Instructions Not Included (2013) Script



My Dad used to say that fear... like the creatures in nature that man can tame.

A creature? Like which one?

Like... a wolf.

Why a wolf? Because if a wolf...

...sees you're scared, it will attack you.

You have to stare back at it... learn how to tame it, to scare it away.

Sha! Sha! Sha! Sha!

Sha. Sha. Sha.

He'd also say there were big fears and small fears.

Hold on, son. Everything's okay.

That's why I named you Valentin. Because you're so brave.

Dad, please, let me out of here! Dad!

My Dad not only prepared me for this world's fears.

Hold on, kiddo. It's almost midnight.

Tame the fear son. Everything's okay.

Remember... Sha, sha.

Sha! Sha!

He also prepared me for the fears of the afterlife.

Please, Dad! Let me out, Dad!


Come here. You're so brave, son!

Congratulations! What happened?

Did you pee yourself? No, it wasn't me.

It was the wolf. What wolf? You're crazy.

Let's go home. No, let go of me!

I don't love you anymore! But I do!

Come on, let's go find some ghosts! Run!

Even though, honestly...

...I was never able to master the small fears...

Don't throw me in the water, Dad!

...or the medium ones... It's for your own good!

If you do this, you'll never be scared again...

...or the big ones. - Dad!

25 YEARS LATER Unh. Kiss me.

But if I couldn't master the big fears...

...the medium fears and the small fears...

I love it when you grab my hand.

...let alone the mother of all fears:


...marry me!



Valentin... Hm? you love me?

Mm-hm. Why?

I love you because...

...because you're different.

Because you're... different.

Because you're different.

Because you're different!

Do you love me?

I adore you, Julie.

You're my first and last love.


Can you just hang on a second, okay?



Have we met?

I... I was your endless love.


I was your eternal love a year and a half ago.

Oh, yeah! Right!

Is that your baby? Yes.

Did you get married?

No, you idiot! She's your daughter.

No. Hold on a minute!

I don't want to have children.

I don't want troubles, and that baby doesn't even look like me...

Do you have ten dollars?

What? Ten dollars, to pay the cab.

No, I don't have dollars. Let me see...

Hold on.

Ch-ch-ch-ch! Stop that! That's not your food.

I don't think your sister is coming back for the baby.

The truth is... looks like...

...I'm the baby's father.

You did it with your sister?

No! No, no!

No, it's just that... Well... she's not my sister.

But she did go to pay the cab, though.


Here! What?


I just remembered I have to go to the doctor.

Yes, I have a problem with my... prostate.

Yes. Bye, honey.

Women don't have prostates.


Well, that's why I have to see a doctor. Bye.

Hey, but... you said you'd stay the whole weekend!

Hey, you know your mom.

She wouldn't leave you here, would she?

Would she?


Hi, it's me. Julie.

What Julie? Oh, Julie!

Look, I'm... I'm sorry.

Please take good care of her. She's just a baby.

- Julie, where are you? I...

- Julie! I can't.

I can't do it.

I'm sorry.

...what is it you can't do?


Julie, where are you? Julie!

Passengers on Flight 2264 bound for Los Angeles...

...please proceed to Gate 9.

I'm such a moron!

The next time I leave you alone and you don't say anything...

...I swear I'll leave you.



Excuse me, ma'am. Have you seen a blond girl...

...kind of hippy, in her twenties?


Julie! Julie!

Your baby!

Your baby!


No, no. It's hard. It falls down!

Valentin! Can you change diapers, Sammy?

Yeah, sure. It doesn't have to be disgusting.

It's dirty, but you have to...

...I just go to the bathroom and wash my hands afterwards.

Where's Judeisi? She's over there. I'll call her.


What is this?

That's it, my baby.

She's full of crap.

I'll change her diaper.

What's your name? What's her name, Valentin?

I don't know.

It must be here.


Her name is Maggie. She's named after a sauce.

Have some vegetables, kid. What are you doing?

I'm giving her carrots.

That's too spicy.

Why don't you just keep her?

It's high time you settled down.

No way! What would I do with a baby?

Goodbye freedom, goodbye tourists!

What will I do for a living? I might even have to get a job.

And you'll have to learn English.

'Cause when she starts talking, you won't understand her.

I'll have to send her to school, feed her.

Every day, three times a day.

And speak to her like a dummy so she'll eat.

Eat, baby! Eat, baby!

And I'll have to watch Barney over and over.

One day she'll ask me why she's growing boobs.

When she's older, she'll want to borrow my car.

I'll have to beat up her boyfriend when he knocks her up. No, no!

Besides, I'll suck as a Dad.

Hey, I have an idea! Write to Angelina Jolie.

Tell her the baby's from Acapulco or Oaxaca.

Maybe she'll adopt her.

I know! Let's go to your house.

I found this other box.

You must have something from that Julie woman.

Didn't she leave you a souvenir?

She did.

But I got rid of it with penicillin.

I mean, a telephone number, an address. Something.

Here's a letter from a Julie. A Julie.

Really? Yes, look.

She wrote a letter? Didn't you know?

She wrote it a year and a half ago.


Let me see!

Does she say how to contact her, a phone number, anything?


It only says:

"I miss you kissing my..."

How very explicit!

Kisses from L.A.

What does L.A. mean?

Loving American, no?

Look for her at this hotel. What hotel?

This one. Look. California Hills Hotel. It looks like she works there.

Where is that?

Hey, that's in Los Angeles. I barely understand English.

I hate the language. I always flunked it.

Besides, I'm broke.

And you're scared of flying. Really scared.

You're crazy. I'm not scared of planes.

Well, then you have no choice but to keep the baby.

Oh! She's so beautiful.

You'll end up falling in love with her.

I've never been scared of airplanes.

It's just that...

...if we go by road, we'll save money.

We'll have more time to chat.

We'll have more father-daughter moments.

Now, if I return you to your mom it doesn't mean I don't love you.

It's just that you'll be better off there.

For example, movies premiere much earlier there.

Just think. When Twilight premiered here... was already Breaking Dawn there.

Besides, if you stay here... you'll be pretty, but darker and smaller.

But, if you grow up there... you'll probably be blond, blue-eyed...


Besides, here you could get mugged any time... a thief or a cop.

Not to mention the corruption...

...drug dealers...


...the traffic...

...the politicians...


...the national soccer team.

There are only disadvantages here.


Are you sleeping again?

But it's time to eat!

Don't you want to eat?

Look. Your milk is warm now.

I want an abortion!

Damn cheap condoms!

Is the baby real?

Get in!

My name is Lupe.


Shh, shh. Enough!


I said it's enough!

It's enough!

Can you change diapers?

...I was just asking...

Oh! Yuck!

Is she sick?


It wasn't her this time.

Change her already, will you?

I'll change her for a quiet baby.

Don't try to be funny. Change her!

I'll just finish my burger first.

Right now!

Good idea.

Right now!


You could've changed her three hours ago.

She sounded just like me!

We're identical, mija!

Look, the baby's a gringa!

I'll just drop her off with her mom in L.A. and come back.

Oh... I told you I don't have one, I didn't know, Mr. Copper.

But I'm not staying. I'll just drop her off and come right back.

I'll be back today.

You can have my watch and my ID as proof that...

...I'll be back in 5 hours.

Get out.


Didn't he go for it?

Why didn't you tell me you didn't have a visa?

Are you going to Los Angeles, too?




Say hello to your Aunt Zenaida.

Careful! Get up.

Say hello to Queta, babe.

Tell her that grandma didn't even make it to Cuernavaca.

Thank you.

Thank you, Lupe.

Thank you so much.


Do you know where this hotel is?

Nah, man. She doesn't work here anymore.

She... She went down to Mexico looking for her baby's father.

Then I think she was going to New York for school or something.

You know what? She left her phone number here.

You want me to look it up for you?

It's just in the computer back there. Yeah? Okay.

I can give it to you. Just give me one second.

I'll find her.

Whoa, whoa. I'm sorry, but you can't bring children in here.


No children.

But the dog?

No children.

What about the dog?

No children.

Gimme a break. They let the dog in.


Hey, paisana, help me out. Do you know this girl?

Sorry, I don't understand.

Julie. Her name is Julie.

Oh, yeah. She was...

...the aerobics instructor...

...until they caught her having sex with a guest in the presidential suite.

Presidential suite?

Presidential suite, yeah. Yeah.

I don't want any CGI bullshit in this movie.

I want to use a real guy.

Isn't there a single stuntman left in this town with any balls?

Listen, it's only a 13-floor jump, okay? Thirteen floors... hard can that be? Hold on.

Ah, finally. The leading girl's headshots have just come in. Come on.

Yeah. Who the...? Who the hell is this bimbo?

I was told...

Look, is this some kind of joke? Why would you send me a Polaroid...

...of a frigging nobody? Julie? Julie?

You know what, this conversation is over. Put Casting on.

Can you call Julie? Yeah. Shh!

Bonnie, sweetheart. Listen, come on, why are you busting my balls?

What do you mean, you haven't sent them yet?

I've got your messenger standing right in front of me.

Bonnie, when I say "immediately," I mean five seconds ago, not two hours ago.

Yeah, but that's why I asked you to do it now. Yeah.

Two hours... Hey, girl!


What was it? What was it? She was named after a sauce.


Tabasc...! ...Tabasco.

Valentina! Valentina!

Okay. Could you shut the fuck up for a second? Yes.

So let me see if I get this straight... Baby!


No, don't throw me in the water. Dad, please!

Ha-ha-ha. Dad!

If you do this, you'll never be scared again. Ha-ha-ha!

Sha. Sha.



Holy shit. Sha. Sha. Sha. Sha!

I have to learn your name!

You could be a great stuntman.

You're brave.


...they're all softies!

No. No, I live in Acapulco.

I only want to go back with... daughter.

I don't want to be a wetback.

Ah. Sorry. Towels. More towels.

Quickly. Listen.

When you cross... Shoo.

When you cross the border...

...and they see the baby is a gringa...

...they'll take her away and you'll go to jail.

To jail.

Think it over.

I'll give you a good job as a stuntman.



Poop! Poop!



Maggie, why did you draw on the walls, honey?

I told you not to draw on the walls. That's what notebooks are for.

Don't cry, honey!

Calm down.

Calm down, don't cry.

Don't yell at me!


Aah! Aah! Surprise!





Dad, it's your turn.

Coming, Maggie.

Why do you always go to the bathroom before work?

Are you scared?

No way!

I'm not scared, I'm concentrating.

What's that?


To concentrate is to think.

Oh. And you use your brain to concentrate?


I heard what you're thinking.


Ah. Where's your dad, sweetie?

Sha. He's concentrating.

Can you go take your seat, please?


You okay, buddy?

You know I hate English, okay?

Yeah, fine, look.

We're waiting for you. Maggie's already there.


Just remind me:

Why the hell am I doing this?

Um, because...

Because it's the only thing you know.

Because you're scared they won't let you take Maggie to Mexico.

Because... other job pays up to 10,000 dollars a day!

Because... Okay, okay, okay.

Enough. That's enough. Okay. Come on.

Let's go.

I gotta say, I think it's all about the attitude.

Yeah, totally agree, Johnny.

You don't wanna be too wild, you know? Yeah, yeah.

In a pyramid just like this one... Mm-hm.

...but in Egypt, my mom found the famous Nefertiti.

Mm. Ready?

Are you ready?

Tell her I am.

He's ready.

When is he going to learn English? I don't know.

Silence, everybody. Rolling.

Fifty-eight, Take 1. A mark.


Well, Aztec Man.

Are you going to tell us where is the gold hidden?

Over my burning feet.

Ha! As you wish.

Cut! Nobody moves. Bring the stunt in.

Dolly's not set up. Set it up now!

Enjoy yourself, man.

He says to enjoy yourself.

All ready? Everybody standing by.

We're good. It's not in the shot.

What's wrong, Dad? Are you scared?


Can we get a set dress?

Quiet, please. We're rolling camera.

And action! Sha.


Are you okay, sir? You need a hand?

That was perfect, Valentin. But...

...could you try not to look scared when your face smashes against the wall?

Don't look scared, Dad. We'll have to do it again.

Quiet on the set! Okay, let's go.

One more. Roll camera.


One more. Unh!

One more. Hunh!

One more. Unh!

One more. Hunh...

One more. Aah!


One more.

Cut! Need some help.

That was a good one.

Are you okay? Sir? Medic! Hurry up!

Let me in.

We need an ambulance.

Medic! Excuse me. I got it.

He'll be fine. I got it.

No fall, nor wound, nor aching head...

...can stop this charm from bringing you back from the dead!

Come on, Grandpa.

No fall, nor wound, nor aching head...

...can stop this charm from bringing you back from the dead!

You'll be scared if you forget!

Dad? Hm?

I want to be like you when I grow up.

A stuntman?

No, I want to be immortal...

...just like you.

Good afternoon.

Um, Mr. Bravo, your mail.

Ah. Thank you.

I'd like to remind you...

...about the elevator maintenance fee. Please.

I already paid it.

Oh no, Mr. Bravo. I gave you the money yesterday.

Mr. Bravo! I never forget these things.

It's okay. You haven't paid.


I'll write you down on my list. Yeah, okay.

Dad, Mr. Anders is kind of absentminded.

You think?


I can't write you down! It says here you haven't paid.

Wait. Wait, wait, wait. Oh.

Hello. Hi.

- Hi! Hi!

How are you? Fine. Fine.

But my bathroom is still broken.

When are you coming to check my pipes?


Well... Bye.

Bye. Bye.

Dad. Hm?

That woman's drain is always clogged, isn't it?


You should take a look at it. Mm-hm.

Wanna play?

You're on!


Stop! Get out of the way!


Shut up! Shh!

Way to go! Bravo! Ha-ha-ha.

Well done, honey!

Okay, time for your bath, kiddo.

Come on. ls Johnny Bravo really my grandpa?

That's right.

Why doesn't he ever visit me?

Because, I told you he doesn't have a passport.

Besides, he's working on his diving.

Tell me about grandpa. Again?

You know his life by heart.

Come on, so I can tell my friends.


Johnny Bravo was the greatest...

...diver of La Quebrada.

That's right! Ha-ha-ha.

He loved diving...

...from the very top!


He loved diving into dumpsters!

Everybody loved Johnny.

Because he had... A big heart!


He had a big pimple on his nose that looked really funny.

No, that's not right! Tell me the story right.


When I was a kid... day, your grandpa...

...threw me from the top of La Quebrada.

Ha, ha. Don't laugh.

I'm serious.

It was awful!

I was about...

...I don't know, six or seven years old.

Like you.

But thanks to that...

...I was never scared again.

I'm seven years old...

...when will you take me to Acapulco to jump from La Quebrada?


I'd never do that to you.

Come on, please. I don't want to be scared of anything.

Good shot!


Good shot!

Very good. Your turn. Ahem.

Dad, it's your turn. Coming. Take my turn.

Let's see.


...more bills.

What? Look, Maggie!

A letter from mom!

"Dear Maggie...

...I've been too busy to come and see you, 'cause I've saving the world.

On my way home, I stopped to buy you a present.

And that was when, a mysterious masked man...

...dressed as a bat, asked me to help him...

He wanted me to help hand out bean tacos...

...and cactus juice to the earthquake victims... Gotham City."

I bet that masked man was Batman!

I bet he was. What else does it say?

"After that, I was sent on a mission in Australia.

I had to save the last duck-billed platypuses from extinction.

The mommy platypus fell in love with a Canadian beaver...

...much younger than she was...

...and the tease ran off with him, abandoning her nest.

So, I had to sit on the eggs she'd left behind.

I even had to fight off some wolves... save the poor things...

...since their mom never came back... sit on her eggs."

Huh? With her beaver?

No, no! I mean, she chose her beaver, over her children.


Yes... yes...

"While I was waiting for them to hatch, I thought of you.

As usual, I miss you very much, honey.

The only thing that comforts me... knowing that you're taken care of... the most loving, intelligent...

...brave, and above all...

...the most handsome Dad ever!"

She's exaggerating. As usual.

"You must be very proud of your Dad...

...because he's the best man in the world."

Please stop!


"P.S. Tell him to keep on helping the neighbor...

...with her pipes.

God will repay him some day.

Lots of love, mom."

Dad. Hm?

You have to go to the doctor tomorrow.

No, I'm not going.

I don't like doctors.

They only give you shots and medicine.

You're scared of shots!

Of course not!

It's just that...

...I don't like people looking at my butt.

I think you're scared of going alone and want me to go with you.

That'd be nice. Okay.

But you have to start going alone.

What will you do when we can't be together anymore?

Why do you say that?

Because when I go to college, I won't be able to go with you.

Have fun, honey. I will, Dad.

I love you, Dad!

Mr. Bravo, can we talk?

Why didn't Maggie come to school yesterday?

Oh! It's just that...

...I took her to the shooting of Aztec Man.

It's the sequel of the sequel.

You know Aztec Man, don't you?

And the day before?

Ah. Well, I...

I... organized a Quidditch match, and...



You saw Harry Potter, didn't you?

Mr. Bravo...

Maggie doesn't lead a normal life.

The girl has issues because she lives in a fantasy world.

Real life is not Disneyland!

What are Maggie's issues?

And my mom brought it for me from the Moon.

She went there with NASA on a mission to bleach it.

'Cause the Moon was turning yellow from all the cigarette smoke from Earth.

Oh, Maggie, urn...

That's just a piece of cheese. You bet it is!

But it comes from the Moon.

Yeah, sure. And your father is Aztec Man...

...and your grandpa is Johnny Bravo.


I asked you nicely to quiet down.


I know you are a good father, and...

...I can see... do everything you can to make her happy.

But, hm... seems as if you're overcompensating.

What really happened to Maggie's mother?

She went to pay the cab.

All set.

You see, Dad? It didn't hurt.

You're right, it didn't.

That's why I like you to come with me.

Take care of him, Maggie. Remind him to take his medicine.

What about my vitamins? Ha, ha.


You should learn from her.

I bet she doesn't forget to take her vitamins every day.


...would you like to feed the fish? Mm-hm.

Go on. Hurry.

The treatment didn't work.

How long?

Not long.

I'm sorry, Valentin.

Do you know what the doctor prescribed?



Sha! Sha!



Wow, Dad! My head is spinning.

We'd better leave, then.

No. I'm okay. I might barf, but that's all.

Let's go, honey. Come on. Oh.

Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were my daughter.

So cute. I'm sorry.

What is it?

I wish mom were here.

My friends say mom is like Santa Claus.

Chubby and bearded?

No, Dad. They say that because I've never seen her.

If she loves me, why doesn't she come see me?

Oh, sweetie.

Look, I don't care how you do it, just make it happen. Now. Twenty-four hours.

I'm sorry, Frank. I know you're busy, but I need your help.

What do you want? Look.

Watch your back. Careful. Okay.

Huh? That's the dumbest idea I've ever heard! No!

Do it for Maggie, please!

No, no. I won't do that!

I just need... Frank!

Number 12, please. Speak Spanish?

Show me your left profile.

Right profile.

What do you think? She's good.

Okay, whenever you're ready.

Maggie... daughter...

...I'm Julie...

...your mother!

Thank you. We'll let you know.

I have an idea.

Why don't you make up a story about Julie...

...going on a mission to Afghanistan...

...and not coming back?

No, no, no. Maggie needs to meet her mother.

Number 13, please!

Your name, please.



Who is it?

I'm here to pick Maggie up.

Mr. Anders, what are you doing here?

I called him to check Miss Jackie's drain.

I tore apart the entire drainpipe...

...and couldn't find any problem.

Eh? Now we have to pay Mr. Anders for all he did.

Not to mention that you still owe me the elevator fee.

Alright, already!

Thank you.

Oh, sweetie...

It's so nice of you to be so helpful, honey.

So nice...

What? Look, Maggie!

A letter from mom! Yes!

A letter from mom!


Hello? Mm. Valentin? Um...


...I'm Maggie's mother.



Oh, Maggie's mother! What's up?

"Dear Maggie:

I'm writing from nuclear submarine Pancho Villa II.

I'm going to capture the leader of Al Qaeda...

...because I discovered he's planning to buy lighters... increase global warming.

As soon as I finish, I'll finally be with you.

This time, baby, there won't be penguins, beavers... platypuses or earthquakes... prevent me from visiting you.

Lots of love...



I understand your aloofness.

Well, that's me on the phone...

...but I'm just the opposite in person.

I'm calling you because...

...I don't know how to say this.

Don't be nervous.

Look, if it's about money, talk to Frank.

No, no. It's not about money.

What I want is...

Look, we have to meet in person.

I'd love to...

...but being good in bed won't get you the part.

It's up to Frank to decide who's the best mom for Maggie.

Okay, number...

What's your name?

Valentin, my name is Julie.

Julie Weston.

And I'm the mother of your daughter, Maggie.

Dad, Dad!

Dad, guess what!

Mom is coming! Mom is coming!

Your mom is coming.

Yes! For the first time!

Is that her?


Well... I'm not sure.

I haven't seen her in a long time.

Uh, wait here a sec.



Do you work here?

What? You don't speak Spanish now?

Um, a little.


That's Maggie.

Hi, Maggie.

"Hi, Maggie!" Is that all you have to say?

Just... "Hi, Maggie!"

Um, Maggie is very pretty!

Pretty! You take off for 6 years...

...and you come back and all you can say is "she's pretty"?

Listen, calm down.

How can I calm down? After so many years... suddenly show up and say you want to see Maggie?

You have some nerve!

Hey. Uh, Dad, I don't think that's Mom.

She's too sloppy-looking.

What's your name?

Your name.

Melissa. Melissa.

Not Julie?

No. My name's Melissa.

Okay. Okay.


No, Maggie, trust me. It's not her.



Does she know I left her?


She thinks we were married...

...and then we divorced.

That you left for some years and...

Hey, mom, they are like the ones in Africa, right?

Yes, Maggie.

Do elephants bark or what do they do?

I don't know.

And... did you find us? I tracked you down.

I work for Newman, Newman, Newman & Newman.

What's that?

The most important law firm in New York.

Hey, Maggie, why don't you go find out what elephants do?


Get your hot dogs here, get your hot dogs!

Let's see. You took off and now you just show up out of nowhere?

What do you want? To get to know her, for starters.

Oh, for starters. And then?

She's an amazing girl.

You've done great, Valentin.

Oh, thank you! I'm glad I didn't disappoint you.

I was so worried! Mom, mom!

I found out what elephants do!

What? It's green and runny.

Hey, Mom?

Do the baby platypuses know their mother...

...left them to run away with her beaver?

Of course they know, Maggie.

You can't keep those things from children.

Remember Snow White? She abandoned the dwarves... hook up with a prince and everybody found out.

Mom, you know Batman, right?

Why does he wear his underwear on the outside?

What? Um...

Honey, do me a favor.

Go find me a cazacuaz. A cazacuaz?

Yes, a cazacuaz. Go! Okay.

Do I know Batman?

Mm, I'll explain later.

How long are you staying?

I don't know. It depends.

Do you want to play target practice, mom?

Are all these toys yours?

Yes. Mine and Dad's.

Wow. It looks nothing like your bachelor pad in Acapulco.

Acapulco? You've been on missions in Acapulco?

Missions? Mm-hm.

Your missions, Julie.

To... the world and...

...ensure people's well-being and happiness.

I have all your letters, Mom! Wanna see them?

My letters? Your letters.

Your letters.

Your letters.

Look. Come here!

I kept them all.

When you freed Willy...

...when you found Nemo...

...when you revived the Dead Sea.

When you saved Private Ryan.

I wrote quite often, didn't I?

Once a week.

At least.

And I've been to all these places?

And to Africa with Bono.

With Prince William and Adam Sandier...

...and with La India Maria!

And with Lionel Messi.

He's Maggie's favorite player.

You even sent her his autograph. Remember?

Look! Here it is.

"Julie, I would've never made it without you. Thank you so much.

A big hug for your daughter.

From male champion to female champion...

...Lionel Mesi."

Written with only one "S".

Ah. Well... have to forgive him.

He hit the ball with his head so many times...

...he has spelling issues.

Hey, Maggie.

Do you speak English?

Yes, of course.

But I don't do it at home.

Did you finally find a yeti in the Himalayas?

Um... That's cool. You know what? I wanna hear about you.

How are you doing in school?

She's asleep, out like a light.

Yeah, that sounds like her.

Why didn't you tell her the truth?

I considered it...

...but after a lot of thought, I couldn't find...

...a politically correct way of telling her:

"Your morn didn't love you, so she left."

Thank you. I didn't do it for you.

You've done a great job with her.

She's a happy, sweet little girl.

I don't know how I could have left her.

You can take my bed.

I'll sleep on the couch.


Thank you.

This is my morn. She's the one I told you about.


This is my morn. She's back from Australia.


This is my morn. She's the one I told you about. This is my mom.

This is my morn. Hi. Nice to meet you.

This is my mom. She came back. She's here.

She finally came back from paying the cab.

Looks like the cab driver didn't have any change, so...

What is it you wanted to tell me?


Come on, say it.

Some years ago, I was...

...I was filming in Minnesota and...

...I had an accident.

Well, work stuff.

I was taken to a clinic in Rochester.

Maggie was with me, as usual.

The point is that, when we were there...

I'm sorry. Oh, shit.

I have a meeting in 15 minutes.

But tell me. You were at the clinic and...

No, no. It's okay. I'll tell you later.

Are you sure?


Okay. Uh...

Ah. Taxi!

I'll see you later.

I don't have any cash.

Do you have ten dollars for the cab?

What? And then you won't come back?

Ha, ha. Thanks.

So you didn't tell her.

No. There was no time.

But I thought it over and I'd rather not tell her.

Why not? No, no.

Tell her the truth!

No. It's enough that you and I know it.

I don't want pity.


Hey, what did you feel when you saw her?

Oh... I don't know...

I didn't even remember her face! But when I saw her...

...she looked so gorgeous. It was as if time had stopped...

Hey, hey, this midget's not working out for this.

Bring me the one with the wooden leg.

Okay. Sorry, pal.

I'm listening. So... what?

Yeah, I was saying that...

I don't know, after so much time...

...I saw her...

...and she looked gorgeous, she looked so elegant...

Why are you bringing the dog on now?

Dog comes on later. I'm sorry.

So... What did you feel?

Uh... Oh yeah, I was telling you... She's changed a lot.

She's changed so much, and I don't know...

...I felt like... like kind of...

The frigging dog just took a piss.

I got it! I got it. One of the midgets...

...slipped on a piece of shit yesterday.


What did you feel?

Uh... Fine. Fine.

Well, sort of.

You know... it was a long time...

I told you to clean it up. Now we got another midget down.

Gosh! Frigging morons.

So... You felt nothing?


I didn't care.

You didn't care? Yeah!

I would've thought you... No!

After so many years... Hey, tell the limping girl not to limp!

She's messing up the hay!

Do you miss Acapulco?

She's asleep.

Like last night.

Out like a light.


Why are you here?

I needed to meet her.

So you did it for yourself, not for her. Mm.

But... that I know her...'s different.


...I even think...

...we could've been a family.

Why not?

No, no way!

You know...

We don't need to be together... fulfill Maggie's dreams.

She thinks we're divorced, right?

It's not a big deal nowadays.

Besides, I can't stay in Los Angeles.

I live with someone in New York.


...I hope you don't mind...

...they are coming tomorrow to meet Maggie.

My Dad has more hair.


My Dad is younger.

Hi, Dad.

My Dad is more...


...more Mexican.

Here they come.

Good afternoon. My name is Michael.

The waiter? But, Mom...

...this guy is really skinny and ugly.

And I also have pimples on my butt. You want to see them?

Now, what do you want for lunch?

Sorry I'm late. Aah...

Hi. You must be Maggie.

Um... This is Renee... partner.

Uh, and this is Valentin.

Uh, sorry. Maggie's father. Hello.

Oh, hi. Nice to meet you.

Valentin doesn't speak English. Oh. Okay.

She is...

...your boyfriend?


Do you remember that episode of Barney...

...where they talked about families...

...that were different?

So your dad is a stuntman, huh? Yes.

And, uh, what does he do? Tell me.

Well, he does all the stuff that movie stars won't dare to do.

Like if Tom Cruise is too scared to drive a car 150 miles per hour... dad does it. Really? Ha, ha.

And if Russell Crowe is afraid of fighting with a wild lion... dad fights for him. Get it? Wow, that's amazing.

So, urn, he must be a very brave man. Yeah.

Even his last name is Bravo...

...which means "brave" in Spanish. Oh. Wow.

Did you know that Johnny Bravo's my grandpa?

No, I didn't.

Johnny Bravo? Another fantasy of yours?


My Dad is Johnny Bravo.

Dad, can we invite mom and Renee over to the set... they can see how very brave you are?


Check with the script supervisor about that.

That needs to be moved.

Uh, I feel like I need him to be higher.

You see what I mean? Yeah.

Um, could you tell him we need him to fall...

...from the eighth floor instead of the fifth?

The eighth floor? Hm.

My dad can jump from the top floor.

From the top floor? Yup.

That's almost twice as high. I mean, that would be great. Uh...

Do you think he would do that?

Sure. My dad isn't afraid of anything. He's the bravest stuntman there is.

And how much are we talking about here?

Um... Maggie!

What is he saying?

He wants you to jump from a little higher.

No, honey.

I can't jump from any higher.

There's not enough room.

I could fall outside the air mattress. No way!

I need the extras. I told you, I need the extras.

Uh-huh. I got it. Do whatever you need to do.

Yeah. He says 20 grand.

Twenty thousand dollars? Yup. Mm-hm.

That's a bit too much, but, uh... Maggie!

Tell him I can jump one more floor, tops.

He says...

...20 grand and one Xbox.

Okay, you've got yourself a deal. Congratulations, man.

You've got some big guts to get on up there.

Ha-ha-ha. I have a question.

What did he say? He said...

...congratulations on being so brave and jumping from so high.

Tell him thanks, honey, but...

Look, I thought it over. No higher than the fifth floor.

It's too risky.

In fact, ask him if I can jump from the fourth floor.

What did he say?

He says he's nervous...

...but happy to show my mom and everyone else how brave he is.

Ha, ha. Your dad is one big wacko. I've never seen anyone like him.

No, sir! Ha-ha-ha.

Did you hear? "No, sir." Sorry!

Okay, everybody. Let's take the equipment downstairs...

...while they take the stunt guy up. Hurry up. Come on!

Background is coming in. That's a 10-4.

Wait! Don't throw me! Come on, guys. Give me just a minute.

Oh, that son of a bitch! Don't throw me.

Unh! Unh! And cut! Send in the stuntman.

We're on our way up. - Okay, hurry up.


Yeah, they're right here. Okay.

We're in position. Ten-four. Good luck.

We've made the necessary adjustments.

What adjustments?

What floor is this?

No, no! You're making a mistake!

No, my friend!

Friend! Oh, my God, that... That's really high.

Friend, friend! No, no, no! I told you.

He's the bravest guy on Earth.

Did you know he jumped the La Quebrada when he was six?

La Quebrada? What is that?

It's this insane thing they do in Acapulco.

A diver jumps off of a cliff hundreds of feet above the ocean.

And my dad is going to throw me from there some day...

...just like Grandpa Johnny Bravo did to him.

Set the fire off. And action!

For God's sake! No, no!

No, please don't! I beg you!

Whoa. He's a good actor.

What did you tell them, Maggie?!

Cut! Cut! Cut!

Why the hell did he cut?

What's going on? Man...

...- why the hell did you cut? - Sir.

What? It seems the stunt never agreed... jump from that height. I think the little girl was lying.

Did you lie to me? Come here!

Come here!

Did you lie to me?

What's going on? It seems Maggie lied to us all.

She said you agreed to jump from this height.

No, tell the director I did agree.

I'm screaming because... I'm acting, you know?

But I'll do the jump.

This is not a game. You can't do this!

Sir. Now what?

Yes? Are you listening?

Yes, I'm listening!

Oh, good, good, good. The stunt says he wants to jump.

- That he was just acting. Okay. Okay, then.

That's why he was screaming.

Okay, everybody ready for action.


Rolling. Set the fire off.

Nobody crosses the stage.


Sha! Sha! Sha! Shaaa!

Don't be scared. it looks like he's dying, but I always bring him back.

Call the doctor! Corning through.

Help is on the way. I got it. Excuse me. Is he okay?

What's going on?

No fall, nor wound, nor aching head...

...can stop this charm from bringing you back from the dead!

What was that...

... "aching head" thing all about?

Ah. It's a game Maggie and I play.

I pretend to be dead, and she resurrects me.

What would happen if someday...

...the game became real?

Who would take care of Maggie?

You don't have any family.

Your job is very dangerous, Valentin.

My job allows me to give her the lifestyle she deserves.

Oh, by the way...

Don't you think you spoil her rotten?

So what?

You have no right to butt in!

I do have a right.

I'm her mom, and I'm part of her life now.

We are. We are going to be a family, Maggie.

Just a special family.

It'll be a little bit different. Renee and I will keep living in New York.

We'll come visit you very often.


And you can visit us on holidays.

If your Dad's okay with that, of course.

You won't travel around the world, helping people anymore?


Maggie, I never went to the Moon.

Or to Australia.

Nor did I meet Batman.

Or... Or hatch platypus eggs. Your dad...

He made all of it up because when you were just a little baby, I...

I... Oh, God.

I had to go away.

You lied to me?

No, no. He told you that so...

So you wouldn't forget her.

So you wouldn't stop loving her.

But, well...

...that's in the past.

And now I would really like to be in your life...

...and for us to be friends.

And I promise you that I...

I will always, always be close to you.

Yeah. From New York.

Flight 178 to New York.

- Please report to gate number eight. That's it. That's our flight.

See you soon, Maggie.

Valentin. Goodbye.

Why can't you take me with you a few days?

I will. When it's time for your vacation...

Right now.


Because you can't...

You can't miss school.

Dad says it doesn't matter. Right?

Honey, we should leave.


If you come with me...'ll leave your dad alone. Doesn't that matter?

Dad will always be with me.

I just want my mommy for a little bit longer.

Last call for passengers flying to New York.

We're gonna miss the flight.

Flight 178, please process immediately to gate number eight.

I promise I will see you very soon.

You liar!


Liar! Liar! Liar! Please, honey, don't...

Go away! Get out of my room!

Calm down! I don't love you anymore!

Don't say that!

I love you. Why are you angry at me?

Because you lied to me!


And your mom?

She's away.

Oh, she's probably on a very important mission, right?

Did her and Aquaman go to rescue victims from the last tsunami?

Shut up! I hate you!

Aah! Leave me alone!

Maggie, I just told your dad what you did.

Are you gonna say you're sorry?

Mr. Valentin Bravo?


Sign here, please.

Thank you.

I confess, I am guilty. I abandoned my daughter.

But I...

I've come to this court to rectify that mistake.

And I...

I'd like to thank Valentin because in spite of his many limitations...

...not being able to speak English after six years of living in this country...

...and being forced to take a job...

...- that exposes him to reckless... - Objection, Your Honor.

We're not on trial yet, counselor.

Go on, ma'am.

I was just saying, I wanted to thank Valentin...

...because in spite of his limitations, he's always done...

He's always done what's best for Maggie.

At least what he thinks is best.

And I'm sorry.

I know. I screwed up once, but I...

I won't do it again.

And I can't allow my daughter to stay with a man...

...whose idea of rewarding a child is to throw her off some rocky cliff.

That's all. That's all.

I'll, uh...

...see you all in two weeks for the trial.


Why are you doing this to me, Julie?

Don't talk to Julie. This...

This wasn't our agreement.


Valentin, you need to find a low risk job.

According to statistics, being a stuntman is the third most risky job.

What are the first two?

Pizza delivery boy in Mexico City...

...and bricklayer.



Why? Huh? We should go.

Why are you doing this to me?

We're not supposed to speak before the trial.

Why would you take her away? I never prevented you from seeing her.


I'm talking to you, Julie!

The child shouldn't live with someone who might kill himself any time.

For God's sake! Two weeks ago you left saying:

"Bye, see you on vacation."

You were so calm, and now you want to take her from me? Eh?

Why? Because I fell in love with her!

Because I'm not willing to see her just two weeks a year.

Because she's safer with me, and because...

...she's my daughter!

Would you like to live with her?

It's a Court order.

It's in English.

It says that...

...during the trial...

...I have the right to spend 3 afternoons a week with Maggie.

Go with Mom, okay? See you in a while.

I'm glad you picked me up, Mom.

How was your day? Boring.

What do you expect? I was thinking...

...that you and I could go shopping this afternoon.

Yeah. Cool.

I'll be there in five. Okay.


...acted in many movies, I've received many awards.

I've worked under many directors.

I've been killed in so many ways...

...but, I have...

...never played embryo? Well, can you or can't you?

Yes, I can.

What's the point of all these awards...

...if you can't play something as simple as an embryo?

Come on.

Make me believe you're an embryo!

You're shaking too much.

I must be getting old...

I'm trying to play a mature embryo, Mr. Cuarón.

I'm not Mr. Cuarón.

Aren't you?

Isn't this the casting for the movie...



And here I am making a fool of myself!



Break a leg.

Next, please.

I need a low risk job.

I need an embryo for a commercial. Are you interested?

No! I need something to impress the judge.

You're unbelievable.

Why not just tell the truth?


No judge would take Maggie away if you told the truth.

No, no. Never!

I need another job. Nothing to do with movies.

A common job, nothing risky.


Recommended by Mr. Frank? Yes.

Oh, yes!

The job I offer is very simple.

You have to walk Diego and Frida.

Ah. Your grandchildren? Oh, no.

Two dogs. Two Chihuahuas. Little ones.

And you have to drive me to the bank... the mall, fix the electricity...

Ah, okay.

The job is very simple, but it's really fun.

Whoo! Ha-ha-ha.

Get him off me! Get him off me!

Get him off me!

Ouch! Not there!

Get him off me!




You look so beautiful.

I love it. You do too? I love it too.

Yeah. Yeah.

What do you think of your hair like that?


Ma'am! Ma'am!

Ma'am! Stop! Ma'am!

Ma'am, please!

Valentino, it's 5 pm...

...and you're taking a nap?

Bye, darling. Bye.

Love you. I love you.


What will I say, Frank?

I'm terrible at speaking.

Please, Valentin, tell the truth.

No. That will convince them.

No! Not that. Something else.

Mr. Frank Ryan?

Okay, say whatever you want, but convince them!

Don't worry.

And so I'm standing on the terrace...

...and I'm on the telephone.

And the next thing I know...

...Valentin jumps off from the 10th floor.

Ten floors without any protection...

...just to save Maggie.

How many parents do you know would have done that for their kids?

Yeah, well, how many parents do you know...

...that have left a 10-month-old baby at the edge of a pool...


- Right. I can't believe that.

He's an amazing dad.

I mean, his apartment, it looks like it's a toy store.

And he always feeds her her favorite meals... know, Cheerios, pizza, whatever, it's...

And he knows absolutely every celebrity.

I mean, that's gotta be good, right?

Oh, not to mention, Mr. Bravo, he's also an amazing plumber.

Mr. Bravo confuses loving a child with spoiling a child.

And though Maggie does get good grades in school...

...she skips class constantly...

...and leads a fantasy life that is far removed from facing reality.


That can't be good for a child.

Well, from what I've seen, he's a real good guy.

And that girl, she's always real happy to be with him.

But he still hasn't paid his elevator maintenance fee.

He works in Hollywood...

...with all them big stars...

...and then he thinks he don't have to pay his elevator maintenance fee.

Clumsy. Very clumsy.

Nice guy...

...but lazy and clumsy.

Julie is the bravest human being I've ever met.

She overcame her addictions... order to become one of the most promising lawyers... one of Manhattan's most prestigious firms.

Now she's had the courage to admit her mistake...

...and has come to fight for her daughter.

And that to me, makes her a remarkable woman.

He's a very responsible guy.

In all the years I've known Valentin...

...he's never forgotten to put a helmet on Maggie...

...when we go out and ride our motorcycles.



...I even quit my job, the only thing I know how to do...

...because I love my daughter.


...I don't know if I am a good father, but...

...when she's with me, she's so happy.

Tell them the truth.

Uh, what else?


...we sit next to each other, watching the sea, and...


...the sun goes down... the beach...

...I feel her body shake... to me.

It's... her pulse...'s her face...'s her hair...'s her kisses...

Weren't those the lyrics to a Mexican song?

I start to shake.


What the fuck?


...your Honor...

...I don't think you should give a little girl a father...

...let her get attached to him...

...and then take him away from her, just because the mom...

...thought it over and wants her back.

What? You're a deadbeat.

That's all, your Honor.

She needs to be with her mother.

It has been very hard to come to a final decision...

...always bearing in mind the best interest of the child.

But I've decided that the girl should live with...

With the only parent she really knows.

The one who was proven willing to jump from the tallest building for her...

...and also willing to stop jumping from the tallest building for her.

Mr. Bravo...'ve earned full custody of Maggie... long as you abide by the following conditions:

You must relinquish your professional activities as a stuntman...

...- you must learn to speak English... - Yes. Yes.

...with full command of the language.

The mother should be able to visit her in accordance... the term stated by the law.

And lastly, the child should attend school on a regular basis. That's all.


Try spending less time fiddling with your neighbor's pipes.

I bet the kid isn't even his.

Come on Dad, you have to learn English!

You keep putting things away and I'll ask you.


Let's see...

What is this?

"No se".

Oh, Dad. It's so easy.

What is this?

"No se".

Come on, think.

No se!

Look... it says "NOSE". Hm?

Maggie! Mm-hm?

How do you say "pasa" in English? "Pasa"?


Hi. Raisin. Raisin.

Valentin. What's wrong?


...asked for a paternity test.

Here it is.

I'm sorry, Mr. Bravo.

You ready, Maggie?

Here, Dad. So you'll remember me.

Don't you wanna go pay the cab?

I'll wait for you downstairs, okay?

I don't wanna go!

I wanna live with you all my life!

We're gonna miss our flight.

Valentin, open the door!

Valentin, we're going to miss the flight!

Open the door!

Valentin! Open the door!

Oh, God.


Damn it.

Valentin just went out the window with the kid.

Why didn't you tell him to pay his elevator maintenance fee...

...use the damn elevator...

...and stop dirtying up my walls with his filthy feet?

Now, coming back to Mexico with me...

...doesn't mean you don't love your mom.

But it's best for you to be my paisana.

Look, if you stay in the US...

...just because you're gringa...

...over 100 million Mexicans will resent you.

Not only Mexicans, all Latin America will hate you!

Not to mention that Terminator might be your president one day.

Besides, in Mexico you'll be the envy of many dark-skinned, short girls...

...because you're blond and have blue eyes...

And you'll probably be tall and leggy...

Get in. I'll give you a ride.

My name is Lola.

Let me get this straight.

Is he or isn't he the kid's father?

He's not her father.

I mean, well, he is. But legally he's...

He's not her legal biological father.

Ma'am. Ma'am. Listen, I'm just saying he's...

You must understand. We can't just break into Mexico like that.

Why not? There is...

There is a time frame, we need reasonable ground.

Believe me, I know he is there. I'm sorry, Mrs. Weston...

...but there's nothing we can do at this time.

This is ridicu...

Look, in the meantime, we can alert airports and borders... they can keep an eye out. Are you kidding me?

Besides, do you think he would be foolish enough... hide in the first place people would look for him?

What's this?

I had to glue some, because they kept falling down...

It's not cheating!


Oh! It's so good to see you! This is Judeisi, baby.

You're so cute! How are you?

And the baby? Where is it?

Where did you leave it?

Have some vegetables, honey.

Aztec Man? The one in the movie? Mm-hm.


Ah, you're not the Aztec Man! He is.

Your father's a wuss!

Yes, yes.

He wouldn't change a light bulb because he was afraid of heights.

That's not true, is it, Dad? Yes, yes.

It's true, honey.

But your grandpa taught me not to be scared of anything.

My grandpa Johnny Bravo? Mm.

When are we going to meet him?

Didn't you hear?

Hear what?

Well, that he...

He doesn't live where he used to...

Here on Earth. I mean, he left this world.

He's gone from this life.

He went with God. I hope he's in Heaven, hopefully.

What can we do?

He's gone.

To the afterlife, because he's not here anymore.

He's not here anymore.

He's with God, right?

To live for all eternity.


He's gone, gone.

When we're gone, we're gone.

If you're dead, you never come back.

Never again. You only live once.

You can't come back.

You have to be careful with your life...


I look like him, don't I?

You do, baby. You look exactly like him.

Why didn't he ever visit us or call?

We grew apart when I was very young and...

...I never understood his way of raising me.

I thought he hated me.

I started to understand him after you were born.

Why didn't you ever call him?

I was holding a grudge.

I meant to look him up if we ever came to Acapulco, but...

I wanted to thank him.

Give him a hug.

And take him diving with us!

Will you make my dream of jumping from La Quebrada come true?

Right there. Frank, please.

Maggie is my daughter, not Valentin's.

And I know...

I know you know where they're hiding. I haven't the faintest idea.

Look, um, do your friend a favor and tell him...

Tell him if he comes back voluntarily, we won't press charges.

I don't know where they are.

I don't think Valentin understands the seriousness of the situation.

He has kidnapped an American child...

...and to make matters worse, she's not even his daughter.

If you really consider yourself Valentin's friend, you'll tell me where they are.

I can't tell you where they are because I don't know.

And even if I knew, I wouldn't tell you.

What...? Do you think we're stupid or what?

You're covering his back. Do you know we can have you charged... an accomplice in the kidnapping of an American citizen?

I'm talking to you!

Okay, that's it. I tried to be civilized.

But if this is the way you want it, you're gonna have to face the consequences.

You and that stupid, irresponsible... Renee. Renee.

Okay, okay, you want the truth? I'll give you the truth.

That stupid, irresponsible man, as you call him...

...has woken up every morning for the past four years...

...fearing that that day might be the last day he ever gets to see...

...his daughter.

Sha. Sha.

In life, there are blows...

...harder than being thrown from La Quebrada at 6 years old.

Now I know all my Dad wanted...

...was to make me ready.

It was his way of telling me that he loved me.

Of preparing me to face life.

And, though my fears have not left me altogether...

...the wolf and I have made peace.

It's just that during the time Maggie and I were together...

...we learned a thing or two about fear...

...and about life.

We learned that 7 years can count as much as 70...

...or as 700.

And that 10 dollars for a cab...

...may end up being the best investment of your life.

Watching her...

...was way better than watching the sunset.


I saw her run and wondered...

...when those skinny legs of hers would break.

It didn't last long...

...but that doesn't matter.

It was worth it.

Sometimes life surprises you and...

...hits you with one of those bombshells.

A little flaw... there... in your heart.

And then the doctor explains to you...

...that there is no explanation.

He says one day, like a butterfly emerging from a cocoon...

...that little flaw will grow and develop...

...leaving you in a coma.

Or it will just put you to sleep forever.

The doctor's prognosis finally came true.

Maggie was gone, 2 weeks after fulfilling her dream...

No, my love..., my love...!

ONE YEAR LATER In life, there are blows...

...harder than being thrown from La Quebrada at 6 years old.

I'll always carry with me...

...the memory of the two great loves of my life.

The first one...

...taught me to be ready to face life.

And the second one...

...taught me to face life...

...without being ready.

I know that Maggie is happy now...

...jumping from some cloud...

...into her grandfather's arms.

And from there...

...the two of them continue teaching me how to face life...

...without them.

Yes, your Dad is gone now. He's gone, he...

He's gone now, you know?

He... he went on ahead... to a better life.

He's much better.

He wen... he... he wen... went first.

He went on ahead.

He kicked the bucket.

He kicked... He passed away. He's better now...

He's in... in... heav... heaven, right?

With the angels, with God...

With a... with a heavenly life.

He's bett... better off than here.

He... he... feels no... no pain.

Here, he was always going on about how his feet hurt.

My hand hurts.

My nose... my nose hu... hurts.

My mouth hurts. My head hurts.

He hurt all... all... all over.

He will be better off there...

...with God, with the angels, in a heavenly life.

Where there's no pain like in this world.

Here, we even have dirt, we tred on it.

There, we'll be treading Glory.

It's better there... Better than being here.

Not in earthly life, but in a heavenly one.

It's very different being here than there...

...with God, with the angels.

He'll be bett... better off there.

There's a sea... a sea there, too...

A sea and everything.

When I go to Acapulco, my problems soon disappear.

Oh, oh, oh.

On the bus coming here, there was a beautiful girl.

Ah, ah, ah.

And I told her "Baby, let's get down!"

Acapulco, Acapulco, Acapulco is my love.

Acapulco, Acapulco, Acapulco is my love.

Acapulco, Acapulco,