Happy Endings (2005) Script

Ripped, corrected and synched by Fingersmaster. Enjoy!



My God! Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, God! Oh, my God!

I didn't see her! I didn't see her! Oh, my God!

Oh, my God, I'm so sorry! I didn't see her!

Do you have a cell?! Call 911!

Oh, God!

Hey, is she all right?

I don't know!

911? Yes, hurry, we need an ambulance quick.

My tapes.


This is cool, isn't it?

I, uh... I ran with scissors.

Seriously. I was six.

We're not related, you know.

Not really.

Pregnant? Pregnant?!

Get your bony fucking ass out of this car!

What the hell is the matter with you?!

What the fuck were you...

I gotta go.


Wear this when they do it.

It's... it's good luck.

Mamie? Who's in there?

No one, Mom. I'm on the phone.

Charles is waiting in the car, so hurry up.

OK, I'm coming.

I've got your blue bag.

I only did it to get out of this house. OK?

No, you didn't.

Mamie! It's time to go!

Hello. Hello.

I'm Mamie Toll. I have an 11:00.

A one-hour is 75, right?

That's right.

I'm gonna tip her now... so if you would please just tell her beforehand.

What's her name?

I'm sorry, I have you down for Javier.

Do you prefer a woman?

No, it's fine.

That's fine. Can you make a note, though, for next time?

Thank you.

OK, I'm ready.

Hello. I'm Javier.

Hi, I'm Mamie.

Have you had massages often?

Not really. I've had them before, but...

What place hurts you?

My lower back, a little. Right there.


OK, turn over.

I'll lift the top sheet for you.


Better if we finish with the back.

Oh. Of course, yeah.

Makes sense. OK.

OK. Yeah.

Put your hands at your side, please.

Relax them.

Oh, sorry, yeah.

Everyone does it different... differently.

I'm Javier. Did I say that already?

Or Javi?

Yes, Javier. Yeah, you said it.

OK? Yeah.

OK, lifting your leg.

Just let it be loose, OK?

This is for your lower back, to stretch.


Bend your knee.

Good. Good. And I push, OK?



Do not bring your shoulders up. Let them fall down.

OK. Let them fall down.

Let them go.



Let 'em go.

What are you doing?

They can hear us.

Wh-what are you...

Get... OK, get off me. Are you crazy?

Shh! Don't!

This is what you need. This is why you've paid.

Well, it was... it was a gift certificate.

Oh, shit!

A gift certificate? You would say that?

I just wanted to be specific. You know, a lot of details.

I told you I couldn't pull this off, I can't...

You're not a good liar.

No. This is good.

Well, you're not so hot, OK?

With the, you know, "This is what you need."

That was a little much.

You know what I was going to say? I was going to say...

"Trust my hands, trust my fingers."

I don't want to get you fired.

I agree. 100 percentage.

They can hear.


Mucous. Mucous.

Mu-cous. Yeah.

Muc-cous. Muc... Ah. Muc-ous.


Membranes. Mem-bran-ees?

Membranes. Mem-bran-ees sound better, no?

But it... it already has a face, right?

A face and a personality?

It has more of a head than a face at this stage.

And a personality? I don't... Not a personality.

I don't think you could say that.

No one's giving me any advice.

I'm not here for advice. I'm here to listen.

I can't tell you what to do.

That's great. That's helpful.

I had one when I was your age.

And were you sorry after?

I mean, does it bother you?

I'm Catholic.

I shouldn't have told you that.

And I'm Jewish, so...

I shouldn't have told you that, either.

Will you be here tomorrow?

It's tomorrow at 10:00 if I decide.

Tomorrow? No. No, but there will be someone for you...

Janet, if you want to talk afterwards.

Yeah. I'm gonna do it.


I'm not maternal, either.

Thank you.

It's 7:00. I guess you're on your way.

It's tonight, you know, in case you're checking.

Fuck! Call me.


Hi. Yeah, Charley Peppitone, please. It's his sister.

Hey, it's me.

Hi. Listen, I'm... I'm too tired to come over.

Well, Charley, he's two!

And... No, he's not gonna... He doesn't even know me.

I didn't get a present, and Pam and Diane don't care.

They don't even like me. They do like you.

Come on... What? You don't have to worry about that.

No... Listen... No, Gil has, like, a bunch of presents... and he can just, like, put your name on one... and then it'll be great, you know?

OK, wait, wait, wait. Mamie? Hello?



Happy birth...

That makes him cry.

Yeah, but the cake is great, and the candles... love that.

Can he blow 'em out?

Yeah, you wanna blow 'em out, baby?

We'll do it.

Everybody do it together. Blow towards Mommy.

One, two, three, blow!

I hated that song, too. I never knew where to look.

And how long can you stare at candles?

Just cake, no icing, 'cause we don't do sugar for him.

I thought the whole point of being a kid was candy.

Not anymore.

Could we just have dogs?

Oh, come on. You would have been a great dad.

Aw, thanks.

We tried. It wasn't meant to be.

Besides, being an uncle's better. Yeah.

So strong!

There you go.

Your cousin bites.

She doesn't. She's really good.

You think she bites?

Her husband's cute.

He totally is staring at your tits.

That's why I've got two weeks to find somewhere else to stay.

Well, I wish you hadn't slept with Rick back then... otherwise, you know...

I know. I'm fine. I'm fine. Sorry, sorry.

It's OK.

I'm gonna find somewhere. It's cool. It's taken care of.


OK, next up, we have Jude!


Jude? What did you do?

Jude here? It's funny, 'cause she's right here.

You are such a jackass!

That was great. Thanks.


Are you fucking serious?

That isn't what you picked?

No, no, that's what I picked.


This song is for someone who's here tonight.

If you search for tenderness It isn't hard to find You can have the love you need to live...

Little low.

If you look for truthfulness You might just as well be blind It always seems to be so hard to give Honesty It's such a lonely word Everyone is so untrue Honesty Is hardly ever heard It's mostly what I need from you

I can find a lover I can find a friend I can have security until the bitter end Anyone can comfort me with promises again I know I know

Hey, Jude? Oh, fuck off.

What? Oh, it's not that.

I've got this band. Serpentine?

Oh, have you ever heard of us?


Anyway, Rain, our singer... she got sent to rehab.

So I was thinking...

Hey, Otis! What's up?

Oh, can I borrow this?

We watched it last week, right?

Yeah, but I want to listen to the commentary.

You want to?

Uh, I gotta get home.

Yeah, I saw your... Gil.

Hey, the baby's cute. Yeah.

Who would you say he looked like?

Shit, I don't know. What's the name of the pretty one?

Diane. No, no, no. A guy, you know?

You know, if you had to say a guy he looked like.

I didn't really see him.

He's a baby, you know, cute, you know.

That's all I meant. Like, puppies and shit.

I'll see you Thursday. Yeah, sure.

Serpentine's playing?

OK. See ya.

Otis? Is that you?

Did you leave this at my house?

"Does 5/13/85 mean anything to you?

"If so, meet me at Cahuenga Grounds at 11:00."

It's a little dramatic. I'm sorry. I'm Nicky.

What is this about?

I don't want you to get the wrong impression.

I'm not a bad guy.

I'm a documentary filmmaker.

And I have a proposal for you. Strictly legitimate.

What do you know about this date?

You had a kid on that day. Somewhere in Phoenix.

Tell me I have that wrong.

Do you want a coffee or anything? A scone or...

I don't... I don't have any children.

Well, not legally, yeah.

But, I mean, you know, he's still yours.

See... Hey, see? I know it's a boy.

I know everything about him.

I know his name, I know where he lives.

He wrote, when he turned 18, about a year ago... for all that information that they have to give you.

That's how I got your name.

He wants to contact me?

Well... no.

But they sent him back this file, which he showed me... and I have in a very safe place.

But he didn't want to go through with it...

'cause he's such a suck-up to his fake parents.

I hate to tell you, he's really kind of a pussy.

Who are you?

I'm a friend. I'm like a mentor... guy.

He went to my high school six years after me.

Do you want to find him? Because I can tell you how... on one condition... which is... you let me film the whole thing... you finding your kid.

See, I need to get into AFI.

Do you know AFI? AFI is American Film Institute.

So, they have scholarships.

Well, they have, like, one scholarship a year... so I need a killer film.

A documentary, like you finding your kid.

I don't believe this.

OK, yeah. We'd have to fake parts of it.

Sure, we would. But the emotion would be true.

Your guilt and stuff... that would be our selling point.

I am so glad that you're not a dog.

I mean, you know, even if the story is great... people want to look at good-looking people.

You know, all things being equal.

So, huge relief when I saw you, you know?

And I can make you look better. That's lighting.

I don't need to see my son.

I was going to have an abortion, in fact... until someone talked me out it.

If you don't care, then why'd you keep updating the adoption agency... with your addresses?

There's four of them in the file.

He has the information. He can contact me if he wants to.

He won't. He threw it away.

The whole file. That's how I got it.

If it wasn't for me, you'd go to your grave without ever seeing him.

You can keep that. I have the original.

I needed to reshoot finding it for the movie.

There's other stuff, too.

There's other stuff like this that I can...

Anyway, just... say yes.

I mean, it's win-win here.

This is a human being you're talking about.

Yeah! Who you gave away, OK?

I mean, come on, don't... don't be like that.

Look, I know that this is one of those big ideas... but it's really just better if you just say yes to the movie... because otherwise, I have to charge you 25K just for the info.

That's what they want at AFI for a year.

OK, you tell me where my son is or I'm going to the police.

In fact, no, I'm going to go to the police anyway... you miserable jackass!

And I'm gonna press every charge they come up with.

How's that for a big idea?



God damn it! You know...

what I didn't figure is that you wouldn't care.

Which you don't. You haven't even asked me his first name.

I was gonna throw you that bone. But you know what? Fuck you!

No, no, no, you can tell me his first name.

No, you blew it.

Wow, you look... different.

Well, yeah, it was a long time ago, OK?

What'd you look like back then?

I don't... Forget it.

Listen, do you know who the father is?

Because if you say no, maybe this guy will go to him.

No. Father unknown.

I mean, of course, I know who the father was... but that's what I put down on the forms.

And the father's dead. Plane crash.

And you don't have 25,000?

No, I can barely pay the first and second on the house!

How can I...

What about your family?

No, none of them know about the baby.

Except my dad. He's dead, too.

You know a lot of dead people.

Well, it happens.

It's creepy.

I'm young, and I don't even care How lucky am I?

I'm young, with a few bucks to spare And I don't even try I know it's all in my mind How lucky am I?

How lucky am I?

OK, that was awesome!

You sounded just like Rain, and she was good.

Really? 'Cause her tape sucks.

Can you slur and then have your forehead hit the mike?

That was, like, her signature.

Hey, Miles, let's get this in the van for tomorrow.

God, I don't know what to do with this song!

We could slow it down maybe.

Go slow?

Hey, do you guys mind if I ask you something?

She's not in rehab for drugs.

It's just booze. Plus, she's a vomiter.

A fat vomiter, which is fucking useless.

No... just, why is Otis the leader?

I could drum better than him and his backup vocals suck.

Look around.

Yeah, he's an untalented little faggot... but he's a rich, untalented little faggot.

His dad owns Linux Hills Mall. Or, like, most of it.

And he knows every club owner in town.

You think we could buy this stuff on our own?

He's like Bill Gates. That makes sense.

For now. Until Pappy finds out... his kid's a pickle smoker, then we're history.

He's already got his suspicions.

He's gay?

Total cocksmooch. He'll deny it, but...

He's not gay. He just... He looks gay.

Dude, you won't even take a piss with him.

Hey, there's beer, too, guys.

Why do you think he's a drummer?

So he can stare at our asses all night.

That's him. Sure?

OK, yeah.


Hurry. Here.

Oh, God.


Not a good wiper.

What kind of movies does this guy make?

I don't know. He's an idiot.

The kind idiots make, I guess.

All right, we're looking for a file, OK?

Don't mess anything up, if you can.

Not that he'd notice.

Yeah, check the duffel bag.

What if it's in his car?


OK. This is...

This is the form I signed.

I left this with them, to go with the baby.

Who's Miriam?

Me. Is there anything else, anywhere?

Did you see a file?

There's no name.

Mamie, we'd better go.

Hey, wait, wait, wait. Is that sentimental?

Not really.

Let's trade. He'll never know the difference.

Thank you.

Whoa! What the fuck is this?

No, no! What are you doing here?

It's OK. I followed you today. It's OK.

You think you're gonna beat it out of me? I can't believe you!

My God, Nicky, no. It's nothing like that, no.

What's he doing here, then?

He's your new documentary.

OK? Javier, this is Nicky... the director I was telling you about.

He's an immigrant, OK? From Mexico. And... he was in gangs. They had gangs there, all right?

And he crossed the border... so that he could put his life back together in the States.

It's the American dream.

OK? It's good.

Is that it?

That sucks! You think that's as good... as a mother finding the kid she ditched?

All right, well, if you're not interested in that...

No, I'm not interested, OK? We're done.

I can get into AFI some other way.

I can shoot... me getting into AFI. That'd be a good...

Just get the fuck out of here. All right, all right, we'll go.

So... But we'll work out another deal.

No, you've got nothing to offer. I got nothing to sell.

It's cool, man, OK? We get it.

OK? We couldn't think of anything better, but you're right.

Who wants to see a movie about a sex worker?


A sex worker. That's what I do.

Massage, the works, you know?

For these rich Beverly Hills ladies?

But you know what? Sex...

No, sex shouldn't be in a serious movie. Come on, Mamie.

No, whoa, whoa. If it's... necessary to the story, then...

What are we doing? Now we're helping him?

You want to know where your son is, right?

How hard could it be? We do a couple interviews... we put it all on the computer.

Right? The tapes, everything?

He gives us the name, and we give him the movie.

Yeah. Well, you heard him, though.

He wants to shoot you doing the sex stuff.

So we fake it. It'll be pretend. You can be there to see.

Look, you're the boss. I'm just the star.

Have you done that? That kind of massage?

Happy ending? The full release?

Yeah. One time.

With you last week.

Nah. That was just a goof.

So is this. But at the end of it, you're going to know who your son is.

Happy endings.

You know, that'd be a good title for his movie.

You should tell him that. It could be your idea.

Oh, well. It's late.

The lady from Mexico said I could take some of this home.

She went to bed. Guatemala.

Really? She didn't tell me her name.

My cousin is charging me rent, and she's got all her food labeled.

She said it's so that her boyfriend has what he wants when he comes home.

Oh, shit! There were subs left? Do you mind?

Aw, yes!

Yeah, the thing is, you need a day job.

We just get meals sometimes. Couple bucks.

I told you that.

You always been rich?

I'm not rich. It's all relative.

That's what rich people always say.

Give me a tour. Oh, shit.

Just a real quick one.

Is this the African room?

No, those are... those are from Indonesia.

Come on, tour me.

My dad's college roommate's.

He's taking off his pants. I know.

These are some sculpturey things.

Where did...

Hey, don't!

It's freezing outside. Your pool is so warm!

I know.

Oh, nice.

I just got this.

We're on this website for new bands.

What are you doing? I gotta spend the night, OK?

I just need a break. I'm a little buzzed.

I don't know. I...

Oh, just friends. Come on.

You're cute, but I don't know.

Have you ever slept with a girl before?

OK, duh, I'm 22.

I can drive you home.


I really want to spend the night.

I figure you should get something out of it, too.

But I've got a girlfriend. Otis, come on.

You should try it.

You might not be who you think you are.

You can leave your watch on.

Oh, I don't have a condom.

Have you ever had sex with anybody before?

Not exactly.

So you don't need one.



I'm sorry. I'm a little distracted.

Oh, the tits. Right?


Is that better?


Good morning, Mr. Frank. Hey.

Let me get this. No, I got it, I got it.

Their band played here.

All right.

Oh, hello. Are you the dad?


Are you the dad?

Yeah. I'm Frank.

I'm Jude. I'm with Otis.


See ya.


Your dad's home.

Oh, shit! He's early.

You totally owe me, dude.

He does not think you're a 'mo anymore.

Hey, I am not gay.


You hello.

Hey, Otis. Hey.

Nice girl.

Yeah, she's in the band now.

OK. Listen... don't make Dignora wash the sheets, OK?

She's like your mother.

OK, Gil. I have something to tell you.

But before I do, you have to promise me... that I'm the boss of this, OK?


OK, I've discovered something, which I don't have to tell you... so the fact that I'm doing that... means you have to hand it over to me... which means that what I say goes, OK?


Fine. Up to you.

Absolutely fine.

It's cool.

Come on, please? It's really good.

This is really great. You'll thank me.

If you want to tell me, tell me. OK. You promise I'm the boss?

How old are you?

Look, only I cared to put this thing together.

I think that gives me a little ownership. I'm not crazy here.

I mean, this is really, really good.

OK, you're the boss, I agree.

In all things pertaining to this extraordinary development...

I will be guided by you, is that OK?

"Guided" meaning? Charley!


Max is your kid.

Your biological descendant.

Your spawn.

What're you talking about?

OK, this has been bugging me for months... but now I'm so sure.

Fact: 3½ years ago, you donated sperm to their gyno.


Fact: After three months of trying, Pam said it wasn't working... and they were gonna get a donor from a sperm bank.

Yes. They were upset about it, remember?

Pam was a wreck.

Fact: six months later, they're pregnant.

Fact: Sperm can be kept viable for up to twelve years... if frozen correctly, according to this website I found.

And fact: When your parents came to visit a year ago...

Pam, Max, and Diane all got sick... and couldn't come over to visit because your mother... would recognize Max as her grandchild.

And, finally...

You... Max.

All kids look alike!

No, no, no. No, you see it.

You see it, but you can't believe it.

I can't believe it because...

Come on, it doesn't make sense.

Why would they lie?

Because this way, Max is all theirs.

They don't have to consult you about anything.

Sure, they'd lose a little money... but it's the power, that's what they want.

They don't have to consider us at all.

But if that's how they feel about it... why did they even try with us in the first place?

I don't know. Sentiment.

But then they thought better of it.

Maybe we were too enthusiastic.

Maybe we got excited and started talking about colleges... or said something nice about sugar.

OK, then, you know, they changed their mind.

Why not really use sperm from a sperm bank?

Because you're a sure thing.

Look at you. You're smart, you're sexy.

You're not faggy at all. The gayest thing about you is me.

I've known Pam since the eighth grade. She wouldn't lie.

She's a mother. It's a sick, sick bond.

Think of yours.

Think of mine. It's unwholesome.

We have to call them.

No, no, they'll just deny it.

Look, we have options. We have plenty of options.

I think you should just let it sink in.

God! I'm the boss of this, remember?

You're too emotional. Just... trust me.

Did you guys hear that thing on NPR this morning?

About sperm.

Oh, no, no, no, I didn't hear that one.

Well, maybe it was yesterday. What was that?

Just about storage and freezing and stuff.

Pam, those jeans are great. Were those the ones...

Where did we get those? On Melrose?

Those are the ones you picked out, the French ones.

They're so good. Thanks.

Do you guys know how long sperm keeps?

No. Do tell.

Twelve years.

What? Yeah.

In the proper, you know, facility.

I don't know what it would be at home.

Did you hear the other story, though?

It must have been after that, on the Khmer Rouge... about that guy who was growing vegetables behind the torture room?

No. That was devastating.

I almost had to pull the car over.

Was Max in the car? Yeah, but he was sleeping.

Sugar, bad. Torture, fine.

Is that big enough, right here?

That's great, that's perfect for me.

Can I get some ice cream with that?

Oh, absolutely. I'll get it.

You know, there's Tofutti in there, too.

Oh, good. You should try it.

What are you still doing here? Go play dominoes.

Get me some scissors from the bathroom.


We can take a DNA sample from his hair... but I can't pluck any without waking him.

What are you, crazy? Just get away from him.

Oh, my God, my car keys, I forgot this.

You're not doing it. Just give me those.

Yeah! Come on, this is gonna work.


Listen, I know what those tests cost.

No, Charley.

Look at him, he's so cute when he's sleeping.


How can you not believe this? Look at him!

There's a photograph of you at home looking just like this.

Stick him in Tinkerbell PJ's, it's the spitting image.

What is the matter with you? Jesus! We are going to drop this, OK?

Look at him. He's happy, they're happy, we're happy.

Just leave it alone, all right?

Yeah, but you believe me now.

No! Yeah.

I don't. Promise me, all right?

I don't care if you're positive about this.

Just leave it alone. I'm serious.

OK. Fine.

I'm not leaving here until you're back in that living room.


Aw, man!

This is awesome!

I'm so going to buy this from you when we're done.

No, forget it, OK? It's all going back to the store... before the credit card bill comes, OK?

So don't drop it. That's not funny.

Don't you know any of this stuff?

Oh, wow, you look really pretty if I stand far away and I use the zoom.

Thank you.

OK, it's back to normal now.

OK. Cool.

All right, here, gimme the camera.

OK, here, sure.

OK, but right now. Thank you.

All right, let's see.

Just have to open the program.

Here it comes.

There it is!

Who's that handsome guy, huh?

Cool! Make it rewind through the computer.

OK, no! Not in my room!

All right? It's this room, the bathroom, the kitchen.

Everything else is off-limits.

There. You're sleeping with Javier.

You could've told me.

"This is my boyfriend. He's a sex worker."

You're embarrassed, huh? No, it's none of your business.

And it doesn't affect any of this, does it?

Wait, wait, wait, rewind, rewind, rewind.

Hey, who's that guy?

Oh, my ex-husband.

Still hung up on him? No.

That's there to remind me what he's like when he calls.

He lost $62,000 that night.

That could've been my money!

Yeah, that's what really hurts about it.

Does Javier gamble?

I don't know. I don't care. I'm not planning to marry him.

Yeah, duh! He's creepy.

"Senor Fingers!"

I don't want him handing me any cigarettes... if you know what I mean.

So, you're just into him for the sex.

'Cause, I mean, I get that, you know.

He's dangerous. He's, like... gangs and handjobs and Mexican.

I can see where that'd be attractive... but, you know, you've married the bad boy before.

Mr. Vegas, huh? Live and learn.

Naturally, as my extortionist... your insights are particularly valuable.

Then why is he holding back, though?

I mean, bring on the ring, dude! Like, he should marry you.

He should totally marry you. You're a step up.

OK. Well, this is in. It's in the hard drive.

When we're done with this, we can edit.


Don't. No, don't. Oh, come on!

That's not a zoom, incidentally. Just the way it is.

Like a penis, only bigger.

Who raised you?

How lucky am I?

I'm yours, and I don't even care How lucky am I?

I'm young With a few bucks to spare And I don't even try I know it's all in my mind How lucky am I?

I can't believe all my good fortune

I count my blessings every day

Should hurt to be so fun-loving My life must be a crime How lucky am I?

He says, "I can't take 67 more of those!"

How's the food?

Thanks, Mr. McKee. It's great.

Yeah, we were just going to hit up Taco Bell.

Well, it's my pleasure. You guys are good.

How's the new amp? Makes a difference, yeah.

You are really, really talented.

Thank you. I'm just trying to hang in there.

What do you mean?

She's just helping us out until Rain gets out.

Yeah, I need to get a real job, anyway.

I got evicted earlier this month.

Actually, the guy that I was subletting with got evicted... and none of my checks made it to the landlady... so that was fun.

Speaking of that, we should probably get you back to your cousin's.

Wait. You're not sleeping on someone's couch?

It's an air bed.

You just push the button, boom, it's full-sized.

Otis, what is the matter with you, dude?


Listen, we got an empty pool house.

You move in there till you find a place.

Oh, I don't know. We practice there, Dad.

That's what I'm saying. It's no use to me.

It's got a big bedroom and a full bathroom. You'll love it.

Well, I don't know. I do. It's fine.

Miles, you'll know this.

What would it take to get all you cats into a studio to cut a CD?

Seriously? Seriously.

Nice car.

Well, my dad's letting me run out the lease.

Isn't it nice not being a fag?

This is the thing...

I'll totally help you find a new place.

Because this is temporary.

That's what he said, until you find your own place.

Oh, what's it to you?

What do you mean? This is too fast.

We're sleeping together.

Yeah, once. It wasn't that fast. It was good.

I'm just saying we've got to be our own, independent people.

Suddenly, we're, like, living together?

You know what? It's fine. 'Cause we're breaking up.


Look, I'm not going to screw you and your dad.

You're not going to fuck my dad.

He is 44, OK?

So, the first guy I slept with was 38 and I was 13.

My best friend's dad.

You're making that up. That's from American Beauty.

It was exactly like that.

Except I didn't have roses coming out of my tits.

My dad has lots of girlfriends, and he spends money on them... but he doesn't marry them, so you can forget that.

Why would I want to marry him?

Like that's what I need... a gay stepson.

You think I'm just going to let someone take advantage of my father?

Hey, butt boy, listen... if you don't help me with this...

I'm going to tell him you're gay... and then you'll be out on your ass, not me, OK?


First thing you gotta do is, you gotta break up with me... because there's no way your dad's gonna fuck his son's first real girlfriend.

He's got morals.

Yeah, well, I am dumping you, OK?

Just so you know.

Yeah. But let me tell you why.

Breakfast? No, thanks.

Thought you were out in the pool house.


Otis, it's OK if you want to spend the night with Jude.

It's fine. You're not a teenager anymore.

She get settled in all right? She's moving out.


We broke up.

I mean, I broke up with her.

She's moving back to her cousin's... and she might not even be in the band anymore.

I don't know. What happened?

She lied to me about her age.

She's not 24, she's 29.

She's too old.

She's 29? Yeah, for another month.

I don't want to date a 30-year-old. I'm 22. You know?

I could be in college.

Why would she lie about her age?

I just assumed.

I don't know. Anyway, she... she wants to use the pool today. I said it was OK.

Her cousin's at work, and she gave back her key.

Well, I'm sorry things turned out this way.

I'm going over to Alvin's.

In the Lexus.

Sure, sure.

Sure, whatever.


Oh, hey, Mr. McKee.

No, Frank.


I hear things are a little tricky.


Thanks for the pool house thing and all.

I don't think it's going to work out.

You know, I'd really hate to see you leave the band.

They really need you.

Well, it's kind of up to Otis.

I could talk to him.

I mean, every woman lies about her age a little bit.

That's what he told you it was about?

Man, it's not that.

He's got someone else.


Lane? That's a girl's name?

He didn't tell you anything about her?

You don't know your son very well, do you?

Well, I don't think you should leave.

I insist you stay. I'm going to talk to Otis...

'cause that's no way to treat somebody you care about.

I wish he was more like you.

Well, he's young, and maybe I could have done a better job.

But I was a kid when I had him, practically.

Do you know what?

You remind me of the first boy I dated.

Hardly a boy.

Now you're lying.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, that's why I've been behaving so weird lately.

You know. We both have.

I just... I... I can't even believe this.

I can't believe we're having this conversation.

All right. So... what kind of disease?

He won't say, you know? He...

It's neurological, he told me that.

Oh, my God.

Yeah. Hereditary.

All the males in his family have to be tested for it.

Do you... I mean, what's the name of it?

It's not MS, I know that.

Well, is it like MS?

Well, it's... I don't know.

Are you forgetting the name of it?

He didn't want me to interfere, you know?

He just thought I would be, you know... that I would be on the internet... and I'd be talking to doctors and nagging him.

Like I'm that guy, you know. I'm not that guy.

All right. What are the symptoms? Do you know the symptoms?

Yeah. Did you know Gil's grandfather... when you were at high school together?

No. I don't think so.

I don't... I don't even remember Gil talking about him or mentioning him.

Well, I'm not surprised. It's pretty debilitating.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God!

Hey, it's not fatal.

It's OK. It's not?

No, no, no. It's just untreatable.


All right. So, when... I mean, what do we do?

Pam, you mustn't say that we... You can't tell him we spoke.

Oh, God. All right. I mean, I... Yeah.

He would kill me if he knew we'd spoken.

Oh, my God. Max! Max?

I've got to go pick him up. I gotta get myself together.

That's the one comfort we have. What?

You know, that you guys couldn't get pregnant... with Gil's, you know.

Like your body knew somehow.

Just said... not allowed.

I gotta go. I gotta go. Sorry.

Hey, Pam, I think it's going to be OK.

I gotta say, man, I'm glad she's not here for first day...

'cause she's, like, opinionated.

All right.

What did you do to your face, man?

What do you mean? You got a fake moustache on.

Oh, yeah. You like it?

It's so my clients don't notice me, you know?

It's a little make-up, too, that Mamie has.

Mamie's white, OK? You look like a scared Mexican.

Like, down at the border on the news.

Hey, come on. That's my face up there, OK?

It's gonna look good through the camera.

Just shoot. It's cool, man.

I don't know how it's gonna read. I guess...

Come on. I gotta go. Well, it looks all right.

OK. We're rolling, we're rolling.

Came up with a list of questions that, you know... everybody who's ever gotten a massage, I'm sure, wants to know.

Have you had a massage, ever?

Yeah, I have. Actually, let's start with that.

What do you do when somebody lets one out... while you're massaging them? Do you just keep going?

Is that what the incense is for? Take me through that.

You farted today inside.

No. You said it was her!

Cut! You know something?

Women don't fart like that, my friend.

Do me a favor? Take a picture of me.

I forgot, I wanted to do it before. So we'll get back to this.


Your fly's open.


Here we go. What's it like... when some woman you're massaging lets one out?

OK, they're cooked all the way now.

I didn't know. I like 'em pink.

OK. Maybe we have five minutes, in a montage... with music covering the stupidity.

We shot for two hours. Yeah, and it's garbage.

Nicky, who cares who invented that donut that people put their face in?

It's called a cradle, OK?

A face cradle, and I think it's interesting.

And farts? And who pays for the lotion?

And, so, OK, how do people tip you?

Because they're naked, so where's the wallet?

That's neat, OK? The little envelopes at the front desk?

I didn't know that.

All right. Do you want to get into film school?

Yeah. Because I don't care.

I just have to help you make a documentary.

As good as the one you're not letting me make.

No. No. Just a documentary.

If you want a stupid interview... that you could see on the local news, fine.

But if you want this to be good... if you want people to care about him... you have to have a point of view.

I have a point of view!

This guy has it made, and I care... because I want to see him get all these ladies off.

That's your reasoning? Yes!

Oh, OK. All right. Well, I'm relieved.

What does that mean?

It means someone smart would be harder to please.

But if you're stupid, hey, just makes my job easier.

What did you just call me?

Forget it. It's OK.

You know, you say "stupid" too much.

I just mean, I think you're better than this... or you could be.

Yeah, well I think that goes for everybody... from what I can see from right here.

Anyway, the makeup blows. I'll give you that.

It's no fun thinking of him nailing all these women... if he might be a homo, but that's just me.

That's my beer.


It's OK.

OK. All right.

It's gonna be OK.

All right, well, it's gonna be good.

We'll just go through it again.

I got two hours of footage.


Will you do me a favor, for my sanity?

Will you just say to me...

Please just say to me right now... five minutes was an overestimation.

Jesus Christ.

Time to go.

Hey, Charley.

That was Pam and Diane from the car.

They're on their way over.

I thought we were seeing them tonight at Jill's.

They say they have something to tell us.

Wow. That was fast.

You know, don't you?

All right, guys. I don't know where to begin.

Oh, well... So...

Look, you know, these things, they just get out of hand.

I mean, you know, you want to tell... you want to get it off your chest.

And I'm sure every night you think you will... and it just gets harder and harder.

We're your best friends. I mean...

I know, but, you know, we're still that, right?

I mean... Oh, God, yeah.

This doesn't change anything. For me it doesn't.

No, but also, trust is everything, and...

It's not just about trust. I mean...

Gil, how are you feeling?


Well, I'm feeling better now that we're facing it.

But, you know, we're getting ahead of ourselves.

Why don't you say what you came here to say?

It's over, OK?

The secret, OK? We're done with that.

It's done. And now we just... we want to be here in any way we can.

OK? I mean, the health system's tricky... and, well, you need advocates-- Pam! Pam!

You got to let us be that for you--

Pam, can I have a conversation with you?

Charley, I'm gonna bring you into this.

I need to speak to you in private. And Charley, too.

That should be obvious, but you've got to let us all help you.

I'm--What are you talking about?

Come on, Gil. Knock it off. Gil, it's OK.

Look, we know you're sick, and we want to help you.

I'm sick? I'm not--What?

I told you not to bring it up. Bring what up, Charley?

I had to, man. I mean, we're family.

But I don't... Gil, your disease, all right?

Your incurable, untreatable brain disease.

We know. Jesus. I mean, how long are you gonna keep this up?

What? I don't know what is going on.

Look, so far we know that it's hereditary... it's progressive, and asymptomatic so far... which is good news.

OK, I didn't want to tell you because I knew you'd be mad... but I had a plan--

Hereditary? Jesus, Charley!

What, are you Lucy? What kind of crazy shit is this?

It's not crazy. You should've seen her face when I told her.

She was so upset.

Of course she was upset, Charley. She's my oldest friend.

She was upset because she thought Max would inherit the brain...

Wait a second. Max? How would Max inherit it?

Oh, you're good. You're very good.

Are you not sick?


Oh, Jesus. OK.

What the hell's going on here?

Look, we know that Max is Gil's son.

OK? You only have to look to see that.

We know that you lied about the sperm sample not working.

But, you know, best friends or not... you wanted a kid that you didn't have to share.

Oh, you miserable little faggot.

Oh, that's mature. Homophobe much?

Do you have any idea what you've done?

And you lied to me? About him being sick?

That's disgusting.

Jesus Christ, Gil. Is that what you think?

No, no. I mean--

I don't know. I mean...

It never occurred to me before, Pam. It just--

Notice that they're not denying it.

I'll deny it. Fuck that.

I gotta get out of here. You don't deserve it.

So let's get a DNA test.

You know what, motherfucker? Get a court order.

In the meantime, you stay the fuck away from us.

It's me, OK? It's not you.

They'll see that. That's the way to go with this.

Just blame me. I'm fine with that.

I mean, they didn't deny it.

Not really.

It's interesting. I...


Yeah. Just make sure you don't get too much... of the treatment room, all right?

'Cause that's what we've got to fake later at your place.

So less is better with that.

OK, OK. What if they catch me?

Are you the type people catch?



Don't forget--mis-en-scene.

Come in.

Do you want me to start face up or face down?

Is this your first time here, Mamie?

I said your name. That's all right.

You don't have to go all the way out.

Just start at the door.

Can we take five, please?

Sure. Yeah.

Take five.


Thank you. Sure.


Did you see my interviews?

They were good, right? Yeah. A lot of acting.

Thank you.

It's a documentary, you know.

He loves it. He thinks you're an American hero... making depressed women everywhere feel good.

He's an idiot.

I think he's getting a crush on you, you know?

Right. Yeah, nothing says "I love you" like blackmail.

So, did you really have a sister who died?

How do you know that?

From the interview where you're walking.

It's supposed to be Mexico.

Oh, yeah. Well, she was the baby, you know.

She was always sick. But I have five others.

Oh, wow.

I have a brother.


Not here.

So... you think we could match this at my house?

Yeah, sure. Yeah?

I'm gonna take the table home and the screen.

And the robe, so...

They're gonna be looking at the girl anyway.


Well, we have 45 minutes.

You want to help me rehearse?

Make me a better actor.

We should just get this done.


Hi. Hey.

I just thought Otis might be out here.

No, he's at Lane's.

I think he's probably gonna spend the night.

Yeah. All right.

Do you smoke?

Yeah. Pot?

Yeah, I get high all the time.


You know, the thing about guys Otis' age is... there's not a whole lot going on in there besides hormones.


I think he's in love.

No way. So quick?

It happened to me.

How long did you and Otis know each other... before you got together?

I'm not talking about Otis.

Look at me.

Just look at me.

I'm firing! You aim.

No, I'm firing! I'm firing!

I'm firing! I told you I was firing.

Look, see? Fire, fire, fire, fire! All right.

He's in love.

Charley... don't feed the dog at the table.

Come on.

Hi. Hi.

I'm Shauna. You must be Mamie.

Hi. Yes, that's right. Yeah.

You're Javier's friend.

He said 1:00, so...

Yeah, come in. That's right.

You're right. You're right on time.

OK, so... we're zoomed in as much as possible right now... and all we see is your face. OK?

When she arched her back in rehearsal, we did see her nipples.

Nipples are fine. Are nipples OK with you, Shauna?

Yeah, sure. It's part of the story.


OK, anyway, Javier... let's take it from you flipping over onto your back.

Yeah, OK.

Get the...

OK. And action.

Can I get you on your back now, Mrs. Kline?

Do you think it's enough with just her?

Oh, yeah. If you get more than one, it dilutes it.

But if you want, you could get testimonials... you know, clients who get it done?

Would you like a complete massage, Mrs. Kline?

What do you mean by "complete"?

Get ready for your zoom.

Right. Fuck.

It's all right.

There we go.

Oh, she's so good.

She's so good.

And he's a natural. Look at how he gives her... so much to work off of, you know?

Are nipples OK with you, Shauna?

Yeah, sure. It's part of the story.

Anyway, OK, OK. So... so as soon as Javier says, "Would you like a complete--"

As do--as do I.

And cut.

Shauna, fucking awesome. I think I--

Oh! Shit.

It's gonna work, isn't it?

Yeah. Yeah, looks fine.

I was a house painter once.


A lot of alcoholics on that job.

The fumes.

No kidding, man. You want one?

Yeah, thank you.

So, how'd you get these jobs, you know?

Turn that thing off, OK? You make me nervous.


OK, it's off. Is it off?

Yeah, yeah, it's off. There's no red light, right?

There's no red light. It's not recording.

Let me practice moves.

Wasn't the worst job, but... the damn ceilings? I hate ceilings.

Nobody asked for a green card, huh?

Not for the crap jobs.

You stand at Home Depot, nobody asks you anything. Right?


But for Lifewell and Beverly Patrol... you had to have a green card.


I got married.

I was seeing this girl off and on... so she said she'd marry me.

It wasn't free. I'm still paying her.

Wow! Hey, you think we could get her for the documentary?

No way! You kidding me?

It's against the law. It's major.

We had to pretend for a year we was married.

They came over, they'd do interviews... ask us questions in different rooms.

She was real good. Good actress, you know?

But nobody knows. I mean nobody. Not even Mamie.




So what if I hadn't seen it? Were you gonna tell me?

I don't know what you're talking about.

I saw the tape, Nicky. OK?

Javi and his wife.

Isn't that what you wanted, to rub my face in it?

Like this isn't enough humiliation.

Don't be mad at me. Be mad at him!

I care, at least.

Oh, yeah, you care. Yeah. You're 100% heart.

Business is business, OK?

Come on. I'm not a prick!

Oh, yeah?

Yes. Hey, I'll-- Wait. I'll prove it.

You remember this? What?

You left it for the baby.

Come on, I want you to have this, OK?

As a sign... that I am not gonna screw you.


That's who I am.

And as for him, he's, you know...

I don't want to judge or anything, but he's a sex worker.

He's a liar...sort of.

He's not ideal.

Jesus, Nicky.

You know that's a guy's cross.

Yeah, the father gave it to me.

I'm sorry.

Just don't do it again.

Kind of thought we had a moment here, you know?

Based on you coming to me first with this... instead of Javier.

Do you want to put some pants on?


Morning. Yeah.


Look, I want to see her... so do you know where she lives?

Oh, look. Is that Mrs. Kline?

Shauna. I knew it.

You know, now he's making a fool out of me.

Fuck. He's fired. He's fired.

OK, and are you gonna give me my son's name?

No. So let's just pretend we never saw it.


He will tell me when he's ready, OK?

It's OK. Let's just leave it all alone.

Whatever. Fine, fine. Whatever.

It is so hard to keep your ideals in this business.

You know, I got a great idea.

What? I got a great idea.


We go down to Mississippi, and we get some barbecue.

And then we'll go to the Indian casinos.

Have you ever been to one of them?

In a private airplane? Exactly.

Baby, you didn't tell me you had a private airplane.

I'll go anywhere with you.

Just sign there and note date of birth.

OK, everybody, let's give it up for Steve.

Scott. I'm sorry.

He'll be doing She'll Be Coming Around the Mountain.


Yes, yes, yes, yes.



Look, I know you're angry with the legal stuff.

I can stop it with a phone call. That's what I want.

I hope you want to, too.

Oh, man. This isn't a counter-suit.

We weren't honest with you. You were right.

We didn't destroy all of your sperm two years ago.

Oh, my God. I knew it.

The top sheet's from the fertility center.

See, it's a log there... and at the top, you can see where you deposited three years ago... and then at the bottom where we withdrew it last week.

Wait, last week?

This is from a DNA lab. We were gonna use this one.

Well, we heard it was the best, so... we went there using your sperm and a DNA sample from Max.

Basically, we beat you to it.

What does it say?

Charley... Let me see that.

OK, we want an independent assessment.

No, we don't. So do we.

I think it's important you're convinced.

So you can have access to Max to get a sample.

That's gonna be the last time you'll see him.

We're asking for a restraining order.

Our lawyer doesn't think it's gonna be much of a problem.

Please, I don't want another test.

I'm sorry I didn't trust you.

It was wrong, really wrong to do that.

No, no, it was me.

OK? Take a restraining order on me, not him.

I'll sign anything.

No, you were right. We did lie.

About keeping extra sperm? That's fine. Who cares?

No, we lied about... why we stopped wanting to get pregnant with you, Gil.

We just--we didn't want our child to be his... and we didn't know how to tell him.

Because of me, right?

I know you guys have never liked me, and that's fine.

Oh, no, Charley... it's because we do like you.

Look, it doesn't matter why.

It was because of the affair.



OK, you have to tell him.

Gil was having an affair and... he told me he was leaving you.

And I said whatever you say when you hear that, you know?

"Think it over. Slow down."

But he was--You were really--

You remember how you were, Gil? So sure?

And you know what? I suddenly thought...

I don't want those genes in my baby.

You know? I don't want a series of Daddy's boyfriends... coming in and out of his life.

But I couldn't tell you that, so...

Anyway, you were... more invested in the guy you were seeing... than having this baby... so we just told you it wasn't working and we went to the bank.

It was a really hard decision.

And I felt guilty for a long time. But there it is.

I'm sorry.

What guy?

He doesn't live here anymore.

He moved away. You--you never met him.

OK, what, you broke it off?

It just ended, that's all.

That's the whole truth.

'Cause you were so interested.

All right? So our lawyer's name is Jean Douglas.

And she knows Steve... so I'm sure they can make all the arrangements for your test.

Please, I don't want another test.

Restraining order's gonna be in place in a couple of weeks, so... if you want to get another test, you have to hurry.

I guess that's it, huh? Yeah, we should go.

I am so sorry.

I didn't tell you because it didn't mean anything.

It was... crazy, intense. I...

I didn't think it would help to tell you.


I wasn't born this way, you know-- sterile.

I had a vasectomy when I was 21... which was as soon as they'd let me.

I got a girl pregnant when I was a teenager... and I thought it would make me feel better about it.

OK. I don't know why you're telling me this.

You know, just saying that... that was a lie, too.

Just seeing if it makes us even.

I've got to get to work.

Oh, shit.


I'm fucking pregnant. Nice move!

It wasn't intentional.

Yeah, but this is great.

Even if he makes you sign a pre-nup, this baby's your ticket.

Yeah, I--

I'm not sure if it's Otis' or Frank's.

Wait a minute. You slept with the fairy?

Yeah, the first day.

Dude, how stupid are you?

You screwed a gay guy without a condom?

He was a virgin.

Yeah. Right! Me, too.

Come on. I still don't see the problem.

In a month--in a month, you tell the old guy it's his... and then when you deliver, it's like this really big preemie... that just happens to look like both of them.

We're not reinventing the wheel here.

Hey, baby. Hi.

Big day, huh?

Yeah. We're almost ready. What's he doing in there?

He's setting up, like, a screening room or something.

He was here all day editing.

He wanted his director's cut or something.

It's all set. OK. Great. Good.

Show time.

Are you ready? Mm-hmm.



Happy Endings. Great idea, baby.

Thank you.

In June of 2002, Javier Duran returned to Mexico... to the town he left five years before.

Coming back here to San Juanito is strange.

Over there is my house.

Don't film it! They don't want it.

And my school.

I haven't been back here in five years.

I can't believe you shot this across from the Costco. It's wild!

This is the bookend to the movie. OK?

At the end of the film, he walks towards camera.

We don't follow him. It's all in suggestion.

You'll see.

And I got this little girl-- this little Mexican girl-- to shout out, "Javier! Javier!" like this--

I shouldn't have told you.

This is that improvised part.

Remember, Nicky? Yeah!

This is my speech where you see that I have a heart, you know?

It's not just the money.

Oh, I didn't see this.

Wanting to do this for my clients.

They taught us at school... how to handle a client who wants a full release.

Polite, but no, thanks.

The first time, I say, "No"... and the woman--she cried.


And I felt bad.

And so, the next time it happened, I thought, "Who am I to say no?

"This is America. There's no church here.

"There's only the body and its dreams."

His words. His words. I didn't tell him.

"The body and its dreams." It's genius, man.


And you can tell by looking at these women... what those dream are.

Their lives are so ordinary.

Not good. Not bad.


They want something more.

You know, not just a touch.

A secret.

A secret that makes them feel shame.

This is good for them.

It makes them somebody other than what people see.

And that is why I do it.

And the tips are good.

Makes you like me, right?

Because, you know, I'm helping them.

Maybe. I don't know.

Where's that part-- Oh, here.

To his clients, Javier is a god.

Strong. All-knowing. Dangerous but safe.

But in his own life as an immigrant in this country... all the power is in someone else's hands.

La Migra! La Migra!

Watch out! La Migra!

Come here. Hey!

Come right here. Do you speak English?

What is this? Nicky--

This is good. Don't worry.

...is a battle against La Migra.

And the only answer La Migra understands... is this...

Yeah, I have to have a green card.

What the fuck?

I got married.

I was seeing this girl off and on... and so, she said she'd marry me.

I was afraid. I'm still paying her.

Nicky, what the fuck is this?

See, we're just raising the stakes.

It's a drama thing, you know.

It's fine. Just...

It's good, right?

I don't--

We dated, and he was great.

And so he asked me.

What did I care? I'd been married before.

It didn't mean that much to me. And the money was good.

What the fuck? Jesus, Nicky!

It was supposed to be for two years... until he got his green card, but... it works, you know?

I mean, it's not like we have to be faithful.

You know? But it's better than my last husband... or the guys after him.

It's...it's private... and we don't even really know each other... which is the best thing.

I mean, I had to know, like, what color his toothbrush is... or what side of the bed he slept on for the interview, but... other than that, Javi's a real mystery.

And I am, too.

And it's a big fuck you to everyone, too.

What the fuck is going on? I don't know. I don't know.

Are you crazy? The story unfolded--

Are you crazy? I admitted to a federal crime!

If people see this, do you know what happens to me?

When did you see her? When did you even go there?

You know about this? She didn't know.

OK. I knew--I did know about-- They will deport me!

They'll send Shauna to prison... and they'll send me back to that shit hole!

No, no, no, no. Look, look, look. It's cool.

I got her to sign a piece of paper... that says everything she's about to say is a lie, so, it's--

Javi, that's too much. It's OK.


No. Oh, God!


Javi, OK. It's OK.

Is there any more? I'm not mad.

Any more? No, no, no.

Are there any more?!

In the camera. There's one in the camera.


Just so you know-- just so you know!

Nobody pays me to get off. Nobody!

If I do it, I do it for fun.

We only make believe so that you give her the name of her kid.

And this--this is mine!

We stole the real one from your room.

That's what we were doing there.

Right, Mamie?

Right, Mamie?! Yes.

Why did you do that?

Why did you put that stuff in?! Why?!

I thought you should know!

Know with what? I knew that!

I knew what kind of guy he is, OK?

You took me there. I saw her.

Not him. You. Who you are. Who you are.

You're one of those women who likes their secrets!

That's you!

OK. Just tell--All right. It's nobody's fault, OK?

That's--It's OK. Just tell me everything you know.

'Cause we had an agreement. We had an agreement.

Oh, OK. So, where's my movie? Where's my movie?

That's not my fault.

What did I-- No, I didn't--

What did I get? You loved this.

You know you did. You loved this!

You blackmailed me! You loved every second of it!

You went to sleep every night saying...

"I'm making a movie for a guy who's got a gun to my head.

"I'm alive!"

No. Yes!

No. Yes!

And it's better than fucking some Mexican... you won't even tell anybody you're seeing.

You know, you probably loved giving up that kid.

You--you-- It's like, hey, look!

I'm not just some ordinary woman.

I've got a kid somewhere I gave up. I'm a star.

That's the movie you're-- Stop it! Stop!

Stop. Just tell me his name. Just tell me his name.

You made a fool out of me, letting me give you that cross!

OK, I'm sorry. So fuck you!

You can tell me-- Fuck AFI!

You can tell me his name! No, I can't.

Yes, you can.

What do you think, you know me?

You don't know me! Nobody knows me!

Hey, have you seen the keys to the Spyder?

Don't worry. I'm not on the pink slip.

How was your lab test? Fine.

What's wrong? Boy trouble?

Fuck you, Jude.

I'm signing a pre-nup, OK?

So don't look at me like that.

What? Nothing comes off the money you're gonna get 30 years from now... when your dad dies from too much sex.

You don't have to call me Mom... all the time.


Hey, baby. You look great. I'm making some eggs.

No, I gotta go.

Coffee? I can't.

I got a crazy day.


Lane says she's on for lunch. Pick her up at her place.

Just give me a minute, OK?

That's OK. You can leave it open.


I don't even know why I'm here.

I have already made up my mind.

It's just something we do here...

Jude. Or is it Judy?

Jude. OK.

I want the abortion.

Do you want to tell me why?

Well, I'm marrying somebody... and...

I want to start out with a clean slate.

This is not his child? It probably is.

If it isn't, it's his son's.

Are you serious?

Yeah, and then, if we have more kids... their brother or sister could be their cousin or...

You see how it could get? Yeah.

Do your partners know of your pregnancy?


Do you have any feelings about your baby?

You're not supposed to say "baby".

You're supposed to say "pregnancy" or "fetus".

I'm pretty sure about that.

It's important to you not to call it a baby.

But that's because you're gonna rip it out of me... and flush it away.

Are you pro-life?

Will you sign my form?

I'm just asking questions.

I'm pro-choice, of course.

But my opinions aren't important here.

Well, then, I'd shut up about them.

I think we're done.

I have an appointment for tomorrow at 10:00.

I don't want you to misunderstand.

I think everything is a much bigger decision than we think.

And this one-- this is the biggest.

I don't know what I'm doing here. I don't even know what to ask you.

You're a little fucked up, aren't you?

You gotta be better at this most days.

This is about average.

Here you go. Thanks.

I'm not pro-life, though.

Who is, once you start paying attention?

Oh, hey, babe.

I didn't see you.

Where were you this afternoon?

Oh, I called your cell phone.

Lane--her mom came to town, so we took her to the beach.

Without Otis?

Didn't she want to introduce her boyfriend to her mother?

I don't know. I stay out of it.

You do, huh?

I thought we were gonna eat out later.

Oh, shit. Right.

Yeah. I got a physical tomorrow... so I gotta do all the blood work... and I can't eat anything until after 7:00-- or before 7:00.

I'm gonna go sit out by the pool, so... come on.

I told him everything.

Otis, I said I'd handle this.

You'll take her back. I know you will.

What's going on?

He knows you're just after his money.

And I told him what you had over me... and he doesn't care that I'm gay.

I care. Of course, I care. It's not good news.

And you're moving out.

Maybe I should hear that from him.

I guess you're moving out.

But you can keep the ring. I know it's worth something.

Frank, it's true. It did start like that.

I'm sorry.

But I really like you. I--

You can't fake that. I can't.

So? So, me too. Me--

Dad, Dad, Dad--

I gotta think about my boy.

I mean, you used him. You helped him humiliate his dad.

It's not good.

He might be gay, but he's my only kid.

I don't know about that.

I'm pregnant.


No, she is not! She's just--

Hold it.

You are pregnant, aren't you?

It shouldn't make a difference.

Do you know if it's a boy?

What do you care? You have a son.

Or a girl. I'm just asking.

Come on. This is the oldest trick in the book!

Ask to see some tests or something.

Oh, fuck! OK.

It was worth a shot.

You can't blame a girl for trying.

I'm on the fucking pill, Frank.

What am I, stupid? Like the world needs another Otis.

Hey! Hey!

I want you and everything you have out of my house--

Otis will help you-- by tomorrow morning.

No, that's cool. I'm packed. Great.

At least you've got some fuckin' balls now... which would be great, except it'll just make your dick look smaller!

You know, Lane will tell me whether you're pregnant or not.

Oh, call her. Tomorrow. After 10:00.

I'm ready.

Good morning. Charley?

You can put your shirt on. I...

I just wanted to tell you this in person.

Not good, huh?

Well, you know, as you can see... sometimes it's reversible and sometimes it's not.

It's just the luck of the draw.

Who let you have a vasectomy at 21?

Well, it's all theoretical, you know?

I don't even want kids, anyway.

Well...OK, then.

Thanks, doctor.



I was wondering if I could... if I could give you a call, now that we're done professionally.

Yeah, sure.

Great. I got your number.

Last night, you found out they were wrong...

Hi. Can I sit here?


You're Mr. McKee, right? Right.

So, I hear Jude fucked you over, basically.

Me, too. I'm Lane.

Otis' girlfriend.

No one told me.

I have a boyfriend. Rick.


Just keep your head on straight...

I don't think she's off everything... but she's better.

She's still fat, though.

Otis is so cute.

That should have been your tip-off.

I don't think Otis knows what he is.

I think he just finds the idea of gay attractive theoretically.

Because of all the blow jobs you get?

I don't know.

Some guys are gay, but you can flip 'em.

He's what I call a real homo.

No offense.


I don't think it's hereditary.

It's a choice, OK?


Would you like another drink?

Do it. That is beautiful.

Thank you.

I wanna drive it. Not tonight.

Give me the keys. No.

Get in.

Oh, my God, man. Yeah.

This is fuckin' rad. What does all this stuff do?

I'm not sure, but this is a-- like, a Techtronic gear shift.

So, if you just do that, it's in reverse.

So it's real easy to operate.


Are you OK? Yeah, I don't--I think so.

I ran into-- It's not my fault.

No, it's my fault.

Is it my fault?- No, my fault.

Oh, my God. Oh, no. I'll pay for it.

Oh, no. Frank, come on.

Here, here, here. God!

Take a drink.

I'll fix the car. You're--you're OK, though?

Yeah, I think I'm all right.

I'm Frank. Nothing hurts.

I'll pay for everything. Here.

I am--I'm gonna have to...

I gave her the fuckin' tapes. She won't sing it like Jude.

It offends her. Yeah, whatever.

And if you think she's clean and sober, wake up.

That's all I'm sayin'.


Hey, you want any of this stuff?

It's just like, you know, phone charger and...

Thomas Brothers Guide, which I could use if you don't want it.

Yeah. Sure as hell not gonna use it in Phoenix.

Yeah, take it.


Oh, it's his license number.

The Mexican guy?

Yeah. Yeah.

Do you know anyone who could trace it?

Javier lives here?

Nice house. I know.

What does he charge for a massage?

I have to talk to him. OK.

Oh, please, Charley, no.

I'm gonna-- I need to do this myself.

Look. OK. You're on my speed dial.

All I have to do is press send.

You're one thumb away if I need you, which I don't.


I'm gonna come back tomorrow or the next day by myself.

So, it's your choice.

Hello? Hi.

You don't know me, I'm from Los Angeles.

I'm looking for Nicky.

No, there's no Nicky here. Sorry.

Wait, wait, yeah. He said that might be a nickname.

Do you know-- do you know this guy?

Ronnie, my brother.

OK. Could I maybe speak with your mom or dad?

They're in Hawaii. Hold on.

Tom, someone's here about Ronnie.

Come on in. Thank you.

Do you want a Coke or something?

No. Thanks.

Tom is my other brother.


Hi. I'm Tom.

You're a friend of Ronnie's?

Yeah. I mean, I don't--I don't know.

He told me his name was...Nicky.


Yeah, he's-- That's--that's him.

Oh. Yeah. He's-- he's not here.

What did he do to you? Nothing. No, nothing.

We were partners on a film project.

Yeah, we worked together about six months ago.

Does he owe you money?

He's an asshole. Becca.

No, this is--it's not a big deal. I was just--

I was in town and I just thought I'd drop by.

It's OK.

Well, wait a second. He called last week.

The number's on my cell phone in the car.

You want it? OK. Sure.

OK. Thanks.

Yeah. I'll be right back. -OK.

Do you want to sit down? No. Thanks.

Dad says Ronnie's a black sheep. He's in New York now... but he's supposed to be in some art school.

But Tom doesn't believe it.

He burned down our house once.

Well, the garage.

It's where I had my bike.

OK, I got it.

He didn't even give this to me, but it was--

That's all right. Never mind.

Wait a minute. Don't you want his number?

What happened? I don't know.

Her purse. Shit.


Hey! You all right?


Hey! Hey. What did you do to her?

Nothing. Her purse.


Who the fuck are you?


Mamie, stop!



Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Do you have a cell phone?

Yeah! Mamie.


Are you OK, Charley?


I have something for you. It's in my purse.

It's right there.

You said you lost it.

No, I left it for the baby.

Something from you.

Did you name him?


But I held him once.

I don't know why I didn't tell you.

So... he knew who you were and... he didn't want to find you?

That's what Nicky said. Ronnie.

Well, when he's smarter, he'll want to find you.

Maybe he's smart now.


It's better to know you than to not know you.

That's how I've always felt.

It's OK.

I run with scissors, too.

Does this do color?

Jump real good? OK.

Don't go changing To try to please me You never let me down before

Don't imagine You're too familiar And I don't see you anymore I would not leave you In times of trouble We never could have come this far

I took the good times I'll take the bad times I'll take you just the way you are

Don't go trying Some new fashion Don't change the color of your hair

You always have my Unspoken passion Though I might not seem to care I don't want clever conversation I don't want to work that hard

I just want someone That I can talk to I want you just the way you are

I need to know that you will always be The same old someone that I knew

What will it take till you believe in me The way that I believe in you?

I said I love you And that's forever This I promise from my heart

I could not love you Any better I love you just the way you are Are

You are

-- English --