Joe Versus the Volcano (1990) Script

I know he can get the job, but can he do the job?

Yeah, Harry, but can he do the job?

I know he can get the job...

...but can he do the job?

I'm not arguing that with you.

I'm not arguing that with you.

I'm not arguing that with you.

I'm not arguing that with you, Harry!

Yeah, but can he do the job?

I know he can get the job, but can he do the job?

I'm not arguing that with you.

Harry, I'm not arguing that with you!

Who said that? I didn't say that.

If I said that, I would have been wrong.

I'm not arguing that with you!

Yeah, Harry, I know he can get the job, but can he do the job?

I am not arguing that with you!

I am not arguing that with you!

I am not arguing that with you!

Who told you that? No!

I told you that! Me!

What? Maybe.

Maybe, maybe.

Good morning, DeDe. Hi, Joe.

What's with the shoe?

I'm losing my sole.

How are you?

Kind of tired.

Here. Each one gets sent five catalogues.

No, I can't do it.

Why not?

I only have 12 catalogues left.


I'll take care of this.

How are you doing Joe?

Well, I'm not feeling very good, Mr. Waturi.

What else is new? You never feel good.

Well, that's a problem.

I have a doctor's appointment today. Another doctor's appointment?

Listen Joe, What's this DeDe tells me about the catalogues?

I only got 12. How'd you let that happen?

I told you. When?

Three weeks ago, then two weeks ago.

Did you tell me last week?


Why not? I thought you knew.

Not good enough, Joe. Not nearly good enough!

I put you in charge of the entire advertising library. This room.

I gave you carte blank in here.

You put the orders in the printer, not me.

You're not competent to put orders into the printer. It's a very technical job.

You were going to explain it to me. Better than that.

I was going to make you assistant manager.

I want to make you assistant manager. But you're not flexible. You're inflexible.

I don't feel inflexible. You're inflexible! Totally.

And what this about doctor's appointment? You're always going to the doctor!

I don't feel good. So what?

You think I feel good?

Nobody feels good.

After childhood, it's a fact of life. I feel rotten. So what?

I don't let it bother me or interfere with my job.

What do you want from me?

You're like a child. What's the lamp for? Isn't there enough light in here for you?

Fluorescents affect me. They make me feel blotchy and...

... puffy. I thought this light- Get rid of it.

This is not your bedroom, Joe. This is an office.

If you treat this like a job instead of a welfare hospital, you'll shape up!

I want those catalogues.

Then, please, order them. Watch yourself.

Think about what I just said.

You've got to get yourself into a flexible frame...

...or else you are no place.

And take that light off the desk.

I will. Do it now.


Why do you let him talk to you like that? Like what?

What's wrong with you? I don't feel good.

What's the matter with you? I don't know.

I don't know.

Mr. Banks?

Dr. Ellison will see you now.

How are you feeling, Mr. Banks?

The same. I feel puffy and blotchy. I never have any energy.

I keep getting these little sore throats. I just don't feel very good.

How long have you felt this way?

Well; Pretty much since I left the fire department.

On and off since then. About eight years.

What did you do in the fire department?

You know, I put out fires.

Was it dangerous?

Yeah, there was some pretty rough stuff, but I came out of it okay.

The hard part was when I started never feeling good and had to quit.

I've gotten the results of your tests.

I have cancer.


Something is wrong with my blood or urine?

They're fine.

But there is something.

Tell me. You have a brain cloud.

Brain cloud?

A black fog of tissue running down the center of your brain.

It's very rare.

It'll spread at a regular rate. It's very destructive.

And it's incurable?


How long?

Six months. You can count on it being about that.

It's not painful.

Your brain will simply fail, followed abruptly by your body.

You can depend on at least four or five months of perfect health.

What are you talking about? I don't feel good now.

That's the ironic part. Mr. Banks, you're a hypochondriac.

Nothing is wrong that has anything to do with your symptoms.

I think your experiences in the fire department were traumatic.

You experienced the imminent possibility of death several times.

Yeah. You survived.

The cumulative anxiety of those brushes with death left you habitually fearful...

...about your physical person.

I'm not sick except for a terminal disease?

Which has no symptoms. That's right.

It was because of your insistence on so many tests that we discovered the problem.

What'll I do?

If you have any savings, you might think about taking a trip.

A vacation. I don't have any savings.

A few hundred bucks. I spent everything I had on doctors!

Perhaps you'll want a second opinion.

Brain cloud.

I knew it. I didn't know it, but I knew it.

What am I going to do?

You have some time left, Mr. Banks.

You have some life left.

My advice to you is:

Live it well.


You were wrong.

He was wrong.

Who said that? I didn't say that.

If I said that, I would have been wrong.

I would have been wrong, isn't that right?

I'm not arguing that with you.

I'm not arguing that with you.

I'm not arguing that with you!

Let me call you back. I got something here.

Don't say anything until we finish our conversation.

You were at lunch three hours.

About that.

Where's my friend? Where is my friend?

Mr. Waturi.

Mr. Waturi.


This is company property.

Don't touch that!

What are you doing? I'm opening or closing the main drain.

You shouldn't be touching that.

Nothing happened.

Do you know how long I wondered what would happen if I did that?

What's wrong with you? Brain cloud.

Never mind. Listen, Mr. Waturi.

I quit.

Today? That's right.

That's great. Don't come looking for a reference from me.

Okay, I won't.

Robinson Crusoe.

You blew this job.

Romeo and Juliet.

The Odyssey.

You blew this job.


I worked here four and a half years.

The work I did I probably could have done in six months.

That leaves four years left over.

Four years.

If I had them now...

Like gold in my hand.


For you.

Good-bye, DeDe.

You're going?

If you're leaving, leave.

You'll get your check. And I promise you, you'll be easy to replace.

I should say something. What are you muttering?

This life... Life, what a joke.

This situation, this room...

You should just go.

You look terrible, Mr. Waturi.

You look like a bag of shit stuffed in a cheap suit.

But no one could look good under these zombie lights.

I can feel them sucking the juice out of my eyeballs.

Suck! Suck!

$300 a week.

For $300 a week I've lived in this sink. This used rubber.

Watch it. There's a woman here! Don't you think I know that?

Don't you think I'm aware there's a woman here?

I can smell her like a flower. I can taste her like sugar on my tongue.

I'm 20 feet away, I can hear the fabric of her dress when she moves.

But I haven't done anything about it.

I go every day not doing, not saying...

...not taking the chance for $300 a week.

And, Frank, the coffee, it stinks.

It tastes like arsenic.

If the lights don't give you a headache, you must be dead!

So, let's arrange the funeral.

You better go. I'm telling you!

You're telling me nothing. I'm telling you!

Why, I ask myself, have I put up with you? I can't imagine.

But I know. It's fear. Yellow, freaking fear.

I've been too afraid to live my life, so I sold it to you...

...for $300 dollars a week!

You're lucky I don't kill you! You're lucky I don't rip your throat out!

But I'm not going to!

Maybe you're not so lucky...

...because I'm going to leave you here, Mr. Wahoo Waturi.

What could be worse than that?

DeDe. Yeah.

How about dinner tonight? Okay.

Wow! What a change.

Who am I? That's the real question. Who am I? Who are you?

What other questions are there, really?

If you want to understand the universe, embrace it, the door is you.

Me? You. Me.

You are really intense. Am I?

Yeah, I guess I am. I was.

What do you mean? I mean, a long time ago.

In the beginning I was full of piss and vinegar. Nothing got me down.

I wanted to know.

Know what?

Everything! But then I had some experiences.

I talked to this guy and he says I got scared.

Of what?

Have you ever been scared?

I guess so. Sure.

What scared you?

Lots of things. At the moment, you scare me a little.

Me? Why should I scare you?

I don't know.

There's something going on with you.

This morning you were like a lump.

And now you're...

How do you feel?

I feel great.

See? You never feel great.

No, I never do!

What's funny?

I feel great! That is very funny!

Where are you?

I'm right here!

I wish I was where you are.

No, you don't.

Did I ever tell you that the first time I saw you...

...I felt I had seen you before?

Wait a minute.

What'd you do?

I bribed them to sing a song to drive us insane and make our hearts burst.

What happened to you?

What happened to you that you're so alive? I can see it.

There's something wrong with my brain.

It's not catching, but I have just five or six months to live.

What? I'm going to die.

And I'm just so appreciative of my life.

I got to go. Please, don't.

I got to go home. You may have quit, but I have the job in the morning.

I really want you to stay.

You're going to die? But so what?

Stay tonight. Tomorrow will take care of itself.

I can't handle it, Joe.


I forgot my bag.

Joe Banks? Mr. Joe Banks?

Have I come at a bad time?

Yes. No.

I don't know how to answer that question. Can I come in to talk?

You're not dressed.

Doesn't bother me if it doesn't bother you.

Not a nice place you have, Joe.

Mind if I call you Joe?


Dismal. Shabby. Dinky.

Not much.

It's a sign of tremendous sophistication...

...that you haven't demanded my name...

...or asked me what I'm doing here.

My name is Samuel Harvey Graynamore.

Joe Banks. Oh, I know.

Trying to see the hero in there.


You dragged two kids down a six-story burning staircase.

That was brave.

Then you went back for the third kid. That was heroic. You're a hero!

That was a long time ago.

Yes, it was. How do you know my name?

I know all about you. All I could learn in 24 hours, anyway.


Quit your job? Yeah.

Sounded like a dumb job. No family?

Good for you. Families are a pain in the neck.

What do you know about superconductors?

Nothing. Me, neither.

I own a company that dominates the world market for superconductors.


Sit down.

Dr. Ellison... were at his office yesterday?


He told me your news.

He thought that you and I might be able to help each other.

Got any whiskey?


I want to hire you, Joe Banks.

I want to hire you to jump into a volcano.

You know...

...I do have some whiskey.

There's an island in the South Pacific called Waponi Woo.

The name means: "The little island with the big volcano. "

The Waponis are a cheerful people who live simply fishing and picking fruit.

Their one fear is that big volcano. They call it the Big Woo.

They believe...

...that an angry fire god in the volcano will sink the island...

...unless once every 100 years he is appeased.

It's been 99 years, 11 months, and 11 days...

...since the fire god got his propers, and the Waponis are scared.

How is the god appeased?

Of his own free will, a man has to jump into the volcano.

None of the Waponis are anxious for the honor of jumping into the Big Woo.

So, what do you do? What?

You do some trading.

There's a mineral on that island, Mr. Banks, called bubureau.

There isn't anywhere else you can find more than a gram.

I've looked.

Because without bubureau, I can't make superconductors.

I tried to get mineral rights from the Waponis but...

...I have nothing they want.

But they do want a hero, Mr. Banks.

They'll give me the mineral rights if I find them one.

Why would I jump into a volcano?

From your actions in the fire department, I think you have the courage.

You do?

Is it more gutsy to twice traverse a staircase in flames...

...or to make a one-time leap into the mouth of a smoking volcano?

Damned if I know, kimosabe.

I know when you make those kinds of calls, you're up in high country.

From your doctor, you're on your way out.

You have no money. I checked.

Want to wait it out in this apartment?

That sounds grim to me. Not the way I'd want to go, I'll tell you.

These are yours if you take the job.

It's 20 days from today before you'd have to jump into the volcano.

You could shop today. Get yourself clothes for an adventure.

Then tomorrow, a plane to L.A. First class, naturally.

You'll stay at the best hotel.

The next day you board a yacht. My competitors often watch the airports.

My yacht's a beauty. Gourmet chef.

Sail to the South Pacific in 15 days.

Waponis come out to meet you. A total red-carpet situation.

You're a hero, like Charles Lindbergh.

Wine, women, and song in the sweetest paradise you ever saw.

Then... jump into the volcano.

Live like a king, die like a man, I say.

What do you say?

I'll do it.

Here's my card.

And your plane ticket, American. Noon out of Kennedy tomorrow.

I have an American Express gold card. Can I rent a limousine for the day?

Great. Does the driver come with that?

Great. Do you rent anything else?

No, okay, that's it.

So, where would you like to go?

Excuse me?

Where would you like to go, sir? I'd like to do some shopping.

Where would you like to go shopping?

I don't know.

All right.

Where would you go shopping? What do you need?

Clothes. What kind? What's your taste?

I don't exactly know.

Why are you stopping?

You hired me to drive the car, not to tell you who you are.

I didn't ask you that.

You're hinting around about clothes. That's an important topic to me, Mr...?

Banks. Clothes make the man. I believe that.

You say you want to buy clothes, but you don't know what kind.

You leave it hanging in the air like I'll fill in the blanks.

That's like asking me who you are, and I don't know who you are.

I don't want to know.

It's taken me all my life to find out who I am, and I am tired now.

Hear what I'm saying?

What's your name? Joe.

Mine is Marshall. How do you do?

Wait a minute. I'm coming back.

Now, what's your situation? Explain it to me.

I'm going on a long trip.

And I have the opportunity to buy some clothes today.

Money is no object. Good. Where are you going?

Tonight I'm going out in the city.

Nice places? I hope so.

Tomorrow I fly to L.A. First class?


Then I'm sailing to the South Pacific.

Hawaii? No, an unknown little island.

No tourists? I don't think so.


I'll stay on the island for a few weeks, and that's it.

What kind of clothes do you have now?

The kind of clothes I'm wearing.

So, you got no clothes.

Hey, Joe, how about a tux? I'll get one, if you get one?

I can't be buying no Armani tux. I'm a workingman.

No one is paying you to give me all this advice.

Let me buy you the tux and we'll call it even.

I feel like I'm getting married. I feel like I'm giving you away.

All right. I'll take nine pairs.

Give me Cassie Cimorelli, please.

Hello, Cassie. It's Marshall. How do?

Good. I got somebody that needs you today.

You look like a prince in a fairy tale.

You're coming into focus, kid.

I'll take it.

Swiss army knife, world-band travel radio, shaving kit...

...two Coleman lanterns, and a violin case bar.

Will there be anything else?

I'll take this.

Have you thought much about luggage?

No, I never really have.

It's the central preoccupation of my life.

You travel the world, you're away from home...

...perhaps away from your family...

...all you have to depend on is yourself, and your luggage.

I guess that's true.

Are you traveling light or heavy? Heavy.

Flying? Flying and by ship.

An ocean voyage. Yes.

A real journey.

Then I'll be on an island.

I don't know if I'll be living in a hut or what.

Very exciting... a luggage problem.

I have just the thing.

This is our premier steamer trunk.

All handmade, only the finest materials.

It's even watertight. Tight as a drum.

If I had the need and the wherewithal, Mr. Banks...

...this would be my trunk of choice.

I'll take four.

May you live to be a thousand years old, sir.

Same to you.

- Where to? Back to Staten Island? No.

A really nice hotel.

The Plaza.

The Plaza is nice.

Where would you go?

The Pierre. Then we're off to the Pierre.

Marshall, would you like to have dinner with me tonight?

I can't. I have the wife and kids at the end of the day.

Everything is at check-in when you're ready, sir.


Haven't you got anybody? No, but...

...there are certain times when you're not supposed to have anyone.

Certain doors you must go through alone.

You'll be all right.

Ladies and gentlemen, we're descending into Los Angeles.

That was totally awesome.

Hi. Are you Joe Banks? Yeah. Who are you?

I'm the daughter of the guy who hired you. Angelica Graynamore.

Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you.

Daddy told me to say I don't know why he hired you, and not to tell me.

I'm totally untrustworthy. I'm a flibbertigibbet.

Come on, let's get out of here.

I have some luggage.

Then, follow me.

I've never been to L.A. before. You're kidding. What do you think?

It looks big. I like it.

This is a great town.

It stinks, but it's a great town.

Sea scallops with three caviars.

The Dungeness crabs.

Pepper? No.

What's the matter?


They do look like little monsters.

But they're good, little monsters.

What did you do before you signed on with Daddy?

I was an advertising librarian for a medical supply company.

I have no response to that.

What do you do?

What do I do?


Well, I don't know.

I'm a painter and a poet.

Really? Yes.

There's a painting of mine right there.

That's terrific.

Where do you get your ideas?

You have to understand something about art.

It comes from some place.

"covered the emptiness of my hands"

What's the matter?

You ever think about killing yourself?.


Why would you do that?

Why shouldn't I?

Some things take care of themselves.

They're not your job. Maybe not even your business.

I like your poem.

I'm a grown woman and I live on my father's money.

The restaurant that had my painting up is my father's restaurant.

Listen to me.

If you have a choice between killing yourself, and...

...doing something you're scared of doing...

...why not do the thing you're scared of doing?

You mean stop taking money and leave L.A.?

See? You know what you're scared of doing.

Why don't you do it? See what happens?

You must be tired.

I don't mind talking.

I do.

This is one of those conversations where we're open...

...and sharing our thoughts and it's all bullshit...

...and a lie, and it doesn't cost you anything!

Look, I don't know you.

I don't think I know anybody.

I can see that you're angry.

I'm very troubled.

I'm not ready to...

There's only so much time, and... want to use it well. So, I'm here, talking to you.

I don't want to throw that away.

I have no response to that.

Maybe you should take me back to the hotel.

Want me to come up with you?


All right.

Will you meet me for breakfast?

You have to be at the boat by 10:00, but we can meet for breakfast.


I told you I was a flibbertigibbet.

What do you think?

It's terrific.

I'm sorry I was so grotesque last night.

You were fine.

I disappointed you.

What did Daddy hire you to do?

It's complicated.

Okay, don't tell me.

Thank you.

I bet Patricia knows. Who's Patricia?

My half sister. She's sailing you wherever you're going.

She is?

You didn't know?

Daddy loves a secret almost as much as he loves money.

Can I ask you something?

Why are you dressed like Jungle Jim?

I could change.

Do you think this is inappropriate for the boat?

No, it's fine.

We better go.

I have a guy taking your trunks to the marina...

...who may or may not have understood my directions.

Come on.

Ándale, ándale.

Is that it? Yeah.

What's the trunks, Felix?

Those are...

My name's not Felix, it's Joe.

I know.

That's your half sister? Yeah.

That outfit is wearing you, Felix.

Why are you calling me Felix? My name is Joe.

I'm calling you Felix because I do what I want.

Hello, Angelica.

Hello, Patricia. Do you know where Daddy is?

We never know where our father is and always suspect the other one knows.

But it's all phone calls and telegrams, eh, Angelica?

Well, you're in a rotten mood.

The sunshine gets me down.

Where are you going?

Dad says not to tell you. Goes with my theory. Power makes you paranoid.

Well, get ready to heave, Felix.

My name is Joseph or Joe.

All right, Joe. Get ready. We're leaving.

Wish me luck. Good luck.

You're shaking.

I am?

Here you go.

That looks delicious.

We eat well aboard the Tweedle Dee.

- The Tweedle Dee? That's the name of the boat.

So, we're going to the island of Waponi Woo.

I guess so. Why?

You don't know? No.

Have you been there? No.

All I know is the name means "Little island with the big volcano"...

...and the people, the Waponis, like orange soda.

They like orange soda?

"1,800 years ago a Roman galley with a crew of Jews and Druids...

"... got caught in a storm off Carthage.

"They were swept 1,000 miles off course...

"... and ended up on the wrong side of Africa.

"Trying to return to Rome, they sailed into the South Pacific...

"... and colonized a lightly populated Polynesian island...

"... which they named Waponi Woo.

"Thus was born the Waponi culture...

"... a mix of Polynesian, Celtic, Hebrew, and Latin influences.

"The Waponi are known to have a peculiar love of orange soda...

"... and no sense of direction. "

Why did you talk so snotty back on the dock?

Because you work for my father, and I'm angry with my father.

Why are you angry with him?

Because he's never around.

If you're angry, why do you work for him?

I don't work for him. My transport of you is strictly a favor.

You do favors for people you're mad at?

I don't work for him.

He's giving me this boat for taking you.

He's got two of them.

There's a Tweedle Dum, too.

That makes everything okay, then.

Yes, it does.

Is this okay?


The boys sleep in the hull. Dagmar usually sleeps on deck.

So you have things to yourself. I'm in the little stateroom.


I'm sorry I was rude on the dock.

It's okay.

Did you sleep with my sister?


Actually, she's my half sister.

No, I didn't.

You like to fish? Sure.

Tomorrow we'll do some fishing.

This is the light switch.

Did Mike show you how to work the bathroom?


Do you want me to turn it off while I go?


I love my sister, even though she's screwed up.

I love my father, even though I never see him...

...and he's not great when I do see him.

I'm nervous about this trip.

Neither you nor my father will tell me anything.

But it's more than that.

I've always kept clear of my father's stuff since I was on my own...

...and he's pulled me back in.

He used this boat to get me to work for him...

...which I swore I'd never do.

I feel ashamed...

...because I had a price.

He named it, and now I know that about myself.

I could treat you like I did on the dock, but that would be... kicking myself for selling out, which isn't fair to you.

Doesn't make me feel any better.

I don't know your situation, but I wanted you to know mine.

Not just to explain some rude behavior...

...but because...

...we're on a little boat for a while and...

...I'm soul sick.

You'll see that.

Like my sister. She's soul sick, too. If you'd slept with her...

...I'd have known something about you.

But you didn't.

You didn't.

And I believe you.

I'm glad you believe me.

Have you slept on a boat before?


It really effects your dreams.

I look forward to it, though the dreams sometimes shake me up.


Good night.

I'm leaving you on this island?

That's right. For how long?

For the rest of my life.

I can't imagine that.

Are you used to this? What?

The ocean. The stars.

You never get used to it.

That's why I want this boat. All I want to do is sail away.

Where would you go?

Away from the things of man.

Do you believe in God?

I believe in myself.

What's that mean?

I have confidence in myself.

I've been doing some soul-searching lately. Know what I found out?

I have no interest in myself.

I start thinking about myself, I get bored out of my mind.

What does interest you?

I don't know.

Courage. Courage interests me.

So, you'll spend the rest of your life on an island in the South Pacific?

Till now I've lived on a tiny island called Staten Island.

Commuted to this job in a shut-up room, pumped-in air, no sunshine...

...despicable people.

Now that I have some distance from the situation, I find that unbelievable.

Your life seems unbelievable to me.

But all of this life seems so...

...unbelievable to me.

My father says the whole world is asleep.

Everyone you know, everyone you see, everyone you talk to.

Only a few people are awake...

...and they live in a state of constant, total amazement.

I have six months to live.

The Waponis believe they need a human sacrifice or the island will sink.

Your father hired me to jump into the volcano.


You're not gonna make me say that again, are you?



Aren't you going to say anything?

I don't know what to say.

You say you're dying, and going to jump into a volcano. My mind is blank.

I can understand that.

Is it catching?

No, no, no.

Good night. I'll see you in the morning.

It's weird today, huh?

There's a typhoon warning.

Good morning, Mr. Banks. Good morning, Dagmar.

Looks like we're in for a blow.

Can I help?

Yeah, tie that up.

Feels dead, doesn't it?

Yeah, it does.


Get below, start the engine. Tell Tony to head us into the wind.

There isn't any wind. There will be.

You worried?

We'll be okay. The hatches and sails are down. We're ahead of the game.

What exactly is a typhoon?

You know...

...I think you're going to find out.

Mayday! This is the Tweedle Dee.

Latitude: 10 degrees, 8 minutes south.

Longitude: approximately 150 degrees, 18 minutes west.

We are in severe distress. What should I do?

Don't go on deck. The engines, check on Dagmar.


Dagmar, is everything okay?

It looks good, but I'm going to stay with it.

Take care of Patricia.

150 degrees, 18 minutes west. Severe distress!

No way is anyone getting this.

How's Dagmar? She's okay.

The main boom doesn't look secure!

It looks like it's going to bust loose!

What are you doing!

It's my boat!

Are you all right? I think so.




Giddy up.

Dear God...

...whose name I do not know...

...thank you for my life.

I forgot... big...

Thank you.

Thank you for my life.

Didn't you drink any water yourself?.

That's for you.

What happened to the yacht?


Dagmar and the boys?

Everything went down.

I still have my trunks.

What's that?

We've been spotted.

The Waponis?


Are you Joe?

Are you Joe Banks? Yeah.

What is that? A teddy bear?

No. It is my soul.

I hope you don't lose it.

So do I.

I am Tobi. Chief.

I'm Joe Banks.

This is Patricia Graynamore.

You speak English. I have learned.

You came to stop the anger of the Woo?


Tonight we will have a big feast.

Then you will climb to the top of the Big Woo and jump in, okay?


Stop that!

All right, that's it! That's it!

We're done!

Thank you. I feel great.

Do you know where Joe is?

Maybe he ran away.

Maybe he don't want to jump.

Like my tux?

You're really going to do it?

I might as well go out in style.

We are the children of children...

...and we live as we are shown. Now, a change has come.

The Waponis like this soda and no one will jump into the Big Woo.

They traded with this man, your father, for a hero.

We have no hero of our own.

I am the Tobi. I cannot be the hero.

It is my place to hope for my people.

The Woo calls.

None of my people say, "I'll go to my end for all of you. "

I don't have any people of my own, Chief.

I'm my only hope for a hero.

Once more, I will call upon the Waponis for a hero.

The Woo wants his flesh.

Take me to...

...the volcano!

Is there a ceremony or anything?

No, you just jump in.

Wait! Stop! Wait.

Stop right there!

I love you.

I've fallen in love with you.

I've never loved anybody. How did this happen?

I've never even slept with him.

And now you're going to kill yourself.

Can you give us a minute?

You love me? Yes, I love you.

I feel like I'm going crazy.

You can't leave me on this stinking earth without you.

I must do it.

Why? The Chief doesn't even want you to. Do you, Chief?.

I have wasted my entire life and now I'm going to die.

I have a chance to die like a man. I have to take it!

I love you.

I love you, too! I've never loved anyone before, either.

It's great. I am glad. But the timing stinks.

I got to go.

Get out of here.

Let me do what I have to do.

Marry me.


Chief, could you come up here, please?

What are you doing? I want him to marry us.

I'm going to jump. So, marry me, then jump.

What? Marry us.


I don't want to get married.

Afraid of the commitment?

You have to love and honor me for 30 seconds. You can't handle that?

All right. Marry us.

Thank you. You're welcome.

You want to marry her?


You want to marry him? Yes.

You're married.

Thank you, Chief.

I'm going now.

Don't jump.

Listen to me. These are my last words.

I have to be brave. I have to jump.


Don't come out here. I have some last words, too.

I can't think of anything to say.

I'm jumping with you. No, you're not.

"Whither thou goest, I go. " You didn't agree to this.

I do what I want. Don't do it for me.

I'm not.

Joe, nobody knows anything.

We'll take this leap and we'll see.

That's life.

I saw the moon when we were out on the ocean, shining down on everything.

I've been miserable so long. Years of my life, wasted.

Been a long time coming here to meet you.

A long time, on a crooked road.

Did I ever tell you...

...the first time I saw you...

...I felt like I'd seen you before?

You're not jumping without me.

So, what are we hoping for here?

A miracle.

A miracle.

I love you.

You do?

This is it.

This is it.

Give me your hand.

I love you, too.


Why aren't you dead?

Why aren't you dead?

I don't know.

The volcano. We jumped in and it blew us out.

That's impossible.

I'd say, at least it's a miracle.

There goes Waponi Woo.

God. We really lucked out.

Yeah, but...

But what?

I hate to mention it, but we're in the middle of nowhere.

We're going to drown.

No, we're not. We're going to be all right.

I don't know how, but we're going to be all right.


How did you do that?

Isn't this romantic? Who gets a honeymoon like this?

Yeah, but...

What's the matter?

I still have a problem. What?

I have a brain cloud.

A brain cloud.

What is that?

Well, it's...

Maybe I should get a second opinion.

You didn't get a second opinion about something called a brain cloud?

I just felt-

What are you, a hypochondriac?

I was. Not now.

Nothing is wrong with you.

Dr. Ellison said-

So some quack told you...

Dr. Ellison? Yeah.

That's my father's doctor.

He is?

Dr. Ellison doesn't have any other patients. My father owns Dr. Ellison.

Why would he...?

He set you up.

Who? My father.

You mean, he set me up?

Yeah. No.

I don't have a brain cloud?

Couldn't they think of something better than "a brain cloud"?

My whole life I've been a victim.

I've been a dupe, a pawn.

My throat is closing up.

No, Joe. Your whole life is ahead of you.

That's true.

That's good news.

I suppose so.

It's great! Yeah, that's good.

I'm relieved. That's great. I'm saved!


What is it now?

We're on a raft, no land in sight. I don't know.

It'll always be something with you, won't it?


I'll tell you one thing:

Wherever we go, whatever we do...

...we're taking this luggage with us.


I wonder where we'll end up?

Away from the things of man, my love.

Away from the things of man.