Homeward (2020) Script

Hmm.

Captain Severus, Captain Tad!

Uhh! Uhh! What do you see?

Sharp Tooth is still advancing!

Advancing? There!

On the northern flank!

Where? Where? I want to see!

Let me see! It's too late!

General Sharp Tooth has used the power of the gem!

That means General Star didn't steal the gem!

She didn't? We don't know that.

General Sharp Tooth can still use the power of the gem even if it were stolen.

I told you! You can't trust an orc.

Boo!

Whoa!

I'm okay. I'm okay.

Nice hat, Tad.

Star, did you get it?

One mind-controlling gem, as promised.

Hmm. That is, if you trust me.

It's so shiny!

Don't touch, Tad!

The gem of the Mountain!

Of course, we trust you.

Then you will destroy it and free my people.

Hmm, I knew you could do it.

We haven't much time. They're close!

[ roaring ]

What do you see?

Sharp Tooth is here!

What? Now?

You ready?

Captain Severus, sound the alarm!

Let's go save the world.

Mind-controlling gem as promised.

[ horn blows ]

[ roaring ]

Those are big orcs!

[ screams ]

Elves! Arm your magic!

[ grunts ]

Huh?

Okay, let's do this.

You were very brave, Star.

Your axe!

My axe?

Trust me, please!

Star, we haven't much time!

Orcs, find my gem!

For peace!

Yes.

This peace will last as long as we trust each other.

They're over that hill and they have my gem!

Rubicon! Epsilon!

Oh, mighty axe, we give you the power to destroy the hate, destroy the fear and to destroy this gem!

Oh! Wait!

What?

Hurry! Keep chanting!

I'm done. It's up to you now, Star.

You must destroy General Sharp Tooth's gem!

[ grunting ]

Wait! Star!

I knew I smelled a traitor!

Hey, there, Sharp Tooth. Time to split.

What are you doing?

You're destroying orc domination!

No!

[ shouting, grunting ]

Hi, Teddy. Hi, Boris.

We did it.

And who can tell me what happened next?

Anyone?

Yes, Hermey?

After splitting the gemstone, the mind control of the orcs was broken.

Thank you, Hermey.

And then elves and orcs lived together in peace.

Yes, thank you, Hermey.

Forever and forever.

Miss Tenderfoot? What is it now, Hermey?

If orcs and elves get along so well, then why is the only orc that goes to this school not here?

Well, he's...

Doing what all orcs do, getting into trouble.

[ chuckles ]

Um...

Can't I get a little respect?

Barl?

Whoops!

Shh, shh! Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Smooth.

You're late.

Hey, Forelle.

Where do you want this?

Whoa, it's perfect!

Um... uh... there!

You must really hate your brother.

What? No! Why would you think that?

Lloyd loves pranks as much as I do.

The prank is on him.

You're sliming your brother.

And...? On graduation day?

And...? In front of everyone.

Whatever. Your funeral.

It's the best prank ever.

He always tries to be the center of attention being valedictorian and everything.

He'll love it!

He's lucky to have you as a brother.

Lucky Lloyd.

Lumos discous.

Excellent, Lloyd, but the Krune University recruiter will want more than just dancing lights.

We're talking about the best of the best.

Can you dazzle me?

Dazzle, huh?

Illusios Dracanos!

[ roaring ]

Incredible.

They're gonna love you!

Oh, thanks, Principal Ashford.

Krune University. I'm so proud.

You know, I was a graduate of Krune University.

Uh, can we go check on the lighting?

Yes, of course. Good lighting is key.

Good lighting, it makes you look heroic and thin!

Not that you need that. I mean, you're perfect!

You're a perfect student of Elfdale High.

You know, there are easier ways to pull a prank, Barl.

This is gonna be great!

You can put spiders in his shoes or replace his soda with ink, all very reasonable.

That doesn't look very safe.

Perfectly set. Okay, hand me the milk.

Hand me the milk.

What?

I said... Oh, thanks, Forelle.

Do you need me to do anything else for you?

Do your homework? Cook your breakfast?

Oh, I know!

I can dye your hair and give you a nose ring.

Wow!

The drama, the danger.

Great! I need more milk.

It does the body good.

Go get some, please?

Fine! I'll get more.

You're not supposed to know magic anyway.

You're not an elf.

With the right ingredients, everything is magic!

Hey! What?

You're shaking the catwalk! Don't shake it!

I'm serious, Forelle!

[ rattling ]

See you later, Barl!

Did I ever tell you about the time I was voted most likely to be a politician or a lawyer?

Oh, gnome biscuits!

True story. People said I had moxie!

Moxie! Can you believe it?

Principal Ashford, is this where I'll be standing for my valedictorian speech?

Huh? Yeah, right there.

[ creaking ]

Huh?

Wait. Sorry, Lloyd. It goes over here.

Oh, no.

Sorry, Principal Ashford, but the lighting's better here.

Oh, boy...

No!

I'm at my wit's end, Mr. and Mrs. Lightspinner!

I'm afraid this prank was the last straw.

There has to be something we can do.

Barl is an orc, Mrs. Lightspinner.

You took him in when he had no one, raised him as best you could.

But I'm sorry.

Barl is expelled.

I have to hand it to you. You went out big.

It was just a prank.

Brothers tease each other.

Not about this, Barl!

This is the most important day of my life!

Do you even understand what I have to lose here?

Krune University.

Exactly. Krune University!

I thought it would be funny, like when we used to make snot poppers.

That was in the fourth grade, Barl.

I don't have time for snot poppers!

I'm under a lot of stress!

You have any idea how big this is?

Yeah, I do.

It's all you've talked about for four years.

Krune University!

If I don't get in to this university, I'm going to be a big fat loser like my baby brother!

That's not fair!

Look, I grew up, you didn't.

That's a fact.

You want to still be in fourth grade making snot poppers and fart buckets.

But I am an adult now.

And you're still a baby.

Am not! Are too.

Am not! Are too! Are!

Oh, you're impossible!

Poor Lloyd Lightspinner, cursed with an orc for a brother!

Well, unless you figure out how to magic me away, you're stuck with me!

[ barking ]

Yes, Mr. President.

Of course, I'll be creating new magic for everyone.

Wait! Barl?

Barl? What... What are you doing?

No! No slime, Barl!

No! The slime! The slime!

The slime!

Barl!

[ snoring ]

[ door creaks ]

Barl?

Barl, wake up. Wake up right now!

[ snoring ]

Wake up! You're doing it on purpose!

Barl!

Ah!

No, no, no, no! Don't go back to sleep!

Lloyd? Hey, what are you...

I had an idea that's gonna help us both out.

What you said outside of Principal Ashford's office about brothers pranking one another?

Yeah?

Well, surprise!

I'm kidnapping you.

I mean, pranking you.

We're going on a road trip, buddy.

Pack something clean.

But graduation!

Is in two days.

What I have planned won't take long.

Sounds like a great prank! I'm in!

Hey, what about Mom and Dad?


Are you pranking me now?

Is this it? 'Cause this is super fun!

Ahem.

Hey, did we just leave Elfdale?

Um, so how's your valley-dickie-torian speech going?

[ wheel squeaks ]

[ car accelerates ]

Whoa! Kind of going a bit fast there!

Uh, you wanna play snot poppers?

[ tires squeal ]

We're going on a road trip.

No talking, understand?

Yep.

Music?

[ rock music plays ]

Music.

Do you know what's wrong with you?

I'm just big-boned. Is that where this is going?

You're an orc.

Right. See that?

I don't need to be body-shamed.

And I am an elf.

I feel like this is going somewhere.

Here's the prank, baby brother.

I'm taking you to New Orc City.

How is this... wait!

Is this for a Surprise Party?

Is that the prank?

I'm gonna have a Surprise Party in New Orc City?

Sure. Happy birthday, Barl.

Look, I know you put a lot of thought into this.

And I have to tell you, it's not my birthday.

I know.

Oh, that's why it's a surprise!

This has nothing to do with your birthday.

I'm hiding you for two days.

Hiding? Like hide and seek?

No.

Like you need to leave me alone for two days so I can graduate in peace and not worry about getting slimed!

I wouldn't slime you.

I only have half a barrel left and very little milk.

You're going to stay with orcs in New Orc City while I stay with elves in Elfdale.

Got it? Okay.

I mean, it doesn't really seem like a great prank if nothing gets slimed.

How do you even know how to make things get slimed anyway?

You're not an elf. You don't know magic.

Silly Lloyd.

You don't need to be an elf to know magic.

Yes. Yes, you do.

Well, it's not a law.

It's a law of nature.

Well, then arrest me! I know things.

I certainly know how to do your stupid tricks.

Are you reading my spell books?

As if-- Lloyd, look out!

[ shouting ]

Oh...

My whole future just flashed before my eyes and it was pretty good, actually.

I hope she's coming to apologize.

Why? We almost hit her! Not the other way around.

Her car was in the middle of the road.

Wait! Do you think that was her plan?

Get people to stop and then rob them?

Rob them?

You know, she seems nice.

What? Barl! Don't go!

She's going to kill you!

I didn't think this through.

Hi! Are you okay?

My car, it has a flat tire.

Oh, but my manners.

I am Sophie Marie Julie Aurelie Angelique.

And you are?

Barl Lightspinner, and that's my brother, Lloyd.

Oh, hello, Mr. Lloyd!

Aw, don't mind him. He's an adult.

Do you need help?

Yes, if you can.

My daughter and I are taking a little vacation.

Wow, are you going to help us?

I'm gonna try.

Yay! The big monster is going to help us!

Oh, excuse her.

My daughter has the manner of a tadpole.

It's the first time she has met an orc.

Well, it's the first time I met talking frogs.

[ growls ]

[ laughs ]

So is your car broken or something?

It has a flat. We cannot land safely.

Land? Yes.

A Grippli car gets miles to the leap, not to the gallon.

Springs propel us by leaps and bounds.

Lloyd!

Did she rob you yet?

Not yet!

But her daughter looks really dangerous!

[ growling ]

Come out here! I need your help!

Come on, Lloyd!

You can kidnap me after we help them.

Thank you so much for your help.

Always help others. That's what I always say.

I must have landed on something.

You don't know how to patch a tire.

You blow stuff up, slime it, stick stuff together.

Stick stuff together?

Oh, we can make a patch!

Can I borrow your gum?

Sure, Mr. Monster.

Thanks.

All right, Lloyd. You're up!

Me? What am I supposed to do?

Uh, how about a wind spell?

Why do you want me to blow them away?

To inflate their tire.

Wow, you're the smart one, remember?

Ugh.

What is he doing?

I think he's getting into a magic mood or something.

What's he doing now?

Oh, all elves have a magic bag.

They can do anything. You'll see.

Glockenspiel! Banana peel!

Inflate the Wheel!

[ air blowing ]

Uh...Lloyd?

Uh-oh!

[ chuckles ]

Fart sounds.

Aw, man! Come on!

You put gum on a hole, Barl!

Use what you have. Jeez!

It's not like I've fixed a tire before.

I don't even drive.

Exactly! Now move it, please.

I'm the smart one, remember?

It's okay. That was a very funny noise.

Austero! Comparo!

Tire Repairo!

It's working! You did it!

[ grunts ]

Lloyd!

It just used a little too much magic.

Thank you again, the both of you.

Bye, Mr. Monster! Smell you later!

Bye!

That's so cool!

Okay, I'll leave you alone.

Take me to New Orc City.

I'm so glad you finally see things my way, Barl.

Hey, does your kidnapping include eating?

I haven't eaten since I went to bed.

And I usually eat about 15 times before morning.

We'll stop tonight and get there in the morning.

Stop tonight and maybe we could eat?

I'd love some sleep dinner, maybe some sleep dessert, maybe both.

Yes, I understand, Mom.

But I really think it's important for me to bond with Barl right now.

This is gonna be my last time with him before I'm off to Krune University.

I need this, Mom.

It's brother-brother bonding time.

Yes, of course, I'm gonna be back for graduation.

Yes, I know everyone is gonna be there.

Okay. I love you too.

You lied to Mom?

If I told her the truth, dude, she'd make us turn around!

And what happens when you come home and I'm not there?

I'll think of something.

Sure. You always do.

Can I use the bathroom now or did you stink it all up?

Go ahead.

Oh, man. Barl!

It's ripe in here!

Oh, cool! A sleep dinner and sleep dessert.

I'm getting some ice!

No. Oh, man Come on!

Come on! Come on, stop!

Oh, man. Sleep dinner plan B this.

Now we're talking.

Take that, vending machine!

What's going on out there?

Nothing! Just talking to the candy machine!

Finally!

Oh, man, I'm ready for my third sleep dinner already.

Hey! No, no.

The best part was he didn't even know about the orc discount.

Can you believe that?

Who doesn't know about the orc discount?

Well I told Rolf right up to his eyeballs--

[ grunts ]

Hey, watch where you're going!

Sorry, ma'am.

Ma'am? I'm not your grandma!

What? No, of course not!

Hey, grandma.

What can I get you, sweetheart?

Come on. I don't have all night.

Um, a chocolate milkshake, I guess?

One choco ice turd!

Here you go.

Wow! Thanks!

Two bucks.

Wait...where...my bag!

Yeah, sure. You lost your wallet.

[ laughing ]

Hey, that's mine!

Yeah. I don't see your name on it, kid.

No name here.

That's my bag! Yeah, sure.

An orc with an elf alchemy bag.

Who'd you steal it from? Did you rough him up?

Did you hurt him real bad?

Step on him?

Uh, no.

Did you eat him? Why would I...no!

Here! Grab his wallet!

Got it! Hey!

Hey, throw it here, Scrap!

That was a gift from my brother!

Okay, kid. Get your wallet back.

What? How?

Here's your magic elf bag that you didn't steal.

Hey! The bag opened up! Whoa!

Remember the spells. Remember the spells.

Metalopolus... liquifyingnatous... bendtricular...plassie....

I think he's talking gibberish.

Should I call a doctor?

Whoa!

He's going through metal!

[ gasping ]

Whoa! I remember things.

I'm impressed. Grab a seat.

I gotta make a call.

Hey, sit down.

So what's an orc doing with a magic bag?

Uh, magic?

Huh, you're funny.

I...I don't get it.

I've, uh, been studying for years.

I'm like a big deal in my town.

I'm practically going to Krune University.

Krune University!

Yeah. You heard of it? No.

Ugh!

Well, it's the best school in the world and I'm going there!

Because I'm like a big deal.

I'll all humble about it, you know.

Blow something up!

Really? No one has ever wanted me to blow something up.

What are you talking about? You're an orc!

I was raised in Elfdale.

Elfdale? What'd you do that for?

What is that?

He thinks he's an elf.

I do not! I'm an orc!

Okay, orc. Get a soda.

Huh.

Yoo-hoo! Ma'am?

That's what an elf would do, and stop calling women ma'am.

An orc would just take it.

What? Why? That's...

Delicious! Huh?

Okay, elf-orc, do another trick and use your bag.

I don't know. I really wanna blow something up, but...

You wouldn't want me to get all orc on you, would you?

Ah!

What's he doing?

Hand me your burger.

Try it, unless you're afraid.

I'm afraid of nothin'!

That's right, Heap!

Hah!

Being an orc is all about proving you're strong.

I'm strong! Super strong!

My friends think I'm the strongest.

Ain't takin' no heat from anyone!

I'm the heatiest one ever!

That's what everyone says!

Ugh...

Hey, boss.

I got what you're looking for.

Orc's got an elf bag and knows how to use it.

Put his hand right through a napkin holder.

We'll get him to you. No worries.

Ugh!

Barl?

[ grunts ]

Barl.

Shh! Shh! Here she comes.

Huh?

Hey, get outta here!

Too loud!

Eddy don't like!

Out!

Let's go, let's go! Out!

Come on, Barl!

You're a Big Tooth Chomper now!

We have another Big Tooth Chomper!

Hey, there you are.

Jeez!

You call this getting ice? Come on.

Let's go back in the motel so we can...

Hey, you know this little elf?

Nope.

He was just giving me a ride out of town, but I found a new ride.

Barl!

Hmm.

Hey, they have the same statue in Elfdale!

Only this elf has the gem!

Figures! Elves think they're better than everyone!

They sure do, especially brothers.


Where are we?

This is Big Tooth Chomper Central.

Hey, the new guy doesn't think much of our luxury...accomahd?

Acroma?

He thinks our place sucks.

Well, I didn't say that.

I mean, yeah, I did say that. You got a problem?

And what if I did?

Then I'll do to you what I did to the napkin holder.

[ gasps ]

[ laughter ]

Schwartz! Let's get moving!

You see that? It ain't too tough to be tough.

You'll be riding with us soon enough.

Who said that runt can ride with me?

Uh, not me.

Rolf, I didn't mean anything.

But I think you should meet the new guy.

Who's this runt?

Smells like an elf!

Yeah. This is the kid I told you about, Rolf, the orc with the elf bag.

He knows how to use them spells, Rolf.

I don't like his face. It's soft.

Well, you're ugly and your breath smells like feet!

[ gasps ]

[ laughs ]

You've got guts, runt!

Mush for brains, but plenty of guts.

Fine.

You can run with the War Chief until I get sick of looking at you.

Oh, that's great, Rolf! I told you he was one of us.

Let me see the bag. Hey, give it back!

Won't open.

You lied to me, all of you!

You know what I do to liars!

Wait! Only Barl can open it up.

Open it!

[ gulps ]

Phew.

Now do some elf magic!

Technically, it's orc magic.

Technically, I'm gonna make you into a Christmas ornament if you don't shut up!

Heap, shh! Barl needs to concentrate!

What's taking so long?

It's empty.

Empty? Empty?

Wait! We can refill it, right?

You said you just need the right ingredients.

Yes! I mean, absolutely!

I just need the right ingredients.

We can take him out shopping.

Fine.

Take these three morons and go shopping... orc style.

Very wise, sir.

Cool! Orc style. I like the sound of that.

Walk with me.

But...

Don't worry. You'll catch up.

[ sighs ]

Yeah, so what do you need to see me about, Rolf?

I mean, I...

You sure that runt can grab stuff through metal?

Oh, I'm sure.

I never seen an orc with a magic elf bag before.

That's good news for you and the gang, Thomble.

This runt needs to get all that magic stuff by tonight.

No problem, boss.

What's going on tonight? You throwing a party?

No! Revenge!

Total and complete revenge!

With who? The runt?

Huh? What?

The runt? Why?

No, you fool!

A thousand years ago, our ancestors lost what was rightfully ours: complete orc domination!

What?

I thought we were in peace with the elves.

Peace?

Look at us! Does this look like peace?

Uh, no.

How could we live in peace when the elves have all the magic?

How could we live in peace when they live in happy, shiny Elfdale and we live in dirt and rocks?

Yeah, but I love dirt and rocks.

I mean, I hate dirt and rocks.

They're horrible, they're dirty and rocky.

Make the magic bag work, Thomble, And you and the gang will be in command of the new orc world!

Together, me as your leader, we can steal the power that ended a war a thousand years ago!

Uh, what power?

How?

Here, buried in this statue, the gemstone that ended the war was cast.

Oh!

So the orc with the magic elf bag can use his magic stuff and get through the metal.

Like pulling his wallet out of a napkin holder.

Huh? Like what?

Napkin holder? What are you...

Oh, right! I see it now, boss!

Barl can get into the statue with his magic and grab the gemstone!

And then we'll all be Kings!

I'll be the King, you imbecile!

[ gulps ]

But it's not so easy.

We orcs have one-half and the other half is in Elfdale!

Well, that blows.

So much for winning the other half.

But with both halves, together, we can start a new world, a word dominated by orcs!

Orc, orc, orc, orc, orc, orc!

Yeah!

Go.

Yeah! Right on, boss!

I'm done looking after you.

You wanna run away? Fine! Good riddance!

Run away!

I'm better off without you anyway.

I'll go back to school.

I'll deliver my incredibly awesome speech at graduation.

I'll go to Krune University and never see you again, never be your big... brother...again!

Gnome biscuits!

[ tires squeal ]

Hello, young man. Can I help you?

I need to purchase some moon dew.

Uh, how much do you need?

Two jars.

That's a lot of moon dew.

It'll be pretty expensive.

Oh, hold on. Scrap?

You havin' trouble?

Yeah, what's the problem?

No problem. Mr. Hodges...

What? Me?

...was saying the moon dew we need is expensive.

Do you have any money? I only have a few dollars.

I thought we had a discount here.

Oh, of course, Mr. Thomble, your discount.

How much is it with the discount?

It's on the house.

Barl, just accept the man's gift.

Thank you, Mr. Hodges.

I don't want any trouble now.

I run a respectable business here.

You's have a good day.

Oh, thanks.

Wow! Orcs are really nice.

Yeah, sure, kid. Sweet as daisies.

Hop on, Barl. Let's get this next ingredient.

I was saying we're having a... sale on goblin vine today.

And you can just have it.

We have too much of it anyway.

Hey! No! No! It's such a good ingredient.

Yep. Sure is! Well, enjoy.

We're closing early today!

Bad plant, bad plant! No! Stop!

That's the second store that's given us a deal today.

Is that right? Feels weird.

Don't worry about it, Barl.

Just... Are you getting what you need?

Oh, yeah. Just one and it should be great.

And what's that? Air crystals.

Hey, what are you doing? Ow!

Excuse me.

Have you seen this orc?

Sorry. I didn't have a photo, so I just drew this.

But he looks like an orc.

He's big like you with big hands... like you.

But you seem angrier.

Well, hey there. You look familiar.

You ever seen anything like that before?

We have the same statue in Elfdale.

Statue? No, you silly elf.

This hot dog. Relish its beauty.

Be a wiener and enjoy the taste of this delectable treat.

Hot buns?

You can't... look, I'm trying to find my brother.

Hmm.

I see things around here.

Have you seen my brother?

Hmm.

Ah. Oh.

Two dollars and I'll tell you everything.

And if you make it a dollar more, I'll throw in a hot dog.

Two dollars, no hot dog.

Nope. Haven't seen him.

Wait! Look again, please?

Hmm.

Twins?

What? No! I'm an elf.

He's an orc.

Fraternity brothers?

We're in high school.

You're not really brothers, are you?

This is a setup? I'm being punked?

Where are the cameras?

I knew I was destined to be a movie star.

No! He was adopted!

He's my brother, but adopted.

Oh, why didn't you say so?

Oh, yeah. I see the resemblance now.

Never mind. You obviously have not seen him.

Do you want another hot dog?

Wait!

You want any napkins?

Is this a joke to you?

Is that what being an orc is?

Laughing at others?

Being mean? Doing pranks?

I need to find my brother.

He ran away!

Look, kid, I don't know where he's at.

But he's lucky he has a brother like you looking out for him.

Ooh, I hit a nerve.

Were you responsible for him?

Are you feeling guilty now?

Is that it?

What? No. Why would you...

You're sweating.

Here's a drink with that hot dog... on the house.

Look, elf.

Orcs grow fast and we're strong even as kids.

It's hard for other people to understand that.

I made a mistake and now he ran away!

You're brothers, and brothers fight.

They make up, they fight again.

You'll find him.

And when you do, you'll have a nice moment, maybe even hug it out until the next time.

You know what? This is a very good hot dog.

I know.

Welcome to Vrax's. Can I help you?

Hello. I need a dozen of your finest air crystals.

Oh, that's a tall order.

How are you gonna be paying?

Um, discount?

Sorry, little dude.

There is no discount for air crystals.

We import them from Goblin Town. Very expensive.

I said discount.

And I said no!

Besides, shouldn't you be in school or something?

There you are. Did you get the crystals?

Well, I said discount, wink, and he said no, wink.

Oh, did he now?

Wait outside.

Um, you can't just come into my store and demand with a wink...

I can replace air crystals with water bugs, easy.

Don't... Wait outside.

Sorry?

Barl?

Where are you going?

Hey, I got your crystals!

Barl just ran off!

What did you do in there?

I got the discount.

Oh! You don't have to be such an orc!

What are you doing getting into trouble like this?

What were you thinking?

Mom's gonna kill me!

Dad's gonna kill me!

Everyone's gonna...

Barl! Barl?

Lloyd? Lloyd!

Get in the car! Now!

Hey! Hey, I thought we were gonna hug, you know, like a big moment!

What?

Because you missed me and you figured out you were wrong.

Wrong? I wasn't wrong!

Is that why you came back? To tell me that?

I came back because you ran off with strangers!

So you're kidnapping me again?

I set up a hotel for you to be in.

You'll stay there until after I graduate.

This elf again?

I'm his brother! We're brothers!

Is that true? He's your family?

Mm-hmm.

You said you didn't have a home!

He does. It's in Elfdale.

Sorry, Scrap. I should go back with Lloyd now.

Rolf isn't gonna just let you go.

You know that, right?

Well, maybe if you tell him nicely?

It doesn't work that way.

Look, Scrap, I think you're one of the coolest people ever.

You're funny, you're smart and... but those other guys...

Careful, Barl! That's my family!

They're kind of mean.

Barl, it's time to go.

Well, well, look who I found on the wrong side of the tracks.

You're not taking Barl anywhere.

That's not your business.

Everything is my business, elf.

Lloyd, meet Thomble and Heap.

Oh, and that's Scrap.

Gang, this is my brother, Lloyd.

Brother, huh?

Oh, yeah, the magic elf.

Lasau illusion arcaniss: Charir Drastrix!

Wait.

Where's my bag?

Missing something? Your brother took it first!

Barl?

I was gonna return it?

Really? You stole my bag?

Okay, touching moment.

He betrays you, you betray him.

Grab them both. Bring 'em to Rolf.

Barl! What are you doing?

[ grunts ]

Thomble! Stop it!

He's down! You got him!

Was that necessary?

Absolutely!

Look, as long as we have the elf, he'll do what we tell him.

Now grab him and I'll go get Mr. Wizard.

I didn't order any kidnappings today, did I?

Yeah, the kid tried to run without doing his part.

The elf is his brother.

His brother? You're kidding.

They don't look anything alike.

That's because I'm an orc and he's an elf.

Barl was adopted. He had a family all along.

Well, what should we do with them?

[ muffled shouting ]

Let my brother go.

Hey, shut that elf up!

Lloyd!

Listen, runt. I'll let your brother go.

Really? That's a relief.

But only after you take your stupid elf bag of tricks and give me the power to go through metal.

Really? That's it?

Yep, then free to go.

And if I say no?

Your parents will have to adopt two new kids!

He gets a new brother and sister?

Wow, you are set!

[ growls ]

Shh!

Our boss is really nice.

Listen up! Tonight's the big night!

Get that magic spell to work and we can finally take back our orc domination!

Now get them outta my sight.

Yeah. What should we do with the elf?

Throw the elf in an empty storeroom.

Huh?

Put him to work and watch him.

Wait! You should let Lloyd go!

He needs to graduate! He's really smart!

You're supposed to be my toughest orc!

Boss, I, uh...

My whole plan could've fallen apart!

All you had to do was watch the runt!

I fixed it.

Fixed it?

Now we have a hostage!

You're lucky I'm in a good mood!

Try not to fix anything else!

Stop staring. You're making me nervous.

What? Do I have a booger on me?

I don't get it, Barl.

If you had a family, why'd you leave a family?

If I had a real family...

I don't know, things would have been different.

I didn't leave, at least not by choice.

Lloyd and I... are just different.

Why?

Because he's an elf and you're an orc?

Yeah, something like that.

But you're not.

What? An orc?

Not really.

Look at me.

I'm big, I'm clumsy, I'm loud.

I'm an orc.

But you know magic like the elves.

I know a few things, I guess.

But only because Lloyd has been saying those stupid spells his whole life!

So I kind of know them too.

You're kind of like an elf and an orc.

I'm a e-orc?

We'll work on it.

Scrap, what did Rolf mean by "Orc Domination"?

[ bell chimes ]

Oh, it's done!

And, look, I made it into a goo.

Anyone can use it!

I heard it ding. Is it done?

All done.

[ chuckles ]

Oh, here. I wrote down the spell incantation.

It's pretty simple.

Can I leave with my brother now?

We need to get home.

Oh, this is your home now.

Rolf, no!

He gave you the spell!

Rolf, please don't do this!

The gem is in there. Of course it is.

Well, what are you waiting for?

Oh, man.

Oh, that's cold!

Hurry, you dweeb!

Mmm. okay...

Metalopolus... liquifyingnatous... bendtricular...plastiqa...

Cold...

Oh, I'm in!

Good!

Find the stone! Find it!

I'm touching it.

Well?

Uh, it's just a rock. You sure this is it?

Bring it to me!

Okay, fine.

It looks like a rock. Uh, here.

Totallus Controllus!

[ thundering sounds ]

Totallus Controllus!

Totallus Controllus!

Um, you okay, boss?

You seem... bigger.

Power!

I feel incredible!

Yeah. So, boss, can I feel incredible too?

I'd really like to be...oh!

Hey, Thomble, you okay?

[ gasps ]

[ grunts ]

Go! Bring others here!

We need to build an orc army!

We need to build my army!

And then... we take the other stone from Elfdale.

This is the best night of my life!

[ laughs ]

[ video game sound effects ]

Hey! Huh?

Hello! Hi. I gotta go.

I'm gonna pee my pants.

[ chuckles ]

I'm serious, man. Please?

I really gotta go.

Kids.

How did you get your gag out?

I'm serious! Please? I really gotta go.

Huh?

Picus takeeus.

Hey!

[ grunts ]

You! You!

[ gasps ] How did you escape?

Appicus take-- Ow!

What'd you do that for?

Because you were gonna turn me into a squirrel or something!

I was gonna put you to sleep.

That hurt, you know.

Well, don't use magic on me!

Fine. Then don't head butt me.

Now where's Barl?

I told him what orc domination meant.

What do you mean, orc domination?

Look, I know this seems really bad.

But I didn't think we were really bad.

Okay, you know how orcs and elves lived in peace for 1,000 years?

And?

I just wanted a family! I just wanted to belong!

I didn't know that Rolf wanted...

Scrap... What did you do?

Rolf used me. He used your brother!

Barl created a spell to get a gemstone that would create an army!

Wait! What gemstone?

From the stories, from our history, the battle between orcs and elves 1,000 years ago?

Rolf knows where it is?

Impossible.

He said he was the descendant of the general orc that fought in the final battle.

Secrets were passed to him from generation to generation.

Wait a minute.

Rolf is related to Shark Tooth?

Mm-hmm.

So if he has the stone, then no one is safe.

Legend has it that orcs became 10 times their normal size.

And all of them were...

Controlled by General Sharp Tooth.

You know your history.

Your brother is this way.

Come on.

[ groans ]

See? He's in a funk.

Hey, buddy... you wanna go home?

Is it time for graduation?

Oh, sorry about the whole orc domination thing.

My bad.

Barl, I know you didn't mean for this to happen, okay?

Mom and Dad are gonna kill me.

I know you messed up, but I messed up too.

We all messed up!

But, Barl, we are family!

And as a family, we're all gonna fix this, okay?

How?

Rolf needs the second half of the gemstone to take full control.

We need to stop him before that happens!

That's right.

Is it in the other statue?

Yes, in Elfdale!

We need to get to Elfdale before Rolf does!

They're in here! I can hear 'em!

Scrap, can you get us out of here?

There's a window on the bottom floor that doesn't latch properly.

Perfect.

You're not gonna hurt them, are you?

Who? The Chompers!

Bad guys or not, they're my family!

I mean, you are part orc.

Part e-orc? I'll make sure we don't hurt them.

Promise.

And they're over here! I can hear 'em!

Oh, here's your bag.

Oh, there's goo inside!

Guys, the door!

Scrap! Open the door!

Wait! I can hear you!

I know a spell.

Freezey peazy, lemon squeezy!

I'm confused.

Follow me.

Here. Take your bag.

What was that?

I was trying out a spell to freeze the door shut.

Leave the spells to me, okay?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

There they are!

The floor is melting!

What did you do?

Should have emptied the bag!

You need to stay out of my bag!

That works, too.

I think the building is shrinking!

What kind of spell was that, Burl?

In my defense, that was supposed to freeze the door shut, not melt the building.

[ rumbling ]

What's that?

I got one spell wrong!

What else is melting? Jeez!

That's not anything melting.

Those are footstomps!

We gotta get to Elfdale right now!

We can take the motor... never mind.

Lloyd, get your back! Look out!

Heap, you're okay!

Heap! Put him down!

Heap, what are you doing?

That's not Heap anymore.

Help me!

Hang on, Lloyd! We're coming to help you!

I'm sorry, Heap!

Better than mind control.

Thanks.

[ growling ]

Duck! Look out!

I hoped that would hold him longer.

Hey! Let me go! Put me down!

Scrap!

Barl, I don't wanna be mind controlled!

Scrap!

Barl!

[ grunts ]

Get off of me!

Lloyd, help!

That's Rolf!

What happened to Rolf?

Rolf! Don't you mind control her!

Don't you do it!

[ gasps ]

[ gasps ]

You both belong to me!

No!

Stop him before he warns Elfdale!

[ growling ]

Maximus Copius!

This is bad.

This is really, really, really bad.

Barl! Scrap! Wait!

This isn't you!

Fight it!

You need to break free. Wait!

Break!

Enchantus Breakus!

Oh, you're crushing me!

Barl!

Lloyd!

Oh, my head.

What did you do?

I broke the enchantment!

I cannot believe that just worked!

Was I hugging you?

Because that would be so weird.

You were actually trying to kill me.

Oh, that makes way more sense!

Look we need to hurry.

Rolf's gonna have all those zombie orcs attack Elfdale!

Can't you do that break enchantment thing on the rest of them?

I used the last of my magic on you two.

I need to rest.

And Rolf could just mind control us again.

Whoa! You've never let me drive!

Like I said, I need a rest.

No, "don't scratch it?".

"Drive the speed limit. Be careful."

Barl, I trust you.

Now get us to Elfdale.

Cool! I call back seat, junkhead.

[ growling ]

I... uh... I don't...

I, uh, I don't get it.

I wasn't gonna hit that little bunny!

It was a cute bunny.

A little cute bunny.

My car is upside down on top of a tree!

Yes, and a cute little fluffy bunny is alive, thanks to my very good driving.

Can't you whip up a spell or something?

Tree! Car!

You're not being very helpful.

[ rumbling ]

Wait! Shh!

Do you two hear that?

Oh, no!

[ boinging ]

Is that Rolf?

We have to get outta here.

No, we don't.

[ horn honks ]

Lloyd? Barl? Is that you?

Sophie!

My friends, we have to stop meeting like this.

You know this frog?

Mr. Monster!

All these orcs begin to act strangely.

So, like I say, when trouble is afoot, it is good to have long legs.

We need to get to Elfdale right away, but we're out of gas.

Can you help us?

But of course. Hop in.

So why is your car on top of a tree?

[ tires squeal ]

Thanks.

Sophie, we can never repay you.

If what you say is true, it is us who will be in your debt.

Don't stop in Elfdale. Keep going.

Of course.

You're my new best friend.

You're my new best friend too.

[ growling ]

Looks like you made a new friend there.

A new bestie, I think.

Careful, Barl.

People might think you're an e-orc with a heart of gold.

I'm totally that! That's my thing!

Oh, really?

Could be!

Hmm.

Anything?

Almost.

Any sign on Zombie Rolf?

Um, nope, not yet.

Got it!

Whoa! It's so shiny!

Okay, now what?

Keep it away from Rolf!

Scrap!

I am your master!

Do my bidding!

I hope your first order is for me to feed you this rock!

That's not funny, Barl!

It wasn't supposed to be.

But I can see how my accent was a bit funny.

I just wanted to see if you felt anything.

You didn't, right?

It's nothing without the other half!

Lloyd!

Fantastic that I ran into you.

I just had a meeting with the rep from Krune University.

Hi, Principal Ashford!

Oh, hey.

Hey, I didn't think I'd see you, Barl, but here you are.

Uh, yeah.

Hi. I'm Scrap. I'm from New Orc City.

Let's walk away from the statue, shall we?

Yeah, we should walk over there that way because...

Uh, she's a representative from New Orc University.

NOU is a very good school, but...

Great school!

Options are always good, but this elf is going to my alma mater, Krune University.

We'll see about that.

[ chuckles ]

Well, I can't wait to hear your speech, Lloyd.

I'm sure it's gonna be very impressive!

Yes, sir! Can't wait to hear it myself.

Graduation!

Oh, Gnome Biscuits! Graduation is today!

I completely forgot! How much time do we have?

[ engines approaching ]

Um, now!

Where are we going?

Mr. Pickens's classroom! Who's that?

Everyone knows Mr. Pickens. He's our rock teacher.

You mean mineralogist?

We're gonna throw rocks at Rolf and his zombie orcs?

No!

I'm gonna create a spell so the two halves can't stick together!

And if they don't stick...

We don't graduate!

No! No!

Then he can't mind control us elves!

Okay, but I still think we should throw rocks at him.

Next rock?

Agate!

Agate up!

Coming at you.

Wow, good crushing, Barl!

Calcite!

Calcite?

Um, over there!

Ladies and gentlemen, please take your seats in our beautiful gymnasium to begin Elfdale High's graduation ceremony.

We have to hurry before the graduation starts.

Rolf is gonna be here any second!

Too late. He's here.

Lloyd, you need to tell Principal Ashford to stop the graduation!

What? No! Why?

People are gonna get hurt!

Mom and Dad are out there! Friends!

Orcs? Elves? Gnomes? Goblins?

He'll listen to you.

From me, he'll just think it's another prank.

You go. I got this.

What about us?

Easy. We grab the other stone from Rolf.

Sure, easy.

[ stomping ]

[ growling ]

[ panting ]

Whoa!

Excuse me, but do you know where the gymnasium is?

Around the corner.

I said, where the gymnasium is?

I think I got turned around.

Over there, around the corner.

What? You ate a quarter?

It's over there!

Oh, thank you, young lady.

[ snarling ]

Gnome Biscuits!

Barl, I hear them!

[ gasps ]

Miss me?

My, what big feet you have.

The better to stomp you with.

My, what big fists you have.

The better to pound you with.

What big eyes you have.

The better to... argh!

Ha! You missed us! Stop this!

Stop this right now!

Elves and orcs live together in peace!

You hear me?

Let go of her! She's my friend!

Barl! Run! I got this.

[ gasps ]

Barl, are you all right?

Scrap! She... she... and then Rolf went... and then she said, "I got this" and then she didn't!

Okay, okay. We'll save her!

I have an idea. What is it?

I am going to graduate.

Cool.

[ snarling ]

Oh, hi, sweetheart. I'm still lost.

Can you point me to the gymnasium?

[ roars ]

What?

There's the gym!

Teenager.

Ceremonies that celebrated academic excellence date back as far as the 12th century known to us in the academic world as the Proto-Germanic Period where clerics developed the taste for Elderberry wine.

There you are. We've been waiting for you.

Your speech?

Awesome. I'm totally ready.

I'm not gonna improvise, though, if that's what you're thinking.

Didn't think it for even a moment.

Cap? Gown?

Part of my speech.

Of course.

And that is how an elephant got its spots.

Now... Thank you, Miss Tenderfoot.

Everyone? Miss Tenderfoot!

[ applause ]

But I'm...

Ladies and gentlemen, it is my honor...

[ applause ]

Ladies and gentlemen, it is my honor...

[ applause ]

It is my honor to present to you this year's Valedictorian, Lloyd Lightspinner!

[ cheering ]

Thank you, Principal Ashford, student body, special members of the audience.

I cannot thank you enough for your warm reception.

You would not believe the journey it has been to get here today.

[ laughter ]

No, seriously, the past few days have given me a lot to think about, about what all of this means to me.

High school, graduation, college, and I realize...

[ door opens ]

[ snarling ]

I realize that... graduation is a time that... brings people together.

We are honored today to have members of the orc community here.

Let's give them a hand, folks.

[ applause ]

They brought with them a gift to share as well, a sign of togetherness.

[ gasps ]

Behold!

[ gasps ]

That's...

Mine!

[ screaming ]

You want this, Rolf?

Do you?

Well you can't have this!

Because orcs and elves have been living in peace for 1,000 years!

And when I break this, they will live in peace forever!

No!

Gnome Biscuits.

[ screaming ]

Enjoy your party, elves!

From now until eternity, orcs will rule the world!

[ screaming ]

Totalus Controlus!

Oh, hey, Forelle. What's happening?

Um, that big smelly orc just got bigger and smellier.

Pretty scary, actually.

Your milk!

Wait. Stop.

Sorry.

[ grunts ]

[ laughing ]

[ bubbling ]

[ explosion ]

[ screaming ]

You think petty pranks will stop me?

No, but this should.

Freezey peazy, lemon squeezy!

No!


I'm me.

I'm me!

[ laughs ]

I have a headache.

Help! Somebody help...

[ cheering ]

Barl! Lloyd!

Barl!

We did it!

You did it! This was your plan, brother!

Well, it was your magic!

Lightspinner!

That was the greatest speech in Elfdale history!

Congratulations, Lloyd!

No doubt you're Krune University material!

Your heroics will be talked about for centuries!

You're gonna take that?

Yeah. You know, Lloyd's right.

Maybe I'm not cut out to be the hero.

I kind of like fart jokes and snot bombs.

Me too.

Huh?

Folks, I'd like to finish my speech if it's okay.

[ applause ]

I know it's easy to get lost in this moment.

Our freedom was almost taken from us today.

So when the history books write about this day, they just need to remember one person:

Barl Lightspinner, my brother.

He's the real deal, folks.

These last few days, he taught me what it's like to be a real hero.

He showed me strength, trust, brains, friendship, even a little bit of magic.

Barl?

[ applause ]

[ chanting ] Barl! Barl!

Go on, Barl. Go!

[ cheering ]

Um...

[ cheering ]

Hey! I know that guy!

Huh? You want salami on rye?

[ cheering ]


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