Did you blow the candles out downstairs?
Look at this.
A Thanksgiving cornucopia made of pie plates and spackle.
What the heck is a cornucopia? lt's like a horn of plenty.
Oh, dear, can't it wait?
We just finished decorating for Halloween.
-Well, good night. -Night.
Just a prank, that's all. Anton.
Our little Scooter would never do something like that.
Quit calling him that baby name.
Anton would not scoot his behind off the couch if the house was on fire.
God knows he didn't help me with the Halloween decorations.
Did you hear that? l heard something downstairs.
Well, the dog's out in the yard. lt's probably just the cat.
Well, go see!
Gary, you said you--
The house could burn down!
Anton, is that you?
If you'd like to make a call, hang up and try again.
If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator.
Hey, Mom! We're out of milk!
Mom, we're out of dog food!
Murder in Bolan.: Aa Special Report.
Four bodies have been found. The killer is still at large.
Bolan is gripped with fear.
The killings spread from a postal route...
... to the bowling alley and now to our own Burger Jungle.
With Halloween only one day away...
...Bolan officials have set a 9 p.m. curfew for all teenagers.
Hey. What's up, man?
-What's up with you? -l'm dry.
-So? -So why don't you bring me a dimer?
This ain't Domino's, you lazy bitch. Come over and get it.
Come on, man. l'm comfortable.
What's up, Anton?
Yeah? lf your mom had teeth, she wouldn't suck dick so well.
What's your point?
What's up, Anton?
How's it going, brother?
Pass the chronic. l'm sorry, man. This bong is cashed.
You said he was holding. l didn't say what l was holding.
That's messed up. l hear if you combine nutmeg and oregano, you can get pretty wasted.
All you do is smoke pot...
...and watch TV all day.
Don't get me wrong. That's what life is all about.
But don't you think you should have some ambition, a goal?
Yeah. l mean, my dream life would be...
...to lie around and watch TV while some hot broad delivers me food.
Until your parents kick your oily ass out. l haven't seen my parents in a few days.
Maybe they're dead. Party at Anton's.
What are you doing?
With a killer loose, you can't rule out murder.
Don't you watch the news? l hate that fucking show.
Our little town is in the national spotlight.
Local mailman, iced.
Barmaid at the bowling alley, iced.
You haven't heard about the twins?
They were jerking off in the milkshake-maker again? lced times two. Last night, when they were working at Burger Jungle.
Anton, here comes your woman.
He's got serious problems.
Molly's lived across the street for, like, what, ever?
Tell her about your obsession with her.
-Start by telling her your name. -Yeah, man. She's waiting for you.
She's not waiting for me.
Would you stop being such a puss and go, like, ask her to the dance?
What dance? lf you'd been to school recently, you'd know.
Halloween thing in the gym?
9:00 curfew? No trick-or-treating allowed?
Dumb-ass dance is the only option.
You guys going?
Hell, no. Can you see us in stupid-ass costumes?
Grooving to Hanson and Jewel?
What do we look like, total losers, man?
l see your point.
She dropped her lyrics book.
She'll catch you reading that over her shoulder in biology.
Her songs are badass. She's like a poet or something.
Go bring it back to her. Be like a knight in shining armour.
She'd be all grateful, invite me in, offer me a drink, l'd accept.
She'd rip your clothes off...
...and make sweet love to you, Red Shoe Diary-style.
-Right. -Could happen.
Just go talk to her, man!
Maybe she'll think you're funny or something.
You know what? l think l'm going to.
You want to borrow some pants, chief?
First impressions and all.
You're a bud.
Think he's gonna do it?
So you gotta reach.
You're getting Cheezy Poofs everywhere.
You gotta open your mouth, man.
Lookie what l found. l thought you were dry. l guess not.
Fire me up.
These are great.
Thank you so much...
...for returning it.
You're certain this is the right man?
Well, l'll tell you, Sister Liquor--
-Debi's fine. -All right, Sister Debi.
He's right here.
Missed it again.
Where did it go?
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
You got a reason for prowling around here? l live here.
Since when is it illegal to grocery shop?
Hey, l know you guys.
You guys were seniors when l was a freshman.
Let's talk about high school.
You and your stoner friends zipping around on skateboards.
Thought you were too cool for us.
Did you even once invite us to get high behind the gym?
You were dorks.
Either of you holding?
What? l'm desperate. l know you can get in the evidence room--
You asshole! You're trying to score from a cop?
That's it. Complete personal-effects search.
Stupid, that's an asthma inhaler.
Empty your pockets, boy.
They're not my pants.
George found a new home.
What have we here?
Smells like marijuana to me.
Write it up, Ruck.
What? lt's empty.
You can't cite me for possession of a baggie.
Two hundred dollars.
Oh, shit! The killer's here!
The killer's in my house!
Everything's gonna be okay. Come on, come on.
Everything's going to be fine.
Yes, it is.
All right, boy.
He's not dead!
Duke! Come on, lay down!
Get down, Duke!
Hold on, Duke. Hold on.
Where's the phone?
Run, Duke, run!
He's under the bed!
What's the matter? Bad shrooms?
You got a fever? Here you go. l'm going to show you.
Oh, man! l love this video. l didn't think they could show it anymore.
Someone killed my parents!
This is the best part.
Shake them, baby.
-Shit! -Yeah, you see?
ls this some kind of Halloween gag? Your parents always go all out.
What the fuck are you doing? That's my dad!
CPR, man. l saw it on Baywatch.
Check it out.
''Ant''? They were killed by ants?
Please, don't be stupid.
Do you have an evil aunt?
Are those ears?
They're both lefts.
You know what that means.
The killer was wearing your shirt.
The killer was wearing me.
l'm the killer.
l'm gonna call 91 1 .
What's the number?
There's something wrong with my friend. l think he took some nutmeg or something.
-l would remember something like that. -You would. l'm not the killer. You know?
Yeah, l know. But if O.J. could get off, then l'm sure--
Do you want a beer?
-No, thanks. -You sure?
Talk to me!
What the hell is happening to me?
Pnub, man. l didn't do it.
Okay, l did it. But it was an accident. l can't believe you told me to smoke that shit!
Okay, Anton. l have to leave now.
Yeah, that's probably a good idea.
lt's the basement! You can't get out that way!
Why are you doing this? l don't know! lt's me, Pnub! Your buddy! l know who you are. l don't want to hurt you.
lt's not me! lt's my hand! lt's like l have no control over my hand!
l don't know how long l can hold it. Run!
Get out of my way!
lt's going to be okay. l won't tell anybody. l swear.
Everything will be cool.
Everything will be...
What have l done?
What have l done?
Get out of here, Bones!
Here, kitty, kitty.
Aren't you a little old for ding-dong ditch?
Sorry about your bush.
What were you doing out there anyway?
Jesus, look at you!
l was looking for my cat.
We got in a fight.
You sure got your ass kicked. l did okay.
So you ran and hid in my bush.
l shouldn't be here. l'm not myself today. l'm someone completely different.
You're so shy. lt's okay. l get it.
So let's skip this chickening-out, sneaking-around stage.
No, you don't understand. l'm--
Do you want to come inside and talk?
You never gave me a chance to thank you. That book is important to me.
...nothing cooler than a chick bass-guitar player.
Especially one that writes her own lyrics.
You read them? l couldn't help looking in the book. They're amazing.
Look, l even got my favourites memorized.
Devil girl with nothing to lose She got wind in her hair Aand gum on her shoes
l was 1 3 when l wrote that.
l should not be here, Molly.
Safer in here than on the streets. There's a killer out there.
That's exactly what l'm saying. l'm dangerous.
l'm not kidding. l've done stuff, you know?
l'm impressed. l never would've thought you'd have the balls to just grab me like that.
Move it, people! Let's go!
Some of us are on serious missions here.
There's evil out there, and I gotta kick its ass!
Shit, my parents are home. We'll have to pick this up later.
My parents might take offense to some bloody boy banging their daughter.
-You want to see me? -Come by at 7.
The curfew's annihilated our options, but we can go to the dance. l thought you said the streets weren't safe. l'll protect you.
...we're gathered here today because you're all dead.
And it's my fault.
...what can l say? l mean...
...you brought me into this world...
...you put a roof over my head, you fed me until l killed you. lf you look at it that way, l haven't been a good son, but l'm really...
...really, really sorry.
And wherever you are...
...l just want you to forgive me...
...because l'm gonna try to change.
You guys were the greatest. l'm never going to forget...
...the way we sat around all day, watched TV and got really stoned.
And all those other times where we just....
l guess that's all we did.
Anton, help me.
Come on, man. l can't breathe down here.
Anton, can you hear me?
Yeah, man, Mick.
Now get me out of here.
No, l'm not.
You conked my head pretty good. l must've been unconscious.
-You think? -l know, fucker. Now dig me up!
Stay where you are, Mick!
Please don't kill me.
Watch it, man!
What did l take last night?
That dream was intense. lntense.
-Turn it up. Check it out. -Yeah, l'm watching.
Did you see?
-Guys! -That's funny.
Thank God you're alive, because l had this dream that l killed--
Sorry about that thing with the shovel.
-You're dead. -Easy, tiger.
You said you were unconscious. You lied.
You killed me, all right? Try and keep this thing in perspective. l was bitter about the getting-killed-by-my-best-friend thing.
But l got over it.
So why you here?
We need a place to kick it.
Don't be selfish. No one else's parents are dead.
No, not why are you '' here'' here. l mean...
...are you flesh-eating zombies back from hell to exact revenge? ls that it?
Why would we go to hell?
We're not bad. lt's not like we're good, but at least we don't kill people! l didn't kill anybody on purpose.
Yeah, well, we weren't in hell.
There was this bright light at the end of a long tunnel.
There were all these chicks' voices. And that music.
Kind of uncool music, like Enya.
And these chicks were saying...
...'' Come to us. Come towards the light.''
So what happened?
We figured, fuck it. l mean, it was really far.
l've got to ask. What's with the hand?
lt doesn't obey me at all.
The only thing l can come up with is, it's possessed.
Do you guys know anything about Satan or evil or...?
But we know somebody who does.
Did you know them well?
Yeah, they were great. l just feel really bad, you know, because l was always so mean to them.
Like this one time, they asked me to go on a double-date...
...and l thought they were 'tards, because there's only one of me.
So l told them to go blow each other.
The way you treated them...
...the guilt must be making you feel like shit inside.
You're still in high school?
Yeah, me, l got out about three years ago. l need your help.
What are you playing, a little two-ball? l gotta talk to you. There's serious stuff going on.
Anton, can't you see l'm getting a little action over here?
Oh, man. l can't believe you cock-blocked me like that. l thought we were buds.
Randy, wait! l didn't mean to mess you up. Listen. l need your help.
Hey! Who are you?
New. Drive-thru duty.
-Break time. -All right.
Give me the Big Five with the Spicy Safari Fries...
...the African Apple Turnover...
...and the Raspberry Rainforest Shake.
Slap some extra mustard on that Jungle Burger.
Tell me everything you know about the devil.
Aare you out of your fucking mind?
You listen to satanic music. You must've picked up something.
Look, it's just music.
Like Mozart and that other fag....
Keep it clean.
That's the guy. It's just like their music, only louder.
You gotta know. l'm desperate.
lt's my hand. lt's like it's got a mind of its own. lt makes me do things l don't want it to do. l used to be like that.
Get into all kinds of stupid shit.
Look, the trick is...
...to keep yourself busy.
That's why l'm always working on the Ford.
Keeps me out of trouble. ldle hands are the devil's playground.
Keep my hands busy.
Yeah, that actually makes sense.
Thanks. You're the coolest.
So do you, like, knit now?
Don't take this the wrong way, but you look queer doing that.
Randy broke it down for me.
'' ldle hands are the devil's playpen.'' So l'm thinking...
...keep my hands occupied, right?
Man, that saying's not literal. lt's more like...
This is the noise complaint.
Ain't this the Tobias residence?
Holy shit! lt's Anton. He's the killer!
-l better call for backup. -Are you crazy?
And let the feds get the credit? lf we collar him, we'll be heroes.
We can't go in without a warrant.
Piss on the Bill of Rights! We got just cause.
...what do l do? l think you--
l was gonna say to do what they tell you...
...but now l changed my mind.
You should just kill them.
-They're alive! -They are not!
You shot one in the head! They're morgue-meat.
Look, guys. l don't want to kill anybody else.
You don't want to go to jail, though.
Jail. That's it!
They'll throw me in a rubber room. l can't hurt anybody else.
...drop the knitting needles.
That's not a good idea. Why don't you just cuff me?
Drop the needles and put your hands on your head! l can't!
Put down the needles and come quietly.
-Cuff me! -Put the needles down now!
-Cuff me! -Put them down!
-Put them down! -Cuff me!
Go, go, Buffalo!
Stop! l didn't do it. lt was my hand. lt's like, the knitting didn't help at all. l told you that saying was more, like, metaphorical.
l can't keep doing this! l'm losing my mind.
Get your head.
No way. lt's the only thing l can think of.
Once that hand is gone, how will you cut off the other one?
The left one's a keeper. l mean, l guess it wasn't idle enough.
Are you sure? l use it for a lot of things. l light up, l change the remote...
...l relieve a little tension.
This is the answer. l know it.
Those things won't even cut my bagel.
Grab the carver.
Look at me! l'm Leatherface!
l'll just use this one. l can't watch.
Don't cut me, man!
You scream like a girl.
What the hell are you doing?
l gotta stop the blood flow. Don't you watch ER?
Look at that nasty thing. That's gonna be infected for sure.
You got any antiseptic, Anton? l don't know.
Pnub's got some in a first-aid kit in his house.
You'll be okay, buddy.
We'll be back in a sec to fix you up, Anton.
Catch you on the flip-flop.
Anton, are you home?
Don't come in! Just stay there, okay?
Very funny, Anton.
Stay out there, Molly! l'm freezing my butt off.
Anton, we're gonna be late.
Anton, l can hear you in there!
Come on, Anton!
Let's go! We're gonna be late!
We're gonna miss the band.
Anton, l'm coming in.
You look incredible.
Thanks. But you should've called. lf you needed more time with your costume, fine. But l hate waiting.
So what are you supposed to be, anyway?
...a fast-food employee that cut off his own hand.
Anton, we're back!
We got antiseptic and adhesive bandages!
The ouch-free kind!
'' Microwave for three minutes and enjoy.''
That's really getting on my nerves.
What are you doing?
Yeah. That's better.
Maybe we should clean it first.
Hey, yeah! And while we're at it, we can clean the whole house.
This ain't our mess.
Look, l can't go to the dance yet, okay? l'm sorry.
My parents will be home in a few minutes. lf they see the mess l made, they'll kill me.
Look, l won't be too long. l'll meet you there. ls something wrong?
You need to go there now...
...and you can't stop till you're inside with everyone else, okay?
You wouldn't stand me up, would you?
Not a chance, babysnakes.
l'll get the next one.
Shit! l bit my tongue.
l bet l can fix that for you.
Wait, wait! Don't open it! l'm sorry, there were only two.
No! You let the hand out!
We brought you a first-aid kit.
-Where did it go? -What? You mean the hand?
Of course, the hand.
Try looking up your ass.
Looking for a ball?
Because l could help you find one that's the right size for you.
What the hell?
Try and keep up. l'd be happy to keep up with you, sweet thing.
Don't you have a dance to go to?
That's right. We gotta do our costumes.
-You coming, Randy? -No. l think l can find myself a ride.
So what brings you to Bolan?
You don't want to know.
No, seriously. l'm interested.
Here it goes. l'm a Druidic priestess sworn to fight a certain evil force...
...that possesses the laziest fuckup it can find. lt will kill as many people as possible...
...and then drag a free soul into the Netherworld.
That's some weighty shit there.
Here's the kicker. l have the one thing that can stop this from happening. l just need to find the bastard whose hand is possessed.
Earlier today, this guy, Anton, told me his hand was doing stuff...
...that he didn't want it to do.
Don't you fuck with me!
Ease up, there, kitten. l'm telling you the truth. This guy was freaked!
Show me where he lives.
Left! Turn left!
Guys! We gotta go to the dance.
The hand, it's after Molly.
Let's check out the dance. l'll win Best Costume.
Chicks dig winners. l'll probably hook up.
Yeah, because severed heads are one of the top 1 0 big turn-ons. lt kills me to see you stressed out.
You cut off your hand in the interest of others. lt's not your problem anymore.
So what l want you to do is take a little Anton-time.
Just relax and kick back, my man.
No, no. You know what?
Not this time, okay? l'm through with that. All l do is sit around. l veg out, l watch TV, l smoke pot--
No Kevin Costner speeches. Let's just go.
Let's go! Come on, come on!
-They're getting into my Ford! -Wait here. He's dangerous.
Wait. Don't let him steal my Ford.
Trust me. l know what l'm doing.
Couldn't be automatic.
Want me to drive?
No, just shift for me.
What was that?
Get back here!
Who's got the barf breath?
Damn! lt's hot in here.
So are you, babe.
l'm sweating my costume off, Curtis.
Help me get this off.
You guys go protect Molly. l'll go after the hand.
-What a waste. -You didn't like Curtis. l'm talking about that ass!
Well, at least he died happy.
What's bugging you?
And l know who about.
Just thought he'd be here by now.
He'll be here.
l'll go get some punch. You want some?
Okay, l'll be right back.
You guys look great!
Who did your makeup?
-l guess Anton did. -Based on my design, though.
You want to dance?
-We should find Molly. -Quit being a skirt.
We'll look for her while we dance. There's plenty of chicks here.
-Careful, it's on kind of loose. -Cool!
Don't put me on hold again. l want to talk to your supervisor.
Yes, of course.
What's taking so long? ls this the supervisor?
What do you mean my credit card is no good?
Well, you must have the wrong number.
No, it's 8-4-6-8.
That's good. l think you've been a bad girl...
...and l want to spank you with my ruler.
Oh, yes, that's nice.
That is nice.
Now l'm hot. l'm hot.
You got me so hot, it's like l can feel you touching me.
l can feel you touching me.
Come on! We got to find Anton!
And kick his ass!
Are you Anton? lf you're a teacher, we'll discuss my attendance later-- l found you! My name is Debi LeCure. l know what's happening. l could stop it.
Yeah, fuck him up, Debi!
The host of evil must die!
lsn't that knife a little extreme, kitten?
You're not going anywhere, evil-hosting fuck-stick. Nobody touches my Ford!
Come on, Debi.
Give him what for.
Wait, wait! l'm not a host.
The evil was in my hand, all right?
l cut it off. Okay?
You let it loose?
That was probably a mistake.
No kidding. And now it's after my girlfriend.
-You got a girlfriend? -l gotta stop it.
-lt's out for blood. -That ain't all it's out for. lf your girl's the one it's after, then at midnight...
...it's taking her to hell.
Hell? lt's not even 9:00 yet. We got some time. lt's actually...
...six minutes till midnight, druid time.
Come on, man. You're dead.
You know, think about it. lt's illegal.
Move! Look out!
Everybody, go home! There's a psycho killer here!
l cut off my hand, and it'll kill you all.
Get off the stage!
lt's true. His hand killed us yesterday.
Yeah, it sliced me up real good.
-Molly, you out there? -Get out of here, kid!
You had your fun! Now it's time--
-God! Did you see that thing? -l have to get Anton!
No, screw him! l mean, he'll be fine!
You want to stay out here and get killed as you're trampled?
l was going to get some. l really doubt it.
Pnub's a lot more creative than l thought. l mean, he's actually kind of cool.
-He had that costume-- -Maybe we should go faster. l don't know if he did it or--
-Wait, wait! -What, what--?
Oh, shit! We're trapped in here!
-lt's going to get me! -lt's not going to get you! lt's not going to get you!
We can't go through the blade! We'll be pulverized!
Give me your shoe!
What are you going to do?
No, no. Oh, God, it's too far! l can't drop that far!
We'll die in this vent!
-We won't die. -We'll die here.
The rats are gonna eat us, and nobody's gonna find us.
Okay, we're good.
-Be careful. -All right, let's go!
This would be more comfortable if your ass wasn't so wide.
-This is dumb. -Anton needs our help.
The best thing about being dead is zero responsibility.
That's Tanya. Let's save her. Come on!
-Hurry up. She needs me. -She needs you like a fish needs--
Okay, this sucks.
Grab the cord and come down! l can't. l can't. l'm scared!
Do it, Tanya! Come on! l can't. lt's here. lt's in here. l know it.
Why'd you pull the rope up? l didn't pull the rope up.
Tanya, where are you? l can't see you!
Tanya, talk to me, please!
Just jump! Just jump!
Tanya, grab the rope!
Get it off!
l'm not going through all this Tanya. Go back that way.
-Now you really won't get any. -lt's unfair.
You can go back if you want to get a piece.
Fucking hand, l got you now!
Who's your daddy now, bitch?
Who's your fucking--
We're here for you. Don't worry.
-l made that ashtray! -Really?
You let it go again!
Fuck you, then.
Fine, then! You know what?
You aren't crashing at my house.
Did you guys hear that?
Bet she wins Best Costume.
The hand's raising the car!
Don't worry. We got it under control!
The fucker's got a grip.
Those auto-shop boys are true artistes. lt's Mighty Joe Bong! l needs me spinach.
l made that.
The ashtray, l'd almost believe. But this? No way.
Molly's about to get squished, you bastards!
This is important. For strength.
There you go.
Now you're taking Anton-time.
You're getting stoned with your friends? Unbelievable!
That's some one-hit shit there!
Don't worry. l'll get you down.
That's it? No explosions, no hellfire, no--?
l'm glad everyone's all right.
But that was weak.
Well, my work here is done.
Time for the ritualistic sex. You coming?
You are a pistol.
Hello? l'm still up here.
You're a bud.
...marijuana saves an otherwise disastrous day.
l never got a hit. Light me.
That wasn't my fault!
That thing should've come down a lot slower!
What the hell.
Don't forget my bong.
You did not make that bong. l arc welded it.
You don't take auto shop.
You coming, Anton?
l can't even believe it.
You blew off heaven to kick it with me.
You are the coolest.
You taking care of me beats the shit out of heaven.
Time for your meds.
Guys! You blew off heaven too?
No, we're your guardian angels.
Poor thing has delirium. Visiting hours are over.
l'll see you tomorrow, okay?
So the deal is, we're supposed to monitor you...
...and make sure you don't revert to your evil ways.
But you seem fine now.
Let's hit the Snack Master in the hall. You want anything?
Get me Crunch Nuggets. They're awesome.
Thanks, you guys.
Hit the light.
Mick! Pnub! Come guardian me!
You're right. Anton screams like a girl.
Think we should tell him we painted that?
Fuck it. Let's go walk through a nurse.
Watch it! Some of them are guys.