Get Shorty (1995) Script

It's fucking cold outside.

That guy on the radio said it's going down to 34.

It's 34.

That's freezing, for chrissakes.

Yo, Chili. What? You spacing?

They're closing down the Granville.

You know, that theater down on Biscayne?

That guy owes Momo a couple G's.

I know. I was thinking maybe Momo should buy it.

I could run it. Show old Cagney movies.

Why would Momo want a theater that shows movies no one wants to see?

Outside of making it a porno house, he's not going to give a fuck.

I'm gonna go talk to this Chili.

Besides, you got a job. Yeah. Yeah.

How you doing, Ray?

Good. You?

Okay. Can you believe this weather?

Miami Beach, for chrissakes!

Chili Palmer.

It's chilly outside, and it's Chili inside.

It's a regular fucking chilifest.

How you doing?

Obviously much better than you, Chili.

That was a good one.

When you're done staring out the window...

I'll meet you back at the office.

Where's my coat? It's not one of these?

Do you see a black leather jacket... like Pacino wore in 'Serpico'?

'Cause if you don't, you owe me $379. See the sign?

I didn't come to Florida to freeze my ass off.

Find my coat or give me the $379 my ex-wife paid for it.

Wait a minute. Ray Bones took my coat?

No, he didn't take it. He borrowed it.

'Cause someone took his coat.

So Mr.Barboni tried this other coat. It fit him good.

That was my coat.

He was wearing it home. He's not gonna keep it.

My car keys are in that coat.

Mr.Barboni is a good customer. He works for Jimmy Capp.

I know who he works for. Where's your phone?

This way.

Are you sure it was Ray Bones that took the coat?

That's what the man said.

Tomorrow, I see on the TV weather, is going to be nice and warm.

You don't need the coat. This is it.

Hey, Chili. Get the coat. Just don't piss the guy off, okay?

Then we're gonna have to call Momo and straighten the whole thing out.

And Momo'll be pissed off for wasting his time. We don't need that, eh?

Don't worry. I'm not saying any more than I have to, if that.

Yeah, yeah. Just a minute.

What! Are you fucking nuts?

My nose! My nose!

Holy shit!

Somebody call 9-fucking-1-1!

Somebody call 9-fucking-1-1!

What do you want me to do? Go to war over a fucking coat?

You're lucky the guy didn't kill you.

The coat was a Christmas present, for chrissakes.

Listen to me, Jimmy.

You gotta do something about this guy. He's running amok.

He's got no fucking respect for none of us.

He's got no respect for you.

I don't got to do shit. Chili Palmer don't work for me.

He works for Momo up in Brooklyn.

As long as Momo's around, nothing happens to Chili.

Do you understand?

Over here.

We're here, Momo.

I hope you checked this place out good, 'cause I'm going in there alone... and I don't want no fucking surprises.

I checked everything, Momo.

Who is it?

It's Momo.

Get in here.


So you're trying to say you're never going to sleep again?

No, I said I'm never going to bed. There's a difference.

This article says that most people die in their beds.

As long as I stay out of bed, I'm safe.

What? That's the dumbest thing I ever heard of. Where you gonna sleep?

In my recliner. You know, the tan one in the TV room?

Or I'll go to a coffee shop, slide into a booth, pull my hat down.

How many people you know died in a coffee shop?

You cut straight hair in here or just fags?

Hey, Bones. That's quite a scar you got on your head.

Why don't you have these guys fit you with a rug, cover it up for you?

You two geezers take your game to the park.

This man is the man. You understand what I'm saying, motherfucker?

He's Mr.Bones, and you speak to Mr.Bones from now on.

You can do better than him, can't you?

Not these days. Not unless you speak Spanish.

You got a miss. Leo Devoe. He's six weeks over.

He's dead.

How do you know? Did he tell you?

Yeah, he told me that he was dead.


Yeah, he personally told me he got killed... in that getaway jet crash that happened a month ago.

Maybe he took out flight insurance. Check with his wife.

You check it out. It's your book now.

He owns some dry cleaning store over on Federal Highway.

Let me explain something to you. Momo is dead.

Which means everything he had now belongs to Jimmy Capp, including you.

Which also means that when I speak, I speak for Jimmy.

E.g., from now on, you start showing me the proper fucking respect.

E.g. means 'for example.'

I think you want to say 'i.e.'

Bullshit. It's short for 'ergo.' Ask your man.

To the best of my knowledge, e.g. means 'for example.'

E.g., i.e., fuck you! The point is: When I say, 'Jump...' you say, 'Okay!' Okay?

Yeah. Okay. All right.

You owe me the dry cleaner's 15 G's plus the juice... which is another...


Get it from his wife or out of your own pocket. I don't give a fuck.

But you never hand me a book with a miss.

We'll see you, Ray.

Go see the dry cleaner's wife. You got three days.

I told you not to piss him off.

Don't say another fucking word. All right?

I hate the dry cleaning business.

I hate being inside all day around all those machines.

Must be hot.

You have no idea how hot it is.

You know, Fay, I was wondering... did Leo have life insurance?

I don't know of any.

I trust you, Chili.

I think you're a decent type of man. Even if you are a crook.

Thank you. Thank you, Fay.

I wish he really was dead.

He's a son of a bitch.

That's him, all right. Called himself 'Larry De Mille.'

Hit on every showgirl in town.

Tell them he was the 'Martinizing King' of Miami. What a moron!

He's in LA.

Put him on a plane. He spanked one of my cocktail girls.

Leo spanked her?

Apparently... he invites her to the track to play the ponies with him.

She tells him what he can do with that. He gives her one on the tush.

My guess, he's by his lonesome at the track right now.

If you go to LA, this guy owes us 150 grand.

Sixty days over. Some movie producer.

Movie producer? Really?

Why not? Appreciate that, man.

You're gonna love this guy. Another fucking moron.

Harry Zimm.

Thanks a bunch.

Where is it? It's right there.

What is that? It's an Oldsmobile Silhouette.

I ordered a Cadillac.

That's the Cadillac of minivans.

Are you kidding me?

If you want, La Tijera Car Rental is right over there... but I think all they got is Rabbit convertibles.

I guess I'll take the Cadillac of minivans.


Goddamn it, wake up. Somebody's downstairs.

What's wrong?

Somebody's downstairs.

Be quiet. Listen.

I don't hear anything.

Right there.

That's the television.

When I came upstairs, you stayed downstairs to finish your drink.

I told you to turn off the television when you were through.

I also told you you could sleep in the maid's room.

I did that. I turned the television off with the remote thing... then I laid it on the floor.

You know what could've happened?

The dog came in, stepped on it and turned the TV back on.

I don't have a dog, Harry.

You don't?

What happened to Muffy?

Are you going down there, or do I go?

I'm going.


Anybody skimming the pool? It needs it.

I'm going, I'm going.

I'm going to the bathroom.

I'm going.

Are you on the information superhighway?

No, not yet.

Where I live, with all the premium services, I get 2,800 channels.

2,800 channels!

2,800. No kidding.

Harry Zimm.

Jesus Christ!

How you doing? I'm Chili Palmer.

Oh, Jesus. If I have a heart attack, I hope you know what to do.

Where you been, Harry?

Have we met? I don't recall.

We just did. I told you my name's Chili Palmer.

You're in pictures, right?

Did you think what would happen if I had a heart attack?

Look at me, Harry.

I am.

Keep looking at me. Right here.

That's what I'm doing.

You know Dick Allen? Mesa's Casino?

That's what this is. You're a collector for the fucking casino.

You come in here in the middle of the night...

I thought you were an actor auditioning, for chrissakes.

We'll see about this.

Operator, let me have Las Vegas--

Harry, let me give you some advice.

Don't act like a hard-on. You're standing in your undies.

You want to do sit and talk to me.

Harry, a marker is like a check.

I know what a marker is.

They don't want yours to bounce. That annoys them.

Your dear friend, Dick Allen... left messages on your machine, and you haven't called back.

So he asked me to look you up.

So I follow you here, and I see you in a window with a woman.

Looks like Karen Flores, the actress from 'Grotesque.'

You're not looking at me, Harry.

Why must I look at you? Because I want you to.

You're going to get rough?

I make good by tomorrow, or you'll break my legs?

Come on, Harry. Mesa's?

You tell Dick Allen...

I'll cover those markers in the next 60 days.

If he doesn't like it, that's his problem. The fucking prick.

So you want me to call you a cab?

You make movies?

I produce feature motion pictures. No TV.

You mentioned 'Grotesque' before?

That happens to be 'Grotesque, Part II' that Karen Flores was in.

She also starred in three of my 'Slime Creatures' releases.

You may have seen them.

I got an idea for a movie.

Leo, he would wear... plaid wool hats in Miami in the middle of summer.

He doesn't want anyone to think he's bald.

Say hello to Chili Palmer.

Chili, this is Karen Flores.

It's a pleasure to meet you.

How'd you get in the house?

He just told me an idea for a movie. It's not bad so far.

Sit down, have a drink. Tell Karen. See what she thinks.

Maybe you didn't hear me.

I came in the back door.

You broke in. It was open. Wasn't locked.

What if it were? Want to hear the idea?

It's about a dry cleaner that scams the airline out of 300 grand.

Tell her.

Well, it's simple.

Basically, it's about a guy who owes a shylock $15,000... and he's three weeks over on the vig.

The interest you have to pay.

I know.

Anyway, this dry cleaner-- Let's call him Leo.

He's scared. He doesn't know any better. He leaves town.

So Leo gets on a plane, but the plane sits there. Doesn't move.

They announce there's some kind of mechanical problem.

They'll be there maybe an hour... but keep your seats, in case they fix it sooner.

The guy's in no shape to sit there, sweat it out.

So he gets off the plane.

He goes to the cocktail lounge and starts throwing them down.

In fact, he's still in the lounge when the plane crashes on takeoff.

When the guy finds out it was his flight, he can't believe it.

If he had stayed on the plane, he'd be dead.

He knows his luck has changed.

If everybody thinks he's dead, he won't have to pay back the 15 or the vig.

Keep going. Come on.

Since Leo's name was on the passenger list... they bring his wife out to the airport.

They're going through personal effects, whatever wasn't burned up.

Leo's bags were on the plane. The wife tells them what to look for-- things that only she would know about.

My Leo!

A couple days go by. The airline people visit his wife.

They tell her they're sorry their plane exploded and offer her a settlement.

The amount based on what he would have earned for the rest of his life.

How much is she offered?

300 grand. So they take it. Money in their hand, babe.

He gets his wife to cash the check... and he takes off for Vegas with the dough.

He gets there. He's supposed to call her... to let her know when to come out.

She never hears from him again, but he's hot.

He runs the 300 grand up to half a million.

He comes to LA-- But he's going nuts... because he's winning, and he can't say who he is.

So we show in a back story his motivation, his desire to be famous.

He's got the dough to buy his way in... mix with the celebs, and he can't resist... so he comes to LA.

I don't know about the mixing with the celebrities.

That was something new that was just added.

But, yeah, he comes to LA and...

I don't know what happens after that.

What? That's it? That's your movie?

I said that I had an idea for a movie.

That's half a movie with holes in it.

There's maybe 40 minutes of screen time.

You don't have a girl, a female lead.

On top of that, you don't have anybody to sympathize with.

You don't have a good guy. The shylock is a good guy.

The shylock is barely mentioned... and it's not believable the wife would get a settlement that fast.

Harry doesn't realize it's a true story.

That Miami flight went down? It was on the news every day for a week.

Harry must've been busy.

That's where you got the idea? Part of it, yeah.

Wait a minute. You're not the guy? The dry cleaner?


You wouldn't be talking to me if you were.

No, I'm not the guy, Harry. But you work for the casino?

For God's sake, Harry, he's the shylock.

That's what you do for a living?

That's what I did until recently.

After I'm done here, I don't know what I'll do next.

I got an early call.

No problemo, babe. Go on up to bed.

I'm saying that I would like you and your new buddy out of my house.

Oh, yeah. Well, sure.

It was absolutely a pleasure to meet you, Karen.

I guess in your line of work there's times you have to get rough.

You know, in case one of your customers don't pay?

They always pay.

You pack a gun?

Not really.

You ever been arrested?

I've been picked up for loan-sharking and racketeering but never convicted.

No, I'm clean, Harry.


That covers a lot of ground, doesn't it?

Get to the point. You want me to do something for you.

That's us.

Good girl.

Don't say nothing.

Sit down and act like you're waiting for somebody to meet you.

What the fuck you talking about? Ain't nobody know me here.

Give me the fucking money. Sit down.

Now, be looking.

Man over to your right in the blue wool shirt. The other way.


That's a federal officer. Most likely DEA.

He moves his leg, you look for the bulge. Savvy bulge?

Good. That's his backup piece.

Try it without looking right at him. If you can.

What's your name? Yayo Portillo.

All right. You know he's there. Forget about him.

I'm gonna get up. Once I'm gone, sit in the seat I'm in.

You feel something under your ass. That's a key... to a locker where your half million is... along with some product we're returning.

Powder's been stepped on so many times, it's baby food.

You're supposed to give me the money yourself!

Try to be cool, Yahoo.

I told you where it is.

Do it how I told you, and have a safe trip home.

What'd you have for breakfast?

How come you weigh so much?

Did you have a burrito?

Give it to the nice lady. There you go.

Say thank you.

Thank you.

Like fucking clockwork, huh, Bear?

Hi, Bo!

Hey, Farrah. You ready to go for a ride, sweetie?

Told you to watch your mouth around my daughter.

These guys, my investors, they run a limo service.

They put some money in a few of my pictures.

Did okay. They're happy.

This was a few months ago when I was planning my next picture... about this band of killer circus freaks leaving bodies in their wake.

There's a 700-pound fat lady who has a way of seducing guys in her trailer.

Harry, look at me.

You're trying to tell me you fucked up without sounding stupid... and that's hard to do.

Let's talk about where you're at, okay?

You blew 200 grand of these limo guys' money... on a football game in Vegas, and you didn't tell them. Why?

They don't seem like they'd take it with any understanding.

They'd break my legs.

You got that on the brain. If you were so scared, why go to Vegas?

I needed a half-million dollars to buy a script.

A movie script?

Blockbuster but quality. No mutants or maniacs.

This is going to be my 'Driving Miss Daisy.'

Murray Saffrin, the guy who wrote it, did all my 'Grotesque' pictures.

Had it in his drawer for 20 years.

He shows it to me. Says he's got a major star interested.

Would I produce it? Which star?

Two-time Academy Award nominee, Martin Weir.

That's Martin Weir.

He played the mob guy turned snitch in 'Cyclone.'

One of his best parts.

His best was when he played the crippled gay guy that climbed Mount Whitney.

'Ride the Clouds.' Good picture.

That woman. She looks familiar. She's a rock star.

Every day, same time, they have breakfast.

He faces west, so he can see his billboard.

She faces east as an excuse to wear her shades.


Anyway, Murray has this shrink... who happens to be Martin's personal trainer's shrink.

Murray gives the shrink the script.

The shrink gives it to the trainer, who reads it to Martin.

Martin loves it. He flips. What's the problem?

The problem is Murray. Heart attack.

Doris, Murray's widow... finds out about the Martin Weir thing, and as Murray and I had no contract... she wants half a million for the script.

So you want me to put you with my dry cleaner... so he can invest in your movie?

That, or what if some tragic accident... were to befall the Widow Saffrin?

I'm not going to pop her, okay?

It was just a thought.

I'll meet with these limo guys-- tell them to leave you alone for a while.

Make the point so they understand.

You don't know these guys.

Believe me, Harry. I know them better than you do.

I once asked a literary agent what kind of writing paid best.

He said, 'Ransom notes.'

Ransom notes.

Here it is, 'Mr.Lovejoy.'

'Lovejoy sits behind the wheel watching a bar, getting his video camera--'

Is he following someone?

Read it. It's a grabber.

I think your investors are here.

Oh, Jesus.

All right, this is the plan.

I want the limo guys to sit in the chairs. Got that?

Keep the blinds open. I want the light in their eyes.

I'll sit at the desk. Don't introduce me.

Just start talking, and stand behind them as they sit.

You understand?

They'll be looking at you, but they don't know who you are.

They'll be saying, 'Who is this guy?'

But don't say anything. Do not tell them who I am.

I gotta say something. No, you don't.

Don't say more than you have to.

Unless it's like...

'Glad you assholes stopped by. Now I can straighten you out.'

You're kidding, right?

Just say the movie's been postponed a year but not why.

Whatever you do, don't mention 'Mr.Lovejoy.' Got that?

Let's go.

Hey, Ronnie. Hey, Harry. Hi.

Bo. Wow! What year is it?

Did we enter a time warp? I feel like I'm in Hollywood of yesteryear.

Have a seat.

This is my associate, Chili Palmer. He'll be working with me.

So there's no misunderstanding... in spite of the rumors you might have heard... your investment in 'Freaks' is solid as the day you signed... your participation agreement.

I can hear you, man, but where are you?

Right here.

What I've been wondering is, 'Where's he been?'

Where you been? We haven't heard from you lately.

New York. I was interviewing actors, scouting locations.

Main thing is 'Freaks' is going to be delayed a couple months.

A couple months? Yeah.

Just a couple months. We need more... prep.

Bullshit, man! We have an agreement with you.

We are going to do this picture.

I just have another project to do first.

One I promised this guy for years.

I want to see your books.

Show me a two with five zeros after it.

In black and white. I want to see your books.

I want to see your fucking bank statements.

Hey, Ronnie. Look at me.

You have a piece of a movie, not a piece of Harry.

If he wants to do another movie this year, that's how it's gonna be.

Excuse me, bro', but who the fuck are you?

I'm telling you how it is.

What is this other movie you're doing for us?

Let me show you. Let me answer this one.

Who am I talking to? Him or you?

You can talk to me.

That's what I thought. Let me put it this way.

Outside of 'Freaks,' it's none of your business what we do.

Here it is right here. This is the project. 'Mr.Lovejoy.'

I don't want you to think I'm putting something over on you.

'Mr.Loveboy.' What is it, a porno flick?

It's fluff. You wouldn't be interested in it.

You think we see your movies? I've seen better film on teeth.

It makes no difference to me which one our money's in.

Take our 20 points out of 'Freaks'... and put them in this 'Mr.Loverboy.'

No, I can't do that.

You're positive?

It's a different kind of deal. It's structured.

Okay. Then be good enough to hand us our money back... or you think about us coming in on this new deal. Let us know.

By Friday, or you're fucking dead as disco.

You hear me?

Take your time, Harry. We're not animals.

Are we, Ronnie?



Maybe I wasn't clear, but I thought I told you to keep your mouth shut.

I had to tell them something.

Never say anything unless you have to.

You asked me to get these guys off your back.

Next thing I know, you're saying, 'Have a piece of 'Mr.Lovejoy.''

I couldn't believe my ears.

I told them I'd think about it.

In this town, what does that mean? Nothing.

That's the difference between you and me, Harry.

I say what I mean. If I want something from someone, I ask them.

If I want Martin Weir, I go get Martin Weir.

I don't fuck around with his trainer's shrink.

Shrink's trainer.

Take me back to my car.

Tommo? Chili. Where you been?

I been calling all over for you.

Ray Bones is looking for you. Where the hell are you?

I'm in LA now. What are you doing out there?

Going into the movie business. I'm thinking about producing.

What the fuck do you know about making movies?

I don't think the producer has to know much.

I think you're full of shit.

I gotta go.

Call me when you know more about Ray Bones.

Hey, Chili-- Karen, how you doing?

What are you doing here?

I wanted to apologize for breaking in last night.

Let me get this straight.

You broke in again to apologize for breaking in before?

Your patio door was open.

You shouldn't do that. You got nice things in here.

Make sure you lock it on the way out.

Bad day?

I spent all day crawling out of a grave.

The director said I was incapable of reaching... the emotional core of the character.

What? Obviously he didn't see you in 'Bride of the Mutant.'

You saw that?

When you turn to the camera... and say to the alien mother that her time on Earth is finished...

Joan Crawford, on her best day, wished that she had had... in her day, the intensity you had in that scene.

That was a good scene. I mean, for a horror movie.

For any movie.

I'm better than what I've been doing... wearing fuck-me pumps and a tank top, waiting 'til it was time to scream.

But what a scream.

It's a real gift.

All I'm saying is it'd be nice to get the chance to say one great line.

Like in that great Bette Davis movie, 'Cabin in the Cotton'... where she walks up to the guy, gives him a look... and says, 'I'd kiss you, but I just washed my hair.'

Great line.

How come you don't do movies with Harry anymore?

Because I married the great Martin Weir. He was a full-time job.

Have you read Harry's new script?

He says it's the best thing he's ever read.

He must mean after 'Slime Creatures III.'

Was that why Harry came over last night?

To ask you to help him put Martin in a movie?

Harry's dreaming up a $40 million production he'll get off the ground... with a star he'll never sign, with or without my help.

He said Martin flipped over it.

Martin's known for his flipping.

He flips over a script, then before the deal, he flips out.

Why don't I go to Harry's office and get a copy of the script?

Read it yourself. See what you think.

Don't go out of your way.

No, it's nothing.

I better go talk to Leo, my runaway dry cleaner.

Right. See how your story ends.

That movie, 'Touch of Evil,' is playing near my hotel.

We could check it out if you want. Watch Charlton Heston be a Mexican.

That's all right. Another time.

See you around.

See you.

My name is Ray. I'm a friend of Chili Palmer's.

Have you spoken with Mr.Palmer since your husband blew up?

Once or twice.

What was it you talked about?

Nothing, really. This and that.

This and that?

I really want us to be friends.

And we know that friends don't hit each other unless they have to.

Let's start all over again... and you tell me exactly what the fuck is going on.


Good evening, sir.

And a very good evening to you, too, sir.

Thank you.


Look at me.

I never thought you'd be so dumb.

Leaving over 300 grand in the closet under a blanket.

But I guess you are.

I didn't know where else to keep it.

Where would you?

How about a bank?

They'd report it to the IRS.

Don't open an account. Put in it a safe-deposit box.

You dip in it whenever you want.

How'd you know I was here?

Here's another tip.

Next time you write your wife, don't use hotel stationery.

Fay told you about the money? She tell you my whole life story?

I'm here to save your ass.

How? By taking my money?

The money you won today is yours.

It's all mine!

Leo, sit down.

I don't know how you got this far. You're so fucking dumb.

You're through. I'm gonna explain why.

I hope you're not so dumb that you won't understand.

Ray Bones is the man you're dealing with now.

When he finds out what you did, he'll take everything... including the sporty little hat you got on your head.

Most likely he'll shoot you, so you won't tell on him.

I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna hurt you.

You've got $310,000 in the bag here.

I'll take the 300 you scammed from the airlines, and the 10 leftover...

I'll borrow from you and pay back at another time.


You take all my money, but you're borrowing part of it?

At 18%. Now, don't ask another fucking question. I'm leaving now.

You won't know where I am! I don't even know where I'll be!

I'll find you, Leo. You leave a trail like a fucking caterpillar.

Wait a minute. What's this 18%-a-year shit?

You want to borrow 10, the vig is 3 bills a week.

That's 15 for the vig plus the 10. That's 25 big ones!

You go the whole year, buddy!

You hear me!

This is good.

This 'Mr.Lovejoy.'

It needs a better ending, but yes, I can see why Harry wants to do it.

You understand. I knew Harry was lying, saying this wasn't any good... but holding on to it like you'd have to break his fingers to get it from him.

That's funny.

I was thinking what I'll have to break to get it away from you.

I'm explaining to you what I'm doing here in case you thought...

I came to rip off any of this dusty old shit that the man has.

I wouldn't make you out to be a burglar. Not in that outfit.

Harry called you his associate. What does that mean?

I never heard your name or read it in the 'Hollywood Reporter' or 'Variety.'

What he said. I'm his associate.

You must bring something heavy to the deal.

I do. Me.

It says here you're getting Martin Weir for the part of Lovejoy?

That's right. Martin.

Come on. How you gonna do that?

I'm gonna put a gun to his head and say...

'Sign the fucking papers, Martin, or you're dead.'

That's it.

I wonder, would that work?

You know who I see for the part of Al Roxy?

Harvey Keitel. Man could play it in his sleep.

He was pretty good in the movie 'Fingers.'

Missed it.

You know who else? Morgan Freeman. You know his work?

Morgan Freeman, yeah. But he's a colored guy.

So what?

Where's it say in the script the man's got to be white?

Color's what the part needs, man. Somebody to do it with some style.

What do you think of the script?

First thing that's got to go is the title.

The writer's name, Murray Saffrin, would be better than Lovejoy.

I'm with you on that one.

You know what I'm thinking?

Why don't you and I rewrite the script where it needs it?

You could write one?

There's nothing to it.

All you do, you get an idea. Set down what you want to say on paper.

Then you hire someone else to fill in the commas and shit... where they belong, if you're not positive yourself.

Maybe fix up the spelling where you have some tricky words.

Although I've seen some scripts I know the words weren't spelled right.

There were hardly any commas at all, so I don't think that's too important.

You get to the end. You write in, 'Fade out.' You're done.

That's it? That's all there is?

Then what the fuck do I need you for?

Because I'm offering my services on this one.

Tell you what.

If I need a ride sometime...

I'll let you know.

How could you arrest me here? This is my country.

This is where you're going to die.

That was no misfire! That was to turn you around...

'cause I don't want to shoot you in the back... unless you'd rather try to run from me.

Is she there? Did you bring my wife?

She's in the car. They've got it all on tape.

You sure you got enough? Play it back. You'll see.

How many did you frame?

You better give me that gun. Okay, here it is.

That's the second bullet I've stopped for you.

That's the second bullet I've stopped for you.

You're going down, Orson.

Isn't somebody going to come and take him away?

In a few minutes. You really liked him, didn't you?

The cop did.

The cop did. The one who killed him.

He loved him. He loved him.

He was a great detective.

But a lousy cop. And a lousy cop.

Is that all you have to say for him?

He was some kind of a man.

What does it matter what you say about people?

Good-bye, Tanya. Adios.


You've been here the whole time?

I just caught the end.

Welles didn't even want to do this movie.

He had some studio contract he couldn't get out of.

Sometimes you do your best work when you got a gun to your head.

I brought the script.

Harry left a copy at my house.

How'd you like it? It's not horrible.

I don't like the title, and I don't like some characters.

So you read it? Not yet, but I will.

You and Harry make a great team. Is that right?

I'll make a deal with him. You found a role you like?

I don't want to act in it. I want to produce it.

Especially if I help get Martin. That's fair.

Yeah. So, what do you get out of it?

Is that why you came? To ask me that?

I want to know.

Why would anyone want to be in the movies?

Yesterday you were a loan shark.

Yeah, but I was never that into it.

Especially this bullshit about having respect.

It's bad enough treating these guys like they're your heroes.

Smiling at stupid comments they think are so funny.

You think the movie business is any different?

Yeah, but I like movies.

If I help Harry, I'll find out what to do... outside of raising money and having an idea.

That doesn't sound so hard.

I was in the money business, and I have a lot of ideas floating in my head.

Listen, I'm going to talk to Martin tomorrow morning.

I told Harry I'd meet you and him at the Abiquiu restaurant afterwards.

This just might work out.

You never know.

It just might.


I spent eight hours at the airport looking at people's bulges.

I don't like that.

This is not the way we do business.

You do not know who you are messing with.

I don't want no fucking key. I want the money.

Yayo! You gonna smoke, get the hell off my $70-a-yard carpet.

I told you where the money is. All you got to do is go and get it.

No! Now I tell you something.

I go to the airport, open that locker and they bust me?

I tell them I come to get something for you. That's all I know.

That's all you know? That's all I know.

Wait here a minute, Yayo. I'll be back directly.

Keep an eye on Yahoo for me.

That's how you get things done.

What the fuck you gonna do with that?

I'm taking you out, Yahoo.

Did you see that? The way the man just went right over?

Maybe we could get Chili Palmer up here?

You could fix my railing to give way like in the movies.

I invite the man up here to look at my view.

Get him to lean over the railing...

Dumbest idea I ever heard.

Here's the thing, Bear.

I want to produce movies.

What's the point of living in LA unless you're in the movie business?

And I mean high up in it.

That's why Harry's going to produce 'Mr.Lovejoy' with me... not Chili Palmer.

I can't believe this map is accurate.

I bought it for ten bucks from a kid on Sunset.

You were supposed to meet me at the restaurant.

I know, but look. 'Martin Weir's house across from George Hamilton.'

That must be Geo-- Chili?


Jesus, it is you. It's Nicki now.

I don't believe this.

This is great. I know her.

Hi, Nicki. Karen.

Shit, I didn't see you there. How are you?

Come in, baby. You gotta come in. You gotta meet Martin.

Where've you been? What've you been doing?

Chili was the only one at Momo's didn't try to hit on me.

What a gentleman.

Do you like my hair? Black...

Nice, yeah. Especially under the arms.

Martin won't let me shave. Guess I fill some need.

Takes him back to the sixties or something.

Speak of the devil.

Karen, look at you.

You smell so good. She always smells so good.

Neat. Martin, this is Chili Palmer.

Chili, is it? Nice to meet you, Martin.

Chili's a gangster.

Ran a club I used to play at for another gangster back in Miami.

How is Momo these days? Dead.


Well, I'll let you get to your movie talk.

Chili, do not leave without saying good-bye to me.

See you.


You know how beautiful you are?

You really are beautiful.

I'm sitting here...

I'm looking at you, having memories of us.

Really? Yeah.

I'm wondering, how did it go wrong? How did it all slip away?

It didn't slip away. You did, by going off to fuck Nicki at my birthday party.

Yeah. That was a good party.

Marty, you were so good in 'The Cyclone.'


That was a beautiful role.

All I had to do was find the character's center... the stem I used to wind him up, and he'd play.

He'd just play. You had that down cold.

If I didn't know better, I'd have thought you was a made guy.

Thank you. I mean, no acting there.

And the fink part. Oh, man. Jesus Christ!

I never met a fink, and I hope I never do... but the way you played a fink, that's how it's gotta be, right?


Two weeks before we started shooting...

I went back to Bensonhurst just to hear you guys talk.

I'm Italian, but I grew up in Tarzana.

I wanted to get the rhythms of your speech, you know?

We speak differently?

It's more your attitude. Your tone.

Your speech patterns show a certain confidence in yourselves... in your opinions, your indifference to conventional views.

It's like--

We don't give a shit.

Kind of, yeah.

Anyway, once I get the authentic sounds of speech... the rhythms, the patois, you know...

I can actually get into their heads and think the way those guys do.

Really? Yeah.

I'm one of those guys. What am I thinking?

Don't get me wrong.

An actual metamorphosis doesn't take place. That wouldn't be acting.

So you don't know what I'm thinking? No, but I'm curious.

You want to know what I'm thinking?

Yeah, if you want to tell me. I'm thinking about a movie.

One of mine?

No, one that we're producing.

With what? Wise guy money?

Maybe this wasn't a good idea.

No, no. I'm not connected to that anymore.

Not since I left loan-sharking in Miami.

The pressure got too much?

Pressure? I'm the one who applied the pressure.

Oh, yeah?

Can I ask a question? Yeah.

You're an actor. Actors like to pretend.

We've been known to make believe.

Pretend this. You're a shylock.

A guy owes you 15 grand, and he skips town.

He takes off. What do you do?

Oh, Martin, for chrissake.

Just... you know.

I'm doing Shylock, instead of a shylock.

Right. What's my motivation?

The acquisition of money. To collect.

To inflict pain if I have to.

Guy splits with 15 large of my money?

I'd go after him! What the hell you think I'd do?

Look at me. I am looking at you.

No, look at me the way I'm looking at you.

Put it in your eyes.

'You're mine, asshole.' Without saying it.

How about this?

What are you telling me? That you're sleepy?

That you want to go to bed?

Wait, wait.

Now you're squinting, like you need glasses.

What do you--

Look at me. What?

What I'm thinking is, 'You're mine.'

'I fucking own you.'

What I'm not doing is feeling one way or another about it.

You see, you're not a person to me.

You're an entry in my book. A guy who owes me money.

All right. How about this?

Not bad. Not bad.

No wonder you're Martin Weir. Oh, yeah.

That's what I think of you, asshole.


I believe it. I believe it.

I turn this on when I confront the guy?

You haven't found him yet because he split for Las Vegas.

How do I know that? His wife told you.

His wife told me. Okay.

Harry, how you doing?

Oh, hi. Great.

I'm expecting some people.

You must be doing some big deals, doing lunch in a place like this.

I'm working on a few things.

I hear you bagged Martin Weir for 'Mr.Lovejoy.'

This town. Word gets around, doesn't it?

Chili Palmer told me.

Last night, when he called me over to your office to talk about it.

Chili Palmer showed you my script?

Yeah. I was wondering why he'd do that.

So the wife sues the airline. This is some gutsy babe.

Good-looking too. Like Karen.

When do I meet up with the husband and give him the look?

That's not so simple.

There's a mob guy. Real hard-on. You owe him money.

He wants to take you out because you broke his nose and shot him.

Right, right. Go ahead. Keep going.

At this point, basically that's got to be it.

That's all you'll tell me?

Actually, Martin, the reason we came by... was to talk about 'Mr.Lovejoy.'

We understand you read the script. You loved it. You flipped.

Refresh my memory.

Listen, Harry. How'd you like to get your hands on $500,000?

You pay me back at your convenience with no interest.

Are you serious?

All I want in return is to work on this movie with you.

I've already got some strong ideas on how to fix it up.

Gentlemen, can I get you anything else?

Let's get another for Mr.Zimm. A double.

You're just going to give me 500 grand?

We'll talk about that, but first I gotta know... how'd you hook up with Chili Palmer?

'Mr.Lovejoy' was good. I'll call Buddy and set up a meeting.

Who's Buddy? Lufkin, his agent.

Karen knows him. But you are interested?

I'm intrigued. You know what might help?

Another look at 'The Cyclone.'

The way a visual fabric is maintained... while the metaphor plays on different levels.

Hey, Chili, is this your ride?

I like to sit up high. Check everything out.

It is the Cadillac of minivans.

Check this out.

Mind if I take it for a spin?

He was watching Letterman? Sneaky, that Chili Palmer.

Did he find the dry cleaner, the one with all that money?

Leo? I don't know.

I bet he did, but he ain't giving one penny of it to help you out.

Not the way I am.

Assuming I go along with this, when could I have the 500 grand?

Whenever you want.

The money's in a jock bag in $100 bills out at the airport... just waiting in a locker to be picked up.

At the airport?

It was waiting on a deal that didn't go through.

You don't want to know.

I don't know...

It's not the kind of thing you do, so I'm thinking.

Why not send your boy, Chili Palmer?

If he gets busted, hit on the head, you aren't out a thing.


Magic number.

I'm positive. It was Susan Hayward.

No, it was Rita Hayworth and Glenn Ford.

Excuse me, Harry.

Wait here.

I'd like you to meet my associate, Bear.

Movie stuntman, champion weight lifter, as you may have noticed.

Throws things out I don't want.

You ought to turn around and go back to Miami.

You're a stuntman?

Any good? Am I good?

That's not bad for a guy his size.

I'll make you a deal.

If you can get out of here before I take my coat off...

I won't clean up the floor with you and mess up your pretty costume.

You don't know me.

You only think you do.

That guy is a stuntman.

Yeah, he was in 'Creatures II.'

Rough business this movie business.

I may have to go back to loan-sharking to take a rest.

What're you still doing with those guys?

He happens to be loaning me $500,000. No strings.

I can write any kind of agreement I want.

Cash or check? Cash.

It happens to be sitting at the airport in a locker at this moment.

A locker at the airport. Jesus Christ, tell me you're not really that stupid.

You're being set up.

You cancelled that 'Freaks' deal. He's paying you back.

Is that right? He's setting me up?

Why did Catlett say I should send you to the airport to pick it up?

You haven't done a thing for me since you got involved... except show Bo Catlett my script.

You're right. You're not the one being set up.

At least Bo has invested in three of my movies.

We spoke with Martin.


Chili and me. Really?

He asked us to call Buddy, set up a meeting.

A meeting. You and Karen?

Guy's been in town two days... and already he thinks he's David O. fucking Selznick.

Okay, Mr. O. Selznick, should I make my deal with Bo... or are you going to talk to your dry cleaner, if you find him?

I found him, but forget about Leo's money.

Do you have it?

If I gave you Leo's money, you'd have Ray Bones all over your ass.

That's a new kind of trouble. Who?

Ray Barboni. He lives in Miami. He owns Leo now that Momo's dead.

Who the fuck is Momo? Where do you get these names?

I tell you what I'll do for you.

I'll go to the airport tomorrow morning when it's crowded.

I'll check it out. If there's no problem, I'll get the money.

But don't get your hopes up.

Maybe I should call this Ray Barboni character... and see if he wants to invest in my movie?

Don't waste your time. He's not a movie fan.

Give me the key.

Tell him he's gotta be out there by 5:00 in the morning.

Because the actor will only work one night, that's why.

I gotta go.


Who is it? Me.

Oh, fuck.

I heard that.

Hello, Doris.

Harry Zimm.

You look like a wet kiss.

Aren't you going to offer me whatever it is you taste like?

Come in, Doris.

My favorite color... putty.

I like it.

What do you want?

I miss Murray.

Yeah, I miss him too.

A hell of a good writer.

I should know. I discovered him, made him what he was.

What he was was a hack.

He couldn't get a job writing for anyone but you.

I'm being honest.

He was a lousy writer but a good husband.

I just didn't know until it was too late.

20/20 hindsight and all that. You know what they say.

I hate being alone.

The house is so quiet.

So lonely.

It needs... a man's touch.

Nice necklace, Doris.

I don't know how I feel about this.

You seem to feel fine about it.

I mean morally. You know, Murray was a friend.

Murray's dead.

Does this mean that... you'll reconsider our deal on 'Mr.Lovejoy'?

No, but now that you mention it...

I did talk to a gorgeous young executive at Paramount... who just happened to get his hands on the script.

What'd he say?

If Martin's interested, I can get half a million for it, easy.

Don't worry, Harry.

I'm still giving you until Friday.

How honorable of you.

You want me to go?

Just say so.

What the hell.


Fuck, fuck, fuck.


Ray Barboni?

Who is this?

Is this the guy they call Ray Bones?

It depends. Who is this?

Who is this?

This is the one telling you the way it is.

Okay, asshole? You want your 300 grand, or don't you?

What 300 grand are you talking about?

The 300 grand a guy named Leo Devoe scammed off an airline.

The 300 grand Chili Palmer now has in his possession.


Are you there?

I'm here. I just don't like this anonymous crap.

Either you're a big chickenshit, or you're not for real.

Trust me. I am very for real.

Then who are you?

I happen to work for Harry Zimm, okay?


Harry Zimm. The man happens to be a major Hollywood player.

Never heard of him.

Maybe because you've never been out of fucking Miami, dipshit.

Maybe you should get on a plane, come to LA, take a meeting with Mr.Zimm.

So this Zimm guy, is he asking for a finder's fee?

Is that what we're talking about?

Zimm don't ask for dick.

Zimm tells you the way it is, or else.

Or else what?

Or else use your fucking imagination!

Excuse me. Can you help me out?

I have a gift in here for my wife.

It's a surprise, and I was wondering if you could put this in locker C-17.

Ten bucks. Take you two minutes.

Yeah, okay.

You'll need some of this.

Make it quick. She's in the john.


Good man.

Let's go, boys.

Excuse me, sir.

Agent Curtis, Drug Enforcement.

These are Agents Dunbar and Morgan. Would you come with us, please?

What's going on?

Let's follow him and behave ourselves.

Mr.Barbone? Welcome to LA.

I'm Bobby, your driver. Did you have a good flight?

Yeah, but I hope you drive better than you fucking spell, jack-off.

The name is Barboni not Barbone, okay?

Want to go to the hotel first, Mr.Escobar?

I want to get my fucking money.

You live in Miami? That's right.

Why are you in Los Angeles?

I'm in movies. You're an investor?

No, I'm a producer. Got a card in this?

Not yet, I just got started. I'd like to know what this is all about.

I got a search warrant says I can strip-search you.

Pat him down.

Put your hands on the wall.

Spread your legs.

What are you doing at the airport?

Picking up my wife, but she wasn't on the plane.

If you live in Miami, why is your wife coming from Newark?

We had a fight. She left me. Went back to Brooklyn.

I called her and said, 'Why don't you come out west?

Maybe a change of scenery will get us back together.

She said okay, but evidently she changed her mind.

Wife a Lakers fan? I am.

I'm a fan of everything that's LA. I love it out here.

He's clean.

You can go.

What are you looking for?

A bomb?

Something that shouldn't be here.

Is that right?

Get an attendant to open the lockers. Maybe you'll find it.

I'll think about it.

I'd do that.

Then I'd get the right guy next time.

You ever want to go to the beach, here's the freeway you take.

Of course, on the weekend there's no traffic.

I'm from Miami fucking Beach, and you want to show me the ocean?

Does the sun ever shine in this town, or is this smog always around?

They say the smog's the reason we have such beautiful sunsets.

That's what they say?

What a bunch of fucking bullshit.

I don't know how I could have missed you in that shirt.

The same as the other one except a different colored hibiscus, right?

You didn't have the key on you?

You think I'd be standing here?

If you're gonna set someone up, and you want it to work... it's gotta be a surprise.

Spotted them?

Did it work in some movie that you got beat up in?

Got to ask you for that key back.

Wait. The setup didn't work, and you want the key back?

Bo said if you didn't open the locker, the deal's off.

You're serious?

This is how you guys do business? I'm surprised you're not dead.

There's no fucking way you'll get the key.

Unless you put a gun to my head. Then maybe we'll talk.

Move away from the fucking car.

I don't need a gun for you.

All right. Slow down.

Breathe through your mouth.


Bear, look at me.

Tell your boss I don't wanna see him again.

He made a deal with Harry, and a deal's a deal.

Got that? Okay, get up.

Why are you hanging around a guy like that?

You were in the movies. You were stuntman, right?

What's he ever done he can talk about?

You okay? Not too bad.

How about when you fell down the stairs?

Pulled my quadriceps.

How many movies you been in?

About 60.

No shit? No shit.

What were some of them?

You didn't see none of them.

Harry Zimm?

Who is it?

I'm the dipshit who's never been out of Miami.

Mr.Barboni, what a nice surprise. Good to see you.

Have a seat.

Right here.

Ray Bones.

Barboni, sorry.

They say the fucking smog is the fucking reason... you have such beautiful fucking sunsets.

What do you mean he faked them out?

He knew it was a setup, and he was ready for it.

Where's the money?

I guess it's still in the locker.

You guess? You mean you don't know?

I mean I don't care.

I really don't care.

I'll call you later.

Mr.Escobar, what a surprise. Welcome to LA.

Where's my nephew? You're who?

Yayo! Where is he?

I haven't seen Yayo.

He's my sister's kid. No father. Not too bright. I think he's a retard.

I only gave him the job as a favor to my sister. You understand.

Family. I know how that goes.

He comes up here with our product.

He's supposed to return with $500,000. He never shows up.

Meanwhile, my sister's going crazy. She calls all the time. She's worried.

Me? I just want to know what happened to my fucking money.

I gave the man his money and sent him on his way.

You gave him the money?

I gave him a key to a locker that had the money in it.

Why would you put the money in a locker?

There were a zillion DEA guys hanging around the terminal.

A zillion?

That's a lot.

Mr.Escobar, maybe your nephew panicked and took off.

Why're you talking to me this bullshit?

I think I have Ramon and Cesar staple your tongue to your chin!

What do you think?

I think you speak very good English, Mr.Escobar.

We're spending the weekend at the Universal Sheraton.

Take the tour. See the shark.

Check out that 'Miami Vice' action spectacular.


After, we're going to come back here... get my money.

And Yayo too.

His fucking nephew?

Go to the bank. Raid the limo account.

We got dick in the bank.

We dumped it all into Harry's movie.

I'm talking about you, Ray Barboni... owning a piece of a major motion picture.

How much of a piece is entirely up to you.

I'm saying you could invest part of the 300 grand... that Palmer owes you or all of it.

It's up to you.

Where's Chili Palmer? Where's Leo Devoe?

Where's my fucking money?

Ray, look at me.


Look at me.

Did you say look at you?

Look at me, Ray.

I'll tell you what, Harry.

Take a fucking look at this.

And have a peek at this.

You know, Harry, this... is the exact fucking thing I needed.

A little fucking exercise... after that long... fucking... plane ride.

You got a big problem, Harry.

Come on, Harry, don't pass out on me.

Look at me, Harry.

Where's my money?

Where's my money?

I'll ask you one more time... then I gotta shoot you, you don't tell me what I want.

Where's my money?

Your money?

Who the fuck are you?

I'm Ray Barboni, from Miami.

Like that's supposed to mean something?

The man you're standing on belongs to me and my partner, bro'.

This piece of shit owes me money. Get in line.

I don't like waiting in line.

Tough shit. This ain't Miami. You want something, you talk to me.

No, no, fuck you, fuckball.

LA is an open city, and I don't think I have to get permission... from nobody for nothing.


I just closed it.

You must be one of those quick-draw artists... because you got your gun stuck way down in your belt.

What do you got there? A wop nine?

Fucking Fiat of guns, always jamming at the wrong time.

Don't you puke on my shoes, Harry.

I want you to do me a favor.

I want you to take this gun... and put a pill in the bro' over there.

I know you're thinking, 'Why fucking shoot him? He's already dead.'

But you see, the police have these tests... tell you whether or not a guy fired a gun... and I was never here.

Understand, Harry? I was never here.

If you say I was...

I'll come back and throw you out the fucking window.

Knock it off, Harry. We haven't got a lot of time.

That's it.

That's it.

Not a worry in the world.

Your pool needs skimming.

Martin wants to have lunch tomorrow, if you can make it.

Depends on who pays.

Definitely not Martin. Movie stars never pick up the check.

They have no idea what things cost.

Most of them don't know their phone number or zip code.

I can't imagine the two of you together.

You don't like Martin much, do you?

No, I do. I do. I think he's--

I think he's short.

I know he's a good actor, but what was it exactly that you saw in him?

Martin was different then.

He wasn't a movie star.

Anyway, what about your story?

Thought of a title?

How about, 'Get Shorty?'

How about, 'Chili's Hollywood Adventure?'

That's a different story. I'm still working on that one.

I'm still getting the visual fabric together.

But I have added to it.

There's a girl in it now.


She looks a lot like you.

I think you could be an actor.

I know you're acting sometimes, but you don't show it.

You thought I was faking?

No, not then.

I mean in general.

You don't mean a movie star, right? You mean more like a character actor?

Well, whichever.

I could see myself in the parts a Robert DeNiro plays.

Maybe even an Al Pacino movie. I'm playing a real hard-on.

I can't see myself in a movie where 3 guys get left with a baby... and they act like 3 grown-up assholes, like they're all cute.

Chili, look at me.

Leave a message.

Hi, Karen, it's Doris.

You might want to come by Cedars tonight and visit Harry.

He's in the emergency room.

Let's go.

I stopped by his office... to see if he wanted to take me to Le Dome for dinner.

I saw Harry and some other man lying on the floor.

Good night, Todd. Good night, Louis.

Oh, man.

Jesus. Harry, my God.

He can't talk. He's full of Demerol.

What happened?

According to Todd-- Sergeant Randall-- a man named Ronnie came by Harry's office to collect on a debt.

He got rough, and Harry shot him.

You shot Ronnie?

Hello, hello. Okay, here we go.

Looks like Mr.Zimm has a broken jaw and some neck trauma... to go with these fractured hands.

Excuse us, folks.

Martin wanted to meet us for lunch tomorrow at the Ivy.

I'd cancel, but he's going to Cannes next week... so I really think maybe Chili and I should still go.

Who wants to take a crack at wiring Mr.Zimm's jaw?

Son of a bitch.

Hi, Bo!

Hey, Farrah.

Little honey bunny.

You wipe your feet before you came in?

That's my girl.

Keep Uncle Bo's carpet nice and white.

I been calling you, man. Where you been?

See the paper?

Yeah, I seen it. I don't believe it.

Says Harry shot Ronnie five times.

Four through the chest and one through his foot?

His foot, Jesus. Poor Ronnie.

Tonight, I got one for you that doesn't involve any heavy work.

Go take a look around Chili's hotel room.

I can't.

I gotta take Farrah over to her mother's in Costa Mesa... and that don't matter, 'cause I quit.

I don't work for you no more. I came to tell you... to your face, so we got no misunderstanding.

The Colombians are in LA, all upset about their money.

If that ain't enough, it turns out that Yo-Yo was Escobar's nephew.

That's your problem. You shot the guy.

Honey bunny. Come here. Come here, honey bunny.

Come see Uncle Bo.

You know Uncle Bo hates being alone.

In fact he hates it so much... he takes a fall, he's not going to fall by himself.

He'll plea-deal his way out.

Give up his ace stuntman, now one of the West's dope kings... if they go easy on the cat.

I hear in federal joints they let you spend an extra five minutes... with your daddy on Father's Day.

Let her go.

After this one, I'm out. You understand?

This is the last time we talk to each other.

Remember Harry's story about the dry cleaner Palmer was after-- the one who stole $300,000 from the airline?

What about him?

Tonight, look around Palmer's hotel room while I check out Karen's place.

See if he hasn't stashed it somewhere. Meet me back here at midnight.

What kind of food do they got at this Ivy place?

Continental, but it doesn't matter. Martin won't order from the menu.

Why not?

Movie stars can never order straight from the menu.

They have to think of something they have to have that isn't on the menu.

Why're you here? You're supposed to be in the hospital.

You look like you should be in one of your horror movies.

My project!

What did he say? My project.

Thattaboy, Killer!

Right this way.

You're a celebrity. Should've shot someone a long time ago.

Excuse me. How're you?

Good to see you. Great to see you.

Oh, my goodness.

Sweet face.

You look great.

Smell good too.

I hear you had quite an experience.

Anyway, I'm glad you're okay.

You know what else? I'm really glad you rejected me ten years ago... when I auditioned for Eddie Solomon, the pedophile clown in 'Birthday Boy.'

If I'd have gotten that part, I might have been typecast.

Have you guys ordered? I have something after this.

Can we order? Excuse me, can you--

Hi, what's your name? Stephanie.

Can you make me an egg white omelette but with shallots?

Shallots only slightly browned, very little olive oil.

And no salt.

Why don't you bring one for the table? We'll all pick on it.

I know, how about having those strawberry frappes?

The drink with the little strawberries. Bring two straws for Harry.

I think the romance angle in your story is critically important.

It shouldn't be just a hop in the sack for either of them.

They should fall deeply in love.

Which two?

Later, when their lives are in danger... and the mob guy is chasing them, it not only heightens the tension... but it adds a wistful element to their romance.

Mob guy?

I have to consider, as the mob guy... it's another man's wife I'm sleeping with.

And you have such morals.

Mob guy?

I have to run.

What I'd like to see is that... they begin to have misgivings about wanting the money.

This becomes a moral dilemma.

They rationalize taking it, but in the end, they can't.

What money?

The 300 large. What other money is there?

I know I shouldn't talk about it until I've read the script... but I have such a good feeling about this.

I am that shylock.

Look at me.

Not bad. You're getting it down.

It scares me how well I know this guy.

I could do this tomorrow, no further preparation.


You really should think about getting back into acting.

We could do something together.

I'll give it some heavy thought.

Take care of yourself.


Here, let me help you out. Go ahead.

Suck harder.

Wake up! Somebody's downstairs.

It's Harry.

How do you know?

He's doing the same thing you did. Playing 'Letterman' on TV.

That's not Dave. That's a movie.

You going down? I don't know.

You don't know?

I don't know. I'm going.

Karen, you got a gun? No!

Any kind of gun will do. No!

Sounds like 'Rio Bravo.'

Guess I'll take that drink now, Charlie.

I thought you would.

You want that gun? Pick it up.

I wish you would.

I need the money.

What money?

The 300 grand you got from a dry cleaner named Leo.

Let's me get this straight.

You break into Karen Flores' house... and you ask for 300 grand that doesn't belong to you.

Give me the money.

I can't believe how you guys do business out here.

I can't believe how fucked up your organization is.

How about I count to three and organize your brain all over the wall? One.

You're going to shoot me?

Just a second. Two. I can't believe this.

She can't talk right now.

That's a nice scream. They ought to give you more work.

All right, I'll get you the money, but it's not here.

I gotta go get it. Okay, fine.

In the meantime, I'll hold her for safekeeping.

Do you know Laurel Canyon? I'll find it.

8150 Wonderland Avenue. Right off Laurel.

I'll be there, Karen.

You get the money? No.

What is this? Plan B.

Make yourself comfortable.

She's a movie star! I don't care!

For chrissake.

Going to make a trade. For what?

The money. You get life for kidnapping.

Calm down. Life in prison!

You want me to calm down! Do not fade on me, Bear.

What, are you going to shoot me now?

Go ahead! Put me out of my misery!

Calm the hell down... unless you want to spend the rest of your life holding Farrah... in a room full of goddamned felons!


This is one of them houses you see hanging off the side of the cliff.

Where's Karen?

In my bathroom. Where's the money?

Let me see her. Go ahead.

You okay?

Guy's got a fucking pink toilet!

She's great. Give me the money.

First, I'm gonna settle something between you and me.

Now, I've been shot at before... once by accident, twice on purpose... and I'm still here.

I'm gonna be here as long as I want.

Which means you gotta be somewhere else.

Nowhere near me, Karen or Harry.

Here's your money.

Take it and leave... the movie business to the rest of us who know what we're doing.

Come on, Karen.

You broke in my house, and I have a witness to it.


Only this time it ain't no John Wayne or Dean Martin shooting bad guys... in 'El Dorado.' That was 'Rio Bravo.'

Robert Mitchum played the drunk in 'El Dorado.'

Dean Martin played the drunk in 'Rio Bravo.'

Basically, it was the same part. John Wayne did the same in both.

He played John Wayne.

Man, I can't wait for you to be dead.

Are you going to--

That's for the stairs, and that's for the airport.

Get him off my carpet before he starts to bleed.

You want to take this guy out?

Come out to the deck. Make it look like he came at us.

You shoot him. Self-defense.

Shouldn't he have a weapon? A knife? Get it later.

All right, that's enough.

You keep hitting him like that, he won't look like he broke in.

It'll look like somebody beat him up and then shot him.

No, he ain't.

Hold on! We gotta get out of here!

What are you doing?

What are you doing? Oh, shit.

She's shooting at us!

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

How do you think that happened?

Beats the shit out of me.

Were you scared up there?

You bet.

You don't act like it.

I was scared then, not now. How long you want me to be scared?

I'll be right back.

How'd you get in?

It was easy. I told them I was you.

I acted real stupid, and they believed me.

What brings you to LA, Bones?

Please, don't insult me. Just turn around.

Turn around!

Do you know that you're the dumbest fuck I've ever met?

Let me look in these pockets.

You should've told me about Leo as soon as you found out.

Why would I do that?

Because he's a customer of mine. Dummy. He belongs to me.

Well, well, well. What have we here?


I wonder what this could be?

A locker key?

But where's the locker?

I checked the bag at the airport.

Which terminal?

Which terminal!


You found Leo.

You took the poor bastard's money. You put it in a locker ready to go.

Why haven't you left?

I like it out here.

You know, Chili, I've been thinking.

There's really no reason why you and I shouldn't get along.

Forget all the stuff that happened.

I don't even remember how this mess started.

You took a swing at me for some fucking thing. I say, 'Fuck it.'

I say you owe me money. Fuck that.

I say you owe me the juice on the money? Fuck that too.

I say live and let die.

But this... is strictly between you and I.

You say nothing... to nobody about this. Understood?

Whatever you say.

I think it's only fair.

Then it's all settled.

I'll see you around.

Dumb fuck.

Come on.

The fucking airport.

Bingo, boys. Let's go.

Hey, Bones, look at me.

Fuck you, fuckball.


Cut! Cut!

I'm pushing the right button. You're not, or it wouldn't fall.

Every take I push the right button.

Bear, man, you show him how to do it.

I don't really know.

What do you want to do, Harry?


It's a wrap. Come back tomorrow.

What're you doing? You should've gone into overtime to get that shot.

This is only the second day. We're already two weeks behind.

Do me a favor, okay?

I don't understand. Martin told me that he loves it.

I just don't think Martin is right, okay?

Why the hell not? He's too short.

Come on.

Why does he keep pushing Martin?


You can't make a Martin Weir into a Mel Gibson.

Where do you want to go? Morton's or Dan Tana's?