Jack-Jack Attack (2005) Script

GIRL: Wow, it's dark in here.

-Wow and now it's too bright. -MAN: File 82-7-0-2.

Agent Rick Dicker interrogating.

-Wow. -State your name.

Kari McKeen. It's like Carrie, only with a "K" instead of a "C", and an "ah" instead of an "a", only one "R," and an "I" instead of an "I-E."

Tell me about the incident.

Well, it started out like any normal sitting gig, you know, with the reassuring of the parent and all.

Mrs. Parr, I can totally handle anything this baby can dish out.

Can't I, little boo boo?

Who can handle it? Who can handle it?

-(LINE GOES DEAD) -Mrs. Parr? Mrs. Parr?

Oh well, she knows you're in good hands.

Now, who's ready for some neurological stimulation?

Huh?

(COOING) Mama mama mama.

It's time for cognitive develop...

(DELIGHTED SCREAM)

Who's the goo-goo baby? Where's the hiding... huh?

That was really weird. Wait right here.

(RINGING, BEEP)

Hello, Mrs. Parr, this is Kari. I have a question about Jack-Jack.

Can you call me? Aah!

(BABBLING)

Jack-Jack. Baby? Where are you?

Where are... Aah!

Mrs. Parr, it's me. Jack-Jack is fine, but weird things are happening, and you need to tell me what to do, 'cause I'm... (GASPS)

-(JACK-JACK GIGGLES) -How'd you get...? (SCREAMS)

(GRUNTS, GASPS)

(PANTING)

(LAUGHING)

-(GASPS) -(DELIGHTED SCREAM)

(COOING, LAUGHS)

We're gonna calm things down a bit now, and look at flash cards.

-Won't that be fun? -(LAUGHS)

-Triangle. -(BABBLES)

-Good. House. -(BABBLES)

Good. Campfire.

Ah...

-(SCREAMS) -(LAUGHING)

Ah! Don't panic. Baby on fire. Baby on fire.

(COOING, LAUGHING)

Good baby! Nice baby.

(BABBLING)

(LAUGHS)

(DOORBELL RINGS)

-Yes? -Is this the Parr's residence?

(LAUGHS) Yes. I'm Kari, the babysitter.

Well, hello, Kari. I'm...

You're my replacement. Thank heaven you've come!

What does "S" stand for?

For sitter. Yeah, sitter.

Originally, I was gonna have initials for babysitter, but I would have been going around wearing a big "BS."

You understand why I couldn't go with that.

-And you believed him? -The baby was exploding!

You ever sit an exploding baby before, Mr. Dicker?

-What's that? -Have you told anyone about this?

-Your parents? -They thought I was being funny.

But you believe me, don't you, Mr. Dicker?

-Sure, kid. -I wish I could forget the whole thing.

You will, kid.

You will.


JACK-JACK: Ga ga!

(LAUGHS)