Lies & Illusions (2009) Script

(Tango music playing)

* I feel in my heart

* Our love has been roaming apart

* And when I try talking to you

* See what you're going through

* It's hard to know where to start...

(singing in Spanish)

* I know in my heart

* I can make it all up to you

* This feeling of love doesn't know

* If it has a chance to grow

* Time will tell versus what you do...

(singing in Spanish)

* I feel in my heart

* Love dreams, so it seems...

(singing in Spanish)

Man: Ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure to introduce my best friend... (applause) author-- ladies and gentlemen, a big round of applause for Wes Wilson.

Thank you. Making my way up to the stage.

Yes. Yeah. Thank you.

Thank you. Yes.

Hey. What's going down, huh?

You're smooth.

(laughs) Boy, yes! Thank you, thank you.

Thank you, thank you very much.

Just wanna say it's a great honor to be here this evening and it truly does warm my heart and soul to see these gorgeous couples.

It just makes me think, "Man, I am one heck of a writer!"

(audience laughs) Yes!

Woman: That you are! Now seriously, I remember, uh... way back when... when this was just an idea floating around in my head.

And I talked to my agent here, Martin Rivera, who told me to forget all about it. (all laugh)

Man: Way to go, Martin!

No, seriously, relationships-- the key is commitment, time and, most importantly, honesty.

Oops, yes. Uh, no, but seriously, honesty-- honesty is the key.

And if that fails, role-playing.

(all laugh) All right. Perfect.

Thank you very much. Hold it up there.

Right. Yeah.

Wes: We did it!


Oh, yeah.

Here we go, ladies.

Thank you very much.

Thank you, thank you. Thank you very, very much.

Yes! Role-play, role-play!

Okay. Thanks. Thank you very much.

Be whoever you want to be. Enjoy yourself.

All right, let's have plenty of people on the dance floor.

Ladies. Pleased.

That look is working for you. You're better looking in person.

Thank you, darling. (remixed Tango music playing)

Wes: Ahem. Hey, can I have a vodka and tonic, please?

Bartender: Coming right up.

Hey. Hey.

I have kind of seen you around.

I'm, uh-- I'm Wes. I'm a writer.

No kidding. You probably saw the speech there.

I got, uh... a national best-seller.

I'm actually working on a new book now.

Really? What is it about?

It's all about how to talk to women, but I'm only on page 1 0. How am I doing?

No, seriously, you are absolutely gorgeous, and, uh, just purely for research purposes, is there anything I could say that would get you to come up to my room?

No. Why not?

Because you're just a writer.


A challenge.

Woman: You kicked your shoes off. They're over there somewhere.

Hey, buddy.


Woman: Nice dress. Woman #2: Thank you.

Woman: I'm on my way.

Hey, do you wanna dance? Okay, this one's for the lovers.

Just follow me.

(whispers) Samantha?




Would you marry me? Would you marry me?


Aha! Yes!

Aha, ho ho!

Happy day, darling!

They're getting married!

You love doing that, don't you?

I plan on doing it the rest of my life.


(dance music playing)

* Feel the heat

* Then you'll see I never say goodbye...

Oh! Ha ha, thank you very much!

Mrs. Wilson, ladies and gentlemen.

Now then, let's get out of here.

Hey. Marty? Marty Marty Marty.

This is the girl I was telling you about. This is Samantha.

Samantha, this is Marty; Marty, Sam.

Nice to finally meet you. He said you were beautiful and he wasn't lying. This is amazing. Hi.

Thank you. So, engaged, huh? Already.

Yes. That's very quickly.

Congratulations. (chuckles nervously)

It was love at first sight. Yes, it was.

Well, when you know, you know, huh?

Hey, that's actually a good title for another book, maybe a follow-up to this. All right, you guys, this is uncomfortable.

Um, you know what? Uh, there are a couple of people I want you to meet.

Marty, I love you. We'll do it another time, okay?

Hold your body close to me... See you soon, Marty!


Ooh, okay. (laughs)

Let's get you home. Oh, brrrr.

Chilly, yeah. Here you go, sweetie.

Ah, thank you. Oh ho ho, oh my God!

What a night. What a night. (car alarm beeps)

Samantha: I had a great time tonight. It was pretty perfect, wasn't it?

Oh my God. I gotta tell you, you just look absolutely gorgeous.

You are the most beautiful... mmm.

Mmm, baby.




Samantha: Wes!

(screams, groaning)

Alicia, where have you been?

Where are my diamonds, Alicia?

Maybe I didn't explain to you our retirement policy... there isn't one.

Leave him alone.

Man: What's it like to lie to the man you love?

(steps approaching)

Hey, what's going on here?

Go to hell!

Last chance, Alicia. What's it gonna be?

Samantha: Let him go. I will get them for you.



(Alicia groans)

(screaming) (gun clicks)


(continues screaming)

Fuck! Son of a bitch! I'm gonna fuck you up.


You idiot! Put her in the car.

Wes: Sam!

Where the hell are you taking her?

Dude, what happened?

Sir, hang in there, sir. Dispatcher: 911 . What's the emergency?

There has been a robbery. Someone's been mugged.

Are you with the victim now? Oh, God.

Man: Yes.

Dispatcher: Okay, I'm gonna need your location.

Man on radio: 732, copy.

Service road 54, under the I-90 overpass.

I've got a possible 1 029 Victor.

Radio: Be safe, 732.

(camera shutter clicking)

Man: Um, I'm really sorry that it's taken me so long to get this together for you, but it's, uh, it's pretty standard, Mr. Wilson.

By Washington state law, her assets will remain in trust until either a year passes and the court declares her dead, or her body is recovered.

That's it right there.

Uh, Mr. Wilson, do you understand?

You okay, buddy? (sighs)

Yeah, go ahead. Uh, okay. Well, um... you can continue to live in the house that you both shared.

She also had a checking account at First Savings Bank in Seattle, and a safety deposit box at Washington Trust in Spokane.

You, of course, get-- Spokane?

Uh, yeah. You-- you didn't know about that?

Until you called, I didn't know she had a lawyer.

Um, I guess we all have little secrets, right?

D-d-do you have any other questions?

How long have you been married?


I don't know, 11 years, I guess.

Do you love your wife?

Yeah, very much.

Well, cherish every moment.

Um, okay. Well, listen, thanks so much for coming in and please just feel free to contact me.

Thank you very much. Sure.

Here you go.

I'm going on lunch, okay? Yeah.


I'll tell you anything that you want.

Um, look, he-- he-- he gets the house, he gets some cash and a-- and a, um-- and a box.

A safety deposit box. When does he get access?

Um, in a-- in a year, when the court gives its full authorization to the bank.

It's all-- it's all right here and it's all legal.

Sir, listen to me, I swear to God...

I won't say a word to anybody. I promise.

I really don't give a shit.

Every person you tell, I'm gonna send a piece of your wife, a piece of your kids-- a ear, finger, an eye.

It doesn't matter to me. Okay, you know what?

They-they don't-- I'm telling you right now.

I-I-- listen to me. Listen to me, okay?

Look, I-I already told you I'm not gonna say anything to anybody.

No, no. (screams)

Man on P.A.: Attention, shoppers. Today at the mezzanine level, we have a book-signing with self-help author Wes Wilson.

His best-selling book, "Finding Love in the 21st Century," is on sale today only at 40% off suggested retail price.

Marty: Hey, there's my guy. Hey.

How is the sequel coming?

Great. Just great. That good, huh?

Mm, I'm just having a hard time getting motivated.

That would get me motivated right there.

Nah. She doesn't really look like the relationship type.

Who said anything about a relationship?

All you need is to go... (mimics swishing) in and out.

It's actually a good possible title. Remind me to write that down.

Look, it's time for you to start thinking about casual dating again.

Yeah, I'll start thinking about it. You'd better start thinking about it!

Because I literally live vicariously through you. If you're not having sex, I'm not having sex. I'm getting pretty fucking horny over here.

I can tell.

A couple of nights out with some chicks like this will straighten you right out. You can maybe have that one or that one. Hi.

(chuckles) Hi.

As a motivational speaker, you really leave something to be desired.

You just gotta give me some time. I know it's been a year, but I was really madly in love with Sam. It's how it is.

I'm not asking you to stop thinking about her.

I'm just saying every guy needs a little... huh? I'm taking care of myself.

Sure you do. All right, I'm gonna go have a smoke and leave you with some people. I thought you quit.

Ah, good health is only gonna keep me in bad marriage.

Yeah. Oh, hello.

Wes-- Wes Wilson. There we go.

Good luck finding love in the 21st century.

(scoffs) (chuckles)


Oops. Thank you.

Oh! Excuse me. I'm sorry. (murmuring)

Whoa, hey! Oh God. Whoa, everybody okay?

Okay, yeah. Man: No, I'm fine.

Pick up a few of these things. (sighs)

Uh, I'm, uh-- I'm Wes.

I am Nicole and I know who you are.

Of course, well, there's a huge standee of me there.

(sighs) Look, I'm just gonna put it right there. I am a big fan and I write for the Seattle "Woman's Book Weekly" and I would just love to do an interview with you.

Oh, well, thank you very much. I'm flattered.

You're welcome. Not many writers get a best-seller their first time out.

Ah, beginner's luck.

I read it twice. Some really good stuff in there.

Thank you very much. Thank you.

So did it help? Are you married?

Uh, no-- no wife. Girlfriend?

No-no, just me... all alone.

So what's wrong with you? Pretty much everything.

It doesn't look like it from here.

Uh, thank you.

Step right up.

Uh, so the interview? Does this weekend work?

I'm kind of busy this weekend, actually.

What about tonight? Tonight? Ha ha.

Well-- No time like the present.

Here's my address.

Um, okay. Yeah, tonight. Tonight could be good.

Great. So we meet around 7: 00?

7: 00! 7: 00. Nice to meet you. Okay. Nice to meet you.

Hi there. Hi.

There you go. Good luck.

Ooh, hello, sir. Hello.

(chuckles) Your book is very inspirational.

I've always said it's not just for women.

I was in a relationship-- well, I thought I was in a relationship.

Mm. But then I read your book.

It was like you opened up my mind and my eyes and I saw things in a whole new light. Oh. Thank you very much.

(chuckles) This girl I was seeing, well-- she wasn't the girl I thought she was.

Well, I'm sorry to hear that. What happened?

She just disappeared.

Uh, well, would you like me to sign it?

I can dedicate the book, if you like.

I want you to make it out to my new girlfriend.

Okay. Audrey.

I want you to put, "Diamonds are a girl's best friend..."

"Diamonds are... a girl's best friend.

Wes Wilson."

There you go.

I'll make sure this one doesn't disappear.

Nice, huh? Mm.

Fan base is expanding. This is big. This is really big.

(phone ringing)

(ringing continues)


(beeps) Martin: Hello?

Hello-oo? Dude, I know you're there, sitting there watching the machine as I talk, little bastard.

Look, remember, this is just an interview with a super hot girl with a super hot body, all right?

Just have fun. Maybe she'll inspire you.

(sighs) Don't forget to tell me all about it.

You know I love this shit. All right.

(reggae music playing)

(man vocalizing)


Wes? Oh, hi.

You can see me? Uh, hi.

Come on up. What do I push?

(door buzzes) (music continues)

(Nicole chuckles) Hi.

How long have you been out there?

Feels like my whole life.

You wanna come in?

Sure. Yeah. Come in. Get out of the rain.

Well, let me get you out of these clothes here.

(grunts) Don't you think we should talk first?

I mean-- You'll find a robe behind my door.

Are we going out though? It's a mess outside.

I thought we'd stay in.


Oh, gosh.

It's a nice place you have here. Thanks. It's a rental.

Ugh. (laughs)

What? You in that robe.

Oh. It's cozy.

Let's open some wine. Thank you.

I take it you don't date much, huh? Uh, it's been a little while.

Is there a reason?

Uh, well, it's kind of a long story.

I was in this, um-- uh, well, I'm writing a new book and--

Oh, really? What is it about? Uh, I don't know.

Hey, you should laugh. I'm completely lost-- writer's block.

Well, you know what they say. What do they say?

Write what you know. Mm, I don't think anybody would be too interested in my dull life.

You'd be surprised. I mean, my readers are sure interested.

Right, right, the interview.

After dinner... when we're more relaxed. Mm.

(slurps) Good?



(Wes sighs) So I didn't really wanna be a writer.

I wanted to be a teacher. (chuckles)

Yeah? Mm. Well, uh, what's something only your closest friends would know about you?

I'm a hell of a dancer!

Really?! Oh, yeah.

I'll show you some love here.

(gulps) (snickers)

Yeah, here we go. (laughs)

Big moves. Ready?

Okay. Hey, yep!

Look at that-- skibbitydoo! Impressive.

Whoop! Spinning! Oh, shit.

Are you okay? Yeah, I think I just hurt myself.


Okay okay. (sighs)

Wes? Yeah?

Are you ever gonna put your clothes back on?

(sighs) No.

Well, in that case...

Whoa, easy. Ah. (chuckles)

Afraid I'll take advantage?

I'm horrified at the thought of not remembering.

Oh, trust me, you'd remember.



All right, um, I'll go get my notebook and maybe your clothes.

(sighs) (thundering)

Wes: What... the hell?


Nicole: Hi, Wes. The interview we did was published today and I'll bring home a copy for you. (rattling)

I thought we could celebrate. I'm gonna pick up some stuff tonight.

Do you want pasta or fish... or I don't know, maybe you wanna go out.

(chuckles) Maybe you're tired of my cooking.

Hello? Are you there?


Anyways we can decide later. All right, I'll see you soon, honey. Goodbye, babe.


(meows) Oh, Jesus!

I forgot that stupid cat. (mews)



I have a gun.

Martin: Wes, where are you, buddy?

Yeah, I'm down here-- in the cellar.

Martin: Where are you, man?

(sighs) Oh shit.

I'm in here. Get in here! Martin: Yeah.

I got the check for the thing.

What the hell is this?

I have absolutely no idea. Sam got this house from some little old guy.

As far as I know, she hated guns, hated small spaces.

Maybe he was one of those weapons wackos, like the guys who sell knives on the home-shopping network or something.

I think this is a little high tech for that little old guy.

Somebody was just in here.

(gun clicks)

Oh, Sam, what the hell were you into?

Is there anything you're not telling me, man?

I'm just as much in the dark as you are.

(door closes)

What am I signing here?

It's just a release form.

And in it you will find Samantha's death certificate, an authorization letter and the key to her safety deposit box.

You will need all 3 to gain access.

Also in there is the final papers and the deed for your house.

That's, uh, that's everything.

I can't believe it's been a year. Well, I guess time flies, doesn't it?

Uh, well, uh--

What happened to your finger?

Uh, well, I-- I have a bit of a woodworking hobby and I cut it with a table saw. Ouch.

Um, Maggie, would you excuse us for a second?

Mr. Wilson, how well did you know Samantha?

Because I actually never met her.

See, I had her will on file with instructions to contact you if anything should happen to her.

Well, in February I went to pay her taxes, but her Social came back as non-existent.

I tried to contact her at her workplace-- Atlantic Traders.

I just-- I tried again thinking that maybe I had the wrong number.

Mr. Wilson, Atlantic Traders-- it doesn't exist.

Um, well, I-I--

I guess that's it.


Well, uh, be careful with that table saw.

(phone rings)


Hi, honey. (mumbling)

Wes, what happened?

You know, I can't find a single thing to tell me who she was or-- her job didn't exist, her name didn't exist!

Baby. "Finding Love in the 21st Century," by Wes Wilson-- fraud! I couldn't tell you the first thing about the woman I was gonna marry!

(sighs) Wes, I've always had this belief you can spend a lifetime with someone and never really know them.

Oh, God, is that supposed to help?

Nic, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. It was rude.

It's okay. No, it's not.

This has nothing to do with you.

If you want some answers, why don't you just go to Spokane and open that safety deposit box, okay? I mean, who knows what can be inside?

I'll go with you.

This doesn't concern you.

Baby, everything about you concerns me, okay?

I care about you. I worry about you.

Please. Okay?

Wes: I really wanna thank you for coming along with me on this journey.

It's been great.

Nicole: So what do you think is in the box?

I don't know. It could be more guns.

Crazy, I don't know what she was doing with that arsenal.

I guess I really didn't know her all that well.

(ballad playing)

Oh, yeah.


Just a little nervous. (laughs)

We just gotta go slow. It's been a little while.

Mm, this is very--

(both moan)

Yeah, this could be a long session.

(moans) All right.

Shit, get off me! What? What?

Someone's on the balcony.

What are you talking about? I'm serious.

What are you talking about?

I don't see anyone.

I tell you somebody is out there.

Well, it's a good thing they left.

I could have shown you how tough I am.

Just how tough are you?! (chuckles)

Yes, you are a tough woman. (laughs)

(Wes grunts) (moans)

Uh, it's been so long since I've been with a-- Mmm.

Hey, you know what it says here? What's that?

That "all relationships should be based on a certain kind of commonality."

A what? Commonality.

That "the opposites may attract, but in reality it's the very attraction that leads to the demise of the same relationship in the long run."

Like 2 fucking potheads can stay together forever, right?

Yeah yeah, this guy is smart.

Listen to this: "If one likes camping in the outdoors, and the other is inclined to like room service, the relationship could be put under constant stress because both parties don't share a common interest."

Sounds like a contract. That's is what it says.

"Because ultimately all relationships are like a contract."

I ought to write a fucking book.

Yeah. "Both parties have to agree whether consciously or subconsciously to be there for each other."

Fucking deep. This guy's got some head on his shoulders.


(distant dog barking)

Man's voice: This girl I was seeing, well, she wasn't the girl I thought she was.

She just... disappeared.

(gasps softly)

Mr. Wilson.

Hey, "diamonds are a girl's best friend," right?

Aha. Your book helped me get in where I fit in.

Oh, good. My name is Isaac Kahn.

I'm here on behalf of Atlantic Traders.

Really? I take it Samantha never mentioned us.

No, no, she never mentioned anybody she worked with.

Well, we're here to help.

Why don't you get in the car and we'll talk?

I don't think so.

Mr. Wilson, we're very sorry about your loss and are here to assist in any way we can.

So what is this about?

Several small matters have been brought to my attention.

Inventory she handled for us has been mixed up in her personal assets.

What kind of stuff did she do for you guys?

Assorted buying and selling overseas. Really?


Samantha was one of my best employees, a major loss to the company.

So a year later with condolences? Where were you when I called last year?

Well, I do travel a lot and I never received any messages. My sincerest apologies.

I really needed answers last year. So, thank you, thank you very much.

Have some coffee.

He's gonna regret that one.

Excuse me, ladies. Sorry. (screams)

(pants) Oh, shit.

Easy! Watch out!

Get the fuck out of here! (murmuring)


Come on!

Up here. Woman: Hey, hey!


Over there!

(phone rings)

Yeah? Do you have him yet?

We lost him, boss. Sorry. Of course you did.

Meet me in the alley. Let's go!




(tires screech)



Don't kill him. (tires screeching)

(people clamoring) Get me out of here, Chauncey.

Chauncey: Yes, sir. Woman: Hey!

Whoa! After him!

Man: Hey, where is he going?!


(tires screech) (car door slams)

You put me in a peculiar spot, Mr. Wilson.

Oh, shit.

You chose to be rude when I tried to be nice.

So now we do it this way.

You will go to the bank-- What?

--a simple withdrawal. Your fiancée stole something from me and I want it back.

No! (grunts)

I trust we will see you at the bank at 11: 00 AM?

And if you and your lady friend wanna make it home in one piece, you'll do as I say.

Wes: Wait, wait, wait... This is crazy.

Samantha couldn't have stolen anything.

My dear boy, you have no idea.

Why don't you tell me then?


(sirens blaring) Oh, my ribs.

(siren continues)

Oh, God.

Man: Hey, watch it, man.

He's been gone way too long.

I understand. (door rattles)

Someone's at the door. I gotta go.

Nicole? (pants)

Oh, sh-- (clicks)

Jesus Christ, don't shoot me. I just went to get some breakfast.

Jesus, baby, what happened? Oh.

(chuckles) Oh, shit, yeah.

Some guy from Sam's work-- not so nice.

He said she stole something of his.

He thinks it's in her safety deposit box.

What? This is crazy. We should call the police.

No! No, no, he knows where I live. He knows all about you.

Me? Yeah. He called you "my lady friend."

Now I'm scared. What are we gonna do?

He wants me to go the bank, give him whatever the hell's in the safety deposit box.

You see this? It's only gonna get worse.

I'm just gonna do what he says. They really worked you over.

You should see the other guys. They're perfectly fine.

Listen, I really don't think you should come with me.

Why? Clearly, it's not safe.

After this, you're not leaving me here alone, okay? I'm going with you.

All right. Oh, Christ, I'm just a writer.

It hurts. My head, it--

Somebody wants to see you. Oh, come on, let's get--

(groans) Oh, Jesus!

Get off him! Get off him!

Enough! (cocks gun)

Let's go.

Boone: So... okay.

Inside the car, please, Mr. Wilson.

(Wes groans) I'm getting out of there!

(Wes grunts) Okay.

Isaac: Once again for me, if you will, Mr. Wilson.

Wes: I go into the bank, get the contents of the box, put it in this bag and hand it over to you.

And if you don't do as I ask?

You will kill Nicole. And who else?

Me. Excellent student, Mr. Wilson.

I'll be back as soon as possible. Okay.

(grunts, sighs)

What the hell is this?

Mr. Boone will accompany you inside.

Why? Insurance, Mr. Wilson.

The girl isn't enough?

They rarely are.

See you in a minute.

Woman: Hi, what's your name?

Excuse me. Miss, where are the boxes?

What? Um, sorry. The... safety deposit boxes. I need to get in there.

I need to see your key. Oh, right.

I also have a letter from the court authorizing me. And the death certificate's here.

Passport. Right.

Passport. Hang on.

There it is. Please have a seat.

Sign here, please.

(taps rhythmically, sighs)

(taps on thighs)

You know that book you wrote talking about gender roles and relationships?

You know, the guy should cook for his wife once a week?

Any recipes you recommend?

Mr. Wilson, how do you do?

I'm Jeff McKenzie. Yeah, hi.

(chuckles) Well, then, I'm very sorry to hear of your loss. Thank you.

If you will.

(hip-hop music playing)

Thank you. You're welcome.

If you need anything else...

(softly) Okay.

Open it! I'm opening it.


(softly) Okay.


Come on, let me just-- just let me have a look inside the thing.

Damn thing. Come on, man.

This belongs to us. Thank you. Yeah.

Psycho, psycho, psycho.


Come on, let me just have a look in the box. Come on!

Hey. No!

Wes. Shit.

Are you all right? Come here. Get what he wanted?

I don't know. There was a case. Honey, what was in it?

I don't know. He just took it. Anything else?

Bank clerk: Mr. Wilson? That was it.

You left your bag in the vault. Is everything all right?

Just keep it.

All right, let's just get out of here. Come on.

Ah, thank God they didn't hurt you.

What are we gonna do, huh?

Let's go back to the hotel, pack and get out of this nightmare.


They got what they wanted. Sam is gone.

I just wanna move on with my life.

Yeah, maybe you're right. Sam would have wanted it that way.

She's trying to fuck with us.

I won't let that happen.

I've got an idea. We make this whole thing move a little bit faster.

Why don't you go get the car, I'll get the bags, huh?

Okay, I'll see you in a minute.

(sighs) Okay.

Wes. Huh?

Oh, holy shit! I'm so sorry.

Oh, this is crazy. This is not happening. Who the hell are you?

I have put you through so much. You've put me through so much?

You have no idea what the hell I've been through. This is insane.

Wes, you need to listen. I don't have much time.

What the hell are you doing here?

Please. This is just crazy. Tell me-- tell me this is a dream, please.

It's not.

I'm only here to warn you.

But you're a little late.

Wes, this is really important. I need you to meet me under the bridge near the clock tower, alone.

Now hold-- hold on. You've been dead for a year.

I've been chased around by these fricking weirdoes.

Now you want me to follow you to God knows where?

I mean, didn't you care about me at all?

Of course.

I was trying to protect you. (scoffs)

Well, you're doing a hell of a job.

I've barely been gone a year and you're already screwing around.

Oh, no. Time out, time out. You were supposed to be dead.

That woman you're with wants what Isaac wants.

That's insane, completely insane.

I know I have a lot of explaining to do.

You think? But the less you know the better.

So then it's true. You did steal from him?

Look, meet me by the clock tower in the park. And lose the girl.

What? (moans)

Oh my God. I have to go.

What? We need to split up.

Remember, clock tower, lose the girl.


(phone ringing)

Yeah, he's upstairs.

Okay. I'll wait for your instructions.

All right.

Hey, honey. How have you been?

Good, just pretending to be dead for a year.

Get down! (cocks gun)

(cleaning lady screaming) Oh, Jesus!

Let's go! Oh!

Wes: What the hell?

Oh, Jesus. (pants)

Come on, this way.

(grunts) Sam: Get out of the way!

Watch out! Wes-- The gun--

God, he's shooting. Sam: Get out of my way.

(shouts) Ow-ww!


I've got him!

Hang on. Hold him back.

Wes: You're going down!

Wes, get down.



(Sam groans, pants)

You killed him!

What the hell is going on?! I worked for Isaac.

Wow, I didn't know you at all, did I? Look, I stole $10 million in diamonds and a list of Isaac's special contacts.

He wants it back.

What the hell kind of business is this guy in?

He smuggles guns, weapons, jewels-- whatever.

So what? He thinks I have the gems? Well, we will.

And he won't stop until we're dead and he has it all.

So what? What-what-what what do we do?

So lose the girl and meet me where I said.

I have a plan. (moans)

Just trust me.

I'm just a writer!

Woman: Honey, do you have the keys? Yeah, I do.

(sirens approaching)

It's a nice spring day.

Cops. And I've got the murder weapon-- perfect.

(police radio chatter)

Boone: Check it out.

(Irish folk music playing)

Coffee, please. Black.


Thank you.

Sam: I love this town.

My dad used to bring me here when I was little.

Was he in the spy game as well or did you just fall into it yourself?

He sold refrigeration equipment. (snickers)

Believe it or not, that was my next guess.

Wait, is that code for "He iced people"?

The only icing he did was for restaurants.

You made it sound like they were dead.

They are.

That wasn't a lie.

You know, I never really lied to you.

I just never-- Never told me the truth.

Don't even try it.

Come on, please.

I was in love with you. Please, Wes, just try to understand.

So how have you been, asides from being a thief and a liar?

I don't like your tone. You don't like my tone?

Oh, I'm sorry. You'll have to excuse me. I'm not used to having conversations with my dead fiancée every day. Are you done?

I'm not-- I'm just getting started. Do you understand you just killed another human being?

It's not the first time. Jesus Christ!


You know, I went to the bridge-- You were followed.

Followed? Where's the girl?

She's got a name, by the way. Her name is Nicole.

And I ditched her like you told me to. She's not who she pretends to be.

Oh, you've said that already. Please. She's a nice girl.

She's got nothing to do with any of this.

She'll leave you when she gets what she wants.

Hey, listen, honey, not everyone is a liar like you.

Wes. 'Cause I'm-- I'm a dead man.

Isaac knows where I live. If he can kill me here, he can kill me there. I mean, there's-- there's no escape.

I can protect you. Oh, please.

Look, you have to believe me. I can't even believe my own eyes.

Oh, shit. (snickers)

Nicole, how's the Bureau?

How does it feel to be alive? You two know each other?

She's been tracking me for years.

So, Wes, anything you wanna tell me?

Me? Who the hell are you?

She's a fed.

Wait, wait a sec. You both are in on this? I don't believe it.

I told you. She wants the diamonds. No, we want the list.

I've cared about 2 women in my life and they've both lied to me.

Not little white lies, but big, huge get-me-killed kind of lies.

I have to go.

Come on, girls. Girls!

(grunts) Man: Oh, nice!

Man: Ladies, please.

(man muttering)

Leave him alone.

Man: That was my pint!

Oh, Jesus Christ.

Crazy fricking women.

Taxi! Hey, taxi! (honks)

Oh, come on.

Oh, come on, what the hell?

Hey, that's my beer.

Guys, come on. Listen, listen.

I have had it with this. I cannot-- oh, come on.

Hey, please don't put me in this trunk.

Please. Come on. I'm claustrophobic.

I don't care what kind of disease you have.

You son of a-- help me, please. Help me, please.

(groans) Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh oh.

Help! Come on! Let me the hell out of here!

(tires screech) Oh, God. Oh.

Crowd: Whoa!

Wes, let's go.

Wes? (woman cheers)

Come on, girlie. Hey, hey!

Where are you going?


(phone ringing)


Hello? Hello?!

Where are you? Sam. Sam! Sam!

I'm in the truck of a car!

Well, what are you doing there? Oh, this is my thing.

It's what I do. I'm just relaxing.

Where are they taking you? They failed to mention that before they threw me in here. This is very, very bad.

I don't even understand. Why did you even leave?

Because you're both insane! Nice. That's very funny, very cute.

Oh, God, I'm a dead man. I'm a dead man!

Okay. Well, just relax.

Do you have any idea where you are?

I don't know, I hear traffic. (grunts)

What happened? Are you okay? We just hit a bump.

Major pothole. Drive a little safer, would you?

Jackass! Shut up!

You almost gave me a heart attack.

Oh, wow. Jesus, I'm so sorry to hear that.

The guy drives like a lunatic.

You have no idea what I've been through.

Are you actually gonna guilt-trip me right now?

Wes, if I hadn't died that night, we would both be dead right now.

Oh, what? So you're gonna say you did all this shit for me?

Thanks a lot. No. Don't you get it?

I stayed dead for the both of us.

Hey, hey, while we're at it, one question: "Why were you even with me?"

Huh? I had enough of your bullshit.

Huh? God!

I felt normal when I was with you.

You know, I--

I never had to pretend. I could just be myself.

Oh, Christ, I don't have any bars!

Wes, say something.



Damn it!

(groans) Come on, let me out of here!

I said shut the fuck up! Damn it!


My book!

Son of a bitch has no respect.


Come on, Wes!


God, where are you?


Where are you?

Oh, God. (clicks)

Which ear, the right or the left? Please. You don't have to do this.

I won't tell anybody about you guys' existence. I swear.

Did she honestly think there was anywhere on this entire planet that she could hide from me? You seem like nice fellas. Come on.

Kill him. No, no, no, wait, wait.

No ear? No. Listen, listen.

I'll put in my next book. How does that sound?

Like having my balls licked by a porcupine.

Kill him. (gun clicks)

You kill me, you get nothing. (phone ringing)

Can I get that?

I know that hurt. (ringing continues)

(answers phone) Wes?

No, Alicia. Or is it Sam?

Let me talk to Wes! (sighs)

I know my diamonds are nearby. Shall we go get them?

And no, that is not a question. I need him to get the package.

(whispers) So many problems and distractions.

Okay. Come to the corner of Washington and First.

And please don't make me hurt him.

I swear to God, Isa-- (hangs up)

God damn it!

Hello?! I'm actually quite good in here now.

Very comfortable, quite cozy.

I said shut the fuck up!

You've been a very naughty girl, Alicia.

Where's Wes?

What? No kiss?

What? Oh, come on, come on!

Let me out of here, you-- Sam: Wes, we're gonna get you out.

He has to go in alone. Is that you, Sam?

Get me the hell out of here.

Hi, honey. There's some good stuff in here. You should read it.


All right, what the hell is going on?

Sweetie, you have to go in the bank. Oh, another bank?

What am I supposed to do in there now?

Look, everything you need is inside.

(Boone chuckles)

Don't be a hero, Mr. Wilson, or I'll put 2 more holes in her, and I don't mean the good kind.

I can't believe I signed a book for this guy.

Stay close, sweetheart.

(sighs) This is unbelievable.

Oh, okay.


Good morning, sir.

Hi. I need to get in to the safety deposit box.

Passport. Right. Of course.

My fiancée, she passed away.

Ha ha, she died, yep. Rest in peace.

Put your right hand on the screen, please.


Ooh, high tech.

Your key. Thank you.

You're welcome. This way.

(whispers) Jackass.

Sam's voice: "Dearest, I will make this up to you in ways you cannot even begin to imagine. I always knew I loved you.

And this time I promise never to let go.

Most importantly, my love, please walk out the back door."


Sir? Sir? You can't go that way. Sir.

(alarm goes off) Shit!

There he goes.

Open the door. Get out of the car!

(tires screech) What the fuck, you son of a--

No, no, no, you simple bastard. Go after him!

Bring me my diamonds!

I haven't shot anyone in a long time.

(tires screech)

(woman screams)

Wes, what are you doing?

(march playing)



(sirens blare)

(sirens blaring louder)


Woman: God! Woman #2: Hey!

Man: What are you doing? Hey, come back here!


Man: Yeah!

(man yelling)

(louder cheering)


(tires screech)

Let's go. Come on! Come on!

(mumbles) Aye aye.


Come on! (groaning)

Come on!

Holy shit.

Sam, what the hell are we doing?

Oh my God. (pants)

Nicole: Where's the list? What list?

I was hired to get a list of Isaac's clients.

What clients? Who are you people?

I can't leave empty-handed.

Sorry, babe. Oh, so now you're gonna shoot me.

I don't believe it. Here, look. See it for yourself. There is no list.

Wes, grab the case. Oh, thank God.

Give me that. Here.

So you don't go away empty-handed. The list?

Names, numbers-- it's all there.

I never did those things your people said I did.

I was the thief. Once I figured out what else was going on, that's when I tried to get out.

I'll pass that along. (gunshots)

Get down here.

I'll cover you guys. Go!

Let's go.


Ah, see there? There's Nicole. Stop the car.

Come on, you gotta pick her up. She gave us cover.

Stop the car! Okay, fine.

You can't just leave her out here.


All right, we're all together. Let's go. Go, go, go!

Thank you, Nicole, for the cover there.

Look, why don't you drop me off on the next corner here?

I can go for a latte and a deep-tissue.

Shut up, Wes! Ugh!

Sweetness just keeps pouring right out of you, you know that?

Nicole: He's right behind us!

Check the glove box. Oh, perfect.

Hold on! Wes: Whoa-aa!

Jesus, she's crazy!

I'm gonna be sick!

God, no!

Wes: Whoa! Hey! Watch it!

Sam: Hold on! Wes: Ha ha ha!

(honks) Wes: Whoo!

Wes: Oh ho ho! Heh heh!

Nicole: I think we've lost him.

(tires screeching) Wes: Ugh!

Wes: Just do me a favor. What do they say in mob terms?

Just take me out. That would be getting whacked.

Whacked, wiped-out, whatever. Look, just tell me one thing, are you in love with her? Love is a beautiful thing.

People meet. They fall in love. They have normal relationships.

She's using you. Oh, just sit back there and enjoy the ride, missy. Girls, girls, didn't you learn anything from my book?

Chapter 7: "Communication Is the Key to Any Successful Relationship."

Wes: Jesus! Get down!

I'm gonna kill these sons of bitches!

(Wes laughing)

Nicole: Look out!

Wes: I don't care anymore!

Cut them off!

Do it!

Ah! What are you doing? I'm going in the park.

What! Don't go in the park!

Stay on them!

To the bridge.

There's pedestrians everywhere. You're gonna kill somebody.

You know what? Just a little support would be nice.

Wes: You know what? I don't like anything you do-- nothing.

Nothing! Shit! (grunts)

Oh, aha ha ha!

Oh ho ho.

(grunts) (tires screech)

You got 'em! Oh, you got 'em!

Aha ha ha! Sam: Get down!

(Wes laughs) Shoot him! Shoot him!

I think you lost 'em! Nice driving.

Fuck you!


Ha ha! Sam: Whoo!

Whoo-hoo! Ha ha, nice work, honey!


(horn blaring)

(honking continues)

Oh, Jesus. (groaning)

Sam: We gotta get out!

(all groaning)

Shit. (groaning continues)

Ha, I'm alive!

Wes, help me. (groans)

(Wes grunts) (Sam groans)

Wes: Come on, honey. The case.

Wes: Just leave it.

Oh, come on! Nicole!

I'm a big girl. Just go.

Up this hill, come on! (groans)

Get back. What are you doing. Come on, let's go.

(groaning) Wes: Come on!

They're getting away!

(pants) Up here.

Get through there. Come on.

Shit, he's coming.

(cars honking)

Come on! (honking continues)

(Wes pants)

(gunshots) Go go go!

Oh God.

Boone: Shit!

Come on, let's go!

(gunshot) Ow!

Sam: Wes! (groaning)

Ah! I'm shot!

Oh, God! Ah ah, drop it!

I'll finish him.

Drop it. Oh oh, it stings.

Oh oh, God! Oh.

God! Ah!

(cars honking)

Wes? Oh. Oh. Oh, God.

Somebody get an ambulance! (groans)

Sam: We need help! Call an ambulance!

Somebody help! Oh, God! Oh-hh, the pain!

Nicole: Apply pressure. Apply pressure.

Right here. I got it, I got it, I got it.

Oh, guys! Okay. You're okay.


You're okay. Just relax. Just relax, Wes.

Don't get up. Don't get up. (sirens blaring)

I've never seen my own blood. It's too much!

Where is she going? Oh my God! Jesus! Just relax. You're okay.

You're okay. You're okay.

You're okay, Wes. Oh, the pain!

It's fine, okay. Ohh, Jesus.

I'm passing out, I can feel it.

(sirens blaring)


Nice to see you again, Isaac.

Ah-ah-ah, seat belts must remain fastened until we reach our cruising altitude.

(grunts, groans)

I had a dream once and you took that from me.

So now I'm gonna take all of yours. (gunshot)



(control panel beeping)


(door opens) (air rushing)

Hope you took your flying lessons.

You wonderful little--

(alarm blaring)

Computer: Pull up, pull up!

Terrain coming.

Pull up, pull up.

Wes: So in the end Isaac's plane crashes and Sam parachutes to safety. Okay.

So Sam is still alive leading a double life.

(Tango music playing) This is good stuff.

All right, check this out, man.

"She stole millions of dollars worth of gems from a relentless madman.

Now he will hunt her to the ends of the earth and beyond to get them back."

This is good. You know what we should do?

Let's change Spokane to Paris.

(chuckles) I think it's much better.

I don't know, Marty.

Real life can be pretty damn exciting sometimes.

(pats Martin's back)

Is this about the check? Where are you going?

(singing in Spanish)

Excuse me.

Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were somebody else.

* I know in my heart

* I can make it all up to you

* This feeling of love doesn't know

* If it has a chance to grow

* Time will tell what you do...

I'm Sam.

I'm a spy.

No kidding.

Is there anything I could say that could get you back to my place?

No. Why not?

Because you're just a spy.

You know, I'm not really just a writer.


Isaac was right.

Diamonds truly are a girl's best friend.

(singing in Spanish)

(music continues)

Subtitles: Arigon

I couldn't help but overhear you guys talking.

I understand you're an agent? That's right.

I got this idea for a book.

It's a cookbook with recipes for couples in trouble.

Who else knows about this? Nobody.

Well, a few, but they're not around anymore.

Let's keep it that way. Martin Rivera.

Nice to meet ya.

(jazz music playing)

(instrumental Tango music playing)

(jazz music playing)