Grey's Anatomy S1E9 Script

Who's Zoomin' Who? (2005)

[Miranda] Previously on Grey's Anatomy...

How hot is the sex?

[Derek] You know, some people would call this a relationship.

[Meredith] It's just that I hardly know anything about you.

We're having sex every night. I think I deserve details.

You have more details than most.

What makes a hotshot doc leave the Big Apple for Seattle?

Thanks for the coffee.

[woman] Adoption? Keeping the baby?

I know this is a difficult decision.

I'm not interested.

I am not your sister!

I am a man!

[Cristina] You need to get laid.

See that nurse over there?

She's single. She's got red hair. Go ask her out.

Smooth moves, doctor.

Who is that?

[Meredith] That's dad.

What's her diagnosis?


She doesn't want anyone to know.

I'm the only person she'll allow to see her.

[Meredith] Secrets can't hide in science.

Medicine has a way of exposing the lies.

Within the walls of the hospital, the truth is stripped bare.

How we keep our secrets outside the hospital... that's a little different.

[door rattling]

[Izzie] George. You locked the door. I need to take a shower.

I'll be out in a minute.

What are you doing in there?

[George] It's private.

Oh, God. I'm sorry. I get it.

I don't mean to interrupt.

No, it's not that!

It's OK. Take your time.

I am not doing what you think I'm doing.

[Izzie] There's really no need to explain.

I'll wait. You just... finish.

No, I'm coming. I'm coming out!

[Meredith] One thing is certain.

Whatever it is we're trying to hide, [phone ringing] we're never ready for that moment when the truth gets naked.

[Ms. Henry] Dr. Grey, this is Ms. Henry from the nursing home.

I'm calling about your mother.

[Meredith] Is she all right?

It's nothing like that.

Can I call you later then?

[Ms. Henry] I just wanted to... I have to go.

Oh, my God. Who is calling you at this hour?

It's a wrong number.

There's no reason to be ashamed. It's normal, healthy even.

I'm not ashamed 'cause I wasn't doing anything.

I don't have to. I have a girlfriend.

An imaginary girlfriend?

An actual girlfriend.

You know what? It's no big deal.

You don't have to lie. I get it.

You have needs.

What is going on out here?


Nothing. Nothing.

He's freaked out 'cause I caught him playing with little jimmy and the twins.

I have a girlfriend.

[Izzie] OK.

This sounds like fun out here.

[phone ringing]

Aren't you gonna get that? It might be the hospital.

It's not. Breakfast?

[Meredith] That's the problem with secrets.

Like misery, they love company.

No, look, I told you people.

I'm not coming in for a counseling session.

I know all my options.

Yeah, well, I made my decision, and I made my appointment.

I'll be there on the 16th.

[Meredith] They pile up and up until they take over everything...

I paged you last night.

I wasn't on call.

That's not why I paged you.

You could give me your home number.


I gotta go.

[Meredith]...until you don't have room for anything else...

until you're so full of secrets, you feel like you're going to burst.

I had a really good time the other night.

Yeah, me too.

Are you feeling OK and everything?

I'm good.

Great, now that I got to see you. Why?

No reason. I'm good, too, you know?

Really good.

You know.

But a little itchy.


Hey. Olivia.

Hi, Dr. Stevens.

I'll see you later. OK.



She's into me.

Way to go, George. She's cute.

So, this morning, you really weren't...

Anytime you want to apologize.

Then what were you doing in the bathroom for so long?

I have to go.

[door opening]

I know I'm pretty to look at and all, George, but back up.

I need to ask you something.

I'm waiting.

I seem to be having this skin... thing going on, like a rash, really, and I think I know what it is, but I can't get close enough to tell for sure.

Let's see it.

It's kind of located in a, you know, private... You're a doctor, George.

It's called a penis.

You have a rash on your penis?

I think I can describe it.

It's red.

Just come on. Just show me your junk so we can get this over with.


Dude, you've got syphilis.


[Alex] Patient presented with abdominal pain and blood in his urine.

Once his work-up came back unrevealing, the urologist suggested a cystoscopy.


To get a look inside the bladder.

I appreciate you doing this, Preston.

I know this is a little out of your field.

That's not a problem.

It gives my interns something to do.

I have a feeling you keep them plenty busy.

We were in the same frat at Tulane.

It's gone from torturing pledges to torturing interns. Am I right?

Be very careful how you two answer that.

I could tell some stories.

Bill, you have a camera snaking up your mojo.

It's not the time to cross me.

It isn't anything too serious?

That's what this procedure will tell us.

You don't worry about anything but growing my God son in there.

He kicks like you wouldn't believe.

A badass, just like his father.

Move a little to the right.

[Preston] Your other right.


What do you see? What is it?

Could be any number of things.

O'Malley, take a biopsy of the mass.

Dr. Karev, schedule a CT.

Let's not worry until we have to.

[Richard] There's too much damage.

We'll have to remove most of the colon instead of a local resection.

You gotta push it up.

[clearing throat]

More suture. And what's with these damn lights in here?

[Cristina] Mr. Franklin, how long has your abdomen been like this?

It's been getting bigger for a while.

I told him there was something wrong.

No one gets fat like this so fast. I told him.

Everybody told him.

He has dullness to percussion and spider angiomas.

What's all that mean?

It means we have to admit your father and run some tests.


What's that gonna cost us this time?

Alice, don't.

Hi, results for George O'Malley?

I don't see it here. What's the patient's name?

O'Malley, George. Look, it's just a simple blood test.

Here you go.

Thank you.

Franklin, Jordan. I need these back asap.

What a shocker.

Hey, what did you get, something good?

Syphilis? That's not surgical. Who has syphilis?

Excuse us. Sorry.

You have syphilis?

I don't know how this happened.

Of course you do.

God, Olivia must really be getting around.

Olivia, she's not like that.

It's a new millennium, George.

The only people who aren't like that are the Amish and, apparently, you.

You don't know.

Maybe I've been sleeping around.

Maybe I got ladies.

Shut up.

What am I gonna do?

It's no biggie. A couple doses of penicillin will knock it right out.

What am I gonna do about Olivia?

For starters, stop sleeping with her, unless you want that thing to fall off.

OK, that is twice that you have trash-talked the girl that I could one day potentially...

Not love, but like a whole lot.

If she gave it to you, you have to tell her.


Fine. She didn't give it to you.

She was a virgin when you met.

You still have to tell her she can get tested.


How am I gonna tell her?

"Hey, Olivia. How you doing?

By the way, I got the syph. How about you?"

Maybe not quite like that.

No, it's good advice, really good advice. Thank you very much.

[door opening]

[Richard] Retract here.

This just isn't holding.

Give me a bigger retractor, please.


[nurse] Sorry Doctor. It wasn't you.

Dr. Bailey, you can finish this.

Thank you, Chief. I appreciate the opportunity.

Hold this.

[Alex] I gotta say, George, I didn't think you had it in you.

It's always the quiet ones.

So, who's the woman? None of your business.

Come on.

Who gave you the cooties on the playground?

You must have had something like this before, right?

I never talk about my penis with other men.

I don't either, normally.

We better get Burke.

[knock on door]

Mr. Franklin?

You have a condition known as ascites.

Oh, my God. I knew it was terrible.

It just means there's fluid in the peritoneal cavity.

The abdomen.

And the swelling is pressing against your lungs, which is why you're having trouble breathing.

In your case, it looks like a symptom of liver disease.

And it all comes together.

Alice, not now.

Is there something we should know?

I drink a bit.

That's the understatement of the year.

That's enough out of you!

Hey! I'm only here for mom, to make sure you don't pull any of your usual crap.

There's definitely a growth protruding into the bladder, but look at the edges.

I don't think it's a tumor.

Kind of shaped like an ovary.

That the flip answer you're gonna give your patient, Dr. Karev?

This is one of my oldest friends. You might want to take this seriously.

I'm sorry, sir.

You better be.

I got the rest of the labs back.

They did a chromosome analysis of the tissue.

You won't believe this.

Bill has an ovary?

According to his daughter, Mr. Franklin is a heavy drinker.

Six to eight drinks a day, an alcoholic by any standard.


Schedule a paracentesis. Reason?

Draining the fluid will relieve the pressure from the lungs.

Good, but don't schedule it. Do it.

You want us to do the procedure?

You've seen one, right?


Now do one.

I've never seen one.

You're about to.

Oh, my God.

God, an ovary.

Kinda gives new meaning to the term "metrosexual."

Hi, George.


What am I, invisible?


You go ahead. I'll catch up with you later.

About time I got you alone today.

Olivia... What time is your shift done?

Because mine's over at 8:00, and I thought maybe you could come over.

Olivia! I need to tell you something.

What's wrong?

Are you breaking up with me?

What? No.

Oh, no, really, no.

It's just...

OK, you're the only person that I've been with in a long time.

I mean, not unusually long or anything, you know?

Just a normal amount of long time.

But it wouldn't matter to me if you've been with someone else.

Maybe you have?

I'm not accusing you of anything or, you know, judging you or handing out scarlet letters or anything, you know?

You're a woman, you know?

A very attractive woman.

Of course you've been with other men.

I mean, not that you've been with a lot of men.

It's not like you're a prostitute or... A prostitute?

No! Not a prostitute.

No, the opposite of a prostitute, a lady.

You're very ladylike.

I mean, you're very bendy, but...

George, breathe. OK.

It's just, OK, here's the thing.

I really like you, Olivia.

I like you a lot.

I like you, too.

I have syphilis.

That could have gone better.

[knock on door]

You dropped a retractor.


A few weeks ago, I was operating, and the vision in my right eye became blurry.

After a few hours, it was fine.

It's come back again.

Did you have it checked out?

The examination was normal.

My ophthalmologist tells me I'm just getting older... but you know what a decline in my visual acuity can mean.

I'll set up some tests.


I know how the rumor mill runs around here.

Let's just keep this to ourselves.



[George] Do you think she's talking about me?

She's absolutely talking about you.

[Alex] Dude, that's a good thing.

No. No, it's not.

Georgie, get a clue.

Syphilis is the best thing that ever happened to you.

In their eyes, you're a player.

Hey, syph boy.

You told her?

Just Cristina.

[Alex] "Syph boy."

It's got a nice ring to it, kind of like superboy, only diseased.

[Cristina] Izzie didn't have to say a word.

Around here, the only thing that spreads faster than disease is gossip.

That's not true.

Just 'cause Izzie can't keep her mouth shut doesn't mean everyone...

Hey George, how are you feeling? Sorry about the syphilis.

Everyone in this hospital knows?

Knows you're a player.

You're disturbed.

[Alex] True.

Everybody's got a secret.

Be glad yours is out in the open.

Yeah, Alex? What's yours?

You show me yours, and I'll show you mine.

I'll bet she's got some serious and kinky skeletons in the closet.

What's in my closet is none of your business.

I don't have any secrets. My life is boring.

Everybody's got something to hide.

The mass we found is not a tumor.

That's good, right? Anything's got to be better than cancer.

That's where it gets a little tricky.

The chromosomal tests have revealed that your body contains DNA from two different embryos that merged in the womb at the very beginning of development.

In rare cases such as yours, the condition can produce gonadal hermaphroditism.

I'm hearing scary words here, Preston, you know, pay-cable kind of words.

In English, the mass in your bladder is an ovary.

Don't worry. We're gonna remove it.

We have an excellent gynecological surgeon on staff.

You're telling me I'm a guy with an ovary?

It's simply a quirk of nature, man.

What am I gonna tell Holly?

That you're gonna be fine.

I'm still a man, right?

A man's man, a kappa man.

I mean... you know, my sex life.

Been having any problems?

Was it my very pregnant wife that give it away?

Come on, man, don't worry.

You never knew it was there. You won't miss it when it's gone.

Are you sure you know what you're doing?

It's a shot of penicillin, George. Be grateful I'm even doing this.

I'm about to see more of you than I ever wanted to.

I'll be fighting nightmares for a week.

OK, you know what? Forget this.

Do you want to get rid of the syph or not?

Just shut up and drop them.

I cannot believe this.

Meredith, go away!

George, I'll give you some moral support.

No. No moral support.

I'm indisposed here.

George, it's not a big deal.

And you have a cute butt.

[Alex] I have a cute butt, too.

You want to see?

[Meredith] Get out. You're doing it wrong.

Be my guest.

What... Alex.



[Izzie] What are we doing here?

Breaking George's spirit.

Curing George's syph.

I don't like needles.

Good thing you became a doctor.

Other side.

[Cristina] Izzie? Yeah?

Mr. Franklin's procedure's been scheduled for after lunch...

[Cristina] What are we doing?

We are saving George from a future of festering sores and insanity.

Cute butt.

Told you.

It is cute, like a baby's.

You know, I have spent hours, days, years, imagining myself half-naked in a room with three women.

The reality is so much better.

I think he's gonna cry.

[Ms. Henry] Hi. It's Ms. Henry again.

Is this a better time?

Sorry about this morning. I wasn't alone and...

What were you calling about?

I just wanted to remind you that tonight's our monthly family dinner.

You know, you haven't been to any of our family functions.

You have to understand.

I'm a surgical intern, so my time isn't my own.

Our residents really respond to these events.

They always enjoy themselves, which is so rare.

I think it's important you attend.

I'll be there.

I'll try to be there.

I'll definitely try.

I've cleared some time for your MRI.

Good. Let's get going. OK.

Sorry to bother you with this, Chief.

We've got kind of a situation.

What now?

Three interns, four residents, and six nurses on this surgical floor have been diagnosed with... syphilis.

[Patricia] There are over 70,000 new cases every year.

Undiagnosed, syphilis can lead to blindness, insanity, and death.

If you are having unprotected sex with another member of the staff, get tested.

This is not a request.

Patricia will now give you a safe-sex demonstration.

[all laughing]

When the time is right, and, gentlemen, you'll all know when that time is, carefully open the condom packet... and roll it onto the banana.

We should try and get down to do the MRI now.

This isn't really a good time.

If you want to do this without anybody else knowing, you should do it now.

[Patricia] Open communication is essential to a healthy relationship.

In a responsible relationship...

Poor George.


You know, I think he really likes Typhoid Mary.

Not many budding relationships survive a good dose of VD.

[Patrica] Condom sense is common sense.



...gently peel off the condom and dispose of it properly.

With every fresh banana, always use a fresh condom.

[elevator dings]

[elevator dings]

You're avoiding me.

I'm busy... at work. I'm working.

Why are you in this line?

It's the syphilis line.

You don't need to be in this line.

I don't?

There's no one else.

That surprises you?

Nothing surprises me.

Do I need to be in this line?



Hey. Hey.

Mr. Franklin's prepped and ready.


God, look at this line.

Well, at least we don't have to stand in line.

That's the one good thing about the fact neither of us is getting any, right?

Mr. Franklin, we've given you a local anaesthetic, but you might feel some pressure.

OK, I'm ready.

Grab the skin.

I'm in the peritoneal cavity.

That fluid is bloody.

Is it supposed to be bloody?

You've done this before, right?

Of course. Millions of times.

You're doing great, Mr. Franklin.

OK, wait, wait.

OK, go.


Now all we have to do is wait.

You see that right there?

It's a tumor, and it's pressing against your optic nerve.

Is it operable?


It does have its risks.

You mean I could lose my sight?

Just what I need. A syphilis outbreak and a tumor.

It's probably unrelated.

All right, Derek, let's see how good you really are.

All right. I'll put a team together.

All my people only.

And I still want this kept under wraps.

The vultures will be circling soon enough.

Aren't I one of the vultures?

Why do you think I want to keep an eye on you?

Get going. We're doing this tonight.


[Meredith] You paged.

Yeah, I need you to help me out on something for the Chief.

Can you keep a secret?

Better than you think.

How much fluid can one body hold?

There's a lot of fluid in there, Mr. Franklin, but we're almost finished.

Mr. Franklin, are you sleeping?

Mr. Franklin?

He has no pulse. [Cristina] What?

He has no pulse!

[alarm blaring]

[woman] Code blue. Code blue.

Nobody die just like that with no warning.

There was blood in the tube when it first went in.

What if it's our fault? What if we did something wrong?

We didn't do anything wrong.

We did a textbook procedure.

I checked your chart.

You did everything by the book.

He died on our watch. We must have missed something.

You couldn't have known. There was no history of heart problems.

His death wasn't your fault.

When's the autopsy?

There isn't gonna be an autopsy.

What? How are we supposed to know the cause of death?

It's going down as cardiopulmonary arrest complicated by liver disease.

But an autopsy would...

The family decided they didn't want an autopsy.

But Dr. Bailey... They don't want an autopsy. Let it go.

How goes our special, supersecret, silent, sunset surgery?

I've been practicing that.

You have too much time on your hands.

Tell the Chief I'll be there. Just let me know when and where. I'm in.


[Meredith giggling]

Are you nervous?

It's a complicated surgery.

I make one mistake, I end a fellow surgeon's career, my mentor's career.

No, I'm not nervous.

So, just for the record... you'd tell me if I need to get tested, right?

You think I have syphilis?

No, I don't.

It's just, we never made any rules or anything. I mean, we... never said, "We have rules", and...

I wouldn't hold it against you.

When would I have time to go out and get syphilis?

You're a handful enough as it is, and besides, we're, like, practically a condom ad.

But no more glow-in-the-dark ones.

You see? There's nothing to worry about.

Maybe we should, you know, make some rules, I mean.

We should.



Just for the record...

I liked the glow-in-the-dark ones.

I bet you do. [phone ringing]

That's the last of the ovarian material.

I just need to sew up the perforation on the bladder wall.

Is there a problem, Dr. Knox?

You said this man's wife is pregnant?

Due in five weeks. Why?

Our patient has a blind vas deferens.

Bill is sterile?

And always has been.

Then who got his wife pregnant?

[Alex] Sucks to be Bill right now.

How's Burke gonna tell him the baby's not his?

Burke's not gonna tell him.

He has to. They're friends.

Bill's better off not knowing.

Do you think Holly knows Bill's not the father?

Maybe, maybe not.

Bill should know his wife's cheating on him. I'd want to know.

I don't remember asking for your opinions, so keep them to yourselves.

Sorry, sir.

You're such a gossip.

[Izzie] We know how confusing this must be, your husband dying so suddenly, but an autopsy will tell us why.

So, you think we should do the autopsy?

No, we just want this to be over.

But don't you want to know for certain what killed him?

My father was a mean drunk who couldn't hold a job.

That's what killed him.

I understand that you're angry, but knowing for sure might help give you some closure.

It was awfully sudden, Alice.


He's been killing himself for years.

He was a good man.

Maybe they're right.

Maybe we should do the autopsy.

Mom, stop it.

He's dead.

[Alice] It's finally over.

Alice, your father would have wanted...

Who cares what he wanted?

Can't we please just try and get out of this with whatever shred of dignity this family has left?

You guys want to perform an unauthorized autopsy?

I know you, Cristina. You do not want to be known as the new 007.

An autopsy clears your name.

Cristina, no.

What about Franklin's wife?

You saw the way she was looking at me. She wants the autopsy.

She just didn't want to fight with her daughter.

She looked so sad.

OK, Cristina Yang, licensed to kill.

OK, I'm in.

I am so not involved in this.

Meredith, this is Fight Club. Nobody talks about it.


We have to do it when Bailey's not around.

Bailey's always around. She's everywhere and knows everything.

We have to take our chances.

Bailey's got something tonight from 7:00 to 11:00.

You two will be the last thing she's worried about.

How do you know that? What kind of something?

I can't tell you that. It's Fight Club, too.

If I'm missing out on a real patient because of this, they're gonna call me 007 because I've killed you.

How we doing?

Did you lock up the gallery?

Don't worry. We're flying under the radar.

What did you put out there, the midas rex?

We've got it, Chief.

How much vancomycin is there?

One gram, as ordered, sir.

You're not gonna be too liberal with those benzos, are you?

You know, doctors make the worst patients.

You should just breathe in the happy gas.

Stop running my OR.

I've got you covered.


We stole a body.

We're body snatchers.

What if somebody from the morgue comes looking for Franklin?

Well, "A" it's in the middle of the night, and "B" the thing about being dead is people stop looking for you.


When's the last time you did an autopsy?

I took gross anatomy like you. I'm just trying to remember.

You know what? Hold on. Hold on. Wait.

Hold on.

You brought a textbook?

If we're gonna do this, we're gonna do it right.


OK, got it.

You sure?

It's not like we can kill him twice.

Let me cut.

You'll get your turn.

You should really be using the 10 blade.

Will you stop backseat cutting?

Go get the saw.

OK, I've sutured the drain in place. The staples look fine.

All right, we're done here. Dr. Bailey, you want to wrap him?

Nice work, everybody, nicely done.



Do you think the optic nerve is damaged?

If it is, when he wakes up, he'll...

He'll be blind?

For how long?


[Miranda] Page Stevens and Yang.

Tell them I want them covering your patients.

I need you to stay and monitor the Chief.

Cristina and Izzie... I think they're already swamped.

With what?

Labs. They had to check on some labs.

You are lying.

I know you're lying.

You know how I know? 'Cause you're a bad liar!

I hate a bad liar.

Take over for me.

I know exactly where they are.

Take over.

[Preston] Your whole relationship is a lie.

We're happy.

We've wanted a child for a long time.

Why do you want to take this away from him?

Does he know you've been cheating on him?

Preston, this is between Bill and me.

The man has a right to know that this isn't his child.

Please, just let this go. Why can't you let this go?

Because Bill is my best friend. That's why.

If you were really his friend, you wouldn't do this.

Holly, please! Tell him the truth! Why?

I'm not gonna ruin my life because you think this is wrong.

Your life?

What about his life? What about this child's life?

What Bill doesn't know won't hurt him.


Maybe his friend won't tell him the truth, but I'm also his doctor, and his doctor is not going to lie to him.

I know, but something came up, an important surgery, and I couldn't.

I'm just sorry you couldn't be there for your mother.

Ms. Henry, if my mother were lucid, she would understand.

She's a surgeon.

She's done this countless times.

And besides, she doesn't even know who I am anyway, so...

[Ms. Henry] Today she did.


Your mother's been asking when her daughter Meredith gets off from work.



A lot of secret phone calls today.

Yeah, it's my mother.

She isn't traveling.

She isn't writing a book.

She isn't anything.

I've been lying to everyone.


She has Alzheimer's.

How advanced? Very.

She's in a home, and I'm the only one who even knows she's sick.

I just don't know what to do anymore, you know?

Don't even tell me you're doing what I think you're doing!

Not only did you disregard the family's wishes, you broke the law!

You could be arrested for assault!

Do you like jail?

The hospital could be sued!

I could lose my license, my job! I like my job!

Did you think about any of this before you started cutting open a poor man's body?

I could seriously kick both your asses right now.

Do you have anything to say?

Look at his heart.

It's huge!

It's over 600 grams, and there's some kind of grainy material in it.

We want to run some tests.

Now you want to run tests?

At this point, what could it hurt?

I hate both of you right now.

[monitor beeping steadily]

Meredith... he's an attending.

You're an intern.

You saw us?

You can see.

I'm gonna tell you what your mother would say if she were here.

You're making a mistake.

A big one.

And I would tell my mother it's not a mistake.

We specifically said no autopsy.

I understand why you're upset.

You understand?

We're gonna get an attorney.

Come on, Mom.

We know what killed him.

He had a blood condition known as hemachromatosis.

The disease causes an excess amount of iron to build up in the body, and that's what caused the heart failure, not the paracentesis.

But I thought he was always so sick 'cause of the drinking.

And you never let him forget it... or me.

Mom... There's something else.

The disease is genetic.

You think Alice could have it, too?

A simple blood test will tell us.

If you have it, we'll have caught it early enough to treat it before the condition becomes critical.

Dr. Stevens and Dr. Yang may have saved your life.

If you could just... sign this consent form for the autopsy... just a formality.

[Meredith] The thing people forget is how good it can feel when you finally set secrets free.

Whether good or bad, at least they're out in the open... like it or not.

About before...

George, I want you to understand... when we started dating, I was already kind of seeing someone.

I didn't know how much I'd like you, and when I realized, I broke it off with the other guy.

Other guy?

Who's the other guy?

You and Alex?

You and Alex?

You gave me syphilis?



George, back off!



Back off, Alex.

[Meredith] And once your secrets are out in the open, you don't have to hide behind them anymore.

Long day. Yeah.

Someone out there has a steak with your name on it and maybe a bottle of wine.

This is why I keep you around.

So, we need to talk.

Wine first, talk later.

You trying to get me drunk so you can take advantage of me?

I think I like this rules thing.

Me too.

Meredith, I am so sorry.

[Meredith] The problem with secrets is even when you think you're in control...


[Meredith]'re not.

What are you doing here?

You'd know if you'd bothered to return any one of my phone calls.

Hi. I'm Addison Shepherd.


And you must be the woman who's been screwing my husband.