Dog Days (2018) Script

What is it about dogs that brings us so much joy?

Is it the quiet companionship or the scientifically-proven health benefits?

Or maybe it's because dogs are the most adorable creatures to ever roam the planet.

Whatever it is, dogs mean the world to us.

Perhapsyou're a dog owner like me.

Hi, Sam.

My boyfriend and I rescued him five years ago, and it's the best thing we've ever done.

So if you love your dog as much as I do, then you're probably wondering, "What is my dog thinking?"

Joining us today is professional dog therapist, Danielle Thornhill.

It's Danielle.

Danielle Thornh...



That's fine.

So tell us, why do dogs need a therapist?

A lot of people don't know this, but 35 percent of all dogs experience self-loathing.

And what do you do to help a dog overcome self-loathing?

I would tell you, but then I'd have to charge you.

I wish we had more time.

Oh, I could grab a cup of cof...

So if your dog is experiencing self-loathing or any other sort of emotional crisis, - contact Danielle Thornhill today.

It's Danielle.

The summer is finally here.

Next week, we'll be kicking off our "Summer Of Fun" interview series.

We'll be joined by former NFL star Jimmy Johnston.

So keep cool, LA.

And I'll see you bright and early.

Thank you for joining us.

Good job, Ingus.

Oh, thanks.

Okay. Catch you Monday.

♪ Silver buttons all down her back ♪ Enjoy your weekend!

♪ High hose tippy toes

♪ She broke the needle and she can't sew ♪ Hi, Miss Daniels. Hi, how have you been?

♪ I'm just walking the dog You are a cutie, buddy.

♪ If you don't know how to do it ♪

♪ I'll show you how to walk the dog ♪

♪ I asked her mother...

♪ She did ever jumped the fence ♪

♪ I jumped so high touched the skies ♪

♪ Didn't get back 'til a quarter to five ♪ Thank you.

Okay, your drink will be right over there at the counter.


You know, I keep telling myself I'm not wasting my degree.

And it's not like this is a total dead-end job.

I mean, I've already started helping out with marketing.

Wow, that's really cool.

You know, I always thought marketing was grocery shopping.

Like, my whole life.

♪ I'm just walking the dog

♪ If you don't know how to do it ♪

♪ I'll show you how to walk the dog ♪

♪ Walk the doggie walk it on ♪

Oh, my God, it's like with two babies in here, I feel like Indiana Jones.

You know, running from that boulder, except, the boulder has to come out of me.

How's that gonna happen? I'm real tired, you know?

Um, there's a dog between my legs, isn't there?

Mm-hmm. Well, Charlie, I love you.

But can you just... Okay, can you take a nap, honey?

Oh, my God. Why does everyone wanna get...

Charlie, Charlie. Go take a nap.

Oh, God. He's been very needy.

Hm. Just like a man, right?

So that's who did this to me.

A man put two babies inside of me.

♪ Baby back dressed in black

♪ High hose tippy toes

♪ She broke the needle and she can't sew ♪

♪ Walking the dog

Large pepperoni? You're late.

If it's longer than 30 minutes, isn't it free?

Nah, I think that's from the '80s.

Stay. No offense but is your dog pregnant or just super fat?

Goodbye. Well, that's exact change.

There's no tip.

This is why kids don't like old people.

♪ Walking

♪ Uh j-j-j-just walking 'em ♪

♪ If you don't know how to do it ♪ Wow!

Hey! Hey! It's almost the day.

Look at you, decorating and rhyming.

I'm so excited, I've had nine cups of coffee.

I can't feel my fingers.

Oh, they didn't have this in blue?

I was supposed to get that in blue.

It's okay. It's fine.

♪ I'll show you

♪ How to walk

♪ The dog Hey, Peter!

I did something bad. I'll give you a hint.

I got donuts!

Oh! Who's this?


What are you doing here, you cutie pie?

Sam, who's your friend?

What's that in your mouth?


Peter? Liz?




Come over here.


Yeah. Yeah, yeah. What is this?

Hm? What is this?

Oh, you got mama brain. It's your baby shower, hon...

No. What is this depressing song?

Oh, my God.

This is, uh, Schindler's List soundtrack.

I don't know why that's on. Okay, that's, I just... Please.

I have a whole bunch of John Williams.

Dax was supposed to be here to DJ.

Where is he? It's like his only life skill.

I can't believe he's related to you.

♪ I'm too sexy

♪ For my love

♪ I'm too sexy for my shirt

♪ Too sexy for my shirt

♪ So sexy it hurts

♪ I'm too sexy for my...

I am so angry!

Nobody loves me... I'm sorry.

...or helps me out. I know.

And I am creating two humans. Honey, you're making two human beings.

I'm so proud of you. You know that.


What? Oh, honey.

What the...


Just things, just things.

♪ 'Cause I'm too sexy for this rock ♪ All right. That was awesome.

Let's not gild the lily and push it too hard, you know?

Let's hit that beer garden for happy hour. Huh?

I'm feelin' sexy, I don't...

I think I'm too sexy to keep rehearsing.

We have an hour left of rehearsal.

Yeah, but, Lola, that was perfect.

You don't wanna mess with perfection.

Perfect? Stanley was behind the beat Again.

I was?

Did you eat one of your brownies for breakfast?

I did.

Maybe don't eat brownies for breakfast.

I won't. Why are...

Why are we taking this so seriously?

And you? You said you would get us gigs, Dax.

How many gigs have you gotten us?

It's hard to be in a band with you when you're...

All right, my sister is having some kind of fit.

Okay, so, uh, rehearsal over.

Just get us a gig, Dax.

I don't know. What am I even doing with my life?

If you ever want to switch it up, you could always join me on Woof Walks.

I still think it's weird that people you've never met hire you to walk their dogs.

I'm really good at it. You should see my reviews.

Wait, look at this. Oh, Dais, Dais, Dais, it's him.

Oh, hello, doctor. Oh! Hm!

Man, I love blue scrubs day. Me, too.

He's just so hot, I don't understand.

Sometimes I wish I were a dog with a fever just so he could, like, take my temperature.

He could wear a suit made of human hair and still be so hot.

He's crazy hot. He is crazy hot.

That is like some next-level hot... hotness, you know, for, like... I've seen a lot of guys, you know, a lot of hot guys...

Do you need help? Yeah, sure.

Oh, okay, cool. Great.

What can I get ya? I'll have a...

You know, I'll just take the usual.

Sorry, it's a bad joke, every time I've come in here, I've ordered something different, so...

Oh, okay.

Uh... Gotcha!

I'll have a small coffee.

One small coffee. One small coffee!

And we... we want it now!

Get a move on it! Come on, we're thirsty here!


Sorry, thought we were, like, doing that.

Thought we were doing a thing. It's okay.

Um, that will be $3.75.

I am off today. Oh!

Uh, keep the change. That's for you.

This is one dollar. Uh, sorry.

Um, there, that's... Now, that's five, that's six.

Six dollars. Keep the change.

It's... Okay. Okay. Thank you.

Cool. You look beau... beau...

Oh, my God. I'm sorry.

Hey, hey. It's okay.

Oh, come here.

I thought you were a giant beige rat.


You're so skinny.

Do you like breakfast sandwiches?

I bet you do. Come on.

It's just, blue is Amelia's favorite color, you know?

I can return it. Easy. I have the receipt.

No big deal. I'll do it on the way to class.

Oh, thank you. That'd be great. Yeah.

Yeah. You know what, that's crazy.

I shouldn't make you return it.

She'll be fine with pink. It's fine.

Okay, wait, wait, wait. It's fine. It's fine.

I don't mind. I like doing it. Really.

This room is gonna be wonderful. The dog's gonna be blue.

How many cups of coffee was it again?

It's just, we've waited for this for so long.

I know. We have come so close.

I know.

So now it's finally happening.

We're finally parents. And I'm just so nervous.

I'm nervous, too.

I'm sure Amelia is nervous.

This is not just another visit for her.

She's coming here to stay.


What if I'm not good at it?

At what?

Being a mom.

It's a big job.

What if I'm terrible?

What if something happens and I don't know what to do?

There is absolutely no way that's gonna happen.

For me, the fact that you care this much already makes you a good mom.

So you did it.

I love you.

I love you.

Oh, no! Who is this? Hi!

I found her yesterday. Aw!

I had to hide her here 'cause my dumb building doesn't allow dogs.

Oh, that is a dumb building.

Ugh! Come here.

I can't just dump her off at some sad shelter.

Can I, girl? I can't do that.

What shall I do? Um, hello!

This is the perfect excuse to get some face-time with hot vet.

Oh, my God. Yes!

Okay, we have to get our head in the game. Okay.

Do you have your make-up with you?

Why? Do I look bad?

No! we... we could all look better.

The break-up has been really tough on Sam.

He's lethargic, his appetite is down.

His bowel movements are way off, but...

I'm sorry, should I be talking about his bowel movements here?

This is the best place for you to be talking about his bowel movements.

And what about you?

I'm fine. I'm great.

I've just been... focused on work, and, uh...

You're writing that down?

You're writing down that I'm fine?

Or are you writing down that I asked if you're writing down that I'm fine?

Yes. Look.

What Sam really needs is to move on.

He needs to get out there and meet some new dogs.

Sam wants to.

I-I know that he does, but he's just too scared.

What is Sam scared of exactly?

Of abandonment.

Getting his heart broken.

Sam needs to remember that if he protects his heart too much, he'll never be happy.


Sam's going to be fine.

See, Sam, you're gonna be just fine.

That'll be $300.


Hey, you're gonna be fine, okay.

It's just a little check-up.

How do I look?

Oh. Huh?


Tara? Hi!

Oh, hi.

It's okay, girl.

There is no reason to be nervous.

Hi. Dr. Mike. Hey.

Oh, I know.

I-I serve you coffee across the street... sometimes.

I'm Tara. Tara! Right, yeah!

Tara who-who serves me coffee. That's me.

And I enjoy it every time. H-how are you?

It's good to see you. You, too.

Um, wow, by the looks of this little lady, she's been on the street a long time.

Don't I relate?

To being on the street?

It was a joke. I-I was just...

Oh, you're not a... Joking.

No, you're not a prostitute. Okay.

So she still has her anterior fontanel.

That's a soft spot, like babies have.

Basically, she has a little hole in her head.

Oh, poor thing. No, no, but don't worry.

Dr. Mike's got the cure, I'm gonna take her in the back for some X-rays on her noggin.

You stay here.

I will be aqui. Yeah, great.

Aqui? What?

The helmet will prevent any injuries.

As we vets say, "It only takes one pine cone."

Oh, I've never seen a helmet look so good before.

I wish I could keep her.

Listen, I work with a great rescue.

If you need help finding a home for her, you can actually leave her with me.

I'll make all the arrangements.

Are you serious? Absolutely.

That is so nice.

And I'm gonna miss you, girl.

I hope you find a nice home.

I wish you could be with me. Aw!

Goodbyes are so tough.

And where did you come from?

Shaker Heights, Ohio.

No. I'm just kidding.

I know you were complimenting my bedside manner.

But yeah. Shaker Heights, Ohio, until I was ten. Oh.

You don't have to worry.

They're gonna take great care of her.

You're amazing. Hey.

Some people are built for this sort of thing and I happen to be one of those people.

Well, thank you.

I, uh, I hope to see you around.

I hope so, too, Tina.

Say goodbye to Tina.

Yeah, um, uh, it's Tara.

It doesn't matter. Okay, love you. Bye.

♪ Oh what does it take to be lonesome? ♪

♪ Nothin' at all ♪ Oh

♪ What does it take to be lonesome? ♪

♪ Get out of here

♪ And leave me alone



I just want to apologize to Ruthie about yesterday.

Okay, run away. Whatever that thing is, it's not your sister anymore, okay?

Pregnancy has changed her.

Greg, move away from the door. I'm not going to.

Greg. She has the rage of a chimp.

Greg. Please don't go in there.

I'm gonna pick you up and move you like a baby.

No, you're not.

Flee, flee. See... G-Greg...

No, I can't. Greg, Greg, I don't wanna...

Greg, I'm gonna lift you up... Don't lift me up.

Come on. Come on!

Move you like a baby. Don't lift me up again.

Dang it! Don't pick a person up.

Do not pick a person up.

I think I'm a pretty good sister. Right?

I think I do a lot for you. Yeah.

I take care of you financially when you need it, which is a lot.

Look, it's not like I missed the baby.

I just missed the shower.

Greg here, he tries his best, he really does, but he gets it wrong 98 percent of the time.

I'm on therapy.

He had to put some bizarre crap on from his phone, which put everybody in a very weird headspace.

My taste in music is eclectic at best and I take partial responsibility.

It is partially your fault.

A 100 percent partially my fault, without a doubt.

And then, my sweet angel of a dog, Charlie... goes all Cujo on my gifts.

But you... you weren't there for me.

I'm sorry.

Are you crying? Yes.

This is what happens.

Charlie, please!

I can explain.

Frunk had this... had this, like, surprise audition...

"Frunk?" What is that? Frunk's my band.

Frunk? What is that? That's not a word.

It's not a word. It doesn't have to be a word.

It's the name of a band. What does it mean?

It's a typo at best.

That's the beauty of the word is that it's... it could be anything.

Wanna hear a great band name?


Great name.

Goo Goo Dolls. Great name.

Garth Brooks. That's a... that's a...

That's a man's name.

Charlie, please, for the love of God, stop it. Stop it, stop it.

Frunk is also a Greek...

If you say the word Frunk one more time, I swear to God...

Ruthie, you know when you, when you do that to me, now I have to say it.

Don't... don't say it.



Oh, my God!

Oh! Frunk! Is it coming? Is it happening?

See, it actually works great.

Okay. Whew!

Are you guys, like, not hearing what I'm saying because of the contractions, but my building has a strict no-dog policy, so I'll get evicted.

This is how you help me.

He needs a walk in the morning...

Watch yourself. human food, and especially no chocolate.

Greg, why did you do this to me?


I know.

Welcome home, Amelia.

This is your new home.


This is where we're gonna live together as a family.


Mm-hmm. Yeah.

This is the living room.

And, uh, that's the kitchen...

If you ever get scared, we have a night light here that puts stars on the ceiling.

It's so cool, it's got constellations, shooting stars.

If you ever wanna cuddle, we have all these little friends for you.

Look at those guys.

And then we have this guy.

Oh, look at that. A blue dog!

You love blue.

So I've been told.

Well, hey, we also have a teepee.

Oh, wow!

Do you think I can fit in there? I bet I can fit in there.

You think I can fit in there? I don't know.

Yeah. I think so.

Bear, get out of my way. Oh, yeah.

There's so much more room in here than it looks like, guys.

I think we should move out of the house and into this teepee.

Yeah. Yay.

Wait. Amelia, I'm lost.

You gotta help me out here. Honey.

Kurt, honey? Huh?

Um, let's...

Let's put that teepee down.

Yeah. All right.

Our room is just down the hall, and the bathroom's right next door.

And, honey, put the teepee...

Yeah, okay. We'll do that later.

Yeah. Uh...

And lastly, you can call me mommy and him daddy.

Or whatever. Uh, or...

Or you can call me Grace and him Kurt.

Yeah. Or me Kurt and him Grace. Oh, no. What? Yeah.

What? No, that, no, that's gonna be too confusing.

You know what? The point is you can call us whatever you like.

It's whatever makes you comfortable.



Do you want a little time to check out your room by yourself?

Oh, yeah. Yeah?

Okay. Great. Okay. Okay. Yes.

Uh, I'm just gonna leave, leave this guy, hm, and, um, we'll be in the next room.

Have fun. It's gonna be great.

It's gonna be...

Hey, Mabel. Hey, what's all that?

Look at you, little chubby.

You ain't so tough.

You ain't so tough.

Well, there we go.

I don't know, sweetheart.

Looks like we're gonna have to do without.

You are so fat. We're gonna slim and trim you up.

How far you think we can go before we get back home, huh?

Uh, I think we can go a little bit.

Mr. Pepperoni!

Your dog's still fat!

Wise guy.

Mabel. Mabel!


Sir, are you okay?

It's gonna be fine. Mabel.

Shh. Shh. Shh. You gotta stop barking.

I'm not allowed to have dogs in my building, so you cannot bark like this, all right.

What is your damage, dog?

There better be a boy in a well somewhere, pal, for you to be freaking out like this.

How am I gonna get you up there?

Oh. Ooh!

Huh. All right.

Damn. Oh, we're caught, we're caught!

Whoa! Ow!

Okay, gonna get you out of here real soon.

Okay? Uh... Oh, hey.

Come on in.

I got ya. Okay.

You just finish a gig?


It sounds like fun.

Where was it?

Uh, north.

Oh. Uh, goodnight. Just...

Run free, dog.

Enjoy the apartment.

I will let you know that the cleaning lady will be here never... because she does not exist.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. No people food.

No people food.

You're gonna get me in some serious trouble.

My sister will kill me.

Though I do appreciate that you like Del Taco so much.

I'm not gonna help you.

If I take that bag away from you, you will never learn.

This is comical.

Smile, bag-face.

Dumb dog.

Watch out for that... Oh. That hurt.

So did he move out yet?

I threw out the last of his stuff this morning.

Someone grab me a water for after. Thanks.

Hi. Elizabeth Daniels. Oh, I know. I'm Jimmy.

Okay. Cards. Yes.

And don't be afraid to be yourself. All right?

Yeah. Of course. Look up.

Oh, it was better before. Oh. What?

Ten seconds, everyone.

Ten seconds. Okay. Um...

You look nervous. Don't be. Follow my lead.

I'll take care of you. And we're on in five...

All right. ...four, three, two...

We have a special treat for you, Los Angeles.

And it's a treat for me, too.

I love this guy.

Joining us in the studio today is former LA Ram Jimmy Johnston.

Welcome, Jimmy. How are you? Hey.

It's so good to have you here today.

Thank you for having me. Big fan.

Let's start with your injury.

Wow. Okay. Well, right for the jugular.

Digging deep. Okay.

You tore your ACL in what turned out to be your final game in the NFL.

I have to say, you look terrific now.

Wait. Wait a second. Wait a second.

You think I look terrific?

Or do your cards tell you to say that...

Let me see your... Oh, uh.

Please don't touch my cards.

No offense, but maybe, maybe you put the cards down and then you and I, we'll just talk. You know, right?

Like, have a conversation like real people.

All right? All right?

Right? I'm sorry. I...

You're trying to tell me how to do my job?

I'm telling you that I feel like you can loosen up a little bit.

I am plenty loose.

Uh, what if I told you how to athlete?

How to... how to athlete?


You wouldn't feel good about that. Would you?

I think I'd be open to that.

You look pretty athletic. I am.

You ever play sports? I was on the drill team.

Drill team? Yes.

Not a sport. Okay.

The drill team is for people who tried out for the cheerleading squad, did not make it.

Yeah, and to all the girls out there who are on the drill te...

Who would have rather been cheerleaders but settled for twirling flags.

Flags are completely different.

To all the kids out there who are on the flags team now...

Still not a sport. Yes, it is, it's...

You don't know what you're talking about.

You've been on the air for, like, five minutes and you're besmirching both the flags team and the drills team like a typical jock asshole.

Ooh, don't say that.

Speaking of the weather, we will be right back with Alexa's weekend forecast.

Are we...

Should... Now?

Great. Hey. Alexa...

That was fun. I don't think you're supposed to say asshole.

But that was fun. And we're out.

Can I get that water?


Hey, I hope you like smiley faces and pancakes.

Thank you. You're welcome.

Is it good?

Yup. Okay. You, uh, you enjoy your pancakes.

♪ Yo I'll tell you what I want what I really really want ♪

♪ So tell me what you want what you really really want ♪

♪ I'll tell you what I want what I really really want ♪

♪ So tell me what you want what you really really want ♪

♪ I wanna I wanna I wanna Breakfast dance party.


Breakfast. Dancing.

Hey, Grace, do you know where my charger is?

We're havin' a dance party.

We're havin' a dance party.

At breakfast? Yes.

That's crazy!

What kind of family is this?

Whoo! Tell me what you want.

What do you want, Daddy?

♪ I'll tell you what I want what I really really want ♪ Go, Daddy. Go, Daddy. Go, Daddy.

May I be excused?

Yeah. Yeah, of course.

♪ You gotta get with my friends ♪ I can remember this from the wedding.

♪ Friendship never ends What are you doing? I just got my groove going.

What is wrong with us?

Nothing. Nothing's wrong with us.

No, we're being hilarious. I know.

Hm. Stop it.

No. Stop it.

They're not here so do what you want to.

Ah, you're being mean to me now. Now you're being mean to me.

And I am letting you stay in my house.

You have to get away from me.

Get off of me.

Okay. Okay.

It's too early.

Just go in the corner. You have my blessing.

Okay, okay.

Come on, man.

Charlie, it's all the same.

Every spot that you've sniffed on this entire walk is the same.

Just pick one and then pee in it.

Ugh, what? What is it now, pizza boy?

My name's Tyler. I...

I just came to see how you were feeling.

Fine. Uh, totally fine.

And Mabel?

I wish I knew.

I'm really sorry.

I ought to call that pizza place and tell 'em not to hire twelve-year-olds.

I was born in 2002, okay. I'm 16 now.

I said I was sorry.

Okay. Why are you here?

I wanna help you find your dog.

Hi. Hi.

Um, Tara, right? Yeah.

Uh, Dr. Mike said that you might be stopping by.

I'm Garrett, from the coffee shop.

Yeah, Garrett, of course. Yeah. The usual?

Oh, you get something different every time.

Yeah. Yeah.

Are you a volunteer?

Oh, well, I'm a little bit more than a volunteer.

I sort of run New Tricks. Um... Oh.

I'm the director. So...

Now I feel like I'm just being braggy.

No, no, it's awesome.

Thanks. Yeah, well, we try and keep it nice for these guys.

You know, some of them end up staying for a long time.

Do you wanna see Gertrude?


Gertrude! Hi, girl!

Hi, girl. You look amazing!

Why Gertrude? After Gertrude Stein.

Oh. Yeah.

I love Gertrude Stein.

Yeah, no, I know, I-I always see you reading her at the coffee shop.

Anyway, um, let's break her out of there.

Oh, hi.

What happens if she doesn't get adopted?

Oh, no, no. We'll... we'll keep her here till she does.

Now she's a really good girl. Hey.

She just needs a little love.

That's my girl.

♪ Happy birthday to you

♪ Happy birthday dear Sammy

♪ Happy birthday to you

Do you think I'm ridiculous? In what context?

Throwing a party for my dog?

No. I went to a doggie wedding last weekend.

And it was, like, surprisingly emotional.

I would say that bouncy house is a little over the top.

Sam's just been so down.

I thought this party would cheer him up.

I mean, he looks pretty happy right now.

Whose dog is that?

Hi. Look at this.

Oh, whose dog are you?


It's Jimmy. Oh, no.

Hey. What are you doing here?


Hi. Jimmy.

Hi, Jimmy. There she is.

It's Amy. Hi.

I don't know if you remember me. I did your make-up last week.

Not that you need it. Such a good face and body.

Thank you. Uh, Elizabeth. Jimmy.

Almost don't recognize you without steam coming out your ears.

Very funny. No cards in your hand.

Who's this?

It's my main squeeze Brandy right here.

Go ahead, Brand.

Oh. Ah.

Oh, my. She's getting up there, but she's still got it.

Look at them.

This is unbelievable.

You never seen dogs play before?

Of course I have. It's just that Sam's been so depressed lately, and look at him now.

Hm. Hey, what's wrong with you, girl?

He bothering you?

Ugh, guys are just the worst.

Finally something we agree on.

Did you always know you wanted to do this?

Well, uh, my parents fought a lot when I was a kid.

And, uh, my dog's the one who really got me through it.

So I saved up and three years ago, I had enough to, uh, to open this place.

Man, I wish my work mattered.

Your work does matter.

I sell people an over-priced, legally addictive substance.

Or you brighten up people's mornings.

Your work matters.


...for stopping by, you know. Yeah. Of course.

I hope you had a good time and...

I was gonna ask. Yeah.

Would it be possible to, like, um, volunteer...


Yes. Um...


Yeah? Yes.

But if you want to, and-and there's no pressure.

Um, but we're just glad to have volunteers whenever, you know, especially when they're you.

I am so excited. I'm so excited.

And I just can't hide it.

I'm about to lose control, and I think I like it.

Okay. Great. Okay.

Well, bye, Gertrude. Say bye.

I'll see you soon. Okay, but...

You can leave your number if you want.

I'm sorry, what? Do you wanna leave your number?

Oh. Just in case.

Um... just stop by. Um...

Okay, great. Okay.

I hope to see you soon.

And, just, um... make sure that y-y-you take care of yourself and, um, if you need, uh, if you need anything, I'm here. This is where I work.

I know your spot. Okay. Okay. Cool, cool.

Bye. Gee, um...

I lost it. It was there. Lost it?

And then it went. So... It's okay.


Bye, Gertrude. Bye.

On a scale of one to ten, just how... how bad was that?


Gertrude, it wasn't that bad.

Hey, everybody, we are looking at gorgeous weather coming up just in time for July 4th.

Really nice for a walk out in the park if you live near a park. I certainly don't.

I live in a large 21-unit concrete building.

Sometimes I think to myself, "Wouldn't it be nice to have a yard?"

It sure would.

Especially during barbecue season.

I sure wish I had a barbecue to go to.

Turns out, Independence Day is truly a day of being alone.

Anyway, you can see that the coastal region...

Look, it doesn't come from me, it comes from upstairs, but I can't say I disagree.

A co-host?

Why would you hire me a co-host? I-I'm a lone wolf.

Okay, look, you are a pro.

It's just that sometimes you can be a little uptight.

I am not uptight.

Look, I would never ask for an employee to show up a little drunk.

But sometimes I do get the urge to ask you to do that.

Fine. Then get me a bottle.

Can somebody get me a bottle of schnapps?

Nobody wants schnapps! She's kidding.

I'll get drunk right now. Listen.

I know that you are trying to be more loose.

I mean, the other morning, during that interview, it's the loosest I've ever seen you.

It was amazing. Thank you.

Wait. Which interview? Whoo!

Wake up, LA.

No. Just came to say good morning.

Good morning. Jimmy.

Look at this. The whole team is here.

Myra, put your hands up.

All right.

I'm sorry.

Oh. She didn't know.

Our interview was a disaster.

Yes, a disaster that got more hits than anything from any of your shows that we have ever posted.

See, that's the problem.

Nobody cares about serious journalism anymore.

Serious... Is that what this is? Serious journalism?

This tackle dummy doesn't know anything about hosting a morning news show.

Whoa! "Tackle dummy?" Now... now we're name-calling?

Look, first of all, save that for the show.

The audience loves you two together.

They really do, so you are going to have to make it work.

Very good. Thank you. Goodbye.

Is she... is she gonna look up? No.

Once her eyes go down, they don't come back up.

I mean, that's impressive.

What is that?

Oh! Oh! God! Charlie.

Just pee anywhere!

Come on, you're only there to get more face-time with hot vet.

Not true. He's barely here.

And when he is here, he's checking out the dogs, not me.

Anyway, what are you up to?

I'm with a client.

You should see his owner's house.

This place is bananas.

I can't believe people would just let you into their house like that.

Walking someone's dog is a very intimate thing.

We create a special bond.

Like, the owner of the house I'm at, he is my soulmate.

We have the same taste in movies, TV shows, bath products.

Okay, just as long as you're not being creepy.

I'm not.

Twelve minutes to show, everyone.

He is kind of cute, though.

Who? Jimmy.

I like his shoulders... and his legs... and his face and his neck.

You're into necks? Oh, yeah.

I love necks, they're like the abs of the head.

Ooh, good morning, Amy. Good morning, Jimmy.

You gotta make sure I look awake, okay?

I'll be your cup of coffee. Uh-oh.

Good morning, Liz.


You know, I had no idea that you weren't consulted, by the way.

So... maybe a fresh start?


Sorry, I'm very into this conversation.




Oh, by the way, I meant tell you that, uh, Brandy has been talking non-stop about Sam.

Yeah, it's cra-craziest thing. Oh, really?

Didn't even know she could talk. Yeah.

So I figured we should probably get them back together.

Uh, maybe, uh... maybe Saturday.

I don't, uh... I don't think that...


You had a big piece of lint.

What are you doing?

The lint is being stupid.

I think Sam would enjoy that.

Yeah? Mm.

Well, then, it is a date.

It's a dog date. It's a dog date.

Do you think she's having fun?

I don't know, it's hard to tell. She's got a good poker face.

I think we should just grab some of these kids and bring them over to play with her.

I don't think we should grab any kids.

Not grab, like, lure. With candy or something.

Does that... does that sound creepy?

Yeah, it sounds super creepy.

It sounds criminal, sounds you're talking like a criminal.

I-I just want her to be happy.

Well, me, too. She will. She will.

My God, where did she go?

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Honey. She's okay.

It's okay, it's okay. Don't panic.

She was right here. Amelia! Amelia!

Did you guys see a-a-a little girl?

She was, like, playing ou... No. I'm sorry.

Have you seen a little girl? She has, uh, brown hair?


Amelia! Amelia!

Amelia, where are you?

I love you. Uh, Grace.

What? I love you...

Oh. A doggie?

Oh! Well, let me see you.

Hi, are you lost, pumpkin?

Hi. Hi.

Hi, pumpkin.

Can we keep her?


Uh, oh. Oh. Uh...

First, we plaster this bad boy all around the city.

Then we take it to shelters and rescues.

Come on. Hop on.

Are you out of your mind?

Oh, look. You got a baby Transformer.

Wise guy.

Slow down.

I don't wanna get arrested for letting a toddler drive my car.

I have my learner's permit.

This is totally legal.

So where do you want me to put these?

Oh, just in my backpack. That'd be great.

Oh, pizza boy reads.

I take it this is assigned reading.

Yeah, yeah, for summer school.

"A man who has gone through bitter experiences

"and travels far, enjoys even his sufferings after a time."

Definitely suffering through that book.

My teacher, Mr. Chapman, suggested that I should get, uh, some tutoring, but my mom says we don't have the money.

For many years, I was an English professor at UCLA.

That's where I met my wife.

Oh, cool.

Uh, she still teach there or... No.

She passed two years ago this November.

Oh. I'm so sorry.

This was her car, you know.

Ah! Of course.

I didn't think you really picked this bad boy out.

She was a great teacher. Taught me a lot.

My dad died when I was 12. So...

I totally get it.

There's a lot of times I wish he was still here, you know.

Give me advice and stuff.

Maybe, uh, I'd ask him how to suggest to someone that they should get a new car.

Maybe one that's not yellow.

And I might ask him if he taught his son to be a wise guy or does it just come naturally.

I could help you with your studies.

Yeah, yeah, that'd be... that'd be amazing, but, uh, I don't have the money to do that.

No, I'm not askin' for your cash.

Perhaps, if you come a little early, before we go look for Mabel, we'll see if we can help you get it a little more.

You sure? Sure.

Thank you.


Any luck?

No. You?


Okay. Okay. Whoo!

We'll take her home tonight for safekeeping. Yay!

Okay, we gotta look for...

This is just temporary. Yeah, I know. Temporary.

That's it. Good. Yeah, temp. T-E-M-P.

Oh, honey, she is really overweight.

Yeah, there's a lot of her to love. Mm-hmm.

Maybe we can take her on walks?

Oh! That's a great idea. Yeah, that's a great idea.

We can take her on a walk.

Do you wanna be my roommate?

What's your favorite animal?

Lions? Yeah, maybe lions.

My favorite is doggies, of course.

What's your second favorite animal?


I think you like zebras, of course, 'cause they're white and black.

My third favorite, um, let's see, bears.

I love bears. They're my favorite.

But you're cuter than bears.

Oh. We're gonna keep this dog.

I know, I know, I mean, after we try to find the owners. Right.

Yeah. Right.

You should be my best friend.

And a fry.

Yeah. Do you like IPAs?

Me, either, but if I don't order them, I feel like I'm not recycling or something.

This is kind of fun, huh, eating fries, drinking beer?

Don't tell my sister I gave you people food, okay.

Hey, Dax. How are your wings?

Well, Kelli, the wings were hot.


Like, seriously hot, burned my mouth.

So why'd you name your band Frunk?

Well, because it can mean anything.

Oh, dope. Yeah, dope.

Okay, um... Oh, hello.

Charlie, Charlie.

Hi, puppy.

Charlie. Please.

So, so... That's okay.

So, so sorry. He's cute.

I'm watching my sister's dog. She's in the hospital.

Well, that's so nice of you.

Well, he's family.

Oh, Charlie, Charlie. Sorry. I'm so... No, no. I'm so sorry.

Off... It's all right.

Down. Charlie, down. Down. Yeah.

He doesn't deal well with other people getting attention.

Charlie, come on, man.

Where were we?

Oh, I don't remember. Hm.


Charlie, you're gonna get me kicked out of here.

I'm so sorry about the dog.

Yeah, just feel like maybe now is not the right time.

Uh, we could... we could go to your place.

I live with my boyfriend.


Sam is a completely different dog around Brandy.

He's just so happy. You know what they say.

Animals are a direct reflection of their owners.

Oh, yeah. You know what? I can totally see it.

Is Brandy desperate to find a second career, too?

Okay, well, let me ask you.

When you get your hair done, do you take a picture in of Sam and go, "Do this?"

Yes, actually.

Do you? I am flattered that you noticed.

Can you see it? Twins.

My mind is blown. I can't... I can't tell who's who.

Uh, this is me and Brandy's spot.

Isn't that right, girl? Good job, Eddie.

Honey, not so far out. Wow, so many kids out here.

All my friends are having kids right now.

My whole family... ask me all the time what the hold-up is.

Yeah, what is the hold-up?

What's wrong with you? Well...

What's wrong with me? Mm.

What's wrong with you? Nothing.

Nothing is wrong with me.

Just had a cheating ex-boyfriend.

I'm sorry.

Thank you.

But seriously, what's wrong with you?

Already? You see what...

Playing ball.

You know how it is.

Never planted my feet.

Guess you could say the most significant woman in my life has been Brandy.

But... little more settled now.

So I think I'll give it another try.

It's hard to compete with a lady like Brandy.

This is still just a dog date, right?

Yes. Still just a dog date.

Okay. Yeah.

Charlie, I know there is a good guy deep down there somewhere, but I can't say that I am not excited to get my life back.

Hey, there he is.

Oh, wow! Daddy.

Hey. I'm a dad. Hi. How are you?

I'm a dad... Yeah.

Are... are you okay? Yeah.

I'm grea... I've never been happier in my whole life.

Okay, so let's get you Purell, huh?

I'm two peoples' dad. Ha-ha. Oh.

Just scary when you think about it, but when you don't think about it, well, it's just the same.

It's just, everything's the same. Sorry.

Just gotta get you super clean.

So keep your voice real, real super quiet.

Okay. Hospital clean.

That's what she says. Hospital clean.

And, uh, don't say anything about her ankles, okay.

Her ankles? Yeah, they're full of baby water.

I guess it's normal, but it looks disgusting.

Let's get ready to be an uncle!

Sorry, sorry, sorry. I'm sorry.

Shh! Shh! Okay, I got it.

What's wrong with you? Shh.

I gotta tell you, I think you guys' shushes are louder than the volume of my voice right now.

Oh, no. Let's keep looking.

Thank you. Oh, of course.

Thanks. Yeah, totally.

Yeah, I'll let you know if we get any more pugs in.

Okay, yeah. See you. Bye.

Well, I-I-I know, I understand.

I just, I wanna do as much as I can, I mean...

Okay. All right, thank you.

Thank you for nothing, you terrible lawyer. I don't...

Hey. Hey.

You're there. Hi. I am.

What's going on?

Our landlord just sold the building out from under us.

He can do that? He just did.

Okay, so then, we'll just find another place.

That sounds great, but I don't have any money to do that.

I put every single cent that I have into this place.

Okay, so then, we'll just raise it.

I mean, how about a fundraiser?

Uh, we could get the food and the drinks donated.

Raffle off prizes, make it a real event, you know.

Oh, my God. I am totally getting ahead of myself.

You haven't even said you want me to help out.

I want you to help out. Yes. Of course.

I want you to help out. Okay. Good.

I am terrible at throwing parties.

My sixteenth birthday was at Bed Bath & Beyond, so...

Wait, really? Uh, well, you know, it...

It wasn't just a Bed Bath & Beyond. I...

We started at Bed Bath & Beyond, and there was sort of like a journey.

You had your birthday party at Bed Bath & Beyond?

Yeah, it was Bed Bath & Beyond, and beyond was a theme. I was, I was...

It was a phase that I was going through where I just... I thought it was super fun.

It was actually, it was actually a lot of fun.

No, no, it's great. You think it's weird?

It's great. Okay.

We're gonna make this happen, okay.

First we start with sponsors. Yes.

Figure we could reach out to dog-food companies, pet stores.

And Bed Bath & Beyond. We could try.

We could try for Bed Bath & Beyond.

I mean, we could even have media there. Yeah.

Raise some public awareness for New Tricks.

Public awareness is my favorite type of awareness.

Well, lucky for you, I'm pretty good at this.

I actually know someone at Channel 12.

♪ On your long

♪ You'll be shown I'm an uncle.

Mm, yeah.

Are they both Greg's?

Of course, they're Greg's.

'Cause neither of them look like Greg.

Oh, my God.

They're Greg's.

Did they both come out at the same time?

What? I just always wondered if twins came out like...

Or, like, it's...

Stop doing this. Don't do that to my face ever again.

No problem.

♪ You'll be shown Ruth?




Oh! Oh, God. Sorry.

Okay. Shh. No. Shh, shh.

Charlie, go to bed. Go to bed.

Charlie. Uh...

Um, okay, I think this guy wants his mom back.

I'm holding this one. I can't hold that one, too.

I'm just gonna put it on the table.

No. What are you talking about?

Set it down on the table. No, no, no.

What should I do with it? Help me.


Greg? Greg.

How can he be sleeping through this?

No, Charlie, no. Charlie.

Charlie. Greg, Charlie. Charlie.

Charlie, get back! Get back...

No! Charlie, no!

No! Greg!

Please, all we're asking is that you just watch him until we don't feel like we're completely insane.

Well, how long is that gonna be?

I don't know long it's gonna be, okay.

You can't give me like a timeframe?

If I gave you one, I would be lying.

I love you.

Love you, too.

Charlie, the dog.

And you. Obviously, both.

♪ In the summertime when the weather is hot ♪

♪ You can stretch right up and touch the sky ♪

♪ When the weather's fine

♪ You got women you got women on your mind ♪ Oh. Oh, pedestrian.

Are you serious? He's like a 100 yards away.

Well, good thing I said something. That was close.

Okay, so I was thinking... we could put the bar area over there... Right.

...since drunk people are generous people.

Oh, "Show me the money." Oh.

It's, uh, um, that's, uh... Jerry Maguire.

Yeah, I knew... I knew that.

Um, also...

Uh, I was thinking maybe... Oh.

Hey. Hi. Hi. Thanks.

Um, we could put that there.

There. Okay, yeah.

God, you're amazing.

Uh, I didn't mean, like... You know, it's just that, uh...

Is that weird to say? Sorry, it's just, I think that...

I think that you're, you're amazing.

No, it's not weird.

It's not weird at all.

It's really sweet.

We make a really great team.

Yeah, I think so, too.

Okay, well, hey, Gertrude, what do you think?

Do you think we should do beer over there?

Beer and liquor? You're a licker.

You like licking things.

Shut up. You hear me?

Shut your mouth and go outside or I will make you live in here forever.

Do you understand me?

Look what you made me do.

Hmm? Look what you made me do!

You embarrassed me!

Who is putting their dog in a onesie? That's just cruel.

Sam has a onesie.

And I'm sure Sam looks great in it.

I'm gonna be over there. I'm gonna get one for Brandy.

Watch this. Oh, no. No, you won't.

Ooh, look at this.

Bella! Come here, girl.

Hey. Bella? Hey.

Come here, girl. There you are.

Come here.



You look great. Eat dog food and die.

Bup, bup, bup, bup, bup.

Look at this blue phallic guy.

What's wrong, grumpy?

Hi. Oh.

I almost didn't recognize you with clothes on.

Okay, you know what, that's just mean.

I-I'm mean?

I moved on. Please accept that.

You moved on while we were still together.

You just don't want me to be happy, that's what this is.

Of course, I don't want you to be happy.

Look at this. You've made Sam upset.

Okay, this is ridiculous. Sam is fine.

You didn't even call him on his birthday.

He is a dog. He doesn't know what a birthday is.

Of course he knows what a birthday is.

He's a very smart dog. Not that smart.

Hey, in her defense, some dogs are smart, some dogs are dumb.

Okay. Yeah, well, that's a dumb dog.

Uh, hey, there's no need for insults.

Oh, snap. You're Jimmy Johnston. 'Sup, dude?

You do not get to shake his hand.

Hey, hey. Yeah, Jimmy is a big boy.

I think he can decide if he wants to shake my hand or not.

Yeah, Jimmy's a big boy. Yeah. What's your name?

Uh, Peter... Ow. Yeah.

Oh, that's quite a grip you got.

I feel like you're about to apologize to Liz.

That... Is that... Am I-am I wrong?

No. Oh, God!

Think I'm wrong. I think you're about to apologize to her.

Are you taking a knee? Wow. Uh, yeah.

Wow. So polite, so polite.

Yeah, as you were saying?

I'm... sorry.

Hmm? One more time?

Elizabeth, I'm sorry.

What about Sam? What about... Oh, God.

Uh, sorry, Sam, about that.

And I mean, might as well, you know, make it three.

Why don't you go for Br... That's Brandy.

I didn't talk to... I don't know Brandy.

Ow! Sorry, Brandy.

She says, "Nice to meet you." All right, up.

God! Oh.

Wow! Your hands are like trash compactors.

You guys heading out?

Yeah. Uh, yeah, we gotta...

We definitely gotta get out. We're gonna go.

It's so nice to meet you. Yeah.

See ya, guys. Yeah.

It was super lovely to see you again, and so nice to meet you.

Just come on, please.

You took a picture. Oh, got it.



Liz, hey, a-are you okay?

I just have one rule.

No on-camera PDA.

Yes, fine, okay. I can work with that.

I can... I can work with that.

Good. Good.


So, it starts in a E-minor.

Kinda like in a Marvin Gaye vibe, but just, uh...

So you start, you start it with a first line with me.

Okay. A capella? Mm-hmm.

♪ Meet me at a... whoa

♪ Come and take a walk with me ♪

♪ You could be my whiskey casualty ♪

♪ A bottle on a row

♪ And baby you and me

♪ Are plain to see Marvin Gaye?

♪ Na-na na-na-na to call Something like that? Yes. A lot.

Everything like that.

And then, there's a chorus. Okay.

Um, that's an... it's like... Uh...

♪ 'Cause baby you and me Uh, where is, uh...

Pen? Pen. Oh. Thanks.

♪ Are made of gold

♪ Better run for your love

♪ And you say one two three

♪ I'll be right by your side

♪ Through the seasons of hot and cold ♪

♪ Come and take a ride with me ♪

♪ Come and take a ride with me ♪

♪ Kissin' on your wrist so casually ♪

♪ Kissin' on your wrist so casually ♪

♪ Livin' out a public fantasy ♪

♪ Oh you stop in every row ♪

♪ When you kiss me

♪ Oh-oh-oh plain to see ♪ Plain to see


Oh, my God. Who's my good dog?

♪ You and me

♪ Are the reason why hearts

♪ Are made of gold

♪ Better run for your love

♪ When you say

♪ One two three

♪ I'll be right by your side ♪

♪ Through the seasons of hot and cold ♪

♪ You're the reason hearts are made of gold ♪

♪ I don't want to drag you down ♪

♪ There's so much flyin' round ♪

♪ But I can sure use a friend right now ♪

♪ And you're the best thing

♪ I have found ♪ I have found

What? What's wrong? I...

Honestly, I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Well, you're goin' to be waiting a long time

'cause no other shoe is gonna drop.

It's just, after my last boyfriend...

Who needs to get his head checked for lettin' you go.

Look, Liz, I promise you, I'm not him.

I'll never be that guy.

Now, can we... can we go to the car

'cause I think a seagull... seagull got me on my back, and, uh...

Oh, yup. It got you. So, it's...

It's good luck, though. It is good luck.

♪ You're the reason hearts are made of gold ♪

♪ Frunk yeah I think you're the only person that can make that word sound good.

Well, folks, we are certainly in the dog days of summer right now.

Yes, it is gonna be a hot, hot, hottie.

Hey, I think my ex-boyfriend used to call me that.

Wanna weigh in here, Tom?

Tom. He's one of our producers. My ex.

It's cool. We're still friends.

What happened?

The heat wave's going to my head.

Anybody else? No? Just me?

Well, like I was saying...

Give me them smooches.

Give me that smooch.

Give me that smooch.

I need the smooches. You're so sweet.

You're the best dog in the whole world. Mwah.

So, I just got off the phone with Channel 12.

And they're sending a reporter. Yeah?

You're serious? I am dead serious.

You're on fire. What can I say?

What, where did you come from? High fives?

What's the occasion?

Uh, no, just a-a small victory for the New Tricks fundraiser.

No, she's being humble. You're killing it.

Stop. You are killing it. No, I... You're the killer.

At most, I'm the getaway driver. You know it.

Okay, but none of this would be happening in the first place...

I'd love to. What?

I'd love to help sponsor the event, is what I mean.

I want in. Really?

I mean, that is so generous.

Oh, it's totally my pleasure.

I've got goo gobs of money.

Geez, how am I gonna find a date?

Oh, I'm sure you, of all people, have no problem finding one.

Oh, is that so? Are you volunteering?


Oh, are you guys...

Oh, no, no, no. We-we're just friends, co-workers.

Yeah. Eww, her? No, thank you.

Um, I just... No.

Oh, good. Phew.

I don't want to step on any toes.

No toe... I'm toeless, you know.

I lack toes. Lactose intolerant.

So, um, this is awesome that this is ha...

You know, you're so awesome and you're... super fit.

Yeah, yeah, we could be like a-a power couple, you know.

You're the brains and I'm the heart or the face or whatever.

So I'll pick you up Saturday at 6:00?

I will see you then. Great.

Looking forward to it.

Oh, thanks, pal. Yup.

So, we're gonna do Thai for dinner, huh?

You ever have Thai?

I love Thai.

Oh, it's just my band equipment, and I-I poked the holes so that...

'cause it gets smelly after practice so I want it to air out.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, that's just my equipment moving around.

Let them out. Let them out. Oh!

I know you have someone in there. Let them out!

Take it easy. I'm warning you. Let them out!

Whatever you think is happening is not...

Let them...

Oh, my... Oh!

Help! Help, somebody!

Ooh! I got to get out.

I can't breathe. I'm gonna puke.

I'm... Oh, my God!

Help me! Somebody!

Help me!

It's a dog! Help! Somebody! Help me!

It's a dog. It's a dog.

Oh, hi, puppy.


I just feel like the universe is constantly telling me I shouldn't be helping anybody.

Oh, God! I am so sorry.

Oh, God, it feels like...

It feels like I opened my eyes in a sandbox.

I wish there was something I could do to make it up to you.

Yeah, hey, um...

It's not, I guess, the most ideal time, but w-would you maybe wanna go out with me this weekend?

That's really sweet, but I am so swamped this weekend.

I'm actually organizing a fundraiser for this dog rescue.

Oh, yeah? You need a band?

He's really good at bowling, which is important.

Um, 'cause I think it means that he's good at other things.

Mmm. Anyway, so what is happening with you and...


Amy, I have no idea what you're talking about.

Stop. Everyone can tell you two are in love.

It's really cute. I am a professional.

Mm-hmm. I would never date my co-host.

Oh, yeah, sure, which is why I was gonna ask you, what is gonna happen when he moves over to Channel 12?

What are you talking about?

You and that sweet little poker face.

You know the big offer he got to host his own morning show on Channel 12?


Five minutes to show, everyone.

Oh, my God, you should have heard Nina earlier.

She was, like, "I'm devastated."

I saw her eat a donut.

I was like, "What? Who are you?"

Yeah, I thought... I thought about the Fiat, but I just feel like I can't get enough people...

Oh, it's a hell of a great car.

Yeah? Yeah.

Fifteen seconds, everyone.

You look pretty.

Everything okay? Mm-hmm.

No, seriously... We're live...

Yeah, I'm fine. five...

Yeah, I'm great. ...four, three...

You seem a little tense. ...two...

Good morning. Wake up, LA.

Who doesn't love clowns? Got to be some people.

What? I'm just saying like, so not...

I mean, clowns have to creep some people out.

But not me, I love them. Okay.

Well, I certainly love clowns.

And lucky for us, or maybe just me, we have a live clown here with us today.

That's right. Everybody, let's welcome Wacky Wayne.

Hi. Happy to be here.

It's terrific to have you.

Now, you're performing this weekend.

Is it just you or do you perform in a group of your... kind?

We have a... There's a whole group of us.

But I was the only one who could make it here

'cause we all kinda hit it pretty hard last night.

And now, I imagine that you and the other clowns are close.

You hang out outside of work?


So, if one of you were to get a more lucrative clown job, you would talk it amongst yourselves so it didn't become some sort of weird, toxic secret.

Is there such thing as a more lucrative clown job?

Uh, you know, you know what I love.

Uh, when you guys throw pies at each other's face.

I mean, that is hilarious. No, we... we don't do that.

You don't do that? Why not? No.

It's so messy. You know what's messy?


Lies and deceit are two of life's messiest things.

They're not as messy as pies.

I gotta tell you. I would disagree.

Wha... What are you doing? Are you...

I don't know. You tell me, Mr. Channel 12.

Mr... I know everything.

Uh, can we get back to the clown?

I'm talking to the clown. You're the clown.

You are the clown.

This is the clown, ladies and gentlemen.

Oh, this is tough to watch. Right, Felix?

You're Felix, right?

And you know what? Not even a funny clown.

You are like... We are live right now.

...a backstabbing clown.

All right, let's, uh... I'm the clown.

I think what she means is...

Too loose.

I'm done taking to clowns.

All right, well, let's get back to the real clown.

Uh, Wacky Wayne, why don't you tell everybody where you're gonna be this weekend.

One o'clock LA festival. Everybody, catch Wacky Wayne at the LA, uh, festival, uh, 1 o'clock.

And we're out. Liz, Liz.

Excuse me, can we talk, please?

About what?

About how you got a huge new job?

Or how you lied to me?

I did not lie to you.

You said you weren't gonna be that guy.

I should have told you, and I'm sorry.

You know what?

What happened out there was unprofessional.

I'm sorry.

But it's probably a good thing.

Because we really moved into this too fast, and I was...

I was actually gonna ask you... Liz, Liz... if we could take a step back.

I wasn't gonna take the Channel 12 job.

I messed up, but I wasn't gonna leave you, Liz.

Look... It's not like this was going anywhere.

We're just too different. We're not that different.

I'm looking for something honest and real and serious.

And the longest relationship you've had is with your dog.

So, that's it?

Y-you're... you're done?

Yeah, I think that'd be for the best.

What about Sam and Brandy, huh?

Sam's gonna be just fine.

WACKY WAYNE Oh, hey. There you guys are.

Before I left, I just wanted... That was just so much fun.

It was a little strange, but can I do a quick selfie?

Do you mind? Yeah, sure.

Just 'cause you know... For the guys.


That was so great, I loved the bit, "You're the clown!

You're the clown!" You should come out with us today.

We're going to the Jumbo Clown Room.

♪ I'm a mother you know what that mean ♪

♪ And I do my little turn on the catwalk ♪

♪ Yeah the catwalk the catwalk yeah ♪

♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

♪ I shake my little tush on the catwalk ♪

♪ Too sexy for this funk I am wiped just from that.

All right, burden, time for you to pack up your stuff and go.

Can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm actually gonna miss you.




Come on, Charlie, don't die on me.

You're gonna be okay, all right.

You're gonna be okay...

I think.

How you doin'? Not good.

Yeah, me either.

Is he okay? Is he gonna make it?

Charlie has toxicity poisoning.

What's toxicity poisoning?

Well, in layman's terms, it means your dog is h...

Hi, Ian. What brings you in today?

My tortoise ate my turtle.

Okay, we'll circle back to that.

Uh, has Charlie come into contact with any chocolate or medicinal substances?

Like some kind of, uh, brownie?

A brownie? Sure. Certain types of brownies?


My, uh, friend Stanley who's in my band, he suffers from glaucoma.

Yes. A glaucoma patient's brownie.

That probably did it. Is he gonna die?

Charlie's probably gonna be okay, though.

He just needs a lot of sleep and IV fluids.

And he needs to stay away from Stanley.

All right, come on, Ian.

Let's go see if we can get your turtle out of your tortoise.

So that turtle-tortoise stuff must really be trippin' you out, huh?

What are you doing in there, wise guy?

Oh, I'm just helping myself to some gourmet delicious cold pizza, if that's okay.

You know, mi casa su casa, right?

No. Mi casa.

But help yourself.

This is a big place... for one person, I mean.

Never noticed that before Mabel.

She filled the place with her... presence.

And her barking.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Getting all sentimental over a dog.

No. No, no, I totally get it.

She's part of your family. It's totally fine, I...

We're not gonna give up. We'll find her.

Yeah, okay, you gonna eat that pizza or stare at it?

We got work to do. Let's get back.

That's exactly what you need right now, pal.

♪ Attack of the killer tomatoes... ♪ How you doin', buddy? You okay?

♪ Killer tomatoes

♪ They'll beat you bash you squish you... ♪ You lost in that giant head of yours right now?

That was a rough ride there, pal.

You ever see Exit To Eden with Dan Aykroyd and Rosie O'Donnell?

We'll watch that next.

Tyler. Hey.

Great job on that essay.

You really turned it around, man.

Thank you. What you got here?

Oh, it's, uh, my tutor.

My friend's... my friend's dog.

It's missing, so I'm trying to help him find it.

Ah. Ah, that's too bad.

Once upon a time, there was a family...

Hey! Hey! Daddy's home!

Oh, hey, you. All right.

Hello, sweetie pie.

Okay, we found a dog wandering in the street without a collar and we took her in.

That's the right thing to do.

We did the right thing.

Now there's some sad guy out there missing his dog.

W-w-what else can I say?

Maybe we're both husband and wife?

Yeah, but does this sad guy know that this dog has made us a family?

Yeah. Yeah. You ready?

Attagirl. Come on, Brandy.

All right, girl. Yeah, that a girl.

Moving a little slow there. You all right?

One more? One more. All right, you ready?

Go get it.



I love you.

I'm gonna miss you.

I'm so sorry.

Oh, sorry, man, I'll get out your hair.

♪ Amazing grace

♪ How sweet

♪ The sound

♪ That saved

♪ A wretch

♪ Like me

♪ I once was lost

♪ But now I'm found

♪ Was blind

♪ But now I see

Thank you.

♪ 'Twas grace that...

Yeah. How's that lookin'?

Miss Daniels, it is an absolute honor to be working with you.

Mm. You too.

Can you grab me a cup of coffee?

Mm? Uh, I'm kidding, of course.

But can you grab somebody to grab me a cup of coffee?

I'm kidding again.

But daddy does need a cup of joe, so...

Where is the bean water?

Right there. Okay.


He seems nice. Yeah, so nice.

This is good. Just keeping it profesh. New co-host.

Yeah. You go, girl. Do people still say that?

Oh, I do. Is that bad?

No, no. I-it works on you. Okay.

Ah. Must be a downer, but how sad about Jimmy, huh?

What about him? Oh.

I heard he had to put his dog down.

What? Brandy? Yeah.

She had a stroke or something.

I-I'm sorry, I thought you knew.

I guess you guys aren't on speaking terms.


Somebody give this coffee a hard hat because it is workin'.

Show time!

We're live in five, four, three, two...

I just can't believe she's gone.

Brandy was Sam's best friend.

She got him out of his depression.

She taught him how to trust again.

Sam is just... so, so sad.

Are you sure that it's Sam that's feeling this way?

Yes. Why would you ask that?

I noticed that you neglected to bring Sam in today.


Ugh, I knew I forgot something.

You did. Yeah, you did.

You forgot Sam.

Forgot to bring Sam in.

I'm such a mess.

That'll be $350.

It is shaping up to be a beautiful August, back-to-school season.

Parents getting those kids back on a routine, not just wilin' out at night and also a time for relief for the weather.

We're looking at a nice cooldown and then, look out, mid-week, we're looking at huge thunderstorms.

I'm just kidding. Had you for a second though, right?

Lot of people don't know this about me, but I have a great sense of humor.

Mr. Charlie, yeah. Time to wake up.

This is no fun, is it?

Getting woken up by someone invading your personal space is no fun!



Hey! There he is!

Let's go! Yeah! Here we go.

Come on. I'll get you a ginger shot.

Don't rush it, pal. The spot's gotta speak to you.

Look at you, you're like a kid in a candy store.

I might go for a run.


Whoa. Who's this mature, young man standing at my door?

Oh, okay, yeah. Very funny.

So what's the occasion?

It's nothing. It's just this dumb little piece of paper.

I got an A.

Come on. We're going out.

Well, all right. Wise guy.

Let me get my jacket.

Hey! You look fantastic.

Oh, thank you. I... You don't look too bad yourself.

What? This old thing?

I actually just bought this. Brand new. Gucci.

Full price, not cheap. Oh.

There you go.

What's this? A corsage?

No, no, no, those are for your high heels so they don't mess up my carpet.

Oh, uh...

Of course.

Wow! That's really loud!

Yeah, I like to hear it with my whole body.


♪ Oh-oh oh-oh-oh

♪ Oh-oh oh-oh

♪ Oh-oh oh-oh-oh

♪ The right stuff

♪ First time was a great time ♪

♪ Second time was a blast...

-I'm so glad to be a part of this.

Oh. Hey. Giant balloon dogs.

You know it. Come on. How about a photo?

Yeah, I'd love to. Uh...

Oh, you just... mean a photo of you by yourself.

Okay, that's cool.

There you go. All right. Let's see it.

Oh, wait, no. Actually, my nose looks weird.

Let's do another one.

I feel like I should go check in.

Okay, great. And if you could go up a little bit and I'll stay down.

Uh, okay. Okay, great.

I think I got it.

There we are. There's my nose. Yeah.

Uh-huh. Okay.

MIKE; How about a post?

Oh. Yeah.

Giving back...


...looks as good as it feels.

Hashtag New Tricks Rescue. Uh-huh, that's us.

Hashtag Dr. Mike. Nice job.

Thank you. Oh, let's go shake some hands.

Kiss some puppies.


She cleans up nice.

Don't get me wrong. You do, too.

Gertrude, you look absolutely beautiful today.

♪ Oh-oh oh-oh-oh

♪ The right stuff Okay, I'm not gonna lie.

I, uh, I had an ulterior motive to bring you out here.

Ulterior. Good word.

See any that you like?

Well, I like 'em all. They're all cute.

Let me rephrase that.

Do you see any that you want to adopt?

I know you still miss Mabel.

But maybe it's time for you to move on.

You know, Tyler, I never wanted to adopt Mabel.


I always thought dogs were a hassle.

More trouble than they were worth.

But my wife, Addie, she pestered me about it till I gave in.

We must've looked at a 100 dogs before she chose Mabel.

"This one," she said, "This is our dog."

She was right.

Mabel made our lives just a little sweeter.

So when I lost my wife... it felt like it was my job to take care of Mabel.

Make sure she was as spoiled as Addie wanted her to be.

As much as I miss Mabel, the hardest part about all this is feeling like I let my wife down.

Walter, I think Addie will understand.

I think she would want you to be happy again.

Oh, I know. And I am happy, I mean...

At least I'm getting there, thanks to you.

To me?

Well, you got me out of the house.

I'm wearing this damn suit, I feel like I'm a part of the world again, so... thank you, pizza boy.

Thank you, y-your friendship means a lot to me.

You're not gonna like this. What?

You're gonna hate me for this. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Come on. Comin' in. Oh, oh, oh, okay.

I forgive you.

Just don't make it a habit. All right. All right.

This one's pretty cute, huh?

This one looks like a little pain in the ass.

So, um, and when he touched the shoe... and this is a button and this one is white and then...

Hey! What are you guys doing?

We're reading a book.

You are? But why are you dressed like fairies?

Not fairies. As fairy dinosaur princess.


Amelia, I have some news I have to tell you, and it's kind of sad.

Okay, here it goes.

Um, you have been doing such a great job taking care of Mr. Snuggles.

Thank you.

And I know she loves playing with you.

Uh, it's just... we found out that Mr. Snuggles has an owner named Walter.

Walter? Yeah.

And Walter lost Mr. Snuggles and he misses her very much.

So as much as we'd like to keep Mr. Snuggles, I'm afraid she's gonna have to go back home.


Yeah. I know.

I know, sweetie. It's so sad.

And happy too.


Mr. Snuggles gets to go back home.

Yeah. Yes, she does.

And Walter will be happy too.

Walter will be very happy.

And I'm sure he's gonna wanna thank you for taking care of her.

Does it mean we have to say goodbye now?

No. No, we don't have to say goodbye now.

We can do that tomorrow.

Yay! Mm-hmm.

I understand why some people choose not to adopt.

Life is hard enough as it is.

Why-why make it any harder?

So why are we here?

Why are we doing this?

It's for them.

You know, uh, for a lot of dogs that come to New Tricks stores, life has been really hard.

For some of them, it's been downright cruel.

And yet, they find a way to open their hearts to us to love and to be loved, and I-I find that beautiful.

And so, I'm asking you today to find a way for you to open up your heart.

Or your checkbook, whichever one opens first and let's find a new home for New Tricks.

That would be amazing. Any contribution will help.

Thank you so much. Um, oh, and-and I just want to give a quick shout-out to our incredible party planner.

Tara, thank you so much.

Thank you for making New Tricks your purpose.

All right, go drink, be merry, Frunk will be back soon.

Whoo! Have fun.

And adopt a dog. You wanna do that one as well. Okay.


What is Frunk?

I have no clue.

Hey, hey, it's Jimmy Johnston here.

We're at the New Tricks Charity Event in Griffith Park, so come on down.

We have lots of fun, we have lots of games and food, food trucks.

Uh, come on down, adopt your new best friend.

I know. You never know who you...

Why does he have to look so good?

We havin' a good time? Yeah!

Right. You hear 'em. Come on down to Griffith Park.

We have big dogs, we got small dogs, long hair...

Don't do that.

Don't think you're just gonna stare me down and I'm gonna go to this thing.

I'm not going. Mnh-mnh.

I'm not going.

♪ Oh yeah Where are you?

Where... Oh.

♪ All right

♪ Say all right Oh, Elizabeth? Yeah. Elizabeth.

Griffith Park, yeah?

♪ Say all right Great. Whew!

Oh, why-why are we...

You know what, I'm gonna run.

Yeah. I'm gonna run.

Five stars.

♪ With all my heart

♪ I love you baby Mayor Caughlin.

Channel 12 here. Hello, Jimmy.

How you doin' this evening? Havin' a good time?

I am doing great this evening.

I think I adopted three terriers and a... and a small pony.

You're not gonna ask me to dance, are you?

May I? You may.

All right.

♪ Sweet love

♪ Hear me callin' out your name ♪

♪ I feel no shame I'm in love ♪ Hey, don't have too much fun, okay.

Hey. Hi.

Hey, thank you for the kind words up there.

Yeah, of course.

How's it going?

Um, amazing. Yeah?

Yeah, we got a bunch of people to sign adoption applications.


Uh, a lot of elderly women have told me that I look like Pee-wee Herman.

So... I'm... Okay.

I'm taking it as a compliment.

Yeah, I think that's a good thing.

A handsome Pee-wee Herman. Yes, thank you.

You're welcome. How's, uh, how's the hot date?

Uh, a little chillier than I expected.

Um, excuse me, I'm just...

I need to get in there. Not right now, you don't.

I just need to talk to my friend.

Not right now, you don't.

Uh... Okay.

Okay, fine. I'm gone.

Jimmy! Liz.

Marvin, is it finally Code Orange?

Liz? Move those dogs.

Hey, hey, hey. I got her. Get off of me.

I got her. I got her. Get...

Sorry about that. Get...

I am not a crazy person.

Liz, what are you doing here?

Jimmy, I love...


Is that it?


No, of course not. I...

I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you, for Brandy, I...

She was wonderful.

Yes, she was.

Thank you.

I got you something.

What is it?

Uh, it's just a gift.

It's just, um...

It's just a little something.

Don't let the Tiffany box fool you.

"I am I because my little dog knows me.

Gertrude Stein."

I, um...

Are you okay? I'm sorry. I-I didn't mean to upset you.

No, no. My God. No, I'm not upset.

I'm happy.

This is the sweetest gift that I've ever been given and...

You know, just being a part of this, it has given me so much, I ju...


This is all you.

You know, if someone would just give this sweet girl a home, my life would be complete.

Well, um, someone actually adopted her this evening.

No way. Who?

I did. This guy.

You know, sometimes people don't realize how amazing a dog is.

But, um...

I know how special she is, and I-I realized I didn't want to let her go.

What are you doing?

Well, I just realized I didn't want to let you go.

And listen, I'm-I'm not saying that we need to jump back into a relationship, but...

I care about you. And so does Sam.

And we would both really love it if we could spend...

God, I wanna kiss you right now...

but I know you got your whole rule about on camera PDA.

What? Cameras?

Yeah. We're still, uh... Oh.

Right. Cameras. Mm-hmm.

They can still hear me. Yeah.

Screw it.

They're gonna have such beautiful babies.

I could have sworn he was into me.

Wow, they're really covering the hell out of this charity event.

By the way, I'm pregnant. What?


♪ Who let the dogs out?

♪ Woof woof woof woof woof

♪ Who let the dogs out?

Ooh. Oh, oh. This should be our song.

No. Unh-unh. Yeah. Yea...

Mnh-mnh. Mm-hmm.

♪ Who let the dogs out?

Uh, excuse me.

Oh. Uh, hey, Dr. Mike.

I thought we were on a date.

I changed my mind.

All right. I guess I get that.

He took that well. Yeah. I think so.

♪ Who let the dogs out?

♪ Woof woof woof woof woof

♪ Who let the dogs out?

♪ Woof woof woof woof woof How did you...

Uh, I had one just like this in college.


Oh, my gosh. Look at it inside!

This is so great, baby.

Aw, I apprec...

I love you so much.

I love you so much, Walter.

Thank you so much.

Ah, come on, baby. Get in.

Come on! Get in. Come on.

Let's go for a ride.



Yes, it is.


Oh, that's... th-that's wonderful.

Is Mabel okay?

Yeah, yeah, Mabel. Yes.

Oh, that-that's great.

No, no, no, no. No, no problem. No problem.

I could meet you anywhere.

Yes, yes, I know it well.

Yes. Fantastic.

Well, we found her, sweetheart.

We found her.

Oh, I hear you.

Hey, hey.


Oh, my God, you look amazing.

Oh... Thanks, we're doing so much better.

Hi, Charlie bear! What happened?

Carol happened.

Greg had to go back to work, so his mom flew in to help us.

And she does everything so much better than us.

You know, I got four hours of sleep last night.

Oh, man, I'm sorry.

No, that's really good.

I'm really proud of you.

You're a single mom, and you're doing it.

Well, I have Greg.

You're a single mom.

Watch this.

Frunk. Oh, God.

Uh... Frunk.

Great. I'm gonna have to say "Frunk" any time I want him to do anything?

You see, Frunk can mean anything.

Well, I hope he wasn't too much of a burden to you.

Oh, no, he was.

Oh, I'm sorry. No, it's good.

I feel like I spend so much of my time burdening you.


I mean, you really, really take care of me.

You lend me money, you give me a place to stay when I need it, you pay the insurance of my van.

Wait, I do?


Can we visit her?

I don't know, but we can certainly ask.

I'm sad, Mommy.


I'm sad, too.

But you know what?

We are still a family. Okay.

And families help each other through sad times.

Do you want a hug?



Mr. Chapman. Walter. Hey. Hello.

All right. Yeah, nice to meet you.

I've heard such great things. Pleasure.


Uh, Tyler is a good kid.

He is a great kid. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, uh, this stuff is for you here. Um...

We, uh, we just picked up a couple of things so the dog will be more comfortable. Okay.

All right.

You're a good dog.


I gotta go.

Try not to miss me too bad.

I won't miss you at all.

All right, I'll see you soon. Aw.

Dax, are you crying?


This is what happens.

Plus, I was maced, like... pretty recently. Okay. Okay.

So I can't control when I'm tearin' up.


He likes it when you put these on his food.

What is that... You remember when you said that I saved you?

I said no human food!

Okay, bye.

Love you. Bye, burden.

Del Taco?


Good girl.




Well, don't you look slim and trim.

Well, hello! Hi.

What's your name? Amelia Chapman.

Have you been taking care of this dog, Amelia?

Feeding her and walking her? Why, yes, I have.

Well, she looks so happy.

You must be doing a great job.

Uh, well, sweetie, I think it's probably time we should say goodbye to the doggie so she can go back home.

Oh, um, we were wondering if we could visit your dog every once in a while.

I don't think so.

Oh. Okay.

We just thought we'd ask.

No, um, you misunderstood.

I mean... I don't think you'll be able to visit because there's been a mistake.

This isn't my dog.

I'm sorry, what?

I'd say this is your dog.

Walter, you don't have to do that.

What a lucky dog to have such a sweet family.

I don't know what to say here. No, nothing to say.

Just... misunderstanding, that's all.

Well, the dog seems to like you a lot, so, uh...

...if you'd like, you know, we could meet up in the park sometime.

Yes. Yes.

You know, I'd like that very much.

Is that okay with you?

Of course.

Of course.

All right. Well...

I-I know you don't know me, but...

Aw. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!

You're welcome.

Enjoy. Yeah.

Thank you, sir. See you soon, huh?

Yes. Yes.

All right.

Mommy, why are you crying? Are you sad?


No, I'm not sad, I'm happy!

Sometimes, people cry when they're happy.

Well, good morning, or should I say wake up, LA.

We're here at the beach today with my dog Sam.

All dogs love the beach, so come on down.

ELIZABETH We do love the beach...

Oh, hey, you!

Oh, I know your spot. Right there. Yeah.

That's what you came for, huh?

Oh, well, now look at you.

Where'd you come from?

Oh, hello, beautiful!

Oh, look. Yeah, okay...

Sorry, Walter, one of the dogs knows how to open up doors.

Ah, it's All right. Mi casa su casa.


What? I took Spanish in high school.

Anyway, um... Look.

Walter, uh, I know we kid, or I kid and you stare blankly at me, but, um, I just wanna say thank you so much for opening up your home.

And I hope my thanking you hasn't been annoying.

It is annoying. Please, stop.

Message received.

Uh... thank you. Okay.

Who wants to go outside?


Hey, baby.

That's my girlfriend. Mm-hmm.

Oh, don't feed Darla. Her tummy's upset.

Hey, old man. Wise guy.

I hope it's not weird we're dating.

No. No, I'm just happy you're happy.

And to be honest, I think you two are perfect for each other.


Mm, sweet.

Thank you.

Have you seen Gertrude?

Who is this little guy?

Oh, my God. I didn't know my friend Scotch was coming to visit me today.

Is she yours?

Nope, she's ours.

Wanna hold her? Yes, I wanna hold her.

Hey, what is this? What is this?


Jimmy, I...

Elizabeth... will you marry me?

Yes! Yes?

Yes, of course. Yes?

Sam. Where's Sam? Sam! Yeah, get Sam. Get Sam.

Get Sam.

Come here. Oh, yes.

Come here, baby.

♪ Come and take a ride with me ♪

♪ Kissing on your wrist so casually ♪

♪ Livin' out a public fantasy ♪

♪ Oh you stop in every row

♪ You kiss me oh

♪ Plain to see

♪ You're the face I wanna call on ♪

♪ So what's another minute baby ♪

♪ You and me

♪ Are the reason why hearts are made of gold ♪

"Scene 108-C, role 15, take three." Nailed it.

♪ Who let the dogs out?

♪ Woof woof woof woof woof

Oh, look at these guys.

Looks like you're in deep Shih Tzu.

You know, I'm actually surprised you knew these were Shih Tzus.

I know my dogs.

You know your Shih Tzu about Shih Tzus.

Dude, your dog is fat. Excuse me?

Oh, I'm sorry, what I meant to say is your dog is super fat.

Excuse me?

What I meant to say is if your dog gets any bigger, its feet won't be able to touch the ground.

Excuse me?

I feel like if I hit your dog hard enough, candy will fly out.

Excuse me?

Ow, that's inside my ear canal.

Ew. He's talking into my ear canal.

Oh, no, it's too early to play. Too early to play.

♪ Who let the dogs out?

♪ Woof woof woof woof Wanna hear a real band name?

Foghat. Great name.

Foghat is just two words put together.

It-it paints a whole picture.

Yeah, of a fog with a hat on top of it.

Yes. How does it...

I'm sorry. Is this weird?

No. No, no, no, no, no. It-it's just turning me on in like a really weird way.

So I'm into it.

♪ But they say hey man dat is part of the party ♪

♪ Yepee ah yo

♪ To put a woman in front and they man behind ♪

♪ I hear a woman shout out who let the dogs... ♪ Ow! I'm sorry, Brandy.

Oh, oh... Ow.

♪ Who let the dogs out? ♪ Woof woof woof This morning, he was like, "Whoa, some of your hair's dark and some some of it's light."

And I was like, "Thank you."

He got me this jacket which is disgusting, but I can't stop wearing it.

Look at these sleeves. It's stupid.

It smells like his house.

And cut.

♪ Who let the dogs out?

♪ Woof woof woof woof woof

♪ Who let the dogs out?

♪ Woof woof woof woof woof

♪ Last year in the dance you had a ball... ♪ Can you answer a question with more than two words?

I can.

Okay, how did you get to rehearsal today?

By car.

How many instruments did you learn to play before you learned to play the drums?

Just drums. Just... God! Jes...

All right. You know what?

What kind of car you drive?

I drive a Fiat.

What's the most people you ever fit into the... into one of those cars?

You can fit one passenger and then two in the back.

It's not always... It's not like...

That thing about clowns going in, a bunch of us, it's...

We don't do that. Oh, man.

No, it's not safe.

Did you always know you wanted to be a clown?

No, I got into it in my late 30s.

Which is not usual.

Why do you do this?

Why do you do this every time?

Give me them kisses. Oh, yes.

Greg! Oh, that's such a cutie.




Greg! Greg!

What is this? Weekend at Bernie's?

Greg! Greg, wake up!

He might be sick.

I-I feel pain in my brain and in my toes.

It feels like there's a small child, like, scratching his way out of my face.

It's like in my molars.

It feels like someone's washing a pan in my eyes.

♪ Get back you flea-infested mongrel ♪

♪ Uh yeah what up?

♪ Gimme little dog ♪ Woof

♪ Down to bongo found the bong ♪

♪ And I bang the gong-o

♪ Woof

That'll be $350.

I've raised my rates.

You can just do that?

Yes. Yes, I can.

And I did. Just now.

♪ Yepee ah yo

♪ Who let the dogs out? ♪ Yepee ah yo

♪ Who let the dogs out? ♪ Yepee ah yo

Let's wrap this Shih Tzu up.

♪ Who let the dogs out?

♪ Who let the dogs out?

♪ A doggie is nothing if he don't have a bone ♪

♪ Who let the dogs out?

♪ Woof woof woof woof woof

♪ A doggie is nothing if he don't have... ♪ Frunk, right? Mm-hmm.

What does that stand for?

It could mean anything. It could mean...

Could it mean a terrible name for a band?

Okay. Charlie, sic him.

Charlie, kill.

Charlie, rip him to shreds.

I don't know if your dog's into it.

Oh, yeah?

Charlie, sit.

Good dog.