I Love Trouble (1994) Script

Come on, Hallie. Wait up!

I'm Catching up.

“The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want.

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures.

He leadeth me beside the still waters.

He restoreth my soul.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death...

I will fear no evil, for Thou art with me.

Thy rod and Thy staff, they comfort me.

My cup runneth over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life... and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.


May I have your attention, please?

Midrail announces the boarding of train 417, the Wisconsin Badger... scheduled to depart at 5.'45... now receiving passengers on Track S.

Isn't she beautiful, huh?

Nice camera work, Dad.

Don't call us.

They said the kids are going to fill up this car, but the last one is still empty.

Thank you.

Bye, Mom. Bye, Dad. Bye. Bye now.

Thanks for the ride.

I can't tell you how much I enjoyed meeting you.

The pleasure was all mine.


You never did autograph your book.

Take care.

Hey, Peter, how's it goin"? Hey!

He's here. Gotta go.

Hi, Peter. Hello.

Hey, Brackett!

Hey, Peter. Hello.

Hey, stranger! Hey, Jay.

He was due here a half hour ago. Oh, no!

I'm sure he'll be here any minute. Please, be patient.

Damn! He'll be here. Wait, wait.

Peter Brackett's office.

Who are all those people in Peter Brackett's office?

I can't wait around all morning.

Your publicist. A guy with a gripe from Alderman Cvack's office.

A jockey. You're buying a race horse?

Do you know that your column's due in nine minutes?

This could be a record, even for you. I know, I know. Just tell...

I want to talk to him. Give me the phone. Just tell the jockey that I'm gonna talk...

Peter, it's me. Listen, honey. I can't keep setting up these prestigious book signings... if you're gonna disappear five minutes into the affair.

And who'd you disappear with, anyway? The blonde with the legs up the kazoo or the...

Lindy, just give me a little credit. I got food poisoning from the hors d'oeuvres.

I'm in bed. I can barely speak. Mm-hmm.

Brackett, you're killing me.

It's written. I swear you'll have it in three minutes.

You tell him we're gonna stop by later, all right? Can you believe this guy?

Brilliant, charming, undependable.

“Shopping Center Shootout Leaves One Teen Dead.” Jeannie, didn't I once do a column about... July '85.

Scroll that.

Let's get down to “Johnny Got A Gun.” Okay, “Johnny Got A Gun.”

This works, this works.

Just brilliant. You're brilliant, Brackett. Just brilliant.

Matt, we got a bullet.

Where's Shapiro? Shapiro! She left.

Where's Knobloch? Covering a fire in Winnetka.

Another minute, you would've missed the syndicate. Where's Jake?

Went home with a 103 fever, Mr. Greenfield.

Suzie! Right here.

Get me Varney at home, or Kovler. He lives out that way.

I'm going to a dinner party. Do you have the address?

Right here. Cocktails at 7:00. Dinner at 8:00. Also don't forget tomorrow.

Good Day, Chicago. You're the first guest, so don't be late.

Varney's wife is having a baby. Kovler is not home, and Jake's temperature's up to 104.

Don't give me that hound dog look. I don't cover the beat anymore.

And I don't print recycled columns.

I can't believe what I'm hearing. Now, are you actually accusing me... of plagiarizing myself? Suzie!

Pull up Brackett's columns from the mid-'80s.

Something with “gun” in the title.

“Guns Cf Something.” “Gun Shy.” “Son Of A Gun.”

“Johnny Got A Gun.” That's it. Uh-huh. I'm right. He knows it.

Who's that with the groom? Is that Peter Brackett?

Oh, man. What's goin' on here?

He's the last person we need talkin' to our only eyewitness.

I don't know how Brackett got to him, sir. All right.

Let's just pull the kid outta there, please. Okay.

Then what happened after everything jolted?

I was knocked down and... when I got up, Amy's car was loose. It was...

Who's Peter Brackett got? It was like it was flyin'.

It was just gone. Let's get you outta here, kid.

Okay, Brackett. Better put this kid on ice if you want him in one piece.

All right, that's it, folks. Give us some room.

If we could just have a full name, sir.

Anything that we can start? We need some details here, if we could.

Andy, Andy. Who's that?

What, at the police car? Yeah.

You're the third guy to ask me about her. Uh...

I've never seen her before, but I hear she's working for the Globe.

Come on, come on! Grab the Walkie-talkie.

Let's go!

Ladies and gentlemen, at the present time... we're attempting to piece together the chain of events... that led to the derailment of Midrail's 417.

From what we've been able to ascertain, the last car uncoupled at 5:59 p.m.

It traveled down this incline where it overturned.

There are five known fatalities.

They're not gonna tell you that.

Excuse me?

Your question. Don't ask it. They're not gonna tell you who serviced the train.

These cars are inspected on a daily basis. Really? Why is that?

Because they want to talk to him before you do!

It can't hurt to ask. No, no, no, no.

It always hurts to ask questions you know will piss 'em off.

Uh, yes, yes. The lady in the back. Sabrina Peterson from the Globe.

Do you have the name of the individual who last serviced the train?

That information is not available at this time.

Then could you tell us... Yes, Cynthia.

First day on the job?

No, it's not my first day on the job. Huh? Second?

Look, all I'm tryin' to say is that if you'd been in town any longer...

I'm sure we would've met.

And had I seen you, we would've.

My name's Brackett. I work for the Chronicle. Where're you from, Peterson?

Look, I realize every cub reporter in a skirt... must go ga-ga at the great Peter Brackett approaching them... but I can't believe you're trying to hit on me while I'm covering a story.

So let me set you straight. You have zero chance of scoring here. Trust me. Move on.

I'm sorry. Where'd you say you're from? Bitchville?

All right, last question, please.

Yes, was there a data recorder on the train? And if so... when will that tape be made available?

Hang in there, Peterson.

Yes, there is a data recorder on the train.

Now, when it's gonna be available, I can't say.

How long before the line will be open?

Our inspectors are here now. We'll have that for you shortly.

Found him. All right, thank you, folks.

That's it. Thank you.

Ray Boggs? Uh, yes, sir.

Uh, let's talk about what happened tonight, Ray. Is this your wife?

Uh, yes, yes. Yes it is.

Well, uh, would you mind waiting here, Mrs. Boggs?

We won't be long. Sure, I'll wait.

Thank you.

Sorry to bother you, but I think I've got a scoop.

Hey, bother me! I can use it.

Come in. Tell me what have you got?

A name. Ray Boggs.

Midrail didn't want to say who was responsible for checking the coupling... so I followed a couple of Midrail guys back to the office.

And there he was, Mr. Coupling himself, waiting in the parking lot.

They whisked him upstairs, but they left his wife there for the taking.

She told me her husband's name, but then she clammed up on me.

There was something about the way she clammed up made me think she had something more to say.

By the way, Peter Brackett was out there tonight.

You're kidding! Don't you worry.

I own this story. Besides, e little competition's healthy.


Peter Brackett is not competition.

No, I was talking about me.

The young groom returned to the last oar of train 417 with champagne in hand... and saw his bride for the last time. Period.

Now quote: Amy's car was loose. Period. It was like flyin'.

Apostrophe after the Comma.

And then it was just gone. Period. End quote. End story.

Huh? Yeah, I know it's thin, but Midrail isn't talkin', so everyone's screwed.

Yes! Everyone! Yes, I'm sure.

Jesus! Now I remember why I became a columnist.

Trust me. No one's gonna get anything else because there's nothin' else to get.

Mrs. Boggs, this is Sabrina Peterson with the Chicago Globe.

I'm sorry to call you so late, but I was wondering if, by any chance... you're related to the Ray Boggs that works for Midrail.

What's Midrail? The railroad.

Come on, Ray, you've gotta be related to somebody in this town.

Hello? Mr. Boggs, good evening, sir.

This is Sabrina Peterson with the Chicago Globe.

We already subscribe. Okay.

Hello? Mrs. Boggs, this is Sabrina Peterson... with the Chicago Globe.

Yes? Mrs. Boggs, yes, I think we got out off.

How are you tonight?

What do you want?

I was wondering if you're by any chance related to the Ray Boggs that works for Midrail.

I'm his mother. And, uh, yes, that's what I thought.

And I wanted to know, uh, if you knew about the train crash tonight.

I saw it on the news. I called Ray right away.

You did. And, uh, why is that, Mrs. Boggs?

Well, 'cause of his, um... 'Cause of his what, Mrs. Boggs?

And we're back on Good Day, Chicago, joined today by Peter Brackett... famous columnist for the Chicago Chronicle.

Peter's written his very first novel. it's called White Lies, and he's here to talk about it.

Peter, first of ell... Yes?

I want to tell you that I could not put your book down last night.

I have to ask you, are you Ned Grayson?

Who's Ned Grayson?

The main character, the detective! The detective, Ned Grayson.

Well, I would like to be Ned, but I tell you...

Thank you. Nice interview.


-...how did you find time to write a novel? Well, uh...

Globe, please. I'll take a Globe.

A Globe.

I'll take a Globe. Could I have a Globe?

A Globe, please. You got any Globes left?

Hey, Cindy.


“No one's gonna get anything else because there's nothin' else to get.” Guess what? Now I know why I made you a columnist.

She's an overzealous cub reporter, second day on the job.

You and I both know I could scoop her any day of the week.

Yeah? So do it. Tomorrow.

Evans, dig up everything you can on this Boggs character.

See if he has any friends, enemies, ex-wives, ex-lovers.

See if he's ever been fired, sued, done time, owes money, goes to church, pays his bills.

Jeannie, get your head out of that thing.

Give me the chief of police, the head of Midrail and the D.A. Sully!

Go down to the train station, nose around. See if anything smells fishy.

Save me eight inches above the fold. This will not happen again.

What do you mean it happened again?


Mr. Brackett? Uh, Mr. Brackett? Huh?

These just came for you. Oh, thank you.

I'll tell you we found the coupling was not defective, all right?

Yeah, but what about the...



Sabrina Peterson? Yeah.

Delivery from Peter Brackett.

Hey, hey, don't kill the messenger.

Hi, Peter. I was coming back for more.

Oh, are you? Hi.

Back on the front page! Hi!

Pete, it's good to see you, buddy.

I'm dyin' to read your book, man. When's it comin' out on tape?

I gotta get a drink. Where'd you disappear to, Smotherman?

I called your office a few months ago, and they acted like you had the plague.

I know. I'm persona non grate. Didn't you hear, man? I'm working for the enemy now.

Don't tell me a Democrat? A Democrat and a woman!

Gayle Robbins. Do you know her? Oh, I know the name.

She's a state senator from Wisconsin. Actually, she's a terrific lady.

She's super bright. And you know me. I go where duty Calls.

Plus she doubled my salary.

So, Pete, I'm in your book, right? Come on.

Handsome senator's aide who slips reporter names of corrupt lobbyists?

I'm colorful. I'm bigger than life! No, Sam, somehow I left you out.

But I'm seriously considering you for the sequel.

Sure you are. Oh, oh, what is the story on this train wreck, Peter?

What do you hear? I mean, Midrail got their ass in a sling, or what?

Hey, what I hear, you read. Mm-hmm.

Speaking of duty calling. My beautiful date Nadia has returned.

Nadia, old pal of mine, Peter Brackett.

Actually, Nadia and I have met.

Once. Well, you won't meet again.

Adiós, pal. Keep in touch.

Stoli. Straight up.

Champagne. Thank you.

Hello, Peterson.

Hello, Brackett.

Giving the front page the night off?

Oh, I put my story to bed hours ago. How about you?

The press is rolling as we speak.

I look forward to reading it. You read the Chronicle?

Well, I thought someone in town still should.

You know, I've been reading you, too, Peterson.

“Zoo Transfers Feisty Gorilla” by Sabrina J. Peterson.

You were using your middle initial back then.

I take it as a compliment that a man of your stature takes time to research my early work.

Well, your early work is very entertaining.

I mean, I especially like the story you did... blowing the lid off the Pillsbury Bake-off contest.

You know, entering under a fake name and baking a pie without using one Pillsbury product?

And winning. Let's not forget that. Yeah, it's very impressive.

But my favorite is when you went undercover as a hooker.

Now, I'd have paid to see that one.

I bet you would have. Oh, by the way...

I never did thank you for the mutt. He's been quite an addition to my life.

Oh, you're very welcome. I hope you named him after me.

I certainly did. Yeah, I've grown real attached to Little Dick.

You know, there's something about you, Peterson.

Irritating, aren't I? The truth is, you make me itch.

Well, I suggest you get yourself some calamine lotion... because I'm loving this town, and I'm here to stay.

Stop the presses! I got a bulletin.

What? The coppers are actually offering news?

Guess who just showed up at the station with a duffel bag and a statement?

Ray Boggs. What'd he say?

“I'm innocent.” He said the liquor they found in his locker was e plant.

Insisted on a polygraph. Passed with flyin' colors.

Macy's meets Gimbel's. Love this!

Oh, sorry, kids. Just, uh, shake hands, say “sex, ” I'm outta your hair.

Sex. Sex.

So, um, what does it all mean?

Does it mean the crash wasn't caused by human error?

It means this poor schnook Boggs could actually be innocent.

Well, what are you saying? You think we're about to lynch a guy for something he never did?

Worse! We could be on the wrong story.

Then you better get on the right story. Uh-oh.

Sabrina? I gotta go.

I'll call you when I get something.

You see anything suspicious in there? I didn't see a thing suspicious.

Not a thing? No, it was a normal run.

Well, really think about the day. I mean, was there an unusual amount of people?

I don't know.

So, nobody could have serviced the train after Ray Boggs?

No, not that afternoon.

I open up every day at 7:00.

Did you see anyone that day that struck you as suspicious or unusual?

Did you overhear any conversation?

So, tell me, what's she got?

Aw, she's got the same thing as you, boss. A big nothing.


Hi, okay, I've got good news and bad news.

The good news is one of the passengers remembered seeing the groom's dad... taking a video of the bride and groom boarding the train.

So I called him, and I can pick up the tape anytime after 6:00.

Great! What's the bad news?

Sabrina Peterson has an appointment to see the groom right after lunch.

He'll probably tell her about the video, and knowing her, she could get to it before we do.

She trained you well.

Hey, Lonnie, How ya doin'?

Peterson! What are you doin' here?

A girl's gotta eat. What are you doin' here?

Oh, I was in the neighborhood. I was hungry.

This is a famous newspaper haunt. So I've heard.

Yeah, Ben Hecht used to eat here back in the '20s.

They have a little plaque with his name on it in the back booth right next to mine.

What'll you have, Pete? I'll have a, uh- What's that you're eating?

That looks great.

Club sandwich on whole wheat. No bacon, no mayo.

I'll have the same on white, extra bacon, extra mayo.

Mm-hmm. And a Coke.

You got a lot of notes there, Peterson. You on to something?

You wanna know what I have?

It's gonna cost you 35 cents.

Do you have change? I gotta make a call. Oh, sure.

Tricky! Mm-hmm.

Save my seat.

Nothing personal.

Long line. Mmm.

So long, Brackett. See ya in the funny papers.

Bon voyage.

Poplar Grove.

Poplar Grove. Where is it?

Oy, it's far.

He sent me on a wild-goose chase.

Lindy, I will not be late. You don't understand.

No, I do! I want the book to sell.

I promise I'll be the first to arrive, the last to leave. I'll see you in ten minutes.

In five. Fine, five.

isn't she beautiful, huh? Bye, Mom. Bye, Dad.

Thank you so much.

Nice camera work, Dad. Bye, Mom.

So long, sweetie.

Don't call us.

Good-bye. Bye-bye!

Yep. ls this Miss Peterson from the Globe?

Uh, yes, it is. What can I do for you?

My name 's Danny Brown, and me and my friends, we lifted some stuff at the crash.

The train crash? Yeah. I found something in this briefcase.

I don't know exactly what it is, but I think it looks important.

And my friend says that you guys pay for information like this.

Where can I meet you?

Nice camera work. Nice camera work.

Nice camera work, Dad. Nice camera work, Dad.

Nice camera work, Dad. Bye, Mom. So long, sweetie.


So nobody could have serviced the train after Ray Boggs?

No, not that afternoon.

The guy who comes in after Boggs was put on a brake job on Track 9.

I didn't have anybody workin' on that track 'til 7:00, 7:15. That I can promise you.



Danny, are you here?

Danny, are you here?

We must engage and rearrange And turn this planet back to one So tell me why we got to die And kill each other one by one We've got to hug and rub-a-dub We've got to dance and be in love But what I really want to know is

Oh, jeez. How'd she do that?

Mrs. Beekman? Peter Brackett from the Chronicle. Thanks for getting back to me.

Uh, Mr. Brackett, this turns out to be a bad time.

Well, look, I have just e few quick questions.

If you could tell me why your husband was on the train...

Look, my children are home. I can't talk right now.

Um, look, I have to work tonight. Can you meet me at my office around 9:00?

Sure, sure. Around 9:O()'?

Mm-hmm. Um, it's at 6395 Walton.

6395 Walton. Yeah. Suite 1264.

Sixty-five? No, 64.

Sixty-four. it's safe there.

Uh, are you all right?

Okay, so you've been to the relatives of all the victims.

I've been to everybody but the science teacher's wife.

So far, no one had anything in a briefcase worth getting killed over.

Actually, so far, no one even had a briefcase.

That's healthy. Mmm, thanks.

The only good news is I finally have a lead that Brackett doesn't have.

Oh, man. I am haunted by the image of that kid.

Sabrina, there's a Delores Beekman on your line. Says she'll see you in an hour.

Great! Don't lose her. The science teacher's wife.

Oh, be careful. There's a quarter in your sandwich.


Goin' up?

Mm-hmm. All right.

What does this mean? it's probably just the wind.

Oh! Excuse me. Sorry.

I was looking for the phone. it's not under my blouse.

I just realized that. Mm-hmm.

I suggest we get out of here as fast as we can.

Why? Women's intuition.

Peterson, tell me if you think we're in some kind of trouble here.

Brackett, I think we're in some kind of trouble here.

What kind of trouble are we in here, Peterson?

Oh, man!

I can't get it open.


Think that's about it, trouble-wise? I guess not.


You know, Peterson, if I knew what you knew, and you knew what I knew... we just might be able to live through this story.

Mrs. Beekman?

Mrs. Beekman?

Looks like the Widow Beekman left in a hurry.

What's that?

Wait a minute.


I'll go check out the other room. Okay.

Can you meet me at my office around 9:00'? it's safe there. it's safe there.

It's safe there. it's safe there.

You find anything? Not a thing. You?


Listen, um...

I know I shouldn't be telling you this, but, uh...

I think I'm just gonna bail out of this story.

Really? That doesn't sound like you.

Well, neither does leaping off elevators and dodging bullets.


Look, I, I love my work, and this is definitely a very sexy story, but...

I guess I'm just not out out for this lethal weapon stuff, you know?


I love out-scooping you, I have to admit, but...

I've got my whole life in front of me, and... to tell you the truth, this whole thing just got too much.

It's too dangerous. I'm, I'm scared.

You know, Peterson, I'm supposed to be on my book tour right now.

Getting my head blown off wasn't exactly on my agenda, either.

I'll make ya a deal.

If you quit this story, so will I.

You don't have to say that just to make me feel better.

I'm not sayin' it to make you feel better. I'm sayin' it to make me feel better.

I mean, you were really puttin' the pressure on, you know?

Your face on trucks all over the city.

That wild-goose chase.

I'm sorry about that. No, it was very inventive.

I fell for it. I deserved it.

Yeah, that was a good one.

I gotta thank you, Peterson.

Because of you, I remembered how much I love newspapering.

Hey, you're a legend.

It's amazing just being in the same arena with you, really.

You gonna be okay? Yeah.

Yeah. I'm always okay.

So long. Take care.

Where can I catch the 7:15 to Spring Creek?

Four-B. Thank you.

Excuse me. I think you're in my seat.

Sorry, pal. Too early in the morning, I guess.

Morning paper? I'll take the Globe.

I'll take the Chronicle.

I'll be right back with complimentary orange juice and champagne.

I'll just have the orange juice. I'll just have the champagne.

That was quite a performance you gave last night.

You weren't bad yourself. But the tears!

Brilliant, really. Academy Award caliber.

Thank you. I try.

By the way, our friend last night was a pro recruited out of South America.

How do you know?

I have friends in low places. As I said, Peterson... if I tell you what I know, and you tell me what you know...

Look, Brackett, it's not my job to tell you anything.

I'm your competition, not your girl Friday.

I'm suggesting we team up. With each other?

Well, we'll investigate together, but we'll write separately.

I mean, we'll be like the, uh, Hardy Boys... except one of us will be a girl.

A woman. Mr. Brackett?

I'm sorry to interrupt, but, uh...

I am in the middle of your book, and I just can't put it down.

Would you hate autographing it for me?

No, I'd love to! Peterson, you got a pen?

Have you read it? Oh, I'm sure you have.

I keep meaning to, but no, actually, I...

Here you go. Thank you.

Is, uh, that in the 312 area code?


I may need that. Oh.

So, what do you think? Are we a team?

I suppose it is the sensible thing to do.

Well, we're gonna have to be completely honest with each other.

No more double-crossing. No more tricks.

Partners, five-oh, five-oh.

Five-oh, five-oh.

Be right back. Peterson.

You have a little orange juice mustache.

Thank you. Yeah.

Is this yours?

Oh, yeah. Thanks. Mm-hmm.

So, Brackett, since we toasted, and now that we're partners and everything...

I feel I should at least tell you why I'm on the plane to Spring Creek.

I found this when we were at the Beekman house last night.

Here's the missing story.

Darryl Beekman's father. I thought he'd be a guy worth talking to.

He left his job at Chess Chemical after 29 years.

Now, why would anyone leave their job one year snort of retirement?

Gee, I don't know. I've only been a Hardy Boy for five minutes.

That's funny, Peterson.

Hi. I'm looking for Sabrina.

Oh, she's out of town. I'm sorry.

She's, uh, on assignment in, uh, Wisconsin.

Spring, Spring Creek, I think it was.

She'll be back in a few days. Okay, great. Thanks a lot.

That was 24, so Beekman's must be next.

“Dr. Darryl M. Beekman, genetic engineering pioneer... died Tuesday in a fire at his Spring Creek home.” A week before the train crash.

The plot thickens. Ma'am, shh.

I'm sorry. Peterson, calm down, will you please?

Sorry. Go ahead. Y-You read it to yourself, then I'll read it.

Thank you. Mm-hmm.

What's LDF? Why? You've heard of it?

No. Never.

How would I have heard of it?

“While at Chess, Dr. Beekman served as head researcher... on the genetically engineered hormone LDF.”

I knew you were trouble the first time I laid eyes on you.

Major league trouble, I said to myself.

What's happening here? I'm dissolving our partnership.

Why? Because you just lied to me.

Now, you don't wanna tell me about LDF, fine.

It's each man for himself. Fine.

You got it. You're on your own.

What about Beekman's Christmas card?

You're also a pickpocket?

Jesus, Peterson, you're incorrigible!

Now, I was gonna tell you about that... but there are moments when you divulge information in a story like this.

I was just waiting for the proper moment, that's all.

Which is gonna be when, professor? When you finally get me in the sack?

Oh, I got a news flash for you, Peterson.

I have absolutely no desire to get you in the sack whatsoever.

Yeah, right. For starters, honey, you ain't my type.

Really? I didn't know you had a type.

I do. The opposite of you.

Tall, dark and stupid?

Peterson, good-bye. it's been original. Mmm.

You know...

You were right. I should've told you about the Christmas card.

And maybe I overreacted to LDF.

No, I, I should've told you sooner. it's my fault.

I accept your apology. So, tell me now.

The boy I told you about, the one that called me... said he found something important in the briefcase.


He had the letters “L-D” written on his palm.

I guess he died before he could write the I had no idea what it meant.

Honest. Girl Scout's honor.

That's not the Girl Scout salute. Oh.

Wrong hand, Peterson. Oh, well, okay.

So I was never a Girl Scout, but I'm telling you the truth, Brackett.

I swear.

Okay, so tell me. What's LDF?

“LDF is a genetically engineered hormone for dairy cows. It could be the fir... ” Somebody's trying to kill us over a cow hormone?

“Could be the first commercial success of genetic engineering... that directly affects food for humans.”

“Milk Hormone Stirs Fear." Okay, now we're talkin'.

“LDF milk tests will be reviewed by State's Agricultural Committee Chairwoman...

Gayle Robbins.” Bingo!

You wanna know about LDF? Yeah.

You've come to the right place.

In English, Sam, please. Okay, here's the deal.

Normally it takes a calf two years to mature into a milk-producing cow, right?

So, Chess figured, why wait that long taking care of a calf?

It's not making you any money.

So they invent this hormone LDF. They shoot that stuff into a newborn calf.

Nine months later, you got yourself a full-grown, milk-producing, moneymaking...

Franken-cow. That's exactly what I thought at first.

But then from what we hear the cows are healthy, and the tests show...

I hates these tours!

And the tests show that the milk's, uh, pure. So, there you go.

Say, what kind of profits can Chess make on a thing like this?

This thing, my boy, could revolutionize the entire worldwide dairy industry.

Potentially the biggest moneymaker that a chemical company has seen... since NutraSweet. Yeah?

Yeah. So, how much can they make?

Oh, somewhere in the neighborhood of a billion dollars a year.

Oh, nice neighborhood. Yeah. I wouldn't mind living there myself.

Oh, hi. You got out early.

One of the advantages of being chairperson.

You get to adjourn the meetings.

How'd that school board thing work out? On, nothing to worry about.

These are friends of mine from Chicago. Oh, hi. Gayle Robbins.

Peter Brackett from the Chronicle. Yes.

And this is Sabrina, uh... Peterson.

Of the Globe. Sorry.

Yes. it's nice to meet you. Sam, are we having a press conference?

No, no, no. They're just doing some research on LDF, that's all.

Really? Yep.

What do you think?

We were just gonna ask you that same question, being the head of the committee.

Uh, it really doesn't behoove the Senator to render an opinion on that matter...

Sam! All right, go ahead and render.

Give me a buzz after the FDA completes its review. We'll talk then.

Ready, Senator? Sam.

I know, Pete. You got like a thousand questions, right? Okay, okay.

Look, I got a, an hour here. Okay? What do you say I take both of you to dinner, huh?

On the house?

Two New Yorks, rare.

And one steamed vegetable plate, no salt, no oil, no butter.

Thank you.

So, you started to say that during Vietnam, Chess manufactured...

Oh, you know, just things like napalm, Agent Orange, you know?

All that wonderful stuff.

And then the war ended and their profits really dried up.

For a while, it looked like the company was on its last legs.

And then, along comes the genetic revolution.

And boy, things really heated up for them. LDF could put them right back on top.

What's the Chess family like? Oh, boy.

Well, the old man's a real zealot, you know? He's kinda like a Ross Perot wannabe.

His kid, Willy, kind of runs things now. I don't know too much about him.

I think he went to Yale, and then straight to work for Daddy.

Did you know him at Yale? Uh-uh, uh-uh.

No, I think he's younger than me. How did you remember that I went to Yale?

That is incredible. You've got such an amazing memory.

I can't remember my own name.

It's possible that I met him at school, but I doubt it. I don't even think he graduated.

What year would he have been if he had graduated?

I don't know. Let me think. Uh...

What year did you graduate? Me? '73. No, '74.

So that would make him class of '76, '77, something like that.

You know, Gayle's met him a few times. He's supposed to be a nice guy.

Not exactly a rocket scientist, but he...

What's going on here exactly, guys? I mean, why are you so interested in LDF, huh?

Oh, Peterson here is a big milk drinker. That's all.

Oh, well, it d... It does a body good.

Sorry. C'mon, you're not gonna tell me?

It's gotta be big if both the Globe and the Chronicle are in bed together on it.

I wouldn't say we're exactly in bed together.

Check, please.

Oh. Okay, now. In case you have any more questions... or if you finally decide to tell me what you've actually got up your sleeve... here's my card. it's got my direct dial on it. Oh, thanks, Sam.

Where are you parked? In the lot over there.

Oh, perfect. We're gonna pass by... the best frozen yogurt joint in the entire state.

Yeah? it's on Peterson.

Look out! Sam!


Sam, are you okay?

What the hell was that all about?

Medwick, it's me. Just checking in.

Listen, I've put together a “just the facts, ma'am” kind of thing... and wanted to run it by you, okay?

They know you're there? Uh, no.

I guess so far they don't know we're here. You're lucky.

Yeah, real lucky. So, here's what we know:

Beekman was the head researcher on LDF.

He retires mysteriously, then dies a week later.

His son boards a train with something in his briefcase that his dad sent him.

The train crashes, the son dies, and the briefcase is stolen.

The kid who stole it is murdered but before he dies he writes the initials “LD” on his palm.

LD means LDF, and LDF means a billion dollars a year.

So you tell me. All this adds up to...

Good morning, everyone, and welcome to Chess Chemical.

Our first stop on today's tour will be the Chess Family Science Discovery Center.

Now, as we walk in pairs down the Biology of Tomorrow corridor...

I'd like to point out some of the everyday products created here at Chess.

For example, the cold medicine that I forgot to take this morning... as well as the disposable diapers I used for my little one last night.

Now, as we continue on...

Extension 307 is a 72-year-old cafeteria worker named Sadie.

Hair net, orthopedic shoes.

Are you sure? Maybe it was 3-O-something else.

No, no, no. I'm positive. Here, look.

You wanna get out of here, or take a stroll down the Biology of Tomorrow corridor?

Rule number one of investigative reporting, Peterson, is find out what you're up against.

Let's stroll. What's rule number two?

Stay clear of all surveillance cameras when visiting the lair of the enemy.


Thank you. No problem.

Wilson Chess. Sabrina Peterson.

And Mr. Peterson? Actually, the name's Brackett.

Peter Brackett, the writer.

Of course. Well, what brings you to this neck of the woods?

I'm doin' e little research on e new novel, Wilson.

You're kidding? What, here at Chess?

Mm-hmm. What's the new one about?

It's a murder mystery set against the backdrop of a chemical company.

Sounds intriguing, but I'm always a sucker for a good murder yarn.

Aren't you, Miss Peterson?

As long as the bad guy gets it in the end, I'm happy.

W-Well, have fun. And don't forget to change the names to protect the innocent.

So much for rule number three: Avoid insulting... the men who may be trying to kill you.

I was just looking for you, sir. Look at this. Hello. it's fine. You look very nice today.

Thank you. We missed you for lunch. It was... right through to the research farm behind me... where scientists are fine-tuning Mother Nature with such innovative... products for the future as the Livestock Development Factor, LDF.

Now, if you'll Come with me, I'd like to show you a film... that highlights some of the exciting things we're doing here at Chess.

Don't worry, parents. it's G-rated.

Hey, where'd you guys go on your break? We looked for you.

We did. Oh, I had to go to the lab.

Rule number four: Get close to someone who's close to the enemy.

How am I supposed to calm down?

You promised me this was going to be taken care of... and now they are here in my building.

Ernesto, I can't handle this anymore.

Just make it happen.

Want us to pick you up at Ruby's tonight? Oh, I'll meet you there.

It's better if we take our own cars, in case one of us gets lucky.

You mean, in case there's a miracle, right?

You never know.

Well, what do you know? Huh.

Evans, this is great. This is good. You got any leads on him?

Pete, I'm looking for some more information on...

Come in.

Hello? Mr. Brackett? Hi.

Mr. Brackett, we haven 't come up with anything yet, but when we do...

Yeah, okay. Well, stay on it and I'll check with you later.


Interesting news.

It seems Willy Chess did go to Yale.

Who's Ernesto Vargas? Well, that's the interesting news.

The reason Sam was confused about whether or not Chess graduated... is because he was expelled. For?

Burning down the English Department.

Somethin' about a problem with one of his professors.

Young Willy and his cohort, this South American kid Vargas... they decided to torch the place for revenge, they were caught and properly booted out.

A fire back then, a fire at Beekman's.

A South American friend, a South American assassin.

Where's Vargas now? Evans can't seem to get a line on him.

Maybe Sam could help. Yeah. Good idea.

Good idea.

You don't know what I did with his, uh...

Thank you.

By the way, I dressed like this because I figured this is the way... you're supposed to dress at these pickup places... and I didn't want to stand out or anything.

Yeah. No chance of anyone noticing you, Peterson.

That's good thinking. Sam Smotherman's office.

Hi. Is he in? Who's calling please?

Peter Brackett. Just a minute.

By the way, Peterson, that reminds me. We never did finish that other discussion.

What other discussion? Pete, hello.

Sam, how ya doin'?

Well, I'm all right, believe it or not.

Well, I knew you'd recover. Listen, can you check on an old Yalie for me?

A name came up. We can't seem to get a lead on the guy.

I'm sorry. Just one second. Sure. Who is he?

Well, he was at Yale the same time as Willy Chess.

His name is, uh, Ernesto Vargas. Bargas?

No, no, no. Vargas with a “V” like Victor.

Oh, Vargas. That doesn't sound familiar, but I'll check him out.

All right. Well, look, I'm gonna be in and out, so if you come up with anything... like where he is or how we can reach him, call my office, ask for Evans.

Yeah, I'll make a deal with you, though. I find this Vargas guy... then you're gonna clue me in on what you're workin' on?

If he finds Vargas, will we clue him in on what we're working on?


You got it, buddy! Thanks a lot. I'll see ya later.

Rule number five, Peterson: Always humor those who can help you.

Now, what other conversation did you want to finish?

Oh, the one about me wanting to get you in the sack.

Oh, that. Well, forget it. I didn't really think...

No, no, no, Peterson. This is important.

I want you to know that I see you strictly as a fellow newspaperman.

I mean that sincerely.

I see you as nothing else, and I never will.

You have my word on it.

I do? Mm-hmm.

Well, thanks. That makes me feel really good.

I appreciate it. I, I, I, I do. Thanks.

You're welcome, kid.

There 's gonna be a heartache tonight A heartache tonight I know

Gonna be a heartache tonight The moon shinin' bright Kim, introduce me.

Michael, this is Robin. Robin, this is Michael.

Hi. Robin's thinking of moving here.

Do it. We need more cute babes in this town.

Yeah, right. Like there aren't already four babes to every man.

Kim, look who's here. Dixon, what are you doing here?

Didn't your wife just have a baby? I'm celebrating!

Yeah, right. Dance?

That's the other problem. Small town, big chemical company.

Everybody knows everything about...

Whoa, daddy! Look what just walked in.

Somebody's gonna hurt someone Before the night is through Who? The guy with the black suit?

Somebody's gonna come undone There's nothin' we can do You don't think he's like off-the-charts hot?

I don't know that I'd go right to off-the-charts. You think so?

I know so.

I also know I haven't been laid in more months than I care to admit.

Hi. Hi.

How ya doin'? Ooh, great now.


Can I buy you a drink? Absolutely.

I'll have what the lady's having. Comin' right up.

I'm fine, thank you.

I don't like you I'm David. I'm horny.

Seems that I'm always Thinkin' of you Oh!

Ohh-Ohh-Ohh You treat me badly I love you madly You've really got a hold on me Really got a hold on me You really got a hold on me Baby, I love you And all I want you to do ls just hold me Hold me Hold me Hold Do you wanna dance?

Hold I'd love to.

Tighter, honey


Tighter Ohhh I don't wanna leave you Don't wanna stay here Don't wanna spend Another day here Ooh, I wanna split now But I just can't quit now You've really got a hold on me Really got a hold on me You got me You really got a hold on me You really got a hold on me Hey, Peterson.

I'm sorry. I lost track of time.

No problem. I'm sure you were...

I mean, I imagine you were...

Not that I was sitting here imagining anything, because I wasn't.

What time is it? it's a little after 4:00.

I see. Fine.

So, um, it's late, so let's just go, okay, Brackett?

And, by the way, do you mind if I drive, because...

Just because I'm the woman doesn't always mean I wanna be the passenger, okay?

Peterson, I didn't sleep with her.

Excuse me. Did I ask you if you slept with anybody?

No, no, no, no, no. I just wanted you to know.

Look, Brackett, however you choose to get your information is your business.

Did you lift her security pass is all I wanna know.

Well, I couldn't. She was all over me. Oh.

By the way, for the record, not sleeping with her... was maybe some of the hardest work I've ever done.

Do I look like your roommate? I don't wanna hear this.

You're right. I apologize.

Now, please, sit down. Let me buy you a cup of coffee.

I'm tired of sitting, and I'm not thirsty.

Peterson, I've got us a lead.

This is Kim's surprise party last year.

The man with the gray hair is Beekman.

There's our friend Willy. And next to him in the glasses is Alexander Hervey.

Uh, who's Alexander Hervey?

He's a research scientist at Chess. He and Beekman created LDF together.

Really? Yeah.

So where has he been during all this?

Boulder City, Nevada. Nevada?


You want some coffee? Not really. No.

Well, okay, yeah. No. Uh, yes. Half a cup.


Oh, no, thanks. I try not to eat after 11:00.

It's bad for your metabolism to eat when your body's inactive.

Plus I try to avoid saturated fats, but you go ahead.

So, what's in Nevada?

Hervey and Beekman worked on LDF for ten years.

At the end of the day, LDF was a big hit and they were heroes.

Hervey was promoted and made the head of a research facility outside of Vegas.

So he's sitting pretty. He was, but a couple of months ago... he had a stroke, so he's pretty much out of commission now.

But the interesting thing is, Kim heard Beekman was also offered a promotion... but he turned it down.

So he turns down a promotion, quits his job... and suddenly dies?

Look, I realize that we're only investigating together... and we're trying to avoid coming to any actual conclusions out loud.

However? However, it seems to me... that something wasn't kosher with LDF. Mm-hmm.

And Willy must've gone to Beekman and Hervey and offered them promotions if they'd...

Fake the test results? Is that what you think, Brackett?

Is that what you think, Peterson? I asked you first.

Yes. Me, too.

I think Henley went along with the plan, but Beekman refused.

So he leaves Chess and takes the real test results with him.

And just in case, sends a copy to his son. Exactly.

Willy finds out, panics, and calls in his old friend Vargas.

You've turned into a hell of a Hardy Boy, Peterson.

Besides the fact that these people are trying to kill us... how about the fact that they're contaminating the country's milk supply?

Milk! Is nothing sacred?

Let's go!

Gimme the keys, Peterson. You can drive next time.

What was that all about? That guy was what? Tell me.

I don't know. Like, he was there then he was gone. I don't know. I got spooked.

Well, it's okay. I'm dead anyway.

Yes, you are.

You two have somethin' that doesn't belong to you, and I've been asked to take it back.

Peterson, do you have somethin' that doesn't belong to you?

No. Do you? Mmm. Sorry, we don't have it.

Stay in this lane, boyfriend, and keep it at 60.

So what's the plan? Take us to some remote place, kill us and make it look like an accident?

Sounds good to me. Well, guess what?

Since I'm the designated driver, screw your plan.

What are you doing?

Slow the car down, or I'll smoke you right now!

Go ahead!

That's it! Pull over!


Put your seat belt on, Peterson.

What are you, crazy?

You're welcome. Should I Search him?

Is he dead? I don't think so.

Then I wouldn't.

I think we took the wrong turn.

Jeez! Oh!

Perhaps this is a blessing in disguise.

At least nobody knows where we are. Including us.

So, are we gonna go see this Hervey character or what?

Yeah. Sure. Which way's Nevada?

What do you think that guy meant when he asked... if we had something that didn't belong to us?

I don't know. Maybe Beekman's test results weren't in the briefcase.

But if we had them, why would we still be on the story?

Better question is, if they weren't in the briefcase, where are they?

You aren't suggesting I have them.

Oh, I hadn't thought of that. Do you?

Wanna frisk me? No, not tonight, dear. I have a headache.

Oops. I'm sorry.

You sure you don't want some sunscreen, Brackett? it's paba-free. I'm fine, thank you.

One out of every six Americans gets skin cancer before the age of 65.

You blonds have to be especially careful.

Peterson, do me a favor. Quit givin' me advice.

First, I shouldn't eat bacon, then saturated fat.

If I'd eaten that saturated fat, I wouldn't be starving to death right now.

Fine. Don't wear sunscreen.

You know, I was just thinking. You know where I'd be today if it weren't for you?

No, tell me. At the Beverly Hills Hotel... on my book tour, lounging around the pool, giving interviews, gazing at Starlets.

You're not even embarrassed to say that, are you?

Embarrassed? What do you think? I'd rather be traipsing through poison ivy... wearing a shirt on my head, looking for hidden test results?

You think they're hidden?

You're actually having fun on this story, aren't you?

You're not? I mean, I understand your saying you're not... but you're really not?

Peterson, do I look like a man having fun?

A man lounging around the Beverly Hills Hotel ogling Starlets... looks to me like a man not having fun.

And furthermore, I think you owe me an apology.

In my opinion, meeting me was the best thing that ever happened to you.

You could've quit this story anytime you wanted, and you didn't... because you and I both know this is the story of our lives.

No matter what you say, I know you'd rather be an ace reporter... than a second-rate novelist.

What is that?

What is what?

Don't turn around. I'm getting out. Yeah?

I didn't think you'd be back so fast. Don't turn.

I won't.

What's that? What?

Uh-oh. She's naked.

What? She's butt naked!

Honey, we've been rescued.

What are you doing? Don't do this to me, please.

Was I hearing things, or did you call me a second-rate novelist?

I was, I was kidding. I, I never even read your book.

I, I'm sure it's quite brilliant. Uh-huh.

Oh! What are you doing? Walk backwards. You never read it, huh?

Boys! Hi, boys! Look! A double-spotted platypus.

They're very rare. You're missing it.

When they said be prepared, I bet you boys didn't expect anything like this.

Only in our dreams.

Are you sure you never read my book, Peterson?

Okay, stop. I, I read it. I'm, I'm reading it. And?

It's cute. Very cute.

I, I expected more, to tell you the truth, but...

These nature walks are really educational, huh, guys?

Hey, I got a great idea! Does anybody have a camera?

Come on, you look great!

I can't believe I let you talk me into this shirt!

I mean, we look like Roy Rogers and Dale Evans!

I mean, look at us.

Brackett, they found us.

Let's get outta here.

Stop! Stop! Get out of the way.

Go! Move 'em out!

Come on, Peterson!

This way! This way!

Brackett, through here.


We don't see many of those anymore.

Congratulations. Right this way.

You kids next? Us?

Yes! Yes! Yes, we are. We're next. isn't this rather sudden?

Come, come, come. Don't be shy.

My name is Ray. I'll be conducting the service this evening.

Please take a position in front of the podium... and I'll acquaint you with the accoutrement we have at our disposal.

We have flowers, fresh or silk.

We have rings, veil, tux, yarmulke, if you so desire.

Music, prerecorded or live... We'll take the works.

Yes. The works, Sandra.

Spare no expense on such a marvelous and holy occasion.

That's a 42, and it looks like a winner.

Please place this on the apex of the skull.

Very good. Would you folks prefer the... long or the abridged service this evening?

Uh, just do us a favor. Just go through the motions. Uh...

Just start. Just start? Why don't we just start?

Sandra, if you will. I'll need your names.

Peterson. Brackett.

Peterson, you and Brackett have decided to unite your love.

May you cherish this sacred moment...

forever. Rings.

As I ask Brackett... do you take Peterson to be your wedded wife... promising to cherish and protect her... be it in good fortune and adversity?

Is he here? Yes!

Yes? And do you take Brackett to be your wedded husband... promising to cherish and protect him... be it in good fortune and adversity?

If he comes any closer, we're out the rear exit.


Okay. And so, by the powers vested in me... by the great state of Nevada...

I pronounce you husband and wife.

Mazel to v.

I'm Coming up empty on this guy Vargas.

And your friend Sam called twice.

He said that he can't find anybody who knew him at Yale.

Oh, how's Peterson? ls she still driving you crazy?

More than you can imagine. I'll talk to you tomorrow.

Anything? Not yet.

You hungry? Yeah, a little.


To the bravest girl I ever met.

Why? Because I've managed to stay alive?

Oh, no, no! Because you married me.

Am I really looking at a heart-shaped turkey burger?

You know, if anyone told me two weeks ago I'd be married to Peter Brackett"

Oh, no, no, no, no. Don't worry. I already checked.

We can have it annulled in the morning.

Oh, you did? Good.

Well, a 12-hour marriage. Even shorter than my first one.

Peterson, you were married before?

You find that so hard to imagine?

No, no. I'm just sort of particular about who my wives have been married to.

Who was he? Name's O'Connor.

Of Peterson, Peterson and O'Connor.

He's extremely close with my parents.

Well, you've been married before, right? I tried it briefly.

Didn't like it?

No, actually it was my wife who had the complaint.

She said I was never home. She said I loved newspapering more than her...

She said she'd never mean as much to you as the story you were working on.

She said she was jealous of the boys... In the City room.

Yeah! Funny.


She's now married to a brilliant CPA with an amazing sweater collection.

Bet he's home every night. Like clockwork.

That's what they like. Regularity.


You know, Brackett... some guys... might try to take advantage of a situation like this, but not you.

No, no.

I know this is the one area... where I can completely trust you. Mm-hmm.

So, which side of the heart do you want?

We're sleeping in shifts. Remember? Yeah, right. I forgot.

Um, you want to take the first shift? No, no, you go ahead.


Tell me something, Brackett.

What is it about me you don't like?

I'm not pretty enough?

Not tall enough? Too tall?

Too smart? Not smart enough?

Wrong color hair?

Talk too much?

Really, what is it?

I've never had this effect on a man before.

You would be surprised, but... most men are actually somewhat attracted to me.

I know you think I'm trouble, and you curse the day you met me... but off the record, I don't feel that way about you... at all.

Off the record, Peterson...

I don't feel that way about you, either... at all.

You don't?

First time I ever kissed a newspaperman.

I like it.

This doesn't change anything. I'm still the Globe, and you're still...

The Chronicle. I know, Sabrina, I know.

We're still... Competitors.

Thank you for calling me Sabrina.

Hello? This is Mrs. Hervey.

If you want to see my husband, please come now.

This is exactly the sort of thing that would've driven my ex-husband crazy.

Your current husband's not too thrilled about it, either.

Well... Yeah.


Oh, hey, don't forget your wallet.

Shall we?


My husband's home now because there's nothing more they can do for him at the hospital.

But some days he's not all that bad.

Alex, the reporters from Chicago are here to see you.



Alex, they've come such a long way to see you.

You wanted to talk to my husband about, um, Darryl Beekman, didn't you?

Mm-hmm. Yes, we were wondering why, a-after the success of LDF... that your husband was given a promotion... but Dr. Beekman chose to leave the company?

Were you wondering, Mr. Brackett, or do you think you know?

We think we know. We just need someone to tell us if we're right.

Did your husband ever say anything about Dr. Beekman... about disagreements between them?


I-I'm sorry. I w... I was hoping Alex could talk to you.

I sensed that he wanted to.

Uh, uh, excuse me. Can I use your restroom for a second?

Down the hall. Oh, thank you.

I'm sorry you had to come such a long way.

I really appreciate you calling us, Mrs. Hervey. Thank you.

Maybe we should wait until Mr. Brackett gets back.

No, no, that's okay.

Uh, I really don't know what it is, but...

I thought it was strange, because in 30 years...

I've never seen Alex bring anything home from work.

You can take it, but I'm afraid it's not much use to anyone outside of Chess.

Thank you.

This is Captain Riley. Just to let you know that we're ahead of schedule... and we'll be arriving in Chicago in just a little under an hour.

The temperature is e breezy 34 degrees with clear skies.

Sorry. No problem.

Complimentary champagne for the bride and groom?

I can always spot the newlyweds on our Vegas flights.

Of course with you two, who couldn't?

Congratulations. Thank you.

So, what should we drink to?

Our annulment? Perfect!

Because, truthfully, Brackett, there's not a man in the world I'd rather annul than you.

Truthfully, Peterson, I wouldn't believe anything you ever said... that started with the word “truthfully.”

Well, I guess it's time to put an end to the Charade.

Yeah. Gimbel's marries Macy's. We wouldn't want that to get around.

May I? Mmm.

Will you do something for me, Peterson, for old times' sake?


Kiss me good-bye.

Back now, 7:30 on this, uh, Monday morning, October the 14th.

I'm Bryant Gumbel here in Studio 3B. Katie Couric's up on Capitol...

What happened to October 13th?

Let's go.

Uh, I'm here for the 4:00 tour.

In beautiful Spring Creek, Wisconsin.

Our first stop on today's tour... is going to be the Chess Family Science Discovery Center.

Now, as we walk in pairs down the Biology of Tomorrow corridor...

Right this way, sir. How are you folks today?

I'd like to point out a few of the everyday products created here at Chess.

For example, the cold medicine which I forgot to take this morning.

Hi. Milk, e staple for the entire family.

And just one of the products Chess Chemical is working to improve... for the 21st century. You know, you look very familiar.

Have we met before?

No. Actually this is my first visit to the Twilight Zone.

Why'd you double-cross me, Peterson? Just following the Golden Rule.

But I thought we were partners, five-oh, five-oh.

That must explain why you took Kim's security pass.

Oh, Peterson, I was gonna... “l was gonna tell you.” You can't even be honest about being dishonest.

I was gonna tell you, Peterson. I took it as a backup.

I never thought we'd be here again. Yeah, mm-hmm.

Look, I gotta go. Peterson, listen.

It's not safe for you to be here alone.

Now, you probably don't wanna be reminded of this... but I did take an oath to protect you 'til death do us part.

Game's over, Brackett, and you lose.

I've got the disk. I've got the security pass.

Actually, I have the disk.

Actually, that's blank.

I've got the disk. I've got my own security pass.

And I've got the authority to have you thrown out of here.

Sabrina. Honey, come on.

After all we've been through!

Just do in your heart what you know I would do if I was in your position.


Sam, stop! I don't want to hear.

I'm not interested in Vargas anymore. I'm off the story.

Peterson, too? No, no, no. She's still on it.

You know, the girl is nuts!

She went undercover as a Chess tour guide.

You're kidding!

I'm serious. She got a job there.

Pete, look, look, there 's more I wanna tell you, okay?

No, Sam, don't tempt me! I'm not gonna get killed on a story where I don't even get the girl.

I'm goin' back on my book tour. I'll be in Seattle by dinner.

In a few hours, this whole thing will be a distant memory.

Okay, don't worry about it, buddy. And good luck on the tour.

Thanks for everything, man.

You need to have a little chat with your personnel director.

Sabrina Peterson's working at Chess.

Oh, Jesus.

He ain't gonna help us.

Here you go. Thank you.

We hope you have enjoyed your tour, and remember, no matter where you may live...

Chess Chemical is your neighbor, striving for a better tomorrow today.

Thank you very much.

Excuse me. Does this plane have a phone?

Straight ahead on the cabin wall, but you really need to stay in your seat, sir.

We're about to take off. Okay, thanks.

What city, please? Uh, Madison.

The number of the capitol building.

That's 555-4331. Thank you.

Ladies and gentlemen, we'll be taking off momentarily.

Flight attendants, please prepare for departure.

Good evening. State Capitol. Yeah, Sam Smotherman.

Mr. Smotherman. That's extension 307.

Keep it movin'. Keep comin'.

Fine. Hold it right there. Okay.

How you doin', Jack? Okay, Bob. How are you?

Jesus! God!

What are these... Oh, Jesus!

Too bad. But a definite “A” for effort, Peterson.

Or should I call you Brackett, Mrs. Brackett? Hmm?

I don't really care what you call me, Smotherman.

Or should I call you Ernesto, Mr. Vargas?

Oh, darn!

I wanted to be the one to tell you.

You did! A cop once told me...

“Always look for the lie; that's when the story begins to unravel.” When I asked you what year you graduated, you gave me two different years.

I wondered why, so I looked you up in your yearbook.

Funny thing was, you weren't in it, not under the name Smotherman, anyway.

We were hoping you had what we were looking for, but... since you don't have it, and we don't have it... we can assume it didn't survive the crash.

So now the only evidence to destroy is you.

Oh, and your husband, of course.

Fortunately, we know exactly where he is.

What's going on, Ted? Oh, Mr. Chess, I didn't know anyone was in here.

We've got an alert down at the loading dock.

Go back to your station. I'll deal with it. Yes, sir.

Get out there. See what's going on.

How'd you get involved in this, Sam?

Willy wanted to get rid of Beekman, and he thought you could get the job done?

Something like that. But you botched the fire in college.

What made him think you'd get it right this time?

I was the only bad guy he knew.

Did he pay you to hook up with Senator Robbins?

Think I could afford steak dinners if he didn't'?

Do me a favor, Peterson.

Sit down.

Stay with her, and watch her.

I'm sorry to keep you waiting. It seems...

It seems we've got a traffic jam in the parking lot.

I'm in no rush. As long as we've got a couple of minutes...

What? You want an interview?

Why not? Give a dying girl her last wish.

Why'd you do it, Willy? Why not just admit LDF was a flop and move on?

For ten years, Beekman and Hervey promised me they'd iron out the kinks.

A hundred million dollars later, they apologized, said they were wrong.

By then it was too late. I mortgaged our company's future in this thing. It had to fly!

What were these kinks, exactly?

Well, let's put it this way. You can't put a label on a carton of milk:

“This product has been known to cause cancer in laboratory animals.” And Beekman was gonna blow the whistle. Can you imagine?

The guy screws up and then he tries to bite the hand that feeds him? Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk.

All right, that's it. I've had it. Just get her out. Now!

Willy, let's go. Where's he gonna take me, Sam?

At least tell me how he's gonna do it, huh? No comment.

Another train crash? Another fire?

Hey, maybe I'll get it the old-fashioned way like Danny Brown.

Come on, Sam, you're the organ grinder here! Tell me how this ape's gonna do it.

Why not just show her, Mando? Brackett!


You got her? Just get her. Stop shooting!

Lock the gates. Don't let anyone in.

Peterson, I thought you were one of them!

It's okay. I'm all right. I'm fine.

What'd you come back for, Brackett, me or the story?

Mostly you, Peterson. Mostly me?

He's on the third tier!

Nice try, Mando. Drop the gun.

Why? Are you going to shoot me with your finger, Brackett?

There's only one way to find out.

Any time you want to jump in, Peterson.

Thank you! You're welcome.

Oh, Jesus.

Oh, Jesus!

My mother always said, you want the job done right, do it yourself.

Whoa. Whoa.

Peterson! Self-defense classes.

A must for a woman in the '90s.


Stay there or I'll shoot. I don't think so.

Think again.

Mrs. Brackett, you had it all the time.

Uh-uh-uh. Don't touch.

Hey, Pete, do you mind if I kill your wife?

As a matter of fact, I do. Hang on, Peterson!

Grab on!

I got it! I got it.

Atta girl.

“As Vargas shouted his final command... the Thin Man's eyes measured Peterson for a coffin.

She turned, a breath away from the barrel of his .22 automatic.” Poetry, sweetheart. Absolute poetry!

Look who's talking. “The cold metal tip of the pistol brushed against my hair.

I looked up at the assassin. His eyes were empty as two holes in a mask."

Honey, I got goose bumps!

You ever think of writing a novel?

And give up the newspaper game? Never.


Well, I might give it a try again. Here's my idea.

Mmm. Male, female reporters solve mystery... fight... Mm-hmm.

Make up, fall in love... save the day, go on a honeymoon.

Sounds like a best-seller to me.

Darling. Yes, my love?

You didn't really mean it when you said our scoundrel days were behind us, did you?

They are for me if they are for you.

All right. I promise to go straight if you do.

I do.

Then I do too.

Brackett, get this!

Two guys with .385 coming right out of that, uh, that bank.

Peterson. Peterson, sweetheart. We're on our honeymoon.

Sorry, baby. It slipped my mind.

Let me refresh your memory.