Dylan (2018) Script

No you're the one who said we had to stop eating meat because of the fucking environment.

And so I said okay and I've been eating vegetarian for two days while you post pictures of hamburgers that you eat for lunch, you hypocrite.

Hold on.



All day right?


-Ten bucks.

Here you go.

Just keep it, it's Friday, and you guys see enough of me as it is.


Have a good weekend.

You too.

Mari, I said we'd taper off.

Yeah we'll I am just protein deficient from all like the fucking kale fumes I've been inhaling.

I told you when we started that you don't need to go full out.

And I know you sneaking beef jerky at work.

You think I don't notice your Instagram posts.

It's a little weird that you complain so much.

Well I love to have my little surprises whenever the shoot wraps, and anyway I wanted to share my day with my man.

Um Well, everyone has their secrets I guess even you.

How do you know?

I can smell the smoke.

My God.



Hey you okay?

You smoke more when you're overwhelmed.

Yeah I'm fine.

I'm gonna taper off.

What are those?

I think these are flowers.

I just wanted to be boyfriend of the year, and drop these off to you and not harp on you for smoking right in front of me.

Well, you know what's not boyfriend of the year material?

Inviting your college buddy to spend our anniversary weekend with us.

Listen, I know I'm an idiot, okay?

But it's only for the night.

And he's a great guy, and he's a big smoker, so you two can just kill yourselves together, alright?

You're gonna love him.

Now I'mma fuck him.

I have to.

Alright alright.

I'll see you later.

See ya.


Okay, well now you're just sucking up.


♪ Midnight in the house of spirits ♪ Well, starting without ya.

♪ Last customer, they shut me down ♪

♪ So long, we'll see ya tomorrow ♪

♪ Gotta get out of here ♪

♪ Midnight at the house of spirits ♪ I didn't even know you could cook.


Jesus Christ.


In the flesh.

Gosh I scared you I'm sorry.


I'm stupid. Um...

I'm Nick's buddy, not some weird weirdo.

It's okay, I mean, I'm sorry, I wasn't expecting you.

Yeah I missed a call from Nick when I was out shopping.

Well, what's all this?

I, yeah, it's almost ready.

It was just hard to time it because I wasn't sure when you were gonna get home.

Um..but I just want to thank you for letting me visit tonight.


I mean, that's really nice.

You really didn't have to.

Honestly it's my pleasure.

I haven't seen Nick in a few years, and I used to always cook when we were at SUNY Yeah, he did say that you were like the youngest chef at -

You are so much more beautiful than your pictures.

Thank you.

It's been a long day, so.

I'm sure.

You've been calling the shots all week.

Time to relax.

Well, how polite.

It's important to respect the host.

You should tell Nick that.

I've never been afraid to tell Nick what's up.

Me neither.

Yeah I heard that.

He told me you're an over sharer.


I would say authentic.

Authentic, I like that.

I feel like I know you already.

Yeah well.

I'mma put him on blast for having such a big mouth.

He should be here any minute.

So try this Bruschetta before he eats it all.

Okay, thank you.

Wanna wash your hands there chef?

Humans are inherently dirty.

Yeah, well I guess that's true.

Wow, that's really good.


It's a little honey on the Burrata.

My mother always said you catch more flies with honey.

I've heard that.

She must be really proud of you.


Your mom, your folks.

For you running your own kitchen.

They're pretty disappointed, you know, they wanted me to be a lawyer.

Well, you gotta do you though.

That's absolutely right.

I dropped out and now I'm doing what I want.

Good for you man.

Well you can't be scared of how other people see you.

Can't hide what you are.

Yeah sometimes I worry in the office I'm too hard on people but you gotta get shit done you know.

I'll drink to that.

Thank you.

None for you?

No, I don't drink.


This is kind of a meet cute?

Um, well, isn't that kind of a romantic thing?


Well I know you're not eating meat right now, so What?

Aren't you doing the whole vegetarian thing?

Yeah but that just, I just started.

What, I'm sorry, did Nick tell you that?

Yes, Nick told me that.

I guess he's an over sharer too.

Anyway I've prepared a really nice-

Actually he's gonna be home any minute.

No I made him something else, we can start with the first course.

Dylan, I'd really like to wait for him if that's okay.

Sets dish on table


Of course.

How rude.

I never was good at first dates.

Well luckily, this ain't a date.

I just meant a meeting, a meeting of humans.


I'm sorry, did Nick tell you this was my favorite song?

No, is it?

Lucky guess I guess.

I'm glad I did something right.

Um, hey listen, I'm gonna come help you in a minute but first I'm just gonna-

Go smoke.

Well I was gonna say try Nick, but yeah I'm probably gonna steal one before he yells at me.

Would you like one?

No, I don't smoke.

That's weird, Nick said that you did-


He really loves you.

He told me he wants to marry you.

Yes, he's asked me in the past, and it's one of the reasons I smoke.

How come?

You're worth it.

Well you don't really know me that well, but I said that I would think about it, if we made it to five years.

And here you are.

In your own home.

I'm gonna go grab that smoke.

I'll be here.

It's Nick, leave a message.

It's Nick leave a message.


You weren't supposed to see that.

I have a confession to make.

I'm not much of a chef.

That's okay.

Yeah, I'm sorry I lied.

I just, I really wanted us to work.

You know, a friend of Nick's is a friend of mine.

Yeah, no, I know, but this isn't really working out the way I imagined it.

It looks like I'm not boyfriend of the year.

I'm gonna go use the ladies room.



You bastard.

No, no no no.

Please please please.


What the fuck?

It's Nick, leave a message.

Hey man, it's Dylan.

I'm here, we said eight right?

Where are you guys?

Give me a call.

Jesus Christ.