Every Which Way but Loose (1978) Script

Every.Which.Way.But.Loose.1978.720p.BluRay.x264.YIFY


Son of a bitch.


Anyway, the cop is sitting there, sipping his coffee, you see?

And he's scratching his head. He's completely confused by now.

-He says to the drunk... -How's it going, Philo?

..."What about the guy in bed with your wife?"

And the drunk says, "The hell with him. Let him make his own coffee."

You get it? "Let him make his own coffee."

Excuse me.

That's funny, but don't give up your day job.

Come on, Big Al.

Let's have some fun. You want to go some place?

-Hey, Big Al. Are you married? -I used to be.

MAN: I know this place in the valley. We could go get a couple drinks.

Lots of action there. Great fun. What do you say?

Hey. Put them back.

-You talking to me? -This ain't the Salvation Army.

Put them back.

I got plenty of peanuts, Big Al.

-You mean these? -Yeah, asshole.

-Unless you're taking them to your tree. -Shit. Excuse me, gents.

The squirrel is taking his peanuts up to his tree.

The squirrel is ripping off peanuts, ain't you, squirrel?

Going to take them up to your tree?

MAN: All right.

MAN 2: Come on, guys. Knock it off. MAN 3: Get him!

Attaboy!

-Come on, get out of here, you guys. -Get him.

MAN 2: Outside. Come on, guys.

Outside!

[Every Which Way But Loose by Eddie Rabbitt playing]


Hey, Orville, what's doing?

Ma's going to try it again.

I should have remembered my wig.

You think it'll make any difference?

I don't know, Ma.

I don't expect that's all they're going to be looking at.

Don't be in such a fired, big hurry.

I want to look at these pictures one time more.

I always did have trouble with these squiggly lines.

I hope you pass it this time, Ma, because there ain't too many more... of these places we can go to. They all know you.

They don't know how I drive. Don't none of them know how good I drive.

Been driving since before them sons of bitches were born.

Come on, get out.


Here.

You're getting pretty tricky, Clyde.

You've done real good, Ma.

Meathead.

Waited till I passed the whole test before he tells me I'm too old.

I should have remembered my wig.

The hell with everybody.

Come on, get going, for God's sake.

-Philo, are you out here? -No, I ain't.

What are you doing? Are you working on the car?

Orville, that's two dumb questions in a row you've asked me.

Here.

Help me put that block under the car here.

-This one here? -Yeah.

You want it under the wheel or under the spring?

Under the spring.

There you go.

-Thanks. -Sure.

Ma's pissed. It's Clyde.

He got out this morning, came over, and shit all over everything.

How did she get him back?

That's what she's pissed about. She had to bribe him with all her Oreos.

Well, I'll make it up to her.

-You got one going tomorrow? -Yeah, you coming?

Sure am.

Who wants some action around here?

-There you go, my man. What's the name? -$40.

-Name? -John Hatfield.

I got you, my man. Thank you. Who else?

How much you want? Quick, talk to me, my man.

-Give me $80. -$80. Let me see that.

-Name? -Jackson.

All right, listen, I've got $100. Who wants to make a side-bet, here?

Come on, guys. Talk up!

He may be good, but he ain't no Tank Murdock.

Take it.

-We won't have anything-- -Take it.

You're on.

-Who's gonna hold this? -You hold it.

No problem, you're fine.

Church, let's go, man.

You got him.

Come up here, Clyde. There you go.

Put this bum away!


Thank you. $5, $100 and $200...

$500, $600, $900....

PHILO: Clyde could have beat him.

[Singing Send Me Down To Tuscon by Mel Tillis]


I kind of like this.

That one's a redhead.

-I'll take the one on the left. -All right.

The one stuffing her face with chowder.

Let's go over there and see what she's drinking.

Hi.

My name's Philo. Do you mind if I sit here for a while?

Suit yourself.

I don't recall seeing you around here.

I've never been here before.

Where do you go when you're not here?

My name is Carol. I go to USC. I major in sociology.

I'm here because I'm doing a paper on the country-western mentality.

Well, that just blew five minutes of our conversation.

Well, you asked if you could sit. You didn't say nothing about talking.

Who are you mad at?

-I don't suppose you have a light, do you? -No, I don't smoke.

Excuse me.

Orville.


Tell me, just what is the country-western mentality?

Well, if the lyrics of this song are any indication... it's somewhere between moron and dull-normal.

Oh, my.... Jesus Christ.

You are disgusting.

Let's leave. Go.

What happened?

This wild clam got out of control. Take it.

Did you see her face?

You could've put a turd in there and she couldn't gotten a better look on her.

Thank you so much.

Now, would you all put your hands together and keep the applause going?

Let's all give a big, big Palomino welcome... to pretty Miss Lynn Halsey...

Taylor.

Thank you. Okay. Ready, boys?

[Singing I Seek The Night by Sondra Locke]


Let's get out of here.

I want to watch this chick for a minute.


That's awful nice. Lynn Halsey...

Taylor. You can come back anytime, honey.

Excuse me. Could I put this back there for a while?

-Sure can. -Thank you.

-You sure sing pretty. -Well, thank you.

I'd really be pleased if I could buy you a drink.

Sure.

-I'd like a beer. -Two of those.

[Singing Coca Cola Cowboy by Mel Tillis]

I didn't get your name in the introduction. My name's Philo Beddoe.

Lynn Halsey-Taylor. Did you have a fight with your girlfriend?

-She sure ran out pretty fast. -Oh, her. I hardly knew her a minute.

A minute?

Well, you must go through a lot of women like that.

-That was a nice song. Did you write that? -No. Wish I did.

Just a song my daddy used to sing to me when I was little.

When you were little? That's where I know you from.

When I was in third grade I knew a girl that looked enough like you... it makes my memory water.

You sure do talk funny.

Kind of smoky in here.

-Would you like to-- -I'd love to.

Say, it's kind of smoky in here.

So, I decided there was nothing I liked doing better than singing.

-So, here I am. -Am I glad.

Row 3. That's my lucky number.

I'll tell you what:

You're my lucky number.

Would you like to... have me in for a while, maybe?

I'd love to.

-Only-- -Only?

-Only my boyfriend, Schyler, is sleeping. -Boyfriend?

-He wouldn't mind. -He wouldn't?

So long as you don't drive his car.

Well, I think maybe we could make it some other time when he ain't around.

Okay. Whatever you say.

Slightly advanced.

Look, man, it's an ape!

Yeah. Which one's the ape?

-What did you say? -That looks your girlfriend.

Hey, buddy. Are you taking your mother for a ride?

-Take that up there, baby. -Hey.

-So long, apeshit. -Son of a bitch.


MAN: What the hell's this?

We'll get them, right, boy?

[Monkey See, Monkey Do by Cliff Crofford playing]

Clyde, get your hands off the wheel.

-Let's get the hell out of here. He's crazy. -Follow me.

-Hey, why did you come in here? -He'll never find us in here.

Get those things out of here.

Roll up your window.

Shit!

Get them out of here. Freaks!


Hey, man, what in the hell is going on?

-Do you think we ought to stop and fight? -Nope.

Let's catch that train.


WORKER: Take it easy.

It's a monkey.


Crazy monkey!

Are you okay? Thanks, Clyde.

If you don't like him, how come you stay with him?

Because he promised to help me get the $7,000.

[Singing] "Best I can"

-For what? -"It's hard for me to say no

"to a truck drivin' man"

For the down payment.

-What do you want to buy? -"Cadillac that I still don't have the time

"Keep the fool who wants to marry me dangling on my line"

My own club back home in Denver.

I'm going to call it the Lynn Halsey-Taylor Drinking Fountain.

"Hard for me to say no to a truck driving man"

That will be the name of my group, too. I'll have talent night three nights a week.

How much of the $7,000 do you have already?

He won't tell me.

Well, about the only thing of any value I've got is Clyde.

-Clyde? -Yeah, he's my ape.

-I won him in a fight. -You won him?

Yeah.

They brought him over here to make a baby.

-You mean he's from Africa? -No, he's from Sumatra.

When he got here, the other male orang they had on hand... had already done the job.

You're kidding?

Yeah, so Clyde got real mean as hell, so they sold him to a desert zoo.

-Desert zoo? -One of those places out in the desert... says, "Real, live dragon, cactus candy, five miles ahead," that sort of thing.

That's where I won him. I bet my truck and two dirt bikes on him.

-You must have wanted him a lot. -I really hated to see him in that cage.

-So, who'd you fight for him? -These four guys.

Four guys?

You would have thought after the first couple lost they'd have given up.

-Well, I fought all four at once. -All four at once?

-You like to fight? -I used to. Better than anything.

Well, almost anything.

So, why didn't you turn professional?

None of that stuff. There's too many rules.

You're just a regular Tank Murdock.

-You know him? -I know of him.

He's from Denver and he's a regular institution.

You bet he is.

Now that is one guy I'd like to meet up with.

Well, I'd really like to meet Clyde.

And you will. You will.

Right now we'll meet my friend, Orville. He's waiting on us.

So, Tank was in the back seat of this car with this debutante.

I mean, her daddy owned the whole town.

-And his buddy was in the trunk. -And then what happened?

Well, you see, she was so pure... that nobody believed these wild stories that Tank had been telling about her.

-What happened? -You got to use your imagination, Orville.

Anyway, after... she heard all this bumping around and laughing coming from the trunk.

And she started to scream.

So, all these cops came in, six or eight of them.

Tank tried to explain, but nobody believed him because they all knew him.

He must have put about four cops in the hospital.

It took about 12 of them to take him in.

Man.

-One thing I want to know about the story. -What?

Who let that poor guy out of the trunk?

Shit, he's probably still there.

Those two creeps over there asked me to bring this to the lady.

This was mighty nice of you.

-Do you see that? -An arm?

No, that.

A tattoo?

They don't know what this means.

Do you see that?

-Sorry. -Two tattoos.

Them's black widows.

Did you know that more people die from black widows than rattlers every year?

-Is that right? -Yeah, that's right.

Well, listen, I sure do appreciate knowing that because... most of the people I know just step on them and squish them.

I don't need this cheap shit.

Orville, that's no way to thank two guys that just bought us a beer.

Why don't you get the check and I'll go outside and thank them properly?

Okay.

-Go ahead. -You started it.

Shouldn't you go with him?

[Elmo grunting]

[Trash cans crashing]

Sure is good pecan pie.

[Frank moaning]

[Frank grunting]

[Trash cans crashing]

I think we'd better get out of here.


Cut it out, Clyde.

Ma, what'd you do that for?

Been trying to get your attention for five minutes.

Did you see Orville?

-Yeah. I saw him. -Well? Orville tell you what?

Yeah, and I'm sorry, Ma, about you missing your driver's test again.

That ain't the one what I mean.

You mean Clyde?

I'm sorry about that too, Ma. He won't do it again, I promise you.

-What are you gonna do about it? -What? The crap or the Oreos?

About Clyde! Goddamn it!

I don't have no privacy in my own home no more.

Well, I confronted him about it, Ma. I guarantee it won't happen again.

No privacy in your own home.

A whole goddamn bag of Oreos.

Stop that, you goddamn baboon. No respect. No privacy.

No nothing.

Bang.

-You're late, pretty boy. -Shut up.

I don't believe this.

Damn.

I never knew nobody who could hit so hard or so fast.

-He could've been Denver Tank Murdock. -That's right.

-Sound like him? -Don't know.

Didn't get to see him so close as Elmo.

At least I didn't drop my bike and run.

Like you two! You big suckers!

Shut up!

Now, it isn't bad enough... that you let somebody else kick your butts... without you trying to do it to each other.

If we're all talking about the same man... and I think we are...

then it appears he's got a rather growing collection of our bikes.

Yeah, but we don't know for sure if he took them or not.

-We were-- -Unconscious for two hours!

-Sick son of a bitch. -It's not true!

Shut up!

The very first thing we do... is find out who we're talking about.

I mean, we don't even know where to find him.

How are we going to find him?

Well, it appears to me that there can't be too many guys... driving around this valley with an ape.

-What you got sticking out here? -Open it.

-It sure feels heavy. -Open it.

-Philo. God, where'd you get this? -Off a couple little old widows.

-You're kidding. -Yeah.

More people are dying to buy widow bikes than are dying by rattler bites every year.

Well.

-You like it? -Well, yeah.

That I do.

Wait until Clyde sees you in this outfit.

-What's the matter? -I'm okay.

-House not too good tonight? -I'm okay, Philo.


Well, at least this outfit you bought me was a big hit.

I don't like the way this guy's driving.

Get down!

[Gunshot]

Is that somebody you know?

Schyler.

-I thought you said he didn't care. -He must have changed his mind.

Philo, I'm scared.

-I won't let anything happen to you. -That's not what I'm afraid of.

I'm afraid for Schyler. Please don't hurt him.

Son of a bitch tried to blow my head off. He didn't care you were sitting next to me.

That's just it. He was just trying to scare you.

He doesn't even know how to shoot.

I sure don't like the way he's trying to find out.

Philo, I know him. He's probably in there now... hiding, scared out of his wits.

I don't like to see you cry.

Let me talk to him. Please.

I don't know.

Please. For me. Please.

All right. You talk to him.

And you tell him that I want you to come with me... and I want you to stay with me, you hear?

Philo.

Here. I want you to dry those tears.

-I want you to take this. It's the dough. -I couldn't take that.

Yes, you can. I want you to have it now, you hear?

-Okay. -I don't want you to cry no more.

Clyde, how'd you get out? What, did you pull the lock off?

How'd you get out?

No, you don't. Come on. No, you don't.

Give me that! Give me it!

What the....

Good Clyde. Good Clyde.

Just hold that truck up, Clyde.

What are you doing, Clyde?

-Philo. -Yeah.

Call this son of a.... No, don't call him.

Don't call him. Good Clyde.

That's it, Clyde. Hold it up.

How many times have I told you?

I don't want him drinking beer, except on Saturday night.

-Don't expect I'll need these no more. -Take it easy, Ma. This is the easy part.

Awful glad there ain't no more of them squiggly pictures.

Good. Maybe you'll do it this time.

Maybe. Well, I guess I will.

Why didn't you tell him you wear glasses?

It's none of his goddamn business what I wear.

Just wear them to read, anyway.

Was there anything else?

Told me I was too old.

Meathead! Orville?

Yes, Mother?

-Next time I'll wear my glasses. -Good.

Goddamn it.

God, you're a handsome devil.

Clyde, you're going to meet a lady now. Understand? I want you to handle it.

That means no spitting, pissing, farting or picking your ass.

You hear me? Because if you do, I'll throttle you. Understand?

Man, I'll tell you something.

Clyde, this has got to stop. People are going to talk, you know?


-What is it? -That trailer that was parked down there.

What happened to it?

-What spot? -That spot right over there.

I don't see it.

-Well, where'd it go? -It's gone.

I know it's gone, goddamn it, but where'd it go?

-Back home, I suppose. -Denver?

Some folks just don't take me into their confidence.

The plates said Colorado. Sound right to you?

-When'd they leave? -This morning.

Thanks.

Goodbye, now.

[Singing Red Eye Special by Larry Collins]

Hey, Philo. I've got a message for you.

Why don't you watch what the hell you're doing?

Why don't you shut your face, boy?

What have we got here? A real, live, macho cowboy.

Don't turn your back.


-Somebody call the cops. -They are the cops.

Shit.

-She didn't say where she was going? -Nope.

-Well, how do you know where to look? -I'll know.

Well, how do you know she wants you to come looking for her?

There you go asking those dumb questions again.

-Is Clyde going? -Yes.

-You got room for one more? -Yes.

Got you!

I'm coming.

-Which way are we headed? -East.

Sounds reasonable.

East? What are you gonna do with the baboon?

Orangutan, Ma. Clyde's an orangutan.

-What's the difference? -He has 12 ribs, just like you and me.

-What are you going to do with him? -He's coming with me. Come on.

Well, when are you coming back?

-When are you coming back? -Whenever it's time, Ma.

It don't seem right to leave an old lady alone.

And what about my goddamn license?

This is.... It's just....

Twelve ribs. I don't believe any of that shit!

This machine is very sensitive.

What do you think you can find out here?

You never know what you can find out here. Just listen.

It picks up all kinds of metal.

Swiss watches, expensive foreign cameras, silver dollars.

Gold, man.

-Gold? -Yeah.

-Herb. -Yeah.

What are we going to do about that son of a bitch?

-Who? -You know who I'm talking about.

That cowboy at the Palomino Club.

I don't know what you can do about him. What can we do, man?

You mean to stand there and tell me you'd let him get away with it?

You got anything in mind?

What I got in mind is to break his stupid head.

-Listen, are you sure that thing works? -Sure it works. Just keep digging.

Besides, you don't even know where to find him.

Don't worry. I'll find him.

I got a plan.

-What's that? -I'm going to use my medical leave.

What are you laughing at?

You're going to spend your two weeks medical leave looking for him?

I'll spend the next two years looking for him if I have to.

-What's up? -Pit stop.

-Are these cantaloupes fresh? -Yes.

-Are they today's? -Yes. They just came in.

No, I only want a quarter of a pound.

These only cost a quarter a pound.

I only want a quarter of a pound of tomatoes.

Yes, ma'am. Right.

Can I have a fresh bag now?

I'll take these two cantaloupes. How much are they a pound?

Cantaloupes are 29 cents a pound.

I think they were cheaper down the road.

I don't know why you're so expensive here.

Ma'am.

[Orville whispering]

[Screaming]

-Can you help me out? -Sure.

-What's your name? -Echo.

Echo.

Do you want some cantaloupes?

Those are beautiful.

Thank you. How many would you like?

Do you live around here?

Yeah. Down past the wash.

Where's the wash?

How come you want to know so much about me?

Because I never met anyone that made me feel like you do.

Right out of the gate.

-Where are you headed? -East.

[Six Pack To Go by Hank Thompson playing]


-What's your name? -Echo.

-What? -Echo.

Orville.

What did you say, anyway, that made that woman storm away like that?

I told her you had the clap.


All right, spread out.

-Hey, heifer, how's the slop? -Suits the clientele real good.

Looking real good.

Don't you got no special of the day?

Liver and onions. Why don't you read the menu?

Maybe I'd rather talk to you.

Has Philo Beddoe been around?

You want to talk, take a walk. You want to eat, take a seat.

What are you laughing at? Lard-ass!

I'll tell you what:

You turn around and walk out that door, and I'll forget what you said.

And I won't tell everybody that you drink horse piss.

-Elmo, Cholla, did you hear what he said? -I heard it.

-I'll just keep this warm for you, Lester. -Okay, big mouth, let's go.

You want me to keep a piece of that lemon meringue?

Yeah, this won't take but a minute. Let's go, cutes.

Drinking horse piss. What is this?

-Hey, come on! -Get him, come on!

Kick him in the nuts.


Kick him in the shins.

Come on over here. Give me a hand. Where you going? Get back here.

That's it. Get this little son of a gun right there.

Good.

Hurry up. Get out of there, Roy.

Look out.

My God.

Spread out!

Goddamn morphadites.

Come on. Get the hell out of the way. Hurry.

Let's go.

Move it.


MA: Who is it? COP: The police.

I'm coming. I'm coming, goddamn it!

What do you want with an old lady?

Ma'am, we're looking for Philo Beddoe. Our records say he lives at this address.

Well, your records are wrong.

He lives at that address in the back. What do you want him for?

-Just looking for him, ma'am. -Well, he don't live there anymore.

He's gone off. Took that son of a bitch, Clyde, with him.

Clyde?

His ape.

His ape?

You heard me. What you making me repeat myself for?

Do you know where he's gone?

Who gives a damn? Stealing all my Oreos.

Crapping all over the place. Twelve ribs, my ass!

-Thank you. Sorry to bother you. -Yeah.

I'm sorry, too, you see.

Leave an old lady alone, fending for herself.

No protection.

It just don't seem....

Well, I don't suppose you know of a ladies' room hereabouts?

They're all over.

Just pick one.

-She's something, ain't she? -She sure is.

You're full of all kinds of surprises these days.

Listen, I want to say that I appreciate your making her feel at home.

[Echo screaming]

Clyde.

There's something out there! God, it's horrible! It's a monster.

-It's not even a bear. It's a.... -No, Echo, it's just Clyde.

Hey, Echo! Wait. Give me.... What?

Take it easy. You're going to scare him.

-Me, scare him? -That's right.

PHILO: Let me introduce you. Echo, this is Clyde.

Clyde, this is Echo. Echo.

Did you get it?

It's okay.

See?

-Hey, granny, how they hanging? -Hey, hot damn.

-What are you doing tonight, honey? -Let her alone. She's mine. I saw her first.

-Say, old lady. Where's Philo Beddoe? -How the hell do I know?

Get off my porch with that thing. Get off my property!

You're not very hospitable.

Hospitable, my ass. Get off my porch!

Very well. If you insist.


All right, lady. Put that gun down!

I'm warning you, lady. Put down that gun, now!


Wait for me!

First, the police.

I told those boys not to leave a vulnerable old lady all alone.

Hospitable? Horseshit!

-Police. -Yeah?

I want to ask you questions about a girl. Her name was Lynn Halslay-Taylor.

Halsey.

Yeah. She was here, but she left.


Hey, man. How come that cat ain't moving?

MAN: You think he's dead?

Shit, man, if he's the only one here, let's have some fun.

Shut up!

But he's only one old man.

It was only one old woman that nearly ruinated all of you.

Yeah.

Maybe we ought to split.

Hello, there.

You in there?

What is it? What the hell are you doing here?

Well, I'm looking for a girl that used to stay around here.

-She was with a guy named Philo Beddoe. -Don't know no Philo Beddoe.

Well, the girl's name was Halsey-Taylor. Lynn Halsey-Taylor.

She must've been one jim-dandy of a girl.

You're the third one come to ask about her since she left for Denver.

-You don't say. -Yeah.

[Singing Don't Say You Don't Love Me No More by Sondra Locke]


-Could I put that back there? -Sure, doll. It'll be here when you need it.

-Buy you a drink? -Sure.

Taste that, too.

Here.

Get out of my stuff, Clyde.

Here, take a piece of this. That's my salad.

Why don't you two take the truck? Clyde and I are going to go check around.


[I'll Wake You Up When I Get Home by Charlie Rich playing]


-What's going on? -Orville, you've got to get up.

-Why? -Because it just isn't right, that's why.

-What isn't right? -What isn't right?

It just ain't right. I mean....

I mean, you two have somebody. And I've almost got somebody.

And it just ain't right.

-Well, what isn't right about it? -You just don't understand, do you?

Yeah. He just doesn't understand.

Right, and that's why we've got to do something about it.

We do?

Yeah. Here. Off your ass and on your feet.

[Echo shrieking]

-I don't know what you're talking about. -I'm talking about Clyde, damn it.

You think he doesn't understand.

He sits back there all the time. You don't think he understands, but he's smart.

And I'll tell you something, Orville.

He thinks about a lot of things besides Oreo cookies.

Right, Clyde?

-You don't mean.... -I mean exactly that.

Where the hell are we going to get Clyde laid in the middle of the night?

Shit.

How the hell do you break into a zoo?

It's easy. Zoos are meant to keep everybody in.

Listen to that. He knows something good's gonna happen.

Well, how do you know there's a lady in there for him?

I don't, but if there is one there... and he doesn't find it, he wouldn't know what to do, anyway. Give me a hand.

Come on.

ECHO: Well, what do you want us to do?

The place is probably guarded, so I want you to stay here and keep an eye out.

Come on, pal.

Okay. All right, Clyde.

Up.

Boy, I bet there's a gal in there. Think there's a lady in there?

You bet, man.

Clyde, you think there's a lady in there?

Come on. Clyde.


Orville.

When we get to this next town, you should drum up some action.

We're getting a little short on cash.

Sure, why not.

Do you know where the meat-packing plant is?

-No. But I'll find it. -All right, I'll see you there.

You got it.


I don't care much for that perfume they're wearing.

-Do they know me here? -No, it's even money.

-Anything else? -Yeah. Guy's name is Kincaid.

He's a local champion. Taller than you. About 240 pounds. I checked.

-And? -They say he stacks up to Tank Murdock.

Tank Murdock?

You know, like them all, Tank's gonna fall. And another thing, he fights dirty.

-Orville Boggs? -You got it.

Okay, open the gate.

It's over there in the cold room.

-How much you want? -What you got?

-$1,200. -We'll take it.

You've got to show me something besides conversation.

-I'll take that. -All right, if I see yours.

What do you want us to do with the body?

Save your breath. It's enough you'll lose your money.

-Hey, man. -Hey, baby!

What's up?

I want you.


Come on, Philo, put him away!

ORVILLE: Don't let him tag you!


What the hell are you doing, Philo? Come on. It's getting cold in here!


-I think you owe us some money. -What money?

Wait a minute.

You aren't gonna tell all these boys that you'll take their money, are you?

That was just so you'd know the first one was no accident.

Did you see this little filly shoot? Where did you ever learn to do that?

You could shoot a gnat off a water buffalo's ass.

-I told you I could take care of myself. -She took care of us.

MAN: [On radio] Car 103.

Proceed to the intersection of Interstate 5 and Velasquez Road... for a 602.

MAN 2: 103 here. Got you, over.

That 602's the same as our 406.

No way. It's got to be the same as our 309 or at the best our 213.

You're crazy.

No New Mexican 602 can come anywhere near California 309.

When's the last time you been out on a 309?

Maybe three or four months.

But it don't mean that I don't know that our 309 ain't more than that damn 602.

-What time you got? -6:07.

MAN: Unit 103, abort that 602, 103.

Proceed to Velasquez Road on Interstate 5 for a 607.

Well, kiss my....

I suppose you think I'm crazy traipsing across the country... after a girl I hardly even know.

Hell, I'm not like Orville.

It takes me a long time to get to know a girl.

Even longer to let her know me.

You know what I mean?

I'm not afraid of any man, but sharing my feelings with a woman...

my stomach just turns to royal gelatin.

I don't suppose that ever happens to you.

Well, I guess you just keep howling till sometime they howl back.

If this is a strike, it means Ronstadt and Parton move over.

It's Halsey-Taylor to the top.

It's okay. It just means it's going to take a little longer.

But we don't give up.

If I get this pickup... it means the same time next year...

Halsey-Taylor has her own special.

That was a mighty fine pickup, little lady.

Thank you.

Will you mind Clyde for me? I'm gonna go take a run.

All right.


Shit!

Hey, Lynn! Wait up!

Fancy meeting you here.

Yeah. Incredible is more like it. What are you doing?

Following you.

You're here just in time.

All this weather.

You took off so fast I thought there was something wrong.

Bad time to run.

I figured maybe I'd better follow you.

Thought you'd better?

Hell, you didn't even get a chance to meet Clyde.


Pull in right here. Yeah.

I know where he keeps the money now, so it's a matter of finding the right time.

I still say my way would be quicker.

Philo, you promised.

Please don't make me sorry I told you. You make me afraid to believe you.

I never want to make you sorry.

You want to come down and meet everybody?

No, I'd better go back. We'll do it when we have more time.

Tomorrow night? Like we agreed? El Patio Restaurant.

Philo?

You're really something.

Bye.


Jesus Christ.

Goddamn, I don't believe what I'm seeing. I think I'm still asleep and dreaming.

You're not dreaming. Come on. Get your ass up.

Hi, Clyde. How you doing?

Let's let the little lady up.

What did you do that for?

I think he's trying to tell us something.

What's he trying to tell us?

Why are you so all fired happy, Philo?

Listen, the only time I ever see you smiling is when....

You got laid?

You were jogging down there, and you picked up somebody and laid her.

-Did he? -I'll do you one better than that.

-You mean Clyde got laid again, too? -No. I ran into Lynn Halsey-Taylor.

How'd you do that?

I was running down the highway and she picked me up.

-Where is she now? -She's in town.

She's getting things straightened up, we'll see her tonight Goddamn, that is good news. That means we can go home soon.

I don't see why not.

While we're waiting around for true romance...

I think I'll jump down and get some flies.

There's no way I don't want to get in on this action.

-Help me finish these first, will you? -Right.

Did you ever notice how drinking and fishing kind of go together?

-You sell fishing licenses in here? -Sure do.

Something about the six-pack and the worms.

-Any good trout around here? -Four or five miles down the road.

It's a good spot, huh?

Orville.

Don't these look like the humpers Clyde was eating this morning?

Are these the flies Philo wanted?

Grayish yellow.


ORVILLE: Hey, Philo. Where's your boat?

I'm going to hang out here on shore.

Echo and I are going on down to the other end here.

-We got him? -Got him.

Here. Be careful, it's loaded.

Why the scattergun?

-Because I don't want to miss that sucker. -Makes sense.

Here.

Why all the fishing gear?

Because we got to look like we're going fishing, dummy.

Now look, I'm gonna go right through there.

You go around the lake and come from behind him. You got it?

I'm going around this lake--

Damn it. Not so loud. He'll hear you. It's not so far.

And here. Get going.

Now get going, will you?

Stinking hippie.

Quite a mess of fish.

Shit.

The white boy's the craziest son of a bitch in the world.

Where in the hell is that Putnam?

What are you doing, boy?

Oh, my God!

Feet!

Feet don't fail me now, man.

Goddamn apes, snakes, alligators and shit!

You so much as blink, and I'll blow a big hole in you.

Who are you and what do you want?

Just never you mind. You'll find out soon enough.

What the hell was that?

Jesus. Good Lord.

He must be 5 or 6 pounds.

Give him some slack. Don't jerk, you'll lose him!

God, he's a monster.

Don't jerk him!

Give me that rod!

I've never seen anything like it in my life.

He's a monster!

He's a frigging monster!

I've never seen anything like it before.

He must weigh 25 pounds.

He's a stud! He's got to be a stud!

Come on, help me here. Help me.

Boy, he is a stud!

-Have a stud. -Shit!


Putnam!

Big, dumb galoot.

Putnam, where are you?

Dummy.

[Philo imitating Tarzan]

ECHO: What was that?

ORVILLE: I think he's spending too much time with Clyde.


What are we supposed to do with all this stuff?

Eat it. All of it.

-All of it? -All of it.

What if I can't?

Then we'll give it to Clyde.

Can you imagine what this stuff would do to Clyde's digestive tract?

He already has enough gas to go to North Denver.

And he's never seen a bean in his life.

[Mimicking farting]

Say, when's your little lady coming here?

She should be along any time.

Let's get out of here.

Listen, Philo. Does that mean we're going back to L.A.?

Hell, no. But when I find her...

I'm gonna take care of that guy she's with. My way.

Hey, an Airstream! Hey, Cholla! That's the one!

Howdy?

[Gun cocking]

I bet you're Lynn Halsey-Taylor, ain't you?

How'd you know that?

Well, we been following you, all the way from Los Angeles.

You see me sing at the Palomino?

I'm sorry to say, ma'am, I missed that... but I promise not to miss it next time.

Well, then, what did all you boys follow me all the way to Colorado for?

Do you know a guy named Philo? Philo Beddoe?

He's been following you.

You know that?

Yeah, I know that.

Is he a friend of yours?

Not particularly.

You want to find him?

Not particularly.

We do.


Now, that's a nice looking truck.

PHILO: There she is.

You stay here. This is personal.

Lynn!

You Philo Beddoe?

Do I know you?

You're gonna.


Last time I saw you two, you were going for a fast freight.

The last time we saw you, you were dirt-diving in an alfalfa patch.

Philo Beddoe.

Your time has come.

Here we go again.


I got him.

The bikes, you dummies! The bikes!

The bikes!

Get him, come on.

Are those guys coming after me?

Those guys are coming after me!

I'll get him!

I'm going to kill you all!

Look out!

Watch out for the truck!

Hi, cutie pie. Want a ride?

-Don't mind if I do. -Hop in.

Darling, I'm only glad you happened along when you did.

Nice day for a drive.

-Look at these guys coming up the road. -I love this.

Ten points.

Get out of the way!

There's the boy.


-Thanks. -Make sure that door's closed, would you?

Let's go get a bite to eat.

No, you go on ahead. Clyde and me will eat later.

We'll bring you back something, okay, Philo?

Whatever.

-He's locked into that phone book. -He must have called every place in town.

ECHO: What are you hungry for?

Listen, are you sure you don't want me to go in there and just hang out?

-He pulled a shotgun the last time. -This is personal. I'll handle it.

Why don't Echo and I just go in and have a beer and listen to the music?

-Do you want to borrow my pea shooter? -Thanks. You two go have a good time.

See if you can find out the location of Tank Murdock.

[Singing I Seek The Night by Sondra Locke]

-What will you have? -A beer.


MAN: Lynn Halsey-Taylor, everybody.

All right! It's great to have you back in Denver, Lynn.

And now, everybody, the featured performer of the evening... the star of tonight's show, Mr. Charlie Rich.

The best club out there is the Palomino, and the manager's a good friend of mine.

So, I'll write him, tell him to give you a good spot.

That's mighty nice of you.

[Singing I'll Wake You Up When I Get Home]


Like me?

Want me?

-Let's go. -Harlan.

I've got a friend. It's okay, though.

He won't mind, he just might want to come along.

Let's go.

-Is this your-- -No.

You want to talk to him?

The lady and I have a little business. I expect you'll be excusing us.

Maybe you ought to excuse yourself.

It's okay, Harlan, I'll just be a minute.

-Are you sure? -Yes.

It's your own goddamn fault! Who asked you to follow me?

-I just thought-- -You thought!

If you'd thought, you would've taken some very broad hints.

I've been trying to get rid of you practically... ever since the first night we met.

-What about Taos? -What about it?

I need it just like anybody else.

-You do this all the time? -Yeah, I do this all the time.

And you and me had our time, so how come you don't know when to disappear?

-Come here. -Take your hands off me!

Lynn? Is everything all right?

Schyler, this is the one from L.A. The big, dumb one I told you about.

Schyler, with the shotgun?

That was my idea. I was hoping he'd scare you away.

Why didn't you just say goodbye?

You're here, aren't you?

Guys like you don't understand goodbye.

What do you do? You hustle for him?

You're just not too smart, are you?

Why did you have to come? Why couldn't you quit like everybody else?

You had to come chasing me and spoil it all.

I guess I'm just not too smart, that's all.

Up to now, I'm the only one dumb enough to want to take you further than your bed.

I hate you!

I hate you! I hate you!

I hate you!

I hate you.

Well, listen, do you want to rest up a little bit?

-You don't have to take him tonight. -Tonight's fine.

-Are you Philo Beddoe? -That's right.

Straight down. Keep on walking, you'll see him.

Here you go.

-Is that all the money? -That's it.

-What's with this girl here? -Don't worry about it.

What do you mean, "Don't worry about it"?

MAN: Right to your left.

Right that way.


Don't worry about it, Philo. This guy's a real porker.

Look at him. He's carrying his reputation around his waist.


Looks like you've had a go at it already.

You sure that face won't hurt too much to fight?

-I ain't going to hit you with my face. -That's funny.

I like you.

Don't worry, kid, we're gonna get this over in a hurry and take care of you here.

Where did you hear of Tank Murdock before, kid?

-All around. -Yeah?

-They say you're the best. -They do?

Well, let's get with it.


Jesus Christ, who is that guy?

I don't know, but he's the one that's gonna beat Tank Murdock.

MAN: Come on, Tank! Come on, get him!


Jesus Christ, that guy's going to beat Tank Murdock!

MAN 2: Get up! Come on!

[Crowd booing]

MAN: This guy's gonna be the new Tank Murdock!

MAN 3: This is it for Tank! MAN 4: Who is this guy?

MAN: The new guy's beaten Tank!

You has-been! You ought to learn to box!

You old bum! You're all washed up!

MAN 5: That guy's the new Tank Murdock.

MAN 3: We're going to make money on this guy.

My champ! My champ!


MA: "5, Z."

MA: Just a minute there, now. "B."

Why don't you try that one with your glasses on?

Yes. Why didn't I think of that?

-There. Now try it again. -Thank you, I will.

"5, Z, B, D, F."

-You did it. -Of course I did.

Now, if you'd please step over there for your photograph.

-My what? -Your photograph.

To put on your license.

My photograph.

Well, what will they think of next?

I think I forgot my comb.

Don't you worry. Your hair looks quite lovely.

You really think so?

All right, you ready? Let me get you focused.

All right, now smile. Big smile.