Down by Law (1986) Script

[Man] # Edna Million in a drop-dead suit #

# Dutch pink on a downtown train #

# Two-dollar pistol but the gun won't shoot #

# I'm in the corner on the pouring rain #

# Sixteen men on a deadman's chest #

# And I've been drinking from a broken cup #

# Two pairs of pants and a mohair vest #

# I'm full of bourbon I can't stand up #

# Hey, little bird Fly away home #

# Your house is on fire Your children are alone #

# Hey, little bird Fly away home #

# Your house is on fire Your children are alone #

# Schiffer broke a bottle on Morgan's head #

# And I've been stepping on the devil's tail #

# Across the stripes of a full moon's head #

# And through the bars of a Cuban jail #

# Bloody fingers on a purple knife #

# A flamingo drinking from a cocktail glass #

# I'm on the lawn with someone else's wife #

# Admire the view from up on top of the mast #

# Hey, little bird Fly away home #

# Your house is on fire Your children are alone #

## [Fades]

[Birds Chirping]

Julie, what are you doing here?

Just watching the light changing.

# Hey, little bird Fly away home #

# Your house is on fire Your children are alone #

# Hey, little bird Fly away home #

# House is on fire and your children are alone #

# Hey #

# Hey, little bird Fly away home #

# Your house is on fire Your children are alone #

# Hey, little bird Fly away home #

# Your house is on fire and your children are alone #

## [Fades]

You sleepin', baby?

# Hey, little bird Fly away home #

# Your house is on fire Your children are alone #

# Hey, little bird Fly away home #

# Your house is on fire Your children are alone #

# Yellow sheets on a Hong Kong bed #

# Stazybo horn and a Slingerland ride #

# To the carnival is what she said #

# A hundred dollars makes it dark inside #

# Edna Million in a drop-dead suit #

# Dutch pink on a downtown train #

# Two-dollar pistol but the gun won't shoot #

# I'm in the corner on the pouring rain #

# Hey, little bird Fly away home #

# Your house is on fire Your children are alone #

# Hey, little bird Fly away home #

# Your house is on fire Your children are alone #

## [Ends]

[Dog Barking]

[Siren Wailing In Distance]

[Barking Continues] [Siren Continues]

[More Sirens Wailing]

[Barking Fades] [Sirens Fade]

[Dog Barking]

Only 'cause you don't...

'cause you don't take care of me.

Or want me.

Or want to make any kind of commitment to me.

I'm finished with you, Zack.

I'm completely finished with you.

Why don't you just go find yourself some other little girl to be your pet?

That shouldn't be too difficult for you.

I've had it with you and your fuckin' stupid radio shows.

This is really fuckin' boring! [Glass Shattering]


Okay. Okay.

We're not gonna talk about that right now.

Look at you, Zack. Look what you're doing to yourself.

You're digging your own grave.

Why can't you just stay at one station a while?

Why do you always gotta go fuck up your own future, huh?

What are you so afraid of, Zack?

Yeah, well, that's right, Laurette. We can't live in the present forever.



Okay, look, um...

Maybe you should just go back to New York or Detroit or Baltimore.

[Sniffles] You said you liked it there, remember?

Go back to one of them stations where you used to work... and ask them to give you a second chance.

There's nothing wrong with asking somebody for somethin'.

Why is that always so fuckin' hard for you?

You're a good deejay, Zack.

All you got to do is learn to jerk people off a little.

That's all they really want, you know.

Well, I never jerk people off, and you fuckin' know it, Laurette.

[Sobs] Okay. Okay, fine. Forget it.

I'm not talkin' to you anymore, Zack. Okay?

I'm not talkin' to you anymore... because you don't want to fuckin' be here.

And I'm not gonna let you play with me anymore!

I hate you. You're so damn stubborn and stupid.

And I hate you. I hate you.

And I'm an idiot for being with you.

You got me embarrassed on my own time.

You got no fuckin' future, Zack, especially not with me.

Not the shoes. Not the shoes.

Not the shoes. No?

Come on, hit me, motherfucker! Hit me! Hit me!

I guess it's over between us, Laurette.

[Dog Barking In Distance]


You know, Jack, we could get some money together.

Except you always blowin' it.

You know, gamblin', gettin' high, showin' off.

I have to have fun, you know, baby?

Yeah, yeah, I know.

You always makin' big, big plans for tomorrow.

You wanna know why?

'Cause you always fuckin' up today.

Look at what happened to that white girl Julie that you started out with.

She is a mess now.

All the girls you got are so messed up, except me.

I could tell you a lot of things about yourself you never even thought about.

Never even entered your hatchet-shaped head.

But, you know, you never can be too sure.

My mama used to say that America is a big meltin' pot.

Because she used to say when you bring it to a boil... all the scum rises to the top. [Laughing]

So maybe there's hope for you yet, Jack. [Laughing]

You listenin' to me?

Shit. You don't understand any kind of people.

Maybe that's your problem. You sure don't understand women at all.

And a pimp is at least supposed to understand women.

If you was a good pimp, you would have hit me by now or done somethin'.

But I can just lay here and talk forever... and you won't hear a single word... like you don't even speak English.

Lost inside all them plans you got.

But I know about you, Jack.


You sure can talk, can't you, baby?

[Phone Rings]


Yes? Hey, Jack. It's me, Gig.

Ah, what do you want? Man, I don't owe you anything.

Man, I got something I know you gonna be interested in, Jack.

I doubt that very much.

You busy? Yes.

I just want to come up and talk to you, Jack. - Uh-huh.

I wanna prove to you that I'm on your side, man. - Uh-huh.

Don't you got just five minutes to talk? - No, I don't.

Come on, Jack. - Just come up and make it short, all right?

I'm on my way up. Yeah.

Fatso's on his way up here.


Cover up the merchandise.

Just take this, in case he's gotten any smarter lately, all right?



Hi, Jack. Where you at?

Hi, babe.

She nice.

Jack, I know how you feel about me... after what happened down in Jefferson Parish... with that spy boy, and I don't blame you one bit.

But you too serious.

You gotta let the past be the past, Jack.

I come here tonight to settle us up.

Now how you gonna be doin' that, fathead?

By doin' you a favor... a really big favor. I'm as serious as cancer.

Man, whatever this is, I know it's bullshit.

Jack, I have been tryin' to find a way to straighten us out... and I finally come up with it.

Please, let bygones be bygones. [Laughing]

Man, I can see why you might wanna be on my good side.

You wanna do me a favor 'cause you know... you know I'm gonna be big... and you wanna be in on it.

All right, it's no secret.

I know where you're headed.

But just hear me out, see my little gift... and then, if you're not interested, let me know.

What's the gift?

Oh, man, you gonna die.

I have got a piece of chicken you ain't even gonna believe is from this planet.

No, that I might believe. Oh, Jack, be serious, man.

This girl is 19. A beautiful white girl.

A Cajun goddess, man. A Cajun goddess.

I got her up at the Belle Chasse Hotel right now.

And she's waiting there for you, Jack.

My gift to you. The most beautifulest gift that I could possibly give you.

I mean, I can't believe you think I'm gonna fall for this.

Hey, go over there, check it out.

If I'm crazy or lyin', you don't lose nothin'.

Matter of fact, I just wanted to give you first shot at her... before she all used up, because she is gorgeous, man.

Then why don't you want her, man?

Why don't you give her to one of your so-called real friends... one of those assholes down on Decatur Street, huh?

Because I've been trying to make us be friends again.

Can't you just accept that?

All right. And I suppose you haven't even touched her, right?


All right, I'll go look at your martian goddess.

But I'm telling you something. If you're foolin' with me... if you're wastin' my time, if anythin', I'm gonna fuck you up.

I guarantee it.

Jack, nobody's gonna regret anythin', especially not you.

In fact, you're gonna thank me for this.

You're gonna remember me for the rest of your life for this.

Yeah? Okay.

[Door Opens, Closes]

You makin' any money, baby? Ain't nothin' happenin'.

Pretty thing like you? Why not? I don't know.

All right. Check you out later. All right, Jack.

Hey, L.C. What's happenin'?

Hey, Jack. Good to see you.

Out kinda early this evenin', huh?

Yeah. I got some things to check out. How's the ladies treatin' you?

Ow. Well, you know, Jack, how that goes.

If you get enough of it, do like a crawfish. Back on out of it.

I'll see you, L.C. All right. Take care, Jack.

Hey, Julie. How's it goin'? All right.

Hang in there now.

I heard you're lookin' for someone to take care of you.

Now what you want is someone who's gonna treat you like a lady.

I don't know if you've been on the streets here or not, but they can be very serious.

These guys...

I mean, chances are you're gonna find somebody who's gonna get you strung out...

'cause he's strung out, and then he's gonna own you.

Some guy's gonna cut you, hurt you.

With me, you're gonna be makin' money. You're gonna have jewelry.

Whatever you want. Check it out. I got the right connects.

My thing is organized.

You work with me, I'm gonna take care of you.

Don't shoot me! Don't...

Where you at, Jack? Mandino, what are you doin'?

Man, I'm here with my girlfriend.

This is ridiculous, man. What are you tryin' to pull on me?


Jack, Jack. You're a sick son of a bitch.

Is that your girlfriend? - Man, you know I'm not into this kinda... Ow!

Get this son of a bitch out of here. Get this pervert out of here!

Shit. [Groans]

Okay, Rich.

I'll take care of the kid.


It's okay, darlin'. Everything's all right.

It's all over now.

Look, we're just gonna... we're gonna sit here for a little while... and then you're gonna... you're gonna come with me.

Now, I don't want you to worry about anything, understand?

Don't worry about a thing, because I'm gonna take care of you.

[Glass Shattering] [Dog Barking In Distance]

## [Singing Drunkenly]

## [Continues]

# And she said #

## [Vocalizes]

# Well, where you were # [Snaps Fingers]

# Oh, baby, don't go slow #

# Take me now # [Snaps Fingers]

# Oh, she don't know #

[Italian Accent] Is a sad and beautiful world.

Huh? [Chuckles]

Yeah, it's a sad and beautiful world, pal.

That's a good one.

# Yeah, yeah ##

Ah, buzz off, pal.

Ah! Thank you. Buzz offa to you too. [Chuckles]

No, buzz off.

Ah, buzz off. Ah, buzz off. Buzz off.

Buzz off. Buzz off. Is, uh... Is a sad and beautiful world.

Buzz off. Buzz... off.

Good evening. Buzz off to everybody.

Oh, thank you. Buzz off to you too. Oh, uh, it's a pleasure.

Thank you.

[Dog Barking In Distance]

# Oh, lady, now, now #

# It's a sad and beautiful world #

# It's a sad and beautiful world #

# It is a sad and beautiful world, yeah #

# It's a sad and beautiful world #

# It's a sad and beautiful world #

# Now #

# To the end #

# She's just She's just a shadow, baby ##

Zack. My man.

What the fuck you doin' out here in the garbage?

Just leave me alone, Preston.

I'm in a bad mood.

Well, then I'm just the man you've been lookin' for.

In fact, I been lookin' for you.

That's a bad sign. Now, Zack, baby.

I got somethin' real good for you.

An hour's work for a whole lot of scratch.

I ain't interested, man. Man, you are in a bad mood.

You ain't even let me propose this shit to you. - [Scoffs]

Just listen to me for one minute, will ya?

One minute of your, uh, valuable time.

[Exhales Deeply]

Just fuck off, Preston. [Chuckling]

All I want to do is pay you a grand... in exchange for a single hour of your very, very valuable time.

Now this ain't no breaking and entering or small-time chump change.

No delivery of controlled substances. None of that stuff.

This is just to drive a car from one part of town to the other, alone.

That's it.

Well, what kind of car would that be, Preston?

That would be a very nice car. [Chuckles]


A very nice, very expensive imported car... which just happens to be between owners at the present time.

Oh, I see.Just in between owners.

Look, all you got to do, man, is drive the car across town... park it, leave it.

And, look, I'm gonna give you half up front and half later.

The whole thing's over in an hour.

Very safe, very clean.

And believe me, I could get a million guys to do this for me.

Well, then, why don't you do it yourself?

I'm offering a grand so I don't have to answer stupid questions like that.

[Sighs] Well, I might consider a grand up front.

Then I might think about it.

Jesus Christ.

Zack, you are in a nasty mood.

Now, just to make you cheer up a little bit...

I'll give you 750 in front, okay?


All right, all right, Mr. Almighty Hot Shit.

Look, I'm gonna do you this favor.

Oh, man. A Jaguar, huh?

Look, man, I'm gonna give you the whole thing, up front.

And you gonna owe me one.

Zack, you can buy yourself 20 girls for all of that.

[Sighs] Yeah, sure, man.

# Then she said what #

# I just want to know #

# Shoop, shoop #

# Shoop, shoop #

# Shoop # [Horn Honks]


# Take it slow ##

All right, baby. You got it.

[Chattering] How you doin', baby?

All right. Shit.

Well, I ain't goin' back to Detroit, and that's for damn sure.


You can bet your ass I'm a good deejay.


WAKR.Just check it out.

Oh, we're comin' up on the midnight hour here on the Lee Baby Simms Show.


Well, it's a Tuesday night. Gimme a call down here at the station.

Our lines are open. Let the Lee Baby know that you still love him.



I'm gonna be sending this one out to, uh... out to you, Laurette.

# I was all right #

# For a while #

# I could smile I could smile ##

[Tires Squeal]

[Siren Wailing]

[Man On P.A.] You in the Jag. Pull it over.

Son of a bitch.

Out of the car, asshole. Out!

Get your ass out of there.


Was I goin' a little too fast? Hands up on the hood, jackass. Move!

Move! Spread 'em out.

Come on, get a little goosey-goosey goin' here.

What are you lookin' at?

Your ugly face. He's clean.

Hook him up. Oh, hook him up.

Hook him good. Twist it a little bit.

Watch it, rookie.

I ain't done nothin'. Get your ass back. Get your ass back.

I don't care if you done nothin'. Let's see what we got here.

It's my car. It's your ass.

Shit. What are you lookin' at, dogface? Shut up.

Maybe we get a little lagniappe in the trunk. - Oh, yeah?

You got nothin' on me.


[Zack Whimpers] Damn.

He's the one, Herb. It's all wrong, man.

[Speaking French]

Put the smart-ass in the car. It's all wrong, man.

In the car. Come on! It's not me.

No, asshole! You set me up!

Come on! You set me up!

In the car, asshole! You set me up, you motherfucker!

You set me up!

Son of a bitch!

[Inmates Chattering]


[Inmates Chattering]

[Door Clanks]

[Door Opens]

Hey, baby. Yeah, right.

[Guard] In here.

[Man] Excuse me. Now can I get a light for my cigarette?

[Guard] Didn't I give you a match this morning? - That was five, six hours ago.

[Guard] I'll be back in a couple of hours. - Man, come on.


Guard! I need a light here.

I can't believe this.

Guard! Guard! Guard! Guard! Guard! Guard! Guard!

[Man Chuckling]

What am I doin' in here?

Can't you see?

You are not the only innocent asshole in here.

I was set up too.

Just like you were.

Just like you.

Man, I am not just like you, whatever you say.

I don't even want to deal with you. You got it, man?

As far as I'm concerned, you don't even exist. Not at all.

Got it?

Well, you don't exist either.

The walls don't exist.

The floor doesn't exist.

This prison's not here. These bunks aren't here.

The bars aren't here.

None of this is really here.

None of this is really here at all.

What's the matter with you, man?

Huh? What's goin' on inside there?

You haven't said nothin' in three days.

Man, you gotta say somethin'. Just say somethin'.

Fuck you.

Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.

Okay, fuck you. That's fine.

You piss me off, you know that?

Man, you know what I'm gonna do when I get out of here?

When I get out of here...

there's gonna be a white limousine.

It's gonna come and pick me up.

It's gonna be a Lincoln.

I'm gonna step inside...

and inside it's bigger than you could possibly imagine it from the outside.

And there's gonna be beautiful girls in there... four of 'em... and they're all gonna be naked.

And one of 'em's gonna offer me some coke.

But I'm gonna just say no.

I'm gonna just be enjoying the luxury of the car and the girls.

And the door's gonna close... and it's just gonna go "click."

And there's gonna be music playin'.

It's like music I never heard before.

And then the car's gonna start up... and it's gonna drive slowly towards the city, very slowly.

It's gonna be beautiful, man.


You're such an asshole. What?

You're an asshole. Yeah, why am I an asshole, huh?

Why am I an asshole?

'Cause you imagine all this insane shit... like you were... Bebe Rebozo or something.

Yeah? Who's Bebe Rebozo?

Zack, who's Bebe Rebozo?

[Inmates Chattering]

What'd you do on the outside?

You were a garbageman, right?

I wasn't no garbageman.

Well, what'd you do then?

I was a deejay. What?

I was a deejay. A music deejay?

Yeah. Nah, man. I don't believe it. Really?

What station? I listen to the radio. I must have heard you.

Shit. WYLD.

Lee Baby Simms. You're Lee Baby Simms?

No. Yeah.

You heard of me? Nope.

Fuck you. [Chuckles]

Ah, I can't believe it. I got a deejay in here with me?

I think that's unbelievable, man.

Why don't you do, like, a little, you know... a thing, you know, a talk?

[Scoffs] I don't feel like it.

[Clicks Tongue] Come on, man. Do... You know, do the weather or something.

[Sighs] Man, what's it like outside? Why don't you tell me that?

Cold. What else? Come on.

Tell me some stuff, you know. Go ahead. Do a thing.

Come on. [Makes Noise]

All right. Okay.

All right.

Let's see, um...


Well, we got about 12 below the big red line.

Slick, icy road conditions out there tonight, Bob. You betcha.

All you holiday travelers beware.

Looks like we got about a four-car pileup out there on the airline highway.

I'm gonna switch over to our mobile unit now.

Chip, what does it look like out there to you?

You know, it was that type of thing. Come on, do some more.

That was cool. Weather and bullshit.

Do some more. Nah.

Come on.

Do some more.

All right, okay.

Let's see. [Clears Throat]

[Chuckles] All right. Uh...

Uh... okay.

Well, we got about 10:43... Coming up on 10:43 here in the Crescent City.

We're goin' around and around with the big sound from the big town right here on WYLD.

You got the Lee Baby. You got the Lee Baby Simms Show.

Right now we're gonna talk to Jack Romano.

We got him right here in the studio with us.

He's working over there at Tipitina's tonight.

I'm gonna be down there. I'm gonna be down there checkin' him out.

You come on down. You tell 'em the Lee Baby sent you.

Right now we're gonna hear a little more music.

I wanna send this one out to all our friends out in the Ninth Ward.

Little Lyle, all those Wild Dogs out there...

Lone Wolf, Nashville Kid, Nadine...

Dwight, Tyrone and the Golden Boys.

Let's hear a little somethin' from Earl King, New Orleans's own.

Little somethin' called "Trick Bag."

[Laughing] You know.

Man, what is wrong with you?

It's like pulling teeth tryin' to get you to talk, and you're a fuckin' deejay.

What is wrong with you anyways? [Chuckling]

Hey, cut it out.

Stop it!

Man, don't you know you're makin' time go slower? Cut it out.

Why? Ow!

[Inmate] Kick his fuckin' ass! Come on!

You fucker. I'm gonna fuck you up, man.

[Inmate #2] Hey, we got a fight startin' up!

[Inmates Shouting, Indistinct]

Come on!

[Inmates Chattering]

[Door Opens]

[Door Closes]

[Wolf Whistle]

Get in there, huh?

He don't even speak no English.

Homicidal son of a bitch says he's Italian.

And why don't you take a flying fuck? [Speaking Italian]

[Clears Throat] If looks can kill, I am dead now.

I "ham" Roberto.

Roberto. Call me Bob. The same.

No good here... for me.

Is, uh...


Is, uh...

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Not enough room to swing a cat.


Cat. The animal.



Excuse me, Jack... Zack!

Zack. [Hiccups] I have the "hicc-outs." Do you have some cigarette?

No. [Hiccups]

No! No. I understand.

[Hiccups] Thank you.


[Hiccups] Do you have, uh, Zack, some cigarette?

I'm Jack. Get it straight.

[Hiccups] Yes. Got it straight.


But do you have some cigarette?

Cigarettes won't help with hiccups. Not in this country.

[Hiccups] Me, yes, uh, c-c-cigarette help me... with the... when I have... [Hiccups] the hicc-outs.


Don't ask me again. Thank you. [Hiccups]


Do you have, uh... [Makes Sound Of Match Striking]



Jack, do you have some fire?

No. [Hiccups]


Excuse me, Jack, do... Zack! Zack!

I'm Zack. Zack.

He's Jack. I'm Zack.

Do you have some fire? [Hiccups]

No. Matches aren't allowed here.

Do you understand?

Yes. [Hiccups] Yes, I see.

I see. [Hiccups]


Do you like Walt Whitman?

Yes, I like Walt Whitman very much. Leaves of "Glass."


Nothing. I said, "Do you like Walt Whitman?"

Walt Whitman?

Yes. I like Walt Whitman very much.

Very good, Leaves of "Glass."

Leaves of "Glass."

[Speaking Italian]

Walt Whitman.

Walt Whitman.


[Speaking Italian]

What the hell are you doin'? [Italian Continues]

[Italian Continues]

Bob? Bob? Yes?

What the hell are you doin'?

I make-a a window.


That's good, Bob.

Excuse me. Do you say in English, "I looka at the window"... or do you say in English, "I looka out the window"?

Well, in this case, Bob, I'm afraid you gotta say, "I look at the window."

[Speaking Italian]

So, uh, Za... Jack. Jack, why-why are you put in this place?

I don't know, Bob. It was, like, voodoo or something, you know?

I was framed. I'm completely innocent. You understand?

Yes. You are innocent man. Yeah.

I understand.

And you, my friend, Zack, why are you put in this prison?

I was set up, Bob.

Just like Jack. Hmm.

I "ham" an innocent man. [Chuckles]

I see. You too are an innocent man.

[With Foreign Accent] So, Bob... Yes?

For why are you in this prison put?

Me? I killed "hay" man.

You killed a man, huh?

What'd you do that for, Bob?

The guy didn't like Walt Whitman? [Chuckles]

I never asked this man if he liked Walt Whitman.

[Both Laughing]

Come on, Bob. Why'd you kill a man?

I, uh... We-We was, uh, playing-a card.

No? Table. I have no money, but I am a cheater.

Yeah? Very good.

But I don't know... I don't know why they... they notice after a while I-I-I-I am a cheater.

It's strange, really. I'm a good cheater. [Chuckles]

They notice, and I run... run away, and they run back me, yes.

In another room with the billiard, pool... the pool, no?

There. And, uh... And, uh...

But I was very fast, very speedy.

And they for stop me, take a ball... take ball... many ball.

Ta! [Whooshing Noise]

Very "closed." Ta! Ta! Ta!

And I... You... You throw ball against me...

I throw ball against you, no?

I take one ball... a number eight. Very good ball. Black ball.

Ta! Tum! Ta!

In the ground. First stroke. Ha!

Dead. Very big man.

On the ground. First stroke.

Is that true, Bob? This is a true story?

True story? Yeah.

Ha. "True story."

True story.

Very true story.

On the ground, the first stroke. Hmm.

You throw the ball against me?

I throw ball against you.

But I "ham" no criminal. I "ham" a good egg.

[Chuckles] I am a good egg.Jesus.

Yes. Yeah.

I "ham" a good egg.

Yes. We are. We are a good egg.

My friends. Get off.



Watch out for Bob. He may be cheating.

[Both Laugh]

Is no joke. Look where I am.

[Mock Laughter] Is no funny.

I have two pair. What? What?

Two pair.

What do you got? Nothing.

Of course. Nothing.


Heh. What is, "Ahhh-ha-ha"? Screaming.

Screaming. Ahhh. [Chuckles] Never heard...

Screaming? Screaming? Ah, screaming.

Screaming. One moment. I have screaming.

Heh. Screaming.

Screaming. Ecco.

I scream-a, you scream-a, we all scream-a for ice cream-a.

More. No. [Italian]

I scream-a, you scream-a, we all scream-a for ice cream-a.

[Laughing] You understand?

I scream-a, you scream-a, we all scream-a for ice cream-a.

[Together] I scream-a, you scream-a, we all scream-a for ice cream.

[Together] I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream.

I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream.

I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream.

[Louder] I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream.

I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream.

I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream.

I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream.

I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream.

I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream.

I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream.

[All Inmates] I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream.

I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream.

I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream.

I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream.

I scream, we all scream, we all scream for ice cream.

[Continues, Louder]

I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream!

I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream!

I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream!

[Clanking Sound] [Inmates Stop]

Keep it down in here too. [Inmates] We all scream for ice cream.

[Inmates] I scream, you scream... All right. Put a lid on it.

Put a lid on it. [Guard #2] All right, quiet!

Kill the noise. Let's go. Kill the noise.

[Inmates Chattering]

Today... Today in the yard, I make a discovery. Very interesting.

And I think, uh... I think a film I have seen in Italy.

An American film, very good, lots of action.

It was, uh, a prison film.

When, uh, with... When, um...

H-How do you say in English, when, uh... when the man go out of the prison, running away?

Escape. What?

Escape. Escape.

Escape. Yes, escape.

Today in the yard, I discover a way.

Bob... there's no way you could escape from the yard.

There's no way.

Forget it.



Not from the yard. To the yard.

If there was a way to get out of here, we would know about it.

It's your turn.

Come on, Bob. It's no time for a joke.

"Come on, Bob. It's no time for a joke?"

But I am no joke.

I am very serious.

I am sure.

[Door Opens, Closes]

Here they come.

[Footsteps Approaching] [Keys Jangling]

[Guard] Okay, you two.

Time for your walk.

Not you, shorty. It ain't your turn.

Come on. Let's go.

But I no go for four days! I no go. I missed my turn.

Really, no joke. I "ham" a good egg.

I no go for four days. Four days. I missed my turn.

All right, all right, Leonardo da Vinci. Come on.

Grazie, grazie. [Continues In Italian]



[Alarm Ringing]

[Siren Wailing]

[All Panting]

We... We have escaped like in the American movies.

Hey. Yeah?

Shh! [Dogs Barking In Distance]

Yeah, man. Out of the frying pan and into the fire.

[Dogs Barking, Louder]

We could actually make it.

[Laughing] We gotta cross the river.

It's our only chance of losing the scent of the dogs.

Ah, yeah, yeah. This part I remember.

Shut up. [Panting]

But I cannot swim.

Oh, man.


We gotta do it.

We gotta cross.

Maybe Mark Twain will come by and pick you up in a steamboat. [Laughs]

I'm sorry, man. I'm sorry. Hey.

My-My friends, wait! No time for a joke. I cannot swim.

Jack and Zack, my friends. I cannot swim!

[Shouting In Italian]




[Speaking Italian]

[Barking Continues]

[Italian Continues] [Barking Continues]

[Dogs Barking, Louder]

[Man Whistles]

Arregg the dogs! Arregg the dogs! Don't shoot me, please.

[Footsteps Approaching]

Jack, my friend! Jack...

[Dogs Barking] [Water Splashes]


He sleeps.

Well, I ain't going to sleep around here, man.


This whole place is crawling with alligators.

Big ones.

And snakes of all kinds.

You got water moccasins... copperheads... diamondbacks, you name it, man.

There's all kinds of shit out there.

I say we rest here for a while... then we keep moving until daybreak.

How big the alligators are?

Uh, 12, maybe 15 feet long.

Pretty near three times your size, Bob.


Red ants.

They can eat an entire family in a half an hour.

My family in half an hour?

What's wrong, Bob?

I have lost my book of English.

No. All I ever knowed is there.

Come on, man. You're lucky to even be here.

I am lucky to even be here.

[Bob Speaking Italian]


Ah. [Chuckles]


Man, this looks a little too familiar.

I gotta get away from you guys.

Yeah, that would be nice.

The only problem is we don't know where the hell we are.


All right, look.

I say we hole up here for the night...

and tomorrow we leave in the boat.

Yo, man, who the fuck put you in charge?

I put myself in charge, man... because you can't keep it together.

Aw, man.

The guy's a nut job. Fuck you.

My job?


I think we should go to Mississippi, 'cause that's the closest border.

I-I-I would like to go to west, to Texas.

No. No. A very strange country...

I have seen in many beautiful films, eh?

That's insane, man. If we go to Mississippi, we get caught, we get a retrial.

If we go to Texas, we get caught, we're fucked.

Who told you that?

My lawyer told me that when I was gonna skip bond.

Your lawyer. Bunch of bullshit.

Texas, ragazzi. Very good in Texas. Huh?

Cool, man. You go to Texas. You go to Mars, for all I care.

Just leave me alone, all right?

Look. We're all staying together... until we find out where the hell we are.

Right, Lieutenant. Cool, cool. Yeah.

Hey, would you mind, uh...


Go. Scram. Move.

Zack, do you like Robert Frost?

Not this again, man.

Uh... [Italian]


[Speaking Italian]

"A Road Less Traveled," by Bob Frost.

He was a very cynical man.

Robert Frost. Right.

In Italian?

Yes. I have read only your poets in Italian.


Bob Frost. Frost.


Bob Frost. Yeah.


[Bob Chuckles]

In Italian.

[Both Chuckle]

[Bob] Be careful, Jack! Watch out the trees.

The trees! A lot of trees.

Be careful. [Jack] Aw, shit.

Aw, shit! Look out! Another trees.

Dangerous. Watch out, I cannot swim.

Be careful! [Speaks Italian]

[Jack] Well, which way now?

Man, haven't we been here before?

Seems like we passed this fork hours ago.

Man, it all looks the same to me. I really can't tell.

[Exhales Loudly]

We've been goin' around in circles, Jack.

Ragazzi! Ragazzi! The boat! The boat! The boat is finished.

There's water in the boat. Bail! Bail!

Go in the land! Go in the land! Move your leg.

No! Move your leg.


[Loud Sigh]

Well, I don't know which way to go now.

What do you think, Jack? How the fuck should I know?

Yeah, well, whatever you say, Jack.

Hey, where is he?

What? Where's Bob?

I don't know, man.

He said something about food.

Maybe the alligators got him. Hey, man, don't say that.

You know, we could starve to death out here.

Ah, nah.

This swamp can't go on forever, man.

We'll find something. Man, he's leading us the wrong way.

Who, Bob?

He ain't leading us.

Hey, man, you don't seem to think I see what's going on.

You're leadin' us around in circles. I'm not blind to this. You're fuckin' us up.

Oh, yeah? Yeah.

That's right, man. We're just gonna tire you out... then we're gonna move in for the kill.

Then we're gonna have Jack Romano for dinner.

Yeah, is that right, you fuckin' idiot, man? - Yeah, you son of a...

Come on! Come on!

[Zack] Come on, man. Come on.

Stop! Stop, my friends! Stop the fight! Stop!

My friends, stop! Stop.

I have catched the rabbit... dinner. For dinner.


Fuck, man. I'm goin' off by myself. I'm better off alone. Fuck.

It's all right with me, man. A rabbit. Very difficult to catch rabbit.

Every man for himself. Zack! Jack!

I run half an hour for this rabbit. Very cunning rabbit.

Well, it's 46 degrees.

[Exhales] Yeah.

Slight breeze... blowing through some of our cypress trees... that are blending in with a lot of the smaller fir trees in the area.


Vegetation, well...

I'd say offhand dates back to the Mesozoic period... the Tigris-Euphrates River Valley... the cradle of civilization.


Guy's a fuckin' asshole, man. Shit.

I'm fuckin' starvin' to death.

Man, my thing was cool, boy, you know. I had my things goin', you know.

My last walk out was like, "Hey, L.C., how you doin', man?"


I'm sorry, baby. I didn't know it was gonna be like that, man.

Jack, Zack?

Zack, Jack?


Why do you leave me alone?

There is a very good... very good rabbit.

I know a very good way to cook it.

My-My mother teached me. My mother, Isolina.

The name of my mother. With rosmarino... rosmarino, olive oil, garlic... and other secrets of the Isolina.

We're waiting right now for... a check on our general barometric pressure.

Then it's back to more music with the Lee Baby Simms Show.


Didn't I tell that creep, "She's not fuckin' available."

Right? [Animal Warbling]

Shut up! [Warbling Stops]

Before, she is very kind with the rabbit.

She call the rabbit, "Good rabbit. I like this little rabbit.

The eyes of the ra"... Ta!

Suddenly, the rabbit dead.

Very strange mother, my mother.

Very strange, yes.

My father, no. He's very strong, but with the rabbit he is afraid.

My sister... I have one mother and three sisters.

Bruna, Albertina, e Anna.

I had a picture of my mother in my room... smiling with the rabbit in her hand and the other, so... Ha, ta.

Sometime I-I dream of my mother that call me...

"Robertino, vieni qua. Robertino, come on."

"No, I don't want." "Come on. Come on."

Ta! Una botta in my neck. "I am not rabbit." "Yes, you are."

My mother.

Very strange mother.

But I love my mother.

Isolina, and my father, Gigi, and my sisters Bruna, Albertina, e Anna.

My family and my rabbit.

And I love to catch, to dream.

My mo... [Twig Snaps]

What is?

What? Zack! Heh.Jack! Jack and Zack!

[Laughs] I knew! Come on. Come on.

To eat the animal I have catched.

The rabbit. I run half an hour behind it. Very good.

Come on. Jack, come on.

Sit down. [Laughs] I am glad.

Sit down, the fire. Yes. Yes, taste it.

Yes, taste it. Taste, Zack, taste. Eh?

Taste. In a moment. [Grunts]

Yeah. Yeah. [Laughs]

Huh? Of course, I haven't garlic, rosmarino... very important... and olive oil, but is good, eh?

It's disgusting, Bob. Yes.

Bob, it tastes like a tire. Yeah. I know, is very good.

The road! [Zack Chuckling]

Ah, civilization.


[Exhales] Well, which way now, Jack?

Well, I say we go that way.

I agree. Aye, aye, Lieutenant.

It's a mirage.

You think we're imagining this?

Well, if we are...

I could use some imaginary pie and coffee.

One of us should go in there alone, in case the law is inside.

All right, Bob.

I want you to go in there first. Make sure everything's safe.

If everything's all right, you come back out and tell us.

You understand me? I understand. I "ham" ready.

Okay. Hey, Bob, we'll be right here.

Right here waiting. Yes.

Jesus, he walked right in there like an idiot.


Let's hide over here. Yeah.

[Crickets Chirping]

[Dog Barking In Distance]

Hey. [Gasps]

How long was I asleep?


Let's check it out. I'm starving to death.

And I'm freezing. All right?

All right. Let's move slow.

Just look in the window.

I'll be right behind you. Oh, thanks.

[Both Speaking Italian]


[Italian Continues]

Holy Toledo. Can you believe this?

He's from outer space.

[Italian Continues]

Oh! My friends!

Uh, what the hell's goin' on here, Bob?

[Laughs] Come on. Come on. Is wonderful.

Look! [Stammering] Wine, food. Come on. Come on.

Sit down, please. Sit down here, Jack, Zack.


Sit down. Sit down. Is wonderful. Look, huh?


My friends. I must tell us some news.

I "ham" in love. This is Nicoletta.

Hi. Hello.

How you doing? Fine, thank you.

Eat, please.

Mm-hmm. Take.


She is from Italy too. Yes. Yes, I'm from Italy.

Do you know, I'm from Cesena? Cesena.

You know Cesena? No.


And, uh, this place was given to me as a present from my Uncle Luigi.

[Chuckles] What happened to your Uncle Luigi?

He died. [Laughing]

You laugh. He died.

What was he like?

He was wonderful. Yes. [Laughing]

He won this place playing cards, and he was afraid to lose it again... so he gave me like a present.

Uh-huh. But I didn't know what to do with this.

And one day... it was a very particular day... like out of the blue, my boyfriend left me.

Aw. Yes. It was my birthday.

Aw. Yes.

And Uncle Luigi died.

Oh, no. All in the same day.

So in the same day, I left Italy and I come to live here.

You know? Yes. Yes. Yes.

And now I have failed in love, at last.

Ah? I have finded my new home.

She has asked to me if I stay here... to live together with her forever and ever.

Like in a book for children. Yes.


Well, how did you learn how to speak English?

Oh, yes. I speak pretty well... but I know nothing about English for restaurant.

Like food, good plate, nice dish... these word I don't know.

Well, Bob should come in handy there. He speaks good restaurant English.

Yes. Yes, my killer.

Mmm. Mmm!

Well, that's just great, Bob.

Yeah, congratulations.

Do you know where we are? Louisiana.

No, I know Louisiana, but... Yes.

Near the border of Texas.

Ah! You see? Texas. I knew this, eh?

Texas near. [Laughs] Remember?

Well, I propose a toast. Yes, thank you.

To Bob and Nicoletta. [Laughs]

Oh, my friends. Thank you.

Thank you.



Ah, you look good in my Uncle Luigi clothes.

Oh-ho. Oh, thank you. Thank you.


Say, uh, you don't have a car or anything, do you?

Car, no. But I will save to buy one and learn to drive.

I've only my bicycle. Ah.

But there's a man who brings things I need from town once a week or so.


Good morning. Good morning.

More Uncle Luigi clothes. Yes.

Very sporty, Jack.

So, but you are sure you must leave today?

Why we cannot stay here for some times first?

Well, it's too dangerous out there, Bob.

There's probably an A.P.B. out on all of us.

Nah, I'm sure we're gonna make it.

Well, we're gonna have to keep going.

At least now we know where we are.

And where do you go now?

I'll probably head out west. Hmm.

Out to Los Angeles.

And you, my friend, Jack? Where do you go?

Well, if he's going to L.A., I'm gonna go east. You know what I mean?

Yes. [Mumbles] Yes.

Some music, yeah?

[Chorus] # Drip drop, drip drop Drip drop, drip drop #

[Woman] # It's raining so hard #

# Looks like it's gonna rain all night #

# And this is the time I'd love to be holding you tight #

# But I guess I'll have to accept #

# The fact that you're not here #

# I wish tonight would hurry up and end, my dear #

You're sure you must leave today?

I stay.

# It's really coming down # # Drip drop, drip drop #

# Sittin' by my window watching the rain fall to the ground #

# This is the time I'd love to be holding you tight #

# I guess I'll just go crazy tonight #

# It's raining so hard # # Drip drop, drip drop #

# Brings back memories # # Drip drop, drip drop #

## [Chorus Vocalizing] # Of the time #

# That you were here with me #

# Counting every drop About to blow my top #

# I wish this rain would hurry up and stop #

# I've got the blues so bad I can hardly catch my breath #

# The harder it rains the worse it gets #

# This is the time #

# I'd love to be holding you tight #

# I guess I'll just go crazy tonight #

# Drip drop, drip drop Drip drop, drip drop #

# Drip drop ## ## [Fades]

If you follow this road... you will come to a place where it becomes two roads.

On the right will go east. On the left will go west.

Uh, no. On the right will go west.

Uh, no. I'm not sure. Anyway, there is a sign to tell you.

It's all right. We'll figure it out. It's okay?

Thanks for everything.

Yeah. Thank you. Good-bye. Good-bye.

Zack. And, uh, take care.

Yeah. Okay, Bob.

I will. Bye.

Good-bye, Bob. Jack.



Be careful. Okay.

Don't forget to write. [Zack Laughs]

Bye. [Nicoletta] So long.

Wish you were here.


Well, I guess this is it. Yeah.

I don't see the sign around or anything.

Well, she said the one to the right goes west.

She said she didn't know.

Look, man, don't matter to me.

You go whichever way you want, right? And I'll go the other way.

Yeah, right. All right?


So, uh... this is how you dressed before you were in the joint, right?

Sort of garbageman on parade.

Huh. [Chuckles]

You, uh, plannin' on doin' a little squirrel huntin', Jack?




Good luck with yourself... Zack.

[Both Laughing]

[Man] # Well, ya play that tarantella #

# All the hounds will start to roar #

# The boys all go to hell and then the Cubans hit the floor #

# They drive along the pipeline They tango till they're sore #

# They take apart their nightmares and they leave 'em by the door #

# Let me fall out of the window with confetti in my hair #

# Deal out jacks or better on a blanket by the stairs #

# I'll tell you all my secrets but I lie about my past #

# And send me off to bed forevermore #

# Make sure they play my theme song #

# I guess daisies will have to do #

# Just get me to New Orleans and paint shadows on the pews #

# Turn the spit on that pig and kick the drum and let me down #

# Put my clarinet beneath your bed till I get back in town #

# Let me fall out of the window with confetti in my hair #

# Deal out jacks or better on a blanket by the stairs #

# I'll tell you all my secrets but I lie about my past #

# So send me off to bed forevermore #

# Just make sure she's all in calico and the color of a doll #

# Wave the flag on Cadillac day and a skillet on the wall #

# Cut me a switch or hold your breath till the sun goes down #

# Write my name on the hood #

# Send me off to another town #

# And just let me fall out of the window #

# With confetti in my hair #

# Deal out jacks or better on a blanket by the stairs #

# I'll tell you all my secrets but I lie about my past #

# Will ya send me off to bed forevermore #

# Fall out of the window with confetti in my hair #

# Deal out jacks or better on a blanket by the stairs #

# I'll tell you all my secrets but I lie about my past #

# Send me off to bed forevermore #