Holly Slept Over (2020) Script




I did something really bad.

Are you gonna tell me or do you want me to guess?

Did I ever mention Marnie sleeps in the nude?

Not to me. Every night she climbs into bed naked, just to go to sleep.

Audra never sleeps naked.

No. Audra's only naked when she absolutely has to be.

In the shower. Or if I take her clothes off during sex.

You wanna talk about that or hear the bad thing I did?

I wanna hear the bad thing.

You went off on a tangent about your wife.

I piggybacked it. Not a tangent.

It's related. All right.

It shouldn't come as any surprise that your sex life takes a major hit once you start your family.

Since my kids were born, we've had sex maybe a dozen times.

Your oldest is 11.

I know how old my fucking kids are.

Maybe it's two dozen, maybe three dozen.

Even so, three dozen times in 11 years.

Roughly 3.3 times a year? Stop doing the math.

What's important is that Marnie has zero interest in fucking me.

Do you try to get her in the mood?

Dude, I'm so fed up at this point.

It'd be one thing if she got fat after the kids.

Maybe I wouldn't wanna bang her so much, but she looks great.

Finds the time to ride the elliptical machine.

Doesn't have time to ride my dick.

Or the desire. Yeah.

That's why I'm trying to enjoy the sex with Audra now while we're trying to get pregnant.

Yeah. Well, enjoy it because we used to have sex seven nights a week.

You guys strike me as a once-a-week couple, so when Audra gets pregnant, next time you're getting laid is when the kids go to college.

I got pregnant with my first boyfriend, junior year of high school. So you know it's not you.

Noel has shitty sperm.

Not necessarily. Maybe Greg had super-sperm. I don't know.

You got pregnant and you had an abortion.

No, I didn't get an abortion.

Before I got the nerve to tell my parents, I miscarried.

Okay, well, that's lucky.

You didn't have a baby junior year in high school?

Dude, you dodged a bullet.

Greg offered to marry me at 17. My life would have been over.

Oh, he would've been a terrible husband, father.

Noel, on the other hand, is a wonderful husband who'd be an amazing dad.

If he didn't have shitty sperm. We don't know that.

How would he feel if he knew you'd been pregnant?

Not great. That was information that was supposed to stay locked in the vault.

Couples need secrets.

Tell me the bad thing you did, huh?

Last night, I make a move, she shuts me down, per usual.

Rolls over, goes to sleep.

Now, I'm laying there with an angry, purple hard-on, and I just start jerking, right there in the bed, right next to her.

Wow. I'm frustrated.

I'm resentful.

I'm muttering nasty shit about her under my breath.

She doesn't wake up? No, very heavy sleeper.

So around when I'm about to blow, I get up on my knees and I unload all over her tits.

Oh, God. I just hovered there, right?

Just looking at her.

With a big smile on my face.

Then I got up, went to the bathroom, I got a damp washcloth, gave her a little kiss on the forehead, cleaned her up.

And she has no idea it happened.

Pete, that's bad. That's really bad.

But I enjoyed it.

I was fucking euphoric afterwards.

My marriage today is 100 times better than my marriage was yesterday.

Maybe I'm a monster. I don't know.

I defiled my wife.

Best feeling I've had in months.


Want another beer? Yeah, at least one more.





Okay. Get the pillow. Lift up.



You know, I was thinking maybe we should offer to watch Pete and Marnie's kids sometime.


I think Marnie's happy with their babysitter.

No, I more meant for the weekend or something.

So they can go away together, alone.

Did Pete say something to you? About what?

About how much sex they're having?

You mean, about how little sex they're having?

About how they're not having sex at all?

What did Marnie say? What did Pete say?

Mm, ah, we should probably not be discussing this.

Okay, all right. Yeah? Okay. Well...

I think they had a lot of sex before they had kids, and it's probably been a big adjustment for them.

So you're saying that because we didn't have that much sex to begin with, it'll be less noticeable when we stop having it at all?

Yeah. Yeah, that's exactly what I'm saying.



I love you. I love you too.

Harriet, what the heck is going on around here?

Well, nothing's going on.

OZZIE: Gee whiz! What's happened to our happy home?

HARRIET: Aren't you happy now?

Hey, Marnie, are you awake?

OZZIE: Do you want me to help you set the table?

Marnie? HARRIET: I can set it.

OZZIE: Oh, what? Okay. Marns.

I don't wanna argue about it.

HARRIET: Oh, I'm not arguing.

OZZIE: Neither am I. I'm just trying

to start a normal conversation.

HARRIET: Well, have it your way.

OZZIE: Well, of course, I'll have it my way.

That's the way it's supposed to be.

The husband and father

is the head of the household.

HARRIET: It's been that way since time began.


Oh, shit.

You okay?


You don't look okay.

I've mentioned Holly to you before, right?

Holly. My college roommate.

Oh, right. Yeah, Holly.

The one you had the falling out with, over something stupid, right? Over something stupid.

Is that what I said? I think those were your words.

Is she dead? No. Why would you say that?

I'm sorry. You have a look on your face like you found out someone you were close with but haven't spoken to in years is, you know, dead.

There's a look for that? You're making the look.

Or a look very similar. That's the look.

She's alive. She just sent me a message on Facebook.

Oh. What did she write?

"Found you a while ago. Thought about friending you.

Decided to quietly stalk you instead. Ha, ha.

Hope you're well. Hope you still don't hate me.

Going to be in your neck of the woods on business and would love to see you. XO, Holly."

"XO"? I mean, doesn't sound like there's any animosity on her part.

We haven't spoken in 12 years.

What was the fight about?

What, was it over a guy? No.

She was just a little too wild and free-spirited for me.

Are you gonna invite her over?

No. Mm-mm.

You're not curious what became of her?


I did it again.

What the fuck is wrong with you? I don't know.

Maybe I should cheat on her like a normal neglected husband.

Don't cheat on her and don't jerk off on her.

That's easy for you to say. It is easy for me to say.

It's easy for me to tell you that there is no scenario where it's okay to masturbate onto your sleeping wife.

Now, most married, if not all married men, experience some level of sexual frustration.

It's normal. Yeah.

And jerking off relieves a tiny bit of that frustration.

For some fucking reason, jerking off onto my sleeping wife relieves almost all of it.

Anything a married person can do to improve the marriage... without hurting the spouse, I think it should be on the table.

There are some people who'd define what you're doing as sexual assault. Fuck those people.

Those people don't know what they're talking about.

She made a vow to take, to have and to hold.

You're telling me this is not covered by one of those?

Yeah, I'm telling you that.



Yeah, all right, look. I know what I'm doing is sketchy.

But those people, they don't get to decide what's acceptable in my marriage.

That's for Marnie and me to say.

But Marnie doesn't know you're cumming on her.

Exactly, and if she did, she might be fine with it.

She might decide she prefers that to having sex with me, or to get a divorce or have me cheat on her.

Yeah? Yeah.

You ever thought about cheating on Audra?

Thought about it like imagined fucking another woman, or like actually thought about it?

I mean, thought about it. No, never.

Maybe Marnie's cheating on me.

Maybe that's why she's not putting out.

Might be getting all the dick she needs. It's just not mine.

You know that's not true. I don't know anything, man.


You think you know what someone is thinking or what they're doing when you're not looking?

You really think that?

You don't know anything.


Let's take a trip this weekend.

Let's drive somewhere, or, uh, fly to Vegas.

We're gonna get pregnant, and it's gonna make that stuff so much harder, right?

It's a lovely idea.

I think I changed my mind.

What, about getting pregnant?

No. No. No, no, no, no, no. Of course not.

Sorry. About seeing Holly.

Oh. This is the weekend that she's in town, and I thought I would invite her over for a couple of hours on Saturday.

Yeah. Yeah, I think that's great.

All right. I'm just gonna message her.

I think you should.

"See you Saturday."

Okay. That's it.



Noel, I need to talk to you.

Hey. What?

There's something you need to know about Holly.

What, now? Yeah, please.


All right. You want me to turn the light on?

No, no, no. It's okay.

Okay, whew. Okay. How do I say this?

Oh, okay. You know how in college people do things that they normally wouldn't?

For the first time you're charting your own course.

You're free to go a little...

Holly and I experimented with...

We fooled around.

Sexually. We did stuff.

Are you okay?

You had sex with your college roommate?

It was a onetime thing.

A onetime thing.

That happened five or six times.

Wow. Really?


So not like me. Wow.

I don't know who that person was.


My wife had a lesbian fling. Yeah.

Audra. I know.

Audra had a lesbian fling.

Why are you saying it like that?

I'm just surprised, that's all. I'm just very, very surprised.

Is she a lesbian?

Not a lesbian. We were just two...friends.

Audra Dinwiddie.

I didn't think you had it in you. I honestly didn't.

I kind of feel like now I need to tell you about the time I sucked a dick.

Except that never happened.

Undergraduate. Law school.

Seven years of college. No dicks.

Should I tell her not to come? Not for my sake.

Why would I not want you to see your old friend who you... kissed, licked, fondled, sucked each other's nipples, maybe?

Finger-banged, went down on each other?

You're not expecting me to acknowledge the list of things we did, are you?

I'm comfortable with as little or as much as you wanna share.

Yeah. Let's leave it where it is. It's in the past.

I'm sure she doesn't even remember.

Why wouldn't she remember?

It wasn't as out of character for her.

I'm sure there were a lot of women after me.

She drank a lot and took drugs.

I'm sure her memory of college was a blur of debauchery.

Did your friendship end because you two kissed, licked, fondled...?

I don't-- I don't wanna dwell on it.

I just needed to tell you.


Yeah. Okay.

Let's just get some sleep.

Thank you.




I just don't get it.

You know, I just can't get my head around it.

Your problem is, is that you're looking at it all wrong.

Hey, is he okay? PETE: Yeah, he's fine.

He just found out his wife did some lesbian shit in college.


That's what I'm trying to tell him. See?

Thank you. Appreciate it.

I don't mind that she did it. That's not the vibe I'm getting.

It just doesn't make sense at all, given what I thought I knew about her.

Audra is a very sexually conservative woman.

Know how many times we've had sex in a position other than missionary? Maybe 10 tops.

Wanna know how many times we fucked someplace other than bed?

Uh, once in the shower, once in my car and that's it.

That's my sex life.

I mean, how does that unadventurous bedroom behavior translate to girl-on-girl college action?

Now is the time to push her out of her comfort zone.

You just learned her comfort zone is bigger than she previously let on.

What am I supposed to say? You don't have to talk about it.

If you wanna fuck her in the ass, you don't tell her.

Who said I wanna fuck her ass? I didn't.

Here's what you do, right?

You get a big thing of lube, you put it next to the bed, arm's reach.

So you're fucking her, right?

You gotta get her humming. She's gotta be digging it.

Now, right when she's about to cum, you pull out. Cut her off.

You make a big show of lubing up your dick, right?

You're not trying to hide it. You're not being sneaky.

You're communicating without speaking.

Your actions are saying, "I'm getting ready to do something different here.

Something that my dick needs to be very slippery for."

She's gonna put two and two together.

If she doesn't put it together then, she's gonna put it together when you brush up against her balloon knot.

Now, if she doesn't say anything, she doesn't stop you, she doesn't punch you... that's tacit consent.

That's the worst thing I've ever heard and there's no earthly way I will ever do that.

Then you're never gonna get any ass play.

I never said I wanted any fucking ass play!

Why do you keep talking about ass play?!

Because you would love it, okay?

Marnie used to love it. Audra would love it.

Audra might've been doing it before she met you.

You don't know. Don't say that.

I don't wanna think about-- Let's talk about--

I shouldn't have even brought it up. Fuck. Forget it.

Could we just run, please?

And don't say a fucking thing to Marnie!

You used to eat pussy?

Oh, my God-- I told him last night at 3 a.m.

How long do you think it's gonna take a guy to tell his friends that his wife used to dig clam?

I don't dig clam. You can have an experience with a member of the same sex and not necessarily "dig clam."

You need to be proud of this. You fucked a girl. Heh, heh!

I didn't give details. Anything you heard is conjecture.

I shouldn't have told him. Don't be mad at Noel.

I'm not mad at him. I'm nervous about seeing Holly.

Our friendship ended badly. I stupidly thought telling Noel would make it less of a big deal.

I should've known it would make things worse.

I'm just excited you're not as uptight as I thought you were.

Are we still coming over for dinner?

You think Pete's gonna be looking at me funny?


He's probably spanking it to the thought of you and this woman.



What? See Holly's Instagram?

What are you looking at that for?

Wanted to put a face to the story.

For chrissake. I got to tell you, your wife has excellent taste in lovers.

Look at that. Shh, shh.

I know. She's pretty hot, huh? Yeah.

That's not a girl that looks like a dude.

That's lipstick lesbian action.

How we looking? Yeah! Let's eat.

Let's eat pussy. Come on.



I know that everyone knows.

I know you told Pete, and Pete told Marnie.

I'm sorry, what are we talking about?

It's out in the open. You don't have to play dumb.

What the fuck, Marnie?

You were trusted to keep the secret, not me.

I keep secrets I was trusted with.

Common sense says you don't tell the secret to the person who told the secret in the first place.

Sorry, Noel. I didn't know my 40-something-year-old wife doesn't know how secrets work.


Oh, that's a secret?

They know you're old.

I look good, and not just good for my age.

I just look good. Baby, you look amazing.

Look, I didn't say you look old. I said that you are old.

I couldn't keep it to myself. I tried.

I swear to God, I couldn't. I'm sorry.

So, what exactly did happen?

Because it doesn't seem like Noel has specifics.

They're gonna deny it, but I think I speak for the three of us when I say we're dying to know.

You don't wanna talk about it? Okay.

Would you be comfortable reenacting it with Marnie maybe?

Sorry to disappoint. But I've never been into women and Audra's not in college anymore.

Look, I wasn't into women in college.

It was one woman. It was an isolated incident.

One woman, yeah, but you and Holly did do it more than once.

¶ Oh, oh, oh, oh ¶

¶ Oh, oh, oh ¶

NOEL: There's nothing you could say that would make me hug you.

Well, women are a little more comfortable with that stuff.

The touching and the hugs and the kisses and taking showers together that aren't preceded by athletic activity.

Which is why it's less surprising when they do full-on gay stuff.

You know, it's still pretty surprising when it's your wife.

I wish Marnie was into girls.

When Holly gets here, it's gonna be hard for me not to imagine them together.

Well, duh, it's gonna be hard for me.

It's childish, but I can't help it.

No, no, no, that's not childish.

That's just you being a dude, okay?

Society's poisoned us to think that dude thoughts are childish thoughts.

But they're not. They're dude thoughts.


Noel. Mm-hm?

Noel, Noel, Noel. What?

You gonna make this happen?

Make what happen?

Audra, Holly... you.

Shut up. No, listen to me. Listen to me.

You have a viable threesome opportunity in your very near future. You have one.



No, I don't.


You're a straight-laced guy, Noel.

And I don't mean that in a bad way.

But I think you look at people and you think they think like you think.

If you got under the hood, you might be surprised to find they're not quite as wholesome as you are.

I'm not that wholesome. Or straight-laced.

I'm not saying it's negative.

But I think you underestimate how much of the population likes to get freaky.

Just because Audra fooled around with a girl when she was 19 doesn't mean she secretly wants to get freaky.

God, you're like one of these people who watch porn and you think that only in porn do people behave like that.

I'm here to tell you, 50 percent of the population is doing things you think happen only in porn.

Really? Fifty percent of the population going ass-to-mouth?

Maybe not ass-to-mouth. Maybe not 50 percent.

But I guarantee you that in our sleepy little suburb right now, there's somebody getting fisted, there's someone getting pissed on, there's someone letting a dog lick peanut butter off their genitals.

Good Lord, what kind of porn do you watch?

That is not the world that Audra and I live in.

It is the world you live in. You're not contributing to it.

Doesn't mean it's not happening all around you.

What exactly is your point?

That threesomes are not a thing that happen only to other people.

Threesomes are a thing that happen to people who try to make them happen when they see a viable threesome opportunity.

Threesomes are an excellent way to ruin a marriage.

Kids are an excellent way to ruin a marriage.

Doesn't stop us from having them.

Listen, there is no chance that Audra will be willing to have a threesome.

Believe me. Even if there is, which there isn't, there's no reason her college roommate will wanna have sex with me. So self-defeating.

You would love to have a threesome, wouldn't you? Yeah?

Last thing I'm gonna say.

When you move in with a girl, doesn't change anything.

Get married, doesn't change anything.

Make money, that doesn't change anything.

When you have kids, that changes everything.

You're gonna get Audra pregnant, you're gonna be a good dad.

Which means it is never gonna be about you ever, ever again.

It's gonna be about your wife and your kids and your kids and your wife.

Yeah, I know that. And it's okay.

Most of our lives are pointless and empty. That's fine.

Because all we need are two or three extraordinary moments to look back on and say, "That...

That made all the bullshit worth it."

And if you don't make this threesome happen, you are letting an extraordinary moment pass you by.

That's it. I'm done.





What's wrong?

Does it look like something's wrong?

You're taking a stress bath. You got the lavender salts.

You're doing the breathing thing.

Uh, I'm okay.

If you're so unnerved by Holly coming that you have to take a stress bath, why don't you just text her and cancel?

Tell her something came up. I'm being silly.

I went on her Facebook page.


She said she's in a polyamorous relationship with Barack and Michelle. Ha.

She says she's now working for the KGB.

She said that she just gave birth to Siamese septuplets.

There's a Photoshopped photo of her with a seven-headed baby.

Maybe she's just mocking the social media culture.

Okay, maybe, but normal people use Facebook to make their life sound better than they are.

Not to invent a fantasy life. It's the principle.

She always just did whatever she wanted.

Never thought rules applied to her.

Maybe she's changed. A lot of time has--


She's here.

She's here. What?

You said she was coming in the afternoon.

Yeah, well, afternoon, 8 a.m., it's all the same to her.

It's probably Pete or Marnie.

I wanted to spend the morning cleaning.

I wanted to make a cheese plate and a crudité.


I'm not ready to get out of the bath.

I'm sure it's not her.

Hi. I'm so early.

Sorry. You must be Noel.

I am, yeah. Hello, Holly.

I was so excited that I drove straight through the night and here I am, heh. Hi.

I can come back later if that's better for you.

No. Don't be silly. Come on in. It's so nice to meet you.

Uh, Audra is, uh, not quite ready yet.

Oh, that would be weird, considering how fucking early I am.


Hey, thank you for the gift basket.

My pleasure. Noel.

Can I ask you a huge favor?

I've been driving for 30 hours and this is not how I wanted to look when I met you.

So would it be okay if I took a super-fast shower and maybe got a 20-minute nap?




HOLLY: Sorry the bag's so heavy.

NOEL: It's fine, actually. Easy.

This is a beautiful house you have, Noel.

Oh, thank you.

Oh. It's okay.

HOLLY: Is Audra sleeping?

Um, just making herself presentable, I think.

Um, shower in there.

And this is the guest room.

You can lie down in here.

Oh, wow.

This is exactly how I imagined Audra to be living.

In the suburbs.

A guest room with a daybed, a handsome husband.

It smells amazing in here.

What is that smell? Really?

Yeah. Didn't realize there's a smell.

You're probably used to it.

It's the saddest thing about human nature.

We're lucky enough to have everything we want and then eventually we become immune to it.

It could be that, or I could just have weak olfactory receptors, heh, heh.

That'd be the less profound, more medical explanation.

I knew Audra would marry a guy with a sense of humor.



So I'm quite nervous about seeing her.

I don't wanna speak out of turn, but I think she's kind of nervous too.

Yeah? She is.

Well, we were very close and... then not very close.

So, what brings you to town?

Noel, we have so much to catch up on, and I cannot wait to tell you guys everything that's been going on and hear all about you.

But right now I really need to pee, okay?




She could be dead of a heroin overdose, in our guest room.

Do you know her to be an intravenous drug user?

She smoked a lot of pot. Pot.

I smoked a lot pot in college, and I hardly ever overdose on heroin.

Good point.

I'm gonna go check on her.

Okay. Okay.


Yeah, she seemed pretty tired, so I was just gonna let her sleep... longer.


Let's have sex. [CHUCKLES] What?

Let's have sex.

Um, what are you doing?

Yeah. I think we should fuck. Hey, hey, hey.

Can we fuck? Where is this coming from?

It's just coming from this strong attraction to my husband with whom I decided to have a baby--

Hey, hey, hey. Holly could wake up.


So you don't wanna--?

You don't wanna have sex with me?

Hey. Yes, of course I want to, but--

She could walk down those stairs any second.


That was forced.

Okay, then we'll just sit here. Yeah.


You know what wouldn't surprise me?

I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't come here to see me.

If she's just stopping by to take a shower and a nap on her way someplace else.

Heh. Now, it sounds like I'm joking, but she's the kind of person who'd eat and leave.

How were you friends with her when you have so much hostility?

It's not hostility, it's just jealousy.

She's been sleeping for 11 hours.

Last time I slept for 11 fucking hours straight, I was a toddler.

Audra, I fully support you anytime you wanna take a nap.

Would you support me if I wanted to be a self-centered, manipulative, thoughtless, careless tramp?


Like Charlie Chaplin Tramp, like a vagabond?

Or do you mean like Mae West tramp, like a sexually promiscuous woman?

I think it's both.

She's a sexually promiscuous vagabond.


I should just wake her up.



PETE: Come on.

Ooh, yeah.

RINGTONE: Daddy, your phone is ringing.

Daddy, your phone is ringing.

Daddy, your phone is ringing.

Daddy, your--

Hey. What's up, brother?

From the minute I saw Holly, I can't stop thinking about a threesome.

Well, make it happen.

How? I don't know.

Any suggestions?

I had one threesome in my early 20s with a waitress and another dude.

She initiated the whole thing.

So, no. You know this is your fault.

Yeah, you put this idea in my head.

Oh, I have this feeling I haven't had since I was 15 and Renee Lovaglio showed me her breasts.

Have either of them shown any sign they're into it?

None whatsoever.

You need to do something. Gotta test the waters.

Flirt with Holly.

Or just whip your dick out, see what happens.


Oh, I feel like a bad husband.

Don't feel bad now. You haven't done anything. Feel bad later.

Okay. Well, thank you for not helping me in any way.



Are you alive?


I didn't mean to sleep so long.


Is it still Saturday? Barely.

It's quarter to 7.

Oh, shit.


How much do you hate me?

Do you mean for wasting my entire day or for all the things you did in the past?

I really wanted this visit to go well. I'm sorry.

I am. I'm sorry for everything that I've ever done wrong.

Hm. Apology accepted.

Huh. I didn't think you'd let me off that easily.

It's fine.

Long time ago. Water under the bridge.

Come closer.


I wanna look at you.



It's good to see you.

Wanna hear something sad?

You're still the best friend I ever had.

Dinner will be ready soon.

You look beautiful.

So do you, Holly.

Can I get a hug?

[MOUTHS] A little one.


Dinner's great. Thank you.

This house, Audra, it's--

It's really great. Thank you.

Yeah, we really love it here.

You're doing very well for yourselves.

I always knew you would.

So you guys work together? Or--

Oh, no, no, no.

No. Um, Noel does tax law, and I'm a trial lawyer, criminal defense.

But I see you're still painting, right?

Well, not as much as I'd like to.

I always thought she was so talented and could've been a professional.

I know you two fooled around.

What are you doing, Noel?

I just felt like she should know that I knew.

Oh. You know, to put it out there.

Oh. Oh, well, you did that. She didn't give me details.

I just know you had sexual contact...

You're still talking.

...on more than one occasion.



I won't mention it again.

I, uh...

I think I've managed to find a career that I am suited for.

I started an edibles company.

Edibles? As in confections made with marijuana?

That's the one. I've always really loved baking, and I always really enjoyed getting stoned.

So I found a way to bring my two passions together.

So that basket you brought, the brownies and cookies, that's, uh, your--

Yes, that's-- That's my company, Holly's Good 'N Baked.

NOEL: Whoa. Wow.

So you baked all those yourself? Yeah.

They look delicious. Well, thank you.

You should try one.

We don't do that.

I could never get her high. Did you ever manage?

I don't like smoke in my lungs. She hates smoke.

I've tried it a number of times. Sure.

A number of times. It is not my thing.

But that's the joy of edibles.

You don't have to smoke anything.

But if you ate a whole cookie, you'd be really fucked up.

We don't wanna try any right now, thank you.

No. Yeah. Ahem. Maybe later.

Have you had any success with this...particular venture?

No, not yet. I'm--

I'm mostly driving to dispensaries, trying to get them to hold my products.

The response has been pretty great.

Word of mouth is building, so that's something.

It's very ambitious. I was born on March 4th.

The perfect day to be born, right?

It's literally the universe telling you to march forth and achieve something, so...

I like that. Yeah.

And how's your personal life, if you don't mind my asking?

I am maybe slightly better at relationships since you last saw me but not much.

Never got married? No, uh...

Although I've been proposed to five times.

Oh, wait, no, it's been six. Six times.

Six now? Oh, God.

Yeah. There were guys lining up to marry her in college. Mm-hm. I believe it.

I guess I inspire that in men. And some women.

Well, you are very approachable.

I will say that, if you don't mind me making that observation.

Well, thank you, Noel.

What does that mean?

Approachable? Well, you know, some people make you immediately feel comfortable, that's all.

And it also means men misread your signals.

Ugh. I had idiots hitting on me, just because I was friendly.

Oh, I hate that.

I wanted to make T-shirts that said:

"Just because I'm being nice doesn't mean I wanna fuck you."


HOLLY: Right? Of course.

But then I often ended up fucking quite a few of them.

So I guess that makes me the idiot.

You never did believe in love.

I'm not the same person I was.

Okay. Sorry. I didn't mean to imply you were.

My bad. No, it's totally fine.

But I've actually sworn off casual sex. Again.

You did? You're celibate?

I wouldn't say that. I'd say I decided to take a break.

I took a year off, dick-free year.

And that ended a couple of weeks ago, and since then, I've just--

Been trying to not jump into bed with anyone, just because I'm like horny or whatever.

But I think I want it to be meaningful.

Yeah, meaningful cock. Yeah.

Wow. Meaningful cock. Yeah, I know.

Yeah, a revelation. That's great.

I hope you-- I hope you get it. How about you guys, though?

I'm surprised there's not little ones running around here.

Yeah. Well--

We're just not ready yet.


I'm gonna finish the dishes, so I don't have to worry later.

Oh, I can help. No. Sit. You're our guest.

Won't take me long. Okay.


More wine? Yes. Thank you.

Of course.

HOLLY: So when did you guys meet?

At law school? At law school, Chicago.

How did you two meet? The first day of undergrad.

Best friends from the day we met.

Wow. Until I fucked it up.

Huh. Yeah. Audra's never really gone into detail about that.

Yeah, it's probably best.

Uh, I don't really come off great in that story.

You know, I can't believe that you two...


Sorry. It's so unlike her.

I guess I'm a bad influence.

Or a good one.


Would you excuse me for a minute?




Hey there.

Sorry, just me. It's just me.

Is everything okay? Yeah.

Is everything okay with you? How you feeling about Holly?

Am I being a jerk?

No. Am I?

Well-- Be honest. Maybe?

Maybe you're not being the friendliest version of yourself.

Oh, I knew it.

You know why I love you, Noel?

I assumed there was more than one reason.

There are at least three reasons.

I'm trying to give you a compliment.

Sorry. Go ahead.

One of the infinite reasons I love you, Noel, is because from the first moment I met you, I felt completely myself with you.

Conversely, Holly makes me feel uptight.

And history has shown, if she gets her way, things get...

They get out of control.

Yeah, but it's okay if you get a little out of control sometimes.

I know. I should drink wine and eat a bunch of pot.

Not too much, but yeah.

Okay. I'll be cool. You're here.

She's not gonna burn the house down.

No, no. Hurt herself.

We're all adults here.

Nothing to be scared of.

I am not going to let her burn the house down.

But, Audra... maybe getting a little out of control would be good for us.

Okay. Okay?


¶ She dances and I dream ¶

¶ She's not so far As she seems ¶

¶ Of brighter meadows Melting sunsets ¶

¶ Her hair blowing In the breeze ¶

¶ She can't see Me watching... ¶ Audra introduced me to this song.

I think of her every time I hear it.

¶ Love, love ¶

¶ Love, love ¶

¶ Love, love ¶

¶ It's bittersweet ¶

¶ More sweet than bitter ¶

¶ Bitter than sweet ¶

¶ It's a bittersweet Surrender ¶

¶ It's bittersweet ¶

¶ More sweet than bitter ¶

¶ Bitter than sweet ¶

¶ It's a bittersweet Surrender ¶

Yeah. Yeah.


¶ I said I'm older now... ¶ Can I, uh--? Can I discuss something with you?

Yeah, of course.

The thing is, I--

This might seem forward, but you seem like a person I can be forward with.


Audra and I, we're a very happy couple.

I know. I can see. That's so sweet.

Hm-hm-hm, thank you.

However, if there was anything I could point to as being a little disappointing, it's the, uh, sex is-- Is not...

I mean, it's fine. No, it is.

It's-- It's just that there's no, pbbt...

I would describe it as, um... ordinary. Mm-hm.

You know what? Forget it. Forget it. This is so silly.

Noel, just-- Just say what you need to say.

I'm just having this stupid thought, and it's--

I need someone to tell me it's stupid, to slap me across the face, tell me I'm an idiot.

What's this stupid idea that makes you such an idiot?

I was thinking that the three of us...

¶ More sweet than bitter ¶ That the-- That the-- That the three of--

That the three of-- That might be a fun thing to do.

A threesome?


Like I said, forget it. Wow!

Could we please go back to before I lost my fucking mind?

It's insane that we're having this conversation.

We barely know each other. Noel.

Uh-uh. Please forget I said anything.

Noel. It--

Does that seem like something Audra would like?

I'm not sure. I didn't think she'd ever been with a woman, so...


Why, is that something that you might like?

The thing with threesomes, they're not always two plus one equals three.

Or one plus one plus one equals three.

Yeah. It is the math that gets you to three.

I'm sorry, I don't-- I don't follow.

It's not just math.

You have to factor human emotion into the equation.

Okay. Yeah.

You're saying it's a bad idea.

I'm saying it's a bad idea if the three of us think it's a bad idea.

It's a good idea if the three of us think it's a good idea.

I think it's a good idea.

Do you think it's a good idea?

It's potentially a great idea.

I mean, potentially, depending on Audra.

I didn't coax Audra into bed when we were 19.

Right. No, I-- I kissed her, and... she hesitated because she's cautious by nature, but ultimately she wanted it as much as I did, so it happened.

So if you're into this, and it sounds like you are, we could work together to get Audra onboard, right?

Okay. Really?

Okay. Okay. Good news. How does this work?

Do I flirt with you? Do you flirt with me?

No, you flirt with her. There it is.

Noel. That's a smart play.

Okay. Let's just take it easy.

See where the evening goes.

That's the plan? I don't love it, and I'll tell you why.

Because, um, as a young single man, I would often use that strategy, right? With girls.

I would just see where it goes.

Almost invariably, didn't go anywhere.

But the guys I knew who didn't take it easy, hear me out, the evening would often go where they wanted it to go.

I get that, but we are not teenagers on a first date.

We don't want anyone doing anything they're going to regret.

That's important. Okay. Great.

We have a goal, keep that goal in mind. Play it cool.

Yup. I think that's the best course of action.

What's the best course of action?

Hey there. Ha, she scared me. You scared me.

Oh, my God.

Taxes. We-- I was telling Holly about the benefits of an IRA account for tax purposes, as her business expands and grows.

Blah, blah, blah.

Yeah, totally, as a freelancer, that-- That makes perfect sense.


Noel would like us to have a threesome.

I'm totally into it. How do you feel?

So-- So-- I'm sorry. Just what--?

Excuse me.

You didn't do what we discussed.

Mm, no. I did the opposite. Yeah. The funny thing is, it--

It was your plan, remember that?

It was yours. You just throw it out the window the first second.

I know. But it didn't feel like the right way to handle it.

Oh, my God. What the fuck now?

You should probably go talk to her.


You asked her to have a threesome with us?

I asked her if she would be interested in having a threesome, if you wanted to.

It was about you and what you wanted to do.

Is this something you do, check with women, see if they'd come to bed with us?

Never. No. Of course not.

Because she and I had a past, it would make sense for us to hop into bed?

Well, there is a certain logic in that, yeah.

It's like I don't even know you. Okay.

On one hand, I would say, let's not get dramatic.

And on the other hand, I would say, that's the exact same reaction I had when you told me you slept with her.

It was like I didn't know you for a second.

And then I realized, it wasn't that outrageous a thing.

That you wanna have sex with another woman outside of our marriage?

Inside of our marriage. Inside, with you.

Guess I'm easier to please than you.

I guess-- I don't know. I love you.

I love being with you. I love you too.

There's no question I love the intimacy, but that's only one part of sex.

I'm not talking about that.

I'm talking about the fucking part.

You agreed it was good to get a little out of control.

This is not at all what I thought we meant.

I'm talking about spreading our wings.

You're suggesting another person in our bed with us.

You wanna put yourself inside another woman.

It's not about another woman. Don't get hung up on that.

It's not about Holly. This is about us.

It's about you and me seeing if we can step it up sexually.

I tried to fuck you earlier on the couch.

Fair enough. Okay, yeah.

Sex with a guest a few feet away would seem like a step in the right direction.

I should've accepted the overture. That's on me.

But I was saving myself for a potential threesome.

Really? You're admitting that right now?

I'm trying to be as honest as I can right now.

There's a lot of honesty coming out.

I'm not gonna try and stifle it.

Here it is. I had the idea of this threesome in my head because I saw an opportunity.

We could go big.

We could go really big, and then after, we could settle back into a nice middle ground.

Oh, my...

This is a lot to digest, Noel.

It's a lot.

What do you want me to do?

You want me to tell her to leave?

No, this isn't her fault. This is you.

Please tell her we will not be having a ménage a trois.

She's welcome to stay the night. I just need a few minutes alone.


[QUIETLY] Sorry.

All right, honey. Mm-hm.

How angry is she?

I wouldn't say angry is the right word.

No, she seems dismayed. Ahem.

I changed the plan when you lied to her.

I panicked.

Okay, I-- I'm new at this.

What was I supposed to do?

Not lie.

That's really not the way to do this.

Want me to talk to her?

No. No, no, no.

She said she'll be down in a minute.

So how do you wanna handle it from here?

There's nothing to handle, Holly.

She doesn't wanna have a threesome, all right?

She's gonna come down and pretend like the last 10 minutes never happened.

And we're gonna follow her lead.

Okay. If that's how you wanna do it.

I'll tell you what I don't want, I don't want my wife to hate me.

Listen, the hardest part is over.

Now it's time for the reckoning.

Knowing Audra...


...deep down, she's into it.


¶ A lifeline ¶

¶ I'm reaching out Hold on ¶


I'm fine. Everything's fine.

I'm gonna finish the kitchen. I took care of it.

Thank you.

It's Noel's opinion we shouldn't mention the threesome again.

Why would you wanna have sex with me and my husband?

Why wouldn't you want to do it?

Is that a serious question? Yeah.

There-- There are a number of reasons.

I know the obvious reasons and frankly they're boring.

You don't need to tell me them.

They're obvious because they're universal.

Okay. I think it's safe to say that we're all attracted to one another.

When Noel brought up the idea of a threesome, I was--

I was like, "Wow, this might be the best version of this evening that I can imagine."

Great conversation, a great dinner, wine.

Maybe a-- A wee brownie.

And sex with my best friend and her husband.

"Sex with my best friend and her husband"?

Group sex for ordinary people isn't considered a possibility.

Well, there's nothing ordinary about you, Audra.

Don't do that. Don't try to compliment me.

You know what I mean. Okay.

Just put aside all the reasons why you think we shouldn't fuck and just ask yourself, on a scale of one to 10, how much do you want to?

Noel? Ten.

Ten out of 10, if I'm being honest.

And I'm a 10.

In fact, the more we talk about it, the more exciting it feels.

Wow. This is a bizarre conversation, isn't it?

This is bizarre. Who has conversations like this?

I certainly don't.

I would like this conversation to be over.

Um... Yes.

Are you sure that's a good idea?

Probably not.

Oh, big-- Big piece.

Did I--? Did I dose myself correctly?

It's really good.

I can taste the marijuana in it. See?

Doing drugs.

They taste amazing.

I wanna know why you still consider me your best friend after all these years.

Because it's not a question of time.

Or how much it hurt when you didn't wanna be my friend anymore.

I know I wasn't always the friend I should've been.

I know that.


And I miss you.

I had the most fun with you.

And you taught me more about myself in those two years that we were close than I've learned before or since.

You were the right friend at the right time.

There's nothing more valuable than that.

So, what happened? Did sex ruin the friendship?

Not quite.

Some people are just more trouble than they're worth.

It's always been my problem.

It wasn't any more your fault than it was mine.

This is the best cookie I've ever eaten in my life.


It's about to get better, heh.




AUDRA: Do you remember that time that you convinced me to drive 17 hours into the desert to see a meteor shower?

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Mind you, this is two days before exams.

Any sane person should be studying.

Hey, you wanted to go. You were so enthusiastic.

You, like, packed for like a week.

I'm a prepared person. I know.

There were a lot of Ziploc baggies.


About 15 hours in, out of nowhere, we see this family on the side of the road.

And we had to help them.

We were in the middle of nowhere.

They could've been ax murderers.

Ax murderers? They weren't ax murderers.

They were an adorable family, on their way to their quinceañera.

And this whole time, she'd been convincing me the meteor shower's gonna be the most amazing thing I had ever seen in my life.

It was going to be amazing. Beautiful.

Instead, I found myself with seven strangers in the back of my Honda Civic, driving the opposite direction to a quinceañera.

A night to remember. That was a good night.

Okay, I'm going swimming, so...


It's way too cold.

No, it's not. I'm swimming.

¶ Melting from the snow ¶

¶ Through this changing state ¶



Come in. It feels great. No, it doesn't.

You have a pool in your backyard.

When was the last time you went skinny-dipping in your pool?


No. Never was the last time.

Ah! No! It is too cold. Good point. Great point.

Yes, get her!

I don't wanna go! Let me--

No! No!



I'm so sorry!






I don't think I should have any more.

NOEL: Really? All right.

Actually... Oh.



Oh, my God.

This is the best brownie I've ever eaten.

You said that about the cookie. Because it's true.

These are all fucking delicious.

Thank you. You're welcome.


Noel. Yeah?

We should invest in Holly's Good 'N Baked.

Fuck it, I'm in. Let's do it.

Um, okay, relax. You're high.

I'm good, and I'm baked.

And I wanna invest in your company.

It's so good. I'd be willing.

Well, thank you. We make money.

We make stupid money.

And we're not stupid with it.

We have savings accounts for children that don't even exist yet.

Well, when I need investors, you'll be the first ones I call.

Good. Mm.


I wasn't honest with you earlier.

Noel and I have been trying to get pregnant.

I've been trying for over a year and it hasn't happened yet.

It will.

I wanted you to think everything was perfect.

Didn't want to shatter the illusion.

[CHUCKLES] Yeah, well, Noel kind of did that when, uh... he took me aside and told me about your not-so-great sex life.


Yeah, it's a bit, uh... ordinary.

How was it between you? AUDRA: Don't answer that.

Uh, well, what I can remember...

Audra was the most amazing kisser.

Oh, yeah. I have kissed many men and a fair few women, and she is--

She's, hands down, the best kisser.

It's true. It is.

All that stuff I said earlier, I should've told you what a great kisser you are.

I think it's safe to say that Audra's just really good with her mouth.

This one can eat pussy like a champion, just--

Okay. Okay. Take it easy.

Well, it's true. My God!

We don't need these anymore.

Yeah. I had a lot. Yeah. You did.

Okay. What is this? I'm just...

You're sitting on me. Yeah.

Just seeing what I can get away with.

I was thinking I could get one of those kisses.



"The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it."

[WHISPERS] Oscar Wilde.

Just tell me to stop.

Mm, yeah. Mm-hm.

Yeah, that's definitely how I remember it.







Well, go answer it. Okay.

He fucking came on me! Oh, shit.

Where's your wife?

I was asleep and he fucking came on me!




She went right to divorce.

Right to it. Like she was waiting to say it.

She actually said that? Divorce?

She asked for divorce? No, she didn't ask.

She was kicking me, hitting me, berating me.

She demanded a divorce.

She didn't wanna hear an explanation.

I'm kind of afraid to ask, but what actually happened?

She woke up at, like, the worst possible time.

I'm standing over her and I'm jerking it, you know?

Mm-hm. And I closed my eyes because it's starting to get close... and right when I'm about to nut, I open my eyes again... she's just fucking staring at me.

Just staring.

Okay. All right. Well--

Was she staring at you long enough to know that it wasn't...

I don't know, an accident or mistake?

She could've been looking at me trying to unload on her for like...

30 seconds, I don't know.

I don't know what to tell you.

If she's looking for a reason for divorce, that's not a bad one.

I don't need an "I told you so" right now, okay?

I'm sorry, man. You're right.

I'm sorry.

You wanna come inside, maybe we can talk it out with you, or...?

Isn't Holly in there?


Yeah, matter of fact, I think we were on our way to a threesome when you masturbating on Marnie kind of derailed it.

Get the fuck out.

No. Jesus. Now I feel even worse.



What kind of animal does something like that?

Jesus Christ!

I thought that I had that motherfucker figured out.

But, no, I guess he still can surprise me.

Full disclosure, I'm stoned right now.

But what can I do? How can I help?

Do you need some water? Do you wanna take a shower?

Wanna stay the night?

Should I call the cops? I can call.

We should call the cops. You don't have to do anything.

I just needed to get out of the house before I killed him.

It's okay.


Okay, he's walking in. Yeah? Okay, okay.

What were you thinking, shithead?

All right, that's fair.

"Shithead" is fair. I'm a shithead.

He is a shithead. We can all agree on that.

Can I try to explain, please?

Is there a reasonable explanation for this?

I don't know about reasonable, but there's an explanation.

So, what were you thinking?

I'm powerless, Marnie.

You don't care about what I want, the kids don't care about what I want.

I feel like my life is over already and there's nothing I can do about it.

It used to be great. Now it sucks.

Nobody cares.

And am I supposed to feel sorry for you about that?

I mean, you basically just described what it is to be an adult.

Which is what I have to be for the both of us.

I handle every bit of bullshit that you just don't have the patience for.

You are only concerned with the fact that I don't have enough sex with you.

Yeah, because you used to love having sex with me.

Well, I also used to love to do cocaine. Things change.

Not doing cocaine is not the same as not fucking your husband.

No. But they are two things that used to give me a lot of pleasure that just don't seem to interest me anymore.

So, what am I supposed to do about that?

I don't know.

I don't know, Pete.

But you can't fucking cum on me.

Or you know what? Maybe you can.

But if you would fucking talk to me about it, like just talk to me, because who knows?

Who knows, Pete? Maybe I like it.

I might be into it. Are you?

No, you fucking idiot!






Well, that put a real pall on the entire evening.


If we let it.

There are terrible things happening all over the world all of the time, things much worse than a marriage unraveling.

And we can't always dwell on that.

It's our job to make our little... piece of the world as happy as possible.

That's what I think. AUDRA: Wait.

Are you suggesting we resume?

Yeah. Absolutely. After we watched the car wreck?

Well, we witnessed it, but we weren't in it.

We can feel bad for them, and we should feel bad for them because, I mean, what the fuck?

We can still celebrate being alive.

You know, to continue the car wreck analogy for a second, Pete and Marnie's marriage has been heading toward a wall for a long time.

Whether they survive the crash or not, it's not gonna depend on anything that we do here tonight, right?



Are we really doing this?


Sorry. Sorry.


Oh. Yes. You okay?



AUDRA: Oh, sorry, sorry.






Got some water. Thanks, honey.

In case you're...thirsty.

Whew. Wow.

That was, uh... fun.


I love you, Audra. I love you too.

Is it okay if I call my dad, tell him what happened?

You can't call your father.

You can't tell anyone. I'm kidding.

Sounds like you're ashamed of what we just did.

I just have a normal, healthy adult desire for discretion.

When we have sex, just the two of us, you don't make that much noise.

Can we not analyze this right after the fact?

Sorry. Please.

I have to say, as someone who's done this a few times, you guys did great.

Not just performance but you handled it really well.

Do you grade us at the end? Is that how this works?

No, I'm just making an observation.

But you totally get an A.


This was a mistake.

Hey, why? What's wrong?

I haven't been honest with you, Noel.

I was in love with Holly in college.

Not "love you" like friend love. I was in love with her.

I don't know how it happened. We were friends.

And then I fell in love with her.

I was as in love with her as I've ever been with any guy.

Not as much as I love you but more than I've ever been in love with anyone else.

Don't you think you should've told me before we all had sex?

You wanted this. I never would've done it.

Being around her has this--

It does something to me. Oh, shit.

Oh, my God.

I never told you how I felt, but to me, we weren't just hooking up.

To me, we were in a relationship.

And then you started sleeping with other people... and made me feel so stupid.

That's why I couldn't be your friend anymore.

You downplayed this when you told me you'd just hooked up.

I know, I know, I know. I wasn't ready to admit more than that.

I had all this anxiety, thinking that I would somehow cause a fissure in our marriage because I fucked another woman, but somehow I'm jealous.

You believe that? I'm jealous. That's how this panned out.

I was in love with you too.

Excuse me?

I hadn't loved anyone before and I was fucking terrified.

I, um...

I knew you were in love with me too.

I was so in love with you and I didn't know how to deal with it. I'm sorry.

Hi. Noel again.

Uh, you can't just run off and become a lesbian.

You know that, right? I'm not going anywhere.

Please don't freak out.

It's a little hard not to at this point.

So you just made me feel like another...

You were never just another anything.

You've always been special to me.

Pff, I don't know what to do.

I really don't. I mean, do I leave you two alone?

Do I tell you to get out of my house? I don't know.

Wait. Do you prefer having sex with her or having sex with me?

With-- With you.

Took too long to answer. Way too long.

It's incomparable, Noel. It's--

I can't even compare them. It's so different.

Are you trying to steal my wife? Is that what's going on?


Okay, this wasn't my idea.

Now, I--

I'm gonna go.

I think that's a good idea.


Hey, hey, hey!


What's going on here? Stop that.

It's a goodbye kiss, Noel.

You don't have to leave, Holly. We're grown women.

This is getting intense because old unresolved feelings are bubbling up right now.

That's exactly why she should go.

I know this is a fucked-up situation.

I know that. But you're my husband.

You make me happy. I'm committed to you for life.

Okay. But no more of that stuff.

Honestly, you can't do that. I draw the line.

Yeah, well, it's kind of hard.

You're like a drug to me, so...

Hey! You can't talk to my wife like that.

Okay. I know how you feel, Noel.

Impossible. I don't even understand how I feel.

Why don't we all calm down and we'll discuss how we're feeling.

We'll just have a calm discussion.

Pff. Yeah. Okay. I can do that. Um...

I guess I'm feeling an overwhelming... sexual attraction to you, and I kind of wanna keep fucking you.

Plan B. If those are the feelings, we don't talk about them. I was being honest.

Thought that's what we're doing. Sorry.

Well, we can't.

We can't. Can we?

No. If I have any say in the matter, I'd rather not, Audra.

Yeah, I think it's best we just call it a night. Um...

You have had an 11-hour nap, but Noel and I could use some sleep, so you should go to the guest room, and we'll see you in the morning.

Or we could sleep together.







¶ Day by day Through the night ¶

¶ All hope fading ¶

¶ Every truth, every lie ¶

¶ Ends with you ¶

¶ Holding on I can hear ¶

¶ Your heart breaking ¶

¶ Mine is too ¶

¶ Turn around ¶

¶ Don't follow me down ¶

¶ Don't follow me down From here ¶

¶ Take a breath ¶

¶ Forgive and forget ¶

¶ I'm starting to disappear ¶ There's something else I should tell you.


Um, so I was--

I was pregnant when I was in high school.

I miscarried, but I was pregnant, you know, without even trying.

So in terms of fertility, um...


I didn't tell you. I didn't want you to think it was your fault.


What? Why are you laughing?

Well, I went to the doctor a couple months ago to get myself checked out.

And she told me there's nothing wrong with my sperm.

So it's not me.

And it's not you.

It just hasn't happened yet.

But it will.


¶ We should take ¶

¶ A minute and try again ¶

¶ Breathe ¶

¶ Before we get stuck again ¶

¶ And fall ¶

¶ So we can both rise again ¶

¶ Don't give up ¶

Good morning.




Last night was... heh, pretty crazy.

To put it mildly, yeah.


Holly, look, I don't want you to think that I'm mad or upset or anything.

And basically, we all got what we wanted.

Just turned out to be a little more than I bargained for.

I made you breakfast.

NOEL: Oh, looks great. Thank you.

Wait, there's only two plates. You're not gonna join us?

No. I think the three of us have done enough together for one visit.

Actually, I should probably get going.

Noel, is it okay if I hug you guys goodbye?

Oh, yeah, a hug is reasonable. Yeah.

Bye. Bye, Holly.

Bye. Mm. Bye, babe.

Maybe we'll do this again in another 10 years.



Okay. Um, don't walk me out.

Please enjoy the food while it's still hot.

All right.

Thank you. Bye.

Yeah, there's, uh--

There's weed in the pancakes. Oh.

I was debating whether to tell you. I'm sorry.

Actually, I'm not sorry. I'm not sorry.

The weekend's still here. You're unbelievable.

So I've been told.

Bye. Heh.



So that happened. Yes, it did.




PETE: The last six months have been like, wow.

Our marriage counselor's amazing.

The shit that comes out of her mouth would boggle your mind.

Yeah? Like what?

Well, okay, so she looks at Marnie, right in the eye, and she says, "Do you want this marriage to work?

You need to fellate or masturbate your husband once a week." No, she didn't.

"Because that's something Pete needs."

Really? Yeah.

There's stuff I have to do for Marnie too.

For instance, she likes long foot rubs.

I think feet are disgusting, but she probably thinks that about my scrotum.

AUDRA: You and Pete are like newlyweds.

I know. We have this, like, newfound appreciation of each other.

It's nice to come back together after a couple months apart and seeing him, like, genuinely work on our relationship.

It unwound all these years of resentment I had towards him.

Plus, I took a shit on him.

What? Yeah.

I feel like, you know, it made us even and we needed it.


I'm kidding. I didn't shit on Pete.

I wanted to though.

¶ Oh, oh, oh, oh ¶

¶ Oh, oh, oh, oh ¶

¶ Oh, oh, oh, oh ¶

¶ Oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh ¶

¶ Oh, oh, oh, oh ¶

¶ Oh, oh, oh, oh ¶

¶ Oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh ¶

¶ There's no distance In between ¶

¶ Darling, you and me ¶

¶ Make this thing complete ¶

¶ We go drifting out to sea ¶

¶ Making memories ¶

¶ Your honey's O so sweet ¶

¶ You'll always hold on ¶

¶ Prayin' I won't move along ¶

¶ I'll always hold on ¶

¶ Hopin' you'll miss me When I'm gone ¶

¶ So won't you follow me ¶

¶ Oh, oh, oh, oh ¶

¶ Oh, oh, oh, oh ¶ ¶ Follow me ¶

¶ Oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh ¶

¶ Won't you follow me ¶

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¶ Oh, oh, oh, oh ¶ ¶ Follow me ¶

¶ Oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh ¶

¶ See those shadows In your eyes ¶

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¶ See, I love your passion Dear ¶

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¶ With laughter Comes the tear ¶

¶ I'll always hold on ¶

¶ Knowin' you'll miss me When I'm gone ¶

¶ So won't you follow me ¶

¶ Oh, oh, oh, oh ¶

¶ Oh, oh, oh, oh ¶ ¶ Follow me ¶

¶ Oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh ¶

¶ Won't you follow me ¶

¶ Oh, oh, oh, oh ¶

¶ Oh, oh, oh, oh ¶ ¶ Follow me ¶

¶ Oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh ¶

¶ Won't you follow me ¶

¶ Oh, oh, oh, oh ¶

¶ Oh, oh, oh, oh ¶ ¶ Follow me ¶

¶ Oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh ¶

¶ Won't you follow me ¶

¶ Oh, oh, oh, oh ¶

¶ Oh, oh, oh, oh ¶ ¶ Follow me ¶

¶ Oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh ¶

¶ There's no distance In between ¶

¶ Darling, you and me ¶

¶ Make this thing complete ¶

¶ We go drifting Out to sea ¶

¶ Making memories ¶

¶ You're always all I need ¶

¶ Won't you follow me ¶

¶ Oh, oh, oh, oh ¶

¶ Oh, oh, oh, oh ¶ ¶ Follow me ¶

¶ Oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh ¶

¶ Won't you follow me ¶

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¶ Oh, oh, oh, oh ¶ ¶ Follow me ¶

¶ Oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh ¶

¶ Won't you follow me ¶

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¶ Oh, oh, oh, oh ¶ ¶ Follow me ¶

¶ Oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh ¶

¶ Won't you follow me ¶

¶ Oh, oh, oh, oh ¶

¶ Oh, oh, oh, oh ¶ ¶ Follow me ¶

¶ Oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh ¶

¶ Won't you follow me ¶

¶ So won't you follow me ¶