I Love You to Death (1990) Script

[DOOR CLOSING]

Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.

How are you doing?

It's been two weeks since my last confession.

I've done a lot of bad things in that time.

Didn't go to church, I took the Lord's name in vain quite a few times, I cursed my mother-in-law, but it was in Italian, so she couldn't understand, so I don't know if that counts.

It counts.

Okay...

And I cheated on my wife.

You committed adultery?

Yes.

How many times?

Five times the last two weeks.

Wait...

No, that's wrong.

It was four times this week... with three women... and three times last week... with two other women.

Wow.

Plus, one of the women from this week was the same as last week... or maybe two of the women was the same, so I guess that makes...

What? I don't know. Seven times.

I mean, it was more than seven times, Father.

It was more like 10 or 12 times, but, you know, it was like... on seven different occasions, only with five different women, but some of the women more than once...

Some of them quite a few times.

In fact, it's hard to say, Father.

I didn't exactly keep count, but let's say a dozen times in the last two weeks... give or take a few times.

[**]


Rosalie!

Joey, I'm still waiting for those meatballs, baby.

I'll be right with you.

Hey, thanks for stopping by.

Rosalie, Wendel wants another beer.

Excuse me.

Benny!What are you doing here? I thought you was on vacation.

Got back yesterday.

How's Martha? She's terrific.

You tell her Joey said hello.

I will.

Devo, the meatball, the meatballs. Come on.

I'll be with you in one minute, folks.


Donna Joy, you're looking mighty nice in that mini.

Thanks, Joey.

You're looking pretty good yourself.

Yeah, you think? Thanks.

[RING]

Joey's Pizza.

Hey, Ty, how you doing?

How many? How soon?

You want pepperoni, you got pepperoni.

Devo, take this out.

Rosalie!

Tulsky's coming by to pick up six pies.

We need more pepperoni. It's in the back.

[RING]

Joey's Pizza.

Hey, baby, how you doing?

Oh!

No, no, now's bad.

Now's bad.

Very busy.

How about later on?

Later on. Okay?

I've got to hang up. My wife's coming.

Okay, bye.

Thanks for calling.

Be quiet, will you?

Shut up!

Hi, Mom. Hi, Mom.

Dominic.

Devo.

"Mr. Crystal, let it shine.

Spikes just like a porcupine."

Hello, you two.

Hi!

This is hot. I'll be with you in a minute.

I'm going to drop this off.

Okay. I'm going to go see Dad.

Hi, Daddy.

Who said that?

What? What?

Let me see your picture, Dom.

Oh, that's really good. What is it?

What does it look like?

It looks like a pizza pie?

Mom, it's a flower.

Oh, I'm sorry.

What do you think?

Michelangelo.

Look at that.


Oh, the defenders of justice. Hello.

Uh-oh. Cheese it, the cops!

Here you go, Larry. All set.

Sausage and 'rooms, heavy on the 'rooms.

Thank you, Joey.

Carlos, what's the matter?

Nothing.

Hey, kids, how's it going?

Okay.

Larry, Larry, Larry.

Look what Dominic did today.

You ever see anything so beautiful?

Dominic, that's lovely. What is that, a flower?

No, it's a pizza.

It's pepperoni, I bet.

Yeah, it could be. I'm not sure. Yeah.

I love pepperoni.

Next time.

You always say next time.

I heard you caught that guy who was robbing all them 7-Elevens.

You caught that guy?

Right.

Picked him up last night.

Thank God!

You're doing a great job.

You hear that?

That's how come, in America, we live safe, have a good life, because we've got cops like Larry Schooner and Carlos Wiley who make sure everybody does what he's supposed to do.

You work hard, pay taxes, obey the law, you can have anything you want.

I want my kids to understand what a great country we've got here.

I think they understand.

Hey, Rosalie, keep your eye on the shop.

I've got to look at Lacey Flynn's plumbing.

Okay, sweetie.

Her plumbing?

Devo, when you're done there, I want you to go around back and clean out the garbage cans.

They're full of maggots.

Maggots. That's perfect. I love that man.

Don't worry. I'll do it with you.

No, please, that's my job, taking care of maggots.

How you doing?

How you doing?

This is the third time this week he's gone up there to visit Lacey's pipes.

Come on, he owns the building.

He has to take care of it.

See the way she looks at him?

That's not his fault.

Besides, she's lonely. I feel sorry for her.

Don't feel sorry for her.

It's too convenient for Joey.

Hey, you shouldn't talk like that.

It's not right.

Joey's my husband.

I don't want to see you get hurt.

I can take care of myself. Don't worry about me.

[KNOCKS]

WOMAN: Who is it?

It's the pizza man.

Hello, pizza man.

Hello.

I'm here to check your pipes.

I'm so glad because water's squirting everywhere.

[MOANING]

Think she's pretty?

Yeah, I guess so.

I've got eyes, you know?

I can see a lot of girls are crazy for Joey, and he has an eye for the ladies too.

That's okay. He's Italian. He's allowed to look.

In reality as we know it, some men do more than look.

You don't trust anyone, Devo. That's your whole trouble.

I trust you.

Joey would never run around on me.

Rosalie--

He never would.

Let me put it this way.

Let's say you had a dream that he did, and the dream turned out to be true.

What would you do?

I'd kill myself, and if I didn't feel any better, I'd kill him.

Yeah.

Joey, stay a little longer.

Oh, I can't. I've got a lot of work.

Maybe you'll come back later?

Maybe later.

Maybe even spend the night?

What are you, crazy?

I can't spend the night.

I've got a wife and family.

Joey, you don't love your wife.

Who says so?

Of course I love her.

Just because I make love to you doesn't mean I don't love her.

What kind of marriage is that?

It's a good marriage.

I buy the food, she cooks it.

I can cook for you.

You can't cook for me. You're not my wife.

You're not even Italian.

Neither is your wife.

She's some kind of Eurasian or something.

No, she's not from there.

She's-- Her mother's from Yugoslavia.

It's a good Catholic country. Right next to Italy.

In fact, it used to be part of Italy.

I think.

Joey, this isn't Italy. This is America.

Hey, America was discovered by one Italian, and it's named after another.

So what? What does that prove?

It proves that America is an Italian country.

I've got to go.

Joey, if you're such a good Catholic, why do you commit adultery?

I'm a man.

I've got a lot of hormones in my body.

* He jumped So high, high, high *

* He hit the sky, sky, sky

* And didn't come Back, back, back *

* Till The Fourth of July-ly-ly *

Okay, here we go again.

Last time. One, two, three.

* Miss Mary Mac, Mac, Mac

* All dressed In black, black, black *

* With silver Buttons, buttons, buttons *

* All down Her back, back, back *

* She asked Her mother, mother, mother *

* For 50 cents, cents, cents

* To watch the elephants Elephants, elephants *

* Jump over The fence, fence, fence *

* They jumped So high, high, high *

* They hit the sky, sky, sky

* And didn't come Back, back, back *

* Till The Fourth of July-ly-ly *

* Then they got Worried, worried, worried *

* And went To Hong Kong, Kong, Kong *

* To see The King Kong, Kong, Kong *

* To get His advice, vice, vice *

* But he didn't have Any, any, any *

* So they went Back home, home, home *

* They didn't get any Advice-vice-vice *

* So they went To Rome, Rome, Rome *

* And didn't come Home, home, home... *

Rosalie, listen to this.

It says here some woman was eaten alive by her own houseplants.

Can you imagine?

Mama, want more coffee?

If not, I'm going to throw it out.

Oh, no. Go ahead. Throw it out.

Otherwise, I'll be in the bathroom all night.

Remember how your father used to drink a big cup of black coffee every night right before bed?

Yeah, boiling hot too.

With four sugars.

Very sweet.

Just like him.

You know...

I miss him every day.

I forget almost everything I hate about him.

Yeah, I know.

I miss him too.

[SPEAKS SERBIAN]

[SPEAKS SERBIAN]


[DOORBELL RINGS]

I got it.

* He jumped so high, high, high He hit the sky, sky, sky *

Hey, Devo.

Hello.

Come on in. How you doing?

I'm doing good.

I was just going to catch the end of the ball game.

Want to watch?

Oh, no, thank you.

I think I'll visit with Rosalie and Mama Nadja.

Sure.

They're in the kitchen.

Thank you.

What do I do?

You reach in the bag and take out a rune.

Any one?

Well, they're all beautiful, you'll see.

What are they, runes?

They're stones. They're very spiritual.

They have metaphysical powers.

And what do they do?

It wouldn't say--

Well, they tell you where you're at.

I'm at home.

We're right here.

What are you saying?

No, spiritually.

Spiritually, they tell you where you're at.

I don't know if I should do this.

I mean, I'm a Catholic.

They're not against God or anything.

Go ahead. Try it. What can it hurt?

Okay.

Oh, this is a good one. I love this one.

This is strength.

Strength?

Yes.

Fast break! Fast break!

Looking good.

Yes! Yes!

[SINGS IN ITALIAN]

* ...means don't forget You are my darling *

"The rune of replacement and renewal, "suggesting that the time has come to change the life you're living."

It doesn't say that. Let me see.

Sure it does. Look.

Think I made that up?

No, but I know you.

I know what you think.

JOEY: Rosalie, bring me a beer, will you?

I think you should let him get his own beer.

I don't mind. He works hard. I like taking care of him.

There's such a thing as women's liberation.

She doesn't have to be a slave.

That's right.

Last week on TV, I heard about a woman who stabbed her husband 27 times.

You know why? Because he refused to put the top back on the mustard jar.

Yeah, 27 times.

Can you imagine?

We got any peanuts or pretzels, something to munch on?

No, I think we're out.

We're always out.

My mama's house, there's always plenty food to eat.

Maybe you should live with your mama.

Don't be sarcastic.

Don't be a nudge.

Don't call me that nudge thing.

Come on. I'm Italian. I like to eat.

I'm Yugoslavian.

I don't like to cook, especially for nudges.

Yeah, don't call me a nudge.

Nudge, nudge, nudge.

Give me those shoes.

You going out again tonight?

Hey, Rosalie, come on.

What? I haven't said anything.

I work every day. All day. Okay? Every day.

At night, I like to relax, go out, have fun, you know.

I thought you were staying home.

What for?

What for?

I don't know.

Who knows?

Well, like what?

Well, for one thing, we've got paperwork.

Paperwork?

The monthly bills, the insurance, the mortgage, the phone bill.

I'm going out.

* Miss Mary Mac, Mac, Mac

* At the discotheque Theque, theque *

* I'm going to get her, her, her

* Down on Her back, back, back... *

Vodka, please.

Mickey, that's on me.

You got it, Joey.

Joey Boca's my name.

And you know what?

I know something about you.

Yeah? What do you know about me?

I know you never been in here before in your life.

Really? How do you know? Maybe I have.

If you had, I would have known about it.

People would have talked about it.

Like, "Joey, you see

"what was in here the other night?

My God, what a beauty."

It's true.

No, someone like you doesn't come around that often.

It's like a national holiday.

Know what I mean?

You don't forget it.

Listen, I appreciate the drink, but I'm with someone.

Someone very lucky.

I wish I could be that lucky.

I look at you and I say to myself, "My God, the man who gets to walk

"with this woman must feel like a king on earth."

Here's to you.

I guess I'd better get back.

Show me your boyfriend.

I want to see him with my own eyes, so I can spend the rest of my life wishing I was him.

He's sitting in the corner.

Over there.

Not the one in the yellow shirt?

Yeah, that's him.

No.

Yeah.

No.

Yeah, that's him.

Why?

You expect me to believe that a beauty like you, a woman any man would die to be with, is throwing herself away on someone like that?

You could have anyone. Anyone.

Why would you take him?

He's not my boyfriend or anything.

I just came here with him.

I'm not in love with him or anything.

Of course not. How could you be?

[HALL & OATES' "YOU MAKE MY DREAMS" PLAYS]


[MOANING]

[GROWLS]

[BARKS]

Is he going to watch or what?

Does it bother you?

Well, I'm Italian, you know.

I can't make love to a woman with a German shepherd in the room.

It's awkward for him.

You can't?

[BARKS]

Excuse me.

Here you go.

Attaboy.

Auf Wiedersehen, Heinz.

I can't figure it out.

A young, good-looking guy like you, how come you're always hanging out with Rosalie?

I enjoy her company.

You're not moving in on my wife?

No, of course not. What are you, kidding?

That's ludicrous.

You're being ridiculous.

What's ridiculous?

There's nobody like Rosalie.

Right.

She's the best.

Exactly.

I can't believe you're saying that.

Why not? She's my wife.

Yeah, I know. I look at other women.

Okay. So what? That's only natural.

I'm a human man.

It don't hurt Rosalie.

How can you say that?

Even if she knows, she don't care.

That's how she is.

Oh yeah?

Well, that's pure projection.

Pure what?

Projection.

It's projection, what you want to think.

What I want to think?

Yeah, it makes you feel good to think that she's happy.

Yeah!

As long as she's happy, I'm happy.

I'm glad we understand each other.

Well, me too.

I hear Spino took off to Bellingham?

Yeah.

Yeah?

Got to go, man.

Okay, take it easy, Billy.

How do you know these weird people?

That guy was in prison with my brother.

My first boyfriend had a Harley.

Rocco Jacobs.

What a piece of work he was.

We used to go fast.

Maybe I should get a bike.

Sure. Why not? Drives the girls crazy.

I was wild back then.

So what happened to Rocco?

Joey Boca happened.

He said, "Hey, I'm Joey. You want to go out?

What are you doing with that jerk?"

As soon as I saw Joey, I knew he was the one.

So fast?

Sure, fast.

I do what I feel.

Then you must have felt suicidal.

Shut up.

Some day, you're going to find a wonderful woman, and you'll drive her crazy with this big motorcycle.

I found myself a wonderful woman, but she's married.

Devo, you're good for my ego.

You've got to meet somebody your own age.

Why?

Your heart doesn't know how old you are.

Hi. Is Joey around?

No, he's not.

I'm his wife. Can I help you?

Oh...

I met him at a bowling alley, and he told me he had some apartments to rent.

He's up there right now.

Fixing the pipes.

This is my friend, Devo.

What is your name?

Bridget.

Bridget.

Bridget, meet Devo.

Hi.

Hello.

Come on. I'll take you up.

I think it's time I was moving out of my house.

I was about your age when I moved out.

I got married to Joey.

Now my mother lives with us.

That must be fun.

It's okay.

Oh, here's Joey now.

Bridget, how you doing? What are you doing here?

She wants to look at one of the apartments, baby.

Today?

Do you have any vacancies?

We might have one coming up next month.

Might as well take a look while she's here.

Yeah, yeah.

No.

No, it's--

It's not a good time.

Maybe tomorrow. How's that?

Sure. Tomorrow.

Well, it was nice to meet you, Mrs. Boca.

Rosalie.

Rosalie.

Bye.

Bye-bye, now.

Bye-bye.

She came all this way.

You couldn't show her today?

No, no. I've got a lot to do. I'm not Superman.

Hey, Joey!

You forgot this.

Thanks.

I don't like that Dewey Brown.

Why not? She's a nice girl.

She's got eyes for you, Joey.

What?

I can see that.

Come on. She's only a kid.

She's very pretty. You think she's pretty?

She's pretty.

She's got a beautiful body too.

So what? What do I care?

You're the best wife in the world.

What more could I want?

You work too hard.

You should get a plumber.

I can't afford that, and you know it.

I can never get you to fix anything at home.

Your mother fixes everything.

Grandma Mechanic: half-woman, half-wrench.

So this goes right here. See?

Holds it together.

This is a restaurant, not a garage.

Grandma Nadja can fix anything.

She fixed Mommy's car yesterday.

Alternator was shot.

It's not natural, a woman doing this kind of work.

You know, people get paid $20, $30 an hour for this kind of work.

You get free room and board. What more do you want?

Don't talk to Mama that way!

She belongs in an old-age home.

[SPEAKS SERBIAN]

What did she say?

Don't listen to him, okay?

[SPEAKS SERBIAN]

[SPEAKS ITALIAN]

[SPEAKS ITALIAN]

[SPEAKS SERBIAN]

[ARGUING IN SERBIAN AND ITALIAN]

I'll come back later.

What's the matter, Dom?

What happened?

I hurt my finger.

Let me see.

We can fix that.

Here. No problem.

We'll fix it right up.

Now put that in your mouth.

How's that?

Better? Yeah?

Good. That's my boy.

[SPEAKS ITALIAN]

[SPEAKS SERBIAN]

Can we eat?

[SPEAKS ITALIAN]

I'm returning these.

Okay. Thanks.

JOEY: What am I doing in a library?

What's that perfume? You smell so good.

DONNA JOY: Joey.

What?

Not here. They're going to throw us out.

Good.

Get your book, and let's get out of here.

Where are we going to go?

I say we go to your place, have a good time.

What about your wife?

No, she can't come.

All set? Come on.

I've got to get back to work soon.


Mrs. Boca?

Hi, Millie. Hi.

You okay?

Did somebody mug you?

I'm fine, sweetie.

I...

I lost something, but it's okay.

You go ahead, guys. I'll be all right.

Could we help you look for it?

I'll find it.

Okay.

Come on.


Fool. Stupid fool!


Divorce him? No, never. Why should I?

So he can move in with some other woman?

I'd rather see him dead first.

Good. He deserves to die.

Leaves dirty towels everywhere. He's a mess.

I hate him, Mama.

All these years, what a fool I am.

Devo tried to warn me too.

The sooner he's dead, the sooner you begin to live.

I know someone who needs money.

He'd do it.

He's a good boy, very nice.

How do you know these sort of people?

I've got a lot of friends.

You know that.

Killers?

Not real killers, no.

They only do it for money.

What if we get caught?

Oh, Rosalie, please.

In America, people kill each other left and right.

It's like national pastime.

Nobody gets caught.

I don't know.

I just haven't done this kind of thing in a long time.

Well, it comes back easy.

When was last time?

It was a long time ago. I don't remember exactly.

Well, you'll do it for me.

Okay.

In honor of your friendship with my grandmother, I guarantee I'll take this guy out.

Okay. You're very good boy.

So many young people today, they have no respect.

I think it's because of TV, so much sex and violence.

Yeah, who can figure what this world's coming to?


Wrong house.

Son of a bitch, bastard!

[GROANS]

Rosalie!

It was unbelievable. It was by this much.

Come on in. Sit down here.

I appreciate your coming over so quick.

Well, it's okay.

Ever hear of it?

Trying to hit me with a baseball bat?

My God, it's unbelievable.

Rosalie, what are you doing?

Get Detective Schooner a cup of coffee.

No. I'm okay, Rosalie. Thank you.

No, she'll make you coffee in five minutes.

Thanks, Joey. I'm trying to give it up.

No, come on, please--

You give up coffee? Never heard of that.

Makes me jumpy.

Jumpy?

Rosalie, how about some bacon and eggs for Larry?

He works hard.

Nothing for me, thank you. Rosalie, please sit down.

I didn't come here for breakfast, Joey.

Okay. From the beginning.

Sure, from the beginning. Okay.

Some maniac in an Abraham Lincoln mask tries to brain me with a baseball bat.

That's the whole story.

Yeah, could you see what he looked like?

Yeah, he looked like Abraham Lincoln coming up to bat.

What kind of way is that to kill somebody?

A baseball bat?

Now I know why you think murder's the national pastime.

Baseball bat is much cheaper than gun.

Abraham Lincoln is cheaper than George Washington?

I don't know him.

JOEY: Rosalie, where are you?

Now what are we going to do?

This time, I take care of everything.

We'll talk tomorrow.

This is wrong. It's wrong.

You leave it to me. I do it myself.

No! Don't do anything.

We'll talk tomorrow.

What are you doing out here?

What?

What are you doing?

Just getting some air.

Come on.

There's a maniac loose in the neighborhood.

Get in the house.

What? Is everybody crazy?

[CLICK]

Son of a bitch!

All right, Mr. Abraham Lincoln, son of a bitch, bastard!

Now what are you going to do, huh?

Yeah--

What are you doing?

Nothing. I've got my gun.

What do you want a gun for?

I figure that guy in the mask is trying to rob me.

Business is good.

People think I carry a lot of cash around.

I don't like having a gun in the house with the children.


* Don't forget You are my darling *

* Don't forget to be... *

Rosalie, come on, if you're coming.

Joey, wait up.

I'm not a track star.

What's the matter?

Look what he did to this bush.

Come on. Let's go.

No! No, stop!

Wait! Wait. No, wait.

What's wrong?

What are you doing?

Going to work.

No, wait.

What's the matter with you?

You never go to work together.

So today, we go together.

I didn't like the way my car sounded this morning, so would you look at it?

It's very bad luck for man and woman to go together in car on Wednesday, when it's raining.

It's raining. So what?

It's wet.

Rain is always wet.

The streets are wet.

Mama Nadja, what are you doing?

What's the matter with you?

What the hell's wrong with you?

It's Wednesday.

Do you mind? We've got to go to work.

Traffic is bad on Wednesdays, especially when streets are wet.

You want me to stay home because of traffic?

I want Rosalie to stay home and help me with the housecleaning.

Housecleaning?

I've got work to do.

No!

[ENGINE RUNNING SMOOTHLY]

What's the matter with you two?

Why didn't you tell me you were going to blow up the car?

I thought it would be a nice surprise for you.

Mama, we're not talking about a birthday party.

We're supposed to be killing him, not me.

I don't know what goes wrong.

I run a wire from distributor cap to spark plug in gas tank.

I figure when he starts car, boom!

Whole thing goes up.

Bye-bye, Joey.

Joey shouldn't die that way.

That's a terrible way to die.

Well, how should he die?

I don't know, but something a little more...

Nicer?

I'll think about it.

He's still my husband.

You said yourself you hate him.

When I think of all the women he's been with--

Oh, God, Mama!

He cheats on you and makes a fool of you.

I know. I know.

Rosalie, please, if you don't kill him, kill yourself.

I'm sure that can be arranged.

I see the code specifically states--

Stand fast in the ranks!

You speak to me of code?

What code?

A coward's code.

What do you know of the Soldier's Code?

A lot of pepper.

Some nice oregano.

And a little basil.

A lot of sleeping pills.

You sure he won't come in here?

Joey? Not a chance.

He expects to be waited on hand and foot.

Mama, don't taste it.

Needs more pepper.

Make it spicy.

A little salt.

And a splash of wine.

And a lot of sleeping pills.

How much did you put in so far?

Two whole bottles.

What?

Should be enough to kill anyone.

Even Joey.

He's going to do it.

Believe me, he's really going to do it.

Here you go.

I warn you, Colonel Saito.

Where are the kids?

They're at Aunt Lucy's for the weekend.

Make sure he eats it.

What are you looking at?

How's your spaghetti?

Okay.

There's plenty more.

It's the best spaghetti ever, Rosalie.

See, nice and spicy, just like my mother's.

That's okay.

Too bad the kids are at Aunt Lucy's.

They're missing a great meal.

[WHISTLING]

One more helping.

And bring me another beer.

What's the matter? You're not hungry?


I don't feel so good.

No?

A little stomachache.

Is that all?

What do you mean, "Is that all?"

What do you want me to have?

Maybe you should take something.

Like what?

How about some more spaghetti?

Spaghetti?

Settles the stomach.

I'll go get some.

I don't know.

Maybe I didn't give him enough.

But he had three whole bowls.

What an ox.

Well, Joey is not a normal man.

You know how he is.

Works 14, 15 hours a day, seven days a week, never sleeps more than two or three hours a night.

Out with a different woman every night.

Rosalie...

He eats anything he wants, never gains any weight.

He's not human.

It's like some kind of animal.

We're dealing with a machine.

Rosalie! What?

I feel better now.

I had a good crap. That's all I needed.

What a beautiful night!

See?

[SINGS IN ITALIAN]

* Means don't forget You are my darlings *

Come on. You're not singing.

* Don't forget to be All you mean to me... *

* My love is like a star

* My darling

[JOEY FARTS]

* Shining bright and clear Just because you're here *

* Please do not forget...

* Why the hell Are you leaving? *

Come on, ladies. Let's go.

Monopoly.

ANNOUNCER: Whoa, the Wild Hare is feeling his oats tonight.

A close call.

That's what it looks like, but we'll wait for the measurement.

No more.

You finish it.

A starting-line launch gave him the advantage.

Completely airborne over the cars, but inches behind Barefoot, the winner.

[**]

Joey? Joey?

[SNORING]

What are you doing?

We shoot him.

No! No.

But we have to. We can't go back now.

No, we've gone too far.

If we take him to the hospital, they find him full of dreamies.

They'll know we tried to kill him.

We have no choice.

We can't do that.

We can't shoot him, Mama.

We can't? No!

[SNORING]

Okay, we get Devo.

His brother was in Marines.

He knows guns.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

Hello.

Devo, it's Nadja.

Hey, Nadja.

Are you alone?

Yeah, why?

Good.

Devo, you know how you feel about Rosalie?

How you say how much you like her?

I love Rosalie.

And how you would do anything for her?

Yes, anything. Absolutely.

Anything? Yeah, anything. Why?

You are a good boy, very sweet.

I want you to do a little favor for Rosalie and me.

You come to the house, I'll tell you what it is.

Okay.

Wait a moment. Wait a minute.

The bedspread is very precious.

Don't ruin it.

Okay. On his back.


You know what to do.

Wait. Where are you going?

I can't watch.

I can't do this alone.

He's my husband.

Do you want him dead or not?

I want him dead, but I don't want him hurt.

He won't get hurt. He won't.

He's sound asleep.

Yeah.

We're keeping him asleep forever.

I can't watch.

Rosalie!

How long has it been?

Pretty soon, Joey wakes up. Then what?

I can't do it. I'm going to stop him.

[GUNSHOT]

Are you all right?

Am I all right?

Am I all--

Why are you asking me if I'm all right?

He's the one who got shot.

You'd better sit down.

No! I don't want to sit down.

What about Joey?

Is he alive or dead?

I don't know.

Blood.

No, tomato sauce.

Tomato sauce?

Did you shoot him or not?

I think so.

What do you mean? I heard a shot.

I shot him, but I don't know if I hit him.

I mean, I turned my head away at the last second.

I'm sorry, but I couldn't bear to watch.

I thought you knew about guns.

I never shot anyone before.

Oh, don't worry. I understand.

There's a first time for everything.

I read about a dental hygienist--

Mama, never mind.

Oh, wait. There's some blood.

Let me see.

What is it?

I think it's a bullet hole. It's very small.

A bullet hole? Are you sure?

Yes, I'm sure.

Is he dead?

Joey? Joey? Joey?

Rosalie. What?

I don't feel so hot. Got a little headache.

My stomach don't feel so hot neither.

You got a virus, honey.

That's all, a virus.

Virus? How can you tell?

Dr. Lowe was here.

He was?

Yeah.

I don't remember.

Yeah, he was here, and he gave you a shot.

Ohh...

Can I get a glass of water?

Rosalie?

Maybe I take a couple of aspirin too.

Oh, okay.

Whoa.

NADJA: What are we going to do?

You're going to have to shoot him again.

No. I can't.

I can't believe I did it the first time.

I can't believe you let me do that.

If you can't do it, you have to find someone who can.

I'll put up the money.

We need professionals.

This has to be done right away.

Oh, you know someone?

I need to collect myself.

All right, get a grip.

Get your shit together. Okay? Okay. Let's go.

How much can we pay?

As much as we have to.

Yeah, not too much, though.

You know, try for discount.


Is there a Harlan James here?

In the back, Devo.

Hello, Harlan, how's it going?

Devo.

What do you say?

You know my cousin Marlon?

Well, of course I do. How are you, Marlon?

What?

[BALLS FALLING]

$300 is not much.

He's already dying.

All you have to do is finish him off.

It's still--

It's still murder!

But I've already done most of the work.

I'll tell you, we'll do it for $600.

$400.

He's practically got one foot in the grave.

$550. What do you say?

If we're going to waste the dude, we ought to get paid for it, man.

That's the American way, right?

Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, we're not... communists here, you know?

We're Americans. We got a right to make a living.

$500. That's my final offer.

You tell him.

Okay.

How you feeling, Joey?

A little tired.

You're real sick, baby.

Yeah.

Maybe I sleep, hey?

[GURGLE]

What? What's happening? Where am I?

You got a virus, honey. It's okay.

A virus.

Oh, yes. I forgot.

Can you see anything?

No.

Wait a minute. Here is something.

It's a cab. It can't be for us.

Do you want a bite?

No.

Who are these guys?

$8.50, please.

What's going on?

The meter. Give me $8.50.


What are they doing?

I don't know.

They're going someplace else.

Guys! Over here.

Where are you going?

It's over here.

Rosalie!

It's me.


You took a taxi.

How could you do that?

What's wrong with that?

You came here to kill Joey.

So what?

So it's generally not considered a very good idea to take a taxi to the scene of a crime.

Hey, man, look. Be cool, okay?

I mean, you know, the dude's only a taxi driver.

He's not like what's his name.

What's his name?

Who?

You know.

Yeah, right.

Look, never mind.

Forget it. It's done. Okay?

This is Rosalie, Joey's wife, and this is Rosalie's mother.

Harlan, Marlon.

Be careful.

Nice to meet you.

How's it going?

Would you like some coffee or tea or something to eat before you...

Well, before you get started?

No. Thanks.

We're cool.

Excuse me, Harlan, Marlon.

Just for one second, I'd like to have a word with Devo over here.

They look like drug addicts.

Well, they are drug addicts.

Oh, my God! You hired drug addicts?

Who did you expect me to hire, the Red Cross?

They seem like very polite boys.

I don't like drug addicts in my house.

Rosalie, please, don't think of them as drug addicts.

Think of them as killers.

How can a kangaroo give birth to a human baby?

It's a miracle. It says so right here.

Is that legal?

You know... having sex with a kangaroo?

Here it is.

Oh, sorry.

.22 caliber.

Not much of a gun.

What do you mean?

Well, it's kind of small, you know?

Not much pop.

Well, that's all we've got.

Yeah, this is our gun.

Put on some music, okay?

Make it real loud so's it drowns out the noise of the gunshot.

Yeah, ooh.

In the back, on the right.

In the corner. See the lamp? Door.

What is that for?

I don't know.

Just in case, you know, like if he wakes up.

Oh, okay.

You ready?

Yeah, I guess.

How about you, Joey? You ready?

Let's do it.

Harlan?

What?

I never killed nobody before.

He's already half-dead.

Even so, I mean... you know--

I never killed nobody neither.

So what? How hard can it be?

I mean, all's we do is... we read him his rights and then kill him.

What are you doing?

Looking for a record.

Mama, any record will do.

I'm looking for Johnny Mathis.

I love him.

Play this one.

What? Oh, Madonna? No, Rosalie, please.

You know I love Johnny Mathis.

Where's the fucking music?

I don't know.

I don't want to sit here all night.

Rosalie?

[GROAN]

Look at that.

What?

That's a Reggie Jackson model.

Oh yeah.

Reggie!

Reggie!

Reggie! Reggie! Reggie!

I love Reggie.

Me too, man. He's the greatest.

How many homers has he hit?

I mean, lifetime.

Shit, man.

Wow.

Fuck.

A bunch.

Reggie! Reggie! Reggie! Reggie! Reggie!

They want to hear reggae music.

Reggae? Yes.

No, it's right here somewhere. I know it is.

I'll be waiting outside.

Why?

Because I can't stand this anymore.

What is reggae music?

I'm going to shoot this dude.

I'm sick of waiting.

Where you going to shoot him?

Right here.

What do you think, I'm going to take him downtown?

No. I mean, where on his body?

Well, I don't know. His heart, I guess.

Which side is that on? His heart?

Oh, shit, man. I don't know.

It's in there somewhere.

I don't hear nothing.

Wait a minute.

School.

What?

School, man, you know. Pledge allegiance.

Oh, yeah.

Hand over your heart.

Yeah, right.

I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America.

And to the republic... under one invisible nation...

Nations under God whose...

Spacious skies and amber graves of liberty for all...

Deliver us from freedom.

Harlan. What?

I can't watch this, man.

Pussy.

This side. This side.

[YAWN]

Aah! Fuck!

[GUNSHOT]

[RECORD SCRATCHES AND PLAYS LOUDLY]

[SHUTS RECORD OFF]

You were supposed to put it on before the shot!

Yeah, they shoots too fast.

Well?

Well, what?

Is he dead?

Of course he's dead, man.

What do you think?

I shot him.

[SIGH]

What's the matter? What happened?

She's upset.

She'll be all right.

I thought she wanted him dead.

[WAILING]

What did we do, man?

Did we kill the wrong person?

No, no.

No, she'll be all right.

We leave her alone now.

It's the shock, you know.

The music.

I could use a drink.

Yeah.

Yeah, okay. Yeah. Ooh.

Good idea.

Come.

[WAILING]

[SOBS]

What should we drink to?

Here's to Joey.

[SPEAKS SERBIAN]

[SPEAKS SERBIAN POORLY]

That's cool.

It's wrong.

It's wrong.

Oh, dear Lord.

Oh, please help me, God.

Oh, I never should have done this thing.

I never should have sinned this way. Ohh...

I never--

Whatever you do to me, God, please bring Joey back.

Rosalie?

Aah!

What? What?

Oh! Oh! Oh!

What...oh!

What...what are you doing here?

I was praying.

I thought...

Praying?

Yeah.

Rosalie...I'm not that sick.

All I got is what?

A little virus. That's all.

Joey.

What are you doing up?

I heard a noise like firecracker or something.

Woke me up.

Jesus.

[CRUNCH]

Rosalie, how come you don't...?

You know... we have company.

You're not feeding them.

What's the matter?

We got no food in the house, or what?

They're not hungry, Joey.

They don't want anything to eat.

I don't know--

Do I know everybody?

Uh, yeah.

Well...um...

[CRASH]

Is he okay?

Yeah.

I'm Marlon--

I mean, I'm William.

I'm William Brown.

I'm Louie...

James. No.

No, wait.

Louie...

Smith?

Smith.

Joey's Pizza.

Some cheese and crackers?

Maybe some pretzels, huh?

How are you feeling, Joey?

You feeling all right?

Thank you.

What?

Feeling okay?

Uh...

No, I don't feel so hot. No.

Hello, Devo.

Honey.

Joey...you shouldn't be out of bed.

You got a bad virus.

Come on.

You're telling me.

It's killing me, this virus.

Well, good night, everybody.

Whoops.

Joey, pull your pants up.

Nice to meet you.

You sure they're not hungry?

I'm positive, baby.

We could send out for Chinese.

No, they don't want anything.

We got spaghetti.

I am very disappointed.

Nice guys.

[CRASH]

Ooh, you okay?

What?

We got any meatballs left?

What, are you hungry?

Could eat a little something.

You know, get my strength back.

Come on. Sorry.

What time is it?

It's late.

You should try to sleep.

You take good care of me, Rosalie.

I know you do.

You're my husband.

Rosalie.

Yeah?

Oh, Joey, no.

No, not now. Come on.

Just lie quietly, okay?

This is only 200.

We was promised five.

For killing him, five.

For wounding him, two.

Well, you wanted me to shoot him, right?

So I shot him.

You woke him up. What good is that?

Okay.

Next time we do this, we're going to get paid in advance.

If we keep shooting Joey, don't you think he might get suspicious?

Larry.

Tell him what you told me.

I want to make a deal.

Not that, the other thing.

There's not enough heat in my cell.

No, Harlan and Marlon.

Oh yeah.

Harlan James and his cousin Marlon.

I heard they was paid a lot of money to hit Joey Boca.

Joey Boca? Why?

I don't know. That's what I heard, you know?

Harlan and Marlon was buying drinks for everyone and bragging on it.

Said they shot the dude. Said they got $5,000.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

It's kind of late. Maybe they're asleep.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

I'd better answer. I have to.

No. No. Rosalie...

Now, look, whatever happens, let me do the talking.

Mama, I don't want you to say anything.

What?

You too, Devo.

There's no sense everyone getting in trouble.

But I don't want you to get in trouble.

Anyway, Joey's not dead, you know.

All we did was put him to sleep and wake him up a few times.

Mama, he has two bullets in him.

He could be dying.

So how come he wants meatballs?

[RINGING]

Evening, Rosalie.

Is something wrong?

May we come in?

Oh, you mean now?

We'd like to see Joey.

Joey?

Your husband. Joey.

Oh, yeah, Joey. Oh, Joey.

Uh, well, he's not feeling well right now.

Maybe you could come back in a couple of days?

Joey very sick.

You come back some other time.

We'd like to see him tonight.

Maybe tomorrow.

Rosalie, if we have to, we'll come back with a warrant.

Joey?

Hey, Larry, how you doing?

You all right?

I got a little virus.

A virus?

Yes, some kind of virus.

I got a headache.

You mind if I turn on the light?

Sure. Go ahead.

I don't think you should.

Just for a second.

It doesn't work, anyway.

Oh.

Get you nice and comfortable.

Excuse me, Rosalie. Excuse me, please.

Please, excuse me. Thank you.

Jesus.

What?

What the hell's going on here?

He's been shot in the head.

Really? What?

No wonder he has headache.

Headache? He's got a bullet in him.

Carlos, get an ambulance over here right away.

Devo!

I was going to get a Band-Aid for Joey.

Yeah, this is Detective Carlos Wiley.

I'm at 424 North C, as in "Charlie."

We didn't do it. I swear to God we didn't.

We found him outside on the lawn.

Yeah. He was lying there.

Someone had shot him and thrown him on the lawn.

It was a mess.

It was terrible, so we... we brought him inside and we put him in bed.

Yeah, like you see.

And it must have been the Mafia.

Mafia?

The Mafia.

Yeah, Joey was Italian.

He is Italian.

Rosalie, why didn't you take him to the hospital?

He didn't want to go.

He wasn't feeling up to it.

[SIRENS APPROACHING]

Joey, you didn't want to go to the hospital?

No. Why, for a virus?

[SIRENS APPROACHING]

[**]

Rosalie. Don't tell Rosalie.


How many bottles of pills did you give him?

I gave him two bottles. One, two.

Harlan and Marlon say Devo shot him the first time.

Is that right?

Devo wouldn't even have been there if it wasn't for me.

How do you mean?

I wanted to kill Joey. Devo had nothing to do with it.

Did Devo shoot him or not?

What does Devo say?

Never mind him. What do you say?

It wasn't Devo. It was me.

I shot him the first time, and then...

Who shot him? Let me see. It was Marlon.

No, no. Harlan. Harlan.

Are you sure?

Yeah, I'm sure. Why? Who do you think shot him?

What about your mother?

She had nothing to do with it. Nothing.

Yes, I shoot him. Yes.

You know why? He is no-good son of a bitch.

Who gave him the pills?

I did. What do you think?

First I give him sleeping pills, then I shoot him.

You want me to confess?

Give me piece of paper. I confess.

What about Rosalie?

Rosalie? She does nothing.

No, I do everything.

I give him pills, I shoot him, everything.

And while you were doing this, what was your daughter doing?

She was begging me to stop.

But I do it anyway, and you know why?

I am her mother. I do what I like.

I thought Devo shot him the first time.

Devo?

Oh, no. You must be joking.

No, Devo's very nice boy.

He wouldn't shoot nobody.

I don't understand why you're trying to blame it on Rosalie.

Maybe I did it.

Maybe I'm glad I did it.

Are you saying you did it?

No, he's not saying that.

What's he saying?

He's not saying anything.

I know how to fire a gun.

My brother was in the National Guard.

So what are you saying?

He's saying that his brother is a patriotic American.

Ms. Boca, was it a crime of passion?

Look at all these people.

Rosalie, it's me, Tony. What can you tell me?

Mama, remember, you had nothing to do with it.

Tonight I bet you anything we'll be on TV, you and me.

Can you imagine?

Rosalie, can you give us a statement?

Devo. Devo, what can you tell us?

What happened?

Is it true that the Mafia involved?

I have nothing to say at this time.

No comment.

What about you, sir?

Get the fuck away from me.

What about Joey? Is he dead, or what?

Who's Joey?

You know, the guy. The guy.

Oh, yeah, the guy.

Fuck.

He's still alive.

Why? What do you know about it?

Oh, nothing.

Rosalie...

Lacey.

How you doing?

Hi, Joey. How do you feel?

You should see all the reporters outside.

You're going to be so famous.

I even heard People magazine was going to interview you.

Lacey, you shouldn't be here now.

It's not right.

But the doctor said you're going to be out in a week.

Listen, baby... when somebody shoot you in the head... it makes you think.

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, a whole lot, and...

I can't mess around anymore.

I've got to be, you know, a good husband.

From now on, I've got to take my marriage a little more serious.

You know what I mean?

Joey, what are you saying?

She shot you. Twice.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

She never shot me herself, per se.

So what about us?

That's what I'm trying to tell you.

That's all over now.

I always told you I loved my wife.

Joey, who is this woman?

Mama, this is Lacey.

She's a friend of mine.

My Joey has to get his rest.

You shouldn't be here now.

I was just leaving.

Good. Just leave.

You don't belong here anyway.

You're not his wife.

I'll see you later, Joey.

How are you feeling today?

Okay, Mama, better.

I spoke to Rosalie this morning.

You did? What did she tell you?

What did she tell me?

She told me the truth.

What's the matter with you, you big shot?

Cheating on your wife.

Ai, Mama!

Please, I got a bullet in my head.

You should have two bullets in your head.

Three bullets! Four bullets!

Ai! Mama, please, I'm so sorry.

What can I say?

You no tell me you're sorry.

No. No.

You tell Rosalie.

Oh, si, good idea. Sure, yeah.

Otherwise, I give you such a beating...

Okay.

Mama, that's a good idea.

Oh, no.

Mama...

Ai!

[SOBBING]

[THUNDER RUMBLES]

How can you bail her out?

Don't you see what that means?

It means she can come home.

In the hospital, you said you'd prosecute.

I know, Larry. I changed my mind.

I'm sorry.

I learned a lot in the last few weeks.

You wouldn't have revenge on your mind, would you, Joey?

She's my wife.

I want to bring her home.

I love her.

You understand?

She shouldn't be in prison.

She's the mother of my children.

Maybe she had plenty of good reasons for trying to kill me.

You ever think of that?

Joe, suppose she tries again.

She could, you know.

Yeah, she could.

You know Rosalie.

When she's in love, she's a complete maniac.

Don't get your dress wet for Mommy.

I won't.

[BELL RINGING]

[BUZZ]

Hey, Devo!

Devo!

How are you?

Devo?

Wait, Marlon... look who's here.

Hey, wow.

How you doing?

I'm okay.

Who is this?

This is Joey.

Joey?

You know, the guy.

The guy.

Oh. Wow. Joey.

You bailed us out.

Yeah, I bail out everybody.

I want to make a new start, wipe the slate clean.

I hear they may charge us with attempted murder.

No, no, no. I'm not going to prosecute.

See, if I prosecute you, they're going to put Rosalie in jail too.

I don't want that.

No, without me, they got no case.

Don't worry.

Hey, you know, what happened, it wasn't personal or anything.

Yeah.

Right. I mean... we didn't even know you or anything.

Yeah, we weren't friends or anything, like now.

No. No. It wasn't the best way to meet.

We'd better get out of here, you know, before they change their mind.

Yeah. Right.

So long, Joey.

I guess we'll see you around.

Okay.

Oh, what a nice guy.

Yeah.

Who's Rosalie?

[CRASH]

Joey, I'm really, really sorry about what happened.

You tried to tell me a long time ago, Devo.

I should have listened to you.

I wasn't treating Rosalie right.

Rosalie is a wonderful lady.

I know. I'm going to make it up to her.

Good.

Thanks for bailing me out.

Sure, sure.

Just no more shooting me in the head, okay?

Why not? It seems to have helped.

It's the truth.

I got a bullet in my head, I never felt better.

[BELL RINGING]

[BUZZ]

Hi, Mom.

Oh, my babies!

Oh, Dominic, Dominic.

Don't worry, we're safe.

Don't worry.

So, what do you want?

I'm sorry I treat your daughter so bad.

I broke my marriage vows... but I don't break nothing ever again, I swear.

And this is for me, this candy?

Well, I...

Yeah, thank you.

You're very good boy.

Yeah, you know, I liked you once.

Maybe I like you again... except chocolate is not my favorite.

I like hard candy.

Well, I'll remember--

No, no, no, no. I keep this for now.

ROSALIE: Great. I can't wait to get home.

Dominic. Dominic, come.

You come with me.

Come with me, I give you some of my candy.

We go find Devo. Come.

What's this?

What are you giving me flowers for?

I want you to marry me again.

What?

A new marriage, new life.

We have big ceremony.

You think I'm going to make the same mistake?

We're not even divorced yet.

How can you marry me again?

Rosie! Rosie!

Come here, please.

I love you. I bailed you out.

Don't do this to me again, Joey.

I tried to kill you.

No. You saved my life.

What?

Those sleeping pills you gave me, they slowed down my bleeding.

It's what kept me alive.

The doctor told me.

Son of bitch, you cheated on me all these years.

Why should I trust you now?

Because I'm changed. I'm a new man.

Why? Why now all of a sudden?

Because you shot me.

What?

Oh, Rosie, when I woke up in that hospital and I found out what happened, I said to myself, "My God, this woman, she loves me to death."

She loves me so much she'd rather kill me than see me with another woman.

She's ready to go to prison for me, she loves me so much.

Oh, baby.

That's all I needed, just to feel your passion, to know you still love me like a man... not like a husband, like a man.

You are my husband.

You should be proud of it.

I'm your wife. I was always proud of it.

Okay, you're right.

I am your husband.

I'll be proud too.

I'll never cheat on you again. Never.

Oh, Rosie, I love you.

Be my wife again.

Oh, you're crazy.

Don't you see?

It's our destiny.

We're doomed to be together.

Like Romeo and Juliet.

And I'll always be faithful to you.

Like Romeo and Juliet.

Whatever.

You think Joey can be faithful to her?

Anything is possible.

He gave me a box of candy.

[MOANING]

What if he isn't?

We shoot him again.

Just kidding.