Ghost Patrol (2016) Script


We've got a sighting!

Ghost Patrol time!

It's in there! It's in there!

The ghost? You saw it?

I heard it. I felt its presence, its very being.

And then, I could sense it coming toward me, its ghostly vapor reaching out.

Then what did you do?

Are you kidding? I got my aura outta there!

I'm not sticking around where there's a ghost.

You did the right thing. We'll take it from here. Let's go, Spence.

Hold it, Gabi.

We need to scan for evidence of paranormal activity, and see if there's any fluctuations in the magnetic, electric, and atmospheric energy levels.

Lemme know how that works out for you. Come on, Spooky!


Here ghostie, ghostie, ghostie.

Come out, come out wherever you are.


Good boy, Spooky.

Atmospheric readings are abnormal.

Definitely temperature fluctuations.

We've got a ghost! No, we've got a reading, which could be caused by the greenhouse conditions.

Or... by a ghost.

Check this out.. a ghost whistle! I just got it yesterday.

It's supposed to disturb the spirits.

Okay, that's disturbing everyone.

Hmm. I don't see anything.

So our ghost is invisible. But not for long.

I'll dust it and bust it!

Then I'll zap it and trap it. Oh, yeah.

It's headed for the door! I got it!


What's that?

My Ghost-Zapper. It disrupts magnetic energy.

If the ghost tries to escape, this'll hold it in place.

At least, that's what it's supposed to do.

Say cheese, you slimy spirit!

Oh, there you are, you naughty kitty.

Where have you been, hmm?

Miss Whiskers has been missing for over a week.

This is much better than finding a ghost. Thank you so much, Ghost Patrol.

Say cheese!

They once found an armadillo in my pantry.

Environmental readings are back to normal.

Come on, Spooky.

Well, that didn't turn out the way we thought. Again.

Aw, come on. Didn't you get great data?

And weren't the readings out of the ordinary?

Yeah, but not because of a ghost.

Hey, just because we found a cat, doesn't mean there wasn't a ghost in there too.

Well... Exactly!

So you agree that there could have been a ghost there.

Did I? Based on the evidence, I'd have to say...


And that's the third "Maybe" this month!

We're closing in on those ghosts.

Marco, the Ghost Patrol struck again.

They're so busted!

Um, guys...?

Oh, hey, baby brother. Saw you found a big scary cat!


What a cat-tastrophe. Looks like you really blew it!

Bet you're "Feline" pretty silly right about now.

Marco, you have a hair out of place.

Seriously, could you dweebs get any lamer?

Hashtag "Embarrassing."

Harper, aren't you even the least bit curious about supernatural phenomena?


I'm curious how I can be so cool but related to someone who's so not.

Sis, why don't you two just admit there's no such thing as ghosts?

Even I know that.

Hi, Mom. Hey, Mrs. Flores.

Hello, Gabriella. Hi, Spence.

Find any ghosts today?

No, I guess not. None that we can prove, anyway.

Hmm. Maybe next time. Pff. Unlikely.


Sorry, Mom, but I just can't with this ghost stuff.

It's so embarrassing. I'm losing followers!

Come on, Marco. Let's just go. Bye, Mrs. Flores.

Bye, Cat Patrol.

Mom, you and Dad believe in ghosts, right?

Well, I do agree there are things in this world that we can't explain... like my boss deciding to put Geist Manor back on the market.

If I want to keep my job, I'm the one who has to sell it.

What's the problem? Geist Manor's the coolest building in town.

It's practically a historical landmark.

It's got everything! It's old, it's creepy, and it's probably chock-full of ghosts!

Ghosts? In a house I'm supposed to sell?

Unsubstantiated. We've never actually been inside.

Yet! Don't even think about it!

I have enough to worry about.

Like trying to sell a house with bad plumbing, faulty electricity and a roof that leaks.

Along with trying to sell all the other houses on my list.

You can do it. You could sell water to a fish!

Or something like that. Oh, thanks, sweetie.

I try.

Maybe what the house needs is just a little TLC.

A lot of TLC. A dump truck of TLC.

Mom! Dad! I'm going to Gabi's.

Okay, not too late, please.

We're now entering the attic of the old saw mill.

Will we find the spirit of Old Man Mackenzie?

Watching Ghost Search again? Yeah.

I don't know why. They never find any.

But I know they're out there.

But how do you know?

A lot of people say they see ghosts, but no one's ever been able to prove it.

Right. And?

Think about it.

Every picture ever taken of a ghost is either out of focus, or so badly shot you can't tell what it is.


That means we could be the first to get definitive photographic evidence.

I would love that.

But I have to wonder why we always come close to seeing a ghost, but don't.

Because of the conspiracy! Not this again.

Just like Area 51.

They've had alien spacecrafts for decades, but won't let anyone see them!

Of course they'd be hiding ghosts from us!

And "They" are...?

The Government!

It's always the Government.

And you're basing your theory on...? Eh, gut instinct.

Well, that's scientific.

Hey, when you're right, you're right.

We'll see.

It was bats. Again.

But who put them there?

I don't know. "The Government"?

Ha, ha.

Maybe Harper and Marco are right, and we're just wasting our time.

Look! Rr-rowl..?

Your mom's sign.

Yeah, so? Not that! In the window!

I just saw something that looked... ghostly.

Probably just a curtain blowing in the wind. Or a cat.

Hey, I know what I saw.

Gabi, maybe you want to see a ghost so badly you're making yourself.. huh?

Wait. I just saw it too!

Second floor, third window on the left? Yes!

It looked kind of... Ghostly?

Let's go!

Definitely atmospheric disturbances.

And the electromagnetic energy is spiking!

Yes! I knew this place was haunted.

You think every place is haunted. And now, I'm right.


We haven't even found anything yet.

Tell me that was the wind.

What is it, Spooky?


This place is huge. And so creepy.

Don't you love it?

Who's he?

Colonel Walter Geist. Oh, he's the guy who built this place.

My guess is he wasn't a people person.


Cold wind.

Definitely a sign.

Energy levels are rising. Listen!

Something's coming!

Get your camera ready.

Oh, uh...

Hi, Mom.

I think we're in trouble. Ya think?

Oh, I'm so sorry about this, but nothing to worry about.

It's just my daughter, Gabriella, and her friend, Spence.

I'm sure this comes right off.

It does come off, right?

Oh, yeah. It washes right off. Right, Spence?

Of course!

It's just a blue base in a non-toxic powder.

It should come right out.

In theory.

It helps us see ghosts.


What? No, no! Of course not! There aren't any ghosts.

I mean, ghosts don't even exist.

So that's a no on this one? Okay, I'll call you later, and set up a time to show you that cute bungalow.

Oh, you're gonna love it!

Gabriella Estella Sylvia Flores!

Mom, we were on the trail of a ghost!

We saw it through the window! The chandelier shook!

The door shut! The chair was rocking!

And the room got super cold! Look at these readings!

Oh, man, it's got powder all over it.

I know the feeling.

Sorry we ruined your sale, Mom.

You didn't ruin the sale, honey.

They weren't going to buy it anyway. And I can't blame them.

It'll cost three times as much to fix than it's worth.



Come on.

Let's go home.


Gabriella! Spencer! Let's go!

We're sorry, Mrs. Flores, but you gotta admit, it's pretty funny.

Just don't put me on the internet.

What's the point, then?

You're lucky Mom won't let us post this, or it would have gone viral.

But we really saw a ghost this time!

Oh, yeah? Got pictures?

Well... Uh...

Thought so. Pics or it didn't happen.

Because if you two ever did see a ghost you'd be so scared, you'd be like, "Oh, a ghost! Oh, I'm so scared!"


Look, when we find a ghost, not only will we not be scared, but you two will have to apologize and admit you've been wrong this whole time!




Sounds like a challenge to me.

What do you say we find out how brave they really are?



We'll help them find a ghost.

Ugh! Bug! Bug!


You have to work?

Can't be helped, sweetie. I've got an open house.

At night?

It's the only time these buyers are available.

Plus, I've got to go over contracts at the office, and post another listing.

Dinner's on the counter.


I won't be too late.

Bye-bye! See ya!

You wanna watch a movie? Another ghost story?

Of course!

Ghost Patrol! Haunted? We can help!

Oh, Ghost Patrol!

Thank goodness I found you! I've just seen a ghost!

Really? You saw it?

Oh, yes, absolutely!

I saw it with my own two eyes.

It was right in front of me. It gave me such a fright!

Can you describe the aberration?

Well, it was a little red and sometimes it... itches?


She means describe the ghost!

Oh. Well, it was... it's hard to say.

It was... big.

How big?

This big.

It was...

Dancing? Ahem.

I mean... flying!

Yeah, I saw it fly into the Old Geist Mansion!


Just gonna make a little adjustment.

Are you sure this is gonna scare them?

I love you, phone.

My hair.

Oh, yeah, this is gonna work.

We're definitely gonna scare those dweebs, if we stick to the plan.

Uh... plan?

We've been over this!

When they come into the room, you pull this wire...

And we jump out wearing those costumes.

And we scare the stuffing out of them!

Then we post the video so everyone can see what babies the Ghost Patrol are.

It'll go viral for sure.

All right.


Major fluctuations in atmospheric energy.

Electromagnetic frequencies are off the charts!

Looks like our ghost is back!

Right on time.

Ha! Spence actually thinks that piece of junk is gonna tell him something.

Plan in motion.

Where's my flashlight?


What's wrong?

I just thought of something.

What if it's an evil ghost, out to exact its revenge?

What are you getting at?

Maybe the reason no one's been able to prove the existence of ghosts is that no one's lived to tell the tale.

Maybe you watch too many scary movies.

Anybody home?

I'd say that's a yes.


Are you a friendly ghost?

Is that a yes or a no? Eh.



It's coming from upstairs.

Who's that?

Probably just an... echo.

They're going the wrong way!

Now it's upstairs again.

Some kind of ghost vapor. It must have just been here!

A picture of smoke isn't gonna prove anything.

We need the ghost Look!

This is gonna be good. Spray some more of that fake fog.

Get out.

What are you doing?

Don't tell them to leave. We haven't done the big scare yet.

I didn't say anything.

Get out!



I said get out!

That's concerning. We've got it on the run!

Leave this place!

We're trying!

Wait a minute.

It's plastic.

And hardly a ghost.

Hey. I don't think this is the way out.



Here's the "Floating Candle."

And our mysterious mist.

The only thing missing is bedsheets with the eyeholes cut out.

Like these?

I can't believe I let this fake stuff scare me!

Who would do that?

Here's a clue.

Harper and Marco.

So they were the ones who called us. And we fell for it.

We should've known it was too good to be true.

I was really, really hoping that this time we were gonna see an actual ghost.

Oh, were you now?

Yeah, right. Come on.

I beg your pardon?!

Harper! Marco! The joke's over!

We're not falling for this obviously fake ghost!

But.. but..! Who are you calling fake, you.. you disrespectful whippersnappers?


Yes, Whippersnappers!

You miniature malcontents!

At least this thing looks better than that plastic skeleton.

It looks almost authentic.

I'm sure it's just a film projection or something.

It looks like they forgot the bottom half.

Spooky, don't be scared. He's just a movie.

I am the ghost of Colonel Walter Beaufort Geist!

Oh, yeah? Well, if you are a ghost, prove it.

Like this?




Hey, whoa, Spooky, calm down.

See, Spooky, there's nothing..

Huh. That's weird.



This is a... real ghost.


You're sure?


I told you.

Now, get out!

Awesome! Cool!

You're not frightened?

Sorry, Colonel, you picked the wrong kids to scare.

We're the Ghost Patrol.

And we're about to be the first to get photographic proof...

That ghosts exist!



Stop that! Argh!

Cease! Don't!

You heard me, cease and desist!

I said, stop that this instant! Hey, give those back!

No photographs!

But that's our proof!

You're not going to prove anything to anyone!

How does one get the film out of these devices?

Film? Dude, no one's used film in like, a hundred years.

More like 20. Eh, same thing.

Then I must confiscate your cameras.

Hey! That's ours! Give those back!

Let's go!

Down here!

Find him, Spooky!

I told you to leave this place!


Did you really expect that to work?

Aw, come on!

Hey, where are the cameras?

I have hidden them, and I am not going to tell you where.

Give 'em back! Never!

Then you asked for it! This might sting a little.

No, no. No, no.

Stop! Stop, that tickles!

Guess yours doesn't work either.



Oh, stop! Get away from there!

What is this thing? This must be worth a fortune.

Do not touch that!

What, this?

Hand that over, now!

Sure. Just give us our cameras back.


Then "No" back at you.

I'm warning you.

You know, Gabi.

There must be something very valuable in there.


I wonder what it could be.

Whatever you do, do not open that!


Was that real enough for you?

What was that thing?

And what is that?

My demon hunting equipment.

Say what, now?

Since my death, I was recruited as a member of the Eternal Guardsmen, an organization that protects the living from demons, and keeps our existence a secret.

I knew it! There is a conspiracy.

Did the Government recruit you? I am not at liberty to say.


Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

You just made her day.

So you're ghosts... who hunt ghosts?


I am a ghost. They are phantasms.

Demons who manifest nightmares and feed on fear.

Oh, that was pretty intense.

Oh, what you just witnessed was nothing.

A phantasm can enter through your eyes, taking control of your brain to make you see your darkest fears.



We have to get a picture.

Wh.. what? What!

You wanted to see a real ghost!

Well, now that you have, you must go!

Find the cameras! They've gotta be around here somewhere!


Am I not here?

Can you not see me? Am I invisible?

The coast is clear.

Marco, let me use your phone! Hey!

You owe me after that prank you pulled.

Good thinking! Call your cell and we can follow the ringtone.

Technology, one. Crusty old ghost, zero.

Ghost? Shh!

Thanks, bro.

That's my cue to leave. Take me with you!

Got 'em!

Oh, yes.

Oh, no.

Oh, you have got to be kidding me!

Well, your Mom said nobody wanted to buy this place.

What are the chances anyone's gonna show up?

Oh, boy.



What fresh nuisance is this?


Are you two still here?

Oh, hello, thank you for coming! Right this way! Thank you so much.

Oh, I have just got to find a new place to live.

My current house has...

Hmm? Ghosts.


Oh, interesting.

We better get some photos before Mom knows we're here.

Oh, come on!

Whoa! Look at all this stuff!

How much do you think it's worth?

Hey, what's this?

Don't open that bag!


Harper, look out!


Bug! Bugs! Bug!

Get 'em off! Get 'em off me!

Harper, what's wrong?

It's a nightmare. Only she can see it.

The more fear they create, the more they multiply.

Harper? Wait for me!

Happy now?

I present to you... Geist Manor!


Oh, my.

Oh, sure, it needs a little updating, but this house been here for nearly 200 years.

You would be owning a piece of history!

Oh, I'm sure that's just the house settling.

Get 'em off! Get 'em off! Why won't you help me?

What are you talking about? I don't see anything.

Hey, watch the hair!


My hair's gone!

My beautiful, beautiful hair!

Oh, this is a disaster!

They won't stop until they scare the life out of every single person!

Once they're done with this manor, they'll take over the town!

Then the country!

Then the world!

We can help.

Eh... yeah.

Do you really think two ragamuffins and an overgrown squirrel are any match for these phantasms?

But we can't let those demon brains take over!

And we've been ghost hunting a long time.

Mr. Geist, we need to make this right.

Well... if you're truly bound and determined, I..

Come with me!

And they don't make banisters like this anymore!

I'm bald!

Marco? What are you doing here?

I'm bald!

Follically challenged! I'm bald! Bald!

Harper, what's he talking about?

Creepy c-c-crawlies!

They're everywhere! Everywhere! Everywhere!

I can't take it, I can't take it!


There are ghosts in this house!


What in the...?

No! Aunt Lulabell, no kissy kissy!

Oh, no..!


Now, these extractors, each in their unique way can immobilize and capture the phantasms.

Okay. Perfect.

However, they are completely harmless to the living.

Harmless. Gotcha.

Ready? No.



Party's over, fish brains!

We're toast. Watch out!




At least yours does something! What am I supposed to with..?




Good squirrel.


Good grief.



All right!

That was good! But let's not get ahead of ourselves.


If no one buys this house, I'll lose my job!

Our whole family will be run out of town!

We'll have to eat worms to survive!

Oh, what kind of mother would I be?

Mom! That doesn't even make sense!

Please! Don't let my family eat worms!

My beautiful hair! No!

Ew! Ew!

There's gotta be a way to help them.

Colonel Geist said our weapons don't have any affect the living.


Uh... try yours.


I just had the worst dream ever. No, I did.

I missed you so much.



We take back everything we ever said about the Ghost Patrol!

Ghosts are real! Absolutely, completely real!

You guys are the coolest! Ghost Patrol rocks!

We'll never make fun of you again! Anything you want us to do, just name it! Anything! Anything at all!

A little help would be nice.

We'll handle the phantasms, and you show people the door.

You got it, little brother. We're on it.

And don't let the phantasms get you again!

No prob!

No! I can't swim! The water will ruin my suit!

This is not the house you're looking for.

You should just leave.

I don't think this is the house I'm looking for. I should just leave.

Help! Help! Oh, help!

Mrs. Choi! You're okay! You're not possessed!

I know. I was feeling left out.

And the square footage gives you plenty of room for a growing family.

Oh, no more lip gloss! No!



No, thank you. Goodbye!

I don't think so!

So, wanna go to the mall and never speak of this again?


You kids have become quite adept.


I think?

Won't anybody buy this house?!

Mom, are you okay?

Is that a ghost?

Mom, this is Colonel Geist.

Colonel, this is my mom.

I thought all this ghost stuff was in your imagination.

I assure you, madam, I'm quite a reality.

So that's it? We got them all?


Eh? What are you doing?

Hitting "Delete." We're "taking out the film."

But.. but why?

Because it's the right thing to do.

Plus, we love a good conspiracy.

Thank you.

You did admirable work today.

Might you consider a permanent partnership?

Teaming up with a ghost? Oh, we are so in!

Well, our first order of business is what to do with that "For Sale" sign outside.

Why don't you buy the house?

Yeah! With all those antiques and jewels you've got upstairs, you've gotta be loaded.

I would, if it weren't the fact that...

I'm not alive.

Actually, Colonel, I can help you with that.

I can set up a partnership in the name of the Ghost Patrol.


You, of course, would be a... invisible partner.

Well, I'm intrigued, madam!

I see this as the perfect location for the new headquarters.

We could start fixing it up, modernize the decor, and of course estate-wide Wi-Fi...

So, turns out you were right all along.

About what?

The conspiracy.

What conspiracy?