Frankie and Johnny (1991) Script

* Frankie and Johnny, ha were lovers, all right

* A man and a woman

* Toughened by the weight of Time

* But not quite as hard as they seem

* Because they both have hearts

* Awaitin' dreams It's really good for that, but other than that Penn is the place to be.

WOMAN: I like Northwestern.

MAN: Ladies and gentlemen, we should be arriving in Altoona in 15 minutes.

By the way, off to your right is Rockview Correctional Institution, one of the largest prisons in Pennsylvania.

WOMAN: Yeah, but today I think you need a B.A. and a master's degree.

* Oh, but a gentle breeze

* takes lovin' liberties

* When a breath of air blows your heart a pair

* Of kisses where you wait for her MAN: Altoona.

Altoona, Pennsylvania.

Get out your baggage tags, please, for Altoona.

* Frankie and Johnny were lovers, all right

* Frankie and Johnny, ha were lovers, all right

* Frankie and Johnny were lovers, all right *

MINISTER: And the final obligation of placing in his home the holy scriptures, and provide him with instructions in the Christian faith.

And as Thomas grows in years, do you, Frankie, as godmother, and you, William, as godfather, do you promise to fulfill these obligations?

WILLIAM: Yes. Yes.

Then by the power vested in me, I baptize you, Thomas, in the name of the father, of the son...

Michael, stop shooting, for heaven's sake.

You're making the minister crazy.

And the holy spirit.

MAN: By the power vested in me by the state of Pennsylvania, I declare you released from custody.

You're a free man.

Thank you, Master Lincoln.

Try to stay out a least a year, huh, Lester?

Good luck, Johnny.

Thank you, Mr. Rosen.

You were the best cook in the cell block.

I sincerely plan on never seeing you again.

And I'll miss your western omelets, too.

I'll send you the recipe.

Hey, Johnny, New York City can be a real dangerous, hostile place.

It will be a nice change.

A new beginning for you, men.

Make the most of it.

MAN: Come back and cook for us, Johnny.

JOHNNY: Hey, Delaney!

I'm in. I'm out. I'm in. I'm out.

I'm out. I'm out.

I'm out. I'm out.

Nice start, Lester.

LESTER: Look at this, fresh air.

I can really breathe!

Check this!

FRANKIE: Oh, it was a beautiful christening, Aunt Connie.

Thank you so much for lending us your house.

CONNIE: Oh, I love babies.

Now, I don't have any grandchildren.

Don't start, Mom.

Would you stop cleaning and sit down?

Come on and visit with us, come on.

* Down came the rain

* And washed the spider out *

This is the way people live, Francis.

Real people.

What time's your bus?

Uh, late.

I want to spend some time with her.

Oh, now it's all my fault.

Nothing's your fault.

It was a lovely ceremony, Roy.

Oh.

Want to try it again, Mary? One more time, Mary?

No. No! Please.

Oh, yes, one more time.

WOMAN: Got to go.

Bye, Aunt Connie. Bye, Frankie.

I, uh... I better get going.

Baby, I worry about you in New York.

I'm fine, Mom.

Mom...

Maybe I'm not the happiest person who ever lived, but that's not your fault.

Okay?


BOY: Welcome to New York, you sinners.

This city is filled with sinners.

We don't need any more, but you can be saved if you follow the word of the Lord.

Will you follow?

The Lord can save you.

Do you want to be saved?

Do you?

You must choose your way today, brothers and sisters.

Do you hear me? You must choo...

Leo! Leo!

Meet me at the corner.

Thank you.

Hey, cabbie! Yo, taxi! Taxi!

Yo! Yo! yo!

JORGE: Yo!

Taxi!

What are you doing?

Helen's sick inside. They're sending her home.

I don't know what's the matter with her.

Yo, cabbie!

Helen, you want water?

Nedda, get me some water, please.

It's going to be okay. Jorge's coming with the cab.

I'm fine.

I'm fine. I'll tell you when you're fine.

What's wrong?

Uh-huh. He's making me go home.

Twice in one week... Dizzy spells.

It's the medication they've got me on.

Nick, I got a cab.

Okay, good.

Here's $10 for the cab. You take Helen home.

What about for me to get back?

You take the bus back.

FRANKIE: I'll call you this afternoon and see how you're doing.

The woman at table five stiffed me last week.

Okay. Thanks for telling me.

I'll burn her toast.

NICK: I tell her to stop working so hard.

She tells me that she's fine.

FRANKIE: She doesn't look so fine to me.

You know, she's been waiting on me for 10 years.

Well, no wonder she's sick.

JORGE: Look, don't talk to me about that.

HOSTESS: Good morning. Apollo restaurant.

Hey, not so much butter.

I say this much, why you use that much?

Get off the phone.

In a minute, Tino.

Pendejo.

Listen, baby, as soon as I get out...

Hey, don't go tying that thing up all day.

Luther, who's going to call you, huh?

Yeah, I need scrambled with sausage, home fries, and a gun.

I'm going to shoot that bitch on three.

How was your weekend?

It was great.

I saw my mom.

FRANKIE: Where's my bacon?

Hey, I'm all backed up.

Help me and get lover boy off the telephone, please.

JORGE: You know, that little underwear set I bought you?

Jorge. Hide. Immigration.

Oh. No, I was kidding.

I was just kidding.

* Get down, my sister Okay.

Here we go.

Good morning, Frankie.

When did you sneak in?

Here you go, Elizabeth. I'm sorry it took so long.

But Tino, he's real backed up in the kitchen.

Is that okay?

Yeah. Hey, Frankie, Walt learned to juggle oranges.

Uh-huh. He thinks it gives him vitamin C.

Okay, hi.

We have two specials this morning.

We have a feta cheese omelet for $3.95 and we have a western omelet for $2.95.

WOMAN: I'll take the pancake special.

FRANKIE: No, no. There are no special pancakes.

There's the feta cheese and the western.

WOMAN: I'll have the French toast special with double syrup.

WOMAN: Oh, my goodness. Did you see that?

I'm all right. Don't worry.

You're all right? Look what you did!

WOMAN 2: Look what you did!

My father had to work very hard for this. Kick him!

MAN: Poke him in the eye!

They give you 10.

Then, when you gonna give them change, they say, "No, I give you 20."

They rob you blind this country.

NICK: I bring you all the way from Greece to teach you business, Artemis.

Concentrate.

I try, uncle Nick.

You can sit anywhere. We don't have maitre d'. Go ahead, take any table.

Again, once again. No. Wait, uh...

This says you're looking for a short-order cook?

NICK: Well, we're always looking for cooks.

But they come, and they go, you know.

Well, I'm not a come-and-go guy. I'll stick with you if you hire me I like your hair like that.

You don't think it's too young?

Mmm-mm. No. It's perfect.

See the guy on two?

Uh-huh. Oh, the cop?

Oh jeez. Wants chopsticks.

Where's my bacon?

My references, signed by the governor. More like a diploma.

Oh. Excuse me.

Sorry.

Peter, phone call.

This chopstick has tape on it.

You can't be that cheap.

The other one is good.

FRANKIE: One chopstick?

Want me to sharpen a point on it and have him stab the food?

Good idea.

Hey, so what do you think, Pookie?

Think I should hire him? Hmm?

Yes.

Why?

ARTEMIS: I like his face.

Me, too. You're hired.

Oh. Thank you, sir.

Really, thank you.

Okay, now, you want to know why? Ask me why.

Why?

Because I believe in giving man another chance... Close your ears, Pookie.

Until he fucks up.

Now, this country of yours gave me another chance.

Close your ears, Pookie.

I didn't fuck up.

This is between us.

Thank you.

I won't...

Could you close your ears, Pookie?

I won't fuck up.

Okay. Okay, here.

Fill this out. You bring back tomorrow, all right?

You start tomorrow 6 A.M.

I could start now.

No, no. Tomorrow's good. I'm here at five.

My name is Nick. You're Johnny? Johnny.

How did you hurt your hand?

Soccer. I love soccer. You play soccer?

No. I play handball, though.

Okay, tomorrow. Nice meeting you, Pookie.

JOHNNY: I'll see you at 6:00.

* Camptown ladies sing this song

* Doo-dah, doo-dah Got a job today.

Who gives a shit?

* Doo-dah da-da dah *

BOY: The head is ten points. Head ten points.

BOY 2: Yo, so wow much for the bellybutton, holmes?

BOY 1: Yo, yo, yo. Hit the arm. You know what I'm sayin'?

Man, winner, winner, winner. All right.

One more, one more. You know what I'm sayin'?

Stop playing and get out of here. Come on!

I'm running a business.

Yo, you took away our playgrounds, man.

Now you take away our stiffs?

WOMAN: The guy comes walking out of the garage, he goes to get in his car, and they shot him.

* Kickin' the house rhythm with your feet

* Twist, turn, jump all around

* Hold your feet pinned down to the ground

* Get up

* He came from someplace back in her long ago

* Sentimental fool don't see

* Trying hard to recreate

* What has yet to be created... *

Hello!

How are my shelves?

Hello!

Oh, hi.

Hi.

I'm a friend of Tim's.

I'm Bobby.

Where's Tim?

Oh, he's at his place, across the hall. You were out of beer.

Nice elephant collection.

Thanks.

He asked me to give him a hand with your shelves You like them?

A little crooked, but...yeah.

The shelves aren't crooked. It's your floor.

There she is.

There's the little godmother.

Welcome home.

Mmm-hmm. Have you met Bobby?

Frankie, Bobby. Bobby, Frankie.

We met at a Dr. Pepper audition.

He was the big pepper. I was the little pepper.

MAN: Hands on buzzers.

Acrophobia is the fear of high places.

Agoraphobia is the fear of open spaces.

What are you afraid of if you suffer from xenophobia?

Foreigners.

WOMAN: Foreigners.

MAN: Foreigners or strangers. Correct.

Lucy, this is our new friend, Bobby.

He's gonna be taking you for your walk.

Now be careful. She likes to chase limos.

She has delusions of grandeur.

Tim, I know how to walk a dog.

We do have these in Kentucky, you know.

Kentucky. Do you believe this? I'm dating Huck Finn.

Nice to meet you, Frankie.

Nice to meet you, big pepper.

So? Have I found Shangri-La? What do you think?

He's nice.

Now that's a rotten thing to say.

He's very nice.

What do you want me to say?

When did all this happen?

Jeez, I leave you alone for two seconds...

I know. I know. I said I'd never fall in love again.

Where did that get me?

Don't get dramatic now.

It's an occupational hazard.

Frankie, don't get me wrong.

I love watching television with you.

I hope we'll be best friends the rest of our lives, but, I mean, there's a whole world out there.

And there's no use pretending there's not just because our feelings got hurt or there's some god damn virus.

I know. I know.

But I'm going for a VCR.

A VCR.

I hope it comes with a lot of attachments.

Is that a life?

Yeah, sure, send out for pizza, rent a film...

That's dinner and a movie, and I don't have to deal with some schmuck trying to put his tongue in my ear.

MAN: What is the main topic of discussion when two lepidopterists get together?

Butterflies.

WOMAN: Um, gems?

No! MAN: No, ma'am.

Butterflies or moths.

What's the matter with you?

Have you been to college? You should know that.

MAN: You still have control of the game.

I'm fine.

I'm fine.

Give her a kiss.

Give her a nice kiss.

Want some bran?

May as well just eat rope and yank it through.

NICK: Come on, come on.

You have feet. You have shoes.

Run. Don't...

Run like you got...aah!

Papa, what's the matter?

Are you okay?

Don't poke me. Please, don't touch.

Hi. You buying? I'm on sale.

I'll pay you Thursday.

How you doing?

Hi. Looking for company?

I don't know. What's the going rate these days?

WOMAN: $100 cash.

I appreciate the offer, but that's a little out of my...

It's slow tonight. We can talk.

JOHNNY: Oh, you want to talk?

Okay, let's, uh... WOMAN: So what do you like?

Well, uh...

What about the spoon position?

So what you going to do to me in the spoon position?

WOMAN: Party time.

Oh, um, Celeste, no...

Christine.

Oh, yeah. Well, clothes on.

You know what I mean?

Clothes on. Spoon position.

WOMAN: Certainly, I will go on with dynamite, but television people got to be able to see as well as hear.

Watch this. I'll do Bette Davis...

Phillip!


LUTHER: Hey, you all right, man.

Yeah, that cat can move, hey.

Ha-ha! All right.

Chop that celery, boy.

That's a good way of losing a finger, my man.

LUTHER: Do it, baby.

You know, I had a cousin. He lost two fingers at his last job.

Whoo! Boy can't even tie his own shoes now.

Oh, come on!

I wear loafers anyway.

Frankie, come here.

Look at this guy. He's a hot dog.

He's cute, though.

He's got a cute little ass, hasn't he?

Why don't you tell him?

I think I will. Hey, Zoro.

Ho, ha! Anybody ever tell you you got a cute ass?

Last job I had.

Are you blushing?

NICK: Cora, Cora, stop bothering the new guy.

Let him work. Everybody get to work for a change here.

I need scrambled with bacon, two easy-overs with sausage, and a Belgian waffle.

I'm Johnny. Hi. Um...

Who are you?

Frankie. These eggs don't look runny.

Mr. Deleon likes them runny.

They look runny to me. They're pretty runny.

He's a regular.

Who can argue with that?

And who can argue with you?

"Thy head is full of quarrel

"like an egg is full of meat."

William Shakespeare. Romeo and Juliet. I'm reading it now.

Act three, scene one.

I can't find it now. Okay.

Raw eggs coming up.

Not raw.

Runny.

Hey, wait a minute. Hey, stop.

Nick, the pie machine's gone berserk.

Whoa.

Look, if he jumps, he jumps, but they never do.

I got to go.

I'll call you later. Yeah, bye.

Hai!

Ho! Ha!

Who? So what do you think of him?

The guy, the guy. The new guy.

FRANKIE: He just started, Cora.

CORA: I've been checking him out.

Something about him I don't like.

Yeah, I know what you mean Something wise guy.

No. It's not that. It's the headband.

CORA: He's kinda cute, though.

FRANKIE: You see something cute in every guy.

Yeah. I know. I'm lucky like that.

Is Helen still out?

Nick thinks she'll be back tomorrow.

You know what your problem is? You're too picky.

Women like that always have opinions about women like us.

FRANKIE: How do those look?

Perfect.

You girls take such good care of me.

I know, I should have said ladies.

No. You should have said women.

Frankie, you're looking at a very, very old dog.

In my time, I said tootsies, dolls, gals, chicks, babes.

Sometimes even broads, that's when I was a young lad.

When I was a young man, the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.

Did I tell you my daughter-in-law wants me to call her Ms.?

I know what I'd like to call her.

But I put up with her because of my grandchildren.

Have I shown you pictures of my grandchildren?

Want to see them again? Some of them are out of focus.

HOSTESS: Peter, telephone.

How can VCRs be so complicated?

Hey, what's the story?

FRANKIE: Ask Cora.

TINO: She after him already? She's fast.

LUTHER: She's like a bullet, huh?

Maybe Jorge knows about VCRs.

That boy, all he got on his mind is pussy.

Yeah, you open up his head, I bet you find little hairy triangles.

Frankie, come here.

The professor from the college just stuck his hand up my skirt again.

Okay, you pour. I'll bump.

Let me freshen that up for you, sir.

I always like more.

Ohh!

Oh, I am so sorry!

Are you all right?

I am so sorry.

NICK:

Um, Helen's in the hospital.

Her neighbor just called.

She thinks this is it.

Fifteen years she works here.

It's long time.

Yeah?

You think she knows we're here?

I don't know.

Helen!

Cora, it's a hospital.

Helen, honey.

It's Cora. Can you hear me?

Excuse me, ladies. Could you leave now?

Helen has another visitor.

Okay, we're leaving.

Helen, we're going to go now.

We'll be back tomorrow, okay?

You think we're going to end up like this...

Alone?

She's not alone.

Yeah...

She's alone.


WOMAN: Aah!

We're going to need something under his head.

Let me have your jacket.

Back off, okay?

Just give him a little room.

JORGE: Kacelnick and Paussi we're gonna be here, but...

I'm not watching, I don't know what's goin' on. What's going on?

Where's Nick?

CORA: He's at the hospital.

What...what's wrong?

He's having a fit or something. Call an ambulance.

JORGE: Maria, Maria, you know I love you, baby.

What's the matter with you?

What are you doing? That's my girlfriend!

CORA: I don't know. The guy's sitting there.

He falls down like a ton of bricks.

JOHNNY: You're stepping on the guy. Stand back.

Uh, yeah. We need an ambulance, please.

Uh, the Apollo Restaurant, 23rd and 9th.

Is there a doctor here?

JOHNNY: A doctor?

CORA: Is there a doctor? Anybody a doctor here?

JOHNNY: You, miss. You're dressed like a nurse. Are you a nurse?

JOHNNY: All right. WOMAN: No. I'm a dental technician.

JOHNNY: We're going to need an ambulance.

FRANKIE: They're on the way.

No... You got to get him, you got to get him on his side so he can breathe right.

Where'd you learn that? Uh, Campfire Girls, uh...

I... I don't remember. What is he, epileptic?

Uh, yeah. I think.

Are you sure? Could be drugs.

Drugs? Yeah.

Now, this guy don't look like a drug addict to me.

No. What is it?

Epilepsy. Epilepsy.

Yeah. He's epileptic. Uh, uh...

Why doesn't everybody go back to their tables?

He's fine, really. The ambulance is coming. He's...

Thank you. Thanks. Thanks for cooperating.

Free coffee for everyone.

Cora, why don't you just... Give everybody...

Free coffee! Nick's gonna to kill you.

Yeah. You can make that phone call now, Jorge.

Your name is Frankie, right? Yeah.

I'm Johnny. Yeah. I know.

Frankie and Johnny, the song.

Yeah. I've, I've heard of it.

Is, is he breathing all right? Yeah.

"Frankie and Johnny were sweethearts."

Are you... Are you sure? Is that a coincidence?

I don't think he's breathing right. He's breathing, yes.

No... Why don't you go out with me tonight?

What?

I'm asking you out with me tonight, on a date.

He just asked her out.

I don't believe this. What's hard to believe?

I really want to go out with you, that's all... No.

Keep him company. I'll go wait for the ambulance.

Oh... Oh!

Hey, chum, welcome to the world.

What happened?

Nothing much. I just got turned down by some woman.

No, you're going to be fine.

Hey, Lucy.


WOMAN: Oh!


CORA: I'm actually in Rego Park.

Look who's here.

Look who's here.

What's he doing here?

He didn't even know her.

Sure, he did. His first day was her last, I think.

Helen can use all the mourners she can get.

Nedda! I didn't mean it unkindly.

I'm just glad we didn't book St. Patrick's.

Tino and Luther were here earlier.

Nick sprung big for the flowers. They're nice.

CORA: I got to go. NEDDA: I think I'm going to go with you.

Yeah, funerals give me the willies.

You're gonna come or what? We just got here.

It's the thought.

I don't want to leave her alone.

Yeah. Sure.

Come on, Nedda. We don't need a brick wall to fall on us.

Shut up. Don't be ridiculous.

You're picking up a guy in a funeral parlor in front of a frickin' stiff!

In my wildest dreams, I didn't do anything like that.

Oh, blow it out your ass!

Charming.

Sorry, Helen.


Tino, who do I have to fuck to get a waffle?

Forget about the waffle.

WOMAN: Thank you, Tino. Oscar's a lot better.

JORGE: Hot plates. Look out.

JORGE: Here's another present for you, Luther.

Can I ask you something?

Oh, yeah.

Shoot.

Oh, Tino. Give me a moment here. Thank you.

I'll clean that later.

Did you know Helen?

I mean, it looked like you were crying today.

Death is very sad.

But you didn't even know her.

Well, you don't have to know someone to feel sad for them.

They call it empathy.

Yeah.

Empathy. Yeah. Empathy...

The sympathetic vibrations of two human beings...

No, yeah. I know what empathy means. No, you don't know what it means.

That's okay. I didn't know what it means either till I looked it up.

See, every day when I'm shaving, I look up a new word.

There was a little piece of turkey, that's all.

How can you empathy with someone you've never met?

I didn't have to meet her, you see.

I just looked at her picture on the casket, and I knew.

I knew she lived alone. I knew she had these dreams that weren't quite enough to keep her heart beating, so she kept... she kept it going by putting a bottle of four roses under her pillow every night, nobody knew about.

Vodka.

You know, you should get yourself a crystal ball and one of those turbans. You'd make a lot more money than you do here.

Oh, no, I'm no fortuneteller.

I just tell it the way I see it.

She had that look, you know?

My mother had that look her whole life while she was alive.

Disappointed.

I need a blood sausage and hash browns.

Nedda, what are you doing? She was just asking me out.

I am not asking... I am not asking you out.

Oh, I'm sorry I'm interrupting.

And you know what? You're slicing the turkey too thin.

Oh, that's okay. I'll wait.

Baby, you know how I feel about you, right?

Hey, don't monopolize the phone.

Oh, thank you, Cora.


Did you come?

I'm sorry.

I usually can hold it longer than that.

Sorry.

But it didn't seem like you came.

I came.

I did.

Oh, it was terrific.

Are you sure?

Are you kidding? Of course I... I did.

Yeah, but...

Usually, a guy will moan, or yell or something.

You didn't even clear your throat.

I trained myself to do it quietly.

Why?

Well, let's just say I've been in places where a full-throated orgasm would be highly inappropriate.

What do you mean, like a monastery?

Yeah, sorta.

Hmm.

I'm dizzy.

Ooh.

Maybe the... Maybe the shoes was too much for you.

Oh, could have been.

Or position maybe?

Oh, position. Yes. Oh.

I like that position. Woman astride. Oh, yes.

Yeah, well, why didn't you say something? I would have done it.

You...you did it.

That's what this is. Astride.

What, on top?

Yeah. On top, like this.

Oh.

Oh, Cora...

Though my lips were sealed...

My mind and my body were just shooting off fireworks.

CORA: Oh, yeah?

Ah, so it wasn't exactly perfect.

Don't worry about it.

I wasn't exactly 100%.

These shoes, they're cute, but they kill my feet.

Can I stay over?

No.

Why not?

Because, if you stay over, the two of us are just gonna lie here, all night, awake.

Pretending to be asleep, and wondering why we didn't hit it off. That's why.

Johnny, you're just lonely.

I'm just lonely.

We don't have to be Romeo and Juliet.

Lonely.

Yeah.

You got a boyfriend, you said.

Got two boyfriends.

I'm looking for one Mr. Right.

I'll see you tomorrow.

See you at the salt mines.

Bye.

Good night.

Johnny?

It's not the end of the world.

Oh, I know.

I've seen the end of the world.

"But look, "the morn, in russet mantle clad, "Walks o'er the dew of yon high eastward hill."

"The morn", see?

What the hell does it mean?

It means the son-of-a-bitch sun is up.

Why doesn't this dickhead just say so, instead of all this "russet mantle" bullshit?

Because he's William Shakespeare, Jorge, the greatest poet that ever lived.

So, what're you tellin' me, you don't respect me anymore?

Oh, I could care less.

I don't respect you anymore.

Who asked you?

I think you're both a couple of tramps.

Look, I did you both a favor.

I tried him out.

Did he really...

Oh... Two minutes...

Tops. Oh, I hate that.

And so quiet, like a mouse.

I mean, Marcel Marceau comes louder than this guy.

Yeah, maybe you scared him, you know.

I mean, that isn't out of the question.

Well, maybe so, but I don't read poetry.

And as I see it, you need two words to make it in this town.

Fuck, and you.

Somebody didn't get laid last night.

What are you talking about? I get laid every night.

Oh, I bet you do.

Yeah. Opa. Opa!

No. Not the wig.

No, I knew not to use the wig.

But you know those gold pumps I got? The stilettos?

So, I put them on.

Things are looking good, but then I...

I know what you two are talking about.

You do?

Of course I do.

What are we talking about, Nedda?

Come on. Say the word.

Say the word. Oh, come on, leave her alone.

One time. Cut it out.

Just for me. Come on.

C-c-copulate. Say it.

Cora, leave her alone!

Once in your life.

Set yourself free. You are so mean.

Come on, you can do it!

On the count of three. One, two, three!

I watch Dr. Ruth.

Peter, telephone.

PETER: Yeah. Uh-huh.

How much?

Whoo-hoo!

What the hell's with you?

Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo!

Ladies and gentlemen, staff, I have an announcement.

NICK: Crazy busboy. What's he talking?

I sold my first script.

PETER: They're flying me first class to sunny L.A., to begin shooting Bloods on the Moon this summer.

WOMAN: Good for you, Peter!

I'll give you one last day, and I'm off to Hollywood.

Yay, Peter!

* Frankie And Johnny were sweethearts

* Oh, lordy, how they could love

* Swore they'd be true to each other JOHNNY: Son of a bitch! Pardon my French.

* He was her man

* But he was doin' her wrong... *

JOHNNY: OK, serving for the game.

* I ain't gonna tell you no stories... *

JOE: Aw, I got you now.

JOHNNY: Shit! Pardon my French.

* I saw your man Johnny about an hour ago *

Out!

So it is. Good game, good game.

Good one, Joe.

JOE: I got to go catch criminals. * But he was doin' you wrong *

So why won't you go to Peter's going-away party with me?

Because I don't want to.

Come on, I'll pick you up at 7:00.

You know, sometimes you're really obnoxious.

I'm not obnoxious. I'm just eager to go out with you.

That's a big difference.

545, West 54th street.

How'd you know that?

Come on, it's on your punch card.

What are you doing, looking at my punch card?

Enjoying myself... You stay away from my punch card!

What's your apartment number?

Six-A.

Oh... I don't believe you.

Six-B. Three-F. Am I close?

What am I doing, talking to myself over here? I'll be with you in a minute.

Okay, what am I going to do to make you respond?

What, can I start writing you little notes?

I don't respond to little notes. Don't start writing me notes.

What about presents? What if I start giving you presents?

I mean, would that help?

You can afford that?

You know, I'm saying little.

I don't like presents and little things.

I know, I know, I'm gonna back off. But I got to tell you something.

I got a crush on you.

Burger deluxe! Pick up!

Why do you want to go out with me?

Because the heart does things for reasons...

JOHNNY: That reason cannot understand.

Does Nick know about this?

I'm going to tell Nick.

You got her jealous, you see?

FRANKIE: I'm serious. You got her all riled up now.

I'm serious. I really wanna know why you want to go out with me.

We're going to go to the party, we're gonna walk in alone?

What're we gonna do? That's just...

Our whole life we spend alone at parties.

JOHNNY: So we walk in together. It's not so bad. So bad?

No!

JOHNNY: No, it's not. So we can do it.

CORA: Frankie. What? Do what?

What's the matter?

I don't even remember what my order was.

One meat loaf platter and two chef's salads.

JOHNNY: See that? I never forget an order.

CORA: Johnny, cancel the tuna melt. The customer just died of malnutrition.

CORA: I'm giving his lawyer your number, okay?

Uh, try something a little more festive.

You need these?

No. Not yet.

I'm too old for this shit.

Aw, come on.

I don't think so. You look like an Italian widow.

Oh, god. I wish you'd just come with me.

I'm sorry. I can't. I canceled this dinner three times already.

I hate going to parties alone.

I mean, I... I always feel like everybody's staring at me.

Hmm. Dressed in that, they probably are.

What time is the bullfight?

Let me weave my magic spell.

TIM: Ah, ooh! The land of lost dresses.

And the winner is...

There. Now, that is a party dress. I feel prettier already.

If you don't want to go to parties alone, then start dating again.

She hasn't had a real date in three years, not since Phillip...

Whoops. I said the "P-H" word.

That's not true. What about that Welshman? I dated him that whole summer.

Oh, please. I don't count him. I didn't like him.

What are you talking about? He asked me to marry him.

That's probably why I didn't like him. I knew he wasn't gonna leave his wife.

Sure. They never do.

FRANKIE: What do you know about those things?

More than you do, obviously.

Tim, if she doesn't wanna date, she doesn't have to.

I don't date by choice.

Too bad, because I love your choices.

We went from Mr. Abuse-You, to Mr. Use-You.

Plus, a Christmas fling with a cross-dresser that I blew the whistle on, thank you very much.

TIM: Um...no.

Yes! Ooh, mama. The pumps!

Definitely the pumps. Bobby, what do you think?

Leave me out of it.

I'm giving it six weeks.

Are you expecting someone? No.

Hello? Who is it?

Frankie?

Johnny?

Ooh, I just got goose bumps.

Do you know that song? * Frankie And Johnny...

Four weeks.

It says your name, but it doesn't say the apartment number next to it.

JOHNNY: I want to come up.

Six-A!

FRANKIE: No, no, no, no, no. What?

That's the new guy at work. The new cook.

TIM: Is he cute?

Yeah. Sort of.

Wait a minute, do you have a date with him, or did you order sandwiches?

No! He asked me to go out with him, and I told him, no.

And then he asked me to go to Peter's party, with him and I said no.

I think. Oh, no, what did I say?

How should I know?

TIM: Who cares? It's a gentleman caller.

God! What'd he do, run up?

This guy means business. Should I get it?

Wait, wait! Wait.

Who are you going to tell him you are?

The man who shot Liberty Valance.

What's the matter with you? How do I look?

I'm supposed to say that.

Yeah, but you never do.

TIM: * Frankie and Johnny...

Oh, my god. I look like the Breck girl!

Oh, hi.

JOHNNY : This is 6-A, right? TIM: 6-A.

Welcome.

Hello.

Are you... JOHNNY: Oh, my god!

You okay?

Whoo!

TIM: Can I get you something? JOHNNY: Oh, I'm fine.

I just ran up five flights.

I don't know what got into me.

I just had to run up.

Wanted to get here, I guess.

You didn't have to do that.

Oh, no, it was my pleasure.

My pleasure.

So, are you ready?

Yes, she is. Yeah, almost.

Good.

JOHNNY: Nice apartment. Big for a studio.

Okay, sit.

I guess there's, uh, not an empty chair in the house, huh?

Oh... Um...

Oh, man. I couldn't figure out what to wear, either.

Uh, this is Tim and Bobby.

They're, uh, hooking up my VCR.

Oh, great.

Whew!

I'm Tim. He's Bobby.

TIM: I live across the hall, and, uh, Bobby lives with the von Trapp family.

So I guess this is your first date.

Yeah.

We just started dating, ourselves.

Each other?

Yes.

Oh, that's interesting.

You'd never know it, you know?

That's, uh...

So, this is really, uh, nice and homey, isn't it?

JOHNNY: Oh, elephants.

Oh, yeah. She's been collecting those since she was a kid.

When the trunks are up, it's supposed to mean good luck.

Yeah, it does, but they got to face the window.

Oh.

JOHNNY: Otherwise, it's bad luck. I read that somewhere.

That explains a lot.

Uh, I think I could help you with that wire there.

BOBBY: I think I got it. If I could just...

BOBBY: You sure you know what you're doing?

JOHNNY: The last time I worked on one of these...

BOBBY: OK, yeah, I think that one goes right there. Yeah, no, I'm sure.

JOHNNY: Okay.

BOBBY: Johnny, are you an electrician?

JOHNNY: Uh, no, I'm a cook.

This is so exciting. I feel like your big sister.

Well, what do you think?

He's...nice.

Oh, that's a rotten thing to say.

He's very nice.

Look, we've both done worse.

Of course, he could be a mass murderer or a psycho. You never know these days.

Thank you for sharing that with me.

Come on, you look great. Hurry up before he changes his mind.

BOBBY: I think it's better the way I had it.

JOHNNY: Yeah, I think you're right.

JOHNNY: Maybe I should just learn to leave well enough alone.

Oh. Let me help you. Here.

Try this.

You know, I have a cousin who's gay, by the way.

Oh.

Most people do.

Um, ready?

He's really a great guy.

I'm sure.

You know he just found out he was gay a couple of months ago.

Well, I'll look him up in the directory.

Under the new listings.

FRANKIE: Let's go.

Good one.

Nice meeting you, huh? Nice meeting you, Bobby.

Um, sorry about the TV.

That's OK. Don't worry about it.

Nice meeting you.

Sure you don't want to come?

TIM: Next week, we'll double. Okay.

FRANKIE: Bye.

Oh, I hope it works out.


There's a lot of reasons. For instance, at work, all the little things you do that I watch.

I love the way you swig.

You don't think we fit, do you?

We fit, Frankie.

We fit.

Like...

Peas in a pod.

Like a lock and a key.

I'm not so sure I like where your key's been.

You mean Cora, right?

Okay. You think that was something, huh?

Come on. You know what that was.

It was a band-aid on loneliness.

So, how old are you?

None of your business.

How old are you?

What do you think?

Late forties.

Oh. Oh, no. God.

What? Then... then don't ask.

Don't ask.

But before I go any further, I'd like to introduce you all to my heart, Cheryl.

GUESTS: Cheryl!

PETER: The man this couldn't have happened without, my agent, Mutzie Kalish.

GUESTS: Mutzie!

And finally, to all of you who helped me when I was a nobody.

I'd like to thank you all now, because I'm sure I will forget you when I'm big and in Hollywood.

NICK: I have something to say. Okay.

I wish to make salute to Peter, who used to work for me at the Apollo Cafe, 23rd and 9th.

In honor of Peter, my cousins will play some Greek music.

Yeah, let's break some plates.

Would you like some cake?

So, want to dance?

No. No. No. Ask Nedda. That's her thing.

Nedda?

I mean, if something happens between us, I hope you're not going to...

You can handle it. I'll deal with it.

Nedda?

What?

Would you like to go Greek with me?

Oh, yeah. Hang on a second, though. My bra snapped.

For old times' sake.

Aah!

Ow!

Me and three of the guys tightened that up.

Hey, Johnny! Johnny's teaching me how to be a cook. This is Maria.

Great party.

Confession time.

On my first day, I stole some of your tips.

I know, but you put it back the next day.

I was broke.

I was really broke.

I'm really glad things are working out for you, Peter, you know?

I wish you all the best.

Thanks.

JORGE: Come on. Let's get something to eat. Hey, baby, let's cut a rug.

Are you braless?

Let's go, Niko! Come on, dance!


All right, let's go!

NICK: It's not Greek, but it's good.

Party! Party!

Johnny! Let's go, johnny!

NICK: Hey, latest step!

NICK: Yes, bravo, bravo.

JOHNNY: Come on. There must be a reason. FRANKIE: Dumbo.

Dumbo? the movie? Yep. No deep hidden meaning.

No... Plain Dumbo the elephant.

Just before my father left when I was seven, he took me to see Dumbo.

And I liked the movie, so I save elephants.

I like that movie, too.

The flower market. It's my secret place.

Only me and 3,000 florists know about it.

FLORIST: Hey, how about a lovely corsage for the lady?

Oh, good.

Which one?

FRANKIE: Uh, the one on the bottom. The third one in.

Yeah. This one?

Okay, I got it.

You want me to do it?

You never went to the prom, did you?

No.

Did you?

I wish you'd stop looking at me like that.

Like what?

Like that. It's too intense.

You don't look. You stare.

It makes me nervous.

WOMAN: Oh, thank god you finally got here.

MAN: Sorry I'm late. Get off my back!

I... I think we should go to your place.

I think so.

Johnny, I... I really like you, but does it have to be tonight?

Yeah.

Who says?

Frankie...

I may not make it till tomorrow.


Aah!

Oh, oh, oh.

I'm okay.

Are you okay?

Oh, I'm fine.

You got something?

You mean rubbers? Yeah.

Oh, talk about a mood changer.

Well, do you? Oh!

The truth is that I didn't think this was going to happen on a first date.

I just didn't think this was...

Well, the truth is, it's not going to.

Oh, no. It's okay.

I don't know, you know? I just...

I was thinking if I had brought something, what would that look like?

That would look like I was planning to do it with you.

Wouldn't it? No, it's okay. It's okay.

Maybe this is just not such a good idea anyway.

Oh, come on. Now, this is...

I'm being penalized for respecting you.

You're not being penalized.

You're just not getting laid.

Wait a minute. Now, is this... Is this about getting laid?

All right, let's just talk. No, come on.

How about... How about I make us a sandwich?

You want a sandwich? A sandwich.

I hate wearing God damn rubbers.

Pardon my French, but I know you got to do it.

I never thought I would even contemplate sleeping with a man who said "Pardon my French" all the time.

Well... Done. Finished.

I will never say those words again.

I mean, where do you pick up an expression like that?

This is good. Mmm. Mmm?

You made this? No, my Mom...

Ow! Shit.

Let me see that. It's all right.

It's all right. I'll get you something.

Just keep pressure on it. I'm gonna get something.

Don't let any blood spill on the meat loaf.

Look, I don't think this is going to work out.

I can't hear what you're saying!

I'm a BLT down sort of person, and I think you are looking for someone a little more...

...pheasant under glass.

What are you doing in there?

Nothing. I'm just looking for Band-Aids.

What are you doing? Come on in. Sit down.

First Aid.

Give me your finger.

Give me your thumb.

Okay...

Mmm!

I'm 42.

I'm 32.

Really? You don't look it. Mmm.

I'm 44.

Honest?

I'll be 46 this year.

What do you want for your birthday?

I want to stop bullshitting about things like my age.

I'll be 35 on the 11th of November.

You're a Scorpio. Mmm-hmm.


Look in the medicine cabinet. I... I have some.

I didn't want you to get the wrong impression.

They're behind the blue box. I got 'em.

Is it on?

Well, not yet, you know. You can't just put it on until it's...

No, I know.

You know, I wouldn't have gotten the wrong impression.


Let me hear you. I want to hear you.

Come on, baby.

Let it go. Let it go! Come on.

Let it go. Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on. Ahhh!

Ohhh!

Ah!


I need eggs over easy and a roast chicken.

* It must be love It must be love *

You wear bandanna. I wear bandanna.

CORA: The baby's coming soon? You know what it is yet?

WOMAN: Yeah, twin boys.

Twins you got? Yeah.

CORA: Can I touch? WOMAN: Oh, yeah. Be my guest.

CORA: I think this one just kicked the other one.

WOMAN: Cora, I never see you like this.

People think I'm a tough bitch, but it ain't true.

Shit like this chokes me up.

CORA: Frankie!

Come here. Touch the babies. Ah, no, that's okay.

My hands are dirty. Um, next time.

Yeah, this is your last chance, Frankie.

WOMAN: I am never getting pregnant again.

FRANKIE: Oh, sure. That's what you said last time.

Flora, honey, no. The blue. Remember?

The blue is for the morning, and then the red one is for the evening.

Thank you, Frankie. You're welcome. You're welcome.

Eggs over easy twice, scramble three with nova.

Hello to you, too.

I see you made it home all right.

Oh, yes. I made it here this morning.

I had time enough to put this together. Nice.

I slept like a babe.

So, I saw you talking over here. You like kids?

They're okay. You know, you look like someone who likes kids.

Oh, yeah? Mmm-hmm.

So did my father. What does somebody who likes kids look like?

I need an order of liver and onions...

Captain Ahab.

JOHNNY: Hey, thanks for loaning me the car, Nick.

He's lending me his car.

I got an errand to run.

He's lending you his car?

He likes my cooking.

How about we take a little walk? I think we should.

Look, I got to eat.

We all got to eat.

We'll eat.

How about I make a little picnic for us?

What's the menu?

Whatever you like, you know.

You like tuna fish?

Tino tells me you like tuna fish. I'll make tuna casserole.

Oh, no, not casserole. No.

Tuna fish sandwich.

I am defined by my tuna sandwich.

I take the tuna out of the can, and I work it between my fingers until it gets real soft.

I'm back.

It is kind of scary.

You got to admit, two people coming together is scary.

But, you know, you can't deny that it's happening.

You know how I feel? I'll tell you how I really feel.

I feel like you're too needy for me.

Oh, come on. What's that? What does that mean? It means...

I feel like you want everything that I am, you know?

Yes, I do. Why not?

Nick tells me guys ask you out and you just keep saying no.

Why is that?

FRANKIE: I'm retired from dating. JOHNNY: What does that mean?

JOHNNY: Something happen to you when you were a kid? What happened?

No.

Why is it that anytime a woman doesn't want to get involved in a relationship, men think it's because they were messed with as a kid?

Wrong. They were messed with as a woman.

I'm not going to mess with you.

You like my tuna?

Yeah. It's good.

JOHNNY: So you didn't graduate high school. So what?

So you can go back. Go back?

Yeah. No, I don't think so. No.

I had one highlight in high school. One.

What was that?

I played Sister Sarah in our production of Guys and Dolls.

No kidding?

Frankie and Johnny.

Yeah. I've heard the song.

JOHNNY: We were a couple before we met.

Didn't they end up killing each other?

JOHNNY: No, she killed him. You got the edge there.

Come on, let's go.

Yes!

Yes, yes. Go ahead.

JOHNNY: So, what are you doing tonight?

FRANKIE: Bowling. It's my bowling night.

Bowling? Great. I love bowling.

No, no, no. It's a league and besides, you have your errand.

After my errand. No.

Johnny, I need a night to get over you.

I mean, last night...

Okay, so I'm on meadowbrook.

Fourteen...

Meadowbrook... Meadowbrook...

Where's 111? Where is 111?

Oh, Meadowbrook.

Am I close?

Here it is.


Let's bowl. Okay.

FRANKIE: Okay, now, concentrate, Cora.

MAN: All right, Cora!

MAN: Yes. Bring 'em in.

Here we go, Frankie. Here we go.

CORA: We need this spare, honey.

NEDDA: She knows how to roll spares. Watch this.

NEDDA: Watch this. Watch this.

NEDDA: Yes!

Oh, hell.

Great, Nedda.

Great? It was terrible.

It was better than last time.

Wow! Did you see that?

Hey, where'd you learn to bowl like that?

Altoona, PA. That's about all I learned there.

Hi.

You're from Altoona? Yeah.

I... I think I'm going to have some kind of fit.

I... I was born in Altoona.

Very funny. Very funny. He makes things up. No, are you kidding?

No! I was born in St. Stephen's hospital.

We lived on Martell Street.

And I suppose you went to Moody High School, too.

No, I didn't go to Moody High School because we left when I was eight years old.

I went to Park Lane elementary, though.

Are you really from Altoona?

Well, why would anyone pretend they were from Altoona?

So they could keep up this cockamamie coincidence theory.

Don't encourage him.

Listen, my mother ran off with a guy she met at an AA meeting.

My father took us to Baltimore, to his sister, my aunt.

Cora, it's your turn.

No. This is better than Old Yeller. Go on.

JOHNNY: She couldn't cope with us, so they put us in foster homes.

Now I'm 18 years old, and I'm with the carnival.

This guy Mr. Memory, he's 85 years old.

He's got a memory, instant recall, so he's got things in his head.

He's got entire books in his head, palindromes, speeches... CORA: What's that?

Palindromes, um, something you can spell backwards and forwards the same way.

You know, like... Madam.

Otto. Boob.

B-O-O-B.

Puppy.

Close enough.

JOHNNY: Anyway, the old guy says to me, "Johnny..."

Are we bowling or what?

Sorry.

Shall we bowl?

NEDDA: That's why he has such a good memory.

Tell him he can't bowl in those shoes.

Hey, what is the matter with him?

Okay, I'm going to use my own little ball here.


MAN: Come on, Frankie! She's not on my side.


How you doing?

Okay.

You all right? Mmm-hmm.

I know I wasn't supposed to come here tonight.

I don't know how you feel about me coming here.

It's okay. It's okay. It's okay?

Yeah.

Babe? Yeah.

Frankie, you're up.

Okay, we need a strike.

They're ahead by four.

CORA: What are you talking about, they're ahead?

Let me look at this.

That's 92 and 8 is a hundred.

It's not 96.

No, no. That was a happy face I drew.

NEDDA: If you're going to doctor somebody's scores, doctor mine.

Okay, okay.

I'm going all over the place with you.

I don't know what you're talking about. I'm talking about this.

I'm in love with you. I love you.

I am totally, completely mad for you.

My heart stops every time I look at you.

Personally, I think we should be married.

I definitely want to have kids.

Four or five, if possible.

There, I said it. Wasn't so difficult.

You don't have to say anything.

It's fine with me. I just wanted to get it out, myself.

Talk about a load off.

Talk about a load off?

Talk about a crock of shit.

JOHNNY: Aw, don't say that, Frankie.

That's vulgar talk. That's not like you. You don't talk like that.

Fuck you how I talk.

I'll talk any fucking way I fucking feel like it.

This is my fucking bowling night.

Who the fuck are you to fucking spoil it by fucking telling me you love me?

She really likes this guy.

I told you I love you, that makes me unlovable.

No. it makes you a creep.

No, you're not a creep. You're sincere. That's what's so awful!

I mean, are you nuts?

Kids, for Christ's sake!

So what's wrong with kids?

FRANKIE: I hate kids!

I don't believe that. Okay, I'm too old to have kids.

No, you're not.

I can't have any.

Are you happy now?

We'll adopt.

Look, you don't just decide to go falling in love with people, out of the blue.

Why not? FRANKIE: They don't like it!

Do you need help?

How would you like it if Nedda came up to you and she said, "I love you and I want to have your baby"?

Nedda, I really like you.

You're a nice person. But I love Frankie.

I'm getting help. You don't know me.

I can't do anything. I slept with the guy.

You slept with him?

Frankie didn't tell you that?

She told me you slept with everybody else, not him.

She didn't tell you about the gold pumps?

He wore gold pumps?

You just want to believe that just because that makes it easier for you to keep running away.

You don't know me. I don't know you.

I know you.

What do you want, Frankie?

What do you want?

What do you want from a guy?

I want a guy who will love me no matter what.

You got him. Here. Me.

Christ, this is worse than Looking for Mr. Goodbar.

Frankie, I am trying to improve my life, that's all.

And I'm running out of time.

Maybe you should just go find someone else who's double-parked like you.

That could happen, you know. I could meet somebody tomorrow, get laid, think I was in love with her.

Why not? Hey, don't let me stop you.

You're not stopping me. I'm stopping me. I love you!

But I'm so scared, Frankie.

I'm so scared you're going to retreat back.

You know, to that place you're so comfortable with.

That place where nobody can find you.

That's why I'm coming on so strong. Can't you see it?

TIM: What's going on here?

Frankie, chances like this don't come along often.

You got to take them because if you don't, they're gone forever.

And you may wind up not only, and pardon my French for the very last time, screwing some other person you meet, thinking you're in love with this person, and marrying them. It happens.

TIM: Okay, Johnny, that's enough. You're making her cry.

Boy, are you barking up the wrong tree.

You know, I never thought that I could fall in love with a woman who said, "Barking up the wrong tree."

TIM: Let's go.

You've driven me to it!

All right. Let's calm down, shall we? You wait outside.

Are you all right?

I never use that expression.

Ever!

If I wanted a man in my life, I wouldn't have bought a VCR I can't even work.


Excuse me. Um...

I live in the building across from you, and, uh...

I've seen how he beats you.

Is there anything I can do?

I don't know what you're talking about.


Shit!

Excuse me. Don't be afraid.

Let me help you.

Thanks, mister.


I can't take it anymore. This is not fair.

You're not going to give up your job because of this guy.

You were there first.

I'll handle him.

Now what's the problem?

FRANKIE: He says he's in love with me.

He wants to marry me.

That bastard!

He's talking about a family.

TIM: Boy, you can pick 'em.

Love, a home, marriage.

Screw that shit.

Can I answer this?

Tell him to go to hell.

Frankie just said something very derogatory about you, but I know at least a dozen women and quite a few men I can put you in touch with.

Johnny, give it a rest. She doesn't want to talk.

He wants to know about tonight.

Saturday night.

The loneliest night of the week.

I'm busy. Call me in a few years.

He's singing.

* Saturday night is the loneliest night of the week *

Johnny, I got to go.

We're expecting another call from you any minute.

NICK: Now remember, you're new here, so you're easy to fire.

Okay now, keep things clean.

Over here we have the ice for the drinks.

Remember that.

Here is the telephone. Don't use it.

I like your ponytail. You don't write scripts or something like that.

All dishes go here, okay?

Okay, over here all waitresses put dirty dishes here, okay?

You keep clean.

Frankie, you're going to kill me.

I just got here. Why?

Many people changing shifts. This makes me dizzy.

It's not my fault, okay?

You had tonight off.

So did you.

Yeah, well, something came up.

JOHNNY: Something came up for me, too.

Look, I don't want to hurt your feelings, okay?

I really don't, but, you know, Nick doesn't like the help messing around.

You know, so please don't make this any more difficult than it has to be.

I really need this job.

You think I would jeopardize your job?

I would never jeopardize your job.

I'd quit before I do that, and I mean that, and I need this job, too.

Okay, all right. Well, then let's just both go about our business.

WAITRESS: I need a chicken sand, and it's birthday time at table eight.

This is brand-new cashier, and she's my grandmother.

Now you give her check when you finish, okay?

* For he's a jolly good fellow Have good time.

* Which nobody can deny Happy birthday, Uncle Lou.

You look great. Blow. Blow it out.

Watch yourself.

Thank you.

WAITRESS: A grilled cheese and an order of skins.

I got a little carried away at the bowling alley.

You know, my errand didn't turn out too good.

So, I just want you to know I'm sorry. I apologize.

Well, you certainly made an impression.

You want something to drink?

I'm on a break, too, so...

Talk, don't talk. It's up to you.


Are you keeping some big secret from me?

Like what? Like, I don't know. Like, you tell me.

Uh...

I'm not married.

Were you?

Yes.

How many times? Once.

That it?

Were you in jail?

Yes.

Served 18 months in the slammer.

What for?

Signing somebody else's name to somebody else's check.

A forger?

Well, I'd call it a failed forger.

I mean, I just did it once. I was...

Is that where you did all your reading, prison?

Yeah, most of it.

I got most of my books from a fella named Henry Hank Hill.

I don't know him.

Nobody did. He was executed two months ago.

I cooked him his last meal.

FRANKIE: Andreas, this lettuce is limp.

I'm sorry. You're right.

MAXINE: I'm going to the john, Frankie. Okay.

So, how about you?

Were you ever married?

No.

Uh, chef's salad, chicken salad, and a side of slaw.

Anyone serious?

Try terminal.

Who's this serious person? Who is that?

Uh, well, he got more serious with who I thought was my best friend.

Oh, really?

How long ago was that?

Three years.

I was divorced three years ago.

Now, is that a coincidence?

Really?

I cross my heart and hope to die.

Waitress! I'll be right with you, ma'am.

You got any kids?

Two.

I thought so.

You see them?

Yesterday. First time in two years.

Yeah? That's what the errand was about.

My wife remarried. She lives in the suburbs now.

I hate the suburbs.

No, it's not bad. Beautiful house.

Nice. I could have never provided them with anything like that.

So I got there.

There were my kids, playing on the lawn.

I bet they were glad to see you, huh.

Well,

I didn't get out of the car.

I just couldn't, uh...

They looked so happy, you know.

They got so big. They...

Looked like somebody else's kids, so...

I just drove away.

It's like I lost them, you know?

That's how I feel.

CUSTOMER: Waitress!

Hello! Can we get some service?

No, you haven't lost them.

You're just not ready.

Finally.

CUSTOMER: What's safe to eat here?

I'm sorry. We're closed.

What?

CUSTOMER: What kind of a place is this?

NICK: Okay, hurry up. Let's go.

Good night, Frankie.

Good night, Andreas. Good night, Ari.

Here's yours, Frankie.

You can come back here any Saturday night.

Thanks, Maxine.

Good night, Maxine. Good night.

Was she home? Yeah.

Did you talk to her? Yeah.

What did she say?

I'm going to see the kids next weekend.

Good.

Thank you.

What is that?

It's a rose.

It grew in the kitchen.

NICK: Okay, good night. Closing up.

Everything finished.

Okay, is good.

What's that?

It's a potato.

It's a rose.

Johnny made it.

On my break.

It's nice.

That potato.

Very romantic.

Okay, Frankie, you want lift home?

It's okay.

Thanks.

Okay, you know how to close up. Huh?

Bring back fork.

Good night. FRANKIE: Good night, Nick.

JOHNNY: Good night.

Come on, grandma. We go home, watch wrestling. Come.

Come on. I'll walk you home.

So, how about you?

Do you ever want to kill yourself sometime?

Uh...well, yeah.

Everybody wants to kill themselves sometime.

Can we change the subject?

Okay. Want me to buy you that?

Yeah.

JOHNNY: If you had any wish, what would you wish to be?

FRANKIE: You won't laugh?

JOHNNY: No.

FRANKIE: Teacher. You know, teaching little kids.

JOHNNY: That's good.

FRANKIE: What about you? I mean did you always dream of being a cook?

JOHNNY: No. Prison did it.

When I went in and I heard that clank, you know, boom.

I died.

Then they put me in the kitchen with the food, and, I don't know, suddenly I was born again.

I started to feel like I could breathe again.

You know, it was like I had aspirations.

FRANKIE: Aspiration?

JOHNNY: Aspiration, yeah. FRANKIE: Have you been shaving again?

JOHNNY:

So what about this terminal relationship you had with this guy? What was that?

The guy who left you for your best friend?

FRANKIE: Phillip? You know, the main thing I felt was? Dumb.

I even introduced them.

I lent them money.

I gave her my old television.

They're probably watching it together at this very moment.

I hope it explodes and blows their faces off.

What about before Phillip?

Anybody else?

I don't want to talk about that.

Okay, but you can't spend the night.

Aw!

You know, I know there's got to be something in this world better than watching you do that, but I'll be damned if I know what it is.

Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah, sure.

No, I put it up there, it's a vision.

It's inspired spectacle.

I put it up there with the Grand Canyon, a mother nursing her child, triumphant facts of nature.

You been to the Grand Canyon?

I have not, no.

Yeah. Me either.

I'd like to go there someday. Hawaii, too.

Open your robe.

No. I don't want to open my robe.

Why?

I don't know. I just want to look at you.

No.

Fifteen seconds. That's all.

I just want to look at...

Look at what?

Why?

I don't know. I just...

To know that I can...

That I can look at the woman I love and just see her, her eyes, her breasts, her stomach.

Don't say it.

I wasn't going to. FRANKIE: I hate that word, Johnny.

Well, I hate both of them.

Okay, I'll look up some new ones in my thesaurus.

I never know when you're playing games or being serious.

I am doing both. Serious games.

Look, why do we have to name everything?

Say you had a pet parakeet, right?

It was beautiful. I'd want to look at it.

You'd let me look at it, and we'd be on to the next thing.

I had a parakeet. I hated it. I was glad when it died.

Okay.

Fifteen seconds. I'm timing this.

Turn that light out.


I told my cousin I didn't want a bird. She swore I'd love a parakeet.

What's to love? They don't do anything except not sing when you want them to and sing when you don't.

Make that awful scratching noise on the bottom of the cage.

If I ever get another pet, it'll be a dog.

You know, something you can hold.

The only time I got my hands on that god damn parakeet was the day it dropped dead and I had to pick it up and throw it in the garbage can. Okay, that's enough.

That's got to be 15 seconds.

Happy now?

FRANKIE: That music is nice.

Makes me

think of grace.

MARLON: You're listening to Midnight with Marlon .

For information on becoming a supporting member of the WMYL family, why not give me a call?

5-5-5-1-1-1-1.

What do you want to kill yourself about sometimes?

I want to kill myself sometimes when I think that I'm the only person in the world and that part of me that feels that way is trapped inside this body that only bumps into other bodies without ever connecting to the only other person in the world trapped inside of them.

We have to connect.

We just have to.

I feel...

Very...

Sad?

No. I don't know what it is.

Say it. Say it anyway. No.

Protective.

Good. That's very nice. No.

I'm looking for somebody to take care of me this time.

Aren't we all?

Why do we keep going from one subject I don't like to another?

What is this? All of a sudden, the armor's up.

What about your armor?

I don't have any. Besides. I wasn't talking about you.

Not everybody thinks life is a picnic, Johnny.

Some of us have problems.

Some of us have sorrows.

But people like you are so busy telling us what you want, how you feel, you don't even notice the rest of us who aren't exactly jumping up and down singing Yankee Doodle Dandy .

Hold it.

JOHNNY: How are we getting into this stuff.

What are you talking about? I've done nothing but notice you.

You don't notice me. You smother me.

I am not gonna give up everything again for somebody I don't know and doesn't know me. I can't keep repeating the same stupidity in my life.

Who's saying you give up anything?

We're talking about love here.

We're talking about need and things like that.

We're not in love.

Maybe that's what you think.

I think we are.

Just because you've given up on that possibility, there's no need to drag me down to that kind of level of thinking.

I think you better leave now.

You know, I'm sorry.

I thought you were a kindred spirit.

You know what kindred means?

Two of a kind, sharing a great affinity.

I know what kindred means.

Shall we go for affinity?

You know...

That is the first really rotten thing you've said to me.

To make fun of somebody else's intelligence or education or lack of, that is somebody I would be very glad not to know.

I thought you were sad, Johnny. I thought you were weird.

I didn't know you were cruel.

I'm sorry. It's just a cruelty just waiting to happen again.

And I don't want to be there when it does. Just get out. I want you to go.

Why do you want me to go?

I mean really. Why do you want me to...

I want to be alone. I want to watch my VCR.

I want to eat ice cream. I want to go to sleep.

Aw, come on, alone. Jeez!

Sooner or later, you're going to have to deal with us.

I mean, that's it. There's just no two ways about it.

Why don't we get it over with now?

You're in the mood.

Come on. Tomorrow's Sunday. Day off.

We'll sleep in. Let's talk.

All right, I'm calling Tim.

Tim? No, Bobby. He's bigger. He'll beat the shit out of you.

Not yet. Not yet.

All I have to is open up that window and scream.

Are you kidding. In this city?

Everybody's doing the same thing. Who's going to hear you?

Get out!

Okay.

Okay.

I promise I will go.

Only, I want to make a call.

You know, this all should be so easy.

Why is it always so damn hard?

Hello, uh, Midnight with Marlon?

Oh. Hello, uh, Marlon.

My name is, uh, Johnny, and I would like to know the name of that particular piece of piano music you were just playing a minute ago.

So I can go out and buy the record, present it to my lady love, whose name happens to be Frankie.

And is that not a coincidence? Frankie and Johnny.

Debussy. Claude Debussy. Right.

Clair de lune. You got that?

Why are you doing this?

Everything I want is in this room.

Uh, hello, uh, Marlon.

Yeah, I know you don't take requests, but could you just listen to me a second?

Now, there's a man and a woman.

He's a cook. She's a waitress.

Now, they meet, and they don't connect, only, she noticed him.

He could feel it.

And he noticed her.

And they both knew it was going to happen.

They made love and for maybe one whole night, they forgot the ten million things that make people think, "I don't love this person, "I don't like this person, I don't know this..."

Instead, it was perfect, and they were perfect, and that's all there was to know about.

Only, now she's beginning to forget all that, and who knows pretty soon he's going to forget it, too, so I was just wondering could you play an encore for Frankie and Johnny in the hope of something that ought to last and not self-destruct?

Well, why don't you just think about it?

Okay. Thank you.

I want to show you something.

That guy I didn't want to talk about, he did this with a belt buckle.

It's gone.

It'll never go.

It's gone. I made it go.

No, Johnny. You can't make it go away.

Nobody can.

He's the reason I can't have...

Kids.

Um...

He knocked me around

when I was pregnant, and, um...

I lost the baby.

And there were complications.

He's gone now.

I would never hit you.

Never.

You don't have to be afraid anymore.

I am.

I'm afraid.

I'm afraid to be alone.

I'm afraid not to be alone.

I'm afraid of what I am, what I'm not, what I might become, what I might never become.

I don't want to stay at my job for the rest of my life, but I...

I'm afraid to leave.

And I'm just tired, you know?

I'm just so tired of being afraid.

Aw, honey. Honey, listen to me.

I know I can't make the bad go away.

You're right. I can't.

But, when the bad comes again, I'm going to be next to you.

I can't, Johnny.

I'm sorry.


MARLON: This is WMYL in New York, and you're listening to Midnight with Marlon.

As you know, it's not my policy to take requests, but there's always an exception to the rule.

I don't know if this is the most beautiful song ever written, Frankie and Johnny.

Oh, how I wish that really were your names, but I know when my leg's being pulled.

God, how I wish you two really existed.

Maybe I'm crazy, but I'd still like to believe in love.

Why the hell do you think I work these hours?

Anyway, you two moonbeams, whoever and wherever you are, whatever you're doing, this one's for you.

Here's an encore.


You want to brush?

That means you want me to brush.

Take the blue one. It's never been used.


I'm not going to ask you whose robe this is.

Good.

You should get toothpaste with fluoride.

Shh.

Listen.

No matter what?

I'm 36.


* There you are

* Killing time

* So scared to show your feelings

* Afraid of fallin'

* I won't fly

* Until I'm sure

* You won't know

* Until you let go

* The closer I get to you

* The more you pull away

* I've been trying to find

* The perfect words to say

* Let it out, let it show

* Let it breathe, let it grow

* Can't you see I'm waiting for you

* Love is yours, love is mine

* Stand it up and make it shine

* Open up

* Your dream could come true

* You could find

* What you need in me

* Here I am

* Hold on

* And let go

* I'm waitin' for you

* Waitin' for you

* Love is yours, love is mine

* Stand it up and make it shine

* Open up

* Your dream could come true

* Let it out, let it show

* Let it breathe and let it grow

* Can't you see I'm waiting for you *

* Frankie and Johnny, ha

* Were lovers, all right

* A man and a woman

* Toughened by the weight of time

* But not quite as hard as they seem

* Because they both have hearts awaitin' dreams

* Frankie, a tough gal when she needs to be

* Johnny, a city-hard, street-made

* A softer side seen eventually

* They'll both be okay

* Even with a heartbreak yesterday

* Frankie and Johnny, ha

* Were lovers, all right

* Frankie and Johnny

* Were lovers, all right

* Oh, when a gentle breeze

* Takes lovin' liberties

* When a breath of air blows your heart a pair

* Of kisses where you wait for her

* Frankie and Johnny

* Were lovers, all right

* Frankie and Johnny

* Were lovers, all right

* Heeeooo

* Were lovers, all right

* Frankie and Johnny