Let's Talk About Women (1964) Script

Logiusso Gaspare!

My husband is not in.

Where is he?

He's gone grape picking.

When is he coming back?

After the Angelus.

Would you like to try our wine?

Why do you want to see him?

It tastes good.

What do you want from him?

It's men's business.

I never did that.

Never with another man!

I did it for my husband.

For you, Gaspare, because I love you and I don't want to lose you.

To save your life!

You're still here?

What else do you want?

I'm waiting for your husband. What?

I only did this so you would leave.

You're a man of honor.

You must leave.

Do it for me!

Promise me.

Promise me you will leave.

All right.


I'm leaving.

Tell your husband that

here is the rifle I borrowed from him yesterday.

Thank you for everything.


Hi, Fabiani. Excuse me, sir.

I didn't recognize you.

Got a cigarette for this poor match? Thanks.

You can always count on my matches.

We pay taxes on matches too. What's said is said.

Always the same old prank.

Why don't you give me a Roman salute, then?

Say hello to your missus.

Look who's coming? Hello, sweetie. How's it going?

Fancy watching television at my place tonight?

What about your wife?

I'll come to your place. My mother will kick you out.

It's so complicated! There's no use having a TV, then?

Bye, Marco.

Bye, Miss Ministry of Transport. Say hello to your mother.

You're working late, today?

I'm not sure...

What have you done to your coat?

What a shame! Let me help you.


Bring your deck of cards, we'll fleece the caretaker.

Hi, John Wayne!

You were at the office?

Of course.

I didn't see you.

From 9 to 11, I went to watch a game of table tennis.

Come with me to the betting office. I've got some tickets.

I filled them in this morning. Are you tired?

You bet! Let's go for a drink.

All right, then.

Last one in pays the bill!

Force your way through. Watch the bus!

Mission accomplished!

Well done!

You know my mother used to date Zatopek's father and you still want to race against me!

God, you're so short!

I almost have to kneel down to spray this in your eye!

You're crazy! Don't get upset about this.

Can't believe your eyes, can you? Let's have this drink.

Wait a minute.

You're going back home? Yes, why?

If you wait for me, you could give me a ride.

I'll buy you a drink and then we'll go.

That makes 3 drinks. Hand over the money, we have a guest.

Tell the man you're sorry.

3 Martinis with olives and sausages!

To starboard!

Here we are. This is my manor.

Steer straight ahead.

Thanks a lot. I think we're there.

We only risked our lives 7 times!

All right, off I go. We had a good laugh.

Thanks, no need to make a fuss.

If you want to stay for lunch, meet me at your place.

That's some car you got here! You can drive home now.

Don't forget, to brake, use the one in the middle.


Mr. Alvaro De Santis lives here?

Second floor, number 7.

I know, that's where I live.

I should have guessed. I fall for it every time.

You should go on a diet.

Nothing beats walking!

"She poisoned her husband and ran off with her neighbor."

Hello, Mrs. Marietta.

Pack your suitcase while I poison my husband.

Give me 10 minutes.

Don't use arsenic, it's a classic and it's very sour.

He doesn't even like vinegar.

So don't use vinegar either.



Hello, Luisa.

You look tired.

I am. I have loads of work.

What an awful morning! I've got a headache.

Let's have lunch, you'll nap afterwards.

I can't, I have to go back to work.

My slippers...

Stop that!

You're 10!

You're too old for these childish games.

Always clowning around...

What will become of you?

Turn around!

Behave yourself.

What a life!

Can't wait for my retirement.

Have we met before? No.

Let's get to know each other.


Very comfy place you have here!

A woman likes to be comfortable. Usually, I go to a hotel.

But when I have guests, I like to make a good impression.

You're right.

You always work where I picked you up...

Met you, I mean. Yes, till 9.30 pm.

My last client usually gives me a ride home.

So you don't pay for the taxi.

That's clever.

Well done.

Could you turn around?

You don't mind? Not at all.

I know this guy!

It's my husband. No!

We've been married for 3 years.

I know him.

It's Roberto Romarini!

How do you know him? How do I know him?

We were in the same class, 15 years ago.

We played on the same basketball team.

What a coincidence!

You're his wife!


He put on some weight and lost his hair but he still has the same smile.

I'd be happy to see him again.

Wait here, he'll be back in half an hour.

No, I have to go.

Where did you put my trousers?

What an idiot, I put them in the wardrobe.

Excuse me. It's no big deal.

I can't help it, I have to tidy up!

If you want to stay, I'll make you some coffee.

No thanks, don't bother.

Now's the wrong time for that.

I won't mind. Besides Roberto will be pleased.

You sure?

If you think he'll be pleased.

You're a nice person. Did you hear me?

Roberto is lucky he found a girl like you: serious, conscientious...

You can tell straight away.

You're not one of those boring shrews.

You've been around. Can't learn your trade in school.

Girls like you are born prostitutes.

You're right.

Is this expensive? What is it?

A Clavinova.

Nice place you have here.

In Tokyo there's a school where they teach women how to take care of men. Really?

They get a diploma?

All I know is that it's a recognized profession such as typist or social worker.

Believe me, I just came back from the Olympic Games.

Those Japanese, they're something!

They make such tiny radio sets.

I always carry one in my bag.

It keeps me company.

In America, all you buy is Japanese.

You can read "Made in Japan" on the feet of new-born babies!

That's him.


How can I explain how I got here?

Don't worry, I brought you here.

Hide, we'll surprise him.

Good evening, honey. Darling!

I went to see Aunt Margherita. She's so lonely.

She's inviting us for lunch next Sunday.

Roberto, look who's here!

Who's that madman? Your old school pal.

I'm Tonino. Don't you recognize me?

Tonino Zaffardi. Tony the Nip.

What are you doing here?

What am I doing?

He's one of my clients.

I ran into your wife by accident.

I didn't know she was your wife.


A lady-killer like you! You've sunk that low!

Is it a disgrace?

Thank you very much...

She's right.

No harm intended, honey.

Sit down. Thank you.

You haven't changed a bit.

You look very fit.

If I hadn't seen your picture in the bedroom I never would have guessed this was your home.

Are you married?

No, I like my freedom.

That explains your late strolls.

My clients are usually married men, not bachelors.

You hear that? She knows her stuff.

It's been a long time! It's really amazing!

Sorry... It's all right.

Do you have any news from Galimberti?

He left for Venezuela for his health and because of some dirty business, you know...

What do you mean?

He got into trouble with a 15-year-old girl.

It was in the papers.

He did 3 years in jail and found out his wife had run off with a gigolo.

That's a tough one.

Sad to be a cuckold.

What are you talking about? Nothing.

What's your line of work?

I bet you're a civil servant. I'm a businessman.

I own a fashionable bar in the via Marulana.

Come and see me, we'll have a chat.

I've got to go. Have dinner with us.

No, I must go.

There's always enough to go... I don't want to bother you.

I'll drop by, I have nothing to do all day.

I believe you.

See you soon. No problem.

I'll come after I drop off my wife.

Speaking of your wife, I almost forgot.

What are you doing? I can't accept.

Why is that? Business is business.

You're joking or what?

Would you let me pay for my coffee in your bar?

That's different. You can't compare a coffee with...

Do you want to offend me?

All right. If you take it that way, what can I say?

My humble respects. Bye, sweetheart.

She's a nice girl.

Good evening.

Tonino Zaffardi. It was a pleasure to see him again.

What's going on? Nothing.

Nothing? Look at your faces!

Tell me. Let's eat.

How could I eat with you telling me "let's eat"?

I'd rather know now. What's happened?

What's the matter with you?

Elena, don't do that.

Stay here. I have a right to know the truth.

Marcello, your sister was dishonoured.

Dishonoured? By whom?

An unscrupulous man.

She met at the swimming pool.

He seemed kind and shy, but he was putting on an act.

They talked on the telephone and they went out last night...

Last night... Marcello, he dishonoured her!

You hear me? Of course I hear you.

So she wasn't at the cinema. No.

Marcello! How can you eat?

What do you want me to do?

What a question! He's an unscrupulous man.

Elena phoned him, he won't talk to her.

How dare he? Exactly!

We want you to talk to him.

To whom? To him.

I wanted to cheer up Elena, not to talk to him.

You are the head of the family now.

Why did your father leave us so quickly?

When he was alive, this would have never happened!

I should hope not, she was only 6 when he died.

So will you go? Of course I will.

I'm going.

What should I tell him?

That when you make a promise to a girl, you keep it.

Elena is an honourable young lady.

Girls are defenceless with such a man.

Girls only stand up to me.

I can't stand that kind of guy...

It's easy to be unscrupulous.

But if you're honest, you always fall for it.

I can't wait to tell this man what I think.

If he saw me with his sister, he'd beat me up.

But I'm the brother, I'll strike first.

Don't do anything stupid. Don't worry.

She's my sister. We're of the same flesh and blood.

It's like he had dishonoured me.

It's an image, of course.


The soup is terrible.

I wasn't in the mood for cooking.

It's no big deal.

Story of my life.

Overwork, disgusting food, lonely nights... That's my life.

There you go!

Really disgusting.


I'm coming.

It's cold.

You look like an undercover cop.

Let me put something on.

Funny idea to swim at this time of the day.

I must be crazy!

Where were we, M. Bonnilli?

Bonnelli. I was talking about my sister.

Elena? She's a fine girl.

She was, until yesterday.

This is a man-to-man talk, we can speak openly.

So? So, here is what I think.

An honourable girl always stays honourable.

Even after her first man.

What if she carries on seeing other men?

She can start saving some money.

I'm only joking.

It won't happen. Don't take it so seriously.

Sorry, but...

Hi, Fred.

You like her? I'm not in the mood.

As I was saying, we live in a modern world. That's not the point.

Do you have 100 liras?


Tango, samba or twist?

Twist. All right.

Excuse me...

It's new?

Two years old.

Can I join in, girls?

Are you two free tonight? Nice belly!

We're in the middle of a conversation.

You are going to say that we are old-fashioned but you behave in an intolerable way.

Let's not exaggerate.

We don't play polo, like you do.

I find it inappropriate to talk in this place.

You're uncomfortable here? No, why?

I just think this is a touchy conversation...

If you don't see why, I do.

You are rather extravagant and thoughtless.

You swim in November, you twist.

You are only listening to me with half an ear.

You are right. Come to the bar, it will be quieter.

The barman is not here.

All right? Yes.

I think that a nice young man like you should use his brains a bit more and see that each woman is unique. Take my sister, for instance...

Let's go under cover!

My sister... Fancy a swim in the rain?

I can't swim! Excuse me.

A quiet place, you said...

Don't you understand?

No, I don't.

What do you expect from me? If there's any way I can help...

You have dishonoured my sister...


You took advantage of her. What?

You want to dance without me? I don't think so!

Your sister is 27. She's not a child anymore.

She's pretty and fun. We were here last night.

Alone... That's the problem!

If only it had been crowded yesterday and empty today.

We drank and... It happened.

What do you mean, "it happened"?

You asked for it.

Disease and fate are implacable, sex is not!

You can always say no.

You took part in it, admit it!

I don't deny it.

It's easy to put the blame on the drinks.

I must say...

Are you listening? Yes, carry on.

A real gentleman doesn't force a woman to drink!

I admit it was wrong. Thank you.

But I don't know what to do.

Let's go somewhere else.

Tell me what I should do. I should tell you?

Have you seen my sister? I was here first.

All right.

You may think I'm old-fashioned but in the past, when such things happened, when a girl was compromised, people talked about compensation.

What do you mean?

Think. You're single, so is Elena, you like each other, so draw your own conclusions.

You must be joking? On the contrary.

This is ridiculous!

Do you know who you're talking to?

If I get married, it will be to a wealthy American who owns a yacht in Portofino and a chalet in Cortina.

I want to be comfortable.

Honestly, do you see me married to Elena?

What a bargain!

Not that Elena is ugly, she can be attractive, once in a while, when you're drunk.

But honestly, from me to you, would you marry Elena?

I'm her brother!

I don't fancy her more than you. You got some nerve!

Who's that girl? I don't know.

Really? She's good-looking.

Pretty chick, right?

Come, I'll introduce you. You don't know her!

You can introduce me when you know her.

Come on!

Sit down! Excuse him, Miss.


I'll sit here.

My friend Bonnilli... Bonnelli. would like to know your name. No...

Why would your friend want to know my name?

He told me that a chef-d'oeuvre always has a name.

"Leda and the Swan", "Venus landing on the Shore", "Mona Lisa"... What's the name of this beautiful piece of art?

My name is Loredana.


Beautiful name. Marcello Bonnelli. Nice to meet you.

This is Mister Alfredo. Miss Loredana.

Call me Fred. Are you free tonight?

We could have dinner together. 8 o'clock?

I'm meeting a girlfriend. That's a shame.

It's perfect.

That will make 4 of us, I won't have to be the third wheel.

8 o'clock, all right.

You seem confident. What if we don't show up?

If you don't show up at 8, we'll jump in the pool.

They empty the water at 7.30.

See you at 8, don't forget.


I'm counting on you.

Pretty, isn't she?

You think they'll come? Of course.

Let's buy some whiskey, have them drink a little.

You're telling me? I forgot.

Goodbye and thank you.

Excuse me, we are friends now? Of course.

Tonight, you go out with Loredana and tomorrow, her brother asks you to marry her.

What would you answer? Yes.

You say that today, but tomorrow...

Honestly, you can't compare Loredana to your sister.

That's for sure.

I'm joking! It's not the same thing.

Not the same league.

I've got to go. We meet up here at 8?

No, I pick you up at your place at 7.45.

I know where you live. Right, you gave Elena a lift.

Bye, see you later.

Bye, Marcello.

See you tonight, Fred!

I'd need a new coat.


So? So what?

You talked to him?

Of course I did. More than 2 hours.

You told him to face up to his responsibilities?

You bet. I shut him up.

Actually, Fred is... Fred?

Alfredo. He's a gentleman, a fine man.

You'll notice, sooner or later.

What's that? An undershirt.

I'm allowed to buy myself an undershirt.

I wanted something a little more flattering.

What did he say? I spoke to him and...

You should stop bothering him.

What do you mean?

Stop calling him all the time.

Give it time.

Where are my blue shorts with my initials?

Give me the perfume I offered you for Christmas.

What else did he say?

He said...

Why are you always touching my meccano?

It takes patience to build one, stop fiddling with it.

I don't want anybody else to touch it.

So what did he say? You want to know?

He thinks she's really nice, he likes her a lot...

This shirt is all crumpled.

Iron it. And don't make such a face.

Go, go iron your little brother's shirt.

Mind the collar.

Would you run a bath for me?

A bath, now? You're going out tonight?

I'm entitled to a bit of distraction, once in a while.

Tell me the truth. Can I find peace of mind?

No mother can, nowadays.

Hand me my undershirt. Those ones are loose.

I don't want them anymore. Give me the new one.

Fred is a nice, helpful guy.

I'm sure you'd like him. One night...

This one makes my waist thinner.

If you want, we can invite him for dinner.

It would be best if Elena weren't in that night.

He didn't promise anything? It's not that simple, mother.

I'm seeing him in 2 hours. I hope everything will be fine.

I really do.

But Elena has to realize that it's also her fault.

Think about it, mother. She is 27.

Sure, she's a nice girl... but she doesn't catch your eye. Really.

Let's face it, mother. You...

Between us, Elena... would you marry her?

Elena, run a bath for me!

She doesn't catch your eye. That's all.

What's that?

What's going on?

Nothing. It must be the schoolchildren.


That means it's 8.30! What's the matter? Sleep.

The kids are in school and I'm still in bed!

Don't you think you're a bit old to go to school?

This is no time for jokes.

I have an appointment at 10, I told you.

I'm going to be late. I have to hurry up.

Don't panic. You have plenty of time.

It's not even 10 yet.

You have an hour and a half, it's only 8.30.

Take it easy, there's no rush.

It's bad to wake up with a start, makes you 10 years older each time.

No chance of that happening to you.

You bit me. What's with the biting?

I have to go home and change. You don't have to change.


You don't have to change!

You make me raise my voice.

I can't go in an evening gown.

I did ask you to wake me up at 8.

You told me you rose with the sun.

Much ado about nothing, really!

Slow down, or you'll be there at 10.

They'll wait for you. No. I like being on time.

That's a woman's prime virtue.

Let's say her second.

As you like. But I want to be on time.

Of course, you're virtuous.

There's one. Where's the other?

The other what? My other shoe.

You're not very sharp this morning.

That was it! I slept the whole night on this thing.

It's hot!

I drank too much yesterday.

I saw you. You wanted to ride a policeman's bicycle.

I can't ride a bicycle.

I know. I had to carry you on the crossbar.

With my back pains...

The band was quite good last night.

The trumpet was all right, but the sax...

Shall we dance again? If you want to.

Are you crazy?

You want me to die or what?

It's not that. It's a 3 beat rhythm.

I'll explain tomorrow.

It doesn't matter. l will try my best next time.

What time is it? Quarter to nine.

Oh no! I'm going to be late.

Or will I be there at 10? What do you think?

Sure, you'll make it. Bye, angel.

Bye, darling.

Can I see you tonight? No, not tonight.

Some other time, maybe. I'll call you.

It will be the occasion to take my mother out.

Mimi's back from Sweden, we can visit her.

God! I'll never make it by 10! Bye!

Want me to give you a lift?

No, thanks. I'd rather not.

Bye, my love.

I really don't want music right now.

I bet it's going to rain.

My good luck!

There's one coming.

Good evening.

Fancy a ride, you and me?


Of course...

I can understand...


Of course, with a car...

It's easy.

There's not much traffic.

It's quiet tonight.

Here comes another one.

Good evening.

You want to know where I live? If you want me to.

Shall we take my car?

No, let's take yours. As you like.

I'll lock the door.

Where do you live?

In San Giovanni. That's a bit of a distance.

It doesn't matter with a car like yours...

I'll let you drive, I'm sure you're a good driver.

Will it be safe here?

We'll see. Let's go.

Give me a kiss. What are you doing?

Take a hard right.

Careful with the car, it's brand new.

I'm going to change it soon. I don't like it anymore.

That's the kind of guy I am.

Watch the pothole.

There are loads of them.

Thanks, I wouldn't have noticed.

Watch the dog!

We've passed San Giovanni, is it far now?

No, I live right there.

Here we are.

I'm sorry, but about the money...

How much is it?

Why? You don't know the prices?

No, it's just that I'm not really rich.

Now you tell me!

Excuse me for a second.

Take your time.

I'm coming, mother.

It's late!

It's my mother. You want me to call mine?

That'd make our engagement official!

You are so funny...

Mother doesn't like this too much, I'd better say goodbye.

I hope I'll see you again.

Sure, you'll introduce me to your aunt!


A little peck? Dream on!

Back off! Go away!

You in a hurry?

Bye, ma'am!

Be quiet!

Well, I see her point.

Every night, it's the same thing.

What will the neighbours say?

It's not my fault, mother.

I leave the bar at 2.10 am and the last bus is at 2.

I'm not going to spend 2000 liras on cabs every night.

I don't really enjoy being called a bastard every night.

Poor dad! I feel sorry for him.

I understand why you got 7 years!

Damn! This guy is starting to get on my nerves!

Shut up!

Here's the floor cloth you wanted.

What are you going to do? Shut him up!

It wasn't easy, but I got the authorization to let your husband out for 2 days.

Are you happy? It's better than nothing.

You know that good behaviour in prison can't erase the crimes he committed.

If it hadn't been so serious, you wouldn't have got these 2 days.

Come in.

Diocleziano! Virginia!

What's going on?

Here, Pompeii.

You're on leave for 2 days. Really? Why?

Your mother wants to see you.

She's old and... What's the matter?

Her heart. I'm not surprised.

I can't be at peace for 7 years. Thanks anyway.

You should thank her. She did the paperwork.

She must love your mother.

You don't argue anymore? No, it's been a while.

We won't keep you any longer, sir.

Thank the authorities for me.

I feel sorry for you, always locked up in here.

It's a gift from God!

Hi, Diocleziano. I'm glad to see you again.

So am I! Who are you, by the way?

Homer. Poor Bonari's brother.

I was sorry to send him to kingdom come, but...

Are you in the choir? I'm with the sopranos.

I was really sad, believe me.

He slept with a married woman. It's not proper.

Especially when it's Diocleziano's.

I have no resentment. It's over now.

And you, are you all right? You seem tense.

What's that? It's suede.

What's your line of work? Business. Very successful.

That's what women say. Congratulations.

Bye, kids. See you later.

If mama doesn't die, we'll have a party!

Nobody sings like I do, you know!

It's me, Diocleziano.

Mama, it's me, Diocleziano. Do you recognize me?

What's the big deal?

I've been lying in bed for a month.

I've had 7 control visits because of you.

You're not dying? You wish.

If I were a man, I'd show you.

I'll bury you all.

She doesn't look sick.

She's fit as a fiddle.

What a woman!

You put on an act because you wanted to see me?

Me? The less I see you the better I feel.

Your father spent 15 years in prison.

I wish he would have stayed here.

But your wife wanted to see you.

She was longing for some...

That's love for you!

Let's play cards.

OK, I deal. 50 liras a card.

Double for the kings.

I've been playing cards for 4 years with my mates in prison.

So, if I may... Excuse me, I'll be right back.

Come, Virginia.

You're leaving me on my own?

Yes. Thank you!

Four years is a long time.

Try to understand.

Make an effort.

Try to see this from my perspective.

Mama, play patience while you wait for me.

One last kiss for my wife and I'm all yours.

Goodbye, Virginia.

Take care of yourself.


I was glad to see you!

So was I!

Who are you? Homer.

Diocleziano, I've got to talk to you. In 3 years.

Here, Diocleziano. My snack. Thanks, love.

If I get beaten up, I'll find you.

Bye, love!

Are you okay?

Bye everyone!

When are you going to tell him?

In about 20 days.

You're pregnant?

You're really expecting a baby?

My baby?

Of course, who else's?

In 9 months, I'll be a father?

Maybe a bit earlier.

Like you, you were born at 7 months.

That's right.


I, Diocleziano, I'm having a baby!

My wife is pregnant! Good for you.

I'm expecting a baby!

When I get out of here, I'll sing him to sleep.

Come here!

Diocleziano! Let me go!

It's not a nursery here!

Shut up!

This guy's no gift of nature!

Bring out your rags!

Bring out your rags!

Bring out your rags!

Come on up!

What are you selling?

Come on up.

Last floor.

I'm coming!


Those fancy guys don't know how to park!

They think they own the street.


The lift is only for residents.

It only opens with a key.

If you use the staircase, wipe your feet.

The lift is reserved for those people!

The poor worker has to use the stairs and not mess them up!

What have I done?

It opens like that?


What the heck...

I'm sorry. Did you hurt yourself?

I just tripped.

With all these rugs...

You're out of breath?

You kidding? I just climbed up 5 floors.

You live here?

What's 5 floors for a strong man like you?

I still had to climb them.

Come here and rest for a while.

I'm all right!

Please, sit down.

Check this out!

The curtains!

The silverware!

I was just having a snack.

You shack up in a palace!

You live a good life.

I do my best.

Right, you do your best!

With all the stuff you got here, you live on a million a month, easy.

Look at this.

It must cost at least 10 000 liras, maybe more.

What is that?

It's nice.

And the paintings, framed and all. It looks great!

There's a light underneath!

You've got to fix that one.

Would you like something? I won't say no.


What's that, the tiny black beads?

Caviar. What?

I don't like that. And this?

Not bad.

Swell even, if that's what you call a snack.

I don't like anchovy.

That's a snack? What's lunch for you, then?

Look what I eat.

Mortadella sandwich.

That's not fair!

It's mine!

Calm down!

The world's not the way it should be.

Go ahead, help yourself!

Some just have it all. The Chinese are right, the bourgeois should be executed.

Except you, maybe.

Thanks for counting me out.

I hope you will speak out for me to the Chinese.

What else could I want? There's butter and coffee.

Let's eat and enjoy!

The worker is having a break.

Let's try some anchovy.

Funny, those lights under the paintings.

Come with me.

I'm too busy.

Come here, you'll be much more comfortable.

One for the road.

You never know.

Life is wonderful!

The toasts are good, but they're too small.

Do you smoke? Yes, I do. Give me that.

What brand are those?

Muratti! They're good, but they're too expensive for me.

Keep them.

How many are there? 10, 12, 13, 14, 15.

You've smoked 5 since this morning!

Got a match?

You mourning someone? You're all dressed in black.

You crazy? You don't like this?

Of course not, you're burning me. Just you try it!

Do it to me.

Please, do the same thing to me.

You're alone here?

Why? What do you have in mind?

I was just asking.

I wouldn't leave you home alone.

Nice lighter...

Stop, you're tickling me. I was saying, nice lighter.

What's that?

Chocolates, you want some? Not now.

I'm smoking. I'll take a few for later.

Only 2 or 3, they're heavy on my stomach.

It gives me heartburn, some sort of ulcer...

What horrible stories!

Do you have anything livelier to tell?

You know, I live a dog's life.

I run all over the place, work like crazy.

All that trouble for a piece of bread this big...

You want to sleep with me?

I'm not against it.

Why didn't you ask straight away?

Your husband is old?

Don't bite me!

Stop it!

I've got feathers in my nose.

What are you doing? Where are you going?

Please hold me tight.

Watch it!

Stop. Why?

Be rude. What do you mean?

I beg you, be rough. Shout.

You're totally insane!

What do you want me to shout?

Whatever, but shout! What, for example?

Bring out your rags!

I can't believe how heavy you are.

You should go easy on the snacks. You're really heavy!

Where is it? Bring out your rags! Mind your head.

Bring out your rags!

You don't have a light.

Is this the old man's picture?

You look like a cuckold.

Hurry up!

If you want to see me again, you know where to find me.

Bye, darling. And the rags?

What rags? The rags!

Why did you call me from your window, then?

Fool! You still don't understand why I asked you to come up?

That's the best one yet!

Fancy people...

The Chinese are right, you're all crazy.

I climb 5 floors and you don't give me anything!

You make me sick!

You won't be seeing me around!


What's going on?

You were supposed to meet me at the front door.

Not to draw a crowd!

You weren't coming. I thought you changed your mind.

No! But there's no need to tell the whole neighbourhood!

Who cares? I could be your boyfriend.

Here, boyfriends ride Vespas.

Will you back off! And turn off the radio!

Swear you won't tell anyone.

Who do you think I am? I'm a gentleman.

Don't touch my mirror.

You're all the same, you can't keep your mouths shut.

Isn't it Adalgisa?

Yes. Stupid!

She's going to see us. Let's ignore her.

I slept with her once and now she keeps calling me all the time.

Charming! And you call yourself a gentleman?

How discreet. Why are you telling me this?

Sorry, I didn't mean to.

I knew it. Adalgisa told me.

She didn't mean to. Nothing to brag about.

You must be desperate to go out with a girl like that.

I agree, she's not bright.

So why do you date her?

Me? Don't believe all she tells you.

This is our first romantic day together.

Give me a smile. And leave that mirror alone!

The car is all yours. Change the oil and wash it, as usual.

Fine. You'll be busy for an hour at least?

Here we are.

You can get out of the car. Come on.

What? It's here.

What about him? Aren't you asking him in?

Don't be silly, I live here! You live in Piazza Navona.

We can't sleep in my mother's bed!

Nor in the bed where you make all your conquests.

I'm sure you didn't change the sheets.

It'll take 2 minutes. Sure.

I could do your laundry as well!

I don't want mechanics to see me go into a bachelor flat!

Margherita, calm down... Not here!

Let's go elsewhere!

What will people think if I do something like that?

Right now, I'm the one who looks like a fool.

I poured a bit more than 1000 liras, is that alright?

Don't worry, here's your 1000 liras.

You like it, or you want one with revolving doors?

Do you have some identification?

Not even your driving license?

Only a pay-slip. We'll try and convince them.

Come on, get out.

Let's go elsewhere!

I couldn't do it in front of Saint Peter's!

If you've decided to avoid churches in Rome, you'll die a virgin.

I'm a Catholic myself and I respect churches but we're not in the sacristy. You're right.

You must think I'm annoying. Nonsense!

But you see? It would feel weird to imagine a priest sleeping in the next room.

His life is less complicated than mine.

Where are you going?

I don't know. But not to this hotel.

I'll send you a note!

What's on your mind?

Same thing that's on yours.

Aren't you ashamed?

Remove your hand, The police are here.

It's not against the highway code.

Yes it is. There's a sign: "No parking".

That's a good one. Hello, gentlemen.

How are you?

Couldn't you find a more annoying horn?

I didn't have time to change it.

Where are we going? Trust me.

You don't want to be seen, I know a quiet corner.

Damned wind! I just came from the hairdresser's.

Why, you know I'm a naughty boy!

Stop it! Calm down!

What's that?

What is it?

A train and a car collided.

Was it serious?

See what's left.

Poor car!

No, that's the railcar!

Here we are! The quietest corner around Rome.

What if someone sees us? We'll cut his tongue off!

Very funny. I read in the paper that some maniac attacked a couple. The girl was raped and he...

He ran away.

I know, it was me, not the fiancé but the maniac.

Sorry, but I'm afraid.

If a man points a gun at you, take your clothes off!

I wouldn't have the choice. I should have brought a gun.

Come here!



What is it? It's just a rabbit.

That's what you say. Please, let's go.

Anywhere but here. What a fuss!

Damn! Don't get angry!

Kiss me! I want to but not here. Let's go somewhere else.

You know the story of the hanged man?

He didn't want to be hanged, so in front of each tree, he said: "not that one". You're just like him.

No, I'm not. I just need somewhere quiet.

I can be quiet anywhere.

Your place, here, at the hotel, in the street, anywhere!

Let's go. You keep changing your mind.

Come on, once and for all! Don't get mad.

Fine, let's go.

Damn seat! What are you doing?

Guess! I'm trying to fix that seat.

My finger! Are you hurt? Let me see.

Don't worry.

One kiss and it's over.

Won't work!

Damned seat, it worked fine yesterday.

Yesterday? You were with someone else?

No, I was asked...to take a wounded man to the hospital.

Let's see...

It's stuck. It doesn't work?

Can you fix it?

You can't fix it?

You'll see right away.

It's an automatic seat, it straightens in a second.

You're such a rude guy!

Renato! Someone's coming!

So what? I told you.

Oh dear, what a mess!

You need a hand? No, thanks.

The seat is stuck?

Just like a good old bed!

If you can wait, I'll buy you a drink.

Between two drinks, we'll crack jokes.

But not now!

Good luck.

They come petting, then they give themselves airs!

Did you manage?

Go get... Stop it!

Don't swear! Think what you want, but shut up.

If I were to say what I think, the troopers would blush.

Let's go!

I know how this day is going to end.

Stop touching the mirror, get it?

See how you drive?

Mind your own business!

They're right. Straighten up, Renato!

You can lie down too. Aren't you comfortable?

Just like being in bed.

Where are we going? Over there.

Watch out!

Don't lean over me.

You found it, that quiet corner of yours!

Appearances can be deceptive.

There's loads of cars and no one there!

Eating is not the only thing people do here.

The restaurant isn't what brings people here.

It's well-organized.

But they'll serve you food if you want to eat?

Of course, why? I'm starving.

You choose. Here.

After you.

I'd like to take a nap.

Good idea, let's get a nice room.

I really want to sleep, nothing more.

You shouldn't make love right after lunch.

You can die from it. You can die if you don't!

You're kidding, but I'm serious.

One of our acquaintances, who worked for the T.V he died from it.

What a way to go. You're so selfish.

Can you imagine, me, alone with your corpse?

I can't believe it!

You imagine you get raped and now you see me dead.

Have you been reading too many horror stories?

You said you were tired.

So let's get some rest.

You get some rest and then we'll see.

Shall we go?

Shall we?

Let's go.

Come on!


I don't like the waiter.

So what? He's not going to sleep with you.

You'll think I'm being fussy, but I'd rather go to the motel we saw on our way here.

Why? It's nice and quiet here.

It's a posh place, all the rich Romans come here.

Let's go to the motel.

You don't like it here?

Let's go, then.

Are you happy?

Sorry, my Lady, I'll never learn...

Next time, I'll cough.

My bag...

Please, don't provoke me.

What I like best about you is your smile.

Look at that.

They've found a solution.

Lucky you!

You go first. Work it all out, I'll join you.

Work what out? We ask for a room, that's all.

What if they refuse, if there's no vacancy?


I'm going, but I've had enough.

If you don't join me, you're walking the whole way back.

Why wouldn't I? I told you I would.

You're such a lout! Fine.

May I help you?

Bitte, can I have a room?

My Frau in the car, need sleep, rest, quick.

If she's under age, she's not coming in.

Under age! That would beat all.

7000 liras, in advance.

7000, that's cheap.

Here you go.

Show this gentleman to his room.

Are you busy? Don't mention it. Are you alone?

No, my wife is in the car. Good!

The key.

You can come in this way.

You don't like it?

I like it. As long as people like me.

Why did you say "good" when I said I wasn't by myself?

Usually people come here with company, but sometimes they're alone. So they try to...

Don't you like it?

I do, I'm only human, but not with just anybody.

It's only fair, you're a beautiful girl...

You have a right to choose.

Only with someone you like. Come here!

What are you doing?

Let me go. Right...

Come back in the morning, I have less work then.

All right, next time I'll come early.

They're expecting me! Me too!

Hurry up!

You could have been a bit quicker!

Sometimes it takes time to do things right.

We're not going anymore?

I changed my mind, It's too crowded.

People could recognize you, let's go!

You're so rude! Are you hurt?

One kiss, and it's all over!

You keep me waiting for an hour, and then we leave.

We'll come back another day, morning's best.

The staff is less busy, you can take your time.

I'll bring you a book. What for?

So you can read while you wait.

To kill time. Watch out, reverse!

Hold on!

And now forward, Hold on tight!

I warned you.