Welcome to The Toni Post Show. I am your host, Toni Post. I love life.
I love life. I love life.
I love my job. You know why I love my job?
I get to wake up each morning and spend it with you.
That's right. That's right. And I mean that.
We're talking about real things, about real people.
We're gonna get down and get dirty. That makes a difference.
All right. Let's start with our first guest.
Connie Phillips from Chicago, Illinois. Hi.
We want to ask you first... how do you feel about this friend we've heard so much about?
Well, I'd walk through fire for her.
She's not just a friend, she's my best friend, you know?
Your best friend. Right.
And tell me, how long have you been having sex with her husband?
A little over a year now.
He doesn't love her. He loves me.
Does she know why she's gonna appear on our show today?
She thinks she's here for a makeover.
Ouch. Ha, ha, ha!
Ouch. That's gotta hurt.
You know, I'm sure we're all wondering here... why you chose to reveal this to her, your friend, on national television.
Because I want her to hear my point of view.
I really want her to hear me, you know?
Fair enough. Let's bring her out.
Let's bring out your friend, Birdee. Come on. Give Birdee a big hand.
There you are, Birdee.
So tell us, how do you feel?
I'm perfectly delightful, thank you. Okay.
Birdee, do you recognize the voice of the person sitting next to you?
Connie? My best friend, Connie? Absolutely correct.
Go ahead and take off your blindfold. Don't do it!
Oh, my God.
Birdee, Connie is your best friend?
She's my best friend.
And she told us that she loves you very much.
Yeah. I love you too.
The last thing that she wants to do is to hurt you in any way.
Billy and I are having an affair.
He doesn't love you anymore. He wants to marry me.
Connie wants you to know that your friendship is very important to her... and she loves you very much, Birdee.
Have you been sleeping with him?
Actually, Connie told us that she had sex with your husband, Bill... in your home on your living room floor.
I want to hear what Bill has to say.
How about you? You want to hear from Bill? All right.
Let's bring Bill in. Come on in, Bill. Join us, won't you?
Come on, come on, come on.
Bill, thank you for appearing on The Toni Post Show.
Thank you, ma'am. Go ahead and take off your blindfold, Bill.
Bill... are you having an affair with your wife's best friend?
All right. That's it. We've gotta take a break.
We're gonna be back with more sizzle on The Toni Post Show.
You join us, now.
Bernice, did you get my suitcase in the car?
Yeah, Mama, we should be there a few days.
Well, if it's not an inconvenience.
Me too. Bye-bye.
Don't look back, sweetheart. It's bad luck.
Put on your seat belt.
Take the wheel.
Bernice, don't be a baby. Just take the wheel.
Okay. Thank you.
Here we go.
"Dear Princess, I know you're confused now and I don't blame you."
I want you to know none of this is your fault.
This is between your mom and me.
Not a day will go by when I won't think about you and wish you were with me.
"I love you, honey. Be nice to your mom. All my heart, Daddy."
Baby, baby I'm aware of where you go Each time you leave my door I watch you walk down the street
Knowing your other love You're gonna meet This time before you run to her Leaving me alone and hurt Think it over Haven't I been good to you?
Think it over What's that funny smell?
Is this where you were cream of corn?
Queen of Corn, honey, three years running.
A feat unsurpassed in the history of Smithville.
Okay, so maybe that was a long time ago... but believe me, honey, once upon a time, your mama knew what it meant to shine.
Before you break my heart Think it over
Oh, you're here.
You're actually here. Oh, my baby. My babies.
Bernice. Take this with you.
Oh, look at you. You are so pretty.
You look just like my mama, you know that?
And Bird... Hey, Mama.
Birdee, you take up drinking? No, I have not.
You mean, this is you stone sober? You look just awful.
Well, I feel awful, Mama.
Well, you look it. Well, I feel it.
Well, you look it.
Here, let me take one of those. Come on, honey, I got a present for you.
Here, Mom. I just can't believe you're here.
That's a present from your grandpa and me.
How is Daddy? Oh, he's fine.
He has a cold this week, so we can't see him till Saturday.
But he's fine. Good.
It's a bunny purse.
You don't like stuffed animals? That's all right.
We'll get you settled first.
But be very quiet, because we don't want to wake up Travis.
You remember your cousin, don't you?
He got so excited waiting for you all to arrive, he just pooped out.
You see those?
They're scaredy-cats. Get it?
Your grandpa made a fortune off of them.
Birdee, lock the door. You want to be murdered in your bed?
Don't worry, sweetheart. If they bite you, they got rubber teeth.
Did Grandma kill those animals herself? No, honey, they come here already dead.
See, this way, they live forever.
As scaredy-cats. Yeah, as scaredy-cats.
This is a nice room, isn't it?
See that door right there? It leads right into mine.
Isn't that neat?
Okay, that about does it.
I've got a little surprise for you.
So you don't bump into doors at night.
Okay, feet in. Arms in or out?
Out. Out. There you go.
Snug as a bug in a rug. Good night, baby.
Every night I dream you're next to me
Tenderly You say my name
You know everybody's watching me
And what they see Is me watching you
Bad dog, Hucklebee. Bad dog.
Feel so jagged Oh, what a sweet dog. Mama, you didn't tell me you had a pet.
Hey, Travis. How are you?
All right, Travis, you're a boy again. Go sit at the table and eat breakfast.
Better do what she says, Travis. Grandma stuffs bad little dogs.
Any messages we get will be right on that bulletin board there.
All right, y'all. Dig in here.
Bernice, you remember Travis, don't you?
He visited us in Chicago. What was it?
Two Christmases ago?
He chewed my Little House on the Prairie.
Where's Aunt Desiree?
Aunt Desiree's living in Hollywood now. Isn't she, Travis?
Feel so jagged She's doing a pilot.
Oh, really? And what's he like?
That is a show for television, smarty. Oh.
Aunt Desiree's gonna be on television?
Oh, well, I was on TV too. A fat lot of good it did me.
Well, I am proud of both of my television daughters.
Birdee, you looked so beautiful on that TV.
I mean, everybody thought so. Who's everybody?
Well, everybody in Smithville, that's for sure.
Well, honey, if you didn't want people to see you, why did you go on television?
Because, Mama, I wanted...
I wanted a free makeover, that's all.
You got one. Just a different kind, that's all.
So, Bernice, what are your plans?
Stop that, Travis.
My name is Aunt Birdee.
Well, stop that, Aunt Birdee.
I don't know. Well, I think it's time you made some.
You know, you're starting a whole new life here.
Anything you wish is possible.
Is that marmalade over there?
Oh, no, excuse me.
Travis, I said stop it.
If anything's possible like Grandma says, then I want more friends.
What if they don't like me here?
Bernice, sweetheart, you worry too much.
You're a likeable girl, Bernice. You are.
You want more friends? Is that what you wish for? Yeah? Yeah?
Where we used to make big plans Bernice? Hey, Daddy. I miss you so much.
Nothing I say is cool Nothing I think is bright Nothing's good enough for you
Daddy says hi. He really misses me.
I'm sure he does, sweetheart.
Well, I'm glad you only missed six weeks here, huh?
I'm sure the schools in Chicago are way ahead of here.
Keep it up, keep it up. Keep that Tiger spirit up. I said keep it up.
You sure you don't want me to pick you up after school today?
I'll walk home with Travis. Okay.
Keep it up, keep it up. Keep that Tiger spirit up. I said keep it up.
This still smells the same, like peanut butter and paste.
Can you smell it?
All right. You look perfect. You ready?
Maybe I could go in alone.
Show them you're the independent type, huh? Yeah?
You're gonna do great. Mm-hm.
Go knock them dead. Okay.
Okay. Bye, Mama.
Hey. Come back here. What's the matter with you?
Bye, Mom. Bye, baby.
Mm-hm. Yes, that's correct. "Harry gave me a turtle."
Okay. "He drunk that water fast." Brandie?
"He drank that water fast."
"He drank that water fast."
That's the correct answer. Very good.
Okay, Bernice. All right, class, this is Bernice Pruitt.
Bernice comes to us from Chicago.
You take the desk next to Kristen. That will be your seat. Kristen?
Go on, honey.
All right, class, let's open up your books to Page 76, Chapter 3.
Pay attention, because you're gonna have a quiz on Monday.
She's got pop-eyes.
Bernice, you just follow along with Kristen, okay?
I didn't do anything. Why is it always my fault?
I didn't say anything about fault. I just asked what you did, that's all.
People fall in love, they fall right back out.
It happens all the time.
You never even told me you were having trouble with Bill.
Maybe it's because I didn't want to hear, "I told you so."
Besides, how could we have trouble?
Prom queen, quarterback, pride of Smithville.
We practically left town on a float.
Well, maybe you were special.
But then again, maybe you were just like the rest of us... except you were riding around on flowers made out of toilet paper.
You just never liked Bill.
Oh, I like all of God's creatures. I just like some of them better stuffed.
And he's one of them.
Why don't you just cut to the part where, you know, he started fooling around?
Well, at cocktail parties, the women that Bill worked with would never...
They'd never look at me.
Their eyes were always surveying the room... looking for somebody better to talk to.
I was the beauty queen from Smithville, worse than ordinary, a joke.
That was it.
No, you were never a joke.
Oh, yeah, I was, Mama.
You could see it in his eyes. You can't mistake that.
Honey, you know, crying over it won't make it clean.
Life just goes on and you gotta move along with it.
How's your dinner, Kermit? Good.
Well, we seem to be the only ones enjoying it.
Did you ever see two such mopes? That's a mope and that's a mope.
All right, Mama.
No, it isn't all right. I mean, look at me.
My life has no big meaning or direction or purpose, and I'm happy.
Look at Kermit here. You think it's easy being green?
Oh, I saw that, Bernice. That smile means there's hope for you.
I got it!
You expecting someone? No. I mean, it might be Justin Matisse.
I mean, he said he might drop over after his day job.
He's helping me fix the porch.
I don't want to see Justin Matisse. Hi, Travis.
Why? Because your hair's not fixed? He's back from California.
So what? And...
Justin, come on in. Mama.
Hey, Justin. Well, well, well.
If it ain't Birdee Calvert. It's Pruitt. Birdee Pruitt.
It's all right.
Birdee, Birdee, Birdee.
Move on to something else, Justin.
So I heard you'd come back.
I wonder how.
Oh, this is my daughter, Bernice.
Bernice, Bernice, Bernice.
You smell just delicious, Justin. Thanks.
Are you wearing cologne?
Oh, no. That's a little paint thinner.
A little sweat mixed in with it.
Well, it sure does smell good. Don't it, Birdee?
Why don't you go out on the porch and I'll have Birdee bring you some iced tea?
That sounds great, Mrs. Calvert. Thank you. Bye, y'all.
Bye. Bye, Bernice, Bernice, Bernice.
Great to see you, Birdee. You look good.
Oh, hey, Bernice. Thank you.
I don't see a glass there for your mother.
She went upstairs.
My daddy usually calls about now for one of his daily chats... and then we all turn in.
So how do you like it down here in Smithville?
It wasn't on any maps until we got to Texas.
Well, see, we like to keep it a secret.
That way, it doesn't get overrun with people.
It seems to be working.
You know, your mother and I go way back.
I know you must.
Back home, we had a pet skunk. Mom called it Justin Matisse.
Do you think that's a coincidence?
All day long, Mom would scream, "You stink, Justin Matisse."
Finally, she just picked up a club and killed it.
Well, that's a sad story.
If you like the skunk, which we didn't.
I think she still has that club in her purse upstairs.
So I guess that means she's not coming down, huh?
Not until you leave.
Guess I better go, then.
Hey, thanks for packing up all my stuff. I appreciate it.
I'll see you around.
That's what's great about a small town.
What, Mama? Honey, can you give me a hand?
What? Mama. Oh. Oh!
Honey, are you still in here? I had no idea.
It's a beautiful day out. Just take a look at that.
Get out there. Get the stink blown off you.
I always hated that expression, Mama.
Don't make me use it, then. I'm gonna turn the shower on for you.
Then I'm going shopping later, if you want to get out of the house.
Mama, can't this...? Mama! Mama! Mother!
What are you doing up here? I'm building shelves.
You look terrible.
Been drinking, huh?
Why does everybody keep asking if I've been drinking?
What, is there a coaster stuck to my butt or something?
How long is this gonna take? A couple hours.
Why don't you go down and get dressed? You'll feel better.
You've got to feel depressed looking like that.
Do you always say what's on your mind or is it just my lucky day?
I'm not gonna do you any favors by lying.
Well, Justin, I don't need your favors, all right?
I just need something. Is that an invitation?
Remember the blue beetle? It promised us a long and happy life.
Hansel and Gretel's mother was a terrible woman.
Why didn't the witch eat her? I don't think you told the story right.
Honey, your mama is gonna come get you just as soon as she can, I promise.
Stop picking at that doll's eyes, will you? That makes me nervous.
Bernice! Come here.
What do you think you're doing? Do you think I am stupid?
I wouldn't find out? What's the matter?
What do you think you're doing? What did I do?
If you have something to say to me, say it flat out.
Do not say it behind my back.
Do you have something to tell me? No.
Tell me! What do you want me to say?
Stop playing innocent! I know what you told him!
Told who? Your father. I just got off the phone.
Do you know what he said to me? "I'm sorry you're taking this so hard.
I'm sorry you can't get out of bed, but we have a daughter to take care of."
What did you say to him?
Nothing. It wasn't bad. I just said you were sad. We both are.
That is our business. That's not his business.
Besides, we're not sad. We're fine.
We are not! You don't care about me, ask me about school.
You don't make breakfast.
You promised Daddy you'd take care of me!
I promised Daddy? Well, you know what?
Daddy promised me the world and Daddy didn't honor his promise.
I will break every promise I make to your daddy.
Birdee, stop it. That's enough now.
It is not a crime to tell the truth. Not in this house.
Don't yell at her.
She's my daughter. I'll yell at her all I want to.
Will you just take a look at yourself?
Wandering around night and day in your bathrobe.
You're hiding out. You're scared.
Lord, what happened to you?
You used to be so pleasing.
You know what? I had to be pleasing, Mama.
With the town joke as a mother, I had to be pleasing.
When you'd flounce yourself into school... with your roadkill hat and freshly skinned bag.
Mom, I learned how to be pleasing.
You're pleasing nobody. You're miserable yourself.
And I've never been unhappy. So the joke is on you, honey.
Don't yell at her. Oh, I'm finished, believe me.
Come on, Travis. Come on out here.
I didn't hurt you, did I?
Because I wouldn't hurt you for anything in the world. You know that, don't you?
It's okay. Night, Travis.
Birdee. Birdee Calvert!
I heard you were back in town.
Hello. Debbie. Debbie Reissen.
Debbie Reissen. How are you?
How are you? Did you come here to see Dot?
Dot. Dot. She runs the whole office now.
Oh, yeah, yeah. I came to see Dot. She'll be so tickled.
Dottie, in a million years, you'll never guess... who came all the way from Chicago, Illinois, to see you.
Take me off the intercom, please.
Blinded with fear She guessed. Would you like to have a seat?
Great. Thank you. She'll be right with you.
Ain't no time to grieve Said it's daybreak If you'll only believe I saw you on television.
I taped it.
Sing it, sing it Sing it to the world Sing it, sing it Birdee! Come on in.
No calls, Deborah.
I didn't keep you too long? Oh, no, it's fine, thank you.
You look beautiful. Same old Birdee.
Same old Dot. Heh, heh.
You have no idea who I am, do you?
No, sorry. I don't.
It's all right.
When I knew you, I was about 5 inches shorter and about 70 pounds heavier.
We didn't exactly eat at the same lunch table.
Is that right? Yeah. Ha, ha.
Nobody's called me that in a long time.
Oh, my God! You look fantastic.
Thank you. You're welcome.
Have a seat.
Oh, my God. I mean, it's remarkable.
Was I really that terrible before, Birdee?
Oh, no, no, no. I just meant that... Yeah, well, I know what you meant.
People change. We get better as we get older.
Gosh, you look exactly the same.
Well, no, actually I... Oh, I know.
I heard about you and Bill. Yeah.
Yeah, he always was the ladies' man.
You all right? Oh, I'm fine, I'm fine.
You know, so much of that is staged for TV.
It's for ratings and...
So you need a job.
What sort of work have you been doing? Um, housework.
Bill worked and he didn't want...
We have a daughter. So I took care of her.
How fast do you type? Don't type.
Okay. Computer skills.
You're gonna have to give me some sort of idea what you're looking for here... because I'm not likely to find a listing for prom queen.
I used to take pictures. I was good at that.
So maybe I could get a job at the newspaper... or Jackson's Portrait Studio.
It's closed down, and the newspaper is not hiring.
I can tell you that right now. Oh, okay, okay.
Dot, I would really like a job.
One that I could like myself for... even if it's just for a little while.
I don't know how I treated you in high school.
I'm guessing it was pretty bad... seeing how you're hell-bent on putting me in my place right now.
And that's okay.
Just put me in a job too.
I would really be grateful.
Shoot some pictures over the weekend. Okay, great.
I'll look them over. Great.
I'll do what I can. Thank you. Thank you.
Enjoy your food, honey. Thanks.
It's not for sissies, you know.
Gotta be made of some pretty stern stuff to do that.
See, the trick is to seem mysterious.
Like the choice is yours.
Yeah, well, you pick these things up.
Would you care to join me?
Can't do that.
That would be cheating. Oh.
Besides, I'd rather wait.
Well, I gotta go.
Remember, mysterious. That's the key.
Maybe order some dessert, just to spite them.
All right. Make me proud.
Keep the change. Thank you. Thank you.
Smile Though your heart is aching Smile Even though it's breaking
When there are clouds In the sky You'll get by If you smile Through your fears and sorrow Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining through If you just smile These are good, Birdee. Really?
So do you think you can find something for me like we talked about?
Think I can.
And then you take the film, like so, and you run it through here.
Now, make sure that this here is shut tight.
Okay. And then you just follow it along, like so.
And then it comes out here, like so. And then you separate it.
Like so. That's right.
Now, everyone's film has to be developed in less than an hour.
Okay. Otherwise it's free.
Any questions? Nope.
Occasionally, we get pictures of a somewhat questionable nature.
Naked pictures? Oh, we never comment on them.
We just hand them over as if we hadn't seen a thing.
I understand, Mr. Davis.
But first, we make a copy.
And we put them in the second drawer under the counter.
And you can have a look any time you want.
Just don't take any of them home with you.
Oh, all right. You can sit right down there.
Oh. I bet the customers will stand in line to see you again.
Oh, yeah, we have a full range of arts and crafts to keep our loved ones happy.
It's like summer camp, really, only it's all year round. Lucky them.
Charlie, come here. Here we are.
Look who's here, Mr. C. Birdee.
All these people just to see you. Told you she was coming.
So good to see you.
So how are you keeping, Daddy? Huh?
What's wrong with him?
It's just a stroke. Nothing to worry about.
And a little Old Timer's.
She means Alzheimer's. I know what I mean.
But you know exactly what's going on, don't you, Daddy? Yeah.
Oh, thank him for the bunny. He doesn't even know who I am.
Sure he does, sweetheart.
It's just a little hard for him to show it. Come on, say hello.
Sure, go ahead.
Travis, you want to kiss your grandpa hello?
All right. I think what we need here is a little ice cream.
That's a great idea.
Let Mama and Grandpa have a little time together. We'll be in the cafeteria, Harry.
You'll be okay? We'll be fine.
Well, I'll tell you one thing.
I'm not gonna sit here and tell you what a nice place we got you in... or how good you look.
Because we're adults, right?
Well, at least you are.
Hey, Mama says you do that blinking thing with your eyes.
One blink for yes, two for no. Can you do that?
Just on your good day, huh? I get it.
That was Bernice, Daddy.
You remember Bernice?
There it is.
That's Bernice, Daddy.
She's the best thing I ever did.
I wish Bill could be here... but we're having a bit of trouble.
But enough of that, right?
I'm going to write her name right down here... on the bottom of her picture.
So when she comes back here, maybe you could recognize her... and give her a little sign or something.
She could really use one.
Chances are I'll see you Somewhere in my dreams tonight I recall your laughter and your smile
I remember how You made me feel so at ease I remember all your grace, your style
Chances are I'll hold you And I'll offer all I have You're the only one I can't forget
You're the best I've ever met You don't have a daddy, either, Mom.
Don't break that. I've had it forever.
Come on, it's late.
Here you go.
My little burrito baby. Snug as a bug in a rug.
You're out of luck if your nose itches.
Good night. Night, Mom.
Well, if it isn't Birdee Calvert.
Patterson now. Oh, great.
How are you? I heard about your sad news.
How Bill could humiliate you like that in front of the entire world... is just beyond me.
We have a satellite dish, so we got to see it twice. Once Central, once Mountain.
You poor thing. What can I do for you?
Anyway, I brought you these. My sister's wedding reception.
Triple prints, please. I'll come back after I get my hair done.
I just love this thing you're doing with your hair.
It's so down-to-earth and natural-like.
I wish I could be more like that.
I'm fearless that way.
No. No. No, no, no!
What is the matter with you, you big piece of crap? Ugh!
I'm sorry, Bobbi-Claire. I'm...
Sorry? You think that does it? These pictures were irreplaceable!
I know, I know. Something must have got in the gate.
There's nothing! There's not a blur, not a face with red eyes.
Think Debbi-Lynn gets married every day?
Debbi-Lynn? Isn't this her fourth or...?
It is her fifth, Miss High and Mighty.
But they each had very different themes.
And now there is nothing to show for it.
Well, at least I caught it before the other ones got ruined.
Oh, yes. You are just Little Miss Employee of the Month.
Mr. Davis, I hope I can count on you to make sure that this never happens again.
And I believe you know what I mean.
Oh, dear. Am I gonna have to fire you?
Oh, come on, she'll cool off.
It's gotta be hard carrying around all that hair, you know?
Well, if she sends a bill...
I'm gonna have to dock you, Birdee, for at least half.
I'm sorry. Now, come on. Let's get this back online.
Go get back online. Shut up.
Did you know that you were the first girl I ever kissed?
I did know that, yup. We were playing spin the bottle.
And you stuck your tongue in my mouth.
I didn't know you were supposed to do that.
Of course. I was mortified.
I thought you were an epileptic.
I went home and told Mama I was kissing you and you had a seizure in my mouth.
I was over the moon for you back then, Birdee.
You knew that. No, I didn't.
Why didn't you ever say anything?
Chicken, pure and simple. Big chicken.
I don't know. You and Bill were up here.
I was somewhere else.
I mean, what would you have said if I had asked you out?
I don't know what I would have said. I'm not the same person I was back then.
How about if I asked you out now?
Is that what you're doing?
Yeah, that's what I'm doing.
I would have to say no.
Because I'm a married woman. What's the matter with you?
Not on a date, though. Just dinner.
Married people have to eat, right? I don't know. I don't know.
What about I take you to a nice place, get a great fish dinner?
Boy, am I glad we're not having steak. I'm a little rusty at roping steer.
Yeah, well, you're not so hot at this, either.
Just sit back and let the fish come to you.
You know who would love this? Bernice. Hey.
Breathe. I'm breathing.
What have you been doing since... It just kills you to be quiet for five minutes.
Like it kills you to answer a personal question.
I went to California.
You didn't like it?
I'm here, ain't I?
Yes, you are. Yes, I am.
You know those people who publish those calendars?
They'd love your pictures.
So I like pretty pictures.
That's who I am.
You don't get voted Most Popular and Best Smile if you have an edge.
You know, you do have a great smile.
Don't show it to me, though.
Come sit by me.
Want to help? No.
Don't smile now. I'm not.
Let's see his smile.
He's got a great smile. Hold on.
He won Smile of the Year in his school. Get it?
Hit the ball, Popeye.
Can't you do this in the backyard, Mama? It's so embarrassing.
Honey, they're dead. How can they be embarrassed?
I hated this so much when I was your age.
One day, all of this is gonna be yours.
Hey, what's wrong? How was school?
Big Dolores is going to murder Bernice.
Be quiet, Travis. Who's Big Dolores?
She's the meanest and dumbest girl in school.
But she keeps passing, because even teachers are afraid of Big Dolores.
She has her own gang too.
It's called Big Dolores.
What's she got against Bernice?
Bernice hit Big Dolores in the face with a volleyball... in front of the whole school.
And now Bernice is going to die.
Bernice, you hit somebody in the face with a volleyball?
It was an accident. Well, did you say you were sorry?
But she's gonna kill me anyway.
Oh, that whole family is no good. You know, I think it's glandular.
Whatever gland produces meanness, they got.
Oh, Mama. Nobody is gonna kill anybody.
I'll have a talk with her mother and we'll iron everything out.
Please, don't have a talk with her mother. I'd rather die.
Don't worry, you will.
Travis. Come on down here and be a tree.
Travis, Travis, Travis. Come here. Go be a tree.
Mom, promise me you won't have a talk with her mother.
They'd really have it in for me after that. Bernice, don't be so dramatic.
Nothing's gonna happen.
You're right, Mom. It'll be a normal day.
Old Man Linton's make-out spot.
I thought you were taking me out for ice cream. What would your mother say?
She'd probably say, "Way to go, Justin."
What an incredible night.
The place hasn't changed much, has it? Not at all.
Not that I came here much. Oh, no, of course not.
Bill was always in training. He said it always put him off his game... to get all riled up the night before. I see.
He didn't look so happy on TV, did he? Ha. Oh, God.
Doesn't anybody watch public television anymore?
I couldn't keep my eyes off of you.
Which part captivated you more? Was it the part where...?
Let's see, where I appeared downtrodden and pitiful?
Or was it the part where I looked stricken and grotesque?
Because I personally preferred the part where I looked pathetic. I liked that one.
I think I just preferred the part where you appeared available.
Don't you feel young over here, just sitting in this truck?
That Old Man Linton was a god.
I guess you had to...
I feel like I'm 16 again.
She said, "You had to be"
Oh, get real, Justin.
She handed me a yellowed photograph And then said, "See"
"This was my greatest love"
My one and only love And this is me
"Back when we were beautiful"
I never kissed a man before Bill.
See Who said anything about kissing? Ha, ha.
Did I say that?
"I guess I've gotten used to"
These little aches and pains
But I still love to dance
"You know we used to dance The night away"
"Back when we were beautiful Beautiful, yes"
Please, Daddy. Come and get me before it's too late.
I don't feel so good, Grandma.
You're going to school today, Rocky. Man, it's not fair.
Come on, Travis.
All torn and bent
You made me feel That they were heaven-sent
Angels were singing
Fight! Fight! Fight!
Fight! Fight! Fight!
Fight! Fight! Fight!
Oh, how could I Expect to fly With only paper wings?
I tried to fly But found that I Had only paper wings
How was school?
Hey, weasel. Fine!
What happened? She lived.
I can turn the gray sky blue I can make it rain Whenever I want it to I can build a castle From a single grain of sand I can make a ship sail on dry land But my life is incomplete and I'm so blue
'Cause I can't get next to you I can't get next to you, babe. Next to you.
Next to you. I just can't get next to you No matter what I do CHORUS: I can't get next to you
Chicka-boom, chicka-boom Girl, it's you that I need. I gotta get Next to you Can't you see these tears I'm cryin'? I can't get Next to you I, I, I...
Take me back where I belong
Back to Travis County
I've been gone for way too long
God, Mr. and Mrs. Whitehead.
They were like 100 years old when I knew them.
Oh, look. Hi, hi.
Did you want to dance with me? Oh, no.
I mean, my goodness. You go dance with someone your own age.
All right. Sorry I bothered you. Oh, well, all right, then.
Will you excuse us, honey?
Birdee? Birdee Pruitt? It's me, Suzy.
Oh, my God. Hi!
How are you? Well...
Oh, my God. The baby's due in six weeks.
I can see that.
So I thought you'd moved to Houston.
Well, I'm just in for the weekend. Mama told me you were in town.
Yeah. I'm here. You look wonderful.
Well, thank you.
Aren't you clever? That's the way to get Bill to come crawling back to you.
Oh, I don't... That's...
Would you look at Polka Dot? The doughnut's best friend.
Oh, look. There's Justin Matisse.
I heard he lost that great job in California because he wouldn't work fast enough.
Oops. He's headed this way.
What? I want to dance with you.
Justin, I can't... Excuse us.
Justin, I can't dance anymore.
Dancing is just a conversation between two people.
Talk to me.
Yeah, I started feelin' funny When you walked through that door Well, it ain't happened yet But I'd be willin' to bet You'll be having a hard time Coming back for more You can do it, now.
Oh, look out now.
Come on. Come on now. Come on, Birdee.
Yeah, there's some kind Of something happening I'm not sure But I know them better than that now
Yeah, I started feelin' funny When you walked through that door Yeah, but it ain't happened yet But I'd be willin' to bet You'll be having a hard time Coming back for more
Thank you, folks. Thank you very much.
All right. Hey, we're gonna take a short break now... but we're gonna leave you with some fine tunes on the jukebox.
Thanks for the dance.
Hey, hey, hey. What?
And the whole world is on your case I would offer you a warm embrace Make you feel my love
The evening shadows And the stars appear And there is no one there To dry your tears Just breathe.
To make you feel my love
I know you haven't Made your mind up yet But I would never do you wrong
I've known it from the moment That we met No doubt in my mind where you belong
Okay, be kind.
It's a work in progress.
It's a door.
Come on in.
This is it.
Nineteenth-century Texas pine.
I love that smell.
They're cut and matched perfect to fit together.
You want to see the porch?
It's this way.
It's gonna have a great view, once I get rid of that trailer.
This is gonna wrap all the way around the house.
This is nice. Yeah, they call that a swing.
Maybe you could hang it.
Yeah, I could. This is from Mom and Dad's old place.
It's comfy, huh? Yeah.
This is gonna be a real nice house, Justin.
Who was your architect? You're kidding, right?
That's half the fun.
You go around Smithville painting houses, and you can do this?
Yeah. You could do so much more.
I guess so, huh? You know what I meant.
I know exactly what you meant. You're talking about the American dream.
You find something that you love and then you twist it and you torture it.
Try to find a way to make money at it.
Spend a lifetime doing that.
At the end, you can't find a trace of what you started out loving.
What did you start out loving?
I don't remember.
For me, it was doing things right. That's all.
That's why I came back here, so I could live the way I wanted.
I don't know. I figured, out of everybody, you'd understand that.
I envy you. Everything you love is right here.
Not everything, Birdee.
Hey, hey, hey.
Justin, I can't... Shh.
You are so beautiful.
I'm not afraid of living alone I was alone before he came
I don't have the strength To fight anymore But this time's not the same
So tell me why I keep holding on
To something I just cannot see What makes you stay When your world falls apart?
What makes you try one more time When it's not in your heart?
At the end of your rope When you can't find any hope You still look at him and say
"I just can't walk away"
Tell me, what makes you stay?
I'll talk to you later. Bye.
Where's Bernice? Oh, they ate hours ago.
Boy, she had a face on her like a bucket of worms.
And I don't know what's going on there. What's this?
Oh, nothing. I just invited Justin over for dinner.
He sounded like he could use cheering up. I don't want to see Justin tonight, Mama.
Justin is my friend and if he's feeling down in the dumps... and I feel like cheering him up, that's my business.
This is not the time for your matchmaking. Matchmaking? What an imagination.
Ugh. God. Come on, Birdee. Come on.
You don't have to say anything. You know, you could just sit there.
Maybe, you know, you could quietly chew or something.
Oh, there's nothing you can do about it, sweetie.
I'm going upstairs to sleep.
Now, Birdee, this has never been a rude house.
Strange, perhaps, but never rude.
Now, I would like you to go and welcome our guest.
Hey, I'm still your mama, missy. You move it.
These are for you. Thanks, but I'm allergic.
Hey, Mrs. Calvert. How are you, Justin? Glad to see you.
How you doing? Good.
I don't want these. Bernice.
But thanks anyway.
Hey, Birdee. What's going on? Hey, Justin.
Oh, my goodness. You've been cooking in here, huh?
Oh, that's nothing. I hope you enjoy it.
Come on, let's all sit down here now.
You're not joining us, Mama?
Oh, you know, I forgot. I ate earlier with the children.
You know, I'll tell you, this memory is really going.
Sorry about last night. I'm only sorry about this morning.
I know you have a crush on me. A crush?
Birdee, this ain't high school. You know what I mean, Bill.
What? My name is Justin.
It ain't Bill.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You know, Birdee... you used to be so...
I don't know... audacious, bold.
People would stop to watch you come down the street.
"Here comes that Birdee Calvert."
Their eyes would light up. You could see it on their faces.
Look at me.
You think you've lost that. I can still see it.
Bill can't see that.
You don't know anything about Bill.
I know that Bill could let you go. Damn, Birdee!
When are you gonna face up to the fact that he ain't coming back for you?
Get out of here. My daddy is coming back. Bernice.
He loves me and he wants my mother.
He'll kill you if you come around here. Stop it.
Tell him. Be quiet!
You better go. Yup.
Listen, why don't both of you go out? Bernice and I will stay here and visit.
Oh, no. That's all right.
When you get tired of waiting, give me a call. I hope I'm still around.
Thanks, Mrs. Calvert.
Boy, you just amaze me, Birdee.
You know, your love life has always been a disaster area.
They ought to have those big orange cones all around you.
What can I say, Mama? I'm my own crown of thorns.
Hey, you think life goes on forever?
You think behind every chance is another chance... and then another one and another one?
It's the worst kind of extravagance, the way you spend your chances, Birdee.
Get out of here and don't come back!
Bernice, stop it. What is the matter with you? What are you doing?
Why didn't you tell him he loves us and is coming back?
Because I don't know, all right?
I don't know if Daddy loves us and I don't know if he's coming back.
He loves me! He loves me, even if he doesn't love you!
Oh, I just sent him away. What more do you want from me?
I want my daddy.
He wouldn't have left if you had loved him enough.
No, your daddy didn't love me enough. This is all your fault and you know it.
Help, please, somebody. I've fallen over and I can't get up. Help!
You know, that is the prettiest one.
She looks like she belongs in a bar.
Why, hello, Birdee.
It's about time you came by and said hi.
Hey, Mike. You being good?
Well, I'm trying to be.
Just doesn't seem to be working out that way.
Can I get a vodka tonic, extra lime, please?
You surely may. Thanks.
What do you want to say to Dennis?
You know how, late at night, I get calls really late?
Just say it. What?
When they call me... Thanks.
On me. They call me to dance.
Thank you. Hey.
I'm really an exotic...
I'm really an exotic dancer.
You shouldn't have done this on TV.
I mean, Birdee. I mean, what kind of name...? What...?
You know what happens to birdies. They're cat food. They're target practice.
Birdee, Birdee, Birdee! Come on. Hey, come on.
Look, it's a good name.
Have some coffee. Might wanna pace yourself.
Know what? I'm fine. I'm gonna go home. You sure?
Don't let me get like that, for God sakes.
Don't ever let me get like that.
I look pretty pathetic, huh? Yeah? Uh-huh.
Poor woman. Husband leaves her on national television.
I know. We cried. Ha, ha, ha.
You know what? Do not believe everything you see, all right?
Boy, if I believed everything I saw down at the photo shop...
I'd believe Miss Bobbi-Claire got herself some new titties.
I got one word for y'all. Polaroid!
Oh, come on, Bobbi-Claire. Don't leave.
Come on, you won. Come on now, Birdee. Take it easy.
Oh, man. Que sera, sera, people.
Are you okay?
Whatever you do, Mama, please, don't say anything.
Don't be clever, don't be smart.
Because I really can't take it tonight.
Why don't you sit on that?
The tiles are always so cold in this bathroom.
Everything is so wrong without Bill.
I miss him so much. I know.
He used to call me "baby."
I never in a million years thought I'd be a woman who liked that... but I did, with him.
Sure you do.
I miss his hands.
Just his hands and the way that he would just...
He would put them on the small of my back... and just lead me into a room.
It made me feel so safe.
I miss all that. Of course you do, honey.
I know it's so easy to blame him.
But you know what? I think it's me.
Because he used to look at me and I used to see myself in his eyes.
And it was like he saw me.
And I was audacious, Mama.
And then, I don't know, things just started to change.
The harder I tried to be what he wanted me to be... the less I saw myself in his eyes.
Just one day, I looked and I was gone.
I still see her. No, Mom. No.
No. It's happening with Bernice too.
It's happening with Bernice.
She doesn't even look at me the same way.
It's like there's a wall between us.
There's a wall and it's killing me.
Because the one thing that I said, when I would grow up... if I ever had a daughter of my own, she would know her mother loved her.
I would hug her and I would tell her nice things.
And I wouldn't just let the daddy do all the hugging.
And now I realize that...
I realize that it doesn't matter... who or what or when... or where the hugging happens.
Sometimes you just need a hug.
And it just didn't work out that way.
I've seen you hug your daughter.
She knows you love her.
Yes, mothers love their daughters... even if they show it poorly.
Hi, Julia. Here's the talent show list.
It's up! The audition list is up!
I hope I'm near the beginning. I'm so nervous.
Hey, I was gonna do a poem. They don't like too many poems.
Hey, Birdee. Hey.
Chris. How are you? Fine. What's up?
I was wondering if you could... Bernice!
Isn't that your mom?
Could you give this to her?
She forgot her lunch. Sure, sure.
Thanks. Thanks. Good to see you again.
When the rain is blowing in your face And the whole world is on your case I could offer you a warm embrace To make you feel my love When evening shadows and stars appear And there is no one to dry your tears I could hold you for a million years To make you feel my love
Do you remember who I am?
Isn't she beautiful?
Yes, sir. She sure is.
That's my daughter, Birdee.
She's marked for happiness.
And how do you know that?
If you look at her, child, you'll see it.
My God, you're right.
I see it.
Hey, honey. Your mom called a while ago.
She said she'd be home soon.
Do you want me to tuck you in?
Yeah? How tight?
Snug as a bug in a rug.
You're so much like your mama. She use to love me to tuck her in real tight.
I'm not like her.
We're different. It's like we're not even relatives.
Oh, well, yeah.
Yeah, I know what you mean.
Relatives are trouble. I couldn't agree more.
I ever tell you about Walter, my brother? No?
Well, what you have to go through with your mama... the suffering, that's what I had to suffer with Walter.
One day, we were playing out back, down by the river... and we came across the most beautiful anthill you ever saw.
And then Walter, he immediately kicked it and stomped on it... and just scattered it to the four winds.
I just started howling. I was just...
I yelled for my mama. I ran up and I grabbed her... and dragged her down there, just crying and carrying on.
Anyway, my mama was trying to calm me down, so she said:
"Wait, wait. They're not finished. Not by a long shot."
And we waited and waited and sure enough... those little black specks just started scurrying every which way... just working hard to build their home back.
And I said, "Why did they do it? I'd just give up. I mean, it's hopeless."
And my mama said, "Yeah, you know, if there's just one of you."
But there's lots of ants down there.
"And they're all relatives. They're family, just like we are."
Well, that's what families are for. That's why they invented families.
So hopeless didn't get the last word.
So listen, if ants can do it, I figure we can do it.
You know, my Birdee has a lot more strength than she's ever known.
And one of these days, she's going to realize it.
I love you, Grandma. Oh, honey. Honey.
"My cup runneth over."
Say, haven't you got a birthday coming up here pretty soon?
You want to tell Grandma what you wish for? No?
Well, never mind. I'll figure that out.
I have my magic ways.
Good night, honey. Good night.
When did you get home? Oh, a little while ago.
I went to go see Daddy.
Oh, that's nice. Yeah.
Well, you were always Daddy's girl.
Not just his, Mama.
Well... you're most welcome.
I'm gonna get some tea. You want some? No, I'm okay. Thanks.
Grandma? Grandma? Mama?
Grandma! Mama? Mama?
Mama, what's up? Mama, what's wrong? Mama? Mama?
Oh, God! Mama... Bernice, go dial 911.
Mama. This isn't happening to me.
Come on, not now, Mama. Not now. Don't do this to me now, Mama.
Come on, Mama, don't do this to me now. Wake up, Mama.
Mama, wake up! Wake up! Mama!
Mama, please. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.
No. No. No.
I'm privileged to have known Ramona Calvert all my life.
I don't believe she needs to be idealized in death beyond what she was in life.
A complicated woman and a generous one.
Proud, and yet humble enough to help many of her neighbors... quietly, simply.
The mother of two fine daughters. The wife of one good man.
She doesn't require any fancy words from the likes of me.
All I need to say is I will miss her, as will we all.
And I know, even seated next to our Father...
Daddy, he's back. He came back for us.
He came back. Thank you, Grandma.
Thank you. May she rest in peace.
In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.
May God be with you. And also with you.
Daddy, I knew you'd come back! I knew it!
Take it easy, Bernice. You're choking me. Come on. Let me get a look at you.
What are you doing? Taking it home.
Hey. You doing all right?
Want to come see Mama?
You mind if I sit down?
Birdee, why don't you sit down? That can wait.
Would you like sugar or cream with that or are you okay?
No, I'm fine.
How are you? You want anything?
I'm good. Yeah? Okay.
You got a telegram?
I waited my whole life to get one of these.
Still ain't happened.
It's from your mom?
I tell you, she must care about you an awful lot to send you a telegram.
It's for Aunt Birdee.
What you thinking about?
Whether Aunt Birdee wants me.
Yeah, she does.
My grandma's dead.
Birdee, you're not gonna make me feel bad about this.
Only thing I'm guilty of is falling in love.
I didn't want it to happen. I didn't seek it out, Birdee. It just happened.
Oh, I'm sorry. Are you talking about me or Connie?
Because you seem to fall in love real easily, so it's only natural to be confused.
Here you go, Daddy. Didn't I tell you to play outside?
I'm not leaving until you stop fighting. We're not fighting. Nobody's fighting here.
Nope, you never did, did you?
Things always came real easy to you, didn't they? Real easy.
Hey, almost as easy as discarding your wife and child, huh?
Kind of like a to-do list.
Wife's gone, check. Daughter's gone, check, check.
Birdee, you left, remember?
No, you left long before I left you.
This isn't about who left first, Birdee.
We're not in love with each other anymore.
You said you weren't gonna fight.
Bernice, if you do not get out of this house, you're gonna wish you had.
Don't you ruin anything.
Look, if you fell out of love with me, you should have left a long time ago... instead of skirting around behind my back.
Maybe I'll go there one day.
To see my mom.
Yeah, I'm sure she'd like that a lot.
How come you're sitting out here all by yourself?
Where's that crazy Bernice?
She's inside with her father.
Everything's okay, right?
What do you feel like doing? Want to go for a walk or something?
Aren't you going inside to say hi?
Don't you know?
I came over to say hi to you. Hi.
God, I would have stayed with you forever.
I would have turned myself inside out for you.
Birdee, I wouldn't have let you.
People grow. They change. They have to. You don't think I know that?
I know that I'm not what I once was.
I know that.
But then again, neither are you.
You're sad, you're weak, and you're... shorter, if you want to know the truth.
But I haven't changed so much that I would go and lie to somebody that I loved.
God, I would walk through fire before I let them feel like they were nothing.
And I would never break up anybody's home.
Because I'm not a quitter. I care about my family.
I'm in love with Connie.
Birdee, this is my chance for a fresh start and I'm taking it. I'm sorry.
Then you should take it.
If that's your chance, then you should take it.
You're right. You and Connie deserve each other.
You were lucky to have me.
But you know what?
I think I already got the best part of you.
And she's standing right out there.
And she's waiting for me.
I don't know. What's left over just all of a sudden doesn't look so good anymore.
So, what do you want? Why did you come back?
You want my permission?
You want my condolences? Why did you come back?
I didn't want to do this today, but it's because I want a divorce, Birdee.
I'm coming with you, Daddy!
Bernice. I'm going with my daddy.
Bernice, what do you think you're doing?
I'm going with you.
Honey, that's impossible.
But I'm going with you.
No. You gotta stay here with your mama.
Birdee, you gonna help me out here?
You told me you wanted me with you, remember?
Listen, honey. I've gotta go.
Now, don't do this to yourself, okay? Don't make a scene.
Now, go on back inside. Go ahead.
Stop it, Daddy!
You know I'd take you with me if I could. You can!
Try to understand, baby.
Connie and I need this time to ourselves to try to make a go of it.
Then I'll come back for you. I promise, I promise, I promise.
Now go on inside, please.
You want me. You wrote it in the letter.
Please, let me in! You want me!
I'll always want you, Bernice. You're my little princess.
No. But your mama, she needs you.
No! And you need her.
No, I don't. I need you.
I love you, princess. I've gotta go. Please.
No! No! No!
Dad, please! Take me!
I want my daddy!
Why did you pretend that letter was from Daddy?
What an imagination you have.
You know, I always thought that I was gonna be, I don't know... special. But I'm not.
I'm just an ordinary person.
And that's okay.
Because you make me special.
Don't you know that?
Don't you know that you are everything in this world to me?
And we are gonna make it through this... because we are a team.
Birdee and Bernice, the coolest chicks in Smithville.
So don't you ever think about leaving me again.
Because I need you.
I love you.
Me too. Good.
Bad dog! Very bad dog!
Anything interesting come in while I was at lunch?
Oh. Oh, no! Look at these. Birdee?
What is wrong with this stupid machine?
God, I'm telling you, I...
When you love someone You'll do anything Okay, Mama. Stop pushing.
All the crazy things That you can't explain
You'll shoot the moon
Put out the sun When you love someone
You'll deny the truth
Believe a lie There'll be times that you'll believe That you could really fly But your lonely nights
Have just begun When you love someone
You'll feel it deep inside Y'all ready?
Why don't you go ahead? I want to talk to Bernice for a second.
You're stuck with us now, buddy.
Well, what are you looking at?
"My cup runneth over."
When you love someone Mom? What?
Are you gonna marry Justin Matisse?
Oh, honey, I don't think I'm gonna get married for quite some time.
Why? You don't like Justin? It's not that. It's just...
What is it? I...
You can be honest with me. Tell me.
I just don't want to be known as Bernice Matisse.
Oh, God, Bernice, you are a fine girl. You know that?
I never said any different.
You sacrifice My dad says that childhood is the happiest time of my life.
But I think he's wrong. I think my mom's right. She says...
Childhood is what you spend the rest of your life trying to overcome.
That's what Mama used to say.
She said, "Beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad..." but it's the middle that counts the most."
You need to remember that when you find yourself at the beginning.
Just give hope a chance to float up. And it will too.
Put out the sun
When you love someone
When the rain is blowing in your face And the whole world is on your case I would offer you a warm embrace To make you feel my love
When the evening shadows And the stars appear And there is no one to dry your tears I could hold you for a million years To make you feel my love
Know you haven't made your mind up yet But I would never do you wrong
I've known it from the moment That we met There's no doubt in my mind Where you belong
I'd go hungry I'd go black and blue I'd go crawling down the avenue There ain't nothing that I wouldn't do To make you feel my...
Chances are you'll find me Somewhere on your road tonight Seems I always end up driving by
Ever since I've known you It just seems you're on my way All the rules of logic don't apply
I long to see you in the night
Be with you till morning light I remember clearly how you looked The night we met I recall your laughter and your smile
I remember how you made me Feel so at ease I remember all your grace and your style
You've come to mean so much to me Chances are I'll see you Chances are I'll see you Somewhere in my dreams tonight Somewhere in my dreams tonight You'll be smiling like the night we met You'll be smiling like the night we met
Chances are I'll hold you Chances are I'll hold you And I'll offer all I have And I'll offer all I have You're the only one I can't forget You're the only one I can't forget
Baby, you're the best I've ever met Baby, you're the best I've ever met