Guns for Hire (2015) Script

Ready? On? I think it is.

Is it running?

Yeah, go. Wait, no, hang on, I'm not. Action!

So where should we start, you think?

Just introduce yourself and tell me about your company.

You wanna do a push up or something?

No. Okay.

Okay.

Hi, I'm Beatle Boy... That's stupid, okay?

It's not, it's cool. Do it again.

Hi, there, I'm Beetle Boyin, and I'm gonna be your guide on the fascinating journey through the world of cold-blooded killing.

Tell me about yourself, Beetle.

Uh... ever want to kill somebody? I know I do.

Whoa, sorry.

Not a Hitman, you say. Well, that's not a problem.

Just follow the instructions in my easy to follow video, and you too...

Nah, that sounds weird.

How many times do we have to do this? What do you think? We got everything?

'Till I want to buy the video.

Hi, there, my name is Beetle Boyin, and I'm here with the first ever of its kind, instructional video for Hitmen.

Ever want to kill someone? I know I do.

It's easy, just follow the instructions in my video, and you, too, can be a Hitman.

That was really good.

This is some really, really great stuff here, Beatle.

I mean it's just down right entertaining all the way around.

You know what I like about it the most though?

That even though the footage is several years old.

There is no statue of limitations on murder.

You know what that is?

Let me jog your memory. Dead body.

In your loft about seven years ago.

No? Nothing?

Well, based on the evidence at the time, we couldn't charge you with a crime.

But that's all changed now, hasn't it?

Still not ringing a bell, huh?

Okay.

Maybe this will help.

Why don't you tell me about your relationship with Athena Glendon?

How about Carla Garret?

You care to explain that one to me?

So you don't wanna talk about Athena, you don't wanna talk about Carla?

Well, maybe we should talk about Kyle Sullivan? Hm?

How bout we talk about the time when you knocked him unconscious?

Did your connection to Kyle kinda slip your mind when you were giving your statement to the police?

Look we got him now, okay?

And I gotta do everything I can to keep this guy locked up.

So here's the deal.

You tell me everything you know.

And I'll do what I can in getting this first degree murder charge reduced.

Can I ask you a question, Randy? It's Detective Hult.

Hmm. Do you see handcuffs on my wrists?

No.

Okay, then. I think we can both agree that I am not under arrest. Correct?

And I think we both know that's because you can't charge me with anything.

Unless you can prove it.

Oh, I intend to, believe me, I do.

You see when we brought Kyle Sullivan down and we went through his stuff.

I think you're gonna be surprised to know that he had an awful lot of information lying around.

But what I think you're gonna be more surprised about Beatle?

Is that some of that evidence tells a very compelling story about you.

I like to call it, The Adventures of Beatle.

And it all begins April the 27th, 2006.

The day you met Athena Glendon.


Uh, wait, uh. It's four o'clock in the morning, don't you think that you should, um, stay and just get some rest?

Gotta run. See you next week.

Shut... Shut up!

The red hot action starts tonight, at eight, followed by an all new episode of...

Isn't that the truth Phil?

Well, folks, it's Thursday April 27th. Thursday. Shit!

We have a foggy start this morning.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Shit. Shit!

Have a nice trip, buddy.


Okay, so, what's the total for all the parking tickets?

What?

No. No, I'm still here.

Are you sure that's right? I mean...

I know it's eight tickets but you could feed a family of four for three fucking months with that kind of money.

No, I'm not.

Don't get snippy with me. Ma'am.

According to Athena's bank statements at the time.

She had approximately negative $27.38 to her name.

But Athena didn't get the money from you did she? She got it from Kyle.

You know the guy that you beat the shit out of?

I really don't get where you're going with this, Randy.

It's Detective Hult.

And where I'm going is Kyle Sullivan.

So it's come to this has it?

You know I'll pay you back. I know you will, I know you will.

You realize, of course, you're going to have to pay it back in more ways than one.

You know my situation, Kyle.

Yeah, well, I know if you were still managing the store for me you wouldn't need to be borrowing any money.

Yeah, and from what I understand, they give you free room and board in prison, so you're probably right.

Meanwhile, I have a regular legal job as a career and my car is sort of an integral part of that.

Ah. You gonna help me, or not?

Why should I?

I don't know.

Kyle, why don't you think of it as workman's comp for this krink in my neck I'm getting from looking the other way.

Well, you know, Athena, I'd be happy to rub that out for you myself.

Stop. Oh, just calm down, tootsie pops.

Sit down.

Should I make it out to cash?

No, just to the city.

I don't have time to cash it. They are going to tow my car at three.

I'll call you tonight.

Next!

Hi, um... I have a boot on my car.

We don't take checks.

Oh, but, um... I just, I spoke to someone.

We don't take checks, people!

The lady on the phone.

We don't take checks.

The lady on the phone said you did.

I'm sorry but what do her DMV issues have to do with me?

I want to talk about your doctor.

Who? Your shrink.

I want to talk about Dr. Vanderark.

Okay.

I would appreciate it if you would apologize to my secretary before you leave today.

Why? I think you know why.

Can I help you? I very seriously doubt it.

You can't go in there, he's with a patient, and you can not smoke!

There. Happy?

We'll come back to that.

So you were making trouble while Athena was having her own problems.

I mean what makes you think that I have that kind of cash just lying around?

Does it seem like I've been lobotomized in the past six months?

Turn around. Turn around!

You know, you have a really nice ass, Athena.

You should think about wearing shorter dresses.

Okay, you can turn around.

Now, why don't you take my car, you're gonna be coming back here anyway, right?

Yeah. Yeah, good.

Okay. It's yours.

So she goes to this guy for cash and gets the keys to the car.

Uh-huh?

The car that later breaks down and bingo, he calls a tow truck, you!

A tow truck?

So now I'm a tow truck driver, not an assassin?

Well, every assassin has a cover, right?

Yes, and you were saying?

Oh, yeah. So, I went to go kill this guy today, right.

And before I did, I sorta said that I thought that he might deserve it.

And then I got to thinking about it later and I realized that, that wasn't really a very nice thing to say. So, I felt bad.

I wanna stop you right there, Ronda. Don't say it!

Let's not get distracted from the matter at hand.

Why do you insist on this fantasy of being an assassin?

It's not a fantasy. It's true. No. It's not.

Personally, I think an assassin sounds better than a tow truck driver.

So now you're admitting to being an assassin? Which is it?

You tell me.

Next.

I'm back. And I have cash now.

Eight hundred nineteen dollars, twenty-three cents.

Shit.

The meter...

I had to... I had to pay the meter I must have miscalculated. I...

This is all the money I have in the world, I had to borrow it to pay this.

So you have to pay the whole thing.

Are you serious? It's ten cents.

Sorry. You have to pay the whole thing.

You're not sorry.

Are you, you certainly should be. But you're not. Not at all are you?

No. Shit!

Next.

No. Is this funny, you think this is funny?

You think it's funny that my car has a gaudy hunk of orange metal on it right now, and the only way for me to get it off before it gets towed is to borrow $819 from a man I'm already indebted to for the rest of my natural life?

You think it's funny that I got here first thing this morning?

I waited two fricken hours only to have you to tell me I have to have cash, when I called before to make sure you take checks and I was told that you do.

Is there some sort of humor in the fact that it's now almost four o'clock in the afternoon and for all I know you've towed my fucking car already, and you can't help me out with ten fucking cents.

When I'm already paying $819 to you goddamn highway robber.

Where's the fucking punchline, asshole?

Because I'm obviously not too quick on the pickup today.

No.

Sorry, you have to pay the whole thing.

Does anyone have a dime I can borrow?

It doesn't have to be a dime, um...

Two nickles?

Nickle and five pennies?

Anybody? Please? Sorry.

Here, senorita.

Thank you. Thank you. De nada.

Look, I'll grant you, I do enjoy a little artistic flare here and there.

It helps me fill in the occasional gap, you know what I mean?

I actually think that it makes things more interesting.

For example, the DMV may have been a bit more like...

Seriously, we don't take checks.

As opposed to my version, which you have to admit is far more entertaining, right?

Here you are, picking up a payment.

Payment for what? For a hit, of course.

Oh, because I'm an assassin. Well, aren't you?

What does the evidence say?

You know, that park has had security surveillance cameras in operation for over a decade?

And they take a shot every 45 seconds.

Oh, and please if you will, Beatle, note the time stamp right there.

You've got to fucking love those things, right?

They're absolutely incredible at placing a certain individual in a certain spot, at a certain time, Doing a certain thing.

And in some cases, committing a certain crime.

It's certainly detailed. Yeah.

So while I may be guilty of peppering in a little artistic flare here and there.

The one thing that you can be sure of is that where the facts are concerned, the parts that really matter, I absolutely have all the evidence I need to take this to a court of law.

Care to explain this receipt to me?

I'll tell you what I think happened.

Kyle's car breaks down and he calls a towing company.

You. You show up, you see he's giving her a hard time.

He's got his hands around her neck, and he's strangling her.

So you decide to knock him out, right.

What did you use? A tire iron, a wrench?

Come on, Beatle, am I getting warm?

Beatle Boyin Towing/Assassination?

You the mighty assassin, you bust up Kyle, and you whisk away your damsel in distress, Athena.

I've got to be getting warm now, right, Beatle?

I don't know.

You know what I think, Beatle? What?

I think you were sweet on Athena.

So, uh, how much do you charge?

Depends. On what?

On what you're looking for.

I give a discount for child molesters, wife beaters, the occasional pimp.

Also, you have to factor in travel, method of execution, risk... yada, yada, yada.

What about me? What about you?

How much for you to kill me?

You ever mess with a kid? No.

This should answer any questions you might have.

You put this in writing?

Yeah, how else are you going to know what you get yourself in to?

What if you get caught? Are you afraid they'll find this?

Well, if I get caught then it won't really matter will it?

So, Athena Glendon.

Any relation to the multi-billion software company, Glendon?

Barton Glendon is my father. He disowned me years ago.

Is that why you want to die? No.

So why do you want to die then?

It's really none of your business, is it?

Well, now my curiosity is peaked.

Aw, I'm so sorry about your... Okay, ladies, what's it gonna be?

How's the eggs Florentine here?

You gotta death wish?

Uh, I guess I'll have one of these then.

One of what, hon?

The little eggy deally here.

We've got umpteen egg dishes here, sweetheart, which one do you want?

This one.

I left my glasses in my other apron.

The egg-stra me-egga Del-egg-table spec-egg-tacular.

And you? Um, nothing thank you.

Eggs Florentine would be a hell of a lot cheaper than me.

Uh, probably, but I can't afford it.

So now are you planning on paying for me then?

Well, I have a life insurance policy.

It's the one thing my parents didn't take away from me.

So, I figure I'd change it, make you the beneficiary.

More than cover your fee.

You just have this all figured out don't you?

I need a place to stay while I work out the details.

As soon as, uh, Kyle wakes up from the coma, you put him in, he's gonna come looking for me.

And? He'll kill me.

Well, it seems you'd be saving us both a whole lot of trouble then if you just went home and got knocked out for free.

Not like that, not by him.

What difference does it make who does it?

You serious?

Yeah, I mean, who cares as long as the job gets done?

I do. And I'm asking you why?

Because I hate him.

And I don't want my last moments on this earth to be spent anywhere near him, I just...

I can't think of a worse tragedy than that.

And what makes you think that spending your last moments with me is going to be any better?

I like you.

Randy, I'm really confused.

Detective Hult.

What's this first degree murder charge you're threatening me with?

Don't play stupid.

Is the possibility of a death sentence not enough for you?

Huh? The death penalty for killing who?

Okay, let me get this straight.

Are you saying that this story so far is not true?

I'm not saying anything.

Bruce?

Bummer.

Look, boss, she can't get too far without cash or a car.

Just find the gypsy, you'll find Athena.

Actually, boss, I think the proper term would be.

Roma or Romani, not Gypsy.

Yeah, you see it's a common misconception stemming from the erroneous conjecture that the Roma or Romani, if you will, originated in Egypt.

Recent studies have shown the fact that they...

Bruce. Just find them.

Oh, and Bruce, don't touch either of them.

Bring them both back here. I want to help this time.


You in some kind of a coma or something?

Seriously, should I be looking for a piece of candy or a wallet to shove in your mouth?

Maybe one of those long ass needles to plunge into your chest?

Hello?

Why do you have a wall full of dead spiders?

Oh, yeah. Those...

I keep them there as kind of a warning to any other spiders that might wander through here.

That way they can glimpse their fate and decide whether or not they want to hang around to meet it.

Huh, and did it ever occur you after the fourth or fifth time that your plan wasn't working out so well?

What do you mean?

Are you serious, there has got to be 97 spiders on this wall.

And?

And they don't understand they're spiders.

How do you know they don't understand, are you some very unusual spider psychic?

Are there perished souls speaking to you right now, Ms. Cleo?

I'm looking at the wall and I'm taking a wild stab in the dark here, I'm guessing, if they understood your twisted little warning sign, probably wouldn't be a part of it right now.

So in your infinitely wise logic that I am obviously too cabbage-headed to grasp.

You're saying that if those spiders knew that if I was going to kill them then they wouldn't be in my house. Right?

Now you're catching on.

Because if they knew and they stayed, that would make them what?

What would that make them?

So there is a wall full of dead spiders?

What does that have to do with anything?

It has to do with you, Beatle.

Your character, you're a killer and you enjoy killing things.

So this is just me letting you know that I know, I see it, and I'm going to make sure a jury sees it.

So you think that I kill things because I enjoy it?

Maybe, then again, maybe not.

I don't know, I'm not a psychiatrist I'm a cop.

The point is you entered into a contract with Athena Clendon to kill her.

Change that life insurance policy yet?

Yes.

It takes seven to ten business days before it's final.

Seven to ten business days, huh? Why?

The assassination fee's one thing, but room and board for two weeks?

We're going to have to work something out here.

I told you, I don't have any money. Okay?

And just because my last name is Glendon, don't think you'll see a dime of that money either.

You... You could chop off my tits and send them to him in an empty Ding-Dong box, they wouldn't even send you a quarter and a pack of chewing gum.

So whatever's going through your head right now...

Whoa, there, hose. Reel it in.

Nobody is talking about medieval torture around here.

I'm not even talking about money, for fucks sake.

Oh... Now I get...

My gaydar isn't quite as acute as it used to be but it...

It makes sense.

Um, before you embarrass yourself even further.

I'm not talking about sex either.

You don't want money, you don't want sex.

Right. Well, not from you anyway.

What do you mean not from me?

I... I happen to be a very attractive woman.

Who most people would cut their right arm off to be with.

When I was in high school...

Why is everything an amputation with you?

Every other sentence out of your mouth, some unfortunate asshole is loosing a body part.

It's a little weird. Okay, what do you want me to do?

Because I'm not sticking around here if it's not kosher.

I need you to help me with my infomercial.

Infomercial? Of course, that would have been my next guess.

So we have a deal?

Yeah, yeah, I think I can handle that.

Good.

We can talk about this further when I get back from my shrink.

Why do you want to die again? Nice try.

So now you've actually got your next hit living with you, not to mention she's helping you out with your business.

Of being an assassin. Yes, exactly.

But what does any of this have to do with Bruce?

I want to talk about Carla.

Randy. You're all over the place.

It's Detective Hult.

This isn't making any sense. Then start making sense, Beatle.

It's up to you to make sense, not me.

I know my story.

I know my case. I've been working on this for seven years now.

So you start making sense. Okay.

Tell me about the last time you saw Carla.

Okay...

Alright, who are you and what have you done with my favorite trick?

Huh?

Well, I don't know, I mean, you know, it's like you're not here or something.

Is everything okay?

I don't know, that's what I was sitting here trying to figure out.

Well, you are not only just sitting here, you happen to be sitting here with the most talented mouth this side of the continental divide.

Jesus! Can you fucking pretend to have some sexual etiquette or something?

Act like you're having fun.

Alright, look, you know...

Don't get it twisted or anything because I...

I like you a lot, but you're still going to have to pay me so...

You like me?

Sure.

That's strange.

Okay, I'll bite, why?

That's the, um... second time this week that somebody's said that to me.

The first time was the first time.

I don't understand. Ever. In my life.

Are you shitting me?

No.

Beatle.

What was your relationship with Athena Glendon?

I really don't think that that's any of your business.

Friends?

Maybe a little more than friends?

You know the bartender at St. Mary's said you two were getting a little cozy together.

Really cozy together.

It's very interesting kind of stuff they have here at your bar.

Yeah.

It's, you know, the local dive bar.

Right.

Well, cheers.

Cheers.

You should do that more often. Hm?

Smile.

Okay.

I'll try to do that more.

Okay, Beatle Boyin. Where, where can you be?

I see London, I see France.

What time are you out of here, sweetheart?

Two o'clock.

So have you ever been in a relationship?

Yes. I have.

Well, I... I meant a serious relationship.

Yes. Very serious.

Did it end badly with him or something?

Her. Oh...

Um...

She was into this whole subculture thing that was happening in Portland at the time and...

I just wanted to make her happy.

What kind of subculture?

She liked to bite.

Oh, wow.

Well, was that a bad thing? With fangs.

Oh, wow. So... a little weird.

Yeah. That's really weird.

Kinda sounds like a really great way to get AIDS, too.

Oh...

It's a bill for a blow job, 250 if you want to go all the way.

Anything else you want to incorporate is obviously extra.

Um... I'm as flexible as your wallet is.

So if you have any kinky shit you want to do just make sure you can pay for it.

So, what's it going to be?

You and me need to have a little chit chat.

No! No! No! No!

Ladies, here you go. Thank you, Katie.

You're welcome. You're so sweet.

I know.

So, Beatle. Hmm?

How are you going to kill me?

Um... I'm working on that.

Oh. Yeah... I'll figure it out.

You'll figure it out? Yeah.

Well, let me know. Okay.

I told you already. I don't know who you're fucking talking about!

Well, my dear.

That is just really, really unfortunate for you.

You know...

I would imagine that in your line of work... physical perfection is almost a pre-requisite.

What do you think?

Would that be a safe assumption to make?

What's that?

What, this little thing?

It's just a little acid.

No big whoop.

No...

No!

I'm going to tell you something, this is only going to hurt for...

No!

Who am I kidding, this is going to be fucking excruciating.

No!

I want you to open your mouth and say, ahh.

And now you want to be silent?

Okay.

No! No!

Yeah, you know what, that's going to leave a fucking soar.

You want to get killed, do that again.

Okay.

You okay?

Thanks.

Ew, what is that?

It's warm milk.

Isn't milk suppose to be cold?

Didn't your... didn't your mom ever give you warm milk when you were a kid?

I don't know, I don't remember my mom.

But I'd like to think that she's not a complete tard so I'll go with no.

You don't remember your mom?

No. Why?

Just sad, I mean, no wonder you're...

No wonder I'm what?

You have to admit that you're not exactly normal, Beatle.

I'm not one of the sheep.

Yeah, right, thank God.

It's like... you're all like an army of fucking robots.

Sad! I can't imagine living like that.

Wait, where do you get off telling me what I'm like? You don't even know me.

I don't need to know you, you're one of them, that's all I need to know.

As opposed to what? As opposed to being like you?

I'll pass, thanks. No. As opposed to being yourself.

Try thinking for yourself for once.

I do think for myself, thank you very much.

You think you do, but you don't, that's the trap.

Say, cheese.

Aw, this is just the before picture.

I got something I wanna show you. I got it right here.

You're gonna love this.

Take a look. What do you think?

I know, I realize that's just my first try and it needs a little improvement.

But what I need to do is... a little something different right here.

What was that? I couldn't quite hear you.

Hm.

Shh...

There, there.

Now... is there something you'd like to say to me?

Because now would be the time.

You know where I found this little psychotic book of horrors, Beatle?

No, I can't say that I do.

I found it in a box with this camera in it. Your camera.

You know, if you don't speak to me I can't help you.

Is that what you're doing here? You're helping me?

Yeah, I'm trying to.

Whatever you think, I'm not out to get you. Okay?

In fact, I think you and I are very similar.


Oh, good, you're up.

What? I didn't know I had all this food.

Oh, believe me, you didn't.

You... you had a can of pork and beans, circa 1936 and a box of baking soda in the fridge.

And I gotta admit, I was tempted by that pork and beans because I'm pretty sure that can showed all signs of botulism.

But then I realized as another benefit connected with my new outlook on life.

I can eat whatever I want. Isn't that fabulous?

So I kind of decided, over the course of the next week.

I'm gonna try something new every single day.

I am throwing caution to the wind when it comes to calorie intake.

Sit, eat. I made this for both of us.

You did? Of course I did, sweetie.

I may not be counting calories, but my stomach is only so big.

What? Did you just call me sweetie?

Oh, so I did. Just came out. I decided not to edit myself.

You're gonna get a kick out of this, too.

I got all of these groceries for free.

Really, how'd you swing that one?

Flash the grocer in the ten items or less aisle?

No, but I'll remember that for next time.

All I did was fill up my cart and walk out of the store.

About 15 people watched me do it, too.

It was like their brains couldn't process that somebody would just.

Walk out of the store with a cart full of groceries she didn't even pay for.

What... what's wrong, it's not good?

Uh, no I'm just not used to all this.

Used to what, honey?

Everything.

Nothing, nothing.

Eat.

Wow.

She really cared for you didn't she?

That must've felt good, right?

And now, she's cooking me breakfast, she's calling me "baby" and "honey" and "sweetie", and then, last night, she hugged me.

I mean, it's all too much.

So, let me get this straight, you came bursting into my office claiming to have a serious emergency, while just to go on and on for the last half hour about the fact that another human being treated you kindly.

Thanks for the instant reply, doc.

Now I know you were paying attention, but that does nothing to help me.

Help you with what?

You have a friend, that's a good thing.

You're showing a range of emotions that far exceed the neutral indifference that you've exhibited for years.

You're making progress. I don't see what the problem is.

She hired me to kill her.

Oh, shit, we are back to this again?

She did! I have to kill her in less than a week.

Well, I guess you should enjoy it while it lasts then.

It's hard for you to open up, isn't it?

Why do you think that is?

I don't think, I know.

Bruce, it's been two days, I don't think that I need to tell you the amount of shit that you will be in if I don't get my delivery.

Say, cheese!

Let me explain to you what's going to happen here.

I'm gonna very slowly peel the toenail off your broken toe.

Which will undoubtedly jar that injury a bit, while at the same time, creating an all together new wound.

See the pain is basically going to be focused on one area of your body, but it will be two different torments, if you will.

What I want you to do, is I want you to tell me if you can feel both injuries at once or you can only feel one thing at a time.

Okie dokie artichokie? Alright, here we go.

What can I do for you today?

Enjoying the view? Oh...

Oh, come on, don't let the fact that I know what you're thinking stop you from thinking it. Ma'am?

You really going to mentally fuck my brains out than refer to me as ma'am? I assure you...

Are you Catholic? Sorry?

Are you a Catholic? Uh, yeah, I suppose.

Okay, then do yourself a favor, Hugh. Don't lie to me.

Okay, I mean you've already got enough pointless guilt to wrestle with already, don't you think?

And if you finish that sentence, you're just gonna be in confessional a few minutes longer than necessary.

By the time you're done with all your Hail Mary's and Our Father's, that's like a good five minutes you could've spent jerking off.

Any who, my friend gave me a thousand bucks and told me to find the best video camera I can. Suggestions?

Shall we move on to the next foot now?

You trying to say something, man?

Ugh, Jesus. What you got?

Her file is in the desk. In the desk.

As much as I'm enjoying this psychological, and somewhat entertaining, side to this case.

I want to focus on this right here, Beatle. Okay?

Because this right here is the evidence that proves you're a killer.

You want to start co-operating?

And remember, I'm not just the spokesperson, I'm also a client.

And by the time you see this infomercial, Beatle Boyin will have yet another satisfied customer.

Did you get it, because I'm gonna be dead?

Right. Right.

Well...

Beatle.

You're not thinking about pussying out on me are you?

No. No, because that would not be cool, because we have a deal.

Yes, yes we have a deal.

So you're gonna hold up your end of the bargain?

Yes. Can we just move on, please? As long as we're clear.

Yes. We are clear, I will kill you, you will be dead. Okay?

Good, let's do it again.

I think its time for you to start admitting how you felt about this girl.

Why do we keep on going back to Athena, when this is supposed to be about me being, what, the killer of this guy named Bruce?

Because I need a motive.

Now, I think you killed Bruce because he was on to Athena.

Okay, so, I'm going to kill Athena.

How many times have you found yourself in the awkward position of having to ask a complete stranger in a public restroom to provide you with toilet paper?

Really?

What?

You have how much time left and you're really gonna spend it watching television?

I'm broke.

So?

So, unless you're offering to take me out on a date I don't really have any options.

You'd go out on a date with me?

What you mean?

If you approached me in a bar?

Yeah, if I approached you in a bar and I asked you out, what would you say?

I'd probably say yes.

Really?

Yeah.

You got that sexy sort of bad ass thing happening.

Wow. Who knew?

But of course I'd have to tell you I have AIDS and you'd probably retract the offer, so really, this conversation is pointless, isn't it?

Shipping not available in all states. Some restrictions may...

Will you go out with me tonight?

Yes.


How am I doing so far?

Good. So far, so good.

This is my first date, so I kinda want to make sure I do it right.

Are you serious? You've never been on a date before?

Never.

Wow. Being a woman's first date.

I feel so privileged.

Got to be something to be said for it, not really sure what it is but...

Does that mean you've never? What?

You know?

Oh, God, no. Of course I have.

Well, I don't know, if you've never dated...

I have a girl. Oh.

What does that mean you have a girl? Are you... are you in a relationship?

Are you kidding?

She's a stripper, we see each other once a week.

It's a mutually beneficial situation.

She's a hooker.

Okay, that's one way to put it.

Okay, do you guys have one of those weird relationships.

Where one or both of you has feelings for the other one?

Why are we still talking about this, it's really insignificant.

Because sometimes people get really attached, and it turns into this whole big thing.

Athena, I've never been attached to anyone before in my life.

Before you I've never felt anything for... anyone.

They have an excellent tortilla soup here, you should try it if you've never had it.

Tortilla soup, it's good. It sounds... good.

Good.

Ah, excuse me. Uh-huh.

Hi, I'd like to place an order for delivery, please.


Okay, so, just wait here.


You know, I totally couldn't find that light switch.

Who the hell are you? Bruce.

Athena, looking lovely as always.

We'll see if we can't change that, shall we?

Beatle, we have to go, he'll kill us.

Now, now, Athena, no one's going to get killed.

I'm just going to take you both over to Kyle's and see what happens after that. Okie dokie?

Hold it right there, don't move. Or what?

Huh? What you want to do?

Beatle, come on. Beatle, Beatle!

Maybe you ought to call her Ronda that'll get your attention.

Oh, really?

You haven't told her yet? Did I let the cat out of the bag?

Shame on me.

Let go of her.

What do you suppose the chances are?

Of you actually hitting me with that bullet.

Without accidentally hitting your bestest friend in the whole world here, in the process?

I said, let go of her.

You know what, I'm feeling pretty fucking lucky, I'm going to call your bluff.

Stop it, let her go! Make me.

Actually surprised you haven't heard the story, it's a really good one.

One more step and I'll shoot you.

I guess I'll tell her the story myself.

It goes a little something like this.

Once upon a time, there was this crazy cult.

The end.

Are you okay?

Call the cops. Beatle, what are you talking about?

Call the cops! Beatle, you don't want the cops here.

This is an apartment complex, people notice things like gun shots, work with me here, please. Okay.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

It's okay. I'm calling, I'm calling right now.

Thank you, Ms. Glendon. We'll be in touch.

Thanks.

Well, as far as I can tell this is an open and shut case.

Trespassing, self defense, What have you.

But I will need you to stay in town until the official investigation is over.

You understand? Okay, great.

Here's my card. If you have any questions, feel free to call me.

You know... I don't understand... Please... don't, okay.

You weren't expecting Kyle to clear out Bruce's things and put them in storage for seven years, now were you?

Including your video camera that he took from your towing office.

Which features a taped confession about being an assassin.

So where's the tape showing me saying that?

You really think we don't have it? Hmm?

Anyway, you think the tape is going to make or break this case?

I mean look around you, this file on its own!

All fantasy.

And besides we've got you taking payments for those hits.

This could be anyone.

But it's not, Beatle. It's you, isn't it?

Now I've been very patient here, alright?

But I'm starting to get very tired with this conversation, Beatle.

Yeah, me too.

Yeah? Why are you getting tired?

Because of the way that you have this story in your head.

You already have me tried and convicted, and it feels like nothing I say is going to convince you otherwise. So... why should I bother?

Try me.

I think there's a chance that you believe it's possible, just possible, that things happened differently then the way you presented them here.

That there might be another explanation for why things are the way they are.


Shh, it's okay.

It was a nightmare. It's okay. It's okay.

Drink some of this.


Who's Ronda?

I have no idea.

What? I never heard of her.

You know what, if you're not gonna be honest with me.

What? Something reeks.

I don't smell anything.

Are you kidding me?

No.

Okay, so I'll break out some Lysol.

Beatle, what are you doing?

You have to get whatever's down there, out of there. This is not pretty.

There is nothing down there!

I'm sorry.

Alright, look, it's where I keep my money stashed.

Money doesn't smell like that.

Well, that's all it is, babe, I don't know what too tell you.

Why do I feel like I'm getting tricked around here?

I don't know, you're not. Jesus, paranoid much?

What's going on Beatle? Huh?

Who's Ronda?

What are you not telling me?

And what for the love of all things holy is under the bed?

Fine.

No, get away from there. Get away!

Get off of me.

Shit! Get the fuck off of me, Beatle!

What's under the bed, huh? What are you hiding? Huh?

Business, Athena. Huh?

Get the... fuck off of me!

Oh...

You thought...

My shrink gave me that shit.

He thinks I have a problem, but I don't. So can we drop this now?

Why would he think you have a problem that you don't have?

I don't know! He also doesn't think I'm an assassin.

But as you and I both know, that's not true either.

I actually don't have any proof that you're an assassin.

Um, you hired me too kill you, remember?

And I am still very much alive, aren't I?

Fine, screw you, you want to believe?

I don't need this shit from you, if you want to believe some asshole you've never even met before, over me, then there's nothing I can do about it, is there?

And maybe you can go hide out from your little wannabe Tony Soprano fuck wad at Dr. Vanderark's house.

Because I sure as fuck don't want you here.

You know what, Beatle? I'm just trying to figure out who the fuck you are.

Well, go figure it out, somewhere else.

Do you know what the books say?

Do you know what these books say, Beatle?

These book say that you might be acting out a fantasy life, that you might not even know you're doing it.

Please! What are you saying, sweetheart?

Are you calling me a liar, huh?

Or maybe I'm just an idiot who's too retarded to tell the difference between real life and a fucking fantasy.

Or maybe, maybe, maybe you're just plain calling me crazy? Is that it?

Do you think I'm fucking crazy?

Huh? Because that's a laugh coming from you, little miss, "I like to pretend I'm a vampire and suck AIDS blood" out of my girlfriends neck."

Yeah, that's fucking funny. Yeah, I'm the fucking crazy one, here!

What's under your fucking bed, Beatle?

Money.

Show me. Show me, Beatle.

This isn't fucking money, Beatle.

This is fucking trash!

This is garbage, you see this?

Do you see that? Come look! Show me!

Show me!

This is fucking garbage, Beatle. Look!

Look in there! Look! Huh? Fucking trash!

Trash!

Look at me.

You're not really an assassin, are you?

Say it. I want to hear you say it.

I want to hear you say, "I'm not really an assassin."

Beatle.

I don't even know your name.

Wait.

What?

Did you know last night, last night I was actually considering staying here with you.

For a minute, I...

I actually thought, you know, what, this could be...

This could be enough to change everything.

I could deal with a situation, I could.

But, obviously, you can't.

I'm not gonna sit around and watch you live a lie, it's just something I don't have the time or energy to do, for someone that won't even tell me her name. I'm sorry.

You're not an assassin?

No.

Who are you?

Who do you think I am?


This is you?

Shh...

Who is this girl, Randy?

It's Detective Hult.

Who is this girl, Randy?

Detective Hult! Detective Hult! Detective Hult! Detective Hult!

Do you recognize the girl?

I've just taken down one of the biggest criminal masterminds in modern history, and I demand a little respect from you now. Okay?

I got him with all the evidence I had and I'm going to get you with the same evidence right here, it's here, right in front of me.

Where's the tape?

Where did you put the tape? There is no tape, Randy.

What do you mean there's no tape? Where's the tape, it was right here.

There never was a tape, Randy.

There was a tape in there, you stole it and that's another of fence.

There was never a tape.

Hello, Randy.

What are you... What are you doing here? You can't be in here.

What's going on? What are you doing in here?

You can't be in here. I'm here to help.

No, wait a minute who let you in? You can't be in here.

I'm here to help, let's just talk.

Whoa, whoa, whoa... Just come, sit down.

You can't be in here! It's okay, I just want to help.

You can't even be in here. You're gonna have to leave.

You two can't be in the same room together.

Just gonna talk.

You gotta leave. No, no. I'll just be a minute.

It's okay.

Randy, why don't you just come over here and have a conversation with us, okay?

I don't know what's going on here, I don't know why they let you in here.

Randy, we're your doctors. What the fuck are you talking about?

We're your doctors, and we're here to help you.

What the fuck are you talking about?

I'm a cop.

I'm a cop and I keep people safe. That's what I do.

I protect people, okay?

And I make sure no body dies.

Like Kyle Sullivan.

The drunk driver that killed your family.

What are you talking about? That you murdered.

I'm not a murderer. Because he killed your wife.

Carla.

And your daughter.

Remember that?

I'm a detective. I don't kill people.

It's true.

This is your wife, Carla.

She and your daughter were killed when Kyle Sullivan crashed into your car while driving drunk.

This is insane.

I don't know who this is in this picture, but it's not me, Randy.

I'm your doctor. I'm Dr. Richards.

We are both your doctors.

You're Beatle.

No. Beatle is a part of yourself that's a murderer.

You're Athena Glendon.

No. I'm not Athena Glendon. I'm Dr. Sharlett Lyn, I'm your doctor.

And that picture is... it's from my ID card.

You see that?

Athena, is the part of yourself that wants to die.

This is you, Randy.

And this is your wife, Carla.

And this... is your daughter.

Ronda.

I don't understand anything.

It's okay.

I'm a cop.

No, Randy you're not a cop, you're an engineer.

And this is your family.

They're my family? Yeah.

It's okay, Randy. Why do I not remember this?

We're here to help.

You just have to trust us.


You guys are good.

Really good.

But I know the truth.

I'm not gonna stop until everybody else does.

I'm gonna have to ask you to leave, Ms. Glendon.

I'm in the middle of a police investigation, and this is an interrogation room, and you two can not be in here at the same time.

So if you don't mind?

Okay, detective. Can I borrow you for a moment?

It's okay. Go ahead.

I'll wait for you.

We'll finish this later. Okay.

Okay.

It's been a long day today.

Next time, okay?

We'll get there. Yeah, we will.

Good job, detective.

What do you got, detective?

We were close.

Maybe next week. Yes. Maybe next week.

Where do you think he gets this crazy idea that Beatle and Athena are together?

Seems, um, pretty consistent in the story don't you think?

It's always my favorite part. Mmm. You should do that more.

Yeah, come on, let's go home. Come on! Cheer up.

After you.