Labyrinth of Passion (1982) Script


"A Spanish biogynaecologist, Dr De la Pena,"

"achieved the non-sexual reproduction of six identical parakeets for the first time."

"We are one step away from the mass production of mammals."

"The Emperor of Tiran leaves USA and seeks refuge on Contadora Island."

No money, babe, no car, no girl, no hash, no vice, no mascara.

I'm hysterical.

"International porn star Patti Diphusa talks about men."

I'm going to snort a bit of nail polish.

Take some, love.

What an overdose!

I love it. Here.

What a syndrome. What a syndrome. Loads of alcohol.

What an overdose!

Pass me the lipstick, darling.


How may I help you? Could you give this note to that man over there? And who will pay for it?

He will, of course.

You have a note from that table.

Which one? That, the one on the back.

It's 200 pesetas.

"Yes, I'd like to Cher something with you this evening."

Hi, everyone. I'm back, but I'm not here for you.

Hi. Hi.

What are you doing here? I'm on the pull, as you can see.

What a coincidence. Me too.

Do you have a place? I have a 200-square-foot flat.

Do you think it'll be enough? More than enough.

There's never enough.

Size does matter.

Let's go home. Are you feeling lonely?

No, but I want to throw a party. There'll be music, alcohol, porn, drugs...

Hard ones, right? Only stimulants.

And what other girls will be there? It's just me.

Will it be enough? What do you think?

And don't go away, there are 12 guys I like in there. Don't go away.

Fast, we have an itch to scratch.

What do you want to bet I can catch it with my mouth?

I don't know.

Don't you like betting? I can take it or leave it.

I lost!

See if I'm lucky with this one.

Apart from men, gambling is what excites me the most.

I love betting on anything.

And eating as well, right? Yes, but it doesn't excite me so much.

At least not sexually.

By the way, did you go out as we agreed?

Yes, I went to the flea market yesterday. And how was it?

Not bad at all. Did you buy anything?

No. I found a few guys, but I took them home for free.

I don't need to pay for that yet.

Are you implying that you had sex with them?

Of course. And how many of them were there?

Eight or 10. I didn't count them.

And how many girls? Just me.

I never take girls to my parties. I can manage myself.

But, Sexi, that means you're a... Nymphomaniac?

Since I was a child. But you should control yourself.


Because you won't always be young. I'm talking from experience. And it's not fair.

Even if it sounds like a cliche, it's your father's fault.

My father's? Let me explain.

You hate the sun because it represents him to you.

Because you're very much in love with him.

And you shag anything that moves just to see if he reacts and pays attention to you.

But your father is completely blind.

He doesn't realise that your happiness depends on him.

Your happiness and mine.

Not my happiness, I can tell you that. But why does yours depend on him?

Why hide it from you? I want to shag your dad.

My dad? Professional success isn't everything.

I'm going to call him.

I'm sorry, Princess.

Yes? Yes, put me through.

Hello? It's Susana.

Hello, Susana. Did Sexilia pass by? Yes, I'm here with her.

But you never told me she's been a nymphomaniac since she was a child.

I don't know, I must have forgotten.

You really are a case. Why don't you and I have dinner tonight?

I can't. Not tonight. All right, tomorrow.

Tomorrow I can't, either. The day after?

No, I can't this week. Well, next week.

I'll call you and we'll talk, all right? Goodbye, Susana.

I'm sorry, Princess.

Is something wrong?

It was Sexilia's psychologist. She's a bit of a pain.

I didn't know she was under treatment. Is it serious?

It's nothing. But the other day at a party...

Who's this man?

Don't you know him? He's Dr De la Pena, the biogynaecologist.

The father of artificial insemination? Yes.

I didn't think he was that young.

Ana, I think I like him. Well, forget it.

He's the kind of man who's married to his job.

In his case, that means being sexually obsessed. I'm going to get off with him.

You won't succeed.

Do you want to bet? Your fur coat.

Against your Sevres porcelain. Deal.

And how is Sexilia? I don't know. I barely see her.

Why? Does she go out a lot at night? No, but she leaves her room at 5:00, and I start working at that time, so we don't see each other.

Sexi has an aversion to daylight.

How come?

She just hates it. She had to take night lessons at secondary school...

There is a name for that in psychopathology. My name is Susana Diaz.

Pleased to meet you. I'm a Lacanian psychoanalyst.

I see. Why don't you bring her to my office?

My name is Ana. Pleased to meet you.

I could make her overcome her little phobia of daylight.

I told Sexilia and she found it amusing. Going to therapy is trendy among the youth.

She's been going there for a week, and it would be great if she could overcome her phobia for daylight.

It must be very uncomfortable. Yes.

Here is what you asked for. Thanks.

Anything else? No, thanks.

And, back to our business, are you happy?

Well, imagine. It seems incredible. But it's true.

You're more fertile now than a 15-year-old girl.

We've done a great job, Princess.

Will you tell the Emperor?

I don't know.

Between exile, his cancer...

It must be hard for him. Yes, it must be very hard for him.

Have I told you that I met him? No.

It was one summer 15 years ago on the Costa del Sol.

He was with Sarah and the children.

You know he was very interested in gynaecology.

You're telling me.

Well, I had published an article on artificial insemination that caused a huge stir, and he happened to read it.

He learned that I spent my summers there, called me, and we had a very nice chat.

He told me to call him if I continued with my research. He had an idea.

What idea? He wanted to have many children.

He wanted half his country to carry his blood, and he thought that my theories would make it possible.

Yes, he's a bit crazy. And when he left me, he went even crazier.

Yes, I suppose.

The doctor will help you have your own child. I'm talking from experience.

I was hopeless, too. But you're a bit younger than me.

Never mind. I was totally sterile, and I have the womb of a six-year-old girl.

It's incredible.

So this must all seem like a miracle to you, doesn't it?

Well, you can see. But you should think it over before doing it.

Children don't bring happiness.

And we shouldn't fight against nature. She knows much more than we do.

Now I regret taking this step. How can you say so, with such a beautiful child?

She's going to kill me. Don't say that in front of her.

She doesn't mind. She's used to it. Mum exaggerates a lot, doesn't she?

She has bad nerves. She's so impudent!

Good afternoon. Good afternoon, Doctor.

Hello, Carmen. What are you reading? Come on, don't be rude.

Answer the doctor. I don't want to.

Is this the test-tube child? Oh, I'm sorry. No, don't worry, I'm used to it by now.

Forgive me for asking, but I'm thinking of doing it, too.

Me, too. It's wonderful, isn't it?

You don't know what you're getting into.

Is she completely normal? Yes, I guess so.

But she's a monster. My God, don't say that.

She's so smart. No, she's not an idiot, but I'm fed up with her. Don't exaggerate.

It sometimes happens to children. You know, they're just children.

And a mother must be patient.

Of course. We'd be very patient. I see.

That's what we're here for. Goodbye.

Goodbye. Goodbye.

If I only told you... Get it off your chest. You can tell me.

I used to live with a man who wanted to have a child, but I was sterile.

Then we found this solution.

Do you know what he did when I came home with the child? He left.

What a rotten swine. And now I'm alone with her.

You just need to find another man.

But when? I spend my days working at the airport.

There are opportunities there, people coming and going. And there are loads of men who like test-tube children.

Hi, Sexilia, how are you? Great.

Do you know I'm fertile thanks to your dad? Fertile? What for?

I'm sorry, Princess.

I'm really sorry. Don't worry.

I understand. She's not very well, the poor child. I have a problem with her.

Call me if there is any news. Have a good trip, Princess.

Come in.

Sexi, why did you talk like that to the empress? Former empress, you mean.

She's always kind to you.

I don't like her. I never have, and I can't hide it. I see.

How did it go with your psychologist? Very well. She's funny, she's very crazy.

She's said to be very good. I don't know.

At least she's original. I see.

I have to leave you, I must go back to work. Bye.

"Vitopens. Gives your penis long-lasting strength and hardness."

"Especially indicated for mature, impotent men and those lacking libido."

Good morning. Good morning.

It's all this.

A coat,

a pair of blue trousers,

a leather jacket

and a short dress.

Is it urgent? A bit.

Well, it's impossible in less than five days. All right. Goodbye.

Goodbye. Thanks.

You are divine.

Queti, go buy my tea.

Bladderwrack tea. Don't forget. I'll go right now.

Queti? Yes?

Bring me my tea.

"Benzamuro. Calms sexual desire."

"Neutralises sexual energy of strong animals in heat."

Dad, here's your tea.

Darling? Yes?

Can you put some cream on my back? Yes, I'll do it right now.

Turn around a little, please.

That's it. Slowly. Softly.

Here. Here?


It's a pity these wrinkles aren't like the ones on trousers.

I wish I could iron them out.

What do you do to look so young? Nothing.

Nothing? You always say that. You always ask that.

And you're only two years younger than me.

Don't start again, Dad, please. Don't call me Dad.

I've told you not to call me Dad. What's up? Same story all over again?

This is not right. It's not right, Dad.

This is not right. Either you're schizophrenic or you do it to turn me on. Come here.

Let's go to bed. No, I have a lot to do. I have to do laundry.

I have to do the ironing, and there's lots of it.

I'll help you out later... This is very wrong, Dad.

You like it this way, don't you? You're debauched.

I married a woman who, on top of having a dual personality, is a bit debauched.

But I love you the same when you say you're my daughter and when you say you're my wife.

If instead of two personalities you had four, I'd love each and every one of them.

"The son of the Emperor of Tiran exiled in Madrid."

Hello. Hello.

Could I speak to Mohamed? This is his aunt.

What are you doing? Are you alone? Not anymore.

Do you have a place? No. I live in a hotel, but I don't want to go there.

Mohamed, I'm fertile. At last! I knewyou'd succeed.

Well, I live with a few friends and... We'll do a group session.

No, no, no. They're not gay?

No, we're medical students. Okay, I'll just go with you, then.

By the way, I need you to do me a very special favour.

I need a bit of the Emperor's semen. I'll tell you how to send it to me.

Come with me.

Is it true Riza is in Madrid?

Yes, I want to meet him. This is the coolest city in the world, and he's so modern...

Do you have his address? No.

I'd really like to see him. You have to find out where he is, how I can find him.

Look in the bathhouses, in gay bars. Well, you know.

I can't talk, somebody's coming. This place is full of spies.

Go on.

It's a bit messy here. We'd better go to my room.

I really like you. It's been a long time since I liked somebody so much.

You smell so good.

And that picture?

That's me. It was at a party. I dressed up like the women of my country.

Are you from Tiran? Yes.

And you? You look Arab, too. I'm English, but my mum is from Morocco.

Are you leaving already? I forgot I had things to do.

Wouldn't you like a repeat? I'm sorry, but I'm in a hurry.

Well, give me a telephone number, some way to contact you.

I can't remember right now.

Besides, your friends are here. Well...

Can you imagine if what the magazines say were true?

If that's the case, we'll have to plan it carefully.

Sadec. Wow.

Sadec. What's going on?

Sadec, how dare you bring someone here? He could have seen the guns.

I'm sorry. Riza Niro is in Madrid.

Really? We thought we could kidnap him.

Of course. Then his father will have to give us back what he stole from us.

But do you have his address? No.

You'll have to use your sense of smell. But I'd need to smell his clothes first.

That's fine. We'll ask our spy in Contadora to send us something.

Let him send us his address. It'll be easier. I don't think he can. They're watching him.

They might send us a piece of clothing.

Enjoy, enjoy. Enjoy it more. Look at me. Look at me with lewd eyes.

Look at me. Get closer. Get closer to the drill.

You want that drill. Yes, try to lick it.

Try. Yes, yes. You like it. You like the taste of it.

Fine. You're getting the drill, right, Pablo? Perfect.

Yes? Very good. Now, come a little. No! No!

Yes, yes, yes. Very good. Yes, yes! Yes!

I want more. I deserve it. Say "I deserve it". I deserve it.

I deserve it. More.

Shout, "I'm terrible". I'm terrible!

Terrible. I'm terrible, perverted!

Very good. Destroy me!

Fabio, now phone and ask permission. Phone a friend.

All right. But make it short.

Make it short, and watch what you say. Hi, So-and-so.

So-and-so calls you. She wants to talk and take you to some tacky bar to have salad for lunch.

Or better yet, a tuna empanada. And then you say, "Darling, I have to hang up. A sadistic killer is literally tearing me apart."

"If I survive, I'll call you back and give you the details."

Something like that, but always posing for the camera.

Darling, I have to hang up. A sadistic killer is literally tearing me apart, and I have to wait for him to finish. "Well, if I survive..."

If I survive... Open, open there.

...I'll go out later and we can go to a tacky place to eat something greasy. Beans with sausage.

All right, darling. Goodbye.

That's it. Now, Fabio, here.

No, but keep smoking and enjoying.

It itches, of course. You have a sexual itch.

Fabio, up here. Yes, that's it.

Now drill him. Put the drill next to his neck and drill his neck. That's the final moment.

Fabio, no. Take another one. It's the last picture of the photonovel.

Use your acting talent. That's it. That's enough, isn't it?

Isn't it? Very good.

Pedro, can I borrow him one second? Hello, Johnny.

Fabio, you have a visitor. How are you doing, Johnny?

It's my new look for Photo Porno Sexy Fever.

They've destroyed you. I'm Soft Queen Killer Bang.

Have you got a minute? I'd like to talk. I have all the time in the world...

And can we talk here? love you and destroy you with a kiss of death.

I want to change my look. I see.

I want you to completely transform me. No problem.

I'm the most sought-after beautician in the gutters of New York, LA and Berlin.

Here I have The Golden Book of a Coiffeur.

Coiffeurs of Paris. Very big and loose. No, no.

Styles for day and night. No.

For the woman... No, no. This won't do. No.

For the woman who is very sporty and very mischievous.

This isn't bad, but it'd be too much. I want something simpler, more...

More trendy, more... More confusing.

Simple was never trendy.

Besides, I think... Trendy is always futuristic.

Futurism is glitter. I don't have so much to do it with.

I don't have enough hair. It must be simple, but very colourful.

There are some gorgeous wigs. Raffia, nylon... But look at what I have.

With this, I don't know.

Some crazy colour from London could shock the eyes.

Take my disguise. Do what you want with me, I don't care.

I'll turn you into the queen of Halloween.

They're the best. They're great. There they are.

There aren't many people in the audience. No, but they are enthusiastic. Ask them.

Do you like them? They're the best!

Wait, let's ask some people. What do you think?

They're crap. She's just envious.

A thousand for a bit of hash.

Hey, where's the toilet?

Over there. I can't hear anything. Where?

Wait here, Fabio.

Los Melancolicos can't perform.

You know why, of course. I know.

So Ellos will perform instead. Ellos.

Ellos will perform. Ellos.

Do the introductions, come on. Let's go.

Los Melancolicos can't be with you tonight due to problems with drugs, child trafficking, white slavery and a few other things.

But instead, we'll have a group you all know and hate.

Their name is Ellos. But until they arrive, my friend and I will improvise a song if the deejay doesn't mind playing a random funky backing track.

We're going to sing it right now. Okay, let's go.

How could you change the program? We don't want to work with Ellos.

If you forget, I don't. Nor do we.

I've talked with Sonobox and they want to record your album.

Our album?

This is great. My God.

Stay away from my boyfriend, you slapper.


Eusebio, my darling! We have to go to the hospital!

To the hospital, sweetie.

We have to perform. Perform? Look at us!

Bastard. What do we do now?

I don't know what he tripped over.

Where's the toilet? The toilet? Come with me.

Let's go to the VIP area.

What, don't you sing?

I have a sore throat. And you?

I'm shy.

Why don't you sing? Yeah, right, I'm past it.

Don't be stupid, but...

Let's think of something. We'll have to think of something.

How's it going? We can play instrumental songs.

What a great jacket. Do you like it?

I love it. Want to try it on?

Yes. Don't be shy.

I love your make-up. Do you like cosmetics?

I love this. It's mine.

Do you play with it? No, we use it to put on make-up.

Is this for the cheeks? Yes. You look good.

Do you know a song called Big Bargain? Big Bargain, yes, I heard it at Fabio's place.

Great, you've given me a wonderful idea.

This is great. Awesome.

I'm on fire. What do you think?

Who, me? Yes.

I always wanted to be a rock star. Great, congratulations. What's your name?

Johnny. You did great.

The audience is mad for it.

Even Sonobox liked it. They're going to sign a contract with us.

Really? They liked it?

Not only you, but the girls, too. Am I singing?

You have to. Those bitches?

Bitches and whatever you want, but they're really hot.

Yes, yes.

The important thing is that you're happy.

You, new guy, pick a number. Seven.

My favourite number. Take a line.

What a great success. We have to celebrate.

Why don't you come home and have a drink? To your place?

Well, yes.

Do you want to come to a party? At Garces' place.

Let's go.

What's up with you?

Bloody hell.

Stop, guys. What's up?

I don't feel like it today.

You can't leave now. Haven't you had enough?

Come on, stay.

What's up? Is something wrong?

No, nothing. It must be today's emotions, I don't know.

Let's leave it for some other time. You don't mind?

Hi. Hi.

May I come in? Yes, of course.

You must be wondering why I'm here. I'm glad you came.

I went to an orgy after the concert, but I could only think of you.

Do you think I'm crazy? No.

Same thing happened to me. I couldn't sleep all night.

Really? I couldn't get you out of my head.

Get into bed, you'll get cold.

Do you want to lie down, too? I'll lie down for a while.

I'm really glad you came.

I'm dead tired. Do you want to sleep?

Sexi, I want to see you again. Me, too.

But if you live here, it'll be trouble with Santi. As you can see, we can't stand each other.

I don't live here. My things are in a hotel. That's better.

But don't tell them a word about this.

It'd be a lot of trouble, and I don't want to let you go.

That'll be difficult.

I have to leave in a month's time. I don't live in Madrid.

Really? Where do you live? I'll go with you, no matter where.

In Panama. On the island of Contadora.

On an island? I hate the sea and the beach. It drives me mad.

Why don't we move somewhere else?

My family lives there. I don't understand.

I'm the son of the Emperor of Tiran. I'm incognito in Madrid.

You're Riza Niro?

That's why your face looked familiar to me.

I didn't want to tell anybody, but I can't lie to you.

I'll go with you, no matter where.

And your family? And the group? My dad doesn't care what I do.

And the girls... I'll think of something.

But you can't breathe a word to them, especially with all this going on.

I'll lie to them. Don't ever lie to me. I hate it.

To you? I couldn't. Very well.

Wait here a moment, please.

Those clothes are mine. I'm sorry. I didn't notice.

What cheek! I swear this is the first time I wore them.

If you had asked for them, you could have borrowed them.

Well, there's a taxi waiting for me. I'll give you a lift.

Come on. But I'm embarrassed.

Don't be shy.

Come in.

You're so nice.

I'm a fan of yours, you know?

I've been to all of your concerts. Really?

I know all your songs by heart.

I love imitating you. That's why I'm wearing your clothes.

Don't worry. Do you like music? Yes.

It's the only thing that makes me forget. Why, aren't you happy with your life?

No. I'd trade it for anybody else's.

How come? I have a lot of problems.

Everybody has problems. But I'm traumatised.

Come on. Tell me, I'm sure it's not that bad.

My mother left us a few months ago. Now I live with my father, but he's crazy.

He mistakes me for my mother from time to time. And then he forces me.

Do you mean he rapes you? Yes.

And do you let him? You don't know how he gets.

He goes out of his mind. I don't know what to do.

Perhaps you like it. No, of course I don't like it.

The thing is, you get used to everything.

Does he do it very often?

Every second day. Incredible. And doesn't he ever skip one?

Never. He takes an aphrodisiac every second day, you know? And that's when he rapes me.

You have to give him an antidote. That's what I do. What did you think?

But it has no effect.

I have a friend called Paco. He's a chemist. He might tell us what to do.

I ironed your shirt. Very well.

And don't forget to wear a cotton T-shirt. It's very cold in Oslo.

All right. Take care of my parakeets. Don't worry, I will.

See if they sing, it's important... I know. Don't worry.

I'll take care of the birds.

Hello. Hello, Sexi.

I'm going to Oslo for a couple of days. Do you want something from there?

>From Oslo? I can't think of anything. Do you want anything from Oslo?

Me? No, thanks. You're very kind. Don't bring her anything.

I'm going to pack my luggage. See you later.

Shall we make some coffee? The girls are coming for a rehearsal.

I'll make coffee and some juice. Would you like to stay?

Yes, but not for long. I have to leave early. Okay.

What a pity. Nobody called you this morning.

The telephone didn't ring once. There's nothing we can do about it.

I'll make the juice.

Cherries, raspberries... I'll make a cocktail. And I'll also put some papaya in it.

But there's no papaya in Spain. Never mind, I'll use some bananas.

At last, I'm shattered.

I love your walls.

The colours are great. Aren't they?

I just love them. The combination is awesome. Look at it. Pink...

I love it. And your father...

He's very good-looking. I like him a lot. He's very successful.

That's great. Doesn't your mother mind his being so successful?

My mother died a while ago. I'm sorry.

This is too much. Is that your robe? Yes.

Hi, Paco, it's Sexi. Hi, Sexi, how are you?

I'm sitting here with a friend.

She has some problems because her father takes an aphrodisiac every second day and rapes her.

Do you know any antidote?

What does her father take? Wait a second.

Hey, what does your father take? Vitopens.

Vitopens. But that's pure dynamite. There's no antidote.

She's giving him something against it. Ask her what it's called.

Wait. What do you give him against Vitopens? Benzamuro.

Benzamuro. Benzamuro?

That's an awful mix. It causes paranoia. She must stop giving him that.

I'll tell her right now. I'll call you one of these days.

I hope you will. Goodbye.

Listen, you can't give him Benzamuro. The mix is what makes him paranoid.

Really? Yes. Unless you want him to shag you every day.

No. Then there's nothing we can do.

That's not the point. I'm going to take this off, I can't stand it.

Hello. Hello.

What's up? Queti, Angustias and Nana.

How are you doing? Hello.

I'm tired but delighted, darling. That's good.

Do you work in the music industry? No, I'm just a fan of Sexi's.

I see. One of my fans.

Leave that thing alone, it makes me nervous.

The thing is, I'd like to be a singer like her.

Well, go ahead. It's the best life. Really?

I had a huge complex, but I started to play the drums and now I'm cured.

Why did you have a complex? Let me explain.

She had very fat thighs.

Weak nails. And dry lips.

And I swallow air when I eat, so I fart.

That's all easy to solve. I don't think so.

You'll see. I'll give you something for your lips. Really?

I'll love it. Look.

Shut up. She says I scratch.

Try this. Are you sure?

Ten grams of cocoa butter, three of castor oil... Let's see. gram of KTQ extract, two drops of birch oil and five grams of vadiana oil. Use it and you'll be a new woman.

Where did you learn all that?

Nowhere. I learned this at home. My father has a lot of problems...

He buys every single beauty magazine, and I read them, too.

So if you want anything, just let me know.

Give me something to be ugly. She needs something to be more intelligent.

Yes, my God. Look.

I can give you some gum if you want. Do you have mint?

Mint flavour? I have electric and rubber. It's up to you.

Come on! No way!

No. No! Come on.

Oh, my God! Come on, girl!

Come on, I'll give you something for your thighs. For my thighs? Yes.

And for your flatulence. Don't say a word, but that's my biggest complex.

I'm not surprised. I'll give you something.

You have to do five push-ups every morning in front of the window, naked if possible.

Five? Cold, freezing.

How are you doing? Very well.

Hello. Hello, dear.

I have great news. Do you?

Yes. The guys are recording with Sonobox.

Wow. That's great.

But it's good news. It's a record company like all the others. A bunch of bastards, but it's a record company. I didn't know about it.

You look relaxed. So I give you the news and you just... But what do you want?

Didn't you know? No.

Sexi, I have to leave. Okay. I'll ring you at the dry cleaner's.

Great, and I'll give this back. I promise. Don't worry about it.

Goodbye. Goodbye.

If this works, I'll owe you one.

Be very careful with her. She's a nasty nymphomaniac.

At first we were a duo. Then she was in the group for a while, but we had to kick her out. All she thought about was sex.

Now she's formed a group with these two guys' ex-girlfriends and they only want to give us a hard time. The less you talk to them the better.

Hello. Hello. What's up?

Hey, how are you? How's your leg? Fine. I heard you're recording an album.

So I'm out now that I'm injured? Look...

I sing with my mouth, not with my leg.

Yes, but the company wants Johnny to sing. They saw him and they liked him better.

We're sorry. I see. You're a bunch of bastards.

I'd thrash you if I weren't injured. Eusebio!

Eusebio, you're going to fall down. Relax.

I told you they'd kick you out before you even knew. My God.


Relax. And what's with you, poof?

Watch out. What are you doing?

Relax. Don't touch me. Eusebio, come on, let's go.

You'll hear from me. And you from us, about the papers.

Leave it, guys.

You know what? I'm glad. Anyway, you've been...

How long have you been with them? Two, three years? And you've made no money.

As if I would sing in a girl band. We won't get anywhere like this, Eusebio.

We're not two kids anymore, and I just want to get married.

You should study computer science. I've heard there's a great future there.

What's up?

You won't believe it if I explain. Try, see what happens.

I have a very good sense of smell. Better than normal.

I've been looking for a friend for a few days and one of you smells of him.

Are you kidding or what? Eusebio, leave him. He's obviously high.

What are you doing? Your hand smells of him. Just tell me one thing.

Who have you touched this evening? Come on. What's your friend's name?

I don't know. Come on, pal, that's enough.

I tolerate junkies, but enough is enough. Don't be stupid. Go on, sod off.

Sadec, we've received the parcel from our spy in Contadora.

They're sending a shirt of Riza Niro's. Really?

They couldn't get his address. We'll have to look for him.

You'll have to give us a hand. Don't count on my nose.

It's seized up. What's wrong? Have you got a cold?

No, I'm in love. What?

In love? Yes. I hadn't told you this, but when I'm in love I can only smell that person.

I can only smell the guy I met the other day. This is too much.

Sadec, you realise what this kidnapping means for Tiranian people.

I understand, but I have my own problems.

Do you think your love life is more important than the fate of your people?

It is to me. You're perverse.

Thanks to that and his nose, he can find Riza easier than us.

Look. He's also a homosexual.

The places they go to are dumps.

We'll plan everything tomorrow. I'm very tired now.

It's him!

It's him!

It's him!

Dad, I'm going to do the shopping. All right.

Don't take too long. There's a lot to do. I won't, Dad.

Come on, before he reads the letter and comes out running.

The taxi is waiting for us there.

Are you sure you want to do this? Of course.

I've brought a suitcase with my clothes. I'll go visit you as soon as I can.

Great. But you can call me whenever you want.

Everything is paid for, so that's not a problem. Fantastic.

Are you nervous? I'm delighted.

And how're things with you?

It's wonderful. I feel like crazy. The thing is, it's so beautiful it scares me sometimes. Why?

You have a lot of experience with men, Sexi. I know.

But my experience won't help me here. With him I want to be different.

And what's he like in bed? I don't know.

What? You haven't shagged him? No. I don't know.

I don't want it to be the same with him as with the others.

But I'm sure he's longing for it. Hasn't he laid a hand on you?

Now that I think of it, he hasn't. Do you think he doesn't find me attractive?

Come on, don't be stupid.

I'm sure he's horny all the time. But you've become so discreet...

Sure. I told him since the beginning that we should respect each other.

You told him that? That's so old-fashioned. You don't look the same anymore.

Neither do you.


Gorgeous. It's the best.

Good morning. Hi. We lack everything but want nothing.

At least let me show you what I have.

How long do you need? Just one minute.

One minute? All right. Go ahead. Yes.

These are made of a cosmic metal, mined from the Earth's core.

I don't understand. I'm uneducated. I thought so, but it's not your fault.


Due to its proximity to the centre of the Earth, it channels the positive vibrations of the stars.

That sounds good.

Since you were a child, you've always had a clear influence from the stars.

I didn't know that. You've probably only received bad vibrations.

I've received all of those. Of course, so...

You should try to change your situation. Should I buy a medal from you?

Yes, one or two. This will change your luck.

My love life? It will be completely satisfactory.

And work-wise? Work-wise? Do you have a job? No, you don't.

If you did, you wouldn't need to do much and you'd have loads of money.

All right, your minute is over. Aren't you going to buy a medal?

I'm not interested. For a poor relative?

I have no relatives, rich or poor. All right.


What are you doing here? I live here. I've been talking to my mother.

You look very good. You've changed a lot.

I was a child when you met me, and now I'm a woman.

And what a woman! Thanks.

Are you going anywhere? To Pontejos, to buy tape for my hats.

And what are you doing here? Nothing much, just selling some medals.

Do you want to come with me? Yes, sure.

Shall we take the lift? Yes, it's here.

Very well. Come in.

Good afternoon. Good afternoon.

Thanks. Hi.

You don't have dry lips anymore. No weak nails, either.

And your thighs are thinner. By the way, in case you want to know, I don't swallow air anymore. I don't get bloated and I don't fart.

Will you forgive me someday? It depends. We'll see.

We should date again. And the group?

They don't need to know. Don't they?

And Sexilia? I won't say anything.

Take them, take them.

Soft as silk. They're yours, not mine.

We talk much about love, but we haven't discussed sex yet.

Please, can't you go a few days without sex? Of course. But it's not about that.

Please, understand this. It's the first time I've been with a guy without shagging him and without taking drugs, and I feel very good.

I want you to know my past. I've had affairs and I'd like... I'd rather not know. I'd get very jealous.

Leave the past behind. Yours and mine.

I've had affairs as well. More than you, that's for sure.

You know what? Let's think about the future. The future. That's the problem.

I can only offer you a future full of luxury and uncertainty.

But don't think about that now.

Enjoy making your album and then we'll go to Contadora, and we'll see.

Would you like to be an empress?

It would be an experience. My mother wants us to go back to Tiran.

I'm sure it's not more difficult than managing bitches like Angustias and Nana.

Shall I make your bed? No, thanks.

Come in.

Can I make your bed, madam? Yes.

Do you think I look good? Yes. You look as good as in the magazines.

Don't you even dare ring me. I don't want to know anything about you.

But you can ring me whenever you want. Keep your generosity for your husband.

I've given you the best I had. And the worst, too.

When a woman like me gives herself, she gives it all.

We've arrived. Please, stop here a moment. I'll go on.

Darling, think of it. We're still in time to go back.

I want to erase you from my life.

I found you here and I'll leave you here, too. This time I won't come in. I'll just go by.

As if I hadn't met you. All right. Too bad for you.

You're a swine. And don't you ever ring me!

You, either. Come on.

Darling, I'm back.

Remedios, is that you?

At last! I couldn't live without you.

And our child? Queti? She's gone.

That's normal. If I had left at her age, I wouldn't have done it now.

But the important thing is that you're back.

You don't know how sad it is to be abandoned by your wife and your daughter.

Especially once you're old. Don't say that.

You look better every day. But look, I took care of myself, in case you came back. You're so good to me.

I won't leave ever again. I promise.

Besides, our girl will come to visit us one of these days.

She'll tell us she's happy and she'll be more experienced. You'll see.

You know much about life, so if you say so...


Good morning. What have you brought?

You look amazing. How did you lose so much weight?

Doctor! How are you?

Hello, Susana. What a coincidence. It's no coincidence. I came to see you.

I can't. I have to leave now. Please, let's have a coffee.

All right, a coffee. Sure.

I wanted to talk to you about Sexilia. She's not coming to my office, and I'm worried.

I guess that means she doesn't need you. She looks much better lately.

But what would you know? You don't know her, and you haven't taken care of her.

Did you come to tell me off? No. Not at all.

I came to talk about sex. I want to have sex with you.

I'll be honest. I've never been interested in sex, not even when I was young.

There's something dirty and disgusting about the union of two bodies.

That's why I've devoted my work to artificial insemination.

But how can someone so elegant and handsome, with that voice and those suggestive eyes, say something so stupid?

It's because you haven't had proper sex. Please.

I can prove you wrong. Tell me.

Please, Susana. Tell me one thing. Is there something you like?

Do you do anything special in bed? Tell me.

Tell me. You can trust me, I'm a psychologist. Tell me. I'm not fastidious.

Waiter, the bill, please. I like everything.

You can trust me... Keep the change.

Can't you? I think we've talked enough.

No, no. Don't worry, it was a scientific joke. Wait, please.

I'm a devoted researcher.

If you don't like experiments, we can stick to theory. We can work together.

Please, let go of me. People are looking at us.

Don't worry about me. The girl... Thanks.

She still has some problems. You and I can help her...

Leave us both alone. But I finally...

Good morning, Princess. Good morning.

There's a telegram for you.

"Riza is staying in the same hotel as you. Room number three."

"Couldn't get Emperor's semen. Sarah furious to know you are fertile."

Hello. Hello.

Don't you recognise me? No, I don't think so.

I think we'll get to know each other soon.

What are you doing here? And you?

I asked first.

You wouldn't imagine. No.

Can't you tell? You're a bitch.

How dare you?

You are the biggest man-eater in the country. That was before. Riza's love has changed me.

Riza's love? Yes, we're together.

That's terrible. I can't even imagine it.

Why have you done it? You've had everything a woman wants. Money, beauty, fame.

You've been an empress. You've done movies. What else do you want?

I have a long-standing debt with his father and the people of Tiran.

And Toraya always pays.

You haven't given up. History has been unfair to me.

I had to prove they were wrong. And did you have to shag my boyfriend?

He's a Salebi. That's enough. You're crazy.

Riza could have had better taste. Really?

I was the first woman in his life. You're nuts!

Ask him. Sexi, I didn't think you'd come so early.

Yes, I see. Well...

Let me explain. Probably... Have you told her she was your first woman?

Yes, but let me explain. There's nothing to explain!

It's not what you are thinking.

When I said there shouldn't be lies I meant with other people, not each other.

Sexi, I love you.

Stop lying. You're the most important thing in my life.

If you wanted to shag... No, no. only had to say so. This is ridiculous. We spoke so much about love.

Is this love?

Don't worry. I'll never fall in love again. Sexi!

Who's calling like that? Oh, it's you.

I knew you'd come back. The sun.

The sun in Spain.

Wait for me here. I'll be with you right now.

Alicia, I'm sorry. We can't continue. Someone has worse problems than you.

Worse than me? I don't think so. Don't be stupid. Sit down, come on.

I don't want to. I should throw myself out of the window and cut the psychology thing.

I'd be better off. Take this pill.

Relax, now. Sleep. Be good.

Sleep, sleep. And who's going to the airport this afternoon? Crappy psychologists!

The sun is very hot.

The sun is burning me.

Where are you? On the beach, and he's by my side.

We're playing.

Drill me a little hole. A hole.

To breathe.

What's up?

Riza, let's play hide-and-seek.

Can you fetch us?

Why are you so cruel? Just like your father. Don't reject me, too. Don't you like me?

Riza, you could make me pregnant. Please, don't leave.

Come with me. Come on. Leave her. Let's play. I like you so much. Please, don't leave.

He prefers her.

Dad, Dad, come here. I can't right now.

There's a lady here. Come. I can't right now.

Come! I can't. I have to talk to that man. Let go.

Hey, do you want to play husband and wife with us?

I want to, too. Me, too.

Yes, I'll be the wife of you all.

Life is so unfair to me!

Madam! Hello, Melinda.

The telephone didn't stop ringing today.

A friend called to say she's waiting for you in the bar around the corner.

And when did she call? Just now. About 10 minutes ago.

A boy called, too, Manuel Angel. Yes.

He'll be waiting for you this afternoon on Orellana Street to take some pictures. All right.

But look at you, you look ragged! Turn around.

A foreigner called, too. And what did he say?

He said... He phoned several times. Tell me what he said.

He said he was rehearsing, and it was urgent. Okay.

And Angel phoned, too.

He wanted to have dinner with her tonight. And little Carolina, a friend from her childhood. They went to school together.

This is crazy.

Hi. Have you finished yet? What do you think?

I thought you weren't coming. What's up? Are you tired?

Order something simple. I'm knackered. Thanks, I don't want anything.

What's up? I went to see Johnny in the morning.

I haven't told you yet, but he's the son of the Emperor of Tiran.

You're kidding!

Let's go to the toilet, you have to change your clothes.

And we're very obvious here. I'll tell you later. Let's go.

When I left the hotel, I decided not to see him ever again.

But after knowing about Toraya and the beach... I don't know.

You have to tell him everything. What happened on the beach happened again in the hotel, but you're not 10 anymore. Don't let Toraya win again.

You're right. But why did he have to sleep with her?

Is it so hard to live without sex for a few days?

Don't be silly. Who cares about one fuck more or less?

It's all clear now and you love him. Find him and explain that to him.

Or do you prefer Toraya to go with him to Tiran, overthrow the regime and become empress?

You're right. You can't make it easy for her.

Besides, if you don't go with Riza, what would we do, now we're identical?

You're right. There's no turning back.

I'll go to his rehearsal. The keys to my house are in your jacket.

Take the suitcase. And you have an appointment at 5:00 to take some pictures.

Hurry up.

Melinda, how do I look? You look very beautiful, madam.

Don't I look a bit weird? No more than usual.

I have to take some pictures for the album.

Go see your father and be nice to him. He looks very sad.

My father? But I'm in a hurry, I haven't got time. I have to do...

Take him this tea and talk to him. Where is he?

In his office. Third door on the right. Of course, the office. Where's my mind?

This girl is incredible! She has no memory! She's lived here for 20 years and can't find her way!

Dad, you've been here for hours. Have some tea, it will do you good.

What's wrong?

I've never told anybody, but I feel frustrated with my job.


There's no happiness in anything I do.

Mari Carmen, the test-tube girl, is not normal. She's a monster.

And the parakeets don't sing.

If they don't sing, they aren't perfect. So I've done an imperfect job.

Let me think. If the birds don't sing, there are only two possible reasons.

They're either old or sad. And you just made them, so they can't be old.

In that case, they must be sad.

And what can I do? Give them vitamins and antibiotics.

I happen to have some here. I'll give it to them.

You might be right. I hadn't thought of that.

You should take some, too, Dad. You work too much.

Your psychologist is right when she says I should get to know you better.

It can't be today. I have to take some pictures, but if you want, tonight we can have dinner together. All right. Where shall we go?

Right here. I'll cook. But can you cook?

Very well.

And I don't want to see you like this when I come back.

It's been a wonderful experience, but I have to leave you.

What are you saying? You just recorded the album. How dare you?

It's dangerous for me to stay here, and it could affect you, too.

What's he talking about? He's always kept things from us.

Yes, I have.

But I want to give you a present before I leave, so you can buy clothes and records.

Wicked. Wait a moment.

This is not necessary.

What's this for? This?

For the cover of our album. Are you recording an album?

Of course.

And why did you come here? We want to shine like lamps.

You were playing at Carolina the other day, weren't you?

Yes, did you see it? How did you like it? You were crap.

You're just so rude, darling.

And cheeky as a bitch. I'm going to break your lamps if you don't shut up.

And I'll make your face look like a spotlight.

You're just naff.

Sorry I'm late. What's wrong with your voice?

How do I look? I have a bit of a cold.

Kiss her and infect her. She's a bitch.

Eusebio, look who's here. Forget them.

This is great for our living room.

Babe, look at this. It's just too cute!

Pick the one you like.

Really? Really.

I'd like the glass to stand out.

This... It's a bit naff, isn't it?

Maybe a little, but it doesn't matter. Let it be naff.

As long as it's shiny.

"Riza Niro disappeared from Panama to live a happy exile in Madrid."

"We will reward the person who takes us to him. Call 2618430 any time."

Eusebio, they're all so pretty. I can't make up my mind.

Darling, isn't he that queer, Johnny?

He looks a bit like him. Doesn't he?


Isn't this the guy who replaced me?

Yes, he looks a bit like him. Definitely. Why?

Can you see this? Riza Niro. The son of the Emperor of Tiran?

Listen, this says he's the son of the Emperor of Tiran. The singer from Ellos.

Awesome. This will be great for promotion.

That's bullshit. It has nothing to do with Riza. Look at him.

Where are they now? Rehearsing.

Look at him. Excuse me, is there a telephone here?

Downstairs. My God...

I have to make a phone call... My boyfriend goes first.

But... Let go!

Come here, bitch. If I catch you... Come here! Leave me alone!

You old cow! You're naff!

Your father's naff!

Hello? I'm calling about the advert. Yes, the Emperor's son sings with a band.

Who are you? The money.

Muslim students. Their name is "Ellos".

They're rehearsing. How much is the reward?

All right. The address is 220 Warble Street. Don't give them the address.

I'll see you there. Eusebio, for God's sake, how do you intend to collect the reward?

You're stupid, my love, you're thick. Walk. Come on, let's go.

It'll take us forever with your leg.


One second, I'll let them know. Do you know if they're rehearsing?

Yes. Can you tell them they have a call? Who is it?

Hello? Is Sexilia around?

Queti, it's Sexi. What's up? Eusebio has called the Muslims about Riza.

They're on their way. Get out, fast! No.

Thanks, I'll tell him right now. Goodbye.

We have to go to the studio right away. But I'm having dinner with my dad.

With your dad? What's up with him now? I had a sudden rush of filial love.

Let's go. Let's go.

You've been discovered! The Muslims are on their way.

It had to happen sooner or later.

What are you talking about? What's up?

Nothing. I'm the son of the Emperor of Tiran. And I'm being chased right now.

Riza Niro? Riza Niro?

Come on, we have no time to spare. Why don't we all go to Contadora?

That's it! This money will be enough. Give me that.

Do you have your passports?

Yes. What a coincidence.

Okay, then, let's go.

And our record? And promotion?

And our work? I've enough money for us all. To the Caribbean!

Can I come to the airport, if you don't mind? To the airport?

You're coming to Contadora with me, like we had planned.

Otherwise, I'll stay here and let them catch me. No!

Where are you going so fast? To the airport.

But please, don't tell anybody.

I have to hang up. My laxative is taking effect. I'll call you later, okay? Bye.

Where are they? They're not here. Let go, I'm crapping myself.

Where are they? They left.

Where? To the airport.

All of them? Yes, all of them.

Long ago? Yes, yes.

Let go! I like you. I have no time now, but I'll be back.

Paca, are they in there? What's up? They left.

Where? I'll crap myself right here.

To the airport. I can't hold it anymore! Have you seen some Muslim guys, madam?

I don't understand. Muslim is like Arab. Dark skin and hair.

There are very dark and weird people around here. I can't hold it anymore.

Madam, please. I can't anymore.

I can't hold it anymore, let me go in!

I'm Jaime Roca, from Howmagazine. I wanted to interview Ellos.

Where did they go? To the airport.

You can go in now. To the airport, come on!


I wanted to explain everything and apologise. I used to like boys until I met you.

You made me forget them, but my past was torturing me.

I didn't know if it would work with you. I tried to explain, but you never let me.

That doesn't explain the thing with Toraya. She's not a boy, that I know.

She came into my room. When she asked me to have sex with her, I didn't hesitate.

She was the first woman I had sex with, but not the love of my life as she said.

Do you understand it? It was just training.

I knew you were very experienced, and I was scared of disappointing you.

You didn't trust me very much, did you? I've also been a bit silly.

I was a nymphomaniac until I met you. I know, I'd heard.

But that was long ago. Now I only like you.

But I have to tell you something very important. It's all Toraya's fault.

Why? I told you she has nothing to do with it.

Your nymphomania and mine. My phobia for sun and all that.

No, I told you I used her. Not at all.

Do you remember 15 years ago, when you spent the summer on the Costa del Sol?

Passengers flying to Contadora, please board through gate number four.

To Contadora. To Contadora.

Can't you hear that? The flight will depart in five minutes.

Can we buy tickets here? Over there, I don't know.

Come on.

Christ! Poofs!

I can smell him. Over here. Now!

To the Caribbean!

If they took a plane, where would they go? To Contadora, of course.

Of course.

Are there any flights to Panama? Yes, it's taking off right now.

Call the pilot. They can't take off. Why?

There's a bomb. Well, I'm afraid you're late.

And some passengers have infectious diseases. Yes.

Leave me alone. People know what they're exposed to when they board on a plane.

We have to get into that plane. You should have come earlier.

Have you seen four trendy girls?

Very beautiful girls. One was wearing glasses.

They went to Panama. What's up? Panama?

One of them is the son of the Emperor of Tiran. Sure, and I'm Genoveffa di Brabante.

Go pull your mother's leg, bastard!

Wanker! Did the four of them leave, or only one?

They're all on the plane!

And there's a bomb, and some passengers with infectious diseases, too.

Anything else? I won't forgive Angel for this.

He stood me up again. I won't forgive Gonzalo.

Where are those Muslims? Have they come?

Look where they are. To my left. Come on, say something to them.

It can't be them. They're from Madrid.

Did you get back together with Gonzalo? Yes, months ago, but...

Sexi and you were in such a mood, and I was afraid you'd kick me out of the band.

The truth is that I'm back with Angel, too. But do you know what I'm going to do?

Eusebio, don't you see they're very dark, almost Arab-like?

It's them. It can't be them.

If you don't talk to them, I will. Shut up.

Shut up at once. And if I don't go, what are we doing?

Madam, madam. Mute!

Did you get any questions from a tall, dark boy, with an Arab look?

Do you want to know why they left? Yes, hello.

I'm Jaime Roca and I was supposed to interview him.

I'm his manager.

Where is he? They went to Panama.

Damn! This is bad luck. We're always late for everything.

Oh my, she's Toraya. Are you Toraya? I'm Princess Toraya.

She's Empress Toraya.

Perfect, that's exactly what we need. Go out and park the car.

Would you mind taking some photos with my beautiful girls?

Please. I don't want to.

They sing and they'll be very famous. Just a few photos.

Are you the Muslims?

And you're the one we talked to on the phone. Yes.

What's up with the money? Nothing.

How do you mean? It's not my fault that Niro has left.

So give me the money, come on.

Shut up and watch out. We'll be around.

Eusebio, did you get angry? No.

Those guys have... What are you talking about?

Those Muslim guys who were here. Muslims? The ones I told you?

Eusebio, you're so good that sometimes you're stupid.

Everybody fools you.

This is a huge mess. You know nothing about it, so we can talk outside if you want.

Goodbye, girls. Goodbye, Princess.

What's up? So you were hanging out with them?

And you notice now? You're a little slow. With my ideas and this story, you'll get huge promotion.

Look, I'm fed up with you playing with our feelings, you know?

Stars have no feelings, darling. Remember that, because you can't afford them.

First I'm a woman, and then I'm a star. And so are you, right? Tell him.

Come on, sometimes I really like being a star.

It's a pity we were so late for the interview. Don't worry. You'll soon have huge news.

What's it about? You'll know soon.

My wallet!

I think my wallet has been stolen!

One second, Princess. I'll be right back. I have everything, thanks.

Excuse me, madam. I have a present for you from Riza Niro.

From Riza Niro? Yes.

You weren't alone before, so I didn't tell you. Thanks. Where is it?

Come with me. Of course.

Come on, fast. Yes, it's just here.

Is it? Thanks. Yes.

I knew he couldn't leave just like that.

Help! Help!

Susana was right.

How could I dare talk about sex if I didn't know what it was?

You won't believe this, but I feel the same.

Hello? Hello, Sexilia. How are you?

Hello, Susana. I'm sorry to cut you off, but I'm in bed with my father.

In bed? Are you kidding me?

Not at all. You were right when you said I'm in love with him.

Your father hates sex, I know that. He told me.

You're wrong. Sex problems in this family are over.

Put me through to him, please. I want to apologise.

You went too far at the cafe. Pass him the phone, please.

Susana, leave us alone, and stop being a pain.

I am a great friend, but I can be even better an enemy.

The passengers will hear us. Don't worry, they're all sleeping.

Isn't it better if we do it in the toilet? No!

We'll do it here, like in Emmanuelle I.

Darling! You're the first man I've shagged in-flight!