King of California (2007) Script

[foot steps running]

[Girl narrating] Technically, what happened wasn't my fault.

I'm a minor.

I'm not responsible for my actions... technically.

[alarm sounding]

Where are you going? Running away. What does it look like?

We gotta stick with the plan. No!

But these things should be taken on a case-by-case basis.

In our case, I've always been the responsible party.

We gotta get out of here. Stick with the plan.

Oh, God.

[Girl narrating] Someone had to look out for him.

[Girl] Welcome to McDonald's.

Can I have a Number 1? [punching button]

Actually, can I have a five-piece chicken?

Um, but instead of the Coke I want a McFlurry with extra Oreos, and make sure they stir it in.

And then a Number 1 with mustard, ketchup... [punching buttons] pickles and lettuce only.

[Girl narrating] When my father went away, I lived alone in our house.

Which was not exactly normal, but at least I had a routine.

Before, when he was home, I could never exactly get comfortable because it always felt like something was about to happen.

[chuckling] What?

Oh, yeah, it was so weird, I don't know whether I dreamt it, you know, or heard it on the news.

Naked Chinese men washing ashore by the dozens up and down Southern California beaches at sunrise.

Boat people, you know?

The boat stops outside the maritime limit, they put their clothes in plastic bags, and they swim ashore.

Naked Chinese guys.

Fuckin' amazing.

[Girl narrating] Naked Chinese guys?

Jesus Christ.

Don't people go to hospitals to get better?

[men chattering]

[jack hammer rattling]

It would've been easier if we'd just sold the house, because the way the market was, we would've cleaned up.

But Charlie grew up in our house; he refused to leave.

Even though we were barely getting by.

Before I was born, he had already lived several lives and managed to avoid fatherhood for a lot of years.

I'm pretty sure my arrival took him by surprise.

Once, when things went south for Charlie in Saint Louis, he had to pawn that bass.

He said that everything really started to go wrong after that.

And they didn't start going right again until he found it two years later in a pawn shop in Atlanta.

He said things were all right after that, all evidence to the contrary.

[Charlie speaking foreign language]

[recorded female voice speaking foreign language]

[Charlie repeating phrase]

Oh, shit!

[speaking foreign language]

What's going on?

Great things.

[Girl narrating] So, it was time to get back on that ol' bipolar pony and ride.

Naked Chinese guys. Hee hee hee!

[record static]

?? [jazz]

[Girl narrating] Pepper and Charlie spent years together on the road with a five-piece jazz combo.

Once, after a club date on the Kentucky side of Cincinnati, Pepper ate so many pancakes at a Denny's that the busboys had to unbolt the table to get him out of the booth.

Hey-hey, lookin' good, man.

Lost some weight.

It's the chemo.


Hey, might as well put that away.

I'm not playing anymore.

Some other time.

I'm not doing that, either.

Oh, it's a whole new Charlie.

Hello, Miranda. Hey, Pepper.

How are you, sweetie?

What the hell is that?

[snickers] It's my uniform.

You got a job?

Aren't you supposed to be in school?

No, wait. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Is this Christmastime?

It's March.


Well, then, why aren't you in school?

I had to give school up, Charlie.

I had to make money, you know, while you were gone for two years.


I'll be back around 10.

You working at night?

Yeah. I gotta go.

Wait, wait, you working at night?

I mean, that's not good. It's not a safe place. I don't like that.

It's not the old McDonald's on Alameda.

It's a new one on Crest Parkway.

Crest Parkway.

Some new neighborhood, Tierra Buena Estates.

I don't know.

Where the fuck is that?

Hey, can I get a ride from you tomorrow?

I gotta see a man about a job.

No way.

I got an interview.

Yeah, sure, I'll give you a ride.

You make me laugh. [chuckling]

[Miranda narrating] When Charlie was in the mental hospital, Social Services thought I was with my mother.

And Child Welfare thought I was with my father.

My father thought I was with my mother.

My mother thought I was with a foster family.

Somewhere, some foster family thought I was with my father, and so on.

Welcome to McDonald's.

By working double shifts and keeping expenses low, I was able to buy a car on Ebay.

They didn't know who they were selling it to.

An unlicensed 15-year-old looks the same as everyone else on Ebay.

It's like the Social Services thing, nobody sees anybody.

[engine ignition falters]

I admit, it's a beater...

[engine sputters to life]

...but a safe beater.

[tires screeching]

Things were a lot different when Charlie was gone.


In some ways, things were wonderful.

[bass string snaps]

[Charlie] You always get home so late?

It's none of your business, Charlie.

Why don't you try calling me "Dad"?

[low growling]

[window creaking]

[Miranda] Animals were popping up in the most unlikely places.

Someone from work said she saw a deer in the cosmetics aisle at Target.

You have an interview here?

I'm having a hard time picturing you working here.

I thought you said the interview was at 3.

[train whistle blaring]

[Miranda] Good luck!

After Mom left, Charlie helped me with my class projects.

He did his best, but things changed for me at school.

He had his own ideas about science and history.

When the teachers disagreed with those ideas, he always told them they could look it up.

You think they're going to like it?

They're going to love it.

Think so? I know so.

You have a good day, sweetie.

Okay. Okay.

Good, very nice, Ron.

That's fine.

Who are the little people, Miranda?

Those are the bodies of the Chumash Indians who died of syphilis and influenza, infected by the missionaries.

Uh, Miranda, go out in the hallway and wait for me out there.

Go on.

[Woman] I don't understand.

We're not having any interviews.

We're not hiring now.

Okay, sorry. Thanks.

[Automated female voice] Proceed to route.

Left turn in two miles. Charlie!

Goodbye. Shit, Charlie...

Hey, Miranda. Hi.

Where did you go?

Just, you know, walking around, checking the neighborhood out.

What about the job?

You know why people like to eat in this place?

Fear of the unknown.

Nothing in there surprises them.

Why do you feel like you have to make stuff up?

I mean, so you're not looking for a job.

You just want to go, I don't know, explore or something.

That's fine, whatever.

I mean, it would be great if you got a job.

I was barely scraping by when it was just me...

Pull over there.

[Automated female voice] You have arrived.

You know what, no. I just wasted half my afternoon.

Please, just pull in right over there.

No, I'm not letting you out of this car.

Miranda, I gotta go.

What are you talking about? What is this all about?

Just tell me what you're doing. It's embarrassing, okay?

I take these medications. I gotta do pit stops all the time.

Yeah. I'm sorry.

Can you back up to the bushes?


[Automated female voice] When possible, make the first available legal U-turn.

[man choking, struggling]


[guttural cries]


[scraping, tapping]

[car ignition faltering]

[car engine starts]

Ow! Shit!

Charlie? You okay?

I'm fine.

Stop! Stop!


What are you doing? Do you have to do this right now?

The stars are in a perfect position.

They won't be like this for another year.

I can't stop you, can I?

Work your magic.

Oh, yeah, that's it, the northerly declination from Sirius the Dog Star.

That's my baby!

This is it.

This is what?

What're you doing?

Come on, let's go.

Come on.

Oh, come on.

[truck horn blaring]

Come on, I'll give you a boost.

Come here.

Just so you know, I have to be at work in, like, seven hours.

Relax. You'll be there.

Miranda... meet the Excalibur 1000.

[machine powers up]

Is that a metal detector?

[high-frequency whine, beeping, chirping]

[beeping faster]

Now you hear that?

That's maybe tin foil or nickel.

Nickels and tin foil make that low tone.

We call that the fool's gold of modern prospecting.



[beeping faster]

[tone changes]

High tone, could be silver.

Silver is a great conductor.

Must be one of the old quarters.

The new ones, they don't have much silver in them.

We are well on our way to paying off the Visa.


You know, Charlie, the manual says you can plug headphones into that thing, so why don't you do that so that we don't get popped?

No, then you wouldn't get to hear it when it makes a noise.

[sighs] [beeping grows higher]


[dog barking]

[whispering] Get the shovel!

We have a shovel? It's in the bag!

I'm am out of here. We're going to get busted.

We're not doing anything illegal.

This is public land.

There's gotta be something illegal about...

You are so lame, Miranda.

I can't believe I raised such a law-abiding citizen.

Oh, you raised me?

Of course, the highest tone is for the best conductor of them all.





Can we go now?

Don't you want to even know what this is?


What is it?

This is a doubloon.

A what?

A doubloon from the 17th century.

The diary of Father Juan Florismartes Torres, 1651.

So, I picked up this book in the hospital library and it got me thinking.

I thought the whole idea behind the hospital was for you to stop thinking.

And I got some other books.

More books, eh?

Along with a gold crucifix and the statue of the Virgin, Father Torres' expedition had a cache of gold doubloons.

Now, these doubloons were dated.

This one... it's hard to see.

Something... Something, 1624.

Let me see.

That's 24 carats.

Records that I obtained from the Spanish Treasury indicate...

Okay. Wait, wait, wait.

How the hell did you obtain records from the Spanish Treasury from a mental institution?

The internet.

Perfect. No, I'll show you.


[paper shuffling]

See for yourself.

Father Torres' doubloons were dated.

Now, coins minted in 1624 were allocated for what we call now, you know, "petty cash," which Torres lost sooner.

Nobody else was around back then, so it's gotta be his.

Now based upon where we found this and the reports of the underground cave system...

Cave system? Right. Right.

So all we gotta do is follow this journal and it's going to lead us to the treasure.

It's just... It's waiting to be found.

You're serious.


Look, a lot of people must've read this journal.

How come nobody ever found the treasure before?

They've tried! I mean, lots of people have tried.

It's been well documented, all right?

I've read all of them.

I marked chapters for you. Oh, Charlie.

The thing is that nobody realized how special this Father Torres was.

Nobody ever went and looked into his background!

Charlie, these people all look like idiots.


I'm going to go to bed.

Miranda... You're freaking me out.


[foot steps]



I'm not decent.

Come on, Miranda. Open up.

Sometimes I wake up and... and I don't know if I'm me.

That's why you take your medication.

No, it's not that. I'm me. I know that.

What I'm saying is that... I don't know if I exist.

Oh. Come on, listen...

No, l... I'm listening. You're not sure you exist.

And? I've done a lot of things in my life.

But maybe I haven't done what I need to do.

And if I do this, maybe I will.



You're shaking. You need something to eat.

Read the book.

This is so stupid.


All right, I'll read it if you eat something.

[knocking] [sighs]

This is for you.

[Miranda narrating] Parents have this advantage over us.

We want to believe in them.

And when we don't believe in them, we still just want to be with them.

[bell tolling]

[man speaking foreign language]

Hey, Padre!

[Charlie] As a young man, Torres was a mathematics scholar in Seville.

[man screaming]

In fact, it looks like he might've been sent to the New World because certain of his ideas were considered heretical.

[screaming continues]

But that's not what's important.

The thing that matters here is that he was more accustomed to communicating with numbers than words.

So then, it dawned on me one night, while the other patients were watching JAG.

They like that in there?

They love it. Oh.

Anyway, I noticed that some of the passages repeated themselves.

I read the book again, and sure enough they did.

So I began to wonder, why would somebody in the middle of nowhere presumably with a limited supply of pen and ink repeat themselves like that?


He was writing in code.

Took me a long time, but I finally broke it.

I gotta go.

[Charlie muttering]

[Charlie] See, I transposed Padre Torres' description and found the area he was in was exactly seven leagues to the north of where he said he was.

It's simple, really.

[Miranda narrating] Charlie believed the doubloon had been dropped when Father Torres' expedition was robbed and half of his party was massacred.

He thought that Torres had headed northwest after that, and that we were following the same route.

"Journal of Father Juan Florismartes Torres, "18th of October, the year of our Lord 1624.

"As we reached the summit and look down into the valley of Santa Clarita, "there unfolded before us was as beautiful a picture

"as one ever looked upon.

"We saw a large green meadow of thousands of acres, more or less, "its north side bounded by low mountains at the base

"which oak trees were plentiful.

"It was like a grand old park, "such as we read of in fairy tales.

"We passed that night under some large trees

"whose branches went over our heads

"as beautifully as the ceilings

"in our finest cathedrals.

"Upon our safe arrival, we offered the sacrament on a large rock

"that seemed almost to have been fashioned for that holy purpose.

"I bade the smith use his chisel

"to carve the three crosses of Golgotha into the stone.


[Automated female voice] You have arrived at your destination.

This is it.

It might be. No, it is! It is!

Look how old these trees are.

All right.

So obviously, it's going to be worn down, right?

I mean, you know, it's more than 300 years old.


[Golfer] Damn!

C-Come here, come here.

See this? What?

This is it.

Look at that.

Look! Look!


I don't know. It might be.

It is! That's it!

The rock must've moved.

Well, it could be an earthquake.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. Look!

I think I see it, right there!

I see it. Look! Yeah, they're upside-down.

That's why I didn't recognize them at first.

[car door closes]

Can I help you?

I think it's time to go.

Why do they always say, "Can I help you?" when it's the last thing they want to do?


And they say "sir" and "ma'am" like they want to show some respect.

It's monstrous. Charlie.

Sir! Yes.

Are you a member here at La Cresta?


Are you shitting me?

Then I'll have to ask you to leave.

Are you happy? Sir?

Charlie. All I want to know is are you happy?


Is this man your father? Yeah.

Just wanted to see your eyes.

I couldn't tell what color they were.

A first, I thought they were brown.

Now they're looking very green.

Must be the foliage.

They are so beautiful.

They're hazel.


Well, I'm so sorry that I caused you any problems.


But... I'll be on my way.

I can't believe you just gave that cop our phone number.

I hope she calls me. She's a peach.

Once you get that flack vest off, she'd be something else.

[laughs] Oh, God.

[Miranda] Let's just say this gold does exist.

What are you going to do with it after you get it?

Wouldn't we have to give it to a museum or something?

[Charlie, over phone] Not necessarily.

I know a lot of people who want to buy it if we wanted to sell it, but you're missing the point.

[Miranda] What's that?

[Charlie] I don't want the money.

[Miranda] That's easy for you to say. You don't have to work for it.

[Charlie] Well, define work.

[no audible dialogue]

[Miranda narrating] People walk around all day, sure that they're going to win the lottery.

I've always thought that was crazy.

Ten more minutes, Randy.

[sotto voce] My name is Miranda.

At least Charlie had a plan.

I mean, who doesn't want to believe in buried treasure?

?? [hip hop] [car approaching]

Still, maybe I shouldn't have encouraged him.

"From the journal of Father Torres, "November 21st, 1624.

"The natives appear to be a simple, good-natured, "stupid race of people, "and in most respects resemble the savages we find

"in other newly-discovered countries.

"There was no sign of aggression at first, "until one of the soldiers who'd come into our mission

"was inspired to the act of seduction, "the object being a young female.

"An action unfathomable to me

"as the females are uniformly unpleasant of aspect.

"Considerable uproar ensued and we were forced to retreat inland, following the river upstream."

After they carved the crosses on the rock, Father Torres' expedition had followed the Santa Clarita River.

The thing was there wasn't a Santa Clarita River anymore.

It had been dammed and diverted.

But Charlie thought that his calculations would lead us to where the river used to flow.

He said I can look it up if I didn't believe him.

What do I say?

You don't have to say anything.

We've got every right to be here.

Thanks for the tip!

You got a 302 in there?


Does that have a 302 in it?


The backhoe.

Oh, that. Yeah, yeah.

It's a power plant, that 302, for its size.

It sure is.

[backhoe shuts off]

[Charlie] Ha ha!

Ah! Jesus Christ!

Pottery shards! Ha ha!

Will you excuse me? I'll catch you later.

Right on.

Broken water jugs, exactly the same kind the expedition would've used!

And look, it's even got curved sides.

Okay, well, shouldn't we take them to somebody like an archeologist or something?

What, have them spoil everything?

No, they can do that... that thing, that radio...

Radio carbon dating, yeah. Yeah.


That's been discredited a long time ago.

"In questions of science the analysis of a thousand is not worth the humble reasoning of a single individual!"


Miranda, just feel this.

Put that in your hands.

Feel how old that is.

[Miranda narrating] Charlie believed that if we followed the original riverbed, we would locate the cavern where Father Torres and his men had been forced to abandon their gold.

But there was one obstacle.

49.2 degrees north.

This is the way.

Hi. Uh, do you have your card?

Oh, we're just browsing.

What I need you to do...

I want you to take this out 67 feet.


Don't touch that!

Don't... Oh, Jesus Christ.

I'm so close.

Excuse me, sir. What?

Pardon me, but I didn't know we really carried these.

These? You guys got everything in here.

Yeah, we sure do. Is it working out for you?

It's working out fine. It's fine. Okay.

All right, well... Okay. All right.


All right.

I'll just get this...

Okay. sighs]

Can you hold this, please?

[muttering] This is plugged.

This over here.

24 degrees.

And that's it.

X marks the spot.

This is so wild.

Doubloons from the King of Spain, lost more than 300 years ago and they're buried under a Costco?

Well, I guess you know it wasn't meant to be.

It's only 6 feet down.

Only 6 feet?

M-Maybe 7.

It'll take two highly-motivated individuals maybe fours hours with the right equipment.

Are you nuts?

I'm sorry, but can we be realistic here?

I'm being realistic. There's no problem here.

I'll lay it out. No, forget it, Charlie.

No way.

You did your best. No, no, no, no!

I'm not going to be beaten by a few layers of concrete!

No, sir! Not on my watch!

Hey, take it easy.

[growls, sighs]

[Miranda narrating] Mom was a hand model, a job held by adult women with eerily childlike hands.

Which you don't come across every day, so they get paid pretty well.

[Man] Cut. Great. That's a wrap.

[Miranda narrating] She was careful.

She had to be.

Her hands were the only income we had for a while.

[yelling] Don't you touch my hands!

[Miranda narrating] After she left, it was just me and Charlie.

Things were a lot more exciting then.

Like an adventure.

But the supply of toys dwindled.

We managed, though.

I don't know why anybody would want to buy one of these things.

It's not as if it's so hard to wash dishes by hand the old-fashioned way.

[men speaking foreign language] ?? [jazz]

[door slams]

[woman laughing]


[record stops]



Uh, Miranda?

What happened to my car?


Did you wreck it?

I couldn't pay the rental on the backhoe.

No way.

So, your car was a necessary sacrifice.

But we're almost there, Miranda.

We are so close.

Jesus Christ.

I'm sorry, l...

I'm really sorry. I just wasn't thinking.

You never do.

Well, I'll get it back.

How are you going to do that? I don't know.

But I will.

Well, I guess I'd better get a move on since I'm going to have to take the bus.

Can't you get a friend to give you a ride?

I don't have any friends.

What about that skinny one who only eats carrots?

Carrots-and-Mountain Dew-Julia?

Right, Julia, carrots, right.

She had an eating disorder.

She went to the hospital and died.


Well, in that case, maybe I can go back down and get the car.

I'm sure he hasn't sold it yet.

It wasn't that the car was in such great shape.

I'm sure the car... Stop! Stop!

I loved that car.

I know you did.

No, you didn't because I never told you.

Why? Because you never listen.

All right, I'm an asshole. That has been established.

Not to the extent that I'm about to establish it.

You make fun of everything I do, including my job.

No, I'm proud of you working.

Don't... Yeah, right.

You know, I'm the one that's paying the bills.

No, it's wild. Isn't it?

You don't take anything seriously, do you?

You think the world is just here for your amusement.

Look at the world. I do.

But unlike you, I have to live in it.

I just... I don't understand.

You're a really smart guy.

How can you keep doing this year after year?

What do you mean?

The treasure is just like all your jazz combos, Charlie.

Just like the tour boat that sank, just like the Mexican holistic medical degree, just like your marriage.

How come you can't see that?

Everybody else can.

There's something really wrong with you.

?? [mariachi]

I can't believe you sold my fucking car!

[Woman over P.A.] And now... Oh.

[electronic feedback]

And now, I give you Orange Grove Estates' 1,000th family.

Let's give them a hand.

[children giggling]

[child laughing]

[chattering, machines beeping]

[Woman] ? Oh, my home ?

? Is just floating all away ?

? My dreams ?

? Take to the road ?

? As I try to stay afloat ?

? In this flood ?

? And this flood of dreams ?

Welcome to McDonald's.

? When you were mine ?

? The sky was so high ?

? The forests were green ?

? And the stars were bright ?

? Now I've got the road ?

? Leading me off cleverly... ?

Have a good day, sweetie Okay. Okay.

? Oh, my home ?

? Is floating all away ?

? My dreams ?

?? ["Hail to the Chief"]

[Miranda narrating] After he found his bass again in that pawn shop in Atlanta, Charlie swore he'd never pawn it again.

He swore he'd pawn his own mother before he'd pawn that bass.


[whispering] Charlie. [snoring softly]

Charlie. snorts]

Have you eaten anything?



I'll go make something. Oh, no, it's cool. It's cool.

Why don't you sit down?

Used to look out here, you'd see one, maybe two lights.

Your mom, she used to complain all the time about being in the middle of nowhere.

It's still the middle of nowhere.

There's just a lot more people in it now.

You didn't have to sell your bass and records.

You just have to know when to give up.

Dad, don't.

I told you, I'm finished with music.

That's not what I'm talking about.

Um, excuse me.

Hi. Hi.

Would you like to try some chowder?

[Charlie] So let's hear it.

[Miranda] Okay, well, a lot of the doors claim to be alarmed but they're not.

[Charlie] How do you know?

[Miranda] I opened them.

[Charlie] Well, that's fine.

We'll make a good scofflaw out of you yet.

[Miranda] Most of the people are really nice.

Everyone says I could be looking at a raise within six months, and the benefits are great.

[Charlie] Hold on, here. Let's focus.

Tell me about the security guards.

[Miranda] They have two of them.

They only work in the daytime.

Come on, come on!

[Miranda] One of them is named Mike.

And the other one is named Bruce.

Security guards have master keys, but the manager, he's the only one who has the great grand master key.

It opens every single door.

He calls it the "God" key.

[Man] I think you're doing great, by the way.

[Miranda] Thanks.

Kelly and I sometimes head out to the beach on Saturdays.

We have a little barbecue, play a little volleyball.

Nah, you play volleyball.

I just listen to Jimmy Buffet and soak up the rays.

I'm a total parrothead.

Do you like the beach, Miranda?

I can't even remember the last time I went to the beach.

I bet you'd look great in a bikini.

[Charlie] Miranda.

[Miranda] What? Let me finish the story.

Did you...

Did you get sort of a weird vibe from these people?

Kind of. Yeah.

That's because they're swingers.


Do I gotta draw you a picture?

What are you talking about?

You don't know, do you? No.

So nice that you don't know everything.

Swingers, um...

Well, they're, you know, people who like to spice up their life with different partners.


Oh, my God.

They were talking swinger code.

Oh, God, that is so gross!

What am I going to do?

Why? Wh-What's the matter?

They invited me to a barbecue. They what?

You were the one that told me to accept any and all invitations so that I can get to know the people and the layout.

But I didn't mean that you were supposed to go and...

I didn't know that they were swingers.

It's cool, all right? It's cool, it's cool.

Y-You just... You don't have to go.

I told them that I would, and, you know, I thought I could maybe get at Doug's keys.

The God key.

Yeah. Mm.

No, no. We... We can't do this.

I think I can take care of myself, Charlie; I've had a lot of practice.

You know, sometimes I just wish you'd call me "Dad."

Okay, I can take care of myself, Dad.

Thank you. I mean, you're what, 18 years old now?

I'll be 17 in 3 weeks.

You're gonna be 17? I gotta write this down, man.

You are so young.

But, you know, you act so old.

Sometimes you're very, um...

Precocious? Precocious, yes.

Now, I forbid you to go to this barbecue.

You hear me?

Okay, I won't.

Are you going to promise me that?

Okay. God.

[no audible dialogue]

? See the curtains hanging in the window ?

? In the evening on a Friday night ?

? A little light shining through the window ?

? Lets me know everything's all right ?

? Summer breeze makes me feel fine ?

? Blowing through the jasmine in my mind ?

[Doug] One of the perks of the management position: half price on all seafood.

Have some before it's all spoiled.

It's a virgin, by the way.

Berry flavored.

Miranda, did you bring your bathing suit?

No. Why?

You don't have a swimming pool, right?

Hot tub.


Huh. Um... Dude! Dude!

We need some more chairs!

Okay, Leonid. Just a sec.

Excuse me, ladies.

Hey, so do you want to go check out my suits?

I've got a major selection.


I mean, we look like we're about the same size, huh?

Uh, I think I'm...

I'm sorry, I think I'm going to have to pass on the hot tub.

Are you sure? lt'd be really nice.

That water's, like, fruit scented.

It's pineapple...

? Summer breeze makes me feel fine ?

? Blowing through the jasmine in my mind ?

Actually, I changed my mind. The hot tub sounds good.

It does, doesn't it? All right, come on.

So, I'm guessing a G-string is out.


[gasps] Wait, I got the perfect thong.


A thong? What? Oh, no, no.

Look at this. No, no, no.

All right.

I got it! Oh!

Parrots? Oh.

Check it out. Look at that.

No? Okay. One more.

[expels breath]

Okay, I hope you dig this.

Dude! [gasps]

Check it out. Look at this.

Oh, hey, it's all right.

Are you sure this is a virgin?


Oh, boy. [laughs]

You know, um, there's this...

[puking] Oh, Christ.

Oh, okay. I'm so sorry.

[men speaking foreign language]

?? [jazz]

[Pepper laughing]


Hi. Hey.

What's happening? Ugh.

So, um... look what I got for you.

One with your own name on it.

Good. Great.


Come on, your credit rating is great.

No, Charlie. No.

You all right?

Yeah, I'm fine.

So, Pepper here, he used to work for an alarm service company.

Was that before or after you went to jail?


And Pepper, he knows how those alarm systems work.

Wait, Charlie, what did you tell him?

What did he tell you?


[loud clatter]

[men shouting]

[gasps] [speaking foreign language]



[police radio chatter]


[flustered utterances]

Is this what I think it is?

Charlie, what did you do? What is going on?

Uh, I got behind in the third mortgage.

I didn't even know there was a second. Well, sure.

There's a third to pay the second, a second to pay the first, and so on.

How'd you get this? "And so on"?

They're taking everything.

Miranda, did you go to that orgy? l... It was a barbecue.


Are you sure nothing happened?

Something happened, didn't it?

The swingers, they got to you, didn't they?

Goddamnit! What've I done?

I'm supposed to be your father, you know.

And here I am, throwing you right into the lion's den.

You didn't. It was my idea.

Just tell me.

When you went to the bank, what was the reason you gave them for why we needed the money?

Home improvement.


What about the second time?

Swimming pool.


You know, but the timing's perfect.

When is the timing ever good for getting kicked out of your house?

Think about it.


It's the Chinese thing.

Catastrophe equals opportunity.

[Man] Excuse me.

It's time for you to go.

[Miranda] "From the journal of Father Torres, "November 30, 1624.

"When the savages were silent, "that was when the company was most affrighted.

"Evidently, they were gathered

"around the entrance to the cavern, "awaiting such time as our hunger

"might overwhelm good sense

"and force us out into the open.

"Ofttimes perforce, the officers were compelled

"to use their muskets, firing over the natives' heads."

I'm getting really good vibes here.

[whispering] I can't believe we're doing this.

[alarm sounding]

Where are you going? Running away. What does it look like?

We gotta stick with the plan.

Come on! We gotta get out of here...

Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God!

It's over here!


Up here!

Where's my glasses?

On your head!

[system dialing]

It's done.

[Pepper] Where's the propane?

[Miranda] Over here!

[police sirens blaring]

[alarm sounding]

Right here!

That ought to do it.

Where are you going?

Outside, remember?


What are you doing?

You really sure this is going to work?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No... No problems.

Pepper, he fixed the alarm box so it would read like a gas leak.

And if that's the case we don't... Ahh!

[alarm stops]

[police radio chatter]

[Man] Panel says "gas leak."

Smell anything?

Yeah, I found it.

Propane bottles leaked.

[canisters clanging]


[whispering] Shh, tat tat tat.

I think we should stay here for a bit.

Breaking and entering makes everything taste... different.

Makes it taste, um, livelier.

In those days they would've used pitch pine torches.

It's got to be here somewheres.


[Charlie grunting] Do you smell that?



They must've cleaned the floor.

They cleaned your X off.

That does it, then.

Oh, no, I-I know where to dig.

No, it's... it's right here.

Here? Yes.

No, it's... it's...

It's here.


Miranda, we're going to dig here.

Are you sure?


[chuckling] Well, l... I guess I'd better be.

You got the walkie talkie?


Pepper, is it all clear?


Come in, Charlie.

Charlie, come in.

[jackhammer rattling in distance]

[hammering stops]

[police radio chatter]

Evening, sir.

What seems to be the problem?

Motorcycle's not working?

We hit rebar.

Well, I think I might've flooded it.

[muted buzzing]

There's the throttle right there.

I know. I know.

[buzzing stops]

Hey, let me try.

[engine starts]


[siren chirps]

[metal clangs]

[siren chirps]





[siren chirps]

[siren chirps]

[siren chirps]

Don't step on that.



[hollow thump]

Ugh! Hmm.

What is that smell?

Ugh. You must've hit the sewer line.

No, the sewer's all the way on the other side of the store, under pet care.

Current is stronger than I thought it'd be.

That looks a lot like sewage to me.

It's the underground river.

Just like the journal said it would be.

Where are you going?

[Officer, P.A.] Sir!

Come on, sir, you're just wasting gas.

[Miranda] Pepper.

Come in, Pepper. [foot steps squeaking]


This store is great. It's got everything.

What are you doing?

That should be long enough.

The journal says the passageway's about 40 barras.

That's Spanish for "yards".

So it should be about 120 feet.

People get killed all the time doing stuff like this.

I need you to hold the other end tightly.

Stop! You're jumping into raw sewage.

This is not sewage, okay? It's sulfur.

I noticed before when I tested the water, it's warmer than the room temperature.

And this brown color indicates an iron sulfite hot springs.

There's no reasoning with you.

You have an answer for everything.

That really bothers you.

I was hoping that I wasn't going to have to say this.

What? Don't make me say it.

[muffled] All right, then.

There's no gold, okay?

There's no treasure.

You're about to jump into a sewer.

This whole thing is a delusion.

Sir, put your arms out to your sides.

Sir... put your arms all the way out to your sides, like Jesus on the cross.

Straight out. There you go, just like that.

Pepper. Come in, Pepper.

I need some help in here.

Pepper, are you there? Roll him over.

Pepper, the button's on the side.

Pepper, push the button on the side.

Ventura 105 to all units, be advised.

We believe we've got a 459 there now inside the Costco.

Any available unit please respond.

[Pepper] Damn.

? Here are you ?

? Here am I ?

? No moon in view ?

? No star on high ?

? But it's a lovely night to spoon ?

? Let's pretend that there's a moon ?

Pepper, where are you?

? Nights like this were made for love ?

? Regardless of the moon above ? [doors opening]

? The time and place are opportune ?

? Let's pretend that there's a moon ? Pepper, is that you?


Pepper, please come in.

Where are you, Pepper?

[muffled cry]


?? [woman singing foreign language]


[Miranda] "Journal of Father Torres, February 9th, 1624.

"Final entry.

"We were trapped in a cavern whose walls were marked

"with their childish carvings.

"A cavern sometimes used for whatever variety of pagan ritual

"which these lost people felt compelled to observe.


[Miranda] "I miss my home and wish to leave this land so filled with madness."

I found it! l...


[police radio chatter]

[foot steps squeaking]

Come on, my little sack of potatoes.

[breathes deeply]

You smell awful.

I found it.

Didn't get all of it.

Still a lot more down there.

I gotta go back.


Do you believe me?

[police sirens approaching]

[police radio chatter]

What are you going to do?

You're staying right there.

What about you?

You know, when I was at the hospital I used read a lot of biographies about these great men.

The thing was that their dads... well, they weren't so great.

They were screw-ups. What are you doing?

Then, I started to see that all my life I've been trying to do something great.

But then I realized that I was laying the groundwork for you.

You know, to do something... great or whatever.

But your dad was a screw-up, too.

Well, it was just a theory.

[police sirens approaching]

What are we going to do?

Wait. Wait, wait. Char...

This is very important.

Don't lose it.

Wait, where are you going?

Just tell them that I forced you into this.

What? You just tell them I'm nuts.

Charlie. Charlie.

Charlie, come on. Charlie.

I don't think... that I've thanked you, ever, for what you've done for me.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Wait. Charlie. Charlie!


And don't let them push you around.

Charlie, come on, please.



[sobbing] Charlie.

Charlie, wait, wait! Come back!



Hey, you!



Follow me!



[police sirens blaring]

[Miranda narrating] They searched all night, but they never did find Charlie's body.

One of the cops asked me why Charlie jumped back into the hole.

I told him it was where Charlie wanted to go.

It was where he wanted to go all along.

The cop looked at me like I was crazy and stopped asking me questions.

What I didn't tell them was that if Charlie hadn't tied me up, I probably would've followed him.


[Miranda narrating] Want to know how California got its name?

It's not named after some explorer or king.


Someone made the name up.

A writer.

He just pulled it out of his imagination in the 16th century in Spain.

He made up this place where there was unlimited gold and pearls, and beautiful, fierce women who wore gold armor and rode wild beasts, and he called it "California."

It's true.

It was a bestseller back then.

Oh, yeah! [splashing]

[Miranda narrating] Charlie told me that.

He said I could look it up if I didn't believe him.

But I didn't need to.

[men speaking foreign language]

[speaking foreign language]

Excuse me?

Beautiful place. This is California, huh?




[speaking foreign language]


[ignition falters]

[engine starts]

? I'd like to rest my heavy head tonight ?

? On a bed of California stars ?

? I'd like to lay my weary bones tonight ?

? On a bed of California stars ?

? I'd love to feel your hand touching mine ?

? And tell me why I must keep working on ?

? Yes, I'd give my life to lay my head tonight ?

? On a bed of California stars ?

? I'd like to dream my troubles all away ?

? On a bed of California stars ?

? Jump up from my starbed and make another day ?

? Underneath my California stars ?

? They hang like grapes on vines that shine ?

? And warm the lover's glass like friendly wine ?

? So, I'd give this world just to dream ?

? A dream with you ?

? On our bed of California stars ?

?? [alt country]

? I'd love to feel your hand touching mine ?

? And tell me why I must keep working on ?

? Yes, I'd give my life to lay my head tonight ?

? On a bed of California stars ?

?? [folk]

? Oh... ?

? How can I stand aside ?

? And watch all these colors fly ?

? Out of this world and into the next ?

? My heart is on fire ?

? And I'm getting reckless, too ?

? Though the dream ?

? Is slipping through my hands ?

? They're not mine to hold ?

? This flood of dreams ?

? Is taking control ?

? When you were mine ?

? The sky was so high ?

? The forests were green ?

? And the stars were bright ?

? Now I've got the road ?

? Leading me off ?

? Gravity dissolves ?

? Oh, my home is floating away ?

? My dreams take to the road ?

? As I try to stay afloat in this flood ?

? In this flood of dreams ?

? Oh... ?

? In this flood ?

? Oh... ?

?? [folk fiddle]