Hollywood High (1976) Script

♪ The bell rings ♪

♪ My heart sings ♪

♪ And I'm out in the hall with my best friends ♪

♪ Going for a ride ♪

♪ I feel good inside ♪

♪ A good time ♪

♪ The sun shines ♪

♪ She's a very good friend of mine ♪

♪ I don't wanna know why ♪

♪ It's Hollywood High ♪

♪ Sandy Shores ♪

♪ Upstream ♪

♪ I love the stream ♪

♪ Open air ♪

♪ That's how I feel ♪

♪ That's how I feel ♪

♪ A good time ♪

♪ The sun shines ♪

♪ She's a very good friend of mine ♪

♪ I don't wanna know why ♪

♪ Love flies by ♪

♪ It's Hollywood High ♪

♪ Sandy shores ♪

♪ Upstream ♪

♪ I love the stream ♪

♪ Open air ♪

♪ That's how I feel ♪

♪ That's how I feel ♪

♪ The bell rings ♪

♪ My heart sings ♪

♪ And I'm out in the hall with my best friends ♪

♪ Going for a ride ♪

♪ I feel good inside ♪

♪ It's Hollywood High ♪

We'll have...

Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun.

Candy, you gotta stop messing around with that horny old cop's head.

Or we'll be going to school on Wilcox Avenue.

What's on Wilcox Avenue?

Monica, how long have you been hanging in with us?

Oh, about 10 weeks, I guess.

Has it been that long?

Well, maybe nine weeks.

I remember.

It was right after we caught her having lunch in Mike Telafaro's gym shorts.

And he was in 'em at the time.

Well, it was during gym class.

Okay, Jan, so what's on Wilcox Avenue anyway?

Wilcox Avenue is a street where that poon-tang crazy cop changes into his jock strap.

It's also where they lock up the bad guys.

It could even happen to us good guys.

Don't worry.

That flake won't dare bust us.

He knows I'll tell the captain about the time I let him pound me with his night stick.

Gee, Candy, where was he pounding you?

Well, it sure wasn't on my head.

Where was he pounding you?

Go back to sleep, Bebe.

We'll wake you when the train gets to Chicago.

You know, that cop really plays with himself in the shower.

Can you imagine him getting caught doing it?

"Now, looky here, captain.

It's my tally-wacker and I'll wash it as fast as I want to."

Hey, where the hell are our guys anyway?

I hope they don't forget the pup tent.

And the beer.

Mmm, I sure wish this was a nude beach.

Come on, Monica.

You just want a chance to check out the meat locker.

Yeah, look at the time I save later.

No big disappointment.

You mean no little disappointment.

Speaking of disappointments.

We got busted today trying to get a little in the cloakroom.

Boy, do we need privacy.

Oh, I hate that damn rumble-seat.

I'm beginning to feel like the hunchback of Notre Dame.

Well, the pizza parlor is out from now on.

Pizza?

What kind was it?

Hot pepperoni.

Oh, I love hot pepperoni.

Yeah, especially if it belongs to Mike.

Come on, let's get wet.

Are we really going to take a train to Chicago, 'cause trains make me sick.

Come on, Bebe.

Last one in the water gets the rumble-seat.

♪ I may go along ♪

♪ Our love will keep us strong ♪

♪ Don't you worry about tomorrow ♪

♪ Don't you worry about me ♪

♪ 'Cause the music ♪

♪ The music will flow free ♪

♪ I laugh ♪

♪ So easily ♪

♪ When you smile ♪

♪ So tenderly ♪

♪ Don't you worry about tomorrow ♪

♪ Don't you worry about me ♪

♪ 'Cause the music ♪

♪ The music will flow free ♪


♪ Ridin' on the tail of a comet ♪

♪ Has never been an easy chore ♪

♪ I gotta jump on that ol' fireball ♪

♪ And ride forever more ♪

♪ Don't you worry about tomorrow ♪

♪ Don't you worry about me ♪

♪ 'Cause the music ♪

♪ The music will flow free ♪

♪ Don't you worry about tomorrow ♪

♪ Don't you worry about me ♪ Hey.

Whoo.

Hello.

Any of you groovy kids wanna boogie?

Hey.

Whoo.

Any of you groovy kids wanna boogie?

Why not.

Cool it, Monica.

His Tamale's not even here.

Hey, man.

You're really an upfront chick.

Say, daddy, got some beer?

Wow, where you think I'm at?

I got everything.

You wanna blow some real Cuban tobacco and ride on my big board?

If I blow grass, I'll be riding more than your board.

How ya hangin'?

Oooh, I'm hangin' 10.

You're a real foxy upfront chick, man.

What's with you all?

Our guys are on the way out here.

Well, what's Cuban tobacco?


Oooh.

You ain't exactly Micky Mouse.

Hey, cool it.

Hey, water freak, you think you can handle four chicks?

My name ain't Frasier Mendoza for nothing.

For what?

Frasier Mendoza, man.

After the lion?

Dig it.

I'm first.

Hey, cool it.

I call the shots.

First, we smoke.

Hey, cool it, Candy.

You wanna get busted for molesting?


All right.

Man, this is really great shit.


I can get zoned out.

Well, I'm getting horny honey.

♪ Here on the beach ♪

♪ About a quarter to three ♪

♪ I wasn't doing much ♪

♪ I was just being me ♪

♪ I never gave any false gainful employment ♪

♪ What I love is total enjoyment ♪

♪ Who'd ever guess ♪

♪ I'm on the beach of bandits ♪

♪ Golden bikini ♪

♪ Stop making locks ♪

♪ We gotta get up and rock rock rock ♪

♪ Who'd ever guess ♪

♪ I'm on the beach of bandits ♪

♪ I'm laying on the sand with a chick on each side ♪

♪ Waiting on the surf ♪

♪ And we'll go for a ride ♪

♪ Don't know how I got myself in this situation ♪

♪ What I like is a permanent vacation ♪

♪ Who'd ever guess ♪

♪ I'm on the beach of bandits ♪

♪ Come Marsha and Carla, Belle and Bill ♪

♪ I know my dreams are real ♪

♪ Who'd ever guess ♪

♪ I'm on the beach of bandits ♪

♪ Who'd ever guess ♪

♪ I'm on the beach of bandits ♪

♪ Golden bikini ♪

♪ Stop making locks ♪

♪ We gotta get up and rock rock rock ♪

♪ Who'd ever guess ♪

♪ I'm on the beach of bandits ♪

Hey, sexy.

Last one in the water rides the last board.

He's talking board-on and we're thinking hard-on.

Come on, let's get him.

♪ Every other day you make a run for some beer ♪

♪ That's as far as we'll get ♪

♪ 'Cause the place is so dead ♪

♪ When the tide's coming in ♪

♪ And a little of the sun ♪

♪ My baby's coming ♪

♪ And makes my motor run ♪

♪ Who'd ever guess ♪

♪ I'm on the beach of bandits ♪

♪ Come Marsha and Carla, Belle and Bill ♪

♪ I know my dreams are real ♪

♪ Who'd ever guess ♪

♪ I'm on the beach of bandits. ♪

♪ I'm rolling in the sand ♪

♪ A chick on each side ♪

♪ Waiting on the surf and we'll go for a ride ♪

♪ I don't know how I got myself in this situation ♪

♪ What I like is a permanent Vacation ♪

♪ Who'd ever guess ♪

♪ I'm on the beach of bandits ♪

♪ Golden bikini ♪

♪ Stop making locks ♪

♪ You gotta get up and rock rock rock ♪

♪ Who'd ever guess ♪

♪ I'm on the beach of bandits ♪

♪ I was laying on the beach ♪

♪ About a quarter to three ♪

♪ Wasn't doing much ♪

♪ I was just being me ♪

♪ I never gave any false gainful employment ♪

♪ What I love is total enjoyment ♪

♪ Who'd ever guess ♪

♪ I'm on the beach of bandits ♪

♪ Golden bikini ♪

♪ Stop making locks ♪

♪ I gotta get up and rock rock rock ♪

♪ Who'd ever guess ♪

♪ I'm on the beach of bandits ♪

♪ Down on the beach of bandits ♪

♪ Down on the beach ♪

Don't hit me in the face.

You're always stoned.

All right, cool it.

Jeez, Fenz, we've been looking all over for ya.

Fenz's chicks screwing off, eh.

Eh.

Who's this creep?

Hi, Buzzy, honey.

Hi, bullshit.

Who's the creep?

This is Frasier.

Oh, you mean like the lion, huh?

Well, it wasn't like Micky Mouse.

I felt it.

Oh yeah?

Hey, mama, and what were you feeling?

All I feel is high.

Do you know what your eyes are beholding?

Man, I'm not sure, man.

They're beholding the Fenzie.

You mean the Fenz?

There can be only one Fenz.

Hey, man.

I didn't know, man.

This is the Fenz and his boys' turn.

Yeah.

And nobody messes with the Fenz's chicks.

Yeah, right on.

Hey.

Hey, Fenz.

You gonna let that guy fly the coop like that?

Sure.

But why?

'Cause that's how I stay so good looking.

Oh.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I want some Candy.

♪ Beach love ♪

♪ Beach love ♪

♪ Beach love ♪

♪ Feeling the water's edge ♪

♪ Feeling my toes in the sand ♪

♪ Beach love ♪

♪ Beach love ♪

♪ Beach love ♪

♪ And when I'm holding you tight ♪

♪ Everything will be all right ♪

♪ Beach love ♪

♪ Beach love ♪

♪ Beach love ♪

♪ And when I'm holding you tight ♪

♪ Everything will be all right ♪

♪ Beach love ♪

♪ Oooh ♪

♪ Beach love ♪

♪ Beach love ♪

♪ Feeling the warmth of his hand ♪

♪ Can you hear music of the band ♪

♪ And when I'm holding you tight ♪

♪ Everything will be all right ♪

♪ Beach love ♪

♪ Beach love ♪

♪ Beach love ♪

Oh god, I hate history.

Well, at least the teacher's a man.

Oh, buongiorno, class.

Buongiorno.

Well.

Buongiorno, Mr. Flowers.

Buongiorno.

Belli belli.

Today, class, we're going to do the Greeks.

Yeah, you should've come in backwards.

Now, about those Greeks.

Now then, we have been studying the Greeks

for about a week

and you have all shown little or no interest whatsoever.

Therefore, ergo too, you monsters,

we're gonna have a spot quiz.

These papers contain the questions

and when you hear me holler go go go, then and then alone, you may start start start.

Don't you dare turn over those papers until I say go.

When I say go go go you may start start start.

Now, you will have 15 minutes in which to complete the test and I don't want to hear a word and no cheating.

Now, after me, in Greek.

Boys are

beautiful.

Girls are monstrous.

Boys are...

Mr. Flowers.

Lord have mercy.

Sacre bleu.

What is it?

I forgot the date today.

It doesn't matter.

The Greeks did not have clocks anyways.

Monster, I'll take those answers please.

Oh, my god.

It's a raid.

I mean it's a fire.

I mean it's a drill.

I mean it's a fire drill.

Everyone, out.

Out, everybody out.

Out!

Everybody, out out.

Not you.

I've decided to give you an oral.

Good evening, good evening.

This is Catman Goldstein.

The sky, which we are told is located directly above this morning's smog, is reported blue, blowed, and blown.

Ha ha ha.

All right, if you got a zit on your forehead that is growing into a third eye, do what I do, use Clear-all.

Don't let your face be a disgrace.

And now let's fill you with this new sound.

It's Scott Gale and Company.

He may be dull, but at least he's boring.

I've had him and even when he's boring he doesn't get too deep.

Where's the guys?

Football practice.

Hey, we need gas.

We need oil.

We need air.

We need a lube job.

We need big dick.

Right.

Big dick?

You haven't met him yet, Monica.

He's been on vacation.

But he's back now.

Those gotta be his feet.

Hey, is that June East, the old movie star?

Hey, she's not old, her movies are.

She used to be the hottest thing in Hollywood.

Yeah, in more ways than one.

They say she buried two dozen husbands.

That's big dick?

That's funny.

Gee, I wonder why they call him Big...

Oh, I know.

It'll run okay now, Miss East, but I gotta have 146 bucks before I let you take the car.

How about taking it out in trade, big boy?

I'm really sorry, Miss East.

Out of respect for your bosom and all, but I gotta get paid for my time.

Looks like she doesn't have the cash to pay her bill.

That little turd won't even give her the keys to her car.

She's a legend, a living legend.

Hey, man.

We gotta swing something for her.

Wonder what he'd take for those keys.

Me.

I think I'll drop his face in my cleavage.


I think I'm gonna get them high.

Make sure you holler if you see our guys coming.

I don't want Monica to get caught with her pants down.


Miss East?

June East?

Well it ain't Might Joe Young, honey.

Here you are, Miss East.

You can take your car now.

But I don't understand.

That'll little worm, Big Dick, he said it was gonna cost me $146 in cash.

You see, Miss East, we're your fan club.

And one of our members is opening up what you might call a charge account right now.

Yeah, and they're opening up real wide too.

You girls don't even know me.

But we know your work, Miss East.

And Monica sure knows hers.

I don't know how to thank you girls, but I sure like your style.

Here's my card, honey.

Why don't you come down and see my some time, hmm?

What's up?

Nothing after you get through, honey.


Psst, psst.


Kevin, I don't believe what I'm seeing.

You creep.

What do you think I am.

Get your hands off me.

I don't know what to say.

I just don't believe it.

Get your hands off her tit.

Maybe French is getting to him.

Please, Miss Crotch, let me sit somewhere else where I'm safe.

Do you think this is some kind of porno class?

But I was just try...

That's enough, you sex maniac.

Class is dismissed.

Not you.

You stay after class.


Now, your punishment is to squeeze 100 times.

Commence counting and squeeze.

If you stop, I'll murder you.

Squeeze.

One two three.

Where's Jan?

I think she's with Kevin.

The tit-squeezer Yeah.

I wonder if she needs any help.

You gotta be kidding.

Hey, does anybody got any toilet paper?

No, dammit, there's none in here either.

I got some here.

How do you want it?

Over or under?

Over easy.

And don't you miss.

I told you she's with Kevin.

Hey, that's the only roll in here too.

Now what?

You got any folding money?

Just a five dollar bill, why?

Well, either use it or wait till somebody comes in here who can change it.

I've got four quarters.

♪ Man, I'm getting hungry ♪

♪ I mean a lot ♪

♪ I take myself down to Pizza Plus pie ♪

♪ All my friends are there ♪

♪ It's time to eat ♪

♪ We all get down to the Pizza Plus beat ♪

♪ Down at the Pizza Plus hop ♪

♪ Let's go ♪

♪ Down at the Pizza Plus hop ♪

♪ Oh, let's go ♪

♪ Down at the Pizza Plus hop ♪

♪ That's where we hang a lot. ♪

♪ That's where we hang a lot. ♪ Hey.

♪ Scarfing down ♪

♪ Watching the show ♪

♪ Eat something, take an order to go ♪

♪ Down at the Pizza Plus hop ♪

♪ Let's go ♪

♪ Down at the Pizza Plus hop ♪

♪ Oh, let's go ♪

♪ Down at the Pizza Plus hop ♪

♪ That's where we hang a lot. ♪ Hey, somebody gonna take Fenzie's order or not?

What are you guys gonna have tonight?

A cup of coffee and pass it around?

What the fuck do you know, Miss Universe herself?

Watch your mouth or I'll call the manager.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to say Miss Universe, you dog.

Now take our fucking order.

Okay, hot shot, now what?

What do you want from me?

She started it with that coffee shit.

Come on, already.

Let's get inside.

Make that a large pizza and I'll have a Coke to drink with it and a chocolate milkshake with a hot pepperoni.

Yeah, and you can drink it along with your double banana split.

No, I'd like a tall ice tea with my double banana split.

I take it you're paying for this, so what are you gonna have, a glass of water and a toothpick?

Okay, and I'll also have a plate of raviolis with 12 meatballs and an orange soda with garlic salt in it and, let's see...

How 'bout a green salad with homemade meat sauce on it?

Oh yeah, that's sounds great.

I'll take it.

Ugh.

I'll have some of that too.

You want what?

Meat sauce salad please.

Eat your heart out!

Ya'lls spaghetti will be right out.

I want mine hot.

He likes things hot.

You look like you're hot enough to satisfy.

Hey, what's this winky-wacky bull.

I'm the Fenz.

What is this?

What's the matter?

Can't get served by miss big-boobs?

No, that's not it.

Wow, did you ever see that friggin' Mike and Bebe eat?

I swear they'd eat crap off a platter.

You say they're eating crap?

Oh, came on, Fenzie.

Don't you start that bull too.

What bull?

Aw, nothing.

Where the hell is that waiter?

He's probably stirring your tomato sauce with a fly-swatter.

Hey, Fenz is gonna eat.

So, let's all cool it.

Sorry, Fenz.

Hey, Waiter.

Hey, you know who I am?

I'm the Fenz.

None of this winky fucking crap.

Just take their order.

Hey, man.

We don't talk that way around here.

Hey, we got a problem outside.

What kind of problem?

Like their friends ate up a storm and now they say they aren't gonna pay for it.

I suppose you creeps aren't holding either, right?

Wrong.

See, I'm holding a plate of spaghetti.

Why you fucking pig.

Hey, we don't use that kind of language in here.

Ohhh.


Officer Archie, we have a 501 at the Pizza Plus.

See if you can get there this time without getting lost.


Officer Archie, just where the hell are you?

Archie, this is the captain.

Call in right now.


Shh, keep your voices down.

I never wanna eat another meatball the rest of my life.

That goddamn fag.

I think he tried to rape me with a pepperoni.

He did?

Gee, I love hot pepperoni.

We know already.

We know.

Shh, keep your voices down.

If my folks catch us out here, I'll be murdered.

Geez, Monica, would you folks really murder you?

Screw off, Mike.

Go sit on a banana.

I'd like to get my hands on that cook.

I'll flatten him, like one of his pizzas.

I couldn't move.

That creepy waiter kept trying to hold me by my tits.

Ha ha, he thought I was one of his turkeys.

He kept stuffing meatballs up my ass.

The waitress kept pouring gravy on my tits and then she'd lick it off.

Oh yeah, I was trying to do the same thing.

She kept pushing me away.

Hey, let's dry off, get in the van, and split to Mulholland.

Yeah.

We deserve it.

We'll have to ride nude.

Give me a towel.

Awww.

Hey, hey, come on.

I'm only gonna bury the Fenz a little bit.

Ouch, damnit, Fenzie, you're missing the right thing.

Somebody has their bony ass knee in my ear.

Is that your ear?

Yes.

Well, for your information, mama, that bone is not my knee.

Oh shit, Sam.

Get that thing down here where it belongs.

Where the hell is that?

Fenzie, is this you?

Hell no.

Don't you know the difference in size?

This is Buzz.

If that's Buzz, then who the hell are you?

Oh, I thought you were Bebe.

We'll I'm friggin' not.

Couldn't you tell by the ass rotation.

Damn it, Jan.

Move around a little.

Hey, cool it will ya, Fenz.

You're going all on me, man.

You're like a bunch of animals.

This shit has got to cease.

There's just got to be better accommodations.

I give up.

My wacker's been everywhere but where it belongs.

I can't get up.

Put your pants back on, Monica.

I never got them off.

Christ, Sam, that's mine you're playing with.

Mike, was that you?

Hell no.

I said mine won't get up.

Oh hell, I'm gonna put this baby outta here.

I know we don't have any privacy.

Half the time in that damn van, I don't know who I'm screwing.

I'm tired of rumble seats, the doorway, and grease-rats...

And locker rooms and pay toilets and phone booths.

And swimming pools and pup tents and bowling alleys.

Bowling alleys?

Yeah, haven't you ever?

I don't think I wanna.

You haven't lived.

When those pins start pounding your bare...

They won't pound me between mine.

Where are we going in such a hurry?

Just relax.

Slow down.

Turn in here.

Hey, this looks spooky.

Will you stop being flaky?

Well, this is a little creepy.

What happens if we meet something coming down?

You drive over it.

I hope it's smaller than us.

I think we should throw this taxi in reverse.

Oh, will you two cool it?

This dump hasn't been manicured in 100 years.

Looks like a friggin' jungle.

Don't breathe too hard.

You might knock it over.


Who lives here anyway?

The jolly green giant?

I've never climbed so many fucking steps in my whole life.

Will you stop whining, Monica?

That ass of yours could shed some fat.

Well, Sam just happens to like fat asses.

Come to think of it, I do too.

Will you two cool it?


Oh, I can see Vincent Price coming down the stairs now.

Where, where?

Cool it, you dizzy.

Come on.

Let's check this mausoleum out.

Look at all this junk.

That junk is probably worth a fortune.

Oh, Jan.

I'm not taking another step till you tell us whose pad this is.

Who else?

June East.

Didn't she tell us to "come down and see me sometime?"

Hello, anybody home?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Anybody home?

I guess there's nobody home.

Come on, let's check out the place.

What for?

I've got my reasons.

But what if somebody catches us.

We were invited, you know?

Candy, you and Monica check downstairs.

I'll check out around here.

And, Bebe, you check out the upstairs.

What are we checking for?

I wanna know how many bedrooms there are in this house.

I don't wanna go up there all by myself.

Come on, get going.

Well?

I didn't wanna come in here anyway.

I don't know why I have to go up here by myself anyway.

This place gives me the creeps.

Oh my god.

Oh, I can't stand any more.

Oh, oh.

I think June East and a lion are making it.

All right, who's down there?

It's us, Miss East.

And who the hell is us?

We're the girls that helped you get your car back from Big Dick

Oh, that us.

I'll be right down.

Ya'll scared my little kitty to death.

This sure is a marvelous old house you have here, Miss East.

Yes, now cut that Miss East and call me June.

That Miss crap makes me feel ancient.

Say, baby, get me some more champagne, will you?

Sure, June.

How many rooms do you have in this house?

Hell, I don't know.

And you live here all alone.

Just me and the memories of all my boys.

Did you ever think of coaching aspiring, young actresses, like ourselves?

No, but I've coached a few young men in my day.

Thanks, honey.

I'd offer you some, but the stuff is too goddamn expensive to piss away.

Now, what the hell are you all doing here anyway?

Yeah, what the hell are we doing here?

Frankly, June, it would be an asset to you and us if you would coach us in acting.

Our parents would be willing to fork out good money for us to be coached by such a great star.

Oh, I love champagne best.

Acting classes, huh?

Tell me, honey, are there gonna be any young boys that need instruction?

Oh, yes, lots and lots of boys.

Lots and lots of boys.

I mean any real big boys?

Oh, plenty.

Oh, plenty.

Big, really big.

Big really big.

What have you got here, some kind of goddamn parrot in drag?

Anyways, sweetheart, I don't feel like coaching just yet.

Well, maybe this big.

You've got a deal.

All right.

On one condition.

Oh, here it comes.

The boys get their lessons first.

Right on.

♪ Take off the top ♪

♪ The sky's above ♪

♪ Riding down the white line ♪

♪ Tunnel of love ♪

♪ Can't stop now ♪

♪ No, gotta be cool ♪

♪ Teacher and your mother ♪

♪ Want you back in school ♪

♪ Riding in my running red roadster ♪

♪ Riding in my running red roadster ♪

♪ Ride to the beach ♪

♪ Ride to the park ♪

♪ Won't you ride with me baby till way after dark ♪

♪ Fill up the tank ♪

♪ And pick up the girls ♪

♪ Pick 'em all up and let's go for a whirl ♪

♪ Riding in my running red roadster ♪

♪ Riding in my running red roadster ♪

♪ Riding in my running red roadster ♪

♪ Take off the top ♪

♪ The sky's above ♪

♪ Ridin' down the white line ♪

♪ Tunnel of love ♪

♪ Can't stop now ♪

♪ No, gotta be cool ♪

♪ Teacher and your mother want you back in school ♪

♪ Tell 'em ♪

♪ Riding in my running red roadster ♪

♪ Riding in my running red roadster ♪

♪ Riding in my running red, riding in my running red ♪

♪ Riding in my running red road ♪

♪ Let's go riding the rest of the day ♪

♪ I would ride with you forever if I had my way ♪

♪ Take off the top ♪

♪ The sky's above ♪

♪ Ha, we'll go riding down the white line ♪

♪ Tunnel of love ♪

But, captain, I'm telling you.

I was standing, holding my billy club when...

Hey, I think that's them up ahead.

I'm outta gas.

Would you believe?

You're damn right we believe.

Boy, your ass is mine now.

♪ Ride to the beach ♪

♪ Ride to the park ♪

♪ Won't you ride with me baby till way after dark ♪

♪ Fill up the tank ♪

♪ Pick up the girls ♪

♪ We'll pick 'em all up and go for a whirl ♪

♪ Riding in my running red roadster ♪

♪ Riding in my running red roadster ♪

♪ Riding in my running red, riding in my running red ♪

♪ Riding in my running red road ♪ Ah, Candy, baby, the Fenz is dragging tonight on 101.

You're on, Fenz.

Hey, don't forget the beer.

Don't you forget the pill.

Come on, Monica, move your ass.

Is your mind always on balling?

Buzz, don't forget the tent.

That's like forgetting my head.

Come on already, let's make it.

Watch out, watch out.

I got watermelon, you guys.

Get the blanket.

Who's got a beer?

Get it right, get it right.

Watermelon.

Who wants to help me put up the tent?

Hey, who wants to help me put up the tent?

Hey, man, it's about time we got to the beach here, man.

Yeah, really.

Hey, you got any more food in there?

Is that all you...

Man.

I'm hungry.

That's all that guy does, is eat.

Hey, here's a pickle.

Pickle.

What, dummy?


Hey, Candy, tell me the truth.

Do you see any enlargement in my muscle?

Yeah, I think it's getting smaller.

He's talking about his biceps.

Oh.

Aw, lay off me.

Hey, man.

I'm getting horny already.

Come on, Jan.

Let's get in the tent.

Will you hold your goodies?

We just got here.

Hey, Fenzie hold his goodies?

Fenzie hold his goodie, Fenzie hold his goodies.

Yay, goodies.

Fenzie hold his goodies?

All right already.

Don't hold 'em.

I will.

Hey, easy.

It's the Fenz.

Man, this is good grass.

Who got it?

I got it.

Hey, cool it, will you, Mike.

I'd like to get high first.

Watch out.

Hey, man don't wet the grass.

Change the station, Candy.

That creep's too straight.

Save any of that roach for us?

Come on, Monica, let's get in the tent.

Do you mind if I catch my breath first?

Since when does breath have anything to do with it?

Aw, come on, Bebe.

Let's be the first in the tent.

Ow.

Hey, Fenz needs another beer.

Boy, this is real good stuff.

Aw, come on, Bebe, let's be first in the tent, okay, huh?

Hey, cool it.

Cool it.

The Fenz said he needs another beer.

Oh, yeah.

Here, Fenz.

Hey, how come you need this breath all at once?

'Cause you're getting bigger, that's why.

How do you know?

Because he was sticking it up my nose in that goddamn van.

That's how I know.

It's sore as hell, man.

We've gotta get better digs.

Yeah, but until then, we got our tent.

Come on, Candy.

Let's go get it on.

Aw, go bury it in the sand.

I need some more sun.

The Fenz is beginning to detect something going on here.

Nothing's going on here.

That's what I'm beginning to detect.

Hey, man.

What's with this Fenzie holding his goodies.

Yeah, and what the hell's with this breath crap?

Yeah, and what's with this getting high first?

Yeah, and what's with this stick it in the sand?

Hey, hey.

Hey.

I smell something rotten in Denmark.

Denmark?

What's Denmark got to do with this, Fenz?

Ain't you got no class?

Didn't you ever hear of Willy boy?

Willy boy?

Who the hell is Willy boy?

He means William Shakespeare.

All right.

You're gonna get yours goody-girl.

I wanna know one thing.

What's that, Fenz?

What's this pup tent doing empty?

Oh, that.

He wants to know what the tent's doing empty.

Come on girls.

It's swimming time.

You know the Fenz does not bake.

Maybe you don't, Fenzie, but sometimes I have to.

Well, I'm with Fenzie.

Something is screwy.

Well, what the hell are we gonna do, man?

We're gonna get their ass.

Come on.

Yeah.


♪ I was laying on the beach about a quarter to three ♪

♪ I wasn't doing much, I was just being me ♪

♪ I never gave any false gainful employment ♪

♪ What I love is total enjoyment ♪

♪ Who'd ever guess ♪

♪ I'm on the beach of bandits ♪

♪ Golden bikini ♪

♪ Stop making locks ♪

♪ We gotta get up and rock rock rock ♪

♪ Who'd ever guess ♪

♪ Down on the beach of bandits ♪

♪ I'm laying on the sand with chick on each side ♪

♪ Girls on the sand wanna go for a ride ♪

♪ Don't know how I got myself in this situation ♪

♪ What I like is a permanent vacation ♪

♪ Who'd ever guess ♪

♪ I'm on the beach of bandits ♪

♪ Come Marsha and Carla, Belle and Bill ♪

♪ I know my dreams are real ♪

♪ Who'd ever guess ♪

♪ Down on the beach of bandits ♪

♪ Golden bikini ♪

♪ Stop making locks ♪

♪ We gotta get up and rock rock rock ♪

♪ Who'd ever guess ♪

♪ I'm on the beach of bandits ♪


♪ Who'd ever guess ♪

♪ Down on the beach of bandits ♪

♪ Come Marsha and Carla, Belle and Bill ♪

♪ I know my dreams are real ♪

♪ Golden bikini ♪

♪ Stop making locks ♪

♪ I gotta get up and rock rock rock ♪

♪ Who'd ever guess ♪

♪ Down on the beach of bandits ♪

♪ Down on the beach of bandits ♪

♪ Down on the beach ♪


Fenzie, we gotta do something or I'm gonna explode.

Okay okay, I guess it's time to get with it.

There's no rush.

Take your time.

Well, we've got a problem.

Oh, well shit.

Join the crowd.

You all know the hangups we get into when we try and get a little privacy.

I don't get it.

Oh, for Christ sake, Mike.

Do you wanna ball the rest of your life in a rumble seat?

You got somewhere better?

Will you cool it, Mike, so we can find out what this is all about?

Well, we've got a house with 10 private bedrooms.

10 private bedrooms?

I only need one.

Hey, Mike, stick your head in the sand for about a half an hour, huh?

The Fenz is trying to get educated.

Well, then keep your big mouth shut and let Jan explain.

The Fenz, keep his big mouth shut?

The Fenz keep his big...

You wanna hear or don't ya?

We wanna hear.

We wanna hear.

Yeah, sure, yeah.

There's this old movie star that has this big house up in the hills, real private-like.

Ooh, I like it already.

We talked her into giving all of us acting lessons at her house.

Are you guys interested or not?

Yeah, come on tell us.

Yeah.

Hey, shit, that's great.

You guys take the lessons and Monica and me, we'll be in the bedrooms rehearsing, okay?

Sam, if you don't cool it, the only rehearsing you're gonna do is the flick of your bick.

Are you guys interested or not?

Yeah.

Hey, can't we hold this conversation with Candy and me in the tent?

Aw, man.

Oh well, Jan.

The only way to keep him quiet is to bury his face.

Come on, Buzzy, honey.

Ahhh.

You sure he'll still go along?

No, go along-y, no get Candy.

Oh, I like it already.

Along?

Along?

What' this along?

Well, there's just one little hitch.

You see, Fenz.

I told you.

Always a hitch.

I knew it, man.

It's just a lot of bullshit.

Oh, Sam, sometimes I just wanna sit on your face and suffocate you.

I'm ready, I'm ready.

Can Jan continue?

Give me another beer.

Well, she's just a little boy-crazy.

Like just how much is a little?

Well, you know.

No, I don't know.

Like screwing-crazy.

What the hell's wrong with that?

Well, she's a little older than we are.

Who is this chick anyway?

June East.

June East?

Who the hell is June East?

June East, June East.

Hey, she's that silent movie star.

Silent movies?

She must be 100.

I can't agree to that.

Well, why the hell not?

My bullets are special and I'm very particular who I shoot them with.

Gee, Fenzie, do you really shoot people?

Bebe, sit on your brains for a minute.

This rumble seat, van, pup tent garbage has got to cease.

Your bullets can rust for all I care.

Yeah, but what about our pride?

Yeah, it would be like doing it with you grandmother.

There is no way this can be done.

The Fenz has spoken.

Everyone in the tent.

Watch out, watch out.

Come on.

I don't wanna be last.

Oh my god, somebody's foot.


So, this is Fenzie.

Oh, I head such stories about you.

Hey, the Fenz has heard a few about you too, Juney baby and...

Uh, the boys are all in accord with your desires, Miss East.

I thought we had this Miss East crap settled.

Oh, I'm sorry June.

It's just that your age.

Age?

What age?

She's just a baby.

Hey, who's muscles here?

This is Rocky.

He's got muscles that talk.

Oooh.

Hmm, I wouldn't mind having his muscles say something to me.

Hey.

Cool it.

Which muscle talks best?

The one I personally exercise for him.

Which one is that?

Aw, geez, Bebe.

Can't you see it's the one on his arm?

Yeah, the arm between his legs.

Ya'll look, but don't touch unless I say so.

See?

Oh, he's a little ticklish in spots, so you have to be careful where you grab him.

I'd like to grab him by his short-hairs.

What's the matter with you chicks?

Ain't you never seen muscles before?

Which one of you gonna be the first volunteers for my acting class?

I will, I will.

Cram it, will you, Bebe?

The boys are first.

What do you say, honey?

Like to learn to lick, I mean like to learn to act?

Is that all we're gonna do?

Act?

Hell no, we're going to learn to live the part, love the part, play with the part.

Hey, this won't take long.

Won't take long?

He's been up these almost an hour.

Man, I couldn't tell if those screams were his or hers.

Hey, look.

The door's opening.

Hey.


I think she creamed him.

Oh, poor poor Fenzie.

Wow, Fenz creamed.

What the hell is he talking about?

Hey, Fenz, your legs won't stop shaking.

Man, what has this chick got?

Fantastic.

He looks dehydrated.

I wanna talk to the guys.

We can' hear you, Fenzie.

I said I wanted talk to the guys alone.

Chicks, split.


Three to one, huh?

Well, now the odds are getting a little bit more even.

I don't believe it.

The one weekend my folks are out of town, we've got the whole damn house to ourselves.

Including the bedroom.

Including the bedroom.

And we've got four limp worn out Johns.

Mike told me her tongue was like a Roto-Rooter job.

You're lucky.

All Buzz keeps doing is farting.

Hell, Fenzie just keeps murmuring, "No more beets, no more beets."

What are we gonna do?

Any more of this and I'll be ready to take on one of you.

A few more days of this bullshit and you got a partner.

Days, hell, I can't wait much longer.

Already beginning to feel like a leftover, since this June chick came into their act.

Come on, let's see if we can rouse these jerks.

Yeah.

Hey.

Come on, baby.

But, Fenzie.

You got your reputation to think about.

Aw, bullshit.

I got my goodies to think about, man.

Buzzy likey kissy kissy kissy?

Buzzy likey sleepy.

Sleepy sleepy.

Mike, your mom called.

She thinks I have you on some new kind of pot or something.

Bebe, I want you to will my body to UCLA medical.

Come on, Sammy, honey.

Just one more time for old Monica, huh?

Is it my turn again?

No more swinging from those rafters for me, man.

It's your turn.

The hell with this.

Let's cool off.


Maybe it's Charles Bronson.

If it is, ask him if his tally-wacker would like some poon-tang.

Hello?

Well, hello, hot-shot.

How are the boys?

What boys?

We buried them this morning.

Oh, my little darlings all worn out?

Isn't it more like flaked out?

Well, I was a little rough, but then that's what young boys are for.

Well, we all decided that we don't want your acting lessons anymore.

Well, baby, don't fret your silly little head.

I just called to tell you I don't need your boys.

You don't?

Because I have found the greatest lover of all time.

The greatest lover of all time.


Oh, I can't stand any more.

Oh, you've got to let me rest.

Oh.

Oh my god, what a thing.

Whose thing?

Why his thing, of course.

Buongiorno, class.

Buongiorno.

This.

Is.

The.

End.

♪ That's how I feel ♪

♪ Bell rings ♪

♪ My heart sings ♪

♪ And I'm out in the hall with my best friends ♪

♪ Going for a ride ♪

♪ I feel good inside ♪

♪ In Hollywood High ♪

♪ Hollywood Hollywood Hollywood High ♪