Hammer of the Gods (2013) Script



You were right.

Some of them do have brains.

More than can be said for you, you fucking animal.

Good that we wet our blades so quickly.

They were just farmers.

Well, now they're farming in hell.

The rest of our boats will be in by nightfall.

Bring up the horses.

Halfdan can follow once they've landed.

My father's not a patient man.

Grim, jokul.

If he's a Saxon, he's gonna have a fuck of a surprise when he rides into us. That's no Saxon.

So this is our welcome.

Vali, what's happened?

The omens promised victory if we attacked early.

The gods were against us.

Your father's badly wounded, steinar.

Take me to him.


Better late than never.

I came when I said I would.

And this is the army you brought with you?

He was fed gruel at first light.

The onions can already be smelled through his stomach.

If his guts are pierced, there's nothing more we can do.

How long?

A week, maybe less.

Listen, steinar, I know we haven't always seen eye to eye, but we're still brothers after all and I want you to know that when I'm king I'll make sure you're taken care of.

The omens deceived us, steinar.

An army of 500 are only hours behind me.

All this talk of reason...

Sounds like a cover-up for weakness.

We lie here because we have no choice.

We need land!

We either take it or our people perish.

We may have lost the battle, father, but we can still win the war.

And who'll lead them?


In all your fucking finery?

I will lead our army, father.

You're no more fit than he is.

Once, maybe.

But after your mother left...

You changed, turned your back on the gods.

Thought you knew better, huh?

I am strong enough to be king.

Then prove it.

Your half brother...

My bastard son...

Refused to enter the field of battle.

I made him swear an oath to wait till I returned.

You know the punishment for those that turn their back in combat.

See it's done.

I will do it, father.

Leave him, Harald. Leave him!

Get out, now!

Not you, steinar.

There's a man worthy of this crown, a man with fire in his heart, brave enough to wield the hammer of the gods...

My firstborn.

You said you'd kill anyone who mentioned his name.

The time has passed.

Nobody knows where he is.

He hasn't been seen for years.

Find your brother.

Find hakan.

Return with a king who will lead us to victory.

I am needed here.

I may be dying, but I'm still your king.

Defy me again, and I will cut your heart out myself.

Now swear on the memory of your mother.

I swear.

You're out of your fucking mind.

I swore an oath. Oaths are horseshit, steinar.

I gave him my word. I will not break it.

Hakan is almost certain to be dead by now.

And if he's not, he was fucking insane before he was banished;

He'll only be more so now.

Anyway, who knows where the fuck he is?

You do. It's too dangerous.

Dangerous, is it?

Then you must know where he is.

Listen, say I do know...

Which I don't, but say I did...

What makes you think he'd come back?

It's the king's wish.

The king will be dead in a week.

Bide your time. Be close at hand when he dies.

And when the moment's right, you take the crown for yourself.

We'd all back you against Harald.

Think about it.

When I said I didn't know where hakan was, I spoke the truth.

But I do know how to find the last man who saw him.

Whether he's capable of helping us remains to be seen.

Going somewhere? It doesn't concern you, grim.

Let us pass.

Like fuck. You'd think differently.

If you knew where we were going.

We're heading for the black mountains in search of ivar the boneless.

That fat fuck?

Last night I heard he chopped his own head off.

Well, I heard he transformed himself into a bear.

What do you want with that cocksucking maniac anyway?

He's the only one who can lead us to hakan.

It's a two-day ride through Saxon country, and who knows after that?

You think we're cowards, is that it?

It sounds like it to me.

'Cause if it is, you can kiss my fucking axe.

I looked at the bones, steinar.

It's already been decided... We'll travel together.

The bones said that? Aye.

How far do you think you'll get?

Take us with you... You double your odds.

Not you, vali.

Well, why not?

'Cause your sword's as limp as your cock, boy.

Steinar, take me with you.

Watch Harald, hmm?

Report to me when I get back.

The sun is sinking.

Let's find a place to rest.


There was a time when they did everything together...

Hakan and ivar.

My father went raiding with them...

Fucking carnage.

After hakan was banished, people were less willing to tolerate ivar's behavior.

He knew where hakan had gone, so he set off after him.

Why do they call him boneless?

Because you could never see his cock, 'cause it was always rammed to the hilt up some young boy's asshole.

They say he felt no pain.

Which is more than can be said for the young boy's asshole.

I fought beside him a couple of times.

Whatever people think of ivar now, he was something to behold in battle.

They both were.

Why did my father banish hakan?

He was cursed.

Your father had his reasons.

Maybe it doesn't matter what he did.

It does if he's gonna be king.

Steinar, it's me!


You'll get yourself killed.

I did as you said.

I followed Harald.

He rode out almost the minute you left.

He crossed the Saxon lines and spoke to their king.

Fucking snake!

I didn't know what to do.

You did the right thing, vali.

You should head back now, before they notice you're gone.

No, it's too dangerous.

Vali can ride with us.

Grim, get him some food.

He can get his own food. We turn back, cut Harald's balls off and rip out his spine.

No. We continue our ride north.

Steinar, Harald's cut a deal with the saxons.

Our men would never back Harald.

It's one thing to want the crown, another to take it.

You'd rather we have us climbing mountains on some fucking bear hunt while your cunt fuck of a brother sells our women to a bunch of farmers!

Our women are more than a match for Harald.

Grim, nobody forced you to come.

Nobody's forcing you to stay.

Oh, I know you struggle with your beliefs, that you deny the gods and the significance of signs...

But a lone rider arrmng under a full moon?

Even you can't deny what a bad omen that is for all of us.

He's young. He's got good instincts.

He brings death with him.

I'm not about to turn against him for the sake of your superstitions.

If a man doesn't believe in omens, then how can he know what he believes in?

He can believe in himself.


We should ride on.

You bitch!

You're right.



Let her go. Fuck you, heathen.


You all right? Crazy fucking bitch.

Let's go.

The horses won't make it much further.

Then we continue on foot.

Vali, you wait with the horses till we return.

Don't light a fire.

Fires attract cave trolls.

Don't worry.

They only eat virgins.

They'll eat anything if they're hungry enough.

Speaking of cave trolls, how is your sister?

Fuck you, grim.

She certainly did.

Still hurts when I piss.

We'll be back by first light.



We're brothers.

What was that?

Perhaps we should wait till nightfall.

Some creatures fear the moon.

It would be safer.

Ivar, it's me... Hagen grettison.

My name is steinar, son of bagsecg.

What the fuck are you doing here, prince?

You wanna fuck with me?

I'll bet you do. I'll bet you do.

Ivar, the king is dying.

We need your help.

Everyone dies some time.

How about you, prince?

Do you want to die today?

We seek the new king...


So you're looking for your brother?

Know where he is?

Why the hell would I tell you?

Out of respect.

Respect is not a birthright, little prince.

You want someone's respect, you've got to earn it.

You want to earn my respect?

You'd better be stronger than you look.

There has to be another way. He feels no pain.

The only way he'll tell us is through choice.

Three cups for your three chances.

You win... I'll tell you everything you want.

I win... you drink.

You drink all three... You lose and you're mine for the night, to do with as I see fit.


First to fold or break.


Come on, steinar.

Come on, steinar. Put your shoulder into it.

Take him, steinar. Come on, steinar.

Come on. Take him.

Drink up, little prince.

That'll put hairs on your ball sack.

Tell me you have a plan.

Shall we go again while our cocks are still hard?

First to fold or break.

Begin. Come on.

Put your shoulder into it. Come on.

Come on! Come on.

Come on, steinar.

Oh, fuck! Fuck.

Two down, one to go.

What chance now, princess, hmm?

Jokul, your belt.

Give me your belt, quick.

Your belt.

Good, steinar. The serpent will protect you.

With the gods on your side, you can't lose. Hmm?


We've got your back. You know that.

But the only way we'll stop him is if we kill him.


I am looking forward to making a woman out of you, princess.

Oh, don't look so sad.

You might even enjoy it.

First to fold or break.


Come on, steinar, push!

Come on, break his fucking wrist.

Come on! Come on!

Oh. Oh. Argh!

Ooh ooh.


What did you say your name was?


You're an asshole, steinar.

I like assholes.

I didn't leave out of choice.

I became persona non grata.

That's Latin. Hakan taught me that.

He's a prodigious man, a great man really.

How come you're not with him now?

You kill people in battle... They love you for it.

Make a mistake with a couple of boys...

They treat you like a leper.

You all right there, princess.

Feeling the 'shrooms-s-s-s?

Ah, hakan's not the man he was.

Not a man at all really.

You see, we're... We're all this, but he...

He's all that up there, all around us.

Do you think he is just gonna pack up and follow you, rule the people that banished him?

Why would he even speak to you, look at you?

He already knows you're coming.

Then he won't mind...

If you tell us where he is.

But if I do that, you're going to die.

Well, everybody has to die.


Oh, fuck it, princess, I'll do better than tell you where he is.

I'll take you there myself.

Why the hell not?

Why the fucking hell not, hmm?


Helps you see through the clouds, to find the sun.

Is it magic? No such thing as magic.

It's inscribed.

Yeah. Who taught you to read?

I was at a monastery.

They taught me...

Many things.

Here, here you go. Have this.

You blow it.

Boneless says there's a runestone two days from here at the edge of a forest at the foot of the Western mountains.

Says he'll take us there and the runes will lead us to hakan.

And you trust him? Why not?

Because he's a maniac. Oh yeah, that he is.

But he's our maniac now.


First the sun, and now the ashes painted red.



Steinar. Vali.

Steinar. Are you all right?

What happened here? What happened?

Men came.

Last night.

I heard voices. I thought it was you.

How come there's not a scratch on you?

It's another omen.

We should turn back. The gods are against us.

Who did this? Thieves?

Thieves would have taken all the horses.

Someone trying to fuck with you.

You wanna fuck with us? Come on.

Come on!

Ivar, how long will it take us to get there on foot?

Depends how determined you are.


We should wait for the moon to guide us.

Shut your mouth about the fucking moon.


Vali, you two, wait here.

Fuck this. Let's fight!






We should go after them, finish them off.

We move on.

I told you to wait.

I'm not a child, steinar.

Go and get the girl.




He died a good death, with his axe in his hand.

Valhalla won't know what hit them.

There's a clear view on the hill.

Vali, get up there, shout if you see anything.

How's ivar?

Nearly done.

We need to move on as soon as we can.

We have to reach hakan.

They were no ordinary saxons.

They were too well armed, too well trained.

They didn't just run into us.

You think we're being hunted?

If Harald made an alliance with their king, then getting rid of me would be part of the deal.

They'd need to know where to look for you.

Maybe someone's helping them.

Don't tell me you believe in all that crap about moons and omens.

I believe what I see with my own eyes.



Vali dropped it.

Look at the markings.

It's a Saxon coin.

You think vali is a servant of our enemies?

If he serves Harald, who himself serves the saxons, it amounts to the same thing.

All from a piece of silver? He's my brother.

Half brother. His mother's a Saxon.

Listen to yourself. You say you believe in reason and logic.

When it's presented to you, you turn your back on it.

In what way do my actions betray a lack of reason?

You run when you should fight.

You set off on this meaningless quest when you should be leading your people.

And then you side with a bastard traitor who would stick a knife in your back, rather than your oldest friend.

What would you have me do, huh?

Hmm? Kill him?

Better if you did.

He's a child. Think about that.

Think about your two daughters.

Dark times call for dark deeds, steinar.

You're wrong, hagen.

They call for light.


Come on.

Hurry up!

We can't outrun them! I'll slow them down!


What do they call you?

Come on, you must have a name.

Go fuck yourself.

That's disappointing.

I had expected more from a prince.

Whatever deal you struck with my brother, it won't last.


Right now we're in a position where we can help each other.

I could help make sure.

You become king of your people.

We could forge a real alliance that could last generations.

Under the shadow of the cross? Under the protection of a benevolent king and a church that would encourage education and learning.

Well, I can see the benefits in education and learning, but when you start talking about your God, reason doesn't really come into it, does it?

Think about it.

Come on, just a sip.

Cut my ropes.

Watch out!

Stab him again.

And again.

And again. And again.

You all right?

What about him?

Didn't like being tied up.

Took one of the guard's ears off.

Where's vali?

He went with them to meet their holy men and bow down before the white Christ.

Keep him alive.

We need him to tell us where we're going.

I'm not leaving without vali. Look, steinar.

He denied the existence of the gods.

He begged to be converted.

Let the boy go.

You dare break the sanctity of the house of God?

You talk of reason. When it comes down to it, you're just as superstitious as the rest of them.

Now lay down your weapons and let the boy go.

Oh, we will hunt you down and kill you like the godless animals you are.

You go to such lengths to build these churches, making sure they strike terror into the hearts of all who come near.

It's just a room with a door...

No different to a prison.


Secure them inside!

Get in!

Do we have what we need to find hakan?

You were true to your word.

Remember me to him, prince.

When you see him, his eyes Pierce the soul.

He knows who you truly are, hmm?

Like a God...

Sees men.

You believe in the gods, don't you, hmm?

You believe in...




Valhalla, I'm coming.

Shh shh.

Whose was this?

It belonged to my mother. What happened to her?

She was swallowed up into the darkness.

Like everything else.

Are you finished? The boy.

What about him? He went willingly, prepared to accept the white Christ.

It was that or death.

You didn't yield and neither did we.

And I won't now.

Vali has brought us nothing but bad luck.

If we offer him up as a sacrifice, the gods will look over us for the rest of our journey.

It's worth it to safeguard the future of our people.

So long as there's men who think like you, our people have no future.

He's a traitor and a coward. And he deserves to die.

Step aside, steinar. Don't make me do this.

Then you leave me no choice.




What about the people in the church?


No, we shouldn't touch it.

I'm telling you, this isn't just somebody's head on a stick.

This is a sign.

This is telling us to stay the fuck away.

Well, what is it?

It's a runestone.

This is what ivar was leading us to.

This isn't good, steinar, I'm telling you.

To find hakan, we had to find this first.

What does it say?

This isn't telling us how to find hakan.

It's a warning, saying what will happen if we try.

Well, what does it mean?

It means we're close, nothing more, nothing less.

I can't go in there, steinar.

I just can't.

Nothing to fear, jokul. I know these things.

If I step foot in that forest, I'm dead.

You'll be dead if you don't.



You're not dead...

Not yet anyway.

You want to know why you're not dead?


Huh? Huh?

Because he chose it.

He decides who lives, who dies.

Who are you, huh?

I am Ulric the chronicler...

A humble servant of the great master.

Well, Ulric, if you wouldn't mind telling the great master that his brother's here to see him.

He has no brother, no father, no mother.

I'll tell him what you said though.

It might amuse him.


Vali, untie me.

Vali, where's Agnes?

Where's jokul?


You're a long way from home, steinar.

So is he.

This is his home.

Our father's dying.

What do you see...

When you think of home?

I think of the...

The blue of the sky, the green of the forest.

The smell of the pine trees.

I see nothing.


But darkness.

Why have you come here?

Our father sent me.

He sent me to bring you back...

To lead your people

as king.

You don't know what you ask, but you will.

Let the feast begin!

Friends, this is a momentous day. Yeah!

This is a truly momentous occasion.

Commence the festmties!

The people I arrived with... What happened to them?

Hey, how old were you when hakan left?

10, 11.

Were you never curious as to why?

I always loved you.

I never wanted us to be separated.

No mother would ever wish for such a thing.

But that's all going to change now.

Now is the time for the world to bow down before his might.

Hakan! Hakan! Hakan!

All men will bow down before him.

Hakan! Hakan! Hakan!

Hakan! Hakan! Hakan! Hakan!

Hakan! Hakan! Hakan! Hakan!

Bow down before the king!

Hakan! Hakan! Hakan! Hakan!

Hakan! Hakan! Hakan! Hakan!

Bow before him. Kneel before your king.

Do you deny him?

I deny him.

You dare question your king.

You dare question your God.

Now your questions will be answered through his immortality...

And your destruction.



Well, where's hakan?

He was sent to find his brother and he returns with his head in a bag.

He was sent to find the king.

Looks like he found one.

How many people do we have in camp?

600, 650.

How many more could we muster by the morning?

A few hundred more.

And how far away is the Saxon army?

No more than a day's ride.


We leave at first light.

Open your mouth.

Swallow it!