Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992) Script

Hey, Rod, do they have nude beaches in Florida?

Where are my magazines? l'm sure l left them here somewhere.


Leslie, what'd you do with my gol-darn golf balls?

Fifteen and a half sun block.

Father, could l get a string bikini in Florida?

Make sure you pack your beach towel.

-Nobody can order pizza in this house. -Where are my golf balls?

-You know why? 'Cause l'm the only guy... -Check in your pockets.

All right, has anybody seen my sun block?

What's the point of going to Florida if you're gonna put on sun block? l don't care if l age like an old suitcase. l'm getting toasted.

Great. Now you can be a skag with a slightly darker shade of skin.

He's just jealous 'cause he can't tan. His freckles just connect.

Hey, hey, easy on the fluids, pal. The rubber sheets are packed.

Vicky says she wants to go with "Ding." Behind "Ding" is 200 points.

All right. Good for you.

Two hundred points. All right.

-Honey, are you packed yet? -Yes.


-Everything l put out for you? -Yes.

Yes Did you see what Grandma Penelope sent you for the trip?

Let me guess. Donald Duck slippers?

Close. An inflatable clown to play with in the pool.

How exciting.

Why do we have to go to Florida? There's no Christmas trees in Florida.

Kevin, what is it with you and Christmas trees?

How could you have Christmas without a Christmas tree, Mom?

We'll find a nice, fake silver one or decorate a palm tree.

Goodbye, everybody.

Guests of the new Celebrity Ding Dang Dong stay at the world-renowned Plaza Hotel, New York's most exciting hotel experience.

For reservations, call toll-free 1-800-759...

Honey, do you know where the batteries for this camcorder are?

Yeah, l put it in the charger.

-How's this? -Much better.

Hey, Kevin, you better go put your tie on.

We don't want to be late for the Christmas pageant.

My tie's in the bathroom. l can't go in there, 'cause Uncle Frank's taking a shower.

He says if l walked in there and saw him naked, l'd grow up never feeling like a real man.

Whatever that means. l'm sure he was kidding.

Just run in there and get your tie, get out, and don't look at anything.

Well, this cat they're talking about l wonder who could it be

'Cause they know l'm the heaviest cat The heaviest cat you ever did see When they see me walking down the street When the fellas want to speak Hey, hey On their faces they wear a silly smirk

'Cause they know l'm the king of the cool jerk

Get out of here, you nosy little pervert, or l'm gonna slap you silly!

You're cooking, Frankie!

Christmas tree, my Christmas tree Lit up like a star When l see my Christmas tree Can loved ones be far?

Christmas tree, I'm certain Wherever l roam..

Kevin's solo's coming up. Tell Leslie.

Kevin's solo's coming up. Tell Frank.

Okay. Frank... Frank!

Christmastime means laughter Toboggans in the snow Caroling to children With faces aglow Stockings on the mantel A wreath on the door And my merriest Christmas Stop it!

Needs just one thing more Christmas tree, my Christmas tree Lit up like...


Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,

l'd like to apologize to my family for whatever displeasure l might have caused you.


My prank was immature and ill-timed. lmmature or not, it was pretty gol-darn hilarious. l'd also like to apologize to my brother.

Kevin, l'm sorry.

Buzz, that was very nice.

Kevin, do you have something to say?

Beat that, you little trout sniffer.

l'm not sorry! l did what l did 'cause Buzz humiliated me.

And since he gets away with everything, l let him have it.

And since you're all so stupid to believe his lies, l don't care if your idiotic Florida trip gets wrecked or not.

Who wants to spend Christmas in a tropical climate anyway?


Kevin, you walk out of here, you sleep on the third floor.

-Yeah, with me. -So what else is new?

You'd better not wreck my trip, you little sourpuss.

Your dad's paying good money for it. l wouldn't want to spoil your fun, Mr. Cheapskate.

What a troubled young man.

They're all a bunch ofjerks.


You know, Kevin, last time we all tried to take a trip we had a problem that started just like this.

Yeah, with me getting crapped on. l don't care for your choice of words.

That's not what happened last time, that's not what's happening this time.

Buzz apologized to you.

Yeah, then he called me a trout sniffer.

He didn't mean what he said. He was just sucking up to you.

Okay. Why don't you just sit up here for a while and think things over?

When you're ready to apologize to Buzz and to the rest of the family, you can come down. l'm not apologizing to Buzz. l'd rather kiss a toilet seat.

Then you can stay up here the rest of the night.

Fine. l don't wanna be down there anyway. l can't trust anybody in this family.

And d'you know what? lf l had my own money, l'd go on my own vacation, alone, without any of you guys.

And l'd have the most fun in my whole life.

Well, you got your wish last year. Maybe you'll get it again this year. l hope so.

-We did it again! -We did it again!

Okay, our McCallisters in the first van, the other McCallisters in the second van. l know l shouldn't complain about a free trip, but, jeez, you guys give the worst gol-darn wake-up calls.

-Frank, do you have the tickets? -l've got them.

-Here's your family's. l've got my family's. -How many do you have?

-Seven. -Seven.

-Fourteen. -Fourteen.

Seven, eight, nine, ten...

How come none of us are sitting together?

At this time of the year, we're lucky to get on the same plane.

Eleven, twelve, thirteen...

Where's Kevin?

Fourteen. lt's a good thing l have my own ticket, just in case you guys try to ditch me.

-Come on, Kevin. -Dad, l need batteries. l got some batteries in my bag. l'll give them to you on the plane.

-Here's two more. -Why can't l get them now? l can get them.

-Not now, Kevin. What's the gate number? -H1 7, sir.

-Here you go. -Thank you.

Hey, you better hurry up. lt's the last gate.

-All the way down. -Wow.

-Dad, what gate is it? -H1 7, Buzz. Come on, Kevin.

Kevin, you gonna take my bag? You take my bag? Come on. Come on.

Watch it, watch it, watch it.

American Airlines flight 226 to New York is now in the final boarding process.

Come on, come on.

Dad, wait up!

Wait up!


-Look out! Look out! -Come on, come on, come on!

Dad, wait!

Here we are. Here.

-We made it all. -Everybody here? We made it? All right.

Please, ma'am, you have to board. The plane is ready to leave.

-Let me just make sure everyone gets on. -Come on.

Don't worry, ma'am, we'll get everybody on the flight.

-Merry Christmas. Have a nice flight. -Merry Christmas.

-Bye. -Bye-bye.

Hey, wait up! Hey, guys, wait for me!

-Cutting it kind of close. -Yeah, sorry.

-Merry Christmas. -Merry Christmas to you.

Dad, wait up!

Wait! l'm sorry.

-That's all right. Are you on this flight? -Yeah, so is my family.

They're already on the plane, and l don't want to be left behind.

-Do you have a boarding pass? -lt's somewhere.

We have to close up here. They're ready to go.

-He dropped his boarding pass. -This plane can't leave.

This happened to me last year and almost wrecked my Christmas.

Are you sure your family's on this flight?

Yeah. My dad ran in here right before l bumped into this lady.

Okay, board him, but make sure he locates his family before you leave him.

Okay. Come on.

Do you see your family?

-There's my dad over there. -Okay. Well, go find an empty seat.

-Have a merry Christmas. -You, too.

Ladies and gentlemen, in order for the captain to push back from the gate, we need all passengers to be seated with their seat belts securely fastened.

So, have you ever been to Florida?

Welcome aboard American Airlines flight 1 76 nonstop to New York...

Boy, l didn't think we were going to make it.

Something wrong? Honey? l have that feeling.

We forgot something?

No, l don't think we did, but l... l just have that feeling.

Bad memories, that's all.

We did everything, we brought everything, we have everybody.

There's nothing to worry about.

Yeah. Yeah, you're right. You're right. We're fine.

Nothing to worry about.



Uncle Frank?


-We're the last ones off the plane. -Okay, thanks.

Where are those guys?

-Whose is this? -That's Brooke's.

This is Megan's. Brooke. Give this to Brooke.

-This to Kevin. Give this to Kevin. -Give this... Give this to Kevin.

-Give this to Kevin. -Give this to Kevin.

-Kevin. -Give this to Kevin.

-Give this to Kevin. -Give this to Kevin.

-Give this to Kevin. -Here you go, Kevin.

-Kevin's not here. -Kevin's not here.



Excuse me, but this is an emergency.

-Yes, sir? -What city is that over there?

-That's New York, sir. -Yikes, l did it again.

Something wrong, sir?

l'll be fine.

Oh, no. My family's in Florida and l'm in New York.

My family's in Florida. l'm in New York.

Thanks! Bye!


What's the child's name?

-Kevin. K-E-V-l-N. -Kevin.

-When did you see him last? -Curbside check-in?

No, l saw him at the door. He was with us in the terminal.

Most people get separated at security checkpoints.

-Did everyone get through security? -l don't know. Peter?

We were in a hurry. We were in a hurry. We had to run all the way to the gate.

When did you notice he was missing?

When we picked up our baggage here.

Has the boy ever run away from home?

-No. -No.

Has he ever been in a situation where he's been on his own?

As a matter of fact, this has happened before. lt's becoming sort of a McCallister family travel tradition.

Funnily enough, we never lose our luggage.

He was left at home by accident last year.

Yeah, that's what my wife meant when she said it's becoming a McCallister family travel tradition.

We'll call Chicago and notify them of the situation.

-The odds are that's where he is. -Thanks. lt's very unlikely he'd be anywhere else.

Watch out, kid!

Yo, where's your manifest?

Here we are, Marv. New York City, the land of opportunity.

-Smell that? -Yeah.

-You know what that is? -Fish.

-lt's freedom. -No, it's fish.

-lt's freedom, and it's money. -Okay, okay. lt's freedom.

Come on, let's get out of here before somebody sees us.

And it's fish.

Yup, one quick score. We get ourselves a couple of phony passports and we hightail it to some foreign country.


That's very smart, Marv. You bust out of jail to rob 14 cents from a Santa Claus?

Every little bit helps. Besides, now we got our new nickname.

We're the Sticky Bandits.

Real cute. Very cute.

"The Plaza Hotel, New York's most exciting hotel experience."


-What's the matter? -Thought l saw something.

Serves you right. Come on, let's go! l think she likes me.

Excuse me. Where's the lobby?

-Down the hall and to the left. -Thanks.


Guests of the new Celebrity Ding Dang Dong stay at the world-renowned Plaza Hotel, New York's most exciting hotel experience.

For reservations, call toll-free 1-800-759-3000 l'll do just that.

Howdy-do. This is Peter McCallister, the father. l'd like a hotel room, please, with an extra-large bed, a TV, and one of those little refrigerators you have to open with a key.

Credit card? You got it.

Plaza Hotel reservations. May l help you?


-This is Peter McCaIIister, the father -Yes, sir.

-l'd like a hotel room, please... -Yes.

...with an extra-large bed, a TV, and one of those little refrigerators you have to open with a key.

Yes, sir, you'll need a major credit card upon check-in.

Credit card? You got it.

Thank you. Enjoy your stay.

Yes, two at 8:00, Henri, Mr. Yamamoto.

Hold on a second.

l'll call you back, Henri.


-Can l help you? -Reservation for McCallister?

A reservation for yourself?

Ma'am, my feet are hardly touching the ground. l'm barely able to look over this counter.

How could l make a reservation for a hotel room?

Think about it, a kid going into a hotel, making a reservation? l don't think so. l'm confused. l'm traveling with my dad. He's on business. He's at a meeting. l hate meetings, plus l'm not allowed to go in. l can only sit in the lobby. That's boring. So my dad dropped me off here.

He gave me his credit card and said whoever was checking people in to let me in the hotel room so l won't get into mischief, and, ma'am, sometimes l do get into mischief.

We all do.

Merry Christmas.

No sign of him.

We're gonna have to be able to get a hold of you.

-You have hotel arrangements? -Yeah.

Do you have a recent photo of the boy? l have one in my wallet. l don't have my wallet.

My wallet's in my bag.

Kevin was looking in my bag at the airport.

He was looking for batteries. Kevin has my wallet.

-Did you have credit cards in the wallet? -Credit cards, money.

We'll notify the credit card companies immediately. lf your son has the cards, we can get a location on him when and if he uses them.

No, l don't think Kevin even knows how to use a credit card.

Wow! lt worked.

-Cedric. -Yes?

-Don't count your tips in public. -l'm sorry.

And find out everything you can about that young fellow.

Front, please.

Enjoy your stay with us.

And don't forget to remind your dad when he arrives that he has to come down and sign a couple of things.

Thank you. You've been most helpful.

May l take your bag, sir?

Up here to your left.

You know, Herbert Hoover once stayed here on this floor.

-The vacuum guy? -No, the president.

This is one of our finest suites, sir.

This is great!

Wow! A huge bed just for me!

Luxurious and spacious.

How convenient!


Did you want me to put the key in the bag or did you just want to hang on to it? l'll hang on to it.

ls everything all right, sir?

-ls the temperature in the room okay? -lt's okay.

-Do you know how the TV works? -l'm 1 0 years old. TV's my life.


l'm sorry.

And there's plenty more where that came from.

Thank you.

Would it bother anyone if l worked on my cannonballs?




This is a vacation.

Hold it right there. lt's me, Johnny. l knew it was you. l could smell you getting off the elevator.

-Two scoops, sir? -Two? Make it three. l'm not driving. lt's gardenias, Johnny, your favorite.

Thank you.

You was here last night, too, wasn't you? l was singin' at the Blue Monkey last night.

She was not! She was smooching with your brother.

You was here, and you was smooching with my brother!

-That's a dirty, rotten lie, Johnny. -See?

Don't give me that. You been smooching with everybody!

Snuffy, Al, Leo, Little Mo with the gimpy leg, Cheeks, Bony Bob, Cliff, l could go on forever, baby.

-You got me all wrong. -All right. l believe you, but my Tommy gun don't!


You're the only duck in my pond!

Get down on your knees and tell me you love me.

Baby! l'm over the moon for you!

You got to do better than that! lf my love was an ocean, Lindy'd have to take two airplanes to get across it!

Maybe l'm off my hinges, but l believe you.

That's why l'm gonna let you go. l'm going to give you to the count of three to get your lousy, lying, lowdown, four-flushing carcass out my door!

She's rat bait.

One two,


Merry Christmas, you filthy animal.

And a happy New Year.


We know a cat who can really do the cool jerk Well, this cat they talkin' about l wonder who could it be

'Cause l know l'm the heaviest cat The heaviest cat you ever did see When they see me walkin' down the street When the fellas want to speak Hey, hey On their faces, they wear a silly smirk

'Cause they know l'm the king of the cool jerk

Get out of here, you nosy little pervert, or l'm gonna slap you silly!

You're cooking, Frankie!

Didn't look this bad on our honeymoon.

Hey! Uncle Rob lives here. lf they're back from Paris, l'll drop in on them.

They usually give pretty good presents.

Good night, Mom.

Good night, Kevin.

Your drawers, sir.

Jeez! Don't flash these babies around here!

-There could be girls on this floor! -l was very careful, sir.

You can't be too careful when it involves underwear.

-l understand. -l'm sorry. You wanted a tip.

That won't be necessary, sir. l still have some tip left over.

No tip? Okay.

No, no, no! Wait, wait, wait!

Excuse me, how do l get to Columbus Circle?

The doorman will be happy to find you a taxi, sir.

Mr. McCallister!

-Excuse me. -Sure.

And how are we this morning?

-Fine. ls my transportation here? -Out in front, sir.

A limousine and a pizza, compliments of the Plaza Hotel. l do hope your father understands that last night l was simply checking the room to make sure everything was in order.

-He was pretty mad. -He was?

He said he didn't come all the way to New York

-to get his naked rear end spied on. -Of course not.

-Will he be down soon? -He already left.

l would have liked to have offered my personal apology. lf some guy looked at you in the shower, would you ever want to see him again? l suppose not. l don't think you'll see him for the rest of our trip. l understand.


Have a lovely day.


-Morning, Mr. McCallister. -Good morning.

Mr. McCallister, here's your very own cheese pizza.

-Hello? -Hello.

-Know any good toy stores? -Yes, sir!


Get out of here! Go on, get out! Get out of here! Go on. Get out of here!

Beat it, beat it, beat it! Get out of here!

Hey, Marv! Get over here! l got to talk to you!

Whoa! Whoa!

-Would you like a scarf? -You wanna forget about the scarf, Marv?

We got to talk.

We don't have the equipment to pull off anything big, you know, your banks, yourjewelry stores.

We don't want goods. We need cash, and we need it now.

How about hotels? Tourists carry lots of cash.

There's no guarantees. l got a better idea.

Stores ain't gonna deposit cash on Christmas Eve.

The only stores that are gonna have cash on hand are the ones that deal in moderate-priced goods.

Right, right.

Ergo, what store's gonna make the most cash on Christmas Eve that nobody's going to think to rob?

Candy stores.

Nine-year-olds rob candy stores, Marv. This is what l had in mind.

That's brilliant, Harry. Brilliant!

Yep. There's nobody dumb enough to knock off a toy store on Christmas Eve.

Yes, there is.

Here we are, sir, Duncan's Toy Chest.

Merry Christmas, Kevin.

This is the greatest accident of my life.

Marv. Marv!

Hey, nice house, but there's no bathroom in it.

-All right, so what's the plan? -Everybody leaves for a nice holiday off.

We come out of our little houses...

-Yeah, then what? -We empty the registers

-and walk out like we own the joint. -Great plan, Harry!

Shake his hand.

Well, now, thank you and merry Christmas.

Say hello to the family.

Yes. Let me see.

You shopping alone? ln New York? Sir, l'm afraid of my own shadow.

-Now, l was just checking. -That's very responsible of you.

-Well, thank you. -My pleasure.

That'll be $23.75.

My, my, my! Where did you get all that money? l have a lot of grandmothers.

Well, that explains it.

This is a really nice store, one of the finer toy dealerships l've ever visited in my life.

-Well, thank you. -This Mr. Duncan must be a pretty nice guy letting all the kids come into his store and play with all his toys.

Most toy stores prohibit that, you know.

-ls that so? -Yep.

Well, he loves kids. As a matter of fact, all the money the store takes in today, Mr. Duncan is donating it to the children's hospital.

And the day after Christmas, we empty out all the money in the cash register and Mr. Duncan just takes it right down to the hospital.

-That's very generous of him. -Well, children bring him a lot ofjoy.

As they do to everyone who appreciates them.

l'm not supposed to spend this money, but l have $20 from shoveling snow in a jar in our garage where my older brother can't find it.

So l can pay my mother back with that.

So you can give this to Mr. Duncan. The hospital needs it more than l do.

Besides, l'm probably gonna spend it on stuff that'll rot my teeth and my mind.

That's very sweet of you.

You see that tree there?

Well, to show our appreciation for your generosity, l'm going to let you select an object from that tree that you can take home with you.

-For free? -Yeah.

-May l make a suggestion? -Okay.

Take the turtledoves.

-l could have two? -Well, two turtledoves.

And l'll tell you what you do. You keep one, and you give the other one to a very special person.

You see, turtledoves are a symbol of friendship and love.

Now, as long as each of you have your turtledove, you'll be friends forever.

Wow! l never knew that. l thought they were just part of a song.

They are, and for that very special reason.

Wow! Thanks.

-Merry Christmas. -Merry Christmas to you, too.

Be sure to bundle up if you go outside. lt's a little nippy.

Thank you, l'll do that.

Well, where to?

Well, you promised you'd take me to the Central Park Zoo.

Hey! Look who it is, Marv.

Come on. Let's get him.


Hiya, pal.

Come on!


Hey! Watch it, man!

Buy now and avoid the Christmas rush.

Two for $5, two for $5. Four for 1 0.

-All right, kiddo. -There he is!

All right, kiddo!

-Thanks. -Merry Christmas.

-Hey, hey! -Whoa!

Excuse me!


-Thank you for your suggestion. -My duty, my pleasure.

Bye now.

You got to help me! There's two guys after me!

What's the matter?

Store wouldn't take your stolen credit card?

Let's see what the police have to say about this.

Get up! Get up!

Come on! Let's go get him!

Get back here, you little thief!

Stop that child!

Grab him!

You little...

l've committed credit card fraud.

Get me security!

We've got to stop that delinquent!

Come along, Cedric.

l've had enough of this vacation. l'm going home.

Hold it right there.

This is the concierge, sir. l knew it was you. l could smell you getting off the elevator.

You was here last night, too, wasn't you?

Yes, sir, l was.

You was here, and you was smooching with my brother!

l'm... l'm afraid you're mistaken, sir.

Don't give me that. You been smooching with everybody!

Snuffy, Al, Leo, Little Mo with the gimpy leg, Cheeks, Bony Bob, Cliff...

No! lt's a lie! l could go on forever, baby. l'm terribly sorry, sir, but l'm afraid you're mistaken.

We're looking for a young man.

All right. l believe you, but my Tommy gun don't!

Get down on your knees and tell me you love me.

On your knees.

l love you.

You got to do better than that!

-l love you! -l love you!

Maybe l'm off my hinges, but l believe you.

That's why l'm gonna let you go. l'm going to give you to the count of three to get your lousy, lying, lowdown, four-flushing carcass out my door!

-One... -Open up the door! two,


Merry Christmas, you filthy animal.

And a happy New Year.

Stay in your rooms! This is an emergency!

There's an insane guest with a gun!


Come to Papa!

Round trip to Miami. What's the matter, get on the wrong plane, squirt?

Looks like you won't be needing this, kid.

American don't fly to the promised land, little buddy.

Come on!

We spent nine months in jail thinking we had the worst luck in the universe.

We were wrong, little buddy.

We're busted out of the clink, and we're doing fine.

We're gonna be doing even better because we're not robbing houses anymore.

Now we're robbing toy stores.

At midnight tonight, we're hitting Duncan's Toy Chest.

Five floors of cash.

Then after that, we grab a couple of phony passports...

-Marv! Marv, you want to shut up? -What's the difference?

He's not going to talk to anybody except maybe a fish. Or the undertaker.

Let's just get him to the subway tunnel. l'll feel a lot better once we get him on ice. l've got a gun in my pocket.

You open your mouth, and you'll be spitting gum out through your forehead.

Well, hello.

-He did it! -Did what?


-Get him, will you! -He went in the park.

What are you doing flirting? Get him.

Over there!

-Quit it! Hey! -Creep!

-Give me that! -What are you doing?

-Hey, Harry. -What?

-l got him. -Wait, let me see.

That ain't him. Get down. Put him down. Put him down. That ain't him.

We should've shot him when we had the chance. l hate pulling a job, knowing that little creep is on the loose.

What can he do? He's a kid. Kids are helpless.

-Not this kid. -Yeah, but this time he doesn't have a house full of dangerous goodies to get us with.

He's in the Park. He's alone. Kids are scared of the Park.

Yeah. Grown men come in the Park and don't leave alive.


Good luck, little fella.

l want to go home. Mom, where are you?

Turn that down!

-Hello? -Kate McCallister, please.

-This is she. -Ma'am, we found your son.

-Oh, my God! -What?

-lt's the police. They know where Kevin is. -What?

-Where? -He's in New York City.

-He's in New York! -New York?

-...your husband's credit cards... -What?

Well, l'm sure he was scared. He's not a troublemaker.

-What? What? -Ma'am, the New York police...

-Just a second. Please hold. -Yes, I'll hold...

He used your credit card to check into the Plaza Hotel.

-Do they still have him? -Do they have him?

-No, the police are still looking for him. -Damn it!

Get to New York as soon as possible, ma'am.

Yeah, okay, we're on the next flight out. Thank you.

We're going to New York, move it!

-Yes! -Party time!

He ran away from the hotel when they questioned him about the card.

He must be so scared, Peter! l wonder if he'd know enough to go to my brother's place?

-Aren't they in Paris? -Maybe they have a house sitter. l thought you said they were renovating?

Hello? Uncle Rob! Aunt Georgette! Anybody home?

Hello! Anybody home? lt's me, your favorite nephew, Kevin!

Uncle Rob! Aunt Georgette!

Watch it, kid!

Hey, you looking for somebody to read you a bedtime story?


Boy, it's scary out there.

Ain't much better in here, kid.

l don't want to ever take a vacation like this again.

Where did all you guys come from? l don't know if l have enough for everybody.

How hungry are you guys?

You guys ate all my food.

Look, l'm sorry l screamed in your face. You were just trying to help me, right?

l'm Kevin McCallister.

Your birds are real nice. l've seen you before. You had pigeons all over you.

At first, you look kind of scary, but when l think about it, it's not so bad.

They must be all over you 'cause they like you. lf l'm bothering you, l can leave. Am l bothering you?


Good. l'm not a pain in the butt?


Will those pigeons come back on their own or do you have to call them?

Give me your hand.

They can hear it.

This is great!

lt's pretty cold out. l could sure go for a cup of hot chocolate. How about you? My treat.

l'd hate to spend Christmas Eve in such a park.

Can we go someplace warm?

Yes. l know a place.

Nice music.

This place is great. l've heard the world's great music from here.

Ella Fitzgerald. Count Basie. Frank Sinatra. Luciano Pavarotti.

So, do you bring your friends up here?

-l haven't got many friends. -Sorry. l'm like the birds l care for.

People pass me in the street. They see me but they try to ignore me.

They prefer l wasn't part of their city.

Yeah. lt's sort of like that with my family. l'm kind of the pigeon of the house just because l'm the youngest.

Everyone fights for position.

Everybody wants to be seen and heard. l guess so. l'm seen and heard pretty much.

But then l get sent to my room a lot, too.

l wasn't always like this, you know.

What were you like before? l had a job. l had a home. l had a family.

-Did you have any kids? -No. Oh, l wanted them.

But the man l loved fell out of love with me.

That broke my heart.

And whenever the chance to be loved came along again, l ran away from it. l stopped trusting people.

No offense, but that seems like sort of a dumb thing to do. l was afraid of getting my heart broken again.

You see, sometimes you can trust a person, and then, when things are down, they forget about you.

Maybe they're just too busy.

Maybe they don't forget about you, but they forget to remember you. l don't think people mean to forget. l think it just happens.

My grandfather says if my head wasn't screwed on, l'd leave it on the school bus. l'm just afraid if l do trust someone, l'll get my heart broken again. l understand that. l used to have this really nice pair of rollerblades. l was afraid if l wore them, l'd wreck them. So l kept them in a box.

-Do you know what happened? -No. l outgrew them. l never wore them once outside. l just wore them in my room a couple times.

A person's heart and a person's feelings are very different than skates.

Well, they're kind of the same thing. lf you aren't going to use your heart, then what's the difference if it gets broken? lf you just keep it to yourself, maybe it'll be like my rollerblades.

When you do decide to try it, it won't be any good.

You should take a chance. Got nothing to lose.

A bit of truth in there somewhere. l think so. Your heart might still be broken, but it isn't gone. lf it was gone, you wouldn't be this nice.

Thank you.

Do you know that it's been a couple of years since l've talked to anybody?

That's okay. You're really good at it.

You're not boring. You don't mumble or spit when you talk.

You should do it more often. l think you just have to wear an outfit that doesn't have pigeon poop on it. l have been working very hard at keeping people away, haven't l? l always think l'll have a lot of fun if l'm alone, but when l'm alone, it isn't that much fun at all. l don't care how much people bug me sometimes, l'd rather be with somebody than by myself.

So what are you doing running around the streets on Christmas Eve on your own?

Did you get into trouble?

-Yeah. -You've done something wrong?

A lot of things.

Did you know that a good deed erases a bad deed? lt's getting pretty late. l don't know if l'll have enough time to do all the good deeds l need to erase all the bad ones l did.

Well, it's Christmas Eve. Good deeds count for extra tonight.

-They do? -Of course they do.

So what you must do now is you must think of the most important thing that you can do for others and go and do it.

Just follow the star in your own heart.

Okay. lt's getting pretty late. l'd better get going.

lf l don't see you again, l hope everything turns out okay.

Thank you.

-Say goodbye to your birds for me. -l will.

-Merry Christmas. -Merry Christmas. lf you need somebody to trust, it can be me. l won't forget to remember you.

Don't make promises you can't keep.

All the money in the cash registers, Mr. Duncan is going to donate to the Children's Hospital.

At midnight tonight, we're hitting Duncan's Toy Chest.

You can mess with a lot of things, but you can't mess with kids on Christmas.

We'd like to offer you a complimentary suite while you're here. lt's a penthouse with a view of the Park. l think you'll find it satisfactory. lt was recently vacated by the Countess of Worcestershire.

What kind of hotel allows a child to check in alone?

The boy had a very convincing story.

What kind of idiots do you have working here?

The finest in New York.

Well, l mean, when you discovered that the credit card was stolen... l made the discovery.

Why did you let him leave?

-We attempted to confront him, he ran. -You scared him away. lt's Christmas Eve, and because of you, our child is lost in one of the biggest cities in the world.

Now could you take our family and our luggage up to the room, please.

-Yes, sir! -Run along, Cedric. l'm going to go down to the police station and make sure that they're doing everything in their power to find Kevin. l want you to stay here with Frank, Leslie and the kids.

-No, l'm going out to look for him. -What?

With all due respect, madam, your son is lost in one of the biggest cities in the world.

Could you stay out of this please?

-As you wish. -Thank you. l don't think it's a good idea for you to start running around

-all over New York City all by yourself. -l think if our son can do it, l can do it.

-Kate... -Peter, l'll be fine.

The way l'm feeling right now, no mugger or murderer would dare mess with me.

Madam, there are hundreds of parasites out there armed to the teeth!

Do bundle up. lt's awfully cold outside.

Marv. Marv. Come on, let's go.

Marv. Crowbars up!

Merry Christmas, Harry!

Happy Hanukkah, Marv!

Oh, this is more money than l can even count! lt makes you wonder why we spent so much time robbing private homes.

The amazing thing is, we're fugitives from the law, we're up to our elbows in cash and there's nobody that even knows about it.

He's back!

-He took our picture! -How did my hair look?

This is it. No turning back.

Another Christmas in the trenches.


Wow That's it! Get the money! Get the money! l'll kill him! That little...

-l'm coming, Harry! -Marv!


Harry! That was incredible.

-l twisted my ankle on that board there. -Where is he?

Hey, guys! Smile!

Come on! Come on!

-Help me. -l got you. l got you.


Times Square.

Where'd he go? l'm up here! Come and get me!

-Let's kill! -Hold on, pea-brain.

We got busted last time because we underestimated that little bundle of misery.

This ain't like the last time. This ain't his house.

The kid's running scared. He ain't got a plan.

May l do the thinking, please?

Thank you.

-Sonny! -Yes?

Nothing would thrill me more greatly than to shoot you.

Knocking off a youngster ain't going to mean all that much to me. Understand?

But since we're in a hurry, l'll make a deal with you.

You throw down your camera and we won't hurt you.

You'll never hear from us again. Okay?

-You promise? -l cross my heart and hope to die.


Okay, kid, give it to me.

Direct hit!

How many fingers am l holding up, Marv?


Okay, kid. You want to throw bricks? Go ahead, throw another one.

Don't do that!

lf you can't do any better than that, kid, you're going to lose.

Harry, no.

You got any more?

Come on, Marv. Get up. He don't have any more bricks. He's out of them.


That did it! Nobody throws bricks at me and gets away with it.

Come on, Marv. Get up. You go this way. l'm going round the back.


Harry! l've reached the top!

You gotta do better than this, kid.

Wow! What a hole.



l'm coming up!

l'm going to murder that kid!



Whoa, whoa!


Don't you know a kid always wins against two idiots?

Harry! He's in the living room!

He went up the ladder!

l'm coming, Harry. l'm coming.

Harry! Harry!

You didn't lose any teeth! Come on, he went to the second floor.

Hey! Why don't you guys try the stairs?


Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Don't you remember what happened last year?

-No. -Watch this.

Let's get him!

He busted me right in my mouth, Marv!

That's one.

Don't worry, Harry. l'll get him.

Right in the schnoz.

That's two. Come on, let's get him.

That's three.


That's four.

-Come on, Harry. -Marv, are you sure this is safe?

Oh yeah. Yep, l've worked all the kinks out. lt's solid as a rock.

-Like a rock, huh, Marv? -Hey? Do you guys give up?

-Have you had enough pain? -Never!

You better say every prayer you ever heard before, kid! l hope your parents got you a tombstone for Christmas.

-Where'd he go? -l'm up here and l'm really scared.

What's that sound?

That was the sound of a tool chest falling down the stairs.


Over there! l don't care if l get the chair, l'm killing that kid!

Surrender, kid!

-He vanished. -l'm down here, you big horse's ass!

-Whoa. -Nice night for a neck injury!

Suck brick, kid!

-Come on, Marv. -Oh, l don't know. l said, come on.

Come on, you big sissy.

Harry? You wearing aftershave?

That's not aftershave. That's kerosene. The rope is soaked in it.

Now, why would anybody soak a rope in kerosene?

Merry Christmas.

Go up!

Get off me!

Get the bag!

Hello, the two guys who robbed Duncan's Toy Chest are in the park.

Central Park West, 95th Street. Look for fireworks. Hurry, they got a gun.

Hey, l'm down here. Better come and get me before l call the cops.

My, how the tables have turned.

How do you like the ice, kid?

Let's go for a little stroll in the park.

Give me that bag. Give me it!

Hey, these'll look great in the photo album.

You may've won the battle, little dude, but you lost the war.

You ought not have messed with us, pal. We're dangerous.

-Harry? -Shut up!

-Harry. -Shut up! l want to enjoy this.

-Something's wrong. Let's get out of here! -Shut up, l said!

l never made it to the 6th grade, kid, and it doesn't look like you're going to, either.

Let him go!

Kevin, run!

Shoot her! Shoot her! Shoot her! l'm trying to shoot her!

Run, Marv!

Bye! Thanks.

Jesus, looks like the 4th of July!

-Okay, let's go. -We'll take the bridge.

You guys get the tunnel. Let's go. Come on!

Oh, my God!

All right, guys, let's go, huh?

-Come on, on your feet. -Take it easy.

What is this stuff?

You guys should've started earlier.

The prisoners have already exchanged gifts.

We missed the presents?

He made us hide out in the store so we could steal all the kiddies' charity money.

Shut up, Marv.

Got the right to remain silent, you know.

He's a little cranky. We just broke out of prison a few days ago.

Shut up, Marv! Jeez.

-Get them out of here! -All right, let's go.

Remember, if this makes the papers, we're no longer the Wet Bandits, we're the Sticky Bandits.

We're not Sticky Bandits, shut up!

-That's Sticky. That's S... -Shut it.


-l. -...l...

Well, Mr. Duncan, it's all over with.

We apprehended the thieves and we recovered your money.

Good, l want to get that money over to the Children's Hospital as soon as possible.

-l'll handle it personally. My pleasure. -Thank you very much.

-Excuse me, Mr. Duncan. -Yes. l found this note. Looks like a kid broke your window.


Excuse me. l'm looking for my son. He's this boy right here.

Excuse me. Please help me. This boy right here. Have you seen him?

This one, he's... Please.

l'm looking for my son. Have you seen my son? He's...

There. He's been missing for two days.

-Well, have you filed a report, ma'am? -Yes, of course we have.

Then trust us. We'll handle it.

But l'm his mother. l realize that, ma'am, but you're looking for a needle in a haystack.

-Do you have kids? -Yes, ma'am.

And what would you do if one of them was missing? l'd probably be doing the same thing you're doing.

Thank you.

Look, put yourself in your kid's shoes. Where would you go? What would you do?

Me? l'd probably be lying dead in a gutter somewhere.

Oh, but not Kevin. No. Kevin is so much stronger and braver than l am. l know Kevin's fine. l'm sure he is. Fine.

But he's still all by himself in a big city. And he doesn't deserve that.

He deserves to be at home with his own family around his Christmas tree.

Oh, dear God, l know where he is. l need to get to Rockefeller Center.

-Hop in. -Thank you.

l know l don't deserve a Christmas even if l did do a good deed. l don't want any presents. lnstead, l want to take back every mean thing l ever said to my family, even if they don't take back the things that they said. l don't care. l love all of them. lncluding Buzz. lf it isn't possible l can see all of them, could l just see my mother? l'll never want another thing as long as l live. l just want my mother. l know l won't see her tonight, but promise me l can see her again.

Sometime. Anytime.

Even if it's just once and only for a couple of minutes. l just need to tell her l'm sorry.



Wow! That worked fast!

Oh, Kevin.

Mom, l'm sorry. l'm sorry, too.

Merry Christmas, Mom.

Merry Christmas, sweetheart.

Thank you. Let's go.

How'd you know l was here?

Well, l know you and Christmas trees, and this is the biggest one around.

-Where's everybody else? -They're at the hotel.

They didn't like palm trees either.

Holy smokes, it's morning! lt's Christmas morning, man.

Fuller, don't get your hopes up. l don't think Santa Claus visits hotels.

Are you nuts? He's omnipresent. He goes everywhere.

Hey, guys, wake up, it's Christmas!

-Mom! Dad! lt's Christmas! -What?

-Wow -Wow

-Where'd it all come from? -Mom! Dad! You got to see this!

-My gosh! -Peter!

Are you sure we're in the right room?

Don't open any of mine. l mean it.

-Who's Mr. Duncan? -Duncan? l don't know.

All right, everyone, just calm down. Calm down! Hey! Hey!

All right. Now, if Kevin hadn't screwed up in the first place, again, then we wouldn't be in this most perfect and huge hotel room with a truckload of all this free stuff.

So, l think it only fair that Kevin get to open up the first present.

Then l'll go and the rest of you and so on.

-Merry Christmas, Kev. -Merry Christmas, Buzz.

-Merry Christmas, Kevin. -Okay, Kevin! All right! Merry Christmas!

Enough of this gooey... Show of emotion. Everyone, let's dig in!

All right!

Everybody, now, wait, save the paper. We can use it next year. And the bows.

Give me the bows...

Merry Christmas.

Kevin! Merry Christmas! l got something for you.

-What's this? -lt's a turtledove. l have one. You have one.

As long as we each have a turtledove, we'll be friends forever.

Oh, Kevin.

Thank you. l won't forget you. Trust me.

Mr. McCallister's room service bill, sir.

Merry Christmas, sir.

Nice family. Really.

Merry Christmas indeed.

Oh, Dad!

Kevin! You spent $967 on room service?

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