Ladies and Gentlemen, the Fabulous Stains (1982) Script

You may remember Corinne Burns.

She was the teenage fry chef who was fired on the air... in our segment on Charlestown, PA, the town that will not die.

You think this town wouldn't die. That's how dumb you are!

You're fired!

This town died years ago!

We've received more mail on Corinne Burns... than on any sequence we have shown in the past two years.

Over 8,000 letters in ten days!

Typical was the letter we received from Sam Latourette, age 15, of Chicago, IL.

He wrote...

I think that girl is great.

She said what I think all day long.

Over 7,000 impassioned letters from teenagers, all saying the same thing.

We could not ignore that response.

We went back to Charlestown, PA and Corinne Burns.

Who is that?

My mom.


How old was your mom?

When she died? Yes.


And she died of lung cancer?

That's what they call it. What do you call it?


When did she die?

Six months ago.

Your mother died of lung cancer and you smoke?

Each cigarette cuts a day away from your life.

Your father was never around?

Your father is dead... BEEP He was in the army... BEEP It means you get more money... BEEP Have a good day.

What goals did your mother have in life?

I don't know. I wouldn't call her and ask.

Here you are...

You're just sitting around at home wasting time.

I wouldn't call it a waste of time.

What about love?

I'm too far gone for love.

As long as you're alive...

We can sit here and waste time philosophizing about love, and make it sound terrific.

But what it boils down to is we're just a bunch of horny dogs.

Do you think your views may change as you grow older?

Grow older?

What happened to the furniture?

I sold it.

You didn't pay your rent?

No, I paid the rent.

The lease is up... my mother's lease.

I like you and your sister. I think you're nice kids.

But I say to myself...

If they catch you talking to yourself, they'll fire you for sure.

Seriously, you're in desperate straits. What is going to happen to you?

You're still in your teens.

You're beautiful, smart, street smart.

You're unemployed, broke, and cynical.

You don't even have a high school diploma.

Now Corinne Burns, what are you going to do?

My name isn't Corinne Burns.

What is it?

Third Degree Burns.

I'm the lead singer and manager of The Stains.

On lead guitar... Dee Pleated.

On bass... Dizzy Heights.


Tracy, will you come on!

If I don't make this call someone else will get the job.

What else is new, lucky?

My name is Corinne Burns.

I'm replying to your... mother's helper's ad.

Nobody is gonna hire you.

My name is Corinne Burns.

In case you haven't heard, you're the laughing stock of this town.

Can I get a lift to town?

See you at rehearsal.

He was in the class ahead of you and Carolyn.

- She used to go out with him. Did she?


She thought he was a real doll.

- But guess what? What?

He still is.

It was really weird because... when I saw him, he didn't know anything about Marilyn dying or anything.


Oh, it's the TV star!

Helen, can I use your phone?

Doesn't the TV star have her own phone?

No, they turned it off.

Well what about your secretary?

Tonight you're mine completely

You give your love...

I can't hear!

Maybe if you got a job it would improve your hearing.

Hi, this is Corinne Burns.

I'm replying to your ad in the paper.

Sarah, get off the phone. I'm expecting a call.

But will you love me tomorrow?

Jessica, don't you have something to do?

You know... your homework for once.

Or you could take Jason for a walk.

Or how about cleaning your room?

What do you think? So it's multiple choice?


I told you I'm changing my name to Peg.

Sorry sweetheart, speak up. I can't hear you.

I hate the name Jessica.

It's a lovely name. It makes me gag!

Peg is not your name. It is now.

I gave you your name. That's why it's lousy.

That's the name you're gonna have. You understand?

Don't slam...

Thanks anyway.

Overtime, half time, time and a half.

Oh, boy!

You know, ever since my sister died, that one has been totally...

Like this, you know?

We weren't like that, were we, Brenda?

No, we weren't.


We're the no. 1 Rock & Roll group in the world.

And everything is gonna be different. It's all gotta change.

The first thing we're gonna do is build a radio station tomorrow.

We're not gonna play any commercials and no news.

Just Rock & Roll and the truth.

One, Two, Three, Four...

Who's playing tonight?

I get morning sickness all the time.

It's like, I threw up this morning.

And I keep eating. I've never eaten like this before.

I have such a sweet tooth now.

I get these cravings for sweets, and candy, and ice cream.

It's like, I threw up this morning.

But I get morning sickness now.

I eat, and eat.

And I just have to eat all the time. Ice cream and everything.


Barnett wants you to take this.

Thank you.

Now you're really gonna have a freak!

Headlining at 9:30...

From England, tonight at the Gold Key, The Looters!


It's lovely to be in your wonderful country.

Where the fuck are we? Charlestown!

Do you want to be a professional?

Yeah, I wanna see the world for free.

But I don't like the things you see.

Hup, two, three, four, really ain't my style.

Call up, calling us again.

The Commies are coming, did I hear you say?

Who knows, who cares? Maybe I will one day.

Who knows what you're gonna see?

Who knows when your turn will be?

Join the professionals.

Be a professional.

Join the professionals today.

A kick in the head every day for a year wouldn't even get me go in there.

A shot in heart secretly for me.

Do they really have to say of what goes on with you each day?

Does your country mean that much to you?

Who knows what you're gonna see?

Who knows when your turn will be?

Join the professionals.

Be a professional.

Join the professionals today.

Join the professionals.

Be a professional.

You're gonna be one anyway.

Who knows what you're gonna see?

Join the professionals.

Be a professional.

You're gonna be one anyway.

All right... Let's boogie!

Anybody out there got a roadmap?

You know what's coming, don't you?

I haven't done this song for a couple of years because...

I didn't want to rest on my laurels... About 5 million of them!

This song was no. 1 for seven weeks in a row.

You keep asking for it.

And we're up here to make you happy.

So what are we gonna do? Roadmap Of My Tears!

Roadmap Of My Tears!

You bunch of old farts!

You ain't worth two bob!

I'm driving around this mean old town.

You're a bunch of old men!

I follow you everywhere that you go.

I watched you when you couldn't see me.

There's nothing that you know that I don't know.

But the knowledge you impart doesn't free me.


Robell... phone!

Robell here.


Dave Robell.


Hello? Rob Bell?

Who is this... Billy?

Where the fuck are we? Great to hear your voice.

Where are you now? That's what I asked you, you prick!

Whoa, man!

You said this tour was gonna be great. I took your word for it.

We come all this way and we're a back-up group to a bunch of old farts!

One more detour and I'll start crying.

It's a roadmap of my tears.

It's a roadmap of my tears.

It's a roadmap of my tears.

It's a roadmap of my tears.

Thank you very much!

Springfield Jill, long blond hair, Duke's tour '69.

Hey, fox! Hi.

How you doing, Jill? I'm okay.

Listen, Lawnboy! Either you get rid of them... and get us a new support act, or we get rid of you. You got it?

Can I talk to you for a minute?

My sister and I have this group, and we were wondering if we could audition for you.

How did you get your first break?

The reason I'm asking is...

Let's get out of this gaff.

Hey, I've got it! The Stains, right? What's happening with your group?

He saw us on TV and thought we were great.

He's a famous Rock & Roll promoter. Mick Jagger?

Prince Charles wants to meet me.

He's been looking for an opening act.

He's listened to 100's of groups.

Wait... my hand!

I don't know why we're taking these old clothes with us anyway.

So where do we go? It's a tour of the whole country.

We're going to California. We get a percentage of the profits.

That's good. He's got a slot for us.

In case you haven't heard, we've only had 3 rehearsals.

Yeah, but they were long ones.

Okay sister, let's move it along. I don't have all day.

You gotta be kidding me. No fucking way!

What's the difference? It's a way out of this dump.

Oh yeah, this guy is a famous promoter. Sure!

See you later, darling.

What's she doing here? Turn that radio off!

We've been sleeping on this bus all night.

You okay, Jerry?

Morning Corpses... Morning ladies.

Springfield was really happening, man. She was good. She was real good.

Every bit as good as she ever was. It was nectar, man, nectar!

That kid though, man. That kid was driving me crazy.

All night, man.

His nose never stopped running, man. But Jill was worth it, man.

Complimentary costumes, ladies.

Hey man, what are these chicks doing on the bus, man?

Overnight, I get the peaceful solution. Now, we have one of each.

Let's just get the fuck out of here, Lawnboy.

Lawnboy? He's a gardener!

Are you okay, man? You need a little pick-me-up?

Hey, man?

Looking good, man.

I'm moving, moving, moving.

I'm searching, searching, searching.

Don't know if I'll find what I'm looking for.

But tomorrow has got to be better for sure.

'Cause I've been searching so long trying to find

A better way of living and I know it's got to come some time.

That's why I'm moving, moving, moving.

Heading out on the open road.

How neat! I wonder if we get to keep these when we're finished.

Are you sure these are the same guys that were in the band last night?

I don't recognize a soul.


I'm gonna go to the bathroom I'll be right back.

So our famous promoter wants this on his tour, eh?

Shut up! We're going to California to see your fucking palm trees.

Corinne, there's no toilet paper in here!

No what?

Use your hand, darling!

Do you charge for beer, or what? Help yourself.


What is it? Red Stripe, Jamaican beer.

I thought it was black. You won't know till you drink it.

You know, none of that shit is new.

I wore leathers back in 1964, man, before anybody was doing it.

I started the whole thing.

I had my little Rockabilly period, you know, Glitter...

But finally, all it ever comes down to...

The thing that separates the men from the boys... is that if you're not yourself, you're nobody.

You know what I'm saying?

You take this rookie asshole, jumps on the stage... and shouts at the audience. Where's that at, man?

Do you want to be a professional?

I mean, honey, there's nothing new.

Listen, you ugly old man!

I hate you, I hate your poxy music, I hate everything about you!

So brothers and sisters, is everybody ready to resume?

Shit, Jerry! Thanks for jumping in, man.

I'm moving, moving, moving.

I'm searching, searching, searching.

So where are we?

Pennsylvania. Pennsylvania?

Great, I thought we were going to California.

Yeah, we're gonna go to California, but we got to start somewhere.

I knew this tour was gonna be useless.

Fucking useless. You said it was gonna be great.

I said it would be an American tour. This is an American tour.

I could still be at home. We've seen your home.

What about yours? Shut up!

Is it all gonna be this bad?

Yeah man, we're doing real good.

The single, Princess, is out. It's doing real good.

The tour is going real good.

It's all real good. I'm positive about the whole thing.

At least we're gonna go to California.

Shut up about California. We'll get there, right?

I've had enough of all of it, and I hate fuckin' Americans.

Is there any coke in this shit, man?

How much is it? $250

$250, are you kidding? That's ridiculous.

You knew our prices are high.

You want to split a quarter?

Let's go. Ready?

This way first. This way.

Can we keep these when we're finished?

Sure. I'm not gonna wear this.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

You know our new single, Princess.

It's about that moment you get to in a relationship when... you have to resort to a physical means of expression.

Because you've done it words, and there's no further you can get.

Sometimes I get so filled up with emotion... that I just end up hitting my old lady.

Some women are into that.

All right, all right! You saw her on your national TV.

Where the hell have you been? What are you wearing?

Here are the fantastic Stains!


This is called, Waste of Time.

You ask me questions and I say nothing.

They can't play.

Girls can't be Rock & Rollers. It's the facts of life.

I'm a waste of time.

I'm a waste of time.

Look at your paycheck.

You've worked so hard. Where's it all going?

To jerks like me who spend it on nothing.

I'm a waste of time.

I'm a waste of time. Don't call me.

I'm a waste of time. Don't ask me.

I'm a waste of time. Don't touch me.

I'm a waste of...

I told you.


I'll tell you what, John. I like her hair.



You don't fool me. I know all about you.

You came here thinking you'd see some cute and wonderful Rock star.

You hoped he'd take one look at you and he'd fall in love with you.

Then your savior could take you out of this dump of a town.

You could be different from the other girls.

I bet she's on drugs.

Suckers! Suckers!


Be yourselves! These guys laugh at you.

They've got big plans for the world but they don't include us.

So what does that make you? Just another girl lining up to die.


Now who's the sucker?

I'm perfect!

But nobody in this shit hole gets me 'cause I don't put out.

Shit, she's done it again!

I was looking for him, man.

I knew it was time, you know. I just had a feeling.

I knew it was coming, man.

I could have told you.

Fire send nothing to heaven though art not to be.

Maybe he had a heart attack.

He's got kids!

Pulling shit like that on stage, you're supposed to make people like us.

I told the truth.

What's the matter?

Is that guy dead?

I don't want any part of this. I wanna go home!

You don't have a home.

Let's go.

I'm shocked.

That's all I can come up with. I'm shocked.

Listen, man, you gotta get me something.

I can't spend the night alone, man.

Ladies and gentlemen, due to some technical difficulties...

The Metal Corpses will be unable to perform tonight.

Oh Jerry, why?

You were so great, man. You were so great.

You had the magic, man. Why is it such a waste?

Such a waste of talent. Why didn't you listen to me?

I told him.

I told him over and over.

Excuse me.

I just wanted to tell you that I'm really sorry about your friend.

Does this mean you're finished?

Damn son of a bitch, cock sucking faggot, junkie.


Best I've ever seen him.

When I go...

I want to be known as Billy Fay, the greatest Rock & Roller ever.

I don't want to look like a big bust.

It's gonna be okay. He's dead.

He probably wanted to die.

I don't have any luck.

We'll think of something.

That's what you always say, but things always get worse.

You said momma wasn't gonna die. You promised she'd get better.

We're fucked!

I like your hair.

Yeah, what else do you like?

That's it.

I mean at the moment, you're just hair, ain't you?

If you work hard...

Maybe in a couple of years time you might be something different.

At the moment, you're just two white stripes, ain't you?

Rob Bell?

We're headlining this tour. I knew it, man!

Remember what your Uncle Dave said? Was I right? You bet your ass!

We need a good support band, a good Rock & Roll band.

Okay, I'm not gonna stand here chatting, I'll go to work for you right now, okay?

Keep yourself together. Ciao, catch you later.

Tonight on People and Places...

Alicia Meeker has a sad story of a local death.


You Rock & Roll fans will remember bass guitarist, Jerry Jervey.

A pioneer of acid rock, Jerry Jervey died alone last night... at the age of 37 in a filthy ladies room backstage at the Penthouse Disco... minutes before he was to go on stage with his band, The Metal Corpses.

Jerry Jervey was nothing, if not a survivor.

He had survived 7 drug arrests, 2 convictions, 5 paternity suits, an involvement in over 15 bands in his meteoric 20 year career.

Until it was announced that Jervey had died of cocaine intoxication, the prime suspect was this young woman.

- Were you Jerry Jervey's girlfriend? Is this for TV?

We have a large audience. I get a lot of my stuff on network.

- Okay, I admit he loved me. Tell me about it.

He sent her flowers and turquoise jewelry.

It was nice.

Yeah, but I had to face facts. The guy could never be enough.

- How did you put it to him. I said, "I don't put out."

In that outfit?

It doesn't make sense to wear a see-through blouse and no bra... and say, "I don't put out."

That's not what it means. It means, don't get screwed.

Don't get had.

So even though Jerry Jervey was a drug addict, I guess he was still very sensitive.

He was an old man in a young girl's world.

What did Jerry Jervey die of?

Actually he died of a broken heart.

So I guess some people still die of love?

Did you think they'd stop?

What I mean is...

This guy could have had his pick of any number of these camp followers. and instead, he falls for this really weird looking girl.

I think she looks very elegant.

Oh? Well, it takes all kinds.

If you want to see this extraordinary person for yourself, her band are performing tonight at the Bamboo Room.

I'm a waste of time.

I'm a waste of time. Don't ask me.

I'm a waste of time. Don't call me.

I'm a waste of time. Don't touch me.

I'm a waste of time.

Overtime, half time, time and a half.

Time is money.

Time is flying.

That's what's important to you.

I'm a waste of time.

You look fabulous.

I'll see you after the show outside.

Were The Stains and we don't put out.

Perfect! This is a big deal!

We have to get rid of them fucking stupid birds.

I don't want to know about it. Don't tell me nothing about it.

Who do we tell about it?

Don't fucking tell me. Tell our agent!

What's he gonna do?

A lot more than I'll do. I don't want to know about it.

I've had it up to here.

You've had it up to here?

You're the ones who are always giving me the mirror.

- You're the one who brung us over. I didn't bring no one nowhere!

I ain't gonna sleep in that bus with you lot.

Where are you going? Far away from you!

Out of my air holes!

Go on then. Piss off! Bullocks!

Bullocks to you. Tosser!

Watch it, star! Don't kick this bus here, sir.

This bus is my thing, you know.

You don't know how come I sweat to get this bus here.

Only Jah Rastafari know.

I just come here to play Reggae music.

You people don't know.

You want to hear this Reggae music? This is Reggae music... Hard!

Tough! Lion!

A long time we're planning this thing. A long time!

Bob MacDonald and the Islanders gonna mash up this place with the sun.

He's sitting in jail now. Never done no wrong and all.

Just smoke up a little herbs.

All of the sudden the police just come in and take him.

Now he's stuck inside jail, and I don't have enough money to get him out of jail.

All I want is to finish this tour.

Jah! Jah gonna guide I, truly!


I think this is my room.

I'm not finished yet. I'll be done in a minute.

Hey, you got a quarter?

I might.

You've got the biggest radio I've ever seen!

How many did you want? Just one.

Oh man, this is a dime!

I know where I can find some quarters.

Hurry back!

Do you think you can get your friend out of jail?

I'm trying to raise the money with this tour.

I guess you're not doing so well.

Jah will take care of us because we have one common goal.

What is it?

Look at it this way.

My path is steep and the road rocky.

But you think of the rich man, up on the hill, in a big house, with all the money him steal.

Saying to himself...

Money in my pocket and I still can't find love.

I know a lot of poor people who feel the same way.

And I survive, see?

What does that mean?

It means there's no difference between me and the next man.

I is he, and he is I. Like I is you... and you is me.

See? Yeah.

That's nice. I wish that was the way things were.

I have something for you to sign. What?

Just a standard contract form.

This is the latest chapter of Corinne Burns, an extraordinary young female singer who attracts hordes of devoted followers.

Why did you drive here to see this group?

'Cause I saw her on TV.

Obviously you saw her on my show.

I saw her live!

Exploitation. That's all it is.


- At The Penthouse, in person. What effect did she have on you.

She said things I've wanted to say and I haven't been able to.

What kind of things?

She gave her honest opinion of how she felt about people.

- That's why I'm like her now. And what are you?

I'm a skunk.

You begin to wonder about your profession, don't you?

You give a little air time to some nut on the big night news, and 24 hours later you've got a bunch of other nuts... who are just making her into a hero.

They see something on the media, and they've got to do the same thing.

Well, you're on the box every night, and no one tries to be like you.

Well, I'm talking about the power that television has to create...

Those girls created themselves.

Well, as far as I see it, what it really amounts to... is some girl drop-outs who are using the media.

I'm not reporting about a band as much as I am... a very personal appeal for young women to resist.

Resist what?

Life as we know it.

Well, as I see it, all it really amounts to...

If it amounts to more for you, you can catch The Stains tomorrow at Westland Plaza at 9pm.

This is Alicia Meeker and Stu McGrath.


Ooh, yeah, yeah.

I wanna step outside but you know that I can't today.

They've got us locked away.

You want a sweet?

You want a sweet?

A sweet? I'll need more than a sweet.

I've been sleeping on this fuckin' bus all night.


I'd like to talk to you.

Do you mind if I look out the window while you talk?

I might see somebody I know, and I wouldn't want to miss them.

Last night I stayed in a hotel, and I pulled this bird.

The bathroom's empty. Why don't you finish your story in there?

Anyway, I was laying next to her, looking up at the ceiling.

From out of the blue from nowhere, I had this vision... that you were gonna be a great success.

You're different.

You are gonna be really good.

I can't explain it. I just know.

All right everybody, the sound check is at 3pm.

How about some breakfast?

Now they got us playing in fuckin' Safeways!

We gotta get the money to get home, haven't we?

Hey, you don't look too well.

You gotta start eating something, darling.

Why don't we go over there and get some room service?

Why should I care? You're gonna be paying for it.

Listen, I ain't trying to pull you.

If I was trying to pull you, I'd come straight out with it.

I've been on the road for 3 years. I've been around.

I can have any bird I want.

Name one.

Are you coming?

You know something?

Some people think girls can't be Rock & Rollers.

I've never said that in my life.

They just don't go about it in the right way.

I always thought it was genetic.

It doesn't matter how you look.

You just gotta practice. You gotta learn to play properly.

If I wanted your advice, I'd ask for it.

You just can't be a gimmick. I'm not a gimmick!

Because if people think you're a gimmick they're gonna see right through you.

And they ain't gonna stick around for very long, are they?

So you've really got to have something to say.

What are the words to that one? Professionals? It's about the draft.

Yeah, I wanna see the world for free But I don't like the things you see.

Hup, two, three, four really ain't my style.

Do they really have to say of what goes on with you each day?

Does your country mean that much to you?

Could you write it out for me?


I believe in what I write.

I believe in every word.

There's something there, something really... special.


I've never told anybody this before.

I don't want any more advice.

I can't read.

What? I can't read.

You never learned?

My dad used to make me do homework just to get better, but I never did.

He used to call me thick. What do you mean, thick?


What are you telling me for?

I just wanted you to have something on me.

I knew this kid in school who couldn't read.

He'd just sit there and not say anything.

And when it came his turn...

It was very embarrassing... because the teacher would call on him, and nothing would happen.

The floor was slimy and the air was thick and hot.

I hid in a booth and I tried to set up a cot.

I wore fine clothes and drank mixed drinks.

I watched the Pope fight Leon Spinks.


I slept in an arcade.

I slept in an arcade.

Hey, Billy!

Right! Great!

Billy, don't you remember me? Dave Robell, your agent.

Yeah, this is Corinne. This is my agent, David Robell.

I've been tracking you for days. Look!

Black Randy and The Metro Squad. It's such a coup my getting him.

This guy is so new. He's perfect to open for you.

Hold it!

Mother Fucker!

What's going on, Billy?

Get rid of them! Why?

The Stains play for us. What am I gonna tell them?

I'll take care of them.

What am I doing here?

Oy, cut it!

I slept in an arcade!

Cut it!

I slept in an arcade!

Billy, be cool!

Listen to me!

You get your fuckin' bags packed, and you get out of this gaff!

All right?

Okay, all right.

Billy, will you please be cool?

Remember, you called me. You asked for a support band.

You told me to get a Rock & Roll band. That's what I did.

Get out! I want you out of here. The lot of you, fuck off!

Was it something I said?

It'll be alright. I just spoke to him.

I told him last week we needed a new support band.

You were terrible last week, but now you're fuckin' great.

Don't bother me.

Pig! You liar!

I know I'm a liar, but I'm telling you the truth.

It's gonna be alright. Don't touch me.

Good afternoon, we're The Stains.

You got it!

What's the problem about getting old?


What's so wonderful about getting married?


What don't we do?

We don't put out!

Do you want to be a professional?

I've been betrayed!

Yeah, I wanna see the world for free but I don't like the things you see.

Hup, two, three, four really ain't my style.

Call up, calling us again.

The Commies are coming, did I hear you say?

Who cares? Who knows? Maybe I will one day.

Who knows what you're gonna see?

Not me! Not me!

Who knows when your turn will be?

Not me! Not me!

Join the professionals.

Be a professional.

Join the professionals today.

She's imitating me now!

She's doing a better job than you. You get out there and do it then.

I don't believe it.

You wanker! You must have taught her that.

Who knows what you're gonna see?

Who knows when your turn will be?

Join the professionals.

It seems here in nowhere land it has become clear... to several thousand young women, inspired by an unrecorded band... with see-through blouses and white stripes in their hair... that life is to be lived right now, not tomorrow.

God, look at this!

What is it? Is that you?

It's us. Is that you on stage?

Oh my God, we look great! Jesus Christ, you look fantastic!

You look even better on screen!

These young women who call themselves skunks, are not content to let old age bring in the specious wisdom of despair, and in their rebellion they have decided that female existence... should not be a rush to the grave or worse, to the supermarket, and that none of their beauty should be wasted or pass unnoticed.

There is one last person to hear from.

You're the mother of the bass player. Oh my God, it's my mom!

- Peg, right? Her name is Jessica McNeil.

You're the aunt of the other two sisters Corinne and Tracy Burns.

- My sister Marilyn was their mother. How old are you?

- I'm 30. 34!

How long has it been since you've seen your daughter?

Um, it's been over a month now.

Has she called you?


She hasn't shared her success with you, but we've shown you tapes of her band.

Yeah, I've seen those tapes of this... band, if you can call it that.

You've seen the see-through blouses and the make up.

And you've heard the message, Don't put out.

I have, yes.

Has your daughter always been this much trouble?


No, I mean...

I think that I should tell the truth here.

I never had any confidence in her at all.

I'd also like to add, if I may... that my mother and father never thought I'd be anything either.

My dad would always say to me, "Linda, you're nothing!"

You know, so I would think, yeah.

I'm kind of ashamed to say that...

I did to my daughter what my parents did to me.

So when I see her up on stage and I see that she's having fun... and I see all these other kids who really think that she's great, I just think how proud I am of her for getting around what I did to her.

Thank you.

Can I just say one more thing?

I do have one regret, and that is that I wish... that my sister Marilyn were still alive... so that she could see Corinne and Tracy having fun.

Because when she was sick one day, And she was a real hell raiser. She was always the first one out there.

But when she was sick one day, she says to me...

She says...

I'm not a failure for dying, am I?

And I says, "No."


I just wish that she had lived to see the kids on TV because...

I think she'd be really proud.

Hey Marilyn, now you're on the tube too.

You're not a flop.


Thank you and goodnight.

Sweetheart, you are moving so fast.

You're happening so fast now, you can't afford to be loyal to this guy.

That wouldn't be fair to yourself or to your fans.

You can't even hesitate now because if you do, you'll kill yourself.

All those little girls back there, they're gonna be out here tomorrow... looking for your records.

What records? There are no records, right?

There should be.

In a week, 5 days, your next gig.

I'm gonna show you the meaning of promotion.

I'm gonna make people aware of you.

And we gotta start by getting you a good support band.

The Looters are killing you.

And that's just the beginning.

I don't want to hear about it. Just do it.

First, you gotta get rid of the lawn guy.


I want to headline now.

I want a new support band.

I want that agent to handle us from now on.

And I want you to give back that contract.

I'll give you back your contract, but I want you to remember something.

Come see me and come live with me is two different things, sister!

All the very best of luck to you, sister.

Here I am sitting all alone About a million miles from my home

Because I met a thin man who said, trust in me And I'll take you away from your poverty.

So me and my friend who had a song to sing We want The Stains!

We want The Stains!

Nine dollars!

You paid me already? Okay.

Get your posters and Corinne photographs!

You want a poster of Corinne? Three dollars!

Can I have a poster?

I want a skunk!

The blouses are $9.95, the hair dye...

There's your press kit, complete with a poster.

Hold it! Sorry!

You're not supposed to be in here. This is our dressing room.

Your dressing room is down the hall, the one marked "Support band".

Where's your sister, midget?

It says a lot for the security around here!

Where is she?

She doesn't want to be disturbed. She's doing P.R.


Over there, in her dressing room.

Have you seen what's going on out there?

How did you get in here?

You've got a lot to learn, you little bitch!

You don't know which way is up.

Why are you still here?

Go back to wherever you came from!

I wish I could.

You are so jealous of me. I'm everything you wanted to be.

A cunt. Exactly.

I want you to meet the support band.

Wait till you see them. They are so cute.

And David Robell is so proud to present...

Mexican Randy!

Some of the movies, they didn't even make any sense.

But you sure can have fun for 25 cents.

I slept in an ar...

Now, Billy.

All right!

Let The Looters start.

They're all here to see The Stains anyway.

But you better speak up... because no one can understand a word you say.

[ We want The Stains! ]

Conned Again.

Can't you see my smiling face And the way it disappears without a trace When it's got all that it needs from losing you.

And don't you see when you earn your dough And realize that it don't go to show.

There ain't anyone who wants to know.

Oh, no! You fell for it once again.

Looks like it's happening again.

You thought last time it was the end.

That's what you get for having too many things.

Don't you wish you could see right through it?

Not again!

You've been conned again.

Oh, not again!

Not again!

You've been conned again.

Oh, not again!

When you go out on the town And have a look at what's goin' around Does it make you want to laugh or cry?

The bright light shines that show good times When you try, what do you find?

It takes another fix eventually.

Oh, no! You fell for it once again.

Looks like it's happening again.

You thought last time was the end.

That's what you get for having too many things.

Don't you wish you could see right through it?

Not again!

You've been conned again.

Oh, not again!

Not again!

You've been conned again.

Oh, not again!

What's your name?

Just call me a skunk.


Okay, skunk.

You say you don't put out, right? We don't put out!

But that's all you ever do, is put out.

You've been ripped off.

You've all been ripped off.

Fuck off!

Tell me something, skunk.

How much did you pay for that outfit you got?

How much did you pay?

She don't wanna say. I tell you why.

Because you've all been conned. You've all been taken on.

You're buying hair dye and clothes.

What's it take to dye your hair?

You've been had!

You've been screwed by your hero.

Where did you think all the money goes? Well I'll tell you.

It goes in her pocket.

You haven't got a clue.

And I need my own bass. I need it by our next gig.

You're adverts.

You're a commercial.

I feel very sorry for you people.

Good luck to you.

Ladies and gentlemen, we thank you all for coming tonight.

And now David Robell productions is proud to present...

Jessica, Tracy, Corinne...

Ladies and gentlemen, the fabulous Stains!

I'm so glad you could come tonight and support us.

I didn't realize how big we were until I saw us on TV.

And I...

You hypocrite! You're nothing but a big fat rip off!

Take that!

It's all shit. It's all bullshit!

Bullshit! Bullshit!

Yeah, I wanna see the world for free But I don't like the things you see.

Hup, two, three, four really ain't my style.

Who knows what you're gonna see?

Not me! Not me!

Who knows when your turn will be?

Not me! Not me!

You phony!

Let go of me!

You're the skunk! You skanky bitch!

[ Corinne, I'm sorry ]

Sorry, I had to take care of business... The tail end of the concert.

You're not gonna believe them... Two little girls, cousins.

A duet. They're called The Smears.

They're darling! Where's my money?

Until they get on stage, and then watch out!

They are killers.

I want my money.

Hang on, Charlie.

Honey, I mean, that was a fiasco out there.

I want my cut!

Who's talking cut when we ain't got any pie?

I want the money from the pamphlets, the blouses, and all that crap.

I don't want to be cruel, but you were just a concept, and you've blown the concept.

Charlie, they're gonna be so big.

I can take them on the road right now, but I want to hold off until the single hits.

That's why they're gonna be such a bargain for you right now.

Give me my money!


This is for your friend.

Alicia Meeker will not moderate this interview as originally scheduled.

Alicia is now assigned to our national bureau in Washington.

We all wish her the best of luck.

Our topic tonight is manipulation. Fads from the inside out.

Well Corinne, I guess you've caught the winking eye of the media.

There was this great crescendo and then... Boom!

In effect, one might say you're a has-been.

We're going to show what happened at your concert last night.

I came a long way...

I'm going in there now!

You're the skunk!

If we had made any money...

Well whatever it was you were selling, lies, truth, I don't know, but your fans certainly seemed to resent it.

Well, let's get back to our point.

"Don't put out".

Now, you've just proved it never meant anything to you.

But it made young girls...

Watch it, old man! Old fart!

...leave their homes, their jobs, put them out on the streets in risqué outfits at the mercy of rapists.

Old farts like you!

Yes, I've been expecting that too. Come on, what else? Let's hear it.

Every citizen should be given an electric guitar on her 16th birthday.

Well I would love to chat more, but unfortunately our time is up.



I'm sorry.

I was wrong, I've been a right bastard, a liar.

Why don't you come with me?

You're finished here. There's nothing left.

Is that what I'm supposed to do now? Go be your groupie?

Tune your guitar for you? Be your old lady?

I don't play guitar.

Hold it!

Why don't you come with me?

No way!

Come on, wanker!

Come on!

I still like your hair.

You tosser, come on!

The fuckin' time you take!


Denny Dragon here at the AM PM Mini Market.

That was "A Waste of Time" the biggest hit in the area.

And now the song you've been asking for...

The Fabulous Stains doing "The Professionals".

I was once like you, a nothing, but I didn't give up.

And you shouldn't either. You made me what I am.

Upcoming on Music & Video Network, The Fabulous Stains.

Ladies and Gentlemen, The Fabulous Stains!

Call up, calling us again.

The Commies are coming, did I hear you say?

Who cares, who knows? Maybe I will one day.

Who knows what you're gonna see?

Not me! Not me! Not me!

Who knows when your turn will be?

Not me!!

Not me!

Join the professionals.

Be a professional.

Join the professionals today.

A kick in the head every day for a year wouldn't even make me go in there.

A shot in heart secretly for me.

Do they really have to say of what goes on with you each day?

Does your country mean that much to you?

Who knows what you're gonna see?

Not me! Not me! Not me!

Who knows when your turn will be?

Not me!

Not me!

Join the professionals.

Be a professional.

Join the professionals today.

Join the professionals.

Be a professional.

You're gonna be one anyway.