I Was at Home, But (2019) Script
ÿþI WAS AT HOME, BUT...
ÿþNor earth to me give food, ÿþnor heaven light!
ÿþSport and repose lock from me ÿþday and night!
ÿþTo desperation turn my trust and hope.
ÿþAn anchor's cheer in prison be my scope.
ÿþEach opposite, ÿþthat blanks the face of joy
ÿþmeet what I would have well ÿþand it destroy!
ÿþBoth here and hence, ÿþpursue me lasting strife
ÿþif, once a widow, ever I be wife!
ÿþTis deeply sworn.
ÿþSweet, leave me here awhile.
ÿþMy spirits grow dull
ÿþand fain I would beguile
ÿþthe tedious day with sleep.
ÿþSleep rock thy brain.
ÿþAnd never come mischance
ÿþbetween us twain.
ÿþI might have a bike.
ÿþWhat's it like?
ÿþTen gears. Silver.
ÿþShould we take a look?
ÿþNot now. I'll stay here.
ÿþI might need advice.
ÿþI have this jacket.
ÿþHello.
ÿþThis won't come clean.
ÿþI can't promise you anything.
ÿþWill you try?
ÿþYes.
ÿþWhen should I come?
ÿþThursday.
ÿþI hope it will come out. ÿþ-Goodbye.
ÿþIt looks really nice.
ÿþIt's in perfect condition.
ÿþAnd you want 80 Euros for it?
ÿþYes.
ÿþOkay, I'll give it a try.
ÿþIt's fine. I'll take it.
ÿþHe's back with me.
ÿþHe's back home.
ÿþHe's doing well.
ÿþFlo, please don't cry.
ÿþPlease don't cry.
ÿþFlo, stop crying.
ÿþIt's okay not to kick him out of school ÿþif we care.
ÿþSure.
ÿþI don't get it.
ÿþDo you want him to go or to stay? ÿþ-To stay.
ÿþI just want to point out ÿþthat I don't think he needs our care.
ÿþWe still have to react in some way.
ÿþYou want to be needed. I see.
ÿþI want to be needed too.
ÿþMe too.
ÿþI don't want to be ÿþmore boring than my pupils.
ÿþOr you want pupils as boring as you are? ÿþ-Exactly.
ÿþAre we going to decide or go home to bed?
ÿþIt's me. Am I going to see you later?
ÿþNo.
ÿþPlease.
ÿþNo, Lars.
ÿþLars?
ÿþYes, I'm here.
ÿþHow old is she now? ÿþ-Three and a half weeks.
ÿþYing-Li is doing well? ÿþ-Yes, very well.
ÿþHave her parents been to visit?
ÿþNo, it's all a bit uncertain.
ÿþShe and the baby might fly over.
ÿþOr we both will, in the holidays.
ÿþWell see.
ÿþAre you honest?
ÿþMy lord?
ÿþAre you fair?
ÿþWhat means your Lordship?
ÿþThat if you be honest and fair, ÿþyour honesty should admit ÿþno discourse to your beauty.
ÿþI did love you once.
ÿþIndeed, my lord, ÿþyou made me believe so.
ÿþYou should not have believed me.
ÿþI loved you not.
ÿþI was the more deceived.
ÿþYes?
ÿþHello, it's Astrid.
ÿþI've come back about the bike.
ÿþI bought your bike.
ÿþCan you hear me?
ÿþHello?
ÿþMr Meissner?
ÿþYes?
ÿþIt's Astrid.
ÿþThe bike. You remember?
ÿþCould you come out here?
ÿþHello.
ÿþI've brought your bike back.
ÿþThe back wheel gets jammed and it skips ÿþfrom one gear to the next on its own.
ÿþThe ad said it had been reconditioned ÿþbut it's junk.
ÿþPlease take it back.
ÿþMr Meissner, please take it back.
ÿþIt doesn't work properly. ÿþI bought it under mistaken premises.
ÿþcan repair it.
ÿþI'd be happy to do that.
ÿþMr Meissner, I don't have time!
ÿþI don't need a bike that doesn't work.
ÿþIt hadn't been reconditioned. ÿþYou deceived me.
ÿþVoila!
ÿþNo, I don't want the bike anymore.
ÿþI believe that it'll work now but I can't ÿþkeep coming here to get it fixed.
ÿþYou won't have to do that.
ÿþIt works fine again now.
ÿþBut I don't want it!
ÿþI made a mistake. Mr Meissner!
ÿþIf what you say is true ÿþyou can sell it again.
ÿþI've already removed ÿþthe advertisement though.
ÿþPut it back in.
ÿþI can't do that.
ÿþI need help
ÿþand my friend isn't here at the moment.
ÿþYour friend?
ÿþI'll leave you the new saddle ÿþthen you make a profit.
ÿþWhere's the old one?
ÿþWhat? ÿþ-Where is the old saddle?
ÿþI don't have it. The new one is better.
ÿþIt isn't junk.
ÿþNo, it's not junk. ÿþI'm sorry I said it's junk.
ÿþBut it caused me lots of stress ÿþand the gears don't work either.
ÿþOkay.
ÿþI'll take the time ÿþto have a proper look at that.
ÿþMeaning
ÿþI'll make sure ÿþthat it works properly again.
ÿþNo!
ÿþYou bought it.
ÿþI know. I made a mistake.
ÿþI don't understand ÿþwhy you won't take it back.
ÿþIf what you say is true ÿþand it's a good bike
ÿþyou'll sell it again quickly.
ÿþI don't have your money anymore.
ÿþOkay. Goodbye.
ÿþI can get it to you next week.
ÿþYeah?
I ÿþcan transfer the money to you.
ÿþReally? ÿþThen I'll give you my account number.
ÿþHello.
ÿþHello.
ÿþHow are you?
ÿþFine, thanks.
ÿþPhillip doesn't know I'm here.
ÿþcame here without planning to.
ÿþI wanted to tell you..
ÿþall of you...
ÿþI keep imagining you talking about him
ÿþand it's torture.
ÿþI know you have to make ÿþan informed judgement, but...
ÿþthat doesn't seem possible to me
ÿþas any judgement ÿþis unthinkable or wrong
ÿþand I'm sorry I'm confronting you ÿþwith a problem I can't solve,
ÿþbut I came because...
ÿþI don't think anyone can understand ÿþsomething they have never felt
ÿþthat hasn't affected them personally.
ÿþI know I can't influence your decision.
ÿþI came because I fear for my son ÿþas I worry he will be treated unfairly
ÿþbecause this child, my son...
ÿþMy whole life is in his hands, ÿþas is the life of his sister, ÿþalthough it's in my hands too, but...
ÿþit has to do with the fact he's a man
ÿþor is becoming one.
ÿþThere's no word for that state of ÿþbecoming and being at the same time.
ÿþAt the same time. ÿþI see it...
ÿþI would like to ask you not to worry.
ÿþIf that's at all possible.
ÿþTo worry?
ÿþYes...
ÿþI think it's stupid that I came here.
ÿþI'm not sure... ÿþHow does one talk to a radiator?
ÿþNo, a radiator....
ÿþis something else.
ÿþI'm glad you're his class teacher.
ÿþGoodbye.
ÿþWe're looking for Phillip.
ÿþIs that the boy with sepsis?
ÿþHe's having surgery.
ÿþHi.
ÿþWhat are you doing
ÿþHey?
ÿþNothing.
ÿþHow was your match? ÿþ-I lost.
ÿþYou lost?
ÿþSix to three, six to seven, three to six.
ÿþwas pretty good ÿþbut the other guy was better.
ÿþI'm exhausted.
ÿþI understand.
ÿþI have to sleep.
ÿþsee you tomorrow?
ÿþThat'd be nice.
ÿþHello.
ÿþDo you live here?
ÿþOnly when I'm here in Berlin.
ÿþBecause you have a bike, I mean.
ÿþI borrowed it.
ÿþShe's lovely. ÿþ-Yes.
ÿþGood luck with the professorship.
ÿþThanks. I haven't heard yet. ÿþ- It usually takes a while.
ÿþActing is liberation, ÿþand staging death is deliverance from it, ÿþsays the director, ÿþthought what he knows is irrelevant.
ÿþThat's why I think theatre ÿþis the opposite of death in a way.
ÿþSo acting, when an actor acts, ÿþit's always a lie
ÿþbecause he's doing something unnecessary, ÿþthat isn't natural ÿþ but rather something he decides to do
ÿþbecause the director wants it, ÿþthe script says so, ÿþor because he just had he idea himself.
ÿþBut it's very rare that we see an actor ÿþ or dancer do what they really have to do
ÿþbecause, although it's not impossible, ÿþwe just never see it
ÿþand that's why I find it odd ÿþto place a terminally ill person, ÿþwho knows, who really knows ÿþ they're going to die soon... to place that person, opposite an actor.
ÿþThe gravity that's seized ÿþthe ill person, ÿþthe undeniable truth ÿþplain to see on their person, ÿþcontrasts so starkly ÿþwith the actor who only pretends, ÿþwho is a master liar ÿþwith every fibre of their being, ÿþwho sees it as their duty ÿþto use their body to tell lies.
ÿþI didn't see the rest of your film ÿþbecause I had to go
ÿþbut that moment where the dancer, whose ÿþonly concern is controlling her body
ÿþmeets the sick woman, who has understood ÿþthere's nothing she can control, ÿþand is therefore much more "body" ÿþthan the dancer...
ÿþBecause she knows ÿþthat she's going to die, ÿþthat she is at the mercy of her body, ÿþthat she is her body, ÿþshe has actually achieved the dancer's ÿþgoal of being nothing but body.
ÿþWhile the dancer tries with control, ÿþactually the opposite is true:
ÿþthe truth only reveals itself ÿþwhen you are forced to lose control.
ÿþSo the dancer is just pretending, ÿþit's all pretend, ÿþwhile the ill woman ÿþcan't pretend a thing.
ÿþI mean, in that encounter between them ÿþyou see how hollow and empty acting is.
ÿþWhen the dancer touches ÿþthe woman and smiles, ÿþit's not two people meeting, ÿþit's false meeting true, ÿþfalse smile versus true smile, ÿþand so the encounter means nothing
ÿþbecause false is always stronger
ÿþand one false moment ÿþruins the whole thing.
ÿþIt's like food, ÿþyou've got a great dish, ÿþbut one false spice, or too much of it, ÿþand the whole thing is ruined.
ÿþIt's not a great analogy, ÿþbut do you get it?
ÿþMaybe you have to watch the entire film.
ÿþYes. Yes, I will watch it.
ÿþI only saw the bit you mentioned.
ÿþI'm sorry that I got so excited about it.
ÿþDo you have much to do with theatre?
ÿþNot at all. ÿþI hardly go to the theatre now.
ÿþBut my children's dad ÿþwas a theatre director.
ÿþHe died two years ago.
ÿþI understand.
ÿþWhat? What do you understand?
ÿþWhy you react like that.
Why do I react like that?
It's your own personal truth.
ÿþThe people... who are sick
ÿþgot a lot out of meeting the artists.
ÿþFor me, the dancers ÿþand the actors are artists.
ÿþI get that. But it wasn't a social project.
ÿþThat's not what you were doing.
ÿþNo.
I wanted to do it
ÿþbecause I was interested in the people.
ÿþBut not because ÿþI was trying to help them.
ÿþI'm not a therapist
ÿþBut when you actually do it, ÿþwhen you're working on a film with other people, ÿþthen it does become important
ÿþhow the work affects those people.
ÿþWhat it means to them.
Whether they ÿþhave the feeling thÿþat the things that are being ÿþexpected of them mean something to them.
And that was the case. There was meaning.
The sick people we worked with confirmed that.
And that's something I sensed as well.
Those encounters, that physical contact, were important.
Something new, something different. Yes. I believe that.
ÿþBut that's a different matter.
But I do get it. Of course it has meaning, or can have.
And that's great,
but if I'm just someone at the cinema, then I don't care about that and I don't like when a lie meets the truth and makes it look silly
ÿþbecause the people who meet... because the people who meet don't share a common truth.
I think art, including performance art, is always an encounter between two things that transform as a result of that encounter and there are elements that meet but nothing happens.
Nothing emerges. They don't transform. Like oil and water?
They can't mix. It's just theory. You were exploring a theory.
You can do that, but then it's based only on an idea, not experience.
Never mind. I shouldn't be so upset because you didn't hurt me.
ÿþIt's okay. ÿþ-It's an experiment
ÿþand I get that you wanted to try it.
ÿþAnd in your eyes the experiment failed. ÿþ- Yes!
ÿþIn mine it didn't. Okay! ÿþ
If you don't have a problem filming an actor on stage like it's real life, then you don't have a problem.
There are wonderful moments at the start
ÿþwhere you show what life is, ÿþlike the amazing scene where the old ÿþwoman gets up in the morning.
How you did that is pure art: it only exists because you did it.
The colours, the light, the movement of the body, the bed as a place where we sleep, that we have to leave in the morning, all of us, through our entire lives, ÿþunless you live in the woods
ÿþwhere there are no beds, just earth ÿþto which we must return one day.
ÿþThat's why you already seek the earth ÿþand reject the soft warm bed
ÿþso as not to forget that one day ÿþthe body will, without a doubt,
reunite with it.
But... that's not what I wanted to say.
I assume you sleep in a bed, not in the woods.
This encounter with the "artists"... And you might as well call them that
ÿþthough it means different things ÿþto everyone as all words do.
It's amazing we even expect to be understood, ÿþyet words just come pouring out.
ÿþThe artists meeting sick people ÿþwas unbearably bad cinema!
ÿþDo you understand?
I understood that some time ago. Right!
ÿþWhat did you call it? Personal truth?
ÿþShould I choke on my own truth?
ÿþYou don't want to be alone with your truth, you want to share it with others! Although that's nonsense.
An opinion can be shared, but opinion isn't truth. but okay....
But I still think it'd be great if you get the professorship.
I find you quite likeable. We'll see.
The others were keen, though, as I'm sure you noticed.
ÿþWhere are we going now?
Nowhere.
I live over there.
ÿþThankyou. That was helpful. My pleasure.
ÿþI talked your ear off. I'm sorry.
ÿþSometimes I think I'm going mad.
ÿþNo, no. It was interesting.
ÿþAre you staying here on ÿþ-One month.
ÿþYou chose the grey Berlin winter.
ÿþYes.
Take ÿþcare. And don't be cross with me.
ÿþI hope to see you again.
ÿþGoodbye. Take care.
ÿþFlo, you're not supposed to cook alone!
ÿþMum ÿþ-Damn it!
ÿþMum, nothing happened. ÿþ-I don't want you to turn on the stove!
ÿþDo something else! ÿþMake toast or something
ÿþDo you understand me? ÿþ-Yes.
ÿþLeave it! You'll make a bigger mess
ÿþGo away
ÿþDon't act like you need protecting ÿþI won't do anything to you!
ÿþDo you want something
ÿþFlo, eat if you're hungry! ÿþ-I'm not hungry.
ÿþMum, you eat one.
ÿþI have to get this clean.
ÿþLeave me!
ÿþStop it, Phillip!
ÿþLeave me be! Please!
ÿþGet out!
ÿþOut!
ÿþBoth of you, out!
ÿþOut!
ÿþGet out!
ÿþGet lost! Get out of here!
ÿþWhen will I see you again?
ÿþTomorrow?
ÿþWhat are you doing tonight?
ÿþGoing to dinner with my dad.
ÿþJust the two of you?
ÿþYes.
ÿþI want him to give me money.
ÿþFor the app? ÿþ-Yes.
ÿþIt's not much. Eight thousand.
ÿþWill that be enough?
ÿþFor the time being.
ÿþWhat's it like having a rich dad?
ÿþNormal.
ÿþIt is what it is.
ÿþWhere are you eating
ÿþI don't know. He wants steak.
ÿþSteak...
ÿþYou could..
ÿþWe'll find something.
ÿþHello? ÿþmy name...
ÿþSorry? ÿþ-You can come get the money.
ÿþGet it?
ÿþMeissner, hello?
ÿþYes. Sorry.
ÿþWhen are you at home today? ÿþ-Today.
ÿþIs the speaker broken?
ÿþThe bike guy's giving me the money back.
ÿþGreat!
ÿþWhere are you going to get a bike?
ÿþYou could take it back if he's fixed it.
ÿþYou're joking
ÿþI don't want that bike.
ÿþBye. ÿþ-Bye.
ÿþWhen in your motion you are hot and dry
ÿþas make your bouts more violent ÿþto that end
ÿþand that he calls for drink ÿþI'll have prepared him
ÿþa chalice for the nonce, ÿþwhereon but sipping
ÿþif he by chance escape your venom'd stuck
ÿþour purpose may hold there.
ÿþWhat is that noise?
ÿþOne woe doth tread upon another's heel.
ÿþLaertes, ÿþyour sister's drown'd.
ÿþDrown'd
ÿþO, where?
ÿþThere is a willow grows aslant a brook, ÿþthat shows his hoar leaves ÿþin the glassy stream.
ÿþThere with fantastic garlands ÿþdid she come
ÿþof crowflowers
ÿþnettles, and long purples, ÿþthat liberal shepherds ÿþgive a grosser name, ÿþbut our cold maids
ÿþdo dead men's fingers call them.
ÿþThere, on the pendant boughs ÿþher coronet weeds
ÿþclambering to hang, ÿþan envious silver broke.
ÿþWhen down her weedy trophies ÿþand herself fell
ÿþin the weeping brook.
ÿþHer clothes spread wide
ÿþand, mermaid-like ÿþawhile they bore her up, ÿþwhich time she chanted ÿþsnatches of old tunes
ÿþas one incapable of her own distress, ÿþor like a creature native and induc'd
ÿþunto that element.
ÿþBut long it could not be
ÿþtill that her garments, ÿþheavy with their drink, ÿþpull'd the poor wretch ÿþfrom her melodious lay
ÿþto muddy death.
ÿþAlas, then
ÿþshe is drown'd?
ÿþDrown'd, ÿþdrown'd.
ÿþAre you staying? ÿþ-Should I?
ÿþI have to go shopping. ÿþ-Stay a bit.
ÿþRight? You want her to watch? ÿþ-Yes!
ÿþSit.
ÿþExcuse me!
ÿþI want a crate of these. ÿþThere are only single bottles inside.
ÿþThank you.
ÿþWho are you
ÿþGet out of here.
ÿþGet lost.
ÿþNow get out of here.
ÿþCome on.
ÿþAll the creatures in the world.
ÿþIt's too much for me.
ÿþHow can I determine between good and bad?
ÿþAren't they all the same?
ÿþAnd then, in this mass ÿþof senseless creatures...
ÿþa child.
ÿþOne that only exists ÿþbecause you and I wanted it.
ÿþIt seems crazy.
ÿþIf everyone's crazy, why can't we be too?
ÿþIsn't it enough that we know each other?
ÿþI'm scared of vanishing.
ÿþThen there'll be nothing left.
ÿþI'll hold you.
ÿþHow much longer?
ÿþIt's hard to believe you love me ÿþif you don't want a child.
ÿþI understand. ÿþ-Do you love me?
ÿþI think I do. ÿþ-You think so?
ÿþHow can I know? ÿþ-I know that I love you.
ÿþI feel that I have to be lonely.
ÿþA person who is lonely and has nothing.
ÿþWhen I see you or think of you ÿþI feel loved.
ÿþBut that doesn't alter the fact ÿþthat I'm alone.
ÿþHaving a child wouldn't change that.
ÿþWhat do you mean?
ÿþThere's a reason why we're here.
ÿþA mission.
ÿþWhat kind of mission is that? ÿþBeing lonely and alone?
ÿþWho does it help?
ÿþWhat does it achieve?
ÿþI don't know.
ÿþIt's just a feeling.
ÿþHow does it feel?
ÿþI don't know.
ÿþI feel it very deeply.
ÿþBut is it good? Does it feel good?
ÿþGood?
ÿþ
ÿþI am steeped in loneliness.
ÿþIn loneliness?
ÿþThat's not true.
ÿþThat's horrible.
ÿþIt's a nightmare.
ÿþI couldn't be anyone's wife. ÿþThat's not my mission.
ÿþStop talking about a silly mission. ÿþ-What?
ÿþYou're convincing yourself of it.
ÿþOkay, you want to be alone. ÿþBut that's not a mission.
ÿþWhat's the goal?
ÿþI don't know. I already told you that.
ÿþI just want to be ready. ÿþ-Ready for what?
ÿþLars, can't you hear? I don't know!
ÿþWe don't have forever, you know?
ÿþBut you think you love me.
ÿþOkay.
ÿþCome for the third, Laertes. ÿþYou but dally.
ÿþI pray you, pass with your best violence. ÿþI am afeard you make a wanton of me.
ÿþSay you so? Come on.
ÿþNothing, neither way.
ÿþHave at you now!
ÿþLook to the queen there, ho!
ÿþHow does the queen?
ÿþShe swoons to see them bleed.
ÿþNo, no! The drink!
ÿþThe drink!
ÿþO my dear Hamlet! The drink!
ÿþI am poison'd.
ÿþO villainy!
ÿþHo! Let the door be lock'd.
ÿþHamlet, ÿþthou art slain.
ÿþNo medicine in the world
ÿþcan do thee good.
ÿþIn thee
ÿþis not half an hour of life.
ÿþThe treacherous instrument
ÿþis in thy hand.
ÿþUnbated
ÿþand envenom'd.
ÿþThe foul practice
ÿþhath turned itself on me.
ÿþLo!
ÿþHere I lie
ÿþnever to rise again.
ÿþThe point envenom'd.
ÿþThe king!
ÿþThe king's to blame.
ÿþThe point envenom'd too!
ÿþThen, venom, to thy work.
ÿþTreason
ÿþTreason
ÿþO, yet defend me, friends. I am but hurt.
ÿþIncestuous, murderous
ÿþdamned Dane!
ÿþDrink off this potion. ÿþIs thy union here?
ÿþFollow my mother.
ÿþHoratio, I am dead.
ÿþThou liv'st.
ÿþReport me and my cause aright.
ÿþTo the unsatisfied.
ÿþNever believe it.
ÿþI swear it.
ÿþHere's yet some liquor left.
ÿþGive me the cup.
ÿþLet go, by heaven.
ÿþIf thou didst ever hold me in thy heart,
ÿþabsent thee from felicity awhile
ÿþand in this harsh world
ÿþdraw thy breath in pain
ÿþto tell my story.
ÿþWhat noise is this?
ÿþSo warlike.
ÿþYoung Fortinbras, ÿþwith conquest come from Poland
ÿþto the ambassadors of England ÿþgives this warlike volley.
ÿþO, I die, Horatio.
ÿþThe potent poison
ÿþquite o'er-crows my spirit.
ÿþI cannot live to hear the news
ÿþfrom England.
ÿþBut I do prophesy
ÿþthe election lights
ÿþon Fortinbras.
ÿþHe has my dying voice.
ÿþSo tell him.
ÿþWith the occurrents, more or less.
ÿþwhich have solicited.
ÿþThe rest... is silence.
ÿþNow cracks a noble heart.
ÿþGoodnight, sweet prince.
ÿþAnd flights of angels ÿþsing thee to thy rest.