Freaky Friday (1976) Script

I'd like to be you for a day I'd like to be you for a day

I'd like to be you for a day I'd like to be you for a day

I'd like to be you for a day I'd like to climb into the dreams you hide To know the grown-up and the child inside Whatever makes you smile I'd like to see it Go ahead and free it

I'd like to be you for a day I'd like to be you for a day Are you excited by electric trains?

And kind of lonely every time it rains?

To stare out through your eyes Would start revealing all the things you're feeling

What's on your mind when you hear a tune Or ride a toy balloon?

Just let me look, let me read your book And learn it Loving every page as I turn it

I'd like to be you for a day I'd like to be you for a day There's so much more I need to understand It's not enough to simply hold your hand And hear the words you say I want to touch you I want to reach you In every single way I'd like to be you for a day To put you back on the track When you go astray I'd like to be you for a day To know your aims And to share the games that you play I'd like to be you for a day I'd like to be you for a day I'd like to be you for a day ANNABEL: You're not gonna believe me.

Nobody in their right minds could believe me.

But it's true. Really, it is.

At exactly 8: 15 this morning... No, wait.

Let me start back further.

My name is Annabel Andrews.

This is my room.

I like it this way.

You don't have to look for anything.

MAN: Good morning.

It's Friday the 13th. Ready?

ANNABEL: No way.

And this is me.

Born in Mountview Hospital 13 years ago.

Give or take a month.

Female, blond. Natural, of course.

Blue eyes. Height about 5'2".

I don't remember what I weigh, but I'm watching it.

Which my mother says is ridiculous because I'm not mature in my figure yet.

Mmm...

Maybe by summer, though.

Gross.

I have one little brother. Look at him.

Gorgeous hair, gorgeous teeth, gorgeous eyes, gorgeous eyelashes.

He's what you call neat.

Not neat terrific. Neat neat.

He is so neat it's revolting.

He only does it to show me up.

A goody-goody, you know?

A perfect person and a creep.

His name is Ben, but I call him...

Ape Face! Will you get out of here?

Don't come busting in without knocking.

It's time for breakfast.

So? Come on, beat it. Get out of here.

I am.

You'll be late for school.

So what do I care?

Actually, I care. I mean, school is okay.

I got friends, sports.

Yesterday I was made captain for today's playoff game.

Kind of neat, huh?

I'm also pretty good on water.

We got a super water-ski club.

And we're gonna put on a real aquacade for my dad.

Oh, yeah, about my parents.

William Waring Andrews. 45.

6 feet tall. Well, 5' 11. 5".

The hair's too short, but I've seen worse.

All in all, a fantastically cool person.

My, oh, my what a wonderful...

He's with Joffert and Jennings. Public relations.

And the most beautiful person in the world.

Almost.

That's Boris Harris. What a fox!

I mean, he's really something else.

Mm-hmm.

Unfortunately, ever since a little incident that happened a while ago, Boris leaves me alone.

ELLEN: Annabel!

Time!

Which is more than I can say for her.

Mom and I haven't been hitting it off well.

It's not that I don't love her. I do.

Why shouldn't I?

Everybody knows mothers are sweet and kind and lovely and gentle and...

Annabel!

And loud.

Ahh!

Max, you big hamburger.

Annabel, where are you going?

I thought we had this all out last night.

Who? Me?

I'm not very hungry.

I don't go for that eggs and bacon stuff.

I want you to be healthy.

That's all, Annabel.

I'm gonna grow up and be a blimp.

I'm already late.

What about your room?

Perfect.

And your bed? That's made, right?

I forgot, Mom. It just slipped through my mind.

I got a lot of things to think about.

Mmm.

Annabel, I don't want to be preachy.

But childhood is the best time in a person's life.

Sure. I'm all for it.

But I got a lot of worries.

Name one. Just one.

All right.

Worry number one.

I'm late to meet Virginia.

Wish me luck.

Bye-bye.

Bye. Good luck.

Good luck to me, too.

Annabel. Wait a minute.

Annabel!

Don't forget the orthodontist!

Don't forget the aquacade!

How much you want to bet she does?

Forget the aquacade? Forgets the orthodontist.

It'll serve her right.

Today Dr. Basinger's gonna take her braces off.

It was gonna be a surprise. You think I should've told her?

About the aquacade?

Oh, Bill, honestly.

What do you think of this?

What?

"Friends, respected clients, and future developers, we are, indeed, honored that you could be present for this formal announcement of our luxurious, new Oceana Marina."

It's good. I don't think the name is good.

It should be the Isle of Whispering Winds.

It's interesting. Helen, please.

No more help.

You just show up looking beautiful, as usual.

I'll take care of the rest.

Certainly.

Turkey, where you been?

Where have I been?

I've been waiting for hours.

You and me both, kid.

Give me the usual and shake the lead out.

Well, I got quiz number 2A about my room.

It's my room.

I should be able to keep it the way I want to.

All due to the extraordinary efforts of this brilliant... ingenious... Revolting.

I'm afraid that's not complimentary enough to the developer, my dear.

Nothing very complimentary could be said about Annabel.

No wonder they call it "the terrible teens."

Have you seen how she dresses lately?

Without her, I don't have a water show this afternoon.

Would you like to know where I have to go this afternoon?

To see Mr. Dilk, the principal at school.

He's asked for a conference to discuss Annabel's lack of academic progress.

What do you think of that?

I'm sure you can handle it, dear.

I'm up to my neck in this.

Thank you.

She's not gonna let me go to Hilary's.

She says she knows all we do there is kissing games.

She's also on my back to get my hair trimmed.

Last time it was trimmed, they hacked 6 inches off.

I try to be cool, right? Parents seem to be immune to it.

Sometimes I blow my top.

Yesterday I said to her, "What are you trying to do? Change my image?"

She said, "I wouldn't know where to start."

Chuckle, chuckle. That's funny.

VIRGINIA: If it's any comfort to you, my mom's even rottener than yours.

Mothers don't understand what a person goes through.

I'm an individual.

I can't eat what I want, wear what I want, keep my hair and nails the way I want!

Last night we had it out.

"Listen!" I screamed.

I'm not a screamer.

"You're not letting me have any fun.

You're always pushing me, telling me what to do.

How come nobody ever gets to tell you what to do?"

"Annabel," I said.

"When you're grown-up, people don't tell you what to do.

You have to tell yourself."

Which is sometimes more difficult.

"Oh, yeah," I said in this bitter tone.

That always blows her mind.

"Yeah, you can tell yourself to watch TV all day, go to lunch with friends, eat what you want or go to big parties or movies with Dad."

"And do the laundry," I reminded her.

"And the shopping and the cooking.

Make things nice for everybody."

Honestly, Bill, that child has not got a clue about my life.

Not a single clue.

Sounds like a picnic to me.

TOGETHER: I wish I could switch places with her for just one day.

All right, what's going on out there?

Something really freaky.

ANNABEL: Wait a minute.

That's not my voice.

That's Mom's voice.

Hey, what's the matter with you?

Good grief. What am I doing here?

ELLEN: That's not my voice. That's Annabel's voice.

Are you okay, Annabel?

Annabel?

You all right, Ellen?

ANNABEL: Ellen?

Hey, whose foot is that?

That's not my foot. That's Mom's foot.

ELLEN: Good grief. That's not my hand.

That's Annabel's.

ANNABEL: Mom's legs.

And her stomach.

And her, uh... uh...

Wow.

Mom's body has got my mind in it.

ELLEN: Annabel's body has got my mind in it.

ANNABEL: I'm Mom.

ELLEN: I'm Annabel.

ANNABEL: Hi, Mom.

I love your teeth.

Annabel, say something.

ELLEN: Who can talk through all this scrap iron?

Could I trouble you for a dime, dear?

"Could I trouble you for a dime, dear?"

Sure.

Wow!

Ellen?

You all right?

All right?

I'm great!

Hello?

Hello, Bill?

Yes.

Who's this?

This is...

Annabel, is that you?

Well, yes and no.

Please, if this is some kind of a joke, I don't have any time.

Button up and listen, Bill.

Who are you telling to button up?

Since when do you call me "Bill"?

What's got into you?

A lot more than you can imagine.

Please, Bill.

Annabel, stop that!

I am not "Bill" to you!

All right.

Dad.

All right. Now, that's better.

What do you want?

How's Ellen? Ellen?

Mom, I mean. Is she all right?

Feeling all right?

Annabel, please, if this is some kind of game...

No, it's very important. Would you take a look?

Hang on.


Yeah, she is acting a little funny.

She's blowing bubbles and hopping up and down.

ELLEN: Hopping?

I suppose it would look like hopping to the waltz king.

Who's that on the horn?

Oh, that's Annabel.

She wants to know if you're feeling all right.

Are you, honey?

Oh, I feel terrific.

How does she feel?

She's worried about you. Maybe she ought to come home.

No, tell her absolutely not.

Childhood is the best time in a person's life.

Today I want her to enjoy every minute.

Especially the big typing test.

Oh, yeah.

Tell her I hope she does well in the hockey game.

That is an important playoff.

If she messes up, everybody will hate me.

Her.

Dear, your mother says...

I heard her, Daddy. Goodbye.

Hi, Virginia. Hi.

Come on, Annabel, let's move out.

You guys are my friends, right?

I've got to talk to you. So talk.

Now, girls, you're not children any longer.

I feel I can speak with you as adults.

You're intelligent enough to grasp exactly what I have to say to you right now.

What is this?

It's your usual "Rum Raisin Banana Split" breakfast.

Figures.

What else would the junk-food junkie eat for breakfast?

That is about the most revolting concoction I've ever put inside my mouth.

You see something different?

Something different?

You see I am diametrically different from the Annabel you know.

Correct?

All right.

Listen very carefully.

I'm not Annabel.

Who are you?

I'm her mother.

Oh, that's sensational! Today we'll be our mothers.

Virginia, dear, do something with your hair.

Don't scuff your shoes.

No, I mean it. I'm Mrs. Andrews.

Oh, me too, darling.

I'm not Jo-Jo. I'm Mrs. John Mayberry.

I love it.

Give me a pack of menthols, please.

Are you kidding?

Don't be fresh with me, young man.

I'll report you to the manager.

Oh, no!

JO-JO: You're terrific, Annabel.

You ought to be in Drama class.

Hurry along, children. You'll miss the bus.

There's only one thing wrong with this routine.

Our mothers couldn't get through the day like we put in.

What did you say?

Right on, Annabel. Our mothers couldn't hack it.

Your mother wouldn't make it through first period, Bambi.

For sure.

I can just picture my mom trying to handle Miss McGuirk.

Or Ms. Murphy in typing. They'd freak out.

My mother would not freak out. Believe me.

You're really weird. Just a few minutes ago...

Young lady, a great deal has transpired in the last few minutes.

BAMBI: You really have that down.

I like this game.

Children, don't tarry. Yes, we mustn't miss our bus.

ELLEN: Are they kidding?

What's so tough about a simple school day?

You coming, Annabel?

You bet she is.

I am.

ELLEN: Okay, what'll it be, lover boy?

You said scrambled eggs.

Sorry. I don't have time to wash a messy scrambled pan.

Fried?

Cooking's not my thing today.

You can eat this.

Oh, I can't.

That's Annabel's sugar-coated Snappy Krackles, which she bought with her money to eat when she watches television.

She'll kill me if I eat them.

ANNABEL: What a nerd.

Annabel wants you to eat her sugar-coated Snappy Krackles.

She does? She does.

I ought to know.

Move it. You'll be late for school.

Bye, Mommy.

ANNABEL: Yuck!

Hon, I want you to do something for me for the ceremony.

Besides water-ski?

What? What?

You've never been on water skis.

I was only kidding, Daddy.

"Daddy"? You never called me "Daddy" before.

No. I never will again, Bill, dear.

Are you feeling all right?

Never better. Good.

Hmm.

Better bring me a change of wardrobe for tonight.

White slacks.

A maroon tie.

See if you can find my matching socks.

Are you sure you're all right?

Fine. Fine.

Where was I?

I was finding your matching socks.

Oh, yeah.

My white shoes. White shoes.

Blue blazer. Blue blazer.

It might need a trip to the cleaners.

That shirt with the ruffles down the front?

Be careful when you press it.

It's pure silk, you know.

Anything else?

Now that you ask.

If the shoes need a polish, I'd appreciate it.

Of course.

Thatagirl.

I do my job, you do yours, right?

ANNABEL: Oink, oink, Daddy.

Well, maybe Mom will enjoy being in my shoes.

ELLEN: No wonder Annabel runs around barefooted.

These sneakers feel like they're full of marbles.

You're right about your hair. My mom had mine all hacked off.

And now look at me.

To tell you the truth, it's much more becoming to you short.

Whose side are you on?

How can you expect me to sympathize about your horrible, mean mother?

That's uncalled for.

I'm using your words exactly.

ELLEN: Is that so?

Come on, girls. Pay now, talk later.

You're holding up everything.

I don't have one of those cards.

It's okay.

Money's perfectly acceptable.

Virginia, could you possibly?

No, I couldn't possibly.

I know you have more change on you.

I could tell by your walk.

ELLEN: My walk?

Oh, of course, my walk.

Oh, my God. Jeez.

Excuse me.

Sir? Thank you.

There you go. Thanks.

ELLEN: I don't believe how dirty this foot is.

I doubt it's ever seen a bathtub.

Hmm.

But why should it?

The sock isn't much cleaner.

ANNABEL: Ooh.

Dumb, dribbly gook.

Yuck!

Who needs hand lotion, anyway?

Let them get old and wrinkled.

Now. What next?

How about a little makeup for the cheeks?

Yeah, why not?

Hmm. Sadie the painted lady.

You're lovely, my dear. Simply lovely.

Wait till they see you this afternoon at the marina, sipping champagne.

Ooh, I love champagne.

Wait a minute. I've never had champagne.

Maybe I won't like it.

Oh, well. I'll try everything.

I wish I hadn't tried this.

Come on! Stick!

Stick, you hairy, little monster!

Maybe I can cover them up.

Ah, forget it.

Just a touch of color.

Beautiful.

Oops.

Perfect. Just gorgeous.

It's not real. No, it can't be.

Ridiculous.

Impossible!

What is?

Nothing. I was just thinking.

Well, I wish you'd stop it. Everybody's staring.

You look crazy, talking to yourself and waving your hands around.

Sorry.

ELLEN: I wonder what she's doing?

She probably thinks I spend my day snacking, watching TV.

She'll find out.

Ha! Will she find out!

What's with her?

Something wrong with her noggin?

How would I know?

I've never seen her before in my life.


Oh, ain't that so cute?

ANNABEL: What's the big deal about housework?

How tough can it be?

Toss in a little stuff here. Toss in a little stuff there.

If it doesn't want to go, you make it go.

That wasn't so bad.

Now for some potato chips.

A little of the boob tube.

Come on, Max.

Whoa.

MAN ON TV: The makers of Phos Free, the newer, brighter detergent, bring you "Sewing with Susie."

So long, Sister Susie.

Adios, muchacho.

Wiggling, friends.

Can you wiggle like Wiggly?

Let's go. Come on, wiggle.

Don't let go, Wiggly.

Wiggle this way.

Wiggle!

Wiggle!

ANNABEL: It's alive!

Whoa, there!

Take it easy!

You're gonna be fine.

Just a little case of the hiccups.

Hello?

Wait! There's too much racket!

I'll have to take it in the hall!

Thank you!

Hello?

Hang on. I got to hang up in the other room.

Holy cow!

Couldn't you pick some other day to break down?

What was the matter when Mom was around?

You had to shake yourself to death on my big day?

Come on, now, shape up.

Ulysses' Repair and Plumbing.

Four.

BILL: Hey, there! Hello?

Hey, Ellen! Ellen? What's happening?

Hello? Operator?

Sir, this is a cross-wire connection.

Simply hang up. Redial your number.

You will be able to reach your party.

This is a recording.

BILL: Is this my home?

Well, slow down, Mack. Who is this, anyway?

Bill. It's Bill.

Bill? Bill who?

Oh. Oh!

Hello? What's going on?

My husband. Hi, there, Billy Boy.

How's it going in the salt mines?

Never mind. What's happening there?

Just rinsing out a few things. Why?

Oh, okay.

Joffert, Jennings, and the entire board may be dropping by for drinks.

You better drive down and pick up booze.

Booze?

Drive?

Honey, what's the matter?

Nothing. It's just I didn't intend to drive anywhere today, Daddy. Bill.

At noon, after you pick up Ben from school.

Ben?

ANNABEL: Oh, Ape Face.

You know that slinky black dress?

Why don't you wear that?

I got to run. Anything else, I'll call you.

Booze?

My husband, Bill.

ANNABEL: Iron this, polish that.

Go here, go there.

As a dad, you're super.

As a husband, you're more like a traffic cop.

Annabella couldn't find a steady fella For pity's sake.

I got a rise out of metal mouth.

You did not.

I can lead some people around by the nose.

Her you can lead by the teeth. All you need is a magnet.

One thing you need, young man, is a good, old-fashioned spanking.

Give me mercy. Come on, Annabel.

Forget that silly game. It's not like you.

Hi, I brought your favorite today.

Tuna fish and peanut butter. Tuna fish and peanut butter?

And grape yogurt. Meet you at lunchtime, okay?

Sure. Okay.

ELLEN: How sickening. No wonder she never eats at home.

You can't eat with Gordy.

Remember we have band practice at noon?

What a shame.

ELLEN: Now let's see how tough this really is.

Wait a minute. Where am I going?

Oh, schedule, schedule, schedule.

Let's see.

I'll be lucky if I can read her writing, that's for sure.

"Friday, first period.

The Principles of Still Photography."

Oh, sure.

The cornerstone of a good basic education.

Well, at this stage, the developing action has almost been halted, but the film is still highly sensitive.

The safe red light continues to serve its purpose.

And extreme caution should be taken to avoid any outside light for fear of ruining the exposed film.

Now, the next step is to...

Is this Still Photography?

Sorry I'm late.

What about the windows? You want me to get the shades?

ELLEN: I think we've goofed.

Sorry about that.

MAN ON RADIO: That's 555-3069.

And only 2 more calls this hour to solve the K6500 musical mystery medley and win over $5,000 in prizes and trips.

All right here on your music, music, music station.

K6500.

Morning.

I said, "Good morning"!

Mrs. Schmauss, you scared me! I didn't hear you!

No wonder!

What with this rock 'n' roller stuff blaring.

It gives you a headache!

That's better.

Now I don't have to yell!

Ah, what a shame.

You ruined that precious outfit.

Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk.

Well, where do I start, honey?

In the kitchen. We had a problem this morning.

What happened?

The washing machine went bananas.

Let's take a look and see what's going on!

Oh, no, no!

No wonder!

You're gonna cram your shirts.

And your rugs.

Ohhhh! And your hose.

And your sneakers.

And some little tin things.

And...

What are these little tin things?

Oh, jacks. That's cute.

That's cute.

And all your jacks in here together.

Not to mention, you used too much soap.

That is your problem.

Well, that's what comes of letting Annabel help with the laundry.

That sweet thing, trying to be helpful.

A genuine first.

Mrs. Schmauss, get ahold of yourself.

I want you to finish this laundry and then sew up this dress for tonight.

Hold it, honey! Hold it!

When I came to work for you, there were a couple of things we agreed upon I don't do.

Number one is, I don't do no personal maiding.

I see. What is the number two thing?

Do we have to go into that again?

Just give me a refresher on it.

What is the number two thing you won't do?

The number two thing I don't do is, I don't pick up pigpens.

That's an honor I reserve for the mother of the pig.

Well, look at this. Dirty clothes.

Ahh.

Banana peel.

Half a paperback.

And now we get to see what's behind curtain number three.

A bicycle pump.

A broken water ski.

A tin shovel.

All right.

Begin.

ELLEN: This is a snap.

Hey, Bambi. Psst! Bambi.

There's something wrong with my machine.

Well, turn it on.

What do you mean?

It's a typewriter, not a television.

An electric typewriter needs electricity.

Dummy.

ELLEN: Electric?

Oh, well, how different can it be?


This is ridiculous!

Annabel, what's the trouble?

Small mechanical problem here.

Go use one of the other machines.

I'll give you a few extra minutes.


Mrs. Schmauss, would you...

That's another thing I don't do. Answer doorbells!

All right, already! I'm coming! I'm coming!

Right over there, baby.

Your car, Mrs. Andrews.

Washed, lubed, and I changed the oil.

Oh, thanks...

Lloyd.

$ 14.50. A check will be good.

Check?

ANNABEL: How many years for forgery?

Will you take cash?

Yeah. Some people still use that.

Okay, just a second.

I have to get my mother's... my purse.

Hang in there, Lloyd.

I have to...

Let me go see who's at the other door.

Hi, Mrs. Andrews.

Right on time.

Yes, right on time. What are you on time for?

The carpets, remember? It's Friday.

Sure. Sure.

Just slipped my mind.

Cool it, Max.

Care where we start?

Just pick a carpet.

Can I get my $ 14.50, Mrs. Andrews?

Yeah, I forgot.

I'll get the $ 14.50. Excuse me, fellas.

I'll find it, Lloyd.

Any of you fellas got $ 14.50 you could loan me?

Hey, you got $ 14.50?

Come on.

MRS. SCHMAUSS: There you are.

And while we're on the subject.

I have something else to tell you, Mrs. "A."

That kid has no discipline.

And a kid without discipline is the fault of the mother and the father.

Not necessarily, Mrs. Schmauss.

ANNABEL: What am I saying?

Hi!

Oh, how do you do, Mrs. Gilbert?

Oh, feel free to call me Mary Kay anytime.

Oh, yeah. Mary Kay!

Listen, I need the hair drier.

Sure. Borrow mine.

No, yours is broken. You borrowed mine yesterday.

Yeah! Here. Hold Max.

It must be around here someplace.

In the kitchen? I'm sure it is.

I've seen it time and again with you saucy liberals.

That kid'll be on dope before you know it!

Oh, what makes you so sure, Mrs. Schmauss?!

Mrs. Andrews, can I...

Oh, yes, $ 14.50 and the hair drier.

You got a pair of pliers?

Ohhhh!

Listen, you, here. You hold Max.

While you're looking for the hair drier, find this gentleman the pliers.

I have to find the door.

I wanted my hair drier.

Hi, Mrs. Andrews. Hi.

Bet you thought you'd never see us again.

Brought your nice, clean draperies back.

Pick a window that's empty and put them on it.

MRS. SCHMAUSS: Just in case you're interested, Mrs. Andrews.

You want to know how it starts? I'll tell you how it starts.

Remember Wednesday when you asked me if I saw that half bottle of gin on the bar?!

I suppose that was your way of accusing me of drinking your liquor.

Yes, probably was.

Aha. Well, I have a secret for you.

Excuse me.

Mrs. Andrews, we've run into a problem here.

Grab a number! Get in line!

But do you know who's drinking your gin?!

Annabel, huh?

You said it. I didn't.

Hey, action city.

You're fired!

That suits me fine!

Not now, Mrs. Schmauss!

After you finish my daddy's shirts.

Do them yourself!

You traitor! Your mop stinks!

Could I just get my $ 14.50?

What about my hair drier?!

Here's your dog, lady!

Maybe we'll come back some other time.

Ellen, my hair drier!

We got to move the china cabinet.

You owe me $ 14.50.

My hair drier!

The hair drier!

Ellen!

That typing teacher was highly indignant.

She just could not accept that it was an unfortunate accident.

Sorry I missed it. Sounds like it was a blast.

What a trying day. I don't know what to expect.

Nothing, as long as you're ready for McGuirk.

"Mc" who?

McGuirk. English. Term paper.

Oh, no.

What's wrong, Annabel?

It's due today. Don't you have one?

No. What'll I do?

You better cut English.

I'll tell McGuirk you went to the nurse with a headache.

Should I actually do that?

No, you nerd. She might send you home.

ELLEN: That's a good idea.

You can't go home.

The big hockey game's today. Everyone's counting on you.

Hockey?!

ELLEN: Those kids will kill me.

I think I do feel a sick headache coming on.

Hey, we're up.


Annabel!

Do you know where you are?!

No. But if you hum a few bars, maybe I can pick it out.

The buffet is set up onshore.

But I thought that our clients and the investors would have more fun with the show itself by watching it from this float.

There's an overall picture of the property.

A good view of the shoreline.

And there's an excellent viewing position for the fireworks display and, of course, the aquacade.

I think we should've held out for the professional water-skiers.

I can assure you there's gonna be a top-notch show.

My daughter and her club have been rehearsing.

This is a big account.

You're sure these kids aren't in over their heads?

Mr. Joffert, I can assure you it's gonna be very, very, very good.

And, well, if I do say so myself, my daughter Annabel is the star of the show.

You really should see her.

I can hardly wait.

Excuse me.

Hello?

It's my wife.

Hi, honey.

Well, if you fired her, you fired her.

I don't understand why you're worried about how upset your mother's gonna be.

Your mother lives in Dayton.

I could've told you she was a heavy drinker.

That's not her mother.

That's someone else.

Listen, honey, I'm busy now.

Mechanic, too?

The carpet cleaners?

And the drapery man?

Is the dog still there?

No, I know that's not funny, Ellen.

Now, look, I'll take care of everything later.

Honey, I got to go!

No, look, no.

I'll see you at the marina at 5:00.

Don't forget my clothes. Yeah, goodbye.

What do you think, Max?

At least there's no ring around the collar.

Okay.

Oh, great.

He's gonna kill me.

I quit!

I really quit.

ANNABEL: I'm with Mrs. Schmauss.

I don't do personal maiding either.

Everybody around here has had breakfast but me.

Rotten Ape Face! I'll clobber him!

All right, macaroni and cheese.

Breakfast at last.

What a morning.

I'm bored. Really bored.

Hmm. Bored.

I wonder if Boris is home.

Hey, Annabel. Now's your chance.

I can make a pitch for me when I'm not gorgeous.

I mean, when I am gorgeous and not me.

What'll I say? Let's see.

What's happening, man?

Hi, lover boy.

Hello, Boris?

This is Mrs. Andrews across the street.

I was wondering, could I borrow a cup of...

Sugar's too corny.

...kibble?

Kibble. K-l-B-B-L-E.

You know, the stuff dogs eat?

Yeah, cat kibble. That'll be fine, too.

When Max is hungry, he'll eat anything.

He's not a kibble quibbler. Not he.

So I wonder, could...

No.

Annabel's not home.

Terrific.

See you.

Oh, wow. He's coming over.

I can't let him see me like this.

I've got to find something devastating.

Sexy, slinky. Velvet maybe.

ELLEN: Door's open!

Come in, Boris!

I'll only be a moment, Boris.

Do make yourself extremely comfortable.

Shut up, Max!

ANNABEL: No, that'd be overdoing it.

Boris!

Oh, this is good of you.

Do come in. Come in.

Hi, Mrs. Andrews.

Far out!

"Catty Kibbles with horsemeat."

And a ten-cent coupon for a little flea collar.

I can only stay a minute. I got homework.

Oh, Boris. I'll treasure it for life.

I got to go.

Yum-yum. Oh, Boris, that's a dreadful cold you have.

Oh, no, no. Let me get you some vitamin "C."

You don't have to.

I'll put this away.

You don't have to.

In the jewelry box.

You know, Boris, this, I believe, is the first time you've had a chance, to see our lovely, lovely home!

It's simple but elegant!

Boris? Boris? Where are you?

Who lives in here?

My son, Ben.

With a canopy bed and a dollhouse?

With a canopy bed and a dollhouse.

He's a peculiar boy. He's liberated.

I'll say. He's also a slob.

Excuse me, Boris.

Boris, here. Vitamin "C."

Take two. They're chewable.

Thank you.

Hmm. They're good.

Delicious. Mmm, mmm.

I don't really have a cold. It's adenoids.

Or an allergy to my mother.

Anyway, it comes and goes.

It keeps me home from school.

Well...

Boris! You want to hang around outside for a while?

Being cooped up in here just gets me crazy.

Sure.

But aren't you dressed kinda funny to be hanging around?

You're right. I'm gonna put on some shoes.

You and your boy have the same size feet?

Yeah, I told you he's peculiar.

Okay.

Let's go.

...Which indirectly led United States intervention into what, class?

Korean Conflict.

Yes.

And that took place when, children?

In June or July of 1950 with the naval air and ground forces leading the way.

Precisely.

Didn't anyone else do their preparation for today?

Go on, Annabel.

ELLEN: Brownie points coming right up.

Well, in order to fully comprehend the Korean Conflict, it is necessary to review all the events.

Is that very hard to throw?

Not if you know how.

Want me to show you?

Mm-hmm.

Come here.

Okay.

Okay.

Excuse me.

Okay, you just swing your arm back.

Then bring it forward. Mm-hmm.

Swing it back. Mm-hmm.

Then you bring it forward.

Then you swing it back. Mmm...

Then you bring it...

Try it by yourself.

Okay.

Say, I bet you do great for a lady.

If you think I'd be good, you should show Annabel.

She'd be so good.

I'd rather show you.

ANNABEL: Not Mom. Me, dum-dum.

Actually, Boris, lately, Annabel is completely changed.

She's no longer the same person who cut your head open with a tin shovel in the playground five years ago.

Four. I've still got the scar.

Okay, four.

Anyway, if you'd seen her lately, you wouldn't recognize her.

Does she still have braces?

'Cause if she still has braces, I'd recognize her.

I mean, now Annabel is so nice.

She's nice-nice nice.

Well, I'm sure she is. Extremely nice.

But, Miss Andrews, to be perfectly frank, that's not saying much.

Boris, you turkey. I can't bear it.

Split!

It didn't turn around and come back.

Did it ever do that with you?!

No, I just got it today.

I never thrown it.

The responsibility fell on the Eisenhower administration.

ELLEN: "Open me"?

"Clam up and"...Hmm.

Very cute.

Go ahead, Annabel. You're doing just fine.

Responsibility fell on the Eisenhower administration, which was the first Republican administration in 20 years.

The most salient characteristic of the Eisenhower years was...

What's going on back there?!

I'm sorry, Miss Benson. I seem to have dropped a book.

I gotta get some books at the locker.

I'll meet you after class.

I have an even better idea.

Come on. I'll show you.

You're too much! I just can't believe it.

What's wrong?

One day you don't know about history.

Today you made us all look like dummies.

I don't understand, Virginia.

I was just doing what I was supposed to do.

What do you want me to do? Pretend I didn't know?

See you later, Annabel. Let's get out of here.

Bye-bye, Brains.

ELLEN: How do you win?!

One bunch thumps you if you don't do well.

The other bunch snubs you if you do!

Oh! What a zoo!

Sorry about that accident.

My fault. I just owe Mary Kay a hair drier and a window.

Yeah, well, anyway, thanks.

Okay.

It's really nice.

Maybe we should do it again.

I mean, we could play Monopoly, something.

Well, I'd like that. Yeah?

Most grown-ups don't want to play games.

They're always too busy or something.

But, then, you're not the same as most grown-ups.

ANNABEL: Go on. I love it.

You're...

Yeah? Well.

Did you notice my allergy is completely gone?

Yeah.

Maybe I'm allergic to my mother.

But I'm certainly not allergic to you.

In fact, I kinda wish I was 20 years older.

And I wish I were 20 years younger, or something like that, I guess.

Oh, well, see you, Boris.

And Mrs. Andrews? Hmm?

Well, you shouldn't blame yourself.

It's not your fault that Annabel's the way she is.

I mean, she's probably what they call a bad seed.

Oh!

I wish I was dead!

Team, listen up!

Listen up!

I don't have to tell you what this game means.

They're out to kill us!

I want you guys to get out there and hit 'em high! Hit 'em low!

ELLEN: I don't believe this. I've joined the Marines.

TOGETHER: Yeah!

Can we beat these cream puffs?

TOGETHER: Yeah!

Are we gonna beat 'em?

TOGETHER: Yeah!

Let's get out there and knock their blocks off!

Where's your team spirit, Annabel?

Never seen you so down before.

You haven't?

I guess I'm just a little nervous.

Don't be silly.

All you gotta do is make your usual zillion goals, and we got it made.

ELLEN: Oh, yeah? No problem.

COACH BETS Y: Andrews!

Uh-oh.

Andrews, why aren't you changed yet?

Get on the stick!

Sure, but which one's her locker?

Andrews, move, move, move!

My locker's stuck.

You'll just have to perform without me.

Perform without you?

What's with the big words?

Here!

Don't you ever take anything home to be washed?

Never!

Now, suit up and get out there on the double.

Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!

Shut up, you guys, and listen!

Now, remember our game plan.

Get the ball to Annabel!

If anybody's gonna win it for us, it's our tough, rock-'em, sock-'em, superjock Annabel Andrews!

Get your butts out there and kill, kill, kill!

Now, listen, girls.

I taught you to play fair, to play clean, and with good sportsmanship.

Still, the name of the game is winning.

And we can only win this one if you remember one thing.

Get Annabel Andrews and get her good!

Look, I'm gonna try my best today, but if anything should go wrong...

Well, why should it?

Well, I told you. I'm not the same person today.

So I've noticed. You have to snap out of it.

This is a real important game.

I'll try.

But I mean it. I'm not the same person.

Forward in the "centa"!

Center.

Oh!

Hey, that's you.

Go get 'em, Annabel.

ELLEN: I played this once in eighth grade.

Ready to bully!

Bully!

Come on, let's go!

Ow! Ow! Oh!

Don't worry. I'm all right. Don't worry about me.

Go get it!

How come you didn't bring the car?

How come I didn't bring the car?

Quit griping, will you?

I thought we could use the exercise.

We'll never make it home for lunch.

Sit here. It just happens I brought lunch with me.

It's a pickup lunch. Pick up anything you want.

Throw the rest back in the bag.

Gin? Aaah!

That's the wrong bag, honey.

No lamb chops, baked potato, and string beans?

Not unless you want to cook it yourself.

I fired Mrs. Schmauss.

Yahoo!

You didn't like her either.

Like her? Mom, I hate her!

She talks cross and smells funny.

But mostly I hate her because she says Annabel's a spoiled brat and a pig.

I heard that once today. I don't have to hear it again.

Besides, does it make sense?

You hate Mrs. Schmauss because Mrs. Schmauss hates Annabel.

But Annabel hates you.

By rights, the person you should hate is Annabel.

I know.

I try, but I just can't.

Why not?

Well, for one thing.

Let's see. She gets neat ideas.

Like the time we filled up balloons with water and threw them out the window.

Oh, that was really neat.

Want to tell Mommy some other neat things Annabel thinks up?

There's Billy and John! Can I go play with them?

Sure. Thanks.

ANNABEL: He's not as finky as I thought.

Don't just lie there, Annabel!

Get up and hit 'em back!

We're gonna lose if she don't get off her duff.

Time-out. Time-out.

I gotta tie my shoelaces, here.

No, hold on!

Who did that?

You're gonna get it this time.

Foul!

Yes, definitely a foul. Questionable.

ELLEN: Two years and $2, 000 to get these teeth straightened, and they want to knock them out in one afternoon.

I quit!

Annabel, come on back!

Annabel, where are you going?

The game's not over.

The score is tied. We can still win.

Where are you going, Annabel? Can't you take it?

She's probably changing from blue to yellow.

Annabel, yellow?

Sloppy, yes.

Yellow, never!

All right, give me that broomstick, and get out of my way!

We're gonna win this game!

I got this!

I got it!

Ahh!

BOYS: Yeah!

Wow!

BO Y: No way!


Yay!


You're out!

What do you mean, I'm out?

You're out! No, I'm not.

I was safe. You're out!

What do you mean, I'm out?

Go take a walk!

Okay. Mmm!


Strike three! You're outta there!


Whoo!

All right!

No, no. That's the wrong goal!

Come back, Annabel!

Don't do this to me!

Hey, way to go, Annabel!

Good move!

No, Annabel. No! No!

No! No! No!

Oh!

Time!

Winning goal by blue captain, Annabel Andrews!

Final score.

Reds, eight. Blues, Seven!

Where did I go wrong?

I know it's hard for you to remember.

I'm Jo-Jo, and you're Annabel.

And we both play for the same team.

ELLEN: Oh, good grief. I've goofed again.

Boy, Mom, that was terrific.

That's even better than Annabel. She's a super ballplayer.

Really?

And she's beautiful. She's what?

I think she's beautiful. And I love her braces.

I hope when I get that old, I'll have braces, too.

With your luck, you won't need braces.

That's what I'm afraid of.

Then Annabel's gonna hate me more than she does now.

Well, why does she hate me so much?

Because there's nothing more annoying than a little blue-eyed saint with perfect teeth who's always on time, never has a messy room.

Do you hate me, too?

Don't be a jackass.

I'm trying to tell you why Annabel hates you.

But I can't help those things.

I can't help what I look like.

And about being neat. I can't help that, either.

Listen, if I thought she'd like me better, I'd be messy.

I've even tried being messy.

Once I took all my piled-up blocks and the books on the shelves and the big bag of marbles and the LEGOs and threw them so Annabel wouldn't be the only one getting in trouble.

That stinky old Mrs. Schmauss said I was too young to know any better and picked everything up.

So no matter what I do, Annabel keeps on hating me.

Well, why don't you hate her back?

That's a good idea.

I told you before.

I tried.

But you can't hate someone and love them.

Can you, Mom?

No, I didn't use to think so.

ANNABEL: But maybe you can.

Now blow.

Feel better now? Uh-huh.

Come on, let's go home.

Honey, where have you been?!

Never mind. We've got problems.

That rat-fink Mary Kay. She called you?

Told you about the boomerang through the window, did she?

I've got a real problem.

Will you listen for half a minute?

We have no buffet for the marina tonight.

Mrs. White thought Mrs. Matthews was gonna handle this.

Mrs. Matthews thought Mrs. White was gonna handle this.

Who's gonna handle it?

You are! Me?!

There's only gonna be 25 people.

I've already told them what a great cook you are.

No! But I... Honey.

You got three whole hours.

Thanks, love. Goodbye.

Whew!

Bah!

Male chauvinist pig.

Mommy, why did you call Daddy a male chauvinist pig just now?

Because that's what he is.

But what is one?

A male chauvinist pig is a husband who spends three months taking bows for a shindig he's gonna throw, and he gives his wife three hours to save his skin.

Oh.

Yes, Mr. Andrews?

ELLEN: Uh-oh.

Where did she come from?

Uh-huh.

Oh, could you hold on a minute, please?

May I help you?

Could you tell Mr. Andrews that his daughter would like to see him?

Mr. Andrews?

Your daughter is here.

Fine.

Would you walk this way, please?

You've got to be kidding.

You're the new secretary, I suppose.

Enjoying your work?

Oh, very much.

How is Mr. Andrews to work for?

Oh, he's just a doll.

We get along.

He's pleasant and very professional.

I can't complain.

I can.

You know, Miss...

Gibbons.

Miss Gibbons, yes.

My father is an extremely devoted family man.

Extremely devoted.

Oh, I know he is.

He talks about you and your mother all the time.

She must be a lovely person.

Darn tootin'. She's quite a doll, also.

Dangerous lady to lock horns with, if you know what I mean.

Hi. Huh?

Oh, hi, Honey. What brings you here?

Oh, nothing much.

Why didn't you tell Mom about your secretary?

What's there to tell?

But, darling, you always used to tell me.

Too late, Miss Gibbons. I've already seen your action.

Mr. Andrews, you wanted to sign this as soon as it was ready.

Thanks.

Lucille, you're not going somewhere?

Oh, no.

It's just a bit chilly in here, don't you think?

Oh, yeah.

Hadn't noticed.

Thank you.

Mm-hmm.

Now, what can I do for you?

Look at me. Aren't I revolting?

You look like a typical teenager to me.

And I think it's time for a change.

You came to ask me that?

Well, no, not exactly.

You know, I'm getting my braces off this afternoon.

I thought I'd get my hair done and my nails.

What's left of them.

You don't need my permission for that.

Oh, I know.

But I thought I'd go out and get some new clothes to go with the new me.

I wondered if I could borrow your credit cards with a note of authorization.

I think we can do that.

Miss Gibbons can take care of it.

I'll bet she can.

I think I hate Miss Gibbons.

Yes, Mr. Andrews?

Yeah.

Would you take a short note, please?

Yes, sir?

To whom it may concern.

"To whom it may concern."

Please allow my daughter, Annabel Andrews, whose signature appears below, to use my credit cards, et cetera, et cetera.

Sincerely yours. Got that?

Certainly.

Have it ready for you in a jiffy.

Ugly-looking thing, isn't she?

I'll tell you the truth. I've seen her look better.

She's got a lot on her mind.

She better not have.

Such as?

Husband's out of a job, sick kid, and a difficult mother-in-law.

Annabel, I don't have time to spend on this.

Anything else I can do?

No, nothing. This is fine.

Yeah. Thanks a lot, Dad.

Ellen Andrews, you are a conniving, suspicious old bat.

Thanks a lot, Daddy.

Okay. Preheat oven to 325.

How do you do that?

Turn it to preheat, stupido. Sweetie.

Preheat on our stove is when the oven and the broiler are on.

It gets hot faster.

Oh.

For a 20-pound bird, that will take 61/2 hours.

Do we have time?

Only if you double everything. Turn it up full blast.

Answer that, will you?

Hello?

Hang on. It's for you.

Can't you see I'm up to my armpits in gunk?

Who is it? What do they want?

Who are you, and what do you want?

Okay, I'll tell her.

That was the principal's office.

He says you're 15 minutes late for the conference with him.

Mr. Dilk?

What does he want?

Wow!

What does he want?!

Oh!

Male chauvinist pig!

Mr. Dilk, too?

No, still your father for getting me into this mess.

Who are you calling?

Hello, Boris?

This is Mrs. Andrews.

How would you like to babysit a small boy and a turkey?

Let's see, what else can I tell you?

The bird's in the oven.

Just don't touch it, whatever you do.

And, Boris, you don't say you could whip up a dessert for about 25?

Oh, you know, Jell-O, something like that.

I made a chocolate mousse once.

Do that again.

He's gonna cook?

Isn't that sort of a sissy thing to do?

Look who's talking.

The kid with the canopy bed and the dollhouse.

I don't have a... Your nose is runny!

I wouldn't mention that.

He's sensitive on the subject.

I can imagine.

Everything fine?

Okay, I'm off and running, kids.

Don't worry. We'll be all right.

Got your car keys? Car keys?

For the car, you mean?

Oh, no. No, no, no.

In the state I'm in, I'd probably kill myself if I drove.

I can take the bus.

I've got bus fare.

I'll put this on in the bus.


Annabel! Where have you been?!

We've been looking all over!

I got some new clothes.

Come on. We have to hurry.

Come on, Annabel! Hurry up!

Why didn't you tell us where you were going?

You look different.

Your dad's gonna be mad.

Let's get this hearse moving.

How could you come up with a grade like that?

Doesn't she talk up in class?

All the time.

Doesn't that add up to something?

It does. 37.

But Annabel has an extraordinary I.Q., and her verbal aptitude is higher than a college freshman.

Nobody ever told me that.

Why didn't you tell me that?

ANNABEL: I'm really a whiz?

I admire and love your little girl.

She's the child every teacher dreams of discovering in her classroom.

When you finally do and can't get through to her at all, then you have to face the fact that perhaps I am the failure.

And that Annabel, in more capable hands, would learn to implement the gifts that God gave her.

But I don't have that ability, I guess.

And it just breaks my heart.

Come now, Miss McGuirk. Don't cry.

It's not your fault.

She's sometimes a bit of a flaky chick, that's all.

This is your daughter we're discussing.

Yes, I know.

She's suddenly changed from a model student to a flaky chick.

Yes, flaky. That's it.

There has to be a reason for her behavior.

A variation in her environment?

The emergence of a heretofore suppressed sibling rivalry?

Will you run that by me in plain English, please?

Does your family favor your son over your daughter?

Ape Face? No, he's just a kid.

Well, she's obviously rebelling at something.

I think she just wants to do her own thing, that's it.

Naturally, that's the normal teenage...

Could it possibly be you?

Are you an attentive mother?

Too darned attentive, I'd say.

Are you understanding?

Never.

Overdemanding?

You bet.

ANNABEL: Hey, this is fun!

With all due respect, Mrs. Andrews, do you consider yourself an able parent?

Yeah.

I'm not number one on the charts, but I'd say I'm in the top ten.

You are loving to your daughter, aren't you?

Of course I am. What kind of question is that?

That's a dumb question.

Yeah, what kind of a dumb question is that?

This is going to be a little more difficult than I...

Tell me, is there trouble between you and your husband?

Now, hold on, Charlie!

Charles, please.

Charles, this is getting out of hand.

We're here to talk about grades, not my father.

Oh, ho ho! Mrs. Andrews. Did you hear what you said?

Yes, I called my husband my father.

Big deal!

Revealing, don't you think?

I think you have an awful lot of nerve prying into people's personal affairs.

Attaway to go, Mom.

We're interested in getting at the root of Annabel's problem.

She needs help.

And she's not the only one.

Besides, I think she just got that help.

Come Monday morning, you're going to see a brand-new Annabel.

We mustn't expect her to change just like that.

Stranger things have happened, McGuirk.

BEN: You think we ought to turn it off?

Sounds like it's gonna explode!

Your mother said not to touch it.

Now what happens?

The chocolate gets blended with the egg whites and brandy.

I'll do it!

No!

Turn it off!

Creep!

Oh, man! Now I gotta start all over again.

Sorry!

Hey, that's kinda good.

Boris, look!

Yeah, yeah, I see you're a mess.

Come on. You need a bath.

But, Boris...

Come on!

Hi, guys.

Ape Face. Ape Face.

It's nice to see you looking dirty.

Making mud pies?

Mousse pies. Yeah?

It blew up by mistake.

Blew up? You're joking.

The turkey's about to...

That's enough, Max.

Let the chocolate soldier go get washed up.

Ooh, great.

Come on, you two.

You clean up the walls. You clean up the body.

To the showers.

Go, go to the showers.

You to the kitchen.

What's that smell?

Oh, no.

Open a window, if you can find it.

Oh, my goodness. Oh, a vent.

I can't breathe.

Exploded mousse and burnt turkey!

Boris, how could you do this to me?

Sorry.

What now? Get myself together.

Just pretend.

Hello?

Yes?

Ellen, where are you?! Where's the food?!

Right here. It's all around me, actually.

Where's Annabel? I need her help now.

She's getting ready for the aquacade.

What? She's going to water-ski?

She'll be killed!

She's one of the best water-skiers in the state.

She may have been this morning, but she isn't now.

You've got to stop her, Bill.

Honey, you just let me handle this end of it, will you?

You get down here with that food!

Counting on you both.

But you're counting on the wrong both!

I want my Mommy!

It's all right.

Let's make this a creative enterprise.

Boris, let's start all over. Forget this thing.

We have some Catty Kibble left, some green noodles, Tabasco sauce.

We'll make a New Orleans casserole.

We'll sprinkle a little bread crumbs.

I think I have some olives. It'll be wonderful.

Parsley!

Let's get going, Boris.


Come on, Annabel. Get your skis on.

I'm not going through with it, Bill.

Don't start that. I've been bragging for weeks.

Don't let me down now.

I'm not the same person you think I am.

You sound just like your mother. Let's get into your skis.

You don't care whether I live or die.

We'll talk about that after the aquacade.

I'll help you. Come on, into the skis.

There we are.

First the foot.

Have we got everything?

Where's the turkey?!

You're gonna eat that thing?

You ever heard of smoked turkey? Go get it, tiger!

Listen, Boris. I haven't got much time.

There are a few kooky things you should know.

Try and understand. I need your help desperately.

You name it.

Well, to begin with, I know it's hard to believe, but I don't know how to drive.

You're right. I don't believe you.

Do you drive, Boris?

Kinda, but I don't got a license. I can get arrested.

It's better than getting killed. I can't drive.

I'm only 13 years old.

Oh, sure, and I'm only 38.

Please, Boris, don't you believe me?

I'm not my mother.

I'm Annabel Andrews in my mother's body.

You understand? Don't ask me how it happened.

You don't believe me, do you?!

I think you're crazy.

Boris, I can't argue that. Not in the very least.

I am a fruitcake.

But what kind of irresponsible person are you to let me, a fruitcake, drive a car?

I might get killed.

Don't you care?

Well, yeah, I care.

All right.

If you care, get into this car and drive me to the marina so I can save my Dad's neck and my Mommy's life.

I don't care that much.

Boris, buzz off.

Go ahead! Go away. Who needs you?

I got the turkey, Mom! Let's go!

Wait a minute! 'Cause I don't want to go to jail doesn't mean I don't want to help.

Creep, get in.

Onward and upward!


Listen, let me put it this way.

Number one, I'm not gonna make a fool out of myself, let alone break every bone.

Annabel, you can't do this to me.

My job may depend on this deal.

I'm sorry. But I just can't do it.

Okay, okay, I give up.

Here, sit down. We'll talk about it.

Here, hold this.

Hit it, Charlie!

I'm sorry, honey!

I had to do it!

ELLEN: Bill, you dirty louse!

Oh! Help!

Which way do I turn here, left? Right.

Right? No, left.

Left? Right.

Right? Left's that way.

Uh-oh.

Hey, I think we got company.

I wish I had my own body back!

Right body, wrong place!

Annabel, where'd you come from?

Where did Mom go? Don't ask me.

How'd you do that?

Could you do it again? I hope not.

Wait, wait, wait!

Andrews, isn't that your wife out there?

Yeah. What?

Yes, sir, yeah. I believe it is.

What is she doing out there?

What? Well...

It's a mother-and-daughter act, Jennings.

Yeah, that's it.

That's exactly it.

Where's the daughter?

Huh?

Hey, Annabel, what are you doing?

Why don't you stop before somebody gets killed?!

Mom needs us.

And if I'm here, she's worse off than we are.

I find that hard to believe.


Oh, oh, oh! Whoo-whoo, whoo-whoo!

Hey, what are you doing?

No!

Hey, where'd everybody go?

Coming through.

No, no, right.

No, the other way. No!

BORIS: Look out, Mister!

Look out, everybody!

Get your mitts off the wheel. Take this thing off my head.

They're getting closer! More of them!

Yeah, I see 'em.

Whoa, whoa!

Whatcha doing?

Wait a minute!

Hold it! No, no, no!

Why aren't you driving the boat?

She's amazing, Andrews.

Why didn't you tell us about her?

Well, I want it to be a surprise, sir.

Well, it sure is to me.

That makes two of us.

Three of us.

Huh? Huh?

Good show!

Would have been better at night.

Nonsense. You had it planned that way.

Yes, I did.

What's next? What's next?

Well, I think the next trick's out there somewhere in the water.


Road hog!

Neat wheelie, Mrs. Schmauss! Don't lose it!

Stop this thing! I want to get off!

Coming through, fellows!

Excuse me!

Pardon me!


Look out behind you!

Down! Down!

Oh, no! No! No!


Pardon me, young man. Whoa!

Can you help me, please?

Watch out, lady. What are you doing?

Let go of me!

C'est bizarre!


What?

What?

Huh? Hey, what? What?

Don't take your eyes off him, folks.

He's the daredevil of Bay City.

I believe you've got your sexes mixed up.

Beg pardon?

It's not a he.

It's not a he. She's my wife!

She's up in the air! She's on a kite!

She's so young!

Ellen!

Honey!

Don't "honey" me!

Hurry up. We're gonna miss the kiteflyer.

Look out!

Did you see that pile-up?

Really gross!

Uh-oh!

Yippee!

Stop!

Quick, Annabel. Put it in reverse!

Mrs. Andrews? Mom?

Come on, Mom! Oh, Annabel!

I thought you were gonna wipe out.

So did I.

It's nice to know you care, my darling.

It's nice to know I do.

Believe me, I do.

Oh, Mom, I really love you.

I love you, too, darling.

Hey, Mom, can I take driving lessons from Annabel?

Not on my street, you're not.

We'll see, Benji.

Right now, I'm so glad to be me again.

Hey, right on, Mom.

How do you like yourself?

I don't know.

Annabel, about your hair.

They only took off an inch and a half.

I bought you a new outfit. You don't have to wear it.

Your teeth. Don't you like your new teeth?

Not the way I look.

I was talking about the way I am.

I am so much smarter than I thought.

And so much dumber.

Oh, my darling, aren't we all?

Oh, Annabel.

Your family is a bunch of comedians.

That's one of the funniest shows I have ever seen.

Yeah. I guess it was, wasn't it?

You bet it was.

No way to top it. Right, Jennings?

I think we should have held out for professional...

That doesn't quite explain it for me, Ellen.

I don't quite understand how you got on the kite.

Darling, all's well that ends well.

Yeah, but that doesn't...

You look great, Annabel. Thanks.

Yeah, you're not the same way you used to be at all.

Is that good or bad?

Well, no. What I mean is, you're a completely different person.

Well, maybe not completely yet, but I'm working on it.

ELLEN: Stew, stew, stew.

You're being less than direct with me.

I'm a little worried about your mom.

She's acting kind of weird.

You don't think she's what they call a bad seed, do you?

Well, I think you'll be noticing some changes in her, too.

I like a more level-headed woman like you.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, I think I know what you mean, Boris.

Where are you guys all going?

We're gonna get some pizza.

Oh.

You want to go with us?

Me? Really, me?

Really. Come on.

Oh, man.

Ellen, what I saw you do today was impossible.

How can you sit there?

We're gonna go get some pizza. Anybody want any?

I can't get a straight answer.

Would you explain what happened today?

Please, will you?

Look, did I or did I not force you into the water?

Well, yes and no.

Great. You're just like your mother.

Thanks. Thanks.

Mom, Boris and I are gonna go to the beach tomorrow.

Can you drop us off?

Sure. That's very nice.

I could do it.

I've got to get started on my motorcycle campaign.

What am I gonna do while everyone is busy?

Tomorrow's Saturday. You ice-skate, right?

I hate ice-skating.

My feet get cold, and my ankles hurt.

When I was a boy, I used to love ice-skating.

You get all the fun stuff to do, Dad, like kiteflyers and ride motorcycles.

As long as we're comparing, I'd like to be in your shoes.

And I'd rather be you.

Bill, I wouldn't pursue this any further if I were you.

You would not want to change places with Ben, believe me.

Yeah, you don't want to change places with Dad over there.

Oh, yes, I do! Oh, yes, I do!

Help!