Fright Night (2011) Script

(THUNDER CRASHING)


ANNOUNCER ON TV: Defy reason. Defy everything you know.

(ANNOUNCER READING)

Welcome to Fright Night.

Onstage at the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas.

Welcome back.

In the northern Las Vegas suburb of Hillcrest Bluffs today, a woman leaving a grocery store says a man came up to her and tried to bite her.

He was scared off by the security guard.

If you've seen or witnessed anything similar...


(EXCLAIMS)

(WHIMPERS)


(BREATHING RAGGEDLY)

(GASPS)

(LOW GROWLING)

(EXCLAIMS)


(ENGINE STALLING)

Really? Really? I'm going to take you apart.

You watch me. Watch me take you apart.

You're done. You're done.

Nothing doing, huh?

This thing has got no ambition. It's got no huevos.

Doris, do you want some help with the trash?

Oh, I got it. Thanks.

All right. Good to see you, Char-Char. You're getting big.

Hey, kid. Don't leer at the neighbors.

She's the one that put the word on her butt.

I'm just reading it.

Is he ever going to move that dumpster?

Oh, Mom, come on. You got to get over it.

Attitude.

You've been stressed or something.

Amy?

Amy is good. Hasn't dumped me yet, so...

Getting what you want can be stressful.

Especially when you're not used to getting it. More to lose.

You reading those books again? The Power of Whatever-the-Hell?

Because they're definitely not working.

And neither is this bike.

Still tripping out over some guy's box.

It's an eyesore.

I'm trying to get people to move in, not join the legions leaving town.

I like that word. "Legions." Hello.

Can I get some help here?

(SIGHS) When the Perrys lived there... When the Perrys lived there, they were the greatest neighbors ever, but they moved.

I thought you were happy their house finally sold.

He's not digging a pool, so where did all this concrete come from?

That's a very good question.

Maybe you should spy on him some more and find out.

He's 13 feet from our house. That's not spying.

It's merely observing.

Hi, Mrs. Brewster. Hey, honey. Hi, girls.

Hi. Hi.

Oh, hey, Ed called again. Yeah?

I'm tired of making excuses for you, Charley.

If you don't want to talk to him, just tell him.

Kind of defeats the purpose.

(SIGHS)

Still can't get the bike started? No faith.

So you don't need a ride?

Amy!

Amy! Oh, my God.

Hey!

Charley? Yeah.

Guess what? What?

Guess what? We are on time. Oh, good.

You stress too much. No, I don't.

Yeah, you do. You do your worried thing.

What's my "worried thing"? Your worried thing.

I don't have a worried thing. I never make that face.

All the time.

Ladies. Dudes. Looking good.

Seriously? A mochaccino?

You can't ride with the girls any more. I mean, you let them brush your hair, My Pretty Pony?

Chuck's secure.

Nice, man. Nice kicks.

Puce. Fuck, yeah.

I have track after school. I'll see you later.

Hey, Amy, Amy.

About the prom. I was going to ask you. I just kind of figured it was a go.

You, me, ill-fitting tuxedo. The whole thing, you know?

No. Nobody goes to the dance in senior year.

Okay. Yeah, I knew that.

It's so not cool. I know.

Okay, bye. Bye.

(SIGHS)

Did you find a freaking genie lamp, man?

Make a sacrifice to the hot-ass gods? How do you get that?

Just game, man. (BEN SNICKERS)

Rock-solid game.

He doesn't even have a car. Seriously.

GRANADA: Ben Wegener? Here.

Nick Straley?

Nick?

Courtney Frank? Here.

Adam Johnson?

Adam?

Steve Danton? Here.

Matt Hofstetler? Yo.

Ellen Mclntosh? Here, Ms Granada.

Samuel Silverman?

Holy crap, man. How did you get that?

She's hard up, man.

Dude, I think Ed's going to talk to us.

Hey, can I get a minute?

Just the two of you? That's sweet!

Now he can school you in the ways of geek-douchery.

Nice. Don't you have some sluts to go fuck?

Actually, yeah, I do.

It's important, Brewster.

What's up, Ed?

You know Adam's missing, right?

What do you mean, Adam's missing?

I keep trying him. No texts, no phone calls, nothing.

I don't know if you were paying attention at roll call, but he's not the only one that's gone.

Kids aren't coming to school. That happens all the time.

What do you want me to do about it?

Just meet me at his house after school.

We'll check around and see if he's okay.

I can't. I'm sorry. I'm busy.

I don't think you understand what I'm telling you. Adam's gone.

Do we really have to do this here?

Wow. Am I supposed to not even speak to you any more?

Be quiet. Don't spaz out. "Don't spaz out."

You don't want me to spaz out? Oh, my God! It's so horrible!

Crossing the streams! Will high school as we know it cease to exist?

Okay. You want me to go tell your pals how well we really know each other?

The LEGO contests, the Farscape conventions, the costumes? Please stop.

Or how about that one time you took my Stretch Armstrong, so you could tie it around your balls and jerk off for an hour?

Stop. Then be my backup.

Okay, fine. Adam's after school.

Don't be late.

I'd really like Stretch back, by the way.

AMY: You know what I want for dinner?

You realize you're eating right now, right?

You just forced me to get you a smoothie so big that they named a planet after it.

It's true. I'm insatiable.

You are.

What was that for?

Nothing.

JANE: I'm so sorry to take up your time. I really appreciate your help.

Is my mom flirting?

Hey, Charley, I'm at Adam's house, and it's really weird, because you're not here.

Remember those videos of us back in the day?

Adam, you, and I dressed in tights?

You don't want your new pals seeing you in that, do you? All right.

(EXHALES)

JANE: So, not a pool? What's the work you're doing?

JERRY: Foundation problems. I had to rip up half the basement.

Oh, these houses were practically built overnight.

It never surprises me when they come apart.

This is the third time this thing has broken.

JERRY: Done. Just needed a new stem.

Jerry, this is my son, Charley, and his...

I don't know. Do we say "girlfriend"?

Hi, I'm Amy.

Hey, Jerry.

Nice to meet you.

(CLEARING THROAT) So, Jerry is our new neighbor at the Perry place.

And he's handy. No kidding.

I'm sorry about the mess, Charley.

I was just saying to your mom I'll have the dumpster gone tomorrow.

It doesn't bother me. My mom was...

Jerry does night construction on the Strip.

CHARLEY: Oh.

You play ball.

I'm always looking for a pickup game.

Yeah, no, I do. Definitely.

I do. It's more of a collector thing, the shoes.

He's obsessed. They sleep on sidewalks to get them.

I play, though. It takes a real man to wear puce.

I like them.

So, I'd invite you guys inside, but it's a mess.

I've been meaning to. Be neighborly.

A drink. Something.

(MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO)

(JERRY EXHALING)

Soon, okay?

Yeah, you bet. And thank you so much for the help.

It's the least I could do.

My God. Why did you blow him off?

A guy that good-looking still single? Bad bet. He is a player.

Nice, Mom, breaking it down.

I've had enough man troubles. I am not getting suckered again.

(CELL PHONE RINGS)

CHARLEY: Oh, wow.

I got to go.

What? I'll call you later. Okay?

Now? Dinner's on.

That's fine. I'll eat after. Charley!

Are you okay? Okay, see you, guys.

Dude, where the hell have you been?

You said after school. I meant right after. This is dusk.

Do you know what that means? No, I have no idea.

Let me consult my pocket dictionary. Nice.

Hello? Anybody home?

Nope.

(RINGING DOORBELL)

CHARLEY: This is nuts.

ED: I really hate to be the one to tell you this, but that guy, your neighbor, he's a vampire, man.

My neighbor? Next door? Yeah.

Jerry. I just met him.

Okay. Jerry.

That is a terrible vampire name. Jerry?

I didn't name him, man. I'm just reporting the facts.

Dude.

(WHISPERING) Hello?

Adam?

(STOMPING HEAVILY)

(SHUSHING)

Yo. It's Ed.

(EXCLAIMING)

Jesus. I feel stupid. It's a cardboard cut-out.

Nice.

They're not here, dude. It's not just them, okay? Listen to me.

I saw this thing on channel 13 where there was this lady who escaped an attacker that tried to bite her.

Why are you walking like that?

All right. Listen.

Adam and I graphed out all the attacks, all the disappearances.

Whole families, gone. That happens all the time.

Nobody lives in Vegas, they just pass through.

You live in Vegas.

That's you right there in the center, next to his house and Perry's old place.

His windows are completely blacked out.

Lots of people have blacked-out windows.

They work on the Strip at night, sleep during the day.

Which is why it's the perfect plan. It fits!

What? That Jerry's a Dracula?

No. Dracula is one specific vampire. I'm telling you...

Dude, I know what you're telling me. I'm making fun of you. I'm mocking you.

Awesome. You read way too much Twilight.

That's fiction. This is real.

He's a real monster, and he's not brooding, or lovesick, or noble.

He's the fucking shark from Jaws.

He kills, he feeds, and he doesn't stop until everybody around him is dead.

And I seriously am so angry you think I read Twilight.

(FAINT THUD)

Ed? Ed?

You haven't asked him in yet, have you?

Because obviously he can't get in without an invitation. I know you know that.

You're on drugs, dude. No, well... Yeah.

But I thought you'd take my word on this, man.

I have hard evidence at home.

Okay.

All right. Listen. We have to stake him in his nest, okay?

Me and you. But not now. It's too dark.

We should go during the day.

That's what I read on Peter Vincent's website.

The magician? Yeah.

The magician in the bandana and the leather pants and...

Yes. ...tattoos and...

Yes. He's the master of dark forces.

He studies vampire methodology. What else do you need?

Wow. Wow.

Can we just pretend for one minute that you're not a complete douchebag?

Evil, this was fun when we were eight.

Try 16. Whatever, man!

Point is I grew up. If you don't want to, that's fine, but don't get an attitude because I'd rather have a life than make shit up.

I get it. You're so cool, Brewster.

Go ahead and join your Clark High early peakers, and that includes your girlfriend. Shut up.

She's undeniably doable, yes, I will give you that, but we used to make fun of her and her friends.

She's a skank. We used to make fun... Shut up!

Adam's gone and you act like you don't give a shit!

What the fuck happened to you?

We were inseparable.

You know when my life started to get better?

When I stopped being friends with you.

(SNIFFS)

What a fucking asshole.

(EXCLAIMS)

Goddamn.

Why are you on my street, bro? Sorry. I'm really sorry about that.

You tracked your nerd juice all the way down it.

Really? Looks like I tracked some nerd juice on your face there.

Oh, yeah? Do I still got some? Still there?

Okay.

Just hit me. Really, I don't have time for this.

Seriously?

Jesus, I just gave you a fucking invitation to hit me.

You just gave me an invitation...

MARK: (EXCLAIMING) Oh!

(IN GRUFF VOICE) You better run, boy! I'm coming! You better run!

(LAUGHS)

Unbelievable.

Shit!

You back the fuck up! I'm armed! I know how to use this thing!

Hello! Please! Please, somebody let me in!

Someone's after me right now! Please!

Help me! God damn it!

Forget it, Jerry. No invitation. You can't get in.

Oh, shit.

Abandoned. I thought you did your homework.

You've been watching me.

I've been watching you. It seems fair.

(WHISTLING OMINOUSLY)

(SNIFFS)


Shit, shit.

That looked like it hurt.

(SCREAMS)

You bit off more than you can chew.

It's too late. I told people what you are. You've been made!

And you think anyone's actually going to believe you.

Don't play that crap, don't play that mind shit with me.

I'm serious. Try me!

Okay.

You say you're glad you're different.

Get back! How can you be in a place like this?

These people, even your best friend, you're nothing to him now. No.

You were born for this.

And you know it.

It's a gift.


Good on his word.

Kid Comeback!

Gladiator Man!

Squid Man!

ED: Come at me if you dare! CHARLEY: I dare!

ED: What can you do now, Squid Man?

(GROANING)

Hey, you. Is Charley up yet?

You try. My voice seems to be on some frequency he can't hear.

Charley!

The world is Kid Comeback's!

(LAUGHING EVILLY)

(CHARLEY ROARING)

ED: No, you're already dead. No, you're already dead.

Coming!

GRANADA: Eden Miller? Here.

Ed Lee?

Edward Lee?

Zach Taylor? Here.

Beth Tepper? Here.

(DOORBELL RINGING)

Charley!

Hey, Mrs. Lee. What a nice surprise. Come in.

Rick, Charley's here.

This looks great. Thank you.

Look at you, so handsome! No. You look great.

Ed said you really sprouted up. Look at you. How's it going?

Ed's going to be so sorry he missed you.

Oh, he's not here? No, he leaves early.

Do you mind if I run upstairs and... There's just a book that we need.

Of course. Make yourself at home.

Right up there. Nope, I remember.


(LAUGHS)

Oh, man.

ANNOUNCER: Peter Vincent. Welcome to Fright...

ED: Oh, Adam. Here he comes. You see? You see what I'm saying?

ADAM: He's a guy with a wheelbarrow. The horror.

ED: Don't be a dick. You know what I'm trying to prove.

There. That's his truck.

Fuck! Fuck me! Oh, he didn't look.

That's him right there, Adam. He does not show up on the video.

He is so nailed. So nailed.


Hey, guy. Hey.

Guy.

You could really do me a solid. What's that?

I got a girl on her way over for a beer, and I'm all out of beer.

It's... Sucks.

Set me up. I'll pay you back two times. A sixer for your mom and one for you.

What do you say? Yeah.

Yeah, let me do that.

Right now. I'll go right now and check what we got in the fridge.

Okay.

Cool. Just give me a second. Cool.

Let me just see what she's got.

Mom's kind of a...

Kind of a light domestic kind of a mother.

Nice kitchen.

Good cabinet work.

Thanks.

You cool with Budweiser?

Yeah, that works. Yeah.

Oh, shit. Can I help you with that?

No! No, no.

I got it.

I just... Yeah, I got it.

Sorry it's not a sixer.

This girl tonight, she's a handful.

You know?

Women who look a certain way, they...

(LAUGHS)

They need to be managed.

It's true.

Your dad ducked out on you?

Your mom, she didn't exactly say, but

there's a kind of neglect.

Gives off a scent.

You don't mind my saying, you got a lot on your shoulders for a kid.

The two of you, alone.

And your girl, Amy, she's ripe.

I bet there's a line of guys dying to pluck that. Your mom, too.

You don't see it. Maybe you do, but she's putting it out.

It's on you to look out for them.

You up for that, guy?

I think I can manage. Good.

Because there are a lot of bad people out there, Charley.

Everyone's got to look after his own business.

Thanks for the beers.

(LOCK CLICKS)

Hey.

Where have you been?

You told me to meet you here an hour ago.

Hello?

Hey, are you all right?

Are you all right? Everything good?

Yep.

Why shouldn't it be? No, it should.

Did you ever read this?

No. It's really good.

It's kind of sexy, actually, in like, frustrated, unconsummated sort of way.

Like us, you mean.

Mmm-hmm. Kind of makes it hotter.

Am I boring you? No, I'm just tired. Sorry.

Okay. That's all right. We can fix that.

Do you want to get under the covers?

Right now? Really?

Yeah, why not? We could just give it a go, and...

Please believe me, there is nothing I would rather be doing right now than getting under the covers with you.

Okay.

Charley, don't be nervous.

It's okay.

I'm not nervous, I'm cool. I'm good.

(DOORBELL RINGS)

Did you hear that?

DORIS: Sorry I'm late.

Doris. Oh, shit.

Shit.

What? He's hot, your neighbor's a stripper.

They were bound to find each other.

Go-go dancer.

No. You take away two tiny pieces of cloth, she is a stripper.

Rude.

Oh, shit! Oh, shit, he saw us!

Whoa! Maybe. It's not a big deal.

It's a huge deal, okay? Very big deal. He looked at us and he was pissed!

Okay, Charley, if you're not into this, can you just tell me?

Because you don't have to do me any favors.

Amy, I'm not doing you any favors. Of course I'm into this. Of course.

I don't trust that guy.

You're so stupid, Charley.

I'm going. Oh, come on. I'm sorry.

No, I'm going. I'm going to leave you to look out the window at the neighbors and have fun with your neighborhood watch thing!

(SIGHING)

(WOMAN SCREAMING)

Oh, shit.

OPERATOR: 911...

(CHATTER ON POLICE RADIO)

A woman screaming?

(LAUGHS) You bet she screamed.

(ALL LAUGHING)

"You bet I made her scream." Jeez.

Keep it down a bit. Sure, absolutely.

Unbelievable.


Come on. Come on.

There it is.


(WHISPERING) Doris?


Doris?

(TRUCK APPROACHING)


Shit.

(CLICK)


Fuck!

(SOFTLY) Doris?

Doris.

It's Charley.

Charley? Charley!

Oh, God! Get me out of here!

I am. I am. (SHUSHES)

Hurry!

(DOOR OPENING)

Shit! Shit!

Oh, no, he's coming back! He's coming back! No!

DORIS: No, please.

Please don't. Please.

No, please don't. Please don't.

(CRYING)


(SNIFFS)

(EXHALING)

Fuck!

Oh, God!

Good. I got you. I got you.

That's the first thing you wear for Joe when you get your new boobies.

I want to get breast implants, but my husband, he's more of an ass guy, and he's very happy with my boobies, with my minus-As.

(CHATTER ON TV CONTINUES)

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

(DORIS WHIMPERING)

(SHUSHING)


(WHIMPERS)

(CHATTER ON TV CONTINUES)


Thank you.

You'll be all right. You'll be all right.

(SCREAMS)

(LAUGHS)

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Hey, you're going to be late.

The hours you keep. It's like living with a vampire.

Mom...

That guy Jerry, next door.

Under no circumstances is he invited into our house, all right? He's dangerous.

I think I can handle myself. Mom, please, I'm serious.

Don't acknowledge him. Don't talk to him, and at night, please stay inside.

Why? Because he's dangerous?

I can't answer a million questions right now. Will you just trust me?

Charley, stop! I'm your mom, not some ridiculous woman.

I'm sorry, I can't do this right now. I can't answer a million things right now.

I don't understand. Charley!

Hey.

You weren't in class. What are you working on?

Porn.

(SIGHS)

Good. I thought it was something creepy.

You okay?

I should probably... Get back to your porn?

Yeah. Yeah, okay.


(PEOPLE WHOOPING)

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

Get back, demons!

(HISSES)

No!

Stop, stop, stop. Stop! Cut it!

(MUSIC STOPS)

Come on! What the fuck, people?

Fire. She's supposed to be on fire, not dribbling fucking smoke.

She keeps moving the squib.

Hey, I do not.

But Mr. Fireman here almost nearly burned off my extensions last time.

Bugger this. Look! Get me some professionals, all right?

CHARLEY: Mr. Vincent?

Mr. Vincent? Hi, I'm from the Vegas Sun.

We had an appointment today.

I don't think so. Speak to my guy.

No, we did. I'm doing that article, "Vampires: Separating Myth From Fact."

Do you want a quote?

That's a shit idea for an article.

Look, please...

(HISSING)

Please, I need your expertise and you're the man on this stuff, so...

I fucked her.

Filthy!

So, is this, what, your first assignment or something?

Yeah.

(LAUGHS)

I'm going to pop your cherry.

Ginger! Bring him upstairs. You got 10 minutes.

Wow! This is all his stuff?

He started collecting tarots and Ouijas. Gateway stuff.

Now scholars, they call him for answers.

Those books, the forgotten texts, the Agrippa. He's read them all.

No, don't touch anything. He's PMS-y today.

Sensitive little girl.

Over there, that's haunted antiques. Cursed stuff!

And that's Pete's honorary degree from LVSU.

But he got it off the Internet.

(EXCLAIMS) Fuck!

The one and only.

Midori me. Midori yourself, douchebag.

Fuck you! Asswipe.

Come on in. Come on.

It looks like pee, but I'm hooked.

Do you want some? I'm good, thank you.

No? Too much for you? Do you want a Shirley Temple?

Uh...

Sit down.

So, I'm the expert for your vampire thing?

They're all the rage.

Leather, it doesn't breathe.

Fucking rashes are fucking killing me.

(GROANING)

Shoot.

Right. Well...

Look, I know your show...

I know your show is an illusion.

Meaning bullshit?

Yeah, fair enough. But say I wanted to kill a vampire.

(LAUGHS)

Yeah, sorry. Go on. How would I go about doing that?

You want to know how to kill a vampire? Seriously?

Yeah, kill a vampire.

Well, let's think.

You got fire, beheading.

You can make him a big garlicky omelet.

Or go traditional. Stake through the heart. Bam!

Cool. So that stuff really works?

Well, maybe not the omelet.

How the fuck should I know?

I don't know. You have all this stuff, and you are "Peter Vincent: Vampire..."

I don't know. I'm not sure. I read books.

You think I'm hanging out with Dracula? And the Easter bunny? Fuck off.

(BURPS)

I'm sorry, but I have a personal interest in this.

I think one of them got my friend.

What? "One of them," meaning a vampire?

Yeah. Jerry. He lives next door to me.

Jerry? Jerry the vampire?

Do you think I don't know how this sounds?

Two days ago I would have laughed in my face, but it's really happening.

I am so far down the rabbit hole.

I was in his house, or his lair, or whatever, and I got these pictures.

If you just look at them. Okay. Get out.

No, please. You're a nut job. Ginger!

I'm not! I know what I saw.

No, you don't. Illusion, remember?

People see what they want to see. This is...

You don't collect this stuff. You don't have all this stuff if you don't believe, and I promise you, I can take you to him.

I can show you what you've been waiting for...

What, in Clark County, Nevada? (SHOUTING) Ginger!

That's a hotbed of supernatural activity.

It is, though. It's genius.

It's a transient population. People work all night, they sleep all day!

Get this loser out of my sight, please.

Stop! Whoa!

He got my friend already! I am not crazy.

I'm not. I don't want to know this shit.

Please, just look at these pictures.

Get the fuck out of my house!

Time to go, doll. Come on.

MARK: Dude, is that Charley? What the fuck is he doing?

BEN: It's paranoia.

Once I thought I was being chased by carrots with machetes.

I know! Whatever, man.

You guys are both ruining my high.

(TAPPING ON WINDOW)

Oh, shit! All right, ditch the weed. I'm cool.

Hey, guy. Yeah?

(JERRY TRANSFORMING)

Fuck... Oh, fuck.


Hey.

Hey. Hey.

The whole house looks like that show. Dark Shadows.

Yeah. It's a gag for Amy.

Long story.

(DOORBELL RINGING)

Don't, Mom, don't! Don't open it!

How did you get in here?

It was unlocked. Oh, my God.

Mom, please, I told you to lock the door!

Okay!

You are flipping out. You're acting all weird.

You're blowing everything off.

Is that a stake?

No. Maybe.

Look.

Even if you are losing it, you do not get to blow me off.

You don't go from something to nothing overnight.

You're not nothing to me, Charley, so whatever is happening, I would like you to talk to me, to tell me what is going on.

Oh, man. Amy, look...

(STUTTERING)

I need you to just forget about me, okay?

I'm not going to let you get hurt. I'm sorry.

What? How? How am I going to get hurt?

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Stay there. JANE: I got it.

No! Don't answer it. Please don't answer it.

This is ridiculous, Charley.

Jane, it's Jerry from next door.

Don't answer the door.

This is my house. I will answer the door if I want to.

But, Mom!

Jane, I need to talk to you.

Just hold on!

Now. Your son is harassing me.

Charley, what is going on? CHARLEY: Listen to me.

Whatever he says, he's going to try to slip...

JERRY: Jane, he broke into my house.

Is that true?

JERRY: I'd rather not take this to the authorities, but I will. I have no choice.

He's sick! He's deluded.

Please.

Go get the authorities!


Shit! JANE: What?

Wow. What is he doing?

I don't know, but whatever it is, it's not good.

We're all right as long as we stay inside because obviously he can't get in without an invitation.

Like a vampire. Yeah, really, like a vampire.

This is the joke for Amy, right?

I can't believe you got Jerry to go along with it.

Take this.

Okay.

Vampire protection.

I don't think this is funny.

Shit.

Hey.

What the fuck is he doing to my yard?


What's that?

(GAS HISSING)

(SCREAMING)

I don't need an invitation if there's no house.

Come on. Come on!

JANE: Get in! I'll drive.

Jesus Christ, Charley, what the hell is going on?

Mom, just go! Just gun it! Just go!

(ENGINE REWING)

Is everybody okay? Are you all right?

JANE: Nobody's hurt?

(AMY SCREAMING)

(SCREAMS)

Look out!

Are you all right? Amy, are you okay? You okay?

Jesus! Mom, keep driving!

JANE: What the hell is going on?

This is seriously not okay, Charley! Who the fuck is this guy?

Mom, I told you, he's a fucking vampire!

Enough with the vampires! Really!

Let's just calm down. I'm going to call the police.

I don't have any service. I do. No.

I hate the fucking desert! Now I have a psycho next door.

Oh, shit. Charley, is this him? Who is this?

Oh, man. Damn it.

AMY: Oh, my God. No.

Oh, my God. Oh, no.

AMY: God! What the fuck!

JANE: What is he doing?

AMY: Charley, he's coming around the side.

CHARLEY: Keep going. Keep going.

JANE: Jesus Christ.

AMY: Shit. Look out!

What does he want?

JANE: Oh, no. What do I do? CHARLEY: Hit him.

What? Hit him.

Mom, just hit him! Charley, no!

Just fucking hit him!

Don't stop. AMY: Holy shit!

CHARLEY: Just drive. Don't stop! AMY: Oh, my God.

Do you see him? No.

Did I kill him? Hopefully.

(METAL SCRAPING)

(UNDERCARRIAGE THUDDING)

Mom.

Oh, God.

(JANE AND AMY SCREAMING)

No! That's his fucked-up vampire hand. Now do you believe me?

Shit!

Keep driving, Mom!

(JERRY GROWLING)

Oh, my God!

Charley, fucking kick him!

Shit!

Get away from me!

Where is he? I don't know.

(GROANING)

JANE: Where is he? Where did he go? CHARLEY: Stay in the car.

What the hell do you think you're doing?

No! Stay in the car!

You stop in the middle of the road, you got a taillight out.

(GROWLING)

(MAN SCREAMING)

No, Charley!

CHARLEY: Hey!

Charley!

Hey.

Please go. It'll be all right. Go. Take her and go!

Amy, take her and go!

Catch you later.

I repel you with the power of Christ the Lord.

Do you? Really?

That's a mighty big cross you got there, Charley.

The question is, do you have faith?

Get back!

Not the cross. Not the cross, Charley.

Come here.

You ever get a stake in the chest, Charley?

I have. It hurts.

But they missed the heart.

It's right here, Charley.

Easy measurement.

You shouldn't have been so nosy.

(SCREECHING)

(GRUNTING AND SCREECHING)

Mom! Mrs. Brewster!

Her head.

You got her? Yeah.

Charley... Hang on!

(AMY SCREAMS)


Good show tonight, right, babycakes?

You were late again on "The Devil's Torture Chamber."

I have something for you. Look.

You were early again in the bedroom.

Fuck you!

I will fuck myself. Someone's got to do it.


AMY: We won't be up all night.

Honestly, it's really not a party.

Sit tight. We might have a few more questions for you.

Okay. Mom?

I love you. Bye.

They only asked a couple of questions. We should be okay.

I don't know. I think maybe you should've said something to the police.

Like what? "This vampire moved in, borrowed a six-pack of Bud, "ate a stripper and blew up our house because we wouldn't invite him inside."

Last time I called the cops, they nearly all went to Chili's together.

Okay.

This is my fault.

You didn't make any of it happen.

Ed came to me, and I turned my back on him.

How were you supposed to believe him?

I mean, he begged me.

I mean, he really...

And he was my best friend.

I know, but, Charley, people, they change.

Yeah, and I just changed into a dick.

I figured my dweeb past wasn't really going to be very popular with the ladies, so I...

Oh. Are you trying to say this is my fault?

I just really wanted you to like me, that's all.

Charley, I knew you were a dweeb.

Do you think I wanted some dude like Mark? Or Ben?

No.

I like you. Because you're different.

It didn't hurt that your skin cleared up.

Thanks.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

Hello? I can help you.

My place in one hour.

We're going to see the Peter Vincent?

It's underwhelming, believe me, but he's what we've got.

Mom's very religious.

I'll tell you what I know, but that's it.

Right?

Don't expect me to join your little Scooby gang. Sit down.

Whatever you got, I'll take it.

That insignia you showed me.

It's a species that originated in the Mediterranean.

They nest in the earth. And they kill slowly.

They keep their victims alive for days.

Snackers.

And they turn everyone? They change them into...

Yeah, I got it.

They're tribal by nature. He could be trying to turn them all.

Replenish his ranks.

How do we kill these guys? This tribe.

You two? You don't.

It's a strong breed. You're going to need an army.

(PHONE RINGING)

Hang on. Sorry. Sorry.

Hello! MAN: Mr. Vincent?

Yes! You have a delivery.

All right. Send him up.

Ginger, we've got a delivery!

(CHATTER ON TV)

I'm watching my programme! You get it!

You're TiVo-ing it, you lazy cow! Come on!

Shit. Douchebag.

Hi, doll.

EBay. I order things late at night when I've had a few cocktails...

So, yeah, some nice stuff.

Wait a minute. You get deliveries this late?

Yeah.

No. I don't know.

Oh, shit. No. You said that guy could come in. That's a...

An invitation, airhead.

Hey, Mr. Vincent, package for you.

Fuck!

(CELL PHONE RINGING) One second, guys. Business call.

Hello. Oh, yeah.

No, I'm looking at them right now. Yeah, come on up.

He's actually quite modern.

Jerry dispensed with all that "master" stuff.

Ed, if you have a problem, just keep it with me, okay?

Oh, do I got a problem. You let him get to me.

You let him turn me into this.

Stay away, demon.

Is that itsy-bitsy little sticky for me?

It's a crucifixion nail. It's lethal to you.

Yeah. That's old school. Nice!

You're going to have to get pretty close to use that thing, though.

(ED GROWLS)

(SCREAMING)

(LAUGHING) Oh, no, you don't.

Come on! Let's go!

(ED SCREAMING)

Holy shit!

You took my arm!

Are you enjoying your panic room, master of darkness?

God, you are such a pussy. I love it!

Come on!

AMY: Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Amy, listen to me.

There's more than one way out, and there's a million things to fight with.

We're going to be okay. All right?

Yeah. Trust me. Come on.

Come on!

Damn it.

ED: Give it up, Chuck.

If you hadn't turned out to be such a dick, I might have tricked you out.

We could have rocked this evil shit together!

Sign in, please.

Sign in, all right? Hey! I'm talking to you.

I need you to sign in. No exceptions...

ED: I expected more of a fight from you, Brewster.

Girl's made you lazy in the head.

Pussy will do that.

I can hear you breathing.

It's really fucking cool.

I can feel you.

I can taste you.

You're so...

(EXCLAIMING) Fuck!

Come on!

Not so fast, Chuck.

We got some catching up to do, my friend.

Amy, go. Amy, please go!

(LAUGHS)

It's just you and me now, buddy. Mano a mano.

Let's do this.

Nice weapon there, Squid Boy.

Ed...

Not going to do you much good, though, because I'm a goddamn killing machine.

(ED WHOOPS)

Come on. It's like you're not even trying.

(SCREAMS)


I'm so glad you're here.


Werewolves.

Vampires.

(SCREECHING)

(CRYING)

(LAUGHING PAINFULLY)

Bone is a motherfucker, Chuckles.

It's hard to cut.

Is this weird for you?

Because I'm feeling really homo right about now.

Fuck!

Bimbo's got some juice.

Jerry's here.

Do it, Charley.

Charley, do it now!

It's okay, Charley. It's okay.

Come on. I found the stairs. We have to go. Come on.

Come on.


Shit.

(LOUD MUSIC PLAYING)

Come on.

Wait. He can't kill us, not in here.

Really? Look around. Do you think any of these people are going to notice?

Oh, shit. Oh, God.

It's tequila mad T-shirts!

Amy! Charley!

Amy!

Charley!

Amy!

Now that is what I'm talking about!

Can you help me? Please?

Charley's going to come. He's gonna find me.

I'm counting on it.

You'll see. You just need a taste.

It could be like a dream.

CHARLEY: Amy!

How did you get in here? Listen, man! Listen to me!

He's dangerous. You have to help me. That guy's going to kill her.

Yeah, she looks to be liking it, then.

No, man. Listen, you don't understand!

Attagirl.

ID, then you can... I don't have ID! There's no time!

Amy! Amy!

Amy! No! No!

No! Amy!

(GASPS)

Shit! How did you get in here?

Security is a little lax since everybody got their throat torn out.

You, too? Has he turned you?

Check your monitor, man.

I don't know if Amy's alive or dead or turned, but he got her.

I'm going to end him, or he's going to end me.

That's how it's going to be, and you're gonna come with me.

Don't you understand this yet? There will be no fighting.

There will only be surviving.

Maybe. Really?

You think if you live and we all die, you'll be able to get us out of your head?

No, I know I won't. I never could after the first time.

So I told myself I made it up.

I was a kid. Figured it was easier to believe in monsters.

Made what up?

The vampire that killed my parents, but not me.

You think I collected all this stuff because it was bitching?

Come with me. We'll go in at dawn. He's got to rest some time.

The only reason I survived the last time is because I had the sense to hide.

If you want to be a dead hero, good for you. I'm out.

(SCOFFS)

You think I'm a coward. I'm not. I'm a realist.

So you just bail on people.

Hey, I get it. My dad was like that.

But I don't want to live till tomorrow if you're the kind of man I'm going to be.

Hang on. Wait.

Blessed by Saint Michael.

You kill your vampire with this, it's supposed to change his victims back.

Maybe you can still save your girlfriend.

If it's for real.

You got a plan?

There's no guarantee he'll be sleeping.

To stake him, you got to get close.

Torch him.

A vampire on fire is not thinking clearly.

If he's on fire, how do I get close enough to stake him?

Fuck.


I'm going to kill a vampire.

Good for you.


Amy! Amy!

Amy! Amy! AMY: Charley!

You all right? Hey. Yeah.

Hang on. I'm going to get you out. Hurry.

(SCREAMS)

Shit. Shit.

Amy! Amy?

Fuck! Sorry.

I guess I don't want to be a man like me, either.

Let's kill something.

Floor trap. I use them all the time.

What do you think is down there?

There's only one way to find out.

You're going down?

See that? Like a great date. You get me drunk, I'll try anything.


Peter. Peter.

Oh, shit. I may not be drunk enough for this.

After you.


AMY: Help!

You know this is a trap, right?

I'm counting on it.


Fuck!

She's all yours.

Look at you, all grown up.

Welcome to Fright Night,

for real!

Oh, fuck.

You've got your mother's eyes.

And your father's aim.

Better.

Fuck!

Amy!

Ow!

Really?

A pebble? That's it?

(RUSTLING)

Oh, shit.

Fuck!

You know you should have saved me, Charley.

There's still time. All right?

He's inside me now.

Fucking eBay!

I'll be the best you ever had.

The only you ever had.

Charley, we could be together forever.

(SCREECHES)

Shit!

You missed. I know.

(PETER GROANING)

(COCKING GUN)

(VAMPIRES SCREECHING)

How you holding up? Oh, fucking great.

Mark? You're dead now, asshole.

(SCATTING)

JERRY: What were you thinking, Charley?

That you were just going to walk in here with your little crossbow and put to bed 400 years of survival?

No, Charley. Not likely.

(SNIFFING)

You smell that?

It's your fear.

It's intoxicating.

It's a very specific scent, Charley.

(BURNING)

Amy's scent, now that was exquisite.

It's all gone now, Charley.

She's something, isn't she?

I have to thank you for bringing her to me.

Well, she makes me feel young again.

I'm smoking.

Yeah, you're turning.

You can't stay there forever, Charley.

The sun's got to go down, but we can wait.

That's rough.


Got a light?

That's your plan?

Actually, it's your plan.

Fuck.

(GROWLING)


Fuck you!

(SCREECHING)

Charley! In the heart!

(SCREECHING MANIACALLY)

(SCREAMING)

(GROANING)


Charley? Charley, come on.

Come on, Charley!

Charley, come on. Come on, come on.

Wake up. Wake up.

Come on, you little prick.

Charley!

Hey.

You okay?

Yeah.

Are you?

(CHUCKLES) Yeah, I'm all right.

PETER: You little shit.

Next time you're going to use my plan, give me a heads-up first.

(LAUGHS)

(PETER EXHALES)

That was a fucked-up night.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

Are you sure?

Yeah.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

(GROANS)

One second.

Hello?

It's me. Just checking in. What are you up to?

Nothing, nothing.

What are you doing? Just did a little shopping for the new house. Shopping? Nice.

Something actually just came up, and I have to go.

You okay?

Yeah, I'm good. Are you all right?

Yeah, monster free.

Good. Monster free is good. I'll talk to you later, okay?

Okay, bye.

If you're naked, I'm absolutely going to look.

Dude! Dude!

I know. Sorry. I left my phone.

I'm not looking. I promise. See?

I can't see a thing. All right. That's it. I'm out of here.

It's all yours. Don't do anything I wouldn't do.

That doesn't narrow it down.

There's, like, mini golf and sushi. Carry on!

Will you promise me, now we'll finally be alone?

I promise.

Promise? I promise, promise, promise.