Leprechaun in the Hood (2000) Script

Death to he who sets a leprechaun free.

Steal his gold, it will corrupt your soul, you see.

For many a moon, the legend has grown.

Death toll increases, solution unknown.

Beware the evil wanderer, in search of his loot.

Lest ye suffer the wrath of his golden flute.

Flee while you can, the future's not good...

For no one is safe from a lep in the hood.

( laughing )


( railcar passing )

This map you bought was bullshit.

Man, it got to be down here somewhere.

Do you see any gold, fool?

The burger's probably still good.

The burger's probably good, huh?

What you talking about, man?

What the fuck?

Holy shit!

You midget Midas motherfucker.

Yo, Slug, look at this shit.

( laughing )

Oh, shit.

That's it. lt's all here, baby.

That's all l want, right here.

You collect the rest of this stuff, man.

Now we're moving on up to the East Side.


Yeah, that's it. That's all l needed.

( Leprechaun chuckles )


( moans & gasps )


Ah... free at last. Free at last.

Thank God almighty. Free at last.

Goddangit.

Come on, come on. l'll knock you...


Stealing me gold is a sure way to grow old.

Now me little room will become your tomb.


Got your ass.

Whoo.

Motown, here l come.

( rap music playing )

Ain't nothin' in this world gonna be for free...

Everybody's comin' up, but not like me.

Somebody's gotta win, but somebody's gotta lose...

Live your life right, good choices choose.

Let no one try and hold me back... l'm rippin' up the stage, Butch rippin' up the track.

Postmaster P, that's me, you see...

The P's for , and that's my guarantee. l got no time for negativity...

Smooth is my groove, and fresh my recipe.

Postmaster P, y'all, positivity...

A positive flow to your speakers is what l'm bringin', see.

The crew and me, we all got unity...

We keep the crowd hyped, positively.

( record scratches ) Oh, shit!

( music distorted )

Damn, what the hell happened?

What the fuck y'all did to the stage?

Too much ammonia? Not enough nitrogen?

So, whuddup wit' the gig? We on the bill?

Don't worry about the bill. You'll get that.

This is our shot out, man. lf we win this contest, we're going to the Vegas Hip-Hop Cafe.

We're talking video promo, publishing rights... record deals. All that shit.

Only record deal you're getting is with the the L.A.P.D. lf you get your shit right, l might give you another audition.

Now get the fuck out of here.

Shit, l almost get my ass blown to bits by a virgin.

Shut up, fool. l should have never told you l was a virgin. l know you don't know nothing about no pussy... but l thought you knew about that nitrogen trimesteride.

That's nitrogen tri-iodide, fool! Tri-iodide. lt's an iodine/ammonia compound.

Fool, you're going to wind up in a compound.

The hell with it, we fucked up.

See, Stray, you're thinking with a spirit of failure.

You really do need to hook up some Tony Robbins.

That big, white goofy-lookin' mo'fo'?

Always talking about take time to stop and smell the forest>...

That ain't right.

See, our unconscious beliefs control our behavior.

Only through daily positive, positive affirmation can we overcome.

Yeah, well, affirmate this, motherfuckers. lf we don't get this equipment fixed... we ain't winning no contest... we ain't going to no Vegas and we ain't ever leaving Compton.

The guy said we could audition again, right?

What'd it take to get our shit fixed?

This shit? A whole lot of money.

We're fucked.

We just got to think positive.

Jimi Hendrix.

The real Jimi Hendrix.

Boy, where you get this guitar? lt was my Uncle Junior's.

Yeah, yeah, he got it from Jimi Hendrix.

Yeah, that's right, when they used to play together.

Your Uncle Junior used to play with Jimi?

At Psychedela-Palooza in 1 9 7 1 .

Yeah, that's right. That's, that's Jimi's guitar.

Psychedela-Palooza?

l never heard of that one before.

So?

Wait a minute. '7 1 ? Didn't Jimi die in 1 9 70?

No, no, that was Paul McCartney.

So, what'cha give us for this piece of music history? l'll give you about five seconds to get out of my shop.

Come in here bullshitting with this piece of crap.

Hey, man, ain't nobody bullshitting you.

...

Boy, you ain't no gangster.

And . What is that shit?

You ain't ever been in the military. lt's Postmaster P, 'cause l deliver a positive message, that's all.

Positive message? Yeah. is more like it.

And Butch...

Boy, you need to get yourself some pussy... before you blow off your dick fucking with those chemicals.

Now, get up out of my shop.

This ain't no charity.

How much you give us for it, Chow? ls this Jimi signature for real?

Yeah, who else you know signs his name like that? l look stupid? Everybody know Jimi die in 1 9 70.

You try bullshit Chow? Get the fuck out.

Damn, Chow. Come on, man.

Hey, don't touch. Don't touch.

You leave Chow's store. Go on!

Hip and Hop your black ass home.

Hula, hula, go, go, go.

( speaking Chinese )

What are we supposed to do now? Rob somebody?

No, man, we ain't robbin' nobody.

There goes Mack Daddy O'Nasses right there.

Why do they call him ?

He don't look Greek to me.

He was a pimp, man.

Back in the day, Mack Daddy .

So now he's got his own little hip-hop thing goin'.

Yeah--gangster hip-hop.

Man, ain't all my man knows.

lf it ain't the of Compton rap. l heard you guys were sampling chipmunk tracks now.

The machine broke, man, that ain't no chipmunk track.

Yo, we got some new shit. lt's hot, man. You should hear it.

What's in it for me?

What's in it for you? Moolah.

You could be reppin' us, man.

After we win that contest in Vegas, we gonna be the hottest act around.

Get in. Better not be wastin' my time.

Oh, shit--!

( music playing ) Uh--that's right.

Uh--we tight...

Postmaster P, y'all, positivity... a positive flow to your speakers is what l'm bringin', see.

The crew and me, we all got unity.

We keep the crowd hyped, positively.

Do what you gotta do, comin' from the hood...>

( music shut off )

lt's not much, but it's not the worst.

You guys seem hungry. l'm sure l can do something with you.

We got to change some things.

Like what?

This bullshit, all right? l ain't with that

. That shit is wack, all right?

This label, we rap about Uzis, blowing motherfuckers' heads off.

You know what l'm saying? Smack your bitch up.

Shoot your motherfuckin' homeboy in the face type of shit.

Yeah, but Mack Daddy, that's not what we do, man.

We try to send out a positive message.

Yeah, l mean, really, the shit is sellin'--

( ring )

What?

Man, they wanna change everything.

Hey, you wanna be large? Yeah.

All right then, you gotta do what he says.

So you wanna change everything we did?

Who gives a shit? lf we're large?

Hey you... get the fuck away from that. ls that yours?

Stop touchin' shit.

Go over there with your fuckin' friends.

You fuckin' up. Watch this fuckin' kid.

Mack Daddy: Hey, you, you listen to me.

You don't wanna fuck with me, okay? l hope you had sex last night 'cause l'm gonna cut off your dick.

Then, l'm gonna feed it to my pit... then l'm gonna burn the shit when it comes out of my dog's ass.

You hear me? Don't fuck with me, bitch!

What are you guys gonna do?

Yo, Mack Daddy, l don't know--

You don't know? Get the fuck outta here.

Hold up, Mack, look-- Get the fuck outta here!

Let me talk to my boy, he's trippin'--

You motherfuckers are wastin' my time. l got chumps lined up tryin' to be down with this label.

You get no second chance. Get the fuck out.

Please, let me talk to him. We wanna do this...

What's the matter with you, kid? You deaf?

Or are you just dumb, like your mom...? l gotta bitch-smack you like l used to do to her?

Let me tell you something-- Check yourself, kid.

Don't even fuck around. Just get out.

You and your homeboys, fucked up. This is real.

Get these fuckin' losers out.

Man, fuck him. l ain't no loser.

Man, this shit broker than we is.

Unless one of y'all big head niggas win the lotto tomorrow... we can forget about the contest, and goin' to Las Vegas.

Now you talkin', motherfucker.

The lotto.

The lotto's hangin' around that yard jockey's neck at Mack's. l've been thinkin'... everybody knows Mack be out partyin' every night, right?

We bust in there, grab the gold piece off that yard jockey, huh?

Oh, we just gonna break into Mack's, huh?

We gonna bust in there and steal his shit, right?

Stick 'em up, motherfucker! Mack, gimme your shit.

Yo, l'm serious, goddamnit!

That shit got to be hot.

We take that shit, we pawn that shit, and get some new gear.

Stray, we can't do that, man.

He ain't gonna report that stolen. That shit got to be hot.

Stray, if we do that, we ain't no better than Mack is. lt's okay to play a bullshit scam on Jackie Dee and Chow-- but you too high and mighty when it comes down to the real deal.

Look, man, that was different, and you know it.

How you think that motherfucker got where he is?

He's done worse shit than us, keepin' us brothers down... controlling who gets out and who don't... lt's time somebody took something back, took some action.

Kinda like Robin Hood... lnstead, we gonna be Only with Uzis and AK's, baby.

We talking about guns, now, too?

You tell me, Post-- how else we gonna do it?

Fuck that, man. l'll see y'all on .

We meet at MacKenzie Park, 6:30.

We just playin' the cards we're dealt, man.

Like Mack said, Business in the hood.

You ain't scared? Hell, no, l ain't scared.

Ready to do this? Yeah, l'm ready to do this.

Let's do this.

My nigga, man. l love you, man.

Shit. Let's go to Vegas. Word. Let's do this, homie.

Who the fuck is that? lt's Post, man. Post?

So what's the deal? We gonna do this shit, or what?

My nigga!

Let's do this. l love you, my friend.

Look at this, y'all!

Let's get money, baby.

Yeah, baby. Yeah!


Hey Post, look in that desk.

Oh--!

Yo, Post!

Clear. We goin' hot!

What the fuck...?

Oh, shit!

Stray: Oh, shit, you done killed that motherfucker!

Get the gold off that motherfucker, man.


( laughter )

Unhand me gold, you thieving hoods.

You got more loot than Tiger Woods.

What the fuck is that? l don't know...

Chuckie on crack! Shoot that motherfucker!

Come on, y'all!


( cackling )

Leprechaun: Come hither, me hand. Come here.

Together we will shake them with fear.

( laughter )

A lot of time has come and passed.

But still l see, you're a big, fat ass.

Mack Daddy: Goddamn phone.

This is Mack. l'm at the Parrot.

Bring your ass down here and bring some fuckin' guns.

Big shit. Ugly shit. Machine guns. lt's goin' down.

This shit is real. Come, now!

Get the hell outta here.

Cool out.

Shit... calm down.

( cackling )

Nigga... get you some, okay?

That's what you need; you need chronic.

Take it easy, bro'.

You need to relax... cool out.

Smoke a joint.

Yeah.

Mmmm...

Curious aroma.

lnteresting blend.

, bullshit. That's the bomb, right there.

?

Ahh-- the bomb.

A friend with weed, is a friend, indeed.

But, a friend with gold, is the best, l'm told.

( cry of pain )

Knock, knock. Who's there?

Gold. Gold, who?

Gold finger.

( screaming )

Now, find me gold in record time... or you'll suffer a bloody, hideous crime.

( hysterical laughter ) l'm gonna kill that little green motherfucker.

Look at my fuckin' finger! l'll kill his fuckin' ass!

Hey--!

God-damn! You little ugly motherfucker.

On the ghost of Jack Sprat, you must be trippin'!

Mother-fuck it!

( dance music playing )

What's that? lt's rap.

?

Rap, as in: l'm gonna take this... and wrap it around your scrawny, little, ugly ass!

( laughter )

This is my prime gear.

This better be the best you got in this sorry motherfucker.

Look at it. You see what it is.

Come on, look.

How much for all of this?

Tell you what l'll do. l'll give you all this gear for everything you got in that bag.

Nah, we need gear, operating funds...

You're drivin' a hard bargain. l'll tell you what... l'll give you all this gear, and $500.

Six. 525.

575. 550.

Deal.

What about my warranty?

You don't get no warranty. You're lucky you don't get a warrant .

( soft melody )


What...?

Are we done, or what?

Uh... yeah.

Yeah, pack that shit up, man. We'll take it.

Yeah. You like that, huh? Smell that.

Back up, motherfucker... before l smack the shit outta you.

Chow, we need some party supplies. We wanna celebrate.

Like the big dogs we is.

Chow: You strike it rich.

Hell, yeah, we struck it rich. What do you think? l told you we would. Time to get some poontang.

Chow: You get down and jiggy with bitches and ho's?

That's right, Chow.

What? You big time funky hip-hop rappers now?

You know, just about. What does it look like?

We're goin' to Vegas. We're about to win a contest.

You do rap video yet?

You do video, Chow dance. Chow dance.

No, l don't think we'll be having you in our video, but...

Chow know many dances.

Chow do the ''Funky Peasant''.

Chow get down hard with his bad self.

Shake his nasty groove thing.

Chow no fake the funk, uh-uh.

Chow keep it real.

Chow have the music in me.


What...?

We done here, or what?

Yeah...

Hey, Chow...

Bring that shit out, man.

No dead shit, man.

Chow one nasty mother.

That's right, you nasty.

ln a matter of time, the flute will be mine.

The party's over for those stealin' motherfuckers. l'm gonna kill them all.

Then, l got something for that little green piece of shit.

Fuck, they got the flute.

We gotta get that back or our party's over... fuck.

What are you doin' just standin' there?

Go get with them motherfuckers.

What do you know?

They dropped something.

Little bastards are in for more shit than they ever dreamed.

Whoa!

Kinda scared me there, boy. l ain't buyin' Hallowe'en costumes... so you better trick-or-treat your little ass on outta here. l'm here to claim me gold and shillings.

Now, give 'em back, or there might be killings.

Don't make me laugh. You tryin' to rob Jackie Dee?

What gang you belong to? ?


Jackie Cee?

Jackie Dee...

Come here, my big, strong man.

Baby, you look beautiful. lt's been too long, Jackie... too long.

But, l don't understand. You don't have to. Don't. l just want you to love me, baby.

Oh, baby, l've missed you so bad.

Ooh, Jackie, l want you to just love me.

Jackie, l've missed you so much.

Oh, baby. Yes, Jackie.

Baby, l missed you so bad.

( harsh voice ) Love me, Jackie.

( groaning )

Stray: Post...

What the hell? You shook the spot, man.

This shit ain't right, y'all.

We partyin' with money we robbed from a motherfucker we killed.

l killed.

Post, it ain't like we planned that shit at Mack's.

That shit just got--hectic, know what l'm sayin' ? l don't know, man... but the bottom line is... it's over.

Things will be different now, l swear.

All right, man.

( gunfire )

What's up, little bitches?

Y'all niggas' asses is mine.

Shoot me with my own gun? Steal my shit?

Bust up my motherfuckin' spot?

Post: Man, l-l'm sorry...

( nervous apologizing )

You can die right here, or you can jump... l don't give a fuck, but you are gonna tell me one thing.

Where's my fuckin' flute? What flute?

Man, we ain't got no flute.

Don't fuckin' play with me! Where's the goddamn flute!

We don't have no flute, Mack.

You motherfuckers think l'm bullshittin'. l'll blow their motherfuckin' heads off.

Aw, shit--! My finger!

Kill those motherfuckers!

Stray: Come on, y'all!

Butch: Let's get outta here.

Fuck, fuck. Y'all believe that shit?!

That motherfuckin' ground was sparkin' and shit.

Fucked my knee up, man.

Mack Daddy, his ghost came back to get our ass, man.

Shut up.

How is somebody smart as you gonna believe in ghosts? l told you before, straight... there be the physical, then there be the metaphysical.

That was some meta-fuckin'-physical shit back there! l bet them bullets he was shootin' was some physical shit.

Who gives a fuck? Physical? Metaphysical? Who cares?

Mack Daddy's after our asses, y'all.

And he wants this.

Why didn't you give him that shit back, Post?

Nigga, l was scared... shit.

Fuck, man, what are we gonna do?

What can we do? Lay low.

We just get get to the audition, win that motherfucker... and be in Vegas for the big payoff.

We can keep our gear with us. Go from place to place... stay with someone different every night.

Who the fuck we gonna stay with? Mack knows everybody in this town.

So, what is it l can do for you, ?

, and... Butch?

We're gonna be goin' on the road soon... gettin' practice, goin' from place to place...

We thought we'd stay at your place tonight, then move on.

We need to set up our equipment, so we could have rehearsal.

Get our groove on.

You know l like to get my groove on. l love me some company. l also love me some cash. You know the drill. Hand it over.

Ain't no scrubs up in here.

Every little bit helps Miss Fontaine get her operation.

Go get your stuff. Go put it out back. Let me hear you jam.

( cackling )

( heavy breathing )

Chow: Who's there?

Counting ill-gotten gains will cause you suffering and pain.

Chow: Who's there?


They call me Stray. You know that l can pull it with no delay. l'm a waistband...don't you know l'm from the wasteland...

From the dome, l roam through the chromozome...

Come around, l pound you in the head with red--

( crash )

Turn that shit off!

Cut that shit off, man.

What's the matter with you? People tryin' to sleep here.

Fuckin' assholes.

That's what's wrong with your bighead ass.

Y'all don't understand good-ass music.

Yeah, the hell with you!

Motherfucker.

Fuck this, man.

Where are you going? You ain't gonna defend my honor?

Come back here, you sissy motherfuckers.

We really fuckin' suck.

Shit.


Play some more.

Yo, yo, you gotta do what you gotta do.

Whack the Daddy Mack, now we ain't got jack.

Butch in full effect, no, we ain't goin' back.

No more wannabes, no more .

Now, we're the big cheese, who'd wanna say please.

Dope is the track. Gold got it back...

Better get lost, next step, that's a fact.

This be the story, ain't got no glory...

No place to go but up, that's where it's at!

Yeah.

Here we go.

Here we-- here we go, y'all.

Here we go...

Here we-- here we go.

Time for the show.

Do what you gotta do.

Do what you gotta do.

( applause )

( chuckling )

Oh, handy...

Yeah!

Did we rock that shit? Rocked that shit.

Homie, they couldn't get enough of us. l could have got me some pussy.

Straight to Vegas, baby.

Cha-ching, cha-ching, cha-ching.

With Mack Daddy on our ass. Aw, fuck him.

By the time he finds us... we're already gonna be large.

He ain't gonna stop until he gets this.

Shit, give it to him.

We can't.

Shit, you boys was too, too fine tonight.

Good night, boys.

Who was he talkin' to? He was talkin' to your ass.

He was talking to you. He was talkin' to Post.

Fuck that.

You wanna hit that, Post?

Couldn't find your way out, baby?

Or, you just didn't wanna leave? l didn't come to play with fruit. l only seek me magic flute.

That's such a musical way of putting it.

You just the right size, too... for Miss Fontaine.

l hope you ain't a screamer 'cause l got me some company.

So get your ass up in there. Come on now.

Why you think Mack Daddy wants it back so bad?

That ain't no magic flute. My ass.

( faint scream )

What the fuck was that?

( more screaming )

That's probably Fontaine havin' a nightmare.

( more screaming )

( screaming continues )

Mr. Funny-Boy got company.

Man, l'm gonna be sick, man.

Shit--that little green motherfucker's out there, man.

Ohh, shit! He ain't dead.

Meta-fuckin'-physical, man.

What are we gonna do? l don't know, man.

What the fuck is we gonna do, y'all?

Flute... where's me flute?

See, the mix of a douche...

and a jelly... is very, very, very combustible.

Combustability... plus electricity...

equals flammability.

Damn, you smart, man.

Post... go over there and cut the light on when he comes in here.

Stray... go and get the little motherfucker in here, man.

Come on, man. All right.

Yo, shorty, you ain't even as big as my dick.

( footsteps )

Now, Post, now!

( screaming )


l don't get it. This piece of shit?

Y'all still don't get it?

We fuckin' with the spiritual world, man.

We unleashed a whole supernatural universal wack-pack.

Sanctuary's against that shit.

That's what we need right now, some sanctuary.

We need to go to Rev. Hanson's church.

We could slide him some Benjamins, and stay there for the night. l gotta see my grandmother, make sure she's all right.

Post, is that you?

Yeah, it's me, Grandma. l lost my keys.

Oh, all right.

Hey, Grandma.

Boy, where you been? l needed somebody to massage my bunions. l had stuff to do with Stray and Butch, that's all.

Them lazy-ass hood boys. You know they ain't good for nothin'.

Ahem...

Oh, hello, Stray. How's your mama?

She's good, Mrs. Smith.

She still sneakin' around with Jackie Dee?

Huh?

( chuckling )

That you, Butch?

Yes, ma'am.

Boy, is you still a virgin? Yes, ma'am.

What's wrong with you, son?

Big ol' strappin' boy like you? You got bad teeth or something?

No, ma'am.

There's hot soup over there on the stove... with plenty of hot sauce just like y'all like it.

Why motherfuckers want this so bad? l'm tellin' you, man. lt's magical.

Bullshit.

Watch this. Cover your ears.

Butch?

H-huh?

Sanctuary, man. We need sanctuary... quick.

( snoring )

( loudly: ) The Lord, l say...!

... is good.

For he has delivered unto me... the worst of Satan's sinners.

Praise God.

Reverend Hanson, we need sanctuary in your sanctuary.

We tryin' to hide from Mack Daddy. He's about to go on a killin' spree.

We're the spree he's tryin' to kill.

You're saying you need a place to slither away and hide out?

Yeah, just for one day, then we're outta here.

Let's see... hotel rates run about...

We give you $50 dollars, and we square.

That's nice, real nice. But there's one more thing.

What?

Our musical entertainment for this morning got cancelled.

Seems, the lead singer got his ass arrested again. l know you boys are musically inclined... and l suspect you might be available for... one song.

lt's so good... to see a full house, in the Lord's house.

Amen.

As we pass the collection plate... l want you to remember one thing.

The Lord, l say... the Lord, sees everything.

The Lord don't like cheap.

So l want you to dig deep into your pockets, now... and show your love.

But first, about our musical entertainment for today...

We have three young lads coming to you... straight from the Southside of Jerusalem. l said, the Southside of Jerusalem. l want you to make these boys feel welcome today.

Bring 'em on down, and show some love.

Lord works in mysterious ways...

Amen, man.

The Lord is good.

Jesus loves me, this l know... lf he don't, l'll find a... ho'.

His mama's name was--

Mary... Jo.

And his disciples was--

... some bad mo' fo's...

That's fine, fellas, that's fine.

The Lord has heard many a strange tongue in this house.

And we have learned not to judge what we see... but to the content, and the fiber of a young--


Yo, that's--Coolio.

( hip-hop beat starts )

Jesus loves me, this l know... lf he don't, l find a ho'.

His mama's name, was Mary Jo...

His disciples was some bad mo' fo's.

Little ones, goin' out to the crack house...

They're all weak, Jesus gave a shout out...

'cause we belong...

To the fold, we gone before long.>

Jesus loves me... l don't know...

Jesus loves me... The hell if l know. lf Jesus loves me, then it's my day.

We better pray... Or he'll make us pay.

The Lord's name, l take it in vain.

Why don't you, Jesus, come stop the pain?

Jesus works in a mysterious way.

That ain't no answer, l'm gonna do it my way.

Jesus loves us, we don't know...

Jesus loves us? The hell if we know.

Jesus works in a mysterious way...

That ain't no answer. We gonna do it our way.

Yeah.

( applause )

Three bad boys.

Give it up, come on, now.

Damn.

You believe me now?

No wonder Mack Daddy was so pissed off.

This is fortune, right here.

That's right.

You thinkin' what l'm thinkin'?

That's the key, man.

The key to everything we ever wanted.

Butch: Man, that's the key to our goddamn coffin.

Y'all must be forgettin' Mack Daddy gonna kill our ass... if he don't get that shit back.

We went in his house, fucked his shit up...

You think he'll let us live...

'cause we gave him his flute back?

Aw, shit, man. We're about to find out.

Oh, shit.

Mack: l'm sure the motherfuckers is up there.

Shh!

We don't go down without a fight.

Right? Right.

Right?

Right.

Right? Right.

( all scream )

Freeze, you little stealin' motherfuckers!

l finally got your ass. Where's my goddamn flute? l got your flute. l don't have it on me, but l know where it is.

Stop fuckin' with me! Gimme the goddamn flute, now! l can get the flute, but if you kill me then you can't have it.

What about Mr. Leprechaun? The flute belongs to him, anyway.

Fuck that little motherfucker. l should've killed him a long time ago.

Fuck him.

You need to figure out what you're going to do about him... because he's right behind your ass. l'm supposed to fall for that shit?

That's the oldest trick in the book. You gotta come better than that, nigga.

Blow this motherfucker's head off.

With pleasure.

Did somebody say, ?

Hallelujah.

You were sayin'?

l'll get back with you niggas later.

All right, dammit, what the hell is goin' on...?!

What the hell you boys think you're doin'?

Man, we got the whole world after our ass.

? Only the bad motherfuckers.

Why don't you give the little bastard his flute... and let's get up outta here, man?

( scratching )

We dealin' with some evil supernatural shit here, man.

l got an idea.

All kidding aside... it's time to die.

Damn...

What kinda voodoo shit you boys into?

( screaming )

You can stop that goddamned yelling. This is the Lord's house!

Ain't nobody in here afraid of your ass.

l don't hear nothin'.

Let's try it again.

( plays )

lt's hooked up right, man. We can't sample it. lt won't record.

Fuck it. We gotta use the real deal.

Either way, we're going to Vegas for the big money.

Straight up. Let's get this show on the road.

Let's do this shit.

Vegas? What the fuck y'all talkin' about, ''Vegas''?

Nobody goin' nowhere with that thing locked up in my office.

You know what? Just keep that safe locked.

You expect me to babysit the goddamn Devil, huh?

He's up there sittin' on my operating funds.

Reverend, we're about to hit the jackpot.

When we come back, we'll split the pot with you.

Then, we'll figure out what to do with that fuckin' devil.

Just make sure his ass don't get out.

Let's get out of here, man.

Yo...

What about Mack Daddy, man?

What about Mack Daddy?

Youngblood, how'd you know about my gun?

Aw, man, who don't know about your gun?

From the depths of the nether world, l summon you... me zombie fly girls.

( music begins )

Hit the ground, hit the ground--run...

Hit the ground, run... hit the ground...

Here come the man, he got no school...

Brought an AK, he ain't gonna lose...

Smoke the motherfucker, from the moment we cruise.

Karma, drama, now we're on the run...

Motherfucker don't stay down, you're done.

Pop-pop, bang-bang, here we come again...

We hit the ground, runnin' while we can.

Hit the ground, Hit the ground--running...

Toke to the joint, we can take no more...

Posse, partyin', drinks and whores...

Chillin', thrillin', pump up the stereo...

Boom, goes the door, fucked-up scenario.

We go runnin', bullets keep comin'...

We hit the ground, the joint keep burnin'...

Me and my partner, we gonna get free...

Just gotta pass this motherfuckin' D.

Hit, hit, hit the ground running.

... hit the ground, runnin'!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, man.

Sweet Jesus.

Another sinner.

Come, my child.

Come and let me lay hands upon your... sinful creature.

And pass on to you... the blessings of the Lord.

Do you have the gift of healing, Reverend?

Oh, yes, my child. lndeed, l do.

But, my specialty... is the gift of tongues.

l know the evil serpent beast when l see him.

Now, get thee hence from the house of the Lord.

Now, begone from the--

Praise thee, good Reverend. Now, give up me golden flute.

Stray bullet to the heart...

Then you start bullshittin' with time and space.

Rap moves at the drop of a dime, any motherfuckin' place...

Leave you in a puddle of your warm blood... l go home...

l'm the hardest you ever saw--you're my target.

Stray Bullet to the heart.

( rap continues )

Stray Bullet to the heart.

Stray Bullet to the heart-- what's the matter, bitch?

Hell, yeah! That's what l'm talkin' about!

They loved us, loved us, we rocked the show.

( celebrating )

Berry Grady, vice president of A&R for Dope Discs Productions.

The biggest hip-hop label in history?

Guilty as charged, homeboy.

Hope you're ready for the finals. The finals?

You made it. You are going to Vegas.

Ain't in it but to win it, know what l'm sayin'?

Your music's got a real special quality.

And the kids are down with it.

We're just keepin' it real. The shit is sellin'.

You perform in Vegas like you did tonight... you're a stone bet to win.

Tuesday night, 8pm, be at LAX. Congratulations, fellas.

Thank you, Mr. Grady.

We goin' to Vegas...!

Yeah, baby, we goin' to Vegas, cha-ching, cha-ching, cha-ching!

Hey, party in here?

Oh, shit... hell, yeah! lf y'all partyin'... this is it!

The crowds were impressed, they loved every note.

But how will you sound from the bottom of me moat?

Give me the flute. Hell, no!

( fires )

Uncomfortable, lad? l'm sorry.

ls this better? l'll give you a choice. Me patience is drained.

Give me the flute... or l paint the wall with his brains.

Okay, okay...

Post, give it up, man.

Give him the goddamned flute, Post.

Post, give him the motherfuckin' flute!


Now, let them go.

As they say, lad, Now live with the thought. You were almost a star.

Ladies...

Fuck you.


No, Post... no.

No!


Man, we gotta go.

lt wasn't supposed to be like this.

We was gonna make the climb with the positive shit.

That was a long time ago.

So, it's over?

Stray died for nothing?

A stinkin' corpse in a shitty car to be found by some wino?

Man, it's over. What are we gonna do?

l don't know. lt's over, Post.

Go home, man.

Go home.


Does she meet with your approval?

She's the bomb.


Who's that?

You must be one of Post's little friends.

You must want some of that food l made.

Ooh, child.

You got the arthritis real bad.

Your little hands is all knotted up...

You need some good food in your stomach.

That's what you need.

Now, go on, and go wash up.

Go on, go wash them filthy little hands.

Let some hot water run down over them.

l'm gonna feed you, on account of your hands is knotted up... and you can't hold these here utensils.

Good. Thank you.

( screaming )

Stray...

( knocking )

( screaming )

We goin' to Vegas, baby! We gonna be large!

( knocking )

Stray...

( knocking )

( gasp )

Yo, Post, it's all right. lt's me.

Butch... what's up, man? l don't want you goin' by yourself, man.

Goin' where?

To get the Leprechaun. To get that flute back.

How do you know l'm goin'? Ain't you?

Yeah, l guess l am.

What the hell is that around your damn head? l got a plan, man.

Yo, Post l was reading earlier...

Leprechauns is rumored to be the dark elves of Satan.

Each with his own pot of gold.

They so small, peeps are always tryin' to capture 'em.

The gold is the ransom for their freedom.

Anybody fuckin' with their shit... is hunted down and killed in a most brutal manner.

Yeah, no shit.

So, what's your plan?

This.

Weed?

Man, this ain't just weed, Post.

This weed's got clovers in it. Four-leaf clovers.

What?

According to this book... a leprechaun can lose his powers temporarily... if he's hit with the essence of a four-leaf clover.

How are we supposed to find the Leprechaun? l was sneaking around the Golden Parrot.

The Leprechaun got a goddamn room upstairs.

He got them zombie ho's hypnotizing people.

Taking them up to him, every night.

Word? What for? l don't know... but they don't be comin' back downstairs after they go up. l think he's fuckin' 'em to death.

We gotta get in there, get him stoned off these clovers... grab the flute, and run like hell while he's still trippin'.

That's a good plan, Post.

How are we supposed to get close to his ass?

Only one way, bro'.


Remember, Mack Daddy's still out there. he gonna be comin' after our ass, too.

Fuck Mack Daddy.

Ain't nothin' but a hip-hop thang.

Business in the hood.

Let's do this.


Lep in the hood... come to do no good.

( gasp )

W-what happened?

Tell me where the Leprechaun is. lt's okay, just tell me where he is, and l'll let you go.

Damn, Post. You look good, for real.

Fuck you, nigga. You ready for this shit? l'm ready for this shit, man. Let's do it.

( snoring )

Mr. Leprechaun?

Mr. Leprechaun?

Yo--Mr. Leprechaun!

Gotcha some new, fresh, ho' meat... and some special weed.

Leprechaun: Come closer, come closer my fresh young lass.

Let me take a look at you, before l... tap your ass.

Sit down, sit down, my healthy filly.

You're about to meet a club named, .

They say in the hood, you're never down... unless you've the courage to go... downtown.


Post: Come on, man.

On to Vegas, baby. All the way for Stray, man.

( gunfire )

Butch...?

Not in a dress, Post...

You're gonna be okay, man.

ls there pussy in heaven, Post?

Mack: Okay, little girls, come on out!

You can't hide. lt's goin' down.

Come on out, bitches. Mack Daddy wants his flute.

What's up, ?

Man, l must say, you are fine.

Are you finished playing? Gimme the goddamn flute.

Fuck you, motherfucker.

Oh, yeah, fuck me...

You look real tough, you got a gun and everything... but you ain't about to kill shit.

Plus, you're forgetting about the little motherfucker upstairs.

There's only one way to deal with him, and that's me. l got the one thing that can put that leprechaun on ice forever.

So, what you gonna do, tough guy? You gonna try to kill me... or are we gonna work together and kill this motherfucker?

'Cause you ain't no motherfucking gangster. l'm supposed to trust you now? l wouldn't advise you to trust me; that'd be the worst thing you could do.

But right now, we got no options.

And you really ain't got no options.

You ain't no motherfucking gangster.

Get that gun out of my face. You ain't about to kill nothin'...

( rumbling )

Cross-dressing impostor!

( cackling )

For a foe of mine, you've done quite well.

Now, l'll take me flute, and send you to hell.

( mimicking: ) lf this is to be Post's last stand... you'll have to take this flute from me cold, dead hand. l'll take it from you, homie, you'll see...

'cause you know the Lep is the real O.G.

What are you gonna do about Mack Daddy?

Behind me?

A valiant try, and right on cue... but if l fall for that, l'm as stupid as you.

Mack Daddy ain't dyin' today.

Motherfucker.

( cackling )

( scream )

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Postmaster P!

The king of the world, yeah, yeah, that's me... l'm finally the man that l've been strivin' to be. l passed the test, they fucked my nest... but l made it to the top, put your fears to rest.

The king of the world, yeah, yeah, that's me... l'm finally the man that l've been strivin' to be. l passed the test, they fucked my nest... but l made it to the top, put your fears to rest.

The king of the world, yeah, yeah, that's me... l'm finally the man that l've been strivin' to be. l passed the test, they fucked my nest... but l made it to the top, put your fears to rest.

The king of the world, yeah, yeah, that's me... l'm finally the man that l've been strivin' to be. l passed the test, they fucked my nest... but l made it to the top, put your fears to rest.

( applause )

l taught him everything he knows.

( hip-hop beat ) l come from the land of the lrish spring.

Dublin's the place where l learned my thing.

From the Emerald lsle to your place in the hood... l'm the man of green, come to do no good.

Lep in the hood, come to do no good.

Blunt is dope, this place is hype.

There's a lassie, she's just my type. l hate to resort so soon to magic...

Haven't been laid so long, it's tragic.

l'm so bad, l'm good. l'll show you what to do, so lend an ear... don't worry, little lassie, you've got nothin' to fear.

Sit with a lad who's lean and green... and let me show you why l'm a love machine.

... come to do no good.

l'm a wee green guy, who's new to town...

Show me what you do when you get down. l'll go up, you go down...

We'll all see your love green.

Lep in the hood, come to do no good.

Lep in the hood, when we're bad, we're good.

From the cliffs of more to your front door...

Better turn out the lights and pray some more.

Gonna party through the night until the dawn... and you and l are gonna get it on.

Lep in the hood, come to do no good.


Lep in the hood come to do no good.

Lep in the hood... come to do no good.