God, she's beautiful. She's got the prettiest eyes.
She looks so sexy in that sweater.
I just want to be alone with her and hold her and kiss her, and tell her how much I love her, and take care of her.
Stop it, you idiot. She's your wife's sister.
But I can't help it. I'm consumed by her.
It's been months now. I dream about her.
I think about her at the office.
...what am I gonna do?
I hear myself mooning over you and it's disgusting.
Before, when she squeezed past me in the doorway and I smelled that perfume on the back of her neck, Jesus, I thought I was gonna swoon.
Easy. You're a dignified financial adviser.
It doesn't look good for you to swoon.
Elliot, have you tried these? These are wonderful.
Holly and her friend made them.
Fantastic. Your sister is an unbelievable cook.
I know. She has all the cooking charm.
No, you've got talent. I've eaten five.
Holly, why don't you open your own restaurant?
We practically are.
Not a restaurant, but April and I are gonna do some catering.
You're kidding! No, we decided.
We like to cook for our friends.
Until an acting job comes we could do parties.
Great. That's where your talent lies. I know.
Can I speak to you privately?
I'm her husband. She tells me anything.
I have to borrow more money. Don't get upset.
I never get upset. This is the last time, I promise.
Don't insult me. I'll pay it all back.
I know. How much do you need? Two thousand dollars.
April and I have this catering idea. It'll be great.
You admit we're great cooks.
There's things I have to buy and some old debts.
Are we talking about cocaine again?
I swear. We've already got requests to do a few parties.
Obviously, I'm not gonna be a caterer forever.
We still audition. Something could come up.
My days are free for my acting class. I haven't done drugs in a year.
♪ A whimpering, simpering child again
♪ Bewitched, bothered and bewildered...
Mom and Dad are floating down memory lane again.
Have you tried the shrimp? You've outdone yourself.
I need an antihistamine for Mom's asthma. She's turning into "Camille."
She's always Camille. At least she isn't drinking.
Doesn't she look great? She knows it too. She's flirting.
Maybe when she's 80, she'll stop straightening her garter belt.
Where's the antihistamine? Ask Elliot. He's got them.
Frederick didn't come with her. Does he ever?
He's such an angry... such a depressive.
I thought she was moving out.
♪ A pill he is
♪ But still he is
♪ All mine and I'll keep him
♪ Until he is bewitched...
Watch out, you guys. The kids are so adorable.
It gets so lonely on holidays.
Oh, gosh. That's why I invited Phil Gamisch.
Hannah, he's such a loser! He's not a loser.
He's a headmaster. He reminds me of Ichabod Crane.
His Adam's apple jumps when he's excited.
He's better than your ex-husband.
He's not a dope addict. Give me a break.
Am I interrupting any sister talk?
There are no interesting single men here.
Maybe April would like Phil. Phil, tall guy.
I met Phil. He looks like Ichabod Crane?
I love that. That's my type. I don't believe it.
We mustn't get discouraged.
Hannah will invite some men over who don't look like Ichabod.
Maybe at Christmas or New Year's.
If not this New Year's, maybe next New Year's. Ouch!
Must be here someplace.
I love that book, The Easter Parade.
You were right. It had meaning for me.
How's Frederick? He didn't come. One of his moods.
Although it wasn't a bad week. He sold a picture.
One of his better drawings, a beautiful nude study.
It was of me. It's a funny feeling to know you're hung naked in a stranger's home.
But you can't tell it's me... You're turning all red.
What else? What are you up to? My unemployment's running out.
I thought of taking some courses at Columbia.
Like...? I don't know exactly.
Sociology, psychology. I might like to work with children.
I always have clients who are furnishing places.
Some might be interested in buying art. Shall I call you?
Frederick would be grateful for a sale.
Guys? Dinner's ready.
You look so beautiful. Doesn't she look pretty?
I bumped into your ex-husband. He's crazy as ever.
He was getting a blood test.
Mickey's such a hypochondriac. Could he handle real illness?
Let's go have dinner.
Ladies and gentlemen... Dad.
Dad! No, now...
We're starving. This is a toast.
This is a toast.
You know, this beautiful Thanksgiving dinner was all prepared by Hannah.
A little help from Mary, also Holly and April.
No, you did it.
And we drink to her, and we all congratulate her on her wonderful accomplishment during this last year, her great success in A Doll's House.
I played Nora, I hate to tell you what year, and it's difficult to behave like Torvald's "little chipmunk" without making a perfect ass out of yourself.
I think that Ibsen would've been damn proud of our Hannah.
No, I've been very, very lucky.
When I had the kids, I stopped working and devoted myself to the family.
But I've always hoped that some little gem would tempt me back on the stage.
I got that out of my system and I can go back to what makes me happiest.
Is it my imagination, or does Elliot have a crush on me?
It's funny. I've had that thought before.
He pays a lot of attention to me.
And he blushed tonight when we were alone.
I wonder if he and Hannah are happy.
It's funny. I still feel a little buzz from his flirting.
Want some coffee or tea?
No, thank you.
How about something to eat? No, nothing.
Are you sure? Absolutely.
What am I gonna do with you? God...
And why didn't you come? We all had a terrific time.
I'm going through a period where I can't be around people.
I didn't want to abuse anyone. You wouldn't. They're so sweet.
You are the only person I can be with, who I look forward to being with.
You're too harsh with everyone, you know that.
Isn't it enough that I can love you? You're such a puzzle.
So sweet with me and so contemptuous of everyone else.
There was a time when you were happy to be only with me.
You wanted to learn about poetry, about music.
Have I taught you everything I can give? I don't think so.
Elliot might have a couple of clients for you.
I'm sure those morons have deep feelings for art.
You never know. He's just trying to do the nice thing.
Because he likes you. Me?
Yeah, Elliot lusts after you.
Based on what? You never see him.
Based on whenever you see him you come home with books he's recommended.
No, he's my sister's husband.
If you gave him half a chance, you'd like him.
He's a glorified accountant, and he's after you.
And I prefer to sell my work to people who appreciate it.
They won't let us do the sketch? It's too dirty.
But we showed it to them in rehearsal.
Mickey, half-hour to air.
The show's five minutes short. How can it be short?
Now we'll be ten minutes short. They can't do that.
Our ratings are low. I have such a migraine.
We better go to Ronnie's dressing room.
He must've taken quaaludes. He can't do the show.
Why me, Lord? What did I...? Standards and Practices?
Why is the sketch dirty? Child molestation is touchy.
Half the country's doing it.
But you name names. No, we say "the pope."
That sketch cannot go on the air.
Who changed my sketch about the PLO?
I had to cut four lines. The premise is ruined.
You're crazy. It's not so delicate.
I don't want anyone tampering without telling me.
You want them cut, I'll cut them myself.
Listen, instead of the molestation sketch, why don't we repeat the Cardinal Spellman/Ronald Reagan homosexual dance number?
I don't feel good.
What did you do, swallow a drugstore?
I lost my voice.
Ronnie, you have to go on in 25 minutes.
Does anybody got a Tagamet? My ulcer.
You want a quaalude?
This show's ruining my health.
My ex-partner moves to California.
Every stupid show he produces turns into a big hit.
What am I gonna do with my life?
I gotta remember to see my ex-wife tomorrow.
Hi! Glad you could put in an appearance.
I got two minutes.
The show's killing me. I got a million appointments.
I gotta see... Two minutes on your sons' birthday.
Happy birthday, fellas.
Guys, look. Daddy brought presents.
A little hug? What is this?
How about some action? How is everything?
Open the presents. Let me get some reaction.
How's Elliot? He's fine.
I'm trying to convince him to produce a play.
That'll be terrific.
I like him, he's a sweet guy. Isn't that a great mitt?
Because he's a loser. He's awkward and clumsy like me.
I always like an under-confident person.
He wanted a mitt.
You've had good taste in husbands. Thanks. That's a beauty.
Go over there. Come on, hurry.
Go out by the Sung vase and catch this.
Watch the picture!
Hannah's sweet. Although sometimes I still do get angry.
At least I'm not paying child support.
I hope there's nothing physically wrong with me.
What's the problem this time?
This time I really think I have something.
It's not like that adenoidal thing, where I'd had them out.
I saw your father. He complained of chest pains.
This guy's the real hypochondriac of the family.
You mentioned you'd had dizziness. Yes, and I'm developing a hearing loss in my right ear. Left ear.
Sorry, my right... Right or left. I can't remember.
Let's take a look.
You have had a significant drop in the high decibel range.
You been exposed to a loud noise or a virus?
I've been perfectly healthy. I always imagine I have things.
When did you first notice this?
About a month ago. What do I have?
You've had dizzy spells. What about ringing and buzzing?
Yes, now that you mention it, I have buzzing and also ringing.
Ringing and buzzing. Am I going deaf? It's just one ear.
Is it healthier to have problems in both ears?
Make an appointment at the hospital to run some tests.
The hospital? What kind of tests?
Don't get alarmed.
These are just more sophisticated tests. It's nothing.
Then why go to the hospital? I hear fine.
So I'm weak in the high decibels.
Don't panic. I just wanna rule out some things.
Like what? It's nothing. Will you trust me?
Hello, Dr. Wilkes? This is Mickey Sachs.
I wanna ask you a question.
Sure. What's up?
If you have a hearing loss in one ear and it's not from a virus or a loud noise, what are the possibilities?
Anything. Often it's hereditary.
Flu, even a small noise will do it.
Right, but nothing worse?
I guess the dark side of the spectrum is a brain tumor.
Here's the new pages. Did Cards get these?
Not yet. Let's hope it's good.
Yeah, really. We'll be down in a minute, OK?
Mickey, what's the matter with you?
I feel dizzy. I don't feel well.
Do you hear a ringing? Is there a ringing?
Yeah, I hear it. Hello? Not that.
Yeah, we're gonna be working late. No, we'll order out.
If I have a tumor, I don't know what I'll do.
He didn't say you had a tumor.
They don't tell you.
Sometimes the weaker ones will panic.
But not you. Oh, God. You hear a buzzing?
Come on, we got a show to do.
I can't focus. But there's nothing wrong.
Then why does he want more tests?
He has to rule out things.
Like what? I don't know. Cancer.
Don't say that. I don't wanna hear that word.
But you don't have symptoms.
I got the classic symptoms of a brain tumor.
Two months ago it was a malignant melanoma.
The sudden appearance of a black spot on my back.
It was on your shirt. How was I to know?
We've got to make decisions.
I can't think. This morning I was so happy.
I don't know what went wrong. You were miserable.
We got bad reviews. The sponsors are furious.
I was happy, but I just didn't realize I was.
These are delicious! What are they?
Those are quail eggs. Aren't they good?
My friend April makes those. Try a shrimp puff.
That looks good. I make those.
Excuse me. Thank you.
The stroganoff is ready. We're a hit!
In this. Yesterday, I auditioned.
That wasn't a hit. You'll get five jobs next week.
Are there any more clams? A few. You like them?
I can't resist. How flattering.
Did you try the shrimp? You're too attractive to be caterers.
We're actresses. Your first job?
Is the food that bad? Not at all.
We need more sauce for the lasagna. Hi.
You're an actress with a flair for shrimp.
The shrimp puffs are Holly's. I do the crepes caviar.
And the quail's responsible for the eggs.
I stole you a couple of extra clams.
Incidentally, I'm David Tolchin. April Knox, hi.
We're the Stanislavski Catering Company.
I'll tell you the truth. I was bored stiff by the party.
We're more interesting?
I'll listen to Aida, if I'm not in your way.
Not at all.
We saw Pavarotti in Ernani at the Met, and I cried.
I cry at the opera.
I go limp in the last scene in La Traviata.
Me too. I have a private box at the Met.
I bring my bottle of wine, I watch and I cry. Disgusting.
What do you do? I'm an architect.
What do you build?
Are you really interested? Yeah.
What time do you get off?
It's the red one? It's magnificent.
The design's noncontextual, but I wanted to keep the street atmosphere on the proportions and the material.
That's unpolished red granite. Is it?
It has an organic quality. Right.
Entirely interdependent, if you know what I mean.
I can't put it into words. The important thing is, it breathes.
April, people pass by vital structures all the time.
They never appreciate them.
You tune into your environment.
It's important. What are your favorite buildings?
You wanna see some?
Well, let's do it.
It's just so romantic. I wanna open the French doors...
It's French. It is. It's romantic.
And it's got a handsome partner sitting right beside it.
Your eye goes along, lulled into complacency, and then...
That's just... Look at this.
That's really terrible.
And it ruins everything else. It does.
We've seen a lot of stuff today.
We should think about going home.
Who gets dropped first? Gee, I don't know.
I live downtown. We both live downtown.
It depends on what way you wanna go.
I know. If we took Fifth, then we'd get to your house first.
We could do that. But Fifth is jammed.
I mean... Well, sometimes.
You live in Chelsea, don't you?
If you live in Chelsea, that's probably first.
OK. And then April.
Naturally, I get taken home first.
Obviously, he prefers April.
Of course, I was so tongue-tied all night.
I can't believe I said that about the Guggenheim.
My stupid roller-skating joke. I should never tell jokes.
Mom can tell them, and Hannah, but I kill them.
Where did April come up with terms like "organic form"?
Well, naturally. She went to Brandeis.
She doesn't know what she's talking about.
Could you believe the way she was calling him David?
"I feel that way too, David. Marvelous space, David."
I hate April. She's pushy.
They'll dump me, and she'll invite him up. I blew it.
And I really like him a lot.
Screw it. I'm not gonna get upset.
I've got reading to do. I'll get into bed early and take an extra Seconal.
My goodness. Elliot! What are you doing here?
I'm looking for a bookstore. In this section?
I'm killing time. I have a client near here.
How about you? Well, I live...
You live near here. I do.
Where are you headed? To my AA meeting.
Why do you still go? You never touch alcohol.
You didn't know me before Frederick.
I'd start with a beer at ten in the morning.
You must've been very unhappy. Unhappy and fat.
I still find the meetings comforting.
I'll never understand it. You're so bright and beautiful.
I think to myself, "What problems could she have?"
Don't let me get started on my childhood.
You know what? There is a bookstore near here.
You'd really love it.
Yes? You would.
If you have some free time... Sure.
Isn't this great? They have everything.
Wonderful. What book did you want?
What? You wanted a book?
No, I'm killing time. I just want to browse.
You picked the right place.
You can stay all afternoon and just read.
Unless you have time. We could get some coffee.
I don't have time. I understand.
No problem. You're busy. I...
You seem tense. Everything all right? No?
Yes. Everything's OK?
Yeah. How are you?
I'm all right.
How's Frederick? Fine.
We went to the Caravaggio exhibition.
It's such a treat to go with Frederick. You learn so much.
Do you like Caravaggio? Yes, who doesn't?
Look. e.e. cummings. I'd like to get you this.
I can't let you get me that.
I'd like to very much. I don't think so.
I read a poem of you and thought of his last week.
A poem of his and thought of you.
You'll be fine.
This is great. I love e.e. cummings.
I'd love to get you this.
And maybe we could discuss it sometime.
Thanks a lot. Thanks for showing me the bookstore.
You could take me to an AA meeting sometime.
I'd love to see it. You'd love it.
It's really entertaining. You'd have a good time.
And don't forget the poem on page 112.
It reminded me of you. Really?
"Your slightest look Easily will unclose me Though I have closed myself As fingers You open always Petal by petal myself As spring opens Touching skillfully, mysteriously Her first rose I do not know what it is about you That closes and opens Only something in me understands The voice of your eyes Is deeper than all roses Nobody, not even the rain Has such small hands"
I wasn't too happy with your ENG results, or your BSER either.
That's why I sent you to tomography, all that stuff rolling around.
See this gray area here?
That area's what I had hoped we wouldn't run into.
I'd like you to come in Monday for a CAT scan.
A brain scan? Let's take one step at a time.
We won't make any decisions until we have all the information.
OK, take it easy.
He didn't say you had anything.
He just doesn't like the spot on your X-ray.
Doesn't mean you have anything. Don't jump to conclusions.
Nothing's gonna happen to you.
You're in New York City. This is your town.
You're surrounded by traffic and restaurants.
God! How can you just, one day, vanish?
Keep calm. You're gonna be OK.
I'm dying! I know it! There's a spot on my lungs!
Take it easy. It's not on your lungs. It's on your ear.
It's the same thing, isn't it? I can't sleep.
God, there's a tumor in my head the size of a basketball.
I keep thinking I can feel it every time I blink.
Jesus! He wants me to do a brain scan to confirm what he already suspects.
I'll make a deal with God. Let it just be my ear.
I'll go deaf and blind in one eye.
I don't want a brain operation.
I'll wind up like the guy with the wool cap who delivers for the florist.
Your whole life you run to doctors. The news is always fine.
That's not true. What about years ago?
I'm sorry to say that you cannot have children.
Gee. Is there no chance?
You can have a normal sex life, but his tests indicate that he is infertile.
Small sperm volume and infertile.
Anything I can do? Pushups?
I'm afraid not. I need a second opinion.
This is the second opinion. A third.
I realize this is a blow.
In my experience, many fine marriages become unstable and are destroyed by an inability to deal with this.
I hope you won't make too much of it. One can adopt, and there are artificial methods of fertilization.
I'm so humiliated. I don't...
Did you ruin yourself?
How could I ruin myself? Excessive masturbation?
You gonna knock my hobbies? Jesus. Maybe we can adopt a child.
What about artificial insemination? What?
I'd get implanted from... A stranger?
They have banks where they keep them frozen.
A defrosted kid? I want to experience childbirth.
With a stranger? Think about it. That's all I ask.
I think that's the best show you two ever wrote.
The funniest show we did was the one we won the Emmy for.
I think as far as laughs, that was probably the best thing we ever did.
But the show about the Frenchmen, that was funny and warm.
We got that idea on that Paris trip.
Remember that? Hannah had jet lag for six weeks.
But it was... I guess we had fun when we were there.
Listen, you guys, we... Want some more?
We had something we really wanted to discuss with you.
Jesus, this is very delicate and I only bring this up amongst friends.
I mean, this is...
This shouldn't go further than this room.
I'm all ears.
Hannah and I can't have any children.
I don't want to get into whose fault it is... It's my fault.
And the details are too embarrassing to...
We decided after a lot of discussion that we'd try artificial insemination.
I'm not so sure I like that idea myself.
I didn't really want to go to a sperm bank, have some anonymous donor. I wouldn't want that.
If we were gonna do it, we'd like somebody we knew and was warm and bright.
You can say no. We realize it has all kinds of implications.
The point we're making is that we need some sperm.
Well, my first reaction after the initial shock is flattered that you'd ask.
I'd be the father. You'd just masturbate into a cup.
I can handle that.
Obviously, we wouldn't have intercourse.
Gosh, I've gotta tell you the truth. I'm uneasy about this.
It's a lot to ask.
I feel for you, I do. I'm gonna cry.
You want my husband to have a child with you?
Don't answer now.
Just take it home and think about it for a while.
I gave blood before, and clothing to the poor.
I wanna talk about this at home.
I think it's a matter for your analyst and mine.
And maybe my lawyer.
We understand completely if you feel you'd rather not.
I didn't mean to spoil the evening. Let's move on.
So you had my ex-partner's baby. Twins.
Maybe that caused trouble, but we were drifting apart anyhow.
Instead of man and wife we're good friends.
Boy, love is really unpredictable.
Lee, Frederick, say hello to Dusty Fry.
Hi, Dusty. Hi.
Dusty has bought a house in Southampton. He's decorating it.
It's a weird place.
A lot of wall space. How you doing, man?
I told him about your work. He's excited.
I got an Andy Warhol and a Frank Stella.
It's very beautiful. Big, weird, you know.
If you stare at that Stella, the colors seem to float.
You decided to become a collector?
Yeah, I got a lot to learn, though. I wasn't into art as a kid.
Do you appreciate drawings? Yeah.
Oh, hey. Wow, she's beautiful.
But, really, I need something... I'm looking for something big.
Show him the oils. They're in the basement.
Frederick's done this new series you'd love.
Are they big? Some of them, yeah.
I got a lot of wall space.
I don't sell my work by the yard. Oh, Frederick.
Oh, you know. I talked to Hannah this morning.
You two might be going to the country.
She loves to go out in the woods.
But I go nuts.
It's a conflict.
I have to get my teeth cleaned. That's nice.
I figured I'd get them together. That's really nice.
This kid's earned a trillion dollars. He's got six gold records.
Oh, I bought that Mozart trio you recommended.
The man showed me another one you'd love.
It's another Bach, Second Movement.
You have that one? Yeah.
I would love to hear it.
Holly met a wonderful man who loves opera, an architect.
That's nice. I'd love to see her wind up settled.
She's a tense one.
Isn't that beautiful?
I know this.
Bach F Minor Concerto. It's one of my favorites.
Did you ever get around to e.e. cummings?
Yes, he's just adorable.
They have a large gay clientele where I get my teeth cleaned.
All the hygienists now wear gloves. They're afraid of AIDS.
Did you ever get around to the poem on page 112?
Yes, it made me cry. It was so beautiful, so romantic.
I want so badly to kiss her.
Not here. You've got to get her alone someplace.
But I've got to proceed cautiously. This is a delicate situation.
Ask her if you can see her for lunch or a drink tomorrow.
Make light of the offer if she's unresponsive.
This has to be done skillfully and diplomatically.
Did you ever read this one?
Elliot, don't! Lee, I'm in love with you!
What are you doing?
I'm sorry, I have to talk to you.
I've been in love with you so long...
I don't have an interest in selling it.
I ask for some puce, you fly off the handle!
I'm not interested in what your decorator thinks.
I can't commit to anything without consulting her first.
You don't buy paintings to blend in with the sofa.
It's not a sofa. It's an ottoman!
God, forget it. Let's just get out of here.
What a weirdo that guy is. Paranoid.
What's the matter? I'll be OK.
Not that big a deal. You go on ahead.
I just need fresh air. Something I ate.
I'll walk, you go ahead. You go.
I was looking for you.
I must apologize. I'm so mixed-up.
How do you expect me to react? But I'm in love with you.
Don't say those words. I know it's terrible.
You know the situation. I know. I realize.
What do you expect? Hannah and I are in the last stages.
She's never said anything, and we're very close.
She's crazy about me, but somewhere along the line I fell out of love.
Not because of me? No.
Yes, I love you!
I can't be the cause of anything between you...
It was inevitable.
Why? For a million reasons.
But not over me?
We were both going in different directions.
Poor Hannah. How about you?
Do you share any of my feelings, or is this unpleasant?
I can't say.
Be candid. I don't want you to feel bad.
Yes, I have certain feelings for you. Don't make me say more.
OK, you've said enough. I will work things out.
Don't do anything on my behalf. Hannah and I are close.
But you do care about me?
I can't be a party to this. I'm racked with guilt talking to you.
Your guilt is because you feel the same.
I have to go. I have to get my teeth cleaned.
I have my answer. I have my answer.
I'm walking on air.
Hi. How's she doing?
She's in the kitchen. It's the same thing.
She promises. It's all lies.
Don't make it worse, Dad. Hi, Mom. How you doing?
Let me get you some coffee. What triggered it?
We were making a commercial. There was this young salesman.
Your mother was throwing herself at him in a disgusting way.
When she found she was too old to seduce, that he was embarrassed...
And at lunch she got drunker and drunker.
Finally, she became Joan Collins!
All my life I've put up with insults from this nonperson.
This haircut that passes for a man.
He could never support us.
I'm glad we had a talented daughter.
I can only hope that she was mine.
With you as her mother, her father could be anybody in Actors' Equity!
She's talented. It's unlikely she's yours.
Dad, could you please stay in the other room?
You never know when she's gonna fall off the wagon.
Here, Mom. Drink this.
You're awful. You probably were flirting.
No, I like to joke around and have fun.
He gets angry because I get the attention.
He's gotten sour, and I've tried to stay young at heart.
You promised to stay on the wagon.
The sacrifices I've made.
He's ruined me with his ego, his philandering...
...his mediocrity. OK, stop being so dramatic.
He's the one that's laid every ingénue in stock!
They wanted me for a screen test, but he'd get up there and he'd flounder around with his expensive haircuts, hairdos and clothes.
He's all show!
How could you act when there's nothing inside to come out?
She was so beautiful at one time, and he was so dashing.
Both of them just full of promise and hopes that never materialized.
And the fights and the infidelities to prove themselves and blaming each other... it's so sad.
They loved the idea of having us. Raising us didn't interest them.
But it's impossible to hold it against them.
They didn't know anything else.
Of all of us in the family, you're the one blessed with the true gift.
My true gift is luck. I've had a lot of luck.
From my first show. I thought Lee was destined for great things.
She's lovely, but she doesn't have your spark.
She knows it. She worships you. She wouldn't dare get up on stage.
Now, Holly's not shy.
Holly's game for anything.
Holly takes after me. True.
I'd have been a great dope addict.
Remember this, Hannah?
Mr. Sachs, I'm afraid the news is not good.
If I can show you where the tumor is and why we feel that surgery would be of no use.
See... - It's over.
I'm face to face with eternity.
Not later, but now.
I'm so frightened, I can't move or speak or breathe.
You're just fine. There's nothing here at all.
And your tests are all fine.
I admit, I was concerned, given your symptoms.
What caused this hearing loss, we'll never know.
But whatever it was, it's not anything serious.
I'm very relieved.
What do you mean, you're quitting? Why? The news is good.
You don't have cance... the thing.
Do you realize what a thread we're hanging by?
Mickey, you're off the hook. Celebrate!
Can you understand how meaningless everything is?
Our lives, the show, the whole world.
But you're not dying.
I'm not now. When I ran out of the hospital, I was so thrilled
'cause they told me I was gonna be all right.
I'm running down the street and then it hit me.
So I'm not gonna go today, not tomorrow.
But eventually I'm going to.
You're realizing this now?
I know it all the time, but I stick it in the back of my mind.
It's a horrible thing to think about. Can I tell you something?
Yes, please. A week ago I bought a rifle.
If I had a tumor, I was gonna kill myself.
The thing that might've stopped me is my parents would be devastated.
I would've had to shoot them also. And my aunt and uncle.
Well, eventually, it is going to happen to all of us.
But doesn't that ruin everything for you?
It takes the pleasure away.
You'll die, I'll die, the audience, the network...
I know, and your hamster. Yes.
Listen, kid, I think you snapped your cap.
Maybe you need a few weeks in Bermuda.
Or go to a whorehouse.
I can't stay on. I need answers.
Otherwise, I'm gonna do something drastic.
I thought you weren't coming. I almost didn't.
I didn't sleep all night. No, I'm sure.
What are we doing in a hotel room? It's terrible.
I couldn't think where to invite you.
I didn't want this to happen till you were living alone.
I was so torn when you called.
I wanted to call every day since I told you how I felt.
I resisted so many times.
Don't think badly of me.
This is not an easy situation.
I know it isn't.
That was just perfect.
You've ruined me for anyone else.
I don't want anyone else to have you.
I worried I wouldn't compare with Hannah.
Oh, my God!
You really do have those thoughts? All the time.
She must be a passionate person.
Yes, she's very warm and giving.
But I want to be giving to you.
I wanna do things for you.
Hannah doesn't need me as much.
I'm being presumptuous. Not that you need me.
I want you to take care of me.
And I love when you do things to me.
I didn't realize how late it had gotten.
You missed a very dull TV show about Auschwitz.
More gruesome film clips.
And more puzzled intellectuals declaring their mystification over the systematic murder of millions.
They can never answer the question, "How could it possibly happen?" is that it's the wrong question.
The question is, "Why doesn't it happen more often?"
Of course, it does, in subtler forms.
I have a headache from this weather.
It's been ages since I sat in front of the TV, changing channels to find something.
You see the whole culture.
...beauty contests, the talk show.
Can you imagine the mind that watches wrestling?
But the worst are the fundamentalist preachers.
Third-rate con men telling the suckers that they speak for Jesus and to please send in money. Money, money, money.
If Jesus came back and saw what's going on in his name, he'd never stop throwing up.
Frederick, could you please lighten up?
I'm not in the mood to hear a review of contemporary society.
You've been nervous lately.
I can't take this anymore.
I'm only completing an education I started.
I'm not your pupil. I was.
When you leave the nest, I want you to be ready.
We have to make some changes. Like what?
You know. I'm suffocating. This conversation again?
Yes, this conversation again. I have to leave, I have to move out.
Why? Because I have to.
What'll you use for money?
I thought maybe I'd move in with my parents.
I always told you you would leave me.
Does it have to be now?
Maybe it'll be temporary. But I have to try.
Lee, you're my whole world.
Good God. Have you been kissed tonight?
No... Yes, you have.
You've been with someone! Stop accusing me!
I'm too smart. You can't fool me!
You're turning red! Leave me alone!
Oh, Christ! What's wrong with you?
Couldn't you say something? You slither...
I'm saying it now!
So you met somebody else?
Yeah. You knew that was going to happen sooner or later.
I can't live like this. Who is it?
It's just somebody I met. Where did you meet him?
It doesn't matter. I have to move out.
You're my connection to the world.
That's too much responsibility for me. It's not fair.
I want a less complicated life.
I want a child, before it's too late.
Oh, God, I don't even know what I want.
What do you get out of me, anyway? I mean...
It's not sexual anymore.
It's certainly not intellectual. You're so superior to me.
Don't patronize me!
God! I should have married you... years ago when you wanted to.
I should've agreed.
Don't you know? It never would've worked.
I told you one day you'd leave me for a younger man.
What passion today with Lee.
She's a volcano.
It was totally fulfilling, just as I'd dreamed it'd be.
That's what it was.
It was like living out a dream, a great dream.
Now I feel very good and cozy next to Hannah.
Hannah is very real and lovely.
She gives me a very deep feeling of being part of something.
She's a wonderful woman, and I betrayed her.
She changed my empty life, and I paid her back by banging her sister.
God, I'm despicable! What a cruel and shallow act.
I have call her now and tell her what we did was crazy.
It can't ever happen again. I value Hannah too much.
I love my wife. Now I betrayed her. Oh, God!
Where are you going?
I've gotta get a phone number. I forgot to phone Mel Kaufman.
It's late. Yes, I can't believe I forgot.
What if he answers?
I'll hang up.
I'll say we can't communicate until I'm divorced.
It's immoral. Then time will pass.
I won't call, and she'll understand.
I've gotta stop before I get in too deep.
I'd rather hurt Lee a little than destroy Hannah.
She can't have a conversation with me, with him around.
I'm getting hysterical.
I'll call her in the morning.
I'll call her at 6:00.
Frederick goes jogging at 6:00.
She'll be alone. I'll call and nip it in the bud.
I've got it! I've got it!
I'd have hung up if you hadn't answered, but I had to tell you...
...I feel very close to you tonight. Very, very close.
Millions of books written on every conceivable subject by all these great minds, but none of them knows anything more about the big questions of life than I do.
I read Socrates.
He used to knock off little Greek boys.
What the hell's he got to teach me?
And Nietzsche, with his theory of eternal recurrence.
He said the life we live, we'll live over and over, the same way for eternity.
Great. I'll have to sit through the Ice Capades again.
It's not worth it.
And Freud, another great pessimist.
I was in analysis for years. Nothing happened.
My poor analyst got so frustrated, the guy finally put in a salad bar.
Look at these people jogging, trying to stave off the inevitable decay of the body.
It's so sad what people go through with their stationary bike and their exercise.
Oh, look at this one. Poor thing.
She has to tote all that fat around.
She should pull it on a dolly.
Maybe the poets are right. Maybe love is the answer.
I was in love with Hannah. That didn't work out.
I even took her sister out. Remember?
Years ago when Hannah and I got divorced and she fixed me up with her sister, Holly?
♪ I wanna be like you Said I'm gonna fit into your groove
♪ I don't wanna be different Said I'm gonna be just like you
♪ 'Cause I'm gonna buy records that they play on the radio
♪ I'm gonna dance at clubs Gonna do just what I'm told...
Why are you making those faces? I can't hear anything.
I'm gonna lose hearing. You're witnessing genius.
My ears are in a meltdown. I can't hear anything.
Can't you feel the tangible energy?
The positive vibrations! I'm frightened.
They're gonna take hostages.
Let's... Don't... No, please.
You want some? Come on. You've been doing that all night.
You're gonna develop a third nostril.
Can we go? No.
♪ 'Cause I'm gonna buy records that they play on the radio...
Don't you love songs about extraterrestrials?
Not when they're sung by extraterrestrials.
We can't communicate. I never knew you were such a tight-ass.
Your sisters have good taste. Where'd you go wrong?
I'm my own person.
Can we go hear something nice? It's getting late.
You're being angry.
I'm not angry, but you don't like rock music, you won't get high...
It's like dating Cardinal Cooke.
♪ Why am I
♪ Just as reckless as a child?
♪ Why am I like a racehorse running wild?
♪ Why am I
♪ In a state of ecstasy?
♪ The reason is 'cause something's happened to me
♪ I'm in love again
♪ And the spring is coming
♪ I'm in love again
♪ Hear my heart strings strummin'
♪ I'm in love again
♪ And the hymn they're hummin'
♪ Is those cuddle-up, huddle-up blues
♪ I'm in love again
♪ And I can't rise above it
♪ I'm in love again
♪ And I love love love it...
What a swell time.
You didn't have to talk while he was singing.
I was so bored. You don't deserve Cole Porter.
Stay with groups that'd stab their moms.
I'm open to new concepts. And you snort so much cocaine!
Do you carry a kilo around? This crowd was too embalmed to know.
I'm glad Hannah got us together. She's got great instincts.
I'm sorry. It's probably my fault.
I've been depressed.
I had fun. It was like the Nuremberg Trials.
I'll see myself home!
Yep, it was quite an evening.
Holly with her cocaine.
She should've been wearing a gold shovel around her neck.
She was polymorphously insensitive, I think.
Too bad too.
I always had a little crush on her.
Read the instructions. You set one of these and you can take pictures underwater.
We'll try it in the lake.
Can I try? Yeah. OK.
Are you in a bad mood?
I don't know. I'm just antsy.
The last few weeks, you haven't been yourself.
And tonight at dinner, you were curt with me.
Was I? Yes, you were.
When I brought up the idea of having a baby, you jumped down my throat.
I don't think it's a good idea. Why not?
It's the last thing we need right now.
Why? Is there something wrong?
I don't know. Should I be worried?
Well, you got four children.
I want one with you.
I think we should wait till things settle.
What does that mean?
We've been married four years. How settled can it get?
You have set plans on how your life should be structured: a house, kids, certain schools, a home in Connecticut.
It's all very preconceived.
Yeah, but I... I thought you needed that.
You said your life was chaos.
But there's got to be some give and take.
I don't know what the hell I'm talking about.
Are you angry with me? No.
Do you feel...? Are you disenchanted with our marriage?
I didn't say that.
Is there someone else?
What is this? The Gestapo? No.
What are you not telling me?
What kind of...?
Supposing I said I am disenchanted.
I am in love with someone else. Are you?
You keep asking these questions. It's like you want me to say yes.
What are you saying? Of course not. I'd be destroyed.
For chrissake, stop torturing her.
Say you want out and get it over with.
You love her sister.
You didn't do it on purpose.
Be honest. It's always the best way.
How can I help you?
If you're suffering over something, share it with me.
You know how much I love you.
I should have my head examined. I don't deserve you.
I wanna look good, but I don't want to be overdressed.
How about this? I think it's a pretty color on you.
Ever think you'd see me going to the opera?
It's great. I want to meet him.
He's married. And his wife's schizophrenic.
Sometimes she just breaks down.
When his daughter goes to college next year, he'll split permanently.
His wife helped put him through architecture school.
You found all this out on one date?
I think he was dying to open up. It's so sad.
Now what should I wear to my audition?
I've got an audition for a Broadway musical.
I'll never get it.
Singing? Can you believe it?
I mean, why not? What have I got to lose?
No, I just...
No, I didn't know you sang.
You think everybody in musicals sings well?
No, it's just that they sing.
Well, you know.
I sing a little. I mean, you know.
I know. No, I know.
Don't say it that way.
Confidence isn't my strong point. I didn't mean that.
I think I can fake my way through a song. Easily.
Why? You don't think it's realistic? No, I didn't... No.
No, I just hate to see you put yourself in a position where you get hurt.
You take every single rejection as confirmation that you have no talent.
Well, maybe I'll get it. I hope.
...you know how to cut me down. What?
Can't I say anything?
I sing. For chrissake, you heard me sing!
What happened? We were having a nice time and suddenly everything went to bad feeling.
Nobody but you can do that to me.
Look, everything's going your way.
Why must I let my insecurities spoil everything?
♪ This year's fancies
♪ Are passing fancies
♪ But sighing sighs
♪ Holding hands
♪ This my heart understands
♪ I'm old-fashioned
♪ And I don't mind it
♪ It's how I want to be
♪ As long as you'll agree
♪ To stay old-fashioned
Thank you very much. Thanks.
Very nice. Terrific.
♪ Someday, when I'm awfully low
♪ When the world is cold
♪ I will get a glow
♪ Just thinking of you
You sounded great. You may be surprised.
I'm just glad we have a catering job this week.
We have Mr. Levine's 80th birthday on Riverside Drive.
Or the chapel, depending on his health.
Listen. David called me up.
What? David called me last night.
He wants to take me to the opera.
I didn't know what to say.
No, he called late last night.
I'm very surprised.
He wants to take me to see Rigoletto.
And you're going.
I didn't know what to say. At first I said no.
He said he'd taken you once, and he really wanted to invite me.
But I'm seeing him. I know. I said that...
...but he said he really wanted to do it.
I don't know what to say.
It's just an evening at the opera. Did I do wrong in accepting?
Why would you like to convert to Catholicism?
I have to believe in something or else life is just meaningless.
But why did you make the decision to choose the Catholic faith?
First of all, because it's a very beautiful religion.
It's strong and well-structured.
I'm talking about the against school prayer, pro-abortion, anti-nuclear wing.
So you don't believe in God?
No, and I want to.
I'll do anything. I'll dye Easter eggs.
I need some evidence. I gotta have proof.
If I can't believe, life isn't worth living.
It's a very big leap.
Yes, well, can you help me?
I don't understand. I thought you'd be happy.
How can we be happy?
Because I'm giving God serious thought.
Catholicism? Why not your own people? I got off on the wrong foot there.
I need a dramatic change.
You'll believe in Jesus Christ? I'm gonna try.
We raised you as a Jew. I was born that way...
I'm older now. But why Jesus Christ?
Why not become a Buddhist?
That's totally alien to me.
Aren't you afraid of dying?
Why be afraid?
You won't exist. So?
That doesn't terrify you? I'm alive. When I'm dead, I'm dead.
Aren't you frightened?
I'll be unconscious. But never to exist again?
How do you know? It doesn't look promising.
Who knows what'll be?
I'll either be unconscious, or I won't.
If not, I'll deal with it then. I won't worry now.
Mom, come out.
Of course there's a God, you idiot. You don't believe in God?
Then why is there so much evil in the world?
On a simple level, why were there Nazis?
Tell him, Max.
How the hell do I know?
I don't know how the can opener works.
Hi. Where's Holly? She's auditioning for a commercial.
How's she doing? You know Holly when she's depressed.
It's good that we invited her to lunch.
Tell her it was your idea.
When I try to help, she gets defensive.
She's just embarrassed in front of you.
So how are you? I'm OK.
Do you miss Frederick?
Elliot and I must know someone for you.
How are you? How's Frederick...
He's fine. I guess he's fine.
He's been moody the last few months. I don't know what it is.
He's kind of distant.
I try talking... He says everything's fine.
Automatically, I think the worst.
He's seeing someone else. No, everyone thinks that.
I just came from an audition which I did not get. So what's new?
They said I was too offbeat-looking, whatever that means.
But guess who's auditioning? April?
I was very polite. I maintained my poise. I said hello.
I never trusted her. Eyes in the back of her head.
She and an architect are now a definite item, which I can't believe.
Though it's put an end to the catering company.
Which is why I have to speak to you. I have to borrow more money.
That's fine. I decided to do some writing.
I've had it with acting.
These meaningless auditions. I can't handle another rejection.
Let's face it. I have to latch on to something in my life, something with a future. I'm not16 anymore.
It's just crazy.
But I've got an idea for a story, more than one, and I just need a few months or a year even.
I learned about dramatic structure from acting class.
That's good. It just seems to me that six months or a year, if you spend it more productively... Like what?
Well, I don't know.
Didn't mom mention something at the Museum of Broadcasting?
That's clerical. Didn't she say it's in publicity?
It can lead to other things. You're discouraging.
No, I'm trying to be helpful.
A person doesn't say, "I'm done as an actress. Now I'm a writer."
Not at my age. Please. Let's have lunch.
Right. Forget it.
I just want a salad. You really think I'm a loser.
You're being ridiculous. You are.
You treat me like a loser. How?
You have no faith. You undercut my enthusiasm.
I've been very supportive.
I give you honest, constructive advice. I help you financially.
I introduce you to interesting, single men.
All losers. You're too demanding.
Who you fix me up with says what you think of me.
That's not true. I'm mediocre.
Stop attacking Hannah. She's going through a lot.
Why are you so upset? You keep picking on her.
Leave her alone. I'm suffocating.
Why are you so sensitive all of a sudden?
Look, you wanna write, write.
Let's just drop it.
Take a year. Take six months, whatever you want.
Who knows? Maybe you'll be sitting with a good play.
What's the matter? You look pale. Are you OK?
Yeah. You know, I just got dizzy all of a sudden.
I think we need to eat.
I can't seem to take action.
I'm like Hamlet unable to kill his uncle.
I want Lee, but I can't harm Hannah.
And in no other area am I a procrastinator.
Meanwhile, Lee has no direction.
She's taking courses at Columbia, but just randomly.
I try not to call her, but then she calls me, and then I call, and we try to resist meeting, but sometimes we meet.
Sometimes we argue because I can't split my marriage.
Sometimes we wind up making love, and we both feel terrible.
But it's my fault.
For all my education, accomplishments, and so-called wisdom, I can't fathom my own heart.
You'd like to become a Hare Krishna?
I'm not saying I wanna join, but you believe in reincarnation, so I'm interested.
What's your religion?
I was born Jewish, but last winter I tried Catholicism.
It didn't work for me. I studied and tried, but for me it was, "Die now, pay later."
I just couldn't get with it. You're afraid of dying?
Yeah, naturally. In reincarnation, does my soul pass to another human?
Or would I come back as an aardvark?
Take our literature, read it over, and think about it.
Thank you very much. You're welcome. Hare Krishna.
Who are you kidding? You're gonna be a Krishna?
You're gonna shave your head and dance around at airports?
You'd look like Jerry Lewis.
Oh, God, I'm so depressed.
The nights are really getting cooler.
Summer went so quickly.
Soon it'll be fall.
My literature professor really likes me.
It was fun being out with him last night.
I feel like I'm betraying Elliot, but that's ridiculous.
Why shouldn't I see Doug? Elliot's not free.
Just go one step at a time.
Let's see what the next few months bring.
You'll be happy to know that your money hasn't gone to waste.
I have an actual first rough draft of something I wrote.
I showed it to Lee. She gave me some pointers.
I'm pretty near where you live. Could I just drop it off?
And when you have time, read it, and we'll talk over Thanksgiving.
OK? All right. Wait. Listen!
Lee met an interesting guy at Columbia.
Yeah, yeah. Well, he sounds really nice.
All right. We'll talk at Thanksgiving.
Here's a song that Norma sang on that trip we made to the show in Buffalo.
Oh, was she beautiful that night!
You were. Don't you remember that night?
She was so beautiful...
...that when men saw her walking, they'd drive their cars up on the sidewalk.
That right, honey?
A slight exaggeration, but only slight.
You've been very cold to me tonight. No!
Is something wrong?
Not here. There are too many people around.
I think Lee's serious about her new boyfriend.
He sounds really nice.
I'm happy for her. I think she's in love.
I'm upset about what you wrote.
It's based on Elliot and me. Loosely.
Not loosely. Real specifically. Is that how you see us?
Can I not accept gestures and feelings from people?
Do I put people off?
It's a made-up story. No, it's exact.
The situations, the dialogue, everything.
It's full of details about Elliot and me, which I don't see how you could know about.
Our conversation about adoption?
Lee mentioned that to me.
Obviously, you told her. I just blew it up into drama.
How would Lee know? We don't talk about everything.
I guess I hit a nerve.
You make it out like I have no needs. Am I too self-sufficient?
That's not what I meant.
Everybody relies on you for so much.
It's not a criticism.
We're grateful. Grateful, but you resent me.
I don't wanna have this conversation.
I didn't do anything wrong. You said you were having problems.
Problems that are my business, which I don't see how you know.
How does Lee know about these things? They're private.
Why don't you share them with us?
I don't want to bother everyone. I'd like to be bothered.
I don't see how you could know unless Elliot told you.
No, he hasn't.
If I offended you, I'm sorry.
It's over, Elliot. I can't be any clearer.
I deserve this... I'm at fault too.
I have such feelings...
To be honest, I've met someone else.
What do you mean? I said I wasn't gonna wait forever.
It hasn't been forever.
It's been a year and you're still married to my sister.
And I'm sure you're more in love than you know.
But we made so many plans. In a way, you led me on.
I believed you were unhappy with Hannah.
I would never have let myself be drawn in.
I was weak. So were you. Now I've met someone else.
About15 minutes. Good.
You're in love overnight? I care a lot about him.
It's over, Elliot. I mean it. It's over.
Sweetheart, I loved your script. It was so clever.
You're my mother. Not everybody's a sucker.
I really liked the character of the mother.
A boozy old flirt with a filthy mouth.
I'm so proud. Oh, Mom. Thanks.
A toast to Thanksgiving!
Are we supposed to have beer? Yeah!
Let me hear it!
How's that, Fletcher?
Now to Thanksgiving. Here's a little toast.
Have you been talking to Holly or Lee about our personal life?
Me? Of course not.
There's things in Holly's script that could only have come from you.
Look, I don't like being accused.
I'm not accusing. I'm asking. Do you find me too giving?
Too disgustingly perfect or something? No.
What's come between us? How have I alienated you?
My head is throbbing. You never want to talk about it.
When I bring it up, you change the subject.
We communicate less. You sleep with me less.
Hannah, I am very mixed-up! Please!
Do you talk to Holly or Lee behind my back?
They seem to know so much.
Maybe I've asked advice or made a joke.
Do you talk to Holly? Lee? Or what? Do you phone them?
Leave me alone, can you?
Jesus, I told you. I need someone I can matter to.
You matter to me. Completely.
I can't be around someone who gives so much yet needs so little.
I have enormous needs.
I can't see them, neither can Lee or Holly.
It's so pitch-black tonight.
I feel lost.
You're not lost.
I love you so much.
You may not remember, but we shared the worst night of my life.
I remember you.
You recall? I saw you in here.
I thought we could replay... We didn't hit it off.
We did everything but exchange gunshots.
How are you? Good. You look wonderful.
You do. It was a terrible evening.
Remember slamming the cab door in my face?
You came very dangerously close to emasculating my nose.
That was a long time ago. People change.
I hope you've changed. You too.
Your personality left something to be desired, namely a personality.
How are you? What are you doing?
Nothing much. A little of this, a little of that.
Was that an embarrassing question? You're out of work?
I've been trying to write. Have you?
Yeah. What kind of stuff?
You're not interested in this. You can tell me. I am.
You must always hear, "I wrote something."
Nobody ever said it. Really?
Would you be willing to read something I wrote?
If it would mean anything to you. I don't know why it would.
You've always hated my taste. No, I haven't.
I think it might be a great television script, and since you're so active...
I haven't been in television for a year.
You're kidding me.
I may have to get back into it.
I'm running out of dollars.
But I dropped out for a year, which is a long, dull story.
You OK? I'm fine.
How are you? Fine.
So, your script?
If you'd read it, I'd value your opinion.
But remember while you're reading and cursing my name, it's my first script. Well, not really.
My first was about Hannah and her husband.
But Hannah read it and got really angry.
Can't imagine what you wrote.
It wasn't anything bad. She... I don't know.
So I threw it out, but I have this other one.
If you want me to, I'll read it.
Could I come over and read it to you?
Come over and read it to me? You must be joking.
I've done my own reading since I was 40.
I think it's lucky I ran into you. Maybe.
What about me?
I have this sensation that I should have kept walking and not begun this conversation.
"We all play with the hand we're dealt."
And what hand were you dealt?"
I'm two high pair.
Maybe even aces up.
The problem is, you've got three deuces."
That's the end.
No, you can tell me straight. It's OK.
Just tell me what you think.
I'm speechless. I was...
I was not in the mood to listen to this thing now.
I don't know what to say. I'm moved. I laughed.
I was on the edge of my seat. I think it's wonderful.
I'm totally stunned.
This is not an insult. I'm amazed you can...
I just thought it was great.
Really? Yes, I was...
What made you think of that climax scene, where the architect is with his actress girlfriend and the schizophrenic ex-wife stabs him to death?
It just came to me one day. Well, it was fabulous.
You really think I can write?
There's maybe one or two things I'd do differently, but who cares? It was fabulous.
I mean it. I'm so impressed.
I am. You made my day.
It was great.
I was set to be bored stiff.
Would you like to have lunch?
I'd love to talk about that script.
We could do something with it.
And I'd like to hear what made you suddenly drop out of life.
Who cares? No. I care.
You used to be so ambitious, and...
God, you really liked it?
Gosh, you really went through a crisis.
How did you get over it?
When I ran into you, you seemed perfectly fine.
You seem fine now.
Well, I'll tell you.
One day, a month ago, I really hit bottom.
I just felt that in a godless universe, I didn't want to go on living.
I happen to own this rifle, which I loaded, believe it or not, and pressed it to my forehead.
I thought, "I'm gonna kill myself."
Then I thought, "What if I'm wrong?
What if there is a God? Nobody really knows."
Then I thought, "No. Maybe is not good enough.
- I want certainty or nothing."
I remember clearly, the clock was ticking, and I was sitting there frozen, debating whether to shoot.
All of a sudden, the gun went off.
I was so tense, I inadvertently squeezed the trigger.
But I was perspiring so much, the gun slid off my forehead and missed me.
Suddenly, neighbors were pounding on the door and the whole scene was just pandemonium.
I ran to the door.
I didn't know what to say. I was embarrassed and confused.
My mind was racing a mile a minute.
I just knew one thing... I had to get out of that house.
I had to get out in the fresh air and clear my head.
And I remember, I walked the streets.
I didn't know what was going through my mind.
It all seemed so violent and unreal to me.
I wandered on the Upper West Side.
It must have been hours.
My feet hurt, my head was pounding.
I went into a movie. Didn't know what was playing.
I just needed a moment to gather my thoughts and be logical and put the world back into rational perspective.
I went up to the balcony, and I sat down.
The movie was one I'd seen many times in my life since I was a kid, and I always loved it.
I'm watching the screen, and I started getting hooked on the film.
"How can you think of killing yourself?
Isn't it stupid?
Look at all the people on the screen.
They're funny, and what if the worst is true?
There's no God, you only go around once, that's it.
Don't you want to be part of the experience?
It's not all a drag."
And I'm thinking, "I should stop ruining my life searching for answers and just enjoy it while it lasts."
And after, who knows?
Maybe there is something.
I know "maybe" is a slim reed to hang your life on, but that's the best we have.
And then I started to sit back and I actually began to enjoy myself.
♪ Hail, Freedonia Now don't you cry for me
♪ 'Cause I'm coming around the mountain...
There's something that's been bothering me, and I thought I'd tell you what it was and clear the deck, and that's this...
I've always regretted the way I behaved that evening we went out.
I really made a fool out of myself.
No, don't be ridiculous. I was...
You know, it was my fault.
So you want to go out to dinner again?
You have any interest? Sure.
Are you free this evening? Yeah.
I want ice. Who's got some... It's on the table, Dad.
Where's Holly? She's late.
Did you read the last thing Holly wrote? It's great.
She writes good dialogue.
Can I say that you're playing Desdemona?
Mom, it's only television. It's public television.
Shakespeare doesn't get better than Othello.
You with some big black stud. I love it.
Oh, Lee, you are something.
You look very beautiful.
Marriage agrees with you.
Everything that happened between us seems more and more hazy.
I acted like such a fool.
I don't know what came over me.
The complete conviction that I couldn't live without you.
What I put us both through.
And Hannah, who, as you once said, I loved much more than I realized.
Daisy. I didn't miss dinner, did I?
Hi, Marge. Happy Thanksgiving.
Hello. Happy Thanksgiving.
It's just your husband.
Hi. When did you get here? Just a few minutes ago.
You look so beautiful. Thanks.
I was telling your father that it's ironic I used to always have Thanksgiving with Hannah and I never thought I could love anybody else.
Here it is years later.
I'm married to you and completely in love with you.
The heart is a very, very resilient little muscle.
It really is.
Guy marries one sister.
Doesn't work out.
Then years later, he winds up married to the other sister.
How are you gonna top that?
English - US - PSDH