Keep Fit (1937) Script

(mystical music)


(upbeat music)


Gazette, daily gazette, daily gazette, gazette, daily gazette, daily gazette, daily gazette, daily gazette, gazette, gazette--

Got this, doubled our sales, this has.

Get away from my office.

(laughing)

Because that cookery competition.

That's not a bad idea.

Well, The Echo's gotta think of a better one.

Selling like hotcakes, right in front of our very door and all because of a cookery campaign.

Smartest part of The Gazette.

Yes, well I've got one to beat it.

The Echo will forestall the national health movement.

We'll run a county Keep Fit campaign of our own.

The Gazette will be nowhere.

Keep Fit, what a stunt and one to be proud of.

You and I will be the recognised leaders of health and youth.

Now get busy.

Get the leaders written right away.

We'll run nothing else for a week.

Right.

Run articles on diet and exercises in the home.

Okay.

Organise gymnastic competitions with teams from the police, the fire brigade, the stores, anybody you can think of.

We'll run a boxing contest.

Boxing?

Great idea, that.

County boxing contest.

Have Keep Fit posters plastered all over the place.

Leave it to me.

Now, we get an individual angle on this.

Find a local champion, who knows?

Here in this very town, we may have the champion.

The future British Keep Fit model of manhood.

A Hercules, an Adonis, a superman!

[Mr. Barker] Come along.

Yes sir.

Would you like a manicure, Mr. Barker?

No.

Well, Miss Allen's doing nothing.

It's too late.

That's red hot.

Yes I'm sorry sir, I know it is.

Then why'd you put it on my face?

It was burning my fingers.

Clumsy idiot.

Sorry, sir.

Hurry up, it's nearly closing time.

Yes, sir.

See, your finger's got some ink on it.

Do let me fetch Miss Allen.

Oh very well.

Thank you Mr. Barker.

Miss Allen, the boss wants you.

Thank you.

Can I carry your tray?

Yes, if you'd like to.

[Mr. Barker] Green.

Yes Mr. Barker.

[Mr. Barker] Come along man, hurry up.

Sorry sir.

Good evening, Mr. Barker.

You won't all that stuff, just a little pumice stone.

Very good, Mr. Barker.

Great stunt, this Keep Fit of The Echo's.

You going in for the gym competition this evening?

Yes Mr. Barker.

And you?

Well, no sir.

No, I didn't expect you would.

If you'd taken more exercise when you were younger, you'd be a far finer figure of a man.

I thought as much.

No muscle at all. (laughing)

It's nothing to laugh at.

Well I can't help it, you're tickling me.

Well look at that young Hector Kent in the sports department.

There's a sight for sore eyes.

Eh, Miss Allen?

Yes.

There's a man worth looking at.

Broad shouldered, muscular, strong as an ox.

I think you'll find them the right weight for the boy sir.

May I send them on approval?

Yes, do.

Hello there.

At last, my benefactor, I have waited long to thank you.

(crying out in pain)

That'll teach you to read during business hours.

After closing time, take these sample gym vests up to the gymnasium.

But I can't, I have a rehearsal of the amateur dramatics.

Well the amateurs can wait.

Well can't someone else take them, Mr. Kent?

I said you were to take them.

Are you gonna be long?

Sorry Mr. Barker.

That's all right, my lad.

Going to win our competition tonight?

I shall do my best.

Wish there were more like you.

The more we have to represent the store for the county final, the better.

You take my advice, my lad, and go in for physical exercise.

Make a man of you, wouldn't it?

Might even do that.

For all you know, I might be as good as any of them.

Besides, I was once second in an egg and spoon race.

How many runners?

Two.

Well, there's still time to go in for the competition, Green.

Yes, why don't you?

I don't like showing off in public.

It seems a pity that his talent should be lost to the world.

Good luck, Kent.

Right, sir.

Can I take it for you?

Thank you.

Will you stop pestering Miss Allen, she doesn't like it.

I was only carrying-- And I don't like it either, see?

Here's me with a nice bit of garden, and a nipper on the way.

Nature's wonderful.

If I can only pluck up the courage, I'll pop the question tonight.

Good night, George.

Good night.

Good night, George.

Good night.

(playing ukulele)

J Why am I forgotten J!

J By the girl I love J J Because my clothes hang on me like a sack J J I know I'm not athletic J J And look a bit pathetic J J And wear most of my chest upon my back J J The nation's got an A1 plan J J And I might turn into a man J J If I'd biceps, muscle and brawn J J I'd grow spinach on my chest J J Where the birds could build a nest J J If I'd biceps, muscle and brawn J J In competitions, exhibitions, catch as catch catch J J I would win some lovely cups and saucers to match J J The girls would all love my physique J&

J I'd let them see it twice a week J J If I'd biceps, muscle and brawn J J My ribs at Knock Knock wouldn't play J J Or rattle on a windy day J J If I'd biceps, muscle and brawn J J Hercules was far from thin J J But I could show them more than him J J If I'd biceps, muscle and brawn J J In competitions, exhibitions, catchers catch catch J J I would win some lovely cups and saucers to match J J The Ladies White Hope I would be J J They'd hope to see much more of me J J If I'd biceps, muscle and brawn J

(upbeat ukulele music)


J I'd have strength to carry on J J And something good to sit upon J&

J If I'd biceps, muscle and brawn J

Feeling like that, eh?

Keep Fit, Ernie wouldn't it be grand if I was leader of that lot?

Fancy me walking in front of him, I'd like to be doing that.

Well why don't you have a shot at it?

What's the use?

Can you see me going in for competitions with these?

Nice fool I'd look, Fat chance I stand with Hector Kent to start with.

That lop eared, puffed up, la-di-da he bullock.

You don't like him, do you?

Just because he knew I had a rehearsal with the amateurs tonight, he's told me off to take these samples up to the gymnasium.

Well I'll take them for you.

Not likely, if he knew I hadn't done it myself, he'd get me the sack right away.

It'll be easy enough, I could wait 'til he's not looking.

No I daren't.

Do you think you could?

I don't see why not.

Oh George, if you would, I could get to the amateurs.

Give it me.

And if there's ever anything I can do for you, just say the word.

Don't mention it lad.

Go on, you daft thing.

(laughing)

Good evening, Mr. Barker. Evening, Mr. Barker.

Is the editor of The Echo about?

Not yet sir.

Are those the samples?

Yes Mr. Barker.

Oh it's you, is it?

Yes Mr. Barker, good night Mr. Barker.

Wait a minute, don't go yet.

All right Mr. Barker.

That's Mr. Barker.

Put these on.

What, me?

[Mr. Barker] Quick.

But I'm on my way home sir.

When you've got them on ask to see the editor of The Echo.

(stammering)

Dressing room on the left, then.

Go on, don't argue.

Seen Miss Allen?

Yes, she's in the gymnasium.

Fine.

Now, those samples of mine, I assure you there's nothing to touch them at the price.

Of course, if you were to recommend them in your columns as the official Kit, I'd be delighted-- Quite, quite, all right.

I'l have a look at them.

Splendid, splendid, sorry I can't stop.

Mustn't keep the wife waiting.

Let's hurry, we'll miss the teams.

Anyone would think this competition was being run for the benefit of the Regal stores, not The Echo.

What an attendance, what an attendance.

This is a great idea of yours chief.

Keep Fit, make the Gazette look up, eh?

Now get all the pictures you can and plaster them all over tomorrow's edition.

Okay, come on get this.

There you are, get one here.

No.

Well perhaps that, try that.

Thank you.

All right, fine.

Ah, this is the one.

Do you mind if we have a picture?

Of course not.

Thank you. Jump up here, Joan.

How's that?

Fine.

Got it. Thanks very much.

Will that be in the papers?

Rather, front page I expect.

Goody.

You and I together.

Am I a lucky girl.

You look pretty good in that kit.

Yes, I know.

Evening Mr. Kent.

Well, what's first?

Vaulting, parallel bars or what?

In the eliminating heats?

No, just a few simple marching exercises, that's all.

But that's no gymnastic competition.

Not for you, perhaps, but we're keeping all the difficult stuff for the finals.

I see.

(whistle blowing)

All in for the individual competition.

Excuse me, I won't be a minute.

I'm going to get my handkerchief.

This is just a waste of time.

After the marching, some physical jerks.

No that'll take too long.

Besides, we can't keep the ladies waiting all that time.

Most emphatically. Quite, quite.

Give the men something really difficult so that we can find the winner straightaway.

What about the horizontal bar?

That used to be a favourite of mine.

Areal teaser, eh?

Leave it to me, sir.

Hello, what are you doing here?

Have you seen the editor of The Echo anywhere?

He's in the gym, why?

Well, I've got something that I want to show him.

What?

Oh so the hidden talent's coming out in public after all.

You know, when you said that in the shop, I didn't believe you.

Didn't you?

No, the competition started, come on hurry.

Competition?

Yes, come on quickly, quickly.

No, no, I don't think I'll bother.

Showing off in public, I'd feel so daft.

Oh don't be so silly.

Anyone would think they were going to ask you to stand in the middle of the room and give an exhibition.

Well aren't they?

You flatter yourself.

Just a few simple marching exercises.

What?

Yes, the instructor just said so.

Is that all?

Still too much sir, I should be right over the top.

That's medium now.

Still too fierce sir.

That's right down.

Right.

The instructor will now demonstrate the first test.

Are you gonna try that?

Not me.

Gym competition, why it's getting people here under false pretences.

They must thing we're a lot of mugs.

Aren't the exercises difficult enough?

They're not exercises at all.

There you are, you wouldn't get a chance to show off even if you wanted to.

Well in that case...

You'd like me to go in for it, wouldn't you Miss Allen?

Me?

Well, the more gymnasts representing the store, the better.

Gymnasts.

Come on.

(applauding)

That fellow isn't a gymnast.

Doesn't look like it.

Well if that's the result of physical exercise, thank heavens I had a misspent youth.

(laughing)

Misspent youth.

What an idea for my Keep Fit posters.

Where have you sprung from?

I'm in for competition.

What? Yes.

They're the samples I told Ernie to bring up, aren't they?

No, no I've had them for years.

That's why they're brand new I suppose?

Well I had to buy new ones for competition.

You chose a mighty fine fit.

Think you're gonna show off in front of Miss Allen, do you?

You can't show off doing child's play like this.

(applauding)

Where are you going?

I don't think I feel so well.

You've got the wind up.

[Instructor] Next, please.

Now watch me.

(applauding)

Now, that fellow's definitely good.

If he can box, he's a certain county champion.

[Instructor] Next, please.

I've been looking forward to getting Ernie the sack for some time.

I've told you they've got nothing to with Ernie, I bought them for the competition.

I said, next please.

Go on then, prove it.

All right.

I will.


Oh mother!

Hey mother, mother I'm falling!

Mother!

(crowd screaming)

I can't get my feet, mother.

Help.

(laughing)

Hey somebody stop me.

Mother.

That'll teach him to try and show off.

Are you all right?

Champion, it was just a simple exercise.

Oh I'm terribly sorry, I'm afraid it was all my fault.

But I didn't know it was gonna be like that.

But you've hurt yourself?

No I'm all right.

Yes you have, you're all wobbly.

Come along to the dressing room.

(laughing)

All right, start the ladies section.

There you are.

Now you get dressed and go and have a drink.

Was I all right?

Yes, sensational.

Would you come out and have a drink with me?

Oh I'm sorry I can't, I'm going out with Mr. Kent.

Yes, of course.

What are you doing tomorrow, early closing day?

Well I'm going out with Mr. Kent.

Well, perhaps some other time.

Perhaps.

Pardon me, I think you'd better hurry.

The ladies are just starting.

Thank you.

Mr. Green, I'd like to have a photo of you.

Was it as good as all that?

What?

My gymnastics, of course.

Far better, sensational.

That's what she said.

Take a pose please, Mr. Green.

Yes over here I think, would you, Mr. Green?

Thank you very much.

That's good, that's all right, just about there.

That's splendid, all right?

[Photographer] Okay.

Right.

How's that?

No, it won't do I'm afraid, let me give you a tip.

Now first of all, you deflate completely.

Deflate?

Yes, like this.

(laughing)

I don't see anything to laugh at.

You would if you were standing where I am.

Yes, then you take a deep breath, swell right out, throw your head back, you'll get twice the expansion.

And is this for the papers?

If it's good.

Fancy me in the papers, a gymnast.

Yes.

Shall I, blow out?

Yes, deflate.

That's it.

All right, all right, just a little more please.

That's splendid.

Now take a deep breath, inhale, more, chest out, head up, now hold it.

Shoot.

That's fine, thank you very much Mr. Green.

You were magnificent, you were splendid, thank you.

Fancy, a gymnast.

Wait 'til Miss Allen sees me.

My photo's in the paper, wait 'til I tell Miss Allen.

My photo's in the paper.

(singing)

My photo's in the paper (shouting)

Mother.

All ball bearings throughout, sir.

Nothing but the best material.

Yes, they'd better be.

In my day, I was one of the strongest oars in the Avon rowing club.

Here, give me a hand.

Of course, sir.

Are you being attended to, sir?

That's all right, we want Mr. Kent.

Don't forget the flannels and the club blazers as soon as you can.

They'll be attended to immediately, sir.

Mr. Kent.

Avon blazer and flannels to be sent at once, look them out.

The delivery's gone.

Well, take them yourself.

But it's just on one, and it's early closing.

I said take them yourself.

Well, what do you want?

Now don't talk like that.

You owe us too much dough to be saucy.

We're working a little job at the races today.

Well you can count me out, I'm taking a bird on the river.

Forget it, we need you to put the dough on.

Do it yourselves.

Not likely, me and Clink's too well known.

Look out, here comes the boss.

Are you coming?

No.

Would you like us to tell him about the time you were dressed like that?

Wait a minute.

We'll be waiting for you outside.

Have you gentlemen got what you wanted?

Yes, we got what we wanted.

Did you see your photograph, taken at the gym last night?

Yes sir.

I congratulate you, it should do the store a lot of good.

Thank you sir.

Okay sir.

See my photo at the gym last night?

There'll be one of me in there.

Green, I'm going to see Mr. Barker about the staff dance.

You're in charge.

Thank you sir.

Pretty good, isn't it?

Middle photograph, too.

Who are the others of?

There's one of me there, isn't there?

Why should there be?

Well, he took my photograph.

Probably broke the camera.

There must be one of me somewhere.

Excuse me.

It's gonna be lovely on the river this afternoon.

Just a minute Joan, I'm afraid this afternoon's off.

You mean we're not going?

Yes, a sudden business appointment.

That's all right, lots of other people I can go with.

Oh are there?

Oh yes, any number.

You mean me?

Oh I'd love to come.

Well I'll see you at the staff dance tonight.

All right, what time will you be ready?

Do you mean you'll really come out with me?

Yes of course I do, the river?

Anywhere you like, I'l wait for you outside.

Very well.

Ernie.

I'm taking her out on the river.

Who?

Miss Allen.

What about Mr. Kent?

I'm going instead.

Put it there.

Go on, you daft thing.

Can you row?

No but I'm very good at punting.

Kent always takes her rowing.

Then I'm beat.

Got it, take her to Wyatt's boathouse.

They've got no row boats there.

Ernie, you're a marvel.

What about your flannels?

I've got them on.

I mean white trousers.

I thought you meant my undies.

Got it.

The very thing, just going out on appro.

But suppose I muck them up?

You mustn't, that's all.

I'll look fine in them, wouldn't 1?

She wouldn't half be impressed.

It's not how you look, it's the things you do that count.

Now this is your big chance.

You've got to do something to sweep her off her feet.

Suppose you saw me drowning, what would you do?

Shout for help.

Wouldn't you jump in and save me?

No. Why not?

I can't swim.

But supposing I found a nice shallow part where you couldn't get out of your depth?

Still shout for help.

Why? I'd muck up the appros.

I hadn't thought of that.

In any case, she'd know you.

Got it.

You'll be taken away before long, you will you know.

The amateurs.

Well what about them?

Well I can be the squire in the play and recognise you as the man who'd once saved my life.

At last, my benefactor, I have waited long to thank you.

You know Ernie, there's one of us too daft and I'm all right.

But that way, you wouldn't have to fall into the river and I could make the water deeper and danger bigger and really do you proud.

That wouldn't do though, will it?

Why not, now meet me at Deacon's bridge at three o'clock.

But would it be fair to her?

All's fair in love and war.

Ernie, we'll do it.

We'll show that Hector.

No you don't.

(car backfiring)

Does it always do that?

Well it's been doing it lately.

I think it's the hot weather.

Fellow and his girl.

All right, see to them.

He's a member of the Avon rowing club.

Ohis he, here I'll attend to him myself.

Good afternoon, sir.

I'm afraid we've got nothing to suit a member of the Avon rowing club.

Avon?

Avon, oh yes of course.

We only keep punts here, sir.

Yes, that's why I came-- No outrigger skiffs?

[Attendant] I'm sorry Miss.

What, no out, no what she said?

No, only punts sir.

Now if you go down to Chandler's--

No, no, we may as well take a punt now that we're here.

Okay Miss Allen?

Very good sir.

(bell ringing)

Oh look, ice cream, come on.

Oh lovely.

What would you like?

So you're an expert rower, are you?

Well, I wouldn't go as far as to say that.

Oh don't be so modest, I heard what the boatman said.

Oh you don't wanna take any notice of him.

Oh don't I, then answer me this.

Can a man be a member of the Avon rowing club unless his rowing's first class?

No I don't suppose he can.

Very well then.

Oh I wish we could get a boat, I'd love to see you row.

Would you?

Here, are you good as Mr. Kent?

Well, you never can tell.

Give us a couple of cornets and make them deep.

How was she sir?

Still too long in the slide.

I'll see to it, Sir August.

Thank you.

Good heavens, look at that crew.

Not much finish there, sir.

Finish, why they haven't begun to finish.

No guts sir, that's the trouble, no guts.

No sir.

Young generation are all the same nowadays, flabby.

No guts, no guts sir.

Before long, we'll be having members of the Avon rowing club lounging in punts, playing banjos and eating ice creams.

Oh look, there's a friend of yours.

Friend of mine?

Where? Well, a member of your club.

Good afternoon sir.

Same to you.

I see we're members of the same club.

Yes.

Are you a life member?

No, no, just on appro.

Punt ready, sir. Punt?

Cheerio.

Shall I take the banjo, sir?

Banjo, what are you talking about, it's a uke.

I'm sorry.

Be careful with the ice cream.

Do I hear it right sir, a member of the rowing club in a punt?

That's right.

Well unfortunately, he hadn't any rowing boats.

That's quite right sir.

Well, of course that explains everything.

Yes, well in that case sir, let me offer you my skiff.

What, that one?

Oh she's lovely.

Then allow me to escort you. Thank you.

But I've ordered a punt.

No matter sir.

Good, now I'm going to see you row after all.

Come along, there you are my dear.

There you are.

Oh that's terribly kind of you.

Come on Mr. Green, jump in.

I feel a bit sea sick.

Nonsense.

A good stiff pull will soon get rid of that for you.

In you go.

Steady, steady.

Here, you're the wrong way round.

Yes, mustn't turn your back on the lady, must you?

That's the bow.

Bow? Bow.

(laughing)

Something wrong with this seat.

It's on the sticky side, I'm afraid.

Now let's see the expert at work, come on.

[Attendant] All ready sir, off you go.

[Miss Allen] Here, anything wrong?

Nothing, I always start like that.

(boat horn tooting)

Look out, quick.

Look out sir, she'll ram you.

(boat horn tooting)

Mother, somebody stop it.

Oh we'll be sunk.

Hey, you there.

Somebody stop it, go away.

Where do you think you're going, mother!

The man's an impostor, never been in a boat in his life.

Hey come back here, will you?

Are you all right?

Yes, we'll get there quicker this way.

J I'm so shy in every way J&

J Can't tell what I want to say J J Afraid I'm much too slow J J Other lovers get on swell J J But when I'm beneath your spell J J I can't let myself go J J 'Cause I don't like J J Full of passion I could be J J You'd wonder what's come over me J J But I don't like J J I'm not rough J J Sure I've waited long enough J J I want to start and do my stuff J J But I don't like J J Can't we take a lesson from the birdies up above J J They enjoy life's blessing J J And all get on with a little bit of love J J But I don't like J J On my knees I'd gladly go J J I'd be a regular Romeo J J But I don't like J Jl don't like J J When at me you slyly glance J J I feel I ought to take a chance J But I don't like J J My ideal &

J Just a kiss I'd like to steal J J To show exactly how I feel J J But I don't like J J Can't we take a lesson from the birdies up above J J They enjoy life's blessing J J And they all get on with a little bit of love J J But I don't like J J If I had a stronger will J J I'm certain I'd give you a thrill I J But I don't like J

(playing ukulele)


Jl don't like J J I've never loved a girl before J!

J I'd take you home and lock the door J J But I don't like J Good, good, you are clever.

Do you think so?

Have an ice cream.

Well I've had three already.

Well what's three? three, three.

Can we go on the bridge?

What's wrong with here?

Well we can get a better view from the bridge.

Come on.

Hurry up.

Well what's the hurry?

Well it's nearly three o'clock.

What?

Have an ice.

I've got one.

Well have a banana. No thanks.

You mind if I have one?

No.

You know, I like you to like the things I do and the things I've done.

Well you should tell me about some of them.

No you'll find out soon enough.

What are you looking for?

Nothing, lovely view isn't it?

Yes, lovely.

You know, modesty's all very well but you'll never get on unless you advertise yourself.

You know, make people talk about you.

Would that be good, to make people talk about me?

Yes, it never fails.

It'd be grand, wouldn't it?

Hello there, hello there.

Do you think we're trespassing?

No, no, you leave this to me.

Yes, upon my soul, it is.

My dear sir, my dear friend, my very dear sir.

Well what is all this?

The hero who saved me when all seemed lost.

Saved you, what from?

The river, Miss.

He plunged in off the bridge, a bridge six times the height of this one.

No it wasn't.

It was.

Well, perhaps five times.

Now why haven't you told me about this before?

Well, I'd forgotten about it.

No doubt he's pulled hundreds from the river.

Except the little ones, I always throw them back again.

It's nothing to joke about--

I agree, Miss.

As I went down for the third time, the memories of my childhood flashed before my eyes.

I struggled to the surface and with a terrific effort, I gathered up my breath and shouted--

(screaming)

Where's he gone?

Look.

Help!

Well what are you waiting for, here's your big chance, why don't you jump?

Oh mother. Help, help.

Oh hurry, look he's gone down again.

Look, under those bubbles.

What can I do, mother.

Don't jump about, go in.

Go on, jump, jump.

[Ernie] Help!

Oh go on.

Ernie, save me as if I as saving you, I can't swim.

Neither can I.

Oh mother.

Help!

Help!

(shouting)

Mother!

Help!

What's the matter?

Oh good, it's you.

Look, they're drowning.

Help, help! Help!

Dash, my best suit too.

Help!

Save him!

Come on, you couple of water rats.

What happened anyway?

How dare you try to make a fool of me?

Well, I--

Plunged into the raging flood and saved him from a watery grave did you?

You may laugh.

Shall I hit him?

No, he isn't worth it, come on.

I don't see what you've got to laugh at.

You'd laugh if you had--

Hey you, hey come back here, will you?

Hey, you there!

Stop you, stop.

Ernie.

Mother!

(laughing)

Good work Tom.

Thanks, we'll have them up by midday tomorrow.

You've got this fellow's permission, of course?

Green's, no he won't worry us.

Oh but that picture's a serious libel, he might have us for thousands.

Oh he's too simple.

Well I'm not taking any chances.

You slip along the next staff dance, kid him into signing permission.

Okay.

(live band playing upbeat music)


Ladies and gentlemen.

(cheering)

Quiet please, quiet for Mr. Barker.

(applauding)

I'm delighted to see so many happy faces at our summer staff ball.

I'm also very gratified that so many of our staff have entered for The Echo Keep Fit competition.

I can assure you that should one of our staff prove to be the eventual winner and be thereby elected leader of the local Keep Fit movement his rapid promotion in the stores is assured.

(cheering and applauding)

Mrs. Barker, I regret to say, is unable to be with us tonight.

Now on with the revels.

I hope that everyone will enjoy themselves as much as I intend to.

(applauding)

(band playing music)

We'll get him after this dance.

Don't give up, George.

Ah Mr. Green, may I have a word with you in private?

Thank you.

Mr. Green, it's about those photographs I took of you.

You said they were going in the papers.

Papers, good gracious no.

We want them for something much more important than that.

Do you?

Rather, our Keep Fit posters.

They'll be on all the hoardings.

You'll be the talk of the town.

I must tell Miss Allen, when are they going up?

Lunch time tomorrow.

Mr. Green, would you sign this permission please?

Only a formality of course, I'm so sorry.

I'll sign anything.

(applauding)

Here, you'll be losing that if you're not careful.

What I need is someone to look after me.

Yes.

Care for the job?

(laughing)

Ladies and gentlemen, the next dance is a Paul Jones.

(cheering)

Come on, this will be fun.

No thanks, I don't like sharing my woman.

Come on, let's go and find somewhere to sit.

Oh all right, have it your own way.

Kent.

I'll see you later.

We have a little business to talk over, do you mind?

Not at all, I'll go dance.

Why can't you leave me alone?

We've just overheard a bit of dirt.

They haven't cleared the cash tills today.

What about milking the sports department for a few quid?

They'd suspect me right away.

Your key fit any of the others?

Might do.

Try the barber's next door.

Yes and get pinched by the night watchman, not on your life.

Now don't come that with us.

I see Mr. Barker's over there.

Should we give him the lowdown on Kent?

I think it's the honest thing to do.

Wait a minute.

Goon, get to it.

Where's Miss Allen, where's Miss Allen?

Dancing the Paul Jones, why?

I've got something I want to tell her.

Miss Allen, I want Miss Allen.

Miss Allen.

Excuse me, Miss Allen.

(screaming)


Easy as kiss your hand, wasn't it?

That's yours.

Here, how do you do this blinking thing?

Miss Allen, I've got something most important to tell you.

I'm not interested.

Finished your business yet?

Quite, thanks.

Oh I knew you would lose it.

What?

Oh nothing.

Come on, let's dance.

No I've got a better idea.

Did you tell her?

No she wouldn't listen.

You mustn't give up like that, George.

You'll never get anywhere.

Yes but she won't talk to me.

Make her, she's over there somewhere.

Go on.

Brandies, sir.

Yes sir?

Do you know Miss Allen?

I'm a stranger here, sir.

She went over there with Kent.

Oh thanks very much.

Two and eight, sir.

Well if you insist.

Two and eight, sir.

(stammering)

Two and eight.

Ladies first.

Excuse me, I was looking for Miss Allen.

Go away.

Beg pardon, Mr. Barker.

Get out.

Yes sir.

You know, there's no one around here to touch you.

Yes, so they tell me.

I mean it, I'd like to pick you up, put you in my pocket and run off with you.

I see, big strong man stuff eh?

You can use both hands if you like.

All right, oh I can't.

(laughing)

Oh, mother!

Don't be a fool, Joan.

It's you that's being a fool.

Well what about it, anyway?

You may think that a good idea, but I prefer dancing.

I'm looking for Miss Allen.

Get out of my way.

I will not, I'm looking for Miss Allen.

Get out.

Oh mother, mother!

What the blazes do you think you're doing?

I'm looking for Miss Allen.

Nothing unusual, as far as I know sir.

Anything wrong?

Accounts report eight pounds missing from your till this morning.

Mine?

Did you lock up yourself, yesterday?

Yes sir.

No, I left Green in charge.

Green, I better speak to him.

Not a word about this to anyone, mind.

No sir.

I understand that you were in charge yesterday, Green, before early closing.

That's right, Mr. Barker.

I want a shave, quickly.

Well, is no one going to attend to me?

It's only Green sir.

I'll see him later.

This way, please sir.

Shave, quick.

Thank you, sir.

Very busy today sir.

Quite a lot of people about for this time of the year.

Thank you sir.

Nice weather we're having sir.

Are we?

There's a lot of nice weather to come, too.

Is there?

All next week, it's never been touched yet.

Well, what are you waiting for?

Nothing, sir.

Don't hold my head like that.

Sorry sir.

Haven't I heard your voice before?

I don't think so, sir.

I seem to know your face, too.

Well, I've had it a long time.

Ever been on the river?

Never.

Nor in it?

Yes, a fellow stole my boat yesterday.

A fellow not unlike you.

Don't tremble like that, you make me feel quite nervous.

Sorry, sir.

Now I come to think of it, he had a deep voice like yours, too.

Really sir, must be a coincidence.

Thank you sir, will you pay at the cash desk please?

What's that?

What's what? That.

Nothing Mr. Kent, I was just tidying up.

Give it to me.

It's nothing, really.

Give it to me.

Come here.

You're the clumsiest barber I've ever met.

I'm a bit nervous today, sir.

Your face kept getting in the way of my razor.

Miss Allen, I've got something important to tell--

Sorry, I'm going to lunch.

Can't you wait for me? No.

Hey.

Yes sir?

It's not a very close shave.

Close enough for me. What?

I said that'll be one and three, pay at the desk.

Where's Green?

Just gone.

It is the fellow.

Is Green the man who works here?

Yes.

Then lead me to him.

Hello Tom.

Hello Mack, have a look at that.

You might learn something.

This is a stunt your gang in The Gazette couldn't think of in a lifetime.

That's what you think.

Well wait and see it completed.

Hello.

Hello Green.

That's me.

Yeah, that's you.

Will it cover all the lot?

All the lot.

My feet and all?

Yes, everything.

Right, wait a minute, I'll just go and get Miss Allen, I won't be long.

I've an idea if I stick around here, I shall be asked some very awkward questions.

Let's move (laughing)

Miss Allen, will you come back with me?

I've got a surprise for you.

What, another?

Well if you come back, you might be proud of me.

I don't want to be proud of you.

Please come back.

Please.

All right, then.

Come on.

Nice of you to come, Miss Allen.

It's just over here.

Well what is the surprise?

Now wait a minute.

I shan't tell you yet.

Now close your eyes and don't open them until I tell you.

No.

You might as well.

Oh that's too bad, nevermind cheer up.

There he is.

How about this blazer?

Where's my skiff?

(laughing)

Oh it's easy enough to laugh when you're on top.

Are you going to stand there and let them laugh at you like this?

Well, what can I do?

Well if I were a man and anyone did that to me, I'd, well I'd do something.

(laughing)

You shut up.

Look.

Oh you would, would you?

You'd tread on my toe would you, all right.

You can't do that sort of thing, this is a civilised country.

Well it was his own fault.

All right, all right.

'Before' man knocks out ‘after' man.

What a headline and what a picture.

Here, give me that camera.

Now, don't all talk at once.

Anyone see who do first?

[Crowd] He did.

I never did anything.

So you did, you can't go about knocking people's heads off in public thoroughfares.

Who do you think you are?

But it was--

Here, that's enough of that.

(whistle blowing)

The man's a gangster.

Who, me?

Here he is, now you take my tip and come quietly.

But let me tell you all about it.

Oh you tell it to the magistrate.

(stammering)

How could he have put me out?

Look at him, he couldn't have hit me, I must have fainted.

Do you think I'd let him lay a finger on me?

The whole thing's absurd.

What is the use of maintaining that the prisoner did not strike you after listening to the evidence of all these witnesses?

Miss Joan Allen, manicurist, Mr. Bennington at the county Gazette, Sir August Marks, Mr. Mackay, Gazette reporter, Mr. Miles, Bill Poster and Mr. Clarke, his assistant.

I'm gonna raise your salary for this.

Thank you sir.

All these witnesses have stated on oath that the prisoner dealt you a blow of such violence that you were practically lifted off your feet.

The prisoner is evidently a powerful man and I think you were very unwise to trifle with him.

Me, trifle with him?

Silence, please.

Are you a professional fighter?

No, your worship, I was going down--

Only answer the question please.

You evidently don't know your own strength.

What, me?

Because you are a man with apparently powerful physique, you must not take it on yourself to punish others who personally are weaker than you are.

Yes, I know but--

Silence, please.

That is why the law protects them, from men like you.

That's pretty.

'Before' man knocks out 'after' man and knocks out whole campaign endways.

How are you Wilson, keeping fit?

Silence in court.

10 shillings or seven days.

I'll have the 10 shillings.

That shrimp knock out the Keep Fit prize winner?

Nice mess you got me into.

Me? Wait 'til he comes out.

Don't make a scene, please.

Besides, 'before' man might knock the "after man again.

It was a fluke, I tell you.

Are you sure of that?

Am I sure?

Great idea, the boxing finals.

The high spot of the Keep Fit campaign.

Well, what about it?

Well, everybody will be there.

Challenge him and we'll make it the main bout of the evening.

That suits me fine.

And in future, try and control those haymakers.

Yes, but your worship-- Constable.

All right sir, I'll look after him.

Thank you.

George, what's happened to you all of a sudden?

Your autograph, sir.

Mr. Green, I'm the editor of The Gazette.

Yes, but I want to talk to you.

Here he comes.

All right you dirty little--

Take it easy, take it easy.

Steady, sir.

Now, now, there's a time and a place for everything.

Yes, that's quite right sir, yes.

And what better place than publicly during the Echo tournament?

What's that?

Mr. Kent has issued a challenge for a return match.

What, against me?

He's too yellow to fight.

Oh no he's not.

[Echo Editor] Then it's agreed.

We must have time to train.

You've got a clear fortnight.

Then we accept.

[Echo Editor] Good.

Leave everything to me.

I've got nothing to leave.

Come on.

Where are you going?

Back to the store.

I'll come with you.

Thanks, but I'm going shopping first.

Chief, you're a genius.

That'll keep The Gazette quiet, I think.

You hear that, he can think (laughing)

Good day, Wilson.

Be good.

Keep Fit (laughing)

To think you're a boxer, and I never knew it.

A couple of hours, every night for two weeks and we'll have you trained to the minute.

Imagine it George.

Sorry.

Imagine it George, a crowded arena with them all watching, Miss Allen and everyone.

The cheers when you climb into the ring, you bow all around.

Yes, I have to tell you--

I say, look out, that's unlucky.

Seconds out, gong.

You lead with the left, he counters with the right, you duck, let go an upper cut, he's down.

One, two, three--

Four, five, six.

And four's 10, he's out and they're jumping into the ring, they're holding up your hand.

Miss Allen's the first.

Think of it George, gosh I envy you.

Well you needn't, there isn't gonna be any fight.

What?

I never hit Kent, he knocked himself out with a broom.

Crikey, why didn't you tell me before?

Well you never gave me the chance.

It's too late to back out now.

Why don't you two go in another street and play?

What are you gonna do?

Me, I'm gonna get out of town as quick as I can and disappear.

Disappear, you can't do that.

Can't I, you watch me.

I tend to make an example of you, Gill.

It will be a lesson to the other employees at the store.

You ignored Mr. Kent's orders regarding the blazer and the flannels.

You knew the penalty, you have only yourself to blame.

But it had nothing to do with Gill, He shouldn't have permitted you to.

Then he gave him the samples for the gymnasium sir.

That was my fault too.

No it wasn't, sir.

Yes it was.

Why are you so anxious to take the blame for everything?

Well, I'm giving notice anyway.

And why do you wish to resign so suddenly?

I'd rather not say.

I suppose it had nothing to do with some money that was missing from the hairdressing till?

I never took any money out of the till.

I didn't say you did.

No but you meant it.

Don't be impertinent.

If he'd take the blazer, he'd take the money sir.

Of course he would.

And now he wants to leave.

Yes I think I understand.

For the sake of the good name of the store, we will consider the money as gone.

Your resignation is accepted with pleasure, Mr. Green.

And so is yours.

But Mr. Barker, it had nothing to do with Ernie.

I took the things from him.

Just a bully eh?

Well you can't bully me.

But I tell you, it had nothing to do with Ernie.

Get out.

Come on Ernie.

Keep the change, my dear.

Thank you sir.

One and nine to take, Molly.

One and nine, half a crown.

Have you heard about Mr. Green?

Yes I was there and saw it.

Here, what's this?

Sorry, how on earth did that get in there?

He's been fired.

Mr. Green? Yes.

What for?

Only hinted at, of course, but it sounds pretty shady.

They say Mr. Kent caught him at it.

Mr. Kent?

Well that's all there is, sir.

I'm afraid I've been a lot of trouble.

Oh no trouble at all sir.

Here, what's all this about Mr. Green?

Eight quid missing from the hairdressing till or something And they think he took it?

Well why not?

He wouldn't have the nerve.

How about the samples and the blazer and all that?

Take it from me Joan, that little rat's a crook.

Well, who would have thought it.

Excuse me sir.

Right.

Wait 'til I get him in the ring.

I'll give him all the punishment he deserves.

I've got three or four things I wanna pay him out for.

I'll teach him to strut about just ‘cause he got in a lucky one when I wasn't looking.

Remember the Paul Jones last night?

What about it?

I was looking for you, where were you?

I was talking business, I expect.

What are you driving at?

Oh nothing.

Have you anything suitable for a child of 10?

Certainly madam, boy or girl?

Boy.

Goodbye Miss Allen, I've been sacked.

You too?

Oh that's too bad, where's Mr. Green?

I'm afraid he's leaving town.

What?

He's packing up his things at his digs and going straight off on his bike.

But I must see him.

You'll have to hurry or he'll be gone.

Where does he live?

I'll show you.

Well, quick.

(shouting in pain)

I'm ever so sorry you're going, Mr. Green.

Thanks for all you've done.

Well, goodbye.

Goodbye.

Mr. Green, I want a word with you.

I'm in a hurry.

About the fight.

The fight's off.

Mr. Green, Mr. Green!

(car backfiring)

(tyres screeching)

There he is.

Where are you going?

Never you mind.

You're running away, aren't you?

Well, yes.

You mustn't, they'll say it's true.

What's true? That you're a thief.

Who said I was a thief? Hector.

He's a liar. I know, I found his coat button in the till, he stole that money.

Then we've only to tell the police.

He'll be put in jug and you claim the fight.

No you mustn't do that Ernie.

Why not?

Well, you like him, don't you?

I used to think I did but after the way he treated me last night and the way he got you the sack for something you didn't do, I--

You mean that?

Look here Green, about the fight, The Gazette's ready to back you.

Mack's a splendid trainer and we'll provide everything.

It's no good, the fight's off.

Oh no it's not, the fight's on.

Well where are you going?

Back to my digs.

Insult you, would he?

I'll train night and day and I'll knock Mr. Hector Kent into the middle of next week.

(car backfiring)

(shouting over each other)

(upbeat music)

J; Keep fit, take exercise &

J Keep fit and you'll be wise J J That's it, grow twice your size J J Whatever you do, keep fit J!

J Keep fit and take the air &

J Don't flit to your armchair J J You'll get no medals there J J Whatever you do, keep fit J!

J Punch that bag as if you're punching your opponent's head J J Skip around it, might rebound and knock you out instead J J; Keep fit, now bend the knees J!

J Don't sit, be careful please J J You'll split your do re mi's &

J Whatever you do, keep fit J!

J Keep fit, upon your toes J J That's it, each movement shows J J Your bit of muscle grows J J Whatever you do, keep fit J!

J Now skip an hour or more J J Don't slip across the floor J Into the pub next door J J Whatever you do, keep fit J!

J Punch that bag as if you're punching your opponent's head J J Skip around it, might rebound and knock you out instead J J; Keep fit, you're doing swell J J Pull up that big dumbbell J Pull up your shorts as well &

J Whatever you do, keep fit J!

J; Keep fit, dodge in and out J J Swing lefts and rights about &

J Each hit a mighty clout J J Whatever you do, keep fit J!

J You call at your girl's flat J J Just called to have a chat J J That's all, you stop at that J J Whatever you do, keep fit J!

J Punch that bag as if you're punching your opponent's head J J Skip around it, might rebound and knock you out instead J J No place like bed at all » J In case you hear love's call J J Your face, turn to the wall J J Whatever you do, keep fit J!

Listen, what's the idea?

The sparring partners I've provided having to practise to keep warm.

You call this training?

Well what's the use of training?

I'll knock him cold in 10 seconds.

Why wait for 10 seconds?

Don't you realise what this means to me?

And what's this in The Gazette about him training in private?

If you ask me, The Gazette's backing him.

Run away, run away, why don't you leave it to us?

Come on.

Here's where we make some dough.

Dough, spill.

Well we know he's going to win.

Well who said I wasn't?

No one, that's the trouble, we can't get any odds.

Well?

We've got to get Green fancied enough for some of the mugs to back him.

Supposing we send Packy and Fig over to spar with him and they let themselves get beaten up?

What for?

The Gazette will publish it, the public will think he's a dark horse, we can bet our odds and clean up a packet.

Not bad.

Over here.

Can you trust them?

No payment 'til afterwards and I'll be there watching.

Come on George, hit me, hit me.

Come on, hit me.

I said, hit me.

Well I am hitting you.

No, no, no, you're just tapping.

Lam into me, hurt me.

Go on George sock him, he can take it.

All right, you asked for it.

No, no, harder.

No I can't.

Why not? Well you're a pal of mine.

Hear that?

He won't hit me because I'm a pal.

I've half killed some of my pals, come on again.

No I don't want to.

What's the matter?

You've knocked half the stuffing out of this punch bag.

Knock some stuffing out of me.

Well, that's different.

Oh I give up, come on we'll do some road work.

Come on George, this way (cow mooing)

Must I do it today?

Yes, we'll have a nice five mile run out as far as the gas works, round by the nudist camp, back home by the Pig and Whistle.

Yes but I don't want to go out today.

The Gazette pays me to see you do your exercises.

Can't I do it here, Miss Allen's only just come.

I'll pretend I'm running like this, see?

All right, just this once (laughing)

Miss Allen, will you watch me do my road work?

In just a minute, we're going to get the tea.

Don't be long.

Keep it up, George.

He certainly sticks to it.

I always thought he'd got guts, I mean grit.

Yes I think I always thought that too.

You know, that's what makes him go at it like he does, thinking that you believe in him.

Oh what nonsense.

You do believe in him, don't you?

Yes of course I do.

I wish you'd tell him you do.

Oh how can I?

Why not?

Well he might think I was in love with him or something equally absurd.

That would never do, would it?

Have I done enough now, I've got to the gas works?

No you haven't.

Yes I have, you come here and smell.

That's the pigs.

Now all you've got to do is to go in and ask for the boss and offer your services.

Suppose they don't want no sparring partners?

Tell him you'll do it for nothing.

Why don't you come in and talk, Barry?

Because they know me by sight, fathead.

Now when you get the gloves on, take all he gives you and the first punch that's anything like, lay down and belly ache about how hard he hit you.

Both of us? Both of you.

And here's a couple of quid apiece.

And no funny business, ‘cause I shall be watching.

Do we come back to training quarters afterwards?

No, that might look fishy.

Stay away 'til after the fight.

Now go on, pop in and don't forget.

Can I come home yet, Mack?

Not yet.

I'm going round the nudist camp.

What's it like?

Can't see, I've got my eyes shut.

Where do I go from here?

Pig and Whistle.

You want any sparring partners?

We're pros, both of us.

Go on, you surprise me.

Sorry, we're fixed up.

Here wait a minute, are either of you a pal of George Green's?

Never set eyes on him.

Then you can start in right away.

You'll find all you want in the shed round behind.

Thanks governor.

I'm at the Pig and Whistle now, Mack.

Can I give over?

Are you?

I'm in cellar. Come out of it.

Where are you trying to get to, Australia?

What are you doing down there, George?

Oh just taking a stroll.

I want to talk to you privately (cow mooing)

You know, I don't think that thing likes me.

Now you've got me worried.

Why don't you go for Mack like he tells you?

Hit him hard, knock him out.

It'll give you confidence you know, the will to win.

Knock him off his feet.

What, Mack?

You want to hurt Hector, don't you?

I'd like to knock his block off.

You must get in the habit.

Once you've knocked a man out, you'll feel like what you've got to be, a conqueror.

Do you think so?

Do you believe in mascots?

I don't know.

When I went to fetch Miss Allen today, she was having her hair cut.

Was she?

And I brought a piece for you to put in your glove.

You know, to bring you luck.

Don't talk daft.

All ready boys?

Half a minute while I tie it up.

Well look, promise me you won't tell Miss Allen?

‘Cause you know, I'd feel daft if she found out.

Look out, she's coming.

Don't let her see it.

Hello, finished?

It's very nice of you, Miss Allen, to come and watch me practise.

Oh you're getting on marvellously.

Thanks.

Miss Allen, do you think if I won this fight--

Yes?

Would you, I mean, I've never walked with a girl properly before and I was wondering if I really did, you know--

(cow mooing)

You know, I don't think that thing likes me.

George.

I think they're wanting you.

All right, I'm coming.

Toodle-o0.

Get your gloves on, I've got some boys for you to spar with.

What, where?

Over there.

Who are they?

A couple of lads, come to spar with you.

Now they're no friends of yours so let's see something.

I don't think I feel so well.

Take it easy a bit, and when I say so, down you go.

Okay.

Come on George.

This is George Green, this is Packy O'Duff.

Very pleased to meet you.

Hey don't start getting friendly.

Come on George, hit him, go on hit him.

Use your right, George.

He's no pal of yours, just come on and hit him.

George, George, here it is.

Excuse me a minute.

What's the idea?

My glove's untied.

All right, I'll do it up.

No, no I'd rather let Ernie.

Here it is.

Now you'll be able to knock him down like I told you.

Do you think so?

Of course you will, and see how fine it'll make you feel.

Will it?

Leave your arms down, stick your chin out and flop soon as he taps it.

Okay.

Come on George.

[Ernie] All right George, hit him.

Use your right, George. Go on, George, hit him.

Go on.

That's better George, that's better.

You were right, Ernie, see me knock him down?

There you are, now knock him out.

Knock him out, me?

Yes, that's what he's come for.

Besides, he's no friend of yours is he?

No.

Let him stick you down another couple of times, then I'll do my stuff.

Out him, you can with your mascot.

Put him out and you'll feel on top of the world.

Will I?

All right I'll try that, you watch this.

All right George, fight on.

Can I hit him?

Yes.

Come on, get up.

Get up.

He's out.

Ernie, see what I've done.

He's out. Oh don't make me laugh.

Look at him.

All right.

George, I never dreamt you could do that.

I could do anything with that in my glove, see the way he fell?

Yes I did, what's the idea?

Nothing, I can't help it, it's my mascot.

My lucky charm, look.

Get up, get up, I want to do it again.

I'm a killer and I didn't know it.

Anybody, come on. George, George, stop it.

You hear, stop it.

You said I couldn't hit hard, didn't you?

George, what's the matter with you?

Ernie, come here.

George?

Hello there.

George!

(shouting)

(crashing)

Are you hurt?

Ha ha, never touched me.

(printer clacking with upbeat music)

(crowd cheering and applauding)

(laughing)

Keep still, will you?

You're tickling me.

There we are, trained to the minute.

Am I done?

Done to a turn.

Oughtn't he to be getting ready?

Aye, what about my other bandage?

Keep calm, keep calm.

Here it is, you put it on.

I'll go and see what's happening.

Well George, tonight's the night.

Yes I know but where's Miss Allen?

She'll be here in a minute, open your hand.

Hey, hey, mind my mascot.

Sorry.

You tie it in there, then I know [I've got it.

Don't be silly, they'll find it when they examine your bandages and make you take it out.

Will they?

We'll put it inside your glove at the last moment.

Well don't forget it. No fear.

Green's come on a lot in training.

He's knocked out some pretty good men.

Yes, people are putting their money on him too.

You're telling us.

He's taking advantage of the training provided for him.

What about the quarters we've supplied for you?

All you've done is to drink, smoke and play cards in them.

Stop moaning.

What's come over you, Kent?

What's that girl Allen of yours going to think?

Who said she was my girl?

Well isn't she?

Cherchez la femme, eh?

That sounds rude to me.

What a headline, what a headline.

Manicurist jilts 'after' man and knocks Echo campaign sky high.

Who said she jilted me?

Well why isn't she here now?

What are you trying to do, upset him?

I tell you it's in the bag, hop it.

Come on.

Put that out.

Well, if it isn't Miss Allen.

Delighted to meet you.

On your way to wish Kent good luck?

No, I'm going to see Mr. Green.

Are you, well this is his dressing room.

Yes, come right in.

Hello, what's the idea?

She's a little bit nervous but we thought you wouldn't mind.

Like to have supper with me after I've finished him off?

Great idea.

Well it's not gonna be as easy as you think.

He's got a punch like a mule.

Who told you that?

I've seen it.

So that's where you've been every evening, in his training camp eh?

Well what of it?

Were you there when he took on those two sparring partners The Gazette made so much fuss about?

I was.

Then it may amuse you to know, they were paid to lie down.

[All] What's that?

Yes, by us.

Just to make the fight worth betting on.

It was a put up job?

And did it work.

That's the best bit of news I've heard in years.

Just the sort of trick I might have expected from a lot of crooks.

Crooks? You heard me.

Evening, Kent.

Good luck.

And you'll need all you can get.

So you thought he was a softie?

What, you mean he really did set about you?

Well look at this.

Well that's the best bit of news I've heard in years.

I'll be sending you some flowers.

So it's all in the bag, is it?

Why didn't you come back and tell us?

You told us not to come and see you ho more.

He's got a lucky charm, bit of hair.

When he gets that in his glove, there's no holding him.

Don't make me laugh.

You wait and see. You'll wait.

The whole future of my paper depends on Kent winning.

What about my future?

Every penny I've got's backed on him.

If you think I can't lick that little squirt--

Leave it to me.

The whole campaign depends--

(speaking over each other)

What's all the panic?

I'm taking no chances.

It's an old gag, but it's a good one.

What's the game?

Well we've got too much dough on this, so just in case, if things don't look healthy, we put a little pepper on your glove.

You stuff it into his face, his eyes start to water and he can't see.

And when he goes to sneeze, zonk.

That's an idea.

Don't talk rot.

You never know.

It's that charm I'm scared of.

What, a bit of hair?

(laughing) that's good.

I can't help it, I'm superstitious.

Go and look at his bandages, maybe you'll find it.

Maybe I will.

You know, anybody'd think it was you that was doing the fighting, you're so nervous.

Well aren't you?

Me nervous?

With that in there, I'll sock him on the kisser.

-Canl come in?

Oh yes, do.

How are you feeling?

Fine. Good.

Look I've brought you a present.

A present for me?

Yes, here itis and I want you to wear it instead of that old one, there.

Miss Allen, you shouldn't.

It's to bring you luck.

I don't know what to say.

Oh that's all right.

Let's have a look at your bandages.

All right, I wish you were going to watch.

I couldn't George, but I'll be listening in.

All right.

Come on George, you're on.

Be seeing you.

Good luck, George and don't forget that left.

And your right duck.

Give it to him as strong as you can, go on George.

My gloves, what about my gloves? You'll get those in the ring come on.

Good luck.

Come on, this way George.

Hey, what's to do?

That's nothing.

Nothing?

Just saving his legs.

You mean he's the winner?

[Both] Yes.

Fancy, you get carried?

[Both] Yes, yes.

Well then lads, I'm coming back on that, come on.

(applauding and cheering)

That's the man who's gonna do it.

(crowd cheering)

What do you think of this man?

Wait and see.

Ladies and gentlemen.

Ladies and gentlemen, the next item in the finals of the Keep Fit boxing tournament will be a special four round contest which carries with it the title of Local Leader of the Keep Fit movement.

(crowd cheering)

In the red corner, we have Hector Kent of the Regal store.

(cheering and applauding)

And in the blue corner, Mr. George Green, the battling barber.

(cheering and applauding)

Battling barber (laughing)

And the referee, Mr. Ben Carrathurs.

(cheering and applauding)

Well, the place is packed here and we're expecting a great fight.

While Kent, of course, is recognised as the more experienced boxer, they say this Green has a sensational right.

Have you got my mascot?

No, you've got it haven't you?

No I left it on the table.

Hey go and get it, I can't fight without it.

(bell dinging)

Go on, get in the ring.

I can't.

Get in there, go on.

That's right, that's right, get after him.

[Commentator] By jove, he's certainly a game youngster, this Green.

Oh he's taken another one, right smack on the jaw.

Go on, go on, get after him now.

(loud punching)

Go on, you're doing fine.

Is everything all right? Oh it's in the bag.

Don't drop your guard, keep them up, keep them up.

He's doing a crossword.

(crowd jeering)

What have I even trained you for, get up! One, two.

(crowd yelling)

Go on, Georgie, sock him.

(crowd yelling)

[Commentator] Green's down to a terrific right.

He's getting up again.

What's the matter, he's not even trying to hit him.

Well how can he, without his mascot?

His what?

Promise you won't tell?

Tell what?

He had a lock of your hair to bring him luck.

It's gone, he's no good without it.

Oh why didn't you say so before?

I say.

Here, give him this.

Thanks. Good luck.

(bell dinging)

(crowd cheering)

Here, now you keep your head.

Watch your chance and clonk him with your right.

It's no use, I can't, where's Ernie?

Never mind, never mind him.

I got it, George.

Have you?

Champion, now I can.

That's lack of training, that is.

Oh don't worry, I'll get him in the next round.

Second's out, second round.

(bell dinging)

Watch this.

(crowd cheering)

What's happened, what's happened?

Will you go away?

You all right there, George.

Use your right, use your right. Come on George.

(speaking over each other)

Off him, off him.

(crowd yelling and cheering)

Good boy, good boy.

Better get some pepper.

[Commentator] They're fighting toe to toe.

Going at it hammer and tongs, it's amazing.

Green's made a wonderful comeback.

(bell dinging)

You're doing fine George.

Another round like that and you've got it.

Don't do that George.

It's on your glove.

Now rub it in his face, when he goes to sneeze, zonk!

All right.

Save your strength for the punch.

That's fine, George, just keep it going.

(bell dinging)

(crowd yelling)

Yeah, seems all right.

[Commentator] Something seems to have happened to Green.

He's swinging wildly, all over the place, missing Kent by miles.

(loud sneezing)

He's missed him. I know, I know.

(loud sneezing)

Looks like he's sniffed some pepper or something.

Get off the ropes, get off the ropes.

(crowd cheering)

Right beautiful.

[Commentator] He's gone clean over the ropes.

Yes it's all over, bar the shouting.

No, no, no, it's not, he's climbing back.

(crowd cheering)

He's got him.

(crowd cheering)

Six, seven.

[Commentator] Green's up again.

No, he is, yes, yes he is.

(crowd cheering)

Hit him now!

He's done it, he's done it.

Four.

[Commentator] He's out this time, no question about it.

Oh come on George, quickly.

[Commentator] Yes I'm afraid it's the end.

What?

[Commentator] Kent wins.

Seven, eight, nine. (bell dinging)

What's the idea?

To your corner.

Come on George, come on.

Come on George. Pull it together George.

George, George.

Can't you do anything?

Afraid he's no good.

I know, kiss him.

What, in front of all these people?

Yes, go on.

(crowd cheering)

You?

Yes.

You shouldn't.

But I like doing it.

What?

Yes.

Whoopee.

More pepper, quick.

Second's out, fourth and last round.

(bell dinging)

(crowd cheering)

Look out George, pepper on his right glove.

(crowd booing)

He's rubbed it off.

(shouting over each other)

He's down.

Use your right hook.

I thought you said it was in the bag.

Oh go away.

Can't you do anything, the whole campaign depends on--

Oh go away.

(shouting over each other)

(crowd cheering)

He loves that canvas.

Oh let's go home.

Can't you do anything?

Go away.

Don't you realise what's at stake?

[Both] Yes, the campaign.

(crowd cheering)

Eight, nine, out.

(bell dinging) (crowd cheering)

I knew you would do it. Good old George.

Bravo lad mine, bravo.

Will you come back to the store and be manager of the department?

Manager of the department?

Come on, your stretcher's here.

Hey, that's mine.

Home team.

Mr. Green, please.

Keep fit, a great idea, come on!

Your duty's clear.

[Crowd] Keep fit, and never fear whatever you do, keep fit.

Strength is might and might is right, whatever folks may say, we're an A1 nation and we've made ourselves that way.

Keep fit, success you've won.

Your bit, you've nobly done.

Show grit, each mother's son.

Whatever you do, keep fit!

(majestic music)