Freaky Deaky (2012) Script

There's $900 in cash inside.

Is it Philomena Hazeltine that has it?

Is it Skip Shippy? Or is it Irene Smith?

Well, we'll find out in just a moment.

Irene, do you think you're the one that has $900?

Because if so, hang on to it, or you could trade it for the big box of coating mix on our display floor, which Jay is just dying to describe for us.

Say, Juicy.

Juicy! Get the phone!

Say, man, Juicy!

Where you at? Motherfucker.

Soon as I sit my ass down.

I got to do everything around here.

The hell I pay him for?

Hold on, God damn it. I'm coming.

Shit. Who is this?

You sitting down?

Moselle, is that you?

Are you sitting down?

You have to be sitting down for when I tell you something.

Oh, baby, you sound different.

What's wrong?

Are you sitting down?

Yes, I am. I have sat the fuck down.

You gonna talk to me or what?

Hey, I'm supposed to tell you that when you get up, honey, what's left of your drug-dealing ass is gonna go clear through the ceiling.

What?

Excuse me, folks.

Someone sending him a message?

That makes sense.

Otherwise, why not just shoot the fucker, right?

Couple of years ago, we found a guy in the trunk of Booker's car.

Two in the back of the head.

Walked with probation.

He's a back fucking dude, man.

Yeah, well, if there's such a thing as justice in the world, we just leave his butt sitting there.

Let him work it out.

I don't know where nobody at.

I've been calling.

You see Juicy Mouth?

Who's Juicy Mouth?

He's the sucka that's supposed to be guarding my body!

I got to go to the toilet, man.

So what did the woman on the phone say?

She said if I get up, I'm blowing up.

That's all? That's all?

That's all there is. Watch yourself.

Hey, hey, hey, hey! Say, Jack, man.

Be careful. Sit tight.

Oh.

Hmm.

Hmm? Don't give me no hmm shit, man.

What's under there? What's underneath there?

About 10 sticks of dynamite.

Get that shit from up out of there, man!

Can't. You're sitting on it.

Hey, come back here. Excuse me. Don't move.

I'll be right back. I'm talking to you, motherfucker.

Get back here, you old cracker ass cracker!

I'm gonna miss being on the bomb squad.

Well, Mary must be jumping up and down. She finally got her way.

Haven't told her yet. I'm waiting till I get reassigned.

Maybe homicide, huh?

Yeah, I wouldn't mind.

Would Mary?

Come on, man, I'm just teasing.

Don't be so serious.

Yeah.

She threw my ass out on Thursday night, man.

Mmm. Tossed me out.

Now she's banging somebody else.

Well, maybe not homicide.

I've been charged with involvement in what has come to be known as the Watergate affair.

And allied forces of more than 8,000 men today tighten its hold on the Mekong Delta, trapping an undetermined number of North Vietnamese and Viet Cong.

National Guardsmen opened fire on demonstrators at Kent State University in Ohio.

Three people were dead on arrival at the hospital and one more died later. They were all- most of them were just plain gunned down in cold blood.

Hell, no, we won't go! Hell, no, we won't go!

Hell, no, we won't go!

I want to say this to the television audience, that I welcome this kind of examination because people have got to know whether or not their president is a crook.

Well, I'm not a crook.

I have a dream that little black boys and black girls...

I have some very sad news.

Martin Luther King was shot and was killed tonight in Memphis, Tennessee.

Somebody shot Kennedy right behind the kitchen in this corridor here as he was passing through.

The parents of kidnapped Patricia Hearst today heard directly from their daughter for the first time since she was kidnapped.


Son of a bitch.

Hello? My car's just been stolen.

Mind giving me a lift to my dad's place?

Sure. But doesn't he need a car?

No, he's in Florida.Just gonna borrow his Caddy.

All right.

Don't you get bored in here?

Here's one for you.

I want to report a rape.

Uh, I'm Sgt. Mankowski. This is Sgt. Downey.

She can- - Uh, Sergeant, I better get out of here.

Great. My husband hates it when I'm late.

You're in good hands. Have a seat.

Uh... so did this happen to somebody you know?

Somebody in your family?

It happened to me.

Okay, when?

00 A.M.

Do you know the suspect?

Mr. Woodrow Ricks is his name.

And what's your name?

My real name is Greta Wyatt, my stage name is Ginger La Nova.

So you're an actress?

I'm an actor. You don't say actress anymore.

And where did this assault take place?

I was at Mr. Ricks' mansion in Bloomfield Hills.

I don't know the address,but if you want to meet him, he has dinner at the Wolverine Club every night.

All right, so you're out on a date with this guy and he brings you back to his place.

No, I was with his brother Mark.

We were at a party at his house.

It'll make us millions. Here's howl make millions.

I make motion pictures. Movies.

There were other girls there, too.

There was some girl named Robin that Mark was all over.

It was when I went upstairs to change.

To dry off and put my dress back on.

I forgot to mention everyone had to go swimming or Woody said that his chauffeur would throw you in with your clothes on.

You went upstairs... - Uh-huh.

And Woody came in and I asked him to leave in a nice way, but he wouldn't.

Did he, you know, perform the act?

Yeah, I guess. As far as he was concerned.

It was just after a few minutes, he rolled off of me on the bed and went to sleep.

All right, what's gonna make this difficult is you're reporting a one-on-one type of situation, happened a few days ago, there's no evidence.

So you aren't going to do anything?

Well, if you'll cooperate, we can at least bring him in, see if we can get him to admit it.

Woody put it a little differently.

Said if I cooperate, we could fall in love.

There you are.

It's waiting for you, sir.

The man should be back presently.

Is that right?

What are you telling me for?

Say up there on the sign "no parking."

You the police, ain't you?

Did my sporty attire give it away?

Must be how you got something wrong with your ribs, make your coat stick out all funny.

Where'd you do your time?

Jackson?

No, no, Marquette, right?

Man, what you coming down on me for?

'Cause you're about an inch away from fucking with me.

But you know better, don't you?

Oh, man, you right out of a book.

Old-time dick like all of them, dumb as shit.

No, stop it! Stop it!

Stop! Stop it!

Help me!

Stop!

Ow.

Is that Woody? Yeah.

She's crazy. Let's get out of here.

You okay? Look at me. Look at me. Look at me.

What's going on?

I ask you to cooperate, you turn into Charlie Bronson with a purse.

I'm sorry. You.

Put your hands on the car.

Put your hands on the fucking car. You know how to do it.

All right, but don't touch me, understand? Don't touch me.

Sir, I'm a police officer. Need you to step out of the car.

She was hitting me- - Step out of the fucking car.

Donnell, who is this?

Donnell, he's resisting arrest. Explain it to him.

Shit, you ain't never gonna bring him up.

Print that man, his lawyer will sue your police ass.

I'm gonna get these guys to drive us to the station.

Peckerwood.

Sit up here, okay?

And don't say a fucking word to Woody.

You're asking for a lot.

Do not! Don't!

Why are you even in this car now?

What, you expect me to drive you?

You want to drive us, Donnell. You just don't know it yet.

Move it, Woody.

Cut. Huh? What do you think?

That was beautiful, right? Shadooby.

I'm groovy and you're not.

We are okay.

Hey, make sure the stunt guy is okay there.

That Robin? Hello, Skip.

Pull my pants down and smack me three times.

Come here, girl. Oh, sweetie.

Darlin', let me look at you. Oh, my God.

Man. Yeah, you look gorgeous.

See that? How long you been here?

Awhile. A while, huh?

You see that? That was great.

When the car came, that's called the kush shot.

Yeah. See, when the car hits the water, it goes kush! Oh.

You like your work, huh? The movies, it's a lot of bullshit, but I guess it's pretty fun.

There's a story in today's paper that made me think of you.

Yeah? About that drug dealer getting blown up.

Oh, yeah. I saw that.

Somebody slipped some dynamite under him.

Wasn't me, though. I was working.

I haven't set off any dynamite in... let's just say it's been a while.

I bet you still know how.

I'll bet I do.

I kept a journal, you know.

Of everything we ever did.

I always liked your writing.

You had a real mean sound. You're still doing it, right?

I did "Notes From Underground" for a couple years.

Liberation News Service picked it up.

Yeah?

Now I write historical romance novels.

You had a pretty wild ride. You should write your own stuff.

It'd be more exciting. I have a better idea.

My apartment is right around the corner.

I have some acid.

You are setting me up for something.

You got a dirty trick in mind and you need the Skipper to help you pull it of-F, don't you?

Kush.

The air is heavy. Hey, Skip.

Remember the night we got arrested and you said there was no way that anyone could have recognized us?

Well, I made a list of names of everybody that had contact with us.

And I've crossed off all the names until finally I'm left with two.

Ah.

Mark Ricks. Yeah, I remember him.

He had that bullhorn.

Used to get everybody worked up into a lather.

They'd start chanting.

Woody Ricks.

Yeah, that was the brother.

Always stoned.

Yeah, he was always sloppy.

He was doing that little wiggle dance trying to get his pants out of his butt crack.

Oh.

Well, guess what happened when mom finally drank herself under and they did a reading of the will.

Mom's fave got paid?

Woody scored something like 50 million.

Plus the house.

50? Holy shit.

I'll bet the other one didn't get shit for being a smart-ass, huh?

He was always picking on his brother.

Woody bought Mark a theater in Pontiac.

Now Mark does musicals.

All right, so let me see if I got this straight.

You think these two turned us in.

Now they're sitting on 50 mil and you're feeling like they owe you a piece. Is that about it?

We feel like they owe usa piece.

You are setting me up just like you used to, and I love it.

I'm gonna need to get us some explosives.

Dynamite and acid, that's a combo that'll Star Trek you right back to the good old days.

But what if these two ain't the ones that set us up?

What difference does it make?

Hello.

Dynamite Skip at your service.

We're officially entering the straight world.

I'm going after them tonight.

All of a sudden?

Mark's picture is in the paper today.

Honorary chairman for a benefit to raise money for the governor.

Woody's going, too. It's a buffet cruise around the marina.

You're going?

No, I'm gonna stake it out.

Oh, I'll call you after I get to Marysville and line up some hot sticks.

I hope my contact's still there.

Skip, I forgot to mention.

Guess who Woody's driver is.

Donnell Lewis.

Remember the party to raise bail for the Panthers?

It was at Mark and Woody's.

I remember you coming out of the bathroom with some brother wearing a leather coat.

That was Donnell?

I don't know. I can't remember.

Robin, listen, I got an ear for bullshit, honey.

All right? I've been working in the movie business along time.

Now if I'm gonna come along on this little ride, I don't want any more surprises, okay?

That's why I told you.

Got a VIP seat right here.

My boat's dry-docked right now because it's getting a paint job.

Baby blue, baby.

I don't know. Your brother says he's had his eye on my talent for quite a long time now.

Oh, yeah, well, don't worry about him.

He's celibate. I basically run the show.

Oh, hang on a minute. You.

You.

I want to know where have you been and why haven't you called me?

Well, let's see. I did time.

That's one thing.

33 months and 10 days.

Yeah.

I couldn't believe that.

But then I heard you're back in town.

I've written two historical romance novels.

You're putting me on.

With a lot of rape and adverbs.

Listen, why don't you join us?

We're going back to my brother's for a little... after-party.

Give us a little chance to... talk.

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

No! Okay.

Yes.

How was that for you?

It wasn't bad.

Wasn't bad? Okay.

Wasn't bad? Wasn't good? What?

Where are you going? The bathroom.

Oh, phew.

Oh, party's in full swing.

Ooh.

You really turn me on, babe.

Glad I finally found a purpose.

Wow, when I look at you, I get a rush like I could just do anything!

Ow!

Why can't you?

I told you. Woody- he holds me back, smothers me.

Well, he resents you.

Your looks, personality.

Yeah, he always has been jealous.

Always.

Now he's getting back at me.

He thinks it's funny.

I tell him it's not fair and he grins at me.

So there's no chance he'll ever cut you in?

Not unless he dies.

This is way beyond your call of duty.

This car is beautiful.

Well, don't get too excited.

It's my dad's. He's in Florida.

The doctor said it's just a mild sprain.

Oh, great. That's good.

Good to hear.

What's wrong?

I've been suspended.

They kicked you out? Why?

You want the official reason or the real one?

Both.

Well, the real reason is because I put Woody in jail.

His lawyer called the mayor's office.

They dropped it on the department.

Got the assault charge against Woody withdrawn on the grounds that he was the one assaulted, not you.

That I overreacted.

So that's the real reason.

What's the official one?

Having a residence outside the city limits.

You're kidding. You have to live in Detroit?

Yeah. It's one of the rules.

So why don't you?

Well, I did up until last week.

My my girl kicked me out.

So I'm staying at my dad's place.

I got you fired.

No, you did not.

Woody did.

I don't want you to give that another thought, okay?

I'll handle it.

How about a grilled cheese sandwich and a cup of coffee?

If I have any bread and coffee.

What you don't have is furniture.

Furniture can wait.

Hey, Mom.

Greta? You like Greta or you like Ginger?

I like Ginger myself. Who is this?

I represent Mr. Woody Ricks.

There seems to be some misunderstanding.

I believe we can settle this matter and you will be happy, Ginger.

Is this his lawyer?

Yeah, I'll talk with the man and get back to you.

It's Woody's chauffer pretending to be his lawyer.

It's Donnell.

They know where I live.

You'll be safer at my dad's.

Just until I get this thing figured out, all right?

Look, I'm not a kid.

I don't need you to take care of me.

I know that.

Ready? Listen.

So now you're waiting, but hoping maybe he'll maybe drink himself to death?

Mark. Huh?

What would you say if you didn't have to wait?

If Woody were to suddenly disappear?

How? In a cloud of smoke.

Is this like a magic trick?

Something like it, only better.

Better? Okay, how?

Because once he disappears, he never comes back.

What would you say to that?

I'd say how much is a trick like that worth?

50 million, right?

It might not be that much.

There's one thing you have to do. What?

Get me a key to Woody's limo.

Oh, okay.

Don't look so surprised, Skip.

You get me that key, I'll put the bomb in the trunk.

He opens the door, great balls of fire.

What if he opens the other door?

I'll wire them both.

Hey, Donnell.

Who would you rather pork?

This brunette or that Swedish broad?

Brunette. Yeah.

Because she has my favorite kind of body on her.

Right. Hey, where's my weed?

Must have left it in the car.

Be right back.

Damn.

Must've been like two weeks ago.

Picked up most of a whole pound of weed, then left it in the...

Somebody don't like the man.

You horny little bitch.

But, Mr. Woody, if the brunette wouldn't straighten her hair, I'd tell the bimbo to get a wig.

Put on a musical.

It goes better with weed.

You got it.


Now here they are with their specialty number, music to watch girls by.

May I help you?

How's my brother?

Beautiful. The man remains above earthly shit like police stations and jail.

The man's all the way live and into his pleasures.

I wish you wouldn't talk like that.

I know you do.

This the one where Carmen Miranda come out with all that fruit and shit on her head?

Where are my peanuts?

Got the munchies.

You got the munchies, huh?

Well, you done ate all the peanuts up.

Have to wait till I get some.

Doesn't he keep peanuts in his car?

I'll go look. Where are the keys?

Yeah, the keys.

They're in the kitchen on a hook by the door.

Wait now. The peanuts have to be in the backseat.

You understand? Yeah, the back. Yeah.

Yeah. I want to see this part.

We both do.

But I want my peanuts.

Your brother went to get them.

My brother? What is my brother doing here?

We gonna find out.

Or we might never.

Look at that shit.

Look how they holding their bananas.

You sure were a happy kid.

Oh, yeah.

What do you want on your burger?

Uh,just ketchup if you have it.

So your dad's in...

Florida.

Excuse me.

Hello.

Hey, Jerry. What's up?

You're kidding.

Yeah.

I'll be there. All right.

That was my partner.

Somebody blew up Woody's limo.

Homicide wants to talk to me.

Why, because it was meant for Woody?

I guess they figure if you can take a bomb apart, YOU can DUI one together.

Give me a hand over here on this side.

All right.

Mankowski, you gonna confess or do I have to beat it out of you?

Wasn't me, I swear.

That's enough of that shit.

The other people... gonna want to talk to you.

Jesus Christ.

I think this one should be easy.

Man gets a bomb put in his car, must be somebody not liking him, right?

Or somebody gains from it.

Except the only one to gain, according to Woody, is the one that got blown up.

I think that's what Woody told me.

What about Donnell?

Man's been arrested for assault, robbery, extortion, causing disturbances.

How does he get next to Woody?

Well, he claims they've known each other for a long time.

Says Mr. Woody took him in, changed his life.

All right, what was his brother doing outside?

Mark went to get Woody some peanuts.

And I asked Woody.

Comes like a skid row burnout.

What if it was Donnell that set it up?

Somehow he gets Mark to come outside to get the peanuts.

That's possible.

I might be able to use a guy like you, Chris.

If you ever decide to move back to town.

See, with these kinds of folks, you got to kind of know how to step outside, so to speak.

Let them do their own kind of freaky deaky.

What, the sexy dance?

People are shooting each other over it.

Two homicides come to mind.

You freaky deak with somebody else's woman, you get seriously hurt.

Or you could get lucky.

Depends how you look at it.

And now for the latest on the car bombing...

I can catch my hand. Look at that.

I can catch my own hand.

Now what do we do? God damn it, Skip.

If you would have just waited for Mark to get the key to the limo.

We'll just go back to the original plan.

We blow up his fucking house.

It might be too soon.

The sooner the better.

While it's still ringing in his ears, you deliver the message.

"Holy shit, these guys are serious."

I hear you're out of these.

Heard if you hadn't run out of nuts, guy's brother would still be alive.

What was his name? Mark?

Somebody else would have opened up the car door.

Can't imagine Woody opening the door.

I mean, that's what he's got you for, right?

To open doors.

What else do you do for him, Donnell?

Maybe call up a young lady, tell her there appears to be a misunderstanding.

Wait now. What's this shit you're giving me?

What I did? You called Greta Wyatt.

Tell me again who she is.

She's the one you're gonna see in court when Woody's brought up on a rape charge.

So what you telling me?

You speaking for the lady, huh?

Who needs lawyers, right?

Yeah.

I see you come to visit, drive up in a new Caddy.

You manage on about maybe three bills a week take-home.

Yeah, I see you interested in payoffs, rake-offs.

Get the bitch to hold out when I'm willing to make a generous offer.

What the fuck did you just call her?

Hey, shit, you're her lawyer.

What else? Gonna protect her good name?

I'll tell you right now, I saw her in bed with the man, doing a job on him, too.

Where is he?

Who, Mr. Woody? Having his swim.

Let's go talk to him.

Man, you love being a cop, don't you?

Is he all right?

All the way live as he want to be.

I don't see him breathing.

Watch his tummy.

See it move? Right there.

So that's what it's like to be rich, huh?

Whatever turns you on.

Why does somebody want him dead?

The dude cop asked me that every way he could think of.

Wants to know was it me.

I ask him, 'What's my gain?"

I understand he had a friend here on Friday night.

A woman he used to know.

Yeah, there was one here. Come with Mark.

Just trying to think of her name.

Robin? Yeah, Robin Abbot.

Oh, you sneaky.

We talking about the bombs, now you have us back on the other conversation.

You're looking for somebody who was here Friday to be a witness and testify against Mr. Woody, huh?

Mr. Woody.

Brought you some peanuts.

See what he's doing, Mr. Woody?

Wants to get on your good side.

Where's he going?

Have a cold shower, wake him up.

He'll be back in a minute to start his cocktail hour.

You ever swim with him?

Man, getting all wet has never been one of my pleasures.

You don't know how to swim, huh?

That can happen when you grow up in the projects.

Some guys turn to crime.

How much you gonna offer Miss Wyatt?

Motherfucker, you lucky you a cop.

Sorry, can't hear you.

5,000.

Let me give you a hand.

I get confused sometimes.

Everything that's been happening to me.

My brother passed away.

Mr. Ricks.

You're planning to make an offer to a young lady so she won't sign a complaint against you on this rape charge we've been talking about.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

I'm a friend of hers.

I didn't know that.

You're talking about Ginger.

No, I didn't rape her.

She was in my bedroom.

Didn't have on a stitch of clothes.

She's standing there.

What would you do?

I mean, if she wasn't a friend of yours.

Wait a minute.

Let's forget the whole thing.

Um...

I think 10,000 sounds fair, don't you?

It was based on what my time is worth.

I think that's how we did it.

$10,000?

Donnell said that maybe she would rather have cash instead of the check.

Did you mention this to your lawyer?

My lawyer? No. Donnell is cheaper.

He only went to the 10th grade, but he knows how to talk to people.

He's smart. He'll surprise you.

Kind of fella you can rely on.

You betcha.

You ever look at a dog and wonder what he's thinking?

All the time.

Kind of the same thing with Woody, right?

Right?

That guy's a trip.

I look at a guy like that with all his money, and I'm thinking, "What- what good does he do?

What the fuck is he good for?" You know?

Doesn't serve any purpose.

Not many people do.

Mr. Woody, something's bothering me.

Now, what the police will do is talk to the people who were here Friday.

Try to find one to tell them Ginger went upstairs and you went up there after her.

I'm saying if Ginger doesn't accept your generous offer.

Now, I doubt your friends noticed you were gone, flying high on the blow and all, but there was this one lady here.

Wasn't of your regular group. She had on a brown dress.

Oh, Robin.

Robin Abbot, right?

Robin. She was something else.

Yeah.

What did the police get her for back in the day? It was-

It was the FBI for that time that she and her boyfriend blew up that cop car. You don't remember that?

I must have been gone.

You know what she used to do if she needed money?

She used to unbutton her shirt and then she'd open it up and she'd let me see her goodies.

Let you see 'em, huh?

Yeah.

Mr. Woody, you telling me this woman knows how to set bombs?

Yeah.

Let's set it in the bushes up close to one of the concrete lions.

Why there?

'Cause that way when I call, I can say some badass shit to Woody like, 'When you hear the lion roar, then you know we mean business."

Yeah.

Then you get to have me.

Right now?

We need condoms.

All right, look, I forgot my wallet.

You got to loan me five bucks.

Are you sure you don't want your dad's room?

No, no, no. My stuff is in the other bedroom.

So it's all yours.

Uh, good night.

Good night, Chris.


Mankowski! Are you coming or not?

Give me some rubbers.

Oh, weenie wrappers, huh?

Here they are. What kind do you like?

I don't care. Any kind will do.

You like the sheepskin or the premium latex?

Ahem, uh, latex.

Would you like regular, flavored or studded?

The new Her Pleasure are very popular.

Well, this one is the economy pack.

You get three dozen for $7.59.

Tell you what. You get me a dozen of these boxes right here.

Just lay them right down here in this jacket.

While he's doing that, you unload the register.

Then lay down on the ground. You unload, you load.

All right? That's it.

Hey, hey, Kenny, Kenny. What's this?

Don't want any of this ribbed shit. I want regular. Regular.

How many did you get?

432. We can always get more.

I think I need a different stage name.

Ginger La Nova doesn't end with a smile when you say it.

Like Sweeney.

Say it. Sweeney.

Your mouth forms a smile.

What about Mankowski?

Hmm?

Ginger Mankowski. Say that.

Yeah?

When is your father gonna start charging you rent?

You freeloader. Oh, hey, Maureen.

It's Sgt. Downey, sex crimes.

What's that? Yeah.

I have the address on Robin Abbot.

Hang on.

25... 550?

No. 15?

No, 2550.

550 or 515. No, 50.

Come on. Or 51...

Are you okay? 2550.

- Can't- 550- - Yeah.

Hang on a second.

Ma'am.

Gonna have to ask you to put that thing away, okay?

Get out of here.

515 Kenfield. No.

Soon as you have your breakfast, we have to tend to some business.

Mr. Woody, what you do, you put your underwear on first.

Then you sit there on the floor and put your trousers on so you don't kill yourself.

I want to see my horoscope.

I'll get it for you. Read it with your breakfast.

We have to talk about getting this bomb mess cleaned up.

Have it hauled away. You want me to take care of it?

Call somebody. Newspaper come?

I'm gonna get it for you.

We have to talk about getting you a new limousine.

What kind you want? What you want in it?

All that.

I want a Cadillac. That's cool.

Yeah.

But what we have to do first, Mr. Woody, is see how you want to change your will now that your brother is gone.

I thought me and you could rough it out, understand?

Put it all down on a piece of paper and you sign it.

You know,just in case you don't talk to your lawyer for a while.

I want a silver one.

Mr. Woody, you want to look up here a minute?

Now, you understand it could happen again.

Barn! You get taken out, you're not even looking.

You don't even hear it.

That's why I'm saying you got to change your will, man.

Mr. Woody, in case anything might happen you don't even know about.

Will you get the paper?

Tell you where we're at.

Maureen looks for Robin as a possible witness in a sexual assault case.

But now Robin is a suspect in a homicide investigation.

Homicide's gonna take priority.

I thought about Woody's offer.

I think I'm gonna take it.

It's up to you. You think I'm wrong.

It's strange, when I see him as this pathetic creature... it almost changes howl picture him sexually assaulting me.

You know, honestly, I don't even know because of the condition I was in if he even stuck his weenie in me.

Well, it's still criminal sexual conduct any way you look at it.

If we can prove it.

Horoscope.

Time to get your financial ass in order.

Don't be putting off making your will.

Put in it whoever's been most loyal to you.

Whoever cleans up your messes.

Tricky Dick.

Oh, shit.

Hmm.

Mr. Ricks' residence.

Let me speak to him, please.

Mr. Ricks can't be disturbed. Want to tell me who's calling?

I want to tell him I'm sorry about his brother.

I want to tell him it was an accident.

What was?

His brother getting blown up.

I want to tell him I hope the same thing doesn't happen to him.

I can tell him that.

But I want to make sure he understands.

If you tell him, you're taking quite a responsibility.

Don't you think?

How much you looking to get?

One million.

Can you remember to tell him that?

I believe so.

Would that be cash or would you take a check?

You want to play?

In about two minutes, you'll hear the way I play.

It's gonna roar in your fucking ears so you don't forget.

Hey, it's cool. I'll tell him.

Shit.


Sgt. Downey.

And this is Sgt. Mankowski.

We understand you were at a party at the home of Mr. Woodrow Rickslast Friday evening.

Was it Friday?

Yeah, I guess it was.

So do you recall meeting a Greta Wyatt there?

I wasn't really introduced to anybody.

So the only person you remember is Mark Ricks?

And his brother, of course.

You're not Nicole Robinette, by any chance?

I'm afraid so.

Do you remember a Greta Wyatt going upstairs?

I don't know who Greta Wyatt is.

You got a lot of books.

Get much time to read?

Never enough.

Really? Not even while you were incarcerated?

I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.

Don't want to talk about old times?

Maybe fill us in on how you got busted?

I don't want to talk to you about anything.

Okay? Now leave.

Don't say another word. Just get the fuck out.

Listen to this.

It says, "You have a sense of inner and outer harmony.

This would be a perfect day to take singing lessons.

You may have talent."

What do you think?

Well, yeah, if we have the time.

We got us a couple of more pressing matters come up.

First thing, we need to find somebody that knows how to get a bomb out of the pool.

How did a bomb get in the pool?

Let's come back to it.

We also have a matter of this lady who called, said she gonna blow you up if you don't give her some money.

Call the police. They'll take care of it.

I'm afraid of what she might do.

You know, like she might be a crazy woman and it'd set her off.

Well, how much does she want?

Yeah, she said like $2 million, cash money, no checks.

Get it from the bank and have it ready.

Yeah, she said have it ready.

You know, like in a box.

So then when she phones again and tells us the time and place she wants it, you're supposed to give it to me and I'll deliver it.

Did we learn anything?

She won't be any help to us for the assault.

Yeah, I did learn that much.

Can I make a suggestion?

Tell Wendell to get a judge to sign a warrant so you can come over here and search the place.

What are you looking for? Bombs?

Explosive materials and literature.

Also there's a little red notebook.

She covered it up with papers while you were talking to her.

Well, you know you're in a legal grey area.

You can get into a lot of trouble pretending you're still on active duty.

Or I could crack the case.

I guess it's how you look at it.

Put this down.

I want... to cross Mark out.

Cross out Mark.

Mr. Woody, you understand the lawyer knows who to take out of the will.

What we have to do is tell him who you want to go in.

Hmm.

Hmm.

You know, what I used to believe was that... red things were best for hangovers.

And a really bad hangover, I'd chug a bottle of ketchup.

I got to hand it to you.

The notebook validates her motive.

She blames the Ricks boys for turning her in.

You're having fun being suspended, aren't you?

Except for the pay, yeah.

Do two things for me.

Don't impersonate a cop.

And don't tell me what you're doing.

Unless I get something good.

That goes without saying.

Whatever you say.

Hey, wait.

Take a minute.

See if you think this guy knows anything about setting bombs.

You smoke?

Who the fuck are you?

Sgt. Mankowski.

Mankowski.

You're the last one seen my man Booker alive.

Listen, why don't you just tell us who set the bomb?

Just step outside and my man get blown up by hisself.

If it don't mean shit to you, then it don't mean shit to me.

Why the fuck are we even talking about it?

You know what I think I'm going to do?

What's that?

Get married.

You have to be in love, Mr. Woody. It's the law.

No, I'm serious.

I mean, not right away.

No. But soon.

And there's someone I like already.

The blonde.

You mean the one that says you raped her, wants to take you to court and have you thrown in jail?

The tall one. The one with the shaved bush.

Has, huh? You didn't tell me that.

Ginger.

She the one, huh?

I'm in love with her.

And...

I could put her in the will.

You could.

But let's see if you have anybody closer to you.

I can't think of anybody.

Go through the alphabet.

A, B, C, D...

You know anybody you like, name starts with a D, Mr. Woody?

You know, I was supposed to wear glasses.

We're talking about Ds, Mr. Woody. Come on, let's see who we have.

I think, what do I need to wear glasses for?

I can see all right.

But that's why I do not want to take singing lessons.

I thought of somebody, Mr. Woody.

Who?

Myself.

I would be proud to be in your will.

Oh, yeah, well, you're gonna be in the will.

I said you know somebody that starts with a D, you didn't say nothing.

Well, I was waiting for you to get to the L.

Damn. You way ahead of me, huh?

You know, what I've been thinking was...

I want to write a novel.

And I can dictate it to you like we're doing right now.

Shit.

Hi, Donnell.

We're not interrupting anything, are we?

I mean, if Mr. Woody's floating in the pool, we can always come back. No, he's not floating today.

He'll be glad to see you. Come on in. Come in.

Mr. Woody, look who come to see you.

It's Ginger and that nice police officer come around collecting again.

Boy, oh, boy.

Ginger, is that you?

Sit down and have a drink.

Donnell.

Is that the same one with the shaved bush?

Yes, that's right.

I'm gonna need to have a word with you, officer.

Mr. Woody here will fix Ginger up.

He's got a bar there with a fridge in it.

I wasn't fine with Mr. Woody last time I was here.

Are you gonna behave yourself?

Boy, oh, boy.

Come with me.

I got something that's gonna interest you.


All I want to know is how much you want.

How much I want for what?

To clean the pool.

10,000.

And if Woody stops payment on the check, I'll put the bomb back in the pool.

Do you- do you like Busby Berkeley?

That's some mean-looking shit.

Yeah, but somebody did a half-assed job of rigging it.

The screw wasn't set in tight enough to the clock.

You knew it, didn't you? You look at that shit lying at the bottom of the pool, you knew it wasn't going off.

That's why people like me like to get hired by people like you.

What did he say?

You'll never believe this. He asked me to marry him.

Oh, come on. I'm not kidding.

I said, "Let's just settle this and I'll leave.

There's no way in the world I'd ever marry you."

Just tell him you want the money.

I feel sorry for him. What does that mean?

Okay, well, can't I feel sorry for him?

I guess if you want to.

Well, I didn't get a marriage proposal, but I didn't do too bad.

10 grand for cleaning out his pool.

Maybe I can take you to a nice place for dinner tonight.

When I called today, did you have any idea who it was?

Yeah, I knew.

You did not.

Girl, I'm being nice to you.

How long I can manage is something else.

See, I have to get back home soon in case Mr. Woody wake up in the dark and don't know where he at.

Did you present my demands to Woody?

Yeah, I presented your demands.

I'm trying to think of what Mr. Woody said.

I think he said, "Oh, really?"

Something like that.

Well, obviously the bomb didn't go off.

If it would have, it would have been on the news.

We have to trust each other.

You and I have had some good times over the years, haven't we?

Remember when we- - Girl, I ought to tell you.

That wasn't the last time I had any pussy, understand?

I've had some since then.

Now you the one that called me.

Let me tell you what I feel about this.

The kind of vibes I get.

A person that sends bombs, they into heavy shit.

What I see you doing, you thinking how you can use me being on the inside.

You not thinking of favoring me unless it helps you.

We both make out.

I'm gonna tell you something.

There's a dude who knows what you're doing.

Who is he?

Name's Mankowski.

I know him. He's a cop.

Used to be. They suspended his ass. Threw him out.

But he keeps coming around, know what I'm saying?

Comes by with his hand out.

The man's looking to score.

That's only the one problem.

I see another one.

Do you freaky deak?

Girl, you crazy.

Mmm.


What's the other problem?

I see too many people.

Like my partner?

What I'm telling you, I don't see cutting it three ways when we don't need to.

That's what you're worried about?

Fine.

You get half of a two-way split.

Yeah? And how do you expect the man to pay you?

Cash? That's one way.

You dumb as shit.

We could actually get paid by check?

There's a way. He could stop payment.

I said there's a way to do it.

Yeah?

But I get a million, you get less.

Whatever you want.

Right on, baby.

Monday morning, as soon as the bank opens, Woody calls the trust department and transfers 1.7 million to the commercial account.

So we just hold a gun up to his head? Is that it?

That's crazy.

He can just cancel the check right after.

Not if he's dead, he can't.

I suppose if you decide to cut Donnell out, we just place a nice explosive and the two of them get buried under a pile of rubble, is that right?

Now there's an idea.

But the cops are gonna know that he signed a check over to us.

One of our names is gonna be on it.

The check is going to be made out to are you ready?

Nicole Robinette.

Woody doesn't know it yet, but he's buying motion picture rights to both of my novels.

Commander, how are you?


Hello.

Robin, it's Skip.

Robin, what's the matter?

Who is this? I just told you, it's Skip.

Hello.

Hi, it's Chris Mankowski.

You just called, didn't you?

And you hung up on me.

Tried to call you back, but you must have been talking to Skip.

Who? Skip.

You know, the guy you went down with for blowing up the car.

Hang up and call Donnell this time.

If he hasn't already told you about me, ask him Mankowski.

Well, if you are going to be downtown later, I'll meet you at the Hart Plaza Bar.

Hello. Robinzl need a favor.

Okay.

We need to send that nosy cop on a little vacation.

Yeah, I understand. Yeah, I will do it.

But right now I'm doing something else.

Wake up, Mr. Woody.

I finished typing your new will.

Sign it and then we can go for a swim.


"I, Woodrow Ricks, being of sound mind and body, wish to leave at least $5 million to my best friend Donnell Lewis if and when I ever die."

Lord have mercy. Lord have mercy.

Yes?

It's juicy. -Juicy Mouth, tell me what you've been doing.

I'm in a bad mood.

Motherfuckers in homicide had me sitting in a closet asking the same shit over and over.

I got a man for you need to be vamped on.

What do you charge to break his leg, put him in the hospital about a month? No, I'm tired.

Take you two minutes from the time he steps out of his Caddy.

Polack name Mankowski. Not near as bad as you.

Mankowski?

Shit, I know that name. That man's a cop.

That man messed up with Mr. Woody.

Got his ass suspended. Ain't got a badge or a gun no more.

- Took his gun, huh? - Mm-hmm.

That's the motherfucker let Booker blow hisself up.

I thought that was you and Moselle did that.

I wasn't there, you understand?

He was there. He let my man blow hisself up.

Yeah, I'll bust his legs good.

Uh,just the one. I'll get you a deal for the same price.

I'll put his ass away.

Juicy, how much for just the one leg?

Hey, let me get a cold one.

Damn it.

So, where's Robin?

We ever met, you and I?

Nope. First time.

Well, I got to ask.

How did you make me?

Well, Skip, I know you're not a cardiologist.

Right?

Maybe it's the ponytail. Damn.

Maybe you just look dirty.

Where's Robin?

Right about now she- she's across the street in that parking lot just sitting there in her red bug.

Hey, Sgt. Mankowski.

Want to see why they call me Juicy Mouth?

Do I have to?

Okay, put it back.

This the motherfucker let Booker blow hisself up.

And you're the motherfucker that was supposed to be guarding his body.

That ain't nice talk. Make it easy on you.

No fuss, stick your leg out, put your foot on the bumper of that car, we'll be done and gone.

You want to break my leg?

Listen, I told the person I'd do more, but he said, "Nah.

Don't put him away.just put him in the hospital awhile."

What person are we talking about?

Can't tell you that, man.

Kind of like how a lawyer won't tell you shit on how he knows shit.

Check it out, it's the same thing is what I'm saying.

This motherfucker is just like an attorney, man.

See it?

See that?

Man, you ain't supposed to have that thing.

This is the part where you fellas run.

I'm gonna count to two.

One...

Two.


Juicy.

Who is it that wants my leg busted?

It's Donnell, right?

Are you pretending you're invisible?

All right.

I need an answer.

So I'm gonna show you what Clint would do, okay?

Okay!

Juicy. Juicy!

It was Donnell, right?

Say it.

It was him.

You know, you could have just told me.

Saved me from having to fuck up your car.

What, this? It's not my car.

I can't sleep.

Maybe a drink will help.

Hey, partner.

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar! How'd you get in here?

It wasn't hard.

Was it? Mm-mmm.

You want to tell me what you're doing here?

We're here because you fucked up.

Wait now.

First I got to run upstairs and get the man settled with his nightcap.

Bring our stuff in.

All of it? We're going to use it, aren't we?

Whoo-hoo!

Your boy Skip's kind of an outpatient, is he not?

Yeah. Whoa, hey, hey!

Don't bring that shit in here! It won't hurt you.

All we need is a place to stash it, and by Monday morning I promise it'll be gone.

You have a gun in the house?

Come on.

Put that shit in the garage.

Oh, yeah, this is good.

This stuff needs a cold, dry place. Highly volatile.

Whoa, Jesus! Sorry.

Put that shit over by my golf shoes.

Easy does it. Easy.

Okay.

Okay, that's good.

All right, let's go.

Boom!

A gun, sweetheart?

Used to have one. Didn't need it.

Too bad. Could have used it.

You want to know why? Tell me.

Your buddy the cop is gonna come looking for you.

Kids you sent to do a job on him blew it.

Good night.

Oh.

Hi, this is Greta Wyatt. - Hey-

If you leave your name and number, please, after you hear the beep, I will get back to you.

Greta, hi, it's Chris.

Listen, I really need to talk to you.

Good morning. I was listening.

I was hoping it was you.

Um, hey.

Tried to call you earlier, but nobody picked up.

You changed your message on your little answer thing there, huh?

I think I may be retiring Ginger La Nova.

You know there's nothing wrong with Greta Wyatt, right?

Look, can we get together later tonight?

They found my car. I've got to go pick it up.

And then I've got to take care of something at Woody's.

But I'll call you after. Sounds good.

Chris. Hmm?

I miss you.

Miss you, too.

Um, stay put, okay?

I will.

Morning.

Woody, hi.

Oh, you don't remember me?

Oh.

Oh, Robin.

How much do you need?

Let's celebrate.

Donnell, get some food for later.

Mr. Chinaman.

We don't need Donnell.

What'd you bring him in for?

I don't know. I thought it was a good idea.

Did you decide where you're gonna put the dynamite?

Soon as I figure that out, it'll be easy.

Look, as soon as Donnell gets back, why don't you take him to the bathroom or someplace?

You do what you're good at, I'll do what I'm good at.

Maybe we'll get lucky and pull this thing off.

Luck has nothing to do with it.

Do you believe this guy?

Beautiful.

Well, while you were upstairs getting laid, I was down here taking care of the stuff you asked me to do.

So can I have my piece of candy, mama?

Where'd you put it? Don't worry about it.

But you're gonna love how it works.

I'm sorry to barge in like this.

Well, you here now.

I just want to talk to Woody a minute.

I want to give him back his check.

Well, he's right there. Go ahead.

Mr. Woody. Look who come to see you.

Over this way, Mr. Woody.

Look, it's Ginger.

I should have called. I'm sorry.

I have to go. Oh, he's waving to you.

Better get out of the pool, Mr. Woody.

You're gonna be all wrinkled like a prune.

Might as well make yourself comfortable, sweetie.

You want something to drink? Okay, one drink, please.

I bet I know what she'd like.

Yeah.

Chris, hi.

I was thinking.

I don't want Woody's money.

It feels gross. I'm gonna give him back his check and call off the wedding. That was a joke.

Anyway, you said you were going over there, so I guess I'll see you in a little bit.

Oh, no, no, no. Shit.

Perceiving it with ultraviolet or perceiving it with sonar. Flying?

It would be dark if you were a person and then you were a bat.

Mm-hmm.

You'd see the same thing that a person would see, but you'd be a bat. You would.

Oh, good one.

When you're saying speaking, like, technical.

A different perceptive element.

So if you visualize that, you'd be perceiving this, but you'd be a bat.

Where's Greta?

You mean Ginger?

Oh, she out there.

Greta.

What's wrong with you? What did they give you?

She fell in the pool.

She tripped. She tripped.

Yeah, shit, that's what she did. She tripped.

She tripped. You gave her acid?

I didn't give her anything.

Skip did.

Hey, no, it was only a half of one.

She wanted it. Ask her.

Did you tell her what might happen?

She's fine. Don't worry about it. Don't sweat it, man.

It's all goo ah!

That wasn't bad.

You slipped it to her, didn't you?

Ask her how she feels. Go ahead, ask her.

Ask her. Don't fucking move.

Are you gonna take that from him?

Will you just stay out of it, for Christ's sake?

How do you feel?

I'm just a little tired. That's all.

Did he tell you what he was giving you?

I don't know.

He just gave me a drink and he said...

I don't know what he said.

Sit tight. You're gonna be okay.

We'll be out of here soon, okay?

Come on, officer. You need to get that edge taken off.

Man, have a drink.

Have a seat by your Ginger.

Robin will read you something that'll enlighten you, while I go throw this in the trash.

Shit.

We're still okay.

What to do?

Leave the motherfucking house.

I come back from Mr. Chinaman, I don't lock it.

Motherfucker.

Motherfucker.

You're conspiring to extort money.

The only difference is you're doing it with paper instead of a bomb.

All right, what's the problem?

Think it'll be contested? Fine, let's wait and see.

It's done. I want to get this party started.

Catch!

Skip. Now give me your gun.

Come on, you're not serious.

Deadly.

Give me your gun.

Easy. Robin.

Take his gun. Let me have it.

It's big.

Now you are gonna be spending the night tonight so we don't have to worry about you.

Now, in the morning, fine, you can leave.

No problem.

This how you do it?

Do you feel lucky, punk?

Anyway, I thought it would be a good idea if we could get Burt to recreate one of his stunts for our viewers.

Good idea. Hey, Burt.

Burt. Ladies and gentlemen, Burt Reynolds.

Say, listen, knowing how you do all your own stunts-

- Yes, I do. Yeah, I know you do.

We just saw them and they're great.

And I thought it'd really be nice if you could recreate some of them for us tonight. I'd be glad to.

They come here, they have a box of dynamite.

I make them put it in the garage.

I go there and it's gone.

The Mercedes is locked, the keys are gone, and the lights are out.

Did you ask Skip about this?

What, asking how he's gonna blow me up?

I know he placed it somewhere.

Stay out of the garage. Probably be all right.

How would he work it?

Where's Robin and Skip?

In the kitchen, mostly.

When you drive in and out, do you use a garage door opener?

Yeah, little thing with the button you push to open it.

Yeah.

My guess is they put the charge in the Mercedes, wire it to the door opener.

They bring us all into the garage, go out the other way, and drive off in the VW.

Robin presses the button, boom, no witnesses.

We gonna get put in the garage, huh?

I ain't gonna let Mr. Woody get killed.

Well, glad to hear you say that.

Not this soon.

What was your cut?

I'm not in this deal.

You mean not anymore, you're not.

Look, we may not have a gun, but I'll tell you what we do have.

That is, if you haven't thrown it out yet.

What do we have?

Five sticks of American dynamite in a black bag.

And you the bomb man.

You're having fun, aren't you, Robin?

Not as much fun as I'm gonna have.

Bank's about to open. It's showtime.

Morning, honkies.

All right, Mr. Woody, time for your Groovy Berries.

Oh, what about

"Let's Make a Deal"?

You early this morning.

Monty don't come on till after a while.

All right, Donnell, it's time.

00.

Humor me.

All right, Mr. Woody. Time to transfer the money.

Oh, yeah?

Okay.

Matt Stove, good morning.

Matt, how you doing? Hey, Donnell.

Good morning. How was your weekend?

Don't have time to chat this morning. Here's Mr. Ricks.

Mr. Ricks?

Hi, Matt. Hi, Mr. Ricks.

How are you? Groovy.

So Donnell tells me we're making a transfer.

I guess we are. Yes, we are, sir.

As fast as possible.

Here's Donnell.

Okay, Matt. Yes, sir.

Mr. Ricks will be transferring two million from the trust account to the company.

That's it. Right away, Donnell.

Thank you.

Shadooby! Whoo! Yahoo!

All right, now that that's done, we're gonna move the two of you right on into the garage.

Get you out of our hair. Come on, let's go.

All right, Skip, Robin, why don't you just lay your guns on the counter?

Excuse me? I like your spunk.

Heavy. Do you believe it?

It's from the dick handbook. He's supposed to say that.

All right, I gave you a chance.

You don't want to take it, that's up to you.

How about I give you a chance to get in the fucking garage?

How about that? Let's just stick to the script.

You go get the check, I take them to the garage.

It'll be easy. Amen.

Robin, you're not gonna make it.

I'll be right back.

All right. Two of you with me.

Going to the garage. Come on.

Hey, hey.

Why'd you say she ain't gonna make it? What's gonna stop her?

Five sticks of American powder.

Five sticks?

In a black bag.

In the desk by the checkbook.

You're just trying to fake me out, aren't you?

How would you know how to wire a charge?

I guess nobody told you.

My friend here was on the bomb squad.

Shit. Robin!

Hey! Hey! Wait!

Wait! Wait! Wait!

Don't! Robin, no!

Say to me don't say nothing. You had to tell him.

You want Skip with us or with Robin?

Maybe we should just leave.

Wait a minute.

That will I spent all that time getting Mr. Woody to sign is in that damn desk.

Robin!

No, no! Don't! Don't!

Hey.

I know you.


You haven't done anything.

Been getting bids on the work.

Don't have one yet that pleases me.

Bet there's still some of Robin in here.

Man, she was all over the place.

But, hey, didn't Skippy say something to you?

Yeah, he opened his eyes.

Could barely hear him, but I believe his last words were, "Aw, shit."

Man got what he deserved.

How you doing with Ginger?

Greta and I are getting an apartment in the county.

They gave me my badge back. I'll be going to work in homicide.

You're not being investigated?

Wendell did say they'd be asking why I was here at the house armed.

So you have to explain why a laid-off cop is walking around with a piece, huh?

Like, what was your intent?

Well, I kept it at work. Never used it on the job.

Hmm.

Tell 'em you were taking it home and happened to have it on you.

That's not bad.

You want to get ahead, you have to learn to think devious.

Of course, that could get you into trouble.

Or get you off the hook.

All depends on how you look at it, brother.

Boom!


Honkies.

But you got the money.

Oh, am I happy you're happy.

After all that...

Well, it looks like things aren't too bad after all.