Iron Sky (2012) Script

Approaching Terminator line.

Roger that, be advice radio static Understand

....


Seven, three, eleven

Looking good. Landing vector optimum touch down in t-minus 12

11, 10, 9 ...

8, 7, 6 ...

5, 4, 3 ...

2, 1.

Now drop the banners All set Must we?

The Eagle has landed baby. Please keep that fool off the main frequency

Are getting a reading on you end too, Sanders?

Mission control I can confirm vast quantity of Helium 3 The reading are stronger this way You're breaking up, pls be advice you may be nearing meteor shower...

Adjust to communicate....

No fucking way Hey Sanders, what do you do with that thing hopping around over there?

I thought you suppose to take some photos of me?

Washington, have you got a visual on ... What was that, Houston?

Hey Washington, it's Helium 3, What?

It's Helium 3 mine. Get over here! Hey there's something over here you need to see No, Sanders! Sanders!

Oh god

Houston!, Houston! Son-of-a-bitch I need to get out of here


IRON SKY


Sieg Heil, Mondjugendunterführerin Renate Richter!

Heil Hitler.

Boys and girls, please sit down.

Dieter, don't you know where to put your behind?

Since Mondführer's 65th birthday the appropriate salute has been "Heil Kortzfleischr"!

You're such an exemplary boy.

Today, we'll start with the most unpatriotic language.

It's the language we need to know when we return to those who need our help.

In English, now Where are we from?

Siegfried. The earth and when did we leave?

Brunhild 1945.

And where did we go? The dark side of the moon.

Brilliant


THE WHITE HOUSE WASHINGTON DC Don't try to play dumb with me It was your bad idea to send those idiots to the moon Talk about disaster No disrespect madam president but i'm pretty sure it was your idea It was my great idea have they succeeded, now it's your stupid idea. Got it?

I didn't hire you for stupid ideas I hire you because of your modest touch Now my polls are in the toilet and that election is just weeks You'd drop the ball Vivian Now, I need a miracle. Get me a miracle

Actually how was sending those two astronauts to the moon to getting me reelected?

We haven? been to the moon for fifty years. One of them was black.

Thought it would look good Look good how?

Like I said one of them was black Just think of the opportunity we wasted years ago with that errand boy, Alan Powell?

Colin Powell. That was close And where are you going? The UN, to do my job

The Great Dictator by Charlie Chaplin.

It is one of the world famous short films. which illustrates in ten minutes his wish that one day, the entire world that we will be in the great fuhrer wise and gentle hands Any questions? I have a question.

In my classroom we are here to strictly form a manner in addressing one another To what do we owe the honor of this visit?

We capture an earthling. Your expertise is required


I love sauerkraut.

And Volkswagen. Driving pleasure.

German words.

Where I come from we speak German too

You'll be sorry you did that white boy


You are a knock-out

How do I get out of here?

Thanks lady. Have a nice day No, Mr. subhuman. This is the air lock No.


You may cover up a bit All good?

I know a lot of important people.

Even the President of America.

If you kill me, then it's really fuck-up situation

You know the president of USA?

Thanks homie I talk to you later babe

Question, what is this apparatus?

Look man, how would I know? I'm just model.

A model of what? Citizen? No, a model model Damn, what's wrong with you two? Blind or something?

Shit, I'm pretty. Are you part of the short trip before the invasion?

Invasion? Man, you all must be tripping What is your mission?

Look dude, I just follow the paycheck, you know what I'm saying?

What is this device? That's my kick-ass cellphone and a computer. What?

That's not a computer.

This is a computer.

No, that's ancient history homie


UNTIED WORLD CONFEDERACY, NY I am telling you once again..

One moment we receive conformation that the ship has landed successfully on the moon The next, all communication stop The signal simply vanished Or you're hiding something from us?

Yeah, we are hiding something on the dark side of the moon I still find it very difficult to believe that entire purpose of the mission to promote your president reelection Well believe what you like, we had the senators spend hundred-of-million of campaigns to get her elected the dog-shit-post But Mr Secretary, the expenses involve this time only makes sense if it were a military test Okay, lets get this clear The united state has no military activity on the moon What about natural resources activity?

We know how the US sometimes mixes the two up Is there any chance that you are looking for Helium 3 up there?

Helium 3? You just made that up didn't you?

That's so silly PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN HQ, NY

I assume these are just preliminary idea?

Sir, we have a very small delivery window Sir? Yes, sir.

Ma'am, and this is all.

Anyone who does not head of the department, should leave

You idiots.

You morons! That's an insult to morons What is this shit?

I have a meeting with the President of the United States of America. tomorrow fucking morning Not with the President of Zambia.

Not with the President of the Janitor's Union But with the president of the country which we all live.

Terrible useless idiots.

What am I suppose to tell her?

That my employees are not intelligent enough to be fucking morons?


Are you willing to work with the fuhrer ... in the name of the fatherland, stand behind the Wehrmacht.

This decision does not resolve all of us ...

Thank you. I thought my ears would start bleeding.

You're welcome

May I ask what you name is?

James Washington.

What yous? Renate Richter.

It is a pleasure to meet you, Washington James Washington.

What's wrong with your skin?

Come on now please, you have met a brother before, right?

No, I'm an only child. No, I didn't mean like that I meant a black man No and this continues to confuse me because you are much blacker then we first met Okay girl, look either i'm black or you're blind Look, what is going to happen to me? I mean, what with this guy sticking need in me?

What about that angry dude? My father sticking needles into you?

That freaking scientist guy? That your dad?

And what about you know....

Mr. Nachrichten羹bermittlungs-Oberf羹hrer Adler?

I'm sorry, what? Klaus Adler.

He's going to be the next fuhrer.

And my husband.

Did you lose a bet or something? I mean....

Lucky you Actually, lucky him

I shouldn't even be here You cannot leave me tied up like this

Please do me a favor. What?

Play a Nazi And if I don't?

They will eliminate you. Oh great

Is there a different radio station?

With the upcoming war ...

He's back.


With the prisoner now is one of us we go down to the earth.

He will help us to find more telephone computers And then get G繹tterd瓣mmerung flying.


UPSTATE, NEW YORK


Can you smell that? No. We don? have time to waste Take me to that president of yours What? The President?

Come on man, I thought you want me to take you to Mac store or something You said that you know the President of The United States of America.

Right, of course That President.

May I meet this President too?

Hey, Mrs. Richter, welcome to my planet.

Get the hell out of my property You got to get out of here


Hold on there Boss man That may not be the sharpest move Let me go talk to those guys They know me, I one of them Are you with me?

Now you're talking Now

I am happy to see you all man You all know me.

Washington. I mean ...

That ain't one of yours, is it? Because I... don't take that out I'm a peace loving brother

Are you alright? Do I look alright to you Mrs. Richter?

What the hell just happen?

You know..

No, mother-f way

What did you guys do to me?

I should've told you What? That I look like a polar bear?

You two really fuck up a guy business Idiots, what is wrong with you.

We made you Aryan, you one of us now You should be thanking us Thanking you?

What I should have done is let those brother come here with a size 15 put those foot so far up your ass to can taste the toe nail for 2 weeks Klaus.

Bring me to your leader, James Washington.

Hey, what the fuck? Excuse me Get your hands off me, you mother...

You can use her to you boss? Yes, she's the cheese And she knows the president? Yes, they are really tight

Come on.

Dirty bastards. Do you know who I am? huh?

You just kidnapped the wrong woman The wrong fucking woman I hope your having a good time I'll kick your fucking ass.

Excellent.

My turn.

I am Commander Klaus Adler of the 4th Reich We are based on the moon I'm told you know the president of the United States of the Americas.

You will take us to that the President, because ...

I have a very special present for him For him?

Well he'll loved that He just loves presents.

As soon as my mission is accomplished Nazi invading forces will be called in under my direction and we will end the good times for the bad people And how do you propose to do that?

We will simply eliminate them. What?

Sorry, that is not what we are told Renate, I do not think that you ...

Yeah. Why not?

Why tell you this woman why we are here like you keep telling your children I would love to do that You see... the National Socialist Party is the party is the people's party, nothing more...

We wish to return to earth with our message of peace and unity love through virtue and kindness, for example.

We are healthy, in mind and body.

Our spirits are brave and true We achieved that because we are strong, disciplined in our cause There is simply no believe that they can match our ... because peace and unity is the gift that we bring to all mankind.

What you and all earthlings need to know ... Yeah, I get it

This is good.

This is going to work.

You, I need And you ...

I want Alright, lets go meet the president


Madam President ... here's the miracle you asked for.

Who is that man? He will lead the campaign troops

Renate, please ...

It's very simple The world is sick ... and we are the doctors.

The world has anemia and we are the vitamin.

The world is weary, but we are the strength We are here to make the world healthy again.

With hard work ... with honesty, with clarity, with decency.

We are the product of loving mothers and brave fathers.

We are the embodiment of love and bravery.

We are the gift of both God and science.

We are the answer to the question.

We are the promise delivered to all mankind For that we raise our hand, to one nation.

We step to the beat of one drum

....of this world We are the people that the children on our shoulders.

In the same way as our fathers carry us and their fathers before them.

We are the one people united and strong We are the one people with certainty We are invincible and we have no fear Because the truth makes us one.

The moon Nazis are coming. What's wrong with you people, can't you see?

Look, I've been there. I'm telling you.

They have all this moon base space thing, and they come to take over You must listen because the Nazis are coming.

They coming to get us all. Why don't you listen to me? I mean ...

Renata Washington. James Washington.

I'm so glad to see you alive.

Look out young one, this bitch that make me white Come on people, help me.

Help me.

I save your life

So, you're a formerly dead, black model ... who is now suddenly a living white hobo after spending the weekend on the moon. Is that correct?

Yes, that's correct So I was listening And you are Neil Armstrong after his sex change. Is this correct?

No, that is not correct You were not listening at all.

My name is Richter. Renate Richter.

I tried to save this man life and I think he's stupid, childish and ungrateful Ask Mrs. Moon-Nazi here, was I, or was I not on the dark side of the moon Yes, Mr. James Washington was on the dark side of the moon.

There, what did I tell you I am black, but now I'm white. I went to the dark side of the moon, but i'm now back.

The Nazis are coming to kill us all And you are going to be so sorry that you don't listened to me.

Mr. James Washington, Why are you sa upset?

Get lost. But I didn't understand We make you white We talked to your National Socialist Party about peace and unity You people have robbed me of everything.

My race, my identity, my career.

And I think I am losing my mind too I mean just everything Do you know this?

Yes.

Come on in. I will explain it to you Then you'll understand it.

You're a beautiful lady I'll give you that You pay for the popcorn.

125 MINUTES LATER What bullshit

It was ...

It was so long. They could edited down a bit He was mocking the fuhrer I sensing a lot of nazis you don't know But I am a Nazi Yeah, I know but you not like Well like them A bunch of stupid bullies No, I'm sure they're good boys and loyal to the Reich look, they are wearing the symbol of love The swastika? Yes.

I have never heard they call that before.

No.

What we got here, blond hair, blue eyes, nice rack Even Hitler will get a hard-on Look guys, we don't want any trouble Get lost hobo I gotta plenty stories to tell Stop that, that is enough

What she needs is a good war A war always make the president popular.

I might be able to help her there What do you mean?

One word from me, and the invasion will begin soon

You never break character do you? No.

I can never be broken You smell so good. The time has come

I will show you my plans.

Come here.

Look I want to show you something Oh big fella All work and no play?

Now listen, don't you think if I strangle the president ...

Will the troops stay in line with us?

When I ordered the moon invasion It will be quietless bloodshed.

If I eliminate the moon fuhrer.

Klaus Adler.

So Klaus, is the clown joining us?

Did you bought tickets?

Don't you want to introduce me to your friends Get your hooks off me your piece-of-shit I make it worthwhile for you. Let me go.


I am here to tell you that I have nothing with you or your plan You Nazi-piece-of-shit


Nazis are stupid.

My compliments on your marksmanship

Shame. She was such a nice girl Just have to kill her later So, it was real?

All this time. Never doubt a Nazi, beautiful woman.

Goodbye, fasionista I have a planet to conquer


I will just grab this Bye Good luck with the rest of your life.

Unbelievable


Thank you, Kelly.Moments ago New York has been under attack Witness claiming seeing hundred of UFO's appearing suddenly over the city and opening fire Billy get that Are you getting that?

Kelly, the craft is at least 60 feet across I'm seeing what appears to be a weapon of some-kind dangling around Oh my god it's opening fire I'm going to hide There is little or no information.

Ok you see the thing is, Klaus I know this was you doing.

It's wonderful It's wonderful?

It's brilliant. I'm a wartime president now.

All presidents that start war in their first term of office always get reelected, I was thought, I have to bomb Australia or something No, you bring me real Who are these guys anyway? Nazis. from the moon. Real life Nazis?

Holy shit, this just getting better and better You a miracles work of thing.

They are the only guys we actually manage to beat in a fair fight?

I'm like Franklin D. Roosevelt. but no, I'm not spastic.

I knew you'll be excited So, if you're Roosevelt, who is your General Patton or MacArthur.

Minister of Defense. Do you have any thought on this?

Send her.

Me? Hey you're the miracle worker.

Apparently you dodged bullet too I wouldn't know.. What to wear? You think of something You're always do.. Madam President Ready to face the music?


Escape from the Nazis.

Take us upstate We need to go back to the moon We?, rhymes with me. I'm ain't going They got a G繹tterd瓣mmerung all around the moon. I don't give a damn what they have I'm not going back. You want to look like that for the rest of your life?

Great, now this is my fault Let me in I am no hero, James.

I need you.


Did you know how to drive this thing?

Well can't be any different playing 'wing commander'

Lets try..


I swear we do not have nothing on the moon Japan? It is not ours China? It is not us It's bloody well not ours I confess Yes, North Korea? Confess to what?

The spaceships are ours.

Our beloved leader designed and build it himself

What's so funny? All right, North Korea. Sit down.

So, it was you India, I knew that No, no this is a sign of peace That is the sign of peace These thugs are Nazis I mean the real, original.

They have been hiding on the moon waiting to pounce My question is, what you all planning to about it?

We happen to have a little something of our own And I'm sure that you'll be thankful for it May I present to you tomorrow exploration ship the USS George W Bush.

Good work, take it to Officer Tyler.

This is trajectory, how your status on the orbit window Commander on deck

The hostile fleet's has launched a full scale aerial attack against the US These Zeppelins appear to be carriers and they are operating fully within the thermosphere Each of them approximately carrying 200 enemy vessel and are extremely Hell have no fury, Mr. Adler.

Alright kiddies let get this show on the road

Vivian, you look great. How is it going up there?

Madam President, I couldn't be better I am packing dozen of mega tonne of nuclear warhead which I am going to carefully place on Klaus's ass As soon I get him on my sight Carry on, kick butt Let what them baby can do


Working at optimum capacity Ammunition consumption within tolerance

We going under extremes enemy fires We need reinforcement right now

What the hell is the meaning of this?

Good day mate this Australian ship, the Indurain 1. Ready to ass Spitfire reporting in Hanging there W Canada joining the battle It's a direct violation of international space treaty that you all signed, every single one of you Ready to join the battles

That is suppose to be destroyed It is an outrage, you all lies just like my ex-husband Come down lady, come down Don't you lady me, Russian Okay who didn't armed their spaceship?

Great, great. That's just great You all gave me your word You always broke yours We always break ours, this is what we do Okay fine fine fine Let just beat shit out of this prick and talk about the details later


This is beautiful

Where the hell are we going? To the G繹tterd瓣mmerung.

I think Klaus will be there.

What did you think of that?

Alright, what about this moon business What you say we going there and slap around a bit Klaus, baby I coming to get you.


What the hell is this place? This is the G繹tterd瓣mmerung.

It will liberate the earth Actually It is the biggest war machine ever built.

This is the bridge. There's where I'm going I need to find your father.

Where do you think he at? I think you will find him over there Try to sneak in, and please paralyze the engine Or otherwise the earth is destroyed. Note to self, paralyze the engine No. You be careful I mean you know... What?

Because you likes me. Right...

Oh, come on, a little

You like me....

We have a visual on the Nazi fortress, commander

Obviously i'm overstated Klaus Alright, everyone, let get those nukes in action I declaring this fortress a free-fire-zone But there are woman and children there The United States of America does not negotiate with terrorists.

Prime warhead on secondary armament Roger that Prepare all available warhead on ground... Fire the fucking nukes

Nukes away


Job well done


Do you remember me?

The moon spook you turn into snowflakes


Oh shit, it's alive


He must have the smallest dick in the universe.

Time

to fight back.

Everyone, take position around this fat fellas and wait for my command to open fire.

Offensive ground confirmed Let her rip


Washington, do you hear me? Where are you?

You need to shut down the engine I'm working on it.


I congratulate you.

High five Well that was disappointing

Do you think he suffered? Even just a little?

Vivian, I knew you could do it. Sensational, all the way. Congratulations.

What's Helium 3'? Helium Did you say Helium 3?

Yes, there like about 15 to 20 giant towers that are full of these stuffs That's ours. It is? Why?

Helium 3, will make the U.S. independent of all energy needs for thousand of years Yes, it's ours.

Hear me out The moon is American soil moon flag, star and stripes Who beat the moon Nazis? We did, well...

Well, you help out here and there but ultimately it is just like WWII ... and who won that? We did You lie. Don't believe me?

Watch the movie. Movies don't lies.

Not the shoes, jesus Vivian, this is the Minister of Defense.

Defend Helium 3 at all costs. Defend against who?

Against everybody


Unfortunately that's the story of revenge Never really works out the way you wanted too I feel lonely.

Allowing our hearts, or we will burn ... burn in hell, burning in eternal damnation.

Renata

Washington.

You are alive.

It's okay

And you're in a way you meant to be

Are you aware you are kissing a black man?

I guess they have a lot of work cut out.