I Wanna Hold Your Hand (1978) Script

Hey. Mr. Sullivan.

Now, I know a lot of you are wondering about tomorrow night's show.

Just who are these youngsters from Liverpool who call themselves the Beatles?

Just what can we expect? Well, let me put it in perspective for you.

Now, here a few years ago, we had a young vocalist up on our stage by the name of Elvis Presley.

He, a few of you may remember... He caused quite a sensational reaction... among the youngsters in our studio audience.

Well, tomorrow night, right here on our stage, we're gonna have Elvis Presley times four!

I don't get paid enough for... All right. Simmer down.

Simmer down, simmer down.

All right. A few weeks ago I went to England, and I saw these four youngsters perform.

Both Sylvia and I agreed that what they do to an audience is truly remarkable.

So, I want you to be prepared for... excessive screaming, hysteria, hyperventilation, fainting, fits, seizures, spasmodic convulsions, even attempted suicides... all perfectly normal.

It merely means that these youngsters are enjoying themselves.

Now, I want you to remember that tomorrow night... we're going out live, coast to coast, to 90 million viewers in the United States and Canada.

So remember, nothing must interfere with our really big "shoe. "

# Oh, yeah, I'll tell you something #

#I think you'll understand #

# When I say that something #

#I want to hold your hand #

#I want to hold your hand #

#I want to hold your hand #

# Oh, please, say to me #

# You'll let me be your man #

#And please, say to me #

# You'll let me hold your hand #

#Now let me hold your hand #

#I want to hold your hand #

#And when I touch you I feel happy inside #

#It's such a feeling that my love #

#I can't hide, I can't hide #

#I can't hide #

# Yeah, you got that something #

#I think you'll understand #

# When I say that something #

#I want to hold your hand #

#I want to hold your hand #

# I want to hold your hand #

#And when I touch you #

# I feel happy inside #

#It's such a feeling that my love #

#I can't hide #

#I can't hide, I can't hide #

# Yeah, you got that something #

#I think you'll understand #

# When I feel that something #

#I want to hold your hand #

# I want hold your hand #

Rosie, I don't know why you're dragging me in here. I can't be spending any money on Beatle records.

Hey, listen. Stereo. Rosie, are you listening to me?

Come on, Pam. Rosie!

All right, baby, this is Murray the "K"with the number one song... Rosie, wait a minute.

Excuse me.

Rosie, did you hear what I said? I've gotta start saving my money for more important things.

I mean, for God's sakes, tomorrow night I'm getting... you know...

All right, I'll buy it for you as an elopement present. Shh!

Do you wanna tell the whole world? Anyway, if you're gonna get me something, get me something practical that I can use, like Tupperware.

Aah! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

It's Paul! Oh, I'm gonna die!

- Oh, my God! It's Paul! It's Paul! Rosie...

- Oh, I'm gonna die right here! He's so cute, so sexy!

- He's cardboard. #I know you never #

#Even try, girl #

Yeah. Yeah, well, I know it is.

Yeah. The Beatles are fakes!

It's all a plot... a plot to make you waste your money! Don't fall for It!

Herb, lemme... lemme call you back later, huh? It's a gimmick!

Oh, you don't really wanna buy these albums. You only think that you do.

Punch her out!

Rosie, you're not buying another one. It's not for me. It's for Pam.

Just to give away two tickets to The Ed Sullivan Show.

Did you hear me, baby? If you can answer this question: What's Ringo Starr's real name?

Are you listening to me? Did you hear what I said? Ohh!

#Please please me, whoa, yeah #

#Like I please you # And right now...

Janis, what are you doing?

You are picketing in my store. You are driving my customers away.

Why? All I see around this store is Beatle albums.

What about Bob Dylan? Joan Baez? How come they don't get equal floor space?

The Beatles sell. "Jane" Baez doesn't sell.

I deserve a little more respect from my own daughter.

You are embarrassing me. I'm embarrassing you?

I feel like I'm talking to a walking publicity stunt.

Hey, Janis! Janis, have you seen Rosie?

Hey, just a reminder... Rosie.

Rosie, that's your 12th busy signal! You're not gonna get through!


Rosie, I got somethin' to tell ya, but I want you to promise me that you're not gonna scream... and you're not gonna yell and you're not gonna faint.

Oh, my God, Grace. What? You promise?

I figured out a way to get into the Beatles' hotel.

Damn, Rosie! Control yourself!

There's still a hitch. We gotta raise $23.

Twenty-three dollars?

See, we have to hire a limo. A limousine.

It's the only thing that can pull up to the front of the Beatles' hotel without getting stopped by cops.

How much money you got? Uhh, I got three dollars worth of dimes.

That's not enough, Rosie. Damn!

But it's enough to hire a cab. We could drive up in a cab!

No, I already found out. The cops are checkin' the cabs.

See, we need a limo, and we need it tonight. I mean, I got a deadline to meet.

Yeah. Tonight? We can't go tonight.

Aren't you guys forgetting about something?

Aren't you forgetting about this? Oh, yeah. That.

This is my last night as a single woman. We were gonna do something special.

We were supposed to spend the night at Rosie's, and it was gonna be like my shower or something.

Oh, hey, Pam, what could be better than for all of us to drive up to the Beatles' hotel together... and see the Beatles in person? Yeah! Right, Pam. How much money you got?

I'm about to be a married woman. I can't go chasing after the Beatles, and... and it's not fair to Eddie. Pam, I want you to know something.

You don't seem to understand how important this is to me.

I mean... I mean, I have got to get through to the Beatles. My entire career depends on it.

If I could get exclusive pictures of the Beatles, I mean, they'd run my story on the front page of The Suburban!

I mean, I might even be able to sell it to Life magazine or something. Can you imagine that?

Jesus Christ. Gonna suffocate in here.

Hey, Janis.

Hey, Janis, you got any money? What do you want money for?

Don't worry. It's for a good cause. Grace, there's Larry Dubois.

So what? So don't you know who Larry Dubois is?

Yes, I do. He's the boy that threw up in biology.

His father's got lots of limousines. He's an undertaker.

Hi, Larry. I didn't know you played a musical instrument. Yeah.

You're so musical.

This is ridiculous. He'll never do it.

Uh, Larry, are you busy tonight? I don't know.

He'll do it.

# Oh, oh #

Ohh! I just ran over a casket.

What was it doing out with the garbage? Is that where it was?

Uh-huh. Ooh, sh... Oh, it's okay. It's one of those discontinued models my father's throwin' out.

You know, nobody was in it, so the garbage man'll come and pick it up.

Jesus, Larry, didn't you even take driver's ed, for goodness sakes?

I told you I didn't have a driver's license. All's I got is a permit.

Look, Grace, we just better turn around right now.

It's against the law to drive with a permit unless there is a licensed driver in the car.

I've got a license, Pamela. You do? But, Grace, I thought your birthday wasn't until...

You know, I don't have any insurance either. Relax, Larry.

Look, I have absolute confidence in your ability to handle machinery. Any kind of machinery.

I mean, I've seen you threading up those projectors in the A.V. Room.

You're just the best. Yeah, I'm pretty good on those Bell & Howells.


Rosie, are we gonna have to listen to the Beatles all the way to the city?

You know, I swear, Janis. Every time something popular comes along, you automatically think they can't be any good.

I don't know why we let her come in the first place. She's helping to pay for the gas, Rosie.

Besides, someone's gotta be there to speak the truth.

Say, Rosie, what do you think of my new sign?

I think it's disgusting. Who do you think's gonna look at that anyways?

The press, Rosie, the press. Hey, Larry, you like the Beatles, don't you?

Yeah, they're all right. They got a good beat. Oh, they're the greatest!

I mean, gearest. Here, have a jelly baby. A what?

Ajelly baby. You know, jelly beans. They call 'em jelly babies in England. It's the Beatles'favorite food.

You know what their favorite drink is? Coke, with a little bit of scotch.

What am I doing here? Eddie is gonna kill me. He's gonna kill me.

Eddie hates the Beatles. He's gonna think I'm immature. I just know it.

Do we have to hear about Eddie all the way into the city?

Pam, can I see your ring, please? Just for a minute?

Well, all right, but be careful with it.

Why do you keep it in your boobs for, Pam? You're gonna lose it that way. Do you want my mother to see it?

Pam, you're so lucky. Yeah, I guess.

No, I mean it. I'll probably never get one of these. Oh, don't be silly, Rosie. It's no big deal.

Yeah. Well, there's really only one guy I wanna marry anyways... Paul.

Paul? Paul who? Never mind. You don't know him.

Larry, I think we're being followed. Oh, God! Not the cops!

Relax! It's Tony Smerko!

#Yeah, yeah, yeah I wanna hold your glands #

Hey, Janis, how do you like my hairdo?

Oh, it's really fab! It makes you look like Paul!

Oh, you like it? You got it!

Hey, where you guys goin'? Oh, we're gonna go see the Beatles!

The Beatles? Aw, the Beatles are a bunch of crap. Hey, Janis, why don't you come with us?

We got a whole case of Miller's High Life here, the champagne of bottled beers!

What do you say, gorgeous? Here, open this one.

Aww, come on.

Janis! Hey!

Hey, pull up! A little closer.

Pull it closer. Pull it closer! Hey, Dubois, how ya doin'?

Pull it close. Pull it closer here! Are you crazy?

Hey, you don't mind if I... if I come along with you, now, do you?

Oh, I don't know, Tony. I haven't got no insurance or nothin'.

Aw, that's okay. Neither do I!

#I've been told when a boy kiss a girl #

What are you doin'? # Take a trip around the world #

#Hey, Hey # #Bop shoo wop, bop bop shoo wop #

#Hey, Hey # #Bop shoo wop, bop bop shoo wop #

#Hey, Hey # #Bop shoo wop #

#Bop bop shoo wop # #She say you do #

#Bop shoo wop #

#My girl says when I kiss her lips #

Damn it, Smerko, what are you tryin' to do? Kill us?

Hey, lighten up! No harm done here.

Everybody's in one piece. Huh!

Hmm. Ohh! Oh-ho!

Want a swig of this stuff?

Say, what is that? Let me see this. What do you got?

"Beatles"... What does this say? "Beatles undermine artistic"...

Integrity! I never would've figured on you for a Beatles fan.

I loathe the Beatles. Not me. I hate 'em. Uuh!

I can't stand their music.

Hey, Dubois, get up. What?

I think you're sittin' on my comb. Got it, Tony?

Yeah, thanks. Easy.

Ooh, hoo-hoo! Say, you got some collection here.

Ann-Margret, we got Patty Duke, Tuesday Weld, Jackie... Jackie Kennedy?

Jesus, Dubois, you got the hots forJackie Kennedy? Why'd you take my wallet, Tony?

Fastest hands in the West.

Yeah, well, you give me back...

Look. Now, look, no more screwin' around here, Smerko! We have serious business to take care of in New York!

Hey, well, I'm a serious guy. Right. Well, you just keep your hands off of Dubois.

Hey, me and Dubois are old pals, ain't we, Dubois? Yeah.

Hey, Dubois, about what happened in the cafeteria Friday?

Look, I guess I must've slipped or somethin'. Yeah.

Did you get all of the applesauce outta your hair okay? No problem, Tony.

Hey, I'm sick of those limey fairies! Come on, Smerko!

Hey, switch that back! That was Peter, Paul and Mary!

You and your stupid protest music. That stuff's boring.

Did you ever listen to the words? You oughta try listening to the words sometime.

Did you ever listen to the words to "Louie, Louie"? Oh, Smerko, leave me alone!

Hey, who's still up at this hour? I'm gonna find out by givin'away two Sullivan show tickets... to the first caller who can tell me which Beatle is left handed.

All right... Oh, my God! I know it! It's Paul! It's Paul!

I know it! There's a phone booth!

Stop the car! Stop the car! Oh, please stop the car! Stop the car! Cut it out!

You either stop the car, or I'll jump out! Keep driving, Larry!

Jesus Christ, Dubois!

What the hell are you trying to do, Rosie, kill yourself?

No, but I know the answer! It's Paul!

Jesus Christ! I don't care! It would've worth killing myself if I could've won!

Now, listen... listen to me! God, I could...

This is my only chance to get exclusive pictures of the Beatles, and I don't want anybody screwing it up!

So everybody, please, cool it!

# Well, I talk about boys # # Yeah, yeah, boys #

#Don't you know I mean boys # # Yeah, yeah, boys #

# Well, I talk about boys now # # Yeah, yeah, boys #

#Ahh-hh-hh # # Yeah, yeah, boys #

# Well, I talk about boys now # # Yeah, yeah, boys #

# What a bundle ofjoy ##

- Ah bey! Ah bey! Uuh! Uuh!

Wake up, New York. It's Murray the "K" on 42 cups of coffee on 1010 WINS... all night and all day, 'cause we're not gonna let you miss a single second... of this fabulous Beatles weekend.

And we're goin'all the way, because we're mobile today, baby, from in front of the Beatles'hotel.

And girls, I've got a special, personal message for you from John Lennon. John asked me to tell you to...

# Well, shake it up, baby, now # #Shake it up, baby #

# Twist and shout # # Twist and shout #

# Come on, come on come on, come on, baby, now # # Come on, baby #

- Dubois, wake up! What are you doin', fallin' asleep on me here?

Ahh! Everybody, wake up! Wake up, everybody. Hey!

I think Dubois here deserves a big round of applause.

As you can see, he got us to New York safe and sound, and in record time too.

Well, it only took him seven hours.

Usually takes me only 20 minutes, but then, I generally don't go by way of Philadelphia!

I thought the sign said "north. " Hey, just keep your eyes on the road. The hotel's right around the corner.

Where? Where? Where is it? Over there.

# Well, shake it up, baby, now # #Shake it up, baby #

# Twist and shout # # Twist and shout #

# Come on, come on come on, come on, baby, now # # Come on, baby #

# Come on and work it on out # # Work it on out #

# You know you twist it, little girl # # Twist it, little girl #

# You know you twist so fine # # Twist so fine #

# Come on and twist a little closer now # # Twist a little closer #

#And let me know that you're mine # #Let me know you're mine #

# Well, shake it, shake it shake it, baby, now # #Shake it up, baby #

# Well, shake it, shake it shake it, baby, now # #Shake it up, baby #

# Well, shake it, shake it shake it, baby, now ## #Shake it up, baby ##

Keep driving, Larry. Around the corner. Pull up to the front of the hotel like you know what you're doing.

Okay? Here, put this on.

- We want the Beatles! Pam, you comin'with us?

Yeah, I just hope Eddie doesn't find out about this. Right. Okay, so Rosie and Pam are with me.

And the rest of you guys, we'll meet you later in front of the hotel, okay? Now, everybody, duck down.

I don't want this car to look like a school bus.

We want the Beatles! We want the Beatles!

We want the Beatles! We want the Beatles!

We want the Beatles! We want the Beatles!

We want the Beatles! We want the Beatles!

We want the Beatles! We want the Beatles!

We want the Beatles! We want the Beatles! We want the Beatles!

We want the Beatles! We want the Beatles! Move back! Move back!

We want the Beatles! We want the Beatles!

We want the Beatles! We want the Beatles!

We want the Beatles! We want the Beatles!

We want the Beatles! We want the Beatles! Better check.

We want the Beatles! We want the Beatles! Get that car! Check that car!

Yeah, pass him on through.

Come on, boy. Move it, move it!

We want the Beatles! We want the Beatles!

We want the Beatles! We want the Beatles! We want the Beatles!

This isn't gonna work, Grace. This isn't gonna work. Shh! Just tell me when we get to the front door.

We want the Beatles! We want the Beatles!

We want the Beatles! We want the Beatles!

We want the Beatles! We want the Beatles!

- We want the Beatles! Okay.

Come on. Come on.

Why aren't we there yet? Yeah, Larry, why aren't we there yet?

There's a bunch of old people in a cab up there.

Well, so what? Why don't you just beep your horn?

You crazy? There's about a thousand girls screaming out there.

We want the Beatles! We want the Beatles!

We want the Beatles! We want the Beatles!

- We want the Beatles! We want the Beatles! Come on. Come on.

We want the Beatles! We want the Beatles!

We want the Beatles! We want the Beatles! Come on.

We want the Beatles! We want the Beatles!

- They're movin'. We want the Beatles! We want the Beatles!

We want the Beatles! We want the Beatles!

We want the Beatles! We want the Beatles!

We want the Beatles! We want the Beatles! #Yeah, yeah, yeah #

# I wanna hold your glands ## It's him!


Killed! You know you almost got us killed?

Hey, Dubois! Leave the heater on! It's not funny!

Well, I guess we got to make our own heat. Jesus!

Hey, wait a minute! Where you goin'? I came here for a purpose, Smerko!

Hey, where you goin', Tony? I came here for a purpose, Dubois.

Come on. Let's go.

Oh, my God, Grace, my purse! I left it in the car.

Forget your purse, Pam. You wanna get caught? Hey, you kids!

Hold it right there! Come on. Come on!

Hey! Stop there! Come on!

Where do you think you're goin'? Come back here, I said! Oh, God!

Stop! Hey! Oh!

- Come back! Pam!

Come on, come on!


Hey, you kids... Aah!

Hey! Hey!

Ah bey! Uuh!

Ah bey! Uuh!


Murray the "K" Swinging Soiree!

Let's get it on! All right, listen.

I am out here only to let you know about one thing.

We don't want you to move. We want you to stay here. We like the vibe that you're givin' off.

But you been yellin' so loud, Look! you broke a couple of windows.

Oh, he's coming! In here!

The elevator's here.

The elevator's here. The...

He's gone! He's gone. Let's go!

Come on! My ring! I lost my ring!

Come on! How long can she hold the door?

Well, then go without me. I've gotta find it.

I've got it!


What'd you push 11 for? They're on 12, room 1232.

I know they're in 1232, Rosie, but we've gotta go up to 11 and walk up the stairs.

That's dumb. If they're on 12, we should get off on 12.

Don't be stupid, Rosie. There's gonna be guards up there on 12, and they're gonna be watching the elevators.

But this is a service elevator. Besides, how you know there're not gonna be guards on 11?

If I'm gonna get caught, I'm gonna get as close to the Beatles as I can.

You wanna go to 12, go to 12, Rosie. I'm not gonna argue with you.

You're never gonna make it. We'll see.

Hey, you! Come on! Let's go! Come on! Wait! Let me go!

Come on! You gotta listen to me! I can explain! Come on! Listen to me!

Hey, Sarge, I just found another lost lady.

Okay, Lou. Take her down the other elevator.

Oh, I can explain. Really, I can ex... Don't tell me. Let me guess.

Your grandmother from Alaska's staying in the hotel, and you got lost trying to find her. Come on.

Help! Help me!

When Paul finds out about this, you're gonna be in a lot of trouble!

Come in, Harry. I read you, Sarge.

- What's the situation down there? All quiet here.

- Okay. We'll be coming down in a few minutes. I'll check with you later. Right. Over.

Hey, Irving. Check that exit there, will ya?

We got another one, Stanley. Take her down to the lobby and turn her over to Sergeant Bailey.

Okay, Lou.

Never in my life have I seen such a disgusting display of vulgarity... as I've witnessed in this hotel.

Young girls screaming and running about... helter-skelter.

You should be ashamed of yourself.

And as for this hotel, I was not aware its clientele included such riffraff. We apologize for the inconvenience, ma'am.

Well, you can rest assured that in the future I shall take my business elsewhere.

Your floor, madam.

You dropped something, ma'am.

- We want the Beatles! Okay. Pull right up here.

Right. Hold it! Hold it right there. That's good.

I'll just get the door. Yeah, sure.

We want the Beatles! We want the Beatles! That's terrific.

- We want the Beatles! We want the Beatles! Okay, Sarge. You can bring 'em out.

- Your snoring. Sullivan. You do. That's an Irish name.

- We got a complaint from the hotel manager about it. You're as bad as the rest of them.

- Who orders all this rubbish? Nothing better than a scenic back alley, I always say.

Get in the car or I'll cripple you.

Quit shovin' me then. Hey! The guy just licked my hand!


Oh! Oh!


Hey! Don't you know breaking and entering is very serious offense?

You're making a mistake. This is my room. I just lost my key.

Oh, 1232. I'm on the wrong floor. I'm looking for 1332.

My mistake, Officer.

What do you take me for, some kind of an asshole?

And, little lady, you have come all the way from... Hi, Mom!

Buffalo. I stole the money from my mother so I could come here, because I loveJohn.

Actually, I love all the Beatles, but I especially loveJohn.

Someday I'm gonna marryJohn. Isn'tJohn already married?

Yeah, but he can get a divorce or his wife could get in a plane crash... or she could drown or anything could happen, becauseJohn has to marry me!

He has to, or else I'll kill myself!

There you have it, ladies and gentlemen... Beatlemania.

This is Sam David reporting from WGSL in front of the...

Exterminate the Beatles!

Get outta here! Harry, cut it. Get her out of here. Why did you shut off that camera?

Turn it back on! Haven't you ever heard of unbiased reporting?

Yeah, unbiased report! There are two sides to every story!

There's two sides. Don't you know that? I don't believe this! Whatever happened to objective reporting?

Yeah! Whatever happened to that? You tell me.

What are you beefin' about now? It doesn't matter. This is only a local news station.

I know what I have to do now. I gotta find the national news reporters, then the whole country can hear what I have to say. Talk, talk, talk.

That's all you wanna do is talk. I want the whole country to hear what I have to say.

Shit. When does beatin' your gums ever mean mean anything? You gotta do something.

Well, I don't see you doing anything except for following me around. Oh, yeah?

Yeah! Oh, you wanna see me do somethin'?

All ri... Wha... All right. I'll do somethin'!

Get him!

Look, I'll find my own way out, okay?

Make me happy.

Hey! Hey, you! You're not supposed to be here! This is a restricted area!

You don't belong here! Don't you know this entire section of the hotel's completely sealed off?

Paul! Paul! You can't get in there. Besides, I already tried.

Those guys already left. When?

About five minutes ago. Ohh!

Well, actually, it was closer to four minutes ago. Crazy broad.

What? What?

That means they walked on this rug!

Don't jump to conclusions! I'm a collector! Please, don't get a stain on it! Oh, Paul! Paul!

In the name of human decency! This is valuable merchandise! Hey!

Oh! Come on! Run! What are you doin'to the rug?

Run! Gangway, copper!

Put me down! I got friends on the force! Put me down!

Take that, bully!

Come on, come on! Where you taking me?

I know where I'm going! Just come on! Aah!

Where we going? Ooh! Come on!

Take me with you! Come on!

I can't go in there! This elevator isn't lined up properly! God!

Ooh! Aah! Take me to the seventh floor! I got a room there!


Come on! Let's go! Can't you get these floors lined up?

Come on!

This way!

We want the Beatles! We want the Beatles! We want the Beatles!

# Then there was music # This is my headquarters.

#And wonderful roses, they tell me #

#In sweet, fragrant meadows #

- # Of dawn and dew # Hey, hey! Don't touch anything!

#Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah #

#Yeah, yeah, yeah ##

Hey, Larry, where have you been? I've been lookin' all over for ya.

We've gotta get over to CBS right away. I just found out the Beatles are rehearsing over there.

Yeah, well, I got news for ya! After this, I'm gonna be taking my car straight home!

Sure, Larry. Anything you say. I mean it, Grace. This time I'm puttin' my foot down.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! What's happening?

They stink. They got no talent at all. They look like a bunch of girls!

Yeah, man, we hate the Beatles, man. They're foreigners from another country.

They take our women away from us. Man, send them back! Send 'em back! Yeah, the Beatles are a bunch of wimps.

Everybody that listens to their music are wimps too. What're trying to prove with long hair? You're misunderstanding the whole point.

I don't know what these chicks see in it either. It's just a gimmick!

Oh, and another thing, Murray.

WI NS used to be the best radio station in town until you started playing all this Beatles junk.

Now that's all I ever hear! Whatever happened to the Four Seasons? Yeah!

I ain't never gonna listen to 1010 WI NS again ever. Never gonna, never ever. All right. Wait a minute.

You know something? What?

You're a deranged person, but keep your chin up.

Yeah, Harry, my eyes were bothering me a little with all the reading I'm doing around here.

So I went and I picked up this lamp. It's a real great lamp. I mean, it's got, like, three switches on it to make it bright.

Great for reading.

Yeah, that's right, Harry. What do you think...

What the hell's the matter with you?

Why don't you watch where you push that thing?

Harry? Hello, Harry?

Stupid kid. He broke my lamp.

Oh, my God!

Oh! Ohh.

Oh, God.

Ohh, God!

I don't believe...

Oh, my God.

Oh. Ohh!


#Love, love me do #

# You know I love you #

#I'll always be true #

#So, plea-ea-ea-ease #

#Love me do #

# Whoa-oa, love me do #

#Love, love me do #

# You know I love you #

#I'll always be true #

#So, plea-ea-ea-ease #

#Love me do #

# Whoa-oa, love me do #

#Someone to love #

#Somebody new #

#Someone to love #

#Someone like you #

Hey, lookee what I found! A midget Beatle!

Hey! Hey, come on! Hey, what is it, a boy or a girl?

Hey! I think it's a girl!

It's doctor's orders! I'm very susceptible to head colds! Hey, anybody got a razor blade?

I wanna give Goldilocks here the Yul Brynner look, huh?

Ooh! All right. Hey, hey, wait a minute. I'll make you a deal, I'll make you a deal!

- What? I got tickets to The Ed Sullivan Show, and you can have 'em if you let me go.

Tickets? What the hell do I want tickets? I don't want any tickets. Hey, wait a minute!

You can scalp 'em for a lot of money! Well, I'm gonna scalp you for free!

Oww! All right, Tony. You've had your fun. Now let him go.

Hey, remember, I said you gotta do somethin'. So I'm doin' somethin'. I ain't just shootin' off at the mouth.

Oww! You're completely ignoring the real issue.

You're merely attacking a symptom instead of going to the real root of the problem.

I'm gonna get to the roots, all right, with these!

Uh, hey, Smerko, here comes a cop.

I should've known this all along.

You ain't nothin' but a Beatles lover. Here. You take him. Aah!

Here's some great snapshots I got when the Beatles arrived at Kennedy Airport.

Oh. Did you get any pictures of the Beatles? Yeah, well, I didn't exactly see the Beatles, but I got some great shots of their suitcases. Wow.

You know, you're the first boy I've ever met that I could really talk to.

I mean, really talk to. Yeah, well, if you think these are fab, I'll show you something that's really gear.

Hey, don't they ever make the beds in here? Nah. The hotel doesn't know I'm in here.

Then how'd you get this key? I found it. Someone left it in the door, and I found it.

Then I took over the room. The hotel doesn't know I'm here. If they knew I was here, they'd throw me out.

Now, here. Look at this, look at this, look at this, look at this, look at this, look at this, look at this.

Here. This is my masterpiece.

You know what this is? This is actually a clump of grass that Paul stepped on.

I'm not exactly sure which blade he stepped on, but it's all in there. That's why I got such a big clump.

Oh, wow! Can I have some of this? What are you, crazy?

Oh, just a little bit! I'll buy it off of ya. No. I'm sorry, but it's not for sale.

Say, kid, do you really have tickets to The Ed Sullivan Show?

Yeah. I sort of lucked into 'em. My uncle's got connections.

Would you sell one to me? Uh, no, I couldn't do that.

Heck, you just helped me out of a real jam.

I'll give you one for free. It's the least I can do.

Thanks a lot!

That's funny. I thought I had 'em right there.

I don't even have 'em!

Peter! Hey, Peter! I got your tickets to The Ed Sullivan Show!

My tickets! How'd you get those? Never mind how I got 'em, but I got 'em!

If you wanna get 'em back, you're gonna have to get your goddamn hair cut!

Now, I found a barber shop that's open, so let's go! You can't do that! It's extortion!

I can do any goddamn thing I want to! I'm your father! Sir.

No kid of mine is gonna run around in the streets looking like a goddamn girl! Sir.

Wait a minute, will ya? Well, I'm not gonna cut my hair!

And I'm not gonna argue with you! Now, if you want these tickets back, you're gonna get your hair cut! Now, you think about it!

I don't have to think about it! For all I care, you can take those tickets and shove 'em!

What's your name anyway?

Ringo. Ringo Klaus. What?

Well, actually it's Richard, Richard Klaus.

This is my official Beatles talcum powder.

Anyway, like, Ringo Starr, you know, he changed his name from Richard to Ringo?

Well, that's what I did. My real name's Richard, and I changed it over to Ringo, see?

You know how the real Ringo has lots of rings? Well, I got my own ring, too, see? Just like Ringo.

Good. I know all that stuff. Listen, I know everything there is to know about the Beatles.

There's nothin' I don't know about the Beatles! I'm the greatest Beatles genius in the history of the universe.

Go ahead, ask me anything about the Beatles! Ask me how tallJohn is.

And the answer comeback, 5- foot-11.

Ask me when George's birthday is. And the answer comeback, February 25, 1943.

There's nothin' I don't know about the Beatles! Ask me anything there is to know about the Beatles. Ask me anything!

Who is the youngest Beatle?

I know the answer! Gimme the phone! Get away! I know it too!

It's my room, and it's my phone!

Hand it over! Get away! Let me!

It's ringing!

Who's the youngest Beatle? Ringo! George!

Aww! It's Ringo! Ringo, you crackpot!

You... You stupid idiot! It's George!

Ringo's the oldest! Ringo's 23! George is 20! Well, it's a trick question.

George is the youngest in age, but Ringo was the last to join the Beatles, therefore he's the youngest Beatle.

See? The question was, "Who is the youngest Beatle?" And that means it's Ringo!

See? Aah! You're an idiot! You're a fink!

You're a lousy rat fink! And I would've won those tickets!

Aah! Now I got you, you little shit-head! Who you callin' little?

Aah! Take that, you copper!

Stay back! Watch it, he's got a lamp! And it's lit!

Ai-yaah! Give up, kid! You're surrounded!

I'll jump! I swear, I'll jump!

Get off of me! Put me down! I'll bring a lawsuit!

Stop it! Knock It off!

Quit that kickin', will ya?

Ringo! No-o-o!

Hey! What the hell do you think you're doin'? There ain't no cameras allowed in here.

I'm just takin' a couple of pictures. I'm with the press.

Yeah? And I'm Captain Kangaroo. Come on! Get the hell outta here!

Please, sir, I've just gotta get some pictures of the Beatles. I'd do anything to get in here. Yeah?

Anything. What's it worth to ya?

Ten bucks. Ten bucks? What, are you shittin' me?

I'll tell you what. Fifty bucks, and you got a deal.

Fifty bucks? Look, I just don't have that kind of money. Hey!

You wanna get in and see 'em? Fifty bucks. You don't like it?

Get the hell outta here! All right. All right, all right. I'll find the 50.

Then what do I do?

Listen, here's what's happenin'.

The Beatles are the last act, right?

All right. You wait till the show starts, you come to this door and you knock like this.

I open the door, you give me the 50, you're in.

Right now, get the hell outta here! I gotta eat!

Fifty bucks! Where am I gonna get 50 bucks?

Mmm. Mmm.


Mmm. Mmm.

Is this seat taken?

Say, how's the food around here? You guys eat here often?

Oh? Well, then, I take it that you're not from around here, huh?

Brooklyn. No kiddin'? Me, I'm from Jersey.

Hey, hey, way to go! Nice play, Shakespeare.

Say, you girls ever been on top of the Empire State Building?

Well, I was thinkin' about goin' up there later on this afternoon and, uh, maybe you'd like to join me?

Now, what's the gag?

She thinks you look like Paul. Oh, yeah. Lots of people tell me I look like Newman.

Not Paul Newman, Paul McCartney. Paul McCart... Never heard of him.

He's one of the Beatles.

Oh, ho!

What's with you? You got something against the Beatles? Who, me?

Besides the fact that their music stinks, that I hate their guts... and they're nothin' but a bunch of candy-ass pansies?

No. Listen, grease ball.

Nobody asked you to sit here, so beat it! Now, wait a minute.

Everything was going fine, we were having a nice leisurely lunch and over a little chat, and then you had to go mention the Beatles and make me choke on my goddamn food!

Let's get outta here. Yeah.

Hey, wait a minute! Now, what about the Empire State Building? Why don't you jump off it?

Hey, you know what I do to Beatles? I stomp... Ohh!


Oh, wow!




Oh, my God.


Oh, my God.

Oh, God!

#Surfin'U.S.A. #

#Everybody's gone surfin'#

#Surfin'U.S.A. With Murray the "K"##

Hey, baby. Swinging Soiree.

- Hey, who's this Johnny Carson that Ed wants us to dedicate our songs to anyway?

- Probably a baseball player. No, isn't he the mayor?

I'm really disappointed about that rehearsal. I mean, I think we sound crappy.

Ah, come off it. All you gotta do is smile, twinkle in the eye. You'll have 'em all screamin'.

Hey! Well, what do you know? It's still playin'.

Murray is still talkin'. Hey, it looks like somebody's been messing with me bass.

- Yuck! There's sticky stuff all over it. Uuh! What'd you do that for?

Why'd you put that picture of yourself in me closet? I thought it might brighten up the place.

So that's it then. Well?

Right here 1010 WINS right after The Ed Sullivan Show.

- Will somebody call the porter up here? I need me trousers cleaned. Well, take 'em off then.

I mean, you know, he can't clean 'em with you standin'in 'em. Good idea.


And my stockings... my official Beatles nylon stockings... are missing.

Those jerks from the hotel stole my stuff, and you know why?

They know even half my stuff's worth $500.

I'll sue 'em. That's what I'll do. I'll sue 'em.

I just think we're lucky they didn't throw us in jail. They can't throw us in jail.

We're both under 18 years old. Therefore, we're both minors. Therefore, they can't throw us in jail, and that's the law.

And if there's one thing I know, it's the law. Anyway, I gotta get back in the hotel and get my stuff back.

I know. I'll steal an elevator. I'll hijack one like you did.

Rosie, come here! I gotta tell ya somethin'!

Grace! Grace! Where have you been? Did you get pictures of the Beatles?

Grace, you know, it's, uh, illegal to park here.

We're not parking, Larry. We're just stopping. Hey! Where have you been?

Did you get the pictures? No, not yet. Listen, Rosie. I really need to borrow some money, okay?

Oh, Grace, no... I don't have that much left. What did you spend it on?

On these. What are these?

Beatles bedsheets. Beatles bedsheets?

Those are the actual bedsheets the Beatles slept on Friday night. Only two bucks per square inch.

You mean you paid two bucks for this little piece of nothing? They're worth at least five.

Grace, what time do you think we'll be going home? Oh, yeah?

How do you know these are the real Beatles bedsheets? The guy said they were authentic.

You can't lie about a thing like that. That would be against the law.

Grace, we should be getting home. I don't wanna miss The Ed Sullivan Show.

Tell me something. Were there a lot of kids buyin' these things? Oh, heck, yeah.

You want me to show you where the guy is that sold 'em to me? Here. Take these.

Come on, Larry. Let's get outta here. Wait. You gotta take me with you.

I'm the only one who knows where the guy is that sold me this stuff. You gotta take me with ya.

What is wrong with you? Who is this guy, Rosie? Where'd he come from? Mars?

Oh, this is Richard Klaus. He's my boyfriend. Your boyfriend?

Grace, wait. What about The Ed Sullivan Show? Well, you'd better find a TV set, because I still have to get my pictures.

Your boyfriend? What's the idea of telling that broad I'm your boyfriend? I'm not your boyfriend.

But I thought you and me... Well, we seemed to get along pretty well and all.

Yeah? I thought you were in love with Paul.

Well, I am, but it's different with Paul.

I mean, Paul... He's a Beatle. It's just different. Yeah. I get it.

You're just like all the rest. You're in love with the Beatles till somebody better comes along, huh?

Well, I got news for ya. Where I come from, they've got a name for people like you.

You're a traitor, and I don't associate with traitors, so you can just quit taggin' along with me.

"Amscray," sister!

I am not a traitor! I do love Paul!

I'll always love Paul!

I'll never love anybody else, ever!

#I love you #

You know, you'd make things a lot easier if you'djust cut your hair.

Hey, wait a minute. I think I got it.

Hey! Let's get outta here!

Hey, you kids! Come back! Come on! This way!

Come back here! Come on! Let's get 'em!

You all right?

Security for the Beatles. This way!

At times, the Beatles had to dress themselves up as the fuzz...

- in order to go from place to place without getting torn to shreds by all those girls. Excuse me.

Which way? Which way did they go? Down here.

We've got another one that you haven't heard yet from that crazy British import album.

You're hearing it first with the "K" in what you call Swinging Soiree.

In fact, I think I'm gonna mail it out to you. # Oh, yeah, wait a minute, Mr. Postman #

Hey, Reese, I got the one with the hair. Let him go!

He wasn't doing anything. Grab her too.

You're just picking on him because he's got long hair. Shut up.

Let that kid go. Yeah. Let him go.

Just because he's got long hair doesn't mean you can do all that. Let go of him!

- Hey, what's going... All right! Get back!

Get back! Get back! Get back in line!

Get back! Get back!

Get back! I'm warning ya. Now, get back.

Move along.

Get back! Get that crowd back!

Get back in line. Get back.

Reese, Foley, let 'em go! But, Sarge, they were tryin' to break into the studio.

Goddamn it, I said let 'em go! I don't want a riot on my hands.

All right. Go on. Get outta here. Beat it.

Wow. Did you see that? Do you realize what just happened here?

Yeah. We almost just got thrown in jail. You were right all the time.

The only way we're gettin' in there is to get my hair cut. You can't.

What? You can't cut your hair. Not now. Not after all this.

I just don't get ya. I mean, don't you wanna go and see the show?

Look, all this time I've been wrong about the Beatles. I'll figure out some other way to get those tickets back.

What? From my old man?

No way. The only way you're gonna get those tickets from him is to take 'em.

Genuine squares of Beatle bedsheets, only one dollar!

Ladies, they're huggable, they're kissable. Unwashed, girls... unwashed Beatles bedsheets... and they're only one dollar!

Bigger and better Beatles bedsheets! Can I have a John?

AJohn. Here's a John. One dollar. Can I have a George?

Here's George. One dollar. Hey, are you sure these are real?

It doesn't look like the ones they're selling over there. That's 'cause they're newer.

They just came off the Beatles' beds this very morning. Look how wrinkled it is!

Okay. Anybody else? I want to buy $40 worth for my whole fan club.

Ten of each Beatle. Ten of each Beatle?

Well... Well, look. I only have about 23, but I can get some more.

I'll meet you back here in 10 minutes, okay? Okay!

Hey. Wanna buy some Beatle bedsheets? They slept on 'em.

For one dollar?

Hey, would you like to buy some Beatle bedsheets for one dollar?

For Christ's sakes, Dubois, what the hell are you doin'?

I'm selling some Beatle bedsheets. I can see that.

Geez! Is this what it's come to? You standin' in the street with a handful of rags like a goddamn beggar?

Ain't you got no self-respect? Get rid of this shit!

Damn it, Dubois. How could you let yourself be pussy-whipped like this?

You know she's made a fool out of ya. You know that, don't ya? A damn fool!

Yeah. I was just tryin' to get pictures for her, Tony. I mean, she needed pictures...

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I know it ain't your fault. It's that... that limey scum.

It's like the whole goddamn world's flipped or somethin' like that.

You know what happened to me today? I tried to pick up seven different chicks. Seven.

And they all gave me shit. They gave me shit! Now, a week ago, this couldn't have happened.

I'm fed up, Dubois. I've had it up to here with this crap.

Something's gotta be done. Something's gotta be done to stop it...

I don't know what... but it's gotta be done now before it spreads any further.

It's like a goddamn disease, for Christ's sakes! Do you understand what I'm saying here?

Yeah. Yeah. Well, I'm gonna get back to the car, Tony, so...

Yeah. Go ahead. Go on. I'll... I gotta think this shit out.

#We love you, Beatles oh, yes, we do #

#We don't love anyone as much as you #

#When you're not near us we're blue #

# Oh, Beatles, we love you #

#We love you, Beatles oh, yes, we do ##

Well, if nobody wanted to buy any, then where's your sheets?

Well, I, um... I don't know. I dropped 'em.

God damn, Larry. Come on. Here.

Help me rip this sheet up. Only 17 more pieces, and I'm home free.

#I got arms that long to hold you #

#And keep you by my side #

#I got lips that long to kiss you #

#And keep you satisfied #

#If there's anything that you want # Hi.

#If there's anything I can do #

Grace? Would you cut it out?

Grace? #And I'll send it along with love from me to you #

Hand it over, scag. What?

Our money. These are fakes.

Oh, there must be some mistake. Damn right. Look at this.

I know for a fact they didn't use sheets from J.C. Penney's at that hotel.

I swear to you... I was told these sheets are genuine. They really are.

Give us our money back or we'll beat your brains. Hey, hey.

Come on, girls. Let's... Let's be reasonable.

Listen, pencil neck. I'll kick your face in.

- Grace, I think they mean it. #If there's anything that you want #

#If there's anything I can do #

#Just call on me and I'll send it along #

# With love from me to you # Looks like you're out of business.

# To you, to you #

# To you ##

Okay. We're still T.C.B. And takin'care ofbusiness... as we cover this fabulous Beatle weekend.

And you probably don't hear as much going on as there was... not as much shouting...

It's because 33 minutes ago, everybody that was here with this big crowd left...

Because the Beatles are going over to The Ed Sullivan Show... to do their first telecast in the United States.

And you wanna watch that. I'm gonna be there myself.

Hey, Grace, did you hear about the Valentine's Dance at school Friday night?

I know all about it, Larry. Why don't you just have a drink, okay?

I'd better not. I mean, you know what they say about drinking and driving.

Frankie? Yeah. I was thinkin'.

I'm glad I got in touch with ya. I got a few hours to kill before I have to go out of town, and I could use a little companionship, you know what I mean?

You see, Grace, it's kind ofhard... Yeah. Is Ginger available?

I was sort of thinkin' about all we've been through together. How 'bout that redhead? What's her name?

Judy. Yeah. Is she... No.

Whatever you think, Frankie. As long as she's on the young side, you know what I mean?

A college coed? And, well, you'll probably be busy, so forget it.

- Shh. Hey, no kiddin'.

Hey, yeah. That's right. Room 909.

Mm-hmm. That's great. Why don't you send her over?

Yeah. How 'bout... 'bout an hour?


Half hour would be better, Frankie. Yeah.

Thanks, Frankie.

Grace, it's gettin'kind oflate. Maybe we'd better get goin'.

Larry, how old do you think I look?

I don't know. I mean, you think I could pass for a college student?

Sure. Sure. You get good grades.

Larry, there's something I gotta do. I want you to meet me back here in about one hour.

Wait. Where you goin'? I just thought of something I could sell.

Why don't you tell me? Maybe I can sell some too.

I don't think so, Larry. You just wait for me, okay?

Grace, you can't! I won't let you do it.

Do what? You know.

What? You know.

Larry, I know exactly what it is I'm doing, so just relax.

Go back to the table, finish this up, okay? Meet me back here soon.

Well, Grace, think of what you're doing. I mean, it's... it's a sin.


It'll never come off.

Oh, shit. Dropped my "pneumonia. "

Hey, wait a minute.

All right. You stay out here. Are you crazy?

That guy hates my guts. He's not gonna do anything... not for me.

No, but he might do it for me.

Three Beatles took a tour of Central Park yesterday... while George stayed in bed nursing a sore throat.

Reports are that George... Hey! Hey, what are you doing? I was watching that.

Sorry about that. It's showtime. But you don't seem to understand.

The Ed Sullivan Show is gonna be on. Honey, we all got our problems.

When that show goes on in there, that tube goes off. It's union rules.

Ohh. Well, how long does this go on?


Want another one?

To hell with it. I don't wanna hear about it. Wait! I'll tell ya! Just listen!

This guy is the kid's father. In his wallet are tickets to the Beatles show.

That's all we want. You can have his money. What did you say?

I said you can have all his money. No, no, no, no.

You said something about tickets. Tickets to The Ed Sullivan Show. That's all we want.

How many tickets has he got? Three.

I'll do it, but I get one of the tickets.

I'm sorry, really I am. It was just an accident. I didn't wanna come up here... and get in trouble or anything like that.

I didn't even wanna come here today. They made me do it.

This is very unlike me. I mean, I just don't do things like this, and it's all just very confusing for me.

You've gotta believe me, please. I believe ya. It's okay. It's okay.

Look, everything's gonna be all right.

Now, you got somebody you can call to come and pick you up?

There's a phone over there. Why don't you go over and use it?


Look at this crap.

Is that the bird that was under Lennon's bed? Bird?

Girl. Girl. Girl. That's her.

Well, I just spoke to Brian. It's very important we keep her here for a while, okay?

No sweat. I beg your pardon?

Uh, no problem. Hello? Eddie? Can you come and get me, please?

# The best things in life are free #

#But you can keep 'em for the birds and bees #

#Now, give me money # # That's what I want #

# That's what I want # # That's what I want #

# That's what I wa-a-a-ant, yeah #

# That's what I want #

# Your lovin'give me a thrill #

#But your lovin' don't pay my bills #

#Now, give me money # # That's what I want #

# That's what I want # # That's what I want #

# That's what I want oh, yeah # # That's what I want #

# That's what I want ##


Trapped like a rat.

Now, wait a minute. I said I'd get my hair cut, but you don't expect me to pay for it, do ya?

Okay. And don't forget to bring the tickets.

It's all set.

Going up?

Seven, please.

#There's a place There's a place #

Hey, baby, this is the "K." I'm interrupting my own show to bring you an important Beatles bulletin.

I just discovered another pair of Ed Sullivan tickets I forgot to give away.

Now, even though we're only a few minutes away from showtime, the folks over there at CBS tell me you can still get in even if you're a few minutes late, provided, of course, you answer our countdown question correctly.

Please! Hurry! Get me to seven!

If you live out on the Island, Westchester County, Jersey, wherever, don't call in if you can't make the show.

All right. Here we go with a very tough Beatles question.

Which particular Beatle is at the same time the oldest and youngest member...

Ohh! # I wanna be your lover, baby I wanna be your man #

# I wanna be your lover, baby # Ow! Ooh!

Sorry. # Love you like no other, baby #

#Like no other can #

#Love you like no other, baby like no other can #

#I wanna be your man #

#I wanna be your man # Oh, please, God. Let me get through. Please let me get through.

Yo. Which Beatle is the oldest and youngest?

Ringo? Wait a minute. Ringo?

Yes. That's right!

Your tickets will be waiting for you at the Ed Sullivan theater.

What's your name, baby? What's your name?

Rosie! It's Rosie Petrofsky!

All right, Rosie! You're a winner! Congratulations!

Oh, thank you! Thank you very much!

Thank you for letting me use your phone.

I won. # I wanna be your man I wanna be your man #

Oh... Oh!

Lobby, please. # I wanna be your lover, baby #

#I wanna be your man #

#I wanna be your lover, baby I wanna be your man #

#Love you like no other, baby ##

What's wrong? What's wrong with this elevator?

You! Hi, Rosie.

You busted it! You broke the elevator!

Calm down. Relax. I'll have it fixed in a jiffy. I know everything there is to know about elevators.

You broke it. You broke it on purpose! Wait a minute. I know.

Just let me fix this here. Help! Get us out of here!

We're trapped! Oh, I'm ruined!

My whole life is ruined!

Don't worry. I'll get us out of this mess. Somebody from the hotel is bound to save us.

They'll come and rescue us just like the cavalry. Don't worry. It's not like we're gonna suffocate.

There's plenty of fresh air.

Oh, before I forget... Here's a little something for you on behalf of the boys and myself, just to show there are no hard feelings.

It's a pass to the boys' performance on the telly tonight. Oh, my God.

Thank you. Oh, by the way, there are some members of the press downstairs.

They'd like to chat with you a bit. You don't have any objections, do you?

Reporters? Well... Well, what do they wanna talk to me for?

They just wanna ask you a few questions.

You must be Al. Hi. I'm Cindy. Hi, Cindy. I'm glad you could make it.

Uh, can I... can I take your coat?

Yeah. Sure. Can I fix you a drink?

A Coke, please. Man Announcing]

Well, what kind of party do you have in mind, Al?

Well, uh, actually, Cindy, it was more like a picnic.

Look at that.

All right. She's probably gonna end up in one of those houses.

She is gonna end up in one of those houses.

It's all your fault.

Hey. Here she comes. How 'bout a big smile for the camera?

There you go. How does it feel to be in the limelight?

Would you do it again? I don't know. I didn't...

Hold it right there. That's it. Thank you.

Different generation here.

Okay. Could the people in the front please sit down for the benefit of those in the back?

Thank you. Now, I'd like to introduce you to the young lady...

I told you about: Miss Pam Mitchell.

How does it feel to be the number-one Beatle fan in New York?

Miss Mitchell? Miss Mitchell?

Millions of young girls across the country dream about what you've done today.

Perhaps you'd like to tell them... How did you feel... actually being in the Beatles' hotel room?

Well, I, um...

It's kind of hard to put into words, but...

I guess it... it was... it was wonderful, The most wonderful feeling I've ever had in my life.

Al, would you mind if I switched to Ed Sullivan? 'Cause the Beatles are gonna be on.

I don't... care. Anything you want. Thanks.

Try to land one of these. Static]

Thank you. Thank you very much. Yeah. Something really nice happened here.

The Beatles got a real kick out of it because we received a wire... or they did... from Elvis Presley and Colonel Tom Parker... wishing them the most tremendous success in our country.

I think that was really, really, really nice.

Now, you know, this particular season has seen many, many exciting acts, like the Little Italian Mouse, Topo Gigio, Belgium's Singing Nun, Sister Sourire...

Well, kid, looks like your old man really stuck it to ya this time.

The Sullivan show's already started. You may as well go home.

Oh, no. They'll let us in, even if we're late, just so long as we've got the tickets, okay?

Give you one of my genuine Beatles bedsheets. You can have a Paul.

I'm gonna miss The Ed Sullivan Show. No.

There's no way we can miss The Ed Sullivan Show. I know where there's a TV, and besides, the Beatles are the last act.

They always save the best acts for last. That way you have to sit through all the commercials.

I got tickets to see 'em in person!

I won 'em on the radio!

Yeah, well, that's what I was saying.

We're... No... Wait... We're trapped!

Oh, please, get us out! Somebody save us! We're trapped like rats!

That's right. Clear out. All right. Get back.

All right. Hold it down. Open up.

Pam, did you touch them? Can I touch you where you touched them? I didn't touch them.

Can I have your autograph? Sure.

- Pam, can we have your autograph? Sign my cast.

You'd better hurry if you wanna see the show. Can I touch you?

Excuse me. Bye.

Bye-bye. Take care. Bye.

Who's that guy? Oh, that's Neil. He's really nice. You'd like him.

Yeah. Let's go. You had me worried; I hope you know that. I'm sorry, but today was just so incredibly important...

I'm gonna let it go this time, but you are going to have to start acting a little more responsible.

You're hurting me.

Pam, where's my ring?

What? My ring.

A paid a hundred and... I paid $175 for that ring. Where is it?

It's, um... It's in my shoe. I put it in my shoe.

Well, get it the hell out of your shoe. I just thought that would be the safest place for it when I was running around here.

I couldn't think of anything else to do with it, because I lost my purse on our way here.

It was just in the car, and I'm sorry. L... Come on. Let's get outta here.

Hey. Psst. There he is.

Hey, watch where you're walkin'! This is a free country. I can walk where I want!

Then walk on the expressway!

Okay. Come on. Let's go. Wait a minute. Got the tickets?

Of course I got the tickets!

Come on. Let me see 'em.

There ain't no tickets in here! Look!

Now, come on. Let's go.

No. Dad!



Dad! Oh, Dad! Now, sit in there!

I said sit in there! Oh, Jesus. No.

I said stay in that chair. Do you wanna see that show or don't you?

Look at that. You ever see a haircut like that before? Uh-uh.

Isn't that something? How would you like to have a kid like that? Uh-uh.

Got into town last night, and I saw him from the back... I thought it was my daughter.

Mm. I told him, "If you don't get a haircut, you'll have to wear a sign. "

That somethin'?

Mm-hmm. All right then. Go to work.

All right. Now, just take it easy. Nobody's gonna hurt ya.

Now, be a man, and everything'll be fine.


All right, kid. How do ya want it?

I want him to look like a marine.

- Oh, my God! He's just been hit by a bus!

L... I think he's in shock!

Mister, please. Can I use your coat? We've gotta keep him covered.

He looks bad. You'd better give him some mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

Uh, right. Uh, could you call an ambulance, please?

There's a phone booth right outside. Okay. Okay. Give him some mouth-to-mouth.

Did you hear what I said? Give him some mouth-to-mouth.

More oxygen!

Oh, great. Come on. What the...

Hello? Hello?

Aah. It's dead. It's completely dead, just like everything else in this roach trap.

I knew it. I knew this would happen.

It's because I'm being punished. I'm being punished because I missed Mass this morning.

Hey. A trapdoor. Of course! A trapdoor!

All elevators have to have trapdoors; that's the law. With this, you can crawl to the fifth floor!

Oh, no. You'd better not. That looks awful dangerous.

Dangerous? Why, this isn't dangerous.

I'll tell you what's dangerous... the time I got thrown off the Long Island Railroad.

Now, that was dangerous. This isn't even moving!

No. That's what I was afraid of... a safety interlock.

We'll never get these doors open.

Oh, it's hopeless. The show's already started. We may as well forget about it.

Forget about it? Forget about the Beatles? What, are you screwy or somethin'?

What else can we do? We've tried everything else.

It's only two-eighths-inched plate glass.

These doors are pretty flimsy, like everything else in this fleabag. So?

Come on!

What are you waitin' for?

Just think. In a couple ofhours, you're gonna be Mrs. Eddie Lupus.

Mrs. Eddie Lupus. I like the way that sounds.

Hey, it's gonna be a great life for us, Mrs. Lupus.

And why shouldn't it be? I've got a greatjob. Heck, I'm in on the ground floor of somethin'really big.

These plastic furniture covers are the thing of the future. We'll have to skimp the first few years... and we won't be able to go out much, but who cares?

We'll have each other. Mr. And Mrs. Eddie Lupus, till death us do part.

I'd rather see the Beatles. What?

Eddie, stop the car. I wanna get out. What are you talking about?

I've got this ticket to see the Beatles, and I don't wanna miss it.

We're getting married. I can't do it, Eddie. I can't marry you.

What did you say? I just can't marry you. I don't want to anymore.

Pam, what the hell have you been doing here in New York?

I've just realized that there are more things in life for me besides marriage. More thing... Like what?

Like the Beatles. Pamela!

Pamela! You come back here! Did you hear me?

Did you hear me? Come back here!

Woman Narrating, Indistinct] [Al] More, more. Oh, yeah.

Faster, faster, faster. When it's least expected, you're the star.

- Don't miss Candid Camera tonight at 10:00, 9:00 Central, here on CBS. Ooh, yeah.

Candid Camera. That's it!

Come on, Larry. Come on.

Hey, Tony, what are you really gonna do with that ticket?

I told ya. I'm gonna scalp it. Do you mind?

You know, Rosie could really use that ticket. If you're just gonna sell it to some stranger...

Look, how am I supposed to find Rosie? You want Rosie to have a ticket, you go find her and give her yours.

Oh, my God! That's her! She's here! Rosie! Hey, Rosie!

Janis! Wait a minute!

I won tickets on the ra... You won 'em too! Oh!

Come on!

And now, right now, from Paris, France, Good. Rub it in. Rub it in.

- Faster. Faster. Oh! here is Pierre Porlier and his performing poodles.

So let's really bring them on with a nice welcome, shall we? Come on.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Excuse me. I'm sorry. Excuse me.

Hey! Excuse me.

Pam! Rosie!

What are you doing here? Oh, I got this ticket.

Hey, get these mongrels off the stage! We wanna see some real entertainment.

I hate dogs, and I always have.


That's good. Oh... Ooh. Faster. Faster. Faster.

Oh, that's good. Now, get the ketchup. Get the ketchup.

Put a little ketchup on the side. Ketchup.

Smile. You're on Candid Camera!

Hey! Hey! Watch the birdie! Say "cheese"!

What are you doin'? What the hell are you doin'? Look. Don't worry.

I'll have these proofs sent to your house, and you and your wife can select the prints you'd like at your own convenience.

What are you doin' to me? What do you want? If you prefer to have the negatives... processed somewhere else, I'd be more than happy to sell them to you at the incredible discount rate... of only $50.

Fifty bucks? That's blackmail! Look, Al, I happen to be in a hurry.

Fine. Okay. Okay. Fifty bucks.

Smart move, Al.

You're never gonna regret this. You know, I'm lettin' you off easy.

Here's your film, Al.

You're not goin' anywhere with my money.

No! No! No!

Get your goddamn hands off her, you...

Audience Applauds]

Oh, Larry, you were just wonderful!

Let's get the hell out of here. Come on. Come on. Come on.

Just... Just sensational. I'll be right back with the Beatles... after this word about Aeroshave.

Now, ladies and gentlemen here in the studio audience, right after these commercial announcements, we're going to bring out the Beatles.

All right now. Just simmer down. Simmer down. Relax.

Let's just try to take it easy.


This thing handles pretty well.

Now, I wanna remind you... all you people... to keep your seats.

Remain seated for the entire show.

All of you stay in your seats, especially you folks up there in the balcony.

You... young man up there... would you please sit down there, please?

Who, me? Yes, you.

Now, will you please take off that ridiculous hat?

Okay, Ed. How can people behind s... be able to see with that ridiculous hat on there?

All right, Ed. Please. Let's have no more outbursts like that.

Let's set a nice example... Would you like me to take my coat off too?

All right. Take that off, too, but sit down, please.

Jesus Christ.


Come on! What do you think this is, a funeral or somethin'?

Larry, it's a red light!

I can see it's a red light!

We want the Beatles! We want the Beatles! Now, you promised.

You promised. Look, so far tonight, you've all been very well behaved.

Now, let's not spoil it. I don't wanna have to bring a barber out here.

That's right. I've got a barber standing byjust in case.

He's gonna come out and clip those youngsters with his clipper.

I'm not kidding. # Brylcreem, a little dab'll do ya #

# Brylcreem, you look so debonair #

# Brylcreem, the gals'll all pursue ya #

#They love to get their fingers in your hair ##

You nitwit!

Serves you right, you moron!

As pain mounts up, you feel dull, depressed, nerves on edge. Please get those title cards in focus.

You can't read this shit. How do I know which one's Ringo?

I think he plays the guitar. What guitar? There's three guitars.

Jesus Christ. I've got a headache that's gonna slam through my ears. Where the hell is Ed?

It's a one-way street! I'm only goin' one way.

You got the 50?

Yeah. Come on.

All right, kid. You're goin' down a one-way street the wrong way.

Let me see your license.

I haven't got a license. You don't have a license, huh? Then who belongs to this car?

It's my father's. Okay, kid.

You're gonna have to go down to the station house and call your old man from there. Out of the car.

Excuse me. Excuse me, Officer. This kid here...

This kid, he's... he's my boyfriend, and, um, I was just wondering... if there's any other way we could take care of this.

Driving without a license is a very serious offense.

I know, Officer, but, uh, you think his fine would be more than $50?

That sounds about right.

Well, um, Officer, my friend and I were both really in kind of a hurry.

And I was wondering... if we were to pay you the fine right now, do you think you could take care of it for us?

Well, it's an irregular procedure, but in this case, I'll make an exception.

Thank you.

All right, kid. I'm gonna give you a break this time. Thank you, sir.

But let this be a lesson to ya.

Thanks a lot, Grace. Forget it.

And, you know, all day yesterday and today, the theater's been absolutelyjammed with newspapermen... Oh, my God.

I'm gonna see Paul. And photographers, and they all agree there has never been anything... like the excitement caused by these... I'm gonna see Paul right here.

Stand by. One minute. When they come out there, I want you to keep that audio down, mister. I don't wanna see that needle...

Tony! Tony, don't do it!

Janis, what the hell do ya think you're doin'?

What do you think you're doing? I know what I'm doing.

I'm puttin' an end to this Beatles bullshit once and for all.

That's crazy, Tony! You could get electrocuted! You could blow this whole building up!

You might even get killed!

Yeah? Well, what about that scuzzy hair?

What if everybody starts runnin' around lookin' like that? Oh, please, Tony! Please!

Just listen to me for a minute. Forget it, Janis! Fifty million TV sets are all gonna go black, and there ain't a damn thing that you or anybody else can do about it!

Okay! All right!

You want 'em? You got 'em. You got 'em.

Oh, shit!

So now, ladies and gentlemen, here they are... the Beatles!

# She loves you yeah, yeah, yeah #

# She loves you yeah, yeah, yeah #

# She loves you yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah #

#You think you've lost your love #

#Well, I saw her yesterday #

#It's you she's thinkin'of and she told me what to say #

#She says she loves you #

#And you know that can't be bad #

# Yes, she loves you and you know you should be glad #

# She said you hurt her so #

# She almost lost her mind #

# But now she says she knows #

#You're not the hurting kind #

# She says she loves you and you know that can't be bad #

# Yes, she loves you and you know you should be glad #

#Whoo She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah #

#She loves you yeah, yeah, yeah #

#And with a love like that you know you should be glad #

#You know it's up to you #

# I think it's only fair #

#And pride can hurt you too #

#Apologize to her #

#Because she loves you and you know that can't be bad #

#She loves you and you know you should be glad #

# Ooh, she loves you yeah, yeah, yeah #

# She loves you yeah, yeah, yeah #

#With a love like that you know you should be glad #

# With a love like that you know you should be glad #

#With a love like that you know you should #

# Be glad #

# Yeah, yeah, yeah #

# Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ##

I can't believe this.

I'm gonna dedicate all those fine songs... toJohnny Carson, Randy Parr and Earl Wilson.

Just a reminder: The Beatles'll be back next week from Miami Beach.

Also, the fabulous Budapest Ballerinas, a young impressionist who does a great impression of me...

WillJordan... and a host of many, many fine acts.

Please drive carefully, and we'll see you again next week. Good night. Good night. Rosie. Rosie.

Rosie. Rosie.

What happened? What happened?

Rosie, you fainted. You missed the whole show.

I know. Come on. Let's get out of here.

It's all my fault. It's all my fault. Forget it. Forget it.

You could've got your pictures, and it's all my fault. Oh, for goodness sakes.

Let's just forget it, okay? Let's not even talk about it anymore.

Why don't we talk about something else?

Why don't we talk about that dance Friday night, Larry?

What time you wanna pick me up? You wanna go to the dance with me?

Sure. Yeah?

So then you're asking me? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. The Valentine's Dance, huh?

That'll be a gas.

Here comes the fuzz. I'm gonna be sick.

Lookit. You're on my hands. I'm not on your hands.

- This isn't the right car. This isn't the right car.

There it is! Their car! Never mind.

What are you staring at? Get these boys out ofhere.

Sure, mister. Sure. Did you hear me? For God's sake, get these boys out of here... before they're trampled to death.

Drive, Larry. Drive!

Oh, great.

Come on. Come on, driver. Would you give me a break?

Pull the choke.

Look! There they go! Hey, wait a minute.

That limo's gotJersey plates.

Nah. Couldn't be.

#She loves you yeah, yeah, yeah #

#She loves you yeah, yeah, yeah #

#She loves you yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah #

# You think you've lost your love #

# Well, I saw her yesterday #

#It's you she's thinkin'of and she told me what to say #

#She says she loves you and you know that can't be bad #

# Yes, she loves you and you know you should be glad #

#She said you hurt her so #

#She almost lost her mind #

#But now she says she knows #

# You're not the hurting kind #

#She says she loves you and you know that can't be bad #

# Yes, she loves you and you know you should be glad #

# Whoo She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah #

#She loves you yeah, yeah, yeah #

# With a love like that you know you should be glad #

# With a love like that you know you should be glad #

# With a love like that you know you should #

#Be glad #

# Yeah, yeah, yeah #

# Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ##