Kill or Be Killed (2015) Script

Goody: In the hole you go, monsieur.

Close 'er up, goody!

Goody: All right, Claude.

Gonna be a long night.


Keep it going, boys.

Damn!

Back to work, peckerwood.


You're a goner, dub!

Yeah, shoot him in the knees!

You got lots of fans, dub.

Prisoner: Bash his head in! Come on now. Bash it!

Simmer down, fellas.

You'll get your boy as soon as we get ours.

Now, young swell, drop that pepperbox in the dirt.

Real friendly-like or I'll drop this hammer on you and send ya on your way! You hear?

I heard. You can get it in there.

Now what?

Real good.

Fits real good.

Prisoner: Turn us loose!

You gonna leave us chained out here like a pack of hounds?

Take it easy on him, boys.

Hyah!

Get them keys! Get them keys!

Come on, man.

Ain't nothing like stealing a law dog's horse.

Hope y'all are good on foot!

Yeah, dub, you're next!

Hyah!


Goddamn, boy!

Jack put two inches of Chuck on his Fanny.

Well, lookit here.

Look at that.

Well, well, could have taken you for a leprechaun.

-Lookie here, tom. -Come on.

Looks like we're going on a little treasure hunt.

-No, come on! -Goddamn!

Here!

Jesus Christ! Like a bunch of cackling hens!

Let's get a hinge of this here.

Galveston?

Hell, that's 60 miles from the strike.

That's as far you made it?

Well, after all that hell popped off and I got separated from you boys, I had to stash it.

I mean, my mare never would have made it back to new mex, with 300 pounds of gold on it.

I mean, not with me on it least ways.

Yeah, well, it didn't make it neither way, you ninny.

Hell, we thought you was dead till we heard you was sent up.

That's gotta be 500 miles from here.

Well, I wish I was dead after spending six months in that outfit!

Yeah!

I was lucky my mare made it as far as pecos.

Good you didn't give them the drop on us, Jack.

And after we busted your hocks out of the pokey, the big question is, is what's in that hard melon the same as on here?

Identical.

That's my third draft.

I burnt the first two.

Damn twit!

Whatcha kicking him about now, huh?

Don't trust Jack no more?

Hell, it took an act of congress to get you out of new mex.

And now you're belly-aching about 500 measly miles between us and retirement?

Blockey: We shall reap the fruits of our journey.

I think the big question is, are you going with us?

I'm not just going.

I'm the one taking us there!

And you best not misremember that.

All right.

Oh, hey, whoa, whoa.

Whoa, look out, look out, hey, hey.

Button your damn vest, you little midget!

Willie: Gather around, fine folks for Woody and Willie's wonderful wagon of wares.

-Do the voice. -Oh, yeah, yeah.

What do we got today, Willie?

Well, Woody, we got ourselves a special wonder potion.

Wonder potion? Can it do wonders on the piles?

'Cause I got 'em so bad my wood's starting to canker.

Well, ain't that the dickens.

Well, this could be your miracle cure.

It's good for everything from gout to unpleasant mouth odor.

Even takes out stains and such.

You don't say?

Well, maybe it can get this blue belly blood off of my uniform.

It sure can. Here, let me show you.

--Oh!

-God! -I-- I got it.

Ah, yeah!

Would you gentlemen excuse us for just a moment?

-Get in there! Get in there! -Willie: It's fine.

I will show you, you little poop dog!

-Willie: Ah! -Yeah!

-Oh, you! -Willie: Ow. Ow! Ow!

You're just a hindrance! It's all you've ever been to me!

-Ow! Ow! I'm sorry! -Oh, you're sorry?

I should never have taken you out of that damn circus.

-Oh, I see that now. -I didn't mean to! I'm sorry!

I didn't mean to. -I'm sorry!

Ow! Ow!

Whoa! What, ah!

Stay put.

Knock him to kingdom come, mister!

-Don't! Please don't! No! No! -How you like it?

No! No, no, no.

Goddammit! For chrissakes, Claude!

We can't leave a blood trail clear across Texas.

You hear?

Why not?

--Ah!

What are we gonna do with his son?

Kidnap him?

That ain't his paw.

He stole him from a traveling show to sell his wares.

We're a bunch of outlaws, ain't we, tom?

Might be nice to have an innocent face with us.

Since mine'll be pinned up all over god's creation soon enough.

I, I, I can throw a bowie knife straighter than any pistol ball.

Hear that?

Good. You're hired.

Boys, rustle through that wagon.

See if he's got any sweets.

Just simmer down up there, Willie.

Willie: High rollin' flower farmer's got one of them

fancy motor carriages too.

Damn telephone in every apothecary.

Our way of life's in jeopardy, boys.

That's dandy and all, but we ain't got a pot to piss in.

These meager fixings won't get us past tomorrow.

Yeah.

Well, it's gonna take a little green to get that gold.

Union express runs right through here.

Hell, the way I figure it, one score leads to another score.

-Jack: Uh-huh. -Amen.

Hear that?

Claude! Breathe easy now!

Whoo, goody!

Come close to ending up in a pine box sneaking up on us like that.

And the darkness breeds an evil spade.

Put the gun down, block.

Hell's bells.

Look like you done busted out the wrong rascal, mon ami.

Nah, this is our tyro, Willie.

Slap Jack's over yonder.

Hey, goody.

Come here and fix up some of your goodness, huh?

Come on, cook us up something good.

He's gonna be with us for the duration.

Eh? Doo-ration? We here already ain't we?

Yeah, well, slap couldn't handle the ruckus so he uh, squirreled the bounty in galveston.

-Galveston? -Claude: Uh-huh.

You mean we's going all the way back?

Yep, at the bottom of a well, to boot.

Ain't that a bad break.

Spit.

Go ahead, boy. He just trying to fix you right.

Tom: The hell you been anyhow?

Sir, I was off scouting head after I dropped y'all boys off in the holes.

Come up on a pair of drovers on they way to junction, see?

Turns out they's pulpit men, and they's carrying a thunder mug of money with 'em too.

Some big mission over at the lutheran house.

Blockey: And yeh the lord provideth in this time of drought.

I was brought up orthodox myself.

That's right.

Chapel.

Hell, we could take that easy as falling off a log.

Junction's no slouch of a town.

That cussed ol' sheriff has handled his share of highwaymen.

Tom: Yeah. We need a way to ward off prying eyes then.

A diversion of sorts.

Claude: Exactly.

Might be I can help you fellers.

Go on, do it again!

That's funny.

Gather around, fine folks, gather around!

Welcome to Willie and Woody's wonderful world of wares.

Sheriff, get in here. Come in here.

Today we have a marvelous new elixir, that is sure to get rid of all your woes, whimpers and willies.


You can trust me, my son.

I, I was with my idiot sidekick here, see?

And...

Oh, god, horrors!

I done seen horrors you can't even imagine!

Oh, lord! Help me!

I can't live with the sights i seen today!

-I'm possessed! -The lord is with you.

It's a demon! It's choking me!

It's choking me from inside!

It's okay. Help me!

Calm yourself. Calm yourself!

It's all right. My throat's parched!

Just breathe. Breathe.

Goody: Help me!

-Get him up. -It's strangling...

Would you hold him over there?


Here come them damn blue bellies.

And they got themselves a gatling gun.

We'll take to the trenches, Woody.

Here comes the gatling gun.

I'll get the man some water.

They're robbing us!


Ahh! Ah!


Whooee! Look it there!

Where the heck did that come from?

Townsman: That was a shot! Come from the church!

They're onto us, boys.

Hey!

Stop!

I'll fill you with a luncheon of lead!

Stop!

Come on, peak.

Come on.

Shot away the damn loot!

All that for nothing?

Oh, god, my foot! I think I'm bleeding out!

Well, I'll be damned.

Lookit.

He made it.

Hot damn!

That was right out of a nickel book.

Glad you could join us, son.

Where to next, boys?

Thank you very much.

Maybe a dust devil took out the line.

Yeah, it was devils all right.

Five of them.

Run this to kerrville, son.

Put it in the hands of sheriff eagen.

Tell him to flash it out all every which way.

Expect you back tomorrow evening. Be safe.

Why are you sending that boy out?

Why don't you do it yourself, sheriff?

Folks, folks, folks, just take it easy now.

If I leave outta here them rustlers is liable to double back and hit the savings bank.

My duty's to the safety and well-being of this here county.

That's right. That's right. To serve and protect.

And you got a problem with it...

Drop your comments in the box outside the sheriff's office.

Oh...


What did you put it in the soup?

Ain't nothing but a clove or two, Mr. McDonald.

Just finish on up.

Nah, you put something in this soup.

I know it!

Just relax, mister.

Yeah.

I know ya put something in it, dammit!

What is it, you rube? Huh?

Let go of my wife!

Yeah, well, you fetch my horse right smart. Huh?

No need to kick none. I'm gonna help ya.

Yeah, well, don't provoke me!

It'll all be over in a few seconds.

You promised me!

You can't just keep doing this.

Killing people!

I've had enough of your sloppy mouth!

Clamp it, before you end up next to him!

What about your sons?

It's no profession, Rudy.

There's other means.

Like what?

Send you back to whoring?

You couldn't turn a nickel with that pruned up divorced cuzzy of yours!

I should've left you months ago.

Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!

There.


Now there's your mother to keep you company.

Now you two think about what you've done!

Papa!

Papa!


Tom: Help! We've got a hurt man out here.

Claude: Open up the door, tom!

Hold your horses. What's going on?

Boil some water up and fetch some wraps.

This ain't no flophouse.

You can't just barge in here like nobody's business.

Hot water, bandages now.

And some whiskey, please.

Right away, sir.

And I'll warm up some soup.

Get that chair.


Ah, the big fella looks like he might need a little extra spice, huh?

There you go.

Haven't I seen your picture in the paper?

No, sir.

These hills used to be my haunts.

Maybe we had some dealings before.

Candy will ruin your appetite.

Yeah, well, stench in here ain't helping much either.

I'm sorry, boys.

Afraid I've neglected my house duties some since my wife's passing.

Ain't you hungry none?

All full up.


Thank you for bringing these gentleman to my presence.

I ask that you take their hands and welcome them to their final destination.

Amen.


--Ahh!


What the hell?

What?

What the hell went on here?

Son of a bitch.

The bastard hit me in the head.

I could have sworn last night i saw him cut off Jack's...

Body burns, same as his soul.

Brother Scott, did they mention anything about where they was headed?

Well, no.

One goes by the name of Claude.

The hobbled one called him that.

Claude, huh?

What are the names of 'em fellas stopped that Houston central car before Christmas, peak?

Nixon gang.

And they run with a Claude.

Barbee, if I'm not mistook.

Hey, might that be sweet tooth barbee?

Killed them three fellas off that train?

Including that one-armed pig farmer.

There's a pretty penny on his hide, sheriff.

You reckon it was him?

How many horses have we got fit to ride?

Whoa.

Let's duck down here, fellas.

How do you mean?

We gotta keep moving.

We're gonna take to the background a spell.

We got two dead preachers wearing our bullets. Huh?

They're gonna have a posse up our ass any minute now.

Yeah, and I'll be damned if I'm gonna let them get a downhill pull on us.

Let them blasted long arms pass us up.

Put some space 'twixt us.

Now come on.

Hyah!

Whatcha proposing now, tom?

Been studying on a change of route.

First daylight, we're gonna make light tracks right through the heart of Austin.

Smack dab in the middle of an army of lawdogs.

Clever.

Why don't we just dally a while, get our picture made.

It's exactly what they're not expecting us to do.

Goody: Austin gots steel trees, high as them clouds.

Light up the town like ten moons.

Oh, thank goodness.

Friends, do you have any water?

I ran out about a mile back.

Sure, we got a creek down by camp.

-Where you headed? -Kerrville.

To deliver a telegram.

Some bummers plundered a church in junction.

Is that right?

Killed two pastors.

I gathered them fresh horses, sheriff.

Looked in on Martin's kinfolk too.

-Ain't seen him all week. -Hm.

That's how come he's on a bicycle.

You reckon he's run into danger?

Well, if it's the Nixon gang run through here, it could be a mess of it.

Oh. Oh.

Imagine for a minute, we's the ones hauled in them scalawags.

Saved that kid.

We'd be the prize of Texas.

Hm. Yeah.

Prized with the prize.

What are you thinking?

I'm thinking about that reward.

And Martin's well-being, of course.

Of course.

Best get them horses shod and fed before morning.

Yes, sir!

I say we take the buggy whip to him first.

Rub him with honey and then stake him over that there ant bed.

Wait, wait! I can be bad too. You know, like you boys.

Is that right? Is that right?

-Martin: I can! -Uh-huh.

You hear that?

I don't hear squat.

You with anyone?


See anything, captain?

Shut that puppet up.

War can play cruel tricks on a man.

Maybe you...

Jack: Whoo-whoo-whoo whoo!

You topers cork it off!

Before you mark every damn one of us out here.

Go to bed.

Yeah.


Shit!

All right, everybody up! Martin gave us the slip!

Goddammit, tom, I told you to keep a skinned eye on him.

Tom.

Tom?

Boss? Boss?

Boss?

What, he got a fever or something?

He dead.

That son of a bitch Martin slit his throat!

Can't be. He ain't got a drop of blood one.

Ticker must have just done stopped.

Perhaps a serpent spit venom upon his bread.

A wicked ebony serpent.

Or a fatherless tramp with a hand puppet!

Hey!

Now, i ain't had no count killing.

Everybody just hush up! Nobody kill nobody. All right?

Tom wasn't exactly no spring chicken by any stretch.

He just came to the end of his trail, that's all.

Should I get to digging a grave, Claude?

Nah, we ain't got no time for no ceremony.

No telling how long that courier's been on foot.

You boys gather the horses. I'll say a few words over him.

Get on the scout, goody.

And drag tom by the creek.

Goody: All right, boss.

Well, fix it! Goddog it, fix it!

All right, gentlemen, Martin is gone missing.

The damn cable's still on the Fritz.

We have reason to believe the Nixon gang blew through here.

Hear tell they killed 60 men.

I ain't counting pepper bellies and half-breeds!

Yeah, that's why we're here today putting it to you boys to volunteer.

Now, get deputized and stand in with us.

Volunteer? To go belly up?

Hogwash!

Volunteer to hunt down them back-shooting bastards.

Put your name in the mouths of all men.

Get a little richer in the process.

Any takers?

We'll go, sir.

That's what I want to hear.

I'm gonna hang a story on them so we can hole up here for the night.

I don't want any ruckus, comprende?

Oh, whoa, whoa, what was that?

You hear that?

Bang, bang, bang, bang! Bang, bang, bang!

You got me there, buddy.

Denton!

Denton.

Denton, come here this instant.

Sorry. He's been cooped up all day.

That's all right.

When the cats are away, the mice do play.

Speaking of, maw and paw around?

William: You say you gentlemen are cattle traders?

Claude: Yes, sir.

Been working stock out west.

Oh, yes, we've been moving east for a few days now.

Mm. Pardon my excessive queries.

It's just we've been on edge since we got wind of a few

unsavories in the area.

They answer well to your appearance.

Claude: Is that right?

Held up a lutheran church.

Executed the entire parish.

Imagine that.

Ladies and gentlemen!

Performing tonight, my sister Mary.

The bestest songstress in all of Texas.

And yours truly, denton wilberforce, tickling the ivories.

Children, no recital tonight.

These men are jaded.

Well, that's all right.

Been under whip and spur so long be nice to mix it up with a bit of a spectacle.

Go ahead.


Beautiful.

Beautiful.

Claude: Very nice.

Very nice.

Denton?


Denton?


Got my mama's jewelry box too, but she's got the key.

Break that open, enough in there to probably pay you back plus some.

Well, you know you're hard workers and I appreciate that and it's the least we can do.

Claude: That might just work out fine.

--Did you hear that?

William!

-William! -Elizabeth?

It's Mary! She's been murdered!

Where? What happened?

They shoved her in the necessary like she was yesterday's refuse!

Our Mary!

You gone absolutely mad?

You're weeding a row straight to the bone orchard!

What's wrong with you? What's going on in that head of yours?

You can't keep doing this kind of stuff.

-Denton: Okay, pa. -We ain't never gonna make it to the coast, you keep doing this kinda crazy-- step aside, mister!

Now!

I don't know who you people are, but I sensed you were bad company the moment i laid eyes on you.

The good lord says not to judge folks without warrant.

And I follow that word.

Plain fact is the whole lot of you is just dregs on your way to perdition.

So I may as well just do the unchristian thing and help you along.

Starting with you.

--No!

William!

Denton!

She's turning tail, Claude!

That's all right. Let her go.

There ain't no need to separate a boy from his maw.

Now let's saddle up those horses.

Dammit.

Oh!

Claude!

You might wanna see this!


What kind of animal done that?

The kind that walks on two legs.

All right, let's skedaddle, boys.

-Still got the map. -Hey.

What about the ankle biter?

She'll be back for him soon enough.

Saddle me up one of his horses.

Let's get the hell out of here.

Come on.

Check the brush line.

Watch for any movement.

My foot's torn to bits.

This just ain't right for a man in my condition.

Keep riding, slap.

Keep your eyes peeled.

Whoa.

Hell, I reckon it was an injun, boys.

Probably skipped the reservation, like old black horse back in '76.

Oh, I don't know.

Oklahoma's an awful long way to come just to put tail on us.

A ghoulish raven doth haunt our crusade.

'Sides, ain't no injun gonna hack up a easy $50 just like that.

Huh?

Hell.

There's only one way to play hide and seek with a buck.

Let's draw him outta the bush.

Ready to go to the Lacy to get your banana peeled, boy?

Really?

Oh! Hot damn!

I never pickled a girl before.

I shalt not darken the door of a den of sin.

Well, hallelujah, block! You can be the rubberneck, then.

All right, let's duck back in here. Come on.

Denton!

I don't see him anywhere.

Birds done flown, sheriff.

No sign of the boy, neither.

How many of them were there, ma'am?

There were four.

One was badly wounded.

The bearded one took my Mary away.

They claimed they were cattlemen.

One had a... had pistols with ivory handles.

That sounds like barbee's hardware.

I know for a fact, he carries two pearls.

I know it's hard, ma'am.

But can you remember anything else?

The lame one was outspoken.

He mentioned they were headed to the coast.

Thank you, ma'am.

We'll find them.

You might want to check out front, sheriff.

Come on, let's go.


Get back to whoring and make me some money.

Go on, git!


All right. Where's the cash, fat snacks?

Stop those scoundrels! They robbed me!

Out of my way!

Son of bitches!

Ow!

Hey!

-Move back. -Townsman: Go get them, sheriff!

--Good job, Willie.

This is the devil's work.

Can't have no part.

We'll kindly commiserate with Mrs. wilberforce, return to the mission, summon a coroner.

Sheriff, I don't know what part of hell they're from.

So sorry we disappointed you.

Come on, peak.


What a dodge!

It was just like one them Sam bass yarns.

I tell you what, sure's been crackerjack riding with you fellers.

That ain't dishwater, but that ain't gonna get us to the coast now either.

Willie: Ah-hah!

Claude: Good outlaw never stays satisfied.

Goody: 'Bout time you loafers done showed up!

Ran into a bit of a hitch over at k-town.

Keep your eyes on a fix. Might have a shadow or two.

Goody: You know, they was a whole lot of chatter in my ears too, boss.

I reckon you's getting more popular by the day, monsieur.

You ever wonder what'd it'd be like to buckle down on some hard work, Jack?

I ain't talking about petty thieving.

Talking about an honest trade.

Hell, maybe even marry a starry belle.

No!

Would you play checkers with your nose?

Yeah.

Guess you're right.

You hear that?

Same noise.

Don't shoot! I'm unarmed!

Come out with your hands high, then!

You.

Me.

Willie, grab her horse.

How long you been trailing us?

Since you stirred up that fracas at the Lacy.

Bastard bud's been due for a dust-up for a long time now.

Kinda nice seeing somebody nervy enough to stand up to him.

Is that right?

And then it got me to thinking.

All those years whoring for bud and I got nothing but a curious itch.

So, I started studying a new line of work.

Outlawing ain't no place for a woman.

Well, let me be blunt.

You see, I got things you boys are lacking.

Things that can be mighty distracting.

Call me Pearl.

Though he was chained hand and foot and kept under guard, he'd broken his chains.

And been driven by the demon into the darkness.

Jack: That's deep.

Lucky that bell didn't land you dead.

That sound's making me a bit tetchy of late.

-Hey! -Don't mind him none.

He's just checking your mojo.

What's wrong, son?

Get some winks.

I can't.

Not after your horse got all diced up like that.

Then you be the nighthawk then.

You get tired, let blockey relieve you.

Now, go on.

Cut up your horse? Mercy me.

You sure do have a knack for finding trouble, don't you?

Yeah, well, purty good at finding me too.

Besides, injun done that.

Never met one that liked a pale face anyhow.

But I bet they'd fancy a little desert flower like you.

Not too hard on the eyes if you don't mind me saying.

You're not too bad yourself.

A little rough around the edges, but nothing a fine lady couldn't smooth out.

If you don't mind me saying.

Not too bad, huh?

That's a start.

So what's a sharp-wit like you running around with rabble like this?

Doesn't make a lick of sense.

Hell, makes a lot of sense if you're in a pinch.

These chaps here can sling lead with the best of 'em.

Pew, pew, pew.

Claude: Might not be much on words, but that's what my momma's for.

Smallpox took mine.

But I was just a girl.

Yeah?

Mine's barely grown when she had me and my twin brother.

Got a little weary of our hell raising, sent us off, and I haven't seen her since I was a spud.

That's why I got these though.

Keep her close.

They're gorgeous.

South sea pearls from the outback.

Daddy stole them off a Mexican in matamoros.

Made my momma a fine gift too.

Hell, I could buy 400 head of beef with these.

Memory's worth more than gold to me though.

They're so extravagant.

May I hold 'em?

Let's call it a night.


Pearl: Hm?

Goddamnit.

All right, everybody up!

Tyro fell asleep.

Let's get in the cups, boys.

See what this day brings.

See if miss Pearl's worth her salt.

Well, let me just go freshen up.

I don't trust her, boss.

I seen her juju.

Hush up, goody.

I'm about tired of your flapdoodle this week.

I never seen nothing like it.

Eyes black as pitch hands faster than two rattlesnakes.

He worked them two pearly-handled sixers faster than the eye could see. I don't mind telling you.

Grabs two handfuls of candy and hightails it out of there.

Come the law.

What's all the hubbub?

Sweet tooth barbee, that's what.

Where can we have a word with the sheriff?

Right over there.

Don't know how much you'll get out of him, though.

Seeing as he's dead.

Sorry to hear it.

Well, you'd better speak up if he's gonna hear it.

Ooh, well, well.

What have we got here?

Nice work, Pearl.

All right, Jimmy, where's the money at?

No, no, sir. I got nothing.

I going to sell these furs on the market.

And if you catch me on the back way, maybe i had me some notes.

But luck would have it, I'm broker than a old mangy heel hound.

Fact, all I got to my name is this here 50-cent piece.

Goddamn, nothing but pelts!

Ain't that the trots?

Son of a bitch!

Get a rope!

Strip 'em. Goddamn!

Get his boots up in the tree.

Come on.

I'm just checking to see if you folks have settled for the night.

Need anything, don't hesitate to call.

Oh, and by the way, don't forget to lock your doors.

There's been talks of sweet tooth barbee in the region.

-Who's that? -Oh, you don't know?

Well, cable says he's only the biggest gun to hit the area since bass himself.

Says you'll know him by his spiffy getup and penchant for Taffy.

Watch out though, people say he's got thin skin and a hair trigger.

They also say he smells of curry and has these abnormally, almost baby-like digits.

He carries these two rose carved pearly-handled, uh, shooters.

Hey, you might as well get comfortable, boy.

-Had to do it. -Shh.

Whatcha got?

Two lawmen just checked in, looking for you.

Is that right?

Think they might be onto us?

No, but I think you should warn the others.

Yeah.

Now you thinking like an outlaw.

Size coat you wear, son?

We done told you, we don't need no damn...

Claude?

Sweet Mary on a pickle!

Anybody need their boots spit shined?

Ow!

All right, enough of the grab assin', boys.

Now listen up.

We got a couple badges checked in.

We hit the saddle at five before they open their lids.

Comprende?

-Si. -All right, now goodnight.

All right.

Porter, couple of coffees, por favor. Black.

Right away, sir.

Peak: Barbee's no different than any other blow hard out there.

More blow than hard.

Fellas think they're hot snot. Ain't nothin' but cold...

I'm sorry, it's just, sweet tooth?

Not very intimidating for a road agent.

No, it's not.

I spent all these years trying to make a name for myself, and then they go make a mockery out of me like that.

Should be something like claudacious barbee.

It's got a ring to it, right?

Oh...

Don't pull a long face.

Takes a lot of bark to throw aside caution in a scrape like that.

The way you handled that sheriff.

-Yeah? -Mm.

I was pretty sneaky, wasn't I?

Mm-hm.

But that ain't gonna get us to the coast.

What's at the coast?

Is it legal or illegal?

Oh, it's legal.

Legal tender.

Not that it's any of my affair but uh, just how legal?

King's ransom legal.

The gang know?

Yeah, they know.

But I got the map.

Hm.


Oh, sweet tooth!

Come on!

Left a little love note.

Heeyah!


What in the hell is that?

Mm. Mm-mm.

I've been tied up all night.

And sweet tooth took my clothes and...

Well, he ran off with your pocketbooks.

Dog-eating, scum-sucking son of a bitch!

Dammit, peak! Let's get out of here.

I've seen things tonight that a man wouldn't do to a farm animal.


Whoo-ee!

I sure can't wait to weigh my pockets down with them riches, Claude.

Oh, I'm getting my foot patched up, get me a new finger and a couple of grade a whores.

Fill the measure of my pleasure with some whiskey and women, boys!

Be happier than a pig in shit!

Whoo!

How about you, block?

I'll walk with Claude till I'm called home.

All right.

Okay.

Quiet.

Hear that?

You after the bounty?

Show your feathers you brave bastard, come on!

It's probably just a lost heifer, Claude.

I got a toy, too! Listen up!

Claude, we'll flush 'em out in the morning.

He ain't done us no harm.

Yeah, well, I aim to keep it that way.

I'm on perch tonight, boys.

Son of a bitch!

All right, everybody up! Let's go, boys.

We got a map stealing cunt ahead of us now.

Willie, up!

Jesus Christ.

Damn.

I's told you that woman had wormy mojo.

But you ain't wanna listen.

Now lookit. She done took and killed Willie.

Strumpet's as crooked as the path to hell.

Now listen.

Now, Pearl might be a leg-spreading thief.

But she sure as hell ain't no murderer.

This here's the handiwork of a renegade red-ass gone madder than a coot.

Jack ain't looking too good, boss.

He green as a cucumber and he smelling like yesterday's milk.

What? Like hell.

Like hell I am.

All right, goody, make a round around the camp.

Curry-comb every niche, every hollow.

I want you try to pick up that bastard's trail.

Block, stay here.

Do not leave Jack. Got it?

I'm gonna run in to la grange, try to find a sawbones, I expect Willie planted before I get back now.

Hyah! Hyah!

Whoa.

A mighty big rattler done that.

You might feel something down here.

God!

Claude: Come on, slap. You're all right.

With this heat, gangrene's gonna set right in quick.

Now, I recommend he stays off that foot for at least a week.

Now, I don't know what transacted-- week's too long. What else you got?

I could amputate.

That will work.

--Shh.

All right then.

-Claude: Settle down, slap. -No!

You ain't loppin' off my damn tootsie! No!

We gotta get a move on. Hound's almost had us treed.

Rogue Indian took out little Willie.

Every minute we burn, that whore's getting further and further from us.

But we, I can't!

Come on. I like to kick a hawg every now and then.

You know that, Claude. Please!

You kick you all the hawgs you want we get there.

I don't give a cuss. Hell, I'll even buy you a peg leg.

This outlawing's gone to your damn head, Claude!

You're all about the greenbacks now.

Ain't that right, Mr. sweet tooth, huh?

There wouldn't even be any green if I didn't bust your keester out of prison, now would there?

And you wouldn't have the goddamn map if you left me in prison, huh?

I don't have the map, slap!

That's why we gotta cut your darn foot off!

Told you you ain't cutting off my foot.

Man: Much obliged. You got a right nice town here.

Got that grain, sheriff.

Oughta get us at least through the next couple, two, three days.

Good work, peak.

So what now?

-Dr. pepperdine, are you okay? -Yeah.

Please excuse my appearance, fine folk.

I was hornswoggled by a group of stickup men.

They were pretending to be marshals.

You catch any names, doc?

Yes, I did.

One of them went by the name of Claude.

Caught that during an argument over a map.

Before they had their way with me.

Peak: He's on the outskirts, sheriff.

Dr. pepperdine: Took my dang shoes.

Townsman: That's sweet tooth.

All right, folks.

Doc here just had a run in with the barbee gang.

They've given us fits now for the better part of a week.

They're wanted for a string of heinous offences, statewide.

We act fast though, we've got a good shot at hunting them down.

We're offering a share of the reward.

Plus a $100 to any man who'll join up with us and bring him to justice.

Come on, step up now. Don't be shy.

I'm no hunter, sheriff, but I do have a little secret might be worth sharing.

You can call me Ruby.

No!

Get your hands off of me!

I'll be damned.

We got him.

Ain't no chieftain after all, boys.

Well, I ain't got time for this shit.

Blockey, how about a Texas slinger?

No!

-Get off of me... -The lord shall judge the quick

and the dead.

-Jack: Whoo-hoo! -Claude: Yeah!

Jack: Menudo.

-Whoo-hoo! -Good shot.

Barbee, diente Dulce.

Damn, that sounds pretty good in mexicano.

Got a bit of a ring to it.

Qué es nombre?

Ricardo Diaz.

De rio rico.

Nah, don't ring a bell.

Good knowing you, dick. This is for Willie.

Good night.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

All right, let's push on through the night.

Nab 'em before they ever get to galveston.

Reckon she's just blowing smoke up our petunias, sheriff?

Ruby? Nah. She's real as a rabbi.

I wouldn't put it past old barbee sending a pretty gal to slip us up.

She's after a share of that reward same as you and me.

They could be halfway to laredo by now.

I suspect they're after a pile of that rail job Booty they botched in Houston.

If I was a bandit, this here stretch of seclusion would be my sunset route.

Come on, let's go. Come on.

Oh, shitfire!

Why can't we ever ambush some damn Italians?

Get me some of that tortellini, huh?

Say, boss?

Yeah.

You sure that pepper the one pulled Willie's plug?

Hell yeah, I'm sure.

Had a whole family of scalps.

One of them just as straight and black as Willie's locks.

Well, I ain't taking no chances.

Mm-mm. No.

I'm laying right here next to this damn fire so I can see any son of a bitch come to call.

Click.

You do that 'cause you on call tonight.

What's in that stuff, goody?

Jack: Damn.

Goody: Nothing fancy over here, mon ami.

Claude!

Holy Christmas.

Even the looniest shithouse bounty wouldn't do something like this, Claude.

No.

He ain't after no reward.

This is someone with some serious mental shocks.

It might not even be a humankind.

Blockey: Terror bestows those who embrace evil.

Maybe we should call it tits up and head back to new Mexico.

I'll rather be in prison than hell.

Not a chance!

We're riding like hellfire till we hear those waves breaking on the shore.

If this man, animal, demon, whatever he is, he wants to go with us, that's fine.

No skin off my back!

He'll have to wash out each one of us before I'm left.

You hear that?

I'm calling you out!

It'll be a cold day in hell before you back down the barbee gang!

The beans are still warm, sheriff.

We're getting' closer.

Ain't gonna be much to get close to.

There's that circular mark again.

What you make of it?

Don't.

Seems to favor the dead though.

Let's hope it ain't contagious.

Jack: That old plug's nearly broke, Claude.

It's never gonna make it.

Claude: Hell, Pearl must be at least 15 miles ahead of us by now.

We'll double up if we got to.

We'll be covering 'em foot loose if we don't water these horses here.

I mean, look at your mare. She's spent.

Dammit.

All right, we'll camp in this field then.

No fire! Not tonight.

And when I return, my stench will rise in these fields.

Amen.

Don't go too far, block.

Hey, Jack.

Yeah?

You ever think maybe god's playing some cruel joke on us?

-How do you mean? -Hell...

It seems like such a tangle.

Take good time to fashion each one of us.

Drop us off down here on this world.

Just to Bob around year after year.

Collecting, wealth, whiskey, women.

Then he makes some mad hatter pick us off one by one.

Sticks us out in the middle of this wheat field, cold, hungry, betrayed.

Just seems a little sick, that's all.

Well, what if god didn't make it?

You plugged up?

Blockey: Claude!

Ah, hell.

I gotta go check on him. Stay right here.

Don't move! -Ah.

Block!

Who are you?

You after that reward!

Come and get it, you son of a bitch!

Wha-- how many are you, huh?

Get down! Yeah! Huh, get down!

-What is it? -Back to back!

Ah, we didn't shake him. He's still out there.

What was it? Where's block? Huh?

I didn't see him. Darker than a well digger's ass out there.

Come on, grab your iron!

Anything moves but the grass, you plug it in the gullet now.

-Sweet Jesus! -Ah, just relax, slap. Come on.

Only man I ever rode with that was as cool and unmoved as the trees.

Sorry, block.

Goddamn lunatic did this to you.

You take care of him in hell.

'Cause I'm gonna send him there right behind you.

Hotfoot it, Claude!

I got you covered!

-What-- -let's go! Come on!

Hyah.

Hyah!

Come on! Hyah! Come on, cherry. Come on.

Hyah! Hyah! Let's go!

Come and get us!

Halt!

--Barbee!

He's gaining on us!

Stay on your horse, slap.

Let's duck down over here.

Dead or alive, barbee, dead or alive!

Get in there!

I know you're in there, barbee!

I have orders from proper authorities to effect your arrest in any manner seen fit.

You're wanted for the murder of ten men not including four of your own.

My deputy peak was among 'em!

Yeah, well, I lay claim to the first ten.

But I didn't ever touch a single one of my own men.

Either way, that's an awful bloody grave you're sleeping in.

Disgorge, or I'll heat it up for you in there.

You've come to the end of your saga, sweet tooth.

Time to face the music.

Yeah, well I don't cotton that song much.

I got one of my own. You wanna hear it?

Yeah, I'm listening.


Come out stretched, barbee.


Barbee!

Bastard!

Barbee!

Son of a bitch.

Hyah!


Come on, Jack. I can almost hear the gulls.

Come on.

Don't hold back on account of me.

Nah. No, I won't have it. We're 50-50 now.

We're 50-50.

This one's real deep.

I don't think I'm gonna make it.

All right, now close your eyes and just bear down.

This is gonna hurt me more than it does you now.


Listen, just turn your head.

Right there.

They say never trust a man whose heart ain't been broken.

See, our paws left us both when we were youngsters.

Maws did everything they could to raise us right, but, always had that emptiness between us.

I sensed it from day one.

Fact is, I trusted you more than any of 'em.

That's god's honest truth.

Trusted you too, Claude.

But there is one thing about it.

About what, the map?

What do you mean, slap? What do you mean there's one thing about it?

The waterhole.

-Waterhole? -Yeah.

Go on.

Hole...

Tell me.

Look for a piggin' string.

-Piggin' string? -Yeah.

What do I do with the piggin' string?

Pull it.

Pull it.

Pull it.

Pull the piggin' string.

Pull it.

Pull it.


Jack.

Jack.

Who did this to you, Jack?

Jack, who did this to you?

Can you tell me?

K, I...

I know. No, I know. I know, i know, I know, I know.

I know what I gotta do.

I know what I gotta do.

Come get me, you son of a bitch.


Kid.

You mean to tell me that we've been hunted this whole time by a measly little pipsqueak runt?

Where's your toy now, huh, boy?

You hear me? I'm talking to you!

You might have marked me, you little snotnose mongrel!

But I'll be damned if you gonna cut me up!

See that? Those are flames, boy!

I'm sending you to hell!

Sending you home early!


Oh, you must be paw.

Already sent your boy to the fiery gates.

Why don't you stop tinkering with that bell, go check on him.

You're delirious, sweetie.

No matter to me though.

Head's worth a year's pay, crazy or not.

It'd be worth a whole lot more,

only you's a little late.


I made it, momma.


There's two of you?

No, no, no, wait, wait!

Ahh.

You're just a boy.

How can you be so evil?


Twins.