Faisons un reve... (1936) Script


No need to pass the refreshments!

What do you think?

Is it good?

Naturally, a pretty woman is adorable... but isn't she less and less lovable... as time goes by and she becomes less and less pretty?

But if you're lucky enough to love an ugly woman... you love her more and more because... as time goes by she's more and more ugly!

I'd hate being cheated on by a woman... who wasn't very attractive any more.

I'd hate it because her lover would then know... what I'd settled for earlier!


Ugly or pretty, my mind's made up.

The worst trick you can play on a man who steals your wife... is to let him have her!

He's a government minister?

Like I said!

But he looks quite nice for a minister!

I wish it were already tomorrow at 4:00!



Gladly! Thank you!

You smoke too much!

Only 1 cigar at a time!


Listen, I swear... on my mother's life...

By the way, how is she?

So... so...

Then be careful what you say!

Yesterday I went to see...

Castagné's new play.

Unfortunately I was late and... one act was already over.

Which one?

The 1st one, I suppose. Anyway, I fouled up.

So did the author! Don't feel bad.

The hardest part in a play is the intermission... when the audience has time to think and... end the play as they see fit.

They always want the same thing.

They're only happy with a marriage.

Yes, a marriage.

They call that a well-ended comedy.

Whereas it's often a tragedy's beginning!

What medal is that lady in blue wearing?

To tell you the truth, I've no idea... but since she's had 5 or 6 face lifts... it may be a medal for being wounded in action.

I'm sure of it!

Tell me, sir, is your new book selling?

Yes, madam, it's selling.

I don't know who's buying but it's selling!

So which one of us are you tearing apart?

My dear lady... men never go afterjust 1 woman. We put them all in the same bag... and shake it, like this!

I'm sure my wife wants to cheat on me but... since she has a terrible cold...

I hate having to say "Bless you!" when she sneezes!

Is your lemonade ice cold?

You're pretty!

Thanks, Dad! Sorry, sir!

You see, I think upright women are... inconsolable over the sins they've never committed!


Madam, will you do me a favor?

You and your husband must come to see me tomorrow at 3:45.

I've something to show you.


Is your master in? No, sir.

Not in?

He's not back yet. If you'll just have a seat...

I know he expects you at 3:45.

Expects us at 3:45? That's a good one!

I don't like to wait!

Why're you in a bad mood?

I'm not!

But he made an appointment with us... for 3:45 and he's not here.

Do you like waiting?

No, I don't but... it's not so important to me as it is to you.

Be fair! We haven't waited long.

He asked us to come at 3:45...

It's exactly 3:45!

So he's a bit late.

Why stand up for him?

He's late!

So he's late... What of it?

You don't mind at all!

So be like me.

It's a pretty place!

It's nice. More than that!

It's in very good taste!

Each object was clearly chosen with care.

The house bears the mark of its owner's personality.

It's difficult to mix furniture of different styles!

It's charming, isn't it?

I heard what you said.


About the furniture.

Well? You're right.

They're in good taste.

With such a fine apartment I can't see why you'd want to go out.

If I had such furniture, I'd never leave my home!

Maybe he's been held up.

Held up? Where?

No idea! He does nothing.

He's a lawyer.


He said he's attached to the Paris bar.

Attached? Not very tightly!

A good joke, eh?

No, he studied law for something to do... like most society men who don't want to do anything.

He's right. He has a name... money...

He's right not to tire himself out. Life's easy for him.

He loves the ladies!

Think so?

I hope he does! Now that he's with the Martini girl...

He's still with Martini?

I think so.

No, it's over. Someone told me it's over.

So he's with someone else. Who?

I don't know but I suppose so!

I think he's a very pleasant man.

Very kind... Well-mannered...

If he were punctual, he'd be perfect!

You're so restless! Why worry about waiting...

5 or 6 minutes? We've nothing else to do!

Nothing to do? Speak for yourself!

What? I have things to do.

What? A meeting at 4:00.

Where? In Paris.

I'm sure!

Why? I could have a meeting in St Cloud!

Or Bezons!

I said Paris because my meeting's in the heart of Paris.

Where's the heart of Paris?

At the Opera.

With a ballerina?

No, God protect me!

I mean, the Opera area.

My meeting is near the Opera.

At the noodle shop?

No, not at the noodle seller's!

Then where?

Further along, on the left.


What's it to you?

What's it to you not to tell me?

At the South American Bank.

With whom?

With a South American!

What's his name?

His name? Does he have one?

Yes, he even has 3!

His name is... It's simple... His name is...


I didn't say it yet!

His name is Lopez Quita de Ia Nanana.


It's not my fault!

It's new to me!

Me too...

What is he?

You never know the truth with South Americans... whether they're from Argentina, Brazil, Chile or elsewhere.

They just say South America and that's it!

They're very intelligent.

What's he like?

As smart as the others!

Is he tall? Enough!

You mean I've no right to ask a question?

I didn't mean enough, that's enough!

You said tall, I meant tall enough!

Is he dark?

He's so dark it's... Embarrassing?

Not for me, if he thinks it's amusing.

Have you known him long?

We met 2 days ago... at my club. We discussed various things... the stock market.

He's a genuine financier!

Really... Yes, yes...


I asked him for information on Dos Estrelas... but I did it very intelligently... by flattering his famous skills in finance.

So he said Can you come to see me Friday at 4:00?

With an English accent?

No, but you know it's the only accent I can imitate!

Stop teasing me that way!

3:55! I'm going!

You can't!

I can't? You'll see!

You think I'd miss such an important meeting because of... what's his name? I don't even know what he wants!

Me neither!

If you set an appointment, you're on time!

What'd he say last night?

He said I'd enjoy seeing you... at my home at 3:45 so I can show you something.

More old etchings! He's already pulled that one on me.

To hell with his etchings!

No, it sounded very important.

To him! But my meeting is extremely important to me!

The man could do me a big favor.

He needs special handling. Listen...

Would you mind if I told you 2 days from nowthat...

I'd made a profit of 200 or 300 thousand francs?

I wouldn't mind at all!

So let me do it! Do it!

No, I mean... Try to understand.

Let me act in our best interests. Understand?

Without acting basely, we could do something... to please this man who could do us a big favor.

200 or 300 thousand francs is a lot!

I won't stop you from pleasing him!

So let me handle this!

See what I mean?

Not very well.

Just suppose...

Sit down!

_ SUPPOSeM _ Yes?

Suppose the man says to me...

I'd like to have some fun tonight. Where do you suggest I go?

What should I say to him?

Come to my house!

You're insane! Having fun means going to the theater!

Yes, I understand.

Then tell him which theater has the best play... and wish him a nice evening!


I could settle for telling him... which one to go to but maybe that's not very... diplomatic.

Let's reverse the situation.

I'm in Buenos Aires and... he gives me the name of a theater... without offering to go with me.

I'd think What a cad!

Yes, I understand.

In case he says he'd like to go out tonight... you'd like to say Tell me where you'll be at 8:30". so that my wife and I can pick you up.


You're afraid that my presence...

No, I'm just afraid you wouldn't have much fun.

Whereas home alone, I'll die laughing all evening!

Don't joke!

This sort of man... not speaking French very well... not well-mannered enough for a woman like you... You see?

You'd rather not go out with him than to force my presence on him.

Of course!

My business ranks 2nd to making you happy!

How sweet!

If my going out alone upsets you...

I'll stay quietly at home with you. It won't kill me!

I hope not!

Yet it's perhaps a bit foolish... to toss 200 to 300 thousand up in the air like that.

That's quite an amount!

It could buy us a new car... jewelry for you or... a gift for your mama.

Darling, don't fret so! You know I'm only teasing you!

You know you can go out if you wish and do as you please!

Really? Of course!

Do what you must! Whatever you wish!

I'll either go to bed early or... ask Henrietta over to chat while we wait for you... or I'll go to see her.

You sound odd.



What's so bizarre?

I don't know. A little smirk...


Yes... Germaine...

MY dear!

I trust you don't think...

I want to go out on an escapade!


Germaine! You know howl hate... lies and hypocrisy!

Are you serious? Certainly!

Let's stop all this.


I don't want to discuss such things seriously. It annoys me.

I don't have much experience and I'm no smarter than anyone else.

Yet I think certain topics should never be broached... but since we're being honest, let's make a mutual promise.

I think the time is ripe and we'll never have to mention it again.

What promise? This one.

You'll never doubt my word and I'll never doubt yours.

What do you say?

I think... that's fine!

Promise? I promise.

On the condition that things don't go beyond belief.


I think 2 people can live together only...

In the case of total, mutual trust.

We can't stop whatever is to happen from happening.

True... I didn't know you were such a fatalist!

Neither did I!

We learn more about ourselves daily and find unknown resources!

Perfectly true! And I can assure you... the wisdom you've shown is the best of all tactics!

It's no tactic!

I didn't mean that! I meant... it'd be the best tactic if I were in the wrong.

If I were a man who wanted to have some fun tonight... telling me Do as you wish! Whatever happens is bound to happen!

It's reassuring!

It's reassuring... and upsetting too!

It's just pretending! You'll miss your South American!

I'm afraid so!

4:10! Too late?

I'm sure! What a shame!

Not a shame but... it's a pity.

You have his address? Address?

The hotel where he's staying!

Yes, I knowwhere to find him... but I don't like chasing after him like that!

I'd suggest you forget him and all that affair.

You can find lots of other South Americans, no?

Naturally! So you'd advise me...

I can't advise you! I'd only suggest you forget him...

I don't think you really want to see him.

But it's so serious! Serious?

A serious responsibility for me!

Because if all that is true, I'm beginning to wonder... maybe I should worry.


At seeing you give up...

200 or 300 thousand so light-heartedly!

That's true.

As we said, things have to be believable... if we're to avoid all doubts!

On the other hand, you might regret having been weak... or be mad at me for holding you back.

30 go on!

If you're to regret anything, I'd rather you regretted having gone.

What'll you do?

Wait 5 more minutes for our friend, if only to apologise for you.

Then if he's not here, I'll go.

You'll leave me the car? Of course!

I'll come by later and if I see the car, I'll come up.

We might have time for a drive by the lake!

Why not?

Unless the idea of dinner with your friend...

No! Not at all!

Not everything on the same day!

No, I'm willing to be nice...

But not foolish! No!

Go on! Go on!


Yes, go!

2 or 300 thousand, that's quite a sum!

That's what I keep thinking!

Go on! Be brave!

See you later?

See you later!

399 you!

And they say he's an intelligent businessman!

It's hard to believe!


You're here!

Yes and no! I was in the bathroom... having a cigarette. The air's stifling, so I came out!

You were here! Yes, I was!

I could hear you both from the bathroom and...

I'm so happy that... you like everything here!

Yes, each object was chosen with care! What a lovely dress!

And for me and Miss Martini, it's over!

Completely! She was a woman...

No insults!

No, she was rather English but now... she has a Spaniard.

She and I are completely finished!

Your hat's lovely too!

And I don't plead court cases anymore. I don't want to!

I'm not interested in the problems of others.

But right now if I were to plead my own case...

I think I'd win... especially if the jury encouraged me with a smile!

The jury has a question.

The jury has a lovely voice!

If mine were like that, I'd be saved!

Why were you hiding in the bathroom?

I wasn't hiding! I was washing my hands!

Why'd your valet say you weren't in?

The witness was wrong, Judge! I was here because my bathroom... has only 1 door and I was there washing my hands... which is not reprehensible nor harmful to anyone!

You arrived, my hands were wet. I had to dry them... so I eavesdropped on you!

Ever notice how easy eavesdropping is while drying your hands?

I listened to see if you were arguing because I hate to interrupt.

That can keep things from getting worse!

Why would we argue?

You're married!

But we weren't arguing!

True, but my hands were damp.

And you hate damp hands!

Worse than wet ones! So I shook them to dry them... and I eavesdropped again and you were talking about... a South American who didn't interest me... so I lit a cigarette... and heard If you set an appointment, you're on time!

I decided to wait a bit longer.

I waited and eavesdropped again... and heard these unhoped-for words...

Go on! I'll wait 5 more minutes for our friend.

So could I come in just as he was leaving?

I'd have delayed him with... his South American and I hate to keep a lady waiting!

You believe all I just said, right?

You believe I was washing my hands, right?

_ Yes? ' Yes!

You don't! I do!

You mustn't! Why?

It's all a lie! But here's the truth!

Last night at your house... your husband stretched and said to me...

I wish it were already tomorrow at 4:00!

So I thought If he's busy at 4:00... and I invite them for 3:45 and I'm not there...

I'm sure he'll leave at 3:55 and...

I'm almost sure she'll stay. I tried it and it worked!

And I'd rather you take me for a sly fox... than a man who washes at 4:00 when his hands are already... clean, as you can see!

But why did you do that?

You ask me why?

Yes, I do!

I did it so I could see you here and talk to you a little!

I can't go on, not in the state I'm in!

What state?

We have only 5 minutes! He's coming back!

Let's get it over with before he does!

I mean, by then you'll have said yes or no!

I'll know! We met 18 months ago.

We've talked 20... 30 times, just the 2 of us.

But in the past 3 weeks, it's become serious! I haven't been able... to talk to you in private!

Only with our eyes! For 3 weeks!

That limits any conversation!

Today I'm breaking the glass!

All because of the words I just heard... that gave me the insane, magnificent hope that...

What words?

He said he'd go out without you... and I thought If I'm not mistaken, not totally mad... she'll be here tonight at 9:00!

I know it's mad! But I thought...

Now that I've decided to speak, I can't waste any time!

What I'm doing may seem idiotic!

Maybe my lips will cost me all I've won in 3 weeks with my eyes!

So what? But deep down inside, I'm not very proud!

I'm suddenly afraid of the 1st words you'll utter!

Your lips will part, the words will come out... and perhaps shatter 3 weeks of growing hopes!

Don't answer me yet!

No! I've said only vague, insignificant things!

Wait! But at the same time, maybe I'm foolish... to not let you speak. Maybe you should speak now!

No, not now! I haven't said one word of love!

But where will I find words of love?

All those I've saved for 3 weeks! Will they appear?

Yes, I can feel it!

I don't dare say them! What if I was wrong and... your eyes didn't mean all I read there as in an open book?

It's mad, what I've read there these past 3 weeks!

Admit that I was wrong and now you see me as ridiculous!

Those adorable eyes that stare at me coldly... so I can't read what they say!

Won't you please answer me first with your eyes... so I can read your mind? No, she won't let me... read in her eyes!

It's terrible! I feel like I'm bogged down!

I'd prefer a slap rather than a cruel word!

My God, what have I said?

What will her eyes tell me?

What'll she say with that smile?

Never mind! Go ahead! Speak!

Say it! Go on!

I love you!

No, it can't be! It's too wonderful!

Really? What about tonight?

I'll be here at 9:00!

Kiss me!

I'm going to! I will! Shall I?


You may go to a movie! I won't need you tonight!

Wake me tomorrow at 10:00... 10:30... 11:00... Noon!

No, don't even wake me!

I'm old enough to wake up by myself!

The eye of the master who fears that of his mistress!

In no time a woman sees the one object that... should've been hidden!

Everything's fine! The only photo is a photo of me!

8:55! She's leaving her apartment!

If she really leaves as promised at 8:55... she'll be here in less than 6 minutes!

She's coming down...

I'm lucky I finally spoke up today!

It was the right day and the right time!

She comes out, looks right, then left... goes to the curb and hails a cab.

- 25 Avenue de Messine. Certainly, madam!

Another White Russian!

I can see her in the back of the cab... trembling with fear!

She turns on the Avenue de I'Alma, across the Champs-Elysees... a traffic island, a 2nd one... then Rue Washington...

That'll take 2 minutes... so I have time to turn this off... and light the little lamp over here.

That's much better! Of course!

Light, I mean, shadows play a major role in love!

That's a reflection, not a notion!

She's still on Rue Washington!

What a long street! And why?

Not even pretty!

If she catches a cold in the cab, I'm done for!

She'll be in a bad mood and it'll be my fault that... she left both windows open!

I laugh because it must be dreadful to love... a woman who has a cold.

You say I love you! and she replies I Iub you doo!

I can see her on Rue Washington... at the square with new but complicated traffic islands... like everything modern!

Then, the jeweler's clock that's 1 hour 35 minutes slow!

She takes Haussmann Boulevard...

Take it, darling! It's all yours!

Go down Haussmann!

Watch that bus, cabbie! Don't let her get hurt!

Keep going, darling!

There's my tailor who wants money.

He won't get it! Keep going!

A 2nd tailor!

Head high! I don't owe him anything! Go on!

A 3rd tailor! What a neighborhood!

No wonder it's deserted. Keep going!

She passes Shakespeare's statue. It won't be surprising tomorrow... if Shakespeare's head is like this!

She's on Avenue de Messine... Shift into 2nd!

Don't stall now! Go on! A little further!

Not 20 nor 30! She said 25! Just a little further!

Hit the brake! Stop! Stop!

Get out, darling! Yes, you have to pay him.

6 francs 50? That's cheap! Tip him 40 sous...

I'll pay you back...

Pay him... Cross the walk...

No one's watching you! Not at this hour!

Cross the walk... Ring the door buzzer...

Get impatient... Ring it again...

Open the door... Close it...

Go through the vestibule... Take the elevator...

No, you'd rather climb the 21 steps separating us! You're right!

It's just as fast!

21... 20... 19... 18...17...16...15...14...

13... 12... 11... 10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5...

4... 3... 2... 1... Ring the bell!

Go on! Ring it!

Do as I say! Ring it!

She's powdering her nose! That's enough!

Ring it!

Damn, what's she doing?

Lipstick too! I knew she'd come!

My darling! My belov...!

Thank you...

That does it!

Special delivery!

A nasty little unrelenting, deadly letter!

An apology that says nothing or 1 word Impossible! that says everything!

And I was so sure she'd come!

Good Lord, how stupid I was!

OK for lunch tomorrow... Regards... Adrian The bastard!

I won't go! I won't see him! He scared me too much!

It's odd!

This note from someone else convinces me she'll come tonight... because it's not from her but it could've been!

But she's late!

Women can be tedious!

I've only known one who was punctual!

And I was the one who was always late!

We lasted a year and she gave me hell for a year.

They're so tedious!

It's incredible to love women as I do... and to find them so tedious!

Being married!

That must be terrible!

I'm sure there's a bigger difference between... a married man and a bachelor than between... a Chinaman and a Portuguese!

If a man told me...

One day you'll strangle a mailman in Vesinet...

I'd say Perhaps!

If he said One day you'll be an archbishop...

I'd say Possibly!

And if he said One day you'll wed! No, General!

But only if a general said it to me!

What can she be up to?

Couldn't find a taxi?

She couldn't say that!

There's always a cab on Avenue de I'Alma!

Don't let her be ill! They get ill easily as though... they had more organs!

I just hope she hasn't thought it over!

They act so silly when they think!

It'd be silly not to come. She'll regret it...

Not as much as I will but she'll regret it!

What's silly is the time's running out!

Even if she's here by 9:30 and we... then in bed by 10:00, she'll be up at 11:00 saying Quick, quick!

After asking me for the time at least 10 times!

I'll put my watch on... because I don't want to have to get up all the time!

What's silly is missing something that could be charming... a chance we may never have again!

I know that husband of hers!

She surely left at 8:45.

I should phone her. She may be sitting there, hesitating.

She may hesitate for an hour, then suddenly arrive... not realising we won't have the time!

If she's not coming, I want to know it!

I'm not going to sit here like a dodo in the dark!

Women and love are charming but... you can't be a slave to them!

I've been unable to do a thing since 5:00!

I didn't go to meet Chabrier.

I bought flowers and silk sheets that set me back 1500 francs!

I barely ate so I wouldn't feel bloated... and I shaved right after dinner. I hate that!

Tomorrow I'll no doubt have a rash!

She could've said she's not coming! It wouldn't have killed me!

She's a delightful lady, yes, but I'm delightful too!

I hate waiting around like this.

Look at that! I'd rather she didn't come now! I mean it! I'm fed up!

I couldn't bear her simpering! Forgive me! I'm late!

There! It's surely her! Surely!

A cab like the other! It goes past Shakespeare, like the other... down Avenue de Messine... misreads the numbers, like the other... stops at 23, like the other...

She's going to get out...

She opens the door...

I can see the hem of her skirt...

Shit, it's a priest!

What's he doing on my street? Do I go to Trinity Street?

I'll call her! I can't wait!

Is it you, darling?

That'd be too perfect! Later!

Passy... That's funny!

I know it ends with 02...

Not quite! Passy 14-33!

It's not even ringing!

What's she up to?

I'll dial the operator right away!

Hello! Operator?

I've dialed Passy 14-33 for at least half an hour!

No, it doesn't even ring! Please dial it!

What if she rings and I don't hear her? It'd be awful!

I'll leave my key in the lock!

Not yet!

My cigarettes! I'll spend my life looking for them!

We'd better go together!

I'm sure she didn't even try!

Now where are the matches?


Such patience! What patience it takes!

And for her too, poor girl! What a job those girls have!

It must be awful to be surrounded by nervous people you can't see... always talking numbers!


What store?

Yes, sir, speaking!

Cherry brandy? Yes, sir!

A liter of cherry brandy!

Fresh as always!

Yes, sir!

Your name and address?

Yes, I'm writing it down now!

In 1 hour! You can count on it! Goodbye!

To hell with his cherry brandy!

I ask for Passy 14-33 and get a man who wants cherry brandy!

Chat? Chat with whom?

You didn't cut me off! You hadn't connected me! Wait!

Dial it!

Hello, darling! It's you!

Yes, it's me! What's happened?

Nothing? Do you see what time it is?




Darling, what could happen?

There's one at the corner of Avenue de I'Alma!

Listen, sweetheart... What?

Never mind! They only listen to telephone orders!

But, sweetheart, I don't understand you!

Earlier, darling, you said yes so spontaneously.

Your tone was categorical!

No, your tone!

I said your tone! Earlier your tone... was categorical!

What's wrong? She thought it over!

Don't think, sweetheart! We should never think!

I thought I'd been cut off!

We should always follow our instincts!

Listen, I'll say something straight from my heart!

Operator, don't listen!

Darling... Operator, stop listening! Leave us alone!

Listen to something right from my heart... rising gently to my lips...

The bastards cut me off!

Listen, I swear... Forgive me for swearing but... no one has ever been desired the way I desire you!

I've so many things to tell you!

On the phone? I couldn't!

Darling, it would take you exactly 5 minutes to get here!

I'm sure! I've gone to your house 20 times!

In 1 hour? But think of all we could say in 1 hour!

Darling, how are you dressed?

Put your hat back on! Me?

I'm wearing a suit, the same as I was earlier.

Bed? It's a sofa, not a bed!

Naturally I can turn it into a bed... but I'd never do such a thing!

I know the kind of lady you are!

For others, yes, they prepare the bed... put on pyjamas, put out the light... but not for...

What? Me at your place?

No, by the time I get dressed...

I mean, it has to be here, understand?

What, honey?

I can't hear you!

What? To use both of my what?

Both of my ears! I misunderstood!

Why' re you whispering'?

You're not alone? Who's there?

Your maid! You scared me! She's right next to you?

The next room! So?

You don't want her to go? To know!

To know what?

You're on the phone! Why? She pays the bill?

You're on your bed! Why?

To listen to me? How nice!

You want me to talk? I have been for half an hour!

Talk to you till midnight? You can't do that to me!

You can't answer? It's over?

Hello, darfing! Answer me! You won't?

Answer me, darling! She refuses!

Why're you doing this to me?

Why deprive me of a joy I wanted so much... more than anything else in my life! She won't answer!

Though you inflict your cruel pleasure on me... by your will...

I strangely enjoy whispering into your ear from afar.

So I'm going to say all the words that come to mind... regardless!

But be careful! I may make you blush. Listen!

Do you know what it is to be wanted madly... incredibly wanted by a man... Hello?

To hell with your cherry brandy! No, sir!

No idea! Dial the right number! Get off the line, sir!

I'll slap you!

Hello, darling? Cut off again!


You cut me off with Passy 14-33! You cut me off!

You cut me off with Passy 14-33!

I still have Passy 14-33? You're sure?

Be sweet and ring it again!

No need to?

You're sure someone's on the line?

Let me talk! Why're you so sure?

You hear the doorbell in the apartment!

It's off the hook!

Thank you! Go to hell! I mean, I wish you well!

Are you there, darling? Are you?

If you're there, say something!

Answer me! My arm's getting a cramp.

What you're doing is hideous!

You're mean! Why?

If you won't talk, then bang on the phone but do something... so I don't feel like I'm talking into space!

You're not being nice to me. It's shameful!

Do you know what?

It's been exactly 6 minutes since you last spoke!

You could've already been here!

Darling, if you don't want to talk, I have an idea!

Lean fon/vard and do this!

Send me a kiss! You can't say no! Please!

Darling, I'm listening with both ears!

My eyes are closed. Give me your lips!

Please! Do this!

Darling! My beloved!

Someone's outside the door!


I heard noise!

This late? Impossible! I swear!

I was asleep?

Me too! Someone's moving things!

You're right!

Got a gun?

Don't go!

Let me listen!

Someone's forced the door open!

The key!

I left the key on the door!

At this hour, if it's not a confused neighbor... it's a killer!

Maybe a thief!

When you disturb a thief, he becomes a killer!


My God! Don't be afraid!

Darling, adieu! Perhaps I'm going to die for you!

Cover your ears so you won't hear the shots if I fire.

They went in the closet... where the brooms are! What for?

I hope there's not a dozen of them!

They always say to shoot first, so I won't hesitate!

Hands up!

You? Yes, sir!

What're you doing? Cleaning!

At this hour?

But it's 8, sir!

What? 8 what?

In the morning! My God!

I'm sorry I woke you, sir.

I'm sorry you didn't wake me earlier!

He's dead?

It was my valet. I never kill valets!

Only your valet!

Don't feel relieved. Ask why my valet was there.

Why was he?

Why? Because he's cleaning.

Now out of curiosity ask why he's cleaning.

He's crazy? No.

Because it's 8 AM. Now ask if I'm joking.


No, alas!


We slept the whole night!

The whole night... like angels! Let's not get upset!

Forget being upset!

We spent a night together! It's not a problem, it's a fact!

An accomplished fact! An exquisite fact!

Therefore, there's no reason to get upset!


So we sit and try not to laugh!


You could? Yes.

Not me! Pity!

You don't seem to realise!

A married woman who slept out!

Don't you see?

My love, I see everything!

I can see you right now in my bed... in one of my nightshirts and it's a ravishing sight!

The moments we're living are incomparable... unforgettable and charming!

Charming? Yes!


Yes, an affair has several sides to it.

Ours is both charming and ghastly. To each his own personality!

I happen to prefer the charming side of things.

What? It's 8 AM and I'm not home yet!

That's the ghastly side.

A whole night together!

That's the charming side!

Once I'm home...

You'll be in trouble! That's the ghastly part but... when I ask What do you eat in the morning? that's the charming part!

What do you want, darling? Tea? Hot chocolate?

Who knows? Coffee with cream!



Don't come in! 2 coffees with cream!

I understand!

That's easy!

Please! I beg you...

For a kiss!

What'll we do?

There's nothing to be done!


Aside from a repeat of last night, what else?

Joking about it is fine but... you must admit it's time to try to arrange...

Arrange what? There's nothing we can do!


My love, try to examine coldly the situation... we're in.

Coldly? Listen...

You said what when you left home last night?

You left home last night! I adore you!

What did you say?

I was going to Henrietta's.

So your husband arrived at about 12 and was surprised not to find you.

That's understandable!

He asked the maid Where's my wife?

She said She went to see...?

Henrietta! So he phoned her!

_ Yes? _ I gueSs!

But she stupidly said she hadn't seen you!

Then what'd he do?

He went out on the balcony for half an hour... and then went to bed saying I'm a cuckold!

But that's inexact!

Or he phoned all the police stations!

" Really? ' Yes!

But what happened to him between 10 and 11 is much worse... than what happened to him between 12 and 8!


It was between 10 and 11 that his forehead sprouted horns... yet he only began to worry at 12:15... when we were sound asleep and doing nothing wrong!

It's fantastic that you can joke about it!

Because we disagree.

You think what occurred is terrible.

I think it's wonderful!


I swear I didn't wish to fall asleep on purpose.

But I can also swear that...

I could never have wished for something more beautiful!

You see? It's irreparable! There's nothing to be done!

We'll see about that!

Please hand me a...

What? Robe and slippers!

Yes, darling!

I'm afraid my robe won't fit you any better than my nightshirt!

Elegance doesn't interest me!

Here are the slippers.

I think you could put both feet in one!

The robe will no doubt need a few alterations!

Look at yourself in the mirror! You're extraordinary!

I'm not laughing!

Pity! You'd laugh if you wanted to!

I'll wait till you see how divine the fate of our situation is.

You can wait!

I'm very patient!

What're you doing?

Calling home!

Home? For him to ask where you are?

Darling, don't make such a blunder!

A big blunder!

No, don't do that! Please! Call home?

You can panic here on the spot but do nothing!

MY God!




I am!

I know, dear, but I'm trying...

You may have one chance for working this out.

One chance but you're so panicky!


Your only chance is... if your husband didn't call Henrietta last night.

But you're going to call her!

Tell her what's happened and that... only she can save you.

I can't tell her!

Is she deaf? No!


She's his sister!

Henrietta is your husband's sister!

That does it!

I thought she was a friend. You'd best join a convent!

What if I just go home?

In that robe?

No! I'll say I was in a car accident.


A car accident? Where?


I hope! Car accidents in apartments are quite rare!

I mean, where?

On Haussmann!

I don't mean where in Paris!

Where on your body? If you're not injured, it doesn't take you...

11 hours to get home!

If my idea's dumb, find a better one, smarty!

Don't just sit there!

Find one? I'm not even trying!

I told you there's nothing to do! Yes!

To what?

I said yes to him.

Come in...

Put it there.

Thank you!

Don't look! Go now!

"'8 ghastly!

1... 2... 3...?

4... 5...?



Lumps of sugar... 1... 2...?


I'm ruined!

3 lumps, darling...

Lots of coffee? No, not too much!

2 lumps for me!

Very little coffee! You're too nervous!

A little for her but lots for him because... he knows how to keep cool!

And she gets almost all the cream... minus 10% for him as the intermediary!

Now, my darling...

shall we stop joking for a while?

I'm not joking at all!

Do you realise you're facing a friend who is... perfectly loyal, honest and devoted?

You realise that?

Thank you. That loyal friend has a question for you.

Can he hope for an absolutely precise reply?

Eye to eye, I'm asking you, begging you for an answer.

Butter on your bread?

I love you!

But I didn't get a reply. Butter or not?

Only on one side!

Fine, darling! Forgive me, but which side?

In any case, I did all I could to make her smile.

The lady has an idea!

What is it?

I'll call the police!

Which ones?

Not a bad idea but which ones? You have a wide choice!

I don't know!

When you find some amusing ones, we'll do it!

Why hasn't he... called you?

Him? Me? For you? Me?

Why not call?

Don't worry! He'll phone me later.

Why later?

He has other suspicions to get rid of first!

About whom?

All those with whom you've never spent the night!

He's already made 20 wrong calls and... all Paris knows you slept out except me!

That's the eternal injustice of husbands!

Now let me brutally announce an item that... will be in tonight's papers but you'll be the first to know!

Breakfast is sewed! Let me escort you!

Come, Duchess, as we cross the guards' room... the library, billiard room, major hall... minor hall, middle hall and here we are!

Sit down, my love, and enjoy it! There you are, darling!

Such composure!

I'm sorry to see it increases your nervousness... but for the love of God, don't spoil my joy any further!


Yes, it's so great! Just think!

Yesterday here at 4:00...

I had the nerve to say I loved you.

Not even 24 hours later, you're my mistress!

We spent the night together! You slept in my arms and... you want to tell me my happiness isn't 100 millions times greater... than the worries you'll soon have.

How admirable!

Yes, but don't judge me so early in the day!

My worries?

Yes, dear, tiny little worries!

What'll I do?

Marry me!

You're married? Not yet!

You said?

Marry me because you asked me what to do.

You'll be my wife!


The circumstances demand it!

Again, I swear I didn't fall asleep on purpose... but I swear that when my valet said it was 8 AM... my mind was made up by the time he said the 2nd syllable.

Without knowing it you delayed something...

Very rare!


The explosion of joy when two lovers awake... to discover Fate has united them for a lifetime!

Last night at 11 :00...

Fate called to the Sandman and said...

Morpheus, be kind! Come here and... put these two to sleep. They're going to fall in love!

When they awake tomorrow, you'll see their joy!

She'll be smiling in her lovefs arms!

Darling, please smile at me a little!

Smile and drink to Fate who's just united us for life!

Open your little pucker! Wider!

Is it good? Tasty, isn't it?

I don't know if I'm still asleep or not but... all this can't be real!

It's too wonderful to be true, eh?

Earlier I was shaking and almost got angry.

It was close!

I didn't see how serious this is!

Sleep does that to all of us. We don't realise it!

To think I'm here with you, in this incredible outfit!

Ravishing! What a memory it'll be!

And we almost smile and talk about such a terrible thing!

Think of what we did!

It was fine!

It all went so fast!

I went as fast as I could! Sorry...

You said the truth.

I always do! It's so much simpler!

Me, divorced! Then married to you!

Later, things seem complicated because we complicate them... in describing them later... but in reality they're simple!

Complicated in a play but rarely in real life!

A word, an event and that does it! I sincerely believe that!

We'll really get married?

Yes! And how!

I know it without even consulting you or me!

I trust in Fate who's been so good to me. Let Fate decide!

Eat! You don't eat enough at mealtimes, darling!

And... together?


And we'll live together?

Together, yes!

We don't know each other!

We've already examined one topic and... if your opinion of me is as good as my opinion of you... the future looks rosy! But we haven't truly discussed it!

What's your opinion of me in that domain?

Not bad!

That's very important!


Plus what? What more? Money?

I have some! My name's easy to bear!

And unless I need a southern accent...

That's unnecessary!

Then let's dream! Let's mount our palfreys!

You're taking me away! I'm taking you away! A bird is singing!

Let's have this dream and live it!

For a time we'll travel using my name.

Then one beautiful, marvelous morning...

I'll shout Darfing, the mayor is waiting! We'll be late!

What a scandal! And our wedding banns?

I'll ban them!

It's not very original. You're only changing husbands.

To live where?

We've plenty of time to settle that!

We'll find a basement and turn it into an attic!

I've less money than your husband but I spend mine! You said?

If he won't divorce me?

She's afraid! Good! He'll accept, don't be afraid!

If you're sure, then I've no need... to try to arrange things!

Arrange what? Think a bit!

An entire night!

A man mayjustify sleeping away from home but not a woman!

You'd have to find a perfect excuse and I don't want you to!

A woman like you... mustn't live with a man she can cheat on or lie to so easily.

It's an incentive to evil!

You almost became my mistress but... you're going to be my wife. It's much better!

You can't live with a cuckold even if he's yours!

Right! I don't want to be your mistress!

You mustn't! So let's hurry!

' Be Proper! ' Elegantl In spite of tradition!

At last a smile! Sound the trumpets! My mistress just smiled!

_ “flak e me happy? ' Yes!

" R sally happy? ' Yes!

Come back to bed!

We'll do it all again!

I mean, from when we woke up! We'll go to bed... and pretend we're asleep. Then we'll awake and... relive that explosion of joy when two lovers awake and... discover Fate has united them for life!

For life!

Into bed! Into bed!

Once in bed, we go to sleep.

Being well-bred, we naturally sleep and make very little noise!

We awake?

I'm not sure how. We need an amusing idea to wake us.

Find one!

It's always up to me!

That's not too bad! It depends on what he says.

Who is it?

It's me!

Your husband! Perfect! Don't come in!

What'll I do? Into the bathroom!

Careful! He's violent!

I have my gun. And I'll get...

What? A calling card!

A duel is unavoidable!

Darling, listen...

Don't listen!

Listen to me now but don't listen to us later!

One of us might be vulgar and I don't want you to hear that.

Go in there! And remember!

It's for a lifetime! A lifetime!

Never mind the rest!

Let's save money!

And now... the choice is his!

Come in!

You must be wondering why I'm here at this hour.


Maybe due to my behavior, you've guessed.

What's happened to me is dreadful.



I didn't go home last night.


I haven't been home yet.

I spent the night out... On a spree... a wild spree, ridiculous and insane!

I was drunk as a fool.

I... don't need to tell you what I did.

Do you think it's easy to say?

I've come to see you... a friend... a man.

You must do the impossible to get me out of this mess!

You chose me?

Earlier I arrived at my front door.

I put my key in the lock... then slowly pulled it out and left.

I was about to go in when suddenly I realised...

I had no excuse for my poor wife.

I'd have stood there like a big fool with nothing to say!

What's wrong? My head's splitting!

I'm numb!

Good! Good?

No, I mean it's good you didn't go in... at such a late and early hour!

So! What?

Got an idea? Yes!

I thought you wanted my advice.

No, I want you to do me a favor.

Here's what it is. Right away...

call my wife.

For me to call? That's not feasible!

No, I'd be glad to but I'm warning you in advance...

Call my wife at once and tell her... you and I met at the theater last night and...

I came by your place for a drink... and I had a fainting spell... and I just came to... There!

That's no good. That's what I meant!

However, in itself the idea of fainting is amusing!

But I can't ring your wife and say you spent the night here!

Why? She won't believe it!

If things would work out that simply, it'd be too easy!

Sit down!

As a friend of both of you...

I'm willing to try to help you out of the mess you're in... but I won't get involved in a fragile plot that's... apt to fall apart at once!

I can't do that!

And when I say something, I mean it! I'm not used to lying!

Why' re you whispering'? lam? I didn't realise it. Sorry!

Iwhispered because I'm not alone.

You're not the only one here.

I don't want an outsider to hear your story.

Pretty or beautiful?

It's hard to say. She's charm itself!

A loose woman? Never!

A dancer?

Actress? Not at all!

Society lady? Yes.

Married? Yes!

Her husband's on a trip? Good idea!

Another cuckold! Right.

One more!

It's good to hear you say that.

It's reassuring!

He's a close friend?

He is now!

Let's get back to you... Yes!

We got off the subject! Listen...

Are you ready to follow my advice?

Many ask for advice but won't take it. You're that way?

You didn't go home at all?

Not at all?

I couldn't go halfway home!

You could've phoned but you didn't.

Good Lord, don't do that!

Think of how upsetting a phone call would be!

Think of her!

Poor thing! Right!

What'd she do last night?

I can't answer that!

Yes, you weren't with her.

If you weren't home by 12, I bet... she went out on the balcony and... then went to bed thinking This is it! or... she called all the police stations in Paris.

Maybe the morgue!

Poor miserable little thing!

Thinking of the delicate, charming person she is...

I say we mustn't be coarse!

Don't treat her like a silly provincial!

We must avoid causing her any sorrow or modification.

The excuse I'll find for you must be believable!

One she can't disbelieve!

Thus my role is no longer that of an accomplice but that of a friend.

A very pleasing role!

You speak well for so early in the day!

It's because I'm a lawyer.

Yes, I always forget that!

Even when you have lawsuits!

But now that's going to change...

Now if I can't get you an acquittal, I won't get involved!

I'm entirely in your hands!

There's only one answer. Not two, just one!


Wait! I said one so you'd agree to it!

But what?

I don't know. I have to find it first.

Just give me a minute.

Usually a minute is enough.

Let me ask...

I'm trying to think for you and you interrupt!

What is it?

Which cup is yours?

My cup? That one!

That one's hers?

Yes, it's the lady's cup.

What of it?

Nothing! Except I'm dying to eat something.

So if I could drink from her cup...

Go right ahead!

Then I could read her thoughts about you!

And tell me!

It's good! Is it?

All the better!



I'll soon find it! One last question...

What was your reason for going out without your wife?

A nice little fib?

To meet a South American!

South Americans are myths!


Not moths! Myths!

Things that don't exist!

This was no myth!

Not exactly!

It was a lovely little lady!

There's only one answer!

Do you by chance have a relative... not too far from Paris?


An old aunt in Orléans. What?

A what?

An aunt in Orléans!

An aunt? Wonderful!

Not so wonderful when you see her!

Never mind what she looks like!

She can save us!


A fine cathedral!

Go! To see it?

Yes, and your aunt too!


You have a train from Paris at 10:32... that gets in Orléans at 12:12!

Let me tell you what to do!

You get in Orléans at 12:12.

Go straight to the post office!

On Rue Grande? Any post office!

From there, call your wife in Paris... to tell her this!

I lied to you yesterday!

Let me continue!

I lied to you!

There's no South American but here's the truth!

Yesterday I had a message from Orléans saying... my aunt was very ill. I didn't want to upset you.

I came to Oriéans to see her. She's not dead but... isn't much better, so I'm taking care of her.

I'll keep you informed. Do you understand?

That's not bad! There's more!

Twice a day for 2 days, morning and night...

I take a teaspoonful... Be serious!

Let your wife know your aunt's getting better.

But remember! Finally...

Yes, finally!

What? I remember finally!


You said to!

I meant the thing you must finally remember!

Tuesday, for example... you send your wife a telegram saying...

Aunt out of danger. Will arrive Pan's tonight.

Love, Gaston... You're saved! Understand?

What's wrong? I can't do it.

What? Why?

It's a wonderful idea!

But the last word spoils everything!

Last word? Yes...

Of course I can go to Orléans.

I can telegraph my wife twice a day.


I can't sign the telegrams Gaston.

Why? My name's Gustav.

So sign Gustav! OK?

You'll do it? I'll do it!

You'll get your ticket?

Yes, but listen...

Do I really have to go to Orléans?

I'll be bored for 2 days!

Maybe! But think of her!

Who're you pointing at?

Who? Your wife!

Wife? You live where?

When you go home from here, do you go this way or that way?


That way!

So your wife's over there, understand?

At home, crying all alone! She mustn't doubt a thing!

She'd hate your making such a sacrifice...

2 days in Orléans!

Just to be kind to her, you see?

A lie requires care, too!

Make it true! Yes...

It's a homage to the person you're fooling! Ready?

To go for 2 days? Yes.

You'll do it? Yes.

Oop? It means go!

What? When's the drain?

Sorry, I've never understood your dialect.

I didn't use it! You did!

I said What time is the train?

10:32... Don't miss it!

I'll make it.

Besides, my aunt'll be glad to see me.

I haven't seen her in 9 years!

9 years! How old is she?

S4! -84?


The shock of seeing you might kill her!

We mustn't hope for the impossible!

Good bye!

Goodbye and thanks! Please!

You're nice! Thank you!


It's settled? It's settled!

We have a lifetime? Even more!

Much more! More than a lifetime?

Yes, we have 2 days!