La Cage aux Folles II (1980) Script

* LOOK AT MY BODY

* IT'S WAITING FOR YOU

* FOLLOW MY EYES

* YES, THEY'RE BURNING YOU THROUGH *

* DARLING, I'LL WAIT FOR YOU *

* SO TAKE ME IN YOUR ARMS *

* MY BODY'S ACHING

* NOW, COME CLOSER TO ME

I WAS MORE SENSUAL THIS TIME. BETTER, ISN'T IT?

IF YOU SAY SO.

AND HOW ABOUT MY FIGURE?

NOW THAT I'VE CUT OUT BREAD, I LOOK BETTER, DON'T I?

YOU'RE MARVELOUS, BUT I WAS JUST THINKING.

WHAT?

YOU'VE GOT THE WHOLE SHOW ON YOUR SHOULDERS.

IF YOU DO MARLENE, YOU WON'T HAVE TIME TO CHANGE.

I HAVE PLENTY OF TIME BEFORE THE FINALE.

IF SOMETHING'S WRONG, JUST SAY SO.

NO, NOTHING'S WRONG. I'M JUST WORRIED ABOUT YOU.

YOU HAVEN'T BEEN FEELING WELL.

AND TO DO THE MARLENE NUMBER SEEMS UNWISE.

YES, BUT, RENATO, WE NEED SOMETHING ROMANTIC.

THE COMEDY ROUTINES ARE FINE, BUT PEOPLE NEED TO DREAM.

THAT'S WHAT I WANT TO GIVE THEM: BEAUTY, EMOTION, SENSUALITY.

AND IF I KILL MYSELF DOING IT, TOO BAD.

THE SHOW MUST GO ON.

I'LL TRY IT AGAIN.

LOOK, I HAVE AN IDEA.

CARAMEL?

* DARLING, JUST LOOK AT ME, NOW *

* I CAN SEE YOU'RE MINE

* YOU FELL IN LOVE...

DO YOU MIND? THAT'S MY STOOL!

* YES, SO MANY TIMES WHAT IS THIS FOOLISHNESS?

ALBIN.

* STILL THE ONE, NOW

* I CAN SEE YOUR SMILE LISTEN TO ME.

IT'S NOT A QUESTION OF ARTISTIC PREFERENCE.

YOU'RE UNIQUE, IRREPLACEABLE, THE STAR OF THE SHOW.

I JUST WANT TO MAKE THINGS EASIER FOR YOU.

GIVE YOU A LITTLE TIME TO YOURSELF.

STOP!

BOYS, GIVE ME A SECOND.

LOOK AT THE NEW STAR. THERE SHE IS!

AH, HA HA, AH HA!

THE NEW MARLENE.

AND WHO'S RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS?

THE BOSS--RENATO!

3 CHEERS FOR THE BOSS, HIP, HIP, HOORAY!

OH, BRAVO, DARLING. VERY GOOD. A REAL BITCH.

LOTS OF LUCK.

AND HE CAN DO THE REST OF THE SHOW, TOO.

ALBIN.

ALBIN, ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?

ALBIN, WE'RE PAST OUR PRIME, AND WE CAN'T DO A THING ABOUT IT.

THERE COMES A TIME WHEN ONE MUST CHANGE, PLAY IT FOR THE LAUGHS.

IT'S NOT A CATASTROPHE. C'EST LA VIE.

YOU CAN'T GO ON BEING WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN.

AT FIRST YOU MAKE PEOPLE DREAM, THEN YOU MAKE PEOPLE LAUGH.

I MAKE YOU LAUGH?

NO, I DON'T BELIEVE YOU.

NO, I'M NOT RIDICULOUS.

I CAN STILL AROUSE DESIRE.

OF COURSE. GO TO BED. I'LL MAKE YOU SOME TEA.

YOU KNOW, RENATO, IF I'M NO LONGER ATTRACTIVE, I'LL KILL MYSELF.

DARJEELING OR JASMINE?

IS MONSIE AWAKE?

SHE'S HAD BREAKFAST AND IS GETTING DRESSED.

JACOB, I'VE TOLD YOU TO SAY, "MONSIEUR HAS HAD BREAKFAST,"

OR "H IS GETTING DRESSED." UNDERSTAND?

HELLO, MY DEARS.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING LIKE THAT?

OUT.

DRESSED LIKE THAT? IN BROAD DAYLIGHT?

YOU BURIED ME A LITTLE TOO SOON, RENATO.

I'M GOING TO HAVE A DRINK AT A CAFé ON THE PATIO IN FRONT OF EVERYONE.

WE'LL SOON SEE IF I'M STILL SEDUCTIVE.

CIAO, BABY.

HA HA!


CRÈME DE MENTHE.

YES, MA'AM.

WITH WATER.

YES, MA'AM.

HA HA HA.


ALBIN, PLEASE. COME HOME.

DON'T BE STUBBORN.

GO AWAY!

BE REASONABLE.

COME ON, LET'S GO HOME.

LEAVE ME ALONE!

COME ON.

NO, LATER.


LOVELY DAY, ISN'T IT?

DO YOU WANT SOMETHING TO DRINK?

WHERE ARE WE GOING?

WHAT'S GOING ON?

DRIVE AWAY.

WHERE TO, LOVE BIRDS?

TO THE RIGHT.

WHERE ARE YOU TAKING ME?

TO THE LEFT.

I MUSTN'T GET HOME LATE.

I HAVE A DANCE CLASS AT 6:00.

TO THE RIGHT.

WHAT DID YOU SAY YOUR NAME WAS?

STOP!

Albin: AAH!

BUT...

HEH HEH.

AH! BACK AGAIN. HA HA HA!

REALLY, YOU DON'T SEEM TO KNOW WHAT YOU WANT.

A ROOM.

A ROOM? ARE YOU CRAZY?!

RENATO! COME ON, HONEY, LET'S GO.

THAT'LL TEACH HIM A LESSON.

HI, THERE.

I KNOW YOU'RE GOING TO BE DISAPPOINTED, BUT I DIDN'T COME UP HERE FOR WHAT YOU THINK.

I JUST WANTED TO PROVE A POINT TO A FRIEND.

WELL, THE POINT IS MADE.

I MUST RUN ALONG.

PLEASE FORGIVE ME IF I LED YOU ON.

I'M NOT THAT TYPE.

I HOPE WE CAN BE GOOD FRIENDS.

I WAS DELIGHTED TO MEET YOU.

I HOPE WE MEET AGAIN.

PLEASE ACCEPT MY BEST REGARDS.

BE REASONABLE.

I HAVE MY LIFE, AND SURELY YOU HAVE YOURS.

WE MUST BE STRONG.

THAT'S BETTER.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU FOR BEING SO UNDERSTANDING, YOU YOUNG HUNK.

IT'S BETTER THIS WAY.

BELIEVE ME, IT WOULDN'T HAVE LED ANYWHERE.

AND THERE'S THE AGE DIFFERENCE.

I'M 2 OR 3 YEARS OLDER THAN YOU.

IT'S NOT A BIG DIFFERENCE NOW, BUT IN 10 YEARS...

GIVE ME A SMILE.

I'M SAD, TOO.

Renato: ALBIN!

AREN'T YOU ASHAMED?

DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU PICKED UP?

LISTEN TO ME.

HE'S IN FOR A HELL OF A SURPRISE.

SHUT UP!

BECAUSE THIS "LADY" IS ACTUALLY A MAN.

WELL, YOU'VE KILLED HIM.

MY PET, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

SAY SOMETHING!

HE'S DEAD.

THE POLICE!

WE'VE GOT TO CALL THE POLICE!

NO POLICE! WE'RE DEFINITELY NOT CALLING THE POLICE.

WHY SHOULDN'T I?

LISTEN TO ME.

YOU CALL THE POLICE, AND WHAT WILL THEY FIND?

AN UNMARRIED COUPLE. THAT'S NOT SO BAD.

A COUPLE WHERE THE WOMAN IS ACTUALLY A MAN...

THAT COULD POSE A PROBLEM.

BUT WHERE THE WOMAN IS A MAN AND THE MAN IS A CORPSE...

THAT IS A 4-LETTER MESS!

AAH!

QUIET!

OH, MY GOD.

WE'VE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE, RENATO.


THE ROOM WITH THE BALCONY?

NUMBER 24.

WHO'S IN IT?

A FAT REDHEAD AND A GUY ABOUT 25.

AAH!

GOD, I LOOK AWFUL.

ALBIN.

OHH!

WHO IS IT?

READ THIS.

ARE YOU CRAZY, WAKING ME UP LIKE THIS?

READ THIS!

HMM? WHAT?

TAKE OUT YOUR EAR PLUGS.

YOUR GLASSES.

THANKS.

"DOUBLE MURDER IN A HOTEL IN NICE.

A MYSTERIOUS WOMAN FLEES, LEAVING 2 CORPSES."

I WASN'T DREAMING? IT WASN'T A NIGHTMARE, THEN.

MY GOD, HOW AWFUL.

READ THE ARTICLE.

GO ON, READ IT.

"IT'S 1 P.M. AT THE HOTEL DE LYS, ONE OF THOSE PLACES WHICH RENTS ROOMS BY THE HOUR."

WE KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.

KEEP READING.

"A COUPLE APPEARS AT THE RECEPTION DESK.

"A MAN ABOUT 30 WITH A WOMAN OLD ENOUGH TO BE HIS MOTHER."

WHO IS HE TALKING ABOUT?

"THE CLERK DESCRIBES HER AS A FA--"

"AS A FAT... A FAT REDHEAD..."

"ABOUT 60 YEARS OLD."

RATHER VULGAR.

I'D LIKE TO GO BACK TO SLEEP NOW.

YOU'LL SLEEP FOR 20 YEARS ACTING THIS WAY!

"THE WOMAN WAS WEARING A SILK PANTSUIT WITH A FLORAL PATTERN."

THIS WILL BRING YOU 20 YEARS, AND THAT'S IF YOU'RE LUCKY.

LOOK, THERE'S EVEN A POLICE COMPOSITE.

THAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE ME?

LOOK AT ME. I'VE LOST 6 POUNDS.

I HARDLY EAT ANYTHING.

I'M ALL SKIN AND BONES.

JACOB.

OH. JACOB.

YES?

TAKE A LOOK AT NICE MATIN.

IT'S ON THE BED.

LEAVE THAT ALONE.

GO ON, LOOK AT THE PHOTO ON THE FRONT PAGE.

HA HA HA! OH, MISTRESS!

HA HA HA HA!

OUT.

WHAT?

GO BACK UP YOUR COCONUT TREE, YOU IDIOT!

20 YEARS!

WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN TO US?

NO, NO! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANOTHER WORD!

YOUR ESCAPADES DON'T INTEREST ME.

IF YOU'VE GOT YOURSELVES INTO A MESS, THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM.

YOUR SON MAY BE MARRIED TO MY DAUGHTER, BUTSTILL BELONG TO 2 DIFFERENT WORLDS.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK OF YOURS!

BESIDES, I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF MY ELECTORAL CAMPAIGN.

AND YOUR PRESENCE IS A CONSTANT MENACE.

A CONSTANT MENACE!

I'M SORRY TO HAVE TO BE SO BRUTAL.

PLEASE LEAVE MY OFFICE AT ONCE!

Renato: NO CHOCOLATE.

IT'S NO GOOD FOR YOU, AND IT WON'T SOLVE ANYTHING.

THAT CHARRIER IS A REAL BASTARD.

I WAS STUPID TO ASK HIM.

A POLITICIAN CAN'T DIRTY HIS HANDS WITH THE LIKES OF US.

WE'LL HAVE TO HANDLE IT OURSELVES.

GIVE ME A CHOCOLATE.

NO.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

SINCE THE POLICE ARE LOOKING FOR A WOMAN, THE ONLY SOLUTION IS TO GET RID OF HER.

YOU MUST NEVER AGAIN DRESS LIKE A WOMAN. NEVER!

IT'S OUT OF THE QUESTION.

STOP CRYING. IT'S NOT SUCH A TRAGEDY.

THE WORLD IS FULL OF MEN DRESSED LIKE MEN.

DON'T CRY. WE HAVE NO CHOICE.

I CAN'T HELP IT. I'M JUST SO UPSET.

DON'T OVERDO IT.

WELL, OF COURSE, YOU CAN'T UNDERSTAND.

IT'S BEYOND YOU.

YOU KNOW, WHEN I STARTED OUT, I DIDN'T EVEN OWN A GARTER BELT.

ALL I HAD WAS A LITTLE SKIRT, BORROWED FROM MY SISTER.

I'VE HAD TO WORK HARD TO GET ALL THIS.

BUT THEN, WHAT DO YOU CARE?

NO MAN HAS WORKED AS HARD TO BUY HIMSELF DRESSES.

NOT A ONE! IT'S INCREDIBLE!

IF YOU HADN'T BEEN SO FOOLISH, THIS WOULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED.

WHEN YOU TELL A GUY THAT HE CAN NO LONGER ATTRACT OTHER MEN, YOU DRIVE HIM TO DESPAIR.

THAT'S HOW IT IS, MADAME. IT'S REALLY YOUR FAULT.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT DRESS?

WE HAVE TO BURN IT.

I ONLY WORE IT ONCE!

IT'S THE EVIDENCE.

Albin: A PART OF ME IS BURNING, RENATO.

MY YOUTH...

IS GOING UP IN SMOKE.

BE BRAVE, ALBIN, BE BRAVE.

A PAGE HAS BEEN TURNED.

ALL THAT WAS GRACEFUL, FRAGILE...

DELICATE IN ME...

HAS TURNED TO ASHES.

I HAVE BECOME A MAN, RENATO.

WHO'S GOING TO REPLACE ME?

WHAT?

IN THE SHOW.

YOU WANT US TO GET SOMEONE TO REPLACE YOU?

WHY?

LOOK, YOU TOLD ME NOT TO DRESS LIKE A WOMAN ANYMORE.

BUT LET ME POINT OUT THAT IN THE SHOW, I AM RARELY... DRESSED LIKE A MAN.

SHIT!

EXACTLY!

FOR THE SHOW IT DOESN'T MATTER.

WHAT?

IN YOUR WIG AND COSTUME, I DOUBT THAT ANYONE WILL RECOGNIZE YOU.

YOU'RE AFRAID BUSINESS WILL DROP OFF.

ME? IT DIDN'T EVEN CROSS MY MIND.

LIAR!

YOU'D SEND ME OFF TO WAR JUST TO SAVE A FEW BUCKS.

DO YOU PREFER TO END UP AT THE SALVATION ARMY OR UNDER A BRIDGE LIKE AN OLD BUM?

CAN YOU IMAGINE WHAT YOU'LL LOOK LIKE THEN?

I CAN ALREADY PICTURE YOU IN THE GUTTER.

OK, I'LL REPLACE YOU.

HA! MAMA!

WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU? IT'S ME, IDIOT!

"MAMA" IS GONNA GIVE YOU A SPANKING IF YOU KEEP THIS UP.

Announcer: AND HERE SHE IS...

THE QUEEN OF SEX APPEAL, THE UNFORGETTABLE BLUE ANGEL, THE DIVINE MARLENE!

OH, NO.

IT SEEMS TO BE WORKING.

IT'S NOT SO BAD, REALLY.

* AND DRIVE YOU SO INSANE

* WITH MY SWEET CARESS

* LOOK AT MY BODY

* IT'S WAITING FOR YOU

* FOLLOW MY EYES, YES

* BURNING YOU THROUGH

* DARLING, I'LL WAIT FOR YOU *

* SO, I WILL BE THERE

* COME CLOSER TO ME

BRAVO! A REAL SUCCESS. THAT WAS A GREAT IDEA.

BEHIND THE PILLAR THERE!

IT'S ONE OF THE MEN WE SAW AT THE HOTEL.

YOU'RE IMAGINING THINGS. GO TAKE A BOW.

I'LL NEVER DRESS LIKE A WOMAN AGAIN!

LOOK, I'M STILL SHAKING. PROTECT ME, RENATO!

I'VE GOT TO HIDE! THEY'RE GOING TO FIND ME.

I DON'T WANT TO GO TO JAIL, RENATO!


ISN'T THAT A BIT FEMININE?

FEMININE?

THEY'RE CARPENTER'S PANTS.

BUT VELVET FOR A MAN, IT COULD SUGGEST...

DO YOU HAVE SOMETHING MORE...CRUDE?

CRUDE?

FAGGOT!

IS THAT HE?

WHO? ZAZA NAPOLI?

DON'T BE SILLY! ARE YOU KIDDING?

WHO IS IT?

WHO IS IT?

IT'S MAURICE.

THE WINDOW WASHER. OH, MAURICE.

HOW ARE YOU, MAURICE?

FINE, MR. BALDI.

GOOD. HOW'S THE FAMILY?

DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY KIDS HE HAS?

GUESS.

HOW MANY?

8.

AND HIS WIFE IS EXPECTING ANOTHER. RIGHT, MAURICE?

YOU CAN'T SAY THAT WE HAVEN'T BEEN TRYING.

OUCH, THAT HURTS!

DON'T JUST STAND THERE, GET TO WORK.

WHERE SHOULD I START? HERE, OR THERE?

WHEREVER.

IT'S YOUR WORK.

OK, OK.

SO HE JUST DISAPPEARED?

LIKE I TOLD YOU, LAST NIGHT AT DINNER, WE QUARRELED.

WE BEGAN TO SHOUT.

AND HE THREW A PLATE AT ME.

THEN HE GOT UP AND LEFT, SLAMMING THE DOOR BEHIND HIM!

DON'T LIE TO US, MR. BALDI.

I'M NOT LYING. IF I KNEW WHERE HE WAS, I'D TELL YOU.

LIKE I SAID, WE'VE BEEN HAVING PROBLEMS.

THAT HAPPENS TO COUPLES, RIGHT?

YEAH, UNFORTUNATELY, THAT DOES HAPPEN.

MAURICE, THE WINDOWS.

HEY, WHAT AM I? A WORK HORSE?

I CUT MYSELF!

I'M BLEEDING. I'M BLEEDING. LOOK.

HA HA HA HA!

OH, MISTRESS!

HA HA HA!

GET OUT OF HERE. HURRY AND GET THE FIRST AID KIT.

I'M INNOCENT. I SWEAR I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.

DON'T SEND ME TO PRISON, I BEG YOU, INSPECTOR.

THEY'RE NOT FROM THE POLICE.

THEY'RE SECRET AGENTS.

DID THE GUY WHO LURED YOU TO THE HOTEL GIVE YOU ANYTHING?

WHAT?

A SMALL CAPSULE?

A CAPSULE?

HE WAS A FOREIGN AGENT WHO HAD COME OVER TO OUR SIDE.

HE WAS ABOUT TO GIVE US A MICROFILM.

OH, MY GOD.

SHOW ME YOUR HAND.

I HAVE 5 FINGERS LIKE EVERYONE.

THERE'S NOTHING THERE, YOU NINNY.

YOU'VE GOT TO HELP US, MOUGEOTTE.

HELP YOU? DO WHAT?

BRING THEM INTO THE OPEN.

THEY OBVIOUSLY THINK YOU HAVE THE MICROFILM.

YOU HAVE TO PUT THEM ON YOUR TRACK.

HOW?

SO YOU'RE GOING TO DRESS LIKE A WOMAN AGAIN, IN THE SAME WIG, AND SHOW YOURSELF AROUND TOWN.

THAT'LL BRING THEM INTO THE OPEN.

NO.

NOT A CHANCE.

ALBIN CAN'T DO SUCH A THING.

SHALL I CALL THE POLICE?

NO.

YOU CAN TELL THEM WHY YOU WERE IN A HOTEL ROOM WITH 2 CORPSES.

LIFE IS FUNNY.

FOR YEARS I'VE HAD PROBLEMS WITH THE POLICE FOR DRESSING LIKE A WOMAN.

AND WHEN I DECIDE TO START DRESSING LIKE A MAN, THE POLICE INSIST I DRESS LIKE A WOMAN.

THE ABSURDITY OF THINGS.

HURRY. THEY'LL BE HERE ANY MINUTE.

RENATO...

ARE CYANIDE DARTS VERY PAINFUL?

WHAT AN IDEA! DON'T BE SILLY.

EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE.

YOU THINK SO?

I'M POSITIVE.


IS SHE READY?

ALMOST. I'M GOING WITH HIM.

IT'S NOT NECESSARY.

THERE'S NO WAY I WOULD LET HIM GO ALONE.


THIS COULD BE MY LAST.

LET'S GO.

EH, MONSIEUR MOUGEOTTE.

YOUR HAIR WASN'T LIKE THAT BEFORE.

THIS IS A LITTLE MORE FORMAL.

WE WANT THEM TO RECOGNIZE YOU.

WHAT'S HE DOING? IS HE CRAZY?

JUST LOOK AT THAT.

SO, BROCA, YOU DON'T LIKE ME LIKE THIS?

MR. BROCA, WHERE ARE WE OFF TO?

A BIRTHDAY PARTY. VERY CHIC.

ALL THE PRESS WILL BE THERE.

THIS ISN'T DRESSY ENOUGH.

IT'S JUST A LITTLE NOTHING I GOT ON SALE.

YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME. I'D HAVE WORN--I DON'T KNOW.

YOU LOOK FINE.

THE MAIN THING IS TO ATTRACT ATTENTION.

AND WE'LL SEE TO THAT.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MR. MANDERSTAM.

MR. DEPUTY.

Albin: I SHOULDN'T HAVE COME.

WHAT KIND OF CAKE IS IT?

MERINGUE.

OH, MERINGUE. YOU DON'T EXPECT ME TO GET IN THERE, DO YOU?

DON'T WORRY, YOU'LL STILL BE PAID.

YOU CAN GO HOME NOW.

A MERINGUE! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?

IT'S NOT EVEN MY SIZE.

NO, IT'S NOT MY SIZE.

GET IN.

TAKE MY BAG AND GLOVES.

WHAT AN ADVENTURE!

I'M AFRAID.

RENATO...

DON'T LEAVE ME.

THAT'S ENOUGH! I'LL SUFFOCATE IN THERE!

I'M AFRAID OF THE DARK.

BESIDES, I'M A DIABETIC.

NOBODY'S ASKING YOU TO EAT IT!

I WON'T GET ENOUGH AIR IN THERE!

COULDN'T WE LEAVE THE TOP OFF?

NO. NO.

MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE.

THE TIME HAS COME FOR US TO TELL OUR FRIEND ANDREW MANDERSTAM...

ALL THE ROTTEN THINGS WE THINK ABOUT HIM.

MR. MANDERSTAM IS THAT AMERICAN CHAP WHO SETTLED IN FRANCE SOME 15 YEARS AGO HERE IN THIS TOWN, OF WHICH I AM THE DEPUTY.

HE HAS FOUND

2 MEANS OF ATTRACTING ATTENTION:

HIS GENEROSITY AND HIS KINDNESS.

LET'S GO!

Albin: ARE YOU THERE, RENATO?

YES, I'M HERE.

EVERYTHING'S GOING TO BE FINE.

ALBIN, YOU NEED TO GO BACK ON A DIET.

Albin: THAT'S A NICE THING TO SAY IN FRONT OF THE CHEFS!


ALBIN, IT'S CHARRIER!

Albin: OH, MY GOD!

MY SON'S FATHER-IN-LAW IS CHARRIER, THE DEPUTY.

WE PROMISED HIM WE'D NEVER SHOW OUR FACES IN FRONT OF HIM.

SHH.

HE'S IN THE MIDDLE OF HIS CAMPAIGN.

WE'LL RUIN HIS CAREER!

MY DEAR ANDREW, OUR ENTIRE TOWN WISHES YOU TODAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

OUR TOWN WANTED TO GIVE A BIRTHDAY PARTY AMERICAN STYLE TO ITS AMERICAN BENEFACTOR.


A LITTLE TECHNICAL PROBLEM, IT SEEMS.

USUALLY, THERE'S-- THERE'S A SURPRISE IN THERE.

IT SEEMS OUR "SURPRISE" DIDN'T HEAR THE ORCHESTRA.

THE "SURPRISE."

MY DEAR ANDREW, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

HEH HEH HEH.

IT SEEMS OUR "SURPRISE" HAS FALLEN ASLEEP.

WE'RE READY, MISS!

MAYBE SHE CAN'T HEAR WITH ALL THAT CREAM.

IT'S SUCH A RICH CAKE.

HA HA HA HA.

I'VE NEVER GONE TO THE RESCUE OF A CAKE BEFORE!

NO ONE'S THERE!

SHE'S NOT THERE.

AAAH!

Jacob: POOR MISTRESS. SHE'S GOING TO DIE.

SHE'S GOING TO DIE!

WOULD YOU SHUT UP, JACOB?

JACOB, FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE!

HELLO? SORRY, I CAN'T HEAR A THING.

COULD YOU COME RIGHT OVER?

IT'S AN EMERGENCY, DOCTOR.


THIS WAY, DOCTOR.

HE JUST FELL ASLEEP.

HE HAD A TERRIBLE SHOCK YESTERDAY.

HE'S VERY SICK.

ALBIN?

THE DOCTOR'S HERE.

YOU'D BETTER TAKE HIS BLOOD PRESSURE.

AND GIVE HIM SOMETHING FOR HIS HEART.

I'M SO AFRAID HE MIGHT LET HIMSELF DIE.

I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT.


STOP CRYING. IT'S ANNOYING.

POOR MISTRESS. SHE WAS SO NICE.

SHE'S NOT DEAD YET.

GO DO THE SHOPPING. WHAT A PAIN!

CONGRATULATIONS. YOU REALLY DID A GREAT JOB!

HIS PHOTO'S IN EVERY NEWSPAPER.

THE DOCTOR IS WITH HIM.

I HOPE HE'LL BE ABLE TO PULL HIM THROUGH.

THE MICROFILM.

THE MICROFILM.

IS THAT YOU? IS THAT YOU, RENATO?

IS THAT YOU, HONEY?

AAH!

WHAT'S THAT?

NOTHING. AN INJECTION. ALBIN HATES INJECTIONS.

AAAH!

THE MICROFILM.

I'LL KNOCK HIM BACK INTO SHAPE!

YOU CAN'T GO IN THERE.

LET ME THROUGH.

NO. IT'S OUR BEDROOM.

HE'S WITH THE DOCTOR. LEAVE HIM ALONE, DAMN IT!

YOU'RE BEGINNING TO BUG ME!

WHO LOCKED THE DOOR?

NO.


Albin: NO, NOT THAT.

"WHEN ONE IS PRESIDENT OF THE UNION FOR MORAL ORDER, "ONE TRIES TO PLAY DOWN ANY TIES WITH LA CAGE AUX FOLLES.

"BY PUTTING A TRANSVESTITE

"IN MR. MANDERSTAM'S BIRTHDAY CAKE, "CHARRIER ADDED INDECENCY TO THE RIDICULOUS.

THE VOTERS WILL PASS JUDGMENT"

THAT, GENTLEMEN, IS HOW YOU CONDEMN A MAN TO DEATH.

AN ARTICLE LIKE THAT IS THE COUP DE GRÖCE!

WE'LL MAKE THE BASTARD EAT HIS NEWSPAPER!

NO. NO, GENTLEMEN, THE JOURNALISTS AREN'T THE GUILTY ONES.

THE GUILTY ONES ARE THOSE 2 PEOPLE WHO ARE BRINGING DISHONOR TO THE RIVIERA WITH THEIR FILTHY NIGHTCLUB!

THAT DEPRAVED ITALIAN AND THAT FRENCHMAN WHO IS AN AFFRONT TO HIS RACE.

THOSE TWO--THEY ARE THE GUILTY ONES!

WE'LL BUST THEIR FACES IN!

WE'LL TEACH THOSE FAGGOTS THE FACTS OF LIFE!

EXCUSE ME.

CAN WE GET THE RUG BACK?

WE'LL HAVE IT CLEANED, THEN SEND IT BACK AS USUAL.

Albin: I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.

ALL THESE CORPSES.

S.O.S. MEDICAL. I'M DR. BOQUILLON.

OH, MICHAUX.

Michaux: YES?

THERE'S GONNA BE ANOTHER TRIP.

OK.

DO YOU HAVE ANOTHER RUG?

NO, NO MORE RUGS!

DO YOUR DIRTY WORK SOMEWHERE ELSE.

Albin: WOULD YOU TAKE ME HOME, PLEASE?

WHAT?

I WANT YOU TO TAKE ME HOME NOW.

BUT YOU ARE HOME, DARLING.

DON'T YOU RECOGNIZE OUR LIVING ROOM?

LOOK AT WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO HIM!

IF YOU KEEP THIS UP, THE NEXT RUG WILL BE FOR HIM!

HE HAS NOTHING TO FEAR.

WE'RE GOING TO TAKE CARE OF HIM.

FROM NOW ON, WE DON'T LEAVE HIS SIDE.

WE'LL PROTECT HIM, DISCREETLY, UNTIL THE GUYS SHOW THEMSELVES.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND, MEN?

CLOSE SURVEILLANCE, BUT DISCREET.

YOU THINK THAT'S DISCREET?

DON'T PAY ATTENTION TO US. GO ON.

AAH! OOH!

SO MUCH FOR DISCRETION.

IT'S A NATURAL REFLEX.

TO GET THEM OUT IN THE OPEN, YOU'LL HAVE TO CHANGE YOUR TACTICS.

NO, THAT'S NOT HIM.

LET'S TRY SOMETHING ELSE. THE MAUVE, PERHAPS.

NO, I WON'T WEAR THAT.

DON'T ARGUE, MICHAUX!

SHUT UP!

WHAT ABOUT THE ONE WITH THE MOUSTACHE?

I SEE HIM IN MY CAFTAN.

HE LOOKS LIKE A TURK.

HA HA! A TURK!

AND THE YOUNG ONE THERE, HE'S LIKE ME.

HE CAN WEAR ANYTHING.

CUTE, ISN'T HE?

NOT REALLY.

COME ON, COME ON.

STOP, STOP, NO.

NO, THAT'LL NEVER DO!

YOU NEED TO MAKE AN EFFORT TO BE WORTHY OF THESE CLOTHES.

PRETEND YOU'RE WALKING A TIGHTROPE.

AND YOU, YOU WALK LIKE THIS. IT'S UNATTRACTIVE.

LISTEN TO ME.

DRAW AN IMAGINARY LINE, A LINE THAT SEPARATES MAN FROM WOMAN.

YOU JUST HAVE TO WALK ON IT, LIKE THIS.

YOU HAVE TO LEARN TO MOVE AS GRACEFULLY AND LIGHTLY AS MY MARVELOUS ALBIN.

RIGHT?

THANK YOU, MY SWEET.

NOW LET'S SEE. WE CAN START WITH HIM--LOUIS.

HE LOOKS LIKE THE MOST GIFTED.

A LITTLE LIGHTER. HOLD THE HANDS HIGHER.

NO, I CAN'T. I'M SORRY, BUT I JUST CAN'T DO IT.

IT'S IMPOSSIBLE. THESE ARE FLOOZIES' CLOTHES!

Albin: THEY ARE NOT FLOOZIES' CLOTHES!

ALL THE ELEGANT MEN ARE WEARING THEM.

AND IF WE'RE TRYING TO GIVE YOU THE GRACE YOU LACK, IT'S FOR THE BENEFIT OF THIS MISSION, MADAME.

HE'S RIGHT. WE'VE STARTED, AND WE'RE GOING TO SEE IT THROUGH!

CARRY ON.

I'M A MARRIED MAN WITH 2 CHILDREN!

IT'S AN ORDER! DON'T BE STUPID.

YOU'RE UP FOR A PROMOTION.

NO LONG FACES NOW.

ALL TOGETHER NOW. LINE UP WITH ME.

ABOUT FACE.

FORWARD...

MARCH!

RELAX YOUR WRIST. LET IT HANG.

AHH. OOH!

AND LOOK AT THE MEN AS THEY PASS.

MMM. HE'S SO HANDSOME.

LOOK AT MILAN.

HE'S GOT REAL TALENT.

WHOO-HOO!

A LITTLE TOO MUCH TALENT, PERHAPS.

HELLO, GIRLS.

EXCUSE ME.

FAG.

I SAID EXCUSE ME.

AND I SAID FAG.

EXCUSE ME.

FAG.

WHAT DID YOU SAY?

UM...RENATO, DON'T ANSWER.

COME ON.

HEY, JUST A MINUTE. WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

HE'S LOOKING FOR A FIGHT.

DON'T ANSWER.

THAT'S ENOUGH NOW.

I'M WARNING YOU. THERE'LL BE TROUBLE.

THESE GIRLS ARE REALLY SCARING US.

I ADVISE YOU TO LET US PASS.

LOOK HOW SHE CLENCHES HER FISTS.

I'LL BET SHE CAN REALLY SCRATCH.

HEH HEH.

LET US THROUGH, PLEASE.

GO ON.

OH! UHH!

THE LITTLE THING'S NERVOUS.

I'LL CALM HER.

OH! OH!

OH! OH. OH, NO.

I'M FED UP WITH ALL THIS BRUTALITY, THIS VIOLENCE.

MY LORD.

IT'LL ALL WORK OUT. CALM DOWN.

IT'LL ALL WORK OUT.

NO, IT WILL NEVER WORK OUT. NEVER, NEVER, NEVER.

OH. WHAT'S THAT?

GET IN THE CAR.

OH, RENATO.

UH...HE HAS A GUN.

SORRY, GENTLEMEN. WE THOUGHT THIS WAS OUR CAR.

GET IN THE CAR.

YES.

GET BACK!

THAT'S IT. RIGHT IN THE LION'S DEN.

POOR DARLINGS.

YOU HAVE SOMETHING WHICH IS OF INTEREST TO US.

WE'LL GIVE YOU $500,000, NOT A CENT MORE.

WE'LL CALL YOU TONIGHT TO GIVE YOU INSTRUCTIONS.

YOUR POSTERS ARE PRETTY.

Renato: OUR POSTERS?

YES, THEY MAKE YOU WANT TO SEE THE SHOW.

AH, HOW SWEET OF YOU.

IF YOU DROP BY, I'LL MAKE SURE YOU GET A GOOD SEAT.

HEH HEH HEH. TAKE THIS.

EXCUSE ME?

PRESS THE RED BUTTON.

WHAT IS IT?

PRESS.

DON'T PRESS.

LET ME.

LEAVE IT ALONE.

LET ME DO IT.

NO!

SHOULD I PRESS IT? YES.

YES. THERE.

AAH!

VOILA.

WHAT HAPPENED?

JUST A FEW DOZEN GRAMS.

IMAGINE WHAT 100 WILL DO IN THE CLUB...

DURING THE SHOW...

OR IN YOUR APARTMENT.

NO.

WE'LL CALL YOU LATER...

TO GET YOUR ANSWER.

I KNEW THAT WOULD HAPPEN.

WITH MY POSTERS?

YOU'LL GO TO THE RENDEZVOUS.

FINE.

WITH WHAT? WE DON'T HAVE THE MICROFILM.

BUT THEY THINK YOU DO.

WHAT'S SO IMPORTANT ABOUT THAT DAMN MICROFILM?

IT'S THE LIST OF THEIR AGENTS OPERATING IN FRANCE.

THEY'LL DO ANYTHING TO GET IT BACK.

NO.

HELLO?

Man: TOMORROW MORNING AT 6:00, BE AT THE MONTCOULÈCHE EXIT OF THE FREEWAY.

COME ALONE.

IF WE NOTICE ANYTHING SUSPICIOUS, YOU'LL BE SHOT ON SIGHT.

THAT'S IT!

WE'VE GOT THEM!

YOU'LL GO TO THE RENDEZVOUS.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BEHIND YOU.

RIGHT, AND WE GET KILLED.

I WANT THE LEADER ALIVE.

I'LL QUESTION HIM MYSELF.

GENTLEMEN, YOU'RE IN A SITUATION WHICH REQUIRES COURAGE...

AND VIRILITY.

TODAY YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO BE REAL MEN.

SHALL WE GO?

YES, LET'S GO.

IF THERE'S SHOOTING, JUMP INTO THE BUSHES.

AND IF THERE ARE NO BUSHES?

DON'T ARGUE. JUMP, AND WE DO THE REST.

IT WASN'T TRUE, YOU KNOW.

WHAT?

THAT YOU'RE LESS SEDUCTIVE.

IT WASN'T TRUE.

YOU'RE JUST SAYING THAT.

NO, NO. IT'S THE TRUTH.

I SWEAR YOU HAVEN'T GOTTEN ANY FATTER OR OLDER.

JUST A BIGGER PAIN IN THE NECK.

HEH HEH. THAT COULD BE.

NO ONE CAN SAY WE HAVEN'T BEEN HAPPY TOGETHER.

OK...

WHERE ARE YOU GOING? COME BACK!

THEY'VE JAMMED THE DOORS. DAMN IT!

YOUR PAPERS.

TAXI!

TO THE BORDER. FAST!


THERE'S A CAR FOLLOWING US.

TRY TO LOSE IT.

OH!

DAMN QUEERS.

THAT CAR OVER BY CUSTOMS...

IT'S THE POLICE.

THERE?

I'M TELLING YOU THAT JUST IN CASE.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT WE CAN DO TO AVOID ANY PROBLEMS?

NO, NO. NO IDEA.

HEY.

OH, I CAN'T GO ON!

IT'S A MEDICAL PROBLEM. I CAN'T WALK.

I HAVE FLAT FEET.

THAT'S HOW I GOT MY DISCHARGE.

BECAUSE OF FLAT FEET?

YOU TOLD ME YOU APPEARED BEFORE THE DRAFT BOARD IN A SKIRT.

BUT THEY NOTICED I HAD FLAT FEET.

WHEN I THINK WE COULD HAVE GONE BY BOAT, BUT NO, WE'RE HERE JOGGING. OH!

HARBORS, TRAIN STATIONS, AND AIRPORTS, ARE THE FIRST PLACES THE POLICE CHECK, IDIOT.

OH, YES, AND YOU THINK IT'S A GOOD IDEA TO HIDE OUT AT YOUR FAMILY'S IN ITALY?

BRAVO. HA HA. THAT THEY WON'T LOOK FOR US THERE?

IN ITALY, WHEN A MAN GOES INTO HIDING, EVERYONE BECOMES HIS ACCOMPLICE.

THE COPS CAN'T DO A THING.

THOSE 2 QUEERS YOU PICKED UP THIS MORNING, WHERE DID YOU TAKE THEM?

Renato: WE'VE CROSSED THE BORDER.

WE'RE IN ITALY? YES.

OH, IN ITALY! OH!

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. I FORGOT MY POWDER.

I CAN'T GO INTO ITALY LOOKING LIKE THIS. OH!

YOU CAN'T MEET MY FAMILY LOOKING LIKE THAT.

BUT WHY?

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO INTRODUCE YOU?

AS A FRIEND.

HAVE YOU LOOKED AT YOURSELF?

YOU KNOW, ONCE, IN MY VILLAGE, THE BUTCHER'S SON HAD AN AFFAIR WITH THE BLACKSMITH'S SON.

AND THEN?

AND THEN THE FATHER KILLED THEM, BASHED THEIR HEADS IN.

HOW HORRIBLE. RENATO!

MAYBE WE SHOULD GO TO SWITZERLAND.

NO. YOU'RE COMING HOME WITH ME.

I'M UNCOMFORTABLE IN THESE CLOTHES.

I FEEL AWFUL.

I FEEL SAD. I FEEL OLD.

AND TO THINK THAT JUST 3 DAYS AGO, I WAS SUCH A HIT IN "THE BLUE ANGEL."

LOOK WHAT'S HAPPENED TO ME!

I'VE AGED 50 YEARS IN 3 DAYS.

NONSENSE. YOU LOOK GREAT.

WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING AT?

NOTHING. YOU LOOK LIKE A REAL MATRON.

BRAVO. THAT WAS JUST THE THING TO SAY.

I'M THIRSTY. WILL YOU GET ME SOMETHING TO DRINK?

WE'RE JUST STOPPING FOR A MINUTE.

BE NICE. IF I DON'T GET SOMETHING, I'LL FAINT.

FINE.

YOU COULD PUT YOURSELF OUT A LITTLE.

THERE'S NOTHING HERE. NOT EVEN A SNACK BAR.

WE'RE IN THE STICKS. EXCUSE ME.

EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME.

DON'T BOTHER TO APOLOGIZE.

EXCUSE ME.

RENATO!

RENATO! AAH!

ALBIN, GET OFF AT THE NEXT STATION!

AAH!

STOP THE TRAIN! WHOO-WHOO! WHOO!

HEH HEH.

FATHER.

SISTERS.


YOUR REVERENCE.

YOU'RE HERE AT LAST.

I'VE BEEN HERE FOR A WHILE, BUT YOU DON'T GIVE A DAMN.

HOLD THIS.

QUIET. THE NUNS ARE LOOKING AT YOU.

WHAT'S THAT?

SOMEONE MIGHT RECOGNIZE US.

HURRY. JUST A SECOND.

LET'S GO.

WE MUSTN'T KEEP YOUR MOTHER WAITING.

THE SHEET ISN'T STRAIGHT. PULL IT ON YOUR SIDE.

IT'S ALL WRINKLED.

AND YOU, DON'T JUST STAND THERE.

GET THE OTHER ROOM READY.

WHY DON'T THEY SLEEP TOGETHER?

I HAVEN'T BEEN INFORMED OF THIS MARRIAGE.

AS FAR AS I AM CONCERNED, THEY ARE NOT MARRIED.

THE CHANGE OF AIR WILL DO ME GOOD.

IT'S BEEN AGES SINCE I'VE BEEN IN THE COUNTRY.

I'M THRILLED ABOUT MEETING YOUR MOTHER.

WHAT SHOULD I CALL HER? HMM?

MRS. BALDI, OR MOTHER?

MAMA. AHH.

RENATO. MY BOY.

AH, OH, MY BOY.

MADAME.

COME IN.

COME HERE A MINUTE.

LADIES.

WHY DID YOU KEEP YOUR MARRIAGE A SECRET?

IT'S JUST THAT IT HAPPENED ON THE SPUR OF THE MOMENT.

YOU'RE LOOKING WELL.

WHY HAVE YOU COME BACK, RENATO?

THEY'RE LOOKING FOR ME.

YOU'VE GOT TO HIDE ME, MOTHER. I'M ON THE RUN.

YOU'VE GOT TO HIDE ME.

YOU DID SOMETHING FOOLISH, HUH?

YES.

RENATO, DID YOU KILL A MAN?

OVER A WOMAN?

UH...

YES.

OVER THAT ONE?

COME.

WE'LL HIDE YOU AS LONG AS NEED BE.

YOU'LL BE SAFE HERE.

WE'RE USED TO THIS SORT OF THING.

THANK YOU, MOTHER. YOU'RE VERY KIND.

NOW GET TO WORK.

EXCUSE ME?

GET TO WORK.

ALL THE WOMEN HERE WORK.

BUT, MOTHER...

DID YOU HEAR YOUR MOTHER?

YES. IT'S NOT HUMILIATING.

THAT'S THE WAY IT IS HERE.

GO HELP WITH THE COOKING.

OK, I HEARD YOU!

THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE.

HELLO, LADIES. HA HA!

EXCUSE ME...

HA HA HA HA!

MY GOD, WHAT A NASTY JOB. JUST LOOK AT THIS.

TELL HER TO USE LESS PERFUME AND TO LEARN HOW TO KNEAD THE PASTA DOUGH.

YES, MOTHER.

COME ON. LET'S DRINK TO THE GOOD OLD DAYS.

HA HA HA! YOO-HOO! IT'S ME!

GOOD EVENING, GENTLEMEN. LET ME INTRODUCE MYSELF.

I'M MRS. BALDI. HOW ARE ALL OF YOU?

ISN'T MOTHER HERE?

SORRY IF I'M A LITTLE LATE.

I WANTED TO FRESHEN UP BEFORE DINNER.

HA! IS EVERYTHING OK IN THE FIELDS?

DID YOU HAVE A GOOD DAY? YES? GOOD.

I'D LOVE A LITTLE DROP OF WINE.

I'M VERY THIRSTY.

AAH!

WHAT HAPPENED?

MY DRESS, SWEETIE. MY DRESS.

I'D REALLY LIKE A DROP OF WINE.

I'M DYING OF THIRST. IT MUST BE THE HEAT.

I HELPED MAKE THE DINNER.

IS EVERYTHING OK?

IT'S FUN TO COOK EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE.

I'VE NEVER ROLLED NOODLES BEFORE.

WHOO-HOO! HA HA HA!

A LITTLE SECRET.

THE WOMEN DON'T SIT WITH THE MEN HERE.

YES? WHAT'S GOTTEN INTO YOU?


SOME WINE.

THAT'S ENOUGH. THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.

YES.


SO HIS MAJESTY IS TIRED?

OH, YES. HELP ME OFF WITH MY SHOES.

TAKE OFF MY SHOES.

TOMORROW MORNING WE HAVE TO BE UP AT 4:00.

YOU HAVE TO PREPARE LUNCH FOR ME AND ALL THE MEN WORKING IN THE FIELD.

FOR EVERYONE?

LISTEN, RENATO.

I WANT TO GO BACK TO BEING A MAN.

I DON'T LIKE BEING A WOMAN IN THIS COUNTRY.

I DON'T WANT IT ANYMORE!

JUST LOOK AT THE STATE I'M IN.

I'VE HAD...I'VE HAD...

I'VE HAD ENOUGH.

MADAME BALDI?

YES.

I HAVE A MONEY ORDER FOR RENATO BALDI.

RENATO BALDI IS OUT OF THE COUNTRY.

REALLY? THAT'S TOO BAD.

IT'S A GOOD DEAL OF MONEY.

HE HASN'T BEEN HERE IN 20 YEARS, AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE HE IS.

FINE. WE'LL JUST KEEP IT THEN, BUT WE'LL BE BACK.

THANK YOU, MRS. BALDI.


HELLO.

DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT.

IF RENATO SAW YOU, HE WOULDN'T LIKE IT.

I'M NOT THE ONLY PRETTY GIRL ON THE FARM.

TAKE LAURA, FOR EXAMPLE. SHE'S CHARMING.

WITHOUT HER MOUSTACHE, SHE'D BE ME 20 YEARS AGO.

I'M NO DIFFERENT FROM THE OTHERS.

IT'S JUST THAT I'M A NEW FACE.

YOU EXCITE ME.

YES, FINE, BUT IT'S WRONG.

VERY WRONG.

YOU'RE FORGETTING RENATO.

YOU MUSTN'T SAY SUCH THINGS TO ME.

RENATO.

SWEAR TO ME. SWEAR YOU'LL NEVER TRY TO SEE ME AGAIN.

GO ON, SWEAR IT.

WHAT'S WRONG?

THEY'RE ON OUR TRAIL. WE CAN'T STAY HERE.

OH!

LUIGI, TAKE THEM TO THE SHEPHERD'S HUT AND STAY WITH THEM.

I'M ENTRUSTING YOU.

ALL RIGHT, MRS. BALDI.

YOU'LL BE SAFE WITH LUIGI.

HE'S THE BEST SHOOTER IN THESE MOUNTAINS.

WE'LL STOP AT LUIGI'S HOUSE TO GET PROVISIONS AND SOME MEN'S CLOTHES FOR YOUR WIFE.

WHAT?

THERE ARE ONLY MEN, ONLY SHEPHERDS, IN THE MOUNTAINS.

A WOMAN WOULD BE VERY CONSPICUOUS, ESPECIALLY THAT ONE.

SHE HAS TO PASS FOR A MAN, RENATO.

YOU'LL WEAR THIS TO HIDE YOUR HAIR.

LET HER CHANGE. WE HAVE TO HURRY.

WE'VE WASTED ENOUGH TIME.

I'M NOT GOING TO DRESS LIKE A MAN, RENATO.

DON'T ARGUE. HURRY AND PUT ON THESE CLOTHES.

BUT IT'LL SHOW!

WHAT WILL SHOW?

THAT I'M A MAN.

DON'T COUNT ON IT.

IN ANY CASE, I WON'T PUT A CAP OVER MY WIG.

YOU DRESS LIKE A MAN, BUT YOU'RE NOT A MAN.

YOU'RE A WOMAN WHO IS DRESSED LIKE A MAN.

COULD YOU REPEAT THAT, PLEASE?

NO, NO. SOME OTHER TIME.

AND REMEMBER, KEEP YOUR BOSOM.

YOU'RE NOT A MAN DRESSED LIKE A WOMAN.

YOU'RE A WOMAN DISGUISED AS A MAN.

IS THAT CLEAR?

I'M A WOMAN...

DISGUISED AS A MAN.

VOILA. I'M READY.

SEEN FROM AFAR, SHE COULD PASS.

FROM VERY FAR.

CAREFUL, MADAME.

HA! CALL ME MISTER, LUIGI.

IT'LL AROUSE LESS SUSPICION.

AH, HA HA! CAREFUL.

VOILA, MADAME.

YES.

SHALL I CARRY YOU?

NO, I'M FINE.

SHE'S NOT MADE OF GLASS.

IT'S A DIFFICULT CLIMB FOR A WOMAN.

IT'S NOT EASY.

VOILA. HERE'S THE LOOKOUT POST.

IT OVERLOOKS THE WHOLE VALLEY.

AH.

AS LONG AS I'M HERE WITH MY GUN, YOU CAN SLEEP IN PEACE.

THE SHEPHERD'S HUT IS OVER THERE.

LADIES FIRST.

OH, EXCUSE ME. THANK YOU, LUIGI.

OH, IT'S CERTAINLY RUSTIC.

YOU'LL SLEEP HERE, MADAME.

THANKS, LUIGI.

AND YOU, OVER THERE.

I'LL BE UP AT THE LOOKOUT.

YOU'LL BE WELL-PROTECTED, MADAME.

I'LL WALK YOU TO THE DOOR.

GOOD NIGHT... LITTLE PRINCESS.

GOOD NIGHT.

THAT YOU HAVE NO RESPECT FOR ME, THAT'S ONE THING, BUT HAVE SOME RESPECT FOR YOURSELF.

YOU'RE JEALOUS.

ME? ARE YOU KIDDING?

I JUST DON'T WANT TO BE SHOT BY THAT MORON.

WHOSE FAULT IS IT?

YOU'VE BEEN ASKING FOR IT.

LOOK AT THE WAY YOU'VE BEEN TREATING ME.

SUCH BRUTALITY! IT'S SHOCKING.

YOU'RE UGLY, RENATO. DO YOU HEAR ME?

JEALOUSLY HAS DISFIGURED YOU. YOU'RE VERY UGLY.

UHH! THE MAN I LOVED IS GONE!

AND SO IS THE ONE I LOVED.

NEVER HAVE YOU BEEN MORE RIDICULOUS!

COME ON. HURRY.

ALBIN, GET BACK INTO PANTS AT ONCE.

SO YOU CAN INSULT ME AGAIN?

WHAT DO YOU INTEND TO DO?

PARDON?

WITH THAT POOR HALF-WIT.

I DON'T KNOW. I HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT.

IN ANY CASE, IT CAN'T GO VERY FAR.

HE HAS NO EDUCATION. HE IS A BIT UNCOUTH.

AND YOU ARE NOT A WOMAN.

OH, YOU KNOW, RENATO, YOU'RE A REAL KILLJOY.

ARE YOU OK?

YOU DO EVERYTHING TO HURT ME, RENATO.

DON'T EXAGGERATE.

OH, I'M NOT EXAGGERATING.

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING. I'VE HAD IT WITH YOU.

OH, NO.

I'VE HAD IT UP TO HERE!

AND I'M GETTING THE HELL OUT OF HERE.

I'VE HAD IT.

ALL RIGHT, GO!

GOOD-BYE!

I CAN'T TAKE ANYMORE!

A LITTLE TROUT FOR MY LITTLE PRINCESS.

WHAT'S WRONG? WHY ARE YOU CRYING?

IS IT THAT BASTARD WHO'S MAKING YOU CRY?

I'LL KILL HIM!

LUIGI!

RENATO!

HELLO.

RENATO.

HELLO.

DON'T SCREAM. NOT A WORD.

THE OTHERS ARE OUT THERE. JUST ACT NATURAL.

THAT'S FINE. JUST LIKE THAT.

YOU BASTARD!

WHO'S THAT?

SOME NUT.


COME ON!

WHAT ABOUT ALBIN?

SO THE MICROFILM GOT TO ITALY TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN ON ITS OWN.

I DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT THE MICROFILM.

I JUST WANT TO FIND ALBIN.

YOU BETTER GIVE A DAMN.

IT MAY BE OUR ONLY MEANS OF GETTING HIM BACK.

WHY?

IF IT IS THE LIST OF THEIR AGENTS, WE'LL KNOW EXACTLY WHERE TO FIND HIM.

MAKE HIM SHUT UP!

I CAN'T MAKE HIM TALK AND SHUT UP AT THE SAME TIME.

Albin: AAH!

I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS!

AAH!

ENOUGH, ENOUGH, ENOUGH!

I WAS GIVING HIM A TRUTH SERUM.

WE'RE GIVEN IT TO HIM 3 TIMES.

AND ALL HE ADMITTED WAS THAT HE WAS A HOMOSEXUAL.

30 CCs OF PENTOTHAL TO HAVE HIM SAY HE'S HOMOSEXUAL.

IT'S A BEGINNING, NO?

WE'VE ALREADY WASTED A LOT OF TIME.

MOUGEOTTE.

DEAR MOUGEOTTE.

TELL US WHERE THE MICROFILM IS, OR I'LL PUT A BULLET IN YOUR HEAD!

I DON'T KNOW WHERE IT IS!

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT MICROFILM IS.

I DON'T KNOW!

TELEPHONE.

HI.

WHAT?

NO NEED TO LOOK FURTHER. THEY HAVE IT.

THEY'VE ARRESTED MARTIN AND DUPRÉ.

BASTARDS! THEY'VE INFILTRATED OUR RING.

YOU SOLD IT TO THE OTHER SIDE.

EXCUSE ME? HEH HEH.

AAH! NO!

YOU CHOSE THE WRONG CAMP. TOO BAD.

NO! DON'T KILL ME!

I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!

Man on bullhorn: THE HOUSE IS SURROUNDED.

YOU HAVEN'T GOT A CHANCE.

GIVE YOURSELVES UP.

ON YOUR FEET.

HOLD ON JUST A SECOND. AAH!

WHERE ARE YOUR MANNERS?

IF YOU TRY SOMETHING, I'LL KILL HER!

DON'T MAKE IT WORSE FOR YOURSELVES.

COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP. WE WON'T HURT YOU.

ALBIN, I'M HERE! DON'T WORRY ANYMORE.

YOUR RENATO IS HERE.

YOU'RE GONNA RUIN EVERYTHING!

Albin: RENATO, I WANT TO GO HOME!

DON'T WORRY. I'LL TAKE YOU HOME.

SHUT UP, FOR GOD'S SAKE!

GET HIM OUT OF HERE.

DON'T TALK TO ME IN THAT TONE OF VOICE.

DON'T GET SO EXCITED. I'LL KEEP STILL.

TIE HIM UP!

LISTEN TO ME.

THE BASTARDS TOOK A SHOT AT ME!

ASK FOR A PLANE.

HMM?

IN EXCHANGE FOR WHAT?

FOR THAT.

FOR THAT THING?

WOULD YOU EXCHANGE A PLANE FOR THAT?

A CHILD, A WOMAN, A PRIEST, YES. BUT THAT?

PRETEND I'M NOT HERE. IT DOESN'T MATTER. OW!

YOU HAVE 2 MINUTES, OR WE'LL OPEN FIRE.

COME AND GET US, YOU BASTARDS!

THEY WOULDN'T SHOOT.

AFTER ALL, THERE'S A HOSTAGE IN HERE.

ARE YOU COLD?

I'M AFRAID.

40 SECONDS!

DON'T SHOOT! ALBIN'S IN THERE!

GET OUT OF HERE!

WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS?

30 SECONDS!

SO I'M NOT EVEN A HOSTAGE. I'M NOTHING AT ALL.

I'M NOT THE BLUE ANGEL. I'M NOT A PRINCESS.

I'M NOT EVEN A HOSTAGE.

GOOD, THEN.

EXCUSE ME.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

HUH.

I'M GOING TO RENATO.

Broca: READY UP THERE?

WHAT'S HE DOING NOW?

I'M GOING TO ALBIN.

ARE YOU OK, ALBIN?

I'M ALL RIGHT, RENATO. AND YOU?

IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL.


YES?

THE SECRETARY OF STATE? YES, PUT HIM THROUGH.

AH.

GOOD MORNING, MR. SECRETARY.

YES, I'M FINE.

FINE, THANK YOU, MR. SECRETARY.

ME?

ME, MR. SECRETARY?

BUT WHY ME?

AH.

IT'S THE DEPUTY.

OH, SORRY.

MONSIEUR, YOUR COURAGE HAS ENABLED US TO PUT AN END TO A DANGEROUS SPY RING.

THE GOVERNMENT HAS ASKED ME TO EXPRESS ITS THANKS AND ITS CONGRATULATIONS.

A PHOTO OF THE THREE OF YOU.

Albin: A PHOTO?

COME, COME THIS WAY.

HOW'S THIS?

Photographer: A LITTLE CLOSER.

CLOSER? I'M CLOSE ENOUGH.

YES, WELL, SIT DOWN.

YES, YES.

THERE, THANK YOU.

AAH!

NO PICTURES, NO PICTURES!

NO PICTURES, NO PICTURES!

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