Jailbait (2000) Script

[ Engine Revving ] [ Rock ]


[ Teenage Girl Narrating ] GOD, ISN'T HE ADORABLE?

HE'S MY BOYFRIEND, AND WE'RE GOING TO BE MARRIED AND HAVE KIDS...

AND GO TO COLLEGE TOGETHER SOMEDAY.

IF YOU OVERLOOK THE STORY OF OUR EXCRUCIATING SENIOR YEAR, HE'S THE ULTIMATE FUTURE HUSBAND.

HI, I'M ADAM FISHER. I'M A SENIOR OVER AT THE HIGH SCHOOL.

GO HOGS!

I KNOW THIS IS A BIT EARLY TO ASK YOU THIS, SINCE THIS IS THE FIRST TIME WE MET AND ALL, BUT IT'S REAL IMPORTANT TO ME TO BE THE KIND OF GUY THAT GOD WANTS ME TO BE.

YOU SEE, THE ONE THING I'M REALLY STRUGGLING WITH...

IS IF DOING IT IS SO BAD, WHY DID GOD MAKE IT FEEL SO GOOD?

[ Girls Giggling ]

HEY, HOW'S IT GOING?

UM, LADIES, MAYBE YOU SHOULD STOP BY THE NEW MEMBERS' RECEPTION...

AT REVEREND LEMKO'S OFFICE.

HE KIND OF REFERRED ME TO YOU, SINCE, LIKE, YOU'RE THE YOUTH PASTOR AND ALL.

LADIES, PLEASE.

WHERE YOU GIRLS GOING?

MAYBE YOU SHOULD TRY THE CHURCH DOWN THE STREET.

WEDNESDAY NIGHT, 8:00.

CHURCH AT NIGHT? COOL.

HEY, COULD I BRING A DATE?

[ Girl Narrating ] OKAY, SO ADAM WAS AT AN IMPASSE ABOUT SEX, BUT I COMPLETELY UNDERSTOOD.

COULD I BRING TWO DATES?

[ Girl ] ALL HIS FRIENDS WERE HAVING A LOT OF SEX.

APPARENTLY, THAT'S WHAT HIGH SCHOOL WAS INVENTED FOR.

BUT EVERYONE KNOWS THAT SEX ISN'T ANY FUN WHEN YOU'RE NOT MARRIED.

YOU NEED A LIFELONG COMMITMENT SO THAT THERE'S REAL INTIMACY.

THAT'S WHAT MY FATHER SAYS.

YOU SEE, I'M SMART. I'M WAITING UNTIL WE'RE MARRIED TO GIVE MYSELF TO ADAM.

AND DESPITE THE LARGE AMOUNT OF SEX THAT OCCURS IN HIGH SCHOOL, I KNEW I WAS MAKING THE RIGHT CHOICE.

THEY DON'T LOOK LIKE THEY'RE HAVING ANY FUN AT ALL.

[ Moaning ]

[ Squeaking ]

[ Girl ] OKAY! ENOUGH!

ADAM UNDERSTOOD EXACTLY HOW I FELT ABOUT THIS.

HE LOVED THAT I WAS PURE AND VIRGINAL.

MY STOCK VALUE WAS VERY, VERY HIGH AT OUR SCHOOL.

WE WERE THE MOST POPULAR SENIORS.

AND ALSO VERY IN LOVE.

AND YOU GOT TO ADMIT, WE DO LOOK GOOD TOGETHER.

YEAH, THAT'S ME, AMBER.

THE FUTURE MRS. ADAM.

WE WERE THE BEST LOOKING, BEST DRESSED, MOST POPULAR STUDENTS IN SCHOOL.

WE'D BEEN GOING STEADY SINCE THE TENTH GRADE, AND EXCEPT FOR ADAM'S OCCASIONAL FLIRTING, WE'VE NEVER HAD ANY PROBLEMS.

I'M NOT TRYING TO BRAG, BUT EVERYBODY LOVED US.

LIFE WAS PERFECT.

THEN ONE DARK FALL AFTERNOON AT THE LOCAL LITTLE CHICKEN, MY POOR BOYFRIEND WAS TRICKED INTO RUINING IT ALL.

I KNEW HE COULDN'T HELP IT.

HE WAS A VICTIM, REALLY.

SHE LIVED IN A TRAILER. SHE KNEW HOW TO CONFUSE HIS YOUNG MIND.

I MEAN, LOOK AT HER.

[ Pop ] I'D ALMOST DO HER.

MOST GIRLS WOULD DUMP THEIR BOYFRIENDS FOR SOMETHING LIKE THIS, BUT I KNEW THAT HE WAS WEAK AND JUST COULDN'T HELP IT.

[ MOANING ]

OH, BABY! OH, YES! OHH!

[ Gasping And Moaning ]

YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH!

CHOCOLATE SUNDAE, EXTRA CREAM.

WELL? DID YOU DO HER, BRO?

YOU KNOW I DON'T HUMP AND TELL.

OH, MY GOD, YOU DID HER.

DON'T TELL ANYBODY, OKAY?

AMBER WOULD BE PISSED OFF IF SHE FOUND OUT.

DUDE, WE WON'T TELL A SOUL.

WE WON'T SAY A THING. NOT A WORD.

DUDE, HE DID HER IN THE BATHROOM AT THE DINER.

I MEAN, SHE WAS LIKE--

TOTALLY HOT.

I THINK SHE'S A SOPHOMORE.

COME ON, DUDE, PUSH! THIS IS GONNA BE HIS GREATEST BIRTHDAY EVER.

WE'RE GONNA GET SO RIPPED! [ Laughing ]

DID YOU HERE ABOUT ADAM AND THAT SOPHOMORE SLUT?

OH, I KNOW.

I CAN'T BELIEVE HE'S DOING THIS TO AMBER.

DOES AMBER HAVE A CLUE WHAT'S GOING ON?

I DON'T THINK SO. POOR AMBER.

POOR AMBER.

POOR AMBER.

POOR... POOR...

HELLO! AMBER!

UH, SURPRISE! SURPRISE!

[ Cheering ]

FOR ME? HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

HEY, BIG GUY! YOU'RE EIGHTEEN!

OH, THANKS, MAN. YOU'RE THE BEST!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BRO! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MAN!

SURPRISE!


HI!

[ Amber Narrating ] BUT AS CUTE AS HE IS, I'VE ALWAYS BEEN ABLE TO CONTROL MY OWN SEXUAL IMPULSES.

NO MATTER HOW HARD HE TRIED, I HELD MY GROUND.

ADAM AND GINGER CONTINUED TO SEE EACH OTHER BEHIND MY BACK.

SO, AMBER, ARE YOU GONNA GIVE ADAM...

SOMETHING EXTRA SPECIAL FOR HIS BIRTHDAY?

WELL, I'M DEFINITELY GOING TO TEASE HIM A LITTLE BIT.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "TEASE HIM"?

UM, IT'S WHAT I ALWAYS DO.

IT'S CALLED "EXERCISING MY WOMANLY WAYS."

[ Amber Narrating ] I FELT SAFE KNOWING THAT ADAM LOVED ME AND WOULD ALWAYS BE MINE, UNAWARE THAT GINGER WAS SUCKING HIM INTO A LUSTFUL ABYSS.

AS AGONIZING AS IT WAS FOR ADAM, IT COULDN'T LAST.

BESIDES, GINGER ALREADY HAD A STEADY BOYFRIEND, AND HE WAS SCHEDULED FOR PAROLE IN A FEW SHORT MONTHS.

I GOT A BOYFRIEND HE'S A BAD BOY HE'S MY FAVORITE HE'S MY JOY I GOT A BOYFRIEND DANGER BOY

[ Amber Narrating ] I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M SHOWING YOU THIS SCENE RIGHT NOW, BUT I BET IF YOUR A BOY, YOU'RE PAYING ATTENTION NOW.

REALLY CLOSE ATTENTION.


"AND I CAN'T WAIT TILL WE'RE TOGETHER AT LAST, ONCE MORE.

"BEING APART IS SO PAINFUL.

P.S. I REALLY MISS YOUR HUGE TOOL."

[ Laughing ] ISN'T SHE THE SWEETEST THING?

DEFINITELY A KEEPER. OH!

[ Amber ] OH, BUT GINGER AND ADAM WOULD SOON PAY THE PRICE FOR THEIR SINS.

[ Train Whistle Blaring ]

C'MON, C'MON, C'MON!

THIRTY MORE SECONDS. [ Woman ] WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING?

OH, NOTHING, MOM.

WELL, THEN GET YOUR LAZY ASSES OUT TO THE FREAKIN' STORE AND PICK ME UP CIGARETTES.

SURE, OKAY.

JUST DO IT NOW!

C'MON! [ Mother ] MENTHOL!

IT'S BLUE!

BLUE MEANS I'M PREGNANT, YOU DUMB ASS!

IT'S BLUE.

DAMN! [ Kicks Wall ]

OOPS!

LOOK, MAYBE IT WAS SOMETHING YOU ATE. YOU THINK?

YEAH, LIKE BAD CORN OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

NO, BECAUSE I DIDN'T EAT ANYTHING TODAY. WHAT'RE WE GOING TO DO?

CAN'T WE GET RID OF IT?

SURE, IF WE HAD 400 BUCKS.

400? THERE MUST BE SOME KIND OF HOME KIT.

NO, I DON'T THINK SO.

C'MON. HOW HARD CAN IT BE?

[ Croaking ]

MMM. KIND OF TANGY.

YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO LIKE IT.

WELL, I AM PREGNANT.

DO YOU FEEL ANYTHING? WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO FEEL?

I DON'T KNOW. SOMETHING DROPPING.

I DON'T THINK SO. AW, DAMN!

MAYBE IF YOU PUNCHED ME IN THE STOMACH OR THREW ME DOWN A FLIGHT OF STAIRS.

WELL, MY MOM WOULD GET MAD IF YOU MARKED UP THE WALLS AND STUFF.

C'MON, LET'S KEEP TRYING.

[ Crashing, Splashing ]

[ Amber ] WHEN ALL THEIR OPTIONS RAN OUT, ADAM DECIDED TO DO THE RIGHT THING AND TELL HIS UNDERSTANDING PARENTS.

SO, GINGER, IT'S ALWAYS NICE TO MEET A NEW FRIEND OF ADAM'S.

ACTUALLY, WE'RE MORE THAN JUST FRIENDS.

ADAM, AREN'T YOU AND AMBER STILL GOING STEADY?

OH, YEAH, SURE, BUT GINGER AND I AREN'T GOING OUT.

WE'RE JUST DOING IT.

YOU DO REALIZE THIS ISN'T VERY CHRIST-LIKE BEHAVIOR.

JESUS WOULD DEFINITELY NOT APPROVE.

HONEY, I DON'T MEAN TO BE HARD ON YOU, BUT JESUS WAS AGAINST SEX FOR PLEASURE.

EXCEPT IN THE MOVIE I SAW ON CABLE WITH DAVID BOWIE, WHERE JESUS SLEPT WITH THIS CHICK.

LUCKY BASTARD.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOUR MOTHER LETS YOU WATCH SUCH FILTH.

ACTUALLY, MY MOM DOESN'T REALLY CARE WHAT I DO, ALTHOUGH MY BEING KNOCKED-UP MIGHT GET A RISE OUT OF HER.

WHAT?

OH, I'M PREGNANT. YOU KNOW, LIKE MARY WAS WITH JESUS, EXCEPT I KNOW WHO THE FATHER IS.

DEAR LORD!

JEEZ, HONEY, ARE YOU OKAY? MOM?

YES. I JUST NEED A LITTLE AIR.

LOOK, MOM, DAD, I KNOW THIS MIGHT NOT BE THE BEST TIMING, BUT CAN I HAVE $400?

FOUR HUNDRED DOLLARS? WHAT IN THE WORLD FOR?

WELL, GINGER AND I, WE WANTED TO TAKE CARE OF THE BABY.

HONEY, I DON'T MEAN TO BURST YOUR BUBBLE, BUT IT'S GOING TO TAKE A LOT MORE THAN $400 TO TAKE CARE OF THE BABY.

WELL, HOW MUCH IS IT GOING TO COST THEN?

THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS TO CONSIDER:

FOOD, CLOTHING, DIAPERS.

WE WERE THINKING IT WOULD BE CHEAPER IF WE DIDN'T--

OH, GINGER, DON'T YOU WORRY ABOUT THE COST.

ADAM'S FATHER AND I WILL DO WHATEVER WE CAN TO HELP.

A BABY IS A GIFT FROM GOD.

A BUNDLE OF PURE JOY.

EVEN IF IT IS A BASTARD.

AND I'M SURE YOUR PARENTS WILL FEEL THE SAME WAY, WON'T THEY, HONEY?

[ Man And Woman Arguing ]

MAYBE YOUR MOTHER WILL BE HAPPY TO HEAR THE NEWS.

YEAH, RIGHT. YOU DON'T KNOW MY MOM.

SHE'S A COMPLETE PSYCHO.

WHAT ABOUT YOUR STEPDAD?

HE'S QUEER.

NO WAY!

WAY.

HE LIVES IN QUEENS WITH HIS BOYFRIEND.

WOW!

THEY HAVE THEIR OWN CITY AND EVERYTHING?

SHE'S GONNA BE SO PISSED.

LOOK, YOU SAW HOW WELL MY PARENTS TOOK IT. I MEAN--

MAYBE YOUR MOTHER WILL TAKE IT BETTER THAN YOU THINK.

YOU'RE WHAT?

I'M PREGNANT.

WELL, YOU GOOD FOR NOTHING, LEG SPREADING, OVER-OVULATING LITTLE SLUT!

I HATE YOU.

WHORE!

BITCH!

I'M GONNA KILL YOU.

LET'S GO!

HELL-BOUND HUSSY!

I'M GONNA GUT YOU LIKE A FISH, AND WEAVE YOUR INTESTINES INTO MACRAME!

SHE'S CRAZY. WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO NOW?

I DON'T KNOW. YOU'RE THE MAN. AREN'T YOU GONNA DO SOMETHING BRAVE?

YEAH, YEAH!

[ Mother ] I'M GONNA GET YOU, YOU WHORE.

YOU--

YOU MOLESTING SON OF A--

GET AWAY FROM--

GET OF MY HOUSE, YOU LITTLE LUSTY SCUMBAG!

YOU WHORE!

YOU LITTLE HELL-BOUND HUSSY!

[ Screaming ]

LET ME GO! GET AWAY FROM ME!

SHE'S MY FRIGGIN' DAUGHTER! I CAN KILL HER IF I WANT TO!

I MADE HER!

YOU! YOU IMPREGNATING MOLESTER.

YOU OUGHT TO BE ARRESTING HIM.

HE KNOCKED UP MY BABY!

IT'S A GOOD THING YOUR NEIGHBOR HEARD YOU AND CALLED US.

OH, GOD. THIS TIME WAS THE WORST. I REALLY THOUGHT WE WERE GONERS.

IT MUST HAVE BEEN PRETTY SCARY FOR YOU KIDS, HUH?

YEAH, IT WAS A GOOD THING I WAS THERE TO PROTECT HER. RIGHT.

ARE WE FREE TO GO NOW, OFFICER?

ACTUALLY, WE NEED THIS LITTLE LADY TO COME DOWN, SPEAK TO SOCIAL SERVICES.

DO I HAVE TO?

WE NEED TO GET YOU CHECKED OUT, MISS, FOR THE BABY AND ALL.

SO HOW FAR ALONG ARE YOU?

HUH?

YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHEN THE BABY WAS CONCEIVED?

WHEN DID YOU KNOCK HER UP?

OH. WELL, I'M NOT SURE, REALLY.

MAYBE IT WAS THAT FIRST TIME WE DID IT BACK AT THE LITTLE CHICKEN.

OR AT YOUR BIRTHDAY PARTY. YOUR BIRTHDAY PARTY?

YEAH. THE BIG ONE-EIGHT. NOW I'M OLD ENOUGH TO GET DRUNK IN CANADA.

SO YOU THINK IT'S ONE OF THOSE TWO OCCASIONS, HUH?

MAYBE IT WAS THAT TIME WHEN WE DID IT IN THE MALL.

OR WHEN ROCKY LET US USE HIS PARENTS' HOT TUB.

OR THAT TIME WHEN WE WERE IN THE BACK ROW OF THE MOVIE THEATER.

[ Mother Shouting ] ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT!

WE'D BETTER GET GOING.

WAIT. WILL YOU COME DOWN WITH ME, PLEASE?

I'LL-- YOU IN THE COP CAR.

I'LL TAKE A RAIN CHECK.

[ Mother ] GET HIM IN HERE! I WANT TO KILL HIM!

[ Amber ] GINGER'S MOTHER CONTINUED TO BE UNREASONABLE...

SO ADAM WAS QUICK TO LEND A HELPING HAND.

HERE WE ARE.

IT'S NO PROBLEM, HONEY. YOU STAY WITH US UNTIL THINGS CALM DOWN AT HOME.

JUST TRY NOT TO STEAL ANYTHING.

THAT'S VERY NICE OF YOU, MRS. FISHER.

WELL, AFTER ALL, YOU ARE CARRYING OUR FIRST ILLEGITIMATE GRANDCHILD.

THAT MAKES YOU ONE OF THE FAMILY NOW.

[ Amber ] HEARTWARMING, ISN'T IT?

A TOTAL MOMENT FOR THE FAMILY ALBUM.

[ School Bell Ringing ]

[ Amber ] ADAM WOULD SOON SUFFER THE FULL CONSEQUENCES OF HIS ACTIONS.

BUT FOR NOW, HE REMAINED BLISSFULLY IGNORANT, AS YOU CAN SEE BY THIS DREAM SEQUENCE.

[ Pop ]

[ Amber ] BABY, HIT HER ONE MORE TIME. PLEASE.

[ Continues ]

DO YOU THINK ABOUT US AND MAKIN' LOVE DO YOU WANNA GET WITH ME WITH ME WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT ME

WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT ME

WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT ME DO YOU THINK ABOUT US FALLING IN LOVE DO YOU WANNA GET WITH ME WITH ME WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT ME DO YOU THINK ABOUT US AND MAKIN' LOVE DO YOU WANNA GET WITH ME WITH ME WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT ME DO YOU THINK ABOUT US YOU WANNA GET WITH ME TELL ME, TELL ME AM I ON YOUR MIND ALL OF THE TIME LET ME KNOW, LET ME KNOW LET ME KNOW, LET ME KNOW

[ Continues ]

IF YOU WANNA BE MY MAN THEN TAKE ME BY THE HAND ALL DAY ALL I WANNA DO IS SPEND TIME WITH YOU ALL NIGHT I KNOW YOU WANNA GET WITH ME TOO DO YOU THINK ABOUT ME THE WAY THAT I THINK ABOUT YOU YOU TREAT ME RIGHT LIKE NOBODY ELSE CAN DO WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT ME

WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT ME

WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT ME DO YOU THINK ABOUT US

WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT ME DO YOU THINK ABOUT US

WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT ME DO YOU THINK ABOUT US

[ Woman On P.A. ] ADAM FISHER?

ADAM FISHER?

ADAM FISHER, PLEASE COME TO THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE.

ADAM FISHER.

WHAT'D YOU DO THIS TIME, ADAM?

[ Amber ] JUST WHEN THE FISHERS THOUGHT THAT THE ONLY THING THEY HAD TO WORRY ABOUT...

WAS SOME MISSING FLATWARE, WHOO! ADAM'S IN TROUBLE.

THINGS TOOK A DISASTROUS TURN.

GREAT. HERE WE GO AGAIN.

[ Girl ] HEY, AMBER. WHAT?

HEY, WHAT'S IT GOING TO BE THIS TIME?

MAYBE A TONSIL INSPECTION IN THE NURSE'S OFFICE? NOT THIS TIME, ADAM.

THIS TIME, THE PRINCIPAL ACTUALLY DOES NEED TO SEE YOU IN HIS OFFICE.

WHY? WHAT'S UP? I DON'T KNOW. YOU TELL ME.

SOME GUYS WENT IN THERE, AND THEN HE BUZZED ME AND ASKED ME TO CALL YOU DOWN.

ADAM FISHER? YEAH?

MR. FISHER, I'M DETECTIVE GRANGER FROM THE GATLIN POLICE DEPARTMENT.

WE NEED YOU TO COME DOWN TO THE STATION WITH US. WHY?

I'M AFRAID WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO ARREST YOU ON SUSPICION OF STATUTORY RAPE.

DO YOU THINK I DID IT WITH A STATUE?

MR. FISHER, YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT, I'M INNOCENT.

ANYTHING YOU SAY CAN AND WILL BE USED AGAINST YOU IN A COURT OF LAW.

IF YOU CANNOT AFFORD AN ATTORNEY, ONE WILL BE PROVIDED FOR YOU.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND YOUR RIGHTS?

HEY, BRO, WHAT'S GOING ON? I'M NOT EXACTLY SURE.

THEY'RE TAKING ME TO THE BIG HOUSE. YEAH? WHAT DID YOU DO?

IT'S GOT SOMETHING TO DO WITH STATUES.

STATUTORY RAPE. UNDERAGE SEX IS A VERY SERIOUS CRIME.

LOOK, DO ME A FAVOR AND DON'T TELL AMBER ABOUT THE COPS AND ALL.

HE'S SO BUSTED.

YOU CAN GO TO JAIL FOR BANGING A SOPHOMORE?

[ Mrs. Fisher ] HI. YOU'VE REACHED THE FISHERS'. PLEASE LEAVE A MESSAGE.

[ Woman ] THIS IS THE OPERATOR WITH A COLLECT CALL...

FROM THE GATLIN COUNTY JAIL FROM ADAM.

WILL YOU ACCEPT THE CHARGES?


ALL RIGHT, FISHER, THE LIEUTENANT WANTS TO TALK TO YOU.

YOU CAN USE THAT PHONE TO CALL YOUR PARENTS WHILE I FINISH WITH THIS REPORT.

MY PARENTS ARE OUT OF TOWN UNTIL TOMORROW.

THEY'RE AT THE "UP WITH JESUS" FESTIVAL IN OHIO.

DO YOU HAVE ANY OTHER FAMILY IN THE AREA?

THERE'S MY GIRLFRIEND. WHY DON'T YOU GIVE HER A CALL THEN?

WELL, I DON'T KNOW. SHE'S KIND OF MOODY.

LISTEN, I'M GOING TO HAVE TO PUT YOU IN THE LOCKUP THEN.

IT'S UP TO YOU. [ Man ] I'M GONNA MESS YOU UP.

I'M GONNA MESS YOU UP. I'M GONNA MESS EVERYBODY UP!

I'M GONNA GRAB YOU BY THE EYEBALLS AND SNAP YOUR HEAD LIKE A CHICKEN!

[ No Audible Dialogue ]

YOU HAVE TO TALK INTO THE MICROPHONE.

OH.

[ Blows ]

WELL, ANYWAYS, ADAM, WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?

I MEAN, I HOPE YOU'RE NOT TOUCHING ANYTHING BACK THERE.

NO, NO, I'M NOT, AMBER.

LOOK, IT'S ALL A MISUNDERSTANDING.

GOOD. I SHOULD HOPE SO. I FEEL LIKE I'M IN DEAD MAN WALKING HERE.

WHAT DID YOU DO?

YOU SEE--

I SORT OF SAW THIS GIRL A COUPLE OF TIMES.

WHAT? AND FOR SOME REASON, BECAUSE I'M 18 NOW, AND SHE'S STILL 15--

WAIT. YOU WERE SEEING A SOPHOMORE?

KIND OF. SEE, SHE MOVED IN WITH US THE OTHER DAY...

BECAUSE WE WERE TELLING HER-- WHAT?

I KIND OF GOT HER PREGNANT. [ ANGRY YELLING ]

[ Banging ]

OW!

YOU OKAY?

JUST-- JUST TELL ME YOU DON'T LOVE HER.

LOOK, I DON'T EVEN LIKE HER. I LOVE YOU.

I NEED YOU SO BAD.

I PROMISE I'VE LEARNED THE ERROR OF MY WICKED WAYS.

I'VE MADE A LOT OF MISTAKES. I KNOW THAT.

BUT RIGHT NOW, WHAT I NEED MOST IS...

IS YOUR FORGIVENESS.

OH, AND CAN YOU FIND MY PARENTS AND TELL THEM TO GET ME A LAWYER?

[ Amber ] CHUCK VERY WELL COULD HAVE BEEN THE FISHERS' FIRST MISTAKE.

WELL, SECOND.

ADAM. I'M CHUCK CLOPPERMAN.

HI, MR. CLOPPERMAN.

PLEASE, CALL ME CHUCK.

ADAM, YOUR PARENTS HAVE HIRED ME TO REPRESENT YOU IN THE MATTER AT HAND.

I WANT YOU TO REST ASSURED THAT YOU ARE IN GOOD HANDS NOW, SON, AND THERE'S NOTHING TO BE WORRIED ABOUT.

HOW MUCH LONGER WILL I HAVE TO BE IN HERE?

THERE'S ULTIMATE FIGHTING ON PAY-PER-VIEW TONIGHT.

WELL, FORTUNATELY FOR US THEN, WE WERE ABLE TO SCHEDULE YOUR ARRAIGNMENT FOR THIS AFTERNOON.

I'M GOING TO ASK THE JUDGE TO RELEASE YOU ON YOUR OWN... RECOGNIZANCE.

SO I'LL HAVE YOU OUT OF HERE BY 6 P.M. AT THE LATEST, PAL.

NO PROBLEM.

YOUR REQUEST FOR REDUCTION OF BAIL IS DENIED.

BAIL IS SET AT $20,000.

WELL, THAT DIDN'T GO TOO BAD.

DIDN'T GO TOO BAD? I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU'D GET HIM OUT ON HIS WORD.

NOW I'VE GOT TO PUT THE HOUSE UP FOR COLLATERAL.

AL, IT'S NOT LIKE THE KID'S GOING TO HIGHTAIL IT TO COSTA RICA, SO I THINK WE'RE OKAY.

OH, ON TO OTHER IMPORTANT MATTERS.

I WANT YOU TO COME BY MY OFFICE IN THE MORNING SO WE CAN DISCUSS P.R. STRATEGY.

P.R.? YEAH.

HOW WE'RE GOING TO HANDLE THE INEVITABLE THRONGS OF REPORTERS, CAMERAS, LIGHTS, TALK SHOW APPEARANCES.

OH, MY.

UH, CAN I GET YOU FOLKS ANYTHING?

WATER? FINGER JELL-O?

COFFEE? NO, THANK YOU.

WHY DON'T YOU TAKE A PEN?

TAKE A PEN. NO, COME ON, TAKE A PEN.

WELL, JUST ONE. THANKS.

AND I JUST LOVE YOUR WOOD PANELING.

IT'S VERY CLASSY.

WOOD WARMS UP THE ROOM, DON'T YOU THINK? HONEY?

CHUCK, WE'RE KIND OF IN THE DARK HERE.

WHAT EXACTLY ARE WE LOOKING AT?

I'VE BEEN UP ALL NIGHT AND I THINK I'VE COME UP WITH A FAIL-PROOF STRATEGY.

PERCEPTION. IT'S ALL ABOUT PERCEPTION.

I MEAN, TODAY, WITH THE MEDIA OUTLETS, THE INTERNET, YOU KNOW, THE DISHES, ALL THAT KIND OF STUFF, WHAT REALLY MATTERS IS PEOPLE'S PERCEPTION.

TAKE A LOOK AT THAT WHOLE JONBENET AFFAIR. YOU REMEMBER THAT?

OH, BROTHER! NOW THAT'S ONE LADY...

WHO NEEDS TO HAVE A HEART-TO-HEART WITH HER MAKER.

LOTS OF PEOPLE THINK THAT PATSY RAMSEY DID A BAD THING. WHY?

[ Fart ] SOMEONE CUT THE CHEESE?

OH. THAT WAS ME.

I'LL TELL YOU WHY.

'CAUSE THAT WOMAN DIDN'T HAVE THE PROPER SPIN.

I MEAN, IF THAT WOMAN HAD HAD BETTER HANDLING, HUH?

I MEAN, EVEN IF SHE SHED A TEAR OR TWO, I'LL TELL YOU, WE'D BE CALLING HER A SAINT...

AND GIVING HER HER PICK OF CROATIAN ORPHANS.

OH. HE'S GOING TO HELL.

THE PUBLIC IS GOING TO BELIEVE ANYTHING THAT WE TELL THEM.

ISN'T IT GREAT? HUH?

ISN'T THAT A SIN?

ANYWAY, WE-- WE DIGRESS.

THERE WE GO. WHAT'S THIS?

THIS IS THE STRATEGY. YOU READ, DON'T YOU?

THERE.

WE ARE GONNA TELL EVERYONE HOW MUCH ADAM AND GINGER ARE IN LOVE.

BUT I LOVE AMBER.

NOT ANYMORE YOU DON'T.

HE LOVES AMBER. SHE'S A LOVELY GIRL.

PEOPLE, PEOPLE, TRUST ME, TRUST ME.

WE FOLLOW MY GAME PLAN, NOTHING WILL GET IN THE WAY OF OUR VICTORY.

[ Amber ] UNFORTUNATELY FOR ADAM, CHUCK WAS NOT THE ONLY ONE HATCHING A PLAN.

LYDIA STONE, ASSISTANT D.A. AND WANNABE MAYOR, WAS ABOUT TO MAKE ADAM THE POSTER CHILD FOR HER ELECTION CAMPAIGN.

WHAT THE HELL DO YOU EXPECT ME TO DO ABOUT IT?

YOU'RE MY CAMPAIGN ADVISOR. ADVISE ME, YOU LITTLE MAGGOT.

WELL, PART OF THE PROBLEM IS THAT, AS AN ASSISTANT D.A., YOU DON'T HAVE THE HIGHEST OF PROFILES.

WE NEED TO FIND A WAY TO DRAW ATTENTION TO YOU, AND YOUR NEW LOOK JUST ISN'T CUTTING IT ANYMORE.

WE NEED AN ISSUE.

AN ISSUE? YES.

WE NEED PEOPLE TO THINK THAT YOU'RE PASSIONATE ABOUT SOMETHING.

I AM PASSIONATE ABOUT-- OTHER THAN BEING MAYOR.

OH. I'M SURE WE'LL COME UP WITH SOMETHING.

IT'S JUST AN ISSUE. HOW HARD CAN IT BE?

OKAY, ISSUES. ISSUES, ISSUES, ISSUES.

WELL, HELP ME OUT HERE. WHAT ARE SOME ISSUES?

WELL, THIS IS AMERICA. THEY'RE ENDLESS. THERE'S GUN CONTROL.

AGAINST IT.

PROSTITUTION. FOR IT.

TEENAGE PREGNANCY. OH, PLEASE!

DON'T GET ME STARTED ON TEENAGERS. WHAT NOW?

THERE'S ALL THESE FILES INVOLVING DELINQUENT TEENAGE CRAP.

STATUTORY RAPE. HE'S 18, SHE'S 15 AND PREGNANT.

THIS COULD WORK.

WHAT? THIS IS PERFECT.

SEX OFFENDERS. I LOVE SEX OFFENDERS!

YOU COULD BE AGAINST THEM. OKAY.

ARE YOU SURE THIS IS AN ISSUE PEOPLE REALLY CARE ABOUT?

LYDIA, THIS IS THE BIBLE BELT, THEY'RE GONNA LOVE IT.

OKAY. [ Chuckles ]

THIS ISN'T THE BIBLE BELT, YOU MORON.

BUT THEY DON'T KNOW THAT. NO, THEY DON'T.

OH, I'M GONNA THROW THE BOOK AT THIS KID.

AH! OH. YOUNG ADULT.

THANK YOU.

GUILTY.

SAY IT. GUILTY! GUILTY!

[ Amber ] WHILE LYDIA PLOTTED THE YOUNG ADULT'S FUTURE, ADAM MET WITH THE YOUTH PASTOR...

TO WORK OUT THE MORE IMPORTANT ISSUES OF HIS NOW COMPLICATED LIFE.

I KNOW WE CAN STILL DO IT, AND IT WON'T GET INTO THE BABY'S FACE, BUT I'M TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT TO DO FROM A RELIGIOUS PERSPECTIVE.

[ Amber ] GINGER FINALLY HAD SOME POSITIVE ROLE MODELS, NOT THAT IT HELPED.

ARE YOU ON FRIGGIN' CRACK?

GINGER, HONEY, WE DON'T USE LANGUAGE LIKE THAT AT THE DINNER TABLE.

I DON'T LOVE YOU. I LOVE JOHNNY.

YEAH, I KNOW, OKAY? I DON'T LOVE YOU EITHER.

IT'S JUST A PERCEPTION THING FOR ALL THE STUPID PEOPLE.

CHUCK'S SURE IT'LL GET ME OFF.

BUT JOHNNY'S GETTING PAROLED IN A COUPLE OF MONTHS.

GINGER, ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS LIE.

WHOA! LYING IS A SIN, ADAM.

WE'RE EMBELLISHING.

SO WHETHER YOU LOVE GINGER, MARY ANN OR THE PROFESSOR, IT REALLY DOESN'T MATTER.

HERE, HONEY, I KNOW HOW MUCH YOU LIKE WIENERS.

WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF OPTIONS, HERE.

YOU GUYS AT LEAST LIKE EACH OTHER, RIGHT?

HMM. I NEVER REALLY EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT IT.

I MEAN, HE JUST GIVES ME REALLY GOOD BONE.

HONEY?

[ Knock On Door ]

YEAH?

YOU KNOW, SON, I...

I FEEL PARTIALLY RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT'S HAPPENED.

COOL. THANKS, DAD.

IT'S OBVIOUS YOU KNOW ALL ABOUT THE BIRDS AND THE BEES, HUH?

YEAH. [ Snickering ]

BUT THERE ARE...

ALTERNATIVES.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

IT'S CALLED...

MASTURBATING.

DAD...

IT'S NOTHING TO BE EMBARRASSED ABOUT, SON.

COME ON. I'LL SHOW YOU HOW.

I DIDN'T GET THESE CALLUSES WORKING IN THE GARDEN.

COME ON. WE'LL DO IT TOGETHER. DAD, I ALREADY KNOW HOW.

THEN WHY AREN'T YOU DOING IT?

I DO.

WELL, THEN WHY AREN'T YOU DOING IT MORE OFTEN?

WHENEVER YOU GET THE URGE, JUST POLITELY EXCUSE YOURSELF, WHIP IT OUT AND WAKE UP MR. FLOPPY.

DON'T TELL YOUR MOTHER, BUT I THINK THE QUICKEST WAY TO HEAVEN...

IS WITH HALF A JAR OF PETROLEUM JELLY AND A CHAMOIS LEATHER GLOVE.

FOR GOD SAKES, SON, JUST LEAVE THESE GIRLS ALONE.

JUST FOR THE TIME BEING, OKAY? EH?

YEAH.

ALL RIGHT, SLUGGER?

OH, AND, SON, ONE MORE THING.

LET'S KEEP THIS LITTLE TALK JUST BETWEEN OURSELVES, OKAY?

YOUR MOTHER, SHE-- SHE WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND.

UH, DAD?

YEAH. OW!

[ Toothbrush Scrubbing ]

[ Soft Jazz ]


[ Purring ]

AL? I'M ALREADY LOTIONED.

[ Record Scratches ]

[ Sighs ]

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

I'M GONNA GO BUFF THE PIG.

OKAY, DEAR.

[ "William Tell Overture" ]


[ Yelling ]

[ Humming ]

MORNING, HONEY. HEY.

LOOKS LIKE SOMEBODY GOT UP ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE BED.

OH, YEAH.

GOOD MORNING, YOU TWO.

MOM, WHAT'S UP?

WE'RE PUTTING ON SOME SCENES FROM THE BIBLE FOR THE CHURCH PRESCHOOL.

I'M A STONING VICTIM. PANCAKES?

NO TIME FOR BREAKFAST THIS MORNING, HONEY.

BUT, AL, I MADE THE HAPPY FACE PANCAKES.

YOU KNOW, WITH THE CHOCOLATE CHIPS.

YOU KIDS REMEMBER EVERYTHING YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO SAY AND DO IN SCHOOL?

YEAH, NO SWEAT.

[ Door Closes ]

YOU LOOK GREAT, MOM.

I'M STONED.

[ Amber ] SADLY, ADAM WAS FORCED TO PRETEND THAT HE REALLY LIKED GINGER.

HE'S A REALLY GOOD ACTOR.

IF YOU REALLY LOVED ME, YOU'D BE CARRYING MY BOOKS.

EWW. SO DO WE HAVE TO BE FRIENDS WITH HER NOW?

ADAM! [ Record Scratches ]

UH-OH.

LOOK, I-- I NEED TO TALK TO YOU, BABY.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THIS HO-BAG?

HEY! EWW!

JUST COME HERE. WHERE ARE WE GOING?

IF YOU WEREN'T THE MOST POPULAR GUY IN HIGH SCHOOL, I WOULD SO BE BREAKING UP WITH YOU.

BABY, WILL YOU JUST LISTEN TO ME FOR ONE SECOND?

GINGER AND I HAVE TO PRETEND THAT WE'RE DATING AND IN LOVE.

COME ON. YOU EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE THAT?

WHAT KIND OF MORON WOULD TELL YOU TO DO THAT? CHUCK DID.

I'M SORRY. WAS I TALKING TO YOU? NO, I DON'T THINK I WAS.

WELL, HE DID. MY LAWYER SAID...

THAT IF EVERYONE THINKS THAT I'M INNOCENT, I COULD GET OFF.

HAVEN'T YOU GOTTEN OFF ENOUGH ALREADY?

BABY, I LOVE YOU.

THAT IS NOT THE PLAN.

YOU MAKE MY HEART SING WITH THE SOUND OF MUSIC.

YEAH, I ALREADY HAVE A BOYFRIEND.

AND HE TREATS ME REAL GOOD.

HOW NICE FOR YOU. YOU CAN HAVE ADAM.

THIS IS JUST SO WE CAN GET A SETTLEMENT.

SETTLEMENT?

CHUCK SAID THAT IF WE GET THROUGH THIS PART, WE'LL BE ABLE TO SUE THE STATE OR THE PRESIDENT OR SOMETHING AND GET CASH.

HE DID.

REALLY?

LIKE HOW MUCH ARE WE TALKING ABOUT HERE?

LIKE A WHOLE TRUCKLOAD.

HMM.

THIS WILL MAKE ME LOOK REALLY, REALLY STUPID.

WHO CARES IF IT'S GONNA MAKE YOU LOOK STUPID?

I DO!

WHAT IF I GET CHUCK TO PUT A SPIN ON THE STORY?

WOULD THAT MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER?

HMM. WELL, HOW LONG UNTIL WE GET THE MONEY?

AS SOON AS ADAM GETS OFF AND I HAVE MY BABY, THEN I'M SO OUT OF HERE.

BESIDES, JOHNNY ALREADY HAS A TRAILER PICKED OUT FOR THE BOTH OF US.

AWW. THAT'S REALLY GREAT, LITTLE WHATEVER YOUR NAME IS, EXCEPT I DON'T CARE AND WOULD YOU MIND SHUTTING UP?

BECAUSE I WASN'T TALKING TO YOU!

BITCH.

WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?

I SAID "BITCH."

[ Girls Yelling ]

[ Yelling Continues ]

[ Amber ] THE SKANKETTE HAD LANDED ADAM IN SO MUCH TROUBLE.

THE ONLY PLACE LEFT FOR HIM TO GO...

WAS A MUSIC-ACCOMPANIED MONTAGE.

[ Grunge Rock ]

I'VE MEMORIZED THE BASICS

MAKING STRANGE FACES

SWIM SLOWLY FOR I KNOW THERE'S A THOUSAND MILES TO GO WITHOUT BLINKING

I GRAVITATE SPACEWARDS FIND A HOME FOR THE HEAD FROM MY BASEMENT NO DARKNESS EVER LEFT THIS IS THE NOISE THIS IS THE SOUND HERE COMES THE WARM MACHINE

[ Fades ]

[ Lydia ] AS YOU KNOW, I'M RUNNING FOR MAYOR.

AND THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT.

THIS HAS TO DO WITH THE STAGGERING SPEED AT WHICH OUR NATION'S MORALS...

ARE SPIRALING OUT OF CONTROL. JUST STICK TO MY SCRIPT.

OR MORE SIMPLY PUT, WHAT IS RIGHT AND WRONG.

WHAT ADAM FISHER DID WAS WRONG.

THERE WAS A TIME WHEN WE PUNISHED SUCH BEHAVIOR WITH APPROPRIATE MEASURES.

UNFORTUNATELY, CASTRATION HAS BEEN DEEMED CRUEL AND UNUSUAL.

THEREFORE, I INTEND TO SEEK THE HARSHEST POSSIBLE PUNISHMENT...

UNDER COMMON "CRIMINAL CODDLING" LAWS.

THAT IS 40 YEARS IN THE STATE PENITENTIARY.

UP THE RIVER. DOWN THE RIVER.

THE BIG HOUSE.

THANK YOU. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR ATTENTION.

AND REMEMBER, VOTE STONE.

AND I MEAN BUSINESS.

WELL, FOLKS, WE'VE HAD A SLIGHT SETBACK.

HOW MUCH IS THIS ONE GONNA COST ME?

FOR SOME REASON, ASSISTANT D.A. STONE...

IS TAKING OVER FOR THE PROSECUTION.

THAT CRAZY LADY WHO'S RUNNING FOR MAYOR?

WHY? I DON'T KNOW.

ALL I KNOW IS THAT SHE'S COMING AT US FULL FORCE.

BITCH. HONEY, NOT IN FRONT OF THE KIDS.

IT'S TRUE, MS. STONE IS A VERY AGGRESSIVE PROSECUTOR.

[ Mr. Fisher ] GREAT. THERE GOES THE HOUSE.

SO I'M UP FOR A LITTLE BIGGER OF A CHALLENGE.

BUT NOTHING THAT I CAN'T HANDLE, OF COURSE.

CHUCK, I WAS JUST WONDERING, IS THIS TRIAL THING GONNA HURT ADAM'S CHANCES OF GETTING INTO A GOOD COLLEGE?

NO, NO. HIS GRADES WILL DO THAT.

MRS. FISHER, PLEASE. I DON'T WANT YOU TO WORRY.

I'M GONNA DO EVERYTHING IN MY POWER...

TO MAKE SURE THAT ADAM DOESN'T GO TO PRISON.

[ All ] PRISON?

THAT'S WORST CASE SCENARIO, FOLKS. WORST CASE.

CHUCK, WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY "PRISON"?

WELL, UH, UNLAWFUL SEXUAL CONTACT WITH A CHILD ON MORE THAN THREE OCCASIONS...

IS A CLASS "B" FELONY AND CARRIES A MAXIMUM PENALTY OF... 40 YEARS.

FORTY YEARS? ALL HE DID WAS KNOCK UP THIS WHITE TRASH SLUT!

DON'T YOU THINK WE'RE OVERREACTING HERE?

GIRLS TODAY ARE PRACTICALLY LINING UP TO BE--

STATUTORILY RAPED? YES!

MR. FISHER, I HAVE GIVEN THIS A LOT OF THOUGHT, SO YOU CAN ALL REST ASSURED KNOWING THAT ADAM IS IN MY HANDS.

WE APPRECIATE ALL YOUR HELP, CHUCK.

WE'D BE LOST WITHOUT YOU.

THANKS, BABY DOLL.

OH, RIGHT. THERE IS ONE MORE THING.

OH, JEEZ. I KNEW IT. THE BILL.

YEAH. APPARENTLY, MS. STONE FOUND OUT THAT GINGER WAS LIVING IN YOUR HOME...

BECAUSE SHE FILED A MOTION FOR A NO-CONTACT ORDER BETWEEN ADAM AND GINGER.

MR. FISHER, YOU ARE TO HAVE NO FURTHER CONTACT WITH THIS YOUNG LADY, WHO SHALL BE REFERRED TO FROM NOW ON BY HER INITIALS, WHICH ARE G.A.G.

[ Amber ] YUP. IN MY EYES, THE U.S. LEGAL SYSTEM WAS WORKING JUST FINE.

NOW ADAM AND I WERE HAPPILY TOGETHER AGAIN, AND I WASN'T ABOUT TO LET HIM GO ASTRAY.

HI.

LOOK, I HAVE TO STOP BY CHUCK'S OFFICE AFTER SCHOOL.

OH, GREAT. WHAT FOR NOW?

I DON'T KNOW.

THAT GUY GIVES ME THE CREEPS.

WELL, GINGER THINKS HE'S KIND OF SEXY.

OH, YEAH?

WELL, GINGER'S BRAIN IS ALSO THE SIZE OF A LEGO!

ADAM! ADAM! HERE HE COMES.

HOW DOES IT FEEL, BEING FORCIBLY SEPARATED FROM THE GIRL YOU LOVE?

WILL YOU ABIDE BY THE JUDGE'S DECISION?

MISS, WHAT'S YOUR RELATION TO ADAM?

I'M-- A FRIEND. AMBER.

AMBER IS ADAM'S LITTLE LESBIAN FRIEND, HERE PROVIDING SUPPORT IN THIS-- HIS TIME OF NEED.

I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO COME ALONE. [ Reporters Yelling ]

[ Chuck ] ADAM WILL BE MAKING AN OFFICIAL STATEMENT JUST IN A FEW MINUTES.

IN THE MEANTIME, PLEASE PARTAKE IN THE REFRESHMENTS.

OH. HI, MR. AND MRS. FISHER.

WELL, HELLO, SWEETHEART.

A LESBIAN? [ Chuckles ]

WHAT'S WITH ALL THE REPORTERS? ALL PART OF MY MASTER PLAN...

TO GET YOU OFF THE HOOK, PAL.

SO, HERE.

THIS IS A STATEMENT I'VE PREPARED FOR YOU TO READ.

WE REALLY GOT TO PLAY UP THAT ROMEO AND JULIET ASPECT.

HEY, DIDN'T THEY DIE AT THE END?

THEY DO?

WOW. THE CASE AGAINST YOU, ADAM, IS PRETTY STRONG.

IT SAYS HERE THAT YOU SLEPT WITH GINGER SOME, UH, THIRTY-NINE TIMES.

OH, YOU--

WHAT WE'VE GOTTA DO IS RAISE PUBLIC SUPPORT FOR YOUR CAUSE.

BY THE TIME I'M DONE, THE PUBLIC WILL BE OUTRAGED AT THIS UNJUST LAW...

THAT WOULD SEPARATE AND PUNISH TWO PEOPLE SIMPLY FOR FALLING IN LOVE.

THAT SOUNDS COOL.

OH, YEAH.

COOL?

COOL?

ALL GINGER AND I EVER WANTED WAS TO BE HAPPY TOGETHER.

WE NEVER MEANT TO HURT ANYONE.

NOW, WE'RE BEING FORCED TO PART AT A TIME...

WHEN SHE MOST NEEDS MY LOVE AND ATTENTION.

BUT, STILL, I INTEND TO DO WHATEVER POSSIBLE...

TO PROVIDE FOR HER AND OUR FAMILY.

THEREFORE, I WILL BE DROPPING OUT OF SCHOOL IMMEDIATELY--

RIGHT ON.

AND WILL BE GETTING A JOB SO THAT I MIGHT PROVIDE FOR OUR FAMILY.

CHUCK, MY DAD ALREADY HAS A JOB.

KEEP READING.

I ALSO INTEND TO ASK GINGER FOR HER HAND IN MARRIAGE.

[ Gasps ]

THAT IS ALL I HAVE TO SAY AT THIS TIME.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION.

AND, PLEASE, ONLY ONE DOUGHNUT PER PERSON.

ADAM! WHERE'S GINGER?

THAT'S ALL, FOLKS. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

AND PLEASE GO AND SPREAD THE WORD.

MOM, DO I REALLY HAVE TO MARRY GINGER?

HONEY, THAT IS THE RIGHT THING TO DO. BUT I DON'T LOVE HER.

LOTS OF GUYS GET MARRIED TO WOMEN THEY DON'T LOVE.

I READ THAT SOME WOMEN DON'T HAVE SEX WITH THEIR HUSBANDS...

BECAUSE THE MEN DON'T HAVE A CLUE HOW TO BRING THEM TO ORGASM.

BUT ISN'T IT WRONG TO GO TELLING EVERYONE I LOVE HER WHEN I DON'T?

SOMETIMES IT'S OKAY TO TELL LITTLE WHITE LIES.

ESPECIALLY THE ONES THAT CAN KEEP YOU OUT OF PRISON.

HOW CAN IT BE OKAY TO LIE ABOUT SOMETHING SO IMPORTANT?

EITHER LOVE THE LITTLE TRAMP...

OR YOU'RE GONNA BE GETTING SOME TOUGH LOVE...

FROM YOUR CELLMATE UP AT THE STATE PEN.

SO THINK ABOUT THAT WHEN BUBBA SAYS, "SPOT ME IN THE WEIGHT ROOM."

YEAH.

"BUBBA"?

IT'S A GENERIC PRISON GUY. BUBBA.

BIG, MUSCLEY, SOUTHERN? AND DOMINANT.

[ Amber ] WHILE CHUCK'S SPIN WAS TAKING EFFECT, THE REAL STORY TOOK A TURN AS GINGER FOUND HERSELF IN THE HOSPITAL EARLIER THAN EXPECTED.

WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO DO TO GET A BEER AROUND HERE?

NATURALLY, HER MOTHER WAS CONCERNED.

[ P.A. ] NURSE JAMISON TO THE O.R.

DR. MOYLE, PLEASE REPORT TO PEDIATRICS.

DR. MOYLE TO PEDIATRICS.

[ Ringing ]

I'LL GET IT.

HELLO? HI. I HAD A MISCARRIAGE.

WHAT? YOU HEARD ME.

I HAD A MISCARRIAGE.

WHAT HAPPENED?

I DON'T KNOW. IT JUST KINDA IT CAME OUT BEFORE IT WAS DONE.

WOW.

I GUESS IT WAS GOD'S WAY OF TELLING ME I'M NOT READY TO BE A MOTHER.

YOU THINK?

SO ARE YOU GONNA BE OKAY AND ALL?

YEAH. THE NURSE SAID MY MOM CAN ONLY STAY TILL 7:30.

ANYHOW, I BETTER GET OFF THE PHONE.

MY MOM HAS TO CHECK IN WITH HER PAROLE OFFICER.

OKAY. BYE. BYE.

WHO WAS THAT, SWEETIE?

GINGER.

OH, HONEY, SHE'S NOT SUPPOSED TO CALL HERE.

THAT'S A NO-NO. YEAH, BUT...

DON'T TALK BACK TO YOUR MOTHER.

I THINK SHE SHOULD DO HER HAIR DIFFERENTLY.

MY DAD SAYS SHE'S A LA-LA-LESBIAN.

THAT'S WHY SHE'S PUTTING THE SCREWS ON ADAM.

IMAGINE. KEEPING HIM AWAY FROM THE GIRL HE LOVES.

WELL, THE BOY DID BEHAVE IRRESPONSIBLY.

HAVE YOU NO SENSE OF ROMANCE?

HOW COME INSIDE SCOOP DOESN'T WANT TO INTERVIEW ME?

[ TV ] TONIGHT, ON INSIDE SCOOP, THE CONSEQUENCES OF TEEN SEX.

MY CLIENT IS A VICTIM OF LOVE.

NO MORE, NO LESS.

ADAM AND GINGER ARE VERY MUCH A MODERN DAY ROMEO AND JULIET.

FORCED APART... NOT BY THEIR FAMILIES, BUT BY THE VERY LAW THAT IS MEANT TO ENSURE LIBERTY TO ALL CITIZENS.

WE ARE CERTAIN THAT THE PUBLIC WILL BE OUTRAGED AT THIS MISCARRIAGE OF JUSTICE.

ADAM, TELL ME, HOW DOES IT FEEL...

KNOWING THAT YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO BE WITH THE ONE YOU LOVE DURING HER PREGNANCY?

UH...

BAD. REAL BAD.

[ Amber ] ADAM'S A BRILLIANT ACTOR.

LIKE JAMES VAN DER BEEK BRILLIANCE.

THE WHOLE COMMUNITY IS BACKING ADAM AND GINGER IN THEIR PLIGHT.

BEHIND ME, YOU SEE SOME AVID SUPPORTERS.

AND ALSO THE LOCAL CHAPTER OF THE SCOUTS...

IS HOLDING A SPAGHETTI DINNER AT THE VFW, AND ALSO THE ACLU WILL HAVE A CAR WASH.

ALL THIS IN THE HOPES OF RAISING MONEY...

TO HELP PAY FOR ADAM FISHER'S GROWING LEGAL FEES.

[ TV Off ] YOU CAN FEEL FREE TO TELL ME...

THIS IS JUST A DREAM ANY TIME NOW.

WE JUST HAVE TO SIT TIGHT AND RIDE IT OUT.

RIDE IT OUT? THE SCOUTS ARE INVOLVED, YOU MORON.

WE EXPECTED SOME OF THIS TO HAPPEN. WE DID?

THE MEDIA'S PORTRAYING ME AS A PSYCHOTIC, POWER HUNGRY, MAN-HATING BITCH.

IT'S NOT AS BAD AS THAT. OH, NO?

HAS EVERYONE COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN THAT HE BROKE THE LAW?

[ Amber ] I REALLY WAS TRYING TO BE CALM.

BUT IT'S JUST VERY HARD WHEN THE FUTURE YOU'VE PLANNED SINCE MEETING ADAM IN 6th GRADE...

IS IN JEOPARDY.

MAYBE YOU SHOULD TAKE SOME MORE OF THESE. OH, NO, NO, NO.

DO NOT TRY TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT.

CHUCK SAYS THAT YOU SHOULD TAKE THOSE. DICK.

NO, CHUCK.

ADAM, IF YOU MARRY HER, WE ARE OFFICIALLY OVER.

ALL CHUCK WANTS TO DO IS KEEP ME OUT OF PRISON.

PRISON? YOU'RE GONNA GO TO PRISON FOR KNOCKING UP THAT HO?

IF ALL THE GUYS THAT SCREWED HER WENT TO PRISON, THEY'D HAVE TO ADD ON ANOTHER WING.

YOU THINK SHE SLEEPS AROUND?

AHEM. DOES ICE MELT?

AMBER, YOU HAVE TO TRUST ME WHEN I SAY THAT EVERYTHING I'M DOING HERE IS FOR US.

I FIND THAT A LITTLE HARD TO BELIEVE.

AS SOON AS THIS IS OVER, I'M GONNA DIVORCE HER AND GO BACK TO SCHOOL.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DROPPED OUT OF SCHOOL.

CHUCK THINKS IT'D LOOK GOOD IF I GOT A JOB.

WE WORKED SO HARD TO RAISE YOUR G.P.A. TO A D-MINUS.

I KNOW, BUT IF I GET A JOB, EVERYONE WILL THINK I WANT TO TAKE THE RESPONSIBILITY.

[ Groans ]

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS MY LIFE.

ISN'T HE SMART?

HE THINKS OF EVERYTHING.

[ SIGHING ]

[ Amber ] BOYS AND THEIR CARS. I JUST DON'T GET IT.

ANYWAY, EVEN THOUGH ADAM WAS CHARGED WITH A SEX CRIME, WOMEN FROM ALL OVER NOW FOUND HIM IRRESISTIBLE.

THIS DID POSE A MORAL QUANDARY, BUT IT JUST REINFORCED MY AFFECTION FOR HIM.

YOU KNOW, THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN OTHER GIRLS LIKE YOUR BOYFRIEND.

AWESOME! SOME PEOPLE TELL ME I'VE GOT A BAD ATTITUDE

'CAUSE I GREW UP LEARNIN' TO BE RUDE IT FEELS GOOD

THAT JUDGE DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT ME CONTACTING YOU, DID HE?

NO, I GUESS NOT.

AND...

MY MOM'S OVER AT BIBLE STUDY.

NO. I JUST CAME OVER 'CAUSE I WANTED TO SAY GOOD-BYE.

GOOD-BYE?

YEAH. I'M MOVING TO NEW YORK TO LIVE WITH MY STEPDAD.

I THOUGHT YOU SAID HE'S A HOMO.

WELL, HE IS, BUT MY MOM'S A FREAK.

YEAH, YOU GOT THAT RIGHT.

SO I GUESS I WON'T BE SEEING YOU AROUND ANYMORE.

NO, BUT IT'S KINDA BETTER THAT WAY, YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE EVERYTHING'S GOTTEN SO CRAZY.

ALL WE DID WAS DO THE NASTY.

SO, DO YOU WANT TO DO IT AGAIN?

THIS KID DOESN'T SCREW THINGS UP, I'M HOME FREE.

ALL RIGHT.

I'M HOME FREE.

I'M HOME FREE!

WHO'S HOME FREE?

CHUCKIE'S HOME FREE, HOME FREE.

CHUCK CLOPPERMAN, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!

HOME FREE!

CHUCKIE'S IN THE HOUSE. CHUCKIE'S IN THE HOUSE.

CHUCKIE'S IN THE HOUSE.

HOME FREE, AS LONG AS THAT KID DOESN'T SCREW IT UP!

[ Amber ] IF CHUCK WASN'T SUCH A MORON, HE'D HAVE KNOWN THE ODDS OF ADAM NOT SCREWING THINGS UP...

WERE PRETTY MUCH NEXT TO NOTHING.

HELLO?

[ Moaning ]

[ Mrs. Fisher ] ADAM, HONEY, I'M HOME!

OH, MY GOD, IT'S MY MOM.

HEY, SWEETIE!

UH, HI, MOM.

CAN YOU GO TO THE KITCHEN FOR A SECOND?

WELL, YES, I CAN, BUT WHY WOULD I WANT TO?

WELL, I WANTED TO ASK YOU ABOUT--

ASK YOU ABOUT JESUS.

YEAH, I HAVE SOME JESUS-TYPE QUESTIONS FOR YOU.

TALK ABOUT PERFECT TIMING.

BROTHER THOMAS HERE HAS COME OVER FOR COFFEE.

HE JUST FINISHED SEMINARY, AND HE'S HEADING OUT TO TEACH THE HEATHENS ABOUT JESUS.

ISN'T THAT RIGHT, THOMAS? YES, MA'AM.

I'M GOING TO ASSUME MISSIONARY POSITION FOR THE CONGREGATION.

YOU MEAN, LIKE, DURING THE SERVICE?

NO. I'LL BE DOING IT OVER IN CHINA.

OH.

[ Mrs. Fisher ] WHY DON'T I WHIP UP SOME DEVILED EGGS, AND YOU TWO CAN TALK SHOP, OKAY?

GREAT.

ALL RIGHT.

YEAH.

COME ON.

GOSH, IT'S SO EXCITING GOING TO A FOREIGN LAND. OH, YEAH.

YOU KNOW, I BET THEY MAKE SOME GREAT CHINESE FOOD OVER THERE IN CHINA.

[ Thomas ] ACTUALLY, NOT.

OH.

I CAN GIVE YOU SOME MACARONI AND CHEESE TO TAKE OVER THERE.

I MIGHT WALK A LITTLE FUNNY BUT MY WALK IS ME I MIGHT STUTTER WHEN I TALK BUT I SAY WHAT I SEE I DON'T AGREE WITH EVERY OTHER LITTLE THING THAT'S PROVEN I DO A LOT OF THINGS THAT I SHOULDN'T BE DOIN'

I RUIN EVERYTHING YOU MIGHT'VE HAD IN MIND I'M CONSISTENT, BELLIGERENT SOLIDIFIED FIND RHINESTONE FREAK SUBURBAN STAR I AIN'T GOT NO MONEY AND I GOT NO CAR I DON'T KNOW WHY I COME HERE BUT I KNOW I'LL NEVER LEAVE IT'S THE ONLY PLACE I WANNA BE YEAH, YEAH, YEAH

[ Amber ] I KNOW, BUT THAT REALLY DID HAPPEN.

GINGER, DON'T THEY TEACH YOU ANYTHING ABOUT SAFE SEX OUT THERE IN THE BOONIES?

DAD, SHUT UP.

IS IT CHANGING?

ARE YOU SURE WE DID IT RIGHT, HONEY?

DAD, TRUST ME. I HAVE DONE THIS BEFORE.

YOU KNOW, I AM SO NERVOUS.

OLIVER, WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO BE SUCH A DRAMA QUEEN?

GINGER, THAT'S NO WAY TO TALK TO YOUR FATHER, ESPECIALLY--

OH!

WE'RE GONNA BE GRANDPARENTS! [ Laughing ]

I'LL GET TO DECORATE THE BABY'S ROOM AND EVERYTHING! IT'S GONNA BE SO GREAT.

GINGER, HONEY?

YOU HEARD ME. I'M PREGGERS AGAIN.

DAMN, I'M GOOD.

YEAH, THANKS A LOT.

HEY, IT'S NOT MY FAULT.

WELL, YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO WEAR A CONDOM.

[ Men Singing ] YEAH, AND YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO REMIND ME.

WHAT'S THAT IN THE BACKGROUND?

OH, THAT'S JUST MY STEPDAD AND OLIVER.

ARE THEY DOING IT?

NO, YOU MORON.

THEY'RE DANCING AROUND THE ROOM, SINGING SHOW TUNES.

WHOA, ROCKY WAS RIGHT.

SO, LIKE, WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO TELL PEOPLE?

WELL, DID YOU TELL ANYONE BUT YOUR MOM ABOUT THE MISCARRIAGE?

UM, NO.

WELL, IF WE WANT A SETTLEMENT, WE JUST WON'T SAY ANYTHING.

NOBODY WILL KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.

OKAY. WELL, LOOK, I GOTTA GO.

JOHNNY'S PAROLE HEARING IS IN AN HOUR. BYE.

WHO WAS THAT, HONEY?

UH, AMBER.

HOW IS THE LITTLE ANGEL?

FINE.

YOU TELL HER TO COME OVER FOR DINNER SOON. AHEM!

UH, ON SECOND THOUGHT, YOU BETTER NOT.

UNLESS SHE'S ON HER PERIOD.

OH, LOOK! REDDI-WIP'S ON SALE!

YOU KNOW HOW YOU LOVE REDDI-WIP!

[ Amber ] AS THE TRIAL APPROACHED, THINGS GOT WEIRDER AND WEIRDER.

I WAS FORCED TO ENDURE MORE AND MORE INDIGNITIES.

EWW.

WHAT DOES THAT FINGER THING MEAN ANYWAY?

DAMN IT.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT THEY'RE DOING?

THEY'RE TRYING TO PUT A SPIN ON OUR SPIN.

YEAH, WELL, DON'T YOU WORRY ABOUT THAT BECAUSE I'M GONNA SPIN 'EM RIGHT BACK.

I'M GONNA NAIL THAT ADAM FISHER, AND THEN I'M GONNA NAIL THAT CHUCK CLOPPERMAN, TOO.

GOOD! ARE WE READY?

YEAH.

ARE WE GONNA WIN? OH, YEAH!

WHO'S YOUR HONOR? YOU'RE MY HONOR.

CALL ME YOUR HONOR. MY HONOR.

YOUR HONOR. YOUR HONOR.

YOUR HONOR! YOUR HONOR.

CAN I ROCK IT CAN I KNOCK IT CAN I LICK IT, CAN I KICK IT CAN I TOP IT YOU MAKE ME HAZY YOU DRIVE ME CRAZY AND MAYBE I DON'T KNOW WHAT I CAN DO CAN I ROCK IT CAN I KNOCK IT CAN I LICK IT, CAN I KICK IT CAN I TOP IT YOU MAKE ME HAZY YOU DRIVE ME CRAZY AND MAYBE I DON'T KNOW WHAT I CAN DO WHOA!

[ Shouting ]

[ Amber ] FINALLY, THE TRIAL CAME.

ADAM ARRIVED AT THE COURTHOUSE TO A HERO'S WELCOME.

JESUS LOVES YOU!

LYDIA STONE WAS A BIT LESS FORTUNATE.

HELLO, GATLINERS. [ Booing ]

[ Woman ] GOD BLESS YOU, MS. STONE!

SISTER, HI, HOW ARE YOU? GOD BLESS YOU.

HE'LL BURN IN HELL!

[ Lydia ] WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?

DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. THEY DON'T LOOK OLD ENOUGH TO VOTE ANYWAY.

OH, MY GOD. RUN FOR IT!

[ Amber ] WHEREAS THE ENTRANCES MIGHT'VE BEEN EXPECTED, THE TRIAL WAS ANYTHING BUT.

YOU MAY PROCEED, MS. STONE. THANK YOU, YOUR HONOR.

HOW OLD ARE YOU, G.A.G.?

UH, MY BIRTHDAY IS NEXT WEEK.

UH, PLEASE JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION, SWEETIE.

OH. FIFTEEN AND A HALF.

FIFTEEN AND A HALF YEARS OLD.

AND, UH, DO YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND?

YEAH, BUT HE'S IN PRISON.

I OBJECT, YOUR HONOR! SHE'S DOING A THING!

[ Judge ] OVERRULED. I AM NOT DOING A THING.

I'M-- OVERRULED.

WELL, SHE'S-- DOING A THING! I HAVE RULED!

I'M NOT DOING A THING.

PRISON, MISS G.A.G.?

UM, WELL-- [ Taps Desk ]

SINCE WE'VE BEEN RIPPED FROM EACH OTHER'S LIVES, IT SEEMS LIKE WE'RE IN A TYPE OF PRISON.

I SEE.

ARE YOU CURRENTLY PREGNANT?

YES.

YES?

HOW TERRIBLY TRAGIC, ISN'T IT?

THAT A YOUNG GIRL DOES NOT HAVET HE CHANCE TO ENJOY HER TEENAGE YEARS.

BUT I AM ENJOYING MY TEENAGE YEARS.

HOW DO YOU THINK I GOT PREGNANT?

YOU KNOW, I'M SORRY, BUT I DON'T GET WHY EVERYONE IS SO INTERESTED IN ADAM AND ME.

I MEAN, YOU OLD PEOPLE DO SOME PRETTY SCREWED-UP STUFF.

I READ THOSE PAPERS IN LINE AT THE GROCERY STORE, SO I KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT.

I MEAN, PEOPLE ARE SNIFFING KOOL-AID AND HIRING TRANSVESTITE HOOKERS!

AND I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO MENTION THAT CIGAR THING, AND NOBODY CARES.

SO WHY IS EVERYONE GETTING INTO OUR FACES ABOUT GETTING IT ON A FEW TIMES?

I MEAN, I LIKE DOING IT.

AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, I WANTED TO DO IT.

AND... ADAM'S A REALLY NICE GUY.

NOT TO MENTION REALLY HUNG. OKAY, WELL, THEN!

THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

DONE WITH THIS ONE. THANK YOU, YOUR HONOR.

[ Judge ] MR. CLOPPERMAN, YOUR WITNESS.

THANK YOU.

HI.

HERE, HONEY. YOU MIGHT NEED THESE.

GINGER, ARE YOU IN LOVE-- PLEASE REFER TO OUR UNDERAGE WITNESS...

BY HER INITIALS, MR. CLOPPERMAN.

SORRY.

G.A.G., ARE YOU IN LOVE?

YES.

AND EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE, UH, 15 AND A HALF, DON'T YOU FEEL LIKE AN ADULT?

OBJECTION, YOUR-- OBJECTION!

HELLO. SORRY.

LEADING THE WITNESS. SUSTAINED.

FINE. I WILL REPHRASE THE QUESTION, IF IT MAKES YOU HAPPY.

[ Chuckling ]

REPHRASE. UH--

G.A.G.

AHEM. HOW DO YOU FEEL?

WELL, OTHER THAN SOME MORNING SICKNESS AND OCCASIONAL CONSTIPATION--

MENTALLY. OH.

OLD.

OLD!

OLD.

NO FURTHER QUESTIONS, YOUR HONOR. YOU MAY STEP DOWN.

PLEASE CALL THE NEXT WITNESS.

MR. FISHER, I BELIEVE THAT'S YOU.

LET ME REMIND YOU, MR. FISHER, YOU ARE STILL UNDER OATH.

HE KNOWS.

IF YOU WOULD BE SO KIND.

Y-YES, SIR.

[ Chuckling ]

HELLO, MR. FISHER. SO YOU ADMIT TO SLEEPING WITH G.A.G.

YES, MA'AM.

ON MORE THAN THREE OCCASIONS BETWEEN OCTOBER 24 AND NOVEMBER 26?

WELL, A LOT MORE.

[ Laughter ]

AND WHAT WERE YOUR AGES AT THIS TIME?

I WAS 18.

18 YEARS OLD!

AND G.A.G.?

OH! DID I SAY SOMETHING FUNNY, MR. FISHER?

NO, MA'AM. I JUST REALIZED GINGER'S INITIALS SPELL--

OH, EVERYONE KNOWS WHAT THEY SPELL, MR. FISHER.

I AM THROUGH WITH THIS YOUNG ADULT. THANK YOU, YOUR HONOR.

MR. CLOPPERMAN.

PRESENT!

[ Laughing ]

OH.

SO, UH, ADAM.

UH, YOU AND GINGER PLANNED TO MA-- [ Judge ] COUNSELOR!

THAT'S THE SECOND TIME.

WHAT? THAT'S THE THIRD TIME, YOUR HONOR.

NO, IT'S NOT. YOU'RE RIGHT. IT'S THE SECOND TIME.

NO, I'M RIGHT. IT'S THE THIRD TIME.

FINE, WHATEVER. ADAM, YOU AND G.A.G., YOU PLAN TO MARRY, IS THAT RIGHT?

YES. WE LOVE EACH OTHER VERY MUCH, AND WANT TO BE UNITED IN GOD'S EYES.

GOD'S EYES.

GOD'S... EYES.

SO WHY DID YOU TWO DECIDE NOT TO MARRY, ADAM?

UH, WE, UH--

UH...

NO, WAIT. UH--

OBJECTION, YOUR HONOR! OBJECTION TO HIS OBJECTION!

MR. CLOPPERMAN, YOU'RE DOING THE QUESTIONING.

I KNOW THAT.

WE DIDN'T!

WE-- WE DIDN'T. THAT'S RIGHT.

THE COURT ORDERED US TO BE PARTED, AND WE CAN NO LONGER SEE EACH OTHER.

OUR TRUE LOVE WAS... SQUASHED.

QUASHED. YEAH. QUASHED.

HAVE YOU SEEN G.A.G. SINCE THE COURT TORE YOU APART?

N-NOT REALLY.

"NOT REALLY," YOUR HONOR?

ANSWER THE QUESTION EITHER YES OR NO.

NO...

TREALLY.

YOUR HONOR! "TREALLY"?

WILL YOU REPEAT YOUR ANSWER-- "TREALLY" MEANS "NO"!

JUST ONE WORD.

NO.

BUT...

BUT, WELL, I JUST WANT TO SAY THAT...

I KNOW THE PEOPLE WHO MAKE THE LAWS, THEY HAVE THEIR REASONS AND ALL, AND I'M USUALLY PRETTY GOOD AT NOT BREAKING THEM.

LOOK, WHAT I MEAN IS, I GUESS I KINDA SCREWED UP, AND... I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT.

WHEN MIKE MUBORN BLEW UP THE CHEMISTRY LAB TRYING TO BUILD DYNAMITE, AND ALL HE HAD TO DO WAS PICK UP TRASH.

SO I THINK IT'D BE A LITTLE UNFAIR IF GET LOCKED AWAY FOR 20 TO 40.

DON'T YOU?

I DO! [ Laughs ]

ABSOLUTELY.

ADAM, G.A.G. HAS TESTIFIED THAT SHE IS PREGNANT WITH YOUR BABY.

ARE YOU GONNAA SUPPORT THAT CHILD?

YES. YES, I WILL.

THAT'S VERY NOT GUILTY OF YOU, ADAM.

YOUR HONOR, PLEASE! STRIKE THAT.

THE JURY WILL DISREGARD MR. CLOPPERMAN'S LAST COMMENT.

SORRY. I WAS JUST THINKING OUT LOUD. [ Laughs ]

NO MORE QUESTIONS, YOUR HONOR.

[ Judge ] YOU MAY STEP DOWN.

[ Adam ] YES, SIR.

BEFORE I SEND YOU TO DELIBERATE, LET ME REMIND YOU NOT TO LET YOUR EMOTIONS AFFECT YOUR DECISION.

IF YOU THINK THAT ADAM FISHER COMMITTED THE ACT THREE TIMES WITH G.A.G...

BEFORE SHE REACHED THE AGE OF 16, YOU MUST FIND HIM GUILTY.

[ Amber ] OKAY, SO MY BOYFRIEND KNOCKED UP AN UNDERAGED GIRL TWICE.

DOES THAT MEAN HE HAS TO SPEND MY CHILDBEARING YEARS BEHIND BARS?

I PRAYED THAT THE JURY WOULD SEE BEYOND THE HYPE, THE SENSATIONALISM, THE CHEAP, TAWDRY DETAILS OF ADAM'S INDISCRETION...

AND SEE HIS INNOCENT, GIVING SOUL.

WE ALL NERVOUSLY AWAITED THE VERDICT.

AN ARTIFICIAL SEASON

COVERED BY SUMMER RAIN

LOSIN' ALL MY REASON

'CAUSE THERE'S NOTHIN' LEFT TO BLAME

WELL, HE ADMITTED SLEEPING WITH HER, RIGHT? MM-HMM.

AND SHE ADMITTED SHE WAS 15.

AND HE ADMITTED HE WAS 18, SO... HE'S GUILTY.

HE'S GUILTY.

SHADOWS PAINT THE SIDEWALK A LIVING PICTURE IN A FRAME

SEE THE SEA OF PEOPLE

ALL THEIR FACES LOOK THE SAME

SO I SAT DOWN FOR A WHILE FORCING A SMILE

[ Amber ] ADAM WAS ALWAYS TRYING TO DO THE RIGHT THING.

HE WAS INCAPABLE OF DOING ANYTHING ELSE.

HE WAS CRYING OUT FOR HELP.

BUT SOMETIMES... [ Knocking ]

THE DISTANCE YOU HAVE TO WALK TO ANSWER A DOOR...

IS JUST TOO FAR TO GO TO HELP SOMEONE.

REV, ARE YOU IN THERE?

THAT DOOR IS JUST... TOO DAMN FAR.

THIS IS STUPID. WHO HERE HASN'T HAD SEX WITH A HIGH SCHOOL SOPHOMORE?

I SURE HAVE.

WELL, I MEAN, WHEN WE WERE IN HIGH SCHOOL.

RIGHT. RIGHT.


WILL THE DEFENDANT PLEASE RISE?

THIS COURT FINDS THE DEFENDANT GUILTY AS CHARGED.

SENTENCING TOMORROW AT 3:00.

MAN!

THAT TOTALLY SUCKED!

GUILTY? GUILTY? AL, LOOK, IT'S INSIDE SCOOP.

TV. IS MY FOREHEAD SHINY?

YOU SAID YOU COULD GET HIM OFF, NO PROBLEM!

THAT'S THE LAST TIME I HIRE A LAWYER OFF TV!

NO PROBLEM! NO PROBLEM!

THE LORD TELLS US TO TURN THE OTHER CHEEK.

WELL, SCREW THAT!

JUSTICE WAS SERVED. I KICKED ASS!

I WON! I WON! I'M GONNA BE MAYOR NOW!

VOTE FOR STONE. THANKS TO ME, WE'RE GONNA BE MAYOR.

VOTE FOR STONE.

WAIT A MINUTE. WHAT ABOUT ME?

WHAT ABOUT THE WHITE PICKET FENCE, THE DINNER PARTIES, THE MINIVAN?

IF HE GOES TO PRISON, I MAY NOT LOSE MY VIRGINITY FOR 40 YEARS!

[ Amber ] THEY ACTED LIKE HE WAS A MARTYR, LIKE JOHN THE BAPTIST OR KURT COBAIN.

THAT'S WHEN I BEGAN TO WONDER IF WAITING TO LOSE MY VIRGINITY WAS SILLY...

WHEN I HAD A REAL-LIFE MARTYR FOR A BOYFRIEND!

A FUZZY PIG AND A PRAYER FOR A PREDATOR.

ADAM FISHER STANDS TO RECEIVE UP TO 40 YEARS IN PRISON...

AND WILL BE FORCED TO REGISTER AS A SEXUAL PREDATOR...

FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE.

THE WHOLE COUNTRY'S PRAYERS ARE WITH ADAM FISHER, WHO, NO DOUBT, TONIGHT IS SPENDING THE EVENING IN QUIET CONTEMPLATION.

I WONDER IF THEY'LL LET YOU COME HAVE SEX WITH ME IF I GO TO PRISON.

LET'S NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT THAT.

WELL, IF NOT, THIS MIGHT BE OUR LAST CHANCE TO BE TOGETHER FOR A LONG TIME.

YEAH.

MAYBE WE SHOULD MAKE THE MOST OF WHAT LITTLE TIME WE HAVE LEFT.

I WANT IT TO BE MAGICAL, AN EXPERIENCE YOU'LL REMEMBER FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

ADAM--

[ Mrs. Fisher ] DINNER WILL BE READY IN FIVE MINUTES!

THAT GIVES US PLENTY OF TIME. [ Giggles ]

[ Amber ] YES, I GAVE MYSELF TO ADAM...

ON THE NIGHT BEFORE HIS SENTENCING.

I SPENT THE REST OF THE NIGHT TRYING TO REMEMBER IF I WAS OVULATING.


[ Bailiff ] ALL RISE!

GATLIN COUNTY SUPERIOR COURT IS NOW IN SESSION.

THE HONORABLE JUDGE RAYMOND E. ZIFF PRESIDING.

YOU MAY BE SEATED.

[ Judge ] WILL THE DEFENDANT PLEASE RISE?

THIS COURT IN NO WAY CONDONES UNDERAGE SEXUAL RELATIONS.

HOWEVER, I FIND MYSELF HARD PRESSED...

TO SEND THE DEFENDANT UP THE RIVER FOR 40 YEARS...

BECAUSE HE GOT LUCKY WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND.

THEREFORE, MR. FISHER, I AM SENTENCING YOU TO TWO YEARS...

PROBATION.

AND AS FOR THAT REQUIREMENT THAT YOU REGISTER AS A SEXUAL PREDATOR, IT'S REQUIRED BY THE STATUTE, SO I'M AFRAID THAT MY HANDS ARE TIED.

BUT GOOD LUCK, ADAM.

I WANT TO THANK THE COMMUNITY FOR THEIR INCREDIBLE SUPPORT...

AND THAT JUDGE, TOO.

OKAY, I'M GONNA THROW IT OVER TO ADAM HERE.

HE'S GOING TO TAKE A FEW QUESTIONS BEFORE I GIVE YOU ANY MORE DETAILS...

ABOUT MY BOOK SIGNING TOUR. [ Reporters Yelling ]

HOW DOES IT FEEL TO HAVE TO REGISTER AS A SEXUAL PREDATOR FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE?

WELL, IT KINDA SUCKS.

I MEAN, NOW I WON'T BE ABLE TO COACH KIDS' BASEBALL...

OR BUY A GUN OR BE THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.

HOW DO YOU AND GINGER PLAN TO CELEBRATE YOUR FREEDOM...

AND WHEN DO YOU PLAN ON GETTING MARRIED?

WELL, GINGER AND I KIND OF BROKE UP.

THAT'S ALL THE TIME THAT HE HAS FOR-- FOR YOU GUYS RIGHT NOW, BUT I GOT LOTS OF TIME, SO, UH, LET'S GET IT ON.

OKAY, SO THE TITLE OF MY BOOK IS UNLAWFUL ENTRY: THE ADAM FISHER STORY.

IF ORDER ONE RIGHT NOW, YOU'LL GET A SPECIAL COPY OF MY WORKOUT VIDEO...

HOW TO GET GREAT ABS IN JUST THREE HEARINGS.

[ Amber ] WITH THE WHOLE MESS BEHIND US, ADAM AND I CAN GET OUR LIVES BACK...

AND ENJOY EVEN DEEPER TRUE LOVE.

SEE, SWEETIE, I WAS THINKING MAYBE WE COULD GO BACK TO MY PLACE...

AND CELEBRATE YOUR VICTORY.

JEEZ, I DON'T KNOW. I'VE KINDA BEEN THINKING, TOO.

I'LL HAVE YOUR BABY! I'M 16!

I LOVE YOU, ADAM! I WANNA HAVE YOUR BABY!

MARRY ME, ADAM, I LOVE YOU!

WHAT DO YOU SORT OF THINK ABOUT SEEING OTHER PEOPLE?

[ Girls Screaming ]

[ Amber ] SOMEWHERE DEEP DOWN, I KNOW HE REALLY COULDN'T MEAN THAT.

HE WAS JUST IN SHOCK FROM THE TRIAL.

HE LOVES ME TOO MUCH TO SEE OTHER PEOPLE.

[ Screaming ] I JUST HAD TO REMIND HIM.

I DON'T BELIEVE WHAT HE SAID I CAN GO ANYWHERE I CAN HOLD MY HEAD UP I CAN BREATHE IN THE AIR I'M NOT OFFICIALLY DEAD I STILL HAVE A HEART NOT OFFICIALLY DEAD, YEAH I STILL HAVE A HEART

[ Amber ] I MAY HAVE GONE ABOUT IT BADLY, BUT WHAT'S IMPORTANT IN THE END IS THAT WE LEARN FROM OUR MISTAKES...

AND GROW AS INDIVIDUALS.

I REMEMBER THE TIMES YOU'D RIDE YOUR BIKE PAST MY HOUSE I WANNA KNOW YOU SO BAD KNOW YOU INSIDE AND OUT YOU'RE OFFICIALLY DEAD YOU DON'T HAVE A HEART

[ Piano ]


AH! OOH!

MY!

[ Amber ] ANYHOW, YOU'RE PROBABLY WONDERING...

WHAT HAPPENED TO EVERYONE AFTER THE TRIAL.

[ Ginger Screaming ]

[ Grunting ]

[ Baby Crying ]

[ Amber ] AFTER A COUNTY RECORD OF 98 HOURS OF LABOR, GINGER PRODUCED A BABY GIRL, THUS PROVING THAT SHE'S NOT ALWAYS EASY.

GINGER, CAN I TOUCH IT?

NO WAY! HUSH, JOHNNY!

GINGER'S MINE NOW, ASS WIPE! HE MEANS THE BABY.

[ Crying ]

SHH SHH SHH! HERE, BABY, COME HERE.

GIVE IT TO JOHNNY. GIVE IT TO JOHNNY.

THERE YOU GO.

WHAT'S ITS NAME?

WE DECIDED TO NAME HER "T-BONE" AFTER JOHNNY'S CELLMATE.

[ Crying Continues ] OH, WAIT, WHAT'D I DO?

HERE, HERE. YOU'RE JUST HOLDING HER WRONG.

[ Ginger ] JOHNNY KNOWS ALL ABOUT BABIES.

HIS SISTER HAD A COUPLE BACK IN JUNIOR HIGH, AND HE HELPED TAKE CARE OF THEM. PUT YOUR HAND HERE.

HE'S GONNA BE A GREAT DADDY. THERE YOU GO.

THERE YOU GO. [ Laughs ]

YEAH. YEAH.

[ Amber ] ALTHOUGH LYDIA LOST THE ELECTION, HER NEWLY FOUND CELEBRITY LANDED HER A TALK SHOW ON CNBC, WHICH WAS CANCELED AFTER SIX SHOWS.

SHE FOUND A BETTER OUTLET FOR HER TALENTS ON THE HOME BUYING CHANNEL.

DON'T FORGET TO ORDER THIS LIMITED EDITION...

ADAM AND GINGER DINNER PLATE SET.

THAT'S RIGHT, LYDIA. THIS IS VERY INTERESTING.

THE PAINTING THAT YOU'RE LOOKING AT HERE...

IS BAKED RIGHT IN SO IT WON'T CHIP OR FADE.

[ Lydia ] MM-HMM. THESE ARE A MUST-HAVE.

AN EXCELLENT BARGAIN, AND DISHWASHER-SAFE AS WELL.

WE HARDLY HAVE ANY LEFT, SO GET ON THAT PHONE AND CALL 555-LONG.

I HAVE SOME OF THESE AT HOME, CHUCK.

[ Amber ] ADAM DID DROP OUT OF SCHOOL BEFORE GRADUATION, AND ONCE AGAIN FOUND HIMSELF AT THE LITTLE CHICKEN.

HE HAD A FEW LEGAL BILLS.

AND LET'S FACE IT-- SCHOOL WAS JUST NEVER HIS THING.

[ Whistling ] [ Amber ] IT WASN'T LONG...

BEFORE ANOTHER BABY GOT STUCK IN A PIPE SOMEWHERE--

ARKANSAS, I THINK--

SO THE PRESS ESCAPED OUR SMALL, PICTURESQUE TOWN, AND ADAM'S PARENTS QUICKLY FOUND THEMSELVES BACK TO NORMAL.

AL?

IT'S BLUE.

[ Amber ] WELL, ALMOST.

OH, MY.

AS FOR ME, WELL, I'M DOING JUST FINE.

AFTER THE LITTLE INCIDENT WITH ADAM'S CAR, I AGREED TO MAKE A FEW SPEECHES AT LOCAL JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOLS ON THE DANGERS OF TEEN SEX.

I'M A VERY GIVING PERSON.

I AM.

[ Amber Narrating ] AFTER ALL WE WENT THROUGH, WE PATCHED THINGS UP AND EMERGED CLOSER THAN EVER.

IT TOOK A LITTLE NUDGING ON MY PART, BUT EVENTUALLY I GOT ADAM TO POP THE QUESTION.

HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE.

[ Amber ] ADAM STILL HAD SOME GROWING UP TO DO, BUT I'M LEARNING TO BE PATIENT.

WE'RE GOING TO BE TOGETHER FOR A LONG, LONG TIME.

ADAM!

SO YOU SEE, STORIES DO HAVE HAPPY ENDINGS.

NO, REALLY! THEY DO!

HERE, BABE.

THANKS, BABE.

LET ME JUST GET THESE HANDLEBARS FOR YOU.

I GUESS WE'VE HAD OUR FUN BUT IT SEEMS THE FUN IS OVER NOW AND THAT'S ALL RIGHT IT'S ALL RIGHT

I CALLED YOU A BITCH, WHICH YOU MOST DEFINITELY ARE!

[ Giggling ]

HOW DO YOU-- HOW-- HOW DO YOU FEEL?

OTHER THAN MORNING SICKNESS AND OCCASIONAL CONSTIPATION--

I KNOW ALL ABOUT THAT, BUT MENTALLY.

HELLO?

[ Judge ] MR. FISHER, WOULD YOU BE SO KIND?

YES, SIR.

CUT! SHE LOVES HER CORN.

WHAT HAND ARE YOU COUNTING ON? SECOND TIME.

THIRD TIME. SHUT UP.

WHERE YOU GOING?

I'M GONNA DO THE DANCE WITH THE JUG-EARED MAN.

FORGOT TO FLOSS.

I'M GONNA BEAT OFF.

THAT'S NICE, DEAR.

OKAY, I OBJECT, YOUR HONOR! HE'S LEADING HIMSELF!

I'M SORRY, I-- WE NEED TO STOP FOR A SECOND.

ALL RIGHT, I'M LACTATING AND I'M LEAKING RIGHT NOW.

PARTY ANIMAL.

[ Judge ] YOU'RE ASKING THE QUESTION.

THANK YOU, YOUR HONOR. I KNOW.

AND ALL HE GOT WAS TO PICK OUT-- ALL HE HAD TO DO WAS PICK UP TRASH.

LOOK, EITHER LOVE THE LITTLE TRAMP, OR YOU'RE GONNA BE GETTING SOME TOUGH LOVE...

FROM YOUR CELLMATE UP AT THE STATE PEN.

SOAP ON A ROPE SO YOU CAN GET IT BACK. GOT IT?

WHAT THE HECK YOU TALKING ABOUT? IT'S A HYGIENE THING, HONEY.

UH, IT'S A WORKOUT METAPHOR.

[ No Audible Dialogue ]

HI.


I WANNA TRY OUT MY NEW WATER PIK.

YOU'RE MY HONOR. CALL ME YOUR HONOR.

[ Adam ] THERE'S ULTIMATE FIGHTING ON PAY-PER-VIEW TONIGHT.

OH. OH, YEAH?

YOU ANYBODY'S BITCH YET?

WHAT? SOUND GOOD?

COOL. NO PROBLEM.


W-WE CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE?

I CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE?

WE CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE?

WELL, FOLKS--

WAS YOUR BED GOOD, HONEY?

HAVE YOU BEEN BONING HER AGAIN?

OH, NO.

[ Giggling ]