Ghosts Can't Do It (1989) Script

(roaring)


(mooing)

(men yelling indistinctly)


(dramatic music)

Did you fall off again?

I'm practicing a new kind of dismount.

Jesus, no.

Jesus, yes.

We're out here playing some kind of goddamn cowboys and my horse can't keep up.

Dammit!

Oh Scott, what are we doing?

Katie...

I think we're having a heart attack.

No, you're having a thrill again.

This is just one of your goddamn thrills!

Katie, I don't make the fucking rules!

I'm just one of the players.

Oh, great one, this isn't the real thing?

No, it's a goosy situation, baby.

Scott, damn it.

Are you scared?

Would I be scared?

(laughs)

Oh Scott, I'm afraid.

Cotton!

Yeah, what the hell is going on?

Oh, great one, oh, tell me everything.

Tell me again from the time I was born in your arms.

(chuckles)

Will you let me bite your lip?

Is it all right?

Oh, I don't think it'll kill me.

I don't know, it's pretty potent stuff.

Let me try...

What are you doing on your butts?

Scott, he thinks he's having a heart attack.

You bet you 1,000 to one he is.

Maybe we better give him a couple of shots.

Just in case.

Just in case what?

Just in case you need them.

Pull up his shirt for me.

This will have to go in the belly.

Oh, goddamnit, not in the belly.

In the arm, in the arm, Cotton.

No, it's got to go in the belly part.

Goddamnit, I'll kick you right in the head, Cotton.

Not in the belly, that shot does not go in the belly!

Stop it, just stop it now!

Just this try to be brave part.

Oh, brave.

(laughs)

You know, honey, I was seeing one of those big rabies shots.

You ever seen one of those?

Yeah, yeah.

Oh goddamnit, they're awesome things.

Oh, Scott, this is the real thing, damn you.

Listen, honey, if I have to go,

what'll you do?

I will not cry.

I will not wear ugly black.

And I will go forward with your strength and live life to the fullest, sir.

You'll be good about this?

Oh, I have to.

Those are the rules.

I sure would like to change them and take you with me.

Oh, I'll go.

But you're not going anywhere.

(beeping)

Where am I now?

I mean, what did it do to me?

Well, you won't be playing King Kong anymore.

What about Mighty Mouse?

Don't know about Mighty Mouse yet.

Oh, there's my baby.

No, no, no.

Might be catching.

Will you shut up and listen to me?

I don't want to listen to you.

You're saying a lot of shit.

Unfortunately, it is shit.

Tough, ugly shit.

And that's not all of it.

Okay, you're saying my fucking heart's no good.

I'm listening!

The rest of it is that you don't get a new one.

Of course you do.

They do it every day.

Not true.

That's just not true.

Over 60, you don't get a heart.

(laughs)

You're joking.

You're not joking.

Who made that rule?

I don't know, common sense, I guess.

God!

Can it be broken?

Not really.

Hey, what are you bawling about?

It's just...

(dog barking)

Does she know about it?

She's no dummy, Scott.

Look at her.

God, she's beautiful.

Full of health.

Damn it, son of a bitch.

Katie, I hate for you to see me like this.

The hell is that?

What is that?

Oh come on, not a number, for Christ's sake.

They don't mean a goddamn... son of a bitch!

Go ahead, inject him.

You're a big boy, you know the facts and consequences.

Facts and consequences my ass.

Scotty, we love you and I want you to think about that.

Kiss me, baby, kiss me. (laughs)

I'm sorry, Fred, I'm sorry.

I'll be back soon, pal.

Okay, okay.

Helen, I'm sorry, I apologize.

Just blew my top.

Katie.

That feels wonderful. (laughs)

Why do I love you so?

Come on now.

Give me the lip.

This is a no no, no no.

I'll tell you when it's a no no.

Come on, put out your lip, put out your lip.

Come on, I need (mumbling).

(groans)

(mumbling)

That makes me feel better.

(serene music)

That's about it.

All right, you make the changes and patch them to me.

No, no, no, right here at the ranch.

I need you.

Right.

Honey, that was beautiful.

But a little more spur and a little less love and you might get a better performance out of him.

Well, he's just being a bad boy today.

Just like you sometimes.

(laughs)

Maybe you're right.

Let me see you ride him around again.

(serene music)


Where have you been?

Oh, I, uh, I went to visit an old sweetheart of mine.

No, I just, just riding around, roaming.

You're just a bad boy.

Katie, let's go for a walk.

But you can't.

Why not?

You just can't.

Ah, come on.

Can you?

Katie, I want to go walking with you.

You sure?

I'm sure.

Okay.

Well, who backs up first, you or me?

You.

Okay, boss.

Come on.

(laughs)

How do we jump over this?

You're the genius.

You'll figure something out.

Goddamnit.

Oh, goddamnit. (laughs)

Oh God, God, look how beautiful it is.

I love this country.

Katie, I want to ask your forgiveness.

You're scaring me, great one.

I just want you to remember all the good times.

That's every single second.

Once more.

Not even once more.

Oh, my love.

A lot of good things are...

...getting away from me, Katie.

It's no big deal, Scott.

(laughs)

You're right.

It's no big deal.

(laughs)

I'm no goddamn Hemingway.

I'm not even Norman Mailer.

Dear...

...Katie.

(gunshot)

No, don't go up there!

Please, Mrs. Scott, I think we ought to.

No, don't go!

Please let us.

No, wait, no, don't come.

Look at me.

Don't come up here.

Ma'am I think we should.

Just go, please, just go!

Katie, my love, I short changed you the other day when I said you put the cherry on my cake.

You are my cake.

And now I have to kiss you goodbye.

(sobbing) Oh Scott, don't say these awful things.

We are May - December lovers and have been from day one.

We used to joke about it, if and when, and you always said you'd forgive me if I felt this was necessary.

Katie, it is necessary.

I have no options.

It's necessary that you hold me and love me, great one, you son of a bitch!

Oh, Scott, love me.

Oh, Scott, let me in, please.

Oh God, what have I done?

God never comes for suicides.

It wasn't a suicide.

It was a mercy killing.

I gave myself a euthanasia shot.

Very much against the rules.

I don't like rules.

How unusual.

You must be the very first person who ever felt that way.

Who are you?

Well, the devil has her tail and angels...

...have wings.

(laughs)

You, you're an angel?

(laughs)

Well, I must say, you're a gorgeous one.

Thank you.

Gorgeous is a nice word.

(laughs)

I'm a fledgling angel.

Oh.

And you are my first case.

Isn't that interesting?

I was Katie's first case.

They have shrouded themselves in sorrow.

In his last hours in 1890, Crow Foot, the great warrior also buried here.

Spoke of life, not of death.

What is life?

It is the flash of a firefly in the night.

It is the breath of a buffalo in the winter time.

(continues speaking indistinctly)

Scott.

Katie, take a deep breath and a deep, deep seat.

Ta Da! (laughs)

I'm back.

Please look at me.

It's me.

I'm back.

Don't be scared.

Look, it's me.

(dog barking)

Remember how we used to joke and speculate about how it would be when I was dead?

Well the joke is, (laughs) it's exactly like that.

Honey, you're wearing black and you're crying.

And I thought there wasn't going to be any of that.

I know, I'm sorry, Scott.

They all insist that you be sad.

But I am sad.

I don't like that.

Are you all right, Kate?

Fine, I'm fine.

Honey, now you've gone and done it.

Just bow your head sadly.

That'll make them all feel better.

You'll have to go and do something.

You know, they say it's mandatory, got all kinds of rules and laws up here.

Will I see you again.

Absolutely.

You promise?

I promise.

Katie, do you...

Do you still love me?

Oh yes, I love you.

I really want to thank you for this, this funeral.

I mean, it's better than I imagined.

I mean, right to the letter.

I mean, the mountains, the buffalo robe, and I want to thank you for inviting Gambler.

That was sweet.

He shall return again and again, for he has never left us, he will live on.

For the spirit knows no death.

The spirit laughs at death.

Our eyes will see him, for that is the way of all great spirits.

So do not grieve, my brothers.

Do not grieve, my sisters.

Great Scott, the great Scott lives.

Scott, hey, hey.

Hey, look at the camera.

That's great.

You too, Scott.

That's great.

That's just terrific.

(Scott) God, you look good enough to eat.

But of course that's probably out of the question now.

Scott, am I doing this?

Am I making you up?

Honey, I don't know the physics of the phenomenon.

But are you dead?

Yes, Katie, God was going to get me, so I beat him to it with a 12 gauge.

But you could have taken pills.

Real men don't eat quiche.

Well that's fine for you, Scott.

What about me?

What am I going to do now?

Stand up.

Stand up on your feet.

Come on, come on, stand up.

Come on!

Now, shoulders back.

Straight back.

Stand tall.

Titties out.

(laughs)

Now, where were we going before all this happened?

I can't go there now.

Honey, it's your favorite place in the whole world.

I know, but I can't go.

Why not?

Well, because you're out there on the prairie.

(laughs) I'm not out there, I'm not here, I'm not anywhere.

Honey, I'm not people.

I'm just a ghost.

Come on.

Go on.

Will you come?

I'm sure going to try.

(serene music)


That's the woman.

She's the one, I'm sure, I'm certain of that.

(Scott) Katie, Katie, look.

(laughs) I'm here.

Oh, Scott, I hate this.

Damn you and your shotgun.

She's talking to someone, but there is no one.

Maybe on the land.

Goddamnit, Katie, I was nothing but a goddamn piece of meat.

Big bang was absolutely right.

Well you were absolutely wrong.

You are absolutely wrong.

Look at you.

You're here but you're not here.

Yes, but I am here.

Damn it, Scott, this stinks.

No, you know what it really does?

It sucks!

Please, don't use that word.

It sucks.

I'll find a way.

I'll work it out.

I promise you.

Promise me?

You can't even swim with me.

Honey, we'll do it all again.

I can hardly feel it when you touch me.

It's like a butterfly flew by.

You're a ghost, Scott.

Ghosts can't do it, it's that simple.

Katie, please, please stop this kind of talk.

You stop it.

Stop it, stop it, stop it!

You blew your head off, I didn't.

And you did this to us, not me.

Katie, will you shut up?

Shut up yourself.

Katie, will you listen to me?

I'm listening.

(laughs) That's my girl.

I'm your girl, all right.

But you're not my man, you're my ghost.

So you do believe I'm a ghost, huh?

What else could you be?

I mean, look at you.

Honey, there are stories about ghosts that come back in another body.

Oh Jesus, Scott, don't do that to me.

Oh God, don't do that.

If it's possible, I want to try.

Just think about it.

In another body?

You mean you'd take another body and with this body you'd make love to me?

You bet I would.

I mean, if it's possible.

I don't know, Scott.

That's kinky stuff.

We've never been kinky.

Honey, we could get married again.

I mean, God, wouldn't that be wonderful?

What would you look like?

Look like?

Yes, look like.

That's important.

Would you be young?

If you were offered a choice, would you choose a young man?

You know, Scott, I've never really had one before.

(laughs) Are you kidding?

I was only 50.

How young?

I think very.

Will he be blond or brunet, redhead?

Will he be tall, short?

Whoa, hello there!

Great, I must look like I'm crazy talking to a beach full of sand.

Do you need any help?

Is there anything I can do?

No thank you!

I was just trying to remember a poem.

From here you look like a very beautiful person!

Wish there was something I could do!

No thank you, I'm fine, thank you!

Fuck off, kid!

Ciao!

(upbeat music)

Oh, she's so...

(Scott) Look Katie, I've been thinking, wouldn't it be wonderful if we found someone that looked like me?

I mean, just a little bit?

Okay, maybe younger.

I can't talk to you here, I'd look like an idiot.

I like you when you're listening.

I've done more than my share of that.

What are you saying, Katie?

I didn't say that.

I couldn't have said that.

I love to hear you talk.

God, I love you.

I never loved anybody before.

Well, not as much.

I know that now.

Now you know this?

Well. (laughs)

It is marvelous to see you, Mrs. Scott.

May I sit with you for a moment, please?

Of course, your honor, please do.

Oh, this is going to take a lot of getting used to.

You know that when we heard of the tragedy, we all gathered here, all of us for a memorial.

Many tears were shed.

I'm sure he would have liked that very much.

Actually I would have.

We are so pleased that you are back.

And you know, you should treat every foot of this island as your home.

Well thank you, we love your island very much.

That makes me very happy.

Oh, I'm pleased to hear that.

Good evening, your honor.

Good evening, Mr. Garibaldi.

Would you introduce us or could I introduce myself?

Katie, look at this.

Look at this kid.

Yes, of course, let me do the introductions.

Mrs. Scott, this is Mr. Garibaldi.

My name is Fausto.

(laughs) You're Fausto all right.

And mine is Kate.

Fausto, Katie.

Take your hand away, he's romancing you.

Are you romancing me, Fausto?

Katie, what, are you nuts?

Look at the kid. (laughs)

He's coming all over himself.

Yes, 1, your beauty demands it.

Oh, you're the young man who saw me on the beach working on my poem.

Yes, I saw that and I was fortunate enough to see much more.

Oh, goddamnit, never, never.

Now look, Katie, don't you fuck around with this kid.

That would kill me.

Would you like to dance?

No thank you, I think I should get home and go to bed early.

Oh, I'd like that even better.

That's all, you son of a bitch.

(thunders)

What did you say your name was?

Fausto.

No, Senor what?

Garibaldi.

Well good night, Senor Garibaldi.

That was fantastic. (laughs)

I love it.

Tell me, how many of those do you have?

A bunch.

Well, they shouldn't be here.

They should be in a vault in New York or Hong Kong.

No, if it were vaulted in New York or Hong Kong then I couldn't play with them.

How much are they worth?

Well...

...the sultan wants that big mama very badly.

But he always gets everything he wants, and I don't think that's very good for a person.

Everything in here, if prices are holding up, $1,375,000 without the O'Dare.

Oh, that's very impressive.

Well, you'd better get them off the island.

Most of them will be going soon.

The buyers are coming in and they're going to fight over them.

They were just honoring the untimely blowing off of your head.

Darling, you're now the chairman of the board.

My entire empire.

The whole damn thing.

You know, this isn't a five and dime operation.

I mean, you'll have to, god, you'll have to work.

I shouldn't have hit him like that.

But it was fun.

Boom, bang, just like Sugar Ray.

I should have been a boxer.

Have you any idea of how much money we're worth?

Must be a ton because an awful lot of very important people are always kissing your beautiful little ass.

Honey, $2 billion.

That's 2 billion.

Why don't you go get a body and ravish me?

Just like the old days.

I'll wait right here.

I'll bet you it can be done.

I just don't want to leave you alone with that Fausto.

Then zap him and use his body.

Zap him?

You really like that punk, huh?

Oh, no, but his face when you take him out of it is really quite nice.

And I can't tell for sure, but his body looks like it might be a lot better than just good.

She's right, he's not too bad.

Besides, Katie likes the way he's put together.

He's kind of young for her, but what the hell.

It's her turn now.

And the question is, how do I kick him out?

(laughs)

I've got it, I've got it.

All we have to do is possess him.

Find a way to zap him.

My god, Scott.

What the hell is he doing here?

Oh, honey, we can have fun with that body.

Fausto, your body is mine.

Tell him to use sunblock.

I don't want to die of skin cancer.

You will like him, Katie.

I saw him go skinny dipping the other night.

(laughs)

Oh please, Scott, stop it.

Now see what you've made me do.

All right, all right, you tell him your problem.

All right, I will.

Okay.

You must think I'm crazy talking to myself.

Well, I'm not.

I'm talking to the ghost of my dead husband.

He's right there.

You do think I'm crazy.

All right, you were skinny dipping last night.

How about that?

So, I was skinny dipping.

Well how did I know about it?

I guess you were on the beach.

No, I was in bed.

He saw you.

Well, if you say so.

Oh, I do say so.

Do you know what he wants?

No.

Oh shit. (laughs)

He wants to possess your body.

Honey, honey, I don't think he's quite grasping it.

Well then you tell him.

I prefer you possess me.

See, I don't think he's following us.

I can't do it.

I'm not strong enough.

And I'm not wise enough.

But it doesn't take brains.

You know, you have a nice head of hair.

It'll be nice to have that again.

Look, I was just joking.

Well I'm not, get away from me.

How are your teeth?

Mr. Garibaldi, I don't like you.

That's good, not too tough.

Don't drive him too far away.

Scott, please.

But I'm just anxious.

My angel says I only have a couple of days.

So what do you say?

All right.

You want to know what the crazy lady and her dead husband talk about?

I'll tell you and you'll probably like this part.

He says you're not bad looking.

Where is he?

I'd like to thank him.

There.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

And then we discuss a quick way for you to die.

How do you like it so far?

Well, just the handsome part.

He just said not bad looking.

What do you think?

Well, the outside's fine.

But the inside appears to stink.

Honey, you don't have to insult him. (laughs)

Kate!

Honey, look, it's Win.

What a surprise, Winston!

Hey, Katie!

Win, Winston!

Why are you so happy?

I'm so glad to see him.

(laughter)

Let me look at you.

You've held up pretty well.

Those were his orders.

You're more beautiful than ever.

How many times have you said that in your long life, Win?

We haven't met.

I'm Winston Hill.

Fausto Garibaldi.

Come on, Win, I want to show you around.

Is there room for four on this boat?

No, you're right, four would slump us.

You'd better swim.

Oh, I'm sorry, I should have stayed on board.

No, you should be right where you are.

No, no, no, Win should go home and the kid should stay here and be wrapped up in cotton until we need him.

Kate, when I heard, I was stunned.

Well, what else would the great Scott do?

He loved Hemingway.

He always admired the way Hemingway did it.

But he's all right now.

I have it on good authority he's an angel first class.

On his way to becoming a good looking, dark haired young man.

Win, something you should look into.

He sure loved you.

I still do.

What are you doing here, Win?

Are you taking a vacation?

No, I came to see you.

Me?

You've come halfway around the world just to see me?

I wanted to talk to you in person about Scott's business, your business now.

I tried to understand it, but I never really could.

He would sit me down and try to teach me, but I just wanted to love him and take him outside and enjoy and play with all this.

And you did too, and he loved it.

You made him the luckiest man on the face of the earth.

He was envied for his beautiful Katie.

I wish I could have done all that for him.

And I wish his empire could have excited me.

Wait a minute, let's hear what he has to say about the boring empire.

Well, I'm afraid now you're going to have to give it your complete attention.

Tell me.

Well, everybody's after it, hits and pieces of it, raiders.

(Scott) Christ, I'm not cold yet and everybody wants to gobble me up.

What can I do about it?

Well you're chairman of the board.

You sit on all the bits and pieces.

You have to stop them.

But I have no idea how to do that.

I'll show you.

(Scott) Katie, you have to go to Hong Kong right away.

(Katie) I think I should go to Hong Kong right away.

(Winston) I was just going to say that, Hong Kong.

And don't forget, you be all the woman that you are.

Boggle their brains.

Okay.

Now don't be afraid to be a woman.

It's a deadly weapon, so use it.

You used my exact words.

Exact words.

Well I hope I make you all proud.

It's after you and after you and after me.

(whispering)

(laughs)

Well, gentlemen, I hope I was clear and not too vacant headed, because from the look of this room, it isn't woman's work we're doing here today, is it?

It has been decided that there is no point that can be argued.

The point is based as it is stated.

It's not ambiguous.

There's no room for any rhetoric.

You must yield.

Must?

Who the fuck are you?

I never saw you before.

Must, who the fuck are you?

I've never even seen you before.

Don't come down to their level.

Where does that have a bearing on the point of issue?

Tell him we 're going back to the Indian ocean to put away their knives and go home.

Now I would suggest you put away your knives.

You haven't got one sharp enough to carve up a Scott.

The great Scott lives on in me.

And believe me, this city will be reduced to dust before you will best me.

Does Tai Pan ring a bell?

This has been interesting.

Tomorrow at 11:00 we will vote and that will settle it for now.

But be assured, Mrs. Scott, that in this room there are knives sharp enough to cut you to the bone.

And hearts cold enough to eat yours as hors d'oeuvres.

You bet your sweet little ass, honey.

You're too pretty to eat that.

You noticed.

You've got him, honey. (laughs)

(romantic music)

I'm sorry I'm so shy, I'm embarrassed.

So am I.

The tango!

(laughter)

When you say dance, you mean dance with a capital D.

I love it!

I can see that, but seriously, Win, Scott and I never danced a step.

He hated it.

You can't hate it.

No, I love it, but I don't think I could really dance with someone.

It was so long ago when I was just a little girl.

It'll all come back to you.

Come on.

How can it come back to me?

I've never done this before.

Well, you're going to love it.

(romantic music)


(laughter)

All right, so you don't love it.

I'm sorry, Win.

I've just never been with another man before.

Not even to dance with.

I understand.

Someday, maybe not now, but someday, you're going to have to, Kate.

Son of a bitch.

Would you like to go for a swim?

I have been swimming with men before.

Are there any other choices?

No.

No.

Let's swim.

The pool should be empty at this time.

No, no actually I shouldn't be swimming or dancing.

That's right, he can't, he can't swim or dance.

(Winston) There are a lot of calls to be made about tomorrow's vote.

Well I'll help you.

No, no you go on with your swim and afterward we'll talk strategy.

You sure?

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm sure.

(splashing)

How long you going to stay in?

Should I get out?

No, no, no.

You stay in.

I'm going to see some of my old buddies.

Katie, are you all right?

I don't think I am all right.

You're doing fine, honey.

No, Scott and Kate.

It was like what worked.

It's not all right with just Kate.

It's still Scott and Kate!

It always will be.

Will you kiss me?

Honey, you won't hear bells ring.

They haven't stopped ringing since the first time you kissed me.

Did I make bells ring for you?

Oh honey,

you made life ring for me.

Broad's a fucking fruitcake.

Yeah, right.

We can count on you then?

(door opens) Put the fucking phone down.

(screams)

Oh my god, oh my god.

I'm sorry, but you scared me to death.

This is the ladies locker room.

The mens is down the hall.

You're not lost, are you?

You're right where you want to be.

And I'm in trouble.

I won't hurt you unless you make me.

Why would I want to make you hurt me?

Yeah, why would you?

Just don't scream again, do exactly as I tell you, and you might come out okay. (laughs)

No, no, I can't let you rape me.

Oh no.

Oh.

(laughs)

Hi there.

What makes you think I want to rape you?

Because there are a lot of rapists in the world.

Yeah, yeah, there are a lot.

Lot of killings too.

Yes there are, but there are more rapes.

All right, whatever.

Look, I don't want to argue with you.

You probably know more than me anyway.

I know you didn't come here to kill me.

You said, you said, and this is almost exactly what you said...

...if you don't scream and if you do as you're told, you won't get hurt.

(laughs)

Now that's not murder.

(laughs)

No, you came here to rape me.

Oh, you want to get raped? (laughs)

Yes, every day if my other choice is killed.

(gunshot)

I want you to be good, so very, very good.

(Scott) I could hear you scream clear across town.

Oh Scott, you came just in time.

For God's sake, you're bare ass naked.

Well I'm sorry, but I was running for my life.

Who's the seedy looking bastard?

Well he wants to rape me, or kill.

I don't really know what he wants, Scott.

What do you want?

All I want you to do is to take two little pills.

It's so simple.

I'm not going to take any pills.

Of course you're not.

You'd never make the meeting.

That's why Chan sent this goddamn goon here.

That's why I told him I wouldn't take any.

But how am I not going to take any pills?

Katie, if you were only a man and these were the good old days.

Oh god, I'd pow!

But I'm not a man and these aren't the good old days and how am I not going to take them?

You watch me, watch me.

Watch you?

I can hardly see you.

You know, sometimes you're almost impossible to see.

Pretend to take them and put them inside your mouth.

Yes, but that's a very old trick.

Come on, look at him.

He won't know the difference.

Look at him.

Okay, now you take these two little pills, you see?

These two little pills.

And then we'll put you beddy-byes, all right?

Take the pills.

All right.

Come on, take them.

There seems to be no way to avoid these pretty pills.

So here they go.

All right, swallow the fucking pills or I'm going to give it to you like the suppository!

Katie, don't!

Or I'll give it to you like a suppository.

Honey, you've got to fight the pills.

Yes.

Will you help me?

I can't hold you up.

You're on your own.

Of course.

I'm sorry.

Get some clothes and let's get out of here.

Now, I've been down the shaft and it's perfect.

All you've got to do is take a deep breath and think.

I can't. Think!

I'm awake.

I'm awake.

But I'm not really.

That's bullshit, Katie, and you know it!

All you gotta do is think, I'm awake!

Come on, I'm awake.

I hope I can do it right.

Katie, you can if you want to.

God, it's that simple.

I know, that's what you always said.

So where's our new body?

That is not...

That is not that simple.

(laughs) Well, we busted their balls.

Did I win?

I did, didn't I?

You were good.

I read your book.

And I won, I did.

I beat you.

You were very good.

You played the situation perfectly.

So I beat the situation, but not you.

That's what you did.

I think you like to make mischief.

You noticed that too.

Winston!

Kate!

Hey, Winston.

Kate, I'm sorry!

I was late, I missed it.

No, it's all right.

We beat him, Scott said we busted their balls.

You won and Scott said?

The pirates retreated.

Hey, wait a second.

You single handedly beat that room full of sharks?

Yes, but I had good coaching.

Well, it really wasn't one of my best clays. (laughs)

No, I might have told you a thing or two, but not enough to win the day.

No Win, you told me marvelous things.

But Scott also helped me.

He told me exactly what to say.

You know, baby, he thinks you're cuckoo.

Oh Win, I'm not losing my marbles.

Don't worry, if you do I'll pick them up for you.

Now she doesn't need you to pick them up.

I'm going to go home now to the islands.

Oh, I'll see you get there safely.

No you don't, I take her there.

Well that's sweet, but it's not just across town.

Kate.

I've always loved you, I'm sure you've known that.

Just being around you for a while would be like Christmas for me.

Don't say no.

(Scott) You say no, loud and clear.

You love me?

I never knew.

Well, your Scott always was a blinding light.

Well, that's very nice of you, Win.

Are you packed?

Am I packed?

Five minutes.

Earlier you mentioned love, Win.

You can't talk love to him.

Love is a big word.

Love is our word.

I've loved you for as long as he has.

Will you stop this talk, both of you?

Oh, you stop it.

I'm sorry, Win, not you.

But he's here in the plane with us.

And he thinks love is our word.

Well, it is, it always has been.

You see, even he knows it.

Katie, I can't stand this kind of talk from you.

Well you could sit out on the wing for a minute and then you wouldn't hear.

I'll go out and try to behave.

Why did God make you so young?

Because you probably wouldn't have accepted me any other way.

Just be careful.

You've got a...

We've got a good thing going.

Don't let go of it yet.

Are you watching my marbles fall out, Win?

Uh-huh, but I'm sure you've got plenty left.

Oh, I don't know about plenty.

(upbeat music)

(Scott) Are we all right?

Are we still history's greatest lovers?

The way you put it, we're hanging in.

I'm sorry, Win.

Our friendly ghost is back.

I heard.

You heard him?

No, I heard you!

Ch, of course me.

See, if I waited to talk to him only when no one was listening, I'd go crazy because he's always talking to me.

(Scott) I feel like you're a kite that's about to catch a strong gust of wind and be torn from me forever.

I won't be that kite.

You've turned away the wolves.

You're an amazing young lady.

Thank you, Win.

Come on, let's dance.

No, Win, I can't.

Ah, come on.

No, Win, you know I can't.

Please.

I'm sorry.

Well you're fantastic.

You like that kind of stuff?

Well yes, Scott, a little bit sometimes.

Come on, dance with me.

Really?

Really.

(upbeat music)

What are you doing?

Well I think I'm dancing, Scott.

Babe, where'd you learn that?

In the kitchen or the bathroom or wherever it wouldn't bother you.

(upbeat music)

(Winston) You said you didn't dance?!

I don't, I never have!

Not with a person.

(laughs)

When I return, we're going to do this a lot.

I'll have new legs then.

(upbeat music)

Ooh, we're better than any of them.

Even that kid with the one glove.

Ooh, Katie!

(upbeat music)


She making you lose it, Minister?

Hear you talking to yourself.

My god, what we've missed.

(laughter)

Stop that!

In God's name, I command you to stop!

The devil is in you!

(laughs)

What are you doing, reverend?

Have you gone crazy?

She is desecrating the Sabbath!

It's Friday.

Did you see her dance?

Yes, it was like a mission.

And then you came and stopped the music, reverend.

Turn the music on, please.

No.

Yes, I want to see her dance.

No, God says no!

No, it's all right, reverend.

It's all right.

Your she devil won't dance any more tonight.

Yes!

Praise God!

Hold me and I will take the devil from your body.

Praise God, I can feel it happening.

(laughs)

Thank you, reverend.

It's over, he's gone.

Thank you.

It's over.

I'm at peace now.

Yes, yes.

I could feel him enter my body.

Yes.

God will deal with him now.

(laughs)

Kate, if you want to dance, dance.

Of course, it's not even Sunday.

Come on, honey.

Ask him to play some slow dance.

May we have slow music now?

That loud thing over there does not make slow music.

But I'll make it for you, yes, I will.

(laughs)

(slow piano music)

(Winston) Kate.

Kate.

What are you doing?

Scott just wanted to slow dance.

It's our first time.

I love it.

Are you having a good time?

(Scott) The time of my life.

(slow music)


(Scott) Katie.

Katie.

I want a decision now.

But I can't kill him.

You know I hate to even swat a fly.

Nobody's going to come forward and donate his body.

He's with us again now, isn't he?

Yes, Win.

Katie, you know, after all the research, I've found rat poison is the simplest. (laughs)

He certainly gave you paradise.

I can't stand to see a man slump like a sack of shit on a horse or an elephant.

Can you imagine rat poison? (laughs)

No, of course she didn't invent the black pearl.

But who cared about it before?

Nobody.

Now she's turned it into something real special.

But did she have to dive for them with nothing on.

They say she's stark ass naked.

Well that's no big deal.

So she's wild and crazy.

And that great surgeon, what's his name?

You know the one.

What, the breasts too?

Absolutely breasts.

Darling, who in the world but you and me haven't done their breasts?

Well that's true.


Hello!

I'm Kate Scott.

Thank you for coming so far to see my pearls.

(Scott) Remember how I could hit the ball?

Ha, got you.

No, no.

(Scott) Come on now, dig in and get it.

All right, watch this one now.

(Scott) Katie, you were great and will be again.

I'm only living for that moment.

For what moment?

Oh, I was just talking with my ghost.

Your husband?

Mm-hmm.

It happens like that with great loves.

You know, neither can let the other go.

Hey, she's not only good looking, she's no dummy.

Ask her if she knows anything about possession.

He wants to know if you know anything about possession.

(yelling)

Is he looking for a body?

You know about it?

I'm a white witch.

A white witch?

Well can you see him?

(laughs)

No.

But I think I can feel him.

Hi, I'm Fausto Girabaldi.

Sabine Justin.

I think Fausto and Sabine should dance sometime.

No, there is an obvious reason why this won't happen.

I have absolutely no desire to dance with you.

Oh, you'll watch me and you'll scream in your dreams, Fausto, I love you.

And I'll forgive you, Sabine.

Oh no, no, no!

We win!

(cheering)

You hustle real good, Miss Scott.

You can stay and play in the game.

What?

Well, that should be a body worth considering.

That's the one he picked.

He liked the hair and the teeth and the rest, I guess.

(laughs)

Well how do you feel about it?

I don't know.

You do realize you can only occupy a body at the actual moment of death.

I guess so.

But how's this death going to happen?

Rat poison.

Rat poison.

Rat poison?

Excuse me, but I do have some shopping to do.

Okay, I'll see you later.

Katie, that should be easy for you.

He's absolutely worthless.

He's full of vanity, nothing more.

Scott, I need to think about this all by myself.

The outsider, that is what we need.

(laughs)

You could have such fun with that body.

Oh, shut up, Scott!

Shut up?

Katie, shut up?

No, I didn't say that.

I said I have to think about this all by myself.

Okay.

Fair enough.

You want it, you got it.

I love you.

You should, Katie.

When you're over here, looking back, you know.

You know what love is.

It's what we always said it was.

It's everything.

Only it takes two.

Well I'm going to think about this now, Scott.

But all by myself.

Did you dance with Katie like this?

I can never dance with Katie like this.

Maybe it is a difficult thing.

But that Mickey Mouse contraption she has invented got it.

It's quite cunning, I feel.

(laughter)

I'm awfully greedy.

I want the whole thing.

You are a killer.

I think I'm going to go see the widow Scott.

I mix a little drink of rat poison and papaya.

And then I hand it to him.

I smile...

...and his dirty eyes smile back.

And he drinks it all down.

But then he looks at me in disbelief as it dawns on him that I poisoned him.

He staggers back, falling.

Struggling, in horrible pain.

And then he dies.

But then the great one slips into his body.

And he's up like a shot, eyes twinkling and bright.

Then he sweeps me into his arms and then he carries me to bed.

And looks deep into my eyes.

And says, "Don't be afraid, Katie."

"I'm not..."

Fausto.

Oh!

Fausto, Mrs. Scott.

Doing your poetry again?

Yes, don't go in the light.

Why, Will the bells ring?

(sirens)

That's Scott's house.

That sounds bad.

This the O'Dare?

Hard to believe this is really the largest black pearl in the whole world.

Of course it's the largest.

You're a bastard, Fausto, a selfish, rotten bastard!

(Scott) Get a gun.

Get a gun!

This punk's up to no good.

All right, get out.

(laughs)

No, like you said, I'm a selfish, rotten bastard.

Get a gun, get a gun!

Yes, yes I will.

I'll get a gun.

More of your poetry, Mrs. Scott?

Hold on tight now!

(laughs)

Good girl.

A look at that should make him go limp.

All right, out of here now, damn it.

Do you really think a gorgeous thing like you could shoot a gorgeous thing like me?

Fausto!

What, Mrs. Scott?

Shoot!

But I can't shoot!

Why, Mrs. Scott?

Move the gun a little over to the right.

Put it on his heart!

I can't.

Squeeze the trigger.

And in one second we could be together forever.

I know.

Oh, oh no.

Oh my god.

My god, it was all there.

I know, and I want it so bad.

Well you don't have to want anymore.

This selfish bastard will give you what you want.

And much more.

No!

(Scott) God, you're sloppy.

You're better than that.

This isn't make believe!

He's not my instructor!

Put an end to it!

That was a really good try, real good.

Fausto, go home!

I hope you're as much fun in bed as you are getting you there.

You should have shot him.

If you don't shut up I'll shoot you.

We've already been through that.

Am I hearing shut up again?

Yes, shut up and let me fight!

All right, get him!

We're out of gas!

Hit him with a club.

Grab the club and hit him.

Okay.

Are you going to use that club like you use the gun?

Yeah, yeah.

Hit him, now!

Katie, now!

I can't!

Yes you can!

I can't!

This is perfect.

Now get the poison.

Stop!

Come on. Stop!

Where is it?

There.

Oh.

Pull his lips open and pour it in.

Yes, his lips, I know, open them.

Pull his lips open and pour it in.

Oh, okay, okay, no problem.

Yes, God, then God, do it!

Oh, I can't.

Goddamnit, son of a bitch!

I'm sorry.

I don't need sorry.

I need, I need that body.

And I want you to have it.

If you love me greatly and I mean greatly, as you always claimed, that boy lying there would be me.

Now unless the little son of a bitch commits suicide, as you kids say, I am out of here.

No!

I am history!

No!

(cries)

Kate?

Katie, what happened?

Kate, is he dead?

No.

But he should be.

He will be, Scott!

Kate?

Oh, Winston.

Are you all right?

Katie, is he here?

Who?

Your husband.

I hurt him and he left.

He's dead.

I'm sure he must be dead.

No, no, he's not dead.

I can feel his heartbeat very strongly.

Are you all right?

I'm trying to be, Winston.

What ever happened here?

Well, I hit him with a club.

But not hard enough.

Why'd you have to hit him?

Well, he attacked me and we fought, and...

Oh, what a bad boy he is.

I'm arresting him now and putting him behind bars, and then I will find some suitable punishment for him.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

You did very well to subdue him.

Very well indeed.

I hit him with the war club, but my eyes were closed or I would have done it much better.

(laughs) Better would have killed him.

Oh yes, I'm sure it would have.

All right, everybody, come on, let's go!

Everything's under control here.

Just go back to the party and have a good time.

There's nothing more to see here.

Just go back to the party.

Are you sure, Mrs. Scott, that you'll...

She almost killed me.

I should have.

I'll regret the rest of my life that I didn't!

Winston, get him out of here.

We'll see you in a while.

Kate?

I'll be okay.

He's really gone.

But why?

Have I gone crazy?

I'm sure under the circumstances, for a moment anybody would.

No, because if I were crazy, I would have been talking to myself and I wasn't.

So I'm not!

But that means the dirty son of a bitch has left me.

Katie, why should he leave you?

Because I couldn't kill Fausto.

Oh, I wish I had!

All right, now listen, Katie, you didn't and he's gone, but somehow you have got to live on.

He has my heart.

How can I live without a heart?

Most people do it quite easily.

I'll die.

Is there no way I can talk to God, man to man, directly?

Mm-mm.

Could Katie?

She could try.

It's a very busy line.

I can imagine.

Well.

I have to tell you something important.

You have one foot in hell.

And if you continue to incite violence, you just may end up in that big bad red pit.

Listen, tell me, how do I get life back?

You can't.

Come on, of course you can.

You can possess a body.

What I'm trying to tell you is people are afraid to death to die, right?

First thing they do is to try to get back down there.

Either through reincarnation or possession.

But you can't do that.

Those are fairy tales.

I have to get back.

Eternity without her is, it's... it's impossible.

In our world there are no shortcuts.

There's no way out of eternity.

You're stuck with it.

Kate, want to show them what you've done.

Okay, Win.

(applause)

You got their attention.

Oh, I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry.

Forgive me, I'll kill him!

I knew you would.

Don't forget about the boogeyman pit.

At least give her a choice.

Katie, it could doom you to hell.

Would we be together?

(Scott) Yes, yes.

(Katie) Then let's do it now.

Let's try it, let's see.

It could mean hell forever.

(Katie) Do you want to go for it?

(Scott) It might not work.

Can you hear what I'm saying?

Loud and clear, are we going for it?

Like I always say, thrice warned.

What more can you do?

It's up to you, babe.

We're going for it!

Kate!

Where are you going?!

I'm going with you!

Okay, okay.

Finally.

You're going to get him.

Hold on!

What is she doing?

Kate, wait!

I'm sorry, Win, I'm going to go get him!

Wait!

Katie, you're going to get him.

Oh God.

Kate!

Is she all right?

She's with Scott.

You believe that?

No, but she does.

Well I do too, but shouldn't we go after her?

There's nothing here that can catch her.

Katie!

Take care!

Where is he?

He's not here, he's supposed to be here.

Where's Garibaldi?

He and the mayor took a boat last night and went somewhere, I guess.

Why is he with the mayor?

I've got to get back to the island.

I bet Fausto's there.

(Scott) You can't take the boat.

It'll take too goddamn long.

You'll never get through the reefs.

Then I won't take the boat.


(spoken in drunk voice) I will fill your brazier cup with pearls for you every year if you will be my very beautiful wife.

But I don't wear a brazier.

You don't.

But you see already how much you have saved for me.

(horn honking)

I have to talk to you!

Alone!

Mrs. Scott.

Now, your honor, immediately!

Get him, Kate.

You're damn right!

You're damn right, of course, immediately Mrs. Scott.

Where is Garibaldi?

He's in our fine jail.

No he is not.

He escaped?

Oh, Mrs. Scott, I wish we had a devil's island for this bad boy.

He escaped with you.

Me, with me?

What are you saying, Mrs. Scott?

I am saying that you left the jail with Garibaldi and took a boat to where?

We took a boat?

Yes, we took a boat!

That's it, Katie, grind him, grind him.

I'm going to ask you one more time.

And then I'm going to beat you up.

Oh, beat me up?

Yes, beat you up badly.

Yes, of course.

You will and I think you should.

Yes, we did take a boat.

Now, I must remember where we went in this boat.

I'm going to count to three.

Yes, of course, but slowly.

Slowly, please.

There's a strange diver in the pearl bed.

There's a strange diver in the pearl bed.

That's where Garibaldi is.

I'm going to go kill him and then I'm going to come back and break your body into little pieces!

They only made one of you, Kate.

Only one.

Wait, wait!

You follow that boat, go on!

Katie, he's fouled up in the lines down there.

He's already dead!

No, he's not dead yet.

He's not!

Let's see.

(Winston) Kate, here I come!


Katie, it's no use!

He's dead!

It's a good try, but you missed.

Tell your Katie he's gone.

It's time you came with me.

Bullshit.

She'll get him.

You just watch.

Bring him back.

Give him to me.

He's gone, honey.

No, I'll get him.

Kate.

Give me that one precious second.

Kate!

He's back.

He's breathing.

You are the most willful!

Katie, you did it!

You did it!

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

Scott?

Scott, are you in there?

I flew.

Oh, welcome back, you awesome bastard.

We have come to witness the marriage of two people, Kate and Fausto.

And now by virtue of the powers vested in me by the state of Wyoming, I now pronounce you husband and wife.

You may kiss the bride.

You're even more beautiful than the first time.

So are you.

(rooster crows)

Oh no, Scott. Oh no, Scott.

No, no, no, I can't.

(laughter)

Scott, no more, I give up.

(laughter)

Isn't this fantastic?

What a wonderful way to die.

Oh no.

Did I lie to you?

Are we having fun with this body?

I told you you'd like him.

Let's make all the bells on Earth ring!

(bells ringing)

Oh no, Scott, oh no.

I can't, I can't anymore.

It'll kill me, I promise.

Prepare to die.

(laughs)

Jesus, goddamnit.

(laughter)

Did you fall off again?

This kid was not much of an athlete.

Oh, poor Scott.

How do I do this?

(laughs)

Be careful with that rein.

I used to be able to ride like the fucking wind.

Fausto, Fausto.

Scott.

You sure are a good looking son of a bitch.

Always have been. (laughs)

(soft music)