Growing the Big One (2010) Script

IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE, BUT WE HAVE COME TO THE END OF ANOTHER WEEK OF SEATTLE PULSE!

WE STILL HAVE A MINUTE LEFT, AND YOU ALL KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.

I WILL ANSWER AS MANY QUESTIONS AS YOU CAN THROW AT ME IN 30 SECONDS.

CALLER ONE, YOU'RE ON.

I HAVE TWO WORDS-- "NATURAL METALLICS."

SPRING SALE AT SHOE INC.

CALLER TWO!

BEST STEAK HOUSE FOR THE IN-LAWS COMING IN FROM PITTSBURGH?

WELL, THAT'S A NO-BRAINER.

MAKE SURE TO ASK FOR A PATIO TABLE.

CALLER THREE!

LOCAL WINE TO SERVE WITH SEA BASS?

CHATEAU ST. MICHELLE CHARDONNAY, 2006.

ALL RIGHT, THAT IS IT FOR SEATTLE PULSE, THE HEARTBEAT OF THE CITY.

THIS IS EMMA SILVER, REMINDING YOU TO SMELL THE COFFEE, DRIVE CAREFULLY, AND, OF COURSE, JOIN US AGAIN ON MONDAY.

HEY, GREAT SHOW.

OH, THANKS.

YOU GOT A SEC?

FOR YOU, ED, ALWAYS.

[CHUCKLES WARMLY]

WELL, I'LL JUST CUT TO THE CHASE.

WE ARE NOW PART OF THE WORLDMEDIA MERGER.

I'M NOT REALLY SURE I LIKE THE SOUND OF THAT.

READ MY LIPS, NOTHING'S GOING TO CHANGE.

WELL, HOW CAN YOU BE SO SURE?

KBMU'S BEEN AROUND FOR 40 YEARS.

THEY'RE NOT GOING TO TAMPER WITH SUCCESS.

I UPROOTED MY LIFE IN NEW YORK TO MOVE HERE FOR THIS JOB.

I KNOW.

I INVESTED MY SAVINGS IN A CONDO.

UNDERSTOOD.

I HAVE A DENTIST, I HAVE A HAIRDRESSER, I HAVE A NAIL SALON THAT ACTUALLY UNDERSTANDS MY CUTICLES.

ARE YOU DONE?

I HAVE A THREE-YEAR IRON-CLAD CONTRACT.

"NOTHING'S GOING TO CHANGE" DID YOU MISS?

ENJOY YOUR WEEKEND.

I'LL DO MY BEST.

SEE YOU LATER.

EMMA, YOU HAVE A CALL ON LINE TWO.

HE SAID IT'S IMPORTANT.

HELLO.

YEAH, THIS IS EMMA SILVER.

[ED HUMMING MERRILY]

ED...

HMM? OH, HEY.

UH, I...

I-I GOT A CALL, AND I WON'T BE IN ON MONDAY.

I HAVE TO GO TO VALLEYVILLE.

UH...

MY GRANDFATHER DIED.

AW, GEEZ, EMMA.

I'M SO SORRY.

SO I'M GOING TO MAKE A... LIST OF, UH, ENCORE SHOWS FOR YOU TO AIR WHILE I'M AWAY--

OKAY, DON'T WORRY.

I'LL TAKE CARE OF THINGS HERE.

YOU JUST DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO, HUH?

I'M SO SORRY.

[SNIFFLES]

[♪]


IS IT SUPPOSED TO RAIN?

THAT'S WHAT THEY'RE SAYING.

I DON'T THINK SO.

ANYBODY KNOW?

I'M NOT SURE, THOUGH.

HEY THERE, HON, ARE YOU LOST?

I THINK I HAVE THE WRONG ADDRESS.

I'M LOOKING FOR A LAW OFFICE.

OH, WELL...

YOU MUST BE EMMA.

HI.

MY CONDOLENCES.

I'M BOBBY ELLIS. I CALLED YOU.

UH...

I THOUGHT YOU SAID THAT YOU WERE AN ATTORNEY?

BUT A MAN HAS TO HAVE A LOT OF IRONS IN THE FIRE.

[CHUCKLES]

IF YOU WANT TO FOLLOW ME, MY OFFICE IS OUT BACK.

SO THAT'S WALT'S GRANDDAUGHTER?

ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?

WALT'S GRANDDAUGHTER USED TO COME UP HERE SHE HAD SHORT HAIR AND FRECKLES.

WHEN SHE WAS 12, MAYBE.

12, WASN'T THAT ABOUT THE TIME YOU LEARNED TO READ?

DON'T MAKE ME HURT YOU, HANK.

IT'S FUNNY, WE'VE LIVED HERE 15 YEARS.

NEVER LAID EYES ON HER, HAVE WE, JEFF?

YEAH, SHE STOPPED COMING BY AFTER THE ACCIDENT.

WHAT ACCIDENT?

HER FOLKS.

REAL GOOD PEOPLE.

NO, NO, NO, NOT GOOD PEOPLE.

EMMA WAS AWAY AT COLLEGE, AND THEY WERE COMING IN FROM THE CITY NO, NO, IT WAS THANKSGIVING.

THEIR ANNIVERSARY'S IN THE SUMMER, FOOL--

WHATEVER!

ANYWAY, THERE WAS A STORM, AND THEIR CAR MISSED A CURVE...

IT WAS REAL TRAGIC.

YEAH...

OKAY, I THINK THIS IS...

YUP, WALT SILVER...

THE FILE.

SO, UH...

HOW DO I GO ABOUT MAKING THE ARRANGEMENTS?

WELL, THERE'S NO NEED.

AS SOON AS WALT FOUND OUT HE WAS SICK, HE TOOK CARE OF EVERYTHING.

HE LEFT A VERY SPECIFIC SET OF INSTRUCTIONS.

I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THAT GRAMPS WAS ILL.

FOR THE LAST SIX MONTHS, YEAH.

IF HE'D TOLD ME, I WOULD'VE BEEN HERE.

EMMA, YOU WERE VERY PRECIOUS TO WALT.

HE BRAGGED ABOUT YOU ALL THE TIME, ABOUT YOUR RADIO SHOW AND ALL YOUR SUCCESS.

HE EVEN SHOWED ME ALBUMS OF THE TRIPS YOU TOOK TOGETHER.

BOBBY, I REALLY APPRECIATE YOU TELLING ME THIS, BUT STILL--

WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY...

"NOTHING DRAGS HEAVIER THAN A BIG OLD SACK OF REGRET."

WALT WENT OUT ON HIS OWN TERMS.

YOU GOT TO RESPECT THAT.

YEAH, I SUPPOSE YOU'RE RIGHT.

YOUR GRANDFATHER WANTED A VERY SIMPLE FUNERAL, FOLLOWED BY A HEARTY LUNCH BACK AT THE FARM FOR ALL OF HIS FRIENDS.

HE EVEN SPECIFIED THE MENU.

FRIED CHICKEN, GARLIC MASHED POTATOES, CORN ON THE COB, AND, OF COURSE, PUMPKIN PIE FOR DESSERT.

[LAUGHS]

YEAH, THAT, UH...

WOW, THAT SOUNDS LIKE HIM.

I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT.

OH, THERE'S NO NEED.

THE LADIES ARE COOKING UP A STORM AS WE SPEAK.

SERVICES ARE MONDAY AT NOON.

NOW, IF YOU CAN JUST SIGN...

THESE, I CAN OFFICIALLY HAND OVER THE KEYS.

THE KEYS?

TO THE FARMHOUSE?

HE LEFT ME THE FARM?

YOU'RE HIS NEXT OF KIN.

I DON'T ACTUALLY KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH A FARM--

THERE'S... SOMETHING ELSE.

THERE IT IS.

THIS... IS FOR YOU TOO.

WHAT ARE THEY?

THEY'RE PUMPKIN SEEDS.

WALT'S PUMPKIN SEEDS.

WHY WOULD HE LEAVE ME THESE?

MAYBE HE WANTED YOU TO ENTER THE PUMPKIN GROWING CONTEST, KEEP THE TRADITION GOING, SO TO SPEAK.

[LAUGHS]

I-I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT PUMPKINS.

AH, YOU'RE WALT'S GRANDDAUGHTER.

IT'S IN YOUR GENES. IT'S PART OF YOUR DNA.

YEAH, WELL, THERE'S A MISSING LINK SOMEWHERE.

AND THIS IS FOR YOU AS WELL.

HE ALWAYS CALLED ME EMMY-LOU...

YOU CAN CALL ME IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS.

[WALT SILVER]: "DEAREST EMMY-LOU...

YOU'RE PROBABLY NOT TOO PLEASED WITH ME FOR FOISTING THE FARM ON YOU, BUT HERE'S THE THING...

THIS LAND, SMALL THOUGH IT MAY BE, IS MY LEGACY, MINE AND GRANDMA ELEANOR'S.

EVERY SEED WAS PLANTED WITH LOVE.

EVERY TREE GROWS WITH A BIT OF OUR SOULS IN IT.

I JUST CAN'T GO TO MY MAKER THINKING IT WILL BE RAZED TO BECOME A HIGHWAY OR A PARKING LOT.

I KNOW YOU'RE NOT A FARMER, BUT I ALSO KNOW HOW SMART YOU ARE.

[EMMA'S VOICE CONTINUES READING]: "...TO MAKE SURE THE PLACE GOES TO SOMEONE

"I'M COUNTING ON YOU TO TAKE CARE OF THE THINGS THAT I COULDN'T TAKE CARE OF.

I LOVE YOU, MY SWEET GIRL..."

[CHUGGING ENGINE APPROACHES]

HEY, BOYS.

HEY.

SETH, IT'S BEEN OVER A WEEK.

WHEN'S MY TRACTOR GOING TO BE READY?

YOU READY TO PAY ME?

OH, YOU KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT.

HOW ABOUT BETTY BAKES YOU A COUPLE OF HER DELICIOUS PIES?

MY FREEZER'S ALREADY FULL OF BETTY'S PIES.

I NEED CASH, GUYS, SO I CAN OPEN MY SHOP.

SO THAT I CAN EARN THE CASH TO PAY YOU.

OH, YEAH, RIGHT.

WELL, YOU FIGURE IT OUT.

YOU KNOW, THIS IS WHY MIGHTY MUFFLER'S GOING TO PUT YOU OUT OF BUSINESS.

YEAH, BUT MIGHTY MUFFLER ISN'T GOING TO HAVE MY FLEXIBLE PAY-AS-YOU-CAN SCHEDULE, ARE THEY?

BUT AT LEAST I'D HAVE MY TRACTOR.

AH, WHATEVER, IT'S DONE.

IT'S BEHIND THE BARN.

WHAT?

WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST TELL ME IN THE FIRST PLACE?

AT LEAST I CAN HAVE A LITTLE FUN WATCHING YOU SQUIRM.

[LAUGHING]

SETH, TAKE A LOOK AT THIS THING.

SEEMS TO BE MISSING SOMETHING UNDER HERE, I DON'T KNOW.

WELL, FOR A COUPLE OF YOUR PUMPKIN SEEDS, I WILL.

I DON'T THINK I HAVE ANY TO, UH, SPARE THIS YEAR.

I NEED THAT PRIZE MONEY.

RUSSELL, HOW ABOUT YOU?

WELL, NO OFFENSE, BUT I CAN'T SHARE MY WINNING SEEDS.

WHY DON'T YOU ASK YOUR NEW NEIGHBOR OVER THERE?

WALT'S GRANDDAUGHTER.

NOW, SHE'S GOT SEEDS.

REALLY? WALT'S SEEDS?

YEAH, AND WE ALL KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.

GIGANTIC PUMPKINS.

MONSTERS.

I MIGHT HAVE TO CHECK THAT OUT.

OKAY, LET'S SEE, WHAT DO WE GOT HERE?

UH...

[STEAM HISSES]

OW! OW! OW...

OKAY, IT'S GOOD AS NEW.

OBLIGED.

YOU KNOW, RUSSELL, THAT BOY'S A LOST BALL IN TALL WEEDS.

[LOCK AND KNOB RATTLING]

HELLO, HI, THERE'S SOMEONE OUTSIDE MY HOUSE.

UH, IT'S THE SILVER FARM.

ROUTE 7.

CAN YOU PLEASE HURRY?

STAY WHERE YOU ARE. I HAVE MACE.

AND I HAVE WD40.

OKAY...

WHO ARE YOU, AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I'M FIXING THE LOCK, AND I'M YOUR NEIGHBOR.

I'M GOING TO STAND UP NOW, NICE AND SLOW.

OKAY?

I'M SETH CULLEN.

I LIVE NEXT DOOR.

THE JUNKYARD?

YEAH.

HOME SWEET HOME.

HI.

EMMA SILVER.

SO, DO YOU ALWAYS BREAK INTO PEOPLE'S HOUSES?

WELL, DO YOU ALWAYS THREATEN TO MACE YOUR VISITORS?

I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT THIS IS A VERY SENSIBLE PRECAUTION FOR A WOMAN WHO LIVES ALONE.

OH, WELL, MAYBE YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED, BUT THESE AREN'T EXACTLY THE MEAN STREETS.

OKAY, YOU COULD HAVE KNOCKED.

I DID KNOCK. YOU DIDN'T ANSWER, AND THAT LOCK'S BEEN JAMMED FOR WEEKS, AND I FIX THINGS, YOU KNOW?

IT'S WHAT I DO.

OKAY, UM....

WELL, I'LL JUST GET MY PURSE, THEN.

HOW MUCH?

FOR WHAT?

THE LOCK.

NOTHING, I'M JUST... TRYING TO BE NEIGHBORLY.

OKAY, WELL, THANK YOU, THEN.

YOU'RE WELCOME, THEN.

OH, YOU KNOW WHAT, ACTUALLY, SINCE I'M HERE, UM...

YOU EXPECTING SOMEBODY?

UH, SORT OF.

[POLICE RADIO SQUAWKS]

QUINN?

YOU CALLED QUINN?

EVERYTHING OKAY HERE?

I GOT A CALL ABOUT A DISTURBANCE.

YEAH.

I WAS MISTAKEN.

I BELIEVE THE TECHNICAL TERM IS "PARANOID."

OH, AND I BELIEVE THE LEGAL TERM IS "BREAKING AND ENTERING."

I WAS FIXING YOUR LOCK.

WELL, WHO ASKED YOU TO?

YOUR GRANDFATHER, ACTUALLY.

WE WERE FRIENDS.

WE HELPED EACH OTHER OUT.

AND ON THAT NOTE, I THINK WE'LL JUST CALL IT A NIGHT, WON'T WE, SETH?

YES, WE WILL.

WELCOME TO THE NEIGHBORHOOD, EMMA.

NICE SERVICE, FATHER.

JUST THE WAY WALT WOULD HAVE LIKED IT.

SHORT AND SWEET.

[CHATTER]

IT IS SO NICE OF YOU ALL TO DO THIS, MRS. BURNS.

[LAUGHING]: MRS. BURNS IS MY MOTHER-IN-LAW, HONEY, AND WE DON'T MENTION HER WHILE WE'RE EATING.

YOU CALL ME MARIE, AND IT IS OUR PLEASURE.

THIS WHOLE TOWN LOVED YOUR GRANDPA.

KIMMY, MORE ROLLS, HONEY.

GOOD TO SEE YOU MADE IT THROUGH THE NIGHT.

DO YOU HAVE ENOUGH FOOD?

BECAUSE THERE'S A FEEDBAG BY THE BARN.

WELL, I'LL KEEP THAT IN MIND WHEN I GO BACK FOR SECONDS.

DID I MENTION THAT I DO AUTO REPAIRS?

BECAUSE THAT LITTLE BMW OF YOURS COULD PROBABLY USE A TWEAK.

GERMAN CARS ARE ALWAYS OVER-TUNED.

WHY DO I GET THE FEELING THAT YOU WANT SOMETHING FROM ME?

WELL, AS A MATTER OF FACT--

IS SETH BOTHERING YOU?

HE HAS A HABIT OF DOING THAT.

JUST LIKE BOBBY HAS A TENDENCY TO RUN OFF AT THE MOUTH.

CAN I TALK TO YOU IN PRIVATE?

SURE, YEAH.

THANKS.

IN HIS LETTER, GRAMPS REFERS TO

"THINGS HE COULDN'T TAKE CARE OF".

DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE MEANT BY THAT?

YOUR GRANDFATHER WAS IN DEBT.

SERIOUS DEBT.

GRAMPS WAS AS SENSIBLE AS THEY COME ABOUT MONEY.

TRUE, AND AT THE TIME, IT SEEMED SENSIBLE TO TAKE OUT A SMALL MORTGAGE ON THE FARM WHEN THINGS GOT TOUGH, AND WHEN THEY GOT TOUGHER, HE TOOK OUT A SECOND, AND THEN YOUR GRANDMA GOT SICK...

WELL, HE JUST ALWAYS THOUGHT HE'D CATCH UP.

HOW MUCH?

75,000.

75,000!

I NEED TO GET BACK TO SEATTLE.

UH...

OKAY, HOW MUCH TIME DO I HAVE TO COME UP WITH THE MONEY?

WELL, THE NOTES COME DUE IN NOVEMBER, AND THEN IF IT ISN'T DEALT WITH BY THE END OF THE YEAR, THE BANK WILL FORECLOSE.

I CAN TAKE THE EQUITY OUT OF MY CONDO, BUT THAT STILL WON'T EVEN COME CLOSE.

WHO IS THE BANK MANAGER AROUND HERE?

KYLE FINSTER.

HE'S ALSO THE MAYOR.

PERFECT.

I WILL TALK TO HIM FIRST THING TOMORROW.

HE'S OUT ON THE FRONT PORCH STUFFING HIS FACE.

YOU DON'T SOUND TOO FOND OF HIM.

LET'S JUST SAY THAT FINSTER NEVER DIPPED HIS TOES IN THE MILK OF HUMAN KINDNESS.

I'M SURE THAT I CAN REASON WITH HIM.

WELL, YOU WOULD BE THE FIRST.

SO, MAYOR FINSTER, I'M SURE YOU CAN SEE HOW COUNTER-PRODUCTIVE IT WOULD BE TO FORECLOSE.

I MAY NEED A BIT OF TIME, BUT I'M SURE I'LL FIND THE RIGHT BUYER.

OH, WE ALREADY FOUND THE RIGHT BUYER.

YOU DO? WHO IS IT?

WELL, I'M NOT AT LIBERTY TO SAY, BUT LET ME ASSURE YOU, IT ALL COMES UNDER THE UMBRELLA OF THE GROWTH INCENTIVE FOR OUR FAIR TOWN.

I HAVE A FEELING WE'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT A LOCAL FARMER.

WELL, I DID SAY "GROWTH INCENTIVE."

MIGHTY MUFFLER, SUBDIVISION, CONDOS, THAT SORT OF THING?

EXACTLY.

WELL, THE BANK CAN'T DO ANYTHING UNTIL NOVEMBER, RIGHT?

OH, IT'LL BE HERE BEFORE YOU KNOW IT.

MORE CHICKEN, MAYOR?

DON'T MIND IF I DO.

OOH, UH, JUST...

[HORSES WHINNY]

HI, UM...

LOOK, I KNOW THIS MAY NOT BE THE BEST TIME OR PLACE, BUT, UH...

I WILL GIVE YOU $100 EACH FOR A COUPLE OF YOUR PUMPKIN SEEDS.

WHAT?

BUT IT'S REALLY ALL I CAN SPARE RIGHT NOW.

I'M A LITTLE BUSY RIGHT NOW.

OKAY, 110. THAT'S FINAL OFFER.

THAT WENT WELL.

THAT WAS A GREAT SEND-OFF FOR WALT.

WE'LL BE SEEING YOU AROUND.

THANK YOU.

BYE.

YOU MAKE SURE YOU CALL ME.

I WILL.

BYE, THANK YOU.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

...WHAT A SUPER DAY!

THIS IS SAVANNAH GRACE, AND YOU'RE LISTENING TO SAVANNAH'S SUPER SEATTLE!

IT'S THE FIRST DAY OF MY NEW SHOW, AND WE ARE GOING TO HAVE AN AMAZING TIME--

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

HELLO!

EMMA...

REMEMBER I TOLD YOU HOW NOTHING'S GOING TO CHANGE?

ED, MY SHOW!

AS I'VE JUST BEEN FIRED, I THINK I MAY HAVE BEEN MISINFORMED.

WAIT, WHAT? HOW?

I-I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

I THINK YOU'LL FIND YOUR ANSWERS FROM THE NEW STATION MANAGER.

YOU'LL FIND HER IN MY FORMER OFFICE.

GREAT WORKING WITH YOU, EMMA.

BEST OF LUCK, HUH?

...COME ON, PEOPLE, BLACK IS SO YESTERDAY.

LET'S TALK ABOUT PINK.

YOU CANNOT NOT LOVE PINK.

PINK IS, LIKE, THE BEST COLOR IN THE WORLD.

YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.

SAVANNAH LOVES YOU!

[KNOCKS ABRUPTLY]

ENTER!

UH, MS. RINALDI-ROGERS, I..

EMMA SILVER, OF COURSE.

I'M SO SORRY ABOUT YOUR GRANDFATHER.

UM, THANK YOU.

ACTUALLY, I'M HERE JUST BECAUSE I--

YOU MUST KNOW SAVANNAH GRACE.

WE'VE NEVER MET.

SORRY, I'M ACTUALLY LATE FOR AN INTERVIEW.

IT WAS AWESOME TO MEET YOU.

[GIGGLES]

AWESOME MEETING YOU, TOO.

WHY SAVANNAH'S ON THE AIR AND YOU'RE NOT.

WELL, ACTUALLY, I'M MORE THAN WONDERING.

I JUST THOUGHT THAT ALL OF THIS COULD WAIT UNTIL AFTER YOU RETURNED.

HOW MUCH I VALUE YOUR CONTRIBUTION HERE.

SHALL WE WALK?

SO, WHAT IS GOING ON?

THE NEW KBMU IS ALL ABOUT YOUTH.

SAVANNAH'S BEEN ON THREE MAGAZINE COVERS SHE IS THE FACE OF YOUNG AMERICA.

OKAY, BUT WE'RE ON THE RADIO.

I WAS SPEAKING METAPHORICALLY.

I'LL SPEAK LITERALLY.

MY SHOW'S RATINGS HAVE GONE UP 33%

IN THE LAST SIX MONTHS.

YES, BUT THAT 33% DOESN'T CONSIST OF THE DEMOGRAPHICS WE'RE AIMING FOR, WHICH IS THE 18 TO 24 YEAR-OLDS.

SO THAT'S WHY I'M BEING REPLACED?

OH, YOU'RE NOT BEING REPLACED.

YOU'RE BEING REASSIGNED...

REASSIGNED?

YEAH, TO "GREEN IS THE NEW BLACK."

OKAY, WHAT IS THAT?

IT'S THE PROGRAM THAT WAS FORMERLY TITLED

"THE GARDEN GAL."

YOU MEAN THAT REALLY BORING GARDENING SHOW THAT NO ONE LISTENS TO?

BUT WE'RE GOING TO BRING IT INTO THE 21ST CENTURY.

OUR MARKET RESEARCH INDICATES IS VERY POPULAR WITH THE YOUNGER DEMO.

I-I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT GARDENING.

WELL, YOU DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT SEATTLE WHEN YOU GOT HERE, BUT YOU FIGURED THAT OUT FOR THE "PULSE."

THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

I WON'T DO IT.

I HAVE AN IRON-CLAD THREE-YEAR CONTRACT.

YOUR CONTRACT IS WITH THE STATION, NOT THE PROGRAM.

WE'RE REASSIGNING YOU.

OH, THAT SOUNDS LIKE A TERRIFIC PLAN.

LET'S JUST FORCE YOUR ON-AIR TALENT TO DO A SHOW.

I MEAN, I MIGHT AS WELL BROADCAST FROM MY TRACTOR.

YOU OWN A TRACTOR?

UH, TECHNICALLY, YEAH, ON MY FARM.

YOU HAVE A FARM?

TEMPORARILY, YES.

THAT'S PERFECT!

THAT'S THE ANGLE I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR.

WE'LL BROADCAST FROM YOUR FARM!

OH, IT'S NOT IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE, IS IT?

UM, IT'S WHERE FARMS TEND TO BE, OUT IN THE COUNTRY.

WHERE EXACTLY?

ABOUT THREE HOURS FROM HERE--

THAT'S BEYOND PERFECT!

SO THAT THE FANS CAN WATCH IT ON THEIR COMPUTER!

18-TO-24 YEAR OLDS WILL LOVE IT!

YOU'LL BE LIKE RACHAEL RAY, EXCEPT ON THE RADIO, AND NOT AS PEPPY.

OKAY, LET'S JUST HOLD ON FOR A SECOND HERE, ALL RIGHT?

YOU LITERALLY JUST THOUGHT OF THIS IDEA TWO SECONDS AGO.

I MEAN, IT'S NOT A DONE DEAL, RIGHT?

OF COURSE NOT. I'M NOT INSANE.

THANK GOD.

FOR A SECOND THERE I THOUGHT THAT--

WE'LL DO A TEST RUN OF SIX MONTHS.

BROADCAST TWICE IN A WEEK, AND SYNDICATION ALL ACROSS THE COUNTRY.

OKAY, YOU HAVE TO BE JOKING.

I'VE NEVER BEEN MORE SERIOUS ABOUT ANYTHING IN MY LIFE.

GO, GO BACK TO YOUR LITTLE FARM.

GET BUSY.

WE'LL DO A TRIAL RUN ON WEDNESDAY, AND BROADCAST ON SATURDAY.

TA TA!

YOU'RE PUTTING A WEBCAM IN THE HOUSE?

NOBODY SAID ANYTHING ABOUT INSIDE THE HOUSE.

TAKE IT UP WITH MANAGEMENT.

[SIGHS HEAVILY]

OKAY, WHERE ARE THE OTHERS?

WELL, THERE'S ONE RIGHT THERE, ONE UP THERE, AND ANOTHER ONE OVER THERE, AND WE'VE GOT THREE OUTSIDE.

NOW, THEY'RE ALL PLACED AND ACTIVATED TO PICK UP ANYTHING YOU DO WITHIN A HUNDRED YARDS.

SO ANYBODY WITH A COMPUTER CAN JUST TUNE IN AND WATCH?

KIND OF CREEPY, HUH?

EXTREMELY.

ALL RIGHT, WELL, HERE'S A RIG IN CASE YOU NEED TO DO A REMOTE BROADCAST, AND, UH, GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR SHOW TOMORROW.


THIS JUST GETS BETTER AND BETTER.

[SIGHS HEAVILY]

[MARCHING BAND PLAYS]

[♪]

GET YOUR BOBBY'S BLENDED!

IT'S A MAGICAL BLEND OF INGREDIENTS FOR YOU, SIR!

WELL, HELLO.

UH, HEY... BOBBY.

SO, WHAT'S GOING ON?

THIS IS THE PUMPKIN PARADE.

[WITH MOCK DRAMA]: BE WELL, EMMA!

HEY...

SO YOU, UH, CHANGE YOUR MIND ABOUT THE, UH, PUMPKIN SEEDS YET?

WHAT IS IT WITH YOU AND THE SEEDS?

THE MIGHTY MUFFLER CHAIN IS OPENING, SO I NEED TO OPEN MY OWN SHOP TO COMPETE.

TO OPEN MY OWN SHOP HERE ON MAIN STREET.

THAT'S YOUR BUSINESS PLAN?

A PUMPKIN?

UH, SETH, SETH...

SETH, SORRY, MY LAWN MOWER'S STARTER--

HEY, WHOA, WHOA, HOLD ON A SEC.

EMMA, I WILL GIVE YOU $200 FOR ONE PUMPKIN SEED.

HUH? THINK ABOUT IT.

THINK ABOUT IT, 200 BUCKS.

EMMA!

OOH!

GET YOUR SKINNY BUTT OVER HERE...

I JUST GOT BACK FROM SEATTLE.

ANY OF YOU THINK YOU CAN GROW A BIG PUMPKIN THIS YEAR?

[LOUD CHEERING]

NOW, I MEAN A BIG, ORANGE, MONSTROUS GOURD!

[CHEERING]

A PUMPKIN SO BIG THAT WHEN PEOPLE SEE IT, THEY WILL HIDE THEIR CHILDREN AND SCREAM FOR THEIR MOMMAS!

I'VE BEEN HEARING THAT SAME SPEECH ALL MY LIFE, AND IT STILL GIVES ME THE CHILLS.

AND HOW MANY OF YOU REALLY SPEAK PUMPKIN?

[CHEERING]

WHO IS THIS GUY?

AL, ONE OF THE ORIGINAL BIG PUMPKIN GROWERS, ALONG WITH YOUR GRANDDAD.

DURING THE CONTEST, KEEPING THINGS KOSHER.

THIS IS A GREAT DAY FOR YOUR TOWN, BUT IT'S ALSO A DAY TO REMEMBER SOMEONE WHO WAS CLOSE TO OUR HEARTS.

WALT SILVER.

NOW, WALT WAS A HELL OF A PUMPKIN GROWER.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

BUT MOST OF ALL, HE WAS A GOOD FRIEND TO ALL OF US.

SO I WOULD LIKE TO DEDICATE THIS YEAR'S CONTEST TO WALT SILVER!

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

AND WALT MUST BE SMILING DOWN ON US, BECAUSE THIS YEAR'S WINNER WILL GO HOME...

WITH THIS!

$25,000?

I LIKE THE SOUND OF THAT.

THE PUMPKIN ALMANAC WILL DOUBLE THE $25,000 IF ANYONE BEATS THE WORLD RECORD OF 1,878 POUNDS!

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

$50,000?

I'D LIKE TO GET MY HANDS ON THAT.

I'LL SAY.

YEAH, DREAM ON, SWEETHEART.

ARE YOU READY?

[ALL CHEERING]: YEAH!

TEN...

[ALL CHANTING]: NINE, EIGHT, SEVEN...

SIX, FIVE...

FOUR, THREE...

TWO, ONE!

[CHEERING]

I CAN DO THIS. IT'S IN MY GENES.

WHAT IS?

I AM GOING TO GROW A GIANT PUMPKIN AND COLLECT THAT PRIZE MONEY.

THIS IS LIKE READING CHINESE, UNDERWATER, WITH A BLINDFOLD ON...

[SIGHS HEAVILY]

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

WHO IS IT?

IT'S YOUR NEIGHBOR!

SETH CULLEN!

I PRE-ANNOUNCED MYSELF WITH A KNOCK, FOLLOWED BY A FRIENDLY EXCHANGE OF PLEASANTRIES.

I'LL LET MYSELF IN.

OF COURSE YOU WILL.

SO, UH, IF YOU ARE HERE ABOUT THE SEEDS, THE ANSWER IS STILL NO.

A-HA.

WELL, I FOUND THIS BY YOUR MAILBOX.

IT'S GOT A SEATTLE POSTMARK.

OOH, GREAT.

I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS.

I SEE YOU'RE ADJUSTING TO THE COUNTRY LIFE.

OH, AND I SAW THE TRUCKS OUTSIDE.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, A REALITY SHOW OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT?

SURVIVOR, VALLEYVILLE?

I'M BROADCASTING MY RADIO PROGRAM FROM THE FARM.

OH, NICE.

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO TALK ABOUT?

OH, THE EARTH...

FLOWERS...

ANIMALS, GROWING THINGS.

I SEE, AND DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THOSE THINGS?

YES.

YOU KNOW, IT'S BEEN REALLY LOVELY CHATTING WITH YOU LIKE THIS, BUT I'VE GOT TO GET BACK TO, YOU KNOW...

OKAY.

OKAY, 300 APIECE.

WHAT?

LIKE I SAID BEFORE, THEY AREN'T FOR SALE.

BESIDES, I NEED THEM.

FOR WHAT?

WELL, I'M GOING TO ENTER THE GROWING PUMPKIN CONTEST MYSELF.

WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD YOU WANT TO DO THAT?

BECAUSE I LIKE CHALLENGES.

OH, YOU LIKE CHALLENGES.

ALL RIGHT, LET ME JUST MAKE SURE I GOT THIS STRAIGHT.

YOU ARE GOING TO PLANT THOSE LITTLE SEEDS IN THE GROUND, YOU'RE GOING TO NURTURE THEM, PROTECT THEM, WATCH THEM GROW TO UNBELIEVABLE SIZES, AND THEN YOU'RE GOING TO HAUL THEM OFF TO THE CONTEST, IS THAT IT?

IS THAT YOUR PLAN?

YES, AND I INTEND TO WIN.

AND YOU THOUGHT MY BUSINESS PLAN WAS FLAWED.

RIGHT, WELL, IT WAS REALLY NICE SPEAKING WITH YOU.

HEY, MY PLEASURE.

TO HEAR WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY ON YOUR RADIO SHOW ABOUT GROWING THINGS.

SHOULD BE VERY EDUCATIONAL.

THIS IS EMMA SILVER COMING TO YOU FROM THE ALL NEW, ECO-FRIENDLY

"GREEN IS THE NEW BLACK" SHOW!

WE'RE GOING TO BE BROADCASTING FOR THE NEXT SIX MONTHS FROM VALLEYVILLE, WASHINGTON, SCENIC HOME OF GIANT PUMPKINS.

RIGHT, NOW, I KNOW THAT USUALLY ON SHOWS LIKE THIS, THE HOST GOES ON AND ON, BUT I WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU LISTENERS.

WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY ABOUT GARDENING, MOTHER EARTH, AND ANYTHING YOU LIKE THAT'S GREEN, BECAUSE AS WE ALL KNOW...

GREEN IS THE NEW BLACK.

ALL RIGHT, ALL LINES ARE OPENED.

888-555-4845.

ALL RIGHT, CALLER ONE, YOU'RE ON.

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO TELL US?

[MAN]: I HAVE A QUESTION.

WONDERFUL. UH, S HOOT.

[MAN]: HOW DO I TELL IF A MUSHROOM IS, LIKE, POISONOUS?

[EMMA]: YOU KNOW, I HAVE, UH, OFTEN ASKED MYSELF THAT VERY SAME THING, AND...

SEEMS LIKE THERE'S A LOT OF OPTIONS.

[MAN]: I KNOW.

AND WE'RE GOING TO MAKE, LIKE, SOUP.

NO! NO, NO, NO, DON'T DO THAT.

NOT UNTIL YOU'VE CONSULTED A PROFESSIONAL.

[MAN]: I THOUGHT YOU WERE A PROFESSIONAL.

RIGHT, UH...

OKAY, SO, IN MY PROFESSIONAL OPINION, I WOULD JUST THROW ALL OF THE MUSHROOMS AWAY AND GO TO THE SUPERMARKET.

I RECOMMEND MOM'S ORGANIC MUSHROOM SOUP.

VERY TASTY, LOW SODIUM.

OKAY, NEXT CALLER.

WH-WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO SHARE WITH US?

[MAN #2]: UH, I DON'T KNOW.

I HAVE A QUESTION, THOUGH.

ANOTHER QUESTION.

OF COURSE, OKAY.

WHAT IS IT YOU WOULD LIKE TO KNOW?

[MAN]: ARE DRAGONFLIES DANGEROUS?

JUST A MOMENT...

[MAN]: ARE YOU LOOKING IT UP?

[MAN]: YES, YOU ARE. I CAN SEE YOU!

[LAUGHING]

OH, BUSTED!

NO, I-I'M JUST CHECKING ON THE NITROGEN CONTENT OF A NEW POTTING MIX THAT'S ABOUT TO HIT THE STORES.

I MEAN, COME ON, DON'T YOU PEOPLE KNOW HOW TO MULTI-TASK?

OKAY, NEXT CALLER.

SORRY, WE'LL HAVE TO DEAL WITH ORGANIC MULCH NEXT TIME, BECAUSE OUR TIME IS UP.

ALL RIGHT, THIS IS EMMA SILVER, REMINDING YOU TO SMELL THE COFFEE, DRIVE CAREFULLY, AND, OF COURSE, JOIN US AGAIN ON MONDAY.

UNBELIEVABLE.

UNBELIEVABLE HOW TIME FLIES BY WHEN YOU'RE DOING SUCH A FASCINATING SHOW.

BYE!

[SIGHS HEAVILY]

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

HELLO.

WELL, THAT WAS A DISASTER TO RIVAL THE SINKING OF THE TITANIC.

WHO FORCED ME TO DO THIS STUPID SHOW.

ARE YOU GOING TO QUIT?

NOT IN THIS LIFETIME!

WELL, THEN, THE ONLY OTHER OPTION YOU HAVE IS TO GET BETTER.

FAST.

I'LL BE LISTENING ON MONDAY.

[INSISTENT KNOCKING]

GO AWAY!

OH, WE'LL GO AWAY...

[TAPPING ON GLASS]

EVENTUALLY.

[LAUGHING]

GIRLS...

NICE!

HELLO...

HI, HI, HI.

AW, WE HEARD YOUR BROADCAST.

FIGURED YOU MIGHT NEED A LITTLE CHEERING UP, AND THESE ARE JUST IN CASE OUR SPARKLING PERSONALITIES DON'T DO THE JOB.

SHOULD WE COME BACK LATER?

ARE YOU KIDDING?

THE CORKSCREW'S IN THE KITCHEN DRAWER, AND THE GLASSES ARE ON THE TOP SHELF.

ALL RIGHT, GIRL!

THIS FARMING STUFF ISN'T THAT HARD.

[ALL LAUGHING]

THAT'S THE LAST OF WALT'S SEEDS.

ONTO THE GROWING LAMPS.

FOLLOW ME, GIRLS.

[LAUGHING]

THERE...

MM-HM.

SO THAT'S WHAT THAT THING IS FOR.

[LAUGHING]

YOU WANT TO KEEP THE SOIL AT 82 DEGREES.

YOU DON'T WANT THE SEEDS TO DRY OUT.

HOW DO YOU KNOW ALL OF THIS STUFF?

OH, JEFF GREW THE DAMN THINGS TILL I PUT MY FOOT DOWN.

HE USED TO KEEP THE SEEDS IN THE BATHTUB UNDERNEATH AN ELECTRIC BLANKET.

I COULDN'T EVEN BATHE OUR OWN KID.

OH, THAT'S NOTHING. RUSSELL SOLD MY CAR LAST YEAR SO HE COULD BUY A FORKLIFT TO HAUL HIS PUMPKINS AROUND.

OH, HANK SLEEPS IN THE FIELD WITH HIS PUMPKINS, ARTHRITIS AND ALL.

OKAY, THAT IS JUST CRAZY.

THE WHOLE GIANT PUMPKIN THING IS AN OBSESSION.

LAST YEAR, SOME MANIAC DRILLED A HOLE INTO THE CHAMPION PUMPKIN, STOLE THE SEEDS.

OH, PUMPKINS ARE LIKE THOROUGHBREDS.

YOU HAVE TO WRITE THE PARENTS DOWN.

OKAY, THIS JUST GETS FREAKIER AND FREAKIER.

[LAUGHING]

MOTHER NATURE NEVER INTENDED FOR THESE PUPPIES TO GROW SO BIG.

THEY ARE FRAGILE!

THEY CAN GROW 30, 40 POUNDS OVERNIGHT.

ONE TINY LITTLE CRACK...

BLAAM!

[LAUGHING]

IT'S ALL OVER.

BUT THE CRYIN'!

[SHRIEKING WITH LAUGHTER]

SO ARE WE DONE FOR NOW?

YOU'LL WISH WE WERE.

WE HAVE TO SING TO THEM.

EXCUSE ME?

IT'S WHAT YOUR GRANDPA DID.

IT'S PRETTY STRANGE, BUT IT WORKED FOR HIM.

UH, ANY PARTICULAR SONG?

YEAH, AFRAID SO.

BETTY?

[CLEARS THROAT]

♪ I'M A YANKEE DOODLE DANDY... ♪

[ALL JOINING IN]: ♪ YANKEE DOODLE DO OR DIE

♪ A REAL LIVE NEPHEW OF MY UNCLE SAM ♪

♪ BORN ON THE FOURTH OF JULY... ♪ COME ON, GIRL, SING!

♪ I'VE GOT A YANKEE DOODLE SWEETHEART ♪

♪ SHE'S MY YANKEE DOODLE JOY THEY CAN'T HEAR YOU!

♪ YANKEE DOODLE WENT TO LONDON ♪

♪ JUST TO RIDE THE PONIES

♪ I AM A YANKEE DOODLE BOY! ♪

[LAUGHING]

[EMMA]: I CANNOT THANK YOU ALL ENOUGH.

I JUST WISH WE COULD TELL YOU MORE, BUT, YOU KNOW, OUR GUYS ARE PRETTY TIGHT-LIPPED ABOUT THEIR PUMPKINS.

THE JOURNAL!

OH, THAT'S RIGHT!

WHAT JOURNAL?

HE CARRIED IT EVERYWHERE DURING THE SEASON, IT HAD ALL OF HIS GROWING SECRETS IN IT.

OKAY, WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE?

A BROWN BOOK WITH A SOFT LEATHER COVER.

IT'S ABOUT, UM, THIS BIG, AND, HONEY, IT IS FILLED WITH SECRETS.


[CELL PHONE RINGS]

HELLO?

YOUR YANKEE DOODLE SERENADE IS A YOUTUBE SENSATION.

THE WEBSITE'S HAD OVER 100,000 HITS ALREADY IN 12 HOURS.

THE YOUNGER DEMO LOVES THAT FREAKY GIANT GROWING-PUMPKIN THING.

OH, I TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT THE WEBCAMS.

I'M GOING TO BUILD AN ADVERTISING CAMPAIGN AROUND IT.

YOU'RE DOING WHAT?

YUP, "EMMA SILVER GROWS THE BIG ONE!"

I CAN SEE IT ON BUSES, PARK BENCHES, MAGAZINES...

NO, NO, NO, NO, LET'S JUST TAKE A STEP BACK.

NOW, MAKE SURE THE SHOW FOCUSES ON THE CONTEST.

THE WORLD WILL BE WATCHING, SO YOU BETTER WIN.

CIAO!

GREAT...

OH, ONE MORE THING.

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

[GROANS]: OOF, WHAT?

IT'S TOO EARLY FOR THIS.

YOU'RE GOING IN THE DRAWER. THAT'S IT.

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

YES...

NO, THIS CAN'T BE RIGHT...

[CHATTING]

[GASPING]

YOU FOUND THE JOURNAL.

YUP, THAT'S THE GOOD NEWS.

THE BAD NEWS IS, I CAN'T UNDERSTAND IT.

WHAT? WHY?

"SHE LOOKS TO THE SUN.

"HER SKIN IS PALE THOSE FIRST DAYS, "BUT GLOWS MORE STRONGLY WITH EACH RAY."

IT SOUNDS LIKE POETRY.

I KNOW WALT WROTE POEMS.

"SHE IS WIND AND WATER.

LOVE HER LIKE THERE IS NO OTHER."

IT'S CODE.

PUMPKIN POETRY CODE.

WALT DID LOVE HIS PUMPKINS.

HE CALLED THEM HIS ORANGE LADIES.

OKAY, HOW DO I BREAK THIS PUMPKIN CODE?

I DON'T KNOW. LET ME LOOK?

"SHE IS HUNGRY FOR YOUR KISS.

"FEED HER WITH THE BOUNTY OF YOUR BEING."

I'D SAY THAT'S ABOUT MANURE.

[LAUGHING]

IT'S DIVIDED INTO MONTHS, SO IS THAT THE KEY?

I HAVE NO IDEA.

SO, THAT'S WALT'S FAMOUS PUMPKIN BIBLE, HUH?

WHAT DOES IT SAY TO DO NEXT?

SHE PUTS HER BARE FEET IN THE WARM SOIL."

SOUNDS LIKE IT MIGHT BE TIME TO PLANT THEM OUTSIDE SOON.

YEAH, MAYBE. THANKS.

YOU'RE WELCOME, BUT THAT IS THE LAST FREE ADVICE YOU'RE GOING TO GET, UNLESS YOU WOULD LIKE TO PARTNER UP?

IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED, WE DON'T EXACTLY GET ALONG THAT WELL.

WELL, WE DON'T HAVE TO, TO GROW PUMPKINS.

I NEED TO DO THIS ON MY OWN.

OKAY, I HEAR YOU.

ALTHOUGH THERE ARE CERTAIN THINGS THAT CAN BE BETTER WHEN YOU DO THEM WITH SOMEONE ELSE.

WE'RE TALKING ABOUT PUMPKINS.

I'M TALKING ABOUT PUMPKINS.

UNLESS...

YOU'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT PUMPKINS.

SO, FOLKS, THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE WHILE WE GET THE KINKS WORKED OUT, AND FOR FOLLOWING ALONG VIA WEBCAM AS...

EMMA GROWS THE BIG ONE.

OKAY, AS YOU CAN SEE, MY PLANTS ARE DOING GREAT.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO OUTSIDE, WHERE I WILL BE TRANSPLANTING MY LITTLE PLANTS ANY DAY NOW, SOMEWHERE RIGHT AROUND...

HERE!

ALL RIGHT, THIS IS EMMA SILVER, REMINDING YOU TO SMELL THE COFFEE, DRIVE CAREFULLY, AND, OF COURSE, JOIN US NEXT TIME.

BYE!

HEY, SETH!

HEY, BOBBY.

I'M TAKING A LOAD OF MY SPECIAL BLEND OVER TO EMMA'S.

WELL, I'M SURE SHE'LL BE APPRECIATIVE.

YEAH, WELL, IT'S BEEN FOREVER SINCE WE HAD ANY SOPHISTICATION SO I WANT TO IMPRESS HER WITH THE GOOD STUFF.

RIGHT.

WELL, IF A TRUCKLOAD OF MANURE WON'T DO IT, BOBBY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT WILL.

THANKS, BUDDY!

GOOD LUCK.

HEY, BOBBY, WHAT HAVE YOU GOT THERE?

WELL, I HAVE A SURPRISE FOR YOU.

I LOVE SURPRISES.

WELL, THEN, YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE THIS.

THIS IS BOBBY'S BLEND SUPREME.

AND I THROW IN A LITTLE BIT OF BAT GUANO TO GIVE IT THAT EXTRA KICK.

THAT'S GREAT.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT IT OR ANYTHING.

I LEFT A BIG OLD PILE OF IT IN MY LIVING ROOM AND THERE WASN'T EVEN A TRACE OF TOXICITY OR STENCH.

MMM...

[INHALING]

WOW.

THAT IS JUST SO NICE OF YOU.

[CHUCKLING]: YEAH...

IT'S ALL FOR YOU.

[CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY]

THANKS.

[CHUCKLES]

NOW, THAT IS ROMANTIC.

I SEE BOBBY BROUGHT YOU HIS GIFT.

YEAH, UH...

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH IT?

I CAN THINK OF A FEW THINGS.

WALT TILLED IT INTO THE GROUND, THOUGH.

OH...

UH, HOW?

WITH HIS TILLER.

IT'S IN THE SHED.

[STRUGGLING]

YOU KNOW...

IT'S PROBABLY OUT OF GAS.

YOU KNEW IT WAS OUT OF GAS!

I SUSPECTED. BIG DIFFERENCE, BUT I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.

I'LL START IT FOR YOU.

THEN ALL YOU GOT TO DO IS STEER.

THE TILLER WILL DO THE REST, HMM?

OH, AND, UH...

DON'T LET THE CAMERAS MAKE YOU NERVOUS.

ALTHOUGH...

MY OFFER STILL STANDS.

YOU WANT TO PARTNER UP, I'LL TAKE CARE OF ALL THE MACHINERY, THE TILLER, TRACTOR, ALL THAT STUFF.

PARTNERING UP AS IN SPLITTING THE PRIZE MONEY?

YEAH, THAT SOUNDS FAIR TO ME.

NOT INTERESTED.

BESIDES, I DON'T REALLY NEED YOU.

I HAVE SECRET GROWING INFORMATION.

UH-HUH, YEAH, I'M SURE YOU DO.

OKAY...

[TILLER ENGINE ROARS TO LIFE]

[SHRIEKS]

YOU'RE DOING GREAT!

OOH...

[GROANS]

OH, YOU BROKE THE CASING.

YOU BENT THE BLADES, YOU BROKE THE FUEL LINE, NOT TO MENTION THE FENCE.

NO, I'M FINE, IT'S OKAY, THANK YOU FOR ASKING.

[SIGHS]

COME ON, FACE IT, YOU DO NEED ME.

SO, ARE WE GOING TO PARTNER UP OR WHAT?

UGH, OVER MY DEAD BODY.

[LAUGHS]

I DON'T THINK THAT'S GOING TO TAKE VERY LONG...

I'LL GET THE TILLER!

COME ON, MARIE.

NO, THEY WON'T. I'M BRINGING THE BEER.

YOU PLAY POKER, EMMA?

I KNOW MY WAY AROUND A DECK.

BROUGHT SOME NEW BLOOD.

HEY, EVERYONE.

YOU KNOW, IF YOU PLAY THE WAY YOU TILL, THIS COULD MAKE FOR A VERY INTERESTING EVENING.

NO, COME ON IN, JOIN US.

PLEASE.

UH-HUH.

AH, I FOLD.

THIS BRIE IS HEAVEN, EMMA.

NOT AS GOOD AS THE GOUDA, THOUGH.

ONLY THING YOU KNOW ABOUT CHEESE IS CUTTING IT.

OKAY, THAT'S ENOUGH, BOYS.

I'M OUT.

OKAY, SLICK, I WILL RAISE YOU...

TWO.

I RE-RAISE YOU...

TWO.

WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY...

I'M OUT.

[LAUGHING]

ALL RIGHT, CALL.

OKAY, LET'S SEE--

AH!

OH, SHE GOT YOU, BUDDY!

OH, GOT SMOKED, HUH?

OUR CITY GIRL KNOWS WHAT SHE'S DOING.

YEAH, WELL, I PAID MOST OF MY COLLEGE TUITION FROM PLAYING POKER.

THAT'S FUNNY, 'CAUSE I SPENT MOST OF MY TIME STUDYING.

YOU WENT TO COLLEGE?

YEAH, I WENT TO COLLEGE.

STANFORD.

ENGINEERING, ACTUALLY.

REALLY? MM-HM.

I WOULD THINK THAT A STANFORD MAN WOULD PLAY SMARTER.

[LAUGHTER]

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

JUST DEAL, IT'S NOT THAT FUNNY.

WASN'T THAT FUNNY...

[♪]

ALL RIGHT, YOU TWO, WHAT ABOUT ME?

I KNOW YOU'RE BLUFFING.

YOU DO?

I'M OUT.

YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULD PROBABLY FOLD TOO.

I RAISE YOU FOUR.

FOUR?

HMM...

TELL YOU WHAT, YOU WANT TO MAKE THIS REAL INTERESTING?

WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN MIND?

I WIN THIS HAND, YOU AND ME...

PUMPKIN-GROWING PARTNERS.

HMM?

[CHUCKLING AND GROANING KNOWINGLY]

AND IF I WIN, YOU DO ALL OF MY TRACTOR WORK, MY TILLING, AND ALL THE HEAVY LIFTING.

NO CHARGE, OF COURSE.

[LAUGHING]

YEAH, OKAY, I'M IN.

LET'S SEE WHAT YOU GOT.

FULL HOUSE, JACKS OVER KINGS.

OHH...

SOMEBODY'S WORKING.

THAT, UH...

THAT'S A REALLY GOOD HAND, YEAH.

I HAVE...

I HAVE TWO PAIR.

I HAVE A PAIR OF BLACK EIGHTS, AND I HAVE THIS PAIR OF RED EIGHTS.

[EVERYONE CHUCKLES]

WELL, I GUESS THAT DOES IT...

I'LL SEE YOU AT SUNRISE, PARTNER.

[LAUGHTER]

NICE, NICE...

EMMA, ALWAYS A PLEASURE.

WE ARE BACK WITH ANOTHER BROADCAST FROM PUMPKIN CENTRAL.

NOW, SO FAR, WE HAVE TILLED THE SOIL, AND WE HAVE TRANSPLANTED OUR SEEDLINGS, SO, THE LINES ARE OPEN.

DO YOU HAVE A PUMPKIN QUESTION FOR ME?

[WOMAN]: NO, I HAVE ONE FOR YOUR PARTNER, THOUGH.

UH, YOU KNOW WHAT, I'M SORRY, BUT HE'S NOT AVAILABLE.

[WOMAN]: I CAN SEE HIM RIGHT BEHIND YOU!

[WOMAN]: THIS IS REALLY IMPORTANT.

SETH?

MM-HM?

SOMEONE NEEDS TO TALK TO YOU.

COOL.

ALL RIGHT.

JUST PUT THESE ON, HUH?

MM-HM.

UH, HELLO?

HOW CAN I HELP YOU?

[WOMAN]: MY GIRLFRIENDS AND I THINK YOU'RE HOT!

[LAUGHS]

UH, WELL, THANK YOU.

AND WE'D LIKE TO KNOW IF YOU'RE SINGLE.

THAT IS NOT A PUMPKIN QUESTION.

WHY, YES, ACTUALLY, I AM SINGLE.

WE THINK YOU HAVE SEXY EYES.

[SCOFFING]: OH, PLEASE.

HE DOES NOT.

HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT?

BECAUSE I AM SITTING RIGHT HERE LOOKING AT HIM, AND HE IS...

AVERAGE.

AT BEST.

[WOMAN]: YOU MUST BE BLIND.

OKAY, DO YOU HAVE A PUMPKIN QUESTION?

SETH, CALL ME AT 978--

[CLICK]

HEY! THAT WAS RUDE. SHE WAS NICE.

GET DATES ON YOUR OWN TIME.

OKAY.

CALLER TWO, YOU'RE ON THE AIR.

HI, EMMA, IT'S BOBBY.

HEY, BOBBY.

DO YOU HAVE A QUESTION?

YES, I DO.

ARE YOU FREE FOR DINNER?

WHAT ARE THOSE?

OH, UH, HEY...

GREENHOUSES.

YEAH, THE JOURNAL SAYS THAT

"SHE ENJOYS GENTLE BREEZES AND SUMMER DAYS."

WELL, I PUT A FAN IN EACH OF THE GREENHOUSES AND EACH HOUSE MAINTAINS A CONSTANT 85 DEGREES--

A NICE SUMMER DAY TEMPERATURE.

I GUESS THAT MAKES SENSE.

OKAY, WHERE ARE YOU GOING IN THAT DRESS?

I'M, UH, GOING TO DINNER WITH BOBBY.

OH. OKAY--

UH, YEAH... BUT I ACTUALLY NEED YOU TO HELP ME WITH THESE.

OKAY, I'LL HELP YOU TOMORROW.

OKAY.

OKAY, NO, THAT'S GREAT.

I MEAN, IF YOU WANT TO CHANCE THE COYOTES GETTING AT THE CROP TONIGHT.

COYOTES?

YEAH.

WELL, I JUST THOUGHT THAT WAS YOU.

UM, YOU KNOW WHAT, YOU SHOULD'VE TOLD ME BEFORE.

BUT, UM...

I WILL HELP YOU FIRST THING TOMORROW. OKAY?

OKAY.

I MEAN, IF THERE'S ANYTHING LEFT.

HAVE FUN AT DINNER!

I WILL!


WELL, EMMA, I HAD A REALLY GOOD TIME.

YOUR CHOICE OF WINE WAS PERFECT.

[RATTLING AND CLATTERING]

OH, MY GOD...

WHAT?

UH, COYOTES...

COYOTES, COYOTES. WE HAVE TO SCARE THEM OFF!

WITH WHAT?

[WHISPERING]: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

COYOTES! I HAVE TO...

GET OUT! SCRAM!

OH!

YOU MACED ME!

OKAY, WHAT WERE YOU DOING THERE?

I WAS CHECKING THE GREENHOUSES!

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU JUST MACED ME!

OKAY, I THOUGHT YOU WERE A COYOTE.

COYOTES DON'T EAT PUMPKINS.

NO, HE SAID...

AH...

YOU ARE LUCKY IT WAS JUST MACE.

MY BAG?

OH, SURE.

THANK YOU.

I HAD A REALLY GOOD TIME.

ME TOO.

GOOD NIGHT. GOOD NIGHT!

SETH, YOU RUINED THE END OF A REALLY LOVELY EVENING.

BOBBY, TRUST ME, ONE OF THESE DAYS YOU ARE GOING TO THANK ME FOR SAVING YOU FROM THAT LUNATIC.

[CHUCKLES]

IT TAKES ONE TO KNOW ONE, MY FRIEND.

YOU KNOW WHAT I DON'T GET?

WHY IS SHE SO GUNG-HO ON WINNING THIS CONTEST?

WELL, YOU DIDN'T HEAR IT FROM ME, BUT...

WALT'S FARM'S IN BIG TROUBLE, AND SHE WANTS TO PAY OFF THE LOAN SO IT DOESN'T GO TO SOME BIG DEVELOPER.

GOOD NIGHT.


HI THERE.

GOOD MORNING.

ARE YOU, UH...

YOU GOING SOMEWHERE, OR...

UH, TO YOUR PLACE.

I-I WAS JUST GOING TO LEAVE THIS ON YOUR DOOR.

[CHUCKLES]

"SETH, I SHOULDN'T HAVE MACED YOU.

I'M SORRY."

APOLOGY ACCEPTED.

ACTUALLY I WAS, UH, JUST COMING OVER HERE TO APOLOGIZE TO YOU, YOU KNOW, FOR THE, UH, WHOLE COYOTE THING.

YEAH, WHY DID YOU LIE ABOUT THAT, ANYWAY?

UH...

YOU WANTED TO RUIN MY DATE WITH BOBBY.

WHY?

YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND.

TRY ME.

OKAY, UM...

I WAS TRYING TO KEEP BOBBY FROM GETTING HURT.

YOU THOUGHT I WOULD HURT HIM?

NO.

I WOULD.

THE SUN MIXES WITH THE MOISTURE BEADING ON HER SKIN."

I'M DON'T THINK THAT MEANS SPRINKLERS.

I'M TELLING YOU, THEY NEED WATER.

[NOVELTY HORN HONKS]

OH, FINALLY!

THE STOP I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR.

HOW ARE WALT'S SEEDS DOING?

AND A COUPLE MORE BACK THERE AS WELL.

SO?

OH, NO.

WELL, Y-Y-YOU DON'T HAVE ENOUGH PUMPKINS HERE TO MAKE A PIE.

THEY SHOULD BE HUGE BY NOW!

YOU SHOULD BE UP TO YOUR KNEES IN PUMPKINS!

I TOLD YOU THOSE GREENHOUSES WELL, YOUR SINGING DIDN'T HELP THINGS, DID IT?

OKAY, THIS ISN'T "AMERICAN IDOL"!

YEAH, IT'S NOT AMERICAN EXPRESS, EITHER!

WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

NOT EVERYTHING CAN BE BOUGHT ON A CREDIT CARD, OKAY?

COMES IN A UPS BOX FROM SEATTLE OR NEW YORK--

OH, QUIET DOWN, YOU TWO!

NOW, LOOK, I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO BE GIVING OUT ADVICE DURING THE COMPETITION, SO YOU DID NOT HEAR THIS FROM ME--

[WHISPERING]: FEED THOSE BABIES!

THEY'RE STARVING!

MORE FERTILIZER?

TRUCKLOADS.

DON'T SAY IT.

TOLD YOU SO.

DON'T SAY IT.

HEY, SETH!

COULD YOU EXPLAIN TO OUR LISTENERS AND WEBCAM VIEWERS WHAT EXACTLY IT IS THAT YOU'RE WORKING ON?

IT'S AN EXTREME NUTRIENT MACHINE.

OKAY, CAN YOU TELL US HOW IT WORKS?

THANK YOU.

WHY, CERTAINLY, EMMA.

YOU PUT THE RAW MANURE IN THERE, AND THEN THE MACHINE MIXES IT WITH WATER IN THERE, AND THEN A TIME-RELEASE MECHANISM PUMPS IT TO THE PUMPKINS.

[EMMA]: RIGHT, AND HOW MUCH MANURE DOES IT TAKE?

UH, THAT DEPENDS.

HOW MUCH CAN YOU COME UP WITH?

ME?

YEAH, YOU.

I DO THE MACHINES, REMEMBER?

OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT, AFTER THE SHOW, I WILL RUN DOWN AND GET SOME OF BOBBY'S BLEND.

THIS MACHINE DOESN'T TAKE COMMERCIAL FERTILIZER.

ONLY THE REAL DEAL.

RAW MANURE.

SO, YOU WANT ME TO COLLECT--

THE LATIMER FARM JUST DOWN THE ROAD?

LOTS OF HORSES.

HUH?

[CLUCKS APPRECIATIVELY]

HAVE FUN.

SO, THERE YOU HAVE IT, FOLKS.

ONE MORE STEP TOWARDS OUR MARCH TO VICTORY.

[MOTOR WHINES]

[NUTRIENT MACHINE WHINES]

YOU DONE GOOD.

REALLY?

I AM SO PLEASED.

I MEAN, I WOULD HATE TO HAVE MESSED UP COLLECTING HORSE POOP!

OH, COME ON, YOU WANT TO WIN, RIGHT?

NO, I WANT TO GO HOME, ALL RIGHT? TO THE CITY.

WHERE THEY HAVE MOVIES, AND CONCERTS, AND LATTES, AND WHERE IT ACTUALLY SMELLS GOOD!

DRAMA QUEEN!

[KNOCKING]

WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO TO THE MOVIES WITH ME?

THERE AREN'T ANY THEATERS HERE.

THERE'S ACTUALLY A VERY ELEGANT THEATRE IS THIS ANOTHER ONE OF YOUR COYOTE STORIES?

MOVIE STARTS IN 20 MINUTES.

OKAY, I'LL GO PUT MY CLOTHES ON.

NOT ON MY ACCOUNT.

THIS BETTER BE FOR REAL.

OKAY.

[PROJECTOR HUMS]

JOHN, GO, GO ON IN THERE.

ALL YOU HAVE TO REMEMBER IS TO BE SINCERE--

THIS IS GREAT.

HMM? I TOLD YOU.

OKAY, YOU GET UP, WANDER AROUND, STRETCH YOUR LEGS, WHATEVER.

I GOT TO CHANGE THE REEL.

YOU KNOW, I LOVE OLD MOVIES.

OH, ME TOO.

STURGES, WILDER, CAPRA.

MAN, THEY JUST DON'T MAKE 'EM LIKE THAT ANYMORE.

[CAT MEOWS]

HEY, THERE, KITTY, YOU LOST?

HUNGRY'S MORE LIKE IT.

SHE'S YOURS?

UM... YEAH.

HER AND, UH...

A COUPLE OTHERS.

OKAY, ACTUALLY, I GOT FIVE CATS, BUT DON'T TELL ANYONE, ALL RIGHT?

[LAUGHS]

I MISS HAVING A CAT.

REALLY?

REALLY, SERIOUSLY?

BECAUSE A GROWN MAN SHOULDN'T HAVE FIVE CATS.

NO, UM, YOU KNOW, I WISH I COULD, BUT...

MY LIFE RIGHT NOW, IT'S JUST TOO MUCH RESPONSIBILITY.

RIGHT, YES, I KNOW.

I KNOW, THIS IS JUST THE BIG STOPOVER ON YOUR WAY BACK TO YOUR OTHER LIFE, RIGHT?

CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING?

WELL, YOU CAN ASK.

I'M NOT SURE I'M GOING TO ANSWER.

WHY IS A STANFORD ENGINEERING GRAD MAKING A LIVING FIXING CARS AND TRACTORS?

WHO SAID I'M MAKING A LIVING?

OH, YOU'RE SERIOUS, UM...

OKAY, WELL, UH, I HAD A CUSH JOB ONCE AT A BIG FIRM IN L.A., AND I HAD THE HOUSE WITH THE POOL, AND THE CAR, AND THE GIRLFRIEND, AND THE WHOLE THING.

A LOT OF YEARS FLEW BY BEFORE I FINALLY WOKE UP AND REALIZED THAT I WAS WASTING MY LIFE.

AND THAT'S WHEN YOU CAME TO VALLEYVILLE?

WELL...

IT'S HOME, YOU KNOW?

I LIKE THE HONESTY.

I LIKE THE SMALL TOWN KINDNESS.

IT JUST...

IT KIND OF SUITS ME, YOU KNOW?

WHAT ABOUT THE GIRLFRIEND?

OH! [CHUCKLES]

SHE LASTED A WHOLE WEEK BEFORE SHE RAN OFF SCREAMING.

I'M SURE YOU CAN EMPATHIZE.

I SEEM TO REMEMBER WALT SAYING SOMETHING ABOUT YOU HAVING A BOYFRIEND IN NEW YORK.

THAT DIDN'T WORK OUT.

OH. WHY, WHAT HAPPENED?

MY JOB.

I GOT THIS GREAT OFFER IN SEATTLE.

I WENT, HE STAYED.

HMM.

WOW, YOU MUST REALLY LOVE YOUR WORK.

I GUESS WHAT I REALLY LOVE IS TALKING TO PEOPLE.

YOU KNOW, EVER SINCE I WAS LITTLE, I DREAMED OF HAVING MY OWN TALK SHOW, AND MY PARENTS USED TO SAVE THE EMPTY PAPER TOWEL ROLLS, AND I WOULD USE THEM AS MICROPHONES AND INTERVIEW MY BARBIES.

I EVEN HAD A NAME PICKED OUT--

BUT THAT WOULD REQUIRE YOU TO HAVE FRIENDS.

[LAUGHS]

COME ON, THAT'S A JOKE.

NO, I KNOW IT SOUNDS STUPID.

NO, IT DOESN'T SOUND STUPID AT ALL, NOT AT ALL.

I'M SURE YOUR PARENTS WOULD BE VERY PROUD.

THANK YOU.

WELL, UM, REEL'S READY.

LET'S WATCH SOME MORE MOVIE.

OKAY, BE PREPARED...

TO BE ENTERTAINED.

NOW, PLEASE, JOHN, YOU WON'T LET ME DOWN, WILL YOU?

MOTHER SAYS GOOD LUCK, TOO.

PLEASE, PLEASE BELIEVE EVERY WORD OF IT.

HE TURNED OUT TO BE A WONDERFUL PERSON, JOHN.

JOHN DOE, THE ONE IN THE SPEECH.

I'VE ACTUALLY FALLEN IN LOVE WITH HIM.

OKAY, THE AC IS OFF, SO I'M INTERVIEWING VALLEYVILLE'S PUMPKIN WIDOW SUPPORT GROUP HERE AT MARIE'S GENERAL STORE.

SO HOW WAS MOVIE NIGHT?

[GIGGLING]

UH, MARIE, THIS IS A GARDENING SHOW.

OKAY, SO I'LL REPHRASE THAT.

UM, DID ANYTHING BLOOM IN THAT BARN LAST NIGHT?

[GIGGLING]

UH, SO, UH, CAN YOU LADIES TELL ME WHAT YOU TALK ABOUT WHILE YOU MEET?

OH, WELL, BASICALLY JUST COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR MEN.

AT LEAST JEFF LETS YOU IN THE PATCH.

YEAH, HANK'S GOT HIS ELECTRIFIED I HAVE TO TOSS HIS LUNCH OVER THE FENCE!

THIS TIME OF YEAR, RUSSELL'S COMPLETELY LOST INTEREST IN ME.

FOR THE ORANGE HOTTIES IN THE GARDEN.

REALLY?

WE HAVEN'T BEEN ON A VACATION IN 10 YEARS.

HANK TOOK THE BLANKET OFF OUR BED AND PUT IT ON HIS PUMPKIN.

MEN, DO YOU HEAR WHAT YOUR WOMEN ARE SAYING?

SHAME ON YOU.

YEAH.

YEAH.

SO, GUESS WHAT, HANK AND RUSSELL HAVE INVITED US ON A STEALTH RUN.

WHAT'S A STEALTH RUN?

THAT'S WHEN YOU SNEAK INTO A FARMER'S PATCH TO FIND OUT HIS SECRETS.

NOW, I SAID NO, BECAUSE THESE THINGS ALWAYS TURN OUT BAD.

WHO WERE THEY GOING TO GO SPY ON?

AH, OUR NOT-SO-HONORABLE MAYOR FINSTER.

APPARENTLY HIS PUMPKINS ARE ALREADY 1,000 POUNDS.

1,000 POUNDS? WE HAVE TO GO.

HEY, I'M TRYING TO BE THE VOICE OF REASON HERE.

YEAH, WELL, TELL THAT TO MIGHTY MUFFLER.

LET'S GO.

GOOD POINT.

SO, WHAT'S THE PLAN?

ALL RIGHT, FINSTER'S AT A CHRISTENING--

NO, NO, NO, IT'S A WEDDING.

HE'LL BE BACK IN AN HOUR.

FINE.

SO, I'M GOING TO WAIT IN THE TRUCK.

I'LL BE THE LOOK-OUT--

IT'S MY TRUCK. I STAY IN THE TRUCK.

HANK, YOU'LL FALL ASLEEP.

ALL RIGHT, WE GOT TO SNEAK AROUND THE SIDE, BECAUSE HE'S GOT SURVEILLANCE.

HIT THE DECK!

NOW!

[LAUGHING]

LOOK AT YOU, CRAWLING IN THE DIRT.

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

KEEP GOING.

YEAH, I-I HEARD YOU ON EMMA'S SHOW.

I'M SORRY, HONEY.

LOOK, I'LL TAKE YOU ON A CRUISE, I PROMISE.

GOTTA GO.

LOOK AT THAT.

LET'S GO CHECK OUT HIS BARN, SEE WHAT HE'S USING.

ALL RIGHT.

NOW!

HE'S GOT NOTHING BUT BOBBY'S BLEND HERE.

[SNORING]

I DIDN'T KNOW FINSTER HAD A HARLEY.

REALLY?

[GASPS]: WOW...

THAT'S A '91 HERITAGE!

[GUSHING AND RAVING]

KITTY...

KITTY?

[CLUCKS TO CAT]

HERE, KITTY, KITTY, KITTY...

KITTY?

[BANGS ON HOOD, HANK SNORING LOUDLY]

HANK!

[SPLUTTERS AWAKE]

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

MAYOR?

HERE, KITTY, KITTY, KITTY.

HERE, KITTY--

[GASPS AND SCREAMS]

HEY! HEY!

NOBODY MOVE!

GO, GO, GO!

[SCREAMING IN HORROR]

HEY!

DON'T THINK I DON'T SEE YOU!

SETH CULLEN, I SEE YOU RUNNING!

YOU TOO, RUSSELL!

WAIT FOR ME!

EW!

OH, STAY AWAY!

I STINK!

YEAH, I NOTICED!

COME ON...

HEY! HEY!

I'M SORRY!

COME ON!

OH, MAN!

HOW CAN YOU MISTAKE A SKUNK FOR A CAT?

I DON'T KNOW.

ALL I KNOW IS THAT EVERYTHING I DO ENDS UP WITH ME STINKING.

UGH...

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

MOVING UPWIND.

LOOK, I TOLD YOU.

I TOLD YOU THIS ALWAYS ENDS BADLY--

IF I HAD KNOWN THERE WERE GOING TO BE SKUNKS.

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?

MY WIPES.

OH, YOU ARE WAY PAST WIPES.

AND THIS, THIS IS JUST GREAT.

BETTER AND BETTER.

HOLY MOSES!

WHO GOT HIT?

ARREST THESE TWO!

OH, COME ON, IT WAS JUST A STEALTH RUN.

WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?

IT WAS TRESPASSING.

ALL RIGHT, SOMEONE NEEDS TO TAKE ME HOME.

YOU GET IN MY VEHICLE, AND I WILL ARREST YOU.

I WANT THESE TWO PROSECUTED TO THE FULL EXTENT OF THE LAW.

COME ON, YOU GOT TO BE JOKING ME.

I'M PULLING YOU GUYS OUT OF PUMPKIN PATCHES?

AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED, SHE CAN GO FREE.

SHE'S NOT STINKING UP MY JAIL.

WHOA! JEEZ...

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

[SIGHS]

ALL RIGHT, KATE, IT IS LATE, AND I HAVE HAD A HELL OF A DAY, SO--

REALLY?

[CHUCKLES]

YOU'RE KIDDING ME.

WELL, YEAH, I MEAN, OF COURSE I'LL BE THERE.

[CHUCKLES]

UM...

YEAH, I'LL ASK.

THANKS FOR THE RIDE.

WELL, WELL, WELL.

IS IT SAFE TO APPROACH?

IF YOU LIKE TOMATO JUICE.

SO HOW WAS YOUR NIGHT IN JAIL?

WELL, OTHER THAN HAVING TO FIX TWO CBs, A SCANNER, AND A COFFEE MAKER, IT WAS VERY RELAXING, ACTUALLY.

WELL, YOU WON'T HAVE TO FIX ANYTHING AT THE FOUR SEASONS.

WHAT?

THE STATION CALLED, AND, UH, WE ARE NUMBER 2 IN THE MARKET.

[LAUGHING]

THAT'S GREAT!

CONGRATULATIONS, THAT'S AWESOME!

SO THEY'RE DOING A PROMO SHOOT TOMORROW IN SEATTLE, AND A BIG PARTY AFTERWARDS AT THE HOTEL.

CONGRATULATIONS AGAIN.

MY BOSS WANTS ME TO BRING YOU.

GOOD PUBLICITY, AND, WELL, THERE IS A FREE DINNER.

WELL, I NEVER TURN DOWN A FREE DINNER.

SO YOU'LL GO.

WELL, THAT DEPENDS.

UM....

WHO'S ASKING?

ARE YOU ASKING, OR IS YOUR BOSS?

UM... I'M ASKING.

THEN YES.

EXCELLENT. SO IT'S A DATE.

SORT OF.

[LAUGHS]

"SORT OF" WORKS JUST FINE FOR ME.

OKAY, THEN.

OKAY.

BYE.

WHERE'S THE FARMER?

[EMMA]: IF YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT SETH, I'M SURE HE'LL BE HERE SOON.

DON'T TELL ME HE FELL OFF THE TRACTOR.

NOPE, I'M JUST FINE. HI.

[SAVANNAH]: SAVANNAH GRACE.

YOU'RE A LOT BIGGER IN PERSON--

KATE RINALDI-ROGERS, STATION MANAGER.

LET'S GET YOU INTO WARDROBE.

YOU TOO.

WELL, HONKY-TONK SHOWDOWN.

LOOK AT YOU TWO.

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH...

RIGHT THIS WAY.

THIS SHOULD MAKE YOU FEEL RIGHT AT HOME.

OH, YES, MA'AM, IT CERTAINLY DOES.

I MEAN, YOU HAVE CAPTURED THE LIFESTYLE PERFECTLY, AND THE COW AND THE PIG, VERY NICE TOUCH.

VERY NICE TOUCH.

OKAY, PEOPLE, LET'S DO THIS.

[♪]

HI, THIS IS EMMA SILVER.

WHEN I LEFT SEATTLE FOR A LIFE ON THE FARM, I THOUGHT THAT I WOULD DIE WITHOUT MY LATTES, THE BRIGHT LIGHTS AND THE HEARTBEAT OF THE CITY.

LATTES ARE JUST COFFEE WITH MILK, AND THE STARS IN THE COUNTRY OUTSHINE EVERY LIGHT IN THE CITY WITHOUT EVEN TRYING.

AS FOR THAT HEARTBEAT?

WELL, I LEARNED THAT IT LIES IN PEOPLE, NOT PLACES.

THE PEOPLE OF VALLEYVILLE ARE THE MOST SINCERE PEOPLE THAT I HAVE EVER MET, ESPECIALLY MY GIANT PUMPKIN GROWING PARTNER, WHO GIVES ALL-NEW MEANING TO "GROWING THE BIG ONE."

AND...CUT!

THAT'S A KEEPER.

EXCUSE ME.

WOW.

[LAUGHS]: WOW...

SO, WHAT PART OF THAT DID YOU MEAN?

EVERY WORD.

MARCUS MASTERS, VICE PRESIDENT OF WORLDMEDIA, AND MAY I SAY, YOU HAVE A FACE FOR TV, NOT RADIO.

OH, THANK YOU.

UH, THIS IS SETH--

I'VE BEEN FOLLOWING YOUR CAREER.

NEW YORK, SEATTLE PULSE, THE WHOLE PUMPKIN THING.

NOW THAT I SEE YOU IN THE FLESH, I'M SOLD.

ON WHAT?

WE NEED A NEW MORNING CO-ANCHOR AT NEW YORK MORNING ON WMBC-TV, AND WE WANT YOU.

ME?

YES, YOU.

ARE YOU IN?

WELL...

YEAH.

I'M IN.

I'VE GOT TO RUN.

I'LL PHONE WITH THE DETAILS.

WELCOME BACK TO THE CITY.

HEY...

SO I GUESS YOUR DREAMS ARE COMING TRUE, HUH?

YEAH, I GUESS.

I HAVE TO SAY, I'M ABSOLUTELY THRILLED FOR YOU, BUT YOU WILL HAVE TO GET A TWO-BEDROOM PLACE BECAUSE I AM COMING TO STAY, A LOT, AS LONG AS IT'S NICE, OF COURSE...

WHERE DID YOU DISAPPEAR TO?

YOU KNOW, YOU MISSED A FREE DINNER.

I CHEWED ON SOME STRAW ON THE RIDE HOME.

I, UH, WISH THAT YOU HAD STAYED.

YOU HAD YOUR HANDS FULL.

SETH, I'M SORRY THAT I HAVE TO LEAVE RIGHT AFTER THE WEIGH-IN.

NAH, THERE'S NOTHING TO BE SORRY FOR.

I MEAN, YOU'VE GOT A CHANCE TO DO YOUR THING.

IF THAT'S GOING TO MAKE YOU HAPPY, THEN...

BY ALL MEANS.

YEAH, BUT, UH...

YOU AND I...

I MEAN, US, I...

SOMETIMES YOU...

YOU PLANT A SEED AND IT DOESN'T TAKE.

I...

WE BETTER GET SOME SLEEP.

UM...

WE'VE GOT PUMPKINS TO TEND TO, RIGHT?

RIGHT.

GOODNIGHT, EMMA.

NIGHT.

[♪]

THAT IS MY EXTREME NUTRIENT MACHINE.

[CHUCKLES]

WELL, SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT.

WHAT'S WRONG?

NOT A THING, CITY GIRL.

[LAUGHING]

NOW, THAT IS MORE LIKE IT!

WHAT HAVE YOU TWO BEEN DOING?

JUST BEEN FOLLOWING GRAMPS' JOURNAL.

YOU KNOW, SINGING TO IT, POETRY READING, MASSAGING IT.

THE USUAL STUFF.

YEAH, WELL, KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.

YOU TWO ARE DEFINITELY CONTENDERS NOW!

OH!

THANK YOU, THAT'S AWESOME!

WHOO!

AH! GIMME A HUG.

WE'RE CONTENDERS! NICE!

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

OH, SORRY.

YEAH.

HELLO?

OH, HEY, MARCUS.

YEAH, THAT SOUNDS GREAT.

I CAN'T WAIT TO GET STARTED.

[CHUCKLING]

WHAT IS ALL THIS?

THINGS I NO LONGER NEED TO SURVIVE.

[LAUGHING]

WELL, GOODBYE, BORING COFFEE AT HOME.

THANKS, EMMA.

WELL, THANK YOU FOR MAKING ME FEEL LIKE I'M A PART OF THIS PLACE.

WELL, THAT'S WHAT FRIENDS DO.

BESIDES, YOU ARE A PART OF THIS PLACE, BUT IF YOU REALLY WANT TO THANK ME, STAY.

THE LAST THING I NEED WHEN HE COULD BE FIXING MY REFRIGERATOR FOR FREE.

WELL, WE TALKED. HE UNDERSTANDS.

YOU KNOW, UM, I HAD TO CHOOSE BETWEEN A JOB AND A MAN ONCE.

I CHOSE JEFF.

NEVER REGRETTED IT.

OF COURSE, THE JOB WAS AT DAIRY QUEEN.

[LAUGHING]

YOU JUST FOLLOW YOUR HEART, HONEY.

[♪]

OH, NO.

OKAY, GUYS, LET'S HAVE A LOOK. LET'S SEE WHAT WE GOT HERE.

[WHISTLING APPRECIATIVELY]

OOH, WOW.

IT'S GYNORMOUS.

HOLY MOLEY.

WALT WOULD BE PROUD.

YOU'D BETTER CUT ITS THINGY.

THINGY? YOU MEAN THE STEM?

YEAH, WE GOT TO CUT THE STEM.

HERE, YOU CUT THE STEM.

ME?

YEAH, YOU.

UH, OKAY.

HOW LONG DO I LEAVE IT?

ABOUT 10 OR 12 INCHES.

YOU DON'T WANT IT TO DRY OUT.

KEEP GOING...

[ALL CHUCKLING]

OKAY, THERE YOU GO.

[CHEERING]

ALL RIGHT, I'LL, UH...

I'LL GO 'ROUND AND GET THE TRUCK.

LET'S LOAD THIS BABY UP!

I GOT THE TRACTOR.

I'M GOING TO LEAVE YOU IN CHARGE OF THE CAMERA.

YOU KNOW HOW TO WORK IT?

SURE. I'M A KID.

UH, WALT GOT THE TROPHY LAST YEAR.

SO WE CAN GIVE IT TO THE ENGRAVER FOR THIS YEAR'S WINNER.

I'LL GO GET IT.

OOF!

UNBELIEVABLE.

I HAVE SOMETHING PRETTY SHOCKING TO SHOW YOU.

WHAT IS IT?

THE REAL PUMPKIN JOURNAL.

THE ONE THAT I FOUND BEFORE WAS JUST WHAT IT SEEMED...

POEMS THAT GRAMPS WROTE TO GRANDMA.

OKAY...

"AFTER JULY 1ST, WATER THREE TIMES A DAY, AT LEAST FOUR GALLONS PER PLANT."

OH, BOY...

"SHE OPENS HER HEART TO THE SUN, "AND THE LIGHT CARESSES ALL WHO LOOK UPON HER..."

YOU KNOW, IT'S PRETTY AMAZING THAT WE MANAGED TO GROW PUMPKINS AT ALL.

YEAH.

"MY DAYS, MY HEART, AND MY SOUL BELONG TO HER..."

[CLEARING THROATS AWKWARDLY]

I SAY WE STICK WITH THE POETRY.

YEAH, I HAD A FEELING THAT YOU WOULD SAY THAT.

YUP.

OKAY, I'M JUST GOING TO... PUT THIS ONE AWAY.

[KIDS LAUGH AND SHOUT]

YAHOO!

PEOPLE ALL OVER THE COUNTRY ARE WEIGHING RIGHT NOW, AND WHAT DO WE CARE?

WE GOT THE MOTHER LODE OF PUMPKINS HERE IN VALLEYVILLE!

[CHEERING]

NOW, OUR NEXT COMPETITOR IS TWO-TIME CHAMPION HANK MOFFAT!

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

BRING 'ER IN, BOYS!

[OOHING AND AAHING]

CAREFUL, CAREFUL WITH THAT TRACTOR

'ROUND THE CORNER, COME ON, COME ON, COME ON.

[APPLAUSE]

LOWER IT DOWN, NOW...

THERE WE GO!

OKAY, BABY.

DO ME PROUD. DO ME PROUD.

[EXPLOSION]

[CROWD GASPING]

SORRY ABOUT THE EXPLOSION, HANK, BUT NOW YOU'RE DISQUALIFIED.

[LAUGHTER]

AND NOW, OUR LAST THREE TOP COMPETITORS HAVE YET TO WEIGH IN.

FIRST, RUSSELL WINSLOW'S PUMPKIN!

OH, CAREFUL!

COME ON, BABY!

1,701 POUNDS!

YES! YES!

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

THAT'S A MARVELOUS ACHIEVEMENT, BUT NOT QUITE THE WORLD'S RECORD, FOLKS.

THAT'S OKAY, BABY.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

AND NOW, OUR OWN MAYOR FINSTER!

YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO STEP BACK SO WE CAN WEIGH IT.

OKAY, OKAY.

WHOA, DOGGY!

ANOTHER GREAT NUMBER!

[LAUGHING WITH GLEE]

THAT'S A WINNER!

AND NOW, OUR LAST PUMPKIN, GROWN BY EMMA SILVER AND SETH CULLEN FROM WALT SILVER'S SEEDS!

HEY, I JUST WANT TO SAY THAT, NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, THANKS FOR PUTTING UP WITH ME.

IT SEEMS LIKE JUST YESTERDAY WHEN YOU MACED ME.

[PUMPKIN KING]: NOW, LOOK AT THAT BABY!

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT, FOLKS?

THAT IS AN AMAZING PUMPKIN!

A WONDERFUL GOURD!

NOW, LET ME REMIND YOU THAT THE WORLD RECORD IS 1,878 POUNDS.

NOW, SILENCE, SO WE CAN WEIGH THIS MAGNIFICENT BEAST!

OH, I'M SO NERVOUS!

76...

[ALL COUNTING]: 77...

78...

79...

1,000...

800...

AND 80 POUNDS!

[ALL SHOUTING]

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

WE GOT THE BIGGEST PUMPKIN EVER GROWN!

[LAUGHTER AND CHEERING]

WAY TO GO, SETH!

WHOO!

♪ ...AND BOW TO YOUR CORNER

♪ WAVE TO THE PRETTY GIRL ACROSS THE HALL ♪

♪ AND THANK YOU, BOYS THAT'S, THAT'S ALL ♪

[APPLAUSE]

WELL, NOW IT'S TIME TO AWARD THE GRAND PRIZE.

GET UP HERE, YOU TWO!

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

WELL, A LOT OF US WERE SKEPTICAL WHEN YOU DECIDED TO TEAM UP, BUT YOU SHOULD BE REALLY PROUD.

I KNOW WALT IS.

[APPLAUSE AND CHEERS]

YAY.

EMMA...

OH, THANKS.

HERE YOU GO. A TOTAL OF $50,000.

SO, WE HEAR YOU'RE LEAVING US.

YOU HAVE ANY MESSAGE FOR VALLEYVILLE BEFORE YOU HEAD OUT?

WELL, FOR ONCE, I DON'T REALLY KNOW WHAT TO SAY, EXCEPT THAT...

FROM THE MOMENT I GOT HERE, YOU'VE ALL MADE ME FEEL AT HOME.

THIS PLACE NOT ONLY GROWS GREAT PUMPKINS, BUT GREAT FRIENDS.

I AM GOING TO MISS YOU ALL SO MUCH.

AW...

WE'LL MISS YOU, TOO, EMMA.

[APPLAUSE]

WELL...

WELL...

I GUESS WE SHOULD GET TO THE BANK SO THEY CAN SPLIT UP THIS CHECK.

MM-HM, RIGHT.

UM, IF WE DON'T, WOULD YOU BE ABLE TO PAY OFF WALT'S PLACE?

YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT?

EMMA, YOUR GRANDFATHER WAS THE BEST MAN I EVER KNEW.

OWING MONEY ON HIS LAND IS NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF, AND YOU DIDN'T ANSWER MY QUESTION.

IF I HAD THE WHOLE PRIZE MONEY, WITH THE EQUITY FROM MY CONDO, I COULD PAY OFF THE DEBT.

OKAY, DO IT.

WHAT?

YOU HEARD ME.

OKAY, WHAT ABOUT YOUR SHOP?

WHAT ABOUT MIGHTY MUFFLERS?

UH...

I HAVE FAITH IN THE PEOPLE OF THIS TOWN.

THEY'RE NOT GOING TO ABANDON ME FOR SOME FANCY CHAIN, AT LEAST, I HOPE NOT.

THANK YOU.

I'LL PAY YOU BACK.

I KNOW.

[LAUGHS]

YOU KNOW, I THINK I FINALLY REALIZE WHY YOU DECIDED TO STAY.

HMM.

[CAR HORN HONKS IMPATIENTLY]

LET'S GO.

[SIGHING]

YOUR LIMO AWAITS, MADAM.

YUP.

OH, THANK GOD THAT IS OVER.

LET'S GET BACK TO CIVILIZATION, SHALL WE?

THREE-YEAR CONTRACT, WITH AN OPTION TO RENEW.

OUR STYLIST WILL MEET YOU IN THE A.M.

LOOKS LIKE WE NEED TO POLISH YOU UP A BIT.

I BET YOU'RE GLAD TO BE LEAVING THESE HICKS BEHIND.

WAIT!

EMMA?

WHAT'S GOING ON?

WE GOT A PLANE TO CATCH.

I'VE CHANGED MY MIND.

WHAT?

I WANT THE BIG PUMPKIN, NOT THE BIG APPLE.

[♪]

WELCOME BACK TO "EMMA AND FRIENDS."

I HAVE A VERY SPECIAL GUEST, MY CO-WORLD RECORD-HOLDER IN GROWING GIANT PUMPKINS, SETH CULLEN.

A PLEASURE TO BE HERE, EMMA.

ALL RIGHT, MANY OF YOU MAY BE CONTEMPLATING GROWING YOUR OWN GIANT PUMPKINS, SO IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS FOR THE EXPERTS, THE LINES ARE NOW OPEN.

CALLER ONE, YOU'RE ON.

[MAN]: WHAT'S THE SECRET OF GROWING GIANT PUMPKINS?

[BOBBY]: BOBBY'S BLEND!

[ALL LAUGHING]

IT IS. IT REALLY IS. IT WORKS.

WELL, TECHNICALLY SPEAKING, YES, THE RIGHT MANURE IS IMPORTANT.

CALLER TWO.

ARE GOING TO TEAM UP AGAIN THIS YEAR?

HMM, WELL, ACTUALLY, THAT IS A VERY GOOD QUESTION--

AND ONE, ACTUALLY, THAT I WOULD LIKE TO ANSWER, IF I MAY, UM...

AS SOME OF YOU MAY KNOW, UH, I'M A FIX-IT GUY.

HUH....

I LIKE TO THINK OF MYSELF AS A FIX-IT GUY.

[LAUGHTER]

BUT THERE'S ONE THING THAT I'VE BEEN WORKING ON FOR A WHILE THAT STILL ISN'T QUITE RIGHT, AND THEN SUDDENLY I REALIZED WHAT WAS MISSING.

OH, MY GOD.

[LAUGHS]

PUMPKIN SEEDS.

[EVERYONE GIGGLING]

WOW.

AND THIS...

COME ON. GIVE ME YOUR HAND.

EMMA SILVER...

WILL YOU MARRY ME?

HMM...

COME ON, GIRL, DON'T KEEP US WAITING!

YES, I'LL MARRY YOU.

[EVERYONE CHEERING]

OOH, HEY, HEY...

NO.

[♪]