Kaboom (2010) Script

It's always the same dream I'm wandering Naked In this strange Maze of hallways And I feel this creeping sense Of impending doom Like something terrible's About to happen I pass my roommate My Mom My best friend Stella Basically every significant person in my life And they're all just staring at me Like I'm some kind of museum display Behind glass Then I see two people I've never met before A mysterious unearthly Beautiful woman And this red-haired girl And they both seem to be Leading me deeper into the corridor This is when I noticed A black door And I'm not sure why But somehow I know that I've gotta Find out what's behind it So I grabbed hold of the knob Opened the door and discovered A dumpster I've had the same bizarre Fucking dream Every night since I moved into The dorms last week So now I'm wide awake And, being 18 and perpetually horny Anytime I have 5 idle minutes My right hand automatically Takes over Like it's got a will of its own

Sorry I'm just trying to be quiet It's too hot to sleep anyway

How's the party?

Rad I'm wasted Nice

You should've come with us, dude Everyone got crumped Took their clothes off Swam The water was so warm

Mind if I sit?

Can I ask you something?

Sure You're like gay, right?

Uhhh, I'm more Undeclared What's it like exactly?

I imagine it's different from Being with a girl It's way different

It's more ...

Raw Physical I mean, cause you're intimately familiar With plumbing, There's less mystery and guesswork Like, You know exactly what to do ...

And how it feels Do you like, Kiss and stuff?

Of course I've never ...

Y'know, Kissed another guy before Well, it's pretty fucking awesome

My roommate ...

Plough me Plough me with your monstrous tool!

So, yeah I have an excruciatingly Hot, straight roommate Wassup I'm Thor Like the comic Yup!

And his name really is Thor As in the superhero God of Thunder With the giant hammer I sleep naked I hope that doesn't weird you out It's a perpetual torture

Plus of course he's a surfer, Dumb as a box of rocks AKA, exactly my type I'm like really into Gran Turismo 5 And before that I was into SOCOM

And oh yeah! Killzone!

I get with guys sometimes

Sexually I mean And also, I like to surf Do you surf, dude?

The guy sounds like a fucking asstard My partner-in-crime Stella Stella and I first met way back in 9th Grade I refuse to do this assignment Cause you're A sexist loser who has no fucking clue What you're talking about

Are you sure it's not straight love Or in love with another oblivious boy fixation?

It's just that I'm not sure How straight Thor really is You said he was putting a load In some pinhead stryer last night Yeah, but doing it with women Doesn't necessarily make him straight Case in point The fact that you randomly sometimes Stick it in a girl does not mean anything Beyond you Need to monitor your drinking Here we go Now he's your typical straight guy, right?

When it comes to sloppiness, and manners And scratching his balls In public Or like eating half a piece of pizza On someone's coffee table However, he also does Stuff like that ...

He wears deodorant every single day And he exfoliates every night Religiously, with one of those vibrating Derma-brasion things Plus, he's a little too Into his own body Like beyond a normal Straight guy who works out Admiring his self kinda way Are we done?

No I saved the weirdest thing for last He wears flip flops like Almost everyday, right?

Very hetero, very dude, choice Except for the fact He has a whole collection of them Which he keeps in a color coordinated row In his closet

Wow, except from putting a dick in your mouth With Lady Gaga playing in the background That's about as gay as it gets See? I told you Smith, I'm kidding It's all cute and fun When you're 15 But we're legal adults now In college Anyway I gotta get to class Me too Where are you headed?

Imagination Theory I'm beginning to wonder if being an Art major in a college of Creative Studies Is a little too hippy dippy Even for me Hey, dudes!

The Messiah Our pothead RA who is baked 24/7 What's goin' on?

We were just on our way to class That's cool I'd a really freaky dream last night We'd love to hear all about it But ...

Both of you Were in it And the whole world ...

Blew up In a horrible nuclear catastrophe Great, thanks Messiah Goodbye

Majoring in Film Studies Is something I wanted to do all my life Eventhough it is a little anachronistic Considering there is real doubt As to whether cinema As we know will even exist Anymore in the next few years It's kinda like devoting your life To studying an animal That's on the verge of extinction Smith, college is just an intermission between high school and the rest of your life It's 4 years of having sex Making stupid mistakes And experiencing stuffs It's a pitstop Not the second coming of the Messiah Speaking of, it was sorta bizarre What the Messiah was saying this morning No kidding What's that guy's deal? He's gotta be like 30 at least Yeah I've been having Weird dreams lately too What do you think it means?

It's a well-known fact that dreams are just Your brain taking a dump at the end of the day It don't mean anything

Hey dude Let me guess Thor Wassup?

Thor, this is my best friend Stella Stella, Thor Mind if I join?

Whatcha major in, Stella?

Art Oh really? Cool Yeah Cool Are you gay, or whatever too?

Or just like ...


Hey, Messiah Smith!

Got something for you

What is it?

Someone slipped it Under my door this morning You Are The Chosen Son What does it say?

"The Chosen Son?"

What the crap's that supposed to mean?

I have no idea

Oh, hey dude

What are you doing?

What does it look like I'm doing?

Trying to suck your own dick?

Bingo I've been reading on the Internet That if you do these Flexibility exercises twice a day You'll be able to give yourself A blowjob in 3 weeks I'll email you the link That's ok You sure?

It's a useful skill to have, y'know?

In case you hit a dry spell ... You ever taste your own cum?

Not a whole load, mind you? But y'know if you Shoot really hard and some gets In your mouth by accident Mine's not bad actually Kinda vanilla-ish Really, can we change the subject?

Oh, bro!

What's it with you and your friend?

Who, Stella?

Yeah, the uptight dyke Yeah I know she can be a little aloof When you first meet her, but she's actually Super hot In a bitter, edgy les kinda way You think I have any shot At hitting that?

I just threw up a little In my mouth I know Hello I'm obsessed with you And you're into my vagitarian best friend?

It's like I told you That guy's a toad I've met plants With better personalities And what do you make of him Trying to blow himself ... this afternoon He likes having a sword swallowed Not exactly a revelation So anyways The party tonight You're going Lorelei, this hot girl from my Emotion Painting class invited me Lorelei?

As in legendary siren luring Helpless sailors to their doom?

Yeah I know She's gorgeous and I need a wingman So you're drafted So that you can hook up And ditch me after 5 seconds?


Nice hat by the way Are we in Paris?

Well, it's about time asshole I know It's been awhile I'm sorry, I've just been super busy Don't worry bout it, hon I work my ass off Keeping a roof over your head For the past 18 years How's college life?

Oh, shit, sweetie That's Australia on the other line Can I ring you back in 15?

I'm going to a party with Stella I'll just call you later this weekend or something Sure you will

There she is Lorelei!

That's her?

I know Effing hot, right?

Smith, Lorelei ... Lorelei ... this is Smith Have we met before?

No I'm sorry, I ...

Anyway ... Shall we hit the bar?

Definitely Are you gonna be okay? Yeah I'll be fine

Just a minute

Can you hold on?

Can you hurry it up in there I'm gonna piss like a banshee Hello, are you giving birth To a marine in there or what?


What happened to your shoe?

A drunk girl barfed on it

Nice hat Yeah Same to you


Huh? I'm London You don't expect me to shake that hand Before you wash it Sorry gay dude Excuse me?

Well you are, right?


Gay I don't really believe in Standardized sexual pejoratives So you're bi? Not exactly You do it with guys and girls, right? Depending on which way your Peter points?

It's ...

A little more ...

Complicated Life doesn't have to be so complicated Neither does sex

Are you okay?

What was the question again?

Do you wanna fuck?

What? Do You Want To Fuck?

I just so happen to find queer guys hot So my thing Dude, keep it simple You, me, intercourse Yes, no?

What?! I'll drive What are you doing?

What do you think?

Maybe We should wait Till we get back to your place Why?

It's kinda dangerous I mean I'm trying drive here I live with danger

Me too

I'm gonna cum Do it, do it Just let me do it more

Did you cum too?

No, it's kinda hard for me In that position But it was really cool watching you Wait You didn't cum?

Whatever, I'm good What kinda guy are you?

If I didn't just have your dick inside of me I swear you didn't have one

I got this kinda weird thing Where I'm really into making Whoever I'm with, cum Now that Really turns me on

I happen to take pride In being scandalously great in bed So if you think you're going Home without cumming Forget it

Ahh, feels so good!

Oh God ...!

Wait Don't cum yet I want to show you something What?

Just lay back, and relax Alright

Are you ready?

You're not even touching me But it's like I can feel your mouth on my ...

Cool, huh?

How do you do that?

I have special talents What do you mean?

That was so hot I almost came again Just watching you

Don't get any ideas OrgasMomatic I gotta get some sleep

What are you doing?

No offence dude ...

I'm really not into the whole ...

Sleepover breakfast thing

Here, gimme your number

So ...

See you?

Help! They're coming! They're coming to get me!

Please! We gotta get outta here! Come on!

Wow Talking bout a bad trip What kinda drugs were you on anyway?

That's just it I'm not sure It was so vivid And real I must have blacked out or something cause When I woke up I don't know how much later The animal-masked men, the red-haired girl They were nowhere to be found Smith, you were hallucinating I can't believe I let you drag me out of A very sexy dyke's bed for this That's the other thing, How do you explain me seeing Lorelei in a dream Before I even met her Could be because there's more Lorelei Than meets the eye What do you mean?

She's a witch A ... what?

She's a witch Y'know ... Supernatural powers, casts spells

I know Pretty cool, huh?

Dude, we've been searching All morning and found No footprints, no blood, zilch I know And now you wanna spend the rest of the day Poring over the entire student population In the campus directory?

You got something better to do?

Sucking a fart Out of a dead seagull's ass?

Stella! Stella! I'm awake

100% awake Come here

Are you sure that's her?

So what do we do now?

Start calling every O'Hara In the phonebook I guess?

And ... Say what?

"Hi. I was tripping balls last night And you were in my dream"

What are you doing here? I came to rescue you Oh my God, Awesome Smith ...

Go ahead Bail

Hi, I was lookin' for a Madeleine O'Hara ... Is there ...

Okay, sorry to bother you Thank you

What are you doing?

Who is this?

The girl you fucked last night

Hi, sorry ... I repeat, what are you doing?

I was kinda in the middle of something Right now I'm stressed about this exam I have on Monday I was thinking I could really use a good orgasm

Thanks I needed that



I just, I just think you ...


Yeah? You're cool too

Now where are you going?

I told you I have a massive test Monday And I'm still here So that's it We both cum and you leave?

Pretty much Is there a problem?

Eventhough we just met I feel ...

This weirdly intense connection with you I know Me too Sure you can't stay A little bit longer?

Is that you ...

Or Smith junior talking?

Both As much as I love to help The two of you out I gots to study

What's this?

Last night after I left your place I was walking out By the lagoon and What?

I know her


I know her Know her She was in my Sociology class She was always strung out Totally fucked up Last week she passed out in the middle of a lecture And what happened?

Paramedics came and took her away Well, last night I had this insanely intense Vision of her getting murdered By 3 guys in animal masks Did you say animal masks?


Oh, sorry You guys boning?

I was just leaving

I'll call you

Hi Errr ... can you move your Fat ass out of my way?

Thanks I'm Thor By the way Yeah I'm sure you are

Who was that?

Wow I think that broke my all-time record You tired already?

We've been going at it For 5 hours I mean I love sex As much as anyone else But if I cum anymore tonight My crude is just gonna break But I wanna make love again You're kidding, right?

What are you? Some kind of insatiable sex maniac?

Too bad, I'm beat Buzzkill

What was that?

What What are you talking about?

I felt that Lorelei I know what you're doing, it's not ...

Hello Smith, what are you doing?

Walking home from the library Why? What's wrong?

You gotta rescue me It turns out Lorelei is a little bit crazy Like a shithouse rat I told you There was something scary about her Look I'm gonna make up An excuse about you Having some kinda crisis That I'll meet you back at your place

Stella, what? What's going on?

She walked on Stella ... Stella are you in there?

I'm just peeing What's taking so long?

I miss you Be out in a sec I gotta go ... Wait, Stel



Help! Somebody help!

Smith? What's wrong?

The door

It was stuck Are you alright, man?

Yeah ... I'm fine

Who's there?

The Queen of fucking England Who do you think?

Get in!

Whatthe ...? Just come here quick What? Look!

Yeah that's a beautiful parking lot Smith

They were just down there Who? What are you talking about?

The animal masks men You mean the ones you hallucinated?

I'm not hallucinating now I think that something really Fucking freaky is going on

Oh, sorry Were you two ...

Gross! No You must be Smith's new girlfriend Huh? She's kidding Madeleine O'Hara, the red-haired girl ...

London says she was in her Sociology class And then went missing about a week ago Well that's why I came by She may have turned up What do you mean?

Is Oceanography, that building past Madigan Hall Way out on the west side of campus Right by the lagoon?

I don't know What's going on?

It could just be a coincidence But I was studying tonight In the library And there on the floor I saw this ...

Unidentified Headless Female Torso Found In Oceanography Department Dumpster

Days passed I searched the news religiously but There was no word on the body in the dumpster I started to wonder If maybe I really was losing my mind To clear my head I went to this nude beach A few miles from campus I've never been to One before in my life So one morning before class I checked it out I gotta say It was a little nerve-wracking But kinda liberating Lying there with the sun, and the breeze The smell of the ocean All my worries All the weird shit going on Everything melted away But then ...

How's it goin'?

Mind if I join you?

Hunter Smith You come here often?

This is my first time I didn't think I'd seen ya around

You in school?

Yeah. You? Fuck, no I build and design hot tubs Oh really?

Wait ...

Do you like Do this a lot?

What do you mean?

This ...

Oh, hey dude!

What's going on? Teaching this fag a lesson Yeah, who's teaching who yeah fag?

Smith, this is my best bud Rex Rex, Smith Wassup, man Well I was just gonna grab a shower Alright hey man, if you want it you should try Some of that awesome new conditioner I just got It's the one on my sofa With the French name Listen to yourself You sound like a huge fucking fag!

Ok fag, that's it! I'm kicking your giant homo ass!

Who's the fag now huh?

You, faggot fag steak!

What's that? Fag burger with a side of fag fries Yeah ... I'm just gonna ...

You meet some guy on the nude beach And 5 minutes later, you're downloading his hard drive in the back of a van?

You're a slut Really?

So did you dump Lorelei yet?

I'm trying to pull away But she's not exactly making it easy You're not inviting me in?

I'm kinda tired And I have a super early class tomorrow Is something wrong?

No, I'm just tired

Aren't you gonna kiss me goodnight?

Uhmmm ... Sure

Well, ummm ... Goodnight

I love you

Yeah ... Me too I know I have to end it But my experience with psychopaths Like her You have to ease away very gradually The sooner the better Before she pulls something really nutty

I told you nothing's wrong I just gotta finish this project You're not avoiding me Are you?

Of course not If you're lying That would make me very upset

I'm not lying babe Look, I need to get back to work I'll call you tomorrow, alright?

What time tomorrow?

After class I'll be counting the minutes

Okay I love you Me too Goodnight

Hi, Smith I hope you don't think This is too creepy stalker of me But I'm too much of a social retard to Walk up and say Hi like a normal person In case you're wondering I got your e-mail from the Explosions in the Sky's Facebook page So at least We have this much in common Anyways I was wondering If you maybe wanna get together Have coffee or something If not, then uh ...

Have a great life I guess Okay, I'm gonna stop now before I chicken out and toss this in the trash Yeah, I'm Oliver By the way

So I've been meaning to ask The other day when I mentioned The animal masks guys You seemed kinda weirded out It seems appropriate It's a weird story

Is it your Mom?

How did ...

Your face

My Mom's okay She did the best she could Raising me on her own ... Working full-time What about your Dad?

He died in a car accident When I was a baby I'm sorry I never knew him so it's kinda like I don't even have a father I don't see my Dad either He was an alcoholic Abandoned us when I was little I guess we have more in common Than we thought

What are you looking at now?

It's just my roommate's friend Smith's got a crush!

I do not have a crush You're hooked for him like you're Hooked for that shaved egg roommate of yours When I walked in They were both rolling around On the floor Wrestling in their underwear Straight guys are gayer than gay guys The fact that they're in love but can't Suck each other's dick Makes them queerer than Clay Aiken

What ... What are you doing?

I inviting him over Chillax Just having some fun Here he comes Hey Rex, this is my friend London London, Rex You look lonesome Want some company?

Sure Thanks We were just talking about sex She's kidding So Rex, Have you ever heard of the Kinsey scale?

It's a rating system For sexual orientation

0, being totally hetero And 6, 100% gay Smith here is probably a 3 or 4 While I'm like a 1.5 Why don't we talk about something else?

Kinsey discovered that only 5 to 10% of the population are at 6 or 0 What do you think your number is?

Zero I guess ... ?

Boring You wanna fuck anyway?

Are you out of your fucking mind?

Dude don't worry I'll give you the 4-1-1 after Okay Excuse me?

Let's have sex Just with you, though Right?

Yeah, that's it!

Oh don't stop You're doing great!

Are you joking?

Sorry I've had pelvic exams last longer than that It's just ... You felt so good What are you, 14? Wow!

I'll be hard again in a few And it lasts way longer The second time around, I swear Oh joy!

In the meantime I'll eat your pussy or something This just keeps getting Better and better doesn't it?

C'mon Let me make it up to you

Yeah that's it, baby I just want to make you feel good

What the hell's going on down there?

What do you think you're doing? Eating you out Dude, it's a vagina not a bowl of spaghetti

I don't know What your fucking problem is But I've gone down on lots of girls And never had any complaints Maybe they're faking it to Spare your fragile male ego?

Look, you want a few Constructive pointers?

I don't need pointers Trust, you so do And you know what a clit is, right?

Yeah I know what a clit is Think of it as a little girl dick And treat it accordingly Imagine what your dick likes Kiss it, tease it with your tongue Suck it, even nibble it a little Just make sure you true-to-God Treat it with the utmost care and respect Which brings us to the number one Golden rule of oral Pay attention to how she's reacting If she seems into something Keep doing that same thing Over and over and over It's about finding the rhythm she likes And sticking to it until the job is done Got it You want a practical?

So ready

Well, get busy son

Hey So we hooking up or what?

Excuse me?

I thought maybe you might wanna have sex so that You can do Rex via the transfer property If A fucks B, and B fucks C It's like A fucks C by default As appealing as you make that sound I'll pass You're not curious?

About ...

What Rex is like in bed

Oh hey -Hey I just came by to pick up some stuff Is everything alright?

Yeah Totally Well late See ya

What was that about? I don't know, got me

What is it?

I set a Google Alert For any news of the dead girl in the dumpster Did they finally identify her? Maybe


It's gone What's gone?

The torso Someone stole it From the coroner's office

Today's the day My 19th birthday My morning starts out Like any other But very quickly Weirdness takes over And now what begins? The hell if I know It's just freaking me out Because the minute I woke up I was overwhelmed by this vague sense That some sort of Major shift has occurred Well I finally did break up with Lorelei this morning Yeah How did that go?

Yikes Then what happened?

This isn't over Stella You have no fucking idea What you're getting yourself into

So are you worried?

Does Mel Gibson hate Jews?

Anyway, let's change the subject Any word yet from what's-his-name?

Oswald? Oliver No, I spent literally hours honing my reply of a masterpiece That's definitely interested but Not too desperate for this How long's it been?

Three days I know So, don't forget We're seeing Helen Stellar Tonight over in Ocean City That's right!

Fuck me!

Smith! What happened?

Smith stepped into dog shit And it's his birthday Happy fucking birthday!

Could this day get any worse?

Hello? Smith?

Hi, who is this?

Hunter Who?

Hunter From the beach?

Oh hi, sorry I didn't recognize your voice That's okay Just playing back In my mind the good time we had Started getting a chub Just thinking about it

So, I'm sure you have an important class Or something to go to?

I'm totally free all afternoon Sweet Wanna come down?

I'm on my way

I'll fuck you

Just a second!

Hold on!


Dude, you don't have to hide your porn I'm not your Mom What do you mean?

Like you think the unmistakable sound of gay porn Doesn't penetrate these walls?

Alright, biatch You made your point So I gather your tawdry hook-up At the beach was a bust?

His cell went just when He was going down on me It's my wife You're married? Yeah, I thought I told you Gotta run, we'll take care Of this guy later Can you believe it?

Since it's you Yes Anyway ... Happy Birthday monkey-spanker What's this? You already got me The Helen Stellar tickets Shut up and open it already

Oh my God ... How did you ...

I contacted them through their website and they autographed it for me This is so awesome Thank you

What are you doing right now?

Uhmm, I'm just Talking to Stella Can you meet me in my room In 20 minutes?

I have a birthday surprise for you This is making me a little uncomfortable Do you want your surprise Or do you want to complain?

I'm not complaining I really appreciate the effort But ...


London, c'mon This isn't funny Chill pill I'm right here

Can you please take The blindfold off?

Seriously, you've had enough fun for ...

Happy birthday

So epic I know, I'm not gonna Be able to hear for a week I must admit after a shaky start This may be the best birthday ever


I thought that was you Hey It's Oliver

Well, I'm just ...

Uh huh I'll meet you back at the car

So ...

I just wanted to say ...

Eat shit and kill yourself

Wait, what the fuck is that? You're pissed at me?

Just next time someone puts Their balls on the line like that At least be man enough to respond!

I did respond, I sent an email That was so long And overbaked I thought I scared you off Dude, I'm already over it You don't have to lie I'm not lying, I did want to go out with you I still do

Are you fucking with me now?

No Just let me take you to dinner And I'll prove it Here, so we don't have To rely on emails Gimme your number And I'll give you mine I have a huge paper due Friday But that night I'm totally open Me too Cool So It's a date You aren't gonna ...

Flake again, are ya?

I'm calling you No matter what Even if the world ends

I better get back to my friends They're probably wondering what happened to me Alright

See ya

So should I call him?


Should I give Oliver a call, just to say "Hi, it was nice running into you"

Good idea, let him know you're a need-ball freak Right off the bat Really?

Smith, the universe is finally smiling on you And everything is going your way Don't fuck it up Yeah right, okay Can you pull over at the next stop I haveta pee like a pregnant woman


I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

I didn't mean to

Are you alright?


I was just dozed off

Do you remember me?

I think we've met before At a party I've never seen you before In my life You barfed on my shoe And later that night I saw three men In animal masks ...

I don't know what you're talking about Are you sure?

Look I told you ...

I don't know anything

Please I gotta go Madeleine?

Madeleine O'Hara What do you know About the animal-masked men?

You gotta tell me

I had a twin sister Named Rebecca

And when we were little ...

Men in animal masks Came and took her away

Dude, you already googled Rebecca O'Hara On your BlackBerry And got a million hits of nothing Deal with it tomorrow

You're right. Let's just try to enjoy Whatever's left of my birthday So how does it feel to be 19?

Now what is it?

Nothing I'm just tired So, any more crazy messages From Lorelei?

Well, seems to have died down a little So that's promising Who knows Maybe I was over-reacting I mean I know how hell hath no fury and all But could be, she's Not as bonkers as we thought

Stella What's wrong?

I don't know, do you think Maybe I'm being too much of a wimp?

Dude, you have a Fatal Attraction stalker With supernatural powers You've got every right to be creeped out Yeah, okay Sold I'm gonna give you the bed, lady You want an Ambien? No Thank you. After the day we've had Don't think I'm gonna have any trouble falling asleep Me neither, but I wanna be so knocked out I don't want how many more gnarly nightmares

So where's Board Knight?

He disappears sometimes For a few days I assume he's off somewhere Burying his bone in some ...

Smith c'mon That's not funny

Smith, I'm not kidding Cut it out

Smith, what the fuck You're freaking me out, stop it

It's not Smith Smith, stop fucking around

Stella, I told you It's not Smith

I warned you Stella

I warned you not to do this Fuck you, Lorelei This isn't real This isn't really happening Oh it's happening alright Believe me ...

It's happening I'm dreaming I must be dreaming Wake up! Wake up, c'mon ...!

Wake up ...!

Till Death Do Us Part

Lorelei! I know you're out there!

Stop hiding and show your fucking face You fucking coward!

Fuck you, you crazy bitch! You hear me? Fuck you ...

Fuck you!

Holy fucking shit!

Why are you ...

I was up all night I didn't sleep at all Smith, what's going on?

I woke up In the middle of the night ...

And I found this IM Telling me to go to this address

You ever heard of the New Order?

The seminal New Wave band from the 80s?

No Here, I'll show you It's like this secret underground cult


The address It's not in my browser history Are you sure you weren't just Having some kinda sugar-induced nightmare?

Stella, I'm not making this up

It's gone, all of it The site, the IMs Stel, I'm not crazy I was on this site It had a list Of all these ostracized members Number 1 on the list was ...

Her name was Rebecca Novak Rebecca, as in the name of The red-haired girl's twin So why does she have a different Last name?

I don't know Maybe she was adopted or something Anyway ...

That Rebecca girl she had this whole litany of transgressions Blasphemy, sedition, treason And her penance

Was death And there's something else Even weirder

On the website, they had a photo Of the cult's leader Like their L. Ron Hubbard The whole thing The Supreme One And he looked like ...

My Dad What the fuck are you talking about Your Dad is dead I found this in the trash When I was little I always kept it a secret

The guy on the website That's him I know it Oh Milo ... It hurts so good

Tight session You were really in the zone today I had a lot of tension to work out I could tell So is there anything else I can do for you?

Well for starters You can get out of those fucking clothes

Now what?

Oh I've got a few ideas

And they're absolutely Filthy

Oh oh Hold that

Hello? Mom?

Smith, I'm in the middle of a meeting Can I call you right back?

It's kinda important It's about Dad What about him?

I just got a couple of questions Alright

He died when I was a baby, right?

Yeah, in a car accident You know all this already, what's going on?

Mom, I just have to know Is there anything you're not telling me?

No, there is not This chapter of our life has been closed For a long time What was Dad's last name?

Did he go by any other aliases?

Smith, look I'm hanging up now okay?

Stop asking questions about your father For your own good Mom, wait ...


My Dad's alive?

He got his PhD in psychology His research focused on an obscure Community of hippies Devoted to this book ...

An Ideal for Living Your father spent years studying the techniques That leaders use to control the group In the early 90s, he took the cult head for himself How do you know all this?

My father wasn't an alcoholic He was in the cult too Ever since I can remember My Dad would disappear Then one night When I was around 10

We never saw him again And what does all this Have to do with me?

You're the first-born male child Of the Supreme One The Chosen Son What about you?

Did you know who I was All this time?

So that night we met At the party I was following you But only because I was hoping You might be able to lead me to my father But our friendship, Everything that's happened since then None of that was planned You believe me, don't you?

I'm not sure what I believe in anymore


The end ...

The end is near


So you're saying, her body just Vanished into thin air It was the freakiest fucking thing One minute I'm checking her for a pulse ...

She seems dead Cold as stone So I run out to grab my cell to call 9-1-1 And by the time I got back I swear it was like 10 seconds later She's gone I know it sounds nuttier Than squirrel shit

Well, strange seems to be The new normal lately What about Messiah?

Did the doctors say He was just tripping or what?

His pupils were like Big black suns They're running a bunch of tests


Mom What is it, what's wrong?

I need you to drop whatever you're doing And come home immediately What ... What are you talking about?

I can't say anything more They're probably listening to us Right now Who's listening?

Mom, are you in some kinda danger? Maybe you should call the police No, no police, they can't be trusted They're part of it Look, no more questions okay?

Just get in your car And come home Smith, I'm not kidding Do it Now!

Smith, don't worry I'm sure your Mom Will explain everything when we get there

I just can't stop thinking about What the Messiah said You mean all that "End is Near" shit?

Stella, I have the exact same feeling And it keeps getting progressively More and more intense

Like ...

What if this really Is the beginning ...

Of the end?

Hello Smith, where are you?

Dude, me and Stella are driving To L.A. for the night Actually it's a family emergency Is everything okay?

Hope so What's going on?

Well, I just called the hospital The Messiah's gone How could someone who's barely even conscious Just up and disappear?

Nobody knows what happened to him That's not the only thing What?

The results of his toxicology Report came back They discovered traces of dioxin in his bloodstream Dioxin?

You mean, Like that Russian spy dude?

Yeah The Messiah was poisoned

Are you sure You're gonna be alright?

It's just I don't know how my Mom's gonna React and it might be touchy feely family ...

Don't worry about me Just call or text whenever The coast is clear Thanks Stel For everything Smith, everything's gonna be fine



Smith, you alright?

Come on, let's get outta here!

Smith, hurry up!

What are you doing? What is it?

London? Smith, I was just about to call you There's something really weird going on What do you mean?

All the highest-ranking members of The New Order seem to be heading out of town It's a mass migration We're heading back now Listen I have something major to tell you I think my Mom's been kidnapped What? She's missing and we found her Blackberry And there's all this information on it What kind of information?

A bunch of incriminating documents about My Dad and the New Order It's so much huger Than just some sick little cult It's like this whole secret society and Infiltrating the media, government Even the police are involved But look, that's not all My Dad had dozens of wives Like he basically slept with Anyone in the cult he wanted As a result, he has all these Illegitimate children And he's your biological father And you're my half-sister

London London, are you still there?

I'm here Smith Look, you just need to get back here Soon ...


London, what's going on? What's happening?

London ...

London Open up!


This always works on my room

First The Messiah, then my Mom, now London What's fucking next!

What are you gonna do?

We gotta get outta here, just pack some stuffs In a bag, I'll meet you in your room in like 5 minutes What? Stel, just do it!

Five minutes, hurry And watch your back!

Mom, what happened Who did this to you?

What are you waiting for? We don't have all night Blow me, fag Who made you queen for the day?

Dudes, seriously This is no time for dicking around

Smith? Smith?

Messiah? Jesus, you gave me a freakin' heart attack Stella, there's no time to explain Where is Smith?

I think he's been kidnapped Fuck! Messiah, what the shit is going on?

Come with me I'll explain on the way On the way where? What are you talking about?

Stella, we may already be too late Just come on

Welcome back, dude

What is this?


The Chosen Son awakes Can someone please tell me What the fuck is happening?

It's Day Zero What the hell is Day Zero?

It's New Order codespeak For the day the world ends Dude I'm sure you heard it before But you gotta cut way back on your weed intake As a matter of fact ...

I've never touched that stuff The stoner thing was just a front I'm actually part of a covert group Operation called The Resistance And it's our mission, to wipe out The New Order once and for all Oliver?

So lemme get this straight You guys are both ex-members Of the New Order who are Now like spies trying to destroy it?

In grossly simplified terms Yes My girlfriend Rebecca Is also in the movement Rebecca Novak?

The red-haired girl She's your girlfriend?

She was Before she was murdered The cult performs secret initiations Involving underage girls Who are either abducted or donated By their fucked up parents Rebecca was working undercover Videotaping the rituals for the FBI Smith saw that video It was on the USB drive he said got stolen We suspect Thor and Rex are responsible for that Thor?

And Rex?

So all 3 of you have been Spying on me this whole time?

Dude, you're the Chosen Son We have to monitor and report Your every move Hers too

Where are you taking us now?

Go ahead, tell him Tell me what?

We're taking you To meet your father

Where are they Oliver? Do you see them?

Yeah, I got them They're heading east on I-10

You're some kinda witch too? Like Lorelei?

The New Order tests all its members' Offspring for the "gift"

A certain type of brain activity indicating a predisposition For paranormal ability Subjects displaying a high level Of this marker Are inducted into a program with Intensive psychotropic treatment To cultivate those skills And that's what happened to you?

And Lorelei?

Some come out of the program Severely damaged With a laundry list Of personality disorders Others don't make it at all Smith's gift is exceptionally strong Smith has psychic powers too?

They're just dormant Like seeds that haven't germinated Now that he's turned 19 It looks like the Prophecy Is coming true What's the Prophecy?

It's based on a recurring dream Of your father's The Chosen Son will return to the fold In its 19th year And the world as we know it Will be destroyed in a nuclear holocaust You're shitting me The New Order has warheads Strategically planted in every major city in the world World War 3 can be started With the push of a button But won't they obliterate Themselves in the process?

The cult has a massive underground lair Called the Secret Sanctum Specially designed to survive A nuclear disaster So after the great Apocalypse The New Order will be all that's left When the Prophecy transpires You'll inherit the Kingdom You're gonna be like The Prince of the new fucking world Well if that's true Why am I tied up Why do London and my Mom Have their mouths taped?

Sorry, man We're just following orders Though I guess now that we're out In the middle of nowhere It's probably okay to let them get some air What do you guys think?

Why not? But if either of them mouth off I reserve the right To plug their face - whole With my cock

Don't worry I'll do it nice, and slow So it won't hurt Thanks, arse hat No problemo

Grab her, fucking douche! I'm trying!

Look, is that them?

That van belongs to a Level 4 Night Assignment Smith So, yes Well then What the Jesus are you waiting for?

Floor it!

Who's the girl now?

What the fuck's wrong With you pussies?

Jesus! She's a fucking girl!

Dude, come on! Get her!

What the ...

Pull over!

Kiss my fucking starfish Homo!

What are you doing?

Hang on!

Are you fucking kidding?!

You couldn't pick a smoother road?

What the hell?