so peaceful.


I'm sure if Orson were awake, he'd apologize for that.

Has he always snored?

Occasionally, but never quite this...


Well, the injury to his septum might've made it worse.

But it can be corrected with a simple surgical procedure.

Well, if it's so simple, what are we waiting for?

It'll take a few weeks to schedule.

So... soon as he wakes up, you can take him home.


At least the house won't be quiet anymore.

Hey. I ran into Katherine.

She said you wanted to see me about something.

Right. What was it?

Oh, yeah. Thanks for saving my life.

Yeah, well...

We all did what we had to do, right?

And you went back in for Jackson.

Yeah, but I ended up passed out on the floor, which, technically, makes me an idiot and you a hero.

Yeah, people keep saying that. I don't... feel like one.

Well, I would've been dead without you.

So... how about free plumbing for the rest of your life?

That sounds fair.

Seriously, you've, uh, you gotta let me do something to thank you.

Well, ever since my brother died, I haven't had a...

Really good friend.

Think you could handle that job?

I think I could.

The stitches are in. I'll need to see you again in a few days.

Would you like some pills for the pain?

Nah, stitches never bother me. I'll be fine.

Great. Then let me get another bandage, and we'll be done. Thank you.

Mr. and Mrs. Scavo?

Can we ask you a few follow-up questions about the fire?

We already told you everything we can remember. This will only take a moment.

It's come to our attention that the owner of the club and your son got into a fight minutes before the fire broke out.

Now did you witness that? I saw a grown man beating up on my teenage boy.

What else do you want to know?

During the altercation, did your son threaten to kill Mr. Schilling?




I was right there, detective. My son said no such thing.

You sure?


Thank you for your time.

Maybe I'm being a little paranoid here, but I sort of got the feeling that you were lying to the police.

Lynette, please, tell me that Porter did not threaten to kill Mr. Schilling.

Got the bandage.

You might wanna go ahead and give him those pain pills, doc.

He's gonna need 'em.

I don't understand.

Carlos might get his sight back. You should be thrilled.

Oh, I know. It's just...

He's been through so much these past five years, and he's never complained.

I just think he deserves to open his eyes to a wife who doesn't tuck her boobs into her pants.

Oh, Gaby, please. Most women would kill to look like you.

But I'm not most women.

I was an international fashion model, and that's how Carlos remembers me. You are still beautiful.

So you've gained a little weight. Who hasn't?

Don't go by me. I have a weird metabolism.

Hey there!

I just heard the good news about Carlos!

Oh. What's wrong?

Gaby thinks that Carlos isn't gonna find her attractive after he gets his sight back.

Yeah, that was my first thought, too. Edie!

Well... Oh, it's okay, it's okay. Let her talk.

At least she's being honest.

It's the kind of support and friendship I need right now.

Fine. You're a pig.

Thank you.

God, what am I gonna do?

Well... you're gonna stop whining, for one.

You got a month, right?

That's plenty of time to go on a diet and start exercising.

By the time Carlos gets his eyesight back, you are gonna be looking hot...

Or hot-ish.

Really? I mean, do you think I could pull this off?

Of course, even though I still think you're beautiful just the way you are.

You gonna start that crap again?

I don't believe it.

Tom, I was 6 feet away.

Porter looked Warren schilling in the eye and said, "you're dead. I don't care what it takes. You're dead."

That doesn't prove a thing.

And... and... and I'm sure he didn't mean it.

Maybe he didn't.

But ten minutes later, that nightclub was on fire.

No. No!

I know Porter.

He wouldn't commit arson just to get back at someone.

What about Rick's restaurant?

Porter and his brother burned that down.

That was five years ago.

I mean, they... they were trying to protect us.

They... they... nobody got hurt. The building was empty.

Yes, that time, the building was empty.

This is insane.

Lynette, are you actually telling me that our son is a murderer?

I'm telling you I heard him threaten Warren schilling.

I don't know what happened next.

What if somebody saw him?

What if he left behind evidence?

What are we gonna do?

We're going to protect our son.

Even if he killed six people?

We're going to protect our son.


Oh, boy!

Who knew healthy food could look so tasty?

Okay, dig in.

What's wrong?

It smells like the beach that time they wouldn't let us swim.

It's a recipe I got from a diet magazine.

It's... it's fish and broccoli. Fish?

Yes. Not all fish is shaped like a stick.

Now I know you're not used to it, but give it a try.

You're gonna love it.

Mmm. Yummy.

It's still in your mouth.

See? Delicious!

I want macaroni.

Hey, I'm not a short-order cook.

I don't have time to make different meals for everyone.

It comes in a box. It's not that hard.

Okay, look. Mommy needs to lose a few pounds, and it's not easy eating healthy with you two in front of me, scarfing down all the good stuff.

So what do you say? You want to help mommy be beautiful again?


You got a lot of nerve. Part of the reason I'm on this diet is because carrying you 2 brats for 18 months made mommy fat!

And you with the head... You ruined me!

So this is how it's gonna go down.

You're gonna eat fish with mommy and you're gonna like it.

Got it?

Thank you.

A spokesman from Fairview memorial hospital says this latest death raises the total to seven.

Oh, come on. You're watching that again?

Authorities estimate there may have been as many as 100...


Are you okay?

I just...

This fire... I still can't believe it really happened.

I mean, they just said another person died this afternoon.

That makes... seven.

Well, if it makes you feel any better, they think they know who did it.


Well, it's just a rumor, but I hear they're looking at Porter Scavo.


Why would they think it's him?

I don't know. I guess there was a fight between him and the guy who owns the club.

You know, I've known that kid since he was 6 years old, and I always thought he was trouble.

And trust me, I'm a really good judge of character.

You slept on the couch? Why? It's so uncomfortable.

Yes, it is.

Sit down. We need to talk.

What's wrong?

Orson, dear, because of the way your nose was broken during the fire, you now snore.

Oh, didn't I snore before?

Good point.

Snoring is too mild a word for what you're doing.

Imagine a terrified elephant summoning his herd.

You know, Bree, I can't help but take issue with your sarcastic tone.

Snoring is not something that I can help.

Not exactly true.

The doctor said there's a very simple procedure...


Very routine and... And practically outpatient.

You mean surgery? No way.

I had an uncle who died during an "outpatient procedure."

He went in for a broken wrist. They put him under.

He never woke up.

You don't have an uncle!

Fine. He was more of a family friend.

No, the point is, he's still dead, and I am not having unnecessary surgery.

This is absolutely necessary.

I am going through a very stressful time.

I have interviews, that cooking demonstration at the mall.

If I don't get my rest, it could affect the launch of my book.

Oh! Well, that's very reasonable.

You get to be a best-selling author.

I get to be an organ donor.

Orson, if we can't share a bed, it's going to hurt the intimacy of our marriage.

My death will have the same effect.

Oh, Orson, I can't help but take issue with your sarcastic tone.

I hear you're getting discharged today.

Are you going back home?


Hmm, let's see...

Two cracked ribs, black eye...

Nope, got everything I need from there.

I'm sure you heard about the nightclub burning down.

Yeah, I heard.

Your husband's blaming Porter.


Porter would never do anything like that.

What's this?

I'm helping you help me.

This way, you get to start a new life, and I get to not have you around while my son is going through all this.

What if I'm not ready to leave?

Well, then you can face statutory rape charges without the money. Your call.

I'll pick you up tonight.

I'll give you a ride to the bus station.

You can count it then.

Hey, do you wanna take a walk?

I need a little girlfriend time.

I've got something in the oven, but you can come in if you want.

So... what's on your mind?


It's about Mike.



Can you imagine how upset I was when I discovered he's dating a friend of mine?

Oh, Susan, I'm so...

It's gotta be Lisa Wallace.

So shocked at Lisa!

How dare she?!

You know, she has wanted to get her hooks into Mike for years.

Every time she would have us over for a barbecue, she always wore something booby.

Well, in Lisa's defense, maybe she thinks you're over Mike, which is something I've heard you say more than once.

Well, it doesn't matter.

She's my friend.

She should've come to me and discussed it first.

Well, you're not always available.

And besides... maybe Lisa was waiting to see if this thing had a future.

All things we can discuss when I knock her teeth out with a pool cue.

You know, it's sad when you can't trust a friend.

Or maybe the lesson here is that she wasn't really a friend to begin with then.

What's wrong?

Susan, I swear I was gonna tell you.

It's fine. It's... fine. I just didn't think it would be such a big deal.

I mean, you're seeing Jackson now. Yes, I am. You're perfectly right.

And I've been so lonely lately. Well, now you're not.

I know you're mad at me.

Would you just please yell at me or something?

Oh, damn it. I should've listened to Bree. Bree?

Yes. She told me weeks ago I should've told you.

So Bree knew? Yes.

Okay. Well, have a nice day.

So... we're okay then?

You knew about Katherine and Mike?

Oh, god, Susan. Can't this wait till after my nap? Why didn't you tell me?

I didn't think it was my place.

I thought Katherine should tell you.

Well, she didn't. I'm sorry.

Uh, not good enough.

Y-You had a million chances to say something and you didn't.

That is just the same as lying to my face.

You know, I always thought that the one thing I could depend on you for was honesty.

What happened to that?

You want honesty? Fine. You didn't want to divorce Mike.

You hit a really bad patch after the accident, but you never stopped loving him.

And why would you?

Your relationship didn't have a natural end.

So face it. You're not mad at me or Mike or Katherine.

You're mad at yourself for letting your marriage fall apart.

What am I supposed to do?

Either tell Mike how you feel or move on, because that's what he's trying to do, and it's not fair to stop him.

You need to make a decision, Susan.

And I need to get back to my nap.

I know the doctor told us not to get our hopes up...


But I can't help it. My hopes are up. I am gonna see again!

Uh-huh, uh-huh. I knew it. You're excited, too. I can hear it in your voice.

Hi, Dr. Bach! How are you? Hi, Mrs. Solis.

Hey, doc! We are still reeling over the good news.

Well, I have even better news.

Dr. Daniels just had a cancellation.

He can fit you in next Friday.

Friday?! But you said it would be at least a month.

I mean, that's so soon.

So? Friday's great.

Okay, I didn't wanna have to say this, but you should never have surgery on a Friday.

The surgeons are thinking about the weekend.

They're all distracted.

Next thing you know, you come out of the O.R. still blind and missing your right leg.

Why are you talking like this?

Also, the surgery is very expensive.

We need time to figure out how we're gonna pay for it.

How about using our insurance?

That only covers 85%. And we are broke.

You know what? The hospital has a foundation to help people in this exact situation.

No. We don't accept charity.

What? We always accept charity!

Well, I have turned over a new leaf.

I'm sorry about the timing, Carlos, but it is what it is.

Gaby, we are doing this Friday. Now drop it.

So you say this guy's good, huh, doc?

Dr. Daniels is one of the top guys in the country.

That's what I like to hear.

Bree... Please let me sleep in my bed.


I promise not to snore.

And... and if I do, I will go down to the sofa and stay as long as you say.

And how exactly are you gonna stop snoring?

Well, I read somewhere that chamomile tea helps prevent it. That doesn't sound right.

Well, it's worth a try, right?

Look, I'll... I'll brew you a cup, too.



There you go. Drink that up.

All right, but I think I'll be too tired to finish it.

That pill I took really kicked in fast.

You took a pill? When did you do that?

When you were downstairs.

Uh, oh, well, then you shouldn't drink this, because the chamomile actually, uh, counteracts the effect of the sleeping pill.

Since when have you become such an expert on chamomile?

Well, the point is, we shouldn't risk it.

Fine. I just know I need my sleep tonight.

Hmm. Mm.

That's it.

We'll finish that thought tomorrow.

I, um, don't suppose you'd tell Porter something for me, would you?

I know this is probably the last thing you want to hear, but... I do love your son.

He was very sweet to me.

Kindness has always...

Been a weakness of mine.

Good luck.


When the baby comes, you don't contact Porter.

You can contact Tom or me, and we'll do what we can for you from a distance.


There's no baby.

Never was.


I just got a call from the lady at the department store.

She said that mom's late. Late for what?

For the cooking demonstration.

That's today?

Yeah. It was supposed to start ten minutes ago.

Look, I'm in mt. Pleasant right now buying some end tables so you're gonna have to get her there.


Bree, honey? Wake up.

It's 9:15.9:15?

Huh? 9:15. I'm supposed to be at the mall.

Did I forget to set the alarm?

We need to get dressed. I'll get you some clothes. I'm so thirsty.

Well, I'll bring you some juice.

That's all right. I'll just drink this tea.



On second thought, you need coffee.

Almost there. All right, coffee time.

Enough coffee. It's not working, anyway.

It must be decaf. No, it's a triple Espresso.

I just don't understand why I feel so loopy. Hmm. Very mysterious.

Look, Bree, all you gotta do is whip up a few pancakes, hand out some advance copies of your book, and we're outta here. Do you think you can handle that?

Of course I can.

You are such a nervous Nellie, Rex.

Oh, and here's the lady who's gonna teach us how to make her traditional buckwheat pancakes...

Bree Van De Kamp.

Thank you for joining us.

Thank you for having me to your lovely home.

Bree, um, your book is about so much more than just recipes, isn't it?

Yes, my book is about food and families and how food brings families together when they make food.

It's mothers teaching daughters how to cook.

So I'm gonna cook pancakes with my daughter, only she's not here 'cause she grew up and stole my baby.

So... who wants to be my daughter?


It's me. I just wanted to tell you...

I've been thinking about it, and, um, I'm okay with you dating Mike.

You are? You don't hate me?

No... And I think it's great.

Oh, Susan, thank you. I was so worried.

I just...

I didn't know what I'd do if I lost you as a friend.

Oh. Well, you haven't.

Just... treat him well, okay?

He's a really good guy.

I will. Hey, um, I was just about to make a cappuccino.

You wanna come over?

Uh... no, thanks.

I'm really busy. I have a lot of things to do today.

Another time though, okay?


Just call me back, okay?

I really need to talk to you.

Who's that?

Nobody. Just a kid at school. I lent him my bus pass.


Listen, we need to talk.

What's up?

I have to ask you something, and it is very important that you tell me the truth.


Did you set that fire at the nightclub?

Before you answer, let me say that if you did, I promise, your father and I will stand behind you and try and find some way out of this nightmare.

But if you lie to me, and I find out later that you... killed...

Those people...

Well, I will love you. That will never change, but I won't believe in you anymore, and if I... Don't believe in you...

I can't help you.

We have to tell each other the truth from here on out.

Mom... I don't know who set the fire, but it wasn't me.

Of course it wasn't. Of course.

Then we're gonna be okay, as long as you keep telling the truth.

Everything's gonna be fine.

Mom? There is one thing I lied about.


When you walked in, I was leaving a message for Anne.


She hasn't returned my calls, and the hospital said she checked out.

Do you have any idea where she is?

No. Sweetie, I don't.

You know what I'm really excited about?

Christmas lights.

I might be able to see Christmas lights again and holiday decorations.

Man, I really miss that stuff.

Yeah, well, let's keep our fingers crossed.


You okay?

Yeah. It's my hamstring. I've just been working out.

You want me to rub it?

No, no, you rest.

You're gonna have surgery in a couple days.

I know. I can't wait.

You know, Carlos, I know you're really excited to see Christmas decorations again, but... I just want you to be prepared because...

Well, some of those lights may have lost their luster.

So should we buy new decorations?

No, I'm talking about me. I may have lost my luster.

Come on.

I'm always gonna find you beautiful. I told you that.

Yeah, that's when you thought you were gonna be blind forever.

But if this operation works, I just don't want you to be disappointed.

Oh, come here.

Did I ever tell you when I knew I was gonna marry you?

First time you saw me on the runway.

No, that's when I knew I was gonna sleep with you.

No, I knew I was gonna marry you the night we went to that restaurant on third street.

Mmm, I remember that place.

Mm-hmm. You wore a white linen sundress.

And you ordered this giant plate of ribs.

And you ate them with such gusto, up to your elbows in barbecue sauce, meat hanging from your teeth and grease in your hair.

And when it was all over, I pointed out what a mess you were.

Well, you pulled out your mirror, took a look at yourself and just let out this huge, happy, totally unrestrained laugh.

The room completely filled with it...

And I thought to myself, now that is a sound I'd like to hear the rest of my life.

That's why I proposed to you, and it had nothing to do with your looks.

You know when I decided I wanted to be with you forever?

No. When?

About two seconds ago.

Up until then, it was pretty touch-and-go.

So what can I do for you?

Well, my husband has agreed to the procedure you suggested.

Oh, the one to alleviate his snoring? Yes, that's the one.

So anytime you wanna get in there and start hacking away, he's ready for you.

Aren't you, love? Yes, dear.

Well, how is two weeks from Friday?

Well, Fridays are when Orson plays golf.

So Friday's perfect. Right, Orson?

Right... dear.

I'm sorry, Mr. Hodge.

I'm sensing you're a bit apprehensive about the surgery.

Oh, he's not apprehensive. He's terrified.

And I don't care, because he owes me one...

A big one.

Don't you, darling?

I sure do.

I'm sorry. What's going on here?

Are you married, Dr. Cominis?

No, but I just moved in with someone.

Well, over time, you'll learn that there's a balance of power in relationships, and if your beloved ever pulls a nasty trick on you, like say, drugging you into a stupor, then the balance of power shifts to you, and then you can demand they prove their love by, say, undergoing surgery.

Do you understand?

Not really.

You will. Come along, Orson.

Hey, hon, listen, can you promise me something?

Tell me we'll never grow into one of those insane couples that just lives to make each other crazy.

Well, no worries there. You already make me crazy.

Oh, hey, guess what?

I, uh, I picked up our new end tables today.

Yeah, hurry home. I want you to see 'em.

If you walk through Fairview memorial hospital, you will encounter all sorts of people doing their best to recover.

It might be a husband licking his wounds after a marital battle...

Or two parents rallying from an attack of doubt.

It might be a wife who's been cured of low self-esteem...

Or a pair of lovers who find honesty to be the best medicine.

Sadly, you will also find some poor souls afflicted with a condition they will never recover from.

Detectives, I heard you were still here, interviewing people, and I have...

Something to tell you.


The night of the fire...

I was back by the storage room.


And I saw somebody come out...

A kid who lives on my block. His name is Porter Scavo.

You asked me to tell you if I remembered anything, and... I remembered that.