G.O.R.A. (2004) Script

Commander Logar, they're speaking English.

Can we have it in Turkish from the start?

Sure thing!


l'd believe it if it were possible however, this is no good.

What's no good, man?

Look dear, l've been a publisher for 12 years now. l've never seen such a nonsense.

Are you listening?

Forget about publishing, this is a UFO, something l've witnessed. l've seen this, shouldn't l have taken a picture?

Besides, l have a friend who made love to an alien, l'll bring him to you.

Bring him, the other one too. We'll create some synergy here.

-But these are fake. -Hake?

Fake man fake... Phony. lt says here Kütahya Porcelain. Look.

Well, l shot this in Kütahya. There's nothing wrong with it. ldiot. Why are you using a magnifier? l've been on the road for ten hours.

Which way are you going, son?

Hah! Just what l needed! l'm going a long way pops. Move on.

-Give me a lift to... -To where?

-Aren't you going this way? -Alright, hop in.

Close the door...

-What's in the can? -Pickles.

Let me turn it like this so it won't fly away. lt's a cabrio after all.

You're well informed.


Would you mind if l played some music?

-What kind of music? -What?

-What kind of music? -You are something... l don't like foreign music. They might be swearing at my mom. How shall l know?

-How old is your mother? -My mom is alive and healthy at 93.

Fine. This band is very young, so they wouldn't know your mother, don't worry.

Oh boy! Look at that view!

-Get out! -What's up son? l hope nothing's wrong.

Get out. Stop talking.

Move.

Turn towards me.

Raise your arm. We're gonna lose the light.

You talk too much. Do something useful for a change.

-Shall l turn it like this? -No, just hold your arm straight! lnnocent villager sees a UFO. You're the man!

Our esteemed Japanese guests...

...this is a really historical place. Translate.

Yes, but...

Please, these are very sensitive, newly painted.

What's he saying?

He wants you to talk about the pictures.

What's there to talk about? They're pictures after all.

Let's lead them to my carpet shop.

What's he saying?

My group is getting annoyed.

-Well, don't translate everything. -How could l possibly not?

Translate this then: Apple pie and tart make me fart hard.

You are really killing tourism!

Cut it short.

Now we're going straight to my shop.

We'll have a look at the carpets. My shop is right nearby.

We'll get out...

Chill out, man!

Tourist or not, l'll smack you one on the eye.

What's this talk you rude bastard!

Lay down and l'll show you what's really rude.

Dumb ass!

Don't make me go Ninja on you!

Don't make me go Ninja on you!

What's this, are you acting up? You clown, come on.

Stop hitting! Give me my glasses.

You'll achieve nothing by yelling in Japanese. Bastards!

They make videos at home and come over...

...to tour the country! Bastards! And then we'll have a tourism boom.

That's some boom!

Arif.

Treasury officials asked for you. What's up? l was to receive a commendation from the ministry. Are they gone?

Yeah. Hold on a minute.

Look at this stuff. How is it?

This should be painted in grey. There's no name on it, right?

-No. -Boss?

English customers are asking for you.

Good. Come over some time, we'll create some synergy.

-What synergy, dude? -Boss, the English...

Has Prince Charles popped up? What's the big deal?

Well, of course!


Order tea. Don't stare like an ox.

Fuck it, order anyway.

This one's crappy.

What are you going to say about this?

Don't ask the chick. Why are you asking her?

Lady?

Nuri!

Look.

This carpet here...

...has an authentic design and is very valuable.

This pattern is called ''Hand on the waist''. Trust me on this...

...the kid who wove this went blind.

The price is $5000, including surgery.

What did you give me to drink?

Arif lşık. December, 8th, 1968.

You have been abducted by the Goran Military lmport Unit.

-Excuse me? -Go on.

From now on you are property of the Goran Union.

-Transportal initiative transport-- -What are you talking about, lady?

My dear Earthling, l think you don't get it. You've been abducted!

Get out of here man. The outfit is fine...

...but we did these jokes when we were kids.

Nice idea, nice location but you can't fool me.

-What's going on, Cheeba? -Unbelievable. l guess he's in shock.

Really? Are the force shields active?

Sure they are. You don't give up, do you?

He'll recover in the cell. Take him away.

Dude, listen! Don't get on my nerves. lt's no good with lights and all. Are you going to buy the rug or not?

Plackumates, take him to his cell.

Bugger off! Tufan, is that you, dog? Take off your glasses!

Take him away!

What was the technique?

Put a little effort into it, man!

Step back!

-Calm down. -Shut up!

You freaked out, ha?

What now?

Are you going to kill us with a flashlight?

Flashlight?

Oh shit...

Get this trash out of here!

Don't let me see you fraternizing with prisoners again.

Get back to work.

-Engage MFD drives. -Engaged.

-Open the parallel port. -Open.

-ls the joystick connected? -Yes.

-ls targeting stabilized? -Ready.

Lieutenant Zurka, lower all shields.

Right away, sir.

What's going on there?

A Colombian is causing trouble.

Why do you cause trouble you worthless Earthling? Search him!

Powdered sugar, huh?

Get him out of here. Send this to the kitchen.

Commander Logar, the cargo is ready.

The numbers?

20 Americans, 5 of them black.

5 Japanese, one Colombian, 1 Danish, 3 lndian.

-Fine... -And one Turk.

One day all Earthlings will work under my command like dogs, Kuna.

We'll gather all of them.

Those days will come to pass, sir. Commander Logar...

Why do you hate Earthlings so much?

Why?! Why?!

This is a hatred, Kuna. A hatred l may never be able to overcome.

Years ago, something which happened to my grandfather Commander Kubar... has affected me so greatly, that l can't seem to shake my taste for vengeance.

Earthlings make me sick...

July 14th, 1789- AKSARAY


What we do to these uncivilized monkeys can never be enough, Kuna.

Commander Logar. An object is approaching.

Who are you?

Get out, out!

Come on, come on. Get a signal.

You were supposed to have coverage everywhere. Come on!

Hello?

Hello, Muhittin, This is Arif.

Bring in everybody, even the US President. l've been abducted by aliens.

What? Yes, by them.

Stop that! Arif, cut the crap, where are you? What are you doing?

Muhittin, this is not a joke. Aliens, l said. l'm in a spaceship.

-What ship? -Muhittin, speak up.

Go to the police, to the station. Hello!

The signal is breaking up. Call me back.

He must be drunk or what.

Hello, Muhittin, Muhittin. lt's no joke. l'm telling you, aliens!

Oh merciful and most gracious...

-Do not fear. -You don't say!

My God, what kind of a test are you putting me through?

Listen carefully. The Force is inside you.

Don't lose control. You'll get away and find me.

Who are you? l can't even tell if you're a genie or a human.

Damn!

Damn!

Stop it. Listen, you're the chosen one.

Find me when you land on Gora. Got it?

Find me.

Daddyo, did you run out of chosen ones?

-Who are you? What's going on? -The signal is fading, find me.

The phone has no signal, the dude has no signal.

What's a chosen one? l left the shop unattended.

Arif, you shit for brains!

Prisoner, turn around.

Want me to lay down naked too? What are you talking about, man?

Don't cause trouble, turn around.

OK!

Look, pal, l know my way around.

You look like a nice person, take this, there has been a misunderstanding...

...let's forget it. l want good treatment. l'm Arif. Take this and say, ''Mr Arif wants some olives...

...a loaf of bread, some cheese and toilet paper.

Come on, take it!

Whoa! There are families who live a whole month on that money!

Could you get at least a charger for my mobile?

Yo, man in black!

ls the ship drifting a little to the left, Kuna?

-Which ship, dude? -Dude?

Commander Logar, an object is approaching, Sir.

That's our planet, moron! Who are you?

Get out, out! l want a nice landing, Kuna.


Whoa!

-Prisoner, come with me. -Out! Out!

Alright, l'm coming. Get out. Please!

Listen, if you tell anyone what you saw back there...

...we'll be on real bail terms. Got it? That's a human urge.

Those bastards have abducted the whole world.

The ship has landed. Anyone stepping out of line...

...or over reacting will be severely punished. l don't speak German.

l don't speak German, OK?

He has stunned the guy. lt doesn't kill, it only stuns.

That's a stunner, they've used it on me too.

Hello, hang up, l'll call you. l can't talk right now.

-Get back in line! -Don't get so anal about everything!

Get back in line here, he's putting the blame on me!

Move on a little.


-Commander Logar. -Superior Tocha.

Welcome.

My respects, Mulu.

Welcome.

You've gathered the whole world again. Didn't you have enough slaves, Logar?

What happened to your face Rendroy?

-What's with my face? -That's what l mean. What?

Superior Tocha.

Allow me to present you some presents l brought from the Earth.

Kuna!

This is yours, sir. Pish...

Pishmaniye. Cotton candy from zmit.

Here you are.

-Mulu. -You're kind as usual, Logar.

Vunar, this is for you.

Enverina, we lost your present on the ship.

We didn't notice.

And this is yours Rendroy, it's supposed to bring fertility.

You're very kind, Logar. Keep this, l have three from birth.

Your daughter Ceku is not here to welcome me.

-Yes, she doesn't feel well. -Really?

Let's go.

What time is it, pal?

That idiot, Superior Tocha is 420 years old, Kuna.

He should give way to the young.

Ceku didn't come to meet you, she shows no interest, huh?

She's going to. Let's see what she's done while we were away.

-Get me 216. -Yes, sir.

Hi, brother.

Hello.

You two, come over.

Us?

Space has always been the unknown to me.

The movies, science-fiction novels. Arthur C. Clarke. Chariots of the Gods. l can't believe l'm here. Space Odyssey.

-ldiot. -ldiot.

Next.

You've turned this place into a government office. ''Go here, no there.''

Greetings, shall l sit or stand?

-Tell us. -Tell us. l'll tell. We bought the goods from Black Faik.

We reloaded the truck in Karabük. l was driving the truck till Adana.

-What are you talking about? -And you?!

You've abducted me, you'll do the talking. l'm confused anyway.

-Aggressive. -Aggressive.

Yeah, aggressive. ls that it?


Commander Logar?

216, come on, fill me in.

-She missed you a lot. -Really? That much, huh?

Well, she kept on saying your name.

Let me see.

Logar, you ...!

Good. Did she mention marriage? l saw her preparing her dowry.

-ls she in her room? -Yes.

Great. Take this my boy. l brought it for you from Earth, you'll be friends.

Thank you very much Commander Logar. l have the batteries. Come to me when you want to play, alright?

Concentrate on your work now.


ls the beautiful Ceku thinking about me?

No. l've come a long way. No welcome?

From slave gathering?

Yoga didn't do you any good, you're tense. l've brought you a present from Earth.

Really? What is it?

World peace.

An authentic carpet, the kid who made this went blind. A valuable piece. l don't want any presents from you, Logar, why don't you leave me alone?

Aren't you the most beautiful girl on Gora?

-Because of my father? -What?

-Will you please leave me alone? -But the present... l don't like carpets, Logar.

Don't insult me in front of my troops.

lt's highly decorative, enjoy it.

Nice stuff, l should get one too.

All prisoners should shower within 3 minutes and go to the dining hall. l'm sure they'll give us little pills instead of food.

You're drawing too much attention, stop that.


-Do not fear. -Dude, you're crossing the line here.

Brace yourself. Don't go with the flow.

Find me. My name is Garavel. Find me!

Goodness gracious. Forgive my sins. l almost got taken, covered in soap.

l'm never picky when it comes to food.

Eat food, evade beating. That's the motto. Pour it in.

Can l have more sauce?

That's your share. Move on.

Just a minute, weren't you the man who distributed soap?

-Cut it short, move on. -Are you Turkish, buddy?

Get moving.

Everybody speaks Turkish, l don't understand who is a Turk and who's not.

Get a load of that pimp, as if he's at the beach.

Hello.

God Almighty, save me from this place before l kill someone.

ls this place taken?

We have to escape.

Together, what do you say?

l chose you because you're different.

First of all, you're Japanese, you're smart. lf we combine our efforts we can make it back to Earth.

-What do you say, Samurai? -Samurai?

-Yes. -Our efforts?

-Don't let on. -Together?

Combined.

Our efforts?

Cut it short. Let's get to know each other, l'm Arif.

And l'm Mehmet, from Zeytinburnu. l work in a leather factory in Kazlçesme.

Leather jackets or shoes and such?

Thanks.

From there.

From there.

Step aside.

ls this rose for me?

Yes, dear.

What's your point in sending this?

To get close and nice. To socialize.

You mean to create a synergy against the aliens?

Don't get mad, come over here. Sit.

You are something. A real Cosby Show!

Americans have a saying, do you know it?

What's that?

Shut up, stop being a jerk!

Smarten up, act like Earthlings!

Be worthy of our planet!

Low class jerks! Let me go, don't stress me out man!

-Superior Tocha. -Welcome, Logar.

You can't possibly know how l envy you.

You're like my own children, you'll lead Gora into better days.

Thanks. l've grown old. l intend to marry my daughter to a young Goran...

...and transfer all my authority to him. What do you think?

A classical but perfect idea, Sir. l wanted to talk to you about this matter.

For Gora's future l have Vumar's son Timar in mind. How's that?

-Vumar's son Timar? -But, Sir...

Vumar's son Timar is...

God knows what they say about me. l put forward myself for this noble duty.

-Your daughter and l are in love. -She's burning with love.

-She never mentioned anything. -That she's burning? l wanted you to hear it from me. l'd be honored to be your son-in-law. l don't believe in love, Logar.

Vumar's son Timar is a great hero for the Gorans. l rather entrust Gora's future...

...to a hero, instead of a lover.

Really?

-Commander Logar! -Yes, my dear.

-An object is closing in, Sir. -Who's this?

Excuse me. Who are you?

Get out! Out! Out!

Out...

See you later, Superior Tocha.

Good bye.

Arif, buddy?

Yes?

We did you wrong today. Forgive us. lt's alright, forget it.

We're in space, everybody is confused. lt's not a big deal.

-ls everything fine now? -Sure, man.

You do that guy one more wrong and you'll get a feel of this.

You are really a phenomenon, always up to something.

Was this your bed? Sorry, pal.

Sit down. Here, you left these in the examination room. l really appreciate it.

Let's get acquainted.

Arif lşık. All sorts of carpets, kilim, travel.

-Here. -Fine. l'm Bob Marley Faruk.

-Are you Turkish, Bob Marley? -Yes.

Great. Have one.

-l don't smoke. -Really?

-Can you give me that one there? -This one?

-Here. -Thanks.

-How long have you been here, Bob? -8 years.

Holy sh...what was that? l'm sorry.

8 years? l wouldn't stay here 8 minutes.

You've disappointed me. l had a bar in Kusadas. There was great music, reggae.

-But it didn't fly? -Nope.

l was in debt up to my ears.

The creditors came to kill me. So l tied a rock on my neck. l was about to jump from the jetty...

...and bang, l was in a spaceship.

Then a completely different world, would you return?

Well...

Let's suppose l did return. The creditors arrive:

''Where have you been Bob?''

''l was abducted by aliens and so on.'' Would they buy it?

-They wouldn't. -Nope.

Then there's the media.

You're making the headlines each day, 'The Man Abducted by Aliens''

-This seems to rub you wrong. -You got that right. l have nothing against space but the attitude is wrong.

You expect something more civilized when you think of aliens.

-You're a prisoner here -So?

Don't make me mad. You're a prisoner. l'm comfortable.

That's because l work in the kitchen. lf l were in the quarries... They work you to death there.

They implant a chip and you walk around like a monkey.

What's this man, quarry, chips..? ls this being alien or human? lf you'd like l can get you a work in the kitchen too?

What kitchen, pal? ls there no way out of here?

-You have to find a ship. -Easy. What's a space ship, anyway?

Alright, calm down, have patience.

These are the final finishes. lt's finished, here.

-ls this some kind of a joke? -Of course it is.

l mean it's impossible to get away.

Quit saying that. There's gotta be a way.

Excuse me Bob but you seem to be a little oblivious to sci-fi. l'm oblivious to sci-fi? l'm oblivious, huh?

You don't know who you're talking to, so you talk nonsense.

What's your point? l was the first Turk to write a science fiction scenario.

You said you had a bar.

That was after l got fed up with the movie business.

So you got fed up with the movies? lt was years ago. ln the last days of the sex movies. l was looking for something new in movies.

-September 12th, 1980 -No, sir, impossible.

My name is Ersan Kuneri, l'm no porno producer. l said they'll make love in underwear. Of course.

The cook, the servant, the gardener. All of them. lt takes place at a mansion.

The cook does the gardener, the gardener the driver, the driver, servant.

Yes, get it printed, l'll send a poster immediately.

The title is ''Group Discount''.

Stand straight,

Raise your chin.

Good.

Yes.

This, this, this.

Who are you? Get out, out!

Be yourself, don't imitate anyone!

Mr Ersan. Should Faruk come in?

Keep him waiting. Wait a second.

This, this. Do you have blue underwear?

-Yes. -Write down, brings his own underwear.

You, from Tophane, l want you to make love like an animal, not human.

-Like a beast ! -Always.

Alright then, the movie's name is, ''Jackhammer.'' Beat it.

Send Faruk in.

Mr Faruk.

Hi, Mr Ersan. l see a tank outside. Was there a parade today?

Nothing important. l have great ideas.

A fresh approach in movies, science fiction. What do you say?

Science? Give me that.

Americans are into this thing, there's lot of money in this.

Any sex?

No, it's about a robot's adventures.

The title is ''6 Million Dollar Man.'' How's that?

6 million? Do you want to ruin me?

Foreign currency is prohibited.

We could change the title.

-Like? -Lunar Lust. How's that? lt can't be on the moon. We have to shoot in one week.

We'll do it. A robot falls in love with an astronaut.

Nice... Lunar Lust. Nice.

Could l have an advance, l'll scout for a location.

Let's celebrate this. l have Kent, Marlboro.

Mr Ersan, the police is here.

They want to entertain you for possessing foreign cigarettes.

That's not entertain, that's detain. Let's go.

There's no escape from law.

Ersan...The film. Science-fiction. What now?

That film is not going to happen.

Let's go to bed now. Don't ever mention science-fiction to me again.

Thanks. They bring me everything from Earth.

Hey, whoa! Slice it carefully!

These guys have chips, half of their brain is gone.

Hand it over, let me do that.

Come on, you've wasted it.

But the guys are okay.

So it seems. You have it nice going here but please think about...

...this escape business.

Cut the crap and let me tell you how to escape.

Yeah.

First try the ventilation shafts from the kitchen.

-Ventilation? -Yes.

Did you all run away too?

Whoa, don't cut in here. So you think you're smart, huh?

Why smart, man? l came to get food.

And there's another thing, that could do.

What's it? Tell me?

Close it.

Close it.

You are way too curious. l'm out of here.

Can we flee right through there, buddy?

Why do you take off the helmet? lf that doesn't work, there's molecular transportation.

-No wonder. What's that? -Beaming, you know.

Do l know? lf there's beaming l'll be directly at home.

Beaming is a risky business, you have to enter the exact coordinates. l'm willing to risk it. l have to get out of here. lt's impossible to flee. You don't get it, do you?

Sorry, Bob but...

...you call yourself Bob Marley but have no hint about the philosophy behind it.

Just wearing that cap is not enough.

And what is that philosophy?

Get me a stick and a piece of cloth. l'll show you beaming...

You'll see... You know nothing about Arif yet.

Don't lose hope. The Force is inside you.

Yeah, right! lnside. Just appear in light, no help at all.

Just show off, bastard! l'll show you all, you bastards....

Beaming, yeah? Beaming. There we are.

What are you doing here? l don't have bucket, if l had one l could do something.

What do you mean?

Commander Logar instructed me to clean this place.

Move!

Why then? You've turned the planet into a shithole.

Behave like women for a change and clean this place.


What are you doing here?

Ma'am, l beg you, just let me wipe off the dust of the beaming room.

Move.

Some guy came and said ''The prisoner shall wipe the dust of that place.'' l swear. He said ''No beaming, only dust.''

Don't squeeze my arm. He only said cleaning.


Damn you all...

To hell with such a beaming...

Leave me alone!


Oh, l'm exhausted. Sometimes l forget that you're a robot.

Come on, l'm useless as a robot now. l go wild when l'm with you, otherwise l have direct robot logic.

The music was fantastic.

Wasn't it? l've downloaded 3000 of them from the lnternet.

Look, what l have.

Oh, l don't believe it. A Turkish movie where the girl goes blind.

No, in this movie the boy goes blind.

Why don't they use microlaser on the girl's cornea, in that movie?

Come on Ceku, is that the way to watch movies?

Just look at the emotions. The sacrifice of the boy, his kiss in the final scene.

Let's play ''Kiss like the Earthlings''.

No, my circuits still waggle from the dance.

Come on, please.

Okay, okay.

-The Earthlings are fun, aren't they? -With their music, dance and everything.

-Will you tell my fortune? -ls it cold now?

Move a little.

-You know l don't do this for everyone. -l know.

-Promise in God's name. -Come on.

Let's see. There's someone.

-Really? -Oh, that's me.

-Come on, tell something. -Be quiet.

Look, in the near future. Do you see, all in black.

With long hair. Could that be Logar?

-Yuck! ln my fortune? -l see a wedding.

There's someone else. He's a little chubby, very straight words.

He has lots of people around him. He will do you a favor.

Don't forget, the letter R is in his name or surname. Don't forget.

Rinse this out.

He asked about you the minute he arrived.

What did you say? l talked very directly. l said ''You have other things on your mind.''

''Don't push her.'' l said. ''She's not willing, so why do you push her?''

''Nothing good comes from force, it will cause bigger problems...

...in the future.'' l said. But he wouldn't listen.

Are you an oracle?

Commander Logar?

Commander Logar, l was only joking.

Take this battery powered doll away.

Put him together with those dogs from Earth.

You scum, he was my best friend.

You force me to be evil, do you understand? l love you, l'm jealous of you. Be it a robot or even my father.

So, you love me? l want this, can you do it?

216!

Disgusting Earth customs.

The prisoners to be implanted a chip today are:

Jack Bailey.

Chris Lover.

Guenter Westinghouse.

José Gabriel Estevez.

Will U. Marry Mee.

Akimi Noname.

The Japanese guy is gone too. l see no rebellion here.

We won't get anywhere just with my resistance.

-Black won't move there. -Really?!

But you moved the white bishop here...

Now start with black-white in front of this guy.

Give me 5, Julio. Let's start again, that paging has confused me. l'm confused. lf only we had a camera. l'd take pictures of this place. Would be a super document on Earth.

Let me go, man!

There's another one. Welcome to the circus.

Get a load of that guy.

Don't leave me here, don't leave me with them!

Don't cry, we experienced the same.

Don't shout, you're drawing too much attention.

He's a robot.

Take him with you to the kitchen, he'll make a nice kitchen robot.

Don't cause trouble. He's a robot, an android.

Really? Hi, Robot.

Hi.

Are you a robot?

Yes.

So, what are you doing here?

Commander Logar has punished me.

Commander Logar? l'm going to kick his butt.

Here, have one. What's your name?

216.

216? What's that?

Updated model of 215. 2. Generation, 16th segment, improvable intelligence.

And high mobility, 7 hours audio and video recording.

Audio recording? Does that mean that you can receive from anywhere?

What kind of a talk is that?

Well, what else should l ask a robot?

Would you like a drink? Are you hungry?

Such a pity... He's a prisoner, like us.

A robot, but still miserable. Does this thing come out? l'm totally detachable.

Really? That's sad, man.

Hey, folks. Why don't you say welcome? The guy's crying.

-Welcome, pal. -Welcome.

Maybe he's programmed to cry.

This is so sad, look at him. l'm Faruk, Bob Marley Faruk.

Hi.

Can you shoot pictures as well?

Excuse me?

Never mind. Say welcome, people.

Don't discriminate. Robot or not, everyone's equal.

-Welcome. l'm Arif.. -Hi, 216.


Do l eat red meat? l'm sorry, sir.

Why aren't you eating, Ceku? l have no appetite. l have some news which will revive your appetite.

Logar is dead?

My funny daughter.

You'll marry Vumar's son Timar.

Vumar's son Timar?

Yes, Timar. Moreover, Vumar's son Timar.

Logar said that you two were in love but... l don't love Logar, nor any other Goran man. l don't intend to marry.

We have a situation, we have to meet immediately.

What happened? lt's very serious, we should go to the big hall.

lf it even comes close to our planet, it could extinct life on Gora.

What's going on Superior Tocha?

A big danger, Logar... A fireball.

A fire shaped ball or a ball shaped fire, right?

We decided to use the sacred stones.

Do you approve as the military wing? ls there no other option? l think that the stones should be the last resort.

We have no choice. lt's natural that l think different cause l'm a soldier. l know very well how to send that fireball back to where it came from.

We don't doubt your courage, Logar but we have to try the sacred stones.

You know better, sir.

Bring the sacred stones.

So be it.


The manual is missing.

How does that feel, huh?

How come? l guess this is the end.

We're doomed. l want full authority, Superior Tocha.

-What can you do? -''What can you do?''

Give me one hour.

Logar, lo...

What are we going to do? Shall l get the ship ready?

Pull yourself together! Which ship? Be smart, come.

Are we going to sit and watch the fireball get closer? lt's such a pity that the manual to the sacred stones is missing.

Sure is, isn't it?

What are you doing, Logar?

What do you think, you idiot?

Do you believe that my dad sent that fireball?

You are playing with fire.

Don't play word games with me, jackass!

Jackass?

There's no other way to get attention from that geezer Tocha and his girl. l've set it up like a clock...

-You see this? -Yes. l'll stop the fireball with this.

And that old fart is going to give his daughter to me. And Gora.

You're amazing, Logar.

Am l?

Notify that geezer about our conditions immediately.

Yes, sir.

We don't have much time.

Logar, be careful with that shot.

Am l being a handful?

Ceku, l can't believe it's you!

Your prediction came true, l'm getting married.

What?

With whom?

Everything's messed up. A fireball is approaching Gora, 216.

This could be our last meeting.

My father made a deal with Logar, if he can stop the fireball...

...l'll have to marry him. Either way l'm dead.

Don't talk nonsense!

-l miss you, 216. -Me too.

Visiting hours are over.

Please, don't be sad.

Don't forget me, 216.

Maybe he can't stop it.

''Maybe he can't stop it''?!

Turn that off. What's this crap?

Come on, brother.

-The guys are watching... -Don't you feel no shame at all?

Arif, Bob, you're all gonna die.

We're not living anyway. What happened?

Turn on the TV. A big fireball is approaching Gora..

The planet could go up in smoke in one hour.

-Let it burn. lt's the Gorans' concern. -We are on Gora, dude.

Yeah, right. Let's see what it is.

The approaching fireball is 10.000 vedon in diameter...

...and can wipe Gora off the celestial map.

The Goran Administrative Council stated that the manual of the sacred stones...

...is missing and therefore Commander Logar's...

...destruction system will be used.

This is The Fifth Element....

Since the meteor shower 4000 years ago...

This is The Fifth Element. Bruce Willis' movie.

There's this fireball and he places the sacred stones...

That's it. Bruce Willis, that short, bald fella...

The leaders of Gora and Commander Logar are in the Sacred Chamber.

Dear Gorans! l'm Commander Logar! l'm always ready to sacrify my life for Gora!

Due to a big misfortune we can't use the sacred stones...

...but with this hyper optic vascular freezer that my engineers prepared...

...l will save you from this disaster...

Bullshit. First of all there's no such gadget...

He just needs to put the stones in their places.

Shut up Arif.

Hyper optic vascular freezer!

What?

We are all very tense and sad.

Now l'll stop this damned fireball and invite you all to my wedding.

-Watch out for your heads. -He's just boasting.

For Gora!

Just shake it a little bit.

Logar, are you playing with us? l'm doing the best l can, sir.

-Did you play with its batteries? -Maybe it was left turned on?

Come on, come on.

He's not going to stop it. Robot, l have an idea.

Can you take me there?

-Try the ventilation. -l won't fall for that again!

Sacred Chamber. Come with me.

Don't panic, don't panic.

Shame on you!

-Perhaps a part fell off? -Which one? lf we turn it off and on again it could get charged.

The fireball is coming, man!

So what? Did my father send it?

-Take off your glasses. -Here. So what?

-Commander Logar. -Yes, dear.

-An object is approaching, sir. -Who are you?

Get out! Out! Please, go!

Get out of my way, shorty!

Greetings, chiefs!

Who the hell are you? Get him!

Logar!

Shut up, blockhead. We know what you are.

Do you want to save your planet?

Who are you?

Whoopy Who. What difference does that make?

Bring the sacred stones. l know how to get rid of the fireball.

Are you an oracle?

What oracle, man... Captain, tell that schmuck to shut up. lf he had some brain...

...he'd understood that those stones symbolize the 4 elements.

-Symbolize? -Yeah, sure.

The 4 elements of nature. Fire, water, earth, wood.

Wood?

Why, are you offended?

4 elements of nature...

Fire, earth and water is easy... Just get me some wood.

Wasn't it air? l said elements of nature.

He could be right, sir.

This is a prisoner from Earth...

Are you going to trust him with Gora's future?

No, he'll trust you. Folks, don't piss me off, bring the stones.

Are you sure you can stop it?

Never mind that. l have a condition.

After l save the planet you'll release me and my friends.

Deal! Bring in the stones.

You brought this guy to Gora, right?

Forget it, may be he can't stop it.

''Can't stop it''? What did l just say?

We're done for.

Yes, 4 elements of nature.

10 minutes to impact.

Don't tense me out here...!

4 elements of nature...

Fire, water, earth, wood. Now get me some wood.

Would this do the job?

Here we go. Our first element.

Wood.

No, earth.

Our second element, wood.

Nope. Fire. Just a sec.

And our 3. element... Wood.

Listen, are you sure it's not air?

No, water. Just a minute!

He spat on the sacred stone!

What was l supposed to do, dig for water?

And our last element... wood!

No... lt's air. Someone said just air! lt's not wood. Don't make up elements.

Air.

Well, we've learned and saw many elements.

Now, the trickiest part. You'll have do find me a girl. l'll kiss her in the middle of 4 elements and the fireball will stop.

For example this girl.

What the hell are you saying, you moron?

The girl will come here! Otherwise l'll turn off the elements!

Father!

Superior Tocha, l won't allow this.

What's going through your mind Logar, shall we all die?

Folks, the fireball!

Let her do it. We'll take care of him later.

Come on or l'll turn it off.


Your name?

Ceku. l'm Arif. Are you from around here?

Yes.

Are you in school? Which year?

Your dress is beautiful, are you princess?

Sort of. l have to kiss you. l know.

Shall l?

One minute to impact.

Just a minute. Actually...

Kissing a stranger, l don't know but maybe... lt's strange but you know, the fireball...

Do you love your planet?

Yes. l love my planet too. l love it very much but...

10... 9... 8...

7... 6... 5...

4... 3... 2... 1...


Enough of this nonsense! Plackumates, arrest him.

What for? l saved the planet.

Don't believe this trash!

You think you're smart, don't you earthling?

You want to take over Gora.

Didn't we have a deal?

This fool has cast dust in your eyes. l have to consider Gora's security. l'll take interrogate later. Take him away!

Some ailen you are. You're breaking our bargain.

Now that we got rid of the fireball sent by that stupid Earthling...

...l'd like to invite you all to my wedding. He didn't hurt you, did he?

Forget about the deal. There will be no wedding.

Really?

Then l will put these photos all around Gora City.


Please, don't exaggerate.

Bravo, Arif! You saved us all.

Yeah, sure. You saw how l was treated.

That was an awesome kiss with the girl.

Drop it Japanese. Don't get on my nerves... l'm so sorry Arif. lf l had known they would do this...

-Where have you been? -Ventilation.

You, Robot, except you all of these guys are useless.

You, and the girl. Forget the rest.

-Did you see how she looked at you? -No. How did she look?

We've seen it all on TV, she was really checking you out.

Shame on you. You should have zapped when you saw us kissing.

Give me a smoke.

Are they marrying that girl to that pinhead?

She doesn't want to.

Well, how could she? This is weird.

That girl is alien and that pimp too.

Then they say that aliens are evil. She's like an angel.

You know the line, an alien says...

...''Hi Earthling, we are friends.'' lf that girl said this, it would be OK.

But that fag... Look how he makes me curse like sailor. l shouted there. l was the one who placed the stones...

...but he puts on airs as if he is the commander.

He is commander!

Could be, but first he needs to be human. What's with those airs...

And he says ''Take him away.'' l'm going to take him out for sure.

No, pal... This is not alienity. lt should come from inside.

The other guy is an animal. The girl is like an angel.

Was this no goal either?

Did l miss again?

Was this no goal too?

-Was this no goal? -lt was!

l entrust myself to your justice and humanity, your Honor.

Ceku, my child. l'm in love, mom.

With the earthling?

Was it that obvious?

Just like me.

Look, mom. Arif is mine... l fell in love with him first. l'm not talking about Arif, Ceku. l happened to fall in love with a non-Goran too.

You loved someone from another planet?

Yes. l was even sure that he was madly in love with me.

l don't know how to put this.

-Your father is not Tocha. -What?

Tocha is not your real father. Your father was very different.

He stood out from the rest.

Papa!

lt's not me. Your father is an earthling, Ceku.

What?

Rendroy is the only one who knows our secret.

Your father has been a fugitive outside Gora for years.

He always wanted to take us to Earth... but in vain.

Tell me where my father is. ln Negney. What are you doing? l'm going to my father. l would rather return to Earth with my dad, than marry that lowlife Logar.

Negney is outside Gora's defensive shield.

Ceku, you can't go alone.

Then you will help me, Rendroy.

Such a girl and when you look at her from a distance...

...she's too tolerant to be an alien. For instance, we kissed.

-She didn't do anything... She was saving her planet, man.

There was an electricity between us!

Something happened. Would she have kissed you?

Of course.

Get out of here. l wouldn't kiss you even if the Earth was in flames.

What, are you pissed off?

Arif lşık, Arif lşık, You have a visitor.

The girl is here! l swear this is the girl.

How do l look?

Alright, stand up straight!

Oh boy, l'm shaking. Give me that rose. l'm off.

Hi!

Was it you, creature? What evil are you planning for me this time?

First of all l'd like to apologize as a Goran.

What's up?

Don't think l approve of Logar's attitude.

You are a big hero, Arif.

Take this pass-card, it will get you out of here. lf this is another trick l won't forgive you.

Don't be ridiculous... We don't have time...

This card will take you to the waste disposal unit.

You have to flee before Logar takes care of you.

Ceku, will wait for you outside. Take care of her, don't leave her alone.

Creature, you are the only human among them.

You are a decent lad, thanks. l have a question...

-What happened to your face? -What's with my face?

That's what l'm asking.

My goodness, there's something with it.

Anyway, take care.

Bye.

This dog will get no bread nor water. lf Rendroy said this you can trust him.

He's different from the rest, indeed he's from Anarsha.

Arif, smarten up. Which waste depot, which girl?

They are pulling your leg.

But he says that Rendroy is from Anarsha.

The Anarshan never tell lies. And they are the best at keeping secrets.

Move on, everything's fine. Look, l have the pass-card... l'm out of here. Who ever wants, can come too. l'm in. l'll come with you to the exit. Maybe l can be of help.

That's the spirit. Do your thing, don't let the door zap us.

Come.


The guy's at the door. What now?

Distract him, l'll come from behind.

What kind of an idea is that?

Let's go!

-Hello there, sir. -What are you doing here?

Come dear. Hello, again.

Our friend is ill. He has only 3 months to live.

We collect money for his operation and we're selling these postcards.

Everyone, from the cook, up to the Superior bought one..

-Pay whatever you like. -What cards? Which superior?

This superior...

Bastard. He puts us through an interrogation for a small donation.

Open up. Would you like postcards?

-Let's go! So long, l'm not coming.

Bob, be smart... we can go back to Earth.

Do you really think that you can get to Earth?

Don't be shy...listen to the man. Flee at once and find me.

Who's that?

This is nothing alike your science-fiction movies. Let's go.

He kept saying ''Come, come.'' His name is Garavel.

-Garavel? -This is all in vain.

So, would he appear in a corona of light if it were in vain?

We have to find the girl first.

There's a girl, too. You're making this too complicated.

Don't complain about everything. You're spoiling the adventure.

-l don't like adventures. -So, you don't like adventures?

Let me give you a brief insight then.

You're writing scripts for adult movies.

You have a reggae bar in Kusadas. You're in another galaxy, as prisoner.

You have robot friends.

You get little pills as food. And, you don't like adventure?

Congratulations!

Why are you laughing?

Maybe he's programmed to laugh. Give me 5. Let's go.

Come, this way.

Oh no. The other way.

So, you like adventure, huh?

Let's not argue, please. l didn't go in because l got spooked.

216, Arif, l'm here.

''216 and Arif!'' l have only devorative purposes.

Ceku, my dearest!

How are you... Thanks for rescuing me.

-We'll talk about that later, let's go. -Let's go then, honey!

And l'm Bob Marley Faruk, nice to meet you. For crying out loud.

We'll exit here. The atmosphere could burn your lungs.

-Why should it? -What do l know? Ask her.

Come on.

-What's going on? -You're against everything!

You go ahead. They may look at your...

Why do you say such things?

The atmosphere is beautiful.


-We made it! -Yeah, right.

-l can almost see Taksim Square. -Jeez!

There should be a bar around here.

Ceku, this is crazy.

Are we going to waste town?

We have to find Chungo.


Come and get it. Quality on the cheap.

Hold on a little. The signal is breaking up.

Hello, Muhittin. Yes, dear.

What? Hereke carpet. Say 5000 $. lt cost us 3500, man... ls he tourist?

Alright, sell it for 5000... Yeah, sell it.

Just a call from work.

-Arif, let's buy this one. -Okay, take it.

-Changing room? -At the back.

-He's happy. -How much did you pay?

Not much.

Hey, buddy. l have very smooth second hand lightsabers.

-Come on, beat it. -Sorry Faruk, didn't recognize you.

-Who was that? -l don't know him..

What's up Bob?

Oh, Bob, how are you pops?

Faruk, are you staying for tonight girl?

She must have mixed me up.

-So you never went out, huh? -Okay, just a couple of times.

How can we find him? What was his name?

On Earth we would have asked the barmen.

Shall l ask?

Don't even speak. They'll tear you apart twice here.

There he is!

Garavel.

Who's Garavel?

-You told us to come, here we are. -Who are you? Get lost.

-Aren't you Garavel? -No. Beat it!

-Garavel? We're looking for Chungo. -Who's looking for Chungo?

-Rendroy...We're heading for Negney. -l'm Chungo. Are you Ceku?

How could l've known, they all have hoods.

Let's get to business Chungo. Rendroy sent us. We're off to Negney.

You said 2 people. Are you 4 now?

4 people. 3 adults and one robot

First the money.

Here you are.

That's dollars. lt's no good. Buy yourself candy with it.

What else?

-Well, l have 20 million Turkish Lira. -Turkish money is fine.

-l don't trust this guy. -These? These are junk, man.

-Pal, is their nitrogen tank full? -Nitrogen, my ass. Come.

What nitrogen? l'm using technical words so he doesn't think we're gullible.

216, ride with me. l can't ride with you. You drive like crazy. Arif Bob, did you ever use one of these? l used to drive a taxi in lstanbul.

Well, take it easy!


We made it guys!

Sit down!

Arif, listen to that fellow. Robot says he's hungry.

You are some fox.

We'll stop by the Churo trees.

Commander Logar, the Plackumates are ready.

Bring them on...

-So this is the summer outfit? -Yes, Sir.

Nice. Turn around. Attention... March!

Bataillon, stop! lsn't this too flashy, Kuna?

-l think it's perfect for the summer. -Alright.

-Commander Logar. -Yes, dear?

3 prisoners escaped, sir.

Excuse me?

Colonel Zoran gave fugitive alert.

Earthling Arif, 216 and one from the staff broke out.

What are you talking about?

Not me, she gave the report.

Logar, where's my daughter?

What do you mean, Sir?

Ceku is missing!

-Kuna! -Logar!


Give me that.

Clear the way.


You're going to burn, you're going to die!

-Are you an oracle? -Don't cause tension!

Buddy, l've got very nice second hand lightsabers.


-Who am l? -Commander Logar.

-Repeat. -Commander Logar.

Have you seen them around here?

Just like this?

Commander Logar.

Look here, Earth money. Where did you find this? Speak.

-Alright, stop. l'll tell everything. -Shut up dog! Don't answer back.

What have you done?

Don't know. When things got tense l got carried away a little.

-Take off your glasses. -Yeah, so what? l lost my temper.

-Commander Logar. -Yes, dear?

-An object is approaching, Sir. -Who are you?

Get out! Out! Out.

Shoot everything that moves. Burn this place down.

Burn it!

-Ceku, are you cold? -A little. lf you're cold l could set this whole place on fire.

Oh, Arif!

Robot, you don't know what you're missing.

That's some great garlic sausages.

Look at the fruits of that tree. Sausages.

We're out in space. Did nothing else startle you?

Bob, what's inside that?

Just plain meat. lt sure is hot.

Yuck! You're eating meat? l'm going to ask you something. Where are we going now?

Bit by bit to Earth?

Ceku, shall l tell them?

Buddies, we will first find Ceku's father.

Ceku's father is a fugitive from Earth who lives in Negney. Are you surprised?

Was Superior Tocha not you real father?

My mother Mulu told me everything.

We'll find my father and flee from this damned place. Are you with me? l'm in.

Oh my dearest. How much you suffer.

We have to find that beaming guy. He'll settle everything.

We'll find him. We'll find Ceku's father too.

You saved us from that prison, we'll even find your primary school teacher. l foretold you that someone would help you out.

-lt turned out to be true. Arif -Bravo, Arif.

Who says there's no life in space? Here!

Yeah, hit on her.

Can't l have a little romance here? Take this. l'll take a leak.

There are no creatures around here, right?

During introduction, you ask for their sign.

Mine is Taurus. Or who's your favourite philosopher?

Socrates. These kind of things. l could have done this but l don't favor it.

So strange. You're in a different galaxy.

On a total foreign planet but you don't seem to mind it.

That's philosophy. l'm in tourism, so we work with foreigners all the time. l know foreign languages, so l can socialize. lf l stayed here for 3 month l could learn...

-Do you know English? -English? No.

English is a must. How come you don't know?

English, let me give you an example. l love you is English. l love you. Don't get me wrong, it's an example. lt means l love you. l means l... love means you...

... and love means you. But it's not that simple.

There are different conjugations in English.

So it's complicated.

Are you going back to Earth when you find your dad? l don't know. Can l adapt to Earth?

Earth should adapt to you.

What's Earth, just a planet.

-Does it have satellites? -Satellite?

The Earth. Yes, it has one. lt's very beautiful, moonlight. Romantic. You take your drink.

-So, Earth is beautiful. -lt is.

-What about the Earthman? -This is the difficult part.

But you'll tell the truth.

Well, should l speak about myself or about men from Earth?

Do Earthmen differ that much?

There's at least 5000 different type of people.

The Brad Pitt type, you know, baby face.

And there are those like me, who are appealing to women. l'm different, really. For a regular guy...

...sex comes in first place, for me second, even third.

Really? l don't know. Maybe it's just me, l don't know.

-You're so sweet. -You too.

Now stop. l don't want to brag.

What about love? Do men fall in love on Earth?

-They are loyal to their love. -Do you have a lover?

No, not on Earth. Nor on another planet. l'm in love with you Arif. l have feeling towards you too. But let's first get to Earth. lt's not just me. There are 1000 different type of people.

Have a look.

-No, we had garlic sausages. -What's that got to do with it?

On Earth, when you eat sausage you don't kiss...

Pardon.

Bob, can you come here a second?

Over here. Can you come here for a second?

-Bob, what do you think you're doing? -What's going on?

You didn't let me enjoy a little romance.

-What did l do? -Didn't you let one rip?

-Who, me? -No, me.

-There was only two of us. -There's the girl and the robot.

-Did the girl fart then? -Maybe it was the robot.

-Bob, you're going to far. -Maybe he's programmed to fart.

He brags that he's a fine robot. lt must have been him.

We're on another planet and besides, you're peeing on my foot..

Plackumates! Arif, Bob! Run.

Run!

They're shooting at us!

Arif!

Run towards the trees.


Where's Ceku? Where is she?

To the waterfall!

-Where? -Waterfall!

Let me go!

Our defiant girl is back. Who was rough to you.

Where are her accessories?

They were killed in the Churo forest.

What a lovely place to die.

Ceku, Ceku.

You're a dog!

You ate sausages.

Ceku, my daughter.

Mom, get me out of here.

Mulu, is the wedding dress ready? You see, we're running out of time.

Your daughter used her adventure bonus, l don't want any more games.

Don't look like that. lf l hadn't farted we all would be dead by now.

We have to find Garavel.

Would it be ok if he found you?

Hold on! You think everyone with a hood is Garavel.

Will you allow me to make a test?

Damn...!

That's him! We're saved.

-Give me 5. -We're saved!

My real name is Hursit but they call me Garavel here.

He's a robot, he doesn't drink. Thanks.

-A 211? -Oh no, 216

Good upgrade.

Thanks.

-How long have you been here? -lt's been 24 years.

You must have had a hard life.

Pardon!

Drink your tea and rest. We have plenty to do. l have to touch and sniff you so that l can recognize you.

This guy's a serious case.

-Why sniffing? -l'm blind.

But a big trauma would open your eyes, wouldn't it?

What kind of a bullshit is that?

You are very different from your movies. ln Turkish movies it went like that.

10 years ago l lost my eyes during an acid rain.

Now knock it off and let me sniff you!

You, come over here!

-Your name? -Faruk, Bob Marley Faruk Okay, go. Now you!

216. Go!

-Do l smell too? -l can smell everything. You!

Arif lşık, all kinds of carpet, kilim, travel.

We've come a long way. Don't let the smell mislead you.

Ok, l got what l wanted.

Now watch me.

Bob, you're there. Arif, there. 216, there.

-Correct? -Yes, Master! Bravo!

-Can we talk for a sec? -What?

Mr Garavel, how long have you been living here?

This guy's a nutcase.

And he's not blind at all, he can definitely see.

Come on. Let go, for God's sake.

Ceku's picture. You're Ceku's father. We found you.

Give me that.

Yes, this is Ceku.

But l'm not Ceku's father.

Guys, please. l hope l don't end up being her father...

Tell us who Ceku's father is.

Ceku's father is...

...Colonel Pilot Rıza Küçükdurmaz. He's Ceku's father... ln 1979 we were together during a reconnaissance flight.

We disappeared in a light beam and came here.

Rıza was rebellious and tempered. He always had and escape plan.

-Just like l would do. -My circuits are running wild.

He always wanted to take his daughter to Earth. Being a fugitive is hard.

We managed to build a ship but Riza was at the end of his days.

-Don't tell me he's dead. -He's dead man. Dead as meat.

My condolences. lt was 2 years ago. First l didn't know what to do. l sent out signals to Gora prisoner ships.

Many times...Then l found you, thanks to your mobile...

-You were talking to someone. -Muhittin.

Whoever! l needed someone who wanted to return to Earth.

Finally l got your signal and contacted you.

That's why you called me 'chosen one'.

Whatever! l gave my friend my word.

Do you understand what this means? l gave him my word!

Alright, l get it. lt's too late for me. l won't make it.

Would you take Ceku to Earth?

Sure, man. l would go with her to hell and back.

You didn't disappoint me Arif. How about supper before we start training?

We have raki too.

l could drink a big bottle.

Cut it out, he's blind. lf you don't settle for less, you won't get more.

Did you pick this by sniffing?

-Why, is it bad? -Nope, but...

Let me share it.

-Amazing. -Yeah!

Bravo, Master.

Technique. Ambition. Will power. Concentration.

This is technique, did you see that?

Robot...could you pass me that salt. l have it. Speed, balance, timing.

Cheers.

l'm here!

Yeah... but why?

Here we go! l'm rebellious!

How do l get here in seconds?

Knowledge, experience. Discipline.

-Arif, he's insane. -Never mind. Bottoms up!

Determination. Desire. Ability.

Thanks for the food. Now excuse me.

-Eating less, improves intelligence. -l don't eat at all.

Who the hell are you? Yeah, the robot. Ok.

Now excuse me Mr Garavel. Good night.

Did you see that? They are afraid of me.

You stayed. Why? Because you are the one!

-Red or blue? -What ''red or blue''?

Don't try too fool me. ls this not Matrix?

What mattress? These are my blood pressure pills.

You're a strange guy Master Garavel. How are we going to go back to Earth?

We'll take out what's in you and then stick it back in.

What's with these word play?

Arif, you're here.

Hey, a camera!

Just let me take a long shot, as a memory. l'll sniff it and remember you. l can only think of Ceku. We're going to rescue her, right?

Don't worry, we'll take care of it all.

Get some sleep now. Tomorrow will be a hard day.

That camera came in handy. l don't have a single picture in space.

-Where are you? -Here, here.

Did you ever see Ceku before today?

-No, l didn't. -You didn't sniff her by chance?

-What's this crap? -Fine then. This way. l can't believe they're dead. l can't believe they're dead.

Arif told me that he was loyal to his love. l know, he'll come and rescue me.

Don't take it so hard on yourself.

Sometimes we have to accept our faith.

On Earth the brides say: ''l cry but go anyway.''

How true it is.

Don't be so disgusting, Logar. l came for the wedding gown fitting. What's disgusting about that?

-Why are you doing this? -Cause l'm a psychopath.

Please don't, Commander Logar!

This is a joke knife. Look.

But l have a real one if you want. Enough with games, put it on.

This is the ship that will take you to Earth.

KA-FA 1500 Yes.

-The turbines are not original. -Get a shot of me with the ship.

Master Garavel, are the papers of the ship alright?

We have a long way ahead. l wouldn't like any trouble.

Yes, everything's fine. Did you ever fly a KA-FA 1500?

-To be honest... no. -Come with me.

Look...how's that?

Nice...What is it? l built it...an upload system. Don't ask me how it works. lt takes 6 hours to explain. With this l can make you a real space fighter.

-Sit. -You swear?

Let's see what we have.

KA-FA 1500...

Hold on... How about a little action?

Let's load Kung-fu.

To me? Ok, do so. What else do you have?

Aikido, karate, Jiu-Jitsu, Highschool Physics, Tao Sex, Best of Journey.

Have you got a sampler?

-Sure. -Give me the sampler.

Tie him up.

Man, this is a Commodore 64, right?

Bob, turn the camera off. Don't waste the tape.

Get the helmet.

Good.

Good.

You won't feel any pain.

After the upload you'll be a perfect warrior. l've got nothing to do with war. Just give me enough to rescue Ceku.

-Are you ready Arif? -Yeah!

Here it comes!

Here it comes!

Ok, take it off.


The Force should be used in the right place and time.

Don't forget, you should never play with food.

l told you, it was a great upload. His body has adapted to it.

Use your wrist.

Are you sure you're not getting a free paint job here?

Don't forget, you can use your powers for good as well.

How am l going to use Karate for good? l'm going to knock the shit out of them.

Nonsense! These exercises will be fruitful later on.

Master Garavel, these fruits are not ripe.

Gather them. You were unripe too, now you're ripe. Come on.

Just run in circles around me, man! l'm doing that. What else should l do?

Turn that off.

You are some pinhead.

When l bend back like this run in a full circle around me. l didn't understand that part so l ran like this.

-A full circle. That's it. -Bob holds it the wrong way.

-Turn it on again! -What's going on here?

Stop playing! We've got business!

Take your position!

Ready?

1, 2, 3!

Odd or even!

Even!

Go on!

-Did we guess right? -Yes, you did.

Give me five, Bob!

-Don't be a spoilsport. -Why, man?

Sit down.

Let's say, this is Ceku's room.

The nearest plackumat is at the end of the corridor. What do we do?

A- Beat him up.

B- lgnore him.

C- We scram.

-Sir. -Sir. Sir.

Yes, Faruk.

B- lgnore him.

A- We beat him up.

Bravo, Arif! lf l had been uploaded that much l would have known it too.

-You know the machine... -Stop talking!

Robot, do you have the plans?

-Yes, sir -Good.

When you arrive at Gora go directly to her room. No adventures!

Would we get extra credit if we give that pimp with the cap a good beating?

What extra credit?

Ok, you can leave now. Arif, continue with your exercises.

-Let's go, Robot. -Have a nice day, sir.

Bravo! Ceku will love you much more like this. l don't intend to boast. As soon as we're back on Earth...

-...l'll get it all deleted. -Do you think it will be easy?

-What? -Rescuing Ceku from Gora.

Don't worry. Just give me that goddamn tool.

Step aside!

Mr Garavel, Arif and Bob are calling you.

-Alright. -Good.

Dude, l can't move in these tights. lt looks good on you. Your shoulders are in the open. Leave it like this.

Master Garavel, how's this outfit for the raid?

The outfit is very important for a superhero, Arif.

-But this is a little... -l think it's too sexy.

Sexy. Go, change.

How's this?

Well...

Nope. Next.

And this?

-The helmet doesn't look good. -The helmet is no good they say. Next. ls this too gentlemanlike?

A little classic.

Too classic. Next.

Next!

Because of this?

How's this one?

Super.

Good.

Good.

Now go my boys! Go and bring Ceku!

Thanks for everything Master Garavel. We'll be here with Ceku in 12 minutes.

Good, you're quick. Have a nice journey. Come back quick.

Let's go!

Good luck!


Bob, are you ready to shoot the sci-fi of your life?

Start recording.

Let's go!

Bob, be careful with the camera. Or else Mr Garavel will kill us!

Move on!

Let me shoot you.

This is great.


-You again? -Oh my!

Why ''Oh my''? ls this guy ''Oh my''?

-Bravo Arif -Ceku's room.

Ventilation.

Come on. Shoot everything.

Great! This color really becomes you. l'll make you one too.

Be careful! Are you going to stitch it on me?

Commander Logar, alarm in D corridor. 3 of our men are missing.

Why do you bother me with that, you idiot? l don't want to pay attention to anything but my wedding suit. l said careful.

Look Kuna, l don't want trouble in the last minute. Soldier, get out! l said out! l'm sick, l'm psycho, ok? Get out!

Get out! Out!

-Commander Logar. -Yes, dear?

An object is approaching, Sir.

Out! Get out, all of you! Get out!

Come closer, come. Sit down.

Take off your glasses.

-What's your name? -Tihulu.

Why do you constantly say ''An object is approaching?''

Are you an oracle?

Why are you doing this?

Who are you?

Let me have it. l want to shoot a little too.

Hold on. Something very weird is going on here.

What is it, man?

Oh boy, Logar. You're having a wedding, right?

You'll get a perfect wedding gift from me! l can't believe my eyes! l didn't know that you were so nervous. l am. You can ask Kuna.

He is very nervous.

-Commander Logar! -Yes, dear?

Are you really going to make me Patrol Chief?

Yes. l'm going to make all of you.

What's going on there?

Bob, your film took a weird turn. lt's not sci-fi anymore.


Again 'oh my'!

You, dude in black! Come here.

Come, keep coming like that!

Did l use my fists on the other one?

-Yes, your fists. -Then you'll get a kick.

-Arif, Ceku is not here! -What do you mean?

Oh, my carpet! Take it with you. l've got nothing to give away.

Oh, shit!

Arif? Guys?

Where's Ceku?

-She thinks you're dead. -l swear we're not.

-They are in the ball room. -l know the way.

-Ventilation. -Oh man, what a ventilation.


-This is the ballroom. -Good.

The bride's relatives are here as well.

Are your power shields up?

Beautiful. Out, out, out!

Dear Gorans...

Commander Logar Trihis...

...and his future wife Ceku Lamtschina.

Throw the bouquet.

Dear Gorans. Commander Logar will give us a little harp concert.

Commander Logar Trihis!

Make it big, so that everyone can see.

Arif, be careful!

-My composition is called ''You're mine''. -Applause!

-What was l going to play? -''You're mine''.


Applause!

Shall l do an encore? Shall l?

Greetings! ls this dude having his circumcision ceremony?

-Arif! -Ceku, honey.

Plackumates, arrest him!

OK. Excuse me, honey. Come over!

Come, come!

Logar, you idiot! l'm at the limit of heroism...

...that's possible in these kind of movies.

Don't cause unnecessary trouble and don't make me beat you. l'll take Ceku and leave.

You moron! How dare you ruin my wedding?

Don't enrage me, dude!

Dear Gorans, l'll show you his real face.

Bob! 216!

Bob, go forward, man! What's this?

60 % of the Gorans are idiots.

Tocha too. A little blackmail with photomontage, and he obeyed.

When l'm the Superior l'll get rid of them all! The council too. l sent a fireball and they all chickened out.

-Did you send that fireball? -No, my father.

This is montage!

Yeah, we saw you mounting.

Plackumates, arrest him!

We'll burn down the planet!

You scum!

Thanks, pal.

Commander Logar, l'm detaining you with charges of treason against Gora.

That's not detain, it's entertain.

-Logar, what are you doing? -What do you think?

-l always wanted to do this. -Bravo, Bob!

Get them out of here. They'll stand trial.

You are a great man, Earthling.

You saved us again from a big disaster.

On behalf of all Gorans l'd like to thank you.

Don't mention it, Superior Tocha.

We did learn a lot from you, my friend!

So did l. l learnt to look at life from a different angle. l starved, was pushed and held captive.

But l didn't give up. l was oppressed because l was from Earth. l found struggle, l found love, romance.

Look how similar we are and how we all strive for love, right?

Hollywood, this goes to you.

For decades you've mispresented the aliens to us.

But don't forget, a human is a human even if he's an alien.

-Mother Mulu, may l? -Speak out Arif.

Superior Tocha... Ceku and l are in love.

We will return to Earth and build there a new world.

A new world within that world.

As you wish.

Shall l get a ship prepared?

We have one, don't worry. Bob, 216.

We'd like to give you the key to Gora.

-ls it made of gold? -Yes.

-Stop! -Who are you, basketball player?

-Give me that tape! -Which tape, man?

Give it to me!

That tape is the only proof of our space adventure.

-l have a family. Now, give it. -What are you saying, fireball?

-Run, if you're smart. -Let him go Arif. He's just a kid.

-Kid? He has a beard, -Our love is proof enough.

My love!

When you pass the heat during atmosphere entry...

...everything is okay.

-l put the carpet into the ship. -Great. Thanks!

Guys, the ship is only for two. So, excuse us, ok?

Tocha is our friend now. We can come and go whenever we want.

Respect! You're just as cool as Bob Marley.

Don't worry. You won't regret it.

Here, this is for you.

What's this?

Your dad's belongings.

Thank you, Gravel.

You can't find this kind of friendship even on Earth. Robot.

-Arif, l'll never forget you. -You are really a robot man!

Master Garavel!

Give us your blessing. You've helped us a lot.

You have my blessing!

-No way! -Bravo! lt's education, pops.

-What's this? -A camera. Does it have film? l don't know.

There is. Go over there.

We're very lucky!

Say cheese!

No, this is no good either. lt is fake.

-Hake? -Fake. lt's phony. l'd like to ask a question.

You either don't take this serious or you're playing with me.

This space thing is nothing like this.

Cut the crap, look.

This is me, this is Ceku, this 216, the robot. Look!

This is Bob Marley Faruk and this is Master Garavel.

This photo was taken on Gora.

500.000$ minimum. 500.000$, here you see the ship.

KA-FA 1500. Don't tell me about the ship l came back with.

With the Goran girl!

Goran?

Nutcase!

Asım, l want a lemonade and two Goran toast.

Do you want something, buddy?

You'll never understand this. l'm not touching you this time.

Pearls before swine.

-What happened? -They moved.

-Who? -My 'hala'. l wanted you to meet them while you were here.

-What's 'hala'? -Hala and her family, relatives.

Hala means the sister of the father. l'll teach you all these.

Teyze is the sister of the mother. Görümce, elti... Something like Rendroy.

What's wrong?

Arif, do you think that l can adapt to the Earth?

Of course. Just get over with this galactic tension. lt's only a planet. Adapt to it!

-Shall l go with light speed? -Yeah, sure.

Oh boy!