Fender Bender (2016) Script

No, I already called.

Yeah, they're gonna send someone in the morning.

No, it was totally his fault, which is probably the only good news.

Oh, thank you.

But I think I'm staying in tonight.

I've got a hot date, you know, with a bubble bath and a bottle of wine.

Tell everyone I said hi though, okay, and have fun.




My God.

This is what I need.





You were right.

Oh, Christ.

How could I be so stupid?

Look, don't beat yourself up about it. There's no way you could have known.

Well, you obviously did.

That's only because I saw him passing notes to the little slut in study hall.

And then Erik's seen them at disco bowling last weekend at The Pins.

If it wasn't for all that... You're right.

Then we'd all be fooled by Mr. Dimples and Perfect Pecs.

What are the assholes doing now?

She teaching him the best way to execute a mount?

Oh, they're just having a great old time.

All laughs and smiles and perfectly timed hair flips.

So gross.

Oh, my God.


I gotta go.

You're not gonna confront them?

I can't do that.

Yes, you can! No, I can't.

You could, not me.

But... I'll call you later, okay?

Oh, shit.


Go to hell, Andy. Hilary, can we just talk about this?

No, we can't, and congratulations, you two make an incredible couple.

Look, it doesn't mean anything. She doesn't mean anything.

You're my girl, Hill.

Not anymore.

Oh, my God.

You're fucking kidding me!

Hey, there.


I am so sorry. Are you alright?

No, I'm fine. What happened?

It was the craziest thing.

I took my eye off the road for one moment to change the radio station.

Next thing I knew... bam, you were right on top of me from out of the blue.

I really should've known better at my age.

Again, so sorry.

Great. Look at that.

Oh, my parents are gonna kill me.

Hey, this is on me. Entirely my fault. No. God.

This is my mom's brand new car.


I'm sure they'll understand.

Yeah, that would be amazing.

But you don't know my parents.

Oh, it's just a fender bender, right?

Nothing too serious.

I hope you're right.

These things happen all the time.

No, not to me they don't.

Never, actually.

This is your first time?

Yeah. It's my first accident.

I just got my driver's license.

A virgin.

Excuse me?

When it comes to something like this.

Yeah, I suppose you're right.

I should get a cake or something, right?

So, should we exchange?


Information, should we exchange our information?

Yeah. No need to involve the police.

Something as inconsequential as this, right?

No, I guess not.

I'm sure they have bigger fish to fry.

In this town, don't be too sure.

I'm gonna be right back.

Yes, me too.

Uh, um.

I think everything's on there.

Looks great.

I tried to remember everything that they told us.


And for you.

Oh, thanks.

Well, alright. Well, I guess that just about does it.

Okay. Oh, pictures.

Excuse me?

Um, they told us to take pictures of the accident scene.

All the damages, everything.

Yes, of course.

Um, I suppose I need one of you, too, if you don't mind.


You too.

Of me and my car, I mean.

That won't be necessary.

Are you sure?


'Kay, well, I think that's it then.

I guess it is.

'Kay, well, bye then.

Goodbye, Hilary.


Hey, oh, my God, Rachel just told me. Are you okay?

You will not believe what just happened to me.

The bastard dropped to his knees begging for forgiveness?

I was just hit. Wait, he hit you?

No, an accident. I was just in a car accident.

Wait, what? Are you serious? Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

It was just a fender bender, but, and it wasn't even my fault either, thank God.

Oh, my God. No, no, your mom's new car!

And we're supposed to leave in a couple hours, too.

This is gonna be so bad.

Yeah, it is.

Well, thanks a lot.

Well, let me know if you need anything, hon.

I just need to face this right now.


Where you been?

Um, just out for a ride.

Just out for a ride?

Why haven't you been answering your phone? We almost called the police, Hilary.

I know and I'm sorry.

What's so important that you have to sneak out so early in the morning?

I went to see Andy.

Oh, God, Hilary.

Look, I know how you both feel about him, but I went out this morning to finally end it.

You guys were right.

Everyone was right.

And it's over now.

Well, I guess something positive came out of all of this, then.

But that still does not make it right, young lady.

You're right.

Well, let's not make a habit of this, huh?

It's not like we don't have enough things going on around here already.

Help us pack. We gotta go.

Check-in's at three.


Something else did happen.

Like they've never done anything wrong in their perfect little lives, please!

Your mother and I discussed this, and after everything that happened today, we both feel that this is something we just can't ignore.

Papa, I... Hilary, let me speak.

I know you apologized, and that's a start.

But actions have consequences.

What does that mean, exactly?

It means that you're not going with us this weekend.


You're grounded. You're gonna stay here and take care of you're mother's car.


And I don't want you leaving this house for any reason, mi entiendes?


Lo siento, mijita, but we can't pretend like this was all okay.

No, but this is, this is our trip.

The show!

I've been looking forward to this all year, you know that!

I know.

And that's why we feel that this will never happen again.

Please, please, I'm so sorry. Please.

We left you the information in the kitchen.

I want you to take care of it this afternoon.

It's the least you could do for your mother.


Please, please don't go.

I'll see you tomorrow night, okay?

Please. I'm so sorry.

Lifetime insurance, this is Davidson speaking.

Hi, Mrs. Davidson, this is Hilary Diaz.

Oh, Hilary, hi, sweetie, how are you?

Have you been practicing those day-boo-lays?

Wait, did I say that right? You did.

And I'm fine. Good, good, good.

Actually, I am not so fine at the moment, that's why I'm calling.

Uh, oh, oh, no.


I... I had an accident this morning.

I was rear-ended at the stop sign.

Oh, no, you didn't get hurt, did you, hon?

No, no, no, I'm fine. Oh, good.

It was just a fender bender. Oh, those are the worst, the worst.

But my parents weren't too happy about it, that's for sure.

Oh, no, don't tell me it was the new Sentra.


Oh, I'm sorry, sweetie.

I know. Oops.

But, at least it was the other driver's fault.

Okay. And I got all of his information, too.

Oh, good. Just like you're supposed to.

Well, see, that's good. Now, everything is gonna be alright.

See, everyone gets into their first accident sooner or later.

At least it sounds like yours was nothing too serious.

So, you know, that's good, that's good.

Yeah, I guess it could've been worse, I suppose.

Alright, let me just pull up your family's file here.

Okay, Diaz, I got it.

The driver's name?


Hilary, are you still there, sweetie?

Were you able to get the driver's name?

Oh, I'm sorry.

That's okay.

Jonathan Barker.

Address and phone.

312 Grinnell Street, Littleton, Colorado, 80120.

Phone, 303-555-6462.

Ooh, out-of-towner, huh?

Okay, plates and driver's license number.



Are you there? Plate 14SG69.

Driver's license 063250331.

And what was his insurance carrier?

Reliable. Reliable.

Got it.

How boring's this weekend gonna be?

Huh, Harry Manilow?

Ah, great.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Get it together, Diaz.

It's gonna be a really long night.

The hell?

Going on, Harry?

Getting all crazy up in here by yourself?



Is that you?

Did you guys decide to come home early or something?

Shit, shit.


Alright, who's there?

Be warned, asshole, I'm gonna t-ball your freaking head off your freaking neck!


Alright, ease up there A-Rod.


Say cheese and pepperoni!

Rachel, Erik!

How did you guys get in here?

Spare key underneath the fake rock.

Yeah, three down, the left side bush.

God, thank God it was there. We would've drowned out there.

When did I tell you guys that? You tell us everything, sweetpea.

I could've really hurt you guys.

With your batting average, I don't think so.

You looks so freaked out. You should post these.

No, I was freaked out. Right, let me see.

Oh, my God, you should post those.

Don't worry, I'll delete 'em.

Wait, delete my pictures?

Alright, let's eat this soggy mess.

Of course, I always delete the bad ones.

Oh, music, we need some music. Hold up, will or did?

Whatever you want. You can't have nasty shots lying around like that.

They'll end up haunting you forever.

I hear that!

You know, I once took a pic of myself taking a dump in the bathroom mirror.

You know, just like for shits and giggles?

And, uh... Ew, gross.

I accidentally sent it to my boss. Mr. Bessinger?

Alright, who's hungry?

Yeah, now.

Sodas? Diet please.

Real sugar, por favor.

Hey, you guys? Hm?

Thank you so much. Coming over tonight.

Seriously, I really needed the company.

Well, after the day you had, Andy, the accident.

Andy. I know, I know.

We figured you could use a little TLC.

Yeah. Now, you PYT, you better E-A-T before you waste away.

Really, I should've known when I got with him.

I shoulda known that a day like today was eventually gonna happen.

Oh, should, woulda, coulda.

You rolled the dice with Mr. Fantasy Football.

Came up double dots.

So what? You're hot, he's not.

His loss, big time.

Time to move on. Amen.

Whatever happened to all the nice guys?

Like when did that just suddenly change?

You mean, non-douchebags without bloated egos who don't feel entitled to absolutely everything in existence and can carry on some semblance of an intelligent conversation beyond that of professional sports and/or video games?

Yes, that. Exactly that.

Yeah, sorry, gone the way of the dodo bird, puddin'.

Actually, they do exist. They're just all like me.

Oh, my God, that's so true.

Straight guys are all such pricks.

You can say that again. Straight guys are all such pricks.

Here's to boys who don't suck. Hells yes!

Ah, speak for yourself.

Alright, what's for dessert?

There's some ice cream in the freezer. Mmm, perfect.

Oh, cake!

Oh, my God, so much better. Mmm.

What is that?


Don't tell me Andy left this for you.

Yeah, I think so.


It could've been somebody else.

Oh, who? I'm intrigued.

Well, the fender bender I had today.

The other driver, I think that maybe it could've been him.


Yeah, wait, what? Really?

It was on top of my mom's car in the driveway.

Why would he do that?

I don't know.

He texted me, too.

Hilary! Wait, how did he get your number?

From the information that we exchanged at the accident scene.

It's what you're supposed to do.

You give your name, you give your phone number, you... your address, like everything pretty much.

Well, maybe he was just being polite?

You know, actually sorry for what happened?

Believe it or not, there actually are some decent people left in this sad world.

Yeah, maybe.

What else?

Well, a little earlier, somebody snuck in here and took pictures of me in the shower with my phone and then deleted the accident pictures, too.

Okay, what? You've gotta be making this up, right?

Was it you guys?

Are you playing a prank on me?

Cause you were talking earlier about deleting pictures.

I won't be mad. I just wanna know.

No, of course it wasn't.

Okay, this is so nuts.

There's gotta be a good explanation for all of it.

Were you expecting someone else?

Maybe we should call 911.

Yeah, I like that idea a lot.

No, I've caused so many problems as it is.

We'll take care of this.

Who's there?

Andy? Hey, babe.

What are you doing here? Obvious, ain't it?

You're drunk?

Like always. Wow, obvious again.

You always were crazy smart, Hil.

Look, you can't be here. You need to leave right now.

Why? Can't I see my girl when I want?

Or do I need a fucking engraved invitation or something to your lame fucking pizza party?

You were spying on us?

Come on, babe, how many times do I have to say I'm sorry?

I am not your babe. It's over.

I already told you that. You need to go right now.

See, that's not the way this works, Hil, because I say when it's over.

Understand that? Me.

Not you. Never you.

What's this? Supposed to be threatening or something?

Listen asshole...

Wow, see you got your poodles here to protect you.

Who you calling a dog? You, bitch!

What are you gonna do about it, hump my leg or something?

It's okay, you guys. I'll take care of this.

Your call, Hil.

But I think we both know how this is going to end.

Yeah, see? That's what I thought.

What the...

I'm gonna spell this out for you nice and slow, cause I know you're not the brightest bulb in the box.

You crazy bitch.

If you don't get your juiced-up, sorry ass out of here and leave me and my friends alone, then you can kiss the homecoming game goodbye.

It's gonna be really hard scoring touchdowns with both your goddamn legs in casts.

Get the hell out of my house.

Whatever. Kiss my ass.

No thanks.

I already kicked it. It's much more fun.

Ha, I'm scared of you.


Fucking bitch.

Did you change your mind?

So how are you gonna explain this later?

Thought you said no more trouble.


I tripped over it in the dark, right?

If it weren't for my dancer catlike reflexes, I would've been a goner.

Yes, I like this new you.

See, I told you there's a good explanation for all that crazy shit earlier.

It was just the asshole the entire time.

Yeah, it looks like it, huh.

Puts the creep in creepy, that's for goddamn sure.


You know, despite his sociopathic and stalker-like tendencies, I think it would be a shame to let his lame attempt at apology go to waste.


I mean, that would just be downright rude.

And besides, this is a celebration.

Celebrating what?

You. Me?

Yeah, to, um, to... new beginnings and clear skies ahead.

At least tomorrow.

Well, blow, bitch.


Let them eat loser cake.


Mm, mm, mm. Mm!

Thank you.

Mm, and this piece is mine.

Mm, ah.

Mm, oh, my God, this is so good.

Uh, it kind of is good.

Well, don't, don't tell that dip yet.

It's probably my parents.




Hi, hon, this is Mrs. Davidson calling you back from Lifetime Insurance.

Oh, hi.

I'm sorry to be calling you so late, sweetheart.

Oh, no, no, that's fine.

It's just that, something came up with the information you gave me earlier.

You know the driver that hit you today?

And I wanted to speak to you about it.

It's something, it's kind of strange actually.

Um, is everything okay?

Well, you know to be honest, no, not really.

Are you okay?

Yeah, yeah. I'm fine, fine.

What is it?

Well, the agent over at Reliable who actually handles the person's account called me back personally to tell me that the insured driver you know, who you told me was named Jonathan Barker.

Yeah. Well, the account actually belongs to someone named Jennifer Barker, a woman, Hilary, and there's really no way to say this delicately, honey, so I'm just gonna come out with it.


She was just found murdered yesterday at her home at the address you gave me, matching exactly.


Yeah, and all the other information you provided, it checks out as hers, too, the plate number, driver's license number, phone number, absolutely everything.


But obviously it couldn't have been her who gave it to you, sweetie, so who was that man that did?

Mrs. Davidson?


Whoa, what's going on?

I don't feel right, I don't feel right!

Rachel, run! Run, go, go, go, go!

I don't feel right...

I've got you, I've got you, it's okay. You got it?

Here, stay with me.

You're fine, come on.

I've got you.

Come on! Come on, come on!

Okay, let's go.

Come on. This way.


Okay, come on, this way.

Come on.

I'm sorry.

I've got you, careful now, careful.

Just stay here, okay?

What's happening to me?

It must have been the cake.

There was something in it.

He did leave it.

Who... who... who was that?

The guy who hit me this morning. Mm.

The fender bender guy.

I think.

I think that's him.


Hey, it's gonna be okay.

It's gonna be okay. You just have to believe.

You just have to hold on, okay?


But you have to stay quiet, Erik.

You have to stay quiet, okay?


It's okay now.

Is he gone?

Is he gone?

Yes, he's gone. But we have to try to get to the front, okay?

Out to the street. We have to try, okay?

Okay. Okay. Let's go.

I've got you, I've got you. Okay, okay, we're okay.

Shh, we're starting.



Are you good?






Why are you doing this to me?

Leave me alone, please, just leave me alone!

Somebody! Somebody, please help me!

Come and help me!

No, no.

Come on, come on, come on!

Not so easy now, is it?

Come on, asshole!

Come on!

Come on!

Come on!

Come on!


Come on!

Dammit, you son of a bitch!

911, what's your emergency?


This is 911.

Can you hear me, hello?

Dammit, dammit.

This is 911.

Hi, my name is Hilary Diaz, and I'm... State your emergency.


Will you state your emergency, hello? Hello, can you hear me, are you there?

This is 911. Hello? Dammit.

Do you have an emergency to report?

This is 911.

Please state...

Your emergency...

Please state your emergency...

Oh, God!

Oh, God! No!

No, please, help me, help me!

Help me, please! No, please no!


No! No!

No! Please!

Please no, please no, please!

No, no, no, no!


Please no, please.

Please no, please. Please.

My life, my life.

Your life is meaningless.

But your death will be legendary.

No, no!

Hola mijita.

I just wanted to call and see how you were holding up.

You're probably sleeping.

We had a nice night tonight but actually had a change of plans.

Your father begged me to trade in the theater tickets so we could go to the casino instead.

You know how that's his favorite thing, so we did that.

And he was so happy, too.

But I have to tell you, I couldn't stop thinking about you and all that happened today.

So look, I have a thought.

This show isn't going anywhere anytime soon, right?

So, what I was thinking was,

well, maybe we can make it back here later in the month to see it ourselves, you know?

Solo tu y yo.

And believe it or not, your father actually won some money tonight, so he can pay for everything. That'll teach him.

I know how much you wanted to see it, mijita, and what it means to you.

Everybody does.

Besides, I'm sure you could use the distraction after what happened between you and Andy today.

Not to mention everything else.

You can even bring Rachel and Erik if you want.

We'll make a weekend out of it.

You know, one that doesn't involve any accidents of any kind.

So get some rest, and we'll talk about it later, okay?

Te quiero mucho, Hilary. See you tomorrow.